The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Employing Pillow Talk to Build Intimacy with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Do you ever glance over at your partner and feel like they're a million miles away, both physically and emotionally? While we all know that building a connection is hard work, it also requires vulnerability and a willingness to accept your partner as they truly are. But with your weekend already full of buying groceries for Jenny's scouting jamboree, carpooling to Michael's Taekwondo steamed vegetable social, and making sure little Damien stops pinching the dog's privates lest Spot rip his cherubic face off, you might be wondering how you’re supposed to carve out time in your schedule to work on relationship intimacy. We have two words for you: pillow talk. And Trixie has ten words to help start your pillow talk escapades. Begin the exercise with: "Tell me a story from when I was a baby..." This will most assuredly not be awkward or creepy in any way whatsoever, and will certainly not be met with a blank stare before your partner suddenly remembers an early-morning meeting, flips over, and turns out the lights. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app today! Get the Rakuten app NOW and join the 17 million members who are already saving! Cash Back rates change daily. See https://Rakuten.com for details. Turn your everyday purchases into steps toward your financial goals with Chime’s secure credit card. Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD. Chime. Feels like Progress. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Need a website? Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb.

It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in

and that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb,

there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. That's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. Oh, God, your t-shirt. I have to put this.

I'm making a remix of Pump It Up for Solving Disco, and you got to hear this little gunshot. I got you pumped it up, you know pumped it up, got you pumped it up. I don't know if it's in a nightclub environment, if gunshot sounds are okay. I know, it's the cocking and the cocking of a shotgun and the shooting sound is also sampled in one of my favorite Russian songs.

But I believe Russians have a different relationship to gun violence than Americans. That would be my conjecture. Right. Do you have ever fired a handgun? No, no, But I was... Do you still want a gun? I do. I want several. And I was talking about it with...

a friend who knows a lot about guns. And, yeah, there's like... It got... The kickback can be extremely painful. And it's not like you see in the movies. Scary. It's very not like you see in the movies. I guess one of the scenes I watched, I watched this 10 minute long fight scene with Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde, apparently in one take.

This fight scene is breathtaking. It's so brutal. And it's so realistic. And this bitch is a beast. What movie was it? Atomic Blonde. Oh, Atomic Blonde. This bitch is a beast. What movie was it? Atomic Blonde. Oh, Atomic Blonde. This bitch is a beast. Yeah.

She is so good. And as the fight scene goes on and on and on, she doesn't, like, wallop every bad guy. Like, they're nothing. So it's realistic. Like, these are thugs, henchmen, who are really good at beating the shit out of people. So she gets her ass beat down.

And as the fight goes on, it's slowing down and people get sloppy, because they're tired, and they're getting the shit beat out of people. So she gets her ass beat down. And as the fight goes on, it's slowing down and people get sloppy because they're tired and they're getting the shit beat out of them. It's really brutal. It's really incredible. And she should have got a fucking Oscar for it, boo. I love her.

She's incredible. She rented the Trixie Motel once. Did she beat everybody up? She rented it out, I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to. She rented it. It was private, private event. She is so cunt, she's so fierce. And she did not have to get all ugly to do that movie

to get that Oscar. She does not have an Oscar for Monster because she's ugly. She was amazing in that movie. The scene where she's on the phone and Selby- And she tells that sheriff, you get outta here. No, Selby's like, girl, where are you? Like, won are you? Like, won't you admit that what you did?

Because the phone is tapped and she realizes, it's much like that scene in Breaking Bad where Walter White takes the fall and is like. Well, he knows he's gotta pump it up. He's gotta pump it up. You gotta pump it up. Don't you know? I was watching the Golden Globe clip of those two women talking about the balance.

Ha-ha-ha. Do you think that was cringe or fun? Of course. I mean, I think all... More word show shit is cringe. I think it was cringe. But she does that hot girl thing that only hot girls can do where she looks at the camera and goes... I think people are over...

She just queefs. She's like... I think they're over the lip bite, which I'm not personally yet, but she goes... It's like, it's so... I mean, I find it to be extremely sensual and sexy. Well, yeah, she's so young, I think, I mean, I'm gonna be gross, the older male viewer, that sort of like...

They get chubbed. What is that, a cock? Like, ooh, you know, it's a sex thing. Yeah, oh my God, there's three cocks in my ass right now. But if I looked like her, my lip would be bit off, okay? My breasts and booty and pussy would be DOA. Dead on arrival. I think that's the problem with my drinking.

Last weekend, I wasn't respecting the balance. You got it. Because if drinking was the substance, I would have had that dead finger by now. Hello, you had that club foot. What's your favorite era of her? I love the dead finger. I love the chip tooth version.

I love the bald. I love Monstro Eliza Sue love the chip-tooth version. I love the bald... I love Monstro Eliza Sue. Because she's there to... She loves... It's me! I love the one before that, when she's bald. That's us. Oh, yeah, that's Strega Nona in the kitchen. No, no, no. The one where she's bald.

Oh, but she's bald. Where she looks in the mirror and she's like... Yeah, she's got the big old nasty... That is definitely us. That is definitely us. We're also Anne halfway in the witches No, actually, we're just the one of the the witches in the crowd at the original witches movie You may remove your legs whenever I wear I have one of those Short like Bob wigs and I put it on I feel like her well talking about short wigs

Miss Katherine Hunter in the front room I don't know if anybody's into really bad, horrible shit ass movies, but I needed a palate cleanser from Miss Amelia Perez. So I put on the front room. Holy shit. I thought there was a limit to how, I thought I reached the nadir of bad movie watching when I watched Amelia Perez. This front room movie.

The front room? It's called The Front Room, Miss Brandi Norwood, singer Brandi. Beautiful. Love Brandi. Love Brandi. Hi Brandi. Hi Brandi.

You are terrible in this movie, Brandi. Love your music, love your voice. Her face. Her face, everything gorgeous, not good acting. Her husband in this movie, not good acting. Catherine Hunter, like, celebrated stage actress, incredibly talented, she played all three witches in the Joel and Ethan Coen, um, uh, Macbeth movie.

Incredible. Incredible. She is off the chain. Good? Well, no, it is... She plays this racist, um, stepmom that goes and lives, like, an infirm old bitch who goes and lives with this couple and she's Belinda's pregnant Belinda and she says oh Belinda Belinda and she has this tantrum at dinner she said I'm a racist baby Belinda Belinda and then she falls on the floor

puts her booty up and and then farts. Shitting the bed, pissing the couch, doing all sorts of crazy, debased, just undignified shit. Belinder, Belinder. She's like, my name is Belinda. Oh, Belinder. You watch a lot of movies. You watch a lot of movies. Well, I got that sound bar and that little OLED, my little OLED.

