The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Bald, Fat Silly Putty with Googly Eyes with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

As the sun rises over a stark, barren desert landscape, you open stained hotel blinds and squint your eyes as they adjust to the sudden brightness beyond the glass pane. You catch a slight whiff of your heinous morning breath, careless about its effect on others as it's been nine days since you last saw another human being. The difference between day and night has begun to blur, as time has ceased to exist. Has this Christopher Nolan movie been on for two hours? Four hours? Six hours? Does it even matter? At this point, dear friends, the pod is the pod. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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you'll realize how much more rewarding your hustle can be. Get up to $1,800 in value when you apply for the CIBC Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. And welcome to another riveting episode of The Bald and the Beautiful featuring Trix Mattel and Katya. Hi, I'm Katya and we're so happy to welcome you back to another episode of The Pod. Yes, we're blessed. We're blessed to have you join us here on this recording on a Sunday night here remotely. Where are you reporting live from? I'm in sunny West Hollywood, California, where the weather is sunny, although it is nighttime. Yeah, I'm in Palm Springs.

It's also nighttime. What's the temp? What's the temp? What you got there temperature-wise? It's chilly. As soon as the sun goes behind the mountains over here, it's a wrap. What's the Palm Springs chilly? We got a crisp and cool 53.0 Fahrenheit.

Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. The people have a right to know weeks after us recording this what the weather is in a city they don't know. I want to know. Listen, I want to know. I want to know. I want to know what 53 is in Celsius. Let's check it out.

I have so many cities. It's 67. 67. Oh, my God. Hot. Oh, my God. I know. I stepped out to go for a little walk and as soon as the sun went down I was like I'm going home

I was just in Palm Springs can we talk about that yeah let's address the elephant let's address the situation let's open up the notes app let's start the apology video you got COVID bitch you got Covey Smith you've got kobe smith

mcphee kobe smith i know and i did something brave that no celebrity's ever done which is not tell people on the internet i did it because you know i think that's yeah i wasn't gonna say anything but now and now you said it well now we're here my one of my so my favorite this russian um singer that i follow she posted just uh just the test result from the thingy. And I thought it was a pregnancy test because I couldn't read the Russian. I had to translate it. And I was like, she's pregnant.

My gosh, she's 39. That's great. No, it was just positive for COVID. Then she was apologizing for cancer. She's 39. You should have been like, at that age, it can be really dangerous to carry. You should have said, you should try to help.

We were born in the same year and we're the same height. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Also. So you think that you could get pregnant too? Oh, I know. I know I could. I would do a surrogate, whatever.

Not to change the subject, we'd go back to your illness, but Svetlana Levodahar, Kirsten Dunst, and she was born the day before me, and Jamie Dornan, Fifty Shades of Grey, Barb and Star, Belfast.

I don't know who that is. Northern Irish, hunk, actor, model, lovely. Same age as me. Same exact age. Same exact age. May 1st, 1982. Why do I look 70, David?

David, I look 70. Girl. Put me in a walker. I can't in a walker i can't even discuss it i can't discuss it because i haven't done drag in like nine days i have this like little i can't even your your situation is very pixelated so the three chin hairs you've grown and i can't even see them well yeah i i it's funny how minimal facial hair i have to get for people who are attracted to men to treat me completely differently it's made me think is anybody hot or do they just have hair on their face no no no no no no case in point this i get

literally uh mel gibson and symes a couple crop circles and people are like oh you've got a dick slide in the dms bitch violet violet and got meek called me from the uk tonight they called me at like by the way 6 p.m which is probably 4 a.m 3 a.m there so they were a little turntina turnt at the game turntina and uh they uh violet was like oh my god why are you hot why are you hot like interrogating me why are you hot which is like you know and then she's like i just can't look at your face anymore i'm getting horny and then she hung up oh that's weird i was like made that could have been a read but also that sounds like that's probably that sounds like her dating tactic like her um it's always a read because it's never you look great no it's like it's why

why am i attracted to you you're supposed to be fucking silly putty with It's always a read because it's never you look great. No, it's like it's why do you look good for once? Why am I attracted to you? You're supposed to be fucking silly putty with googly eyes, you bald, fat bitch. And anytime anybody remotely doesn't wince when they see me, they're like, why am I feeling this way? Why do you look good? It's so rude. It makes me feel so horrible. That's so funny.

it's it's so rude it makes me feel so horrible that's so funny it is so because when you are like when you are a public figure celebrity whatever who's not known for their sex appeal let's say um yes but in and you are like middle of the road like that those kind of backhand compliments like pop up all the time when you get a picture of yourself that looks really good it's like why am i attracted to this wow like it's like why do i feel this so subtly why do i suddenly yeah i don't know i guess i'm attracted to again it's against all odds really there's no yeah why am i jerking off to a pile of turds yeah well anyways so that's good for you and your chin hairs um so you have you got covid and um yeah i didn't i don't want to give away too much but i got covid at a very inopportune time probably i would say i would say it's like the comic timing is almost it's past absurd it's past like slapstick it's almost like it's almost like slapstick it's it's almost like it's almost like

i don't know it's like some kind of like biblical girl biblical it was almost i didn't to be honest i cried a little bit but i don't i can't say what i missed but or i can't say what i was sick for but i was i was sick at a time where i really needed to be somewhere and i could like the oscars and like you were nominated for an Academy Award. It was the 2012 Oscars. Yeah. You were nominated for an Academy Award, front runner, and you won, but you got COVID and couldn't go. I know.

