The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - At a Taco Bell with Mario Lopez & O.J. Simpson with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

The sky is a fiery auburn red as the sun sets over a bustling Taco Bell on La Cienega Blvd. Harried Angelenos make the nightmarish commute home as offices close and street lights turn on. Through a decal clinging to a Taco Bell window advertising the return of the Mexican Pizza, we see three lonely souls sitting in a booth, silently munching upon tacos and burritos filled with beans, beef, and shattered dreams. It is a Springtime weekend in the city of angels, a town where the sight of a drag queen, the host of Access Hollywood, and a washed-up football star in a Taco Bell barely raises an eyebrow of passers by. Sign up for a Chime Checking Account today to link your paycheck! It only takes two minutes and doesn’t affect your credit score. Get started at Chime.com/BALD or by clicking this link: https://www.chime.com/apply-debit/?ad=podcast_bald This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD to get 10% off your first month and get on your way to being your best self! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our latest book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. Hello. Hi. Sorry I'm late. I'm so tired. Are you really? Yeah, I'm exhausted. Well, I've been filming that music video for the last week and it just came out and I'm so proud of it. What are you talking about? What? You didn't hear it? Padum, padum. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Padum, padum. Yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, I know that people kind of associate me with big ideas, lofty thinking, philosophical kind of corners.

I was like, let's keep it simple. It took us forever to find that damn car, you know? And I was like, I want to go, I want to dance on a moving car. But they said it's too dangerous because it was supposed to be called Vroom Vroom. But then we changed it to Padum Padum. It makes me think of, remember, have you ever seen the movie The Hunger Games? Yes. Okay. They live in Pan Am.

Yes. And there's this scene where Katniss is giving this speech to Pan Am and she goes, Pan Am today, Pan Am tomorrow, Pan Am forever. Well, that's kind of That's pretty much The vibe of the song Pan Am today Yeah yeah

And then it was like I'm tired today Because I was in the studio Doing the Hindi version Pa pa dum pa pa dum And that was like A whole thing We're kind of concerned

That it's not going to be Very politically correct But it was a huge hit I mean I'm not going to be able To police Their Hindu pronunciation Hindi Hindi

Sorry Pronunciation But I hope you can find somebody who can. I hope so too. You know. There are some artists who speak multiple languages and they record their highly popular pop albums in multiple languages.

Like I remember it blew my mind that Christina Aguilera had like- Spanish language, yeah. And then stripped in Spanish. I remember being a kid and being like- Well, Shakira. As a kid, it didn't occur to me that somebody could know multiple languages. So I was like, she must be just getting a coach and someone helping her sing each word in Spanish.

It must be magic. She knows Spanish. It must be a wizard. Well, I prefer Shakira's Spanish language songs much to her English. I think it's clear that in English It's a bit of a rough translation at times With Miss Shakira Lucky that my breasts are small and humble

So you don't confuse them with mountains You never heard that? Let me look right into the camera If your breasts can be confused with mountains You need to get a mammogram yesterday Yesterday The Sierra Nevadas across my chest Yeah You maybe want confused with mountains, you need to get a mammogram yesterday. Yesterday. The Sierra Nevada is across my chest.

Yeah, yeah. You maybe want flowing mole hills. Is it mole hills? I don't think it's mole hills. Make a mountain out of a mole hill? That's a small one. Is it a mole hill? It's a mole hill, yeah. Or is it a moe hill?

It's a mole hill. Is it really? Yeah. Like a hill that a mole comes out of? Yes! And if your mole looks like a hill, go to a dermatologist. And if your mole hill is grassy, you have to mow the mole hill. God.

Mama. What about, girl, we got so much to talk about because we are two of the only living people who didn't go to DragCon. And DragCon's cute. DragCon's cute. But staying home is gorgeous. And gorgeous devours cute. DragCon's cute. But staying home is gorgeous. A gorgeous devourer's cute. I was, where was I?

Oh, I was in New York for the GLAAD Awards. So I was in drag for free somewhere. Yeah, you were in drag. I was somewhere in drag for free. Mama for free, not getting paid, just being a humpty dumpty little like statuette. And you know, I don't like losing, but I lost. And I'm happy to lose to we're here Because we love the girls, we love the dolls, we love the divas

But When they said we're here Even though I heard If you go to these award shows and you're connected You're mildly connected, you can get the tea And I got the tea a week beforehand that we didn't win And I said that's fine, that's fine, that's fine I've never been invited to the GLAAD Awards

So I was thrilled to be there You met a lot of stars. I saw. Uh, or did you, maybe that was at the, the, the,

the words here in LA. That was the Vanderpump gala. Oh, the doggy dog. Like save, save the dog. Save my dogs. Yes.

So is it just, is it her dogs that get the money or all dogs? So Vanderpump dog foundation since 2016 has saved like 2 500 dogs lives they save 500 dogs a year plus they provide like you know um if you're on a budget and your dog you see a spade and neutered they can connect you to a vet that will do it for a reduced price like that wow so we went to the gala to raise the money that was star-studded okay very star-studded okay and you will mario lopez literally next very star studded and you will get Mario Lopez literally next to me extra extra

next to and you know are you serious yes David Silver goes Mario Lopez are you fucking kidding me yes are you joking

extra extra wait did you really not know that I had no idea yeah it was actually Mario Lopez I would not I would like I can't believe you guessed that

I have no I mean I am psychic literally I would be like all night long you would have to you should have to you should have to kick me out because all Literally, I would be like all night long. You would have to, you should have to, you should have to kick me out because all night long I'd be like, extra, extra. I wouldn't be able to stop. Like if I saw Lady Gaga, I'd be like, oh, there ain't no other way.

