The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Deep Emotional Healing Through Home Decor with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

The break-up was rough, but looking around the house, the realization hit me: enough time had passed. The house felt hollow, the memories mere echoes as the walls finally exhaled. It was time for a new beginning. A new dawn that can only commence at the ultimate church of eclectic, spirited commerce: World Market. I started small—replacing our antique China with vivid Moroccan flatware that seemed kissed by the sun, swapping the boring coffee table with a teakwood piece who's carved inlays most assuredly had stories to tell. The sleek, curated house slowly gave way to joyous chaos and vibrant international hues: I bought handwoven baskets from Chile, glass incense holders from Bangkok, a wine decantor shaped like a pineapple that said, "Why am I shaped like a pineapple? Let me counter your inquiry with one of my own: why are you shaped like a human?" One night, while nestled snuggly on the Brazilian velvet sectional under the glow of a copper Turkish lantern, I laughed—genuinely, stupidly, fully—for the first time in months. Healing, it turns out, doesn’t always mean moving on; sometimes it means turning your break-up into a credit card-fueld World Market fever dream. This week's episode is brought to you by the stupendously delicious Wonderful Pistachios! Head to: https://WonderfulPistachios.com to learn more! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatyalive.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://workinggirlsbook.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠    About the Podcast: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya features a pair of grizzled gay ghouls sitting on chairs, holding microphones, and discussing their fabulous lives in Tinseltown. (featuring occasional forays into movies, television shows, and air-conditioning) The New York Times called them models, moguls, actors, influencers, drag queens, RuPaul's Drag Race contestants, and even humanoids. If one thing can be said about these two preternaturally gorgeous queens' podcast, it's that Trixie and Katya find the sheer, unadulterated beauty of pure insanity. Tune in every week to experience the auditory pleasure that is The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya. #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anybody who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Luckily, Angie has been connecting homeowners with skilled pros for 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to tackle home projects. Angie's nationwide network has experts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels. You can easily read reviews, see photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price.'m the host of JumperJump Podcast.

Prime Day is coming from July 8th through 11th. It's four whole days of epic deals on Amazon. Have you ever had your eye on something for a while? Maybe some new noise canceling headphones, an amazing new camera, or that one tech gadget that you've low key been stocking for months? Well, get ready because Prime Day is coming.

Mark your calendars, set your reminders, and shop great deals this Prime Day, July 8th through 11th, trust me, you do not want to miss this. Hey, it's Bobbie from the Really Good Podcast. I don't get excited about much, but I am counting down the days because Prime Day is coming. From July 8th through 11th,

Prime members can shop some of the best deals of the year on Amazon. Prime Day is now four whole days, basically a lifetime in internet years, which means more time for spontaneous finds you'll feel great about. I've been using the same curling iron since high school. It smokes and somehow I'm still here saying she's fine. On Prime Day, beauty products like fancy curlers will be on a deal, because it's finally time to retire the vintage fire hazard I've been clinging to. Whether it's a sleek new kitchen gadget or something

stylish and sparkly, Prime Day is your moment to explore and discover your next favorite Amazon find. So don't forget, shop great deals this Prime Day, July 8th through 11th. Get ready to treat yourself, you'll be glad you did. I saw this TikTok that was like, I know you're a 35 year old gay man, and I'm a 20 year old lesbian, but just give me a shot. And it was like slow motion footage of me while father figure played. I will be your father. Give me a shot at what?

Lezen out. No, I think they want to give you your simsia. They want to give you your simsia. Girl, it's the only injection I look forward to. What about that beef injection? Bleh. I gotta silence my phone. Me too, so popular.

Stop double clicking a text message just sending a heart. That doesn't mean anything to me. Double clicking a text. It's like saw that, thumbs up, whatever, reactions. Oh yeah, I would never do that. You don't even read it. The TikToks I send you from another time zone

are so fire. I just double click a thumbs down on everything. I just, I think that in the world of marijuana, I know that there's a time and a place for a vape. I know it's in the theater. I'm talking to them. Get that fat cat turd and sit on that porch like this, like a whole bullfrog.

Mary, let me tell you why. Smoke stays in the place. Smoke lingers, smoke sticks. If you can't step outside. People wanna vape in the bed and watch Discovery Channel. That's fucking weird. My mom says that. My mom will be like,

I'm just gonna step outside for a second. I said, and do what? We all know what you're doing. Do some laundry. Yeah, I'm just gonna step outside. You mind if I just step outside? Step outside and get the clothes from the clothes hanger. Yeah, I started to call step up you mind if I just step outside step outside and get the clothes from off the clothes Yeah, I started to call her before 10 a.m

Cuz that's before she starts before the edible token. Yeah, so I can get it's like talking to her from 15 years younger She's like Do you think that marijuana is good I Think it's fine. Okay. I would say on the ladder of drugs, I would say it's the least damning to hell. Don't you think it's a gateway drug straight to heroin? No, I don't. I think drinking is a bit of a gateway drug than anything.

The gateway drug to death. How many people say, oh, I only smoke when I drink? How many people say, oh, I'm trying to get sober on cocaine and so I can't drink because that I'll get cocaine? So many people. Crack too. That's what the government doesn't want you to know. That's what Big Bud is denying.

But don't worry about it because this year for Pride, all of these liquor brands are pulling out as premium sponsors of pretty much every Pride. So don't worry about it. Really? It's so homophobia is back baby. And this is why I wanted to talk about this. I thought about I was driving on the way here. I was white knuckling. I was pissed off because all these years of us making memes and joking about corporate pride. Oh my God. You know, the high-gated. Brands during Pride Month, high-gated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The reason we were joking about it is because we knew

they would pull out. That it could turn on a fucking dime. Yeah, and it did. And here we are. It's Pride Month, and as far as corporate coin, we're all looking around like John Travolta in Pulp Fiction with the wallet. It's like you, they're motherfuckers.

Wait, where did they go? Where did they who's doing? Oh, they're pull out of sponsorships New York pride for example. I'll just read an article in the advocate New York pride was Listing all the different corporations who maybe in past years would give them $150,000 your pride Many of them have pulled out entirely and the ones that I've donated have donated tons less and specifically asked to be like named don't put my logo on it Like so who's doing the float? Castro's Syntech motor oil we have to just I think we can expect a lot of paper mache

Joe Ann's not even Joe Ann's she's probably homophobic. She's certainly not like a lot of the fast food restaurants chick-fil-a I don't care, but they're homophobic Mary. I love that chicken eat my ass. Okay. Well, it's really disappointing You should apologize to your fans. I don't care about that homophobic mirror. I love that chicken. Eat my ass. Okay. Well, it's really disappointing. You should apologize to your fans. I don't have any fans. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Ooh, baby, I got so much to talk to you about today. What is it?