I know. So I'm waking up. I thought it was allergies. Usually in Palm Springs, it's getting warm here. And usually when it gets warm, I start getting sniffles. When it gets warm in Palm Springs. The allergies. Oh my God. the dander um pollen

so i wake up i put on my running outfit i'm ready to go for my little run i'm stepping out i get a call from the nurse and she says your test is positive and i go what and i have to call all the people i wish i would have in that moment that would have affected me less yeah I know I would have gone for pregnancy anything because this was the thing

that would keep me from doing what I had to do that day which fucking sucked and I hate to be vague yeah vague hate to be vague

but but you know what um you and I but you and I had just filmed a few days beforehand just and I fully breathed in your face breathed in my face and I guess but you and I had just filmed a few days beforehand. And I fully breathed in your face. Breathed in my face.

I guess you didn't get it. Fingered my pussy with blood transfusion. Bit in the hand, yeah. And we filmed together. We were in the same airspace and hanging out for a good while. So I was like, oh, I definitely have it. Eden has it. There's no chance.

There's no question. like oh i i definitely have it even has it there's no chance there's no question and then um uh go take a rapid when i got home which uh you know that's like which is kind of meaningless i'm sorry that quickly too you know what i mean that quickly it's unreliable so then i got a pcr a couple days later negative i think technically perhaps there's still a chance, but... So random. I mean, I'm on a set every day where everyone gets tested every day. And then not even my boyfriend, who I sleep face-to-face with every night, got it. Can I ask you a personal question? Did you lick and suck on his face like a kiss?

Did you kiss him like kissy-kissy? We literally had unprotected anal sex days beforehand. No COVID. Oh, I know what happened. Did I say anal i say anal i meant oral no i'm just kidding yeah it was it was anal oral and kissing on the mouth when you say unprotected he said in the middle he said why are you hot why are you hot right now why am i attracted to you has hell become an ice skating rink this is fucking crazy in what universe would anyone ever have any feelings for you you disgusting bitch you

should kill yourself wait a minute um water is wet you're ugly what's going on yeah okay i don't want to like you know what whatever we all have feelings about ourselves and do we um i don't i sometimes don't feel great about myself but recently there is a couple tiktokers who uh do kind of look like me i look like them a little bit it's not just being white and bald but we we kind of look alike enough to where when they make their tiktoks that say um people are constantly saying you they like stitch it saying like you are you look like at tricks and metallica and then the i i made the mistake of looking at the comments oh no don't you ever don't you ever ever so their tiktok is like you guys say i look like trixie the comments are

they're nasty i was never meant to i was never meant to see these comments it was like they're like you you look like Trixie if she got a completely face work done and started working out no you do not you're way hotter it's like these people are way hotter and so that doesn't really bother me but I was like I should have never no that's why you never ever ever do it the only one I've got which is actually I'm going to show you a picture it's um are you familiar with Brian you know if you fucking if you pull up no brian you know oh my god no oh i thought you were gonna pull up like a no no oh you 100 look like this person yeah brian you know in the 70s yeah and so now i know how i look like when i get older you know god willing um because

he's well he looks great in that picture and he looks great now like this is him i believe that's him is he a model i'm gonna be him sorry i can't can him. Is he a model? I'm going to be him. Sorry. I can't say. Is he a model? No, he's a musician. He's very, very like electronic musician. Really. He's gorgeous. Like ambient, known for his ambient masterpieces.

Anyways. Wow. Yeah. I forget what story I was talking. Okay. So then I get, oh, I get sick. oh um i forget what story i was talking okay so then i get oh i get sick and then i'm i've been in this this room at the margaritaville palm springs for since since about 9 a.m like a cheeseburger in paradise waiting down i'm like a i'm like a hurricane relief victim

brandon brandon's so afraid of getting covid he knocked knocked on my door, and when I opened it, these were sitting outside. Oh my god. Because he's so... So tomorrow I have another... I have a test. Tomorrow I have a test, and if I test negative, I'm cool to, I guess, continue living, but if I test positive,

I have to cancel my college gig on Tuesday. Oh, fuck that shit. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. This will be my second time canceling because the last time I had a COVID scare last time. Well, we're in a global pandemic. This is a global pandemic. I know, but because so many people make money off of me going to work that day, I felt bad for how many problems it created for everyone else that's what i was feeling like me staying home from my snow day yeah if i still worked at a restaurant or something like that i would be like okay well i lose the money but whatever this is more like you own the

restaurant it costs yeah yeah i don't want to be gauche but the tens of thousands of dollars because of this yeah it's of this is not the fantasy. All right, Lehman Brothers. Let's go. It's not the fantasy. Well, I never know if we're supposed to acknowledge that we make good money or is it more gauche to pretend like you are more comfortable than probably a lot of people? I think that it's not gauche to acknowledge it. It's how we describe it because it's all relative.

