The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Freestyling From a Bathtub in the Desert with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Nestled amongst saguaro cacti like a majestic mirage in the arid sands of Palm Springs, we welcome you to the glistening, pink-hued motor lodge that is the Trixie Motel! This amazing inn features seven themed rooms expertly prepared for only the finest desert debauchery. Amenities galore await you, like our sparkling pool, perfectly fit for your sun-dried hot dog legs and pale, bald dome. And if you're extraordinarily lucky, two gay goblins may be relaxing poolside on chaise lounges, shoving homemade cookies into their maws and spitting hot-podcast-fire into microphones as the sun bakes their chalky flesh. Welcome to the Trixie Motel, where you can check-in, and you can also check-out. By 11am. Because we need to rid the damn room of your malodorous stench, you filthy animal. Go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD60 and use code BALD60 to get 60% off plus free shipping on Green Chef, the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well! Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Learn more about BetterHelp online therapy and save 10% off your first month at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD Rakuten is the smartest way to save money when you shop! Go to https://Rakuten.com now or download the Rakuten App today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Well, fucking well, bitch. Well, fucking well. Well, fucking well, bitch. You know what we're not doing, honey? We're not on tour, bitch. No, we're not. We're on vacation. Honey, honey.

Christmas cookies? Yes, we have an item on the menu called homemade cookies. And, you know, you want to know why they're homemade? Because David's mom bakes them, whatever she's feeling, and brings them down here. They're beautiful. You can buy homemade mom's cookies.

I don't know. I don't see Paris Hilton doing that at the Hilton hotels. I don't see Ramada. I don't see Radisson Blue. No. No, bitch. The fourth season. How are they?

What if they're like, what have you been into? And you're like, they are horrible though. No, they're good. They're really good. They're also very pretty. Ooh. I gotta say, I love this. I'm real happy for the, I'm real happy for I'm gonna let you finish, but I love when these are chocolate and peanut butter.

Okay. I like these a lot. The sugar cookie and white chocolate? My hangover is just lifting. Finally. I'm making a mess. Is that okay? Yeah.

I mean. I'm gonna tell you. Yeah. What about the fact that I just, I just just walked there's a woman working on her computer And she said hi me when she walked in and she wasn't in pink, which is the uniform, but I thought maybe she's upper management Next to her I sat down management and I asked her how she's doing and I asked her about the Wi-Fi access and she was Like I think it's just guest access yeah i by the way i checked into room three and um there are no there's shitty towels in the

bathroom yeah i walked up and said i broke something in the hall of blue but can you know well here we're in palm springs i'm gonna be honest i thought it was gonna be cold here it's hot it's hot bitch and the pool is lovely gal the pool is lovely we drove here can you talk about it can you talk about it for a minute? Because I imagine if I were you, I would have woken up and been like, okay, is this fucking bitch gonna kill me in her car? And that would have been a very real,

that would have been a very real, very like, very like reasonable fear. Oh, can I be honest? Yeah. I thought that. Of course you did. And I wasn't joking to myself. No, no, no. I thought, this is how? Yeah. I thought that. Of course you did. And I wasn't joking to myself. No, no, no. I thought, what if this is how we die?

I thought about that for the whole week. And then I thought, what if she's not doing so well? Exactly. And then she drives me. She shows up, two sheets to the wind or whatever. And then she drives me. And then I lose a leg and she feels bad forever. Yeah.

And then she spirals, you know. Do you know what I thought? What? This is where I went last night when I was like I'm gonna go to bed early and I'm gonna wake up early I'm gonna be refreshed I had breakfast I was like

did all the things cause I was like I'm not gonna kill this person in my car but if it was just you oh it doesn't matter whatever drunk

but like but I thought I was like okay what's gonna happen is we're gonna get into a like a you know

twisted metal flames accident and I'm going to survive and they're going to do a toxicology report and then you're dead and your family's the whole family's going to sue me and then hello hello hello hi how are you this whole thing played out in my head. I know. I know. I know. Including the toxic culture report. I know. I know.

I know. I'm no dummy. And I was like, I've been thinking about it every day for a week. Every day for a week. I'm like, what? I was like, and I'm like, and then I was thinking, I was like, is it a compliment? Is it an honor to have the trust of somebody? Or are they so reckless with their life that they would trust it with mine?

You know what I mean? No, I thought, you know what? I thought cars are really sophisticated now. They're self-driving. I thought she could show up, Sybil, and we could still make it there. My hands would even get to the wheel. Yeah. Jeff Bezos?

Was that the guy who owns Tesla? Elon Musk? Elon Musk? Yeah. Mary, he's driving your car driving your car yeah right he's got one hand on twitter he's gonna one hand on the wheel of your car elon take the wheel but wait so but i did fine you did a great job you have a beautiful car can we say it's a range rover i think so it's not one of them fancy ones one of them poor ones it's a poor one yeah it's a smaller one it's nice i mean not and not to be uh somebody who hasn't driven in a while the screen big fancy every car has an ipad every car has a 72 inch home theater system it's crazy but i don't because i'm like the i'm like analog like i'm like i said i was like i'm looking back if i'm going in reverse you're doing this yeah i'm

doing that okay you don't do that anymore you look at the screens and then i can't trust the computer and there's everything's on a computer and I'm like, I don't want it. Whatever. But it's, you know, catch up with the times. Have you ever seen Tangerine? Mm-mm. There's that, it's a film about sex workers. Oh yeah.

