The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Download the "CruciPeep" App Today! with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

As we enter the final lead-up to Easter Sunday, let us all reflect on the many blessings we have in our lives, including the magical marshmallow carbohydrate bombs: Peeps. This Lent, download CruciPeep from the App Store and join Peeps devotees from all across the globe in our special 2025 Bald & Beautiful CruciPeep Challenge! For the week leading up to Easter, make Peeps a part of every single meal while you pray to the nutritional gods of Red Dye #3, Carnauba Wax, and Potassium Sorbate. From Peepgels (Bagels with melted Peeps in place of cream cheese), to Peepuna Melts (Tuna Melts with melted Peeps in place of mayonnaise), to Peepzas (Pizzas topped with Cinnamon Churro-flavored Peeps), there's something for everyone this Lent! Join celebrities like Trixie Mattel, Katya Zamo, Gwen Stefani, and Starship Troopers' Casper Van Dien in prostrating yourself before the golden Peeps gods, lest we feel their sugary wrath! Turn your everyday purchases and on-time payments into steps toward your financial goals with Chime’s Secured Credit Builder Visa® Credit Card. Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use code BALDPOD to get an additional 30% off at https://Blissy.com/BALDPOD Need a website or domain? Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, head to: https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Interested in GLP-1s? Go to https://Ro.Co/BALD for your free insurance check. You can see if your insurance covers GLP-1s—for free. For a limited time get 40% off your first Hungryroot box PLUS get a free item in every box for life! Go to https://Hungryroot.com/BALD and use code BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Roe. As you may or may not have heard, GLP-1s are all over social media right now. Roe now offers FDA-approved weight loss files for much less than most auto-injector pens and all without applying insurance or savings cards. Roe's formula, created by Eli Lilly, hits not one but two hormones to curb hunger,

all with less nausea. If you think a GLP-1 might be a good choice, your Roe-affiliated provider can help you understand if GLP-1 might be a good choice, your ROH affiliated provider can help you understand if GLP-1s are right for you and your goals. Plus, ROH members have support throughout their entire journey. You can even sign up from the comfort of your home, which is massively convenient.

So if you need to drop some weight and want to achieve your goals for a lower price, join the over 385,000 people who've already chosen ROH to access GLP-1s. Go to roh.co.co.gov to see if you qualify. That's roh.co.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.gov.govissy pillowcase in the mail and it made my completely bald head feel very good at night. I wish I knew about this sooner. Satin is so bad for you, but Blissy's silk and it's an incredible game changer.

I've been seeing a dermatologist in Beverly Hills. Yes, they're extremely curt with me and I feel ugly, but it's very helpful. And the dermatologist told me to ditch cotton pillowcases for Blythe Silk and you'll see less fine lines and healthier hair in weeks. I noticed for me my face gets so ripped up from drag that anything I can do to help my face recuperate and rest is very helpful. You'll see healthier skin and hair in just a few weeks and it's better than satin which is made from synthetics. It's rougher on your hair and skin and it's cheap for a reason.

Blythe has anti-aging properties, reduces fine lines and wrinkles over time. Also, can I just say it looks really princessy and you feel like a beautiful little girl? I mean that's a big part of it for me. And it's clinically proven not to clog pores unlike cotton. Antibacterial, hypoallergenic, and it promotes better sleep but it's still completely machine washable. And it's Mother's Day and you know your mom. If I know your mom as well as I do, she loves to sleep and her hair and her skin is jacked. So let's help that lady out, okay? Vote at the best love gift of 2024. It's also a good gift because you know it's kind of like everybody goes to sleep at night, but you don't necessarily know what size pleather

mini skirt people want. So it's a great gift. Featured on Live with Kelly and Mark, The View, Oprah Daily, and Good Morning America. Over three million sold. Because you're a listener, Blissey is offering a 60 night risk-free plus an additional 30% off

when you shop at blissey.com slash baldpod. That's blissey, B-L-I-S shop at blissy.com slash bald pod. That's blissy, B-L-I-S-S-Y dot com slash bald pod and use code bald pod to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you. You didn't hear this from me, but Normal Gossip is back for its eighth season. Join me, Rachel Hampton, as I share the juiciest gossip from the real world. Each episode, I'm joined by a special guest. You might even recognize a couple this season from the Radiotopia universe.

Normal Gossip, named one of the best podcasts of 2024 by Time Magazine and Vulture is out now on all of your favorite podcast platforms. New episodes starting April 9th. Oh, is that a whip crack? Taylor's whip crack. Hell yeah. Shotguns? Camera flashes. Shotguns.

There's shotguns in the dub. I love shark. Fun. It's great. I love a whip crack. And a shotgun. So people will know when this comes out, I just, Vincent's going to come sing supermodel at Coachella. Trixie Chela.

They're calling it Trixie Chela. Trixie Chela. They're calling it Trixie Mochella. I did pick up a second gig, so I'm no longer going into financial ruin trying to do labs. You won't be going into the, you won't be rolling into Coachella in the red. I would like to make a version of After Pay or Klarna where, you know, I always almost say Klarma. Klarma. Now., where I always almost say Klarma. Klarma.

Now. I forget that it's not Klarma. It's Klarna. It's Klarna. Afterpay and Klarna, I always, I want a version of that where you just don't, never pay. It's layaway, but.

You just, psh. You buy a lot of shit, and then you just dip down. Do you remember, are you old enough to remember layaway? Yeah, because you know what it is. My mom would... Poverty. Poverty. We would get clothes on layaway for school at the beginning of summer.

Pay them off by senior year. Yeah. Because she would buy the school supplies and shit when it wasn't spiked. This is smart. Smart. She would buy our summer clothes when they were on sale. So it was always, we were always the season behind because you put the summer clothes on layaway.

Oh, wait, you were gonna just wear shorts in the winter? No, not in fashion. I'm not just kidding. Not like a last season. But like, you buy your swim trunks in fall so that by summer they're cheaper. Yeah, they're not marked up. I hate that.

Also, I have stress dreams about buying books for college. Girl! It's like, it's the silent killer. I've been watching- They don't tell you about that. I've been watching Buffy and I'm on season four and she goes to college and I'm watching her in the bookstore and I'm thinking,

remember when your fucking math textbook is $500? And it's the only, I was like, this is a racket to get that teacher. I guess it's written by the teacher. Hello, hello. That's so fucked, like imagine if it was like, oh, if you wanna come to our show, you have to buy that teacher. And guess what's written by? The teacher. Hello, hello. That's so fucked up. Imagine if it was like, oh, if you want to come to our show,

you have to buy our book. Yeah, not available in any library. No, not available because it's only printed for this bookstore so that you, the sucker, have to pay the, mama, I'm not paying for that teacher's salary or that teacher's little jacuzzi, whatever. You try to get the used too,

but the thing is. 498. It's $500 new or 498 used, but when you return it, they give you $3. Make that make sense. I'm struggling with my hair. No, it's not a struggle, it's a journey. This is one of the wigs from Solid Pink Disco,

this is called He, Him. It looks like you look exactly like Ken from the Barbie movie. It kind of gives pixie cut though. Well, kinda. Like girl, it kind of gives pixie cut though. Well, kinda? It is. Like, girl, it kind of gives... These to me, these points, like, if you are a gal, you can still style these and make them very, like...

