The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Commuter? I Hardly Know Her! with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

The City of Los Angeles, in the full radiance of its civic wisdom and an ambition matched only by its bewildering infrastructure, proudly announces the inauguration of a new subway line connecting the private residence of Trixie Mattel to a long-abandoned shopping mall near MacArthur Park. Conceived without regard for ridership, urban necessity, fiscal prudence, or the travel needs of any other living person, this gleaming subterranean artery shall deliver Ms. Mattel from her front door to the silent food court with unprecedented speed, dignity, and municipal extravagance. Though this monumental achievement will benefit no commuter, neighborhood, business, or public institution whatsoever, Los Angeles takes immense pride in having finally created a transit system that works perfectly for one skinny legend. To see if you qualify for GLP-1 medications using Ro's free insurance checker, go to: https://Ro.co/BALD If your glasses are overdue for a refresh, now is the time! For 15% off your first order, use code PODCAST15 at: https://Zenni.com/PODCAST You’re going to love Hungryroot as much as we do! For a limited time get 40% off your first order PLUS get a free item in every box for life by using code BALD at: https://Hungryroot.com/BALD Get a free can of Olipop! Buy any 2 cans of Olipop in store, and we'll pay you back for one! Just go to: ⁠⁠⁠https://drinkolipop.com/BALD⁠⁠ Don’t let stigma stand in the way of support. Start therapy with BetterHelp! Sign up and get 10% off at: ⁠https://BetterHelp.com/BALD⁠ Try Mood's incredible line of cannabis gummies! Save 20% off your first order with promo code BALD at: ⁠⁠⁠https://Mood.com⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To check out our Patreon: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/cw/trixieandkatya⁠ To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. I have been trying to say this to you for days. Clockness Everty. I've been thinking about it nonstop. Clockness ever tea. Clockness ever tea. The girl on fire.

That is, that is, no, that's deep. That's deep. That's not a laughing matter. Because. Also, I'm so the super cut of you on this pod, take it off your headphones and jumping. Can you do it now? Oh, yeah, don't. Oh, maybe you're too injured right now.

I think I have a booger in my nose. How's your healing? She's healing. Healing journeys. She's clocking the tea. Hey, what are you doing on the floor? She's searching for crack crumbs. She dropped her contact.

Is it true that contact lenses used to be hard? Why don't you pull the mic up to your face too? Come on, clock this. Put the headphones on. Clocking with the headphones and. A clocking with the headphones. Is it true that contact lens used to be glass? Yes, they used to be like, yes.

Like, you know how tires. to be made out of metal now they went to rubber. Okay. Touched my hand. Okay. Okay. But did they really? Yes.

They used to be like, like saucers. Because I don't think class salad bowls. I don't think contacts are very comfortable to begin with. Thank you. No.

But think about it, they're like little lens goggles. Like little glass goggles. So they were hard. I think so. If you dropped in, they'd be shattered like glasses. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Well, they were, I think also if you got hammered in the eye, it would shattered. I gone. I feel like I'm old enough. that when I was in middle school, if someone had contacts, they were like rich. No, I think you're right.

It was like, oh, rich family. Yeah, like we had a girl, there was a girl in our high school who drove a used BMW. We thought she was the Queen of Shiva. Girl. What about that? Like the 95 BMW, well, no, the 85 BMW, the got at auction, where her guy fell off a truck. You know what I mean? And then she was bawling.

They were, she was bawling, fam. She was bawling, fam. Wait, wait, wait, wait, NASA, Instagram's saying. Um, she's, she's, put your clothes on. NASA put your clothes on.

She's a picture of a galaxy. She's like, she's not chopped unc. She's a galaxy. I was like, it's, it pressed just rinded back. NASA said that.

They said chopped unc or no cap fam. Gabriel Gastelam. Gabriel Gastelam. Ask me if it meant choned uncut. These aren't even. He thought it was, we thought it was circumcision related. So did I.

Okay. Well, I didn't mean. What does uncle mean? I'm going to take his off. Just like an older man. Because I can't even hear anything. Like a friend of.

Well, a friend of. Well, it is fam. So Unk fan. It's the brother of your parent. But isn't that a little redundant? Like, hey, Unk. Fam. Yeah, I don't think you say Unk fam.

You say no Cap Fam. I've only heard it say like that's Unk. Why is Unk so chopped, fam? Well, that's you addressing your family about your own. So now, to your point though, or Gabriel's point, doesn't it seem like Unk would be chopped because he's uncut? Thank you. Why are we still?

doing that. We're not. Oh, oh, no. Circumcision? This is a different topic. If I had a kid, I would start a revolution. I would. Let's not, let's not mingle my baby's penis. Thank you. In fact, give me this, let's do extra skin. I owe you. Let's, you owe me. I want them to have enough skins that in the future if they ever get in a car accident. They can fly and squirrel. They get circumcised. They still have skin to use for graphs. Absolutely. Or they can flying, squirrel themselves out of a situation. Do you know about a situation ship? Do you know about this? Do you know that the... What is a situation?

That's a really good question. We're in a situation right now. I don't want to judge. I just think it has to do with people who... Are non-binary? No, no, no. No. I think it has to do with people not wanting to be in a relationship,

but wanting to see and fuck one person, but not call it a relationship. I think it's a ship at all. It's a ship. Yeah, yeah. It's not a dingy. That's a dingy ship. Right.

Are we on the Queen Mary? Ding dong. Girl, the Queen Mary. Tissue paper walls. Tissue paper walls. And no ghosts. And no air conditioning. No ghosts.

A girl, at that point, let me burn in my house. Thank you. I know that's horrible. No, no, no, no. I don't want to drive all the way down to Long Beach to have no privacy and no ghosts. If you're going to have tissue paper thin walls, I'm going to hear, I'm going to heat Unkin fam's, like,

fight all night long. Clockness every tea. If I'm going to try to no cap their tea all night long. I have so much to talk to you about, which is so crazy. So, first of all, nobody said anything about my outfit. And I just feel. It's just like fun and the cockatoo shirt And kind of toes are kind of fun

So you're giving unk, unc, unc, no cap Yeah, well, my boyfriend bought me these And he said you never wear the clothes I buy you So I just wanted to like show One big toenail? Yeah, one big toenail Did you think I should paint it? Or do it acrylic?

You would do it acrylic. A gel coat at least on top Something, right? A clear coat. What about a French tip with a palm tree? But it already is a French tip. You see that? Fam.

Do you see that, fam? And then you know how I'd be buying shit that I don't, I'd be up late. Spokenly. Buying shit that I don't know. Look at this shirt. And it's umbrella cockatoo in front of the moon. I'm going to raise. It showed up at my house and I thought, PR.

Well, you bought it. Mary, you know, I'm going to raise your, I'm going to raise your glass like pink. And then. Well, you will hold this white one down while I raise this one up. I will hold this white one down. Is that mean you? Do you hear? Yeah.