Shot on an iPhone or something or a banana. I forget. It's shot on like a phone. Yeah. And it's, some of it is, let's say sex workers, probably, maybe trans identifying sex workers. Okay. And this girl, she gets picked up by this guy and they're going through a car wash for the sex act and the scene is shot from the

back seat you see their silhouettes and like the car wash starts and you think oh she's a hooker she's gonna suck his cock you better believe that like bald fucker sucks sucks her dick while she just sits there in the car wash like this working at at the car wash. While Rose Royce plays. You might not ever get it. You suck a dick. I did. I actually, I'm not saying we have the same brain, but I was in bed last night. Drunk. But thinking, yeah, I'm going to die in this car crash.

And she's going to have blood that's not so pure as Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the toxicology report is going to be liable and I'm going to have to, people are going to hate her. Yeah, it's going to be over. Killing me. Yeah, yeah.

It'll be like a James Mansfield situation. Yeah, yeah. Head cut off. I almost said James Mansfield. I'm pretty sure she's alive. Haven't talked to her today. She's doing okay. But I mean, I thought about it.

I thought about it long and hard and very deeply. White knuckling it all week. Yeah, I was like, okay, okay, okay okay but now that you're here but it's done we're seeing we're probably seeing bianca tonight somebody's getting drunk but i was like because i've never been on the 10 i've never been on the 10 it was the 101 to the 10 the whole way if i didn't know that yeah maybe i would have taken a car really you're like i also have No, I mean, I can't believe you trusted me to do it. There are certain people in our life that I would never get behind the wheel of, or I would never allow drive me long places. Madame Lequeur?

Yeah. I wish she was in my life. I met her the other night for the first time. She's really great. I didn't know who she was. Well, yeah, because she also lost a ton of weight. That's the thing. I thought to myself, she kind of does look like Madame Lequeur. David goes, I think that's Madame Lequeur. And I said, she's really great. I didn't know who she was. Well, yeah, because she also lost a ton of weight. That's the thing. I thought to myself, she kind of does look like Madame Leclerc.

David goes, I think that's Madame Leclerc. And I said, yeah. She's really trim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She has like, she had a wild transformation. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you hear people talking? Yeah, there are people talking over there. Oh, hi. Yeah. A little tour. I love to tour. I love to tour the motel. This is a beautiful motel.

Now, I've seen it, obviously, but this is really, really something. It's really special. We opened in September, and we've been on tour. I haven't been here since we were open, which is why I walked up to a guest today. Like, they worked here. But you know what, though? This is just a lesson. If you walk up to anyone confident enough and give them something to do, they'll do it.

They'll do it. You treat someone like they work there, they'll work there. Well, if I, like I throw my keys to somebody, will they just think they're my valet? They'll catch them and get in your car and drive you somewhere. Yeah. Okay, maybe I should try that on the way home.

Can you even catch? Do you guys have that kind of relationship where you can- No, we don't do that. That assistant thing where you're like, hold my gum. No, we're not there. No, it's not like-

You don't spit in her hand? No. I spit gum in Brandon's hand all the time. Before I get on stage, I put it up my butt. I've spit in his hand, gum. Yeah. I've spit in Venus hand. I know. I spit gum in Brandon's hand all the time. Before I get on stage, I put it up my butt. I've spit in his hand, gum. Yeah. I've spit in Venus' hand. Yeah.

I don't like doing that. I will find a trash can. I don't like it. I know, you do. But sometimes it's happening. Do you know how many times I've had gum in my mouth on stage during our show? Seriously? Do you swallow it?

And then I'm out there and I'm like- Do you swallow it? I heard that it stays in your stomach forever I'm scared of that No it does not, it moves through the system It breaks down I need the toxicology report on that She wasn't drunk but her stomach was filled with gum

Last night I went to see Andrew Yang's Christmas Cabaret And it was so fun It was Andrew painted up like an actual clown whore. Yeah. Clown whore. Clown makeup. Yeah.

Whore little body. Couture little dress. Yeah. And then it's all these porn people. Yeah. All these drag queens. And it was at Plaza on La Brea in LA, which is or was or believes it is a Mexican restaurant because it looks like-

Oh, wait. It does have tables and everything. The tables are set up family style. They are. That is so weird. They don't serve food there. They certainly don't. No, and they should.

I wish they did. That's one of my favorite things about going to a Hamburger Mary's. Sitting and eating. But eating in drag does not, to me, that does not, like it's not dinner theater. We're not at medieval times. Unless we can throw our burgers at the, you know what I mean? You want jousting.

I just want. Two drag queens on bird scooters running at each other with canes. With walkers. With walkers. I mean, that would be fierce. I don't know. I mean, actually, Hamburger Mary's food is not that bad. No, not at all.

