The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Bob the Drag Queen Heralds the Birth of Katya's Pussycat with Katya

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Hear ye, dear listeners! Mark the annals of human history, for contained herein is a tale so resplendent, so epoch-defining, that even the stars themselves lean closer to listen. On this fateful day, the cosmos bore witness to the advent of Katya’s long-foretold Pussycat; an event so cataclysmic in wonder that the entirety of the world's commerce, conflict, and creation alike was bowed into reverent stillness. Rejoice as the ever-sagacious Bob the Drag Queen recounts the celestial tremors, the halted clocks, and the weeping of angels as the world succumbed to the dawn of Katya's ferocious feline. Henceforth, kingdoms may crumble and suns may fade, but the legend of Katya’s Pussycat shall endure, eternal and ineffably divine. Your home might be worth more than you think! Fight out how much more at ⁠https://Airbnb.com/HOST⁠ This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being your best self! Head to https://BetterHelp.com/BALD Get your gut going! Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD To see if your insurance covers GLP-1s for free, get your free insurance check at https://Ro.co/BALD Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at https://Audible.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatyalive.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://workinggirlsbook.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠    #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there, it's Heather McDonnell from JuicySoup, and I have the juiciest of them all on Audible. Romance has always been a crowd-placing genre on their platform, and there's more to imagine when you listen to their expansive collection. They have audiobooks to satisfy every side of you. I'm talking about the Romanticie genre, which is huge on book talk right now, with authors like Sarah J. Mass and Devney Perry. Get your first great love story for free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at Audible.com.

The Witches are back. Get ready for a spectacular night of live theater with Hocus Pocus Live, starring the winner of Rupol's Drag Race All Stars 10, Ginger Minge. Three-time finalist of Drag Race, Jujube, Season 16 runner-up, Safira Crystal, and winner of Dragula Season 3, Landin Sider. This smash hit is flying to cities all across the nation, so summon your coven and get your tickets now at HocusPocus Live. That's H-O-K-U-S-P-O-K-U-S-Live.com. Hi, Divas. Katja here. Since Trixie is off to Turkey getting those hair plugs because she desperately wants to look like me, I'll take the reins and letting you know that we're going to be doing our final live bald shows of the year.

November 9th will be in Tucson, Arizona. That's right, we only go to the desert in the winter. And on November 13th, we'll be in Honolulu. Oh, baby. Get your tickets now at Trixie and Katya.com. We're back. Mama, we're back. We are, um, uh, I can't wait to get into so many things with you.

Is she got another break? What's up with her? No, she's getting her hair plugs and her tummy tucked. Is she really? All-inclusive. I'm going to get her plugs too. 4,500, all-inclusive. She's going to turkey?

They put you up at a three-star hotel for six weeks. And they do the plugs. They do the tummy tuck. They do, if you can feminize your feet if you want, like Monet did. Oh, Monet got? Yeah. I don't know when it kicks in. I've seen those elbows.

When does the feminization kick in? Thank you. Hello. Can you feminize? Shots fired. Can you feminize the size 15 foot? Hobbling. Bunyan? You chop the toes off, shaved out.

Well, Mary, I got two words for you. Corn blade. What's the corn blade? Let me tell you. Do you have corns? No. Not anymore. Not since the corn blade.

Mary, I got, I was like, I've been dreaming about foot rasps. Rasp? Yeah, a foot rasp. It's like a cheese grater for your feet. Yeah, yeah. I've had these, yeah. And they're quite intense. They can be quite intense.

You know, you're like, oh, my God, I had two inches of dead skin on my feet. Now I'm a size two. Like, so I got a corn blade, though. And that shit is a fucking razor. Do you have... And you've got to watch out. Do you have a nice feet? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Everything nice than mine. But that's not a... It's not a foot model foot. Having a nice and foot in mind is not an accomplishment. What is... You don't wear socks? That's crazy. No, this is a...

This is a one. I never do this. Are you throwing these shoes away after? I never do this because, girl, this will be a biohazard, these shoes. Yeah, you can't wear, there comes an age, and I would say 13, where you can no longer wear a shoe with us off. What about the loafers on the cape?

Like a, no, not a loafer, no, you can't wear any shoe that encapsulates your foot. It has to be a sandal. Otherwise, the shoe is just, it's the nastiest shoe on the planet. The shoe becomes disgusting. Loper's on the Cape. On the Cape?

Lopers on the Cape. What is this? Cape Cod, bitch. Oh, I haven't really... Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard. Do I look like I go to Martha's Vineyard? They got black people up in there. The Obamas.

Not the, well, the Obamas are of a different ilk than I am. I'll just say that. They're not as classy, clearly. Look at these braids. We got our units on. Excuse me. You posted online. It was a unit.

What are you talking about unit? The unit and the beautiful. It's no longer the ball. It's just, what is it? It's just, Unity. Unity, there it is. You and I, T, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y, that's

Before we get into Simone Biles and Math, what has been going on in your life, other than this gorgeous, lovely printed book for which she has received so much critical acclaim. Thank you. Tell me about the process. Can I tell you what has been the most, like, impressive thing about this book for me? First of all, getting it written was a very long process. It took me four years to write the book. Talk about writing a book.

because Bama, talk about it. So I missed... I missed every deadline. Oh, yeah. Except the last one, obviously. But see, that's... Editors know that. They must know.

Of course they know. I started writing, and then we had a lockdown. I started writing this on episode one. I got the deal on season one, episode one filming of we're here. And then after that... When I started writing this book, Trump was president. And when the book was released, he was president again. Trump.

Biden, Trump. That's 17 years. Oh, wait, don't. That's four. Yeah, four. That's what I'm not. Four. Four.

Based on how you do math. Four. But, you know, I don't do the Eurocentric math. Thank you. I do, I do a different kind of math that we studied here in the States. Black gibberra. Exactly. Yeah.

No, but it took me four years to finish the book. Five years if you include the audiobook. Did you like doing the audiobook? I, I'm glad that I did it. Have you ever done audiobook? I have. Reading an audio book is not like reading a book. No.

If you sit in your home and you read a book, you think you, like, I basically did an audio book. It is not. You have to get a word perfect. You can't study. You can't jibber. And there's someone there being like, you said, Ann instead of a, you said the instead of the, you said go to the store instead of go to store.

And it's like, did you want it to be like that? Did you want to mispronounce that word? I have never met a person who was so attentive and so vigilant. And literally like, she would stop me every fucking 10 seconds because it was so diabolical. I felt like I was illiterate. I felt like I had no. There comes a point where you were like, you're reading, but you don't even register that you're reading anymore because you've been reading for so long. What I've been to say was the most of the first part of this book is that my publisher just told me that we are on our eighth reprint.

Which is, he was saying most books don't even, 90s. But you had 10 at a time, right? No, no. Just the eighth book. The eighth book is out there. No. Most books... One at the time. I have a lot to eight books, yes.

Most books don't even get one reprint. 90% of books don't even get one reprint. I am on my eighth reprint of this book. Congratulations. Thank you. New York Times best seller novel. Mama. Nonfiction.