When you watch TV, do you like face it? Do you like to lay kind of on the side so you're watching like this? Do you like to sit up? What do you do? Well, it depends on when I'm watching. Um, so I finally said to myself, this is not bad movies. You know what? This is not bad movies. Life is too short to waste time on shit ass movies. So I put on The Mirror by Andre Tarkovsky.

You know what? This is enough bad movies. Life is too short to waste time on shit-ass movies. So I put on The Mirror by Andre Tarkovsky. It's one of the most beautiful movies ever made. Do you cry with the movies? I cry to this movie, but I don't know why. It's very... It's very... Oh, I cry at a fucking Toyotathon. I mean, I cry. I like, you know...

For Christmas, I watched some very sentimental films. I watched, um... I watched Fried Green Tomatoes. Have you seen this? Oh yeah, itchy. Oh gosh, didn't realize it was gonna be Les. Didn't realize it was gonna be Les. Mary Stroy Masterson. Barry. Kathy Bates, Elephant Dress.

I cried, I cried. Kathy Bates, and that is so. I'm older and I have more insurance. That's fun. But there's the part where she's crying and she goes, I'm too young to be old, but I'm too old to be young. Terrible. I was like, preach, bitch.

You better preach it out. Kathy Bates but does Kathy Goon. That was somebody on the internet the other day. Oh, I saw that. Yeah, it's funny. That was um. Tyler Oakley. That was Tyler Oakley.

Someone on the internet. Someone on the internet. Someone on the internet. What is the movie, like, if you had a cry? You're Tyler Brokley. That's why you're in collections, bitch. It's true. It's true. And then I watched The Color Purple.

Oh. Which I was familiar with the soundtrack from the musical, but I actually hadn't seen it. Is this the original? Yeah, the musical, like, the stage musical. But I hadn't seen the original real, like, not real, but original one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You watched the movie. But I hadn't seen the original real, like, not real, but original one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a lot. It's tough. It's obviously very heavy material, and it does have some very uplifting parts, and some parts of it, there's parts of that movie that you do laugh at, because there are comedic elements, there's whatever. Oh, she pisses her pants, Miss Oprah.

Yeah, so like when there's this scene, there's this scene where Whoopi Goldberg, you know, she's like very shy. And her friend, who's this nightclub singer, is singing a song she wrote for her and sings to her and have the whole room look at this girl while she gets like a song dedicated to her. And Whoopi plays it so beautiful. She like shrinks and like is in awe, but also embarrassed. I was like, and then at the end, obviously shrinks and is in awe, but also embarrassed. I was like, ugh.

And then at the end, obviously, when they're little girls, they do this like... Yes, patty cake thing. And as adults, when they haven't seen each other in decades, that's the first thing they do when they see each other. I would think it was the morning after Christmas I was watching it, like, ah! I was crying like Sarah fucking Paulson.

Yeah. It was such a beautiful movie. Not exactly a holiday film. Everything's a Christmas movie. But sentimental shit. If it's remotely happy or remotely sad in a movie, I'm crying. I'm crying.

I can't help it. Niagara Falls. Belinder. You know what my problem is too? You know when people have told me, I don't like to watch those type of scarier gore movies because it's just too much for me now. I think I'm that person now.

I don't want to watch Saw. I don't want to watch the Chainsaw Up the Pussy. I don't want to watch it. Yeah, well, funny thing, I just got a Blu-ray and a DVD of The Terrifier Part III sent to me. I don't have a DVD player, but... They sent it to you? Yeah.

Two Blu-Rays? Mm-hmm. Blender! What are you gonna do with them? I'm gonna try to get a DVD off eBay or something. You don't have a Blu-ray player? No. I don't either. I put it on my PlayStation. I don't have that.

You don't have a video games? What am I gonna put it on my butt? Blender! Put it on my butt. Girl, I've been playing Silent Hill 2, um, which is so scary. And I have the soundbar. So Mary, I'm in my house bloodshot terrified. She said, why don't you call me after you plug the soundbar in?

I call her, I go, girl, my eyes are snatched fucking open. Joanna, Barbara, Leslie got you good with the audio. In the game, if there's like, oh, I was like in a cave and the walls were like water trickling, those little speakers in the corner. If I had even one milligram of marijuana, it would be a wrap. I don't think I can handle that JBL.

Is the building coming down? We better go home. We gotta go home. Too windy. Well, that's girl, the whole month is a wash. It was Cremba, then two weeks after Cremba, then it was windy. That's inauguration. Mary, girl's girl, it's the whole month is a wash. It was Krimba, then two weeks after Krimba, then it was windy. That's inauguration.

And Mary... girl. Martin Luther King Jr. You ever seen Coming to America, the original? Of course. The remake was Boo Boo. And you know what, also, I got to say, and I hope I don't offend anybody, we saw together and I have to retroactively amend my opinion about Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice, I thought it sucks. I really do think it sucks.

I think the only thing great about it was Catherine O'Hara who chewed up every scene she was in. But it was such a weak story. And I was rewatching that cunty scene where Monica Bellucci staples herself together. And they have it set to a Bee Gees song? Dany Elfman produced one of the most iconic scores in soundtracks of all film history for that original.

They're gonna do this Conti number to a Bee Gees song. You know what I mean? I just have a lot of umbrage I take with that movie. You know, the only thing I don't like about it, and I love disco, obviously, and I love MacArthur Park. I didn't get down with the MacArthur Park part. No, that, because I think they were trying to calculate, how can we do a fierce lip sync in a Harry Belafonte kind of way

that they did in the first one? Which all it did was highlight to me how brilliant that first movie is. Amazing. There's so many layers to it. There's so many. The country mouse, city mouse layer, the dilettante artist, like a snotty art world,

like the dead, the living, there's like so many different cool, like thematic dichotomies going on. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. Why isn't the uncle in it? Is he dead? Oh, mama, because he's a fucking pedo.

Oh, he is? Yeah, and also the way that they treat his death. The president's a sex offender. It's all out the window. Yeah, they gotta pump it up. But it's like... But how they dealt with that was so ha... Like, was so bad because they gave him actually more screen time

and because they didn't just ignore him. They killed him off and then they had a different character play him with no head. And then they had all this like... They mentioned him so many damn times. You're like, well, where is he? And then you go Google him and they're like, oh, he's a pedo. So like, they mentioned him so many damn times, you're like, well, where is he? And then you go Google him, and they're like, oh, he's a pedo. So like, what the fuck? Oh, good point. I wouldn't even have... Listen, I didn't know. I mean, you just told me.

I... But don't you, didn't they like... I assumed the actor was dead. Right. That's what I assumed. He's dead in Hollywood. You know? Like, his career is dead because of his sex offender stuff. But anyways, I just... Sometimes they just put in new people and stuff.