It's like Rachel Lee Cook. This is an actress going into audition for Chicago, but swearing she didn't dress up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she comes in like... Oh, no, this is... With her flapper, her costume flapper. Did you see, um, which actress just got a pixie cut? Emma Stone?

Emma Stone. Emma Stone. Wow. Not great. Oh, I love it. She has such a pretty face. Well, I mean, yeah, she's got one of those faces. I love it when these-

She's so gorg. It's the type of beauty that's like, I'm gonna just try and be ugly. And they can't. And you know, you know what I mean? I'm kind of the sucker because when I see a girl with a short hair, I always give a compliment because it takes a lot of courage to cut your hair off.

Watch Top Model. These bitches are in ruin. I know. They give them third degree burns. They cut off all their fingernails. It's crazy. And they send them home. Well, do you ever watch Veep? No. I've never seen it. You would Well, do you ever watch Veep? No.

I've never seen it. Oh, you would love it. But there's a really great episode where she comes back. I think it's after a season. And she's got a short haircut, and everybody's horrified because it looks awful. And she thinks it looks great. It's so funny. So funny.

It's hard. I do love videos of people cutting their own hair. I love the moment of panic. I do love that type of shit. Why do people think that they can cut their own hair? Can I say, why do people think that? I don't think that I can do the electric in my... You know what I mean? I don't think I can like... Well, hairstylists know a lot more than you think they do.

They're doing a lot more than just eyeballing your head and taking chunks of it. But I think people think that it's not super technical. That it's like, if you just stretch it out and chop it, it's going to look... Haircutting is hard. Are they that stupid? I consider myself visually whatever,

and gay, and beauty-oriented. Haircutting for me in beauty school was so humbling. So humbling. I look at haircutting as like open-heart surgery. Same thing. Same thing. I would never, I would take eight years of training for me to even begin.

I would never, ugh. You know what they say in beauty school, they would say, because I was in beauty school, but I worked front desk at the Scott Free Salon in Milwaukee, hello. And the girls who, you know, I'd make their appointments, I'd take care of their clients, and they'd be like, well, you know, once you leave beauty school,

it's years before you even have any semblance of saying you know how to cut hair. And like you learn in the real world. All the patients you have to kill along the way to get to that successful open heart surgery, who are they? I would mess up those hair all the time. One time we were doing, we were doing a women's, you know when it's short on the top

and then it's like a longer length? I mean, a lot of people do it, but like, you know, longer on the front, and then shorter on the tips. Tapered? Yeah, one time I was just on autopilot and we had just done men's haircuts and I'm cutting this girl's hair

and at the end of it, I just was like, thinking about my groceries, whatever, and I just cut a gorgeous square masculine men's haircut into this girl's hair and sent her down to the Chapel Rowan concert. I mean, yeah. Here's men's warehouses. I built so bad.

And it looked, she was very pretty. And so I was like, well, it looks kind of cute on her. It's fine, but. I don't think she was probably going through a kind of. She wanted some more length. And you want to save on the women's cuts, the pieces on the side, the front, to feminize and frame and all that.

But when I worked at the makeup counter, the girls would come in, whenever they chopped their hair off, they overhauled their makeup bag. Because a lot of women feel like once they lose their long hair, they don't feel as feminine. They gotta get a different license. So, well, when women would shave their head, let's say,

they would come in and be like, I want to learn about lashes. Oh, 100%. I want to learn about a bold lip. Yes, yeah. Oh, that makes sense. They feel like their hair is their femininity a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. Not everyone, I mean.

If you cut Andrew Yang's hair off, I would say 30 to 45 seconds until he jumped from a roof of a very tall building. Yeah. Cunty. Cunty. But it's like very, it's identity. But everyone wants to have the long hair,

but no one wants to take care of it. We live in the air of the Dyson Airblade. very, it's identity. But everyone wants to have the long hair, but no one wants to take care of it. We live in the air, we live in the air of the Dyson Airblade. Just wake up 10 minutes early and do your hair. That salon look is so accessible now. Dry bar, get a blowout. You know, get one of those TikTok head wraps where you wrap the hair up and sleep in that.

Give us something. I, again, I love being bald and I'll never not love it. Yeah, so eat my ass. I love, can I say I had Caleb Heron on the channel, amazing comedian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were doing a game where I put wigs on him and I had to put a wig cap on him and I went,

oh, doing drag with wig caps. Girl, it's very Mrs. Doubtfire. It's very boop, boop, boop, I don't know how to use my hands. Like, it's all the... Putting wig... trying to put a wig cap on a 22-year-old girl with, like, waist-length brown hair, gorgeous, thick, like, all one length for Halloween. I'm like, you figure it out, honey.

You just figure it out, because I can't do all that. You're, like, wrapping it up, you're smoushing it. And then you're trying to put the, the bald. The best thing to do really is a French braid or two French braids. Cause then you can anchor the wig. Yes. You have to do two braids and you have to go around like, um, you got to do the crown crown cause then you stick the pins in that. Yeah. And then it's all anchored.

Yeah. But they don't know, they don't know that. They can't even, they can't even get around the geometry or the physics of a wig cap. They're like, whoa, what is this? They're like, what do you put on your head? When you put it on, it immediately flies off. It flies across the room. It's like, they can't wrap their head around it, literally.

They're just like, what do I, whoa. And it's like, what the fuck? They turn so stupid. They get immediately stupid. They go to put it on and they act like it's their first day with ham. They can't stretch it over their own fucking head. I don't know what my head is. I'm not sure what nylon is.

And I don't know where this hair is coming from. It's so crazy. It's crazy. They're always white. Always. That's the girls who struggle. Oh, college books. College books, girl.

I thought it would change at art school. Nope. Was there an elective you took that you really liked? I wanted to take photography, but it was too expensive. Oh, you had to have a camera. You have the lab fee and the supply list for photography was like $2,000. Oh my God. For the whole year.

Like $1,000 a semester, I can't afford that. No. Who can afford that? Rich people. I guess. Rich people. That's the hack. I hate rich people at college because they're all, they're all, they're stinking it up with their Porsches and stuff.

They're driving up and down Commonwealth Avenue in Boston in their little Porsches. Generational wealth. Why are you here? Well, they're there to support those broke ass teachers trying to get you to buy their $500 book because they get no financial aid They they literally create the endowment for the school, baby. And the math book would you invent new math? It's a bitch and then they have the nerve to not even use it, baby They don't even use it. You never even you never need it. I can't tell you how many classes that was the case

You didn't even open the book. I took this class called art survey where... What does that mean? You don't do art, you learn about all the different types of art. Art history. And you learn about different types of art by going to galleries. Part of the class was going to galleries. And I guess it was fine. I mean I'm not like a passionate visual artist and so it was great for me because I know nothing about that. So I was like learning about Jessa or underpainting or any of that. Chiara Schuro. And it was a type of class where you could just go to the review day, take notes and then take the exam because there was no homework. After the first quarter, I went, oh my God, I'm never going to go to this class. So all I did was

go to the review day. And that was it. Rails of Adderall. I'm just kidding. I just paid attention. Cocaine. I just paid attention. Just cocaine. And just, they shouldn't be that easy.

