The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - From Hooves to Haute with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

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Starting point is 00:00:00 On game day, pain can hit hard and fast, like the headache you get when your favorite team and your fantasy team both lose. When pain comes to play, call an audible with Advil plus acetaminopin and get long-lasting dual-action pain relief for up to eight hours. Tackle your tough pain two ways with Advil plus acetaminopin. Advil, the official pain relief partner of the NFL. Ask your pharmacist at this product's rate for you. Always read and follow the label. We are very excited to announce that our very bald and very beautiful podcast tour is almost sold out for spring. I'm excited. We're not doing that many dates and my New Year's resolution is quality over quantity.
Starting point is 00:00:41 And we're doing it. We're doing it. Can you believe we had to add a second show to Boston and Toronto? Queen. We sure did. So you fucking Bostonians in Toronto in Toronto in Toronto, in Toronto tautes or whatever the fuck you call yourselves. You better get some tickets. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Snatch him up. We do have a few seats left for some of these cities. and we are not doing that many of these this year. No, it's going to be hot, it's going to be exclusive, it's going to be fabulous. Tickets available now at tricksey and catee.com. Quing. A to an cigarette. No, I'm at this weird way where I feel unreasonably swollen and huge.
Starting point is 00:01:22 But people have been saying nice things to me, so I'm trying to just understand that we are not reliable narrators about ourselves. People say, trust people. I know we're not supposed to listen to people, but how are we supposed to listen to ourselves? Baby no, no. No, it's the opposite. It's the opposite. Don't listen to people. I'm like, have you heard me?
Starting point is 00:01:39 Yeah, I know what I say to myself. It's like, I don't care when anybody says, you should. You should not care about what you say. Yeah. It's like, yeah, no, people, I always felt like, I don't give a fuck well, people say, well, then you're a sociopath. Yeah. It's the, can I be vulnerable? Please.
Starting point is 00:01:53 It's, it's, it's been a, it's been a struggle time. And I have been back to therapy twice a week. It's a high risk environment. Let's get something prescribed. You need to be protected from yourself, from yourself. Should we shackle you to the chair? Have you seen that? No, 911 clip.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry. Oh, God. You need to apologize. This is your camera. Yeah. You need to apologize. This is a video I never thought I would have to make.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Except when you did this last. The time you chewed gum, you would have thought it was like Steve Harvey reading the wrong Miss Universe whatever. It was like a gun went off in the universe. It was like... Where were you when the world stopped turning? It was like that woman drove 90 miles an hour into the gas station and killed the little baby. And you did have my birthday.
Starting point is 00:02:46 It's like when I came to your birthday party and then just let everybody on fire. That was almost as bad as the gum. Yeah. Almost as bad. Birthdays. It's your birthday soon. What do you talk about? Yours is in the spring. It's about to be spring. What's the plan? It ain't about to be spring. Yes, it is. It isn't even February.
Starting point is 00:03:06 We've got to get over that hump. Once we get over the February hump, then we'll talk in March. Well, the day after your birthday, we're starting on my birthday. So like... Okay. Well, I mean, yeah, it's basically the years divided into my birthday and your birthday. I've completely changed feelings about becoming an adult and people who say, like, I don't like to make me a deal about birthday.
Starting point is 00:03:25 birthdays don't matter. I'm sorry, bitch, does your life matter? But you're alive. Yes. However... Tell that to the people who didn't reach 36. Tell them it doesn't matter. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Go into the grave. Get the Long Island medium. No. Why she did? Oh, she's talking to the people in the grave. Okay. I was like, she drowned. Does that make sense?
Starting point is 00:03:44 I would love to get the Long Island medium, the Hollywood medium. And the extra large medium. Ross Matthews. Luxor large medium charge. And then I want Sylvia Brown and Tyler Henry in the same room. Oh my God. Agreed. Freak off.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Tyler, you love who you love. He drowned. Well, actually he lives in recita. Well, he will drown. Right. Is it raining in recita? Have you talked to him today? He drowned.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Does that make sense? He drowns. Does that make sense? Incredible. Let me tell you, I have a hard time telling you this. He's not your father. He's going to drown. Who you love.
Starting point is 00:04:21 She said that like... It doesn't matter. A P-flag mom. You love who you love? But wait. I don't, we can do... Yeah, celebrate our births. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:04:29 We don't do birthday months. No. We don't do birthday weeks even. No. That's, that's, you know what that is? That is perpetuated by big, big balloon. Big hallmark. I was going to say it's big sorority, because it's very sorority girl energy.