I forget. I got a lot. My bathroom. The ran through? My bathroom. Oh! I want to talk to you about something that's going to be so boring to you and the listener because this is, it it's because I can't

Show any pictures, but I'll do my best to describe. And say more than it looks good I will do exactly that Mary when I tell you that this bathroom is so cunt It is cunt it is ripping and shredding up everybody's bathroom My bat yeah the your bathroom comes into my house looks at my bathroom And she just starts crying because she'll never be that beautiful Five other contestants quit on the spot. Yeah, I took a shit.

It, oh, okay, hold on. Let me start with the water pressure. Before the mold, this bathroom was nothing to write home about, okay? You turn on the thing, it's like a little pilly thing. You gotta wait 35 minutes to get hot. The water pressure's like somebody's pissing on you. Right.

Mama, I turned this thing on, it's a blast from hell. The water is hot in two seconds, and it's so refreshing. It's so nourishing so cleansing we got a regular Spray from there we get a waterfall option And then we got a fucking hose for your booty hole if you're gonna have anal sex mama we got all these three different options Yes, baby Shower shot it's a wand let me a shower shot. It's a wand. Let me be clear. You better be careful with that.

It's a wand. It's a regular wand. It's like, it goes, it goes choo or it goes choo. You know what I mean? You put up the butt? I haven't and I won't, but you could if you wanted to. So my thing, what I know about that is you can actually put too much water up there.

Of course. Cause the, the, the enema bulbs are sized in a way where if you put that whole amount of water up your butt, you're not going to do any major disturbance of the force. Yeah, you're just, and also you're just clearing out the rectum because that's all we want to do when we're getting sh-ed up and not fisted. But the shower shot, girl, you have water shooting your nose. But that's why if you come into my little, not my little shower, my gorgeous grand shower, you can modify the pressure in the amount of water that goes up into my little, not my little shower, my gorgeous grand shower, you can modify the pressure

in the amount of water that goes up into your little booty hole. However, if you do do too much and you start freaking out, you can sit on the bench. Ooh, there's a long bench that sits about five fucking people. Ah. And we've got niches, three square niches, one, two, three,

with lights underneath them. Lights underneath, and then lights underneath the bench for a very erotic, moody experience. Mama, this bathroom is so lit. I like, I say thank you, mold. I love you, mold. This is like the most complete full circle 180. No, no, no, it's a 180, not a full circle

because the full circle would be, I hate the mold again. This is 180 degrees on the dot. I say mold. It's 180. Full circle, 180. No, no, no, it's a 180. Not a full circle, because a full circle would be, I hate the mold again. This is 180 degrees on the dot. I say mold, I love her. But did you know that you can renovate without mold? But did you know that you don't need mold to do this? Of course not.

But here's the thing about me, my personality, I'm 43 years old, I know myself. Right. Okay, like, I never would have done shit to this place had it not been for a disaster. Out of necessity came this gorgeous, wonderful bathroom. I maybe would have painted, probably not, I would have stuck a bunch of overpriced rugs over that shitty $2 carpet. Decapage.

Yeah, it's just, I would have done nothing and I'd be like, hey, I live in this horrible, ugly, three story piece of shit condo in crack alley and then just being miserable for the rest of my life. This place is so cunt. My bathroom, my bedroom. We did the bedroom, mama. I go in there, I almost cry. I go in there and I almost cry. And then I go in the bathroom, I almost skeet.

Black toilet. I, how much did it all end up costing, can I ask? Yeah, so all together, so we did, okay, we're talking about full demo reno bathroom, main bathroom, large project, huge project, a top to bottom, I mean like tiles, like I'm talking top to bottom, everything must go. Same thing with the bedroom.

Same thing with waterproofing the deck, huge undertaking. Then demo, complete demo, right now, of the bedroom downstairs, painting, wood floor. We wood floored the entire place. That's four bedrooms, in stairs. Where have you been staying? At the shitty fucking rental in WeHo, thank God I'm out of that place,

the worst house in the world. I'll get into that in a minute. But like, we've done every day, there's a three story, four bedroom condo. And I would say we've demoed and reno'd about 68 to 72% of it, all told 110 grand.

That's nothing. That's actually nothing. To who? It's not, to people who demo in reno stuff, like in Hollywood. Can I be honest? Can I be honest? In Hollywood.

My whole house, I think I paid 115. You also did a television show. With a pay. But I didn't do bathrooms, because bathrooms are one of the most expensive things you can do. Well yeah, so let me, to give you a, waterproofing the deck in itself was $25,000.

They got you. They got me good, but they also got the deck good, because not one little drop is coming from that fucker. And like, it was a very, it's like when I say demo, like they knocked the shit out of it, it was nothing. And then they did it from the ground up. It was, I I say demo, like they knocked the shit out of it. It was nothing. And then they did it from the ground up. It was, I want to say like, it was probably, it's probably, we're approaching a hundred thousand, not much over it, not much over it.

And I am B-R-O-K-E. But happy. Yeah. Broke but happy. Lisa Vanderpump told me that your home is your sanctuary. Ma'am, mama. And the more you can come home and relax told me that your home is your sanctuary. Mama. The more you can come home and relax, the better you are when you go to work. Do you realize when I step in the bathroom?

But then I told her I'm not buying a $6,000 coffee table. Okay, so let's talk about that because I don't want to be so... This is like very unrelatable to most people. I am obsessed with rugs. Carpets. Okay. And I'm like a little... I'm a dipshit on first dibs. Don't ever buy anything on First Dibs, anybody.

Don't ever. Unless you wanna get scam-Tina'd. It's a website for ultra rich people who don't know anything about anything. Baby, if you even download the app Cherish. Oh, no! Don't even get me! If you even download Cherish, they come to your house.

And rape you! Girl, they come to your house, they lay you down, they tie you up and they have men come in and deposit loads. Like Cherish is. I got full body chills right now. I was, I was on Cherish and I was like, you know, I really want a small aviary for the backyard,

something kind of decorative. Maybe I'll put plants in it. Oh, I like this aviary. Oh, it's in California. $20,000. And I've- Who the fuck is on Cherish? I was on Cherish.

Listen, I've told this story before, but I learned once and I will never visit her again when that woman with a bum leg came with her- The white glove service. The white glove service from Cherish. $800 shipping charge for a, I don't know, $6,000 bed frame that weighed about four tons. And I'm like, oh great, they'll take care of it.