Nonfiction. No fiction. Do you know words? I was going to say, I was thinking like, oh wait, what do you? Never mind. Was I what? I was trying to make a really bad joke about Indian fiction? Let's not.

Fiction. Now listen, fiction Yeah, I definitely decided to take a crazy route in writing this book for sure. Thank you though. I really have to thank you because we do not need another drag memoir. That's what I said. I was offered a drag memoir. Of course. And I was like, I don't want to write about my life. I think you guys think it's more interesting than it really is.

They're like, you know, you have to be living. I'm like, I go home. I play video games. I come back to work and everything else I'm doing you're seeing it. Hello. You're seeing all of it. I'm on the podcast.

I do fucking three podcasts a week. You already know what I'm doing. I wish I had to like literally go out and make new stories. I also think that my more interesting stuff is ahead of me. You're in your 40s. How do you?

43. 43. I'm 39. I'll be 40 next year. You know it's kind of crazy. I think around 43 to 50 you can actually I would say around 38.

You can officially say I have more days. behind me than I have ahead of me. Isn't that kind of crazy? Not necessarily true. But how old do you want to be? That is a great. Now, that's a great question. I have, I had a great dance teacher in school who is a very wise, incredible woman. And she, I'll never forget, I always keep this in my back of my mind. She says her 40s were, her 40s and most of her 50s were fucking stellar.

Yeah? Because it was like the intersection of a maturity, a wisdom, the body was still very capable but it was there was a like you weren't flailing it around like you know you were taking care of it you see stuff used to do on stage and then think yourself how

like there's like I like there's this drag queen back in the day she was sent out of New York City because she tried to stab her boyfriend allegedly so she's like run out of the city like she got arrested and then she got out of jail and then she like fled to go to Florida that's where you go in her 40s?

When you're stabbing you you go down there she's probably in her 40s now She's probably my age or a little bit older, maybe. Do you think that was a result of her being in her 40s? I do not know why she tried to stab her partner. Wait, why did you say that? Why did you bring that up? I don't know.

Oh, this is this thing where she would jump in the air. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Her cooter slam wasn't, her equivalent of the cooer slam was jumping in the air as high as she could and then landing on her knees. Like, landing. Mama, no. Oh, baby. When I see it, it's like, so I, I know about dance and actual dance before I learned about drag. and this death drop move is

nobody should ever have been this should not be a move and doing it on your knees is even worse I feel if I jumped in the air with our knees I would explode we do not fuck with our knees our knees are a hinge joint and anybody who's had a fucking knee replacement

will tell you it is a fate worse than death can we get to Sherry Vine here talking about how I'm horrid no Sherry Vine was saying she had a knee replacement and then Jackie B had a hip replacement so she was like well my friend had hip replacement is the same thing The doctor was like, no, it's not. Baby, no, it's not. He was like, it's nothing like it.

Hip replacement is a sprain finger. A knee replacement is like head chopped off. Yeah, he was like, you will not recover the way your friend recovered. It is not the same thing. You will not be having the same experience. I assure you it is not like a hip replacement. I never, I always forget I had a hip replacement. Always.

I forgot you had a hip replacement. You're joking because I mentioned it all the time. I really forgot. Me too. I really forgot. Because it's my knees, cunty. Which hip? I don't know.

You're guessing You walk up there We're like, we're gonna pick one You're like one by the hips or hers But we picked the other one You know what happened though I was in Singapore I was

Did not You know I didn't warm up at all At the end of the show I did the very thing I jumped up It landed in a split Didn't that didn't stop there

I did the thing When I bounce Bounce bounce And I bounce in a circle Like to do like the clock And then I drag my pussy To that stage And drag it back here

the first bounce Like a Roomba Yeah yeah yeah Swiffer Swiffer Swiffer And then I The first landing I heard a

Something unto ward Click clack Yeah The sound of a sling back I was like Ooh That sounds like a muscular tear Let me keep

I had to take I had to get a wheelchair The next day at the airport The one time I did a split Back when I could do Do you do you still do those I'm trying to do straddle splits now Okay some people never learn

I was doing so now I'm just slamming it like just bam bam no I don't want to do it on stage just for my like personal enjoyment got it's the only goal I have in my life right now is to get to a straddle split only goal back when I could do a split I remember I was at the club out of drag

I was maybe 23 24 dancing and then this guy came up and started dancing like against me like I was like oh we're having a little dance off this could be cute and fun he's doing his moves and then I was eating him up and then he pulled out a fan This is before everyone was clacking the fans And he was clacking and everyone was going crazy

He flipped it, he caught it And I was like, I have to one up him So baby I went up, I jumped up I spread those legs in the air I landed, I said I hit that split And as soon as I got down there I was like something has happened Something has happened

And then I could not get up But I couldn't stop dancing So I started doing floor work Mary I know this gig I hit the uh uh uh uh uh uh uh I hit the floor I moved and then I and then as the crowd was going crazy I took his fan I clacked it and then I crawled to the bathroom closed the I literally crawled to the bathroom close the door behind me rang my friend said girl come in here and get me I literally can't stand up I have to bike it in icy hot and a wheelchair I have to get out of here so I he he he my friend Frosty Flakes shots Frosty Flakes created a diversion I crawled to the bathroom I crawled from the bathroom to the taxi, yellow taxes, pre-Ur,

damn, got in the taxi, crawled into the car, took me uptown, crawled into my apartment, up four flights of stairs, literally. No elevator. That's insane. And it was no elevator. It was literally, I had to crawl up with my, it was insane. It's horrible. All because this guy brought out a fan.

See, when you, dance battles, nothing ever good happens. Look at Julia Stiles. You've been in a dance. She really thought she. She was eating everybody up. Julia Stiles, that movie was so insane. Yeah, it was bad. Save the Last Dance?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save the last dance. That was a crazy. And I guess were we to believe, like, this bitch is eating. I think it was very, it was very like 2.0 of, like, Teen Witch, like, top that. Yeah. It was very that kind of level of cringe at the time. I thought they were being fierce.

Is Trixie open about the surgery? Are you breaking the news? The plugs or the tummy tuck? She don't want me time. She does not want me to talk about the tummy tug. But the plugs she's fine with. I don't know where they're going to get these plugs. she's bald as hell.

Wait, is she really gonna get a tummy tuck? She's trying to get it. No, no, no, she's trying to get the... I mean, I'm very, very suspicious about the plugs. The tummy tuck's gonna be fine. I'm getting the plugs soon. Really?

Yeah. And Monet got a tummy talk, actually. She opened up about it. I can now say it. Monet got a tummy tuck on what she went and got her lipo. Every single person on this earth who has ever had any affiliation whatsoever with drag race has had the turkey treatment. I'm going to Beverly Hills.

Miss Fame went to New York. Yeah, and Jinks went to Seattle. They smear hummus over your head And the white people do a drum circle And they pray The witches pray that your hair grows And it works And that's just on Broadway

Just hemp dreds Exactly Exactly No I It's funny because I Well I never had good hair to begin with So I've never even fantasized whatsoever Or been even a little bit jealous

Or like or yearning for that kind of Because I don't want the hair that I had When I was young I used to have beautiful long hair Really? Down to here. Down to here. Down, no.