And I wouldn't be able to stop. I would not be able to stop. Fuck. Yes. Mario Lopez? Well, the GLAAD Awards was fun. Harvey Guillen hosted. Oh, amazing.

And it's fun to cut up and kiki with her. And I had an incredible joke that I wrote that got to play. Wait, wait, wait. And I'd love to tell you about it now. So I come on stage. You know those little award shows? It's like shitty banter that's not funny. And everyone's eating like a half-eaten piece of fish.

And they're like, whatever. They're like waiting for the after party with the free booze. That's all they're waiting for. They're like, get me to the Stoli Lounge where I can get an enema with a alcohol soaked tampon give it to me now and it's like you know it's uh it's um talent executives and stuff like like uh what do you call it network executives and stuff like harvey weinstein and they're all out of town in their gowns the executives of the networks yeah and then they get wild because you know they all have dogs and kids of course so after dark they all smoke weed and get crazy yes but so um i'm sitting there and I have my little jokes and I, and I go, Harvey, Harvey, I know

you're hosting a show. Wait, you presented? With Harvey. Yeah. Okay. I said, I know you're hosting a show, but I have to tell you about this new idea for a show. And he was like, are you sure we're in the middle of the show?

And I go, okay, get this. You would play a character who's like subservient to others. And he's like, okay. And I was like, yeah, but the people you're subservient to like stay out all night and wear makeup and elaborate costumes and he's like oh that sounds just like my show what we do in the shadows and i go no no no this is about drag queens it's what we do in the eyeshadows oh my god that's so funny and corny that's really corny did it get one laugh of course it didn't Did it get one laugh?

Of course it didn't. Because it's terrible. And then they literally said, thank you, Trixie, and I walked off. And I walked off like Vanna White. I delivered my one shitty joke and left. You pointed to the exit then fell into a molehill.

Exactly. That's all I had to do. Mary, that's horrible. Did you write that joke? Yeah. I thought it was funny. What were we doing? The eyeshadows? i thought it was funny what we do in the eyeshadows i thought it was funny like did you you should have went you should have had a fart

sound queued up but we had uh close let's close the door in the spiritual realm of that event because again i lost and i'm happy for everyone who won i'm glad it works let's talk about out of drag and we all clapped while he took his award while i sat in the audience in drag mama girl let me tell you something girl let me tell you i know you're watching this put on the fucking wig bitch let me tell you about something about miss bob i saw a clip of oprah winfrey interviewing madonna's sister who i had no idea she had a sister she has a sister madonna and i looked right at the look right at the screen madonna look i mean um bob looks like oprah winfrey oh my gosh the resemblance was uncanny bob and op Oprah Winfrey separated at birth twins.

Separated at birth decades apart. Mama, this is an alternate universe. Get some imagination. Now Bob has something I don't have, which is great style, a lot of drag. So, but I mean, Bob can still turn a look. Oh, okay. Grandpa, take the sweatpants off and go home. Get the fag off the TV i'm not watching that so bob of course looks good out of drag accepting an award that's

the difference because if i have to go somewhere you would have you would have turned a look out of drag you would have gotten a fabulous little suit and some weird hat but it's honestly more work for me to figure out an out of drag outfit i understand completely bob getting an out of drag outfit together is almost more stress, I think. Yeah. So then we go to the fancy gala. Okay. Well, they're both fancy, but it's the, and this is my third gal on three weekends. Now, mind you, three weekends ago, I had to go that LA LGBT gala.

Yes. That was the one. Where I told you I was drive by robbed. I didn't tell you this story. Oh my God. Wait, wait. This is the one with Donatella Versace? No.

Oh. This is the one with OJ Simpson. What? I'm kidding. That's right. Well, you were serious about Mario Lopez, so I figured why not. I'm at the Hungry Jacks. No, I'm at the Taco Bell in La Cienega with Mario Lopez and OJ Simpson.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. In the drive-thru on your feet. Yes. On my knees. Blow Jay Simpson. I suck this crap. Stop.

Stop it. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. So three weeks ago is the LA LGBT Center Gala and they're honoring Leslie Jordan. So of course I'm going to go. Yes. Yes. But I didn't tell you about this part. No. The I'm going to go. Yes, yes, yes. And, but I didn't tell you

about this part. No. The host is T.S. Madison who's fucking beautiful and incredible great. I did tell the story? No, no, I know this event. I know this event.

I know this event. So she's hosting. She's amazing. Every time she comes out we all clap. She looks gorgeous. She's hilarious. She reads the prompter.

We all love what she reads the prompter. We love the whole hosting thing, right? We love what she reads the prompter. We love the whole thing. Yeah, we love it. We love it.