When you use words like good, when you use words like rich, comfortable, those don't mean anything necessarily because ask somebody who lives on Park Avenue. Comfortable is having a – Exactly. And by the way, by drag queen standards, I was comfortable when I was making $400 or $500 a week. I felt rich. You do. So like, yeah. If i had more than a thousand dollars i personally i was telling i don't know who oh this lovely um porn person i was at a party that night i'll tell you that in

a minute but um uh i was like when i had ten thousand dollars in one place in cash like in the bank i felt felt absolutely rich. Rich. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I mean, a hundred percent. I remember right after college, I forget why, but I came into $2,000 and I remember seeing

$2,000 in my bank account being like, yeah, balling. I could quit working. And you go, okay. Well, my rent, when I first started, when I first did drag Race, my rent was $400 a month. I had two roommates. It was $400 each, $1,200. And I remember booking my first gig that was a $1,200 pay and being like, can I work four times a year? I remember being like, well, my first apartment was $250 a month.

No, that was my last – well, yeah, I had one that was $285. What did you have to do? i think back of how small it was yeah three of us lived in a uh like a furnished attic with like this tall ceiling here and i remember flowers in the attic 285 a month and i i loved it i would rather live in squalor and like comfortably make my rent do you know what i mean i was always like as long as i can in a weekend make my rent and not have to worry i'll i'm fine having like small space you know what I mean? I was always like, as long as I can, in a weekend, make my rent and not have to worry, I'm fine having like small space, you know?

I slept on a mattress on the floor, whatever. You know what I don't like? I hate it when people shame people for not having a bed frame. As a person who did not have a bed frame

for many years. I don't want to be gross. I slept on a futon mattress on the floor until I was probably 25 years old. That's not gross. I think Drag Race was the reason I first got like a real thing.

Yeah. Drag race she gives. Looking for a path to accelerate your career, clear direction for next-level success? In a place that is innovative and practical? A path to stay current and connected to industry? A place where you can be yourself? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca Listen closely as a master painter carefully brushes

Benjamin Moore Regal Select down the seam of the wall. It's like poetry in motion. Benjamin Moore, see the love. Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on october 15th and 16th register now at cause and effect.ucc.on.ca but anyway i just um so anyway yeah you're in margaritaville she gives and she and she ate yes i've been at the margarita before and i've never i'm not a tv or movie watcher really um i've never seen so much tv or film that I have in the last eight days. Yeah.

I've watched both Suicide Squad movies, Birds of Prey, all three of those. All three Batmans. The Dark Knight trilogy? Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises, and the Batman Begins. I've never seen any of them really.

Get into it. They were good. A little serious and a little long. Oh, they're grim and protracted. Yes. There's not a... Nary a joke. Nary a joke.

Nary a lighthearted moment. No, no. Nary a lighthearted moment. Yeah. David Silver, his first job on a movie was Batman Begins, and he's a PA on that movie. And so I watched it to see his name in the credits. He's like a production assistant, David Silver. Awesome.

But I was like, 30 minutes in, I was like like this is really serious he's like yeah and i'm like it feels like it hasn't really even started yet he's like no it hasn't i was like oh shit yeah those movies are also like two and a half hours or something very two and christopher nolan loves a three-hour jaunt like i watched interstellar i had to do it in three days matthew mcconaughey flying through a black hole. I was like, it was crazy. Yes. That's how I feel in every long movie.

I feel like that Judge Judy meme of her life. Yes. At the theater. Always. Think about people at the theater. At the theater. Because I don't leave the seat.

Girl, and they got you. Once you're in the theater too, they got you. Oh yeah. If I'm leaving the seat, I'm leaving the theater. I don't leave the bathroom. I'll pee my pants before I get up.

I will soak that movie theater chair with urine. It was kind of a Margot Robbie marathon, too, because I found I watched I, Tonya again. I'll never get sick of that movie. I've seen it probably ten times. I love her. I love her face. I love her body. I love her mind. I love her everything

she says. I love everything she does. I love her feet. Everything about her. You know what's brave about her? And I talked about this in the sub stack this week she's margot robbie beautiful cultured well-spoken perfect everything yes she makes a living being not margot robbie if i looked like margot robbie i'd be like i'm cool staying in this persona. Thank you all. Yeah. Honey, I'm cool being Margot Robbie. Perfect. Don't need a tune-up. Right.

Yeah, I know. You and I, thank God we're cross-dressing. Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's my future. You see her? Girl.

Show them. Oh. Actually, anybody who follows you has probably seen it on your Instagram recently. Oh, my new one. My boyfriend texted me, what is that face? My new one. So the one I... Oh, did who follows you has probably seen it on your Instagram recently. Oh, my new one. My boyfriend texted me, what is that face?

My new one. So the one I – Oh, did I show you? I didn't show you. No, is this new merch? Are you wearing new merch? Oh, yeah. Isn't this cute?

Oh, that's so cool. I love it. Luke Marsh did it. Oh, I love that. Yeah, he did a great job, Luke Marsh. I had some – It took a long time to edit. Did I show you my new plastic surgery face thing?