Like, like, like, like, like, I mean, rest in peace, Malcolm Joana Warner

or like, I had long locks, like down to here, beautiful, like, Malcolm Schmound Warner had long hair. Yeah,

he had locks in like the early 2000s. Yeah. He just passed away recently. It was so crazy. Really? Yeah,

I think he drowned. You know, Huxstable? Yeah. Damn. I think he drowned. Fuck. And the Cayman Islands?

Oh, God. Yeah. It wasn't like in one of those world pools or riptides. I just saw a TikTok about getting caught in a sink

like the holes they put in the middle of, you know they put these holes in lakes to keep them from overflowing. You know about this? They will install a hole in a lake to keep it from overflowing and the water shoots down and it goes out somewhere else and then this one was like, I want to go see the hole. Girl. It's last things you ever saw. You don't do that shit. You don't fuck

with Miss Water. I don't, I do not get in the ocean. You will never catch me the ocean. The only only thing I'm, I will get into the ocean if it's like, Ginger Rogers Beach, everybody's gay, you know what I mean? It's just like you dip your toes in that freezing ass cold water or you're in Thailand and you just go up to your, you know, it's like warm, whatever. I don't fuck with lakes, that scummy nasty bullshit. I get in a lake. Sometimes I don't even get in pools because I'm afraid of sharks.

and I have a juicy scoop for you on Audible. I've been loving their romance collection. They are a leading creator and provider of premium audio storytelling, and they've got this down. Romance fans are among their most engaged and voracious listeners, so there is nothing guilty about this pleasure. There's more to imagine when you listen, and they have audiobooks to satisfy every side of you. Audible has modern rom-coms by Lily Chew and Allie Hazelwood, and titles from the Romanticie genre that is going crazy right now, like the ones taking over book talk. We're talking about

authors like Devney Perry and Sarah J. Mass. Plus, you can get into classic regency favorites like Pride and Prejudice or all the really steamy stuff. I mean, imagine a dalliance with a duke or a sexy billionaire. You can find a book boyfriend in the city on a hockey rink or find love in another realm with dragons. When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down. So here's your invitation to have it all. Get your first great love story for free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. Last spring, I took an impromptu vacation and wandered to a secluded island retreat in the shimmering Pacific Ocean.

It was a place I found on Airbnb where palm trees whispered in the breeze and the horizon resembled liquid gold at dawn. While sipping my coffee on the beach one morning, I had an epiphany. My own home could welcome travelers of its own while I'm away. Why should I live? that it's velvety comfort sit idle when I could host it on Airbnb. I could share every mysterious corner and moonlit balcony while I journey across the globe and earn extra income to fund my dreams, such as the bathroom remodel I've long imagined, a glorious multi-jetted stone shower and a black toilet as dramatic as can be. Hosting on Airbnb is practical and above all else, smart. Whether you're off to Fashion Week in Milan or a quiet Mountain Hamlet in Europe, you too could host your home on Airbnb.

earn for you while you chase your horizons and perhaps finally build that magical bathroom of your most exquisite dreams your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at arbb.ca slash host do you um do you um do you when you're out in these streets on these gigs and stuff do you like hang out with the people and go to their stuff like you got to come to this diner you got to come to this lake you got to come to this thing the girls do it they're like like the local grows to be like, let's all go to the knick, paddywack sinkhole. Girl, no. Do you do the new beaches?

We ever done a new beach? I, you know, I, um, I have, so, okay, this is interesting. You'd act like you didn't have a brief exorcism? No, no, I just, I was, I was some gas. Got it. Got it.

Got it. Got it. I've recently made my good friend watch ghost for the first time, for the first time he never seen ghost. Motherfucker. It's a great movie. Ghost. We'll be Goldberg and Ghost.

Yeah, you love it, right? You're not about to hate. I love it. And she is, I've never, I've never seen, I've never, there's never been Best Supporting Actress Oscar more deservedly won than that. I mean, she should have a color purple

but that's a conversation for different day. But vindicated because this role, she was brilliant. She was amazing. I signed the wrong name. I mean, how would you like it? Tins and Twins. Yeah.

What, baby, what did you do to your hair? It's all of, you. Yeah, I mean, she's every, every line. Yeah, so good. Yeah. Okay, anyways. I have that, I have that outfit. The one going to the bank?

Not the one, but I have a recreation of the outfit from the bank. I literally have it. So you walk like that? I know you don't think I'm giving this check to a bunch. Although, if you really analyze, I've been thinking, they fucking used and abused that poor black woman. Oh, yeah, for sure. And what was her fucking reward?

NADA. You got to see Patrick Twasey go to the, to the, to the, to the, She was raped. Yeah, she was. Oh, that part, yeah, she was. Well, she, it was consensual, but she, they used, literally used her body. Did she know what she was consent? Was she like, I'm going to let you hang out with me more?

Or is she like, I'm going to let you top Demi more? She said, you can use me. Go ahead and do it. So it was, it wasn't, it wasn't great, it wasn't full great. I'm like that polyamorous. But it was literal and figurative use it. She was used up and spat out and almost killed. But then if, if the Whoopi Goldberg's cinematic universe is

continuous, then it was redeemed when she became a Vegas headliner and then she later went to space. I'm talking about the character. I know, but the Whoopi Goldberg Cinematic Universe. If they're all tied. If Whoopi is the same person in every movie.

Gotcha, gotcha, got you. Once she is a scam artist, psychic, then she left it behind to go be, to work in Vegas. And then she became a nun. And then she went to space. And then she became, she was in Star Trek. And then she became a,

hyena, she died and came back as a hyena. But you have to do a lot of work to make it. You know she was in Lion King? I've never seen it. Whoa! I know. I know.

What kind of millennial are you? The one that doesn't watch cartoons. You're also GenX verging, though. No, I'm a millennial for sure. But you're on, you're a, you're a, you're a, you're a, because I think 45 is the cutoff. You're 82? 82, yeah. 82, and I think 81 might be.

Where did you next to start? I don't think so. Look at it up control room. 80. 80. 80. I mean, I don't think that has anything to do with me, not watching cartoons. But you watch, like, other ones like Little Mermaid.

Well, I mean, I've, like, seen them when I was a child. Yeah, yes. But Lion King was not, didn't come out when I was a child. It came out in 1994. Oh, it did? Yes. The one with Beyonce? No!

I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. I'm like sweating. I'm just, I'm sweating. sweating in here. Willie Lopez? So in 94, you were 10? I was 12. 12 years old.

Girl, let me tell you what I was doing in 90 fucking 4. I really want to know. I was sitting in the dark drinking blood. You think I was watching the lion fucking king? Why were you drinking blood? Because I was goth, bitch. Territ like thoroughly goth. Who's blood? My blood and my friends. We were in the dark.