Classes shouldn't be that easy. Sweetie, Boston University, let me pinch a picture. Weeks before 9-11. That has nothing to do with it. So Boston University, that is a- That's your alibi. Yeah. Well, if you know you can't afford a thousand dollar class,

you're not buying a plane ticket either, honey. Thank you. No, Boston University, Intro to Psychology 101. I went to one lecture, I was like, nope, not going to this one again. Showed up to the final, multiple choice, 10 questions. Eats. Did you get it? 100%, baby.

Because it was, it wasn't intro to Psych 101, it was literally commonsense.com. Anybody off the street could have been like, that one, that one, that one. Thank you so much. That probably cost about $13,000. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. My science elective, I tried to take plants in today's world because everyone says that was the easy one. And then I ended up taking diet and exercise. Oh. Diet and nutrition. That's fun. It was so interesting.

Yeah. It was so interesting. Did you guys talk about fad diets? Yes. So as our big project, we each got to select a popular famous diet. South Beach, Atkins, whatever. And you got to study it, learn about it, and write a big study paper on it, and I chose the Subway diet?

No way. Baby, have I ever told you about this? No, I don't think so. I'm a PhD on the fucking Subway diet. Obviously, I don't pay attention to it, but I love Subway. Practice and theory. Yeah, yeah, cool. I love Subway, and I know that that's like a polarizing thing

in this country. Because of the pedo? No, people just, some people are like, they hate Subway. Oh. Do you guys like Subway? See, like it's very yes and no. But you know what though, I walk into Subway, you know what I get? I get a foot long veggie with tons of salt and pepper

and olive oil and vinegar. The sleeper hit of Subway is the veggie. Yeah, gorgeous. All everything. Bread with vegetables and like Toasted. Salt and pepper, toasted with cheese. Lovely, yeah, love it.

Horned, oh you mean cheese. Love it, no cheese, but I find it very filling and satisfying. It's delicious. So the Subway diet is two 400 calorie subs a day. Okay, so that's called starvation. That's the whole diet. And there is no exercise. Oh my God.

So you're just, of course you lose weight because you're malnourished. You're cross-eyed and literally like bones sticking out. So if you're trying to be really strict... Wait, are you serious? I'm dead serious. 400 calories to 800 calories a day. Now this is what it was in 2010 when I studied it in a college class.

It might be like 700 now. It might be woke now. Like now there might be actual like go for a walk. It might be different. But what I do like about actual like go for a walk. It might be different. But what I do like about Subway is if you are trying to lose weight, it is one of the probably the best quick fast foodie options where you actually have a say, don't add this.

Use the light meal. You actually can drive the calories down. Totally. Depending on what you get. Cause you can get a wrap. And there's vegetables. And there's vegetables. And if you're in the UK, they have soups.

So. Wait, this is quick, quick sidebar. I had a bread bowl of soup and I think that's disgusting. You told me about that. I'm sorry about that. A Panera one's so horny. The spongy wetness. It was the texture. I loved the soup. I loved the bread.

It was the... I think it's good. Oh, yeah, so the subway diet is two 400 calorie... $400 calories. If you're at school, if you're at college, it's good. Oh yeah, so the subway diet is two 400 calorie, $400 calories. If you're at school, if you're at college, it's two 400 calories. And it's two 400 calories,

and then that's how you lose weight. And then I also, I did SlimFast for a while. Oh God. Which is- Just sugar. It's two SlimFast shakes a day and one real meal. Oh my God, that's so- So breakfast or lunch or whatever,

you have the 180 calories slim fast and you're allowed two snacks, I think... A month. It's two snacks and then you can have one real meal a day. I did that for a while. When you say one real meal, is it old country buffet, like three, going back three times? Because that's what I would do because I'd be so hungry. No, it's just like a normal, like a human... Burger, fries, and a Coke. Brown rice and vegetables. Yeah, and so that's what I would do, cause I'd be so hungry. No, it's just like a normal, like a human. Burger fries and a Coke. Not, I mean, you're trying to- Brown rice and vegetables. Yeah.

And so that's how that works. ["Sweet Home Run"] Girl, I think we know today's sponsor is our friends at Chime. And everything is getting more and more expensive, more and more expensive. Gas, cars, house, foods, Becky, Shirley, all of it. It's just, it's really, really wild.

And I know you have to try to build some credit card credit in this world, but who wants to bring on credit card debt? But there's a better way you can build credit with money you set aside and avoid interest or expensive debt with Chime's Credit Builder Card. It's a secured credit card with no credit check or minimum deposit required. I'm very country and my grandpa taught me to never buy anything unless you could afford it

and then I turned 18 and moved out and everyone was like, yeah, that's a fun idea but you're still probably gonna need some line of credit in your life. Start building credit and everyday purchases and regular on time payments with no annual fees, interest or credit check. Get the Visa credit builder Visa credit card with Chime.

No fees, no credit check, use it everywhere Visa credit cards are accepted. Build credit money. I like to use it with stuff like gasoline, buying flights, just like boring regular stuff, you know, cause why not make the boring regular stuff, you know? Cause why not make the boring regular stuff, you know, a little more beneficial? You can also get paid up to two days early

with direct deposit and it's awesome cause you can get your money sooner. I know sometimes Friday cannot come soon enough girls. And you can find any of the 50,000 free ATMs really close to you using the Chime app. It'll show you where they are and it's fee free. So turn your everyday purchases and on-time payments into step towards your financial goals

with Chime Secure Credit Builder Visa Credit Card. Get started today at chime.com slash bald. That's chime.com slash bald chime. Feels like progress. The Chime Credit Builder Visa Credit Card is issued by the Bancorp Bank, NA, or Stride Bank, NA. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply.

Chime checking account required to apply. Out of network ATM withdrawal and OTC, advance fees may apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Late payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.

Have you ever been to a dermatologist whose breath smells like deviled eggs and soup? Or a dentist who asks about your recently passed aunt, but instead of letting you answer, shoves their fingers into your mouth and proceeds to tell you about his daughter's 9.7 million TikTok followers. Or an orthopedic surgeon who only has slots

during the middle of the workday when you're completely tied up in the studio recording your latest Nash Pop hit single featuring Bjork on the lead flute. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can feel just so daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it easy to find and book a doctor

who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. They have over 100,000 doctors from literally any specialty, including orthopedic surgeons who will check on your bionic hip at 7pm after you're done laying down Björk's insanely

hot jazz flute solo right before the verse where you yodel rap to an ill beat from your best friend Hans, a famed glockenspiel prodigy from Berlin. You can filter for doctors who take your specific insurance, who are located nearby if you hate driving like me, or find ones with specific office hours to match your insane recording schedule. And most importantly, you can find doctors who are highly rated by real-life verified patients.