No, I'd love to see it. I'll do it in the second part because it's so sweaty and gross. Okay. So I watched I, Tonya, both Birds of Prey, or the Birds of Prey, both Suicide Squadses. Did you see Suicide Squad? I saw the, yes, I saw the second one. The second one's is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you like Suicide Squad? I saw the, yes, I saw the second one. The second one's

unbelievable. The second one, fabulous. So good. The scene where she busted the police station with all the confetti and the flowers,

I was like, love. Sorry, a kid. I just heard a kid running down the hallway. Oh. Well, I just watched a documentary with Lisa Ling

about sexual predators. What? No know i just i i never knew what happens to sexual predators where they have to live to not be by children i didn't really know about like yeah right with bubbles of like well you have to get an apartment here because you can't go over here pariah social pariah and get this this is not i that i'm not defending pedos in any way of course but i had a friend who on was got turned tina and was pissing outside happened to be by school at night he got nabbed got got indecent exposure in a school zone, sex offender. I mean, he was pissing in the mouth of a child, but it was, you know, it was just like,

he's, but, no, it's a whole different conversation. Let's keep it light. Yeah, let's keep it light. Well, no, I just think, after watching the Lisa Ling documentary, which is about the extent of my knowledge, I do feel that it's probably a form of,

you know, mental unwellness. And there's maladaptive behavior. That is a mental, mental illness. It's a mental illness that there, the system doesn't seem interested in rehabilitating as much as like, yeah,

go over there. Don't come over. You know what I mean? Yes, they do. And that is also indicative of the general attitude towards mental illness in general like he's like well just put you and of course the victim too i'm like well a lot of the the molesters were victims themselves so then it's like well that also tells you that the victim doesn't get help and then they become

you know offender it's like perpetuating cycle cyclical and crazy did you see there's no right answer speaking of light fair did you see spotlight mary no what is it it's it's a documented or it's sorry it's a drama based on the whole um uh boston church scandal into the 2000 early 2000 amy adams michael keaton no um mark ruffalo fucking riveting and i was there living in there while it all shaked down. Mama. She knocked on the door of a priest. Well, they love to fuck them kids. She knocked on the door of a priest to interview a journalist, and she said,

Hi, I'm just, you know, wondering about these allegations of you. Did you go? He's like, yeah, I touched the kids. And she was like, what? Like, she couldn't believe that he admitted it right out. He's like, yeah, but it happened to me. You know, it was just, I didn't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it, but it's, you know, it just happened to me. He was like, she couldn't believe that he admitted it right out. He's like, yeah, but it happened to me. It was just, I didn't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it, but it just happened to me. He was like this really crazy,

like Frank. It was just so fucking crazy. That movie fucked me up. Well, it makes you wonder. Did you watch the documentary about the archdiocese in Baltimore? Oh, no. Where they would catch the person fucking the kids

and then they would move them to another church instead of sending them to prison. And then they would just move around to different zip codes and fuck all them kids. And the Pope knows and all the...

Tax-free. Mama. Tax-free. Get into this. Get into this. Someone told me, and this is just hearsay. This is all gossip.

The clergy bitch in Italy honey sex parties. say this is all gossip the clergy bitch in italy honey they turn the kids out heart teas cardinal sex partina sex partina pnp with the lord yeah it's like crazy pnp with the holy spirit you know what okay here it's pnp did i tell you what they call pnP in the UK? Oh it's H&H Oh high and horny H&H But no HIV

Also not can you host can you accommodate I love that I love that I was like calm Yeah accommodate Can you accommodate some H and H? H, R, H.

I also, you know, I love, YouTube is my first love. I don't really watch a lot of television, but I watch a lot of YouTube. And I was catching up on clips of Celebrity Big Brother, where some of our friends are currently on it. Carson Kressley, Todrick Hall. Yeah. Woo! of our friends are currently on it. Carson Kressley, Todrick Hall. Mama! Some things should not be said whilst

being recorded. I would never do that. I don't think that is an easy gig. I think, you want to talk trauma? I think people could really bring their trauma in, lash out on television, and leave with more trauma. Of course. Hello. Tell it to someone who knows.

Me. But at least on Drag Race or whatever, there's like structure. There's competition. It's a show. There's something to do. They're just in there boiling until they snap on each other. Yeah. They're raw shrimp in a pot.

Can I ask a dumb question? Do the other religions fuck kids? Do they're like, they're priests and stuff fuck kids? I, you know, I don't think, I don't know. I know there is abuse even within Buddhism, you know, who you would kind of, you would assume perhaps that maybe there's nothing wrong, you know, nothing weird's going on there. Of course there is.

I think there's any, get any group of men together and give them any power, there's nothing wrong, you know, nothing weird's going on there. Of course there is. I think there's any, get any group of men together and give them any power, there's something going wrong. But like, I'm not sure, I'm sure, I'm not sure what the statistics are because that religion, Catholicism in particular, is set up for denial, secrets. You know what I mean? is set up for denial secrets. Um, uh, you know what I mean? It's like, it creates this like,

I mean, celibacy. And yeah, like it's just, it creates, it's such a perfect environment for, to groom in and, um,

uh, you know, abuse people. Horrible. Plus the upper, the upper crusts of these religions are all men. And 99% of men of under 99% of rapists are men. Yeah. And why can't like,

there's so many Christian denominations that are that allow people to marry rabbis can marry. Right. And they can be men and women. Yeah. And have kids like Mary. Uh, get to get a grip. I never, well, I always, I don't know. I always feel bad for, I feel I, I, I get, of course I don't like religious things,

but I feel bad for people who are in religions because I know a lot of times they're raised that way or like, yeah. Like, do you know how many Scientologists are like raised Scientologists? A lot of them. And then it's like, of course we can all shit on some actress who like become Scientologist. but what about the ones who grew up scientologists it's like well what else they don't know anybody else they don't know anything else i know i mean my friend and he

had to escape but that's called cult yeah but a lot of people this isn't on another level i had a gay friend in milwaukee who had to like he came out like 30 and he just had to like, he came out at like 30 and he just had this never talked to his family again. Basically. Yeah. It's so crazy. I had, I left Catholicism in a very like, like, uh, but it was, it was a runaway bride situation. It was in the middle of your wedding. Yeah. And you, at the altar, you said, ah, and you ran. Yeah. And I ran, I ripped off my, um, my, um, my, uh, wedding gown halfway down the aisle. And people were like, are you sure? You're so sexy. I'll marry you.

