The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Circling Back for a Touch-Base to Close the Loop on the Deliverables with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Hi, Deborah. Thanks so much for taking the time to have a one-on-one with me this morning. I know that 8am Zooms can be logistically difficult, but Sheila from accounting pinged me yesterday, and per our post-mortem with Ted from the regional office, I wanted to stop herding cats and prevent this whole team from becoming a dumpster fire. As it turns out, we've identified multiple pain points in regards to your core competencies, and we simply can't see a clear route to going-to-market with so much low-hanging fruit being under-utilized. If you can't get your team's ducks in a row, we may have to drill down into the quarterly numbers even more, especially if we want to run it up the flagpole to Alexander before EOD. So how about we stop moving the goal posts, whiteboard the heck out of this thing, and address every action item before I have a hard-out at 10am. I really think this deck is going to be a game-changer. Also? Please kill me. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's it like to trade crypto on Kraken? Let's say I'm in a state-of-the-art gym surrounded by powerful-looking machines. Do I head straight for the squat rack? I could, but this gym has options, like trainers, fitness pros, spotters to back me up. That's crypto on Kraken. Powerful crypto tools backed by 24-7 support and multi-layered security. Go to Kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Non-investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss.

See Kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. and see what crypto can be. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Eligibility and member terms apply. Looking for a collaborator for your career? A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. I would love that because, you know, I have a lot of costumes. Amy's coming here to take things in because I have a lot. Well, welcome.

We're talking about costumes. We are talking about costumes on The Bald and the Beautiful today, fellas. And women. And women. And theys. And thems. Wait, but don't the queer people say theys and thems? Wait, those theys and themtelmen. Theys and themtelmen. No, theys and And thems. Wait, they, but don't the queer people say they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they,

they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they,

they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they you do that he got he's at the lgbt center the the oh yes okay so he was telling me he was he worked at conde nast with anna winter and one time there was an assistant who was non-binary and very androgynous okay using you know pronouns that anna's of a different generation well it wasn't 2023 at the time either right no it was probably 2010 2020 or 2018 or something okay it was early pronoun

uh culture she would it was so awkward he said that she would be like oh hello you she could not get her head around it which is hysterical to me he said it was so awkward always that fears my fear of misdrenging people is strong but i have no issue just going out and saying but you know what i will do and i'm always right i don't want to guess because guessing leaves what you check their genitals i'll lean in i'll go they done and they go yes thank you and i'm like oh you lean in and like a creeper? I privately like check before I say like, you know, in the public sphere. Okay. Hey, her, they, him, she, they.

Like I try to be like secretly discreet. Like later when I talk to you in front of the group, what are we doing here? What are we doing? What are we doing in terms of pronouns here? Because then I see the long and the short of it. Yeah. Hey, I noticed you have a short bang. I've seen a picture with you blue hair.

Yeah. Wait, what I do is that if there's a group of people and I misgender somebody and they correct me, I start crying. I pull my pants down and I piss and shit. So it just distracts from the mistake because then I just have to clean that up. Right. I was on a commercial shoot and they were – it's a good thing that people are afraid of saying the wrong gender to clean that up. Right. I was on a commercial shoot and, um, they were, it's a good thing that people are afraid of saying the wrong gender to you in drag.

Now for drag, I'm sort of like, you can be like, I'll never say you use the wrong gender, but for straight people who don't know us, they are so afraid of misgendering. I'm in drag. And they're like,

I would like, you know, it's like the straightest, straightest guy you've ever drag and they're like, I would like you to know. It's like the straightest, straightest guy you've ever met. He's like, my name's Bronson. He, him.

And I'm sort of like, so you read the handbook. You don't even, I'm always like, so you watch the zoom, the sort of like, um, harassment zoom,

corporate errands of gender. Yeah. It's not a one. So I'm just going to get started. Yeah. Gender, gender terminology. It's something we have to circle back on

I think we have to Let me set it up We went on the road this weekend And Trixie did something unprecedented She changed my life Which is show you a meme you liked No listen, girl I'm very skeptical Of anything you want to share with me, I'll just be honest

This, I was like corporate, I've never heard of it And not only did I love it, I cannot stop looking at it. And I did what you did. I fell asleep watching it in my hand. It was on my face. It was still playing and I was like. And you know what it is? She plays corporate so well that I

feel like it's a real meeting I can't leave. I'm like, oh, I better stay on camera. I better keep watching. Guess what? I've shown people who are in that world, they don't laugh. I think that makes it really good. Because they don't know it's a joke. A little bit before nine, but everybody's already here. So I'm just going to go ahead and get started.

Okay. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Corporate Erin. I'm the manager for the managerial logistics for management, McManagement. And for the purposes of today's meeting, why I put a nine o'clock meeting on everyone's couch this morning, thank you so much for being here, is kind of really just explaining my presence. So I am taking over social media for Lisa Beasley. She's on a sabbatical. She currently doesn't have the bandwidth.

And we can definitely understand that even though we have our workload here, we can definitely understand when someone doesn't have the bandwidth, some of us have to pick up the slack. By the way, that is me when I show up on the trixie cosmetic slack once a week and i enter two sentences and leave yeah yeah yeah like thanks for being here but you know what else it is have you ever done a gig for a big brand like a big a big big brand and it's a zoom of 75 people and they insist on going around introducing themselves and And I said, it's May 31st. Pride month is over next month. And then you will all forget I existed. So let's just get through it.

Let's just call a spade a spade. I'm the spade. Y'all are nothing. No, just kidding. Yeah. Like Zoom. It's so hard to remember names anyway. To remember names from Zoom.

Well, they have it right on the thing. That's the thing. Okay. But mama, I was on a Zoom. My first corporate gig is coming up. I've never done brand deals because people don't. I'm too sexy.

You know what I mean? I'm too sexy. They're going to sell out. They can't keep up the manufacturing, so they don't even approach me. It's fine. I've made my peace with it. Another challenge is that you don't answer email. Well, no, no, no.