I expected big burly men with crisp white gloves. A fat lady with a bum leg came and said, here we go. Never again, never again. I'm looking on First Diz, which is Cherish's sister. They're both, they're raping you. It's a tag team. Right. And I'm like, oh is Cherish's sister. They're both, they're raping you. It's a tag team. Right. And I'm like, oh, I love this rug.

It's an oversized rug. It's kind of Moroccan style. $40,000. That's what I'm saying. Who's buying a $40,000 rug? What is going on? What is going on? I don't know.

What is going on? I don't know. So what I did, I bought a rug off First Dibs. Then, like a good little Nancy Drew, I went to the vendor. I called up the vendor, the gallery in New York, who sells through First Dibs. I was like, can we come to an agreement of some kind?

Did somebody say something about a rug? And of course they did. Somebody say something about a rug. Did somebody say something about a wholesale price? I don't think I ever told that story in this pod. What? My mom. Did I ever talk about that, Nick?

I thought I'm pretty sure we have. Did somebody say something about that? When my mom visited. Oh, we did, okay. Yeah, it's like a thing now. I say it all the time now. Did somebody say something about, like, if I'm hungry, I'm like, did somebody say something

about some Mr. Charlie's? Like, whatever you want, you say, did somebody say something about it? Did somebody say something about some Mr. Charlie's? Whatever you want, you say, did somebody say something about? Did somebody say something about some white glove service? Did somebody say something about Cherish coming into my home? The only Cherish- Is he filing my daughter? The only Cherish I wanna know about is Valerie Cherish.

That's the only one. Or the Madonna single. That's it. Cherish is the one that's gonna rape you all night long. Cherish is crazy. Cherish is crazy. Everything. Furniture, paint. Mama, it's so rotten.

There is no reason I have it. Of course I visit her every once in a while, but you know what I do? I visit her for reference. Right. Okay, it's an Etsy, or no, sorry, it's a Pinterest. It's a vision board. It's a vision board. It's a vision board.

It's an inspiration center. And then you sit home and you say, how can I create that sofa for my lunch, empty pizza boxes? No, no, you say, you save that image and you go Google image search that. Oh. That's what you do. You don't buy- And the devil laughs. Yeah.

And the devil laughs. You don't ever, unless you're fucking Dakota Johnson or fucking The Rock, you don't ever buy anything off First Dibs or Cherish unless you went to get RAPED'd in the rock, you don't ever buy anything off First Dibs or Cherish unless you went to get RAPED'd in the bank account. Speaking of, did you watch that new Netflix program about the gentleman who was murdered in DC? No.

Three gay men live in a house, a straight guy comes over and they all say that he, they like heard a scream and an intruder came down and killed the straight guy. And then they find semen in this guy's butt and guess who semen it was? His own. And so they still don't. Yes, you need to watch it. It's still like a mystery. He graped himself. But can I tell you how I found out about this? I was in DC just a couple days ago, kicking off DC pride, world pride, a gang. And I was with my friend who lives there and she goes, I said, will you show me that murder house. And I hadn't seen the doc yet, but I heard about it.

And she said, it's on this block. And I said, can you do me a favor? I'm very psychic and lately I've been really pushing it. Don't tell me which house it is. I'm gonna tell you which house it is. You're gonna be like the bitch in long legs. She's like, well, do you know which side it on? I said, la la la la la.

Irrelevant. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking. I turn, I go, it's that one. It was that one. Did you go knock on the door and instantly someone shot you in the face like in long life? Well, can I be honest? It was the one next to it.

So I guess that's technically not it. But on a whole block, but on a whole block. And it did have a bunch of crime scene tape. But can I say, it was three townhouses joined. That's the same fucking building. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, you're right. You're right, you're right. And I had no prior knowledge.

So how are we gonna translate this into casino money dollars? Well, so far the only thing I can predict is deaths that have already happened. So I can't help anybody. So if I had a CSI show, like a psychic show, it'd be me showing up and being like, dead, right? I dreamed dead. Sorry, I'll go now.

Maybe you could work with the funeral directors. Be like, she would have wanted a bouffant. She wants a garage door. No, I mean like you better think. Girl, if I was a funeral director, do you know that I would be debuting people's grandmas with fucking grills? So we gave her a 38 inch yaki bundle weave

and a fucking grill and I tattooed hard under her eyes and she looks great. Always tired. Girl, I gave her a 613 blonde snap pony. Hey, it's Bobby from the Really Good Podcast. Sorry to pop in during your episode, but it's worth it. Amazon Prime Day is coming and I'm so ready. From July 8th through 11th, Prime members get four days to find some of the best deals of the year on Amazon. And four days in internet time? That's basically forever.

More time to explore what you didn't know you needed. I've had my eye on this curling iron I found on Amazon. It's sleek, high tech, and I've been thinking, it's time. I've been using the same curling iron since high school. It smokes and somehow I'm still here saying she's fine. With Prime Day coming, I'm finally making the switch. Let's just say my high school curling iron had a good run. You'll find deals across everything electronics, kitchen gear, beauty, fashion, toys, you name it. Whether you're upgrading your daily staples or discovering something totally new, Prime Day is the best opportunity for spontaneous finds you'll feel great about. The deals are insane. You're welcome. Don't wait. Shop great

deals this Prime Day from Gillette 8 through 11. Thank me later. Let's talk about Angie. Anybody who owns a home knows how much work it takes. Whether you're dealing with daily maintenance, emergency fixes, or even a dream renovation, it's so hard to find the right help. Luckily, Angie has been connecting people with skilled pros for over 30 years, and they've made it easier than ever to get your home projects done well. Because Angie gives you access to a nationwide network of tradespeople with the right skills.

Experts in over 50 categories, from plumbing and landscaping to roofing and remodels. Just bring Angie your project, answer a few questions, and Angie connects you with nearby pros who match your needs. You can easily read reviews, check out photos of past work, and request and compare quotes to find your best price. Which means you could tackle the next home project in just a few taps.

So join the millions of homeowners who use Angie to care for their homes. Download the free Angie app today or visit angi.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. I just rewatched that Madonna, I guess it's a commercial. I don't know if it's a commercial. It's like, have you ever seen it? It's like, she's walking up a, um, oh God, can we just, can I just play? We're acting like you don't know what a commercial is.

Because it's not, I think it's called commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to, you need to just give me. But you know what? 10 seconds. That's me when someone doesn't have YouTube premium and they turn on a YouTube video and an ad starts. I look around like... Mama, I was watching a documentary on Yakutia,

a city in Russia last night on YouTube. All of a sudden, a commercial started playing. Did you pray today? I dropped the remote and I like, I ripped the sofa and I looked around. I ran out of the room. As if a ghost just descends. I like back out slowly.