Starting point is 00:04:43 It's my birthday month. Can I say there's a special provision if you had a very long labor? If you were halfway hanging out of your mom for 30 days, it is your birthday month. Yes. But most of us, it's kind of more of a one day thing. If your mother was in labor for 30 days. If I was in 30, girl, and she, frankly, we should be celebrating her. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Thank you. That blown out ran through pussy. One time I was watching Roseanne. Before, it was a long time ago. Yeah. But I saw, and Roseanne, there's a part where Jackie's a week overdue from having her baby. And Roseanne's like, you just need to relax. And Jackie's like, I have a one week old child living inside me.
Starting point is 00:05:16 And after due date, you do have some kid, squatters rights. I was late. Oh, no. Yeah. How late were you? Three months. No, I, no. Yeah, she was pregnant 12 months.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Yeah, 12 months. Yeah, I mean, I came out about four years old. Yeah. I think I was late. I could be lying. But you know, moms have all this, moms have all this to the moment information about the first birth.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Wow. Like my mom, the rest of us, I feel like no information. I'm always like, whenever we're talking about like astrology, what time of morning, my mom's like, what time of morning? Same.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Yeah, yeah. I was, I don't know. I was pregnant the next day. Who cares about you? I'm sorry if I can't remember the time you just ripped my pussy apart. You know what I mean? Well, also all the, the chemical.
Starting point is 00:06:02 The physicals, the forgetting. Baby. The trauma. The epidural. The animas. Yeah. Well, my mom did, I was C-section. C-section's different.
Starting point is 00:06:10 It's a surgery. You don't know because you don't remember. It's funny because that, to me, I read that as like Section 8 housing. Well, that came later. It was C-sectioned. I was like, oh, got it. Yeah. Se-sectioned.
Starting point is 00:06:21 And that's, is that a, that's, uh... That's when they cut and remove. Is it how, yikes. So some, it's, there's a lot of reasons by people. people might do it. My mom, I think, had a difficult first time. So then the rest of us, three kids, they did the surgery. And of course, I mean, it didn't work with Ashton Cutcher when you
Starting point is 00:06:40 try to strangle himself with that umbilical cord and the butterfly effect. That's right. Isn't that wild? I read the Wikipedia. I didn't see the movies. I couldn't, I don't think I could handle that movie. By the movies are back. You're just on Wikipedia. Your Clifton. The movies are back. My internet kicked in again. I saw the poster. I follow the main actress on Instagram and I read the Wikipedia. So yeah, I have seen it. Strangling
Starting point is 00:07:00 myself in the umbilical cord to undo all this. like soon to come tragedies? Cunty. Back to my mental health. Oh, sorry. Not that I haven't considered it. Could I back to the future myself
Starting point is 00:07:12 and go up to my mom's baby and say, don't come out. Don't come out. But then what was they up there? I'd probably have to be a swimsuit model. Work with Adriana Lima? Oh, that pressure. As what her driver?
Starting point is 00:07:29 Work with her. As what you're going to do tiling in her guest house? emotional support dog. What do you do? Wait, what about Candace Swainpole, baby?
Starting point is 00:07:36 Who? Candice motherfucking Swainpole. Is that the girl who was on Fuller House? No, that's Candice Cameron and she is a trumper.
Starting point is 00:07:45 No, this is a woman who, when she walked down the Victoria's Secret One Way, one way. The Victoria's Secret One Way. I said to myself,
Starting point is 00:07:56 baby, I'm not gay anymore. Oh, wow. Who is it? Mama, I'm going to show a picture. Also, I have another thing that I have to gripe about fake weenees on the television we've talked about that no we didn't no we didn't we talked about it in the hallway just now maybe we've talked about Netflix we've talked about fake weenies we can't see a weenie without you bringing up the fake weenies maybe there's an
Starting point is 00:08:17 epidemic and it's called fake weenies I need you to maybe that's why your sex drive went away because you think they're all fake now look at them egregiously fake egregious I mean I can't tell excuse me you can't tell or are they all looking at the weeners AZman.com Love that website. You have a privacy screen. Oh, well, you know why now. Porn. Fake weanies.
Starting point is 00:08:39 If I want to check in on the fake weenie on the subway, I don't want to be on that list. Yeah. So the Victoria's Secret, whatever, whatever show, I hadn't been aware of this model. She's in her 30s. If I were able to Otame Brown into her body, you know, they, you know, and go force your way in, go on. And just inhabit her physical frame for even 12 minutes. I just can't, I can't overstate the fact that you, you, you, and everybody at home,
Starting point is 00:09:11 all your life chances would evaporate in milliseconds. Oh, wow. Okay. Because the way, the tidal wave of unbridled, unparalleled, and unprecedented eroticism and sexuality that would just like a tsunami. If you were her. If I were her for even 12 minutes. Yeah. 12, 15 minutes.