I don't answer email because. You don't circle back. You don't close the loop. I can't do that because I can't follow up. There's a lot of contention, a lot of tension for me not answering emails every time you touch me well i was at a lunch and learn this morning like wait what's a lunch and learn for a drag queen mama going to brunch and talking shit lunch and learn no is when while the audience is eating lunch they're learning that we're disgusting. Lunch and learn, brunch and burn. Brunch and burn, dinner and die. Which is when

somebody's booked for an outdoor brunch during COVID in 90 degree weather. Remember we went to see Fina and it was 90? Martyrdom. And she had a caftan on with a mask on. Mama, I was in like a bando bikini top and shorty shorts and I was like drenched, drenched, drenched,

looking for shade. But wait, wait, wait, wait. So I'm on this zoom in corporate erin i've just spent the last three days watching every single one of her tiktoks over and over i'm not joking right and i'm like so when are we gonna talk about the company bereavement policy oh wow mom dad brother sister dead okay wow way to bring the energy down on this call just kidding i want to bring levity the situation so just as you know this one-on-one touch base will go a little over. We still have some key critical talking points. Key critical talking points. Key critical talking points.

Have you ever worked at a corporation? Mama? Yes. No. But I have a friend in Boston, this despicable man who works as a mic manager for mic management at management.co and he makes over $300,000 a year

to circle up to circle back follow through and close the loop and meetings about meetings about meetings emails about emails about emails checking in circling back check the data aligning up the data centering himself centering his presence

it's so enraging because he's a white guy, right? Well-educated grad degree in business bullshit. Mama. Sorry. He does nothing at work besides eat good food and walk from his office to another office. What is it? Because when I started watching Aaron corporate TikTok by Lisa Beasley, the artist is Lisa Beasley, by the way. She is so fucking funny.

You have to watch the one where she's like, people are really triggered by my character. And so I want you guys to know, I only do the character in a way. Yeah, but with the wig on, that's good. Lisa Beasley, you have a friend. By the way, she shaves her head. She is the bald and the beautiful. Mama, she's bald. She's beautiful.

She makes us look like stupid, ugly, unfunny dogs. I saw one where people on the Zoom were commenting that her edges were lifting. And she was referring to a handbook about how to speak to employees about their hair. Oh, my God. What about EOJ? And she's like, you keep saying my edges are lifting. And she's playing with her hair and the wig edge is completely flapping. It's so fierce.

EOJ, end of December. Brian, one-on-one. Cunt. Oh, with her husband? No, with Jared. Yeah, yeah. When I lost my, I swallowed one-on-one, cunt. Oh, with her husband? No, with Jared. I swatted my writing ring. Oh, my jewelry keeps falling out. It's just.

It's crazy. If you can't say, you know, we've done a lot. I've done a lot of Zooms in my life, especially with the TV stuff, like Trixie Motel and stuff. We do a lot of Zooms. Do they close the loop and circle back and follow through and all that stuff? Yeah. I mean, for a while, David was on the More Than Me, but pre-production of season two of Trixie Motel,

they were having standing zooms every morning. Every morning, like 7 a.m. And David would let me sleep in. Thank God. I mean, Tracy and I were on a call last night about this project with John Mark, and I had to say something, but I couldn't not use the

language. And I almost had a meltdown. I was like, so why don't we jump on a call and circle back tomorrow? I was like, how do I say it regularly? Put a pin in it and piggyback on it. I'll ping you. I'll ping you once you've followed through or no. Once we circle back, you ping me and then we'll close the loop. Yeah.

Okay. And then there's a gentleman who does a corporate boss who does like, Oh, good, good, good. Everybody see my screen? Okay. How about underserving the, over-serving the underserved rat community? Well, that's the- The non-profit boss.

If you like corporate Aaron, by the way, if you listen to Baldwin Beautiful, trust us, look these up. Corporate Aaron is fierce. Non-profit boss is also fierce and she does it for less money, but it's the mission and it's, it's going forward and it's the passion. And, and it's, it's so funny. It's so funny. It's, it's really, really, the nonprofit boss is fierce. I just feel seen. I'm, it turns in my eyes cause I feel just so seen right now. And every time you enter the office, she's like taking a piece of dark chocolate and eating it for 20 minutes.

The tiniest bites. And then Erin has her twisted claw with a cardigan. She's like, thank you for joining. So our bereavement pause. Okay, stop. We have to play the bereavement pause. I know. You have to do it.

I'm sorry. The whole full minute. You have to. You might have come to us before for original content, but now we just recap TikTok. We're just a dishwasher. We're just a dishwasher. So I got to find the clip. I got to find the clip. You have to. You might have come to us before for original content, but now we just recap TikTok. We're just a dishwasher. We're just a dishwasher. So I got to find the clip. I got to find the clip.

Roll the tapes. I know where it is. In the meantime, I'd love to say hi. As we approach the end of January, it's really time to consider, are you really going to make that beach body a reality? I don't think so. Stop going to the gym, eat lots of peanut butter,

and don't be afraid to shit in your bed at night. I do it all the time. And guess what? I've got abs, not on my body, all over my wall. Pictures of people with abs. Thank you so much and have a happy Easter. Did you see the one where she recommends bumping up black history month?

So crazy. The portal, the portal. Yeah. The portal, the portal. Well, you know,

what's ingenious about it? When I, when I realized when I watched it for the 13th, 14th, 15th time, she's actually highlighting other creators in such an ingenious way and using brand partnership deals, money, because she was kicked off Facebook in such an ingenious way. She was kicked off Facebook? Yeah. Mark Fiskerberg kicked her off of Meta.

For what? For being too fierce. Closing the loop too fast. Maybe because she does content that. It was political. Oh, well, you know, a friend of ours, I won't say who, plays Betty Bowers. And she was explaining to me the ins and outs of like, when you do content that incurs wrath, you have to be really careful online.