And I, the new, whenever there's a new person, now with the internet, like when we just had a different Becky and Roseanne back in the day in the 90s, we just accepted it and moved on. Because we couldn't internet it. Like, yeah, like Aunt Viv. They had two different names. Aunt Viv, we didn't know.

We just went with it. And now when someone's missing or recast, the first thing I do is Google to that. Mm-hmm. [♪ music playing on piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with beat of piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and keyboard with piano and with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels and I just because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and

I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone.

I'm not gonna like have people in my room because it's just beds. So when you're staying in Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com

or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Rakuten. You guys, you have to know something about me. All of a sudden I get an urge to buy things and I will a few times a year get completely wild. I'll buy like all my holiday gifts in advance. I'll buy birthday presents.

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That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Your cash back really adds up. Girl, what about the people? We said we'd talk about this last week, but what about the people giving... What I'd talk about this last week, but what about the people giving... What I... I know we all would have missed TikTok. Mom, the eulogies! The Mary...

The eulogies. This is a video I never thought I'd have to make. The bracing for Armageddon, the eulogy, the eulogizing. Look out, cause here I come. I'm not gonna be able to do wiggle videos anymore. Girl. Like, please, if you care anything about me or my well-being, you got to watch me on Instagram.

Like, it was so wild, and then TikTok was gone for about 15 seconds. And the ladies and gentle thems of Red Note being like, who the fuck are all of you? Get out of here. Like, you already stole TikTok. You know what I mean? It's so wild.

Listen, here's the thing. I tried to really be empathetic because the level of, um, the level of, but girls, like, you know what it felt like people were doing their final TikTok. Like it was the end of ghost when Demi and Patrick are like for the last time saying goodbye. I was like, girl, you do, you do guacamole videos. Like what do you, you know, love, you take them with you. Right. Yeah, as queer people, we get to choose our family. It was so crazy. I can't do my magic tricks, my avocado.

I can't slice my avocados. Oh, but then I went... I can't do my Alfred of the Day. I can't do my... My children wanted a granola bar, so I went to the field, and I harvested granola for 30 years. I've been watching this fucking horror

and it went from sincere, like I think, this is my take on it, I didn't really dig that deep, but this is a very, it's like a model type of woman who's married to this model type of man. She's in her kitchen and she films sideways so she looks extremely skinny. It's like, why are you standing sideways? And she is making fruity pebbles from scratch

for her little children's. And it takes about 1,300 hours. And it's just so over the top. And then the voice is so like, it's like, so my children woke up and wanted fruity pebbles. So I then embarked on this odyssey that took about three and a half years to create fruity pebbles from scratch in my own home.

And it's, I think it's now has become self-aware that it's a satire of itself in a way. And it's, of course, spawned a lot of, um, satirical parodies of it. But I'm just like... And again, cooking from scratch isn't evil. No, no, no, no, no. It's not evil. It's not evil. It's just, it's so...

It's exactly the type of thing that people are afraid of on social media that like, comparing their lives to these like, other picture perfect lives. Yeah, I guess I just, like Vine died and we all made it. Also, we lived a long time without any social media. We were all kind of okay. I just, well, some things I would have thought like,

when I wanna watch, there's a few TikToks I need to watch all the time. One of them is the Krispy Kreme lady. Have you ever heard of Krispy Kreme? And was it Krispy? Right, right, like I love that. I have to watch Head V Empty every day. That's on Instagram though.

Yeah, that's on Instagram. Have you created it? The groups of RuPaul they always use are so funny. And the Jeffree Star and the Swing. It's just like, it's just like, okay, okay, Fatty. Okay, Fatty, we both know why you're here, James Charles. It's so, it's, I feel so honored that they've included me in those compilations.

What the Sigma? Oh, what the Sigma, yes. I gotta watch this shit every fucking day. RuPaul in red, slow motion in the field. I gotta watch that shit every fucking day. Have you prayed today? And then we got an email from somebody, maybe not our manager, maybe agent, somebody.

They were like, here's the protocol for preparing for the end of TikTok. Oh my God. Make sure that you- Gurgle your loins. They said they wanted me to go through my TikTok and save all the videos. I'm like, this isn't the Rosetta Stone.

This isn't- This is gonna be time consuming, so you need to start now. I know, I know. And then they were like, but then I was like, oh shit, I do have some drafts. I might as well post them all quick so that I can at least put them on reels.

It was literally earthquake preparedness, like doomsday prep. Like it was that energy. People were more concerned in LA about the TikTok ending than the fires. Hello. Well, because honestly, the fires, when they're, the fires represented less

of a threat to their livelihood than TikTok coming down. Well, do you know what I do like? And then I thought to myself, well, what do I actually like about TikTok? Because I'm not like a... I'm not a doom scroller of it. I never go on TikTok. But it's amazing for when you're like, oh, yeah, how do you make pasta from scratch quick? Ms. YouTube's got you covered.

But they're long. YouTube is monetized to make it long. So if you're watching a video where it's like. Short toe. That's true, that's true. Should we get you a video? Should we get you a short toe? That's true.

And then I thought, well, my platform is YouTube. So if YouTube went away, I would be sad. I just don't think I would do this in the arms of the angel. I think you would. I think you'd fire up the glimmer glass and you'd be Tati Westbrook and you would be a three hour, three part mini series of I can't believe this is a fork in the road.

Do you remember that? Do I remember that? That was crazy. I remember where I was when that happened. I remember where in the studio I was sitting when that whole thing unfurled and I watched the 45 motherfucking minute video of it. Dick and cock. Sucking dick and cock at my birthday party?

Crazy. That woman was in her 40s. What I, it's so crazy. It's so wild. Sugar bear hair vitamins? Something like that. Different times. Yeah.

And then of course the NymphoWars Odyssey that unfurled about it, the tree... I love it, because those horrors really go in on it. You gotta listen to their commentary on Amirali Perez. It's wild and wonderful. I don't know what, I listened to them really religiously for a while, and then I think... I haven't been listening to any podcast, though,

to be fair, though. I've been listening to a lot of liberal smut. Um, Pod Save America, I've been listening to that. Liberal smut? I just made that up. I've been listening to... lot of liberal smut, Pod Save America, I've been listening to that. Liberal smut? I just made that up. I've been listening to, I listen to Pod Save America and I listen to, that's about it lately, for the year holes. Because I was religiously listening to Office Ladies,

but it's a rewatch of The Office, they made it to the end. Okay. So then I stopped and it was emotional. What could you recommend as a... Isn't that horrible? We do podcasting and don't listen to podcasts. Isn't that horrible? No, no, if I'm a circus performer, I'm not going to watch a tightwire act.

