The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Bob the Drag Queen's Comprehensive Guide to Chicken Wing Etiquette with Katya

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

As we approach the peak summertime Bob-B-Que months (zing), we'd like to share Bob the Drag Queen's 8 tips for a successful chicken wing soiree, which will ensure that your fowl party is anything but foul: 1) Send your dinner party invitations by Pony Express or personal messenger at least 10 days in advance. Include a cooked goose or snuff box for extra enticement. 2) Select an appropriate color scheme and harmonize everything on the table within that palette. If an invited guest passes from consumption before the engagement, consider black, brown, or dark grey as a sign of respect for the deceased. 3) Never, and we do mean NEVER, starch your napkins. You will be swiftly rejected from polite society and burn in hell for eternity if you do. 4) Ideal floral centerpieces include roses, lilies, carnations, ferns and smilax. If you are planning a post-dinner orgy, consider using roses in your bouquet and scatter a few extra petals artistically around the table and on the floor, instructing guests where they can begin their erotic adventures after the dessert and cognac course. 5) Hang satin ribbons, bows, and smilax from your chandelier for a striking visual effect of fresh, dainty beauty. During the holidays, you can also hang mistletoe to encourage pre-orgy kissing and heavy-petting. 6) Use colorful gas or whale-oil lamps, as well as transparent globes to produce a dreamscape of hues in the dining room and beyond. If several of your guests border on the rubenesque, remember that whale-oil lamps are a particularly forgiving source of light for those guests who have eaten one-too-many cherry jubilees over the years. 7) It is recommended to have at least one servant available to attend to the needs of every six guests. During the orgy, this ratio should increase to one servant for every three guests. 8) Last, but not least, it is extremely important that all guests are examined by a licensed physician for syphilis, gonorrhea, or symptoms of the plague prior to the orgy. If you follow these 8 simple rules, we can assure you that come morning, you'll be the undisputed toast of high society! To get an amazing Mint Mobile new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD Now is the time to make the switch to the best cat food on planet Earth: Smalls! Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! Need a website? Head to https://Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Follow Bob: @BobTheDragQueen Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. I just wanted to start by letting everyone know that I'm wearing earrings. Okay, so welcome to the Bald and Beautiful. We have a very beautiful bald person who is wearing earrings today. So the thing you need to know for the listeners who are in the car who are doing pilates this person has come with a set a pair a set yeah of gold earrings i just thought of a new workout when you're before you come and so you don't do it until someone pull outies do you need a reformer for that pull outies fuck it's not a hundred percent

results not guaranteed on the pull outies that's so stupid that is that is very. I love it. How are you doing? What's going on? Woman, a man in a suit. Thank you. You know, I'm just trying to, I tried it. So I hired a stylist. He did not sell this.

He probably would be very upset to see me wearing this. But today I was like kind of rushing, but I'm also like, I just recently got an office space. Fierce. Because of what? Clerical work? Admin? Yeah, basically. Basically for my podcasting and to get all my drag out of office space. Fierce. Because of what? Clerical work? Admin? Basically for my podcasting and to get all my drag out of my home.

Okay. Yes. We've been doing drag around the same amount of time, huh? Yeah. How long have you been doing drag? 10 years, 15 years. 10 to 15. You lost five years somewhere.

It all comes out in the wash. Definitely 10, probably 15. Yeah. I 15 you haven't enjoyed about 15 16 years and you just get so you have so much stuff yeah so it's taking over my house it was in my it was in the main bedroom of my house oh no and then i was podcasting so i live in a three-bedroom okay a modest three-bedroom apartment but what why didn't you relegate one bedroom for the drag i did i did one bedroom just for drag and i did one bedroom for podcasting, and then me and my partner were living in the other room. So Bob the Drag Queen has the biggest bedroom. Sibling Rivalry has taken over a room in my house, and I was like, I got to get all this

stuff out of here. And I just recently have less bills than I had before, so I'm just reallocating that money to a professional space so what does it look like oh it's it's it's it's a pg do you know that the what the office way at the very end no well if you go down the hallway and turn right like you're going to that one bathroom that everyone shits in the the shit oh the shitting bathroom it's so much privacy if any of you ever go to PEG there's this one bathroom you should have

you need to take a shit at PEG we got you and the toilet seat looks like it's been set on a lot so wait what because the toilet seat it's wearing tear but it's clean though that hinge is a little rickety. So I'm right past the shitting bathroom.

Okay, great. How do you feel about... I'll have you over whenever I actually get it all set. It's not set up yet. But once it is set up, I'll have you over. We'll do something in the YouTube studio. That's great. I mean, I got a new place in the hopes of consolidating everything all in one place.

So all my drag is in this one big bedroom. How many bedrooms do you have? Four. Okay. One extra house. One is tiny. Everyone in LA has ADUs. You've heard about these?

Oh, yeah. In the valley, they all have ADUs. It's the- Additional dwelling unit. Additional dwelling unit. Yeah. A little hut Oh yeah. It's in the Valley. They all have ADUs. Additional dwelling unit. Additional dwelling unit. Yeah. A little hut. Yeah.

It's basically like a detached garage, but if you give the city a little bit of extra money, they'll let you turn it into an office or a studio or a, or a, or a studio apartment. Private residence. Yeah. Own mailing address.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think Chooksy's got one. Oh yeah. Monet has, has two. Excuse me? Monet has two excuse me monet has two adus

she's a slumlord she's slumlord no one lives in her ad they're actually they're hers aren't ad but she one is her drag a lot so whenever you if you're watching me when i do the podcast that room with all that drag is its own separate completely separate from the house that's the way to do it do you invite girls over would you ever invite me over? Never no No, I couldn't I couldn't possibly Of course, well, I invited me over to her place one time and she um, and she said uh This was so fierce with you. I need to start borrowing this she was like do you want to come over? For like two hours listen i was like listen

it is fierce it's fierce so i knew when i showed up i knew when my marching papers were my walking papers gonna be served to me there was no delusions i love it i'm upset i love it i love that shit do you want to come over for like two hours yeah what are you doing for the next 90 minutes so i showed up at six and maybe at eight trixie was standing up all right thank you it's love that shit. Do you want to come over for like two hours? Yeah. What are you doing for the next 90 minutes? So I showed up at 6 and baby at 8 Trixie was standing up. Alright thank you. It's been such a pleasure. She has taken you by the shoulders and she has escorted you from the home. But I was so annoyed because I wanted her to know

that I was going to leave at 8 o'clock. She didn't have to start moving. She started moving at like 7.49. I was going to start moving at 7.50. Trixie if you're watching this if you watch your own show I just want you to know I was going to leave. I seven 50. Yeah. And I was, I tricked you. If you're watching this, if you watch your own show, I just want you to know I was going to leave. Like you,

I knew that the time was up, but you got to appreciate that. Oh no, it's great. Got to appreciate that. Plus I'm borrowing. If she ever has a, like a big party,

you know, I'm going to be there. Oh yeah. Because I'm going to be there for a good 20 to 23 minutes. And then I will be gone. And I don't, she, I love that though.