Yeah. When you run a file of the Hollywood foreign press, they make you go. Girl, I can't find it. I can't. I know. And I'm going to, I'm so sorry. That's okay. Hey, that's okay. We've had some great live pods recently, by the way.

We just did Salt Lake City in Denver. Had a blast. I got to say, I love California and I love the warm winter. I love the warm winters here. What about the altitude? What about the altitude? Salt Lake City when it was snowing, those big fat pieces of snow. It was gorgeous.

It was beautiful. It was beautiful. And I know we sound stupid because y'all are months into snow, some of you, and you're like, fuck you faggots. But it made me kind of understand the magic. Without the magic, the shitty part of winter, spring means nothing in LA. No, the seasons mean nothing. When you live somewhere where the snow is melting, spring is off the chain. Everybody's out of their house.

People are spending money. Yeah. In LA, it's like with no winter, with no way to meter, it was almost nice to have winter months to get depressed every year. Your whole family passed away this weekend. That was you on the news. Oh no. Mom, dad, sister, brother gone. Whoa. Okay. So way to bring down the energy of this one-on-one. Okay. Just kidding. I wanted to bring some levity to your day. It will take some time to explain the bereavement policy to you, but just keep in mind that this may cause our one-on-one to go over today

because there still are some critical key talking points that I have to get through on our agenda. Isn't that fair? Okay, so just really quickly, I wanted to run our bereavement policy by you now, okay? The eyes. Okay? The eyes.

Okay, so mom and dad and immediate family, you get one day. Okay? For any aunts or uncles or cousins, you get a half a day. Okay? We don't acknowledge chosen family here, but we have run into the policy

where you get five minutes in the break room. But if you work from home, you don't need to take advantage of that policy. Girl, all I do is watch her. It's so sad. Now, some people say, well, if it's unexpected, how can I put it in 36 months in advance if it's unexpected? Well, sometimes you can kind of anticipate these things. But in your case, unfortunately, we will still grant some of these days to you.

But keep in mind, just because it's multiple family members doesn't mean that it runs consecutively. So you still just have one day. It's fierce. Okay, for the immediate family, since they all passed away at once. Wait, I'm sorry. What happened to the family? Okay, so now if we can,

just get back to the talking points, because we have some client deliverables that we have to get back to. Client deliverables. That's not even a joke. To make sure that they arrive timely. And Sarah, Sarah, I do want to put some other things on your radar, okay?

When you take your day, make sure that you pass along all of the information that you're supposed to pass along to your colleagues before you take your day. Also be sure to put your out of office message up because there's nothing worse than when I try to email you and I think that you got it and I don't have an out of office and I'm expecting coaching from you by EOD. Okay. Now, if you do need anything from me before you take your day, keep in mind, keep me posted when that day is because I'm going to be out for two weeks. Jared booked us a vacation. I told him I did have some critical work here to do, but he already booked it.

So we'll be out. It's just. It's so fierce. Give it up for Lisa Beasley on TikTok. Lisa Beasley. Lisa Bevolving, I think it's called. Oh, right. Lisa. If you go to TikTok and you just look for

Corporate Aaron she comes right up And she does other characters she does men I mean Aaron's kind of the Fucking bomb The queen one is hysterical This woman is just Lisa Bevolving Lisa we love you

We love you She's on par with Simone Biles with me at this point. Actually, that is Simone Biles. What's great about it is when I started watching her TikToks, I'm not a corporate person, I guess. But you've been in that. But I've been in that world. I've been on the- You have a lot of brand deals.

Before Zooms, when I worked at Mac, I would be on the phone conferences where you'd sit on speakerphone for hours talking about product. And then, but now like Zooms, like we have Zooms in our world and entertainment all the time about contracts and stuff. I just never been to one. But corporations like that, I started doing the deep dive of like, people have stitched corporate Aaron and said, this is why this corporate speak exists. And they talk about the culture of like, if you're young in the corporate world, the pressure is on to go out drinking, to become friends, to suck up, to basically beat match other people's speech patterns to make them think that you are like-minded, which is why everyone starts to talk the same. It's a really crazy world. But also here's the thing too, the timing, because so many people are just waiting for an email from this person and that person. You can't be too fast, but you can't be too slow.

Yeah. Because if you're too fast, you're stressing everybody else. And you're setting a precedent that other people don't want. It's like, don't do all that. But also, I need that email. So it's like a really tenuous balance of timing. Yeah. It's fucking.

It's fierce. It's gross. I hate it. I could never do it. I would rather work at the car wash. you turn off whatever's holding you back so you can let your potential shine. Turn on confidence. Turn on connections.

Turn on possibilities. There are hundreds of programs and services available at the Y. See what you can achieve at ymcagta.org. This will be the day. 3, 2, 1, 0. The final seconds of the game separate true fans from the rest. The fans that are there for every victory, defeat, agony, and ecstasy. And when the buzzer sounds, you deserve a Coke Zero Sugar. The one with irresistible taste and zero sugar.

Win or lose, Coke Zero Sugar is the most refreshing way to end the game. Coke Zero Sugar. Best Coke ever. Learn more at Coca-Cola.ca. I've definitely been fired a lot of times, and two of the times were for big corporations. And I didn't work at corporate, but I worked for corporations where, you know, the firing is very like, well, in the handbook that you signed, you did a great blah, blah, blah. And so we are going to have to terminate you. The firing is very like, well, in the handbook that you signed, you did agree to blah, blah, blah, blah. And so we are going to have to terminate you.

Every time I've been terminated, they say it like, we are going to have to terminate you. We're off-boarding you. Yeah. We made the decision, the difficult decision to discontinue your employment. Yeah. There's a lot of tension, a lot of contention. But I'll tell you, I mean, I've fired people and I've been fired so many times. When I've had to fire people, I've usually talked to you first.