Yeah, and when I do consume drag too, I'm like, you guys gotta watch this video from 2008 of Tammy Brown doing In the Jungle as a jungle person. I mean, the only thing, like I said, the lip sync of Boy Bar, what, 96 or 92 is the only drag number I ever watch. And it's like a VHS quality on YouTube. I had to reignite the hot water tank in my home. You did? Yeah, because I didn't have fucking cold water.

I had no hot water. So, you know, my stank ass on day three was like, we gotta rectify this. You didn't have hot water? Uh-huh. In your condo. Why is that up to you? Because I'm living in squalor with a paper-thin walled piece of shit,

little fucking shit-ass construction. I wish you would have had your old house. I've been wistfully reminiscing about that box, too. Remember your yard? Yep. Remember your pergola? Remember your gym? Remember every time I would peel out and hit pedestrians,

including Buddhist nuns on the way home, to catch the sunset? I would, if it was like 5.55, I'd be like, I would look at the sunsets at 6.12. Arrrgh! Going up the fucking hill. I'd be running up, like sprinting up to the top level and just pants down, gooning, mouth open, tongue waggling.

Ugh. Belinder! I think I would miss the instruction part of TikTok for sure, but you're right. I guess shorts and reals exist. Because on YouTube, you got all the comments right there. Like, this is, I mean, it takes a very, a low amount of media literacy

and a little bit of patience to really find, you know, if you want to clean something, if you want to do anything, anything. You got the, I was like, I got the shit ass wall-to-wall carpeting, this guy, this incredible guy made these incredible videos. And he's also like, hey, if you want a shorter version of this, here's the Cliff Notes version linked to that.

And it's how to, it's so, they're so informative. They're so comprehensive. They're so fabulous. These people are legends. I've been really horny for, um... Google Gemini for that reason. I have no idea. Is that the AI? Yeah. Do you know I recently learned that AI was used

to develop the script of Amelia Perez? Ha-ha-ha! Don't you know? Pump it up. I can't. It makes sense, right? It makes sense. I can't with this bullshit, this larceny, this theft, this, um... this raping and ravaging of the art world and the seek and destroy of my eyeballs and ear holes. Right. I want all of them to go to jail and be in hell.

I wouldn't say I would use it, I've never used it for anything creative, but things like... I would hope not. Like, if I'm watching a movie and I'm like, what do people, do people like this movie? I like that, that's like a condensed version of me going through a Google search and like finding out if people like this movie.

They'd be like, oh Rotten Tomato says this, this says this. I'm like, great, people don't like it, they do like it. Yeah, yeah. He's a wild bitch. I creative shit? Making a movie from, from? I know, and I read, and I haven't seen the new Wolfman, but I read a bunch of people's responses and reviews

where like, the movie was 90 minutes and it was slow and boring, and I'm like, fuck! How are you doing all that? How are you doing that in this day and age? How are you doing that? We know better. Can you imagine creating, going, you know how much, you know how long, expensive, and crazy it does to make a movie?

It's like insane. It's a huge, drawn out, and it's a difficult process. Months. Months, months, months, months, months, years, sometimes. All the people, all the money, all the efforts, all the talent, and then you're making something boring. That's gonna be boring.

Can I ask why? A horror movie that's boring. Can I ask why you didn't see Wicked, but you watched Amelia Perez? Well, okay, great question. Did you hate musicals? I don't like... I like Canter and Eb. I like, you know, I love the classic,

I love Sweet Charity Chicago, I love Bob Fosse, all that stuff. But all that stuff makes sense and the music's cool. Right. I wasn't my choice to watch this. It was The Gay Fag at Christmas. And we all thought that it was gonna be wild. You know, we thought it was gonna be weird. It was gonna be outrageous.

And it was in a bad way. But it's like, how can you make a boring movie? What are you doing? How are you gonna make a boring movie? Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, horror movie. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I think we need to go back to drawing and painting.

You know, well, you know what else? People also make boring plays, like people do... Girl, I fell asleep at a play once in the front row. What play? Oh, bitch. It was, um... I don't even remember. Love it. Ireland, I was like...

Dude, girl, recently, I don't know why I keep getting suggested this, but... Wait, did you see Oh, Mary? You didn't, did you? No. I don't know why I keep getting suggested this, but I keep getting suggested videos of people who are like, hey, I'm a cover for this lead play on Broadway or whatever, and I have to go in today. So it's like they wake up in the morning and get a text to say,

you're on for Marty McFly and Back to the Future. And they'll then vlog their day. I just like, I'm kind of in shock. You and I did over a hundred Trixie and Katya lives on a nightly basis. I was not sure if I would know what we were doing. I'm like one of those Republicans on the stand being like, I do not recall.

I do not recall. Like every night, same songs and same words, I'd be like, what do I say now? Because all we do is make things up. So the part of my brain that has retained information, atrophied. I don't know anyone's name. I don't know the words to my own music.

She has none. For these people to be, what are they maybe? You maybe cover Alphabet and Wicked a couple times a month, maybe? I don't know. No, what are these understudies doing? And you haven't done it. Are they working at a barista?

What are they doing? What are they doing during the rest of their day? Like, what's the schedule? They might get paid to just be on standby. Because think about it, you can't have another job. That's right. And you're also not... I don't think the Broadway people are making a ton of money, to be honest. I really don't. I really don't.

I think they do it for the prestige, like, you know. That's where you get, yeah, artistic fulfillment, yada yada yada. I just think, how do you like, oh, I'm gonna go play Elphaba today, but I haven't done it in three weeks. What? They probably do it every day.

I mean, it's like my crazy French horn player guy, you know, no matter what, he's 5 a.m. in his car, blowing on that fucking horn every day. If I was the understudy, I would go to the play and I would be like Amy Poehler and Mean Girls, I would like kind of be acting out what they're doing. No, I think that's, like a.m. in his car, blowing on that fucking horn, every day. If I was the understudy, I would go to the play and I would be like Amy Poehler and Mean Girls. I would kind of be acting out what they're doing. Like a stage mom. I kind of think that's probably what they do.

I mean, not there, but like, I think they probably go through it every day. Maybe they, maybe this, maybe, if anybody knows, comment, maybe they go to the play and stand in the wings and kind of mark it. Maybe they kind of do the lip sync. Maybe they will be present on the stage side to watch the costume changes.

Or maybe they've, maybe they used to play it. Or what if, because what if a Roxy breaks her leg in the first act? I mean, it does come back to you. Like, I think we could mount Trixie and Kadja live in a week again. Green Room, what is it? I love that joke.

Not one person laughed. You made me remove it. Not one person laughed. And I don't like that. There was this joke. No, no, no, no, no, no. We didn't remove it. We did it every night to no laughs.