It's not that bad. Shout out to the, I think they're called Brittany Fried Spears. They're fried pickle spears. Oh, yeah. I love those. Those are really good. I love fried pickles. It's not that bad. Shout out to the, I think they're called Brittany Fried Spears. They're fried pickle spears. Oh, yeah. I love those. Those are really good. I love fried pickles. It's a little expensive, though.

But any food in LA is so expensive. That's what I discovered. Eat at the motel. How was your pizza? It was great. Wasn't that great? And the cookies were lovely. Oh, there's some more.

Oh, this looks good. Yeah, I'm going to have that one. Yeah, we- The pool is fabulous. The pool is borderline hot. Yeah, it's gonna have that one. Um, yeah, we cool is fabulous The pool is a borderline hot. It's yeah, it's pee warm. It's a piss warm. You get overheated. Yeah, it's lovely It's amazing. Lovely. It's actually really weird to jump in a pool and feel absolutely no shock of like cold. It's super strange Yeah, it does feel like a tub. Have you ever peed on yourself at night at night? It's warmer in there than it is outside Actually, it is now like you get out and it's a little chilly. Have you ever peed on yourself in the tub?

In the bathtub? Mm-hmm. While it's plugged? Mm-hmm. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. We're not peeing on ourselves. We're not sitting in the pee.

That's like some call me by your name shit. They pee on each other in that movie? No, but they might. But I'm saying like in the sequel. I called you by your name. And you peed on me. Yeah. No, like, I'm'm gonna eat your cum peach

it's sort of like i'm gonna sit in your piss water i mean it's a little like eat my cum peach and sit in my piss water yeah you old boot yeah come down to the pink lotus and sit in my piss water honey this is there's a they're eating cum peach oh my god there's a tub here in the flower power room that is bright candy pink okay i would love to piss in there if i'm gonna piss in a hot tub that's if i'm gonna piss in a tub that's the one now why well because if you're gonna do something you do it right okay same reason because it's oh because the water looks pink in there uh well it's just like a hot hot hot pink bathtub and then just free freely freely letting loose my borderline green pee tinged brown pee

the dehydrated when I did the first pee in the bathroom here when we got here she was like pumpkin spice it's disgusting shooting out of your fucking wiring grapefruit you got more hair on your dick than on your head

you bald old bitch you old wired bitch. You piss sitting tub ass bitch. You piss sitting tub ass little bitch. Come peach eating bitch. Fuck. Oh my God. He's probably like, God, are they yelling at me?

Oh my God. Oh, see, look. Cleaning the pool with go-go boots on. That's the kind of staff we got here. Wow. You really know how to train them here. Honey, when they start work here they put on the little professional outfit and i say that do they do now do you do

interviews or do you just get drifters who wander in and you just put a name tag on them apparently i walk up to guests and i tell them what to do yeah um no we interview people a lot of the people are from hospitality i mean we have people coming from people interview from disney people interview from some people are hotel professionals. Some people just love the Trixie Motel and they're like, I want to work at your motel. So we have a lot of people to pick from. We have a lot of diverse people. Well, we have a lot of people to pick from.

We don't just have to pick whoever because a lot of people want to work here. I mean, I would want to work here. It seems like a sweet gig. Do you pay minimum wage? No, we don't pay minimum wage. Competitive rates. Yeah, I don't think anybody here is...

I don't know. I don't feel comfortable talking about what people get paid here. Yeah, you don't even know who works here. I don't know what you make here. I'm in an internship. We were talking about. Well, on the way here, we tried not to talk about anything that was. We tried to get things out that we wouldn't talk about on the pod.

Right. We talked about people's salaries. We talked about some things I saw at the drag show last night and i wouldn't i wouldn't repeat right yeah insider trading stuff i was slack-jawed some of the things that were said and done pete vermal was there sitting next to me and i was like well i was also i got really drunk so everybody's mildly reacting and i'm like i don't know what i was doing i was like i was like doing theater and then Pete was like, I was like, if he was like the PR nightmare. Oh yeah.

It was right. Plaza though. Yeah. I mean, it's a little, um, I've seen some enclave. I've seen some,

I hope this isn't a read. I've seen some good old drag shows there. The classic drag, the proper put on the gown, put on the ballot, the old Gaga girl, give them the good old just Dance era Halloween Express costume Gaga. Yeah, the 50-year-old woman in a $10 catsuit.

Yes, give me unshaved arms, pockmarked skin, and some of those glasses that say Gaga. That's what I want. Just say what it is. Say what it is. Say what it is. Good drag is tired. You know what I realized last Just say what it is. Say what it is. Say what it is. And good drag is tired.

You know what I realized last night? Well, good drag is so common these days. Like it's not like a- Not common enough between us, but- Well, I didn't say that we did good drag. I said that we knew where to find it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said that we could. The best thing about it is-

We could if we would, but we don't want to. But we don't. Well, no, we do theater. I went to three Christmas things this week. What'd you do? I went to Andres Regal Christmas party on Monday. And what was that? You had to bring an ornament to trim his tree.