We love it. And love it and she is she comes and she's walking on the audience and she's going there's a whole section where after they've done the auction they just walk the audience and they ask they shake them down for cash they on the microphone go shake them down they on the microphone go like so anybody at this table we're looking for five thousand dollars come on it's for cause you sir you're with that nice lady it's kind of like don't you think she'd be impressed if you don't it's like kind of razzing people to donate and by the way it's a room full of people who are rich they're the really rich people are peppered in and this is a good cause so because it's for the la lgbt center i'm like oh my god rob us yeah like extra extra no this isn't the Vanderpump okay okay different gallop there's been three gallops so this is

this is before this is the first one and this is why I went into the other ones she robbed you so she walks by she's walking by me and I go

God don't stop me because I can't I don't like being called out by anyone like that because it scares me yeah so she sees Simone and she goes

Simone didn't she just win a hundred thousand dollars on RuPaul's Drag Race? And she walks by me and I go, yes, she did. She sure did. She should give some money. And then, so on her way to Simone, T.S. goes, as a matter of fact, ladies and gentlemen, one of the richest drag queens in the world is in this room. Trixie, do you have $7,500?

And everyone started clapping. And I'm about to give them $7,500. Extra, extra. Now the kicker is. That's not that much money. The kicker is I went in prepared to donate five. Okay. So I only got weaseled.

But it was for a great cause. That's why I was just like, just do it, whatever. I don't know. Doesn't the organization turn everybody gay? Grooming. Groom or. That's grooming. That's why I was just like, just do it, whatever. I don't know. Doesn't the organization turn everybody gay? Grooming. Groomer. That's grooming. No.

Okay. It's actually the LGBT center is actually the world's largest queer nonprofit. Oh, no, no. Yeah. No. Most money. Most volunteers. They're fierce Tina.

Everything from like help for queer homes. Was he organizing that? Helping to organize that? Philip McCarty? I don't knowardi I think he was He's a fabulous fabulous person Okay that's all He was in media

Journalist and then also is he rich or famous because otherwise who cares Can you help me He's really sexy And very nice and very talented and wonderful Anyways that was the robbery He got robbed that is a shaking down Tactic but it works yeah no shit it's a good cause we all if you can afford to give to that organization you should but wait

so let me ask you this though what if um what if and you have no business going to those type of fundraiser events if you're not prepared to give okay that's okay that's my question because i'm like what if you are the type of person that you lease your Bentley and you put up this whole front, but you actually have 400 grand in debt, credit card debt. Don't go. Okay. So you wouldn't go. So you wouldn't go at all. Well, like I said, I came ready between David and I.

I said, I'll donate this much. And then it's kind of like each of us donating $2,500. Also, didn't the ticket or the seat cost money? Usually those fundraisers like at the Met Gala, it's like 30 grand or something to show up or whatever. I'm sure it is, but we were invited. Okay. And it was there. They were instituting an award.

Could I have gone? But they wouldn't have let me go. No, they would have let you go. You think so? I just didn't invite you. Wow. Orville Peck invited me as his plus one. And then once I got on the list, they gave me an invite.

Okay. So originally I wasn't invited. I was the plus one oh i got you got you yeah yeah but then i got my own invite but it was for leslie jordan and they did something called like the leslie jordan um artistic achievement award that they now will award every year in leslie jordan's name which is very cute and sweet it's a new day We'll be right back. Earn them on your adventure and use them how you want, when you want. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply.

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then I go to the, the GLAAD Awards. It's in New York because now there's two. There's LA and New York. So I got to go to the New York one. By coastal elites having all these galas.

But luckily it was the weekend of DragCon. So I kind of had like a mental out. Like I got to go do this other thing. Yeah. I'm not even LA for DragCon.

Yeah. So I got to go do that. It was fine and fun and gorgeous and fun and gorgeous and sweet and cute and you bump into people you know and it's fun

it's the New York Minute just like Mary Kate and Ashley but the thing about those award shows is you gotta dip before people if you're in drag you have to dip

before people get drunk enough to start taking pictures so you gotta get out so right at the end of the show I grabbed my bags and ran and dragged

ran and dragged and then M got it. Ran and dragged. And then Maren Morris chased me to the elevator. Who's Maren Morris? She's a country star. Oh, okay. And I'm glad she did because I got to meet her, but I just sprinted because I was like, especially now that I'm not drinking. Yeah.

Oh, Mary. Mama. I bought a marijuana vape. Yeah. Good for you. But I'm scared of secret vaping inside. I'm like scared. So then I'm like at the dinner and I have this, I bought a, the vape was the size of i don't even know like a boop boop like a car unlocker yeah so little yeah i had

to get out of there you blow it into them blow it into um you blow it into your blouse i'm in a gown you blow into your purse oh that looks normal big purse yeah you pretend like you're puking oh i'm so sick yeah or down the back of somebody else's gown. There you go. Now we're talking. So then this weekend it was the gala, that Vanderpump Dog thing. The doggy daycare. That was the celebs. Okay. So extra, extra. And then who else?

Rebecca Romijn. Oh! Star. Jerry O'Connell. Star. Married. Lovely couple, by the way. People from Vanderpump Rules who I don't know. Tom Sandoval. Yeah, that kind of people. Yeah. Mario couple, by the way. People from Vanderpump Rules who I don't know. Tom Sandoval. Yeah, that kind of people. Yeah. Mario Lopez.

Extra, extra. Mario Lopez, who looked about 12 years old in the flesh. It was incredible. The devil has done its work on that man's face. Perfect face. Perfect skin. He was so nice. Love him.

He helped host the event. What a Hollywood, What a fucking pro. I bet that he. Girl, he went up there. He introduced everyone and did the microphone thing. Flawless, of course. Flawless. Flawless.