You like this? Oh, am I supposed to like? No, no, no, you're just supposed to notice it. Why are you wearing two shirts? Witness me. Why are you wearing two exact? No, no, because this is from the Bible, and we don't, home you don't play that. But why are you wearing it then?

Because I, well. Have you read the Bible? No. You know Whitney used to do Coke and read the Bible. And look where she got to the top. That happened. No, it's to soak up the nasty from my scar. Oh, really?

Yes, I soak up the nasty. Oh. Because this shirt was quite expensive and it's lovely. It's very good quality. This I got at Ross for $1. Yeah. Honestly, it's to soak up the nasty, which almost penetrated my sheets under the layer. You think I should start taking the train?

Because I... Everybody says the train to downtown in L.A. is really country. And I kind of think it probably is. But everybody might tell me, people barely want me to bike in L.A. No, no, no, no. So you need to be a trouble. You have been in this, and I'm not being, I'm not joking. I am joking a little bit.

Well, you don't need to ask permission. You need to blaze the trail. Right. You always do that. Every other area of entertainment, you don't wait for someone to become a DJ. You don't wait for someone to do that. So why are you waiting?

What's you waiting for, Gwen Stefani? Well, this is the thing. I bike to my studio. Yeah. And because I bike down Hollow Boulevard, people look at me like I'm trying to kill myself. Might I remind you, yes, of course I have a helmet.

Why are we whispering? I don't know. Okay. And I think that's one of the only advantage is being bald is you don't have helmet hair. You can get somewhere and whip off the helmet. Yeah. Because I think a lot of people,

endanger their lives because they don't want to have helmet hair. And that is so, that teased. No, no, you're right. You guys have hair. Would you avoid a helmet? Because you're like, oh, I don't want to have. Even though they're not, you know, they're not going to go. No, but I'm chopped. No, you're not. She's not acting. She's not going to show up chopped to do appointment, unc. Also, she's like the brand of les. She would have like elbow pads, knee pads, like,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Mouth guard. You would look like one of those crash test dummies. No, roller derby. Roller derby. Roller girl. I've never seen a roller derby. It's intense. It's fierce. Is it supportive of?

Is it supportive of women or is it clapping for violence for women? Well, I can't both of. Wow. I can't both of them. Oh my God, girl. Have you been... Wait, wait, let's go back to the subway. Yes.

I think it would be fun. I was looking at this new, because I have to move studio. I want a new studio. I want a studio and I'm trying to find something not expensive. Deserve it. And over there, close to MacArthur Park, there's an abandoned mall. Okay. Not MacArthur Park.

Oh. Is that bad? No. Oh, it's... Not MacArthur Park, please. Queen. Yeah. It's like

It's like Twicker I mean Tell that Madonna Summer Yeah Mary Average But you know what they did with the cake Out in the rain You know what they did with the cake?

Mama They put the put the pooky in it Okay And they scooped out all the frosting And then they jerked off on it Okay because I saw this abandoned mall Not abandoned Abandoned

Available Okay Available Available Available Available Available I say haunted

I say empty It was like it was like It was like 22000 square feet. I'm like, wow. It was really cheap. Okay, because you get what you pay for it and you have to ask yourself, am I willing to put all my heavy, heavy, expensive equipment in the middle of Mad Max Fury Road?

That's what it is. I also think it might be open to the street. Okay. Okay, okay. Let's pump the brakes. I say you should go visit and see why it should not be there. Mama, you will gag. You will. You better tape that hat down because this is going to, oh, I thought you meant they were going to try to steal it. Don't you think they would try to take these? They would take those and then your hat would blow off in the win because you'd be like, yeah, you would be picked clean like a carcass.

Uno. So my cancels and my white, my white socks. Oh, girl, tell us. Girl, welcome up in these socks. Yeah. Lately I've been waking up in my outfits and just, and just saying like if I don't, if I don't see a stain, we're throwing a bag. Remed. This is vintage from yesterday.

This is a really hot trend yesterday. And it's even hotter today. Because it's hot. Because it's hot. No, Tito. But it looked like an available mall. Okay, well. And I was looking at it on the map.

You've seen fallout. And I said, wow, this subway entrance in L.A. is like two blocks from my house. And it lets out a block from this. For me to get downtown in 20 minutes, fuck the traffic. Yeah, no, that's fierce. Part of me is like, because I'm not a discriminator to public transit. In Milwaukee, I write it all the time. Well, I did the same thing in Boston.

It was fierce. When you know the routes, it's lovely. I was just in London. I took the chair. The tube. Oh, I have a great tube story for you. Also, it frees, not to belabor the point, but it frees you up to do all types of the things like enjoy the music catalog at our disposal 24-7.

Absolutely. Write a love letter. A love letter to John. Pluck a hair. Pluck a hair. Vibe. Do anything but not get killed in an automobile. Or let's say we're on the train.

You're sitting. I'm sitting. What if I just go, hi. Hello. Hello. I would like to fill out a job application. You know? Yeah.

Hi, Unk. No cap fan. And I think when you think public. transit, everyone loves a talker. Oh, it's encouraged. It's encouraged. They're not really going anywhere. They're looking for conversation.

Chat rooms used to be. The subway. The subway. You just go down there and say ASL. Hi. Yeah. My God. I was in London.

I took the train and, okay, when you're going down in London to the chute. You're going downtown. Julie Brown. Yeah. It's very underground. Subterranean. So you got to take 63. Really?

Yeah. You're making that up. You got to take this escalator down. And I, I didn't know. You guys, I'm a chorus. That you're meant to stand on the right and walk on the left. You didn't know that.

Well, I guess I knew, but I'm like, you know, I'm like, wow, the tube. I'm looking around. I'm, you know, I don't know. And what year was it? January 10th, 1863. Holy shit. Thank you. Wow.

Tatler. Wow. Tetler. Really happy we stopped the pod for that for information. Come on. That was before the Civil War, honey. Okay. Unk.

Fam. Fam. We have no way of knowing. whether or not the simple war even happened. Tom? Do you know that people think dinosaurs are fake? Well, that's my girl. Those are my people.

So, dinosaurs next time you're telling me, the Holocaust happened. Well, don't want to get me started on aliens because disclosure days come in and Spielberg knows something we don't. Spielberg is so tuned in, Tept and turned on. He'd been new. Girl, ever since E.T.

She said E.T. was basically a doc. I know. I know. The moon landing. Your Marmar was on the actress. No. She was filmed in the home. They were making the real world.

I know. It was drag race. People say, I'm over the moon. They were talking about Spielberg. I didn't know. If you're over the moon, I want to know about it. I know. It's never too late.

It's never too late to know the truth. But it's always so early. Okay, London, tube. Okay, so I'm going on the chape and I'm with my lover and I'm like, it's the chape. And you know, I'm very public transit savvy. I love public transit. It's amazing.

Yeah. Transportation is a huge barrier for everybody. And I think public transit gets a bad rap. Yeah. I mean, think about what happened from 1860 to 1865. The tube. Absolutely. Yeah.