And he had ornaments from over the years of all his parties. Oh, that's cute. Orminants. Ornaments. Orminants. Orminants. Orminants. Foliage.

Did you bring the cum peach orminant? Well, I was like, oh, this is kind of funky. David got like a parachuting Santa. That's wacky. And mine was like a vintage turtle dove ornament that's wacky yeah i walk up to his tree about half of them were cocaine themed what i was like drug themed i was like oh my my ornament is tired one of them was a go-go boy a beefy muscle queen ornament one of them was like a coke ornament one of them was a coke one of them

was a pair of dentures painted. Oh, that's fun though. Yeah. That's fun. It was really cool ornaments. Ornaments. Ornaments. I got a tree. I love it.

I love the tree. I love to trim the tree, but it's fake. It's a faker. Yeah. Nobody wants a real tree. Who's dragging pine needles into their home? Real trees is something invented by Dyson to get you to buy vacuums. You know what?

That's true. That's like why Listerine created halitosis. it's true though you think no no it is true babies were invented by pampers obesity is not real halitosis is a myth it's all it's all made up obesity is not real obesity is like a term that was like coined by the barometric i could see you making this shit up as you i could see you making this shit up. I could see you making this shit up. You little liar. You little fucking lying bitch. You cum peach eating ass bitch. Call me by your name.

We still have to see the Cannibal movie. Bones and all. Bones and all. Bones sticking out. I've seen that and The Whale right now are having racquetball responses of good and bad. David, did you see The Whale yet? Did you see that? Are you going to see The Whale?

I'm not going to see it know, I want to see it I only want I do not want to patronize the movie theater in order to see it. That's how I don't care She's in everything though. She was in the menu. She served. Yeah, literally the man. She was a server She was a server I want to served it's so fierce We talked about the karma i was watching the pre the commercial the the preview it's hong chao crying and she looks gorgeous yeah crying she's such an incredible crying crying and then you have um brendan fraser going people are amazing and i was like okay this movie's gonna be crazy it's yeah it's i don't understand why

darren aronofsky made it, though. Do you know what I mean? And what movies did he do? Requiem for a Dream. Birds of Prey? No, no, no. Requiem for a Dream. The Wrestler.

Mother. What else did he do? He's like one of the... He's an auteur of our time. Doing wacky movies. Yeah, doing like... I mean, they're always like a challenging sit. You know what I mean?

They're not exactly feel-good films. Are they crazy? They're crazy. How crazy? They're crazy and unforgettable. On a scale of Requiem for a Dream to Please Baby Please, how crazy? I mean, they're crazy. But this one is strange.

Like, why would he make this film? I don't understand it. Is Requiem for a dream ass to ass yes i've not seen it but people always talk about that it is so disturbing to watch okay he puts his characters through hell they go through hell i go through hell touring but but this is like so this i just it's such a head scratcher it's such a head scratchscratcher. It's such a head-scratcher. Do you like LaToya Jackson? Do you like LaToya Jackson? Yes.

You do? Okay. Okay. What else? Let's take a break. Okay. Looking for a path to accelerate your career? Clear direction for next-level success? In a place that is innovative and practical?

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Cast LaToya as the whale. As the whale, yes. And not used a fat suit, and just in like- And Brendan Fraser as Hong Chao. Thank you. And Hong Chao as just an ethereal spirit that inhabits each person. I don't know, something. Well, maybe, honestly, maybe there's a through line, okay?

Because think about it. Downsizing? Hong Chao's in that. It's about getting little. Yes. The whale? It's about getting big. The menu?

It's about feeding. How you get there. Hong Chao's in that. It's about getting little. Yes. The whale, it's about getting big. Big. The menu, it's about feeding. How you get there. Hong Chao is telling stories of her own. It's actually, it's a trilogy directed, ghost directed by Hong Chao. Absolutely. And the meaning of it is only accessible through viewing all three films. I would watch it. In a row. Hong Chao, if you're listening to the pod, come down to the motel.

We'll give you a stay. I just, I love her. She is Electrifying there's something there electrifying. There's something there. She's electrifying. She's electrifying Which is I now as someone of that caliber talent now in Hollywood, you never know because the choices people make You never really it's such an unstable unpredictable career, right? Like someone of her caliber why they're choosing to do The Whale, I can't really know. Well.

I can't really know. I think we talked about this. Did you see Downsizing? No, not yet. Mary, this is like her first big film. Yeah. I remember watching it and being like, okay, I guess it's Kristen Wiig,

I guess it's Matt Damon, I guess it's whoever. Who the fuck was that bitch? Yeah, because she was in... Because she turns... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She bends everyone over in that theater. She spreads their ass sheets, and she puts her tongue up in their ass with her acting her acting tongue up their art ass their art hole ass she rims those fuckers well that's the thing about

andrew's show about 75 of the people at that show had a fist inside them at that moment including the people off stage yeah it's it's a wild crowd it was a wild crowd they've seen and done a lot they've seen and done a lot and i think a lot of people have seen them do a lot yeah you know if you want to know where i was last night i spilled three drinks and i only had two the whale the way i can't get over it so i need to see it in order to like um to to have a valid discussion of it. But Mary. Should we go to the drive-in? They have a drive-in here.