The more I learn about you. Pretending to be bisexual. I learned in such interesting things about you that are so your child was your was it a dark childhood? I just told you literally in the dark. But was it dark because you were like no one gets to me but my life is my family life is great or were I was I was legitimately

depressed. I was also but more than that I was also very interested in like you know I was I was goth I like Did you did you do we had one we had like maybe three white kids in my school and one of them he actually one of them ended up working at a bar with me in New York City

I was like oh my god you went tomorrow high school That's crazy. You say Marlborough High School? Maro, like tomorrow. Marlborough High School next to Camel Middle School and Newport University. She shut down. Too much aluminum. Exactly.

But this one guy, he used to spike his hair with black nail polish. So that he only have to do his hair once a month. We'll go, that's disgusting. But I never forget. I wore fishnets to woodshop once. I'll never, and that will never. Did you get caught up in the, in the gears? No, it was just a little humiliating.

A little humiliating. have you ever been to into a humiliation kink? No, I'm the opposite. I want everybody to feel good. No, I want everybody feel great and proud and wonderful about themselves. I love that. Well, you know, I went, I got it, I caught a ride home with this guy who had the teeny tiny little micro penis and I know

that he wanted me to do that. I would not oblige. Oh, he wanted you to shame his penis. Oh, of course he did. But it would have made him feel good to make him feel bad. But I don't, but that doesn't make me feel good. It's a two-way street. And I'm not going to jerk him off like this like he's the fucking Lego. So what did you do?

I looked at it and I was like And he was like And you join me home But how does that make him feel good I think you gave him the king shame he wanted I mean I do I wasn't like looney tunes like that I was like

And then I could just Projectile vomited the entire way home No I've looked up with a few men with micropenuses I've never been a size queen though Mean girl You would be hung like an elevator button It's all about what's in the back from me

Oh, nice. I don't know you were an asswoman. Oh, baby. Mama. Maybe. Mama. What's your IG? What's your IG?

Mama. Baby. For you page. Baby. Mama. Let me show you this. I want to see because I love. This is, do you know, the amount of times I have jerked off to this fucking clip.

You have no fucking idea. This is just tricksy lip syncing on Dragress. Shut the fuck up. Mary, watch, catch this. Oh, that's a wagon. It's a deep freezer hanging out of a minivan. Yeah, this man is dragging a wagon for sure. Mama.

The way that I would clap those cheeks, like it was the fucking, I mean, it, it, it just. So what makes a nice butt? What makes a butt where you're like, that's the one? Hairless. Oh, actually, that's not true, because I did have sex with the hooker recently. And he had a big hairy butt, which I don't prefer, only just because I don't. don't like, I'm like herring. I would, like, my dream butt is smooth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was extraordinarily well-groomed in terms of hygiene. He had cleaned out like it was his last night on earth. And so I- And it might have been. Have you called him back? Well, I haven't heard from him since. He did.

No, I ate his ass like it was my last meal on death row. And like, it was lovely. But my dream ass is like tan, huge, smooth and like, you know, like that. Jason Momola's butt. I have an appreciation for a lot of different butts, right? I like a wagon, like a big, like sticking out the back of yo, like a shelf, put a cup on it. Like just unbelievable.

Yeah. Breakfast tray. Yeah. The airline charges you extra for carry on. It's the cart. I love that as well. But then also a little butt. Like if it's like a little butt, I like a little butt.

I'm not into like a concave booty. No, no, no, no. Extended back. We don't do that. No, I'm not into that. But like a little butt. like a little cup it with a little baby shelf on the bottom

I like a shelf on the top but if there's a little baby shelf on the bottom I'm also happy with that as well if you have a flat ass I prefer you have like lady like hips so then it looks like it's given the ass more shape than it is but also if the ass is completely flat

once they're like all the way bent over it kind of all just blends into one thing they gotta get on top yeah they gotta get on top I can't hit it from the back it looks like it's Mr. Bojangles with skeleton or whatever but I actually it's funny you mention that

because I don't go for skinny, skinny guys, but I did have a fuck buddy for a while who was very, very thin, but he had, he had some, some, some major dumpage. Like, you could really, like, get two handfuls, which was like, oh, that's lovely. And it was very, it was genetic, you know, what size of your hands?

Pretty average size hands, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were like, it was, he had, like, are you short? You're not short. I'm 5'9 or 510. That's average. Yeah, average.

I'm, like, totally average. And that he, but he was, like, 6-2, skinny as fuck. And, but he had a little, it was like, oh, lovely. So I had like, I feel like you have good, uh, your body is very resilient. Are you kidding me? I mean, the shit that I put it through. What I mean, are these, like, aren't these like notoriously your real teeth? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. I know. And I, it's funny. I have the, the teeth anxiety. So in, I've told this story before, but in Boston, I, at the height of, I mean, I was very, like, everyday meth user, like, very, very, very. intense seven years not going to the dentist

and when I got sober I was like I have to go to the dentist and I was like they're going to take out all my teeth they're going to take out all my teeth not one cavity they're like gang gang they're like these are beautiful they just need to floss more we're going to recommend your program to other people actually I was like

they're like keep doing math no I'm just kidding I got this when I first got sober I talked to my sponsor and um and I was like this applies to you and it is a compliment by the way but I was like I remember talking to him I was like you're a little nutty and then he looked at me he said well

I smoke crack every day for 10 years girl he's like so you're gonna lose something you just can't get back I mean I always say you know it's funny

whenever I go to a meeting it's like I always have to remind myself if it's boring or if it's a little if it's not you know not dazzlingly entertaining I'm like it's a fucking miracle all these crackheads didn't erupt into some kind of

like a ballroom blitz type of like a rumble kind of, you know what I mean? That it actually... Well, you haven't heard about the Perry Street meetings. No. New York City has a meeting called Perry Street where like the legend is like, you go to Paris Street and go, they don't want to throw a chair? That's what they always say. They didn't want to throw

a chair? Or midnight. I think one of the crazy guys outside at midnight was this guy was like, he was basically like this. Is this 30? This guy was like, um, I today's my first day back. I woke up

in the hospital and my foot was gone I got drunk and I fell on the subway platform and then the next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital and I had one foot this is one day back my name is so-a-sum alcohol thank you for letting me talk and I was like you know I think I think I think it's a wrap for me I don't think I don't think I don't think any more anymore he popped that nub up there bam in the chair in front of him on the back of the person sitting like like

on their shoulder no like it was like on the chair and he popped the nub up and he showed us all that nub still bandaged Mary what if he was like so flexible he was just like what is the line in uh in mummy dearest where she's in the mirror and she lifts her leg up to her face I don't remember I don't love mummy deers like some gays do

but that one scene is pretty iconic is there a gay move that you're like why do y'all like this movie uh yes yes yes um uh mean girls who fucking cares about mean girls mean girls is a crazy take what do you mean mean girls is a brilliant movie it's so good africa you can't just ask people why they're white um i i'm from africa for me it is mommy she's from africa well shirley's there on

girl charlie's thorentz from africa and then was oh but she was like a missionary or something wasn't it was charlie no lindsay lindsay linds Where? I don't know, somewhere there. The country of Africa? You know what I hate about Epcot? I've never been. But when you're...

