The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Finding Balance Through Dialectism & Chicken with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

The opposing forces of the yin and the yang are alive and well in 2025: Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni; TikTok and the Absence of TikTok; Emilia Perez and Good Taste. With the dizzying start to the year that has many of us stress-eating Thin Mints and Taco Bell while practicing scream-therapy techniques into our pillows, we'd like to devote this week's episode to helping you cast off 2025's discordant yolk of asymmetry and find the true inner balance that was previously only achievable with vagina eggs and bee sting enemas. As living embodiments of the yin and the yang, Trixie and Katya subscribe to the theory that opposing forces can negate each other while simultaneously combining to form a new, more powerful entity that redefines what it means to be "c*nty." A "Megac*nt," if you will. This year, discover true inner balance through purposeful c*ntiness. It's the month of love! Try the natural power of hemp with VIIA today! Head to: https://VIIA.co/BALD This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! It's time to get your gut going! Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by Airbnb Baby. I have had such fabulous experiences at Airbnb. You guys, there were drag queen tours that I was on where instead of using hotels on every stop, we used Airbnbs. Like sometimes it would be like, I remember it was like me, Kennedy, like a bunch of the drag queens staying in people's houses, like sitting in their living rooms watching TV, can you imagine? But it was so nice because it was like

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Take you from the queen of relaxation, me. You owe yourself a trip and the trips are always better with Airbnb. This episode is brought to you by Samsung Galaxy. me, you owe yourself a trip and the trips are always better with Airbnb. distractions. And that's not all. New Galaxy AI features like NowBrief will give you personalized insights based on your day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. So what happened today? What's with the attitude? What happened? You got out the wrong side of the bed, you guys. I, it's just not, it's not the day. That nasty broke career in shambles.

I walked in and came on this mic mad as hell. Can I be honest? I was mad as hell. This is how I know you and I have synergy because when you're, I came in ready and excited to film. And I think there's something in the universe where both of us at any given time cannot both. Yeah, there can only be one.

It's the substance. Respect the balance. I know because if we were both on Cloud 9, thriving, not surviving at the peak of our prowess together, too powerful. Too powerful. Can I tell you that I've been doing drinking a lot? And I was just, you know, I don't know if you have any experience kind of overdoing it with

substances, but I can imagine. I have an active imagination. I can't really relate to it, but I had my little DJ gig last night and I came home a little drunk and stopped at a straight bar, was walking home from the bar and stopped at a straight bar. What, to heckle them? I didn't know anyone. Stopped at a straight bar with my little group. Wait, was it a straight bar? With straight people, like just people.

And then of course, LA loves this. It's vinyl DJs. I think you're screaming. Sorry. It's vinyl DJs playing like records just no one knows and no one is listening to. And that's cool. Yeah, but I like it.

Okay. But it's interesting that LA embraces that because it's fun to go hear random, real records that you probably never heard the music. But is music nice? Well, would I rather hear that or like blaring top 40? No. I'd rather hear the...

Yeah, I want to hear something new. Yeah, but it made me think of these DJs walking around. If you're like a real vinyl DJ, you walk around with a giant crate of vinyl. Their cars are like, it's like they moved into their cars. It's crazy. In the DJ world, there's a lot of people that say that that's only like the real,

that's the only type of real DJing, and they don't really respect otherwise. But that lifestyle. What if you're like in New York with your crate of records on the train? Yeah, I think that is actually reality. What about, what is his name? My god, it's the guy, the fucking super famous, rich fucking DJ who plays at the Sphere.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen the fucking, have you seen these photos or videos of this guy? Which one? It's like, AMYN, or something like that. I forget what, but it's like, this dude isM-Y-N-E or something like that. I forget what. But it's like this dude is like on a platform at the sphere with this like the corniest AI robot visuals playing behind him.

And it's like, Oh, the one where it cracks, the glass cracks and the robot like looks in the sphere. Probably. Yeah. Just like. The sphere. Have you seen it at night up close? It is cool. Are you kidding? It's like the coolest thing ever. It's cool.

But it's like you're just gonna do some robot AI to like, it's like a Vici kind of music. It's just like, I feel like it's so nerve. I don't know, I mean... Also he's probably getting paid like, I don't know, six million dollars a gig. Yeah, these famous DJs make so much money. So much money and also I was, somebody was telling me

the cost of just getting that place, like the cost of running that place is so astronomically high. All that video, all that equipment and all that, it's just wild. How fun though. Yeah, but I think- If you're a DJ, you're fucking playing the sphere of it, like love that.

But you better be in a pink harness, getting thrown around. I don't want to see you on a platform answering emails. Right. Because you're not doing anything live in real time. It's all pre-done. It's got to be. Maybe.

I don't know. What is he doing? Is he chat roulette? Is he doing, is he talking to underage girls? Is he doing chatterbait? Is he doing video poker? Well, you're going to have to ask whoever. Do you look up who it is?

What is it? That's it. Oh, I don't think I've heard that person before. Me neither. I have to ask whoever, Gigi, do you look up who it is? What is it? That's it. Oh, I don't think I've heard that person before. Me neither, but you know, we're not straight. Well, you don't do Mali every day? Straight, well, I do think straight dance music is very different.

It's very different than the gay DJs and the gay music is fun. And I guess I like the music to be fun. You know, can I tell you what happened to me yesterday? Sure. Okay, so this is crazy. And I guess I like the music to be fun. You know, can I tell you what happened to me yesterday? Okay, so this is crazy. Not that crazy. It's a good story though. So, okay. Saturday night, I went to this new bar in West Hollywood called Roosterfish and this very nice young DJ came up and was tall, handsome, started talking to me and we were talking about music. Yeah, I was like, I love the music. You're playing great. He goes, don't you have a gig tomorrow? And I go, yes, I do. He said, I'm

going to come to the gig. I said, okay. So then I'm playing last night at the high top, Los Feliz, Feliz. I don't know. Right. It depends on who you are. Los Feliz McGuire. Yes. And so I'm playing and I look up and I see, oh, that's that tall handsome DJ. So I go and I give him a hug and I go, oh my God, you did it, come. I said, I'm playing some of the music you played last night. I played that million dollar Bill Frankie Knuckles remix. I said, I played, you know, that Heidi Montag song. I said, I'm playing all of this fun music that you played.

Hope you have fun tonight. He's like in the studio for copyright infringement. No, no, no, he was like, yeah. He was like, okay. He was like, OK. And I thought, is he mad that I'm playing some of the same music? Because when you go hear a DJ, you hear music you like, and you go play it.