Don't try to make it nice. Just say, Hey, it's not working. I'm going to let you go. This is what that looks like. And if you can manage to do this with, um, not with a degree of compassion and truth and honesty, don't sugarcoat it. Don't lie. Don't lie. Because that person is going to hold an ad. They're going to not learn about themselves. They're going to go into their next. They need to have accurate feedback so that they can process it and do better or whatever, or disagree or whatever, but they need to be able to have the right facts. Why did you let me go? Well, we've all decided that like when you use that corporate speak, it's circuitous, it's vague, it's not precise and it's not direct and it's fucking despicable.

I've been removed from show lineups before. Show lineups. Show lineups. And between the client, the manager, and me, the manager will say like, oh, they just went in a different direction. And I go, so what happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened? Either they got someone else or I cost too much money or I made a joke they don't like

or something. It's always something and it's not really my business, but I want to know. Well, they went in a different direction because they smelled you and they're like, oh, we got to veer to the left. My client deliverable, which is my grape size hemorrhoid hanging on my ass. That's critical. That's a critical key talking point. That's a critical key talking point.

Deliverables. When I heard the word deliverable asset in deck, she goes on about the difference between a deck and an asset and the deliverables. Oh, I love that one. Yes.

And it's like, these are very, I mean, they are, it's like, but a word does have meaning. No, it does. There means something. If Maybelline contracts you

to make a video and they want two TikToks, a story, and a video. Those are all the deliverables. Those are deliverables. I don't know what else you would call them. The stuff.

No, assets are the videos that comprise the – like an asset is one piece of all the deliverables. Well, then there's also elements. Elements of the deck in the assets for the deliverables. Like, oh, I'm doing a video for them. I'm going to get their elements, which is their like logos and fonts. Girl, it's a whole thing. But you got to use your power for good. You know, I do think it's possible to use these words without sounding like that.

Yes. Well, yes. Yeah. But it's also, I think the most important thing is the nonprofit boss serving the rat community. And despite the language barrier. Despite the language barrier. The scenes them crack up together is so funny. The best is when the nonprofit boss

goes, um, maternity leave. So, the answer is, maternity stay. The answer is, yes,

and not yet. They have a robust maternity stay program. Yeah. One day. Which is like, you know, if you need time

with your family, remember, this is a family and we can help you here. Basically saying like, bring your newborn to work. Love. She says, put up on a, you put it, you here. Basically saying like bring your newborn to work. Love. She says put it up on a – you put it on a backpack.

You switch your chair so you can be at the office and then the baby is back there and you're still typing. Love. It's fierce. And it's not to remove from the truth. Not at all, bitch. And you and I are not in danger of being pregnant. Not because we're men but because of our hysterectomies. Thank you.

But – well, I call nature's hysterectomy, which is making me born male. That was nature being like, you're not worthy of being a mother. I mean, you're mothering, but we're not going to allow you to mother, bitch. They're hiding nature's candy. I mean, in other countries, I remember in French class in high school, they talked about maternity leave in France. Three years. That's what I'm saying. Maternity, I think, is one year even. Yeah. In Sweden, they have 25 years maternity leave in France. Three years. That's what I'm saying. Maternity, I think, is one year even.

Yeah. In Sweden, they have 25 years maternity leave. Oh, in Sweden, if you jerk off, you're a father and you have a pension for life. In America, you could be the octomom and they would be like, we'll see on Zoom at 7 a.m. You know what I mean? We've flown out a computer flew it out to the hospital to the emergency room you would be mascara running legs up crowning kidding yeah and they'd be like we need your cameras on yeah karen we need your camera we

know you're in pain but we have some critical talking points to get to on the agenda well what do you think about all these poor kids who went to school during covid and it was like cameras on taking math class oh did you say math class? You wish. Math class. I mean, that would have got us through COVID. The master's, doctorate, PhD. Is a PhD a doctorate? PhD is a doctorate

philosophy, yeah. What do you think about doctors? What's going on there? Oh, I've got plenty to say. Are you ready for this? I want doctors with borders. I want... I think they have too much freedom. You know, you ever go to a doctor's office, make a point with your doctor and you show up and it's not them.

It's an associate or an, or someone else. I'm like, am I a Nikki fan? I'm like, am I a doctor fan? Yes. Pull up with the physician's assistant,

the nurse practitioner, mama. Let me tell you, let's open you up. Girl, I got to tell you something fierce., let me tell you something. It's George Santos. He's like, let's open you up. Girl, I got to tell you something fierce. I got to tell you something very fierce. Speak on it. It's not about a doctor.

It's, oh my God, you're going to die. Great. I talked, I have to keep it vague. I have to keep anonymity. Okay. Right. Dr. Seuss. A friend of, no, a friend of mine,

not from LA, recently visited a psychic. No, he didn't visit a psychic. He was visited by one in the middle of the night. So a friend recommended this healer, a healer. And then, so this is how it went down. The healer gave him a phone call. Okay.

And said, so what you're going to do is you're going to lay down for 45 minutes. You're going to drink some water. You're going to, you know, she gave him a little bit of protocol for the next, for how the morning should go. You're going to drink plenty of water and you're going to lay down for 45 minutes. Then I'm going to call you. During the time you're laying down, I will be receiving messages. I will be assessing your energy from a remote location

that she did not disclose at any time whatsoever okay and then so 45 minutes goes by I think he fell asleep he fell asleep a couple times she calls him four times he finally wakes up and answers the phone she's like I think he fell asleep he's like okay well I have I have your information um first she says there's a lot of tension in your neck. First, we're going to go on with energetically what's going on with your body. I saw a lot of tension in your neck. I also spoke with your grandfather. He wanted me to tell you, good job, son.