I wonder if they're shutting the wheel at the drive-in. The movie looks so depressing and it looks so like it's just cloying you, like just trying to get you to cry and trying to get him an Oscar. You know what I mean? I hate that shit. That's how everything is now. Yeah, you got to put on a fat suit or make yourself ugly, put some bad teeth in and then like grovel and snovel in front of the camera.

You get Frances McComroy down here, you give her a weird mole, and she plays like a disenfranchised French woman. And it's like, you have to see this movie called The Letter. It's always something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Letter. Yeah. The Whale.

The Girl. Yeah. The Wrestler. The Whale. The Pig. Yeah. The Million Dollar Baby. Now that was fierce though. She ate her own tongue. That's a sickening movie yeah that is really it is totally sickening

like sickening i cried so hard when she gets unplugged oh yeah oh i just ruined the movie for everyone sorry when she unplugs her iphone cable sorry in the first 10 minutes of the film wait i watched um we watched a Christmas movie last night, fell asleep, supposed to go to the cabaret, didn't make it. But the Batman Returns, it's a wonderful Christmas movie.

It is a Christmas movie. I love the, they're lighting the tree and that girl falls from the rooftop and she's like. I, I was, I remember first watching this movie

and I've seen it many times, every time that she dies. She dies. I hate that. It's pretty dark. I feel like it's mean. What is she called? It's very mean.

The Ice Princess. The Ice Princess. Yeah, it's mean. When I did the Christmas Hollow Slice Spectacular, Sonique was in that. Yes. She dressed like that. I immediately got that reference. It was so, so smart and fun.

That movie is so good. It's so good. Michelle Pfeiffer. That pink house. Black spray paint. Nobody can do it like her. Nobody. We're led to believe that she's this mousy, unfuckable

like, you know, spinster kind of lady in the first bit. And she's so hot. Oh, she's gorgeous. She's so hot. They're making believe. Yeah, yeah. But her acting is so good that she's so hot she's so she's so hot they're making believe yeah yeah but her acting is so good that she's selling it and then she's in that super 90s glossy red lip oh yeah with the metallic like black blue smoke eye yep it's so fierce it's so fierce i wonder if it's latex what she was wearing i think it's vinyl it must have been so uncomfortable that's she's she's talked about it

yeah i think she was so she was very very skinny and I felt like she was probably starving the entire, like the entire production. You know what I mean? Yeah. She was, cause it was like, I think it's just stretch shiny vinyl though, which is, and she had a corset over it though. Christopher Walken's sickening in that too. So funny.

Max Schreck. I also love the scene where she's in the department store with the whip. You know, she had to take real whip. That's real. That's a real tape. Have you ever seen that TikTok? No. It's like a, well, it's like a, it's on TikTok.

It's her doing it. Yeah, she really did it. She really did it. Three in a row. Yeah, she really did. The production was like cheering when she got that tape. How did she learn to do that? People learn.

It's like your thing, you know. That looks really dangerous though. It is dangerous. You could poke your own eye out. Easy. Easy, easy. Yeah. It's fierce.

Does everyone gay want to whip? There's something about whips that's sexy. Well, whip cracks are like inherently gay for some reason. I don't know why. Yeah. I don't know why. Meatball did an eyeshadow palette with Hip Dot a couple years ago, and one of the shades is called Whip Crack Dot MP3.

That's so real. That's so real.'s so real what is that it's a oh what is that last night at the show Andrew said

oh just so you know forget her name in the show but she's like I kind of have her come out of retirement because she's a very famous pageant girl who

I forget who it was but Andrew was like I asked her to do this pageant number you better believe she came out and did that I'm every woman going into my lashes are this my chicken my chicken because i'm a true diva get on up the whole thing the whole thing hit it over to the fat lady things but it was all these kind of like muscly people who they didn't they didn't really get it it wasn't

unless well okay people with muscles it's not that they don't know about drag, but real faggots. Yeah, they'll know. They know the words to that song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone's walking like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And I'm a drunker than everyone in the room, I think, at this point. And I'm going, it ain't over. So the fat lady sings.

And then I go, do, do, do, do, do. And like, I was just, it was just gratifying. I haven't heard that since like pre-COVID. Okay. And it was sort of like, the movies. I haven't heard that since like pre COVID. Okay. And it was sort of like the movies are back. You know what I mean? The drag queens are back.

Well, I haven't heard, I mean, I don't, that's yeah, that could be, that could have been one thing, like a cultural thing that had gone away forever.

Seriously. Like seriously. Cause those people could have died off during COVID. That song really is. It's, oh man. It's something. I won't even. Drag queen.

MP3. That's the, that's something Dragqueen.mp3 That's what it is Shit Every drag queen has that number Yeah I've never done it I've never done either But it was always in the show

Either Lakia or Misery did it And we were always in the dressing room going It was so fierce Because it's so many whip cracks It's like And then there's sections where it's like Like what is that? I mean I don't know

Especially also for bachelorettes who don't like They have no idea and they're not going to appreciate it They want Katy Perry California girls With lollipops on their titties They want I kissed a girl It's so bizarre. This episode is brought to you by RBC Student Banking. POV, you're a student listening to an RBC ad.