That's what we do. And I talked to him again later. And he goes, do you want to drink? I said, yeah. How's the music? Yeah, I was having some. And I was talking to some DJ shit. He's like, yeah, OK.

So then later in the night, he comes up and he goes, I like the music. And I said, thank you. He goes, I have to tell you something though. I'm not who you think I am. I'm not a DJ. I don't know what you're talking about. And I went, oh, that's why when I was talking

about the music, you were like, okay, what? He goes, I don't know who you think I am. We met at the suit supply at Century City Mall. And I was like, oh no. I was like, I've been coming up to you. That is so, I love that he just went with it though. I said, I've been yakking your ear off. And I said, I feel a lot better about some of the mistakes

I've been making tonight. Cause I thought you were like here to critique me. I was like, I thought he was going to be like, honestly, I got to tell you, don't steal my shit again. He was obviously very nice and too nice to tell me right off the bat, what the fuck are you talking about? I know, it's like when they say like, when they insist on mispronouncing your name

or calling you something else, and you just go with it. Just go with it. Yeah, my name is Jessica, that's right. Jessica with three S's. Like when the people call you Trixie. Yes. Oh, yes. That's fierce. I mean, it is so fierce.

People call you Trixie. They yell Trixie. They do. They yell it in public, and they make a big, flagrant, embarrassing display, embarrassing for me, for them, for everybody. Well, you know what we talked about on one of the live shows? We said that maybe this is the year of equity,

and we make it the Katya and Trixie program. I'm not ready for that. Not in this day and age. But if we put you first. Then I would have to show up. Ha ha ha! Right now it's very up in the air. The Trixie and Katya? We could add a question mark after your name.

The Trixie and dot dot dot. Oh, yes. Girl. Did a lot of alcohol this weekend. Did a lot of alcohol. Tell me about the hangover. Were there any? Baby doll, honey baby. Wait, wait, hold on. Before you get into that, I'm gonna roast you over the coals for something.

What happened? You're a musician. You're a DJ. You're a music lover, you're a music player. You're multiple instruments proficiently played. Why on the God's green earth in hell did I roll up into your house and watch Amelia Perez with no sound? Okay. She has this, she has a TV bigger than the Blue Banana in the most gorgeous house that you've ever been to. The most gorgeous house, every detail is thought over.

Why random money? And the sound from a Walkman is coming out of this TV. And that was a good thing because I didn't, nobody really wants anybody to hear this movie, but it was like so, so funny. Yes. But I was like, you turn it up,

you got to turn it up for the sex change song. What was going on? You've been watching TV like that? Yes. So she comes over and she's, you know, we're watching Amelia Perez and she goes, this is your sound, mama, you need a sound bar. And I was not to be a fag, but I was like,

it's going to look weird in this room. It's going to be like a big black bar or whatever. And so you can hide that shit. The next day, JBL, hello JBL if you're watching, JBL sent me a 1300X for my living room, soundbar, woofer and little speakers for the corner. Hooked that shit up. Mama, lit. It was like butterfly in the sky.

It was like the sphere. It was, it honestly felt like I was like butterfly in the sky. It was like the sphere. You were at the sphere. It honestly felt like I was watching television for the first time. I'm telling you, thank you Joanne Barbara Leslie. Whoever at JBL sent that to me, I looked it up, it's $1,300. I really appreciate it because you said

you need a soundbar, you need a woofer. And the next day I got one as a gift, so maybe you're psychic. Maybe, I don't know. But I've had my Sonos thing for a grip. A grip? A grip? Honey, that's a grip.

That's a long time. Imagine the grip. I think that's- Imagine the grip. I've been watching that bitch. I've been watching that bitch. And I have been reading. I have been, oh my God.

Listen, I don't, it's so funny. I don't know, I think it was Tyler, the creator, or some funny person online who said, cyber bully motherfucker, just get off the internet, walk away from the phone. Girl, that is funny. Can I say, but that girl, this girl online. I'm going to say at care by Kara.

Oh God. I follow her. I do too. I like it too. At first it was a little weird because it's dancing in the grocery store. But also the content is also very specious, specious and suspicious. But who doesn't give... Anybody trying to give you advice on Instagram,

don't trust them. Well, this is what I thought. Don't trust them. First of all, people in the comments say mean things about how she looks, which I don't fucking get down with, right? No. But...

Imagine the grip is pretty amazing though. That needs to be copywritten. Somebody commented, imagine the grip, because she is extremely physically fit. Yes, she is, yes, yes. And it's a crazy thing to comment, but like we were on a plane and I opened the comments and this girl, her whole MO on the internet

is to suggest healthy alternatives to foods. So if she's like, you like Lay's potato chips, these have less sugar and less this. As far as toxic presence on the internet, she has none. Like that's a pretty nice thing to do for the world. Trolls, she has many. And she doesn't give a fuck. People comment mean shit to her

and she's just like, have a good day. I love that. So the more I watched her, the more I'm like, oh wow, she's right, hydrogenated flour, okay. I'm like, there is wild shit in food. But, but what were we talking about? So no more than So No's Bar, the grip, well, the Sonos bar. The grip. I said I've had it for a grip, which I think is slang for a long time.

Could be wrong. Anyways, I've had a Sonos bar, um, surround, surround, left and right surround speakers, and a subwoofer for, like, three years or something. And then I got this fucking, got a Best Buy fucking credit card just so I could buy this giant-ass motherfucking TV. And then... Did you get, like a Best Buy fucking credit card just so I could buy this giant ass motherfucking TV. And then- You get like 20% off when you sign up for it. I got a thousand dollars off that bitch and she's huge.

I have the best buy card. She's a great big fat person. And I paid it all off. Thank you. Thank you. Well you get store money back too. I don't care about that. I cut that shit up.

I throw it away. No. No, I'm never using that shit again. It's like I got a probably 68% interest rate. But next time you need like a washer and dryer. At Best Buy? Girl, you will get like hundreds of dollars back you can use on batteries, whatever.

I didn't want a dead baby. Well, why'd you come to Best Buy? Did you know that one? You don't know that one? No. I need to know no, girl. Ah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Today's episode of Ballin' Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at VIA. We all know that February is the month of love.