No, we removed it. Swear to God. Memory, I have none. It was a... We were mad in the play, and I go, Green Room, now! And you go, Green Room, what is it? And then I go, it's a room at the back of the theater

where performers wait to go on, but that's not important right now. I would always pause for the applause. It's funny. That shit's funny. It's funny shit. Hi, it's me, a little girl. Everything's gotten so much more expensive. Like my mom, she used to like buy me whenever I wanted

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Airplane. Airplane. I love Leslie Nielsen. You're kidding me, naked gun. Naked gun. Spyhards. How hot and wet do you like it? Very hot. and awfully wet.

Yeah. Nice beaver. Thanks, I just had it stuffed. Come on. You know, they were the same guys who did Ghost. They were? Yes, the Zucker Brothers, I believe. Somebody look it up. Mark Zuckerberg did it.

Yeah. Did you like the perm? Have you seen Miss Things perm? I can't look at Miss... I can't listen. I can't look at adult perms. She thinks she is a teenage male TikToker. I can't do it. She's giving what Sean White, like Sean White by way of American Girl doll,

I don't know what the fuck she's doing. She's got this little spiral perm. Mama, get out of here. Go, get out of here, get lost. Shave your head and get lost. Shave your head and get lost, get out of here. I guess that's also what I liked about TikTok is it wasn't a Musk or Zuckerberg owned and operated thing.

Xiao Xing Ping. And that's where I also feel like it's a monopoly where these companies are like, we're the American companies that own the social media and if we three white men can't make money off this, we gotta find a way to get you out of here. You know what I mean? It's kind of a monopoly in a way.

But also people, people who are making all their coin from the social media platforms, they're the product. You know what I mean? It's not like free speech. Is this the, this is a business that some other person operates that you are the product when you sign up for it. You know what I mean? Yes.

Can I ask a question? This is like just, I think you're, you're have a really sound moral compass and I think you're really smart when it comes to hypotheticals and how you think something will play out. People like the Zuckerbergs, the Musks, the Abizos, they are billions of heirs, right? When you have that much money, what do you really want? Power.

Don't you have more money than you need or will ever need? Power. Power. Power. Yeah. Because they know that, I mean, I assume that they've lived long enough that money is not going to make them happy, because it's like, well, you know.

They've tried every dopamine hit that is possible on this. Through money, yes. Yeah. I mean, they've killed a bunch of hookers. They've fucked their dead brains, whatever. You know what I mean? They've gone to every extreme. But I think that they just want power.

What's the last house on the left? It's just power. In my experience too, legacy, I don't know, control everything. Yeah, legacy I guess, yeah secure. I mean, I have found in LA, in Intimidate, there's a lot of rich people who aren't famous and I do think rich people wanna be famous

because it's one of the things you can't really buy. Well, it's the triangle of sadness. It's money, fame, youth. So we're rich and famous, but you're aging. So you're scrambling at youth. So the young people are trying to be rich and famous, so everybody's got something else and they're all chasing each other's tails

in this triangle of sadness. It's horrible. I've never... Is that what that means? No, no, it's not. But I mean, think about it. Like you said, the housewives are, they're rich, but they really wanna be famous

and they really wanna be young. And they're jealous of the young people and the young people are jealous of the rich people and the rich people are jealous of the famous people and so on and so forth. I mean, I know people who are very rich, who like are just trying to get on reality TV. Yeah.

Because I think they're like, okay, we have money, next thing. Why can't I buy this? Why can't I buy this? They're frustrated because they could buy an island, they could buy a state, but they can't buy a production company. You know what I mean?

But I guess you can also get so rich that you are famous. Whoa. Because think about it, if you're a billionaire, every room you enter, people will go, oh, Steve is coming, he's a billionaire. Yeah,'re a billionaire every room you enter people go Oh Steve is coming. He's a billionaire. Yeah, that's the first thing people know about you But other famous people or other millions like She's a loser and then you don't have respect and also talent no respect no respect

No respect. No respect. I don't get no respect at all. My daughter, she comes home at 10 o'clock and still they're coming home at nine. She comes home at 10. No respect. No respect. Do you ever see Natural Boy and Killers?

Of course. Oh my God, I just rewatched that scene, the sitcom scene with, it's like yikes. The sitcom scene is so cool. It's wild. I love Miss Juliet. She eats in that movie. She eats, she almost came on the YouTube channel once.

She chomped it up, are you serious? We were DMing and she was interested, and we just didn't find a time that worked out. Juliet in the licks. That music is awesome. Rhymes by L7, kind of. You know L7? Oh, that was in that shit list, was in that soundtrack,

was in the Natural One Killers soundtrack. I was obsessed with that song when they beat the shit of the people in the diner, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah, damn. All the stone. I also recently watcheder, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Damn. Damn. All of the stone. I also recently watched Pulp Fiction. Oh, yeah.

Which I've seen, of course, like maybe a dozen times. Yeah. And I watched it a lot when I was younger, which maybe I was too young to understand what was going on. As an adult, I'm watching it, and I'm like, this is dumb. I think I first saw that movie when I was like six or seven. Definitely too young.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm like, oh, as an adult, I'm like, he throws that fight. Bruce Willis throws the fight. Yeah. And kills, well, he's supposed to throw the fight. Yeah. And he kills the guy. And I'm like, whoa.

And then his little girlfriend wants a pot belly. Remember that? She wants a pot belly. If I had a pot, would you, I'd punch you in it. Oh, she said, I'd punch you in the pot belly. He said he'd punch you in the pot. And then- And I'll strike down upon thee with...

Furious anger! So fierce. And then he gets raped in a fucking dungeon with the gimp watching. Shoot him in the head in the back of the car. Shoot him in the head on accident. Accident. A Royale with cheese.

There's a lot of stuff going on in that movie. I love it. Isn't it a wonderful movie? I love it when that scene where she's snorting heroin and it's just so wild. Is it bad to snort heroin? Yeah, she thinks it's cocaine. Right. If you snort heroin, and it's just so wild. Is it bad to snort heroin? Yeah, well, she thinks it's cocaine. Right.

She rails a huge bat. You die. Do people snort heroin? I think, yes, you can snort heroin. Just for example, I crushed up an oxy, a tiny, tiny pill, tiny pill once, and snorted half of it. And I was her in that movie. You were?

I was almost instantly on the floor, freezing, freezing cold, sweating buckets, throwing up, throwing up, throwing up worst drug experience of my whole life by far. And that was a tiny pill of Oxycontin. So yeah, you're not trying to do a big fat relic, a heroin like it's cocaine. No, no, no. How horrible. I know.

Drugs are wild. I wanted to talk about something else. There's one. You mentioned about Jeopardy. Yes. Oh, wait a minute. So Colin Jost, I was like, is this real? Is this AI something?