Cause it really sets up no possibility for straggling. And I don't, she, I love that though because it really sets up no possibility for straggling. Oh yeah. For, you know, stragglers. Do you know stragglers? I know a lot of stragglers.

Really? For sure. Well, when it comes, I'm a straggler with one person. I straggle at Monet's place. Oh, well that's different.

Yeah, I mean, I am like, I'm gonna, I'm shutting down the party. I'm gonna hear the DJ's last song. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna to hear the DJ's last song. You know what I mean? I'm going to be here.

I'm going to be the one tucking the cat in for sleep. You're going to call the cops and then talk to them. Literally. Say goodbye to all your friends. Bye. Like it's our place. Bye. Thank you for visiting us.

You crawl into bed with her and make love to her all night. And make love to her. And then I leave after plowing her hole. So that's my mindset. Do you like your new space though? Yeah. I mean, it's not set up yet. It's kind of daunting.

But everything's out of the room though. Yeah. Everything's out of the home. I have two empty bedrooms in my home now. Great. Yeah. Great. My nephew's also coming to live with me.

Oh, wow. Excuse me. Jesus Christ. Which we get. Well, he's an adult though. He's 18. which is why my nephew's also coming to live with me oh wow excuse me jesus christ well he's an adult though he's 18 so he's it's not like i don't have like a seven-year-old come live with me i have a do you have like a curriculum are you gonna set up like um well i'm gonna try to get him a job or help him get a job he's probably gonna work at trixie absolutely and the you know uh putting stock in the shit right no seriously it's a great job it's a great starter job like my nephew a job or something or maybe he can like you know i'm out of

town my car is always not being used so i'm like mechanic he actually wants to be a mechanic but you have to go to school to be a mechanic what's that uh turo you ever heard of turo no it's like uh like Airbnb for your car. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Airbnb. So you basically rent cars for two, three days. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I mean, do you think that that's insane? I think that it's great. With Turo? Yeah. I'm just surprised by people's willingness to let that happen. Well, I like Turo because when I, you know, I don't have good credit. I've always had bad credit. And it's really hard to let that happen well i like to row because when i you know uh i don't have good credit i've always had bad credit and it's really hard to fix your credit even if you have some money it is hard it's fucking bullshit your credit it's bullshit so i don't have a credit card i mean you got one well i do have one but it's like it recently expired and i have to get

this new one i had to get one of those prepaid credit card one of the credit cards that you like put money on and then and you still have to apply for that i'm like i'm giving you the money this is insane i keep looking at the producer i don't know why i keep looking at her for her approval she can get you she can get you hooked up with a line of credit like discover i bet she could i bet tracy could get you a line of credit absolutely shit yeah um but anyway so you can't rent a car without a credit card yes you can't use your debit card you have to have a credit card to rent a car without a credit card. Yes. You can't use your debit card. You have to have a credit card to rent a car. But with Turo, you don't need that.

This is not an ad for Turo, by the way. No, we hate them, actually. Actually, they're scum. But you don't have to. So you're just basically renting a car from just another person. And I'm going to probably Turo my own car because I don't drive it very often. I've had my car for like three years and it has like less than 20,000 miles on it. Girl, I bought a car a year and a half ago. I put like miles on it i just sold it i sold it maybe i should sell it you

bought it flat out flat out flat out i went to the i went to the fucking dealership i'd never owned a car 41 years old go into the dealership it took about 12 fucking hours oh it's long mary i was starving i was antsy it was crazy. 12 fucking hours. Get it home. I go to CarMax a few weeks ago. Sold that thing in 15 minutes. Oh, they'll take it from you in a minute. Yeah, give it. Yeah, they're like, we'll take it.

They throw money into your face. They give it like a once over. They don't even look inside. They kick the tires and they cut you a check. It's cunty. Literally. It's cunty. But I also heard that buying cars is the game

done changed because of carvana carvana is like t-vana carvana is a vending machine for cars what have you not seen the carvanas on the highway when you drive out to our palm springs i have not girl they're just these cars can you put up a picture of a carvana are you fucking what are you fucking talking about it's like a giant vending machine full of cars and then you just go up swipe your card and they'll give you a car and they also will deliver you cars too they will deliver the cars to your house and apparently it's easier than going to one of the because you know the dealerships do you ever listen to this american life i have it's to me it is it is america's most popular podcast i think it's the most popular

podcast in the world actually um and it or npr it's the most popular npr show it is such a good show yeah they have this entire episode about car dealerships and like what it means to work at a car dealership it is insane these things are crazy there's a car on a vending machine get the fuck out of here and you can just go boop i want a3 and they give you a maserati and then it just kind of you gotta call like five or six friends to come rock the whole machine thing to get your

your fucking Ford Escape the thing falls down and then it gets a flat tire no but so and then what and then what and then you drive off

you can't drive there obviously because you can't drive back both cars yeah okay your friend drops you off and then you drive the car then you go back

and you just stick it in the vending machine to be honest no you know this is a car you go back and you just stick it in the vending machine To be honest This is a car you purchased This is not renting Carvana you are buying a car from a vending machine Now the truth is

I have one friend who bought a Tesla with Carvana Which I just want to say out loud We gotta stop giving Elon Musk money You remember back when we were like Who's gonna be crazier Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk Elon Musk was like hold my fucking cyber truck Let me twist my Turn my shirt around and then jump up in the air like i'm getting it's so he's challenging uh mark zuckerberg to fist fights

a billionaire do you remember this mark zuckerberg and elon musk one of them challenged the other to a fist fight i'm like y'all are the dweebiest this is the dweebiest doofus like it's doofus and dweeb there was a recently someone did a a a a a a photo of mark zuckerberg and he ended up looking hot in it and the internet went crazy because there was like ai like made mark zuckerberg more like make him made him look was he like turn him to a chad big fat ass with a grill huge rack big hot wet tits everyone likes big boobs well not everyone

but like when it comes to people who are attracted to male bodied people they want some big pecs oh yeah and when it comes to people who feel like people they like big fucking boobs absolutely I've found

like it is a it is the most remarkable instantaneous shift in um like getting no attention to getting plenty of attention if you get pecs it is so crazy you have pecs i do they're they're like they're uh they're like a b right now but But I've had like C, D. I remember when you didn't have any pecs. Oh, yeah. I knew you would know pecs. Yeah. And then you do like this yoga retreat and you came back like jacked.