I was like, am I me? You know who I am. I'm a door. I don't belong here. Like that's me when someone, I really believe, I really believe that all cable and streaming is scams, but YouTube premium is worth every fucking penny.

Mama, they are the light in the darkness for me. They are! I think at this point YouTube Premium's 40 bucks a month, doesn't matter, get it. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, wait, hold on. Shit. It's Conti, you have to listen.

If I hear you too bad, I'll kick the shit out of you. You will. You will. They call me the Queen of Pop. I know it's a compliment, but the monarchy is in the past I am NOT I have no age I'm all ages it's not about who I am it's about how many I am count my achievements the number of years I have lived on this planet I'm always reinventing myself So that I can keep

I think the most controversial thing I've ever done George Foreman girl is to stick around I Have seen many stars appear and disappear like shooting stars But my life will never fade Everyone is coming to the future Conti now that it's actually hard to make one of those ones I do look at the visuals the visuals are she is like traipsing through this like crazy cathedral. She's got pearls in her mouth She's kind of doing that Caitlyn Jenner slur though. Well, she's got a grill in her mouth.

Oh. You're kind of doing that like... Yeah. Just woke up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hard for me to make fun of that because... No. It was, I got full body chills.

And she's awesome. I got full body chills. She's awesome. I did. And she's wearing this incredibly opulent outfit, walking through the studio. I mean, it looks like she's in St. Peter's Basilica. That's wearing this more incredibly opulent outfit, walking through the stair, I mean, it looks like she's in St. Peter's Basilica. That's how you feel in your bathroom.

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say! That's how you feel in your fucking bathroom. That's what I was gonna say! That's how you feel with one of your shitty little towels wrapped around that wiry little body. The thing is, I didn't have any towels this morning. That's you drip drying in your bathroom. With a little turd trailer behind you.

That was me, me soaking wet naked, walking down my new hardwood stairs, trying to find a towel. Can I tell you, I gotta stop running down the stairs in my house. Bitch! Barefoot? Are you out of... No, socked? That's what I mean, socked on hardwood stairs? Maybe when I tell you about my next little hobby project

is going to be runners on those stairs to prevent death and Mamed I'm happy names in debt. You know Speaking of people who are fickle on pride miss Madonna miss Madonna Chikoni. Yeah Madonna That's fucking whore. Yeah as was was miss Support the gays long before it was fucking cool. Yeah, I think her brother's gay. She's fierce, Madonna gives a fuck. Yeah, I think her brother.

Madonna gives a fuck. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, she gives a big fuck, lots of huge fucks. But that, I don't know what that video was for other than just like, hey guys. But you know, the level of confidence I possess at times in manic states, if I put on a little, this morning while I was driving here, I was at a red light

and I put on my Dolce and Gabbana tinted lip oil and I looked in the mirror and I was like, is that, not everyone's coming to the future. Girl, that was me. Do you know that every time I drive here, I miss the exit and have to drive through Universal Studios? Do you go on the highway? Mama, you need to get into Cuenca Pass, baby.

I know. Cuenca Pass, it's all, all of New York is wrapped up in Cuenca Pass. I'm Cuenca Passing. I'm Cuenca Passing. I'm Cuenca Passable. I'm Cuenca Passable. What did I text?

I texted her yesterday, I said, are you ready for the pod, Ms. Cross? Yes. Wait, I wanna float a business venture idea to the people out there that I've already floated to. I truly believe in my heart that we must make a calendar. So you know how Violet Chachki makes calendars?

They're incredible. I have all of them, I have everyone. There's a wonderful photo shoot, sometimes themed, sometimes not. She always looks kind of amazing. Always happy to turn the page. Makes the year feel a little long. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that as a compliment, because you're horny for the next picture. Exactly, exactly. You're like, 30 more days. Yeah, sometimes I'm like, February, fuck you. I'm going to March. Every year when she puts out that calendar,

I think it's you and me in every comment, like, oh, fuck, you know, I'm horrid. Yeah. We girl for that calendar. So we are going to do the opposite. We're gonna do a Tiffany Club, Crossy Crossy, Crossing Over John Edwards, Tile Photoshoot every month, themed of course.

But I'm talking slacks, camisoles, chemises, sandals, mules, mother of pearl toe buckles, flat wigs, brown lashes, maybe some liner, maybe not. And we're gonna do... And a viral perfume from the TikTok shop. Yeah, maybe. 14 bucks. For sure.

And then it's gonna have the Vogue description of like Trixie Mattel is wearing and Taylor Loft, you know, da, da, da, da, da, JCPenney, Marshalls, and that's it. And we're just gonna be like... I think there's a... We could do it all in one day. I have no interest in us doing a photo shoot

where we're in Trixie and caught to drag. No. I wanna do some lovely bronze ombre wigs, flat wigs, brown lashes, maybe contouring, maybe not. And for the really big finish, we're gonna do 301's drooping way down. Just the bottoms. Yeah. No, not the bottoms.

Just the bottoms. Do you know what really cooks me? But really drooping. It really cooks me, and I know Pride is here, and I know a lot of you like to get in your little drag. Good for you. But when you wear the bottom lashes and you wear them upside down so they go like this. Nobody's doing that.

Are you nuts? What are you nuts? Open your eyes. Who the fuck? Open your eyes. It's anatomically so- Who is doing that. Are you nuts? What are you nuts? Open your eyes. Open your eyes. It's anatomically so... Who is doing that? It'd be like, where are your tits? Upside down. It's fucking crazy. Upside down bra.

On the back. Put it on the back. Why not? Why are your bra straps around the here? Can you see my nipples in this? No. On the way here, I was like, are people going to be able to see my nipples? Because I wonder if they have questions about why I'm so white. Why are you trying to make them perky?

Well, I thought, are people gonna have questions about why they're so dark? But to be fair, I have questions about why they're so dark. What are these questions? Such as why? Well, my skin is so fair. And the nipples are dark. You know what Latrice said to me?

She said, oh, your nipples. Now I know what color your butthole is. And I'm not a doctor, but I think Latrice said to me, she said, oh, your nipples. Now I know what color your butthole is. And I'm not a doctor, but I think Latrice is. Dr. Royale. But I'm not interested in this gay life where we think our buttholes need to be a light satin pink either.

Mine needs to be translucent clear. The lovely navy bean boy. They need to be, oh, I don't wanna talk about butthole color. But that's weird, is there a correlation? I don't know, Latrice told me. Sound off in's weird. Is there a correlation? I don't know. Letrice told me. Letrice told me. Letrice doesn't even remember it.