And then I also, I'm getting, I wrote it down in a napkin and I fucking forgot. So it's all out of order. But she also said, you have one person in your life has allowed you to discern dishonest behavior. I was like, Mary, we live in LA. We live in LA. Ain't nobody telling the truth here. She also said, there's a hole in your gut, in your stomach. There's a hole. When you were 15, a hole created.

There's a knife in your back and the blood is dripping down. This is an egg, crack an egg over your head. Tight squeeze, cool breeze. Doesn't that give you the chills? No. And she went on and on. You have beautiful feet. You have beautiful feet.

And she charges money. I'll get to that in a second. you have beautiful feet. And she charges money. I'll get to that in a second. In your life, you're like a drop in a pond, and the ripples that emanate from that drop must be good. That's verbatim.

She also said, you have many young men who look up to you. She also said, you are a gentle soul. She also said, things are complicated in your life, but they're also very easy. What? It was the vaguest, most bull shittiest. I would just swing big if I was a fake psychic.

$333. I don't even like that number. It's an angel number because guess what? Also the Archangel Michael visited me and had a message for you. And it went bonk, bonk. No, I don't forget what the message was. If I was a fake psychic, by the way, and I don't believe all psychics are fake. I believe in intuition.

I believe people feel things and know things. However, I recently saw Teresa Caputo at the airport. Are you kidding me? I can't believe I didn't tell you this. The Long Island medium? I get to Milwaukee. This was around Halloween when I did my gig at my bar. This is it, Milwaukee.

Which is doing fabulous, by the way. Stop right in. Yeah, yeah. Not bankrupt. Not at all. Not bankrupt. Or they go there. It's just seized.

Yeah, no. Aborted up. We're doing fine. We can count on the gays in Milwaukee to drink. Okay, that's what we can count on. I land at the airport to do my Halloween gig, my my annual it's my eighth year doing my halloween party there come on eight years and i go from the back i go god that bitch's hair is wild it's 613 straw blonde it's teased out it's from the back it's huge it looks like she has a hollywood boulevard outfitters outfitters wig not it not it not a nice anfitters wig on. Outfitters wig. Not a nice Outfitters wig on.

Yeah, a ginger wig. I go, that's so crazy. That hair is so fierce. I go, I wonder if that's even all real. What an intense thing to wear at the airport in Milwaukee of all places. I almost would expect it in LA, like a little more of a freak show in LA. Yeah, sure. She turns around and I go, you're kidding.

I say it out loud. And you know my celebrity problem is that I say their names. You're like, oh my God, god Teresa Caputo three inches from her face but you know I can't always remember their names oh no so I'm like Vince Camuto Vince Camuto the Staten Island psychic yeah but I just go she turns around and locks eyes with me and I go

you're kidding like as she was like I'm just trying to get my bags like you bald bitch like you coming from my hair and like and I just went that can't be her that can't be her and I spent the whole day thinking about my own psychic powers to see her was like you know bitch, like you coming from my hair. And like, and I just went, that can't be her. That can't be her. And I had spent the whole day thinking about my own psychic powers to, so to see her was like, you know, it was like, you know, it's like if you were playing basketball day and you ran into LeBron.

Yeah. You know, I was like, wow. So then later I go, I can't, that wasn't her. There's no way that was her. I go by the Riverside theater that we've played the paps or whatever. And the marquee says, Milwaukee welcomes Teresa Caputo. I was like, work. She looks like she had a wig on. I respect

people who fly in character. Of course she did have a wig on. But I guess, I mean, I respect people who walk off camera and they walk the walk off camera. Like Amanda. Amanda flies like that. I know. Or like, you know, who else? People like

Andy Milonakis. Exactly. In the wild, he always has like cool goggles on. He was like a comedian star in the 2000s. Carrot Top. Well, exactly incognito. You can't exactly take that off, can you? I love.

Steven Tyler. It's not just Carrot Top. It's, I love male comics with drag queen level face work. It's wild. I fucking. It's wild. I fucking. It's wild. Like I love it. And I have seen.

Beat it up. I have seen comics at Earth Bar. I've seen so many comics at Earth Bar. Male comics from like the 2000s and 90s. Earth Bar. The smoothie place. Oh, sure. $18 smoothies.

$24 now. Yeah. After COVID. Girl. And I have been waiting for my little green goddess or whatever. And you turn the corner and it is somebody with biceps, the size of a watermelon. And the face is a mahogany tan.

Mahogany. Joan Rivers from here to here. And then Lou Ferrigno from the neck down. It's fucking great. It's wild. With the 18 year old girlfriend. Love. Live,

live, laugh and love. Live, laugh, love. And yeah. And then go to E to arowana or whatever earth bar so what is it with because i have a theory i have a theory about stand-up comedians i was

talking i was talking to my aunt priscilla and and she i was making her laugh she's like you should just stand up i was like no no i'd never and she said you should do stand-up you said there's literally a special thanks for your support it's not that special um so the um i like i was like no and then i got to thinking like what is it about you know because i'm going There's literally a special. Thanks for your support. It's not that special. Um, so the, um, I like, I was like, no. And then I got to thinking like, what is it about,

you know, cause I'm going down the rabbit hole of Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, yada, yada, yada. What is it about these aged, mostly male,

but I don't think it's just uniquely male comedians who fucking lose it. They lose it. Is it the success? Is it the, is it a level of achievement where they're so cushy comfortable that they're not able to access right observations about life? What is it? I'll tell you what it is. It's money, of course.

Yeah, but what does that mean? What does that mean, money? The pookie. It's several types of pookies, girl. Talk about it. What do you mean? Purple pookies? What are you talking about? Miss pills? Miss prescription pills? Really? I feel so naive. That's why everyone gets so weird and bloated too.

It's Miss Pills. Miss Pills. Miss Pills. It's good pill hunting up in there? You can go down. Wait, what? How am I breaking news to you? I'm shocked.