Starting point is 00:09:33 But you're not. So I got pulled over. We got to do a graphic of Ms. Wayne Paul. Put it up there on the pot. We don't have guests. No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't take it.
Starting point is 00:09:43 I couldn't take that much power. I would be blinded. I would have to gouge my eyes out. It's just so beautiful. Yeah. So you're pulled over. Yeah. I'm pulled over.
Starting point is 00:09:52 And you've been being more hip. I've been being more like Gen Z. So I got pulled over and I was like, not the pull over. You know, I was like. You're like, not the rest of. To pull over. License registration.
Starting point is 00:10:02 Entirely. They said license registration. I said, you know that thing they do? No, what is that? Hand over the mouth thing. I don't know what it is. What is that?
Starting point is 00:10:10 Gen Z? Gen Alpha? Yeah, they're viving. Their mouth is open and... I hate that. It's fun. I like this. Yeah, they see,
Starting point is 00:10:17 that's more full body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it suggests that there's boobs, which I like to. So... Did you show your breasts to get out of the ticket? No. So, where was that going?
Starting point is 00:10:27 Oh, if you cry onto cleavage, It's instant. It's going to a doctor's appointment. Already don't want to go there. All right. Going to a doctor's appointment and I'm in the middle lane, in the back of traffic, cars all around me, been at this light for probably 45 seconds. And I go, I'm going to look up this artist and listen to them. I pick up my phone.
Starting point is 00:10:47 I type the first three letters. Immediately a police officer on a bike is next to me filming. On a bicycle? No, a motorcycle. Oh. Is filming? It goes, is filming me? and goes like this.
Starting point is 00:11:00 So I go, all right, I guess I'll, I'll do what I thought was good. Take my top off. Which is, I went like this. I put the blinker on. I pulled over off the busy street to this side street. I think that's what you should do. You got so mad at me.
Starting point is 00:11:13 You'd pull over where I tell you to pull over. I was like, on the busy street. Pull over on what? On Colanga. Yeah, just pull parallel on Coanga block both lanes. Like I'm getting away. Right. Who has flood the police in a Volvo?
Starting point is 00:11:26 Like, that's, we're not doing that. Right. This is a car about safety. This is a car for boring people. Right? Love the vault. For textors. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:35 So he goes, you were using your phone. It's illegal in California. And I'm like, I was using my phone. It's legal in California. Give him the license of registration. I sit there quietly. Did you cry? No.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I just was like, I haven't had a ticket. I haven't been pulled over since 2010. It's time. Whatever. Yeah. So I did feel bad about changing music at the stoplight. You know about Siri, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I could have done that. Yeah. So that happened. And I have to pay the ticket. It's fine. No, I don't think it's fine. I think that you should... The officer was very polite to me and I was...
Starting point is 00:12:13 I didn't say anything. I didn't talk. I don't believe that that officer should have been polite. I think he should have taken you out of the car by the squuff of your neck and fucked you. It was pretty obnoxious. It was a bad way to start the day. That sucks. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:12:26 That I was given... I was pulled over, oh God, twice, once. And by the way, you shouldn't use your phone while you're behind the wheel of a car, even if you're in park. Like, don't do it. Sweetie. So I get it. I'm not saying I shouldn't have to pull over. I'm very, you know, I have the thing.
Starting point is 00:12:40 I have the driving thing now on my phone. Like, if I'm, it's, I'm driving. Oh, okay. You like that? I do, except when I'm in the passenger side of car, I say I'm not driving because I'm not driving. Oh. But sometimes that, whatever. I did pull out the phone to change a song
Starting point is 00:13:00 And I felt like I was committing I felt like I was basically taking my whole family Yeah And then chopping all their heads off Don't do it I mean I was like I said In the middle lane and the back Like probably six cars in front of me At a red light
Starting point is 00:13:14 It doesn't make it better But no But you did you did It was all things considered You weren't going 95 on the 101 With your eyes closed Right Which I've seen many people do
Starting point is 00:13:26 in like those jeeps that have no doors or windows? Right. Oh yeah, isn't that crazy? What's with that? I don't know. What's with the car with no doors? Maybe they love the breeze. Girl, I'd be on the freeway with my leg out.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Do you think? I don't know. Oh, do you ever drive barefoot? No, I won't even driving crocks. It has to be a shoe. It's about safety. Hmm. I love feeling it.