But did they dig all those holes? Baby, what do you think they did? Thought about it? Well, I thought maybe they used to be sewers. Probably. Well, I don't know. Because if you dig under a city, why isn't it collapsing? Is that stupid to say?

No, it's not stupid to say. We should get an urban planner up in here. I shouldn't be asking. I'll just shut up. I'll shut my bald ass up and sit down. Shut the fuck up. So, this woman, you know, people are using it to get to work. She's carrying her purse.

Oh, okay. I'm acting. She's carried her purse. I thought you went like this. Oh, sorry, she had a broadsword. She had just killed somebody. So she's walking and she goes, you meant to stand on the rot.

And I went, oh, damn. I probably, I think she, and I bet you all the British people watching this will go, she was right to fucking yell at you, bitch, get out of the way. And I get it. Now, let me give me your body language. I was just like smiling and laughing with my boyfriend.

Like, huh. So he was on the right, you were on the left. Okay, so he was on the right standing and I was like 45 degrees in front of him turned around. So you're looking up at the escalator talking to him. So I see her coming and I'm just talking. And then she goes, you're meant to stand on the right.

And I go, oh, but I'm me. And I can't be spoken to that way by people I don't know. What did you say? I said, thank you, officer. Yeld it. Proud to be an American. And she goes like this. Or at least I know I'm free.

And she thought she really ate it up. She thought really, she really ate it up. She goes, welcome to London. It kept walking. Ew. Welcome to London. Welcome to London. Oh, no.

Is it you to who I am? I just DJed. in a 97 degree Fahrenheit tent at Mighty Hoopla. None. None. Ice cubes. There were none. That ice cube is now a cloud of steam in the sky.

You could rather, you could sooner fuck the actual man ice cube than you could have a chance at seeing or touching or enjoying an ice cube in your drink. Absolutely. So I do feel bad about being in the wrong way. Yes. London is a city that is all tourist. I'm sorry. I just want to say I'm sorry to the London community for standing.

And I will never all shut up. And also, here's the thing. You know, sometimes less is more with the words. Because what she could have done and what she should have done, I think everybody will agree with me, is that it's, I don't listen to what you say. I watch what you do. So when I'm barreling down there to my like epidemiology appointment or whatever,

dermatology appointment, I'm not going to say anything. I don't know if you speak English, okay, you look foreign. So I'm going to elbow and hip check you into the right side of the escalator and keep it punch in. And then you'll have muscle memory. And that could have been like a fun. also story. Have you ever seen that meme of like,

it's like Jason in New York and he body checks that woman on the subway and she flies? That's what I'm telling you. Right through the window. Like you would have flown and then landed with like a clear all nice and easy

like hair dye job or something. I just feel like maybe I'm too nice. Not that can be possible. Try again. But I would never do that, say that. Because it's a very aggressive,

rude. In Wisconsin we would go, oh, I'm just gonna scotch past. You know, like, that's what we would do. Which also works. It's like, hey, hon, I hope you don't mind them. Because, you know, we, on the left side, we go, we go, if we got somewhere to go, we just really, we got to punch it, you know. And I don't really want to bump into you because you're such a nice looking young man.

And I said, you know what? She's on the way to work. No, fuck her. She's going to work. No, fuck her. She probably works. She probably works for, you know, probably works at the devil factory. So she's up there making pitchforks for the devil.

But I was like, I'd hate to know what happens when they're out of your shade of your foundation of the super drug. What? Someone gets shot. I think you're right. I think that this woman is condemnable. I think her actions were deplorable. I think she's an execrable human being and she should be put to death. And if anybody, I'm just going to like, I'm not like got a manhunt for her, but I'm going to let you guys know her name what she looks like.

I didn't catch her name. This, this, this narrows it down. She was a white lady. Yeah. They're like, oh, I know. Does that help type her name in the chat, please? But you know what? She wasn't chaved out, though.

Okay. Which I didn't see any good chavv vibes. Because you weren't in Newcastle. I didn't see like the nice brown. No, no, no, no. London's not that way. With the black stick lashes. Because you weren't in Newcastle or, was it, Yorkshire.

Whereas I can't give your facial lover. You've just had the Botox. Oh, that did happen to you, didn't it? Yeah. I can't give your facial. You just had the Botox. Well, that's good advice, because it'll move. But if I give you a facial and you just had the Botox, I can't do it.

You know my Botax guy always says, Botax? He says, you know, if it doesn't take, you can come back in and we'll touch it up. The likely, you think I'm driving back to Beverly Hills for you to stab me in the face? Well, so funny. I just won't move. Funny you should say that. That happened to me. And the price that I paid for this exorbitant amount at this med spa, I was like, I'm coming back no matter what.

Yeah. I'm coming back. No free of charge just to chop it up with you guys. Because this is so expensive. For what I paid? Yeah. I'm sleeping here. have to chop this in half. Otherwise, I feel like I would have been, you know, what. So I...

Well, SkyMed. If they do SkyMed, you. I know. They should at least do... They should start with Botox on the plane. How nice would that be? Well, I think with the air pressure, it's not that great. Really? Well, I know. I think they should start with a low benzodia drip. Here's the thing, what you do. You know how people have a hidden menu? This is the midnight menu. And by midnight, I mean, when you're asleep, but with your consent. So, so once they, once they pump you, pump you full of Or some short, short acting, but very potent benzoh. Maybe Al-Prasalam, with the doctor approves it. They have the headset on just like the pilot.

I have a prescription for Al-Prasolam. Be careful. Panic disorder. Yeah. Short acting. I don't really take it. Good, good. That's good.

I got 0.25 milligrams and I break it in half. And I've taken it once. That's like a flintstones chewable. That's like a flintz. That's like a flintzance. I'm living, though. Yeah. That's more of a misplat.

Ms. Placebo. I know. But no, no, no. But that's not, but that's not joke about it. It works for me. A half of 0.25 for me. Butterfly in the sky.

One of these colors. Reading rainbow. Close off. Immediately naked. CD in the boombox. Immediately naked walking down Hollywood Boulevard with a boombox in West Philadelphia. Born and raised. Like living.

Are you, V. Are you the new one? Yeah. 1.25 milligrams of Alza. Prazolam. What is it? Alprazlam.

Is that right? Yeah, Xanax. Xanax. 0.25. You could do open heart surgery on the way. Tongue roll, tongue, eye roll back, tongue out. That's good. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb.