Me neither. When you're Epcot, they're like, all right, we're in China, we're in Germany, we're in Russia, we're in Africa. Girl, we're in the country, we're leaving the country, trying to go to the country. The seat of civilization. Which is crazy because Africa, what are we in Egypt? We're in South Africa? Are we in the Sahara Desert?

Are we along the Nile River? Zimbabia. Are we in the forest? The Congo. Can we in Kenya? Kenya? Are we, are we in LaSoto? Are we in, where are we? Yeah, Pacific Ocean, Indian Ocean.

General Africa. We're in Lion King. It's wild. I think Lion King's in the Serengeti. But you never, how would you fucking know? Because you've never seen it. I couldn't tell you. Because you were too busy sucking blood from your, from your friend's knee. My sister been in Africa, though, studying primates. I better believe it.

Jane Goodall. Is she your oldest sister, younger sister? Wait, I know you don't care. I know nobody cares, but I'm just going to have to, you don't have to suffer. Show me your Jane Goodall sister? My nephews. Oh. They are so... Look at this fucking...

Look at that motherfucker. Are these some of her primates? Yeah. They're... They're being euthanized. To be fair, we're going to have a primates. This is a very... No, this is a very cute baby.

Oh, so cute. But look, Mama. That's a very cute child. That is a... Mama, get him into pictures. Get him into commercials. I loki have baby fever right now. Lokey.

You do. Lokey. How is that manifest? You're going to get somebody... Oh, come on. I think the chubby your babies are cute. A little kind baby's not cute This is a doll

That's a doll, bitch No that's a doll I'm like this baby Listen, it should be on Baldwin I'm telling you Well So no one of your family If the tummy tuck goes south

He's come You know You're gonna get it Ballvenson runs to the family Girl Don't tell Ugh Also you know I

My My maternal side Well, first of all, I have 60,000 cousins on my dad's side, none on my mother's side. And my mother's side, my grandfather, my maternal grandfather died very young and terrible health. And I have that whole gig. Did you hear about the woman? I can't remember what country she was in. Africa?

I want to say, I want to say it was China, but she, maybe it was the guy or the woman married the other person, They had a lot of plastic surgery done, so they looked really beautiful. But it's not there. Obviously, your plastic surgeon has a care through your DNA. Your DNA is going to stay the same. Of course. And then she was like, I had a baby with you, and now I'm going to have an ugly baby. But I thought you were hot.

But you're actually ugly. I'm suing you for making me have an ugly baby. And I think she won the case. That's not, it's not indicative. Like, two hots don't make it hot. It's just not the case. You know, it feels really unfair. when hot people have ugly kids

to the child Yeah If my parents were smoking hot and I was ugly I'd be like this something here doesn't feel good Maybe if they were hot and poor That's when you really got the bone to pick Because you're gonna take that little fucking Ugly ass bitch to the to the

To the to the A big ugly kid is probably only bad Up until like maybe like Well it starts being bad around five years old Because no one cares about if you're ugly And you're like three or four Other kids don't really register that you're not pretty I know a child

I won't say who probably safe but and you know it's probably a good good tactic there was a child in the family

who was hit who was toe up who was in your family they know they all know who you're talking

about no they don't because I told you I have 60,000 cousins on that's true and a lot of it goes mama this this child was

it was it is crazy because I'm trying not to gender I'm trying to keep a general but it was like huh like it was like it was like

Like a jump scare. Can I jump scare? It was a bird. It was a mom. Even as a baby? A baby. It was the ugliest baby ever known. How old is the child over 10 now?

Yes. Still hit? No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Not on the cover of Sports Illustrated or on Men's Health magazine. But not on the cover of Monsters Inc. Exactly. Scare mag.

Yeah. Not in the terrifier with no prosthetics. I have a cousin that I don't like. and it feels bad because the cousin is my cousin's child. So it's my baby cousin. Oh, girl, who gives a fuck? But I don't like, I've never liked this cousin. Who cares about cousins?

But because they're a child, like the, because I don't like, because I never, how old? They're now an adult. They're now a very young adult. I don't want to give the, because they. Let's say some, like teenage, 20, okay. Yeah. Enough to have a conversation.

Old enough to have a conversation. Yes. And I, and I feel justified because I still don't like this. Like I still think that they're super fucking annoying and they never grew out of that thing that they had and at first I felt bad because I was like I don't like this six year old like whoa I hate I hate this like and it wasn't like this is an annoying kid was like I do not like this kid like I hope this kid's not there when I get to the thing I hate this kid and now I don't like this adult I do not like this adult and they're so fucking annoying and but I will say now I feel justified because that they have grown to an adult that I also don't like. Right. But I did feel bad disliking this child. I understand that.

I mean, like, I had, um, my nephew was like so, and it continues to be, my other nephew, my brother's son was like a terror. Now he is one of the cutest, smartest, funniest, like, but he was a terror. Terror, terror, terror, the terrifier from like the jump, even in the, in the belly, terror fire. But now this kid is like, so. So he's just going to be amazing. You can tell.

But it was challenging. Like, you go, I go visit and he has, like, imagine if I took all the meth in the world, I still wouldn't be able to catch up with him. He was so, like, energetic. When you weren't an amateur phlebotomist as a child, were you a terror or were you, like, lovely? Thank you. I'll be hurried. I'm not.

I'm not very much. Where does that fucking word come from? I don't know. It's so wild. Just say blood draw. You know? It's very weird. Okay.

I was, apparently I was a very quiet baby and I was, I was shy and I was kept to myself. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I mean, apparently I kicked my neighbor, I need my neighbor in the balls because I didn't want to watch E.T. But that was the only thing I ever acted out. You hate all the classics. E.T. Lion King. I've never seen it.

Don't want to. Not interested. Boop. When I was a kid, apparently I was a monstrous child. My mother family said. My mother famous said, if you were my firstborn child, your brother would have been born. You were that bad of a child.

Fuck. But then... Like, how? Like, noisy, accessible. I cried a lot. I used to snatch my mom's earrings out of her ears. And I don't mean, like, pull them with the back. I mean, like, through two flaps of skin dangling.

You wouldn't have survived. I had an obsession with flushing things down the toilet. So you were the terrifier. I was a terrifier. I talked nonstop. Every one of my report card said, Christopher is a great kid. He just will not stop talking.

I had a nickname. The library is called. me the detective. They go, oh, here come to the detective. Ask a question. Watch out. Here come to the detective y'all. So you were like Montermouth Baybell? Oh, yeah. But somewhere around 7th grade, I became a lovely child. I became exemplary around 7th grade. And then my brother did a little flip-flok. My brother was a quiet kid. He did a flip-flop, started running with the wrong crowd, which my mother kept being like, Justin

keep getting made something wrong crowd. He is the wrong crowd. He is the wrong. He is the leader of the crowd. There's no way every crowd he's in is wrong. Justin is the wrong crowd We were all like me My brother my sister and I were raised To okay so we were raised With some very very core principles that we cleave to Like like

Nonstop Politeness We I had friends who would tell their parents to shut the fuck up That to me is unconscionable That's what black kids think white kids talk to their parents Well Mary it was you would you would gag Because these two motherfuckers would

Talk to their parents like they It was crazy. It's very Boston, though. I don't know. This was evil. This was something more. This wasn't like, Ma, what the fuck you're talking about?