Is this fake? What the fuck was that? We were on Pop Culture Jeopardy. Oh, Pop Culture Jeopardy. Hey girl, I can't. I was gagged because I culture Jeopardy. Oh, pop culture Jeopardy. Hey girl, I was gagged because I love Jeopardy. You better believe no one knew who they answered. Of course they were like,

These famous drag queens, Trixie and Katya do a podcast called what? And it's all these people going like, this must be a joke question. That can't be real. But I loved the little smirk on Miss Joss's face when he said it, it was cute. Well, she loves us.

She's obsessed with us in fact. Yeah, and Scarlett should be worried. She should be loves us. She's obsessed with us, in fact. Yeah, and Scarlett should be worried. She should be really worried. Because we're going to be sucking on his dick and balls on Asshole. She will be left because he will be going for two bald men who refuse to have sex with him at the same time. Exactly, because we're going to keep him coming.

Would you ever have sex with someone with me? No, I don't think I'd be too scared. Let's really have sex with my sister. Let's fucking fuck with my sister. It's right in the buzz with my sister. Yes. It's too much. It's too much.

It's too much. I don't care how hot. Belinder. I don't care how hot. Belinder. I love you, I'm happy for you. Maybe through a sheet. Also, we don't.

Maybe through a sheet. We don't love the same men. Like, I'll take the top half, you take the bottom half, and we do a sheet, like a medical situation. No, we saw him in half. I take one half home, you take the other half home. You gotta respect the balance. Yes.

Maybe we do like, I couldn't do Polly either. Polly? Pocket? Who's Polly? You know, Polly. People who do the Polly stuff. No, mama, it's... Multiple loves. What?

It's Judge Judy who has the time. But you don't want someone to stay over. Sweetie, that doesn't mean I want multiples. And then he comes to my house to sleep over. Then I'm gonna beat his ass with a bat. You know, that bat from Yankee Stadium, I keep by the side of my bed for the killer. For the killer. There's also nobody you and I both want.

Well, that's the thing. That's why, that's... Yeah, we don't have a lot of overlap. But I... I... Mary, this... The rhinestone, it's not a bat that Wendy Williams has by the bedside. It's a rhinestone bat with spikes on it. Honey, she showed a picture of that thing on a talk show because I went down to Kill a Rabbit Hole.

And it's not just a bat from Yankee Stadium that she has in her bedside. It's a medieval torture device. Did I ever tell you about the time I stole a golf club? This was in college. And you know when you're drunk and you're like, I'm going to do something wild. I'm going to let a car on fire.

Tonight's the night. I was leaving this random person, straight people. I went to a straight people house party. And as I was leaving, there was a golf club by the door, front door. And I was like, wouldn't it be funny if we bugged into this? Was it in a bag with all the other clubs? I thought it was by the door, like, oh, this is your weapon.

OK, miss thing. The next day, I get a DM on Facebook. And I'm just saying, did you take a golf club from my house? And I said, who's calling? Hello? Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line. Dude, I think he said something like, that's kind of shitty.

But also, I'm a lefty. And I had to have that made. You can't have that. And I don't know how, but I got it back to him. You stole it on purpose? I took it home. What'd you do with it? Drinking alcohol.

I probably was walking, twirling like a faggot. Like a baton. Yeah, so then I brought it back and I cleaned all the shit off it. You had the lube and the shit. With my mouth. The truffle butter. Oh, gross.

You know what I try to get fucked in the butt? I said, no, ma'am. The straight people love to do anal. Do you think they're douching or do you think they're just shitting? Is it just hamburger helpers? Sweetie darling. I don't think they are.

People are eating lunch, Mary. People are eating good lunch. I don't think they are. I don't think they are. I think they're a lot. Big lunches and then just... I think... And then the shitty dick up the pussy too

because they're doing bofa. You fuck, you fuck your shit, you're digging my ass, turn me on, I'll shit my pussy. No, that's a bad, that's a not a good thing. And when you see that in a porno, number one, that woman has douched to high heaven. That woman's colonic irrigation is on point. Okay.

Number two, this is not an activity that is advisable to do at home, is not safe for home. Professional course, do not attempt at home. Three, the whole, I didn't, I just slipped. It slipped and went up your ass. The whole thing, boo. What slipped and went up your ass? Yeah, sorry that my dick slipped out of your pussy,

went all the way up into your ass balls deep. I consider myself 99% of bottom, and every time I have to do that, I swear to God, I'm like, ow, what are you nuts? your ass balls deep. I consider myself 99% of bottom and every time I have to do that, I swear to God, I'm like, ow, what are you nuts? Like nothing's just slipping in there. This grip, are you kidding me? Girl, tell me about, I'm 40, I'm 49 years old.

I'm gonna be 50 tomorrow. And I have not, I have not mastered even, just that I can't do nothing. Well, and not for lack of trying. You walking around with a traffic cone up your butt at home, you falling asleep with the butt plug in, pushing it out in the shower. Imagine the grip.

Yeah, the grip. I'd hate to be your neighbor. You're so wrapped up in what it's like for you to hear your neighbors. Imagine what they fucking hear. Do you think that is the originator of the stress? If I was an asshole who didn't give a shit about everything I did at home,

I would be like, whatever. They come knocking, I don't have no note, they're not coming knocking, they're not banging on the wall. I'm just whatever. I am constantly on Defcon alert about every single thing that I do because I don't want to disturb them, because I hear everything that they do. It's a horrible situation. But I was trying to get fucked in the butt the other day,

and I was like... You were? Yes, I was trying to. But did you want this? I wanted to get fucked in the butt. I said, hey... By who? My friend, who has fucked me in the butt before.

I don't know if I told you about this, but he has this thing where he can inflate his dick. Like, you know how if you just like, um, contract and your ears move? Just like that. He can like do that. inflate his dick, like, you know how if you just like, you contract and your ears move, just like that, he can like do that, and the girth of his wiener increases, so significantly that it feels like it's inflating in your booty hole. Do you want this?

It's wild, it's wild, it's wild. Okay, are you versed now? Are you a bisexual? I wish. Are you fucking kidding me? You fat bitch. I would lie. I mean, whatever. I just, but I was trying to get fucked up and I hang out with a douche. Also Courtney left her douche in the guest bathroom.

So disgusting. Huge thing. Giant. It's like, do vegans have to douche? She claims that she doesn't. Doesn't she just kind of like put out a bouillon cube twice a week? Like. Yeah, apparently she's got like a,

but she's everything is magic about Ms. Courtney Act. It's like perfect. But yeah, I was like, I don't know. Then you gotta like, I know that I'm not getting fisted so I'm not like doing the whole damn thing, but like, I don't know. The stress of like pooping on the weenie makes me like stressed out.

And then the stress actually makes me have to go to the bathroom and then I gotta douche again. And then I'm weenie makes me stressed out, and then the stress actually makes me have to go to the bathroom, and then I gotta do shit again, and then I'm hungry, I wanna eat dinner, but then I'm afraid. It's like a whole thing. I mean, this idea, I just think this idea that I'm gonna bottom later so I can't eat all day. I'm like, baby, what is your system?