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and tell them that we sent you. This month of love, elevate your love life with Viya. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you ever find yourself like me, five hours deep into a Nancy Meyers movie marathon when the demonic yet comforting voice in your head, named Brenda of course, insists that your social isolation has become a pit of loneliness and despair. The only remedy is an eight-hour YouTube video entitled, Vipassana Tantric Meditation Music

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me wealth and inner peace. BetterHelp helped me identify green flags and I did it all from the comfort of my couch. BetterHelp is great because you can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. It's fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Plus, it allows you to access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credential therapists with a wide range of specialties. So be like me and discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash bald today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bald. Anyways, okay, so the giant ass fucking TV,

lovely surround system. Every time in a movie or a program you're watching somebody opens and closes the door, you're like, because it's over there by the door. Okay. It's spooky. But let me tell you about condominium complexes that are built with balsa wood and tissue paper. Let's talk about it.

Okay. I realize that building things is expensive and that if you're a contractor or you're a landlord or you're a property developer, you're an investment real estate entrepreneur, you probably don't want to, you know, throw in marble countertops and incredible like wooden fixtures and all this bullshit that costs a lot of money, that you're going to choose the shittiest, cheapest options for most of the, um,

the materials in the each unit. The cabinets, the light fixtures, everything's going to be econo. The medicine, um, the mirror, the medicine cabinet is going to be made out of toothpaste, scrap, like, pencil shavings and toothpaste. And then all the knobs is going to be made out of toothpaste, scrap, like pencil shavings and toothpaste. And then all the knobs are going to be little acorns that you find in the yard. Right.

And it's like going to be like, it's just, and then all of the walls that you share between units are going to be made out of papier-mache or balsa wood. Are you saying balsa? Balsa wood is the very thin breakable wood that you make models out of. That the architectural students balsam. Balsam. Yeah, it's balsam, right?

Balsam, okay, yeah. I was like, is balsa real? Bosu ball? Maybe. Yeah, maybe it's balsam. Yeah, it is balsam wood. That extremely thin light, you know, that you make little models out of.

That's what's going on here. That's what's going on here. Balsa wood. that extremely thin light, you know, that you make little models out of. That's what's going on here. That's what's going on here. Balsa wood. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it. It's tough. And tell me why. You loved your old house. Yeah, now I love it.

Now I can't, and now I think about her every day. When I go to the Hollywood Reservoir, I always walk by your house on the way down and I was like, there's that beautiful house. So many cons to that house, way too expensive. For the square footage, no sidewalks, people driving around like it's fucking Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift.

But what I had in that house is something I do not have now. And I know this is probably a very unrelatable problem, this first world problem, whatever. I have no privacy. I designed this whole little den in the only room that has no shared wall with any other unit. I'm at the end, so we only share it with one unit. Tell me why in the motherfucking hell,

my little jerk-off room, I can hear and feel everything that's going on in the building, like a psychic, like Della Reese in that angel leg show. Like I feel everything. The only room that has no adjoining walls. I hear them sneeze, I hear them cough, I hear them talk, I hear them walk.

And I'm trying to yank it to Jason Momoa's butt. Right. Well, you could soundproof or move. Why don't you just move? I'm moving. But in order to do that, I'm not gonna complain about this anymore. The last thing I'm going to say is I spent about, I would estimate I would spend about 18 hours

researching soundproofing materials and how to do it. And I'm like, I'm not turning my whole plug and place into a recording studio just so I can jerk off. I'm getting out of here. Right. I've never been to your new house. Because it's nothing to go to. Although, our manager's cleaning ladies,

you know, I'm a pig. I'm a big fat baby pig. Big fat baby pig. Moudang. I'm Moudang, but with none of the charm. And I am disgusting. And this is a space that's too big for me, you know? And it has got so nasty and gross and disgusting.

These whores came in, and they're like, game I, it has got, it's got so nasty and gross and disgusting. These whores came in and they're like, game on bitch. Right. They came in for eight hours. When they left, this fucking place looks like Versailles. Really? Oh really? They whooped that shit. They beat that bitch with a bat and then broke the bat and then bought another bat.

And they came back with another bat and beat that bitch with a bat again, broke that bat, etc. etc. They did incredible. Incredible. But I want to get out of there. It was they for the entire day, eight hours, it was $450. Wow. Deep clean though. This I'm talking mold. I'm talking like my very like nasty. My old cleaner used to do a really good job, but I don't know if I told you this I ever tell you that my cleaner just hit somebody in the garage of it hit somebody in the parking garage hit a car Well, what would their manager had to send me a video and said somebody from your guest spot Backed into a car and I said that's weird. And let's say my

Housekeepers name is Beth. I texted Beth and said, Beth's been cleaning for me since 2015. So Beth and I, I'm like, come on girl. This is an available honesty, right? Without papers? Well, I think that that could have been part of it. Which even so I'm like, Beth, I'm not gonna sell you out Diba,

but you gotta tell me if you hit somebody. Right. Exactly. I guess, but. Because every time you say, you're out, Diba. But you gotta tell me if you hit somebody. She don't know that. Right, exactly. She don't know that. I guess, but... Because every time you say, you're like, hey Beth. Right, no. So I text Beth, I go, Beth, did you hit somebody

in the garage? She goes, no. And I just send her the video. And then she goes, yeah. And I was like, oh, well, okay. Love that. I just felt bad because if she would have told me, I would have just covered it, which I did.

When you have a condo building, if one of your guests does something, you are responsible for their action. So I just covered the $5,000. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. But then I just had to stop.

I just felt the trust was kind of broken that I didn't get it, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I got new housekeepers and they do an okay job, but Ms. Beth went in. She did wonderful work. Sweetie, Marisol's gonna blow your mind. Marisol's gonna take, you think you're gonna walk in.

I love the name Marisol. It's fabulous, yeah. She and her compatriot, her colleague, and I gave them a walkthrough. I was like, you don't have to do this room. This is the guest room, it's just kind of storage. It's a little embarrassing. And I showed them the drag room. It's like, you really don't have to do this because I can't expect

that you'll know where to put all this stuff. And I don't like when you'd have to stress about it. Girl, I come back. They did both rooms. Perfectly. Can I have their numbers? Absolutely. You can. And I went up to my bedroom because they were there all day. I went out, got breakfast, I came back and I was so tired. I looked at my bed and I was like, what the fuck? How do you make a bed like that? You bounce the nickel off that bitch. Yeah.