Yeah. It's like you can – the thing is you can get them relatively easy. Like, I mean, if you're not like super huge and fat, like – But you weren't like super, super skinny. You're already toned. I find someone who – you know, you ever heard of a hard gainer? Yeah. Yeah.

If you're a hard gainer, it's probably hard to get pecs. Um, yeah. Like Trixie works out a lot, but she don't have pecs. She doesn't, but she doesn't do enough. She doesn't do enough. Drag her. Famously, Trixie famously doesn't do enough. No, but she does.

Yeah. Oh my God. The laziest queen in the business. Literally the only thing she does to do is like focus on her chest. That's the only thing. That's the only thing. This episode is sponsored by the Rolls Royce of cat food, Smalls. If you know anything about me, it's that my view of humans is that they're smelly hairy heathens who are barely tolerable even on their best days that's why I prefer the company of cats

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or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash ball to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. No, but it's wild. It's like, I don't know. What is it about it? Why are picks so attractive? I mean, it's up there with the dick size yeah because it lures you in this in my journey toward uh realizing that i wasn't just gay it's like i realized i was gay and i realized that i was actually pansexual i think that on a female body person little titties are sexy tiny little titties like little little ant bites little acubs are yoga teacher titties yoga because think about also the the day-to-day of like a woman with giant breasts that's not cute it seems like a lot of work also a lot of um a lot of

modifications need to be um employed yeah i think little titties are cute um but big pecs are you just want to fucking i i gotta show you there's um there was this fucking um and i'm not really into like big beefy guys but big but you gotta look at this shit i want to i want to grab them big mummy milkers look at this look at these guys and their pecs wow enormous like that's huge yeah i want to yeah i want to grab these titties look Look at that guy. Look at that guy. Enormous. Oh, wow. That one. I want pecs like that. No shit, right?

It's crazy. You could get pecs like that in a year and a half. A year and a half? Seven months even. Okay, I'm down then. Finance today, six months. So obviously what, push-ups? Push-ups.

Push-ups, that's literally like push-ups push-up variations and then of course adding more caloric intake you have to you know what i mean that's the thing though so my friend mateo lane yeah jacked he's and he jack tinta aguilera like it's it's the amount of food yeah this man is eating is absurd i'm like we'll be hanging out like playing video games or something and then he'll be like oh I gotta eat and he would just straight up go he comes to my house with snacks every two hours I'm sure literally he would

I gotta eat a gallon of fucking unflavored yogurt I have to now eat this entire tub of faggy yogurt faggy yogurt I know it's not pronounced faggy but I don't know how it's really pronounced though what is it faggy yogurt i know it's not pronounced faggy but i don't know how it's really pronounced though what is it oh is it fayet i think it's faggy yeah but that's that was that's always like my uh the the thing i just can't and i don't want to eat all

day it's so fucking it's grim do you have a trainer uh not currently so i've had two trainers in my life yeah one of them was a friend who was just happy i'm gonna give him a shout out i should give both my trainers shout out okay matt griffin was one of my trainers and matt griffin was like a friend of mine who was also a costume designer he makes these really intricate masks he made some masks like lady gaga he's made some pretty big uh masks for some uh pop stars and he also just happened to be a trainer as well on top of being like this like sculptor artist designer type person and then when I had when I between filming and airing drag race I was like I have this downtime I

had lost a couple my gigs because we're doing great did you lose any gigs when you went to do drag race no No. I mean, I was, my life was very bare bones before. Oh, work. There's nothing to lose. Well, I had lost a couple of gigs because I took the drag race gig.

So I had more time on my hands and me and Matt were working out all the time and I was in really great shape. There's actually this one picture of me performing at the New York City premiere show. And my arms are out like this. And I'm wearing this rainbow dress. And I look jacked. It is crazy. So what did you do? What was the regimen?

It was just doing the thing. I don't retain any. I just do what he tells me to do. That's the beauty of a trainer. And there is none of it. It's in one ear. It's in one bicep and out the other. And I don't remember any i don't remember

any of it but i was doing what he was telling me to do and then i i did a work that with a guy named ridge uh ridge is my is the guy i don't i'm not working with ridge right now i just go to orange theory i love that name ridge is ridge is great do you know reg park have you heard of reg reg reg no one's right can i guess what right can about Reg? Yeah. Reg is a musician. No. But at heart. Well, he definitely has a song. He finished.

Who's Reg? Reg is the ultimate, the pinnacle of male muscular. He's the ultimate. He was an actor he was in hercules and arnold schwarzenegger basically like idolized him and then had his picture in his wall i got to show you a picture i've i know i've talked about it on the podcast before it's a little obnoxious but would you let rage punch you in the chest in his prime um are you fucking i would let him murder my family and then like run me over with a car there's a part of when you see someone who looks big and strong

you kind of want them to punch you in the chest. Right. Is that crazy? I want him to kick me in the stomach. I want him to shit in my mouth. It's so crazy. I'm going to shit your mouth. I'm going to fart in your mouth.

I'm going to piss on these walls. Oh, wait. Is he alive? Oh, no. He's very dead. He's very dead. Oh, sorry, Reg. Look at that.

Those are big Big mummy milkers Yeah so he played He was in Hercules And I swear to God If you haven't seen If you haven't seen Hercules 1959

I've not You gotta fucking see that shit It's so cunty It's so cunty Matt Griffin had big titties Okay And Ridge has big titties too Do you want

Do you want to get big titties Kind of You know the drag There's a drag queen in New York City Named Shaquita Who's quite fit And because she has these pecs She can make them into kind of cleavage Into titties

I just saw her not too long ago There's a couple of ways to get the titties Also if you're big and lose weight Or just being a little bit older Like RuPaul has titties Yes But I think that's because she's of a certain age Yeah but if you were like,

if you, if you lost 30 pounds, 40 pounds, you can gather that like, um, a little bit loosened, uh, breast tissue,

uh, skin and like, you know, push it up into a very convincing cleavage situation. God, I was tiny. Probably like, um,

one, 60 or something. You feel Greg was what? 10 like 160 or something like that. You filmed Drag Race, what, 10 years ago? 10 years ago, yeah. And I was the one after that was nine years ago. Fuck. See how easily I did that math? I just subtracted one.

You see, what A comes after seven is then the what? You're tweaking it around. I was so skinny. I saw someone posted a clip of me and Derrick Berry arguing on Drag Race recently, so i was 185 pounds how old i tell you you're quite six foot two damn i remember a dainty six foot two yeah very delicate um and then i i think at my biggest i was like 240 really so i've gained 60 pounds huh 245 i gained like 60 pounds coming off Drag Race. Do you gain or lose on the road? Gain.