Well, we have a lot of dermatologist friends. Dermatological event in the drag community. We have a lot of dermatologist fans. So please send off to the comments. I do think there's an issue with drag queens not wanting to go to the doctor. Have you ever been in a drag show where you see someone change and you go, hey, that leg is your arm looks like a snowman arm. It's breaking off.

Were you going to head into the, so you're going to do the show with that club foot, Tiffany club, but it's the Tiffany club, but honey, it's the Tiffany club, but honey, it's the Tiffany Club, but honey, I don't want to be ableist, but maybe we should feature an injury in each. Well, a different physical ability. What I like about drag is one of the things I like. There's a lot of ways to do drag where you'd really, you could have a lot of,

um, hidden disabilities. You could have a lot of different types of limitations and drag is like, I could have been a paraplegic of limitations, and drag is like... I could have been a paraplegic these last four years because of Netflix and this show. 100%. Have you ever seen me get up and walk away? I don't think so.

We were supposed to be at Netflix today. Could you imagine? We would be in drag right now. Yeah, I'm not trying to do that. It's too much. It's too much. I don't think people realize, oh, oh, this is something I actually want to talk about.

The gratitude, I dropped into a huge reservoir of gratitude on the drive here because I got to thinking about how, shut up. I got to think how stressful it is to start your first day at work somewhere. Ruby. I thought, I thought, like, do you remember? She's literally quitting right now.

Do you remember like starting- She's typing her resume. Do you remember like the first day at work at a store or someplace? And then I was like, do you remember? Do you remember like starting... She's typing her resume. Do you remember like the first day at work at a store or some place? And then I was like, oh my God, my first day work here or any of these drag jobs. It was like, it's not even, it's not even, you can't even compare.

The way that I would get twisted up, not sleep, that horrible feeling of getting acclimated to a new job, it's the worst. Yeah. It's horrible. You're all new people having to learn a new everything. Even in stuff that you know logically that anybody could do it, like running a cash register

or something. But it's still so, that second day when you don't know how to do everything and you have a long line of customers and your supervisor's in the bathroom and you start freaking out. That was just like, ugh. Well, even if bars, a lot of people use Aloha,

a lot of people use toast. If you've been in bars and restaurants long enough, you have some semblance of how to use all of those, but the menu is different. And the way the kitchen prefers things to be typed in is different. There's always a new way. Yeah. You know what? I think about that all the time. Also, when I have friends who are like, I have a friend right now who just found a new job and I found out I was looking for a new job. And looking for jobs when they're talking about that I'm always like you asked the wrong I know I have been self-employed for 17 years I've never had a resume I've never had a proper CV like a like an actual CV that's done like if I were trying to

apply for an entry-level job in the office mama nothing I'll be like a crack head crack hoe like you know I mean I don't I it's just cracker Honky crack Local crossy tegan crossy tegan people looking for Aged mr. Bricky lake down here at the function trying to get employed Did someone say something on a paycheck? Somebody say something about a nine to five. Mary, what would we do in a nine to five?

Girl, get fired. Although sometimes when we're on set, I'm like, we would've been gone if there's an RFI, we would've been at home. Obama, we do nine to five. We do nine on, 9 a.m. on Monday to 5 p.m. on Tuesday. Well, when we have like two days at Netflix, I don't know if kids at home know we do two a day.

We work for that cash. We work for that money. We do, and we get up at 6.30. I get up at 6.30 to get in drag for those days. And we will leave set at 5, 6. 5, 6, sometimes over after 6. The in drag that long is so... Well, then the kiss of death. That's one thing that's like,

okay, hard day at work, but it's fun, fun, fun, fun. But it's so fun. And then, you know, it's not fun, mama, that's second day. The second day is hard. Talk about that second day. But that's why the trick is the day before or after you have to not be in drag.

You have to not be in drag. No shit. Well, we used to do this. We used to have to do like, so Monday, Netflix, Tuesday, Netflix, Wednesday, uh-huh,, Wednesday, uh-huh, and Thursday, uh-huh, or something like that. That was like impossible.

Because also, I don't want people to realize that- We run out of shit to talk about. There's nothing to talk about, there's nothing to react to, and like, especially having to do uh-huh after, where you have to like spin gold out of nothing. Right. It was so tough, and also there's no bathroom,

but like, it's just, yeah, it's, I was like, I'm so grateful to not have to go through that anxiety because I wouldn't sleep. I would not sleep. The gratitude. I mean, shout out to the divas looking for jobs, switching jobs. It also takes a lot of getting laid off. It's also a lot of anxiety to leave a job. Even if you hate it. The day you actually have to leave, you're like, oh shit, I'm leaving. Yeah, it's so, I'm so lucky, so lucky. Hey, it's Bobbi from the Really Good Podcast. Sorry to pop in during your episode, but it's worth it.

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when somebody you're kind of mid-level friends with at work is leaving and you all have to go say bye to drink at a function. I've never had that. Oh, when somebody you're kind of mid-level friends with at work is leaving and you all have to go say bye to drink at a function I've never had that oh when somebody's leaving you all have to act like they're shooting to space It's like she's going to work at the Laura Mercier counter next door Why are we acting like whenever you see that she's downstairs at the T-mobile kiosk? We're still gonna see this help with a clear bag at the Macy's employee check-in That's a fucking different attack less at the fragrance department when we walk through them Yeah, only difference is now she has to open store credit cards. What's the fucking difference? She's gonna tackle us at the fragrance department when we walk through the mall. Yeah, only difference is now she has to open store credit cards.

What's the fucking difference? Mama, shout out to the people who have to sign people up for rewards cards at their retail jobs. I had to quit. Oh, I had to quit. Mary, shout out to the ran through dolls. Ran through dolls. Because I, I was at World Market the other day.

I'm soaking the chair today, girl. I went to World Market the other day. I'm soaking the chair today. I went to World Market the other day because you know, Cause what is this? What is World Market? In our amicable lovely separation, I now am missing certain things in the home. Oh shoot, I need trash cans.

Oh sure sure sure. Things I didn't buy with my money and I'm like, I need trash cans, whatever. It's World Market. World Market's at the Grove, I can't even describe what they sell because I don't think they fucking know what they sell. What is it?

It's the TikTok shop brick and mortar. Mom, I gotta get in there because I don't wanna fuck with Ms. Amazon anymore. Okay, so. Oh, world market. Urban outfitters as far as eclectic, but it's shit you really don't need. Okay, perfect. Do you wanna get your root beer flavored soup from Lima? Outfitters as far as eclectic, but it's shit. You really don't need

Do you want to get your flavored soup from Lima? But do they have do they have gold and black toilet paper hugs a display I'm not buying a rug a prefab like a machine-made rug from a fucking store at the Grove, baby Okay, I'm a hand knotted from Tibet, 15K. Well, world market, they don't know what they're fucking saying. They have booze. It's, I think what they're doing. Can you look up their mission statement? Like what are they actually doing?