Starting point is 00:13:49 What? The skin on pedal. Sometimes I put the leg out, but once I saw death proof no more. I bet the bottom of your foot looks like. Who done it? Cornmeal. Something textured. No, because I don't know what this says about me, probably that I'm disgusting.
Starting point is 00:14:04 But you know, I have a foot rasp. And that baby works over time. A foot rasp? Mm-hmm. You know what the foot rasp is. It's like a cheese grater for your foot. Oh, the pet egg. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:14:16 No, no. Pedig is a smooth thing. I think you wrote about it in our book. I read about it. Yeah. I read you said that you empty it out and it's like a Parmesan. Yeah, and I go from like a size 9 to a size 8 and a half. Bears.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Yeah. That's great. You ever get a pedicure and you? you leave and you're like three inches shorter, you're like, you better work, bitch. Oh, yeah. I don't like a pedicure. I love to give them. Really?
Starting point is 00:14:35 Oh, my God. Well, I'm ticklish and I, I've almost kicked them in the face and I, that's not fun. Feet, I just feel like it's one of those things that really, a before and after worth a thousand words. People look great. Monet. Monet exchange? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:49 Foot feminization. Remember? Remember she got her feet feminized? You don't remember that? you're all lying. Are you talking about? Are you on drugs? You don't remember the most important cultural moment of last year? Monet Exchange getting a foot feminization and live streaming it.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Are you lying? You're lying. Roll the tape, Rodney. I mean, it's all there. And she filmed it. Monet Exchange. I need everybody here to shut the house for one second. Call Monet Exchange right now. And say what? Did you feminize your feet, bitch? And did you do it at my birthday dinner?
Starting point is 00:15:25 I'm calling her right now. I'm going to prove you know what these fake dick I'm not by the way this isn't a look of shame I didn't even that existed hey Siri call Monet exchange what is foot feminizing we're about to find out we're about to I just think it's wrong to say that all women have one kind of foot well let's hear it from the horse's mouth why is she a horse now she's not gonna pick up she hates me she's probably in his building it's his unbelievable hey Siri call Bob the drag queen what I'm just for other calls I'm I'm going to make before I... Foot. Shit, the foot feminized. Moment. They shave off. Why are you acting brand new?
Starting point is 00:16:06 They make, okay. Do they make it slimmer? Because women's shoes are slimmer. Are you serious? Is there risks involved? I feel like the foot. Hey, what's up? Hey, Bob, quick question.
Starting point is 00:16:19 We're on the pod. I just, so Trixie was unaware that Monet exchange got foot feminization surgery. Can you corroborate that? Yes, Monnet. As well, I absolutely had a FIFS for feminization surgery. That's 100 sure. Not even a bit. Why do I feel like you all got together to pull a prank?
Starting point is 00:16:35 Is this real? Trixie is convinced that we are all in cahoots with each other, you, me, that we have discussed this prior, and that we are pulling a prank on her. Does her phone to work? Does she not have Google? I guess, no. She has a fat back TV that she... My therapist told me to stop Googling medical stuff.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Yeah, that's all. But thank you so much for... For yourself, Trixie. Oh, okay. Thank you, Bob, for the fat check. Thank you, Bob. Love you, bye. I mean, I trust Bob.
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Starting point is 00:18:51 As 2025 was coming to a close and folding itself into the quiet satin of winter, I found myself ascending toward the Schaftberg Mountains with a few close friends, seeking an Austrian New Year's Eve that felt less like a countdown and more like a rebirth. We had booked to Shaleigh on Airbnb, one of those guest's favorites complete with the little badge that whispers, I'm one of the most loved homes on Airbnb. And the moment we stepped inside, it felt like poetry carved into timber, a haven of warm light and generous space where each room breathed its own soft blessing. There was privacy for all of us, yet a great room where we gathered like pilgrims around a glowing hearth, sharing stories that drifted upward like sparks into the alpine dark.