Flawless articulator. Yeah. And then God smiled. God has smiled on me. Because. Don't ever say that again. Because. Because. Guess who gets seated next to me it's fucking steve-o bitch oh that's right i saw your post on instagram i never know who anyone is yeah yeah but you know jackass you fucking you fucking dude bro idiot and not to be whatever yeah but my

brother and i who's my brother's heterosexual we never had anything in common but you love watching people we both love jackass yeah so you love watching people get punched in the balls. We both love Jackass. So as a kid in a trailer in the country, that was like one program we both would agree on. So we watched a lot of Jackass as a kid. I like Jackass. I would watch it. It's amazing.

It's so watchable. Very watchable. Who wants to see, I mean, you don't want, who doesn't want to see somebody's balls get electrocuted or like mauled by a bear or stung by, you know, like. Right. It's just, it was great. It was great to kiki with her and all that and then Steve Oh, yeah, I love her Okay, love her

And you know guys like him where they're straight, but they're so wacky. Oh, yeah I have like zero fear of them thinking they don't want to talk to a drag queen. Yeah They don't came alone. So I took that as a Yeah, yes Yeah So I took it as a license to kill because he sober too yeah he is yeah so i took it as a license to kill because he and i were the only two people at the table not drinking and he came alone that's fierce so i was like my favorite color is pink anyway i'm from wisconsin i just started

you just punched him in the balls yeah i just grabbed him i said i said so you're steve-o should we stick something in your skin like so i had this dinner for it should i shove it up your pee hole yeah Yeah, totally. What about Johnny Knoxville though? Was he there? No, but he's so gorgeous. My God, so beautiful. More stars, more stars, more stars.

Fucking Paula Abdul, bitch. Holy shit, tiny. Tiny. And she watches the Trixie YouTube channel. Get out of here. Yeah, so she DM'd me during COVID. Oh, that's right. I remember that. And she was like, love your content.

And I thought, this is probably a fake account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. But then when I bumped into her And she was like, love your content. And I thought, this is probably a fake account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. But then when I bumped into her, she was like, I love your videos. Was Kylie Minogue there? No Kylie Minogue. Kristen Chenoweth. Oh my God.

But just as good. Yeah, Kristen Chenoweth. Five foot and a whisper. It was crazy because the week before at the GLAAD Awards, Idina Menzel sang. The volume, gravity. Is that her? Yes, that's her. And then this weekend

Kristen Chenoweth my god who's also in Wicked Lea Michele's next no I think we're working through the Wicked cast one by one did you see Wicked

the musical yeah I've seen it two times you loved it it's great I mean Stephen Schwartz who wrote the music it's this beautiful

like Broadway kind of 80s pop score and then obviously it's a retelling of the events of Wizard events of 9-11. Oh, yeah. I hated that show, but I don't like 9-11. That was the news.

Is that a show? They played it over and over and over again. You're like, they kept playing it. God, the reruns. Oh, my Lord. Not to be funny. This isn't funny. I remember exactly where I was.

Of course. When you saw Wicked. I was at Wicked. Now, originally in the show, this is so horrible. I'm not even going to say it. So I was in seventh grade in science class and my teacher mr slattery it's like 8 a.m yeah and he rolls in the tv i don't know if they do this anymore but back in the day the teachers had a tv on a three-tiered stand totally totally absolutely that you check out from the media room

absolutely whatever yep and they plug it in and i remember it was like this is science class and it felt it felt i was equal parts too young to understand terrorism or 9-11 or what was happening, but also old enough to know that, okay, we could probably watch this with the sound off. Maybe it's traumatizing to show you. Really? You had that thought at that time? It felt like maybe we shouldn't in school be dedicating the whole day to watching this. Okay.

Interesting. It felt a little scary. Okay. And a little traumatizing. Not traumatizing, but I remember being like, whoa, this is way more serious than anything else we've ever done at school. Sure. Like this is very serious.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. You were how old? I was in seventh grade, I think. So how old is that? 13. 13. Because I was then i was 20 yeah that was 20 we were in college when it happened yeah visual language 8 a.m tuesday

morning there's like we can't go through the class because there's been a terrorist attack in boss in um new york and then we went down into we left the class and then we went down into the dorm and watched the tv and everybody was crying it's's crazy. Scary. That's what I mean. I was young enough that it was not, it was actually so scary that I don't think I was old enough to understand it. And that scared me more. Yeah. It was like,

well, the adults are really upset, but I'm 13 and I'm mostly like, well, it was crazy. Cause that was our first day of, I was my first day of art school. And I was like,

it was so early 8am class. And I was not excited to be there, but I was also excited to be at art school. But then, so when we got word that the class was like, it was so early, 8 a.m. class. And I was not excited to be there, but I was also excited to be at art school. But then, so when we got word that the class was canceled, I was excited and then we learned why. And I was like, oh shit. Yeah, scary. Yeah.

I never flew on a plane. When people talk about like airports before 9-11, I never flew before that. So my idea is that you used to just Grab your rifle and just walk on the plane And sit down and that's it Yeah I mean you don't check your bags You carry your knives with you in your hands No I don't

Please don't even get me started about TSA Girl I cannot I cannot I cannot deal with the farce It's a fantasy It's a performance. The fantasy. It's a performance.