You can even see their real-time appointment openings, choose a time that works for you, and instantly book a visit with just a few clicks. Same-day appointments are also available in many cases, which is absolutely brilliant. The best part is that ZocDoc is completely free to use. You can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors with ease, which is why I love ZocDoc.

If I can find a great doctor, so can you, and all because of ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com slash bald to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash bald. Zocdoc.com slash bald. Do you want to update the girls in the black mold? What's going on?

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, listen to this. I was going to listen. You don't have to listen, listen to this. I was gonna listen. Okay. You don't have to tell me what to do. I have headphones on. Connected to your microphone. The hair is throwing me.

What else am I gonna do? I feel like I don't know you. Wait, when young boys would do that, but instead of getting it out of their face, they put it in their face, because they do the Justin Bieber. You know what I'm talking about? I mean, turn the wigs around, Dina.

Dina, just turn it around. Oh, for volume. Now you're a beetle. You know what it kind of gives? Children in the corn? Elion's Strich or something? I don't know. It does.

The ladies who lunch right here. Yeah. You guys, you're in a pot. You can't see the wig. I want to be buried in. At Salt Pick Disco, we have these little boy wigs on sale. And the clothes I want to be buried in. At Cell Pick Disco we have these little boy wigs on sale and this is the wig to get drunk in. Little boy?

This is kind of like a little surfer boy wig. It's not gender. Okay, it's not gender. Hair does not, hair knows no gender. Okay, fine. It's a pixie. Let me tell you, the person who has this hair works at the Starbucks and they make those drinks with Ferber.

It's a short grift. That's a short grift here. Imagine the grift. So what's going on with the black mold? Okay, so I finally found a contractor. Okay, this guy. And they went in, so he had a... We got leaks. We got holes.

Okay? Neenie leaks. Neenie leaks. We got holes, we got leaks, we got... WikiLeaks. We got WikiLeaks. We got Julian, we got leaks, we got WikiLeaks. We got Julian Assange. And, um, what's his name? Anyways, okay, the deck and the roof have leaks. That is the water intrusion factor, okay?

The HOA said, you can go literally suck ass. Why don't you take all your energy and go suck your own ass? We're not gonna give you a red cent. It's like, thank you so much for existing, you pieces of shit. 28 leaks later. You unhelpful. Girl, they got you.

I actually think that these contractors are feeding water into your home and then showing up being like, do you have a leak? Yeah, I was like, well, where's that? Why do you have a hose in your hand? And why is it attached to the fire hydrant out there? I see. The HOA is hand on ass in that they have their hands

on their asses all day, not doing anything else, not helping me taking my $500 a month and then putting it into video poker or something. Honey, the HOAs are, my one in LA is 400 and the one in Milwaukee is 200. And let me tell you what they do, it's jack motherfucking shit. They don't do nothing.

They, I guess, pay for the trash. I got legs, I got arms, I got bags. Maybe for a while I was getting fined 250 a month because one of the planters on my patio was pink. That's it. It has to be natural colors. That's the one. 250 a month for like eight months.

That's hunty. And I bet their correspondence was via parchment and then a carrier pigeon. It was only during COVID that I actually sit down and be like, what's this charge every month? Yeah, love that shit. Love it. It's like cable companies where you look at the bill,

it's like fierce charge, Conti charge, poopy charge, Jared Leto charge. Miss Diva charge. Yeah, it's this, I went to Subway charge. What are these charges? Large Panda in charge. Yeah, yes, yeah. Charles in charge, charge. Miss Diva charge. Yeah, it's this, I went to Subway charge. What are these charges? Large and in charge. Yes, yeah.

Charles in charge, charge. Large March charge. Yes. So I got a contractor. I couldn't demo the deck. They said, no, you can't do that. I was like, well, great. Long story short, too late.

I go out after the first day, we were working at Netflix, come home. This just this week. Yes, it was just the other day. I came home full of fear. I was like, this is going to be the second week. I was like, I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week.

I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week. I'm going to be the second week. we were working at Netflix, come home. This just this week. Yes, it was just the other day. I came home full of fear. I was like, there's gonna be some tarp situation like before with these jokers. Mama, the first signs of intelligent life on this deck.

Clean, gorgeous, meticulous, neat work. We're in good hands. It's all, it's gonna be good. It's gonna be great. I have faith in it. It's gonna be extraordinarily expensive because the insurance of this barber from Florida, she was like, fuck you, fag.

I'm not giving you any money. Bianca Del Rio is your insurance agent. I... I... I... I... I... She probably has great insurance. You should get Bianca Del Rio.

I bet you she would have taken care of this whole situation already. I know, she would have been the best project manager. Hell yeah. Several people would have been fired already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not even involved with the project. Hired just to get fired.

So what did you do today, fag? Unless they have a good answer. Fired. I want you to do an Elon. I want you to send everybody who's worked on this project an email where they have to respond with five things they do.

Yeah, can you name five country things about you, fierceness? Did you see that they said on the, they're trying to say that, Cybertrucks, you never see with two people. Oh, shit. That was an interesting point that made this morning on somewhere.

Think about it. They're trying to make vandalism to a Cybertruck or Tesla vehicle. They're calling it national terrorism. That's so dumb. Terrorism against America. Oh, because it's America's, it's like lighting the flag on fire?

Apparently. Wow. Apparently. That's gotta be the stupidest thing I've heard all day. Isn't that Conti? Yeah. God, why are we so dumb? It's because of her emails. Oh, that's right.

Because of her emails. Chappaquiddick. Because I don't know, because I, yeah, because her emails, because she's a woman, because this is more about, Mary, I'm so horny for these videos of, it's so horrible to feel, when I see videos of people being like,

I can't believe these voting things. I voted being like, I can't believe these voting things, I voted this way and I can't believe these things affected me. I'm supposed to feel bad, but I'm polishing my knob so fucking hard. And I feel bad that I'm that person because I used to have more empathy and now I'm just like, oh.

It's hard to sympathize with the Huffers, you know? The Huffin' paint thinner all day and at the end of the day they're wondering why I got a headache. Right. It's tough. Well, with the Huffers, you know? They huff and paint their all day, and at the end of the day, they're wondering why I got a headache. Right. It's tough. Well, all of that, what it spells is, I was okay with this hurting someone else.

Now it hurt me. Isn't that shitty? Now there's people saying, well, you can be racist towards white people too, you know? Right. I couldn't go to the gay bar, but I would have never went to. Yeah.

I could, I know. What the fuck? They didn't let me go to the gay bar and kill the people. Oh. The difference is, I'm not trying to go to the hater church. They can see these titties and they can oil them up and suck on them. I don't give a shit. I know. I'm not trying to go in and handle those snakes.

I'm not trying to go race those cars. I'm not trying to go shoot them ducks. Race the cars? NASCAR. Oh, because they hit, are they Christians? NASCAR 500. Shit, girl. Well, it's conservative, you know? Yeah.