Starting point is 00:19:29 In a hotel, bedtime often means surrendering your night to the rhythms of strangers. But at this gorgeous chalet, our evenings unfurled slowly, with one friend drifting off early while the rest of us stayed awake. Each night we gathered like a festive board meeting around the fire, steaming mugs in hand, mesmerized by the picturesque view of the mountains. In the mornings, we cooked breakfast that tasted richer simply because we shared them around an actual table, not perched on the edge of a hotel bed, balancing a flimsy tray. One day we wandered the frost-laced trails, watched the sun strike the peaks in rose and gold,
Starting point is 00:20:02 and felt that rare sense of being in a place rather than merely passing through it. There was room for everyone to stretch, to breathe, to feel like themselves. We laughed in the living room rather than whispering in a nondescript lobby. And the location itself felt truly special, tucked away in a part of the mountains that offered authenticity, instead of the usual tourist bustle. And now, as winter softens and my thoughts leap ahead to my next escape, already know I'll be booking with Airbnb again. This spring I'm headed to the Bahamas, yearning for bright skies and turquoise water, dreaming of riding a scooter around an island
Starting point is 00:20:35 while sampling the local cuisine. The warm island breezes will comb through my hair like a gentle blessing, and I want that same sense of space and privacy, that feeling of being welcomed by a thoughtful host in a place that feels personal and perfectly my own. Because the trip becomes something more when your stay feels like part of the story. And when you book a stay through Airbnb, be, every journey feels like it's being written just for you. Your next adventure awaits. Oh, mama. Baby, sweetie.
Starting point is 00:21:02 No, no, no. Mama, I wish you were an alcoholic for one day because this. I'm not a Nicki fan. No, not a Nicki fan. Don't pull up in Sri Lanka. Don't do it. No, I'm a Mickey fan. Mickey Rooney.
Starting point is 00:21:16 He called Jojo Siwa Faggit, remember? Who? Mickey Rooney? Mickey Rooney. On Celebrity Big Brother. Oh, no, he called her a faggot. Mickey Rooney? Who am I saying?
Starting point is 00:21:27 Mickey Rourke. Oh, no. Nikki Blonsky. Nicky Blonsky. He called her gay. And by the way, he was wrong. Am I a Nikki Finn? Nicky tutorials?
Starting point is 00:21:38 Absolutely. I love her red eye shadow. Okay. Love Nikki tutorials. That bitch can paint. I wish she could do you. She'd blow you out of your mind. Of course she would.
Starting point is 00:21:47 Nikki, please. Please, I'm desperate. Step down. Desperate. From your tower. This meeting, I know, beginning of whatever. Went to a meeting. It was like Thanksgiving on holiday.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Mary, the way the speaker was spinning yarns that were so... Mama, you... What do you mean? Real yarns? Or like lying yarns? Baby, it was like... It was the... It was like...
Starting point is 00:22:09 Ginger could never. Baby, this is Kimmer. Robbie Turner could never. It was like they were, they would... They would be lucky to enter a introductory course that this woman could teach at a college about how to spin a fucking yarn in front of people as if it were the truth. She was... You know what it is?
Starting point is 00:22:27 Like when a show has a second season unexpectedly, and they have to make up story, and they never imagine the show would continue? Oh, yeah. That's what it is. This woman was pulling things out of her ass like a fucking... Madlips. Oh, pursued by the CIA.
Starting point is 00:22:41 After her modeling career... Wow, that gives Pookie, though. Mama, whoa. We were in. But what do you think it is about the Pookie that makes people go straight to conspiracy? So, but so she, for all intents and purposes, I don't believe that.
Starting point is 00:22:53 at this time that she was, I believe she was sober. Right. And that's why you go to meetings to fact check. No, but like, I was looking around. I was like, I was like, I was the only one incredulous. I was like, wait, everyone else was like, mm. Pretty much, pretty much. Say that.
Starting point is 00:23:10 Period. Period. Period. I mean, after she was pursued by the CIA during her modeling career, maybe this was not no model. When I say, no offense to this woman, but modeling was not something on. Yeah. It was the Russian Mom, the Russian Mafia, then the Greek Mafia. And then there was...
Starting point is 00:23:29 She's in the middle of a World War. Yeah, they're locked in a trunk, locked in a car. Car goes off a hill. I mean, it was like literally... What were you doing? Notting? I was like... I was like...
Starting point is 00:23:39 I was literally like... And people were like... And then they were like, oh, thank you so much for sharing your story. You're so brave. I was like, am I losing my motherfucking mind? I could not believe it. It was just so far-fetched doesn't even begin. It was like the challenge was,
Starting point is 00:23:59 think of the most unbelievable outrageous series of events that could never have taken place in your life and then say them over 45 minutes to a crowd of strangers who are looking to get recovered. Interesting. Cunt. Cunt. Because people have war stories.