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Pandora. Be love. What does be love mean to you? I definitely would say my be love role model is for sure my sister. Unconditional, infinite love. Something that is never ending, that you know is always there. Never questioned. Never questioned. No matter if you fall off a cliff, she's there to catch you, you know. Be love.

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By the way, I should mention, it's a little empty back here. One, the guests who are here are in the lobby. And two, check is not till four. Three, I did diarrhea in the pool. We gotta get it drained. Get on up. People don't know about the power of that song.

I wonder when they made it, like, if they knew. Whoever mixed that and had all those cracks. Joella Pussy. Oh. Does that person work here? You know about Joella Pussy? What? They had a pink shirt on

Yeah Okay Oh They could be fans People who wear Do you see how he talks to me? It's really abusive Horrible

Look at David's leg Can we talk about your leg? I know I know I'm sorry I don't mean to gaslight David Because he is the one being abused David do you want to come say hi? Come wave?

Show the boot Show the boot Get the shoes baby Get the shoes Get the shoes baby Get the shoes You should beat him to death With that boot David Hello Show the boot show the shoes baby get the shoes You should beat him to death with that boot David

Hello Feature the boot What do you have to say to your fans you're on HBO max now, oh, yeah congratulations by the way, yeah, that's fierce HBO maxes, that's that's that's fierce. Well, I looked it up cuz I'm always crunching the numbers Discovery Plus of everyone okay they surveyed everyone who has streaming services 9% of those people

had Discovery Plus 39% of those people have HBO Max so we basically have another premiere at a network four times the size it's incredible

so it's great HBO Max is the shit it's amazing it's where I watch Batman Returns on it's the home of Vigilantes Vigilantes Vigilantes?

Watchmen what? it's the home Watchmen David got drunk the other night and put it on in bed he put it on in bed did you watch it?

I said I'll fucking watch this the movie I watched Dune I got surround sound speakers I watched Dune the other night from start to finish David like put it on as a joke and I said

I'll fucking watch it call my bluff. Did you love it? It's great. I mean, it's really good. Si, Vigilante,

Zack Snyder. The director, Zack Snyder. What's the Spanish? Gabriel taught me that Vigilante is Watchmen. Okay, okay. You should watch it

dubbed in Spanish. Maybe you should do all the languages. Well, I am fluent now. That's true. By the way, I was at my house the other day

and david was gone and i had marijuana and i was like putting it my finger and lighting it and i i was like i'm walter white i'm fucking walter white although he never did drugs or yeah he never did drugs or sell them them. He just manufactured it. Once you start manufacturing meth in your little pool house back, then we'll start talking about Walter White. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, what do you think? Do you like Palm Springs? Yeah, I'm not like a big vacation person.

I like my whole life to be a vacation. Do you know what I mean? I know I saw it coming. I was going to say, I was like... Interesting. So what's the alternative? Working? You certainly don't do any of that. Yeah, I was like, so you're so lazy that you won't go to work and you also won't even relax.

No, no, like I don't want to like, I don't, you know, like a getaway? I want my life to be the getaway. Do you know what I'm saying? Well, I don't like going places for fun. No, I don't either. I don't either. It's stressful. David's always like, we should go on a vacation together. No, vacation. I'm like, we've been gone for months.

Vacation is stressful. Vacation. But we love Palm Springs, of course. We love the motel. But like, the lake, like Peaches Christ has a wedding in April. Okay. And she, it's in Mexico. What dog is marrying that?

There's, there's a lid for every pond. Wait, is she getting married to Hi Hi Sorry we're yelling It's okay it's not a convent It's a motel People are sleeping we make this so tranquil It's 2pm

Well I'm hungover so I'm thinking about sleeping I gotta say you handle a hangover very well. I'm impressed. Because you know what? There's no sympathy for people with hangovers. It's not polio. You know what I mean? You can't be like, can you help me?

I'm hungover. It's like, no, bitch, get up and get your life together. Yeah, I see what you mean. Ask David how much sympathy he gets when he has a hangover. Zero. Less than fucking nothing. I mean, he's legitimately injured and you're kicking that boot. Girl, this is what happened to him

You're kicking that boot I saw it Oh he was injured the other day I made him go all the way To Alhambra in California With me What the fuck To pick up that bar

That leather bar On a broken foot You are You are a fucking You're a man You're That's mean Well I don't have a license

And someone had to drive Are you gonna get a license I am You are Are you scared to drive I feel like I'm the only person In LA Who's reasonably afraid of driving Well the reason you should be Afraid of driving Is because you're the one get a license i am you are are you scared to drive i feel like i'm the only person in l.a

who's reasonably afraid of driving well the reason you should be afraid of driving is because you're the one in the car but also when i drive with like what amy andrew we know people who are wild drivers i know wild wild and crazy brandon limb drives very safe but listens to like um like i don't know like lily public radio that's classical music you find that that's the bad thing well it's like he in the back seat it's like a collection of items and then like you know the car smells like marijuana but then he's listening to like fancy rich music okay and it's like the dichotomy of that yeah yeah i mean it's the where the marijuana smoke is like the most concerning part of that. But is, is, is driving on weed illegal? It's, you're not supposed to do it, but there's no way to test for it.