Like, better than any hotel, I'm serious. Better than any hotel I've ever stayed at. You know I love to stay at 16-star hotels. Yeah. She do. Four Seasons? Flop. Ritz-Carlton? Flop. Right. None of these places could ever achieve the level

of cleanliness, tidiness, and beautiful aesthetic perfection. The Miss Marisol. Imagine the fold. Yes! You know what I don't get down with? They call it hospital corners when you fold beds. These are the hospital corners. I'm not trying to be restrained in my bed.

Right, right. I don't, when you get in, my feet are, you guys, my feet are almost men's 13s. And men's 30 and when they curling and I have to lay curl and cry the current snap yet yeah cramped snap feet and when I'm jerking it in the hotel but I want to wiggle my feet are restrained I know I gotta go I gotta go around the around the bed and undo it I have to get I have to hook it up to truck chains on my car to drag the ends of the gut. You know, I'm traumatized because when Iggy Azalea and I did that thing once we went and we made some hotels beds together for like a, for, on Trixie Motel, Iggy used to clean

hotel rooms and she said that like 80% of the time people don't change the sheets. She said they'll take whatever wet towel from the bathroom, they'll pull back the sheet and go like this to like dust off with a semen or what have you. I am never staying in a hotel again. And she says, she says, she says, she told me that you could not count the number of times she found like sex devices in the bed, like dildos and stuff. Well, you know, and cum towels in the bed. Yeah, duh.

Because, I mean, what did I do the other, just three days ago? Woke up with a butt-plug in my ass. Not in the hotel. Let's take a break. Take a break. Hello girls, today's Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our little friends, Ant Ritual. Okay, and I gotta tell you,

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That's ritual.com slash bald for 25% off your first month. Today's episode of Bald in the Beautiful is brought to you by Airbnb Baby. I have had such fabulous experiences at Airbnb. You guys, there were drag queen tours that I was on where instead of using hotels on every stop, we used Airbnbs. Like sometimes it would be like,

I remember it was like me, Kennedy, and like a bunch of the drag queens staying in people's houses, like sitting in their living rooms watching TV. Can you imagine? But it was so nice because it was like hanging out with a bunch of your friends and like a, you know, when we tour and we have hotel rooms, we don't really see each other.

It was like kind of a family environment. It was really fun and sweet. Airbnb has so many options. I like that like it's kind of a grid map view where you can just click on it and look at the price. I like that all the check-in information is really easy. I recently stayed in an Airbnb in Wasackie, Wisconsin, and my stay person, what do you call it, my host, my host DM'd me the check-in, the lockbox, made sure everything was taken care of before I left,

and the heat was nice and strong. It was perfect for visiting my small town that I grew up in, it was perfect. If you want a nice space, you want privacy, you want a nice location, I mean, beautiful loved homes, some of them are people's vacation homes, some of them are people's apartments and houses while they're out of town.

Check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app that's airbnb.com. You guys, I recommend you just get the app on your phone. It's perfect. Take you from the queen of relaxation, me. You owe yourself a trip and the trips are always better with Airbnb. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful

is brought to you by Airbnb, baby. I have had such fabulous experiences at Airbnb. You guys, there were drag queen tours that I was on where instead of using hotels on every stop, we used Airbnbs. Like sometimes it would be like, I remember it was like me, Kennedy, like a bunch of the drag queens staying in people's houses, like sitting in their living rooms watching TV. Can you imagine? But it was so nice because it was like hanging out with a bunch of your friends and like a...

You know, when we tour and we have hotel rooms, we don't really see each other. It was like kind of a family environment. It was really fun and sweet. Airbnb has so many options. I like that, like, it's kind of a grid map view where you can just click on it and look at the price. I like that all the check-in information is really easy. I recently stayed in an Airbnb in Wasackie, Wisconsin and my stay person, what do you call it, my host, my host DMed me the check-in, the lock box,

made sure everything was taken care of before I left and the heat was nice and strong. It was perfect for visiting my small town that I grew up in, it was perfect. If you want a nice space, you want privacy, you want a nice location, I mean, beautiful loved homes, some of them are people's vacation homes, some of them are people's apartments and houses

while they're out of town. Check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app that's a-i-r-b-n-b.com. You guys, I recommend you just get the app on your phone. It's perfect. Take you from the queen of relaxation, me. You owe yourself a trip and the trips are always better with Airbnb.

I would like to ask all of these cameras, where the fucking 50 year olds at where the oldies that why aren't you fucking me? What do you mean? Why am I gonna dig deep dick down by oldies dick? They're all with all they're all married and partnered Yeah, that's right. They all locked it down earlier. Yeah, but they're all Sledding and open and nasty and rotten. Why are you shoving your 50 degree cocks down my throat and my butt? They're all ate up. You're 60 degree cocks. They're all ate up with herbivorous. They're all ate up.

It's like where are them old dicks at? Don't want to ride your old fucking gray dick, bitch. Bitch. Is it Tuesday for another break? I'm kidding. You know what I mean? Do you think you would ever have a boyfriend ever? Yeah, I could.

Do you feel like Whoopi Goldberg? I don't want somebody in my house. Remember that? Oh, here's the thing. Like I said it before, and I know because it's been so... I've had this feeling for so long, mama, I'm not doing sleepovers and I'm not doing house... We're not doing house things. We're not sleeping in the bed, we're not sleeping in the house together.

You don't like the man-to-hugging kiss? You don't like the cuddling? I love that. And then go home. You don't like the cuddling? I love the. And then go home. You don't like the cuddling? You don't like the cuddling? Of course, and then go home. Mama, when it's sleep, it's sleep or death. If you interrupt my sleep for more than two nights,

we got death on the table. Right. Murder. Because everybody snores, Mama. You think? Hot twist, flash, news flash. Everybody snores. Would you ever get a sleep apnea machine? Uh-huh. I would love that. Not to flash, everybody snores.

Would you ever get a sleep apnea machine? Uh-huh, I would love that. Not to wear, just to have. Iron lung. Put me in the iron lung. You can sleep in the corner. Yeah. I wonder if it's... You just use snore. Everybody snores. Everybody snores. I wonder if it's hard for people to sleep with those on, or if your husband or wife does, is that hard?

I think that... I am truly shocked and very impressed and flabbergasted by the amount of people who do sleep in the same bed together for years and years and years. They love it. I guess. Co-sleeping. People sleep with their kids. Oh, yes, America. I know, I know. I mean, my brother and his wife,

they had their little infant boy, he slept with them all the time. He was the one who didn't want to sleep by himself. Co-mingle. Yeah. Co-sleep. Family co-sleep. Yeah. But like, you know, like, my and Bialik breastfed our children

into their teens. And then, um... I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. But, I mean, not their teens, but, you know, talking. I feel like you're... I know too much about this because I read about it.