There is a very specific moment in early June when Canada collectively remembers it can go outdoors again. The parks come alive. The lake starts sparkling. And everyone begins to act like they've just been introduced to sunshine for the very first time. Suddenly I'm entering my summer travel chapter and I need a charming home on Airbnb, a soft place to land and preferably a porch where I can sit with a nice coffee and look thoughtfully at a large tree. A huge tree. This June, I'm taking a few days in St. John's, Newfoundland, where the houses look like they were painted by very cheerful wizards and the ocean is just sitting there like a melodramatic, gorgeous thingwob, totally for free. I want to climb Signal Hill.

eat fish and chips near the harbor, walk around in a light jacket pretending I'm a lead character in a Canadian coastal novel that mostly is just a hot seaside romance. And the best part is while I'm having my ceremonial first taste of summer, my home does not have to sit empty, like a sad little diorama. Hosting on Airbnb means your place can welcome someone else while you're off exploring, hiking, eating, napping, or buying that exceptional hat you'll never wear again. That extra income could help cover the next getaway, a home improvement project, or maybe just some extra gas money for a road trip. So this June, while you're planning your own great Canadian escape,

consider hosting your home on Airbnb. Someone else gets a wonderful place to stay, and you get a little help making your summer adventure happen. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean,

or I can absolutely pull off a straw, hat and a floral shirt. This summer I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for Peak Lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak. After that, maybe we can drive out to sleeping bare dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial. Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is

what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks, all with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives, and if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play car games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster

rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. There is a very specific moment in early June when Canada collectively remembers it can go outdoors again. The parks come alive, the lake starts sparkling, and everyone begins to act like they've just been introduced to sunshine for the very first time. Suddenly I'm entering my summer travel chapter and I need a charming home on Airbnb, a soft place to land, and preferably a porch where I can sit with a nice coffee and look thoughtfully at a large tree. A huge tree.

This June, I'm taking a few days in St. John's, Newfoundland, where the houses look like they were painted by very cheerful wizards. And the ocean is just sitting there like a melodramatic, gorgeous thingwob, totally for free. I want to climb Signal Hill, eat fish and chips near the harbor, walk around in a light jacket, pretending I'm a lead character in a Canadian coastal novel that mostly is just a hot seaside romance. And the best part is, while I'm having my ceremonial first taste of summer, my home does not have to sit empty, like a sad little diorama. Hosting on Airbnb means your place can welcome someone else while you're off exploring, hiking, eating, napping, or buying that exceptional hat you'll never wear again.

That extra income could help cover the next getaway, a home improvement project, or maybe just some extra gas money for a road trip. So this June, while you're planning your own great Canadian escape, consider hosting your home on Airbnb. Someone else gets a wonderful place to stay, and you get a little help making your summer adventure happen. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. So I was in London. I went there last weekend for... What was the vibe in London? Besides Miss Thing. You know what it is? I actually want to apologize to the entire community of the UK.

Community. Because... Population. I know that you and I have a reputation of making fun of the UK. Okay. They deserve it. Not not the UK. I mean... Glass houses, bitch. What are you talking about? I don't understand. America. Oh, excuse your mouth. The failed experiment. Excuse me, I had nothing to do with that.

I had nothing to do with that. I am not responsible for the... You're not a founding... You're a founding unc fam. So, no cap. No cap. I have no responsibility in the malfeasance of my government.

A very arbitrary fact. I could have been born in Lebanon. I could have been born in Tokyo. I could have been born in fucking San Pellegrino, wherever. But I guess I don't love British recipes. but Courtney Act talked about this. Australian.

But she was talking about in other countries, the standard of the quality for the ingredients on the food is higher. So if you don't like the British recipe, if you get those ingredients and make the same fucking food over there, I do think it's better. Go get a cheese sandwich there.

Stunning. Okay, so I don't do that. Oh, you don't eat cheese. What I do is enjoy their incredible, in London, if we're talking about London in particular, I enjoy the most incredible Indian food have had in my life. Right.

The most incredible Vietnamese food, Most incredible Thai food. Right. Food from Thailand. Thai food. Vegetable tempura. Battered veg. 11 pound 60.

Did you get to see Catherine Tate and O'Mary? You're gonna be mad because... You went to see Cat Piss Everstream in the fucking Hunger Game movie. Hunger Game musical. And I don't want to be yelled at. No, no. Okay. Then you need to give me all present.

So I was feeling sick. Hold my hand. Like I've been. I was feeling sick. Why are you so cold? It's free sick. Anemia, light, anemia. I've been feeling sick.

And something about when you're on all these drugs that are immune suppressants for my arthritis. Oh. You can get fiercely sick with things like the common cold. You can like get chicken pox again. Those like viruses in your body that once your body is the antibodies, you still have them forever. Like, you can be like Zelda with the spinal meningitis. No, but you could get like HPV. You could get shingles.

Like when you're on these medicine stuff that you normally, your body never sees again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my body loves to flare up. up Epstein-Barr virus, which is like mono for months. So I've been feeling like I've been dying for months. So I finally got an antiviral. It's been like so much better, thank God. But it was so gradual.

I didn't realize I was just dying until I was like, oh, I'm really sick again. So anyway, not this kind of a good story. But the problem is I get to the UK and I just been like, it just started to get better this week. So I get to the UK instantly sick. You know, you might say, did you need to have for tequila on the plane? That's my business. That has nothing to do with it.

But I know my body. There's nothing to do with it. For tequila does not elicit. I mean, I was fighting the car ride from the London Heathrow Airport. Which is three hours. Which is six and a half hours. Yeah, six and a night for that. Mary, I'm telling you, you have, you have, you, you, you, you, you, there is a prescription

on the way in, um, customs, a pharmacy. Yeah. And they give you your little discharge medication. So you don't have a seizure. But also trains, trains, trains riots. Everybody's told me that the Heathrow Express is the fastest we to get to London because fuck the traffic. I believe that and I would do that.

So now I'm like considering that, but I also shoot me in the eye bitch. I got PS Direct. It was my first time doing PS Direct International. Can I tell you? Tell me. The con factory was, guess who's back in the house? Amazing. Oh, I'm so excited.

Private suite. They put you in a room by yourself. Immigration was so fast that I made them go get the agent again because I was like, that can't be it. Like that was immigration. I said, did I just break into this country? And they were like, thank you for double checking. But yeah, you're fine.

said, well, I have trauma because I went to immigration jail once. Thank you. Thank you. So the car ride, when I'm feeling sick now, the car ride, I get super car sick. So I'm all car sick. And I got matinee tickets to see the Hunger Games live on stage because I love the hunger games. Yeah. And I'm not saying you shouldn't.

Why are you looking at me? I'm fighting for my life one hand up on here, one hand on here. Are we pissing out of both assholes? No, fighting puke. Yeah. Trying not to throw up on the way of the play. Oh, because my plan is. to see that, go to dinner and then see Jinks in End of the Rainbow.

Gotcha. Double feature. Double feature. So I get there to see Clockness Everty, go to the bathroom, like a non-event, almost puke, almost poop, nothing happens. Nothing happens. Oh, that's the worst. So I sit through the first act of the play. With a bar bag?

No, like trying not to puke. And I'm so nauseous that loud music in the play at all even makes me sick. Yeah. There's a part where Katnais Everdeen is with Piedomalark and they're flying in their chariot and real flames are shooting out. And it's like an arena seating, like a Pokemon arena. Like we're all the way around. Oh, it's the theater in the round.

You know, it's a hunger game. So there's like violence and stuff. Are you sick now? You're going to throw up on me? I'm okay. Okay. And so at intermission, I go, can we leave? So I left because I was so sick.