This was like, you're a stupid fucking bitch. Like, it was that crazy. But you all know what the rest of the country thinks about Boston, right? You know how we feel about y'all. You're not better than me. Yeah.

But, but we were, I was like troubled in the sense that I was like smoking pot in seventh grade. I was doing drugs. I was like misbehaving. But not. but not like hurting anybody. Except when you were drinking, when you were puncturing your friends.

I would say hurting was just sensation. Were you, and you were they were consensually doing this, you all? Can you talk me through the process? Was it like slice suck? So, well, there was a really- Oh, you scraped your knee. Can I get it? Can I hit that? No, I didn't love the taste of it. I was obsessed with vampires.

And then, um, also I wanted to be like an Anne Rice vampires, like super, like hairless bisexual. but I was in study hall once and I had a straight razor and actually I think you can still see I think you can still see where it is it was a huge gash you did it in class

I did it in class and it was very scary because it was um I can't see it this oh no that's a tattoo no it was it must have been here you can see those a little bit you were so vascular Jesus Christ I know it's crazy look at that

Flobotomous Dream Hello, thank you. I did like a super deep gash And it was like I could see the layers of tissue And that was kind of like Because I loved biology And anatomy physiology

I got A pluses and all those I love dissecting shit That was kind of the I didn't want to like hurt myself Because I was troubled I just wanted to carve my shit up Chop it up That's a little bit of a red flag

It's a huge well yeah Yeah It's a little dextery Could you make it as a serial killer Uh girl No I don't like hurting people Not even to like Help other people

If they're already dead I'll fuck them No I don't like I hate pain I hate the thing that is The biggest turnoff for me Is inflicting pain on someone else That is just so heartbreaking to me

That's valid and fair Like I don't So you can spank? I can spank I can spank But I mean girl My spank is so Mary Poppins Like come on

What time me and my partner We're hooking up with someone else And this person like to be spanked And I mean like brutalized like, hurt me and hurt me bad. I like spanking and grabbing because I wanted like, it's an appreciation to ass. And this person was, they were

it's not a punishment. They were, they still are South Asian, so they had very dark brown skin. They were like, you need to be able to see it. So you have to work harder because of how dark their skin was. And I was like, you know, giving it and giving it. And they were like, you do it too. And he was not into it. And I'll never forget

him just being like... Girl, that's like me when I tried to slap somebody. Oh, baby. You want to hear a crazy story? It was so pathetic. One time in rehearsal, Madonna slapped me. As a bit. As a bit.

We were doing the thing. It wasn't hard. It was like this. It was like, blah, blah, blah. And we were doing the scene. We were arguing in the scene. And she was like, uh, like that. On the face.

Yeah. And I was like, I was like, ah. And then she goes, I'm sorry. You can slap me back. That's a setup. And I said, oh, but that's a setup. I said, okay. And she was, and I'm like,

And she goes, no, slap me. I want you to slap me. Slap me. I slapped you. And that was wrong. So you slap me. Kick her in the pussy. And everyone's watching.

And I was like, okay. And then I went, she's like, no, slap me. Slapped me. I don't like this at all. I don't want you to slap me. And then I did it one more time, but a little bit harder. Do it on my face. It was like, I did like this.

I did like this. Ow. And she was like, no, slap me. Are you kidding me? more than that. And I was like, I don't want to slap you. Mama, we're not doing that. And she was like, whatever. Let's just keep moving. Like, she wanted me to slap the shit out of her. Can I tell you what I was like, so we were doing a choking thing, which I'm so bad at. Can I do it? Like, so imagine like you're, you're on top of me. We're having sex. And I was like. Am I writing you? Yes. Okay. And then it was like, it was like, it was so pathetic. I like, I like, I kind of chickened out. And I was like. he was like

no I'd be like I'm like seriously it almost came to that I was like I was like we're just gonna move on we're just gonna move on there was one time

when a guy was riding me and I was like choke me I like if you're riding just reach down and do a little choky choky yeah got a grip and he would pull some of your shit he was like

I was like choke me I would rather put the fingers in the mouth or something like that I could choke but this I can't do this.

What the fuck is that? What are we doing? They want to feel exposed. Yeah, they want to feel exposed. What is that all about? They want to feel exposed. They want you to see. Well, why don't you just put one of those dental things?

You can see all the teeth. I've been with one of those. All right. Yeah, I've been one of those. You like giving head? Yeah. You don't? I don't.

Not really. You like getting head? You want to eat the ass and then fuck. That's kind of all I want to do. And then top. I want to eat the ass. I want to eat the ass. I suck the balls.

Maybe I want to, I love kissing. I'll suck a dick for sure. But like I'm not, I don't think I'm all that great at it. And I don't like, I can't like, I love to suck dick. I love to eat pussy. I love to be down there giving someone head and just like making them happy with my mouth.

It really brings me a lot of joy. It really does. I can't believe I have not fucked a pussy. I just wish I had a pussy. Oh my God. If I had a pussy, y'all would not stand a chance. If I had a pussy, none of you would be here. You would have all quit.

You would have all retired. Everyone always says that if I had a pussy, but like, there are people with pussies who, and we all are still around. They're not me. You know that gift of the girl with their legs out the window with the moving car, squirting? Baby, it would be water rolling.

Kevin Costner. I was like, if I had a pussy, guys are like, if I had a pussy, honey, but like... You better thank your lucky stories. Every day when you get on your knees, you better say, thank God that she don't have a pussy because it would be a rap. Simone Biles wouldn't be able to do gymnastics, girl.

Nobody would be at the Olympics, not with this fucking puss. Air traffic control has been shut down. Why? Because Katia has a pussy. Chicago O'Hare, gone. JFK no longer is nervous. LaGuardia never existed. No, what gives you full-body chills these days?

Full-body chills. sexual, just intellectually. I understand. I caught on to what full body chills me. I don't watch a ton of Baldwin Beautiful, but I'm willing to catch on to the Trixie Kati-is. It's not a thing. This is not our thing. It's Jamie Lee. But y'all have adopted it. It's kind of like, like you all

adopt things. It's a very new thing, though. Yeah, they become tricksy-Catiisms. Yeah. For me, a full-body show these days, um, baby. Baby. Slat me. I went to the motherfucking the Hollywood Bowl

and I saw Cynthia Ribeau? Oh, I read the review I heard it. She fucking shut that shit down. And Adam Lambert screaming at each other for our... Yes. I heard she was incredible. Let me tell you all right now. Talk about that ball bitch.

