The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Bald, Blue, Glowing-Dong Representation on TV with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: July 26, 2022

MEN SEEKING MEN (Los Angeles Metro Area): Just watched HBO's 2019 series Watchmen. We are two fabulous, bald drag queens seeking omniscient, radioactive, nuclear physicist with massive, luminous blue genitalia for casual sex and future-telling. Monkey pox vaccination preferred but not required. (Time-travel capabilities a plus) Please send pics of your cerulean phallus to "totally_not_trixie_and_katya@lay_me_out.sex". Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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paradise. Girl. Girl. Lady. We are in America, hunty. U-S-A. Girl.

Mama. No offense to everywhere in the world, but after 35 days, I was in the immigration line. I've never been so enthusiastic about the states in my life. I was literally the customs people. I was like, USA

all the way. I was like lunatic. You're like, what are you doing in town? You're like, I was that person from the Capitol. Yeah. The horns and the face paint, the Braveheart guy. Girl, we have to talk about Watchmen. Oh, have you finished it?

Mary? It's perfect, right? Worked my pussy. This was my pussy? This was Watchmen. Yeah. She got you together. Girl.

She got you together. When we talk about storytelling, when we talk about acting, when we talk about acting, when we talk about allegory, when we talk about- Current events. Giving an opportunity to look in the mirror as a human species.

Yeah. We talk about critique of society. When we talk about a show that is not afraid to tell the viewer that considering the sins of your people, your history is dismissive and it's all, everything that's ever happened that's violent and bad is still now.

Yeah. Right. Inheriting trauma. Trauma. Girl, it was already good. And like, here's the thing.

First episode, I was like, where are the superheroes? Right. Yes. I didn't, I never seen a watch band. I didn't know that these people don't have superheroes. No, they're not. I didn't know that never seen a watch man. I didn't know that these people don't have superheroes.

No, they're not. I didn't know that they weren't. No, I didn't know they were just masked, masked vigilantes. Masked vigilantes. Yes.

Drag queens are masked vigilantes. Well, I wish most of them would wear masks because they're very ugly. And they usually are the ones who need to be crime fought. Dogs with capes who need to save themselves. Superman would beat the shit out of a drag queen. I don't think Superman would even bother. Yeah.

I think he'd be like, oh, that poor thing. I'll just leave her alone. Girl, my jaw. My jaw. Spoilers. Oh, yeah. When Dr. Manhattan entered the chat, my jaw. Where'd it go?

Where'd it go, the jaw? It was like... The scene where Regina King pulls out his little thing and she starts glowing blue and you realize he was Dr. Manhattan this whole time. I know, when she says, I'm sorry, John,

and hacks that thing right out of his forehead, you're like, what in the world is going on here? Girl, when he was like, my name is not John. And she's like, girl, yes, it is. It's like, I'm gonna let you know who you really are. Bop, bop, bop. The giant blue dildo. Jean Smart. Jean Smart with the giant blue dildo.

She is work bitch. I know. In the balls too. Those big old big balls. I don't know where those were going. Maybe up the butt. I don't know. So are we, but we've all seen Dr. I know. In the balls, too. Those big old big balls. I don't know where those were going. Maybe up the butt. I don't know. So are we. But we've all seen Dr. Manhattan naked.

It wasn't that big. No, no, no, no. So previously it was. So this new little guy, this is a new thing. A new storyline. But he used to be Mr. Yeah, big. Mr. Big.

And just like that. Glowing blue. Yeah. Also bald representation. Hello. And just like that. Glowing blue. Also bald representation. Hello. And gorgeous. Sexy. How about the senator Keene, who took off his head and those panties at the

end was liquefied. I would root around in his rummage sale. Girl. Yeah. Girl. Those panties are ridiculous. Yeah. I thought he was going to get Dr. Manhattan's powers. Oh, no. I love that he going to get Dr. Manhattan's powers. Oh no. I love that he was just squirt ketchup.

When Miss True comes through and goes, oh, radioactive, it'll melt you every time. I mean, I don't know what he was thinking. She was so fierce. I was a little, I would, you know. Let's discuss bowl cuts. Chic bowl cuts. MIT.

She's giving that speech. She said, when I was 15, I graduated from MIT. Four years later, I bought it. Work, bitch. It's so fierce. You said when I was 15, I graduated from MIT. Four years later, I bought it. Work bitch. So fierce. Excellence. And then I watched,

I finished it. And then I watched the Watchmen. I listen. The movie. I ate so much wheat and finished the Watchmen series like this. So I was half hearing it drifting in and out of, I myself was living like Dr. Manhattan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing was past, present and out of, I myself was living like Dr. Manhattan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nothing was past, present, and future. It was all together. All together. I watched the film of Dr. Watchman. Yeah. Do you like it? I didn't love it. I mean, the series was turned.

Superb. Superb. The opening credits of the movie, though, all these snapshots of like through history of these superheroes being excited, the universe loves them. And then. Yeah.

It's flop. They're flop. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't know if it's good to go beat people up based on what you think justice is. Well, I think that's what the show did a good job talking about.

Yeah. I mean, police are rotten, you know, police are rotten. You know, police are rotten. Police and the policemen covering their faces. I know. Because of police being target. I mean, yeah.

A show that wasn't afraid to make a villain white supremacy. How about The Chair? Mary Kay placing the chair with Jean Smart? Mary Kay Letourneau? No, no, no.

Don Johnson's wife. Do you know what I'm talking about? The chair. The trap door chair. You know who she was? Who? Rose's mom from Titanic. Yes, yes.

Was that Mary Kay Place? I feel like her name is- Letourneau. It's not Mary Kay Letourneau. The woman who had sex with her student. Went to jail. Yeah, it's not her. I checked into it. It's not Mary Kay the woman who had sex with her student oh yeah it's not her I checked into it it's not her I'm gonna look it up the people have a right to know

they have a right to know I loved her so much but that series worked me out everybody at Watchmen I know that I'm about two years behind three years behind yeah well whatever the billboards in LA and I remember being like whatever whatever, another superhero thing. Yeah.

Girl. Here's the wonderful thing about TV shows that especially ones that had no enough to pull back and restrain themselves from creating flop seasons.

You'll be there forever. Mary. Watch it. Catch it. Anytime. The episode, maybe it's the last one where it's all these timelines

overlapping. The way he experiences time. Like he's on his first date with her. He's like, Oh, we're only going to last 10 years and then we're going to break up. And then, yeah.

Could you date somebody who knew everything? Absolutely. I want Dr. Manhattan to fuck me. I think everybody does. I want a man who absolutely knows the tea. He knows the tea. He's got that glow.

David can't change a tire. Dr. Manhattan absolutely knows the tea. He knows the tea. He's got that glow. David can't change a tire. And Dr. Manhattan can see the future. And also he can what? Just boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. David, if you're watching this, you need to put yourself in a radioactive whatever and blow yourself up. Do yourself a favor.