Monster trucks. Yeah. Monster trucks are cool. I have to say, if I have my whole life ever have an opportunity to drive a monster truck, I'm taking the opportunity. I feel like you would and should incorporate that into your drag persona. Well, in high school, my brother was really into mudding. Do you know what this is?

Is it four-wheeling? No, it's where people have these like souped up trucks that are on really high, like big tires and like lift kits and roll cages and all that. And they put the exhaust on the top instead of the back so that they can go drive through mud and puddles. Jesus. Kind of a country activity.

Yeah, that seems a little country. And you get together in your drink and you stand around, you take through mud and puddles. Jesus. Kind of a country activity. Yeah, that seems a little country. And you get together in your drink, and you stand around, you take turns driving through puddles. Love that. And it sounds dumb, but I have seen it done, and it is thrilling to watch.

No, I can see that. Machinery drive through mud. Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift. No, I think cars, I've been thinking about cars a lot lately. Speak on it. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I know it's a pod and sometimes the things I bring are audio clips, so.

Hold on, I have something very important to share as well. Also, I want to see Rabid Granny so bad. If anybody's seen it, please chime in to move in Rabid Granny's. Are you looking to grow closer to Mark Wahlberg? Hello? See, I knew something was happening. Get over here.

Get over here. What are you doing? I'm just in the office. Are you looking to grow closer to God than you are to God? I knew something was happening. Get over here. Get over here. What are you doing? Are you looking to grow closer to God, this land? Always. What's up?

You guys, Bob the Drag Queen is here. If you're in the car, take both hands off the wheel and start clapping, please. I just want to quickly work. I've been workshopping my Bernie Sanders impersonation. Oh, Conti. Conti, let's hear it. It's not gotten much better.

I think it's gotten a little better, but I just want to hear what your audience thinks. Okay, go, go for it. While I do find humor and people finding enjoyment in pictures of me at Donald Trump's inauguration, I find it hard to see the humor and oligarchs taking over our entire US government system.

And I do think that big banks will not enjoy a Boiny Sanders presidency. It is a big problem when 98% of the wealth goes to 2% of the population. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give it like a big problem when 98% of the wealth goes to 2% of the population. Yeah. I'll give it like a B. I think it's good. I've been working on my Robert Kennedy.

It's too resonant. Did you know that hot dog water can kill cats? It's horrible. Can you do anybody political? I could do Martin Van Buren. And I do want to hear it. No, no, maybe a Kennedy. That's a perfect, that's how Martin Van Buren would have said that.

Yes, there you go, thank you. Millard Fillmore, Millard Fillmore. Give it up for Bob the Drag Queen. Bob the Drag Queen. You look great by the way. Yeah, love those green gauchos. Are those gauchos? I don't know what they are.

Palazzos. Oh, Bob the Drag Queen. I wish I had personal style. Look at you. No, but he always has like a outfit that communicates something. He was wearing a suit at one point. Bob always gives. And then when I have to go to an event out of drag, I almost am more stressed out because I don't fucking have nice clothes.

Totally. I don't have personal style. I have embarrassed clothes. Totally. I don't have personal style. Well, do you have a- I'm embarrassed to ask for help. Do you have a men's bespoke tailored suit yet? They used to fit. Do you have a tailored suit made from scratch? No.

Oh, you need to have one. No, I have them from H&M. No, no, God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not off the rack. I'm talking about, you go to a tailor, you select the fabric, they do all your measurements, they make it. You ever see tar? Are you out of your mind? No, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was thinking, you old rich bastard, you need to have a bespoke tailored suit. I think bespoke and tailored is a little redundant. No, you'd like you go get it made

because off the rack, it doesn't fit your body. Off the rack fits nobody's body. Can I say that when I'm about 10 pounds thinner, I always fit the stock six foot tall version of weight. Because I'm not too skinny, not too muscly, not too anything, I'm the mid. I'm just mid. Well, that's how they make manufactured clothes for the mid.

They try to... They split the difference, but nobody's... Nobody... You know, Naomi Smalls? Well... Six-inch torso, eight-foot legs. She probably has to have all her boy clothes made. Everything's a crop top. A church gown on her is a crop top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is so fucking stunning. If church gown on her is a crop top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Caprice. She is so fucking stunning. If I looked like her and then... She's on a pod? She's so irregular. Yes, when she's on a pod, she's like, I really thought it was like she came out

and I was like, what is it giving? Like, girl. There's no substitute for going under the knife. Just go under the knife. It's so cunty. She's so cunty. I know. Lips like this.

I saw her come on the pod when I was on break. She came in drains. Wet. She came in eight feet tall. I was so, I was actually flabbergasted. I was like, she's so fucking pretty. Wet legs. She sat down, slumped, and her legs went like...

Yep. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Shh, shh. Yeah. been more important for chickens to feel strong and confident so they can lay as many eggs as possible. With Fedora's Bifabian, every chicken in your coop can feel like the cock of the walk, even if they're a hen. Made of durable organic materials and custom-sized for your chicken specific head circumference, these chickens will be popping out eggs five at a time. And what are you to do with so many extra eggs due to Fedora's Bifabian? Launch a brand new website with Squarespace, you silly goose. brand new website with Squarespace, you silly goose. With design intelligence from Squarespace, you get the amazing combination of two decades of industry-leading design expertise with cutting-edge AI technology

that will unlock your strongest creative potential. Design intelligence empowers anyone, even technological Luddites like Fabian, to build beautiful, more personalized websites tailored to one's unique needs and craft a bespoke brand identity to use across one's entire online presence. But that's not all. Say you want to create a line of poultry-sized sequin vests to sell alongside your chicken fedoras. You can use Squarespace payments to sell those vests and make enough money to franchise your business and retire at 50. It's the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. You can get started in just a few clicks

and start receiving payments right away. Plus, you'll give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna, ACH Direct Debit, Apple Pay, and Afterpay. And after you've launched, let's say you need help with marketing, well, Squarespace has so many features to help drive sales and engage your audience with creative email campaigns that you'll be the nation's most famous chicken

Haberdasher in no time So if you need a new website go ahead and check out Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Again, that's Squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Squarespace, build it and they will come. This episode is brought to you by Ro. As you may or may not have heard, GLP Ones are all over social media right now.

You may think I'm about to make a joke, but for once in an ad read, I'm not. I personally know several people who've benefited from GLP Ones and they're no joke. Everyone thinks it's all about the weight loss and looking fabulous, but it's honestly about so much more than that. I personally know several people who've benefited from GLP-1s and they're no joke. Everyone thinks it's all about the weight loss and looking fabulous, but it's honestly about so much more than that. Being overweight doesn't just affect your mental health or how you look to others.

It can be damaging to your physical health in so many different ways. Heart disease, cardiovascular issues, high blood pressure, diabetes, the list goes on and on. Roe now offers FDA approved weight loss files for much less than most auto injector pens and all without applying insurance or savings cards. Roe's formula created by Eli Lilly hits not one but two hormones to curb hunger all with less nausea.