It's drag, actually. It's drag. It's the worst drag show I've ever been to. Everybody puts on their costume and they pantomime safety. It's so... It's make-believe. And then one thing, in a country where there's gun violence every day, where there's gun violence every single day domestically, people are shot.

Children are gunned down every single day in this country. And yet we have to take off our shoes. No kidding. I have to take off my laptop and I can't have a glass and a bottle of water that I bought for $13 in the fucking airport. No kidding. When you go through TSA and they pull out a bottle of water and they look at you like you are the Unabomber. And you go, it's literally lemonade. I'm dehydrated.

It's seven in the morning. My piss is brown. Yeah, my piss is brown. I've slept four hours. I did wiggle wiggle last night. I was at a club in a wig until 4 a.m. Yes. It's so fucked up.

And then people, it's just so fucked up. The costume. And I want to say, I also respect them for what they do. Good for them. No, it's a, everybody's worthy of dignity. But mama, this whole structure has got to go. Of course. And I've never once given them an ounce of lip or attitude.

You don't do that. Nobody wants to be at work. Nobody wants to go to work. Have you seen the amazing clip of the guy? This is guy standing with his arms out and the agent is like rubbing him and is like, what is this? And he goes, that's my penis. I surely, I've jerked off to that clip.

Yeah. I've jerked off to that clip. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. Fuck. Three, two, 1, 0. The final seconds of the game separate true fans from the rest. The fans that are there for every victory, defeat, agony, and ecstasy.

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GTA.org. This will be the day. Because he's palpating that thing for a little too long But why is he hard at the airport? Because guess what? I'll tell you something Because he's not hard

He's like half hard But why is he half hard at the airport? Mama, why are you half hard in the morning? Why are you half hard in the car on the way from the airport? No, but like Because the penis gets hard No, no You can control not getting a boner at TSA

We have talked about this at length From walking through the airport We've talked about talked about this at length from walking through the airport the plane yeah plane and walking through the airport as well but when you're hard no one knows well because it's a little because it's so small it's a little peanut people think you're carrying a pipe cleaner in your front pocket do you have an acorn one single acorn is that a zany bar is that a zany bar in your lace panties? Are you wearing bike shorts with a tic-tac in there? Is that two gumballs and a tic-tac?

Because your balls are so much bigger But not that big I'm saying bigger No no no He didn't need to be doing all that He was doing this He was doing that The kicker is he's male

Yes You know what a dick is that Mary he was doing this the kicker is he's male yes but what you know what a dick is you know you know when you're rooting around and coming on someone there could be some mold you know what I mean you know what a dick feels like by the way a warm

ooshy-gooshy but hard dick where the dick is and you're grabbing it going what's this sir we better get the x-ray. That's my Snickers bar. My extra large Snickers bar that I forgot to take out. Do you want a bite? Yeah. That's my semi erect penis.

You fucking pervert motherfucking TSA piece of shit. That could be a Snickers commercial where it's like Liza Minnelli. And it's like you turn into a total diva when you're hungry. And it's Liza Minnelli with a big Vanny boner. And then she bites into it and turns back into like Earl or like whatever their friend is. Why is she Liza? Why is she Liza?

Why is she Liza? Why isn't she Liza? Why isn't she Liza? Start spreading the news. Wait, did you? I'm sure you didn't watch it, but the Liza and Goldie. So, I mean, this is too late. They did it.

Liza Minnelli and Goldie Hawn did a special on CBS years ago, 1970, whatever. And it was like a hour long special, basically Trixie and Katya live. They did. And it was started out with them like, hey, we should do a show. Real singing, real talent, real. Real, real everything. Like started out with them going to the show, like each of them individually driving to their to the studio. And they were like, you know, it was like, I'm worried about the other one.

I'm worried about doing a show with her because she's so much better than me and vice versa. It was so fierce. And the whole fucking the whole thing ended up with them doing all that jazz at the end. It was like, I wish I had watched this two years ago. Yeah. Yeah. I watched on YouTube. It's fucking incredible.

And we could have plugged ourselves into it so easily into a parody of it. Like we could write it today. Let's do it. Yeah. It's fucking, it would be so great. You would be Liza and I would be Goldie. Cause Liza,

like in this university, Liza is the great singer. They're the great great talent goldie's like the charming but not very talented blonde and um you know it's like it's so perfect and they're so amazing charming and you said that's you okay but they have so they're kind of going against type they have a serious acting scene together and it's interesting because no offense to goldie at this point, Liza acts her off the roof. It's so fascinating to see Liza acts her off the roof. Well, she might be off the roof.

She's on deck. She's on deck at the Radio City Music Hall. She's on deck for tea time. Should we shut LA down? We should shut the whole city, the whole country. I think it's a wrap. The country itself is a wrap. I'm watching Yellow Jackets and I'm seeing them crash in the Canadian wilderness.

And I go, if only it was that easy. Yeah. If only I had a hack in the leg. Sure, you had to eat your friend. Have you watched it? Oh, yeah. I'm not up to date On the second season But I lived for

Season one Mama I had off this weekend Lit Tina So I watched it You loved it You loved the whole first season Are you into the second season now?

Yeah yeah Oh you are okay Next week is the finale And then I'm That's it for second season Did you love the second season? Love Okay

Cause you know what I'm struggling with With TV And TV especially I don't like a lot Okay And sometimes like If they Cause you know what I'm struggling with, with TV and TV, especially I don't like a lot. Okay. And, and sometimes like if there, you know,

like you said the other day, if it's a movie, is that supposed to be Oscar bait or prestige or like, you know, you don't, it kind of turns you off a lot of these shows. I'm like, you need to grip me more.