Catch some radioactive vibes and go to Mars or what have you. And come over and lay me out with that big blue glowing dick. Big blue dong. That actor was so fucking gorgeous. Hey, come over and lay me out with that big blue glowing dick. Big blue dong. That actor was so fucking gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. How about when he strolled up in a little Adrian's little Antarctic lair

with no panties on and I said, ooh, let me just rewind that. Ooh, let me just rewind that again. Adrian. Jeremy Irons. So good. He should have won an Emmy.

He should have won an Emmy. The original Hooded Justice painting himself white because the only way somebody could accept vast belligerent anti-ism is if they thought it was a white person. Yeah.

Girl. The racist tea was scalding hot. Critiques. Yeah, it's good. It's really, really good. I don't consider myself somebody who harbors racism, but when a show like that can even further deepen your empathy, when you consider yourself already a very empathetic person.

Sure, sure. Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable. Taking all that, would you take your grandpa's nostalgia? I don't think so. I don't think so. My grandpa was a plumber. It would have been a lot of flashbacks to just feces.

Yeah, pharmacist like, can I have my prescription? Yeah, not interesting. What about, what about, oh, I loved, I loved Lady True. yeah not interesting um what about what about um oh i loved um uh i love lady true i was i guess it was a good like kind of i mean i made sense that she wrapped up like an egomaniac you know that she was just going to be like a an out-of-control lunatic well it was she was like her dad right anybody that's smart is going to be like self-serving and they're going to believe that their way is the best way yeah so so fierce, so fierce though. I just love, I love how smart and how amazing she was. And I love her

coats. It makes me want to be smart. Is it too late? I think it's way too late. I'm one handed one of more people that have powers. On the other hand, it was a little like Batman where I'm like, Oh, these people who just are exceptionally smart or exceptionally strong, kind of more exciting when these superheroes are just human beings. And also when you have one who's like, ba-ba-ba-bow, girl, you know that they all go to bed mad that they're not Dr. Manhattan. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Dr. Manhattan. I would be like... Oh, so it's more like a realistic Superman. Like if you can do anything, if you are the superhuman being, you are a God. You are God. Absolutely. Yeah. You are God and you should say it.

Girl, the idea that Dr. Manhattan just went to Vietnam and just fried a bunch of people. Girl. The alternative timeline was so fascinating. Robert Redford as the president. Mary Nixon in his fifth term. Oh, wow. Yeah. The alternative history was fierce.

I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Redforations or whatever. Yeah. Girl. It's fascinating. It's really cool. I like that. I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The red for rations or whatever. Yeah. Girl. It's fascinating. It's really cool. I like that.

Like, I really like that kind of setup because it like grounds the place in something real, but also something fantastic. I love to discover a show long after other everyone cared about it. No, people still care about it. They do. Yeah. Because it's a perfect show. It's a perfect series.

You know that Miss Regina walked away from that gig like, well, I shitted on y'all. Good luck ever making anything ever again. She let them know. Yeah. Jean Smart in that phone booth. Tears. Tears. So she's telling the joke about what happened to all the people.

Yeah. I also, I wish I would have seen the movie first. Why? Because the movie is all of those characters younger. Oh, right, right, right.

Oh, what's your name? I'm that hot bitch. I silk specter. Yes. Why is Ozymandias in this like prison situation? Cause he's going to drop the squid. Adrian didn't know that.

Yeah. Oh, you didn't, but they explained that kind of, but I would have loved to see the film. Okay. I don't remember them dropping that squid in the movie. Or like the Jean Smart character.

They reference her having been a masked vigilante. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know who she was. Yeah. She's so fierce. Fierce. So fucking fierce. I want that woman.

What do you want her to do? I want her to have all the good feelings possible in this lifetime. Don't get too passionate. She's so good in hacks. Eden and I are actually trying to write a screenplay version of it's called Have a Great Summer, Hags, where it

involves basically like hacks, except it's me and her, a drag queen who's like 40 and gay on the road with a young assistant. It's more gritty. It's like a crime. It's more of a true crime. Yeah, it's like I'm waiting to happen. It's the story of a murder suit.

It's the act. No, but we have all these fun things. I think it would be funny if there's all these little comedic hiccups. You know when something in comedy, when something goes wrong and it's funny? I've never had anything go wrong. But I think it'd be funny if there was a famous carjacker that Eden looked like exactly alike.

And every time she was about to get laid or everybody, she was about to do something. She gets like tackled by the FBI. Or every time she goes to like get in her own car. Yeah. Like she's doing it again. Yeah, totally. Like, you know, she's always on the gas station TVs and stuff. Wanted deadly carjacker. Yeah. Would you ever do crime? I have done and I will continue to do crime.

Yes. I think the crime is lovely. I just think it's interesting that people do crime and think they won't get caught. However, so many people don't. But here's the thing. All these people up top, they're doing crimes every day, all the time. Crimes of the future. Totally. They're doing crimes of the future. the time. Crimes of the future. Totally.

They're doing crimes of the future. They're tattooing their organs. Okay. No, that's the thing. That's crime up there, not paying your taxes. That's crime. Guess what they get?

They don't go to jail. Nothing happens. People should pay their taxes. And you know what else? Rich people should pay more. Oh, you take that back. Not just the same amount. Fucking more.

Yeah, a lot. Fucking more. There should be a maximum wealth. Don't you think? You and I make more money than a lot of people. I make $15 an hour. If they said,

because you make this, we need to charge you more. If you make a million dollars a year. Yeah. You should, how much do you think you should give away? Twice as much as normal people.

At least. Yes. But here I'm going to say, please, on that note, let's have some social services available. Well, that's what I'm saying. That extra tax money, rich should pay more and that should go to things like- I don't know, hospitals.

Yes. Not businesses. Not just the government to use as they choose because then it could go to military. It should go to like- You know what the military budget is so wild? 15 bucks. 17. I think it 15 bucks. 17. I think it went up to 17.

No, it's almost a trillion dollars. And that's the one thing Democrats and Republicans agree on. Nobody talks about fund the military. I don't agree on it. No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about the Democrats and the Republicans in office. It's so complicated. They've always, always agreed on it.

What are you supposed to do when like Russia's actively taking over other countries and acting foolish? Are we supposed to just not be prepared for adversity in the future? I don't, I'm not supporting the military, but I'm saying like, I get what these people are saying. We need defense.

Well, it's, it's a very, it's a very simple and seductive in argument. Like we don't though. We don't, we don't, we don't need all that. They need Like we don't though. We don't, we don't, we don't need all that.

They need a gun because for what? We don't need all that. We don't fight at wars. Also, we don't fight wars here. We like computer game them in other places. You know, it's crazy.

Don't come here. Don't come to my block. I'm going to move to New Zealand. I think it was beautiful. New Zealand was, I'm going to say this. Hobart, I was like, I could stay here. Well, we also had very good hotel rooms. I wanted to live in that hotel room.