No, no, yeah, I know. What is your, why is your digestive system a powder keg? You can't eat all day because you might get fucked later? That's crazy, no, that's crazy. I think that's also maybe the, no, I don't know. I'm not sure, I can't speak on that. But I just like, I don't know. It's not, the juice isn't worth the squeeze sometimes.

And plus I love what about kissing, hugging, and smooching, and jerking. Whatever happened to that? Because Mary, this is LA. Everybody wants this. They want S.A.W. Yeah, they want hostile up their ass. Everybody goes, this is gonna be great. I really like you.

They had a really nice date. Now, after I've passed out completely, I'm not gonna need you to restart my heart. Like, they want that level. We should probably fuck in an ambulance, because that's the end game. Right. So I've rented, I've because that's the end game. Right. So I've rented, I've taken it, my friend's an EMT.

Totally. He's, we're going to fuck in the back of the ambulance and go to the hospital. Because if you don't put me in the hospital, I'm bored. Let's call 911 now. And then we have about nine minutes before, you know, they're here. Yeah.

It's crazy. I don't know. I just, here's the thing. I'm very grateful for it. Like you asked me if I wanted a boyfriend and I don't really want one. Well, you can't get one. Because you're ugly. No, I love, I love myself.

Well, that is a precursor to having one. I love myself. Like, but I also, I, you know, like I... In the mirror. I believe that. I think you're very lovable. To be honest, I don't mean this as a read. You don't know who I don't know who either. I don't know.

And I don't know what that looks like. I think I don't know. I don't girl. I don't see you coming home being like, what should we get for dinner? No, no, no. Yeah. Like, I don't see that. No, I know. I think it's I really do. The only thing I can visualize. Hey, babe, what are we gonna do for dinner? No, no, no, yeah. Like, I don't see that. No, I know. I think it's, I really do.

The only thing I can visualize, hey babe, what are we gonna do for dinner? Should we go on a date night, babe? Like, you? Girl! Yeah, no, no, no. Like, babe, I should trim my pubes. Like, why shit the bed again, babe?

Ooh, sorry, it's wet and brown. You wake it up and being like, should we do French toast, babe? Oh, no! What is that? Corny, I want you to meet my mom. No, babe. No, I don't see it for you.

No, my Tuesday, Friday night into Saturday. You know, that's our schedule. So we hang out on Tuesday nights. Don't stay over, don't think about it. Don't even get near that bed. We're fucking in the living room. And then on Friday... Nobody's gonna go for that.

Bitch. Then on Friday night, we do our date night, obviously, dinner, movie, whatever. We fuck, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Then on Friday night, we do our date night, obviously, dinner, movie, whatever, we fuck, we don't fuck. He sleep over, different rooms. He's gone by 1 p.m. the next day. We do have a lovely breakfast the next day, though. You're gonna date somebody

and make them sleep over in a different room. I'm not gonna make them. It's a choice we'll come to together. I guess. Because you know what's gonna happen? On night A, I'm gonna hear him snore. I'm gonna get mad. He's gonna retaliate. On night B, he's gonna, what's gonna happen? On night A, I'm gonna hear him snore. I'm gonna get mad. He's gonna retaliate. On night B, he's gonna...

He's gonna... The opposite's gonna happen. Are you a night sweater? Do you sleep and sweat? Am I a Nicky fan? No. Can I just say something? This is like, I would never say anything mean

about any group of people. Girl. But if you sweat during your sleep, you are fucking gross. I know you can't help it, and I'm sorry for you. But when you lean over in bed and you're like, I love love, I love to be cuddled. And you wrap your arms around a 200 pound salamander

and you're like, sweat. So why do you think I would, why I want to live alone? And why did you think I shield, I consciously shield my horror from everybody else's experience. My brother recently sent me a picture of his mattress stained with sweat, like the shroud of Turin. And yeah, so I don't want to be a hater,

but people who do sweat at night also are like, oh yeah, I sweat a lot. It's gross. It is gross. Not only that, mama. Not only that, I do something worse than sweat. Unforgivable. That I can't, that I've done since a child and I can't control it.

I'm a drooler, bitch. Okay, yeah, that's hard too. I'm flipping the pillow. I'm throwing those sheets, those pillowcases away. I'm changing pillows like it's, like they're tampons. Okay? It's horrible. And I don't want to subject anybody to that.

I would prefer to have limited time so that they can see me at my best, and then I can save the shitty rotten stuff for myself and my friends. I mean, I do something which is also pretty bad, which is I'm always cold, so my hands and feet are always cold. Your hands are freezing.

My size 13 foot while you're sleeping, you might just feel that on your stomach, on your back, because I gotta get warm. Around the neck? Girl, around the warm. Imagine the grip. The neck. Neck brace of foot.

The ice cold Poojis wrapped around the jugular. Because I'm cold. You know what I mean? I'm cold. I need you to lay on top of me. I'm going to lay on top of foot. The ice cold poojies wrapped around the jugular. Because I'm code. You know what I mean? I'm code. I need you to lay on top of me, I'm gonna lay on top of you. I'm the smotherer. No. I'm the smotherer. That's the terrifier to me.

I hate that shit. I'm the scrant and strangler. Get off of me. Yeah. You're son of Sam. You with a boyfriend? No. Babe.

No, no, no. So listen, also, should we write together, babe? Should we go home to my Christmas, babe? And I know I don't want to together, babe? Should we go home to... My Christmas, babe? And I don't want to be... I'm not trying to be insensitive or weird, but, like, it would... I would be better off with a deaf person, or, like, someone who didn't speak English, or there was a significant barrier to kind of regular communication, so to speak, where, like, we have something...

We have, like, a sexual connection, a body connection, and also we're very deeply introverted and we love space. That I could see as something happening for a significant amount of time. You want to be Sherrilee Ralph. Does she marry somebody in jail? I just saw a clip of her, a press clip of her saying, I love my husband, I have my life,

he has his life, I have mine. He has his career, I have mine. She went on a little long dress. She was kind of like, I have my life. He has his life. I have mine. He has his career. I have mine. She went on a little long dress. She was kind of like, I have my toenails. He has his socks. I got my pants. He's got his jeans. She was saying for her, what works for her is a very separate situation. Well, yeah, what was the famous person? I think it was somebody like fucking Liz Taylor or whoever.