So I didn't even get to see the second half. That sucks. I'm sorry. So I go home, lay down at the hotel. And I was like, I'm not going to make a dinner and I'm not going to make to see Jenks. And I'd already sent her flowers. I said, like, great show tonight. So I called her the next day or text her and was like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. sick. I'm like, dad sucks. So anyway, Cat piss told her. But also I had a show Sunday. So I had to be like, I need to prioritize getting good for the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to fly over me cancel. I'm not going to fly to London and not do the show. So this is, I'm a little depressed that I miss the life with Hunger Games because I love the Hunger Games. You love the Hunger Games. I love the Hunger Games. I cannot wait.

Cannot wait for Sunrise on the Reaping this new movie. When is the, when is the country? They make me wait until November. Okay. And it makes me so mad. Okay. Because I could be dead by them. Listen, say, tell it on the mountain, sister. My body double McKenna Grace is in the movie, so obviously I want to support her. And she's not chopped, fam. No.

She's hunk. She's so clearly young. So wait, what is the, do you get the just, like, is this Hunger Games musical, like, it's not a musical. Oh, I'm sorry, Hunger Games theatrical production. Is it like faithful to what is it a, what is it like? I would say it's a book faithful and it's a stage adaptation of all the movie? All the story of, no, the first one, the first book.

Okay, gotcha. So the intermission. At Reddit intermission was her entering the arena. Got it. So the beginning she gets reaped. And who plays cat piss? There's a bunch of actors. Real girls.

The president snow was John Malkovich. You've got to be kidding. You're joking. It was pre-recorded. Excuse me? Because he's not, he just beams in on like TVs. That's still country though. Oh, it was great.

He was a great president snow too. He was really cool. But the show was, you know, I love the Harn game. So I'm not a hater. So if I buy a ticket to something, I go ready to like. Yeah. enjoying this like pretty much no matter what. I hate when people see things that are just like.

I know. Well, usually that's critics who get their tickets comped. Well. Thank you. Well. Okay. So the next day happens and I'm like, well, I got a put it together. How are you pulling it together to not puke at this music festival? I get a rock duck. Oh, yeah, nice. They come and they give me a Zofran pill.

Okay. Love the Zofran. Zofran is really that girl. Don't mess with the Zofran. She's not chopped at all. It's amazing. Yeah. Save my life. I get in drag. I'm wearing my outfit from Coachella a couple years ago, this pink pleather. And I'm kind of skinny right now. So like pink pletheather, nasty little, nasty. Nasty put your clothes on with glove, fingerless gloves with this giant pussy pussy. I felt so horny. I was so, I had so much pussy. I looked so good. I can't

even tell you. I don't know you hate to celebrate me. And this must eat you up. I'm, you know, I'm the hater. Because you're chopped. It's because I'm chopped. She's, she's chopped. She's chopped as she can tear an outfit. So I go to the festival. I go to the festival riding in the car to the gig and um she was chopped

but she could chew an outfit she could chew an outfit that's what it was I thought it was burning outfit chew an outfit something although so disrespectful she was chopped talking about Jackie O

by the way she was chopped but she could buy to mix an outfit yeah she could she could blend that chicken bread of an outfit okay go ahead

so we get to the gig and it's me and some of our managers are they get there ahead of time to pre-check everything which I love I love boots on the ground before I get there. Yeah, yeah.

Makes it feel like, am I so demonic that if everything's not right when I walk in? Like if they're down the pink carpet, I'm going to lose it. They make whole movies about this type of people. Don't you worry about that. And it's fun because the scissors sisters are headlining. And I just put out that Let's have a Kiki remix with the Nessa and Luscious. And Kelly Osborne was there. Fierce.

Oh, so this is a big old thing. Huge thing. Mighty Hoopla has such a fun music festival. They book all gay acts, but don't call it a gay music festival. So all the gay show up. It's like, it's fierce. It's like... Yes.

I see Violet and Gottmick. Oh, fierce. Violet, God, God, did I say hi? Violet vaguely, vaguely acknowledges, yes. Fears. Then... Commitment to the bit is admirable. Oh, it's amazing.

Yeah. And she's, it's actually like an honor to be ignored. Ignored by her. Yeah, absolutely. I was like, she almost said, she said nothing to me. Wow. That's nothing bad. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. I saw the picture of you and Gottmick on social media. It's very nice. Oh, that was my hot sexy outfit. Yeah, yeah, it looks good. I corroborate. So I go to my gig. Jody Harsh is before me.

She's so fun. God, I love her. Love her. Yeah, she's great. And I'm, you know, me with my people skills. This agent was in the room and he was chatting with me. And he was like, have you read Jodie's book? And I said, oh, no, I said, I really want to read Mark Ronson's book too because, you know, he's a producer.

And I really want to read Jody's book. I think he's called you had to be there. He said, she does the audio type. You should listen to the audio tape as well. And I said, yeah, but who wants to listen to a British person for hours? And he didn't even really get it. So I was like, great. Love it.

I love it. Love it. I'm like, because he has an accent. I'm trying to like make a funny joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but it didn't work. Flopped. Flopping hard in the social scene.

So then I put my shoes on. I go do my gig and Jody's digging before me and she's so awesome. She's amazing. She's incredible. She's fun. She's great. The hair is mystifying. All one side.

Baby bang. Yeah. Chopped. Yes. Literally. Face. It's so hot. Her face is somehow.

completely mat. I don't know what she's doing. Yeah, fuck her. I looked like a melted person and she looks completely bone dry. She looks like when people see Jesus and toast. She's probably had the Botox. She's doing something like. She didn't have a fashle though. Not bad. She didn't have a fashle. So I get up there to D. I'm maybe 30 minutes in my set. I'm feeling out. I'm really doing a good job. And I've been practicing a lot. And I've been practicing a lot. And I'm really

been planning my sets a lot. Okay. So more than, I'm going from A to B to C to D to E to F to G, baby. You can't come for the. So I'm getting ready. So I'm going and ready and I'm killing it. I'm like, yes, but it's punishingly hot. It's maybe 65 degrees outside. But in this tent I'm DJing, it's pushing 95. You got to pop some holes in that tent.

It's hot. It's like everyone is breathing mouth open. It's so hot. So hot. Mind you, this is after. I just can't deal with that. This is after the nights the light went out in Georgia, London last year, when it was like, it was the suicide watch show.

The only show I've ever told a medic to stand by the stage and watch me. Yes. So, fierce girl. The bone collector. The bone collector. You had to call Denzel Washington. I've been trying. We've got to get YouTube down here to film this.

We've got to get YouTube down here to film this. Fuck. I'd be doing my gig. Mr. God. I'm, as long as I just don't meet and greet. My policy is this. If I show up on stage looking good, if the heat destroys me, that's not your problem. It's not your fault.

You prepared for the best. And there will be no photos after. Yeah. And I'm leaving right away. That's all. Yeah. Once I'm wrecked, I don't want to be seen. Yeah.