It was spacious. I wanted to live. I took three baths. I think we were there for about 14 hours. I had sex with a personal trainer and then he asked me to take a picture afterward. So that was the last. Oh, a picture of you? Of us together.

Like a selfie. Because he was a fan. I didn't know he was. I don't know. Sex is canceled. What do you mean you don't know? I don't know if he was a fan. He just wanted to take a picture as a memento?

Well, when you're famous for something, but you don't live in LA, sometimes people just want a picture of someone they think is famous. Okay. So that's when sex was canceled. Sex has been canceled. Sex is actually canceled.

Sex with my boyfriend is great, but sex in general is canceled. Yeah, sex on the road is canceled or is tired. Sex with your boyfriend is wired. Well, Dave and I have been seeing each other so little that when we do see each other, we absolutely have sex because it's always been like a month. Yeah. And then it's like, that's great.

So, help me understand this like thing where people know who we are. Girl. And they don't say it. And I, well, how in depth do you want to go? Because you and I recently experienced a very,

No, let's not talk about that. Chilling situation. No. The thing is, if you're going to have sex with somebody from the television, it's just like knowing where they work and just think of it that way. Okay.

What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? If you worked at Staples, yeah. I might ask you a couple of questions about it. I might relate, relate to later, but I'm not going to fuck you because you work at Staples.

Right. Right. I'm not going to constantly talk about Staples. I mean, right. You're like, wow, staple guns and then hole punches and then computer paper, and I'm not going to constantly talk about Staples. I mean, right. Unless you can give me three Staples. Staple guns and then hole punches

and then computer paper, computers. Ask about people I work with at Staples. What are they like? And then you see them a few weeks later hanging out with one of your co-workers from Staples. Girl, or let's say you love Staples. And by the way, great Staples plug. Let's say you love Staples and by the way great great staples plug let's say you love staples and you know all the other employees of staples and you're romantic with them too but you don't say

anything you don't say anything that's weird it's weird it's weird that you have these little homemade baseball cards of the staples employees that you don't show anybody but they sure do factor in in your little boudoir yeah just be a person i don't know well anyways so the hookup with straight guys the only safe thing guys is the only safe thing. It's the only safe thing. I hooked up with a guy who, well, no. I hooked up with a guy who did not know who I was. I think, but eventually...

Well, that's understandable. He hasn't really been in much. I mean, a couple little, you know, a couple little forays into reality television, nary a career make. Well, you are a giant flop. Hamburger nary. Hamburger nary. career make well you are a giant flop hamburger nary hamburger nary so he didn't but is he gay uh no he was yes he was gay oh i don't know right right right right right yeah he was a gay man if you have a straight if you fuck guys but you have a straight life i could see how they might not know absolutely no he was, he was gay, gay, very gay. No. And then I think he said

he was from Argentina, but he lived in New Zealand. And he said, oh, celeb. He said, like, he said celeb. Celeb. He's like, so I was a celeb. Like, he knew I was famous,

but I think now he knows who I am. Celeb. French word for star, right? Yeah, but it's also like celebrity. I'm just... That's what I mean, the celebrity, the word. Yeah, yeah. Celeb. Celeb. French word for star, right? Yeah, but it's also like celebrity. I'm just... That's what I mean. The celebrity, the word. Yeah, yeah.

Celeb. Celeb. Famous. I think star's vedette. Do you remember that word in French? Vedette. Vedette. No.

Right. Once in a while, I'll remember a word that I'm like, you will never use that. Why did you remember that? But then I'll forget things like proper noun. Yeah. Like he. They. Or how to use like the forget things like proper noun. Yeah. Like he, they, or how to use like the future version of this verb.

Okay. I'm like, that's useful. Yes. Why do I remember the word for this? Yeah. Yeah. Not that.

Do you keep much of it? Does your French, is it in there? Is it in there? It's in there. I don't know if it's in there or not. If you dropped me in the airport or in France, I'd be just fine.

Not like you would be like, wow, this person's American and they took eight years of French. You wouldn't be like, oh my, you live here. Are you an associate adjunct professor at the Sorbonne? Yeah.

I probably talk like, I guess in the States, I always think if somebody in film or television, when somebody English is their first language, they might make the character use some verbs incorrectly. Yes. That would be me. You're Emily in Paris.

I'm Emily in Paris. Remember that shit? We got some good stuff coming up at Netflix that we get to watch. Oh, the circle or the square or the... We have to go in the circle. I think we should. If you think we should go in the circle, comment below. Comment below.

Comment below. Let's take a break. Comment below, please. Oh, yeah. Comment below. Looking for a path to accelerate your career? Clear direction for next-level success? In a place that is innovative and practical? A path to stay current and connected to industry?

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conditions apply. Transform and roll out. From the director of Toy Story 4. Buckle up. This Friday, witness the origin of the Transformers. This is going to change everything. Awesome. Transformers 1. Only in theaters this Friday. We did PG. The circle. The Circle. Well, Mel B, I believe they teased that Mel B and Emma Bunton are a team. We got to do that. We pretend to be a big, hot-titted blonde bitch.

Or like a diesel dagger, works for the UN, brown teeth. Nobody's going to believe that somebody who works for the UN is on The Circle. Curveball. Curveball. A spy

from Africa. Maybe we inflate. Like our character works at the Red Rainforest Cafe. Okay. But she's like, oh, I work at Rainforests. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm working the environment. Or like she sells bracelets on Etsy and she's like,

I have a business. Yeah. Oh, how about this though? I just, you speaking of that, a lot of people being in, calling themselves entrepreneurs, entrepreneur.

And what are you entrepreneuring? Mary, you thinking about building a website one day that does not make you a CEO. Okay. Do you know what I mean? This is what's happening on online, on social media, on dating apps, a CEO. Okay. Do you know what I mean? This is the thing. It's happening on online, on social media,

on dating apps. Small business. Yeah. You got, there's a few questions you got to ask, especially in the LA area about small businesses. Do you have rich parents? Yeah.

Do you actually pay your rent? Yeah. Do you actually pay your rent? Have you got a healthy stipend from a wealthy benefactor? Somebody recently was talking about, I met some, I met somebody who was talking about their programs they do, uh, at a camp, like for adults to go to. Okay. And they were talking about like, you know, it, it, it was like, Oh, they go to this camp and they, through these days, they do these work, these exercises that are like, you know, help them. I'm like, I'm

going to stop you right there. It's giving goop. It's giving unlicensed therapy goop. It's not perfect strangers. And I just, I don't want to say if your business isn't making money, it's not a real business. Cause let's say you do handicrafts and sell them on Etsy. That is a business. But for you to say, I'm an entrepreneur, like. Yeah. Get up and grind. Girl, that's bracelets. Girl, grind what? You know.