I lose. Gain, gain, gain. I hate it. Most people, they do gain. Why? Because it's like eating fried foods or whatever. Do I eat fried food? No, not at all.

Do I eat fried food, baby? I am fried food. There's like three places I order from. There's no variety in my diet whatsoever. And I want to switch it up. So when I was trying to count my calories, you know what I was eating? What? And it actually worked Taco Bell.

Mama, I love Taco Bell, baby. If you like Taco Bell, too, it's good. If you get the Doritos Locos and then a large Mountain Dew Zero, that's only 500 calories. You know how many of those you can eat in a day? But it's not like... I still don't know the limit. I don't think it's a really helpful

paradigm to get away with it. This is not advice anyone should be taking. Weight watchers. What can we get away with? Like how can I cheat the system? How many tacos can I eat? Yeah, I was eating a lot of tacos.

But then when I'm not concerned with what I eat, I eat chicken wings like almost every single day. Do you eat it all the way to the bone? All the – okay, first of all, if you're eating a flat, what you do is you take the bone and you just kind of twist it. Okay. And you can pull the bone right out and then you that and you grab the other one and pull it out and then you basically have a boneless wing in your hand i can see i've never been able to get it down to the bone can we order some wings absolutely yeah wings and then order the popeyes wings do you like spicy i do signature hot and we're gonna we're gonna i'm gonna show you how to get all right the meat off a bone if you had to um have only one cuisine let's say two two meals

for the rest of your life that's it what are they what are they gonna be i'm super basic i want pepperoni pizza okay and i want wings with with ranch okay how about you i would do yellow curry with white rice with chicken chicken carrots potato rice um and then probably um oh uh foie gras no no no no bologna like a nice bolognese oh okay yeah i mean i do like mossomon curry is my favorite curry of all the curries is that a reddish one yeah i think so it's one with the potatoes don't they all have potatoes a lot of them do yeah yeah it's the one that's labeled mossomon on the menu i don't know what is in it but i know i murk it every single it's so good that's my favorite curry for sure um do you like indian food um i like it i'm not like crazy about it the thing is i'm not really um

super into food so to speak so to say like that's why my diet is so monotonous yeah i'll eat the same thing over and over again me too i don't like to put a lot i will eat at the first restaurant we drive to i would rather eat at the first place and drive and mull over i would just eat the first place i am i am so on the same page. I don't, I mean, like, I have a friend who is so into food. Like, like people are into, I don't even know.

Like they're like a sommelier, but for food or something. I mean, in everything, there's nothing they will turn down. And it's all like, I don't know. There's like, out of all the 28,000 food items in the world i'm interested in

like 14 of them is your friend is your friend torment over what to eat is it always like oh what place what place um yes but it's more like um it's more like um where shall we go it's a lot of research it's a lot of like it literally gives me a headache it makes my stomach turn i'm like the first place we see on Uber eats. I, I, that's also why I'm with a lot of things in life too. Like there are times where I will just keep like,

I will just like wear the clothes and then wash the clothes and then put them back on top of the other clothes. And I'll never make it to the clothes at the bottom because I just keep wearing, washing the same clothes over and over again. If I'm at, if, if we're staying a

week somewhere and we go to one restaurant obviously of course you got a ranch if we if i hit a restaurant on on monday and they in the food is like they give me what i ordered and it's like and i don't throw up i'm being there every single fucking day oh yeah for sure every day i don't want to try if it if it it doesn't even to be spectacular. Sometimes it doesn't have to be good, but I just, I'm the same. Even if it's not great, I will just eat it just to get my sustenance and then just move on with my fucking day.

I used to eat this. I ate a sausage, egg and cheese croissant from Columbia Deli at 106 in Amsterdam almost every day for eight years. Fierce. I'm not even kidding. Almost every single day i'd walk in and the and the guy uh behind the counter what was his name he's calling me bob ethan george joey yeah chogi chogi chogi chogi was from egypt okay i would i'll go hey chuggie oh hey bob uh what do you want and i'd be like oh and i'd be like you know what it is every single

day me and chuggie i fucking love that chugg shit. Choggy would see me coming from work. So Choggy would see me dressed in the craziest outfits. In drag. Yeah, full drag. But also, I was in my club kid era, too. So I would come in painted like a clown. My face would be half black, half white, or blue on the top. I'm a fireball.

I'm always wearing the craziest outfits. And Choggy was like, oh, that's just Pab. Fierce. And I never corrected him. Pab. Pab. He called me Pab. Pab. Pab. He go, hey, Pab. And I'd be like, hey, Choggy. I would probably say his name wrong. Pab the brag queen.

Pab. I was like, all right. Shout out to Choggy, wherever you are, Choggy. Choggy, we are really interested in what you're going through right now. I think you may move back to Egypt. I'm dying to go to Egypt. Have you ever been? Mary, I've never been to Africa.

You've never been? Not once? I'm dying to go. I don't know why I said that, as if I've been so many times. You know, the thing is, I don't think I'll say it. When you look at the map, South Africa looks like it is as close as london it is not it is extremely far from south africa i think is a 20 something hour flight and it is so expensive for what it's like eight thousand five thousand dollars for just a regular economy class seat to get to

south africa yeah no thank you i'm dying to go to fucking morocco, no, thank you. I'm dying to go to fucking Morocco. I'm dying to go to Egypt. I'm dying to go to Tunisia. I'm dying to go to Kenya. I used to know a song where I could sing all the countries of the world, but I don't know why. I know I can't do it anymore.

Last time I was on the road, I was like, we're going to learn every African country in its capital, and they did, and then I forgot them. Burundi, Lesotho, Malawi, Togo, Spanish Jajara, Sierra Leone. Damn, you had them all committed to memory? Yeah, it's like very, very sad.

You remember the capital of Egypt? Oh yeah, Cairo. Yeah, everyone knows that one now. capital of Egypt? Oh, yeah. Cairo. Everyone knows that one. Well, you know what? Apparently, because according to Joanna Lumley's fabulous travelogue series, she travels the whole Nile River. It's so wonderful. But just the pollution alone from Cairo is the equivalent of a pack of cigarettes a day. So if you're just like out and about for the whole day in cairo you smoked 20

cigarettes that's why we've never had different responses to that we definitely had different responses i was looking up the country that smoke the most cigarettes and i feel like i feel like cambodia or india one of the countries where they were the most people who smoke cigarettes yeah do you smoke cigarettes i started smoking again yeah i've been on and off um currently i love it i'm not judging no no i i'm fine i'm i'm immune to judgment about cigarettes well i mean you have to be because everyone gives you so much shit yeah and i i i mean i know i'm taking a bold stance here sympathy for cigarette smokers is a pretty bold stance in 2024 but every like especially when because most cigarette smoke smokers either want to quit or

want to want to quit yes and but you know what i appreciate what's that the other category the ones that don't want to quit don't give up that just they love it they can't get enough of it i am one currently oh her yeah yeah so you've probably been through a lot of the cycles oh i've been through all of them and i've also i mean literally every like every you know uh little sort of variation of it but um did you notice that every fucking person in the world is vaping right now did you notice that did you notice that every fucking person in the world is vaping right now? Did you notice that? Did you, have you, have you been made aware of that?