Yeah. When your child can recite the Iliad much about this because I read about it. Yeah. When your child can recite the Iliad, they should not be sucking that from your breast. Well, experts say that anything between two and seven is an acceptable bracket to stop breastfeeding. They said that that's... I think it's even two to nine. I looked it up one day.

Yeah. I think it's wild to be like, I gotta stop by my kid's second grade class and give them milk. I think you know, my tit in the middle of the class, I just inconvenient. Yeah, I guess I don't mean wild. I mean, like, God, your life's gonna be like, you might as well you know, it's like, in true blood when you're some vampires human, and you're just like waiting for them to get out of you. Totally. My children with their adult teeth coming in nibbling on my breast, chomp chomp. Well, I told you about this, and I really

want to tell you about it again. I want to, I really want to, I have $2 billion entrepreneurial ideas. You know about SkyMed. I want to do also the little construction, the little, what do you call them, outdoor pergola, outdoor bubbles, the little bubble path, the little on the, say, what do you call them? Outdoor pergola, outdoor bubbles, the little bubble path, the little,

on the, say, in the airport terminal. You know how you can't go outside? Yeah. But you're dying for some fresh air. You're dying for it. You're dying for it. So you go into the little deck, you get your little fresh air.

No problem. You go, you're like, I'm dying for a cigarette. My God, I smoke and I'm in the airport. I got to delay. I'm gonna lose my mind. I don't wanna go out and back through security. You go out to the smoking patio, boom, boom, boom. Like, oh, I'm a mother with a young infant, our plane was delayed, need to breastfeed,

and I'm on the terminal, boom. Go to the little breastfeeding percolate outside. Why can't that happen? They have those little... No, they don't. No, they do, they have what do you call lactation suites? They're like little pods, private pods. At which airport? A lot of them, haven't you ever seen them? They're called like... No, I'm. They have what do you call? Lactation suites. They're like little pods, private pods. At which airport?

A lot of them. Haven't you ever seen them? They're called like... No, I'm talking about outside. Oh, okay. I'm a woman who's... Fresh air is the only thing that distracts from the pain of my 16-year-old toddler chomping on my titty. Right. And I'm not talking about a meditation room with a...

I don't know if that's a million dollar idea. No, no, no, but it's not a million dollar idea. But it could be funded by SkyMed profits. People should just go breastfeed wherever, whenever they want. That's a tall order. Why do you think women have to go outside? I don't think they have to. Like a dog?

That's another one. A doggie's in the airport? Mary, you need to go outside. Do the little doodle and pee-pee. Well, they have those little fake grass areas. That's great. Love it. And I'm not talking about some glass cube in the middle of the Amsterdam airport.

That's crazy. The social experiment. The smoking chambers in these other countries, Italy, they're like smoking. It's like a giant phone booth with just people. The way that I went into that Tokyo airport, and I mean, this is a while ago. They have every year it changes all the time.

There's no more smoking rooms in Atlanta airport. The way that I went into this fucking sauna, a dry sauna of smoking, it was so disgusting, so humiliating, so eye-opening. It was like me and, I don't know, 45 other men in a room, a third of this size, smoking cigarettes with, I can't even see you because the smoke is so thick. The glass has turned yellow.

You walk out, you're smelling like the cat's ass. And then you get on an airplane and you stink up that plane. It's so fucked up. That's why you need a little outdoor jush to vape. Smoking is corny. Well, I don't mean to comfort your culture. I think vaping is more corny. I think vaping is corny and it's more prevalent. Oh, absolutely. Vaping is definitely corny.

It's super corny. Very corny. And it's very widespread, like we talked about. I love everyone, but you look corny boots when you're somewhere and you pull out your thumb drive. You look corny boots. Would you rather do that or the carburetor? The carburetor.

The rig. The carburetor. The rig, yeah. I mean, when I was on the English teacher, they had that MacBook Pro that I was in. I was like, I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro.

I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm going to go with the Macbook Pro. I'm rather do that or the carburetor? The carburetor. The rig. The carburetor. The rig, yeah. I mean, when I was on the English teacher, they had that MacBook Pro that I was smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that shit.

I couldn't even wrap my fingers around it. And now they have like finger indents. I'm like, do you need to grip the shit out of this? Imagine the grip. Imagine the grip. Can I tell you about the hangovers I had this weekend? I was gonna ask you. I know you get mad when you drink.

I do, because, or if we're saying smoking's corny, drinking too much and being hungover is very fucking corny. Being hungover is corny boots, bitch. Is it in your whole day ruined? Yes! It's like, oh, and then you're trying to eat and you have party pants, you're just like wet shitting. You're just wet shitting. Party pants?

Oh yeah, just wet shitting. You're bloated. You're like, your face, your face swells too, I think twice as hard. Party pants? Party pants. You feel with shit. No, like you constantly feel like you have to go.

You're like, your body's, you're are, I mean, listen. I have a vodka and I own a bar. I have a vodka and I own a bar, so I don't want to be a traitor to my cause. Cause I think of a fun, lovely cocktail with the a vodka and I own a bar. I have a vodka and I own a bar, so I don't wanna be a traitor to my cause. Cause I think of a fun, lovely cocktail with the girls. This is just your body. This is just your body. Nobody else experiences this.

Cause you know what it is? I'm always the most hung over and I don't even drink the most. My body just loves to be hung over. Cause you're gay. I guess, but gay people are allegedly good at drinking. Joby and Dolly up in the club. Are you, is it because you're not drinking,

you're not hydrating and taking your woman's once a day mulch here, what's going on? You gotta, you gotta eat dinner. You can't drink on the empty stomach. You can't drink on the empty stomach. That's the... I do, I go to empty stomach to the bar, I down tequila, then red wine, then I switch to beer. You can't switch alcohol.

Then I go straight to bed, no water. What's the problem? Then I don't handle, you know, they say that men have a lower pain threshold than women. That's definitely true for me. I'm worse than everyone, any amount of illness. When I'm hungover, I think that people should stand around my bed and like sing Amazing Grace and like pray for me.

The priest should come and deliver last rites. 100%. And I have, you know, we've done those before the IV. You know, I'll text Jason. That's like my most humiliating indulgence is being hung over and texting the nurse like, oh! You're literally like Gwyneth Paltrow in Contagion.