Starting point is 00:24:14 I mean, I've never been to a meeting. No, but people have more stories. They call it a drunk log. And sure, you know, you hear everything if you go to 30 meetings. You hear it all. You know, like I missed my daughter's graduation. So I was smoking crack on the floor of a crack house, whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:27 All this horrible war stories. But this was Mission Impossible, a dead reckoning. You know, not to make it serious, but I bet one of the worst consolation prizes of getting sober is the realization I missed my daughter's graduate. Like, realizing retroactively. Oh, my old sponsor for Boston. Mary. not just like And it's also like
Starting point is 00:24:52 It's like in the movies you see It's like oh yeah I'll be there in 10 minutes Oh yeah oh I miss my What's with that? What's with the tweakers doing the I'll be right there I'm just leaving the house now What's with that? I don't love it
Starting point is 00:25:04 I don't know because I've never been that tweaker I know people where it's like Oh she said she'd be at 2 You know she'll be her until 10 She's gonna call us every hour all day And then say sweetie I had drug dealers back in Boston Who there I'll be there
Starting point is 00:25:15 I'll be there 10 on which day, on which month. You got to specify because they say a 10. I use it 10 on Tuesday, 10 tonight, could be 10 next month, diabolical. And they love to say, like you just said, I'm leaving the house, I'm on my way. Oh, so I'm sorry, I just had to stop by, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:25:33 No, no, no, not even that. On my way, you haven't even opened both eyes yet from the bed. Right. It's crazy. I don't know what that, I mean, I know what lying, obviously, I've lied a lot, but like, I don't know what that particular lies about. I was like, so where does that accomplish? Because it doesn't make anything better.
Starting point is 00:25:51 The flip side of that is the Pookie always goes to the greater conspiracies about God, the government aliens. In 5G. What is that? 5G. That's just psychosis. That's just straight up psychosis. Yeah. That's magical thinking from psychosis. But it's always based from a place of, well, I've realized something that nobody else wants to accept.
Starting point is 00:26:07 Girl, this dude who used to drive, used to get in his car, drive me around. And it was like... You guys would just talk? I wouldn't talk. He would. And we have to, we have to, we have to, I'd have to get, I'd have to get, we'd have to get past this area of, of, weho because the 5G was so strong that he was pulled by the gravitational force of it.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Love that. See, if I was in that situation, uh-huh. You'd lean in. I'm not saying I'd make the most of it, but my inner monologue, I'd have my hair up and I would be like, in my mind, like, she was crazier than him and she was his queen. Like, I would have a whole story. It would be very Lana. I drive fast and then I, like, I would be, just,
Starting point is 00:26:46 drive, leg out the window. It'll be very quiet in Tarotino, leg out the window. And just this, too. Yeah, it'd be squirting. Squirting on the highway. Now, with the guy, if the cop pulled me over, not for texting, but for juicing out the window in that 101, juicing it hard and juicing it, squirting it. You know what I'm talking about?
Starting point is 00:27:07 I don't know what you're saying. You know when the, oh, you know, the gif, jiff of the girls squirting it on the, of the past. No. I have watched a lot of videos of the men jerking in the car though Oh yeah I mean I love the men jerking in the car Love the someone gonna see me
Starting point is 00:27:23 Of course someone does I saw that on Libreya Walking home from the gym Happened to me on Santa Monica Crazy And he was live streaming It's like so if one hands on the dick And one hands on the phone
Starting point is 00:27:32 I'm getting pulled over For playing Bonnie Vair and a Volvo Throw me in fucking Shawshank Fuck God forbid I want to listen to Bonnie Raid Best stuff Bonnie Vair
Starting point is 00:27:42 Not Bonnie Raid I'm just saying any bunny But Bonnie rate Oh yeah This is a Monty Vera type of day. What is Bonny Ver by the way? This is an artist from Wisconsin. Boney Verre.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Local. Boni verre. French fur. Nice winter. Good winter, yeah. Bon Iver, ha. Oh, sure. Sure.
Starting point is 00:28:04 I wanted this. Oh, fake dicks. Right. Let's talk about it. Why not use the real dick? Because the actors don't want to do it? I think because, yeah. I think the...
Starting point is 00:28:12 Because those dicks you show were... Was the point of it that they're all so big? And normal actors, what are they going to do? I'm going to fluff. Well, Jason Siegel did that. And forgetting Sarah Marshall, he's forgetting Sarah Marshall. He fluffed before the full frontal scene. But I do believe he is well endowed, right?