Has anybody brought this to your attention? Have you been briefed? Have you, well, she's been briefed. The thing is, explain it to me because now for me, smoking and vaping are two very different activities

they're not even related well one is smoke and one is vapor oh shit any more let's take a break this episode is brought to you by better help as we enter the hot humid doldrums of midsummer a lot of us end up sitting at home in the air conditioning and endlessly scrolling through social media. We see all our friends and acquaintances enjoying their summer on the Amalfi Coast, drinking sparkling Italian cocktails and dining on freshly caught calamari. As you order Thai food for the 15th time this month, it's hard not to see those pics and feel like utter crap. But let me tell you, comparison is the thief of joy and it's

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for you. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash bald today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bald. Are you Dave, a claims free hybrid driving university grad who signed up online? Well, Dave, this jingle's for you. Who saves with TD Insurance? Because he's a glimpse We have a driving university grad

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started vaping because i was on the madonna tour and all the dancers were vaping and then i was just like let me let me get one of these some of your watermelon flavored air let me get one let me get some of your strawberry mint yeah air yeah and then i was like oh i am addicted to nicotine there's nicotine in this but then i had to switch to the nicotine free vapes okay just to satisfy the oral fixation of doing this non-stop that's what i think it is i don't love that i vape and i'm and i and i am quitting that's why i'm on the zero nicotine vape yeah how do you find it because i would go to the store and you ask for this no no i mean like how do you do you like it oh do i like vaping no no this like because i would imagine you could trick yourself quite easily there's no buzz is there really a buzz with the nicotine i mean i guess for me i don't

feel it because i smoke oh girl i remember one time hitting a nicotine vape and i was like i am high i was like day one reset i am in a silver chip this begins my relapse this is i need a 24-hour chip i was i remember i was driving from the gym and i was like oh a vape and i hit it and i was already winded and i was, I had to pull the car over. Jesus Christ. Because I was like, I am high off my gourd right now. Are you serious? I am dead serious. I would not. I was like. That is so fucked up.

I was so lightheaded. I was like, oh my God. I couldn't think straight. I had to pull over. And I was like, I got to quit. I got to quit the nicotine. So this is why I switched to the nicotine free babes. And now I do this one like maybe once every couple of days i i will go hours and and forget i have it and i also use

this little thing called fume fume is like uh there's there's it's not electronic at all it's just a breathing device we just breathe in flavored air and that's literally the whole thing it just satisfies the the desire to have flavored air in your mouth. I think it's just the oral fixation, don't you think? Oh, for sure, 100%. But every single person. It's wild. Everybody. You know why I stopped vaping at first?

This is a true story. I was under the stage hiding, and I did a little vape, and I didn't think anyone saw me. And then an 11-year-old girl said to me, are you vaping? And I said, oh, yeah, but, you know, I'm not normal. And she goes, do you like it? And I said, I do not like this. I don't like it.

Someone made me do it. Madonna made me do it. I said, I hate this. And she goes, well, if you hate it, why are you doing it? Are you serious? I'm not lying to hate this and she goes well if you hate it why are you doing it are you serious i'm not lying to you she goes if you hate it why are you doing it and i said you know that's uh that's a really good point and then i that day i stopped bathing for like months well and then i then i got back on a little bit i remember that little girl shamed me down oh shame i mean there's no i mean they can wield shame like no other oh because they have no shame hello oh god i remember when i was um we used to take these little kids out to the bus you know

when i was in we we yeah the royal we who's taking these kids to the bus we're all taking these kids to the bus you're like the older students would take the younger students to the bus and when when this little boy looked at me one day was like are you a boy or a girl that question drives me crazy when kids ask that question i remember this i used to have long hair down here yeah and this little boy said are you are you a girl and i said i remember i will never get this i was in minnesota city minnesota which is not a city by the way it's about 200 people in the whole town okay Okay. And I said, yes, I am a girl. And he goes, no,

you're not. And I said, then why did you ask me? And then you punched him in the face. Me and this little kid are shot. I said, you knew I wasn't a girl. Why did you ask me?

Which to be honest is quite progressive of him. He was like, bro, gender is a construct, dude. I was trying to find out how you identify because gender expression and gender identity and pronouns are all separate categories. So I'll ask my question again.

Are you a girl? If you would have said that, I'd be like, you ate. T. That's like 2005. I don't think we were having that conversation. So when I lived in LaGrange, we used to go to the bus stop. I was a bus rider. Bus rider. You remember Ghost Rider? Oh, yeah. Yeah, anyway. range we used to go to the bus stop to take i wrote i was a bus rider um bus rider you remember

ghost rider oh yeah yeah anyway um bus rider but it was ghost writer oh yeah writer yeah yeah um was it invisible um ink or something there was something in the ghost was like it was like these kids were detectives and then ghost writer would like help them solve their mysteries or something hey ghost writer is it a TV show or a product

ghost writer was a TV show oh okay ghost writer there we go so anyway this one kid every single day would come to the bus stop

and go did the bus come yet and I would be like I'm I was like you think I just you think I let the bus come I was like

nah y'all you guys go ahead cause Andy's gonna come and ask. And I want to be here to tell him. You have a log. You have a very, like, you. Did the bus come yet? Thursday, January 21st, 7.04 a.m.

The bus came. Yes. No, the bus didn't come. Every time. You know what's driving me crazy? What the fuck? Was whenever, okay, when you go to the elevator and everyone's standing, do you press the button? Okay, say it again.

Everyone's standing at the elevator, waiting for the elevator to come down. There's already people standing there. Do you press the button? I mean, if it's not lit up. I mean, no, because I'm going to assume. What if it's one that doesn't light up? I'm going to assume that the seven to 15 to 22 people waiting have already taken the initiative and when you get on the elevator do you press do you press the close button well i frequently do

because i don't like well if i'm in drag i'm vulnerable that's fair i'm vulnerable i'm fragile there's a lot of stuff can happen you're walking on stilts yeah yeah i would but here's the thing that i that i cannot fucking stand so when we go to hotels they have the key card you need the key card to you know that has completely destroyed the art of hooking up in drag oh we're just hooking up in general yeah you have to go all the way downstairs but what about this though state it went to to Seattle stayed at this fucking hotel Horrible hotel You had to like swipe the key card

To open a door to get into the lobby Where the elevators were Then you have to Press your card against the Reader And punch in the floor you're going to And then it will find an elevator That will And then you go find an elevator that will...