She's wrecked. She's got to go home. Yeah. She's chopped. She can't be in a meeting greet. And they have a fan on the floor blowing up at me. But when you're in drag, a fan blowing just a wig into your wet face. Nope.

It's not the London look. It's not the London look. I look like Samara. Oh, so you can't turn. You can't turn because the wig just goes like that. To the face. Yeah. That's not the London look.

It's not the Rimal look. So I'm Pennywise. Yeah. Yeah. And then I decide to take the fan and put on the counter because I'm like, well, if it's good to do anything, it needs to be in front of me and put in directly at my face to pull a hair back. Yeah, totally.

That I can handle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a strong fan, though, which I'm grateful for. I put the fan down. The strength of the fan blows it off the counter. The fan chops the electrical wire to the stage. sparks fly like final destination all the power on stage goes out during

35 minutes in to an hour 15 set an hour and 30 sparks fly sound immediately cuts out and there's video of me going I have a video for you how can I didn't know about this? Am I not eternally online anymore? Because I didn't share it. Okay. Am I not eternally on? That's a good thing by the way I think I'm not eternally online anymore. Also, fuck you. Not great.

So that's never happened to me before. Didn't know that could happen. Accident. So then I'm feeling around on the ground. I'm trying to figure out what happened because the sound is out. I pick up a cable. I pick up a cable. I look at it.

The edges are all spliced open. So what I think happened is when there's a surge like that, the power cuts off as a safety precaution. Okay. So I'm holding the edge of the flayed out wire. And they come out. They fixed the music in like five minutes. To me, the dancers lead the stage and come back.

But it was really scary. And I felt embarrassed. And it's like your nightmare that the music just stops. And it really was. It's not my fault. It's not the fan's fault. No, it is. It's got, it's a constellation of faults I play.

Yeah. It's not, I'm not chopped. Chalked on, that chord got chopped. Yeah. But then I just, once the music came back on, I did my thing and left. Okay. What was the recovery? How was it?

I brought the BPM back down and just worked way way up again. I was like, you know what, but they didn't leave, which was great. That's huge. I was trying to move the fan. I shouldn't have tried to do that. I should have just done nothing. Yeah, but live and learn, I guess. And you're not, this isn't your first rodeo.

That sucks. I thought, Mary, I thought you were, you thought it was like, you thought it was like execution. No, no, no, no, no. I was describing that, I mean, I think you were like, it was perfectly reasonable for you not to think that a small fan like that could do something like that. Because that wasn't a huge giant giant fan. It was a powerful fan, but it wasn't, I thought it was going to be one of those

giant fucking freak fans. you know what I'm talking about? That would like be a, would tip over and bring your whole table down. Do you know what I mean? No, no, no. But I have seen videos like that where like the decks fully tumble forward and like, that's just never happened to me. So then I'm also hot.

Father, please. But anyway, but it all happened. But you know what though? If he can lead you to it, he can lead you to it. You got to be in the right mood. Yeah. Because anything can happen. Yeah.

And we're working with, we're working with mysterious things like electrology. Electrolysis. Yeah, electrolysis. Yeah. Electrology is not an exact. science. The weight can fall off. The shoe heel can break off. It can all happen. Yeah, but electrology is different because we don't know even where that comes from. We've never heard of it. No, electricity is more, um, satanic.

Thank you. What I, here's how I saved the show. I got a kite and I put a key on it. And I put it up in the sky and it waited for the lightning to hit. You bet Franklin that shit. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. What did you do over the weekend? It's almost a little too rich. Too sweet. Let's take a break. Let's take a This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. There is a very specific moment in early June when Canada collectively remembers it can go outdoors again. The parks come alive, the lake starts sparkling, and everyone begins to act like they've just been introduced to sunshine for the very first time. Suddenly I'm entering my summer travel chapter and I need a charming home on Airbnb, a soft place to land,

and preferably a porch where I can sit with a nice coffee and look thoughtfully at a large tree. A huge tree. This June, I'm taking a few days in St. John's, Newfoundland, where the houses look like they were painted by very cheerful wizards. And the ocean is just sitting there like a melodramatic, gorgeous thingwob, totally for free. I want to climb Signal Hill, eat fish and chips near the harbor, walk around in a light jacket pretending I'm a lead character in a Canadian coastal novel that mostly is just a hot seaside romance. And the best part is while I'm having my ceremonial first taste of summer, my home does not have to sit empty, like a sad little diorama. Hosting on Airbnb means your place can welcome someone else

while you're off exploring, hiking, eating, napping, or buying that exceptional hat you'll never wear again. That extra income could help cover the next getaway, a home improvement project, or maybe just some extra gas money for a road trip. So this June, while you're planning your own great Canadian escape, consider hosting your home on Airbnb. Someone else gets a wonderful place to stay,

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So I was destroying music festivals and walking out of matinees of young. young adult novels, skipping trans people's actively. Violence, violence against trans. Yeah. What was I doing? What were you doing? Well, I'm so glad you asked.

I was alone in Brooklyn trying to, you know, I was alone in my condo, trying to jack off an electrician. I'm going to say that again. Let me ask you something. Today, on June 5th, 2006, it's a Thursday, Friday, June 7th, whatever day it is, why is it so impossible for me to jack off an electrician in my home? Wait a minute. So I want to like, oh, okay. No, no.

So I went in a like, so. Knowing you. Yeah. An electrician came over. No, no, no, no. Oh. Not yet. Oh.

So what are you asking? Why? How did you get an electrician or how to jack off? Well, I know how to jack off. I know how to jack off somebody else. You do that weird pillow humping shit, don't you? Oh, my God. So we did that thing where you lay flat down on the bed.

Oh, my God. You are reading my mind. But I had this other, I had a vision. I had a vision of love. So they had, we had, after brunch, you went to Hobby Lobby to be gay. Because, you know, they don't like that. And so me and Ash Gordon were passing by these like, these embroidered pillow letters. And then I saw a B, naturally, I picked it up.

And I was like, you know what this would be good for? Dual humpjacks in the Hobby Lobby. So I gave a little demo. Not, I didn't undo my pants or unhook my bra. You were with Ash Gordon? Yeah. Love her. Pregnant.

One of the few people I think should procreate as much as possible. Thank you. I do it 30 times. Let's start an island. Yeah, for just the Gordon's little gorgeous. Well, then, how are they going to procreate? Well, I don't know. It worked for England.

I watched this documentary about some inbred people in the hills on YouTube. So it was a BBC. No. Lately, YouTube has been suggesting like real community documentaries to me. Okay. What is your go-to? Wait, what do you? What are you on YouTube?

Because I have mine, I know. My algorithm is sacrosanct on, on YouTube. My YouTube premium membership. I have a Kasia account that is not premium and that is a whole, who knows what. Do you know what I mean? That's for my YouTube channel. On my, my, my, my... You have a second YouTube account?

I have a men's account. I have a men's meeting. I have a men's account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a men's account. And that's really weird shit. That's why... No, no, no, no, no.