Starting point is 00:28:30 I love Jason Segal. Yeah, he's nice. But I think the thing about it is like, well, you get the pussy. And, you know, the woman's crotch is a little bit. It's not so much like, oh, my God, you've got a huge bush. Of course you can shave it. Oh, you got these giant, you know, we're not seeing that. more artful. It's not splayed. Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:48 It's not archaeological. Also, the breasts are like, they're there. They're in the shirt too. You know what I mean? It's like it's a different sort of like, I don't know. No, I'm imagining no Hollywood actor wants to be like, oh yeah, that's the guy with the peanut pecker. No. Because then they always have it. I would
Starting point is 00:29:08 also allege that if you do have a peanut pecker, you might not want to show it. Well, yeah. If you have the huge dung, you're like, when's my full frontal? Let's do it. I mean, I I... Isn't it ever actor's dream to be in like a hot... Like a really deep, wordy, charactery,
Starting point is 00:29:24 edipus. Serious. And you get to show your cock. Oh, like, equis. Yeah, isn't that the dream? It's like you're doing serious acting and here was my wiener? I don't think that's the dream at all. Oh. I think that's a nightmare. Oh. Would you show your weenie on camera? Depends what four. Science.
Starting point is 00:29:40 I've been going to the doctor a lot. People see my under thing on a weekly basis, under everything. they see everything they see every hole every hole every hole all four all four well people think you only people think men only have two
Starting point is 00:29:57 but you really need to think outside the box a little bit here she was dragging that horse to that restaurant and I thought yeah something but be careful driving don't text and drive I wasn't even texting I was playing a song don't play a song I feel so passionate about this and listen I sometimes I feel
Starting point is 00:30:15 Like I'm the only person on the road paying attention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ironically, me too. I feel like that now characterizes my driving. But I drive like a grandma. See, that's dangerous. So, that's, because I'm driving the speed limit.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Well, but see, that's, it's, it's like, but I'm driving 65 and a 65. And people drive by like this. Do you, oh, you're on the highway? On Coanga Pass. Get out of here. The speed limit. That's the street where people drive 100.
Starting point is 00:30:44 Mary. Well, see, I don't fuck with the highways like that because I'm, people are, people do not know how. I'm not going on a fucking thoroughfare where people are driving 90 texting and sexting. Fuck that shit. That's what they're in L.A. of course. Doing rails off the fucking dash. Yeah. And then texting their grandma or whatever. I, I just, I don't like it. Afina's an aggressive driver. Oh, we always get there very quick. Oh, yeah. My friend David Mason is his Maserati, which was recently totaled. Andrew Yang. Death wish.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Death wish. That's that's that's the terror fire. The killer fire. But if we ever need a ride, Andrew, forget we said that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If we ever need a ride, interesting. I heard the pod.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Apparently I don't drive well. So now what? No, he knows he doesn't drive. Take the bus, bitch. No, but David would go downtown. You know, usually for an average person, it's like 40 minutes from where I live. He gets there in 12. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Brandon's not dangerous. Brandon is engaged. He's an engaged driver. He's going. Yeah, yeah. He's going. If there's no window, he's taking it. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:31:42 But he's not crazy. I feel the same way. I am a active driver. Brandon's active. Yeah. He's a good driver. I'm not skittish because Mary, the way that my hypervigilance kicks in
Starting point is 00:31:51 when there is a left green arrow present. Baby, you know I am the, I am, I made that arrow. You're already gone. I made that arrow. You were in someone. But those motherfuckers, it's, I just, if I were the mayor of the city,
Starting point is 00:32:03 I know, I would just green arrow, left green arrow would be my passion project. My raison d'etre would be my absolute number one platform part of thing. You wouldn't focus on ice or anything? No. No, no, no, no. It's really important.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Right. The arrows. Right. No, no, no. Right. Homelessness. Right. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Right. No, but active driving. And not, sometimes I'm reckless. Sometimes I whip and I maybe shouldn't have, but hey. It's tough. I mean, um. I don't like grandma drivers. You don't like what?
Starting point is 00:32:33 I don't like grandma drivers. That's me. That's me. That's me. listening to Boni Vera and a Volvo going 40 miles per hour, getting pulled over and ticketed. It's fine. I want you to give me a ride somewhere. To be honest, the only part of me that was like, I don't deserve this was, have you been on the roads in L.A.?
Starting point is 00:32:49 Mr. Mr. DJ? What do you look like? What was he wearing? Very handsome. Beautiful black guy with a mustache. Very handsome. He looked like a police officer from a movie. Like the outfit, the jacket with like a fur collar with the helmet.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Did you say into your breath with that dung do? No. No, no, no, no, no. No. But what I wanted to say was, thank you for pulling me over. thank you for your interest. At this time, I want you to know that we're
Starting point is 00:33:18 in America's second largest city where people drive like they're trying to die. So I don't know, just thinking big to small, right now you're worried about like one deck chair on the Titanic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I encourage you to take this motorcycle
Starting point is 00:33:30 and go get one of the people naked crazy driving 100 miles per hour and Coanga Pass. Right? That's the only thing is I'm not a good... I mean, I'm going to pay the ticket, but whatever. How much was it? Fuck the police, by the way.