Yes. I just need to, and I don't know. I don't know what, I think it was just the fires, everybody being off work, the inauguration, everything was very YOLO lately. And I think, you know what? We're supposed to be doing dry January. And what is it?

The 18th today? A little behind on that shit, aren't I? Like, I got 10 more days to do dry January. But I don't think you can really make up. Well, now it's going to hang over into fab. I got a rollover plan. You're going to do, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

the shortest date, the shortest month of the year, really, Mary? Cut in quarters. I know, I know. The shortest month of the year. The dry February, was it three weeks? Yeah. And then also, you know, I didn't love being terribly, um,

I didn't love being, um, too skinny for so long, but I certainly do love to get bloated with Ms. Alcohol and eat a lot of food. Girl, I love, there's something, one drink. Soak up the drunk. I'm too skinny for so long, but I certainly do love to get bloated with my alcohol and eat a lot of food. Girl, I love, there's something, one drink. Soak up the drunk. One drink, I'm like, oh, we're getting McDonald's. Oh, we're getting Taco Bell.

Oh, we're doing it all. Last night I had a, I'm a vegetarian. Last night I had a McChicken, a cheeseburger and French fries and a Diet Coke and a shake. You got a Diet Coke? You like that shit? Love. I don't like normal Coke. I think that's so wild and crazy. Normal Coke's too thick, too syrupy.

Diet Coke tastes like gasoline. Delta Work is gonna come chop your little legs off. Oh, I know, I watched that whole, I watched that whole segment where she located every single soda. That was so, that was so incredible. Wait a minute. That was so incredible.

Are you watching Drag Race? I'm not either, but I love to get the clips on the internet and I don't know her name, but this one girl, this is really fierce. Okay, everybody's gonna be mad in the comments because this one girl, I don't know who they are. This one girl goes to this other girl, hey, I know we're like lip syncing

and I just wanna let you know, like, I'm pretty confident and I'm sorry, you're gonna go home. It's such a country thing to say before the lip sync is like girl Diva, normally they have your headphones in and you're like, we're in this together, I love you. This girl was like, like you're gonna go cause I'm like, I'm me.

So it's pretty country. Did she win? I don't know. She did? That is so fierce. It's like, just so that you like, I mean, I feel like it's probably, I just want to give you a heads up. You're trash, and I'm amazing.

So, do you have your bags back? Mine must start now. I'm me. Damn. It's pretty fierce. I've indicated I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of June, and I am after all, me. Exactly.

Fuck. That's wild. I mean, that's the way I felt with, like, right before Kennedy. I was like, and she knew. Fuck. That's wild. I mean, that's the way I felt with like right before Kennedy. I was like, and she knew it too. Everyone knew it. She had the broom out, she was like, I'm gonna sweep your ass off this stage, bitch. Kennedy, what I had got, she just, I pray for her body. All the girls, you know, I got drunk.

I mean, like from what she puts her body through. I pray for her body. Her shape, her big fat, ugliest body that rolls. When she like backflips off a stage, I'm like, oh God. I know. She's over 40. What I did the other night was drunk. I was in a group and we were doing that gay thing

where you like, let me show you this, I'm gonna show you this. And somebody handed me their mountain, like show me some of the drag that you like watching the videos. And I go, okay. So what did I bring up? I brought up-

Pickle surprise? No, I brought up like, No, I brought up like, oh, I brought up detox doing mannequin. Yeah, I thought if you're like a straight person, we'll think a boy bar 1992. That would be the only thing I would show. I haven't seen that. It's the best drag number ever done it period. Is it the one with the phone? Yeah, yeah. Okay, it's it's I have seen it. Boy, you must have seen it. Barbara, please. Please, Barbara. Well, then we watched RuPaul on SNL, designing women.

That is my shit. So funny. So funny. And then we watched when she's at the library reading, and RuPaul goes, Eloise, girl, bye, and puts the book down. So fucking funny. I also loved when,

in the Brady Bunch movie with Jan, as the guidance counselor, that was a great RuPaul moment. Very good RuPaul moment. Great RuPaul moment. What else did we watch? Oh, we watched Read You, Wrote You. Read You, Wrote You.

Read You, oh sorry, Read You, Wrote You. I just learned that it should be Read You, Wrote You about 15 years after Read You, Wrote You. It's an anthem of literacy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny, great number. Great number, great number. And then also we were watching, I watched,

I wanted to show them your number of like, to be a survivor and they made whatever. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your Christian number. Christian number, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I looked it up from the season seven premiere. Oh my God, Yankin. And you're in this short way with the tees outside, which I think I made.

I think I remember doing that. Yes, you did. I was probably in Chicago. Yes, and you came out in this robe and then you take it off. Girl, I haven't seen you do like that. First of all, when we were younger, you are so stretchy. I know, I was really flexible.

The legs straight the fuck open. God, you're so thin. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I wasn't really muscle toned. Right, that's what I mean. You weren't just skinny. Like muscular. No, but Mary, I missed the, oh my God, I wasn't really muscle-tony. Right, that's what I mean. You weren't muscular. No, but Mary, I missed the... Oh, my God, I missed that. I missed having that ability.

I was so flexible. You were doing like... Yeah, like, I was so... And I was strong in my hips, like I do those slow splits and then control bounce and stuff and not hurt myself. And it was... That's the only... It's funny, that's the only, it's funny, that's the only goal I have in 2025

that I feel like is achievable. It's not to get better and perfect in every other way. It's just to get my straddle split. I'm working every day on it. So hard. You are? Yes, and I don't, I don't, it doesn't seem like it's gonna happen, but I'm gonna keep trying.

What's harder, the one leg out, one leg out, or both legs apart? For me, front splits are so easy because it's just a hamstring and Hip flexor on each side, but because I don't know that this is just the straddle space always been elusive to me I've never been able to do it Straddles, but like John Claude Van Damme. Yeah, also, you know do frog pose a lot which But I mean if you get, if you're a bottom, you probably know what frog pose is,

because you probably get fucked in that position, you fucking gay fags. People love to do gay stuff. I know. They love to do sex. I worry about gay people. Like, I'm not, you know, I'm not conservative, per se. But lately, gay people's sexual behaviors on the internet lately,

I'm like, whatever happened to Amanda Kiss and Hug? I mean, Mary, tell it, tell it. What happened to Kissing and Touching? Kissing, touching, and loving and hugging. Yeah. Listen, my friend of mine... Maybe those people are having that type of sex. They're just not feeling it on the internet.