Like, you're boring. Well, something you're boring without giving away anything. Something yellow Jack's does really well. And you've seen season one., something I think, without giving away anything, something Yellowjacks does really well, and you've seen season one. I think the world's seen season one, so I'll talk about that. But you can't tell moment to moment if what has occurred with these women as teenagers

is bonafide, mystical, occult thing, or if it like mass hysteria yeah hunger yeah delusion delusion yeah and i'm at the end of season two now and they still have left the viewer guessing without pissing me off right because i i've been wanting to watch lost oh you haven't i've never seen it oh but i've been wanting to watch it but i've heard from damon lindelof of watchman that he said in that show he sort of at times frustrated the audience by leaving them guessing too long. Oh yeah. Are you kidding me?

And so I'm afraid of embarking on Lost and being like six seasons in and being like, what is going on? Mama, wait till you get to the ending. And then wait till you get to the ending. Mama, I won't tell you. Is it the end of Roseanne? It was a dream. I won't tell you.

I won't tell you. But mama, it's a slap in the face. Have you ever watched Roseanne all the way through? I have not. In season eight, they win the lottery. What? The Conners win the lottery in season eight. Yes.

And they become the Beverly Hillbillies? They become multi, multi, multimillionaires. And so the last season and a half or so is them super rich. In Bourgeois? You're kidding. They're super rich. What? It super rich what it's crazy that's makes almost no sense that's crazy and then and the last episode you find out that the lottery was a dream no dan cheated on her and she didn't win a lottery and the whole lottery storytelling

was her way of dealing with the fact that her life was still shitty so then the last shot is her back in her old shitty living room being like yep it was all a dream that crazy that's that's insanely weird and dark for that kind of show especially since i mean i know that rosanne's politics aren't exactly um miss america level no she's a fucking lunatic but that program season like one through five is absolutely incredible okay laurie mccath and jackie incredible like um what's his name john goodman yeah is so good in rosanne rosanne so good rosanne so is the the daughter and the son they're all it's a great cast and more than other shows you believe that's a family yes yeah real family yeah a bickering kind of poor white family absolutely yeah anyway damn well don't i

mean the whole i love in a show where you got to have some kind of end on a cliffhanger like fucking mayor of east town that i i hate those it's like i hate shows about cops i hate shows about but every season every like everything's about cops everything's about cops it's like enough already but every episode ended on a cliffhanger fabulous all the acting superb um so much action so much blah blah but like a lot of these shows they're too slow of a burn and when people say oh it's a great show it's just you gotta get through the first three episodes i'm like what well i'm not suffering through three hours of bullshit to get to something good make it good from it the jump well sometimes it's things like budget too first seasons of shows normally first seasons of shows

networks pull every risky joke they don't trust them to do weird things they don't give them money yeah so a lot of times season two or three is better because they have more trust from the top yeah they swing bigger they spend more money yeah so like buffy for example peach's christ has never seen Buffy. And I said, you should watch it. It's so good. Because it develops. I said, but the first season is a very budget CW. Okay.

Even though the writing is funny and stuff. I said, but once you get going season two, when they have a little more trust and money, it kicks off and gets so good. Okay. Have you watched Buffy? No, I've never watched Buffy. You're looking for something to watch and you never watched Buffy? Buffy? No, I got to watch Succession. Sound like Buffy? No, I've never watched Buffy. You're looking for something to watch and you never watched Buffy? Buffy?

No, I gotta watch Succession. Something like Buffy? I gotta get into Succession. Girl, you don't have to watch Succession. That's what I kept, I saw the guy doing co-reqs, so I'm getting shit in the bed and getting in the helicopter.

I was like, that's it. Not to shit on straight people. But straight white people arguing about who's gonna inherit money, mama, snore, snooze Tina. I'm just like, this show's for straight white guys arguing about who's going to inherit money mama snore snooze tina i'm just like this shows for straight white guys who have like a fantasy about being rich and powerful and rich powerful but also not hot right because they're like it's me right it's like i shit the bed i could be a millionaire right yeah yeah yeah i don't mama i loved i love the shows

where like game of thrones for example there was the perfect ratio of magic to realism. Did you see the coffee cup when it happened? I sure fucking did. You did? Did you clock it? Absolutely, I did. I don't know if I clocked it in the moment. I clocked it, like—

After you were aware. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I clocked it in on Twitter maybe 20 minutes later. Because that shit was like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, crazy. They went hard on that show for a coffee cup. I think I think you would

The most expensive show In the entire history Of the world It was probably One of the actors cups Yeah of course it was But you're not clearing The frame

For a fucking coffee cup Wasn't it snow And like a white cup On the floor No no It was in a fucking Medieval looking hall It was in a medieval Looking hall where they're having medieval fucking dinner.

No Starbucks around. But you know what though? I bet there's a Starbucks in like the Louvre. No, not the Louvre. Like, um, chateaus and shit. A Starbucks? Yeah. In, in, um, in, uh, Winterfell in the year, blah, blah, you know, 13.