If you think a GLP-1 might be a good choice, your Roe affiliated provider can help you understand if GLP-1s are right for you and your goals. Plus, Roe members have support throughout their entire journey. You can even sign up from the comfort of your home, which is massively convenient. There's nothing worse than having to drive halfway across the city to a fluorescent lit waiting room just to sit in an uncomfortable chair and do what you could have done easily at home on your phone or laptop.

While I haven't had the need for GLP-1s, they are the right choice for a lot of people who need help with their weight loss. So if you need to drop some weight and want to achieve your goals for a lower price, join the over 385,000 people who've already chosen Ro to access GLP-1s. Go to ro.co.co.ca to see if you qualify. That's R-O-DOT-C-O slash bald.

Go to ro.co.co.ca for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP-1 medications. This episode is sponsored by Hungry Root. Look, people, I'm a podcast host, entrepreneur, and part-time swimsuit model. I don't have time to go to the grocery store and spend hours upon hours preparing and cooking a meal. If I'm not talking with Trixie on the pod about how to drive a car, trimming a new hedge fund, or standing in front of a mirror with a swimsuit on to practice my modeling, I'm figuring out how to get 15 minutes of

free time to take a breath. It's precisely this insane schedule that makes me adore the 15-minute meals from Hungry Root. Hungry Root is like having a personal nutritionist. They take care of the stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutrition The hungry route is like having a personal nutritionist. They take care of the stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutrition preferences, and health goals. They make it easy to eat high quality nutritious food and achieve any diet or health goals

by tailoring recipes to a variety of lifestyles. From anti-inflammatory to gut-friendly, gluten-free or dairy-free, high protein and more. You basically tell them about your goals and preferences and they fill your cart with personalized recommendations that get smarter as they learn more about what you liked or didn't love. There's no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners or preservatives in any of Hungry Roots foods and their top quality meat and

seafood are free of hormones and antibiotics. Most Hungry Roots recipes can be made in just 15 minutes or less. Last weekend, I made the XL Sirloin Steak fajitas and they were delicious. The grass-fed steak melted in my mouth, the seasoning was perfect, and best of all, it took me 15 minutes to cook. It gave me so much extra time

that I immediately put on another swimsuit and went right back to the mirror to do the thing I truly love. Modeling. I love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash bald and use code bald.

and use code bald. That's hungryroot.com slash bald, code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Again, that's hungryroot.com slash bald, code bald. Well, I mean, this is, I guess, the season eight. We just had Bob, we talked to Naomi. And Kim, you know Kim has been like, hitting the gym really hard?

I saw her at- Jim Chi. Jim Chi, I saw her. Actually, I saw both of them. She got high, hard. I saw her at- Jim Chi. Jim Chi. I saw her, actually I saw both of them. She go to high mat. Both of those fuckers. Yeah, Naomi and Kim at high mat like months ago.

Kim looks excellent. Kim, you look great. She told me she's been just really interested in fitness. She's been looking excellent. Conti. Well she plopped her ass down right next to me in the stretching area and she is limber as hell. Yeah.

She's huge. You forget how tall she is. That bitch is giant. Yeah, large people, large people. A lot of large people getting into skinny minis these days. Yeah, a lot. Well, Kim too, I mean, Kim's my sister. This isn't a sex thing.

Kim has such a good shaped men's face. She's got this like square jaw and these high cheekbones. She's also very tall. Kim's face out of drag I just think is gorgeous. Yeah, pouring out for Kim's face. Pouring out for Kim's face. Come on. Kim's face out of drag, I just think is gorgeous. Yeah. Pouring out for Kim's face. Pouring out for Kim's face. Come on, Kim's face. The mysterious face of Natalia Grace.

Does she always look pretty? Does she always have that facility with makeup or was there a learning curve? Zero. She would say that she looks like shit. Kim's looking like shit is like one of the... She looked great. Fuck. You know?

Can I tell you, I've been waiting to tell you about a party. I went to because I think Yeah, I went to a sex party with that wig on at the PetSmart. I fucked every dog I went to the TLC theater, and I watched my 9,000 pound librarian Getting bangs the real story the untold story. And I went to this party for guess what holiday? March Madness. St. Patrick's Day. Oh no!

So I had friends from out of town, and my friends from out of town were like, hey, one of our friends in LA is throwing, her boyfriend's throwing a huge St. Patrick's Day party. So we asked, since we're staying with you, can we have an invite for the whole group? So we all went, right? Me and the people staying with me.

Now where is this? It was in the Valley, I believe. Okay. Kind of like Valley Village. Valley Village. Valley Village. Which is kind of like Burbank almost. Yeah.

Okay. So I go over there and we all wear green. And I didn't know what the vibe was gonna be. I just knew that it was gonna be like a Valentine's, like, or like abank almost. Yeah. Okay. So I go over there and we all wear green and I didn't know what the vibe was gonna be. I just knew that it was gonna be like Valentine's or like a St. Patrick's Day party. And I'd never been to an Irish themed event. You're Irish.

Yeah. I didn't know what goes on. Drunk at 11. Okay, so that was what we were doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, and you know, I love to have a drink, of course, right? Do you like to have several pints of Guinness? I don't like to get miss sloppy boots because I get sick.

Then you shouldn't go to that party. But I like to ride lightning. I like to get right up to the edge of, I want to be able to get drunk enough that if I go home and have like a sandwich, I can go to bed pretty much sober. Got it. I don't want to go to bed because I'm sick. So I get there, really fun, at a house party,

few dozen people, decked out, green everywhere, and the host, he had his mom fly in, she's 100% Irish and so is the dad. She's from like County Clare. No, they're just, they had a East Coast accent, but originally their lineage is all Irish. All types of Irish food they cooked from scratch. No, it was all, well, it was all meats,

so I didn't have much. But I had some soup, potato soup, and I said, well, I guess I'll just cheat and eat the potato soup with the bacon bits in it. She goes, no, we made a vegan one just in case. So I got to eat the vegan Irish soup, whatever. Top of the morning, tell ya. Oh!

What is the Irish thing? 400 calories a day. 400. I have a little cup of soup. Horrible. Horrible. I have some of that of soup. Horrible. Horrible. I have some of that. I go sit on the patio and I'm sitting there.

And I don't know anyone there except the people I came with. But I love to be a plus one. I feel so free when I don't have to greet anyone. Oh, sure. I don't have to be gracious host. Yeah, you can act willy nilly. I'm taking. And because I didn't know anyone at the party, I brought a lot.

Brought a cheese platter, brought bottles of... And then the people I go with grab the booze, and I carry the booze in. And it's a group of, like, adult older people, and they're all, like, having debris and crackers. And I'm having a brown paper bag, and I think I'm about to pull out, like, a bespoke wine. Tell me why it's a giant fucking jug of Tito's. No one there knows me, and I pull out a huge...