Because it's real intimacy. Because it's intimacy. Yeah, it's not... That's probably what it is. It's not fear factor. It's not fear factor. It's not fear factor. It's not Jessica Jones. And I know we all want to see the load in porn.

We want to see the cum come out of the, out of it into the mouth. I'm trying to keep that shit airtight. So my taste buds don't get activate. You know what I mean? Like the mouth open, air buds, like taste buds come to the mouth, looking straight at the camera.

Not to mention, you facials are, facials make me laugh. Sweetie, also, the eyelids, try not to blink because you're gonna get the cum in the eye. Also, mama, you could be Tom Hardy, you could be Jason Momoa, you could be Richard Gere, pretty woman, you could be Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones, you could be any number of extremely hot,

10 out of 10 heartthrob band. Your jizz in my mouth is a non-negotiable. Really? I don't want that. It's gonna taste like shit. Bloop, I don't want it. Oh, not me girl. Call me the babysitter, cause I'm taking your kids.

All right. Call me CPS, cause I'm taking them kids. I heard a new expression that was, it was, what is it? Baby sauce? No, what was it? It was, it was, it was baby shit. No, it was like, it was like, it was like made sense.

It wasn't baby batter. Baby shit. It was like, let me take your, your, your. It was like, oh, it was like, oh, it was like applesauce, but not that. It was like baby. Guess who's jealous of applesauce? Baby shit. By the way, I watched, I while, so I was languishing and fuming, absolutely fucking fuming in my drag studio with my crepe paper wall separating me and my neighbors whose conversation, whose

vowel inflection I know every fucking word. The wall of Graham cracker. Yeah, Graham cracker. That would be actually very thick. This is like a shaved down trisket. Like a Japanese tea house, those paper walls. No, it's seaweed. Yeah, dried seaweed.

And I was listening to Wendy Williams' killer compilations. Of course. And it's just incredible. It's amazing. The killer. There's the killer, that one minute supercut of the killer. Then there's two separate 35 minute ones about the killer. And she is, I was just just like I was just really into it I've seen some drag that I really like on the internet

I feel like we're in this era of post drag where now all the numbers are like Subverting the expectation of the drag performance being glamorous. Uh-huh. So like I told you that the girl That girl I loved who did since you've Been Gone and just walked out of the club and got in her car and drove away. And the people are watching like, where? And she just is getting in her car, starts it and in her wig hangs her head out the window and like lip syncs driving away down the street

and left the club. She just went home in the middle of the room. I was like, this is awesome. Well, I saw, I watched a clip from a girl who I think is perhaps on Drag Race and it was a, not the girl, but a fan posted it, and they said, this has got to be the most sickening talent show in the history of the Drag Race franchise, period.

All franchise, all, what do you call it, franchises. And it was just a little wiggle lip-sync. I was like, what's so sickening about this? It was just some girl was like, you know, I'm fierce. Look at me, I'm fierce, I'm fierce. And that's a boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. Oh, you know what else I watched the other night too? Have you ever seen that clip of Aja?

This is like right before Drag Race, Aja in New York doing that one like robot number in the club. Oh, she's tweaking out like someone's printer trying to like connect to the Bluetooth. It's just fucking crazy. It's like, it's like, like Judy Jackson, Judy Jackson with the duplicate. I don't fucking crazy. It's like, it's like Judy Jackson.

I don't know if she does like lip sync drag anymore, but she was such a great lip sync or she was cool. She was jump off a cliff backwards, you know, spring the ankle crazy. Married, you know what I got? So I called up Miss Violet the other night and then cause she's been, girl, that motherfucker. She is such a flake. She gives me a run for my money when it comes to flakiness.

It's so funny. She did business, but we were supposed to go to a goth club the other night. She didn't call me, whatever. So I, and I asked her, I was like, hey, do you have any footage from your performance of the crazy horse? Cause I was talking about it with her

and I'm like dying to see it. I saw a little clips on Instagram. It looked really incredible. She sends me a raw cut of one of the numbers, her favorite number. This whore, it's like... She's everything. It is so good.

And she does this part, there's a part, it's on a rotating like German wheel with a guy. I see it. It's like, and the lighting design is so country. It's like a grid and then it changes. And it's like a strip tease. But there's a lot of acrobatic elements. She hangs from one arm and she does a straddle.

It's a perfect 180 straddle split. And it's like... And it's so well executed. And I'm like, damn, bitch! She's every... You know, you're either a fan or you're bitter. With Violet. Like, either you kiss the ring or you're bitter. Because she really is amazing. She really is amazing. And she was telling me that it was tough, though, when she did that. she did a number with the girls.

And there was a lot of, I think it was like, da-da-da-da-da, like in succession. I saw that on her socials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, she's like, I think I got it right, maybe two out of that, two nights, two nights out of the whole run. Because the timing.

The timing and also the girls are girls. When you're working with cunty girls, some of whom want to be stars, and some of whom are just the sort of nine to five dancers, the energy can be a little strained. For sure. Do you know what I mean? And she's not a girl.

She's a dude. And she was saying to me, the director would be like, you're a good looking guy. Like, it was like crazy. Do you know what I would look like? I recently watched the Tiny Desk concert from Sesame Street. Sesame Street did Tiny Desk. And it was all these little puppets and then Big Bird.

That's what I would look like, just big and yellow. Yeah. Have you prayed today? It was crazy. I love Tiny Desk. I love the Wicked one, not to be a fag. But you know who better not do that Tiny Desk is Amelia Perez.

Girl, they need a huge desk. Faginoplasty, yes. I mean, actually, it would probably work in a Tiny Desk, because it's all whispered. Maybe the movie was a rehearsal. I want a sex change because I'm a woman, but there's so much in the cover up shit in the mix. Flop.

Not over it, not over talking about it, not until the Oscar nominations get announced this Thursday. What are you going to be up? Are you going to be, ooh. Sweetie, I'm going to be out. No Thursday. What do you get? You're gonna be up, you're gonna be... Sweetie, I'm gonna be out, I'm gonna be greased up with sandwich signs ready to go outside of all the studios. All the studios. She's ret to go. Yeah, the Academy will not know what to do. I have to tell you two other drag things that I saw that I loved. You know, Madame Lequeur, friend of the pod. Yeah. She did a number, she was doing on that ABBA song,

Lay All Your Love On Me. Don't go wasting your emotion. And she's doing the men's part. And she kind of has like a dress on with a bald head. You know, she's bald, famously bald. Remember that picture of all of us bald in a row? Were you there? No, yes, I don't know.