Grind what up? And people also perceive small businesses like as exactly one size. Small business can mean anything from. Yeah, huge. If you clean houses on the weekends, you're a small business, a one person business. Technically. I mean. Yeah, I guess you're right. Scaled all the way up to like, unless you're a small business, a one person business. Technically. I mean, yeah,

I guess you're right. Scaled all the way up to like, unless you're Kmart or some shit. Right. Unless you're a corporation, you are a small business. As a small, how would you define a small business?

Is it just having being one location? I don't know. I don't know how you define it. Yeah. She brought a size 14. Yeah. She brought a size 14. By the way,

we're in my, my new backyard. I haven't moved yet. We're're just here there's nothing in the house I came to make sure no one was living out here I took the tour and I'm going to tell you all at home without revealing any details it is absolutely a bop bop or flop this house it's a bop

it is we have a lot of like furniture buying yeah yeah a lot of stuff to do look on the bright side. There are lots of little hidey holes for naked old people to just stand in. I'm telling you,

when the lights go down, the naked oldies are coming out. Right, boom, right there by the bamboo. Boom, right in front of that. What do you think about a TV over there? I think naked old people. I think that would be chic. That is the scariest part of predatory.

Naked smiling people in the dark. Naked smileys in the dark. Because what are they smiling about? Payment. Oh, that's right. They're happy about payment. The devil come back to, yeah. Are you wearing a new cologne?

I am. Yeah. Steven got it. I think it smells good. Steven got it for me. What is it? It's called, I don't remember. Diptych.

Diptych? Oh, yes. I know what you're talking about. Diptych? Dip your dick. Dip your dick in a turd. In some teak. Girl, do you want to recap the tour?

Yes, I do. Highlights, go. Oh, Hobart. Hobart. I thought it was beautiful. And the people there were like, yeah, nobody wants to come here. But when they do, they're like amazed by it. Yeah.

So Hobart is lit. Honestly, most of the bigger cities I could take or leave. I don't care. Okay. I thought Christchurch was really pretty. Christchurch was the sleeper hit of the tour for me. The shopping in Sydney was turnt. We were staying right downtown, right by the shopping.

It was turnt. It was turnt. That Westfield, what was it the shopping. It was turnt. It was turnt. That Westfield, what was it? The shopping center? Turntina Aguilera. Not to be sheltered. I thought Westfield

was just a small in Beverly Hills. I didn't realize it was a chain. No, I didn't either. But the Westfield Mall, which they do not say the word mall,

but yeah. It was so, the shopping was fucking great. I told you when I went into Tiffany's, Tiffany, like breakfast at Tiffany's, the sales guy,

he recognized me and then he recoiled in terror and then crouched on the floor. That's service. I was like, he was like, oh, I screamed. And then I was like, oh, going for a hug or something. He recoiled in terror and then crouched on the floor. We're famous to some people. And I guess terrifying to others. on the floor. And I was like, we're famous to some people and I guess terrifying to others. Girl, that's the thing. It's we're, we're, we're famous to not most people, but the one person falls out. Yeah. He fell out. They fell out. Um, I'll never forget that all of those kinds of like

public interactions are really tickle me these days. They've been pretty normal or they've been pretty manageable. But when I was in Manchester a few years, three years ago, a girl saw me from, and she was in a store. I was on the street. She saw me, she bolted out screaming at the top of her lungs and then grabbed my neck and screamed into my face. Brother, did I tell you about the person who chased me with dogs? What? Dogs?

When we were in Boise, I was riding the belt line, the green line or whatever, and somebody with two giant like Marmaduke giant dogs was walking and she started chasing me. I had my headphones in, like Marmaduke giant dogs was walking. And she started chasing me. I had my headphones in and I saw behind me two dogs chasing. And then when she finally caught me, she's like,

ah, I was chasing you. And I said, yeah, I was running. Yeah. I running away. I was running.

Damn. I was chasing. It's like, I've been meaning to kill you. I ran. I don't like that. No, I don't really, this, I'm not going to lie. Not to sound ungrateful. This was like, I've been meaning to kill you. I know. I ran. I don't like that. No, I don't really,

this, I'm not going to lie. Not to sound ungrateful. This was all the dates of this tour. We're really close together. The travel was arduous. Yeah. It was,

it was really hard. There was some venues with not enough air conditioning. It was hard tour. One of the hardest tours in my life. Yeah. It was in the beginning. There was a perfect storm of too much heat and like hip pain and just like general malaise that I cried when I came off stage once.

Cried. I feel you. Yeah. But then, I don't know. You know, I think it takes, I think the lesson is that it takes 50 shows to figure out if there can be

air conditioning. I think you have to do 50 shows to be sure. And then I think around that 49th, 50th show, I think they let you have it. I think it's maybe a rite of passage. You can't not have air conditioning. I know. I don't understand. What are we talking about?

I feel like it's the simplest. Essential air is fierce. Don't tell me your venue doesn't have air conditioning. No. Also, if it does, tell me your venue doesn't have air conditioning. No. But also if it does, why are we here? Thank you. I was like,

there's only like two things you need to know about me. And I actually only can remember one. It's that I sweat a lot. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know anything. There's nothing else you need to know. Like, oh no, smoking and sweating. I smoke and I sweat.

So like, that's it. So find me a little place to smoke and make sure it's not so hot. Is that it? That's the rider. That's the whole thing. Did you love having Wimberly on your tour? I loved it.

I thought it was the most, so I brought my personal trainer. I bristle as I say those words out loud. It's just so like, oh girl, you know what I mean? Girl, you used your own money. Yeah, I did. I did. Yeah. Go for her.

Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I've never, I've never come back from a tour like healthier than I was when I left. And I did this time and it was, I loved it. It improved the quality of life a million percent. Well, it sounds fancy, like whatever. But when you tour all year, there are some things you have to splurge on because you're never home. No. And I don't have the motivation.

He whipped my ass. He whipped your ass. He whipped my ass. You are in fabulous shape. Yeah. Look at the gun. You guys, look at the arm. Look at the arm. That's fucking crazy. I wish they could feel the titties too. But yeah, no, I just was great. It felt great. It was wonderful. And then I could have sex

with Wimberly. Yes, we had many times. Yeah, we bumped our pussies together. I could hook up with guys and feel like, oh, you know, maybe it's not Mr. Burns today. Maybe it's his younger brother. It's not Dr. Manhattan.

No, no. It's not Mr. Burns. It's not Mr. Burns. It's somewhere in the middle. Professor Burns. Professor Newark. Tell them about when Mr. Burns. It's not Mr. Burns. It's somewhere in the middle. It's somewhere in the middle. Like Professor Burns. Professor Newark or something. I don't know. Tell them about when Wimberly had to join the show. Oh my God. So one of our dancers is an accident prone, let's say, not his fault, but was denied entry into New Zealand.

And so New Zealand does not accept passports that are even remotely frayed. Was that what it was? That's what it was. Yes, they said his passport wasn't in good enough condition. Okay. So we had to reconfigure the show for three people, which we've done before. Yeah. Wimberlina.