Is that tequila? Hey, guys! Let's get... Let's get pissed. giant fucking jug of Tito's. No one there knows me and I pull out a huge, and I'm just like, hey guys. Let's get, let's get pissed. And they're all like, kiss me, I'm Irish, having like a little bit of Bailey's. And I'm like, so I brought a trough of vodka. Who wants to do some keg stands? Right. So then I go sit outside.

Didn't get messy. This guy, he goes, this guy next to us goes, so they actually hide leprechauns at this party. And then when you find them, you get extra prizes. I said, oh shit, you know I'm gonna love that. I love shit like that. And I appreciate the effort when throwing a party to do corny little shit like that.

But okay, the question is, are the people? So the guy next to me puts on an Irish accent and starts saying like, once upon a time at this party, they'll hide the leprechaun, the best leprechaun. And then I'm listening and I'm like, he upon a time at this party, they'll hide the leprechaun, the best, and then I'm listening and I'm like, he's doing like a bit. He's probably a comedy person, I don't know who he was,

and I was entertained, I was like, cool. And then after he was done, there was a long pause, and I didn't mean it to sound this way, but you're gonna love this. A long pause after he did like this whole monologue of like, and if you find it, your lucky Blarney stones are a pot of gold will come down upon ye. It's like a whole storyline.

And I go, thank you for telling us. But I totally meant it nice, but it came out so cunty. And the guy just burst out laughing. Oh my God. Oh my God. He goes, that was the funniest response. He said, thank you for humoring me. And I said, I didn't mean it to sound like that.

I just go, thank you for telling us. Totally. So then, I- Did you find any leprechauns? Well, me, I'm drunk. I have a drink and it's strong, right? And I'm not eating a lot of the food. I didn't eat dinner.

You gotta remember to eat dinner. Yes. Because suddenly you're blackout, you don't know how it works. Mind you, don't know these people. I'm maybe one of the drunkest people there. Are eat dinner. Yes. Because suddenly you're blackout. You don't know how it works. Mind you, don't know these people. I'm maybe one of the drunkest people there. Are they straight? Yes.

St. Patrick's Day. So gay drunk is straight hospitalized. Yes. So I'm probably a liability to everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then it's time to go look for the leprechauns. So I take off my pants. But I get really, and I'm like, all right, let's go.

So then they have in the backyard, one of those little gardens, you know, where you like a box where you plant Yes, and there's a whole dug and there's a trowel and I go. Okay. I think I think that leprechauns buried in there Yeah, so I'm drunk. So I'm also like am I drunk digging up their gladiola's and what the fuck like or their dead cat? Pet cemetery, so I go to dig and this guy next to me goes Oh, I wouldn't go in there I almost dug in there and I kind of got, they told me probably not to.

And I said, oh, okay. So I walk away, I turn around, this guy digs in with the trowel and finds the leprechaun. The same guy. I wouldn't do that if I were you. I was so cooked. That's amazing. That's incredible.

That was so competitive. So then later there's another contest. They say there's an Irish dance contest. Mind you, there's like a dozen people left. Oh God, did you dance? I ran up there and got on the ground and started doing this. I don't know any of these people.

I'm not invited. I'm not invited. I get on the ground, I slam both hands, and I go like this. And everybody else is doing- You take off your clothes, you take off everybody else's clothes. And everybody else is doing... You take off your clothes, you take off everybody else's clothes. Everybody else is doing like, you know, why do I look tucked?

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with the front of me? So I'm doing this and then I don't win the contest. And they were straight people. So they were like, the songs that we're playing were like, Enya? Oh, and you're doing hip thrusts. Well, so then I go, do you want me to... I'm a DJ, confident, so I go up to the host, I go, do you want me to put on a song?

And he goes, yeah. So I put on Say La Vie by Bewitched, you know, popular Irish pop song. You know this. That old tavern jingle, yeah. Say you will, say you won't, say you'll do what I, come on. Of course, anybody who's Irish knows that one.

And I put that on and I get up there and I hit that thrust so fucking hard. And in that moment I go, I only know the people I came with. That is so brazen. That's Irish. Fucked up. That's very Irish though. But everybody was so nice.

And then later I said, I had so much fun. Like this was so great and please invite me next year. And they said they would. Well, we'll see. So huge. Huge of true. This is the real kicker on the party. Guess who is there? Conan O'Brien.

No, not Conan O'Brien. You know he's a giant tall person? Mindra O'Shaughan. Patrick O'Flanery. I know, that was my, the black trans, Annika. The black, Black trans... Annika... She is a black trans woman and her alter ego on instagram is Mindra O'Shaanian.

She says she's black Irish. It's so fierce. Okay. Sorry. Go ahead. So, okay, who is there? Hold on. His name is um, Tim Bagley That sounds really familiar. He was in Grayson Frankie Tim Bagley this guy. Oh Yes, he's a best in show. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He was Michael McKean's was it in Michael? No, no, no, he's in He's in um, he's so funny and so soft. But like who is he just in? Oh, he was in he's in, he's in, he's so funny and so soft, like who was he just in? Well he was in, he's in The Comeback.

He plays the caterpillar in The Comeback that's like this costume is so fucking hot. Wait, who else, what else is he in? He's in- Well he's in Grace and Frankie, he's in Will and Grace. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Grace and Frankie. I remember him in Grace and Frankie. He's really just been in everything.

He's very funny. And he steals the show in everything. So I said I gotta say hi. So my friend meets him and then says, and then says, my friend wants to meet you. And he knew about Trixie. And he was so nice. I bet he... Yeah.

And I said, I gotta tell you, I watched the comeback like twice a year, and there's a scene where you're dressed as a caterpillar and you're complaining about how fucking hot it is. And I said, in drag, I always think of you. And he was like, oh, he's like, Walt, we love that show. He said, you know who else is here? He said, let's go tell Michael.

Michael Patrick King. Oh, no way! Because it's an Irish party. Oh, duh. All the Irish people are there. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And so I got to tell him how much I loved the comeback. He gave me a big hug.

Did you ask him why you didn't cast you in AJ and the Queen? I said, oh, you did AJ and the Queen. Um, yeah. No, I didn't ask. But I knew that he knew you, because I said, oh, you did that with Katya, because he loves us. Yeah, he's great. He did Sex and the City. He was so nice. I was so starstruck,

and it was really cool for me. That's great. Type of Irish party. Why weren't you there, McCook? Well, we're actually technically Scottish, but Irish... Boston? St. Patrick's Day? Stay away. It's West Hollywood Halloween.

Yeah. What goes on? We're dying the Charles Green. What's the Charles? She's already green. The river. Okay. We're dying the River Green.

She's already green. You know what I mean? Like, we're doing green stuff. We're being obnoxious at 9 a.m. We're getting full blackout by 11 a.m. We're dying the River Green. We're dying the River Green. She's already green. The river. Okay. We're dying the river green. She's already green. You know what I mean? Like, we're doing green stuff. We're being obnoxious at 9 a.m. We're getting full blackout by 11 a.m. We're face down, panties up by 3 p.m.