Okay. It's like me, you, Bob, Madame Lequeer, like bald all the theater. Madame Lequeer, she's doing Lay All Your Love on me and there's like a men's part and a women's part and she's bald doing the men's part and then she bends down and comes back up and has a huge wig on, a reverse wig reveal.

Love that, it was seamless. And then it was women's voice, then she's doing the women's parts and she literally was like, down, up, huge wig and I was like, oh. Incredible, love that shit. Reverse wig. That's crazy.

Reveal what else did I see that I loved? Oh, this is like maybe from Titodd, but did you see on Fox news? They accidentally put it was like TikTok ban and they accidentally wrote Titcock. Love it. Titcock, Titcock. But I just have to say to this other,

it was, you know that song, I'm Working Late, Cause I'm a Singer, Espresso, by, you know, Ms. Sabrina Carpenter. That's that B Espresso. Right, right, right. So then she says, this drag queen has the long hair on,

and she's singing, I'm working late, cause I'm a, reveal, short hair, single mom who works too hard. And then she picks up a rag and a spray bottle and starts cleaning the windows in the club. Love that shit.

It's so fierce. I think he was a drag race queen. I know that's horrible. No, no, no, no, no. There was, okay, my little, I went to, this is what I'm talking about with Violet. She went on a little Wiggle Tour. I went on Wiggle Tour to Australia.

And it was like, yeah, I'm never lip-syncing again in my life. I'm 42 years old. It's so embarrassing. Never mind, I'm wrapping it up. And at the show, though, there was a young girl. I think she's on Drag Race Down Under. Her name was, fuck, I can't remember. God damn it. Anyways, she did a birds number.

It's like, why do birds suddenly appear? Caw, caw. And like, just so stupid. Lazy Susan. Her name is Lazy Susan. That's awesome. So stupid, the stupidest mix, hysterically funny, very simple, wonderful.

I know. It's just great. I love a caw, like a crow sound. You're a great lip-sicker. Do you really hate it now? I hate it, I think it's cool. You do. For me, yeah.

I mean, I liked what I did there. I'm not embarrassed about it, but like, I just, I don't know. Would you do cello pink disco again? Probably not. Okay. But if you see her on a date, you know, surprise, you know how she really feels about it. I mean, the thing is that, like, here's the thing.

Well, the reason why I don't, I mean, I'm DJing, I'm lip syncing from the nipples up, which is a lot easier than being front and center. Also, I need, Mary, I need,ing, I'm lip syncing from the nipples up, which is a lot easier than being front and center. Also, I need, Mary, I need like, I need dancers, I need rehearsal time, and then even then... And you need plastic surgery. I need plastic surgery, I need bone grafts, I need... Vaginoplasty.

Yes! Mammoplasty, yes! Background dancers, yes! Yeah, and it's like, then what are we doing it for? I'm not Janet Jackson, never gonna be her, let's just call it a day. No, you're not. No, you're not.

I'm LaToya Jackson. Well, thank you for joining us today. Hey, listen, if you are a man or a woman, good for you. And you know, it's the day of the inauguration as we film this, I just wanna say. Hamburglar. I'm not gonna say it gets better, because that turned out to kind of be a lie,

that whole thing, right? At least the Hamburglar showed up. Right, girl. It didn't kiss him. Girl. You see that four, the six to eight inches of air kiss? It's cunty. It's so cunty. She's such a wild bitch.

It's really cunty. You know what it is? She was like at the end of her retail shift, and her boss said, we're going to need you to stay late to do inventory. She's like, what the fuck about this inauguration? I don't care about these kids. I want Christmas, fuck.

I've been so focused on him, unfortunately, that when I saw her walk in, I kind of forgot that she's gonna be first lady again, and I have to laugh. I just have to laugh. And all them ugly ass kids, oof. That dog patch children, dog patch, dogs. They all look like they're the missing link.

All right, see you next week. Bye. Bye. Today's episode of Ballin' Beautiful is brought to you by Airbnb Baby. I have had such fabulous experiences at Airbnb. You guys, there were drag queen tours that I was on where instead of using hotels on every stop, we used AirBnBs. Like sometimes it would be like, I remember it was like me, Kennedy, like a bunch of the drag queens staying in people's houses like sitting in their living rooms watching TV,

can you imagine? But it was so nice because it was like hanging out with a bunch of your friends and like a, you know when we tour and we have hotel rooms we don't really see each other it was like kind of a family environment. It was really fun and sweet. Airbnb has so many options. I like that like it's kind of a grid map view where you can just click on it and look at the price. I like that all the check-in information is really easy. I recently stayed in an Airbnb in Wasackie, Wisconsin and my stay person, what do you call it, my host?

My host DMed me the check-in, the lock box, made sure everything was taken care of before I left and the heat was nice and strong. It was perfect for visiting my small town that I grew up in. It was perfect. If you want a nice space, you want privacy, you want a nice location, I mean, beautiful loved homes, some of them are people's vacation homes, some of them are people's apartments and houses while they're out of town.

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I have had such fabulous experiences at Airbnb. You guys, there were drag queen tours that I was on where instead of using hotels on every stop, we used Airbnbs. Like sometimes it would be like, I remember it was like me, Kennedy, like a bunch of the drag queens staying in people's houses, like sitting in their living rooms watching TV.

Can you imagine? But it was so nice because it was like hanging out with a bunch of your friends and like a, you know, when we tour and we have hotel rooms, we don't really see each other. It was like kind of a family environment. It was really fun and sweet. Airbnb has so many options.

I like that, like it's kind of a grid map view where you can just click on it and look at the price. I like that all the check-in information is really easy. I recently stayed in an Airbnb in Wasackie, Wisconsin. And my stay person, what do you call it, my host? My host DMed me the check-in, the lockbox, made sure everything was taken care of before I left, and the heat was nice and strong.

It was perfect for visiting my small town that I grew up in, it was perfect. If you want a nice space, you want privacy, you want a nice location, I mean, beautiful loved homes, some of them are people's vacation homes, some of them are people's apartments and houses while they're out of town. Check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app

that's airbnb.com. You guys, I recommend you just get the app on your phone. It's perfect. Take you from the queen of relaxation, me. You owe yourself a trip and the trips are always better with Airbnb. When you're not weighed down by high interest rates, life lightens up.

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