And I said, no. When you were kind of doing like Jennifer Lopez, you were like, marry me. Will you marry me? And they're like, no. Wow. And then you got married, yeah. Wow, a drag queen. I guess I'll marry you.

But I'm not from eight to three. I tried to watch Marry Me, Bitch, and it's, let's just say. a drag queen I guess I'll marry you but I'm not from eight to three I'm a man I tried to watch Marry Me Bitch and it's um let's just say wait no no no

there's there's this hysterical part that you would cackle at one um first of all Sarah Silverman was actually really great in it

and um so she's great in everything so uh Jennifer Lopez they're reclining at home nobody's around it's a private moment just her and she and Owen Wilson and she goes to do this and i'm like instinctually like she's gonna take

off a wig she's gonna take off a wig she pulls off a track literally this and like takes off a track out like i was like like i mean but do they think that i mean people this is d dragging was this supposed to be funny well they made this weird joke and then he was like stepped on it like it was a bug i don't know what the hell they were trying to do but it's like why would you take off one track oh it's like oh god that track was killing me now i can relax Meemaw has a full drag beat on And in a crisp white linen It's like crazy She does look perfect But she does wear a lot of makeup

Which I love And get this though This is the ultimate fucking gag I want to talk about Bald and Beautiful She's the same age as Sarah fucking Silverman Sarah Silverman is

52, I believe. Ageless. I love Sarah Silverman. Me too. If nobody listens to the Sarah Silverman podcast who listens to this, you should. She talks to herself on that podcast and she's so interesting and funny.

I just love her. She's 51. Jesus is magic. The Sarah Silverman program I loved. she's great I just love her she's 51 Jesus is magic love yeah I love I love the Sarah Silverman program I loved I gobbled it up

Sarah Silverman program yeah I love her I saw her with your boyfriend at Largo and it was such a great fucking show so great

that's right oh that was the show where she said do you believe in God and the guy was like yeah would you let God cut me in your mouth

I was shocked he said no and I was like you're not a real Christian mama if I believe in God mouth? I was shocked. He said no, and I was like, you're not a real Christian then. Mama, if I believe in God and Jesus, I would guzzle down the fucking ropey, nasty fucking amber stone- Ropes. Girl, chunky cum all in my mouth.

And then I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Girl. Speaking of, now that I have these antibodies, girl, I will be spread open in an intersection and just on Hollywood Boulevard. I'm going to have so many fucking dicks and cocks in my mouth, my eye sockets. I'm going to cut holes in my stomach and let people fuck like a – anywhere. You should just start antibiotics right now. It's just the preemptive. Turn off hesitation.

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customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD insurance advisor to learn more. Oh, can I tell you that I, um, speaking of sex, I didn't have it. However, I didn't have it. However, Oh, well, I didn't have it, but let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Great story. No, listen, let me ask you this though. So there was, I was hanging outside my studio smoking a bug, whatever. And this boy comes along and he's this, um, Oh, a white dude, probably in his like late twenties. I don't know.

And he was with, um, an older gentleman, maybe in his like late 20s i don't know and he was with um an older gentleman maybe in his 40s uh clearly gay and uh he does like a stop double take and then he's like wait a minute katya and he recognizes me and he comes and approaches me and says hi and we chit chat and he's the whole time he's like this is like he like kind of can't believe it's me like he's like kind of visibly like and he says it it's not awkward because he's very cute um and i'm just sitting there smoking i'm like i don't really know what to say i'm kind of tired and then outside your house outside the studio on the sidewalk oh okay um and so and i was like you know da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da and i'm like i should, I should have said, you're very attractive.

What's your Instagram? Here's with the older man. Were they together or no? I don't know. I don't know. I should have asked. This is what I'm asking you. Should I ask, hey, what's your Instagram?

Because he probably follows me and I'll just follow him back. And then that's where I could start a potential romantic overture, whatever. Do you think that that would be the most appropriate? Okay. The, the, the friend like piece PC answer here is like,

girl, go. No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no thing. When I noticed the can, the booty, I said maybe. Then you didn't care. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he probably is, it sounds like based on what you're saying, that he's out of your league other than he likes your work, so then he is attracted to you, which does happen. On my best day, absolutely. On my best day, like me looking my best, I wouldn't say that he's too far out of my league. Perhaps maybe like a notch or two, like a number above.

No, no, no. Okay. It's all relative, you know. How old is he though? I would guesstimate him at around 27, 28. You think that you're one number below somebody who's 10 years younger than you? Is that what you think? Does wisdom not factor into this?