There's a parade. Nobody remembers it. It's full chaos. Just white people misbehaving. Yeah, it's white people being... It's white people at their worst. It's the worst of the whiteys. Whitey bulger. It's horrible. It's really horrible. And also hate crimes.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Love that top. It's not a great gay. It's not a great gay-friendly holiday, typically. What did you do for St. Patrick's Day? What was I doing for St. Patrick's Day?

It was on a Monday. Yeah. This party was on Saturday. St. Patrick's Day? It was on a Monday. Yeah, this party was on Saturday. Okay, nothing? Okay. Face down? I have, I just, I love a Christmas party, I love a Halloween party. I've never been to a themed St. Patrick's Day party.

I did have fun. Okay, well there you go. And it was fun that real Irish people were cooking real Irish food. What other holiday would that be like, what's the, is it like equivalent to, what's another holiday? Like an Easter party or something for adults.

I don't know. The weird thing though is because Donald Trump announced that we're not flying pride flags, we're not flying, we're not doing Black History Month, but we're gonna fiercely do Irish Heritage Month. It did feel very, it put a small damper on my experience. But that's not the fault of the party host. I mean so much.

It was fun to go to a house party. Irish people, well, they're partiers. Yeah. When I hiked through Ireland, it was great. Why? It was so green. Was this like, you hiked? The year 2000, yeah. You hiked across Ireland.

Yeah, yeah, me and my friend Megan, we skipped, I skipped my graduation from art school and went hiked in Ireland and Scotland. You graduated from college in 2000? 2005. And then I skipped graduation to hike the West Highland Way. You graduated from college in 2005? Mm-hmm.

That's fucked. No shit, girl. That's fucked, girl. You graduated from college in 2005. Mm-hmm. That's fucked. No shit, girl. That's fucked, girl. I graduated high school in the year 2000. That's so fucked. I was, it was, I was, it's been longer than I was that age. You do the math.

Born in 1982. Fiercely old. Old as hell. So old. That is like, that looks like my younger sister up there. Damn. Old. Any positive, we're wrapping up here.

Oh yeah. Any positive shout outs. I do, yes, I just wanna clear the air and address the situation in that little Instagram clip that Courtney Act had the gall in audacity to call out online. She said, did you put the baby filter on this? And I said, excuse me?

Right. I did. Did you notice? You looked great. Like a little baby. Of me? Yeah. We were talking and I like tried to subtly throw it in there. I don't know if you knew, maybe you didn't notice. I would like to shout out.

Is there a baby... That's a baby filter? Yeah. It doesn't look that different. I know, thank you. It's because we're bald. Yeah, that's true. Oh, I do want to shout out Gwen Stefani

for being so religious. Girl. Girl. Do you want to grow closer to God with me this Lent? Download this app and pray with me every day. And let's get closer to God through this app. Can we listen to it? It's so crazy.

Yeah. If you're looking to grow closer to God this Lent, I'd love to invite you to join me in praying every day leading up to Easter on the Hello app. I love this app and I use it every day. For Lent, they're doing this incredible 40 day prayer challenge. You'll join millions of Christians around the world,

including the incredible Mark Wahlberg, Jonathan Rumi, Father Mike Schmitz, and so many more in meditating on Jesus's weight. Fuck off. Yep. Well, I did do the Transcendental Meditation course. Did I didn't tell you that? It's very, very boring.

Where do you find the time? All this premium cable, all this smoking, all this transit. No more smoking. All this 20 minutes a day. 20 and 20 could save your life 40 minutes a day. Are you looking to get closer to God this Lent? Join me on the Hallow app. Can I say it's so crazy. You know what? She looks incredible, but she looks like she looks like a Barbie that is there to To convert your children from gay to straight her looks have never been the issue. No, I guess I feel I Didn't I didn't expect that Person who makes that to be a televangelist essentially Yes, it kind of is a hard left for me download this app and get closer to God with me during Lent.

I guess I have no issue with it. I do. If she wants to be religious, it's for her. Yeah, I guess so. But I'll shout out, Brittany Broski has been releasing music. It's probably three weeks old now. Is it religious music? No, she does type of singing type stuff.

Would you like to hear? Yeah. Oh, you don't have to say you love me. You don't have to say you love me. Lately you've been on my mind. That's her? Yes! Damn. She sounds horrible. So go listen to the girls.

That looks great. Women are not one thing. She can be hilarious and an incredible musician. And I got to tell you, I don't know her business, but you got to support the girls. Go listen to, it's a cover of that Harry Styles song. Watermelon Sugar. No, Adore You.

Adore You, yes. Cause she's a big Harry Styles fan. Oh really? And I think she's trying to reach him one song at a time. This is her extending the rose. Yes, it's like, hello, hi, how are you? What do you think about, do you know about, oh God, what is his name?

Fuck off. Okay, thank you. He did the backflip off the, not off the computer, off the piano. Benson Boone. He does a backflip off a piano? All the time. Benson Boone. Benson Boone. He does a backflip off a piano? All the time. He's always flipping and kicking.

Oh wait, did he do it at the Grammys? Yes. Okay, I did see that. Yeah. Let people sing, let people do backflips. If the body is tea, you must set him free. Well, there you go. Alright.

Goodbye. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yes. Drink less at other people's houses. Yeah, maybe no hip thrusts for the first couple hours on the porch in front of his mom Fuck while a Bluetooth speaker plays a song I picked We can reorganize these bills in this Let me just go get in bed at your house like so rude in front of hi, Michael Patrick King. I'm just thrusting. Yeah

We helped me make this bed. I'm gonna rearrange the furniture in this room Oh This podcast is brought to you by Aura. Imagine waking up to find your bank account drained, bills for loans you never took out, a warrant for your arrest, all because someone committed a crime in your name. It sounds like a nightmare, but for millions of people each year, it's reality. And here's the scariest part. By the time companies tell you your data was stolen, it's already been nearly a year. 277 days.

That's how long, on average, hackers have to use your social security number, open accounts, take out loans and destroy your credit before you even know you've been exposed. By the time you get that breach notification email, the damage is done. Your identity stolen, your financial future at risk and the company that lost your data, they'll just apologize and move on. Hackers aren't waiting. Why are you? This can all sound really scary, which is why I'm so glad we're partnering with Aura.

Hackers don't wait, so why should you? Aura monitors the dark web 24 seven for your phone number, email, and social security number, because the moment they show up for sale, criminals are ready to use them. If Aura detects your info, you'll get an instant alert, so you can act before the damage is done. What if your identity is already stolen? Criminals can take out loans, max out credit cards, and vanish. That's why Aura provides up to $5 million in identity theft insurance and a US-based fraud resolution team

that works around the clock to shut down fraud fast and get your life back on track. Your personal data is a gold mine for hackers and Aura helps lock it down. With a VPN for private browsing, data broker opt out to stop companies from selling your info and a password manager to help secure

your accounts, Aura gives you the tools to fight back. For a limited time, Aura is offering our listeners a 14-day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online all for free when you visit aura.com slash defense. That's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14 day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. That's a u r a.com slash defense. Certain terms apply, so be sure to check the site for details.