And then you go to the elevator, there are signs. Yeah, I've seen these. I've seen these. It is absolutely... It was the worst fucking thing ever. I just wish we could go back to large fucking brass keys.

Seriously. Everyone's like a janitor walking around. Like a monk in medieval times on a rope, like on a big rope. It scares me. A brass key scares me why what if i lose it you're not gonna lose this giant heavy brass they're gonna do a hubcap you're moving to the gas station they attach it to like a stop sign

or like when the bathroom key is attached like it's um it's a giant um you know fraternity paddle i love that shit yeah hockey stick um i have a friend who uh who leaves the he leaves a key outside under a rock and then you pick that key up and you come up and he'll he'll need the key back from you when you when you make your way upstairs he'll be like i'll take that from you thank you so much i love that which is honestly kind of iconic i love that and i think in terms of iconic. I love that. And I think in terms of, I just wish we could have no locks. Seriously. I know,

but I've never been burgled. Because your door is locked. Well, no, no, no. Because when I lived in West Hollywood for two years, I never locked my door.

Now I'm not, I know this is very reckless, bad behavior. But did you live in an apartment building? I did. On the first floor. But your door was outside? Yes.

So there wasn't like a door, an entrance way in then? No, anybody, this was the only apartment complex that did not have a gate that locked. So anybody could wander in from two separate directions and then I was on the ground floor,

so very accessible. That's wild. I know, but I just, I didn't care. Were you in WeHo or were you in Hollywood? We when you're in hollywood weho i did not care would have been insane um not necessarily but probably yes i mean this would turn out to be insane too but i was just lucky i just when i was growing up we never locked our

door we never locked our door our door was never locked we i'd never even had it i've never i don't have the physical memory of putting a key into my parents i was a latchkey kid i always locked my door and my mom used to do this thing where she would leave us home by ourselves like even like she had to like come on work several jobs you have to go work late at night and she'd be like she always gave us the same speech every single time she would go listen if someone knocks on that door, you do not answer it, no matter who it is. She'd always say one or two people. She'd go, I don't care if Jesus Christ knocks on the door. You tell him, wait till my mom gets home.

Or she'd go, I don't care if Bill Clinton knocks on the door. You tell him, wait till my mom gets home. And I used to always be like, I really hope today is the day Jesus Christ or Bill Clinton knocks on the door so I can finally say, no one ever knocked on the door. But I've always wanted to say my line. I wanted to be like, wait till my mom gets home,

Jesus. You're not coming in, you flop. Wait, so wait, it was, where was this? What town? Columbus, Georgia.

Was it, do you think if you had, was it safe? So I'm from the south side of Columbus, Georgia, which is not safe. I used to live off Victory Drive. big drive was not is not was not safe it's not giving but also there's a little bit of when you're in an apartment building you're one of so many i know so like i always think like if for me to get like if your house is getting burgled that makes more

sense than if you're your specific apartment in an apartment building is getting burgled because they're just there's so many options. Why would you choose this one? You know what I mean? How unlucky unless they're doing a whole string of them. I had a hookup one time in London where I went downstairs to go get the guy. And when I went outside and got him, the guy at the front desk goes, he can't be in here. What?

Isn't that crazy? No guests? And I was like, what do you mean? We don't have any guests after 2 o'clock? I was like, is this a dorm? Or am I a grown adult paying to be in a hotel where we paid money? Paint me a picture of your most, the best hotel situation. That I've had so far? Or that you would have it. Like, what's your ideal hotel setup?

Okay, I would like for there to be no key card to come upstairs absolutely because what i really like what i really don't want is to i mean i hook up but what i really do is i order uber eats and i don't want to meet you downstairs yeah i don't want to come they come up they come up no i have to go downstairs oh okay every once in a while there's a hotel where they where they can get up without the key And I prefer that But I hate coming downstairs To meet you You're already on the way

Just come upstairs And give me my food So I do not want To come downstairs I also think That the room number Needs to be on the Inside of the door

But very large Because you forget What room number you're in It's like tiny On your phone You can look down That's true I need to see

The room number Large on the inside Of the door So I can remember What room I'm in it's like tiny on your on your phone you can look down true i need to see the room number large on the inside of the door so i can remember what room i'm in that's fierce um i i would like a suite so i'll have like a room and then like the the rooms in another room yeah i only need one bathroom i do i never turn the tv on ever never never i will leave it on that channel that it's on for i'll be in a hotel for a week and that that one screen will never go off the way that i like i i have like a ritual you know like i put my stuff down here i put my stuff down in the bathroom and then i always have this reflex i'm going to take the tv off the wall and throw it out the window you should i hate it it's always

on that welcome channel do do do do do do do do, do, do, do, do, do. Hilton. Is that your name? Marriott. And I hate the, I also don't go by my first name. So whenever they're like, hi, Christopher, I'm like, who the fuck are you? Fuck you. How do you feel when people walk up and like, hey, Brian. I'm like, have we had sex?

Did we go to school together? What's the tea? Something's weird about it. A little bit, right? Yeah, it's the presumed um layer of uh familiarity that is not really there and you know when people do the thing where they uh let you know that they know another drag queen personally they're like and there's one there's one drag queen who's and i maybe it's because she's always telling people in her life to use her use her real name but she's

always people always let you know they know this queen by her first name. You know, cause you know, I was hanging out with Roy. When I was hanging out with Roy, you know Roy? You know Roy? You know Roy, his social security is 1468992, yeah. So, no, no, no, Roy is Bianca's real name. And Bianca's friends really want you to know, cause I'm friends with Roy.