Starting point is 00:33:42 They told me I have to wait three weeks and scan it and then find out. In Milwaukee, a ticket for something like that probably would have been $35, 50 bucks. I'm assuming here it's $11,000. Honestly, I bet it's going to be. Each day, I bet it's going to be $800. Each minute you don't pay after the due date, $500. Oh, yeah. I got pulled over in Marlboro where I grew up driving my mom's car through a stop sign,
Starting point is 00:34:04 just rolled right through it. That can happen. It's an accident. No, it was, I was just like, bloop. And then I was like, ah, I looked, and then I just went. Big mistake. Huge. I was home for Christmas and I was, I don't know why I'm the family driver now when I'm like, oh no, I was home for Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:34:20 And I was the family driver because I like to rent the car because I want to pick the car and I always get a white off 150. I put nuts on the end of it and I'm like, you think it's tractor sexy. Oh yeah. Love it. Love it. You put lumber in there. I get the big trucks. I get the four-wheel drive.
Starting point is 00:34:33 I get the doleys. You can't touch me. Get touch me. I get so red state and a neck crack and speed. You know, but so I'm always the family driver. You put them all in the back in the bed? Oh yeah. Nobody's allowed in the cabin with me.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Everyone's dragging behind like the cans just married. No, they're Martyma-flying it. Just carried. Everyone's on... Roller blades. Yeah, rollerblades. Roller blades. So I'm driving and I take this left turn and I guess I didn't realize it was a red light.
Starting point is 00:35:00 And my boyfriend's mom just goes, oh. And I went, what? The whimper. It was red. And I went, oh, well, you know, but we're okay. If I had a nickel for every time Ms. Andrew Yang. We just Well, I was like, do you want to get to bingo or not?
Starting point is 00:35:16 We're going to church bingo. Do you know about Catholics doing bingo? I do, but you know what? How are Christian people doing gambling? Lottery, yes. Mama, Christian people. What do we know about Christians? And by the way, this is the kicker.
Starting point is 00:35:27 It's a fundraiser. For what? So gambling is evil, but we'll take your money. So if you come to church, we'll tell you how bad gambling is. This is made up by big church. Let me clue you. A big feature of Miss Christianity. Hypocrates.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Hippocratia. Hipperccia Marie. My winter retreat to a secluded chalet in Quebec's Charlevoix region was the perfect way to ring in the new year. The chalet had a beautiful deck opening to a view of the frosted evergreens as we grilled in the wintry air and toasted the arrival of 2026. There was even a hot tub outside underneath a canopy of trees where we'd relax for hours and talk about our goals and expectations for what lies ahead. The entire trip felt like wandering inside a snow globe and staying in this gorgeous home of booked on Airbnb was the pause that I didn't know I needed. We spent our days snow-shooing through birch forests and taking in the sights along the St. Lawrence River as the snow glowed beneath the afternoon sunshine. Somewhere in that hush, it struck me. My home is sitting empty. Why not hosted on
Starting point is 00:36:32 Airbnb while I'm away? Especially since my next spring adventure is a trip to Spain for two weeks, where I plan to buzz along volcanic cliffs in a tiny Renault, stopping for Papasaragudas and fresh island seafood. Hosting is really about making small dreams at home possible, like finally updating my hardwood floors. A little extra income from hosting could help me get there. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. slash host. Today's episode of Baldwin The Beautiful is brought to you by Warpy Parker. Oh my God, by my house in Milwaukee, there is a Warby Parker and I always walk by. And even though I have glasses and almost never wear them, everything about that store makes me want to walk in there again. Here's what I like about.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Warby Parker glasses. I have three pair. I was looking for pink glasses. My dream was owning a little makeup company with a pink office. My dream was to be able to go into work with my pink glasses on. I feel very smart, like a little makeup professor. And I got these great pink glasses that I think are technically women's at Warby Parker, but I mean, they fit me perfect. I love them so much. I've had them for years. They're in perfect condition. Do you guys ever see me with pink glasses on? That's them. I just love Warby Parker. All three pairs of my glasses are from Warby Parker. Um, It's easy quality price, I mean selection. One of my pairs of glasses, the pink ones, I actually was on tour.
Starting point is 00:37:50 I think I was at like the Mall of America or something. And I just ran in there and found them. I mean, I