Like, who is it? It's like the secret to what's the secret to a successful marriage? Separate rooms in separate houses, on separate streets or something like that. Yeah. I wouldn't want that, but that's just me. I get it, but you're romantic and you've always been in a relationship

and you're good at that. I mean, it's just not my forte. I love being alone. I love kissing myself in the mirror and then, you know, drooling on the pillow and also sweating in the bed. You're a little weird. Yeah, no, shake, girl. Like, what, you know, just drooling on the pillow and also like, sweating in the bed. You're a little weird. Yeah, no, shake, girl. Like what are you gonna,

like walk around with your metal butt plug in, watching the same movie on a loop. With my little pink slick it up onesie on, doing pushups, like, I don't think so. I don't think so. Hey, babe. Yeah, no, babe. They'd be like, ah! They would like, their eyes would bulge out

and they'd run for the hills. Yeah, you know what else I like to do, and this is horrible. I don't know where this comes from. I like to get really close to someone in bed and look up at them and go, tell me a story from when I was a baby. I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that is. And it always gets that response like, ugh, it's just such a crazy thing to say. I think I got it from SpongeBob. Okay. You do that Marilyn voice like, hey daddy. Yeah.

Hey daddy, what is it like to make Christmas cookies? Is Marilyn Michael Jackson? What the fuck was that? I hate, I go through hell sleeping with sweaters. Happy birthday, Mr. President. I go through hell sleeping with you. Your body's so wet at night. Oh no.

One last thing, one last thing. So I have a bet with one of our producers, Ms. Marquez here, that if I think I owe her something because Demi Moore won the Golden Globe, while I want, while I would be so thrilled that Demi Moore won an Oscar for the substance, nominations come out on Thursday, I don't think it's going to happen. I don't think it's going to happen.

Just realistically, I don't think it's going to happen. However, if it does, she is owed a very expensive 70 course meal at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. So stay tuned to see how it plays out. Can I ask, why are you the one betting that she wouldn't get it? Because I don't think it's gonna happen. Like I'm realistic.

Like I just didn't in terms of the history of the Academy and like the patterns and stuff, I just. You think it's gonna happen. Like I'm realistic. Like I just didn't, in terms of the history of the Academy and like the patterns and stuff, I just... You think it's gonna be like Tony Collette Hereditary where it's like, it's a horror movie, so no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because some says it's kind of horror. Yeah, it is a horror movie and I don't think a lot of Academy members

take it seriously as a film because it gets so cook with the end. Plus I think, well, I haven't seen, I think Fernanda Torres from I'm Still Here is probably gonna win. I'm not sure, but I can't wait to find out. Have you, now when Oscars happen, have you seen most of these movies?

So I haven't, so that's why I'm not really that invested. Like I'm not gonna watch The Brutalist. I'm not gonna watch, I probably will watch Wicked when it comes on streaming, you know. I haven't even watched Baby Girl, and that ain't up for an Oscar, but like, I don't know. I can't even watch Baby Girl. Why?

Because it just doesn't seem that good. I'm sorry. You love Nicole Kidman. You love explicit sex shit. But it's not that explicit. It's not that explicit. It's kind of... It's kind of tame. How do you know you haven't seen it?

Because I've read every review of it, and God, Andrew told me everything that happens and he's obsessed with it. I'm not on her jock like Andrew is. Oh, I thought you really liked her. I love her, but I mean, I love... I love Julianne Moore, too. David used to say she's the greatest actress of all time.

That is categorically untrue. But, no, I mean, she's very talented. She's been in every TV and movie since 1992. She works every single day. She hasn't had a holiday or MLK Junior Day in a while. Girl... When the wind was happening, she was filming. Of course. She was creating the wind.

Um, it was so... Girl, it was so Conti. Hi, she was filming. Of course. She was creating the wind. Um, it was so, girl, so cunty. Hi, Pop Crave. What? Oh. She's like... She literally was like, Pop Crave. She's like, okay, bleh. I love that shit. So fierce. She looks so cunty.

She's quite a beauty, of course. I think my favorite performance of hers is in Eyes Wide Shut. Oh, God. I'm gonna have to say... To die for. I amend it. To die for. She's so beautiful. I know you like musicals. She is great in Moulin Rouge. I mean, it's so beautiful. She's great in Moulin Rouge and practical magic.

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. I mean, did you ever see Destroyer? No. Oh, my God. She gets ugly. Oh, girl, she played this, like, hard, scrabble cop. Karen Kusama film is so wild. Do you think that because of the substance,

now that all these, like, hot bitch actresses are going to be put on the monster makeup trying to get the Oscar? I don't think so. No, I don't think so. Plus, I'm obsessed with any interview with Demi Moore, like, kind of. She went through hell doing that movie.

Well, they love a physical transformation. Yeah, but on paper, something different than in real life. That THR round table, I'm obsessed with, my god, all those whores, so perfectly lit. But Angelina Jolie, my god, that woman. Beautiful. Like, yeah, beautiful. Like, what the fuck?

Supernatural. Didn't love Maria, the callous of the movie, but shit, that woman is fucking... Jesus Christ! David produced that movie, Please Baby Please, that Demi was in a couple years ago. I never saw that. Cole was in it too. Yes, Cole's in it too.

And he got to work with her, obviously, very directly, and he was... how amazing she was. I mean, her scenes, she was great. I love that scene in Charlie's Angels too, where she goes, where she's like right at the camera with the gun and she goes, no, I was great. Cause you know, she's like the former Charlie's Angel and she shoots that box.

She shoots the Charlie box. She jumps off the observatory or whatever. Oh yeah. Those early 2000s fashions. You know what we gotta watch? We should watch and recap. I've been really horny to rewatch the Halle Berry Catwoman with Sharon Stone.

We have to. Oh my God. That's giving very Blender energy. It's so bad. It's so bad. It is, but I guess I'm gay and so I'm still like, yes, you know? I, you know, I don't care. Maybe I'm not that gay. The fact that she, Sharon Stone can be punched in the face because she uses the skin cream that turns you into concrete.

And also Alex Borstein is in it, so it's like, Peta. That's right. It's so crazy. It's weird. I get to find this clip of Catherine Hunter in the front room. Bollinger. Send it over to me. Pfft.

On that note. All right, well, thank you for joining us today. I guess next time we film, we will have the Oscar. Yes, we will know the Oscars. And in the meantime, you better pump it up. Tracy, I hope you win the money. Yep. Pump it up.

Bye. Bye. pump it up. Tracy. I hope you win the money. Yep. Yes. Pump it up. Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk.

It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also like, because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options. So that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past

I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like, if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know,

it's just beds. So when you're staying in Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's, that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathake, Wisconsin.

We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing. I also like, because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through

the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options. So that next time I look at like, Oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going. It will show different Airbnbbs that in the past I've stayed at or liked or been interested in and that's really nice. It's also good about, if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like,

well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna have people in my room because it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a there's you know somewhere to relax and watch television and that's that's really nice. If you want more space more privacy a better location and the most loved homes check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.