So I would be very comfortable and not at all skittish or or shameful about pulling out my YouTube. history, my YouTube account, or the algorithm, I have nothing to be ashamed of. Because it's all very wholesome. And it's all very... No, I'm not joking. Why are you looking at you like that?

You don't believe me. Well, okay, so... People have secret accounts if they're just doing normal shit. Well... It's like, oh, I just put on my... I put on my... I put on my Jason mask and don't kill anybody. You know what I mean?

I don't get it. Why don't you just do these things from your Kati account? Oh, no, because Kachia's not premium. But why don't you make that account premium? Why do you need two accounts? Well, because this was the account I had before the Katya one. Oh, this predates it. Yeah, this is good.

We go way back. This one. We go way back. Me and myself. We got to get YouTube down here. And I go way back. We're all born in the same house. YouTube used to not eat.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She was just something. It was just the thing. Your grandma would send you a comedy clip. But you would go there from somewhere else. Right, right. You know, Twitter would bring you to YouTube.

Well, Twitter was the babysitter. She was the girl in the car. She had the getaway car. Yeah. She would go, she was a stop on the way back home, but you wouldn't hang out in YouTube. Right. So how does this get to you jerking off an electrician? Well, that's a great question.

And I don't mean to answer that. I was at home. My brother stayed with me for a while. My God, we vibed. Oh, my God, we vibed. We vived so hard. And then he left. And then the apartment, the condo immediately turns to shit, to big old shit.

It's just layers and layers of shit. Laundry's not done. Dishes aren't done. I did the dishes today miraculously. By, I did the dishes. I mean, I put them in. in the dishwasher and didn't do anything else. So I'm living in filth again.

It's fine. It's temporary, like all things. And it occurred to me, I'm like, you know, I am not in a position. My body right now is not sex ready. I don't want to have sex. I'm not, I don't even, oh God. It's like. What about your bonus hole? Bonus hole. Always sometimes never.

My, I was talking about, I was thinking about brand, brand new cherry flavor. You're, the side hole. My window. My kitten hole. My goro kitten hole. Yeah. Hi, my name's Goro. It's totally sick.

It's disgusting. But I've been doing a lot of ASMR myself listening to ASMR videos on because my sleep is all disrupted. Do you like scenarios? Because there's a lot of like elaborate scenarios. Yes, there are. It's a huge, I would say it's huge genre with many, many subgenres and many many avenues in nooks and crannies. I do understand the appeal of the.

Well, the purvier ones make more sense to me. The ones that are like waking up with your boyfriend. Boyfriend material. Or like cranial nerve, a vagus nerve or cranial nerve exam or like, or like sexy haircut or whatever. No, I don't do any of that. I do fluffy mic sounds with whispers. Sexy haircut. Yeah, but it's snips, snip and like, sexy haircut is a drag name.

Wouldn't you live? What about sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy is a good drag name. Middle name sexy, last name drag queen. Bob's daughter. Yeah, sexy, sexy, sexy. Because is Bob's middle name? Sexy. That's a great question.

We have to do the genealogy. It's from the legendary house of the. It's like the hyphen. He was, it's his man. Well, Bob's middle name is after her father, the princess. Or the Vivian. Her mom and dad were the Vivian and the princess.

Yeah. So I do fluffy mic sounds with whispers. And today I, I like it. I don't like when they say it, but I like it when they do affirmations. Like, I hope you're doing amazing today. I hope you're feeling really great. And I'm just going to help you to relax.

I don't need any 50 cent words. I don't need literary allusions. I don't need flowery language. And I don't, I just need even, you know, it's a, you really depend on that even tone or that even volume and consistency of the, the, the whisper level or whatever, you know, I'm talking about. Yeah. So it's like, you can't just be like us and just scream like a, like a, like a, like a, crawl like a hyena every once in a while.

It's very. That's so weird. Well, it's, it's to, it's to get the tingles. It's to get the, it's a jerk in it. No, it's so non-sexual. It's not at all sexual. It's not even sensual. You could argue that's sensual, but for me, it's not.

It's tactile. Is it, um, there's a knife in your back and the blood is running down? Is it that? I'm screaming. Yeah, a hundred percent. Oh, bongos! No, it really is that. And it's, I'm telling you, it's magic.

It's really, it's body magic. It's the parasympathetic nervous system switching on. It's immediate relaxation response. I can't exercise. I'm going nuts. I'm going crazy. I'm popping up at 5 a.m. eyes open, bloodshot

Bloodshot Diva scrambling down, bowl-legged downstairs. I was like, thank God for the carpet. Because I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I mean, my version, heels, heels, heels, like sore legs, didn't do anything. My version of those type of things come from the videos of like,

great grandma using VR and like diving through the TV. Do you know how, do you know how horny and bricked I get when someone's grandmother think she's playing a VR game where she's walking a plank, and they walk up behind and push her, and she screams bloody murder and jumps through the 85 inch TV. Do you know

how much Joey I get out of it? We should go all the way through? No, she'll like smash it, it spiders. You know what else is crazy girl? I went down the rabbit hole of this. What about Asian insurance scam frauds on... We'll get back. Okay, okay, okay. The real tea. If you want to talk about the real tea on YouTube.com. The realty

of premiumtiv.com. Compilations of men watching sports and breaking their own television. standing up, punching the TV, throwing the remote at the TV, ripping the TV off the wall. We got to get into that. All. And my mind goes to, them kids are getting hit or something horrible.

Yep. If that's what's happened to the TV, I know. And so you need to check your anger. We do. And we also need to check back with reality. Let's take your pulse for a second. And so that is not your team. Those are not your guys.

This is something I've never understood. Why are you more upset than the players? Thank you. And also, you don't, they have these players. as brilliant and as talented as they may be, or not be, whatever. They have no allegiance or loyalty to whatever team they're playing on. They have an allegiance to me.

Yes. Well, their first level, their first layer of loyalty is to Tricksymetel.com. Tricksumetel LLC. Right. Then their second allegiance is to the great and mighty dollar. Right. So it's not about the dolphins.

It's not about the Eagles. It's not about the bears. It's not about the fucking 49ers, you stupid bitch. It's about Ms. Thing at the top of, it's Ms. George Washington. Or Ms. Benjamin Franklin. or Miss Thomas Jefferson. Right.

Who's on the other dollar? James Madison. And Carrie Washington. Yeah. She's also on the dollar. Oh, I wish she should be one of the... She should be. On every dollar.

Do you think they could add her to the Mount Rushmore? They could put on. Why are there only four? Well, because there's the hidden one. You never seen the back one? Why don't they do more? Mount Rush Moors. I know.

Mount Rush Moor. Sexy, sexy drag queen on Mount Rushmoremore. Mount Rush Most. Yeah. It's not like the Grand Canyon's right there. But we could get some of the... these newer, we got to get Obama out there. Yeah, we're going to get YouTube down there to film it all too.

Bernie. Yeah, Burntina. Not a person. But we could put them on the thing. Burntina. Burn Tina. We got to get Carrie Washington. Well, so anyways. Oh, yeah.