No, I don't believe you. You got to. Well, I think it's money. I think it's a lot of things. Well, it depends. Dave Chappelle? It depends which comics you're talking about. Like what happens to them. Eddie Murphy. I do think it's money. I think it's a lot of things. Well, it depends. Dave Chappelle? It depends which comics you're talking about. Like what happens to them.

Eddie Murphy. I do think it's money. Eddie Murphy. Right? Because you and I, no matter how rich or fancy we got, we are still cross dressers. Still half the country hates us no matter what. But I'll speak for myself. Girl, I have achieved a level of success that in California is not only not impressive.

It's kind of like I'm like barely middle-class. Dancing with the stars, bitch. We couldn't even get on Dancing with the Stars. We're not that famous. Honey, Z-Way didn't even want just me. Z-Way didn't even want just me. I was like, excuse your mouth, Mary. And I love her, of course.

Little did she know she got a deal. She got the good one. Honey, and then she got Bob separately, together. Yes. Did you watch the Z-Way Santos interview no I don't want to give him any of my it chomps you're not giving him you're giving her

you didn't get paid for that no but he gets paid I saw a clip where he talks about she's like why did you get booked and he's like stop paying attention to me or something like that didn't he say that I saw a clip on twitter well that's the hard thing I, stop paying attention to me or something like that. Didn't he say that? I saw a clip on Twitter. Well, that's the hard thing. So I was like,

I'm not paying attention to that fucking asshole. Hate watching is still supporting, unfortunately. When is she going to have Bobert on? Too afraid of getting jerked off, Z-Way?

It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation. You can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire.

Treat your friends or spoil your family. Earn them on your adventure and use them how you want, when you want. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply. Wait a minute. We have to talk about what happened in Denver. I went into the audience to reenact Boebert. Yeah, what happened?

And there was that drunk woman. What did she do? Because I couldn't hear you. Well, I got up close. Trace, do you remember this? I got up close. I remember this i got up close because i i saw a few empty spots and i thought great i'm gonna do my low my little blubber act my plan was to do something many drag queens have done which is to go sit in the audience and with your

big wig do this in someone's lap and everyone laughs sex is funny oh my god yeah um and also the real humor is that someone would have sex with me ha ha ha you know yeah and i go out there and i see an empty seat and I go, I'm just going to sit here. And this girl's so drunk. She grabs both. And then she grabs the boa. And I thought I have to abandon the bit because I can't.

Right, right, right. Sit next to her or around her. What? And apparently she got carried out later. By the way, didn't pay attention. Booted out of the theater. I didn't see it. She got boberted.

Yeah. She got boberted. I didn't see it. Do you remember when someone puked on themselves in the front row of Trixie and Katya and Kelly didn't even notice? Mama, can I do the impression? Can She got bow-birded. Yeah. She got bow-birded. I didn't see it. Do you remember when someone puked on themselves in the front row at Trixie and Katya and Kelly didn't even notice? Mama, can I do the impression? Kelly Renzel didn't even notice.

Can I do the impression? Yes. So you're in the front row. Okay. I'm doing acting. She's, the person's this close. It was this. And then a trail of puke.

You can see the puke down the chest. After the show, you and I were like, I can't believe that person. And Kelly goes, what? Mama, that's an actor. She's in the moment. She's in the character. Mama, that's an actor. She's in the moment. She's in the character. She doesn't see the audience. She's living the fantasy.

What I love about Kelly is Kelly is a smart woman. But in drag, Kelly's brain cells plummet. She steps into that like, I'm just pretty role. They disperse. Yeah. And she's sort of like, what? And then out of drag, she's so big brain. And then in drag, she's a bimbo, which I love. I mean. They disperse. Yeah. Yeah. And she's sort of like, what? It's like different parts of the brain. She's so big brain.

Yeah. And then in drag, she's a bimbo, which I love. I mean, that's the, you know, always that adage about,

it takes a real smart woman to play a bimbo, right? Well, she's very smart. That makes us really smart. Very jealous. Very jealous. When was the last time you were jealous?

I get, by the way, I gassed you up to my aunt. I talked to my aunt. I talked to my father. You talked to your aunt or your aunt? Cause these are different. I'm so sorry. I talked to my aunt. I talked to my father. You talked to your aunt or your aunt? Because these are different. I'm so sorry.

I talked to my aunt, Priscilla. We're from the East Coast. Right. We don't do aunt. We don't do aunt. And she would slap me on the wrist. But tell me if I'm boring. I just wanted to get this little piece out.

This woman is so extraordinary. She was, so when you were in the, born in 58, as she was, you had two choices as a woman in Massachusetts, be a teacher or a nurse. Her mom. So my mom was a nurse. She was a teacher. She taught French and Spanish. Oh, wow.

And then she taught French and Spanish. Then she became vice president or a vice principal. Then she became principal. She was vice president of the United States. Yeah. And then she moved to Texas. She became a principal, superintendent, and the same thing in California. Mama, she conquered. Superintendent is the one who oversees the educational system of

an entire region or state. Oh, it's the principal of many schools. It's the administrative head of, like, so what in a school district, the superintendent is the high up. I believe I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure, you know, you have the principal, then you have the administration. It sounds important, but I've never been clear on what it is. Well, yeah, and also it's when a teacher does it, a teacher, then she worked up the chain. Like, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger became the governor after having no experience in politics.

That's crazy. She went all the way up the ladder, conquered East, South, and California. This woman is so fucking smart. Well, don't you, if you want a superintendent, don't you want someone who has all the way down the ladder also taught in classroom? Yes. And I'm talking all grades.

Remember Betsy DeVos? Honey. Someone who's never even heard of a student loan? She doesn't even know what students are. She's like, what are these books? It's a little bit of a throwback, but you want to talk gooning? She's like, what are these books? It's a little bit of a throwback, but you want to talk gooning?

That video of Miss Elizabeth Warren talking to Betsy DeVos being like, have you ever taken a student loan? Have you ever gone to a public college? I have not seen this video. Oh, God. It's so burnt. Roll the clip. She's like, has anybody in your family ever had to have financial assistance? No, she's the wife of a billionaire.