Wisdom? Which wing do factor into this? Wisdom? Which wig do you name wisdom? This is my wig, wisdom. This is the wisdom that made me black and wiz out. I don't know. So what would it be? You know, I find that

I don't want to manipulate them in the moment because I know that they're starstruck. You can get away with anything and kind of. And also, I didn't know if that was his boyfriend or his daddy. I don't know. I know that they're starstruck. You can get away with anything, kind of. And also, I didn't know if that was his boyfriend or his daddy. I don't know.

I don't know if starstruck. What is starstruck? No, starstun. Being attracted to your energy because he likes your sense of humor and likes your work doesn't mean if you sleep with him, you're a rapist. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I'm just saying that all the situations where it's been soft sisters of flaccid trade limb, you know, like those kind of,

those moments have all occurred because I've, I've been my like direct perhaps on the spectrum type of dating, like a pickup style. And, and, and I think that they are too too they're not in their right mind in a way because they're like they wouldn't honestly tell me how they felt do you know what i mean can i ask when you have these uncomfortable pickup moments which i'm not i'm not uncomfortable well the way you sort of cut to the feeling as the pop stars would say, is it because it's easier to be wantonly bizarre about it than it is to be earnest and actually try to shoot your shot eloquently? I'm not sure because I don't – Is it weird for you to go like talking to him and go, oh, yeah, and then like try to do it with like body language and eye contact?

Or does it only work for you if you go, I would like to have sex with you. Do you know what I mean? I mean, that's just the most direct approach I've found. One is definitely direct. One has like a finesse though, that allows sort of a courting, which then lets you like mutually get interested. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think like, but here's the thing. It's a one-sided, he I, he's interested in me.

He finds me interesting. I want to know, does he want to fuck me? Sexually? No, no, no. Okay, yeah. You know what? Right away,

I want to fuck him. I don't know if he's interesting though. You know what I mean? You could, if he's not interested in you, but you still are okay with having him as a friend, then maybe it's worth

trying to like, reach out to him or connect. I got plenty of friends lovely friends a rolodex yeah that's what that girl i mean right there when somebody says to me her her her right there she's not friendly but she's my friend that's liberty or whatever wisdom that's wisdom the wisdom that's liberty that whatever. Wisdom. That's wisdom. Wisdom. That's liberty. That's chastity. That's wisdom. When somebody says to me, when I try to come on to someone and they're like, yeah, or we can just hang out, I'm like, it's a wrap.

I have like two and a half friends and I don't even like them. I'm cool. You're like, hang out with me? Is it paid? Is it paid? Well, I also have a partner. So I'm like, no, we're not going to get fucking dinner or some shit. No.

Yeah, no. I don't need to like giggle and like, nah. I'm not a giggler. I'm cool. I'm not a giggler. I'm not here to giggle. I don't need to put on my petticoat and sort of like my sponge rollers the night before. Like, I don't want to go through all that.

We could go to brunch. But you know what? I wish you would have said like, oh, this is actually my studio. And then you could have maybe invited him inside and tried to start a conversation. Are you fucking out of your mind? Invite a drag fan into my studio? I'll never get him out. Like, that would be the opposite of sexy too he'd be like when

you're trying to wig and then i'm gonna and then i'm gonna just kill him do you know what i mean well if you sleep with a fan they also don't leave usually i don't i don't know if you know that oh no i i they leave i'll push them right out the door you guys kick them out yeah absolutely you just shine them daylight on yourself no qualms about that yeah i'm like i yeah i pull the curtains and they're like um yeah but wait wait wait i have to um i want to talk about my uh bjork story i don't know if we have time can i tell my bjork story yeah so yes okay so um it must've been a couple of weeks ago. I went to see Bjork at the, um, at the theater downtown, a lovely theater, lovely theater, hungry, the makeup artists, you know, hungry. She got us tickets. Yes. We just had her on the channel and I was like, what are you doing here?

And she was like, I'm doing makeup for Bjork. Mary, what'd she do on your channel? I guess I'll find out. Um, uh, we got ready together and i had to tell her i said i love you i think your art isn't that amazing i said we can't be here longer than three hours we can't be filming for longer than three hours because i've i've heard that she takes a long time and i was like we can't be doing all that well she doesn't do she's not doing enough i can't have my editor four hours of footage to edit or i know yeah yeah yeah yeah also i would fall asleep but yeah sure but but she looked great the look was great so how was the show the fucking show was phenomenal i was worried i has i was like oh god

you know it's going to be a stand-up thing i'm so i don't i like to stand up i haven't been to a concert music concert forever um and uh it's i mean from start to finish bitch this motherfucking show was like perfect exquisite show stopping and to be perfectly honest i have not even listened to her last like few albums but i i was a huge fan the staging the production that it was the the video elements off the chain the car i mean it was just off the. I can't go on and on and on and on. Started out with a local choir from LA. These bunch of people, there's like 20 of them.

Immediately, I start crying. Immediately, I start crying. Really? Immediately start crying. It's just very moving. Was it beautiful? Beautiful. And then Bjork, of course,

is wearing a crazy dress, but she's got her tits pulled up, very sexy, because sometimes she wears just a cocoon or whatever. And she was amazing. And then I'm going to just like, I'm going to cut to the chase, the cut to the real chase. Cut to the chase. Yeah.