First of all, Cynthia was amazing. When I tell you Cynthia was amazing, it was amazing. Talk about Ball and Beautiful. No one's talking about Raul Esparta. The review did very much. When I tell you he was the best

part of that show Raul Cynthia retire She was great She was great Yeah yeah yeah No one is talking about Raoul espalza

No they did in the review Good They really gave him his flowers He was brilliant Really I was like Full body Yes punch him full body

Little full body chills You're like Cinerism I got full body chills From Cynthia I was expecting that Yeah I was expecting that

I was expecting that I used to listen to Raoul Spars on the tick boom out album way back in the day the off-broadway tick-tick boom i was like yeah we love we love ralas sparser is he in the lion king yes yes he was he was uh saravi he played biances role in the original he was just so he killed it and and it was his acting combined with his singing oh see that's the yeah incredible incredible beautiful beautiful raoul

raoul you better do that thing and you better you better you better thank your lucky stars i don't have a pussy have the range, honey, you would not have the range. So I got to the Hollywood Bowl and I sit next to this lady who Wait, so first of all, hold on, let me let me rub you. Are you in those tiny little fucking folding

chairs and those cement blocks? I'm in the folding chairs. There is about a half inch between each person. Yes. Clostrophobia. Surrounded by snacks. My snacks. And then the guy behind me has the moves. I have to pick up my entire kitchen with me. Girl, it's smush my chair up. Also, it's the stress factor. How do, how should

I feel about this because the part of me that loves to say no to people was like the guy I show up he's sitting in my seat oh baby so there's six of them there's six in this little box he's in the back left corner where I the ticket I purchased his seat was front and center

it is a better seat but the part of me that's like but who gives you the authority to take my seat because you want to sit next to your friends part of me was like you need to move but also I had a better seat so I let it go surrounded by my snacks this lady next to me she is just sweet lady and I was like she was like oh she spoke sharp spark the conversation so I was

like hey say do you love um I see I'm a big fan of Jesus Christ but I know every work to the show I love that I've loved this show so I was in high school I'm obsessed with this show and she was like I am a big fan of Ronald Sparsa I said oh great that's really cool and then out of nowhere she just goes um she just told me this random she was like my husband's gay but she like had tears in her eyes and I was like and I was like and I was like and I I was like, oh, my, and then she was like, I've never told anyone that. She said, I have never, I told her about we're here. And then she was like, I've never told anyone what I just told you before.

I don't know what it is. I just trust you to tell you this. And then her and I had this, like, really moving conversation about how she was, she was, she had a hearing aid in. She was, I'm, I just recently, I'm finally in a point in my life where I can afford to go travel and see things. And I have a few years until I can't hear anything anymore. So I'm going to see every play, concert, every show. I'm going to hear everything. I'm so glad cocked it doesn't have a pussy.

Because I was just about. to say, girl, she, it would be like No, Helen Keller. And then, so we had this crazy conversation about her and her and I would like having this great thing. And then a seat over. I know you're not a Broadway girl. This name might mean nothing to you. I know

a little bit. Marissa Jared Winokker was sitting in the booth next to us. She is the original Tracy Turnbullet from hairspray. Oh, oh, oh, woke up today. Not Nikki Blonsky. No, no, no. The original. Hi, this is Nicky Blonsky. Well, the original is Ricky Lake. The original Broadway. Yes. Yes. Nikki Blonski He's sitting in the fucking booth next to me.

I go, oh, wait, wait. Bofa? No, just, no, not, not, no. I said, Nicky, I'm sorry. Oh, Marissa Jared Winokker. Mr. Jared Winokker sitting in the booth next to me. Behind Ricky Lake and Nicky Blockby. Yes, and John Travolta was there.

Whigged. Devine was there. No, go ahead. So, me, Marissa probably does not want to tell the story. Then don't tell it. Don't air her laundry out. Which she said, I wish caught you. She didn't have a piece.

What happened? Well, me and Mrs. Jenman Okrault, I was like, I was like, we can believe it if you really don't think of it. I was like, do you know the drag queen, Paige Turner?

Uh-huh. And she goes, I know of Paige Turner. I'm a big fan of Paige Turner. And she described her perfectly. I used to go to her shows all time in New York City of this. I was, yeah, yeah.

I was like, she used to be a roommate. And she was like, and she was like, Paige Turner used to be my roommate. As I said Paige Tateenna used to be roommate. She goes, wait, I don't, I don't remember Paige Turner and roommate.

She's like, what was her, what was her, her real name? And I looked it up and I go, oh, her name was Dan. And she was like, ah. So Mercy, Your Honor and Ocker had this roommate named Dan who they stopped being roommates. And then like the next year he started doing drag. She became obsessed with his drag queen. We went to all of his shows and literally had no clue. No way.

That it was her roommate. Get the fuck on. And fouled him for years. Come on. And had no clue that they were the same. She was like, I guess Dan, just floated off the face of the earth. A tootsie?

A real-life tootsie, Mrs. Delfireton? Had no clue. That is crazy. Is she have cataracts, Oklahoma? No, she, by the way, looks great. Wow. Marissa Gerardin-Oker looks fantastic. Poor one way know for Marissa. Yeah, for sure.

But that is so funny. That is crazy. Had no clue that they, like, imagine if someone was like, imagine if an old friend of yours, text you, it was like, have you heard this drag queen named Katzia? I'm obsessed with her. That would be strange. But only, though, because...

You do so much out of dress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I could, I mean, let's see, I would never, there's so many, girl, there's so many drag queens I don't recognize that of drag that I've seen on the show. Oh, my favorite mama is when we were in, we were in my studio. I was like, hi, how are you? The winner of drag race? I was like, no, this is what happened.

I said, this is on your nerve. He's oh, hi. And then I said, on your nerve, just won drag race. Like a week before, then Katz said, you won drag race? Literally, I was like, I would, I just talked to Trixie about this. because she had a similar situation with the queen. She just asked her who she was. Girl.

It was the you one drag race? No, not like, no, I said, you what? It wasn't like not you ugly bitch. It was like, wow, that's a great fact. I said, yesterday I had Irene in my studio, and Irene's wearing a dress that Violet used to own. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had it in here. I text, I text, Violet, she said the story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I text Violet, the picture of the dress, and she goes, how did whoever that is, fit into my dress. How did whoever that is? Mary, listen, Violet, you ain't no petite size zero. You got them big ass football shoulders. And y'all squashed the beef yet?

With beef. You didn't hear the beef? They were like, there ain't no beef. She was like, oh, they asked me to have their assistant reached out. Girl, that ain't no beef. That's her personality. There is a, yeah, yeah.

Like, I mean, please. If she ever returned one of my phone calls Did she ever send the voice note? Did she ever send the voice note? She sure did. Oh, yeah. Salty as fuck. God.

Brind. That was a brined. That was a brined salty. I've known her for a year. I knew her before we were both on drag race. Really? Because we were from Atlanta. Oh, right.