Oh. You know, like they can't, they're not going to pull you over, give you a piss test. Is that why LaGanche is always sort of like jumping off stuff because she can't drive. So she's like, I'm just have to leap there. It's the most efficient way to travel. I have to pick up my prescription at CVS. Now, I've got to tell you, you live up in the mountains now. Do you feel like you're far from

CVS and all that? There's a store up there. There's a store up there. It's like borderline good old-fashioned general stores. It's got the general store charm, but it's an actual supermarket. It's actually pretty fierce. But I'm not that far up there.

Sometimes you go up there and you get really windy, windy, windy. And then you go through a gate. And then it's like, if you needed to skip town, good luck. Good luck. Good luck. You know what I mean? When we go to Vanderpump's, we have to remember how to get there every single time. It's the Pentagon.

And also, sometimes those places, those stretches of the hills or whatever, don't have reliable reception. That's really scary. How do you call an Uber up there? Sometimes you can't. I've been- Hang glide. I've been in the hills and I'm the only person on the sidewalk.

And you just automatically, if you're not driving, you look very suspicious. Now, your yard, you post pictures of your yard a lot lot it looks like it's almost like an incline yeah it's like down the mountain it's a hill so if you got a hang glide do you think you could hang glide off the mountain no it could zip line though we're thinking about doing either a zip line or a water slide to the street are you kidding okay but it would be i mean a zip line would be cool it would actually be possible for to the porch you're gonna get a hot tub yeah we're gonna get a hot tub one of those giant barrels a cedar tub yeah they look like um just a big root beer barrel exactly it's exactly that but i was gonna i was thinking about getting a cold plunge what the fuck is that it's the same thing except it's with like ice water you want that well do you know about the cocaine thing? Okay, I've done cryo, and so I know that it has many benefits.

It has incredible benefits to doing it. Good for a hangover. Excellent for a hangover, but excellent for everything. But the problem is you've got to stay in that bitch for like 20 minutes. I'll say this. Who's doing that? It's about drinking and cold. The only thing I miss in the winter, when you're hungover, stepping outside in the winter and having the cold air hit your face, it's revitalizing.

Yeah, I'm sure a hot shower feels like shit. It does. So not being hungover, hot is not the move. No. Because you're dehydrated. Right. Your body's like, no, no, no, no. It's that Drake meme of like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think Drake is hot? I don't. There's men in Hollywood that I'm like. I don't. These men who have these pussies blowing up Oh yeah, pussies lined up out the block Down the block

Drake? I don't get it But I don't get a lot of Like there's some By the way, not like I'm not saying he's ugly No, no, no I'm not saying like heart throb

Like I jerk off to him Really? I think it must have something to do with the voice and the music then You know what I mean? Well, that type of music obviously has a lot of like It's pussy juice music Yeah It gets the juices flowing.

Drip, drip. Yeah. They throw those bars in the studio and then it's drip, drip. Rap is a world that is pretty much- Unknown to you? Yes, but ever mystifying. Okay. Incredible.

You don't like any rappers? No. I listen to rap music sometimes. Missy Elliott, for example. Love her. Yeah My mind can't even begin to wrap around like the production and the creation of like that type of music Yeah, the closest thing I've ever seen is like one time I did a song with Todrick and I saw him like he sent me a demo of him like tapping on a table and Rapping along to it and that's like how his songs start as like he kind of drums on a table and raps to it and i know bob will make up like verses kind of ahead of time and

then perform them that's how we get my bowel movements going i tap on the table sorry sorry people freestyle rapping oh no that's i mean that's like yeah it's crazy it's like poetry improv meets rap meets literature yeah like i mean you're like you're like a spontaneously producing poetry yeah it's in it like the rhythm and they're like i love the bravado of it because these rappers get like i mean it's like it's like those um cheesy like i'm gonna battle you with dancing oh i'm gonna battle you with literature like eight miles literature when they're like you're ugly bitch because you're, and you're standing here ugly, bitch.

But it's good. But it's good. You know? It's like sonnets and shit. Or they're like, this little, this. See, this is how hard it is. That's what I mean. My brain can't.

I think it's. This little bitch tried to scratch the itch. I feel so white saying this, but I'm like, rapping is amazing. Like, it is. It is amazing. Yeah, it's like gymnastics, but like gymnastics literature and people love it but i mean the people who want to rap they wanted to rap their whole lives yeah they love it it's cool i feel so i go through hell rapping i love to rap honestly rap is spears like because when i started djing i started ripping um like audios of rap songs like just the voice

So then I have these acapella tracks of just rap like, you know, whap or like whatever You know, and I'm like wow when you take with a music and you just listen to the words you're like How do these whores remember the words? Yeah, say them this fast. Yeah My favorite rapper is probably Kaya and she's's got this song that's not very well known. She's obviously My Neck, My Back fame. And that's her big hit. But she's got a lot of other wonderful songs. And my favorite one is called Fucking Me Tonight.