Wimberlina is a dancer. She's, you know, a veteran of the cheetah. And she stepped in and she learned the dance in two hours and then did it that night. And it was great. Like there was a couple of mistakes, but it was fabulous. It's also funny that like, I mean, our dancers are stunning.

Yeah. It's fierce to have Wimberley take his clothes off in front of professional dancers. And you go, Oh right. Wimberley is a statue. Oh, he is like,

there's no body fat. There's no body fat. He's so like, he's so cut and he's so packed. Yeah. And he's smaller now than he was like, because of the ballet. He is.

I was like, what is Mary? What is your body fat percentage? She's like, I don't know. Probably nothing. Cause it doesn't look like anything. He was great.

Amazing. And also he, he really like he, he performed. Yes. He performed. I was like, he made me look like a lazy bitch.

Cause he was like, whenever he was like the transition from left to right, he was like gliding and swaying and like, you know, so remember to was like, he made me look like a lazy bitch because he was like, whenever he was like the transition from left to right, he was like gliding and swaying and like Also so remember to be like, I think I know it. I'm not sure. Hey, sexy. Like perfect. I know. Better than all of us. It was so fierce. I think it took me about 14 weeks

of performing it to get it right. And he just, well, you know, it's great. It's wonderful. We had some really nice hotels on this trip though. Mama, the Four Seasons or no, the Ritz Carlton and Little Perth. That was Tarantino. Those were some really nice hotels. I told David, you stopped traveling with me at the wrong time. I know. This shit just got fierce. I know. The five-star luxury thing is really, really great. The tubs. Yeah. The tubs, the living rooms. The little spa with the bubble bed, the bubble bed and the spa? Yes.

Hotels with living rooms? That I don't care for. I do. You do? Because I don't like that nasty furniture. I just like someone to do my stuff that's not my bed. Okay, T, I don't do any stuff. Okay, you just get in the bed.

I don't do any work. See, I don't like to relax in bed. I want to sit on a couch and then bed is sleep. Yes. I'm never going to lay in bed and watch a movie or like lay in bed and play on my phone or lay in bed and work on my computer.

That's a great habit. Sleep well. I also take the phone to bed. You do? Stop doing that. Well, what's going to happen if I stop? You'll grow hair.

You'll grow hair. I don't know. No, it'll like, it will improve your quality of life. Well, I started wearing SPF 70. I walk around, my skin is literally blue. So I am trying to take care of myself.

Well, there you go. I ran today. Oh, okay. I'm not a kid. Jesus Christ. Okay. All right. All right. Mary is so, it is a human.

I forgot we were in the winter in Australia. The running was fierce. I was wearing layers. Layers. Here running today. I thought I was gonna throw up. Yeah, it's gross. The air is thick.

Also, I ate so much weed last night. I was I was going to throw up. Yeah, it's gross. The air is thick. Also, I ate so much weed last night. I was like borderline nauseous this morning. With edibles. Edibles, bitch. And then I ordered Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell. Oh, I do.

I think I do too, actually. I think. Which is that? A flying microwave? Yeah. Did you see that? The blimp in the sky today that says Shark Week? There's a blimp over Hollywood today that says Shark Week. Yeah. Did you see that? The blimp in the sky today that says Shark Week? There's a blimp over Hollywood today

that says Shark Week. There's a blimp that says Shark Week. Why? To promote Shark Week. Shouldn't they do it on a boat or something? It's funny living in LA

because we experience the most absurd stunts for PR. Oh yeah. Remember in Justin Bieber like a, a TOTUS sign that was something cryptic. Do you remember when it came out and they built the it knee bolt house in

Hollywood and there was just a kid out there in a yellow raincoat with balloons and a big haunted house in Hollywood. I hope he got a, like a good day rate or something. I'm sure he did. Remember when you had the child on set? Oh yeah. A million dollars.

Yeah. I'm in debt now. You know what I the child on set? Oh yeah. A million dollars. I'm in debt now. You know what I like in Doctor Sleep when they kill that kid? Good acting. That kid was doing fierce acting. It was great acting. And also sucking the pain out. Sucking the pain.

The terror. We had a doctor come to the Sydney show. And I'm not talking about Vanity. She's my spiritual doctor. This was an actual MD. Oh the vanity. She's my spiritual doctor. Yeah. This was an actual MD. Oh, the Greek, uh, sassy, sassy, sassy doctor, sassy doctor. Um, he was so helpful.

I think I need a hip replacement by the way. Are you going to get a hip replacement? Yeah. After the tour, I think I'll get the whole leg taken. It's going to suck. No, I, you, you go in, it's a bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. You're out in 30 minutes and you're- That is not true. I know.

But it's a lot better than it used to be. Yeah, they come to your house. No, they don't. I mean, do you get to go home the next day? You get to go home that day. No, you don't. You do. My mom got her knee done and said she won't-

Knee's different. She said she won't do the other because it was the most painful experience of her life. Knee is different. Knee is different. Hinge joint. Hinge joint. Hinge joint. Yeah. The knee is a tougher recovery.

Yeah. Because I think it takes a lot of weight, you know? You know what I learned after this tour too? What? I know we talk about this all the time, but we got to work less. Mostly me, but like. Mary, I love every time. We got to spend more time.

No, I got to spend more time with my family. I got to spend more more time. No, I got to spend more time with my family. I got to spend more time with my boyfriend. I got to spend more time with my friends. Yeah. I need to get some friends and then spend some time with them. Yeah. We have somebody from the tours not coming back. And they told me privately at the airport.

Yeah. They said. It's because you're. Not every tour you have to go on or show you do or anything has to be because of the money. Like you can go do things knowing that it's not great money, but just make sure that you enjoy it. I mean, I don't do it for the money. I do it for the garlic bread. But I mean, do you only, you don't only do it for the money.

You love the thing. No, but there's things about touring that make it lucrative, like extreme meet and greet numbers. Yeah. Or many shows back to back. There are compromises that we can make to improve quality of life and sacrifice a little bit of money. We do half the meet and greets,

do half the shows, and just go home with a little money. Yeah. I go through hell touring. I go through hell touring. I just think I want to turn over a new leaf. Turn a new leaf? Write another page.

I feel like that's one of those phrases people say wrong a lot. I want to, I'm turning over a new leaf. turn a new leaf, write another page. I feel like it's one of those phrases people say wrong a lot. I want to, I'm turning over a new leaf. I hate that expression. Well, I learned what it's about. What is it about?

It's paper. They call leaf like a piece sheet of paper, turning a new leaf. Oh yeah. It's not a leaf. Oh, okay. Cause that was confusing.

Cause Heidi in closet was like, she was like, why do people say that? It's the same leaf. And I was like, bitch, you are right, but it's not leaves. It's not leaves. It's paper. It's a metaphor. 2023 though.