She knew nothing. Yeah. Elizabeth Warren was like, scammers love hearing this. They love hearing someone at your level of power has no idea how the system works. You can't help anyone. It's like how you can't ask rich people how to save money. If you've never had that work experience. Well, you can't ask people who have inherited wealth how to save money.

That's what I mean. People who have been rich their whole life. Yeah. Generational wealth. Yeah. Well, we talked about that too I mean girl it's just wild so she never had children

my aunt Priscilla she's so fucking cool she's so fucking smart oh my god love the name Priscilla aunt sorry my god I don't know why I keep saying aunt Priscilla and Patricia wow number one in her class catch it honey she had everybody gooped and gagged

She was so cunty Wow You would love her Are you fine with Brian? I used to not really care for it I like the Catholic naming system I like the Russian naming system You got Lori, Pat, Shelley

Aaliyah, Rose, Brian, Darren and Ulysses Just a handful of names, they're not weird Pr Rose, Brian, Darren, and Ulysses. No, you got just a handful of names. They're not weird. Priscilla's nice. That's not from the Bible. No, no. So my dad, okay, Roman Catholic.

You know the book of Priscilla. Roman Catholic, we got Bill, John, James, Gerard, Daniel, Tom, Mary, and then you have Kathy. And then there's another one, Eleanor. Yeah. Eleanor. Yeah. Eleanor. When I was a kid, did you ever want a different name? When I was a kid, I thought the name Max was so cool.

I wanted Christian or Dominic. Christian? Yeah. It's like a hot 90s name. I love Christian Slater. Yeah. Christian from Clueless. Yes.

Christian was gay, right? Christian was gay. Yeah. He was a friend of Dorothy. Yeah. Your boy Christian is a cake boy. Yes. Christian was gay, right? Christian was gay. Yeah. He was a friend of Dorothy. Yeah. Your boy Christian is a cake boy. A cake boy? He's a disco dancing.

Barbra Streisand. Ticket holding. Friend of Dorothy. And then she goes, I am totally bugging. And then they almost get in the car accident. I know she's not exactly a popular political character, but she's a dash in Clueless. Oh, right. When she starts screaming, it takes

her hands off the wheel and covers her eyes. Cunty. Cunty. Listen. Dion, when your sinuses are acting up, take out your nose piercing. I love that movie. Yeah, it's great. I mean, you guys got cocaine? I could really go for a herbal

refreshment right now. And then they're like, Ty, are you talking about weed? I always thought it was interesting that these high schoolers like tell her weed isn't cool. Well, it's like in Romy and Michelle, it's a whole different paradigm. Yeah.

Cause those are, those are mean girls, but they're mean nerd. They're mean losers. They're preppy. Yeah. Like Romy and Michelle are like not cool, but they hate the nerds.

Yeah. And in Clueless, she's not a nerd, but she's concerned about getting an A. Like that whole movie is about her getting a good grade. Yeah. She is. She wants to do good, but she's, it's the entitlement, the riches, but she's not a villain. She's a good person.

Don't even get me started. That's rare. That's what makes that movie so good. And True Beverly Hills. Yeah. Shelley Long. Shelley Long should be. She cares about she's

out of touch she's out of touch marvista how many boxes we sending to marvista she's out of touch because she's born into wealth but she's doing good we have our boy scout oh i wish david lynch was eagle scout montana i was always so fucking jealous that girl scouts sold these delicious affordable beautifully packaged cookies. I hated those girls. And Boy Scouts sold popcorn. A fucking bag of seeds. Wait a minute.

A bag of seeds. You want to buy popcorn? That's fucking lame, bitch. That is lame. By the way, popcorn is popcorn. Girl Scout cookies are like a flavor that only come from the Girl Scouts. They're iconic. They're iconic.

They're legendary. You know what we had to do at Immaculate Conception School, the Catholic school I went to. Fuck priests. No, we talked about that too far. The McLaughlin, ugly as hell. So ugly, droning. But pull a blessing.

Lame the mystery of faith, Lamb of God. It's like, shut the fuck up. Praise him from whom all blessings flow. Oh, yeah. Wow, your songboards your songbirds sopranos really get tugging at my heartstrings believe in god yeah yeah yeah um all rise for the lamb or whatever peace be with you and also with you what is it you know i'll tell you this i'd rather do latin i didn't go to church till i was 19 i went for the first time why because my

boyfriend at the time we went on christmas with his family. Okay. And I had like a smoky eye. I can't believe I went to, I was like an all black with my smoky eye, like churches fears. Like I don't. Jesus? Cunty. Yeah. Honestly, the body is slay. Like, and I remember everyone going, and also with you. And if you've never heard that before, you're

like, so we're culting today. And then you shake hands. Did you have to shake hands? Good morning. Terrified. Good morning. Get away from me,ing today. And then you shake hands. You have to shake hands. Good morning. Good morning. Get away from me, you bum. And if you didn't, they had to, they do that in AA too. And I was like traumatized from the Catholic church. I was like, I'm not touching nobody. I don't think jokes at the expense of the unhoused community is funny.

However, have you ever seen the movie scary movie? I, yes. A long time ago. There's a part where an unhoused person. Say homeless. They don't. At the 90s, I think they called it homeless Yeah, homeless Goes, can I have a

Please, sir And she goes, oh, get away from me, you bum And then Anna Faris goes Buffy, he's hungry Here's a nice sandwich, sir And he goes, I was at a dollar, bitch And whips a sandwich at her I saw that clip recently

Cunty Dude, I recently rewatched House Bunny Oh, she's Anna Faris. Yeah, she's so funny. Is at her own level. What about when she goes in the little

Japanese ghost boy and she goes, Hannah Yelantra. And he's like, Yamasaki, Benny Hanna. And they just say They say brands.