You know, Roy and I go way back. Yeah, me and Roy. Yeah, we're almost decimated by Katrina, Roy and I yeah me and roy yeah love roy and i'm like and i feel like who and i was like who the fuck is roy everyone wants someone to tell me they know brian there are 19 of you which one i know there's a million of us there's i and it's also that yeah also because we're both if we're together me and trixie the brian thing is like obviously it's fucking annoying i can yeah you know it's like because it's i why oh my god i i don't i'm not a big fan of like any of that no none of that don't call me brian or i'm the same and also i

think the new york city drag scene we call each other are you a vegetarian scene, we call each other. Are you a vegetarian? No. Okay. We call each other. I should have asked that before I ordered chicken. In the New York City drag scene, we call each other by our drag names no matter what. Yeah. No matter how we're dressed. Yeah. No matter what we're doing. No matter if we're in a fight. No matter if we're joking. No matter if we're serious. We are always calling each other

by our names. We can be dead mad at you and we will still call you by your drag name. Then when I went to San Francisco, they all introduced themselves by two names oh my god that's too much peaches will be like my name is peaches or josh you just i but my but my brain does is take the josh and throws it in the trash peaches or josh or call me yeah that's it's already hard enough to remember one fucking name right it's it's it's not how do you feel about being confronted by someone you don't remember oh no we've met wait how about this though we've met i got that nice to meet you we have met i don't know if you remember this or not, but I was in the audience at your show and I raised my hand and I asked, I was with Roy and you said, who's got a question?

And I even said, I said, hi, my name is Craig and I want to know what's your favorite season of Drag Race? So we've met. There is a dude who's like, we met, was nine years ago i i'll never i have a photo you looked awful in it and then he scrolled for an inappropriate amount of time it was a long time you know it's like i i would say maybe like 15 to 25 seconds of scrolling and it better be worth it it better be worth it but this was a this is like almost i was verging on like two minutes oh i looked horrible worse than i actually anticipated all throughout the two minutes of the scrolling i'm like trying to

remember like how and i was like oh shit i guess it was worth two minutes of scrolling for the humiliation they'll also trap you if they've ever done drag i did drag once the way that my my eyes like recede into my brain and try to turn around can i show you yeah hold on hold on my friend did my makeup 26 000 pictures of my ass we just have to get through yeah see what it is is i did drag once on pride in 2013 so we're gonna be scrolling oh i gotta get my other phone my friend my friend fufu kachou she did my makeup oh okay and it's the ugliest yeah rotted rotted drag when you've ever seen in your life didn't shave her chest hair uh brows have sweat off yeah at pride wearing her fucking air force ones i don't want to see pictures i don't i don't necessarily want to see pictures of beautiful drag queens i don't want to see pictures of anybody i don't really

like pictures you want to say you don't like music no you know you said that once. Right? I did. Because sometimes I really don't. But I love music. By the way, I have to say, the fucking clip of you and Thorgy talking about pink is so fucking funny. I played that shit like six times yesterday because I feel exactly the same way

that Thorgy did in that video It is You're like you said it I was like, okay we got a lip-syncs Smackdown, you know, and it's a so what by pink Yes, so what? Is like you like me like I really don't like pink. I just, and it was, she made a few disparaging. She goes, she's just a bad seed on this earth. A bad seed on this earth. Which I'm very like.

Can you see pink getting slingshotted around arenas? Are you fucking kidding me? Singing glitter in the air. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah. Have you ever had a love of ingestion? She's literally like rotating she's spinning

she's twisting she's flying she's juggling fire this is the definition of doing too much I can't imagine why the song get this party started constitutes all this I'm not super familiar with Pink's discography but I can't name a single song

that would merit being catapulted from the back of an arena yeah to the front of an arena punted like a football it's so fucking it's like it's so crazy to me and there's i mean all due respect she's a very athletic wonderful performer yeah yeah she's a sold out, whatever. Just not. And she won't stop doing this bit. Well, which bit? The being catapulted around. Yeah, because she, yeah. It's like her thing.

It's like her Michael Jackson moonwalk. Yeah, yeah. It's like she doesn't feel at home in her body unless it's being tossed around. 35,000 feet into the air. Ricocheted around the arena. So no one's shocked anymore. The first time they were like, whoa!

And then they're like, Harry and the King flying above our heads. No, they probably, they gagged for it, I'm sure, still. It's probably, it's gotta be impressive.

You could not make me go to one of those shows, though. Oh my God. Have you ever been to an arena tour? I've been to like four. No.

The stress of like the getting in and out is always a big barrier for me never in arenas it does stress me out too so i saw how do you do it i saw madonna doing the rebel heart tour okay i saw kendrick lamar what what did the theater see how many seats in these so madonna and kendrick lamar were at barclays which is about 20 000 seats okay i saw lizzo in indianapolis which is about 17 000 seats and i saw beyonce at the MetLife Stadium, which is 80,000 seats. So tell me about getting in and out of Beyonce.

So getting in and out of Beyonce was honestly, getting into it was relatively easy. We found parking right away. And I'm going to tell you guys a little secret. Ticketmaster lets you resell your tickets at any price you want. You can raise and lower your prices if you go to a concert and you hang out long enough you will find someone desperately trying to sell their tickets at the last minute you will get a very cheap ticket that's what me and my friends did we sold our tickets in this up in the rafters okay and then we bought tickets down downstairs in the

beehive last minute for the same price of the tickets in the rafters because they were so desperate to get rid of their tickets okay um and getting in was not getting out because everyone's not arriving at the same time but we're all leaving at the exact same time that's why i don't i gotta leave before always like leaving the hollywood bowl even the hollywood bowl i live near the hollywood bowl it is so annoying mamallywood bowl and it's so annoying mama it's fucking or the greek the greek theater because you're all the way up there and even if you go on foot it's like a horror movie i've never seen it i've performed with the greek but i've never but whenever you're performing you usually either you're either if you're like really

the shit you're leaving before the audience but if you're not you're leaving way after they leave it's way it's one it's one or the other and if you're performing you i would assume it's way after because there's a single fucking lane of traffic and it's so it's my ultimate nightmare so um that was uh it was like a netflix thing it was a netflix thing um uh there was a Netflix thing There was a comedy showcase That Trixie was in I think Bitch I hosted that Oh you did You did cause you had to fill in for Oh

Why didn't you fill in No no no Okay so Let me say This is Bob the Drag Queen Is not only professional Not only a consummate professional

Not only a seasoned pro, but a generous performer. Generous performer. Thank you. Which is rare, I feel like, because there's one thing. One thing is being good is one thing. Being great is another thing. Being generous is a whole other thing. That is true.

And so when one of the people who was supposed to perform a certain duty refused to perform that duty for whatever reason. Allegedly. Allegedly. Bob stepped in and said, I will do this duty. And she did it well. But I didn't get the same credit. Or the money, I'm assuming. Or the money.

No, I did not get the money that the other person had got. Allegedly. I don't know how much they got, but I heard rumors about how much they got. And apparently it was Hanson. Oh, Mary. it was guapo honey it was wild I don't so it was so you can watch it on Netflix it's called standout yeah standout which is a queer comedy showcase me Trixie Mattel Wanda Sykes Matteo Lane uh Kim Booster, Lily Tomlin, Sarah Paulson, literally everyone. I think Judy Gold, Sandra Bernhardt.