Cryogenically frozen all year. I'm just ready to shift. You know, when you shift up a car. Yes. And there's that moment where it goes like this, but the engine's not running as hard as it wasn't gear one. Okay. So I'm ready to like maintain speed and do a lot of things. Okay. But we're cutting the fat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We're putting the foot down on how many times in drag per week. Oh girl. How many times I want to keep performing with you. What's your, what's your ideal schedule on tour? Let's say, I mean, it's tough though,

because if we're on a bus or on a plane, those are two very different scenarios as we've learned. Seven shows in a two week period. One week it's three, the next week it's four and it's on and off. Okay, great. Maybe it's a Thursday, Friday, Sunday that week and we head off Monday, Tuesday.

Oh, I like that. And then the next week, maybe we pick it up and we add a show. So it's four. So it's like one, two, one, two. Or like three a week is not sustainable. Or we come create a show that we just fly out on weekends. I was going to say like, it doesn't have to be the big grand scale, you know, it doesn't

have to be 25 people. Yeah. I just, the number of dates, you know, a few years ago when I did moving parts, I think I did 60. Growing up was. I only did like 40, I think. 40. Yeah, 40.

We can go down. We can go down to 12. We can go down to 12. 12, 15. Yeah. 15 dates. I mean, it works smarter, not harder. I mean, I don't...

Here's the thing though. I like the size of the theater. I like a more intimate size. I'm not loving arenas because we're not Beyonce. But remember the other night? We had a great time and well, that's because it was the first time in my life I did not sweat a drop on stage and I was wondering, have I been

raptured to heaven? Girl, is God here with his dick up my ass saying, hello, you're home. Wellington, the air conditioning. To be fair, it was winter, snapping ACLs. I mean, to be fair, it was winter in the gig. It was like doing an outside gig in winter.

It was unbelievable. It was so. It was unbelievable. I've never been so happy. I finished the show smiling. I was like. Yeah, I was. But people don't understand.

It's the distraction. Yeah. When my lower back becomes a water feature. Yeah. A babbling brook. Yeah. Then I'm trying to conduct the show and not think about trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle, trickle. And I know if I'm sweating, you're doing, oh, go shit.

If you have like, if you, if you dribble, dribble, drobble, I have a Titanic. Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea. The Titanic. Yeah. I'm Jennifer Lopez in Anaconda. Yeah. Yeah. I'm Jennifer Lopez in Anaconda. Yeah. Remember that scene where they trick that guy to get, he's a beetle flies in his throat and they slit his throat and put a tube in

there to save him. Cause there's a bug in there caught in his throat. What? Is that the easiest way to get a bug out of your throat? When someone gets something stuck in their throat, you slit their throat and set a straw so they can breathe. I saw it on YouTube. I saw it somewhere.

I saw it somewhere. I just feel like that maybe is not the best thing. Well, he was choking, so we slit his throat. What's your portfolio's most valuable asset? It may be your financial advisor. Financial advisors have the investment knowledge and experience to help clients build diversified portfolios that can thrive in a variety of market environments. Feel more confident about your financial future.

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But at some point as adults, we tend to lose that sense of curiosity and excitement. Therapy can help you continue that journey because your back-to-school era can come at any age. And BetterHelp makes it easy to get started with affordable online therapy you can do from anywhere. Rediscover possibility with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more. That's better. H E L P.com. So when are you getting your pussy? Um, I think, um, I'm going to wait till I'm 50 God willing. And then I'm going to be the only transsexual. Um, the other day you small business, huge business, everybody's business. We were at meet and greet and between people, between people, between people at the meet and greet, she leans over and goes,

sometimes I feel like I have a pussy. And then hi, right to the next person. I was like, it's true. Sometimes I feel that, that little, that little tickle,

that feminine squiggle. Yeah. That feminine squiggle, that little, that little, that little light inside that goes, hello. Speaking of feminine squiggles,

these animals are just jumping around. Are we in this? They hear a sound like that and then I see a tree moving and I know it's an animal. Yes. Jurassic Park. We had a lot of celebrity visitors on our tour. Vanity came to the show. Yes, Vanity came to the show. Wait, what other celebrity? Oh, Vanity. Oh. BBL. Love BBL. Body snatched. Girl.

Body snatched. I forget where we were, but Vanity was there and she was in drag. Maybe it was Sydney. Sydney, yeah. Girl. Body snatched. I forget where we were, but Vanity was there and she was in drag. Maybe it was Sydney. Second night. Sydney, yeah. Your show, the DJ gig. Oh, it was.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Drunk. Well, yeah. I mean, if anybody. Oh. And her. Together.

Dead drunk. I had a DJ gig. I did a gig at a college and then we did a solid pink disco show that was so fun. What's that? That was the second gig I did. Oh, I was there. That was great. The guy falling off the table. Girl. Highlight of the tour for me. Highlight of the tour. He went straight down.

He was bam. Yeah. He ate shit. It was fierce. Vanity and I blackout drunken at VIP screaming each other's faces drunk about how much we love each other. Oh, that's great. I was like, I love you. I love you. No, no, no. That's great. I just, she's everything.

She is really something else. I asked people there, because I'm like, is she a big deal here? She is. Yeah, she is. They're like, yeah. They're like, but she's semi-retired.

So when she performs, it's a big deal. Yeah. Like people take note. She's a legend there. Icon. Yeah. It makes Courtney Adler look like a dog. Look, it's a big deal. Yeah. Like people take notes. She's a legend there. Icon. Yeah. It makes Courtney Adler look like a dog.

Look, look, the mailman. It's so unbelievably beautiful. Yeah. She's gorgeous. And makeup up close is fucking crazy. Yeah. You see her backstage dressed as She-Ra? I didn't.

I was like. She looks so good. I saw the video. It's unbelievable. Yeah. I love her. Her blush. She wears blush.

Like it's her last day on earth. You know what I mean? Yeah. She wears blush. Like she's getting paid to wear blush. I mean, it's so wonderful. Big,

rosy red cheeks. In Sydney, same gig. Melissa Edwards came backstage. Oh, that's right. Melissa was there. Just levels,

layers, lanes, levels, layers, and lanes. That's what I was. That's the takeaway from that. She loved the show.

I got the ultimate compliment from her, which was like, our show, she was like, I gotta go do more in my show. When a drag queen thinks after seeing you, they have to go home and amp it up. Improve their gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially a dancer. She was like, you guys were dancing a lot. And I was like, aren't you? I mean, no, she doesn't. She does like a

uh, uh, uh, uh, and does like a, you know what I mean? A point and walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I could dance like her, I would dance. And maybe that's just the privilege of. I think you would for the first couple of weeks. Then you'd be like, mama, that's. It's like if I could do the splits, I'd be doing all the time.