So concert was amazing. Loved it. Perfect fucking length. Perfect fucking length. And I didn't get bored my attention didn't waver for a fucking millisecond that's never happened since like 96 whatever and like so uh was her voice really cool in real life her singing yes it was great it was great and she i mean girl they had a whole they had a hula hoop flute that was played by four

people they had like a septet of flutists from iceland who were fucking fierce they were battling flutes it was like they got a guy playing the water have you ever seen have you ever seen the bjork um unplugged mtv unplugged i don't know it's her singing surrounded by i'm not kidding at least a hundred world and world music instruments, drums, bones. Yeah. How about going in? Yeah. They had a fish.

People love it. So yeah, she was great. It's great. I honestly, like, like I said, I,

I knew I recognized like the songs I know, I know all the words I've been listening to forever, but half of the material I wasn't familiar with, it doesn't matter. It was just so gorgeous. Everything together was just like fucking stunning. And there was this, um, little pussy palace, a cocoon where she would go in and it was just like, anyways. So at the end of the show, um, hungry had said, you know, stick around because, um, you know, you know, there's maybe an after party where you can meet Bjork.

And I was like, okay. Um, and so we stuck around and the plans were shifting. And I was like, ah, you know, we should just leave. I don't want to be like weird. So we get in the car to go. And Hungary's like, I was like, sorry, I left. Please tell her I love her. He's like, what? You left?

Come back. Bjork will be so sad. And I was like, okay. So I was like, we went right back. Girl, we went in there. We walked in there. I'm like, I. So I was like, we went right back. Girl, we went in there. We walked in there. I'm like, I meet her. We talk.

She says the most wonderful things about me and you that is like, I mean, she said, you have no idea how much you and Trixie mean to me. I've watched every episode of Aunt. It got me through the pandemic. I was like, it's fucked. I was like, and her fucked! I was like... And her daughter's a fan. It's a huge deal. Crazy. We hung out

for like an hour. And I meet her. Jeremy Scott was there. It was all the... It was just the most magical end cap to a most magical night. I was shitting all over myself. Feces on the floor on the walls it was incredible she's so nice and beautiful oh i bet she's so gorgeous in person

she is and i was like i'm you know i'm like all up in her grill and she's her she's so she's janet from another planet she's janet from another planet she has such a great beautiful voice and um i was doing some youtube research on her listening to her play in like bands she was in before she was a solo artist and yeah her voice is just so commanding and beautiful bananas and her hair and her face and eye shape yeah her eyebrows like everything about the way her her skin and structure works together you're like are you a supermodel or a little girl she's like she's an old little girl crazy lady alien lady like a moss witch she just watches uh she sure fucking does

and drag race and like and she knows i mean she knows like she is and then i got a text the next day i've texted message she texted you from bjork wait does she know that you did her on drag race yeah yeah of course that will uh during drag con her daughter came to my line and then facetimed with me with her and i almost shipped yeah she was like i'm bjork started i was like i was like fuck you you know you're not and then she pulled up facetime with bjork on it and i like died i was like i love i'm bjorkstarr i was like i was like fuck you you know you're not and then she pulled up facetime with bjork on it and i like died i was like i love i'm bjorkstarr you're like me too i i literally was like oh fuck off i was just like 17 years old um but yeah it was that is so crazy yeah i don't know if it's like i'm gonna read it but it's always so funny so many celebrity

style people watch and i always just wonder how how, how I'm like, how? I mean, I understand that it's free on YouTube and drag has a huge presence, but anytime it's not like, let's be honest. Most of our major, most of the people watch our things are under a certain age. But see, I don't. Well, yeah, a great number of them are. But I don't know because – But like where does a literal cultural icon – is she stumbling through YouTube one day and she's like, oh, this looks cool?

I think so. I think probably her daughter probably got like – because they watch Drag Race and then they – Oh, that's probably it. You know what I mean? But I'm telling you, there's like – I have – and Pete and Jeff and ron need to know this of course which i told them but like that is what a fucking what a goddamn i mean it's such a compliment

somebody with her mind and her her her vision visionary innovative she even gets she even gets a chuckle out of us yeah makes my day yeah oh my god and it's funny because i i respect her so much i don't love all of her music and and she's the kind of artist that i don't think you don't love all of it you know what i mean because she's so experimental and she takes a lot of risks she does a lot of weird shit and like um but so that's what i i'm just like oh god i i she's has a music career that is so enviable, I think. Well, also her music changes shape and sound so often. Yeah.

It's not made – if you love one part of it, if you're like, I'm here for Army of Me. Yeah. You won't really get that same song in a lot of other types of things. Yeah. But I told her, I was like – For the kids at home who are very young, would it be Poppy maybe, who's their version of that? Poppy, maybe?

It's a really good industrial Poppy. I don't know, because Bjork really defied categorization in terms of genre. Because from the first three albums, there was a lot going on there. I guess I think Poppy more performance art and she's a visual artist at

the same time of being a yeah my band we were talking about looks for a um something we're going to we need to look small uh beep it out yeah we were talking looks for that and they like half not even joking we're like can we do swan um like bjork dresses and i was like maybe but not for this but i do think three guys playing guitar and drums and stuff in swan dresses is yeah but not for this yeah she actually got like that is so crazy yeah it's crazy it is super super super crazy and were you just glowing was your face like i i was just like and i i i was just like i i told her every i I mean, I just like, I said, I love you so much. And I told her, I was like, I did the fan thing. I was like, when I was 17 years old, I was listening to Come to Me from Debut and Blue Christmas Lights in my room, like pining over a boy for three days straight.