There's no, this is another universe. It's the flagship. The show's in Seattle, right? yeah portland portland portland no but but there's a perfect amount of like oh you know there's something mad there's magic of course going on but not enough where like anything can happen but then that show dissolved devolved into it's the most spectacular um imploding of a show in a bad way way? Oh, yeah. Oh, really? Oh, my God. I thought people liked the ending. Oh, no.

It doesn't? I didn't even know. Mama, the season, I mean, I watched it all as it went on. It was spectacular. I was obsessed. Every Sunday night, must-see TV. Incredible, incredible, incredible.

I watched season eight, episode three, probably 15 times. You did? Yeah, I was in Singapore when it aired. So I had to have a Spanish friend download the torrent and then send it to me in my hotel. I watched it three in the morning, standing up, circling the computer. Not on drugs. Right hand to God.

I was so gooned. So gooned out. And after episode three, the show just went. Do you know what transfer addiction is? Sometimes when people, let's say, get their stomach stapled and they can't abuse food. They turn to sex. They become sex addicts or alcoholics. And maybe if you couldn't twirlina the poina and get on deck perhaps you will put on your

white lace front wig and wrap a bed sheet around yourself and fancy yourself the mother of dragons when in fact you are not a mother nor a dragon and there's a game involved, but no thrones. Transfer addiction. Was that an HBO show? Of course it was. Money. Mama, money, money, money down. Money down.

They were shooting on three separate locations. Yeah, well, yeah. They were shooting on three separate locations. Croatia, Ireland, and fucking Malta at the same time. Mama, three separate locations. It was episode three of season eight took over a month to shoot. One episode, one episode. And then everybody complained that it was too dark. They couldn't see it. Wild. You know what I'm fascinated by? What?

I love when you have a mega hit show like Game of Thrones, The Office, Breaking Bad. Seinfeld. have a mega hit show like game of thrones the office breaking bad seinfeld and i love when the actors because in real time they shoot scenes out of order episodes out of order they don't know what happened in the show i love a video of like rain wilson being like what's your favorite episode of office and he's like i don't remember any of it and the fans are like don't you remember when dwight said this he's like not a moment of it is retained in my mind wow don't even remember being there don't remember steve carell don't remember cast like remember i don't know my name i don't know the actors remember like they don't remember

anything well they remember like casting they remember like their process of like casting they're like i remember reading with steve for the first time whatever okay but then season one and a half and beyond, it becomes- Why don't they remember? Because every day is normal. They go to the same set with the same people in the same outfits. That's why tour is so draining

because it is Groundhog's Day. It is, yeah. We are putting on the same outfits and going and saying the same things to the same people over and over again. I know. it's wild. It's great when I'm on stage and I'm listening to Kelly Mantle talk and I look and I'm like show 60 and I go, it'd be great if she just broke her leg.

It'd be great if something happened that could make me feel. Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if I went backstage, you know, those ropes at theaters all backstage. If I took an ax and started chopping the ropes and sandbags started coming down. How many times do you think when I went up there, when I'm just dangling up there above the proscenium, how many times do you think I wish that thing snapped?

How many times do you think Busby would just black out? I thought that's why you were putting on the weight. Because you wanted one of the rigs to. Could you imagine? Are you kidding me? I imagine every fucking night. I wanted it so bad. I wanted to go.

And then I wanted to. I would fall, but I would. I would somehow head first. Skull like a watermelon. No, this is what can happen. Like a watermelon. Because I don't want to break both my legs and my hips. Skull and neck crushed into the torso.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then because the head is occupying space in this. Oh, innards. Innards out the ass. Out the ass. Oh, no, no, no. It takes a moment because there's like tension and pressure and gas. And once the people like really lean forward to see if I'm okay. Yeah. No, no, no, no. It's in people. It takes a moment because there's like tension and pressure and gas.

And once the people like really lean forward to see if I'm okay. Yeah. And it's a explosion of innards out the ass into the front row spraying diarrhea. No, no. With organs. Blood. Blood. Yeah. But if the organs are coming out, whatever poop is in use, come out to.

Well, that's just a moose boost. Then it's just getting fucking rocketed into like four or five, six rows back. Oh, yeah. I know we've talked about it, but not if and when you die of a death. I died of a death. What did she die of? It was death. What did she die from?

It was death. Oh, my gosh. The way I will have a Red Table Talk book tour. You don't even know. By the way, speaking of Vanderpump, I'm watching these, you know, because that's such a big show and I've never seen it. Me neither. It's a huge show. Sorry to say, it looks kind of boring. It's massive, right?

It's so many people watch it, but I've never really seen it. I've seen it over David's shoulder here and there. Just straight people working at a bar? They work at restaurants and they they have their personal lives wow fascinating i've never seen it okay they don't do they don't make anything like they don't make little outfits or like have competitions it's one of those reality programs where it's just about people's like relationships work lives that's a very popular style of show people love that type of show yeah i mean that's seinfeld it's just like it's written

well and acted there's the cheating thing, I guess, that happened. Oh, well, cheating for straight people is huge. Cheating for straight people, as you know, is- It's huge. It's like there's the crucifixion. There was 9-11. There's Sandy Hook. Then there's cheating.