I don't think you would though. Well, look what happens. Yeah. Hip, hip replacement surgery. I just saw a video of Laganja on the second floor of a club. I sent you that on Instagram. Oh, the pussy. What would she call it? The. It just saw a video of Laganja on the second floor of a club. I sent you that on Instagram. Oh, the pussy,

what would she call it? The, it was like a pussy something. She jumped off the second level of a club and hit the floor. Pussy, pussy clam. That he got at Laganja.

What is it? 110 pounds. No pads. No pads. No pads. Bare skin. She is so wild for that. On her knees, all her joints. I just don't know how she does it. I don't know either. She doesn't even skin. She is so wild for that. On her knees, all her joints.

I just don't know how she does it. I don't know either. She doesn't even drink. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. The pussy slam, slam five. It was so, that was not, that was high up. Very high up.

Have you ever seen the video of that girl? It's that drag queen lip syncing and she gets on that tour bus and climbs up and she's, it's one of those LA double decker buses Oh sure sure sure And then she jumps off the bus See if I could do these things but then I guess you set a precedent That's what I'm saying You don't do that

Kennedy was like I will like doing ballads and stuff But I feel like I'm not allowed You're not because you're not They want the dancing diva the 10 dancing toes We gotta have her on the pod. Sure. Like this food nasty. Every time

on tour we get food we don't want in a Kennedy Davenport voice, this food nasty. Yeah. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, we get her on the pod. I'm so happy to be back. Girl, to be in my house watching. I played. I played. I played on my PlayStation and I ate weed and I ate Taco Bell. It was so fucking good. Yeah. Cheesy bean burritos. Juicy bean burritos.

Cheese quesadilla. Nachos and chips. When you hit that crunch. That crunch. Baby, when you hit that crunch, that little chip. Bitch. I love Taco Bell. Okay, I got to get into it. I got to get into it. Do they make tacos without cheese? Because I'm like the cheese.

Yeah, they do. I love Chipotle. I mean, I love Chipotle, Qdoba, Taco Bell. Anything like Americanized. Mexi. Taco Bell. And I don't want to go to, I don't want to take down my,

my own people. Cause Taco Bell is my, is my people. Who are your people? Exactly. Chipotle is delicious. Eat fresh, right? It's like,

you can actually get a healthy meal at Taco Bell. You are eating sludge. You're eating poopoo and peepee. It's sickening. Oh, it's the McDonald's of Mexican food, right? It's just nasty food.

I love it. Good. Do Mexican people like... I've heard Mexican people very critical of any sort of Americanized Mexican food. Does Taco Bell count? I don't think Taco Bell ever... People who grew up eating Mexican food, do they like Taco Bell? I think it's just junk food.

Okay. It's fast food. It's like if I grew up eating potatoes, I'm from Ireland, and then I go eat French fries. I don't think about authenticity. Well, if you grew up because your family, your mom, whatever, cooks you authentic Mexican meals. Yeah. You obviously have more of a developed palate.

Of course. You go to Taco Bell and you're like, this is boo-boo. Or you like work, bitch. I think you're saying work, bitch, because you're not pretending for it to be fine, stunning cuisine. Yeah. You're in the alley on your hands and knees. Yeah.

You're in the alley truffle hunting with that nasty pig nose. You're not like, where's all the fine china? You're in an alley. There's dirt on your knees. Truffle butter? Truffle. No, truffle. What about truffle butter? Do you know what that is? I don't. I think it's poop. I don't know. It's poop grease. What is truffle butter? That sounds disgusting. I think it's when you're doing anal and like lube and spit mixes with

poop pieces. That's what I think it is. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I don't know. I have a question for you food wise. Why does all fancy food taste like shit? Girl, on these airplanes? Duck confit parfait? Mary, what in the air? Do you want whipped cream that's a duck liver?

Dick, duck liver whipped cream. That just made me throw up. It's disgusting. Just give me like a chill. Why does it have to be all this nasty food? This is elevated, beautiful, gorgeous, lovely cuisine. I say it tastes like shit. It looks like hell and it costs too much.

And I don't want to be difficult, but when there's vegetarian options. Nothing. Why is it always falafel? Or it's falafel or what? They didn't have any on the plane for you. No, they just said, no, you have to choose it ahead of time. And I said, well, somebody should have.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess I'll just starve to death. It happened every day. Yeah, it sure did. I mean, I think in America, they might have more vegetarian options on planes. I don't know. I don't know.

I'll eat anything on a plane though. Once you're up there, what's my other option? Where are we going? McDonald's? Not eating. My little bag of snacks. Sunflower seeds. But if I'm on like an international flight

and there's no vegetarian option, I'm probably just going to get the chicken. Okay. And just do it. Yeah. I feel very weird eating chicken. You do? Why?

Were you fucked by a chicken when you were growing up? Don't say. Well, my mom's a chicken. I bet you. So, no. Just eating meat of any kind. I have to be drunk where i'm like whatever

is it a moral thing or is it a health thing or is it both it started moral and now it's just i feel like i'm true not dead body oh that's totally fair because you are and it just grossed me out a little bit it's not necessarily now i think i know enough that i'm like well if one person's vegan or vegetarian it doesn't have enough of an impact to save the planet or help animals. It's not about impact. I was trying to take a stance on I don't want to kill animals.

Well, then you don't. Good. Then that should be personally fulfilling. It's sort of like recycling when you find out that most of the waste comes from big businesses. Now, what is recycling? Me taking my recycling out is wonderful. Couldn't eat shit if these big businesses. Now, what is recycling? Is that the best? Me taking my recycling out is wonderful. Couldn't eat shit if these big businesses

are still making mega... Yeah. They're sending just toxic sludge right into the ocean. I'm just doing it for myself. Yeah. Recycling for myself, really. Now, if hundreds of thousands

of millions of people recycle, of course there's a difference. Sure. But that's never going to happen. But they should. I had a roommate who didn't recycle. You killed him.

No, I just was like, what are we doing? Yeah. What are you doing? Not recycling. Throwing away trash. But you know how many items are plastic or cardboard?

Most of them. Do you also like taking the trash out constantly? If you recycle, Oh, right, right, right. The trash bin that feels slower.

Sure, sure, sure. Who doesn't recycle? People who don't recycle, I would bin that feels slower. Sure, sure, sure. Who doesn't recycle? People who don't recycle, I would say. Well, I also, I feel like sometimes they just take that recycling and then throw it in the dump.

Well, I also understand that in some cities, they let you do commingled recycle, which is everything. Oh. Paper, plastic. Okay. In some cities, they make you separate it. And for some people, maybe it's too much work.

But just recycle. I mean, if they're going to pick it up, I think you can. Yeah. I eat all my trash. I put it on a little like, you know, cupboards. You eat trash? Yeah, I eat my trash. I don't recycle.

I don't throw anything away. Do you notice when makeup companies do like a paper lipstick tube? Do I notice that? Do you care if like, I mean. It feels intuitively, it feels like, Oh, this is much better when it's pick a recycled material. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rather than all this plastic, you know, like the, the, the giant phone charger,

a converter things. I couldn't even get that plastic thing open. I know. It's crazy. All that plastic. I'm torn. Cause I love, I mean like for our lipstick component,

for example, I love plastic. I love the way it looks. Sure. But plastic is all petroleum. And petroleum. Is from the earth. It's the same reason the price of Barbies is always going up.