So many people are in this remarkable special. And then I was slated to be a do a set. Then I ended up hosting the whole fucking... MCing. Now what's the difference between hosting and MCing? Pay. Shit. I ended up hosting the whole fucking MCing. Now what's the difference between hosting and MCing?

Pay. Shit. Shit. Couple zeros on the check. Baby. Couple zeros on the check. Don't slap some condoms on this bitch. Yeah. I think I,

I think I found out the difference on this. I did not know before, but I, I had to found out the difference between MCing and hosting. And they didn't bump you up a little bit. They did bump me up a little bit. Okay. Okay.

Okay. They did bump me up a little bit. Jesus Christ. Now, what was the best best the best night of the madonna concert i'm gonna say everyone thinks i'm gonna say brazil because it was 1.6 million people there no no mama that's that is a night that's the terrifier it was actually mexico city um we did a show with, what's her name? Famous Mexican actors. She played- Salma Hayek.

Salma Hayek. She came dressed as Frida Kahlo. So when you're performing in Mexico City, the elevation is very, I think it's the highest city in North America, I think. It might be somewhere in Denver. I don't know about that. Can you Google the highest city in North America? I love Mexico City.

It is, you are so winded. When you're there for a long time you get altitude sickness if you're not used to that you kind of like i was we were there for like a week almost shit and this was our last show in the fifth show in mexico city at the at the sports arena or the sports bowl or whatever it was called and when selma hyatt came out dressed like frida kahlo those people went crazy it was like i had never heard a roar that loud in my life they're already at a madonna concert and then selma hyatt comes out and she's dressed like selma hyatt and plus bob the drag queen's there so that must have really i think that's what really sent them over the edge. It was like excited, joyful, and then elation. That's funny.

But that was a really brilliant night. I'm sad that I didn't get to see the tour, but I don't think I would have lasted. I can't be an attendant in a concert. It's a long show. It's a long show. It's late and it's also hot. Someone stopped me at Chicago Pride the other day and was like i i have to ask you which which i can almost guarantee is a question they do not have that are you a girl how how i have to ask you how big is your

penis and are you a girl he said i have to ask you um what what was it like when kylie minogue met madonna and i said well i don't know i feel like that's a question for kylie minogue because you know what was it like to be there and i said well i wasn't really i wasn't i'm not watching the show i was like i'm in the show so i was probably doing my makeup yeah yeah and then i just saw it on i saw it on youtube like you did like i did not i was not out there watching k Minogue and Madonna singing Get Out of My Way together. I was changing my makeup and getting ready to come back on stage again. Yeah. So the truth is, I don't know what it was like.

He goes, come on. And I was like, I don't know. You should have just made up something. You should have just made up something. I cried. Yeah, I cried because I saw Kylie grab her, you know, her crotch and she wouldn't let go. And Madonna seemed to like it. Keep going.

But they didn't. That's not the first time they met, certainly. I don't know. Well, come on. You know, me and Madonna have talked a lot, but I've never asked her when she met Kylie Minogue. Okay. I need one good Madonna tidbit. Oh, there's

so many great stories about Madonna. I have this idea. What? On the tour. Because I helped her create the show. And you have to promise me that you'll bleep the name I say. Of course. Promise me you'll bleep the name. Absolutely. Swear to God. Nick, you got it.

Don't fuck with me. No. I said I had this idea for because i helped come with the help come with like i wrote all my own lines and i came up with numbers and stuff in the show i was actually helping create the show and then i had this one idea that i pitched her i was like and when i do this this should happen i'm wearing this big cowboy hat and i thought that the hat should jump off my head and start dancing and that it'd be funny there should be a person in the hat and the hat should just start dancing. And then she goes,

well, you can do that when you're hosting. So bleep the name. But yeah, I really, I love that. I love that. I love that. So the lateness.

Okay, we got to wrap up. What's your, what is your personal view on punctuality? Well, it depends on, for me personally. For you as a performer. Even though I want to point out that I was 20 minutes late getting here. But I want to say I also agreed last minute to do it. So I really tried to squeeze in my schedule. You showed up in a suit for christ's sake and with earrings i with earrings i am no i am known for my promptness i'm known for being on time yeah um but i will say this

though if you go to a pop stars concert who has been late for 40 years yeah four zero and you're gagging yeah bitch you're the fool you're late yeah right yeah yeah like you've been done been new yeah now the first time that's gaggy yeah it's like oh it's a monday night oh it's 11 30 oh i gotta work tomorrow when you've been going to these concerts for and i've been to every single one yeah then you know yeah then you fucking know bitch you know to wait two and a half hours after the runtime and then, yeah. Do your thing at 21. Like, you know, there are certain people in my life who I know are going to be late and

I am choosing to hang out with them. Yeah. Do you have any of those people? Like, I'm choosing. And I have to put myself in a mind frame. I'm like, I'm going to make, I know I'm going to be late with this person. I'm going to do it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's about knowing that, like, there's times when, you know you you always have to budget time in for people who have that track record yeah i mean you know over the course of like it's i think ultimately it does come down to like being a little bit disrespectful so it doesn't oh 100 but if they're but if they're always like that then it's just like oh they're just two hours behind everything like the first time they're late that's that's really on them but after the 20th time and you keep trying to meet them places it's on you at that point last last thing i swear to god first date what is the um amount of lateness that is acceptable for a second date uh eight minutes shit once we reach 10 i'm mad

yeah like if we reached if you are 20 minutes late I will not be there When you show up Fierce If you are 8 minutes To 10 minutes late I will be there And I will be so Pissed Fucked

The whole time 15 I'm Wrecked What if they show up With huge tits 3 days late Well thank you so much

For doing this last minute I guess you're gonna teach me How to eat some wings now Alright let's eat the wings. You know, wings are from Buffalo. New York. That's why it's called Buffalo Wings. Really? Yeah. Buffalo is my favorite. No, I'm not making that up.

Buffalo Wings are from Buffalo, New York. Oh, this is a Parmesan. Oh, I don't like cheese. It's okay. It's just one wing. You twist it so hold on okay

so I lived in New York for 12 years not that chicken wings are from New York City at all by the way so you twist it and then you pull the bone out. Right? Okay. And then you.

Shut the fuck up. Pull the other bone out. Oh, there's two. Yeah. I was going to go ham on it. Pull the other one out. And then just give it a little dunk. Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up, you bitch. Not a great wing. Not a great wing. But a great technique. Screaming. That is a game changer. This episode is sponsored by Popeyes. Not great wings. great technique screaming that was a that is a game changer this episode was sponsored by Popeyes not Great Wings

try Popeyes not Great Wings convenient just not great thank you thank you so much thanks everybody twist your wings and don't spit them out. Goodbye.