Because I went in there, because I was like, all right, I was having that backyard chin in again that you came to. And I was like, I'm gonna need some things for the pool. I need- They sell floaties? Well, I needed plastic glassware

that people could have at the pool and not break. So I was like, I'm gonna go down to World Market. I need some trash cans. I need some new throw pillows. I needed things in the home to replace. So I went to World Market, cleaned out first. Can't explain that move. Can't explain that move.

Dead serious, cleaned out. Cause I knew I was move. Can't explain that move. Dead serious. Cleaned out. Cause I knew I was like, I'm not going to be going poop at the mall. I'm, I'm, I'm getting ready for a build. You're like Alyssa Edwards, clean out before a show. I cleaned out. I got on my camel. I put on my COVID-19 mask and I rode into the sunset bitch. So I go to the world market and I'm getting everything. Oh God. What'd you get? I got so much. I got a bunch of trash cans. My secret life interior design hack

that I encourage everyone to use is, trash cans are almost all ugly. Oh no, I got a good one. Pottery? No, no, no. When you buy a plant to put in like a ceramic thing, make gorgeous trash cans and they look so much better. Like a ceramic thing you would put a plant in.

A pot, a planter. Put trash in there. A planter. Yes. That doesn't close. Yeah, but like in a bathroom, what are you doing, shit in there? It's a tissue, it's a...

What are you doing in the bathroom? But I mean... Oh, you're not putting shit in the trash can. Right, yeah. So I have... And I empty them at least once a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not, I know...

No, I feel you on that. I also think it's jail to throw anything, like a banana peel away in the bathroom. Don't do all that No, we're not putting perishables in the bathroom You're gonna you're gonna my nose you're putting a tissue you go to my house You sit in the toilet you see but your high chew wrappers in there you mind your fucking business All right, you see half. Um, you have a plate of meatloaf in there You should have your fucking business to me if something's going out, something's coming in, all right? Yeah.

I get, oh, I love trash cans. Love. So the moral of the story is I've got multiple carts, I've got everything. You got your double fisting carts? I've got multiple carts, I've got planters, I've got things for the party, what you came to, I've got different types of booze, exciting bottles,

a white wine where the wine bottle looked like a fish. I had to have that. I had to have that. I had to have it. I bought it. And you should think, though, and I felt like Coco Peru in the world market. I walked in and I was just like, have to have it.

Got mad at things that I understand, too excited. Can you check in the back and eat more of these? Like all that. I get to the end. The gentleman at the register was pushing, and I overheard- The card pushing, and I overheard, The card. Well, I overheard a boss talking to an employee saying,

you know, for the hours you work and the cards you open, we'd like to get your proportion a little more cards. And I feel for people, because I've never been in a store where we had to open cards, but I know that that's like a major thing, because when I worked at the Mac counter, the Macy's employees would be like, if you open a card for me,

I will give you a free bottle of Nicki Minaj Pink Friday. And I'd be like, would you like a fucking card? So make it happen. But this, I got up to this gentleman. I didn't ask the pronoun, it's 2025, gentleman. Sure, sir. Appeared to be a 50 year old cis male. Okay, like he looked like Henry Cavill.

Right, so I'm gonna say he. And tried to get rid of the card, and then of course there's a 20%. Now, you know me. I love a loyalty program. I love a deal. Sometimes when the credit card has like a 20% off and you are spending a lot of money, you're like, well damn near.

It's like they're paying me to shop here. That's why I got the Best Buy card when I bought my $6,000 television. I saved a thousand fucking dollars. What do you think I did when I paid that card off? I cut it up and put it in the trash. I still have mine, I love it. We buy for the YouTube channel, we buy.

I use the best buy card for things like camera equipment, shit like that anyway. Oh yeah, because you spend a lot of dough on tech stuff. For tech stuff, boring stuff. Yeah, yeah. Girl, memory cards, hard drives. Expensive. Not exciting purchases. Very boring, very expensive.

But they can be really fucking expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those little orange hard drives. Girl, you walk into this motherfucker's YouTube thing. Where are we at? Universal Studios? We absolutely are. Thank you so much. It's very, like, whoa. Yeah. So he's making...

He's got, like, a first, do you want to open a card? No. And then he's like, it's 20%. I'm like, shit. And then he opens this. And then he's thrown in the validated parking. And eventually, I had to be like... I had to break the wrist and walk away. Cause I do feel like as a shopper, if you say no to the card, it really should stop there.

A hundred percent. I know it's your job to offer, but if I say no, thank you, I don't even have a Gelson's card. And I know that those are free. I don't even have a Ralph's card and I'm not interested. Because guess what? When they say, do you have a Ralph's card? You say no.

They grab a card off the wall and they scan it. And then they say, sure enough, I'll do. So why don't you, girl. And I don't fuck with Miss Gelson because she, she grapes you. She grapes the girls. I'm sorry. Yes, she's gorgeous and lovely and so well put together. I don't fucking care because Ralph's food is just as good even though I got food poisoning

from blueberries. I didn't even know Gelsens was fancy. You know who told me that? Jennifer. Jennifer goes, Gelsens. Mama. Gelsens, you might as well go get a $19 Haley Bieber milkshake from Erewhon. Girl, I had that.

Gelsens is so overpriced. We so overpriced. We had that little pool party you came over. By the way, my friend here comes over, goes into the guest house, stays for 35 minutes, and leaves without saying bye. You don't know how long I stayed. Left without saying bye.

Mama, I let some people in the front. I was doing door duty. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. I lingered at the front. I let people in. Nick had to leave early too. But what is Nick do?

Gonna go to 45 people? Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Oh, goodbye. Oh, don't leave. You say bye to the host. Mama, I'm here right now. Oh, goodbye. Oh, don't leave me. No, I got it. You say goodbye to the host. Mama, I'm here right now.

This faggot left, right? My only fucking, my best friend there. I'm walking around going, have you guys seen Katya? And people are, oh, I think she just left. Great. Mama, you know I'm Irish. Does that mean you go to someone's house and don't bring anything?

I brought paper fucking towels. Oh, you did? She brought paper towels. She brought paper fucking towels bitch. She brought paper towels. She brought paper fucking towels, which by the way, barely pays me back for the time you came over and went grocery shopping in my house you cut. I didn't go grocery shopping. I just ate all the food.