Yes. Yeah. Cheating is like burying kids under your porch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like up there with that. Alive. Burying them alive. But I saw that the, I think the woman who had been cheated on was, I think she's doing

like a basically- Out of the darkness tour. You took the words out of my mouth. I was watching and I said, okay, I know cheating is tough. Lying to your spouse is bad. But you're not Sidney Prescott. She's not Sidney Prescott. Her whole family and friends weren't murdered. Like, you're not sydney prescott her whole family and friends weren't murdered like you're

not sydney prescott you're not sydney prescott you not nev campbell fucking bitch get over it guess what i watched for the first time two nights ago what wild things oh yeah oh my god did you pull it? Yeah, I pulled it. No. David said he pulled it, though. I pulled it. David said, yeah. This was back on when it was on TV.

But there's a lot of hotness involved. It's huge. Matt Dillon. Steamy. Matt Dillon. Holy shit, Matt Dillon. Two hands with that one. He is so hot. Two-hander. he is so hot two-hander he is so

hot in that movie his body he's a bad boy all of you know what i mean he's a bad boy he's like you don't want to take him home to your mother do you like nev campbell as the goth slut i love nev campbell as everything yeah i love her as everything yeah um did you like denise richards as like the i love denise richards because she is She's everything. She's a fucking cunt and she knows how to play a cunt so good. Yes. So good. She knows how to play a cunt.

God, with her face. Her face acting is fabulous. And she's one of those people, you know in real life she's probably like sweet. She's probably a regular woman. But on camera, she knows exactly how to dial in

that cunt behavior. It's, I mean, A Drop Dead Gorgeous is so iconic. It's so iconic. A Drop Dead Gorgeous is so iconic. It's so iconic. A Drop Dead Gorgeous is how far you can push a character like that before you go too far. Yeah. She goes right up to the edge. Right to the edge.

And she does it so fucking well. I think Christy Alley goes over the edge in that movie, but Denise Richards goes right to it. It's amazing. Yeah. She's fucking amazing. It's fucking amazing. I don't know if she gets as much credit for being as as good of an actress as she is but i don't know i mean don't even get

me started because that movie in general missed the the newspaper was not delivered as far as how high quality that movie is yeah they skipped that house yeah it's so good yeah the writing is so good well that's the that's the that's the like the um plight of kiki dunst is that like and she said it herself that all these movies that are so iconic are not appreciated as they roll out. Yes. And it's such a shame because her fucking filmography, her resume is extraordinary. Yeah. Extraordinary.

Bring It On is so good. I'm sorry. Everything she does. Melancholia, fucking Virgin Suicides, everything. She's so good. The guy who plays In bringing on The love interest Her love interest

Mario Lopez No Her love interest In bringing on He's the guy who starred In Swimfan He was also at that event Jesse Metcalf

Maybe I don't know But David Jesse Bradford Okay David He was at the event The other night

And David of course Got a little martini in him And went up to him and said, I have to tell you, you're in the best movie of all time. And he goes, which movie? And David goes,

bring it on. But I always think people, people who made movies that long ago, they must love getting it. Nobody wants to, everybody wants a compliment on something they just did. Yeah. Or something so long ago that they've separated themselves and they can,

they can see it for what it is. Yeah. But if you compliment someone's like hit song from five years ago, they're like, oh yeah, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's, I mean, that's what, I mean, people are coming at me like a little too

hard for put them and I'm like, listen, it hasn't really, it hasn't charted yet. Let's just like control ourselves. I mean, the video was great, but let's just like, there's nothing to not like about Kylie Minogue music. I like that song. 10 out like about kylie minogue music i like that song 10 out of 10 kylie minogue isn't that song my song what are you talking about my music video and song that i released last week but um i'm doing a bit you're doing comedy i was like i'm doing a bit i was like she's gonna hate finding out that kylie just did a song called penum pen. You don't think we look similar in that video that she gave my vibe? You don't think so?

With the all red and the pink eyeshadow and the red lips and the wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle Tina? You don't think so? Are you nuts? Are you twirling the pookie? You know how sometimes they smear Vaseline on the lens? Did you smear it on your TV too? You don't think so? You didn't see that

Something Something I don't know about that The close up shots I mean she's so I mean she's It's gotta be 55 At this point

Oh she's absolutely Stuntina Unbelievably beautiful Absolutely beautiful I just did a music video And it was one of those You know that thing Where you're on

One of those spinning boards And they throw knives at you Oh I saw you Yeah it's incredible Okay I had to be On one of those spinning boards and they throw knives at you? Oh, I saw you. Yeah. It's incredible. Okay. I had to be on one of those. And they really threw the knives.

Well, it's magic. So there's other ways of doing it. But, um, it made me think of that clip of Kylie Minogue. She's flat on that record. The CD.

No, it's the CD case. And she comes up like this. The CD case at the Brit Awards. Yes. Fucking iconic. Can't get you out of my head playing. And by the way, that song doesn't matter what gig.

No. I can bust that out. Banger, banger, banger. And people turn slutty. First three seconds. First two seconds. Oh my God. Last Sunday I had a gig and the DJ after me, Ty, he goes, sometimes I like to pick somebody

in the audience who's not dancing and I make it my job to make to find a song that that person will dance to and he points at this guy this white guy with a button-up straight shirt i said i guarantee if you play shania twain he will dance and ty like spun out of this song he was playing and went right into and the guy turned up oh drunk white guy this let's go girls like off beat at our own tempo own time and we were cackling that's so funny by the chorus

he's like uh uh uh and I was like knew it damn knew it who knew well on that note

well on that note hey man I feel like a woman bye you