So these guys getting... I don't know what you're talking about. They're punching their TVs as if the call's coming from inside the house. The call's not anywhere related to your neighborhood at all. They don't know about you. They don't care about you. They don't fuck with you. Why do you think that you fuck with them so hard? Go flip a car.

T. go go to the gym go do some deadlifts go burn off that crack juice with something like with an activity that is appropriate and not harmful what you know what I do is for public service

when I'm in Boston when there's a Celtics game Celtics well sorry Celtic women concert that's what I was talking about so when they win or when they lose I'm in one of those medieval times

things stocks stocks and they have Tomat Tomat and they whip and they whip and they nay nay they lip And they took the roll And they

And they lift up to your little Your little Your little blumers and your bustle And well no That's if they went So that's what they went That's if they went And they lift up my bloomer

And my bustle Take off my cock cage Well that's not important Because I'm tucked And you're your teeny little girl Well I'm tucked So they pull the tape Off my butt hole

And they just go Oh my God, fuck you. And they live for it, girl. And they live for it. And they wait in line patiently for it, lady. And they live for it. And because they take their pulse, they're trying to regulate their body temperature while they're in wait while they're waiting because they're so excited to.

Well, then the coconut oil. The number of them lesbian women in my life who grabbed both my arms and said, Loub, have you tried coconut oil? Like, I think the lesbians are in with big coconut. Big cocoa. Because they're trying to get me to shove these coconut. With big nut. The dikes are tied up with big nut.

Big nut. But you know what, though, it does make that... Oh, God, oh God. My cheeks hurt. Oh. The most natural lubricants are going to be the probably the safest. Well, not when those chunks come into play, baby. I'm not into all that.

Well... I'm not into that chunky. I'm not into Miss Chunky. I don't want to... So what about the electrician? So I just want... I'm not trying to sexually harass anybody. Okay.

Let's get that off the table. That's not negotiable. We don't do that anymore. We don't do that. It's not Italy. I'm not pinching butts in the elevator willy-nilly. Okay. Thank you.

Aroma. Another good compilation online. Women just trying to be in public. Oh, God. Videos of men coming up and trying to kiss them. What about big flop insurance scam? I almost got hit by our car, except the fact that your car was completely out of stop

and I just, after the fact, went and fake hip-checked it. And then went immediately, crumbled to the ground, totally injured, screaming. Curly Sue. It's fierce. It's so fierce. Oh! But I was in park.

You had a neck brace on before you. hit the ground. Exactly. It's like, where'd you get a stretcher? What did you think you're entitled to from this? $80,000.

$80,000. You drove here an ambulance in an ambulance? That's crazy. Yeah, it is wild. But that's fun too. But no, the electrician... To me, if you're going to try to fake it,

you need to actually jump in front of the car. I need... Bones got a break. Right. You have no literal skin in the game. That's awful. No, no, it is awful. But so what's even more awful...

You're a horrible person. What's even more awful is me alone in my house, no electrician to jack off. Now, I don't want to, I don't want to scare anybody. I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable. But I do want certain people to know, namely electricians. If they were to make a service call at my house, independent of the service call and not tied or related to the service call, there is another service that I provide free of charge. And that is jacking them off until they want to come or not come. It's really none of my business. Do they have to be hot or are you just more into them being electricians? I'm mostly interested in them being electricians because that makes the most sense in my home.

we have a lot of electrical work that needs to be looked at. And you're not willing to pay money. No, no, excuse me. Is the barter system? Is it a burning man? I literally just, you're not listening to me. Because what I said,

independent of and not related to is the service call. The service call, I'm paying a premium and I'm going to tip you. That's no matter what. That's even if you further complicate my electrical system and I need to call another electrician. Because that doubles the rate, that doubles the chances of me jacking off.

If you come to my house to do any kind of work, locksmith, et cetera. Yeah. The gratitude I feel in my heart. Oh, yes. I am there with you. The amount of haggling I will never do. You tell me what the money is.

I will kiss your feet as you leave. I'll braid your hair. I'll do whatever you want. I 100% agree. And I think you're Beyonce. I 100%. I think you're better than her because she never did my electrical. Well,

she did and she didn't do a great job. Which is why we need the electrician. I need a union electric up in there. I need a union electrician. Electrical is the only thing Beyonce can do. Yes, it's true. She can do plumbing. Yeah, she can do plumbing.

Drywall. Oh my God. Mosaic styling. Toco. Toco. Her exterior. your stucco job. A match.

Her game is like her murals. Painted or not the mosaic tiles, like you said, she can get you a Roman spot in under two days. Girl, I was just thinking of this on the way here. I'm still, I still want to check off. Want to jack off in like tuition. Cobbordia was the best thing I ever saw. Like once a week I had that thought. Now every concert or show I ever see, I judge it to that.

Yeah. Maybe that's why I don't like anything anymore. No, yeah. But I loved paranormal activity. I wish I got to see that so bad. Your description of that was so riveted. You got to go see it. It's going to Broadway.

You're joking? It's going to Broadway. Starring my friend Travis Knight, who's from my college in the acting program. I saw him in the ads. And oh my God, he's announced this as starring in it as the lead. Small world. Peck School of the Arts, Milwaukee. Stars are out.

Anyway. Let's take a break. I don't know. Okay, let's wrap up. Well, I'm going to go see that. You should. It was amazing. No, I can use your description of it was absolutely bone chilling.

Well, I can't wait. I was talking to somebody from that show about that. And they said, I hope I didn't give away too much. And they said, when we talked about the pot, they said, no, you talked enough without giving anything away, which was my goal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if there's surprise elements. Yeah, I want to be surprised. I don't want to tell you how great it is, but then you go in knowing everything.

Yeah. Hold on. I got to talk to some rain. Talking rain. Diabolical. What's that? I don't know. Acid rain that goes,

who-hoo. Queen. You know, we used to read, we used to read, um, fan comments, not anymore. No,

kind of gave it up. We're not a fans. Well, you, well, no, while you were in the bathroom, um,

doing the dish or whatever, um, Tracy and I were, I was in Brooklyn. Trying to survive in this economy. Trying to take a pregnancy test. Um, we were going through the fan comments and it gets,

you know how it gets a lot obnoxious in the tricksy-Catsy universe. All they would ask is, why haven't you jacked off an electrician yet? Right. Is it the calluses? I can guarantee if his electrician, his nipples are wired. Q and we're right by the... The electrician could help me when I'm DJing and I use the fan to final destination

chop wires. I'm telling you. We're going to chop it up. Yeah, I'm telling you. If you're an electrician out there, I just want it to be known that this is not related in any way to the service you provide or the money I pay for it. Let's get that very clear. This is not extortion, bribery, or sex work.

I'm just telling you that when the clock ends and your shift, when you're off the clock on the dot, I'm right there. on the spot to jack you off. It's seven o'clock on the dot. I need a crack rock on the spot. Bye. Bye.