No, no, no, no, you didn't eat it. You walked by the charcuterie board I bought and went into my fridge, grabbed the brand new grapes and asked for a doggy bag. That was a bit, a bit. Plus you rich hoe. I haven't had, I haven't had, I haven't had a party since I bought that house.

That was fun though. For the 25 minutes I was there, it was really fun. It was, and you laugh. All of you laugh. I didn't laugh, I'm not laughing. No, no, all of you laugh because my invite said 12 to three. No, baby, that is a hard on. That's a boner that I'm having when I see that invitation.

Nicole Byer texted me, damn bitch, jump in the pool, get wet and go home. Well, honey, mama, let's get this together. I left around two o'clock and people were just coming and I was like, Mary, someone got there at five and they were a friend of. That's why I was like, this does not check out. If I were the door person, I'd be like, go away.

Two people showed up at like five and I seen them in the front yard smelling the roses. And I said, hello? Mama, do you know what three o'clock means? I'm in my bedroom slippers. Yeah. Somebody was still over at 10. So that's why you need me as a doorman.

And all of you faggots laugh at me because I say, this is the time to leave the home. No, mama, I showed up at 12.30. You did. And then I left around... And the paper towels were really helpful. I'm sorry I forgot. Yes, no, no, no.

You don't, this is my, this is, okay, this is what my MO is when I'm going to a party. If like going to this kind of party, first you respect, if they says it starts at 12 you show up at 12 30 12 20 you show up at 12 o'clock girl you do a couple around you go around the block a few times Yeah, don't be honest. I was still running it. Hello still running trying to get 12 10 You're not even ready So you show up at least a half an hour late you bring something that does not need to be taken care of yeah

You don't bring a whole fucking bouquet of 36 flowers. Unless you have a vase. You could have brought cloth napkins. Sure. You know, I love the Rose from Mille collection from William Sonoma. They have great napkins and you could have brought something.

But you don't know if they're gonna go with all the themes in your crazy house. You know what I mean? So you bring something that doesn't need to be taken care of that's very useful in the moment. Right. You know, and then if you're gonna bring a dish, you leave the fucking dish there and you don't ask're gonna bring a dish, you leave the fucking dish there

and you don't ask for it later. Oh, you leave the dish? Yes! Yeah, you're right. You're not gonna be like, where's my dish? I'm like, I don't know, bitch. You're right. You know what I mean?

A disposable or a nice, oh, maybe they'll like this dish. Leave it. It's because it's really the dishes you're gonna bring. Yeah, and if you are good friends, next time you see that person, you bring it washed and then you are that kind. Yeah, and also maybe the food friends, next time you see that person, you bring it washed, and then you are that cunt. Yeah, and also maybe the food sucks, but the dish is cute.

Well, I tried to make a bunt. But you had this wonderful fucking, I've never seen anything like this. It's incredible. Like, it was like a mini buffet of brunch stuff, or like bagels and cheese. That was cunty. I made quiches.

Thank God they worked, because the bunt didn'tty. I made quiches. Thank God they worked. Because the bunt didn't work. So the quiches were in the oven and I was in front of it being like, please. But describe that thing I'm talking about because I really don't know how to describe it. The carousel of dreams. Is that what it's called?

That's what I call it. It was the black owned business thing. Oh, okay. This black owned business that, but when people come up and they use the charcuterie board, I am always like, they're like, did you make this? And I say, no, it's a black owned business because I think it'd be wrong to say, yes, it was me.

White people stealing from black folks. The credit, right, that's horrible. But we don't describe what was on it because it was a wonderful spread of all different types of things that could appeal to many people. It was a brunch option, so it had like brunchy foods. We also made mini omelets.

I made southern biscuits with cheddar on it. I mean, well, the bunt didn't work out. Yeah, we covered that. The bunt didn't work out. The bunt humbled me and hurt me so bad. It was, I think, 1150. Humbled by the bunt. Humbled by the bunt.

Kicked my bunt. You wanna kiss my bunt? Girl, it was like a movie where I'm like 1150, the cream cheese drizzles just popping out. Why are you trying to make something that's like a level four British Bake Off type of thing? Why don't you just go for an angel food cake? I felt that if I'm gonna order out for things like the charcuterie,

you're not really a good host unless you make a few things. Some of it has to be me. Right. You could cater the whole, I'm the fucker. You cater the whole bitch. Can I be honest, in LA, we come over, for things like the chakutery, you're not really a good host unless you make a few things. Some of it has to be me. Right. You could cater the whole, I'm the fucker. You cater the whole bitch. Can I be honest?

In LA, we come over, if you just Uber eat something, I'm leaving. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like... No, no, no, no. Cooking for your guests, cleaning for your guests, is not a class issue. Yeah, that's true. Right? Have you ever been to a cookout? Fabulous foods? Yeah. A potluck?

Oh, see, ooh, that's why I don't fuck around. I don't go to a potluck. Because I don't cook. And I'm not trying to, and I'm not trying, I just don't, and I say, if I really, really like the people, and maybe I'm trying to wiggle my way in, I say, hey, what can I bring?

That's not a food item. I mean, I'll bring silverware, everything else. I'll wash dishes, I mean anything. And sometimes like my friend Shane, he popped over early, which was a blessing because I ordered from Funboy, Funboy, pool toys. I ordered a bunch of their pool toys and I love their pool toys.

We've had many at the motel, please don't be mad at me Funboy. But I paid $108 for overnight shipping. Didn't come till six days later. Love that. Well, it's overnight somewhere. I have that Barbie car with the canopy and I'm trying to blow it up with my mouth.

My eyes are red. You don't have the bike skin. My skin is white. You don't have the bike pump. The hole is this big. So I'm putting my mouth on the butthole of the pool toy and I'm going, oh, oh,

and I'm like browning out. It's 1130, the butt is falling apart and my friend Shane gets there and Shane pulls his car up. He has a plug into the car, pool toy. Oh bitch, carbon monoxide poisoning. He inflates it and I go, thank God. My eyes are tearing up. Like they're having to,

it would be fierce if the people should have been 1245. You're just dead in the pool. They have to use the pool toy inflator. They put it on my butt to blow me back up because I'm so fucking deflated. But everybody I invited came except Bob and Monet weren't in town. Miss Simone, I'm not so unique.

Miss Simone, as I was doing my Irish goodbye, I opened the door for Simone. Motherfucker, that bitch is so otherworldly beautiful. It's crazy. It's crazy, the nerve of her. Gottmik came over and Gottmik brought four cans of beer. For herself? Four cans of beer.