And it's like, you know, I mean, I've been listening to her since 95. And then probably 95 to 2000, whatever. And I kind of dropped off around like Volna Cura I think but like you know it was just so that's it I can't imagine anybody having moments like that

because between an artist and a fan interaction 99% of the time I would say you and I are on the artist side of it and so it's fun, not fun. It's humbling and reminding when I meet somebody where I can't even talk. And then I'm like, well, that's why people sometimes can't talk. Absolutely. It's a chain reaction if you

meet someone and then you can't talk. Yeah. And I'm like, because Bjork could meet someone and be like, Oh my God, well, I almost didn't even go. That's why I was nervous. I was, I was like, I didn't want to impose. I didn't want to be weird. I didn't want to be like oh my god well i almost didn't even go that's why how nervous i was i was like i didn't want to impose i didn't want to be weird i didn't want to be like the weirdo on the periphery when what she um hungry marched me right over to her she was talking to someone she turned around i was like she don't recognize me and she just smiled and was like and i was like oh oh wow it was crazy and chatted with me for a long time long time we had um on my next record maybe this is the i don't think i've told anybody but uh on my next record i have a duet with michelle branch and making a song with her which was for me like were you nervous i couldn't even connect i just couldn't even connect that this is this is the

person's the reason i started playing guitar when i was like 13 i'm making't even connect that this is this is the person's the reason i started playing guitar when i was like 13 i'm making a song with that person and i had to just like how do i talk to this person and not make it weird right you have to turn off because you can't be too casual too like yeah because sometimes right out of nervousness they're too casual and chummy right away it's like no no but you can't i don't know it's tough it's weird it's a and it makes me empathetic to like i mean people meet on tour this year people will meet us every single day and meet and greets are scary ironically i had a meet and greet with michelle branch in 2016 this is after drag race i bought a meet and greet for michelle branch one ticket front row in anaheim at the house of blues with meet and greet for me

to go by myself when did you say to her did you did you say i was gonna go i chickened out and didn't go you're kidding i didn't i got scared and didn't go i was like i can't do this i want one one homosexual weirdo in the front row being i came by myself to see you i was just like yes do that oh and then certainly i still haven't told her that like one time i bought a ticket and didn't go. You didn't. No, because I'm trying to keep it casual. Right, right. You just need to know that.

Yeah, you're like, hey, bitch. What would you say when you – so what's your – when you meet a Bjork or the next time you meet someone like that, what's your strategy going in? Do you say, I'm just going to say this and keep it moving? like someone like that what's your strategy going in do you say i'm just gonna say this and keep it moving well it right it depends on the context because like i i i saw grace connington on the street once i went up to her said something and i ran you know like easy hit and run and you ran i did run hit and run but it was like you know love and run um but i would uh it depends on the context because like if there's like an after party, if you have a moment, a few moments to chat, you know, it all depends. But like, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying,

I love you so much. I love, I've been so, I have, all the stuff you've done has affected me so great. I'm so glad you exist. It's something to that effect. It's not, that's a pretty good thing to hear, I feel like. Or it's like in retail they treat they teach you to like hi i love your shoes you like open with a compliment bjork probably likes her music too

so if you go i love this music you do then you're it's almost like you start on a common ground hey we have this thing in common you make this i love them yeah yeah yeah it doesn't have to be like if i say this will they are by separate am i making myself like separated from you ever being my real friend you know what i mean yeah i well here's the thing the one thing i just i just oh go ahead she invited me to the next after party the night after the next show and i didn't go because i get that maybe you don't want to know what i mean i'm back again i yeah it was at a fancy place in like the hills. It was at a house.

This was at the venue. The first one was like in a bar at the venue like when everybody left. This was like in a private room. I don't know. I just felt like I would get nervous going to that kind of party anyway. And it could have been amazing.

It probably was because she and everybody, her entourage are so sweet so sweet it's not like some not like a madonna thing you know where you'd imagine everybody's like a cunt um but uh i don't know i just didn't want to push it i wanted to have my memory but i have her phone number i get it yeah i just did that for christmas i did that fundraiser with um belinda carlisle oh fundraiser with Belinda Carlisle. My God, Belinda Carlisle. And I just was like, all right, we're just going to make it through this.

And she already knew I was a super fan, though. So it was like, all right, she already knows I love her music, whatever. So just won't mention it. Yeah. But we were rehearsing to go on and we were sitting in the office of the Abbey and we were playing Vacation. I was playing for her and she was sitting across from me singing. And I was like, what is it was like I was like i was drunk like the alcohol just hit i was like what is happening it's crazy like how are you sitting here looking in the eye singing this song and i play it yeah but sometimes you just have to go you just have to you just have to like yeah

yeah well that was the bald and the beautiful what a weird episode yeah but it was bald and i think i'm sorry i started out uh negative i'm sorry i started negative about my covid and my body and my face and negative about here we are you were negative and yet you're positive yeah hopefully not my test is tomorrow and if I wake up and it's positive, I have to call this college and say, I can't come to my gig. Sorry to this college. Well,

we'll find out. These are college kids. They have nothing to live for. Yeah. No. Yeah. I'll see you in two weeks. Bye.