To make dolls, plastic, brand new dolls, oil, passive oil. Now, why don't you do like a little socks with leaves of them for these dolls? Instead of blush? Just socks with leaves? Barbies. You know, maybe rather than a plastic Barbie, they can do just like a sock mold with a corn husk doll. Exactly.

Why aren't we doing more corn husk dolls? Let's have that conversation. Well, what are you going to do while you're home? What's the off day, off vibes? I gotta go buy a car. Oh, fierce. I was supposed to do it this morning, but I was, I got in my head that I wanted to get a Range Rover and then I'm like, what are you doing? No, I don't want to get a Range Rover. This is the problem. It's going to take forever. It's going to take hours. You have to sign

all this paperwork. You have to get your loan approved. I know. Or you're just going to buy it. I'm just going to buy it in cash. Yeah. Then that's great. But buying a car takes forever. I don't even like going to the Apple store because I'm like, can we get this moving? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. If I have to wait five minutes in line, I'll just go home.

Any of the fancy Gucci, Versace, anything like that? They're like, can I get you a water? I'm like, why? I'm trying to get in and out of here. Yeah, why? I don't want to put down roots here. No. Yeah. Yeah. Can I embroider a bath robe for you?

Well, I think they want you to browse. So they're like, let me look in the back. And I'm like, I bet you they found it and then sat around. Oh, really? Because they want you to buy more stuff. Yeah, they're probably just jerking off back there. Well, anyway, so I think I'm going to get like a Toyota or like a Honda or something like that. Get a Civic. Those are the 300,000 mile cars.

Those are people's cars. They have 10 years. Yeah. Or get an SUV. Hybrid. But a Prius is sickening. I don't believe that. That's not to me.

A Prius is ugly. Ugly boots to me. Ugly boots. So reliable. So much space inside. Cheap. Not that cheap, though. They're going up to 40 grand. Ugly boots. So reliable. So much space inside. Cheap. Not that cheap though. They're going up to 40 grand.

Wow. Yeah. Get a Tesla. I think I'm just going to get a Lamborghini. Do you know Manny MUA? Yeah. I got in his car once. What is it?

What kind of car? I'm not even a boy enough to know. Oh really? The doors did this. Are you serious? And it wasn't a Tesla. We were like laying down on the ground, street level. So he drives a sports car. Are you serious? And it wasn't a Tesla. We were like laying down on the ground, street level.

It was a sports car. It was like a Batmobile. Was it a Lambo? Probably. Or a Ferrari, maybe. The more you say names, the more I know. Lamborghini. Ferrari.

That's all I got. I was so impressed. I was like, this is amazing. Impressed by what? Just like the thought of it. Did it go fast? Did he have the distinction? My last car was a smart car and I got it used. I've never owned a car ever.

Never. Why do you have a license? Because I love to show it. No, I mean, I have a license because I can drive other people's cars. Do they know?

I should probably let you know I am the carjacker. You're like, why would I have a... No, like my mom's car growing up or my, you know, whatever.

If somebody dies in the car accident but I survive, I can drive the car. no, like my mom's car growing up or my, you know, whatever. If somebody get dies in the car accident, but I survive, I can drive the car. Well, there's always cars parked in the street. Just take one of those. Well, I know.

I just leave a penny. Yeah. I got to grow my nails out so I can really snap, you know, get into the window. There's a fierce moment in the office where Aaron's like, let's go. And he's like,

and then Andy's like, well, don't you need to pack or anything? Your toothbrush. She's like, I don't have a toothbrush. He's like, what do you mean?

I'm sure the best. She's like, there's always one around. It's true though. Not a bad point. It's true though. At the Perth hotel. Would you share a toothbrush with your partner? Yes, I would. You would? Yes. I'd also, the person whose asshole, whose rectum I tongue out on the regular, I believe I would have no problem with that. Think about it. I tongue his shitter. I put my tongue in his asshole, but I draw the line at sharing a toothbrush.

I don't get it. What's the problem there? Do you know what I mean? I don't understand. No, I know what you mean. I still can't get through it. I still couldn't do it. You think it's wet. It's a gross, hygienic, nasty thing. My toxic trait is that I love buying things in case someone stays over. Packs of toothbrushes. That's not a toxic trait. That's a wonderful thing. My toxic trait is that I love buying things in case someone stays over. Packs of toothbrushes. That's not a toxic trait. That's a wonderful thing. But I never let anyone stay over. So I don't know what I'm prepping for.

The grudge when some... No. The purge when someone comes to my house and... Yeah. Recently we watched The Purge. Did you like it? Loved it. You did? Loved it. Okay. I loved it. Let me just say it. I'll say it you like it? Loved it. You did? Loved it. Okay. I loved it.

Let me just say it. I'll say it. Love it. I loved it. You did? I loved The Purge. Is that Ethan Hawke? Yeah.

Now what would you do? Would you do something crazy or would you just be in the hidey hole? Would you batten down the hatches and be an idol? I wouldn't do anything crazy. I don't want to kill anyone. Right. But do I think that people would? Yes. You know what I would do? I would go outside naked and I would show my pussy and my asshole

and let it feel the moonlight on it I think that people would do things like looting I don't think they would do as much violence to each other maybe that's me being naive it could be you being naive because I think people would take a lot of drugs and get drunk but I don't think there would be as many calculated murders as

much as it would be like Best Buy overrun. Yeah. I agree. Do you remember? Although Nancy Pelosi better watch her back if we ever do the purge. She's old too. You could take her. That bicep? That head? I'll take her right to the...

Well, guess who has all the guns? Conservatives. The purge would be bicep. That head. I'll take her right to the right. Take her right. I would. Well, guess who has all the guns? Conservatives. So the purge would be bad for me. I know. I wish we could do the, like do like a magic trick and all the guns turn into like Thanos Italian ice.

Yeah. Or like popsicles or something, you know, gelato, a foie gras, delicious duck, confit, parfaits.

Should we wrap it up? Let's wrap it up. Girl, it's a pod. That's all I have to say about that. I will say I've really enjoyed doing this pod recently. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. It's a worthwhile endeavor.

The book is done. And the sub stack is done. Evil. Writing is over. Writing? No, writing is tired. Living? Wired. Yeah, I remember people would be like, well, you teach a child to read. Evil Writing is over Writing No writing is tired Living Wired

Yeah I remember people would be like Will you teach a child to read You give them the opportunity For the world I said No you don't No Give them an iPad

When you teach a child When you make a child write You seal their death certificate We're the children in that scenario We're the children Yes Yeah Okay well

Bye Thank you guys so much Goodbye okay well bye thank you guys so much goodbye