For himself, sorry. And he brought four cans of beer, and he brought a bottle of champagne that he got from Uber Eats, but it was a personal size. It was this big. So he shows up with a bottle of champagne like this. from Uber Eats, but it was a personal size. It was this big. So he shows up with a bottle of champagne like this. I brought my own booze.

No, I know. And then he goes, he goes, he goes, we're joking. And he goes like, it's very transmasked. Just bring beers to a gay party. We were laughing. Oh my God, we laughed. We have fun. We have fun.

And then finally people got in the pool. I was afraid no one's going to touch the food and no one's going people got in the pool. I was afraid no one's gonna touch the food and no one's gonna get in the pool. All it took is some of the hottest people there. That's the secret. Some of the hottest people there have to get in and suddenly everyone face plants in it like those bees in those TikTok videos

jumping in the gasoline. All these faggots are just puffing and jumping in. Face planting. Oh shit. One of the person, they will go unnamed, whispered to me is like, so should, I wanna do some K, should I, I was like, how should I? I was like, mama, discretion is the word, okay?

Discretion is the word. Thank you. I was like, this is, is like, this ain't that kind of party. Capital D, discreet. These faggots wore me out. They put, turn on a spotlight and they start raking it like a Zen garden, like they make, it's too public. Where can I dump my like flower bag full of cocaine?

It's too public. It's too public. At 12th, I'm from 12th to 3rd on a Sunday, it's not exactly the drug moment. It's not exactly the drug moment. I disagree. I think that, I haven't done ketamine in a long time, but I think that might be, if you're not drinking, maybe a lovely little moment for you.

A lovely little moment with a moment in a locked bathroom. Yeah. I just don't, I don't like, I mean, you know. Do you think it was rude because I put the food in the guest house? I thought maybe I was communicating to people, get the fuck out of my house, but I thought it was more accessible.

I thought that was a very smart move because you're also, you're encouraging conversation and then when it gets too crowded, people just go out to the pool. Cause that parties I hate when everyone just stands in the kitchen. No, no, the kitchen's where the kitchen is off limits. Cause people, cause sometimes people just stand in the kitchen or they, they rifle through your food and take it home.

If we go to your party, it will be in the bathroom, baby, but it'll be red ropes and we'll all be in the hallway looking into the bathroom. No, no, no, sweetie. There's a third floor, we got a ladder. You gotta climb the ladder up and down. I was thinking about that. I am never having a party in that house.

I'm gatekeeping the gorgeousness. I have to say shout out to... I've been really, really up Martha Stewart's ass lately. Yeah. And my next conquest I wanna make, because you know I made that vodka bottle with the ice on it. Gorge. My next conquest is she for a summer treat has Coca-Cola

and then she makes ice cube trays of Coca-Cola, puts the ice cube Coca-Cola in the Coca-Cola so it stays cold but doesn't dilute. And then she makes fresh whipped topping to put on the top. Baby, get into this one. Coca-Cola, lime, Coca-Cola, cherry Coke, Coca-Cola,, Coca-Cola cherry Coke, Coca-Cola raspberry, flavored Coke ice cubes in the regular full fat Coke. That's fierce.

Yeah. I didn't even know about Martha Stewart doing that. I've done that before. It's cunt. And then if you want to be, Oh no, at the old place, I would do, I wouldn't do flavored Coke. I would do Coca-Cola with fresh Meyer lemon squeezed in

Half coke half lemon and the ice cube tray mama bone or hard boners in Australia when they say are you keen? Yes, we've horned and key. Are you born to be keen? Nobody has to glue at my party No any whippets I don't so. I think people were pretty chill. I just feel like you gotta be just great. If it's not a, if it's a daytime gig, like, minus maybe at the beach, because I don't know, people do so many drugs at the beach, I guess. But like, if it's a nighttime shindig, then you got to expect-

The beaches are crazy. Gay beaches? People just lay in there with boners. Everyone, like, what are people doing? Well, that's okay. Because if it's a nude gig, that's fine. But like, I just- But does anyone still wear a hat?

That's how I feel when I see gays with boners doing drugs in the sunlight. I'm like, does anyone still wear a hat? Do you know what I mean? Like, what are we doing? Like, discretion, I don't know. There's nothing sexy about- Coked out with no SPF?

Right. At the beach. It's not hot. It's just not hot. Oh my God. Wait, last thing. Martha wouldn't do it. No, she would not.

But Martha did. I have watched the clip of her show where she brought a woman from the audience to try to fold a fitted sheet. Humiliated the woman. Humiliated her. Even though Martha didn't do it. She had the expert do it. Martha wasn't even doing it right, that hoe.

And she humiliated this bitch from the audience tears I like watch the video like maybe 25 times and I can finally successfully confidently do it and put it in my linen closet I Actually would love to see it. I don't know how it's very difficult. It's not intuitive It's not intuitive because you got to go you have this shape and then you're gonna I'll show you you show me Goodbye. Well, listen next time. Um next time I have a party. I had so much fun. It was party for having notes I'm open to notes. Um, I think that you should have not had a point of egress through the house The motor court maybe baby's use the motor court. Absolutely. Because I wouldn't want people, I wouldn't want me coming into that house.

Everybody wanted to go in there though. Of course they do. It's that type of party. They wanted to see it. Yeah, who cares? Watch the show. It's also a pool party. Pool parties outside vibes.

Yes and also, this is the thing, food in the motor court. Nibbles in the court. Do you think Mateo, we had a DJ, do you think that was the wrong space? I almost think he should have been outside. It was the loveliest space because he was blocking people's entrance into the house. Yeah, I just also think too loud.

I don't wanna be too loud to be the neighbor's man. Here we go, how about this? DJ in the front, DJ at the front door, DJ at the back door, DJ at the side door. Can't get in. Lovely music though. Maybe a drag show next time. Nope. Okay.

Magician. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I got an invite. What about a Santa impersonator at a pool party? No, no, no. Oh, Christmas in July? Christmas in July. Wait, wait, last thing before we wrap.

I met, I met wrap I met at I met What I met a teenage mission magician at Target who invited me to the Magic Castle Yes, I do it's the It's the fiercest most vicious dress code says it's amazing. Mama, it's the fiercest, most vicious dress code. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere for your dress? Uh, no, surprisingly. I don't go out. I went to, I think it was the Ivy or something. No, no, no, it was the, um, it was the, oh yeah, you told me it was, yeah.

I did, I guess this dress code is deep and vicious. But he got me two comps for two different days if you wanna go. Let's go! I'm dying to go, I'm dying to go. I love magic and I love castles and when the two come together, that taste, that crunch.

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