And she's talking about how you're going to be fucking me tonight because my pussy's better than your bitches. And she says, I don't ever want to leave you because I like the way you put it on me, how you lick down low. Wait. Kiss my candy cane, candy rain, drip drop, good to the last drop, baby. Talk to me. You know how my pussy smells.

Wait, hold on. She really is going in. I'm going to make sure you never want to go home because I'm going to blow on your dick like a saxophone. Things like that. That's fun, though. Yeah, super fun. Really, oh, and then Cupcake. Wow.

You want to talk about creative, outrageous sexuality? It's amazing. Did you hit dick by giving it CPR? And that's why the gays like rap. They're like, oh, finally my heart is being expressed. And that's why the gays like rap. They're like, oh, finally my heart is being expressed. Yes. This like unbridled, like lewd sexuality.

And she gets like cartoonish, literally. Garfield, fat cat, fat pussy, Garfield. She calls her pussy cats pretty Garfield? Yeah. She goes to places that are, she goes to Disneyland with those sex lyrics. Yeah. It's so nasty. It's the creativity.

It's so wild. It's so wild. But yeah, her songs are so, they get so gross. And they get like, she veers into so many little nasty neighborhoods. It's really interesting. And the delivery. Yeah. It's also the delivery.

Like Bob did a TikTok recently. I was like, he did my rap from All Stars 3. And when I heard Bob do it, I went, it's actually not that bad. It's just me. I'm not good at that. But Bob did it. I was like, oh, it sounds good. Yeah.

No, it's well, yeah, it's the tarantula one, right? Yeah. But Bob, and then I said, Bob, I called him and said, I can't tell if you're making fun of me. Because it was like a great poet once said, and then he performs it. I said, I can't tell if you're making fun of it, but when you did it, I thought it was kind of good. He was like, I'm not making fun of you at all. And I was like, okay, good.

Yeah, that's great. From a drag queen, Ernest compliment. I'm like, I saved dick by giving it CPR? By blowing it. Wait a minute. The last podcast we talked about whether or not we like sucking dick Oh yeah yeah yeah I still think about that

I'm still not sure David do I like sucking dick You see his face He's like yeah you do It's taking all your energy to get your fucking nasty mouth off his dick right now My eyes when I'm sucking dick I look like I just saw the dead lights Pennywatt I ordered you to get your fucking nasty mouth off his dick right now, you bitch. My eyes when I'm sucking dick, I look like I just saw the deadlights.

Pennywise. She saves dick by giving it CPR? When I cum, I look like Jack Nicholson in The Shining frozen in the snow. I'm like. Damn. I don't know if I, I don't think I'm like, I'm not really into having sex right now. Sex is tired. Yeah.

It's corny. It's not as corny and tired and played out as drag yeah but it's getting there sex and drag though are both kind of they've now sex in drag maybe that's what i'm missing it's a little like you know we keep adding sequels like to a great original movie yeah it's like well yeah oh i watched um i watched some marvel i think i already talked about this Which one? I watched Man of Steel Oh you didn't talk about that

Did you like it? Superman? Hombre de Acela So you watched all these in Spanish When we were in Spain I watched Man of Steel Oh you did okay Yeah

Did you like it? I think Superman is so boring I thought it was too I mean he is Henry Cavill Unbelievably hot And a great actor He's a great actor Yes Everybody in it was acting Their pants off Diane he is. Henry Cavill. Unbelievably hot and a great actor.

He's a great actor. Yes. Everybody in it was acting their pants off Diane Lane. Oh, Diane. What is she doing? Right, Diane Lane? No, Amy Adams. Oh, Diane Lane is the mom.

Amy Adams is Lois. Yes. And everybody in it. Michael Shannon is the villain in the first one. Is he Lex Luthor? No, he's from Krypton. Oh, Krypton meth. Exactly. It was good

it was just you know it's just he's now he's I'm not interested in superhero movies that are an origin story

because by the time there's a movie we know what it is we know where it comes from at least with The Batman yeah I was like

thank god we're not doing a fucking origin who cares right right right right who cares yeah so your mom got shot. Yeah.

And you saw bats. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big deal. Everybody's got problems. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's why I liked about Tim Burton's Batman Returns because it was like stylized,

also had a bit of humor in it. Every penguin line is a zinger. Do you know what I mean? It's fabulous. It's fabulous. However, that Catwoman origin story is sickening. Oh, yeah. Pushed out of a window?

Pushed out of a window and then licked back to life. She saves dick by giving it to me. I think we got it. I think we got it. Hey, come stay at the Trixie Motel. We're booking spring. Isn't it beautiful? I'll be doing my YouTube review of the room tomorrow morning after I rub my ass on all

of the towels. What are you staying in? The Yeehaw Room. It's pretty. We picked the one for you that has a patio. Yeah. We normally don't let people smoke in here. Yeah.

So if you complain about the smoking tonight, it'll just be one night only. It's God's perfect breathing system. Yes. It's God's perfect breathing system. All right. Bye. Bye, y'all. you