Yeah. Years ago, Violet Choski, me and her at the fucking the other show. Tricks and I had been rewatching season seven. It is truly breathtaking how talented she is, she was at 21. I mean, it was really something. She really fucking

That bitch had a fucking eye You know, because I always think about this Like, you know, in terms of design challenges and stuff I need a lot of looking at stuff I if I'm if I Can we fly those shoes in so we can talk about them? Sure. But that's just that's girl

That's just glue and shit on a shoe I know but talking about But there's still a craft to it. Like I want to I'm going to look at Gotea's runway from like whatever whatever I want references. You know what I mean? I am obsessed with this shoe.

Well you know what I love that they're a sling back. And that this almost at the bottom is, because when you're getting fucked you got them legs up in the air like a pretzel. Do you get fucked in heels? No, but I want to. You deserve it. I, my pussy's so tight. It can't get, they can't get a dick in there. I believe

that actually. No, no, it's true. I can't get fuck, girl. It's like, well, not with that attitude. Well, I mean, I try. It's a long story. We'll talk about it later. Are you having a conversation about what Jay and Deer Fierce is doing these days? She's doing some of the funniest fucking shit. No. I'm too obsessed with RuPaul's

Instagram. I'm sorry. She's in them where she comes out like Mr. Crabs and does a whole Mr. Crabbs mix. Who the fuck is Mr. Crabbs? From SpongeBob. I haven't seen that. Have you ever seen a cartoon in your life? Ran and Stimpy. That's what I grew up on. That scans for you. Ran and Stimpy. In Rocco's Modern Life. No. Really? Rocker's Modern Life was a banger. He's

Australian. You can't do that on television. That's not a cartoon, but it was a kid show. Did you ever see, I watched Thundercats every day. Love Thunder cats. Before like whatever school. And then we'll gem in holograms. I didn't Watch that one. White gay.

Yeah. They had a black girl, I think. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. Ren and Stipi was fucked up. Did you like Camp on Oana? I don't know. I think you would like Camp on Oana.

Is it like Nickelodeon? Is it Nickelodeon? Renness Nip was Nickelodeon. Yeah, but that was very like, very off the beaten path. It was a camp on a wanna. It was disgusting. Renna Stipi was vile.

But they had the best. They had Rocklandlander life. It was like a little more tame down. But what about this? What about their product, Log? The best advertisement ever. Log rolls downstairs, alone and impairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog. It's fit for a snack.

No, it's great for a snack. It fits on your back. It's log, log, log. It's big. It's heavy. It's wood. It's log. It's better than bad.

It's good. That's from Renner Stimpy? Isn't that so great? That's running. Yeah, they had a product called Log. It was just a log. Can we, okay, let's talk about jingles. I want to have a conversation about the Toys of Russ song.

I don't want to grow up I'm a Toys R Us kid They got a billion Toys and Toys Tos of R Us that I can play with From bikes to planes to video games It's the biggest toy store there is Gee whiz I don't want to grow up Because baby if I did

I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid This was a banger of a song I don't want a pussy That's for Katia Because there, no Yeah no What if ours on the East Coast was Water Country When the sun is blazing and the summer gets hot

Water Country is a very cool spot There's no better place to feel me On water country, have some fun That, what, bring back the jingle Where are they? And the TV shows had The TV shows had Bad Jingle. Beach, we were watching it

for the, we were watching here and said, Whatever happened to, predictability The Milk Man, the Paperboy In the Evenin TV! Fresh Prince? Oh, and in West Philadelphia. Born and raised on the playgrounds where it's been most of my days.

Chillers on max and relaxing, relaxing, all cool, Slapping Chris Rock outside of school wearing a couple of guys They were up to no good Start a big trouble in my neighborhood I got a lot of a laugh My mom got scared

and you move up with the audience in the middle of there I whispered a cabin When he came near The lights and lights in the mirror In this guy This cab is wherever I thought

To get you on the belly Bum bum bum bum I pulled up to the house About seven or eight in a year To the camp You'll see you later Look at my window

I was finally there The sit in my throat The King of Bel Air Oh, the Prince of Bel Air. So good But what about the and switch with Anviv. I did not appreciate that. That was gaslighting.

That was television. Gaslighting. And no offense to the to the second Viv. I just love the person. Oh, original Amviv. Did you see, oh my God, did you see the reunion where OG and Viv confronted Will Smith about how they treated her?

Baby, she's hot. She's hot like fish grease. She was like, y'all did me dirty. and we need to talk about it What happened? Y'all replaced me with this light skin A woman. Why did they replace her? Apparently she was difficult So according to her Will Smith got her fired

According to her Will Smith said he didn't like working with her She stood up for herself too much She had too much of a check too many opinions She was an established actor Will Smith was this brand new guy This new hot young guy on the scene And he was calling all the shots

Because it was his show He was like just a rapper at that point right? Yeah he was doing rap yeah And then he became I mean he was so bad on that show. There were moments where he would like, if you go back and look, you can see clips of him mouthing people's words as they speak. Oh my gosh. Like they're talking

and they're just like. Oh, fuck. Probably cue cards too. Probably cute cards. Fuck. Like he just be mouthing their words while they're acting. Damn. It was insane. It was insane. And they did her real dirt. And I do want to do a quick shout out to the Family Matters theme song too. So

good. Okay. Refresh me. It's a rare condition. No. No. In your age, did you read any good news on the newspaper page? Love and condition are the grand design. Some people say it's even harder to find. When you got that pussy, nobody stood a chance. Everybody killed themselves.

They jumped off a bridge. So much animate your pussy video, but then it'll be AI. Someone will make an AI video of your pussy bouncing around. Can you describe your pussy to me in the dream scenario? My pussy is hot, tight. wet and grips like pliers You have big lips You have the squiggles

Um whatever you want They change all the time Oh my god, metamorphosis pussy Yeah, it's like um It's like a Mr. Potato Head Got it. Mrs. Potato Head, thank you. Yeah, Mrs. Potatox. Yeah.

Mrs. Potato Roche. Yeah. Mr. Potatoes. There it is. It grips Um, it's like that lady song. Um, tight pussy, right pussy. Fuck me all night pussy. Make you leave your wife pussy Cause it's what you like pussy. Fuck you're so good. I'm moving in next week

Pussy. Yeah, yeah. Well my, my And when she says lady, her name is lady. Lady. Yeah. The worst brandy. The worst name is... The worst name you could ever choose as a rapper. Pre-Google.

Exactly. But, but, but, um, it's like Kaya. It's like, uh, grill. Wait, but no. It's, um, pussy like, um, pliers on the dick. It gripped the dick like pliers. That doesn't sound good. I know.

It sounds painful. That's what you have right now. Yeah. You have the pliers. You can't even get it in there. If I did like a, a clench and a twist, girl you're gonna snap it right off we are and then you'll get there a little blood you've been won on that note

thank you Bob we're out of time I always have the funnest time with you I do I do too thank you so much and congratulations if you have it if you're a fucking illiterate bitch who hasn't picked up this book you better do it now no you gotta get the physical you gotta get the physical you gotta get the physical and then graduate to the audio for for a dessert there you don't do it I will kill myself There it is. Okay.

Noted. Thank you so much. Slap me. Off camera.