They say brands of Japanese gibberish back and forth. It's like Arigato Motorola. Arigato Motorola, Takasaki. It's like so, it's so stupid and offensive. It's like, I regatta Motorola. I regatta Motorola Takasaki. It's like so, it's so stupid

and offensive. It's hysterical. And Miss Regina? Miss Regina. Regina Hall? Oh, is she the one that gets stabbed in the theater? Her best friend Brenda?

I don't remember this movie. Her best friend Brenda gets stabbed in the theater. Because she's laughing too hard. Yes. Yeah, fierce. And she's in every movie. I don't know.

When you gotta think that like Anna Faris had never done movies before and that was her first like real she's in every movie. I don't know. When you got to think that, like, Anna Faris had never done movies before, and that was her first, like, real, real, real movie. She swings so big. So big. So broad. She makes that movie. It's so broad.

Yeah, yeah. She's so silly and, like, it's awesome. It's amazing. What do you think is going to happen with Scream? I don't want to be disrespectful. I hate those movies. You do. The podcast is over

Have a great day everybody Did you see the new one in New York? Olive and Olive oil and Oil and water Ozzie and Harriet Lucy and Those things go together

Peanut butter and jelly No they're different but they're complimentary I have an opinion you have an opinion That's how we find um that's how we get the audience to argue and right but i don't like those movies because um i don't i want to be jump scares get out of here go fuck off with the jump scares i want to be terrified in my bones talk Talk to me. Did you watch The Passenger? Oh, is it terrifying? Are there jump scares? Um, it starts with a... No.

Go ahead. It starts with a fast food restaurant with a couple employees in the South and one employee's getting bullied. Another employee just snaps, pulls a gun and shoots every employee there and takes one hostage and the whole movie is him being a hostage

to his employee who lost his mind. That sounds like a... It's cunt and the main guy's so hot. I know main guy isn't helpful, but I never know actor names. Lead actor,

the lead character, the main character. The main girl. I sound so fucking... I'm such a white trash girl. No, you're not. The main girl. So you didn't go to NYU

to school of the arts, whatever. But no. I still call it movies. Everyone else says film. They say. I still call it movies. Everyone else says film. They say, I thought they said talkies. No.

A moving picture. A moving picture. A film. Film. What's that person? John McLean. John McLean. A feature film.

A film. I was, I watched the trailer for the Mother's Instinct starring Jessica Chastain and Anne Hathaway. Honey, sweetie, darling, baby, Tootsie. This. 10 seconds into the trailer, I was crying. I went, tears. And then it's like, it could be a stinker. It hasn't come out yet, but it is so compelling.

Trailers tell us nothing. No. But they also tell us everything. Yeah, exactly. But trailers now tell you the whole point. I don't think the trailer, this trailer intim trailer intimated this suggested a lot but just enough for me to get my park my i will be seated and lensed at that theater oh these scream trailers do everything but unmask the killer you know how everyone dies like you know all of it yeah what was the movie that um had a big big um oh us i

am so that was a trailer i love that That was a trailer because when Tim Heidecker and Elizabeth Moss had doubles, that was a gag-erino. That was a big gag. Because of course the trailer just included the black family with Lupita Nyong'o. When that mother, when they turned or they got, I was truly gagged.

I didn't care for the film very much. It didn't really add up. But it was, that was cunty. Elizabeth Moss. I think't care for the film very much. It didn't really add up, but it was, um, that was cunty. Elizabeth Moss. I think it's vodka clock. So fierce. Wait, wait,

wait. What else? Um, okay. Wait, wait, wait. Have you seen the intro to the movie Beverly Hills cop to where Brigitte Nielsen serving

the most cunt robs the bank? No girl. I've never seen this movie. Isn't cunt robs the bank. No. Girl. I've never seen this movie. Isn't that a Chris Farley movie? No, Eddie Murphy. I'm thinking of Beverly Hills Ninja. Sorry.

You're thinking of Honky White Grandma. Sorry. Honky White Grandma kicks ass. No, I've never seen Beverly Hills Cop 2. Well, I'm going to show it to you. It's two and a half minutes long. Not now, of course, but you're not ready for the cunt that gave birth to all cunts that served cunt in the land of Contasia. I can't overstate how cunt it is.

Well, I love Bridget Nielsen, of course. She walks in. She says, eat the floor. She tells everybody to eat the floor. We're going to use this on my little exercise video. Plumber and robbing. Plumber. You're not ready for this.

The beginning of Pulp Fiction. If any Yeah yeah I'll actually go Every ass motherfucker Amanda Plummer Legendary Yeah

Dolores Needful Things Remember her in Needful Things I'm reading that book right now It's a good book I read it too It's really good Dolores Claiborne

Fabulous book Well Yes And also Women Gun Screaming The Silk Spectre And Watchmen Fake Robs the Bank Oh Andre and Watchmen fake robs the bank. Oh, and, um, HBO's Watchmen fake robs the bank. The movie or the series? The series.

Um, she fake robs the bank to, to, to like set up a masked Avenger and catch her. She's in the FBI. But I love women with guns. Yes. Jean Smart, mama, robbing a bank. Jean Smart invented eating. She did. No one had eaten. People were starving. It was the Irish famine and then the famine of the Calcutta debacle and then there was a hunger strike. Exactly. And then the Hunger Games, of course. And then Jean Smart came along and said, chomp, chomp, chomp, everybody let's

die. It was breaking news and suddenly grocery stores were invented. Everybody was cooking. Well, grocery stores that had been there, just no food in them. And no one worked there. No one. All right. Well, that's it. Wait, is just no food in them. And no one worked there. No one. All right. Well, that's it.

Wait, is that it? That is it. Yeah. We have a very special guest next week that you're about to record now. So make sure you tune in, okay? Gene Smart. Close. Okay.

Annie Potts. Annie Potts. Thank you, guys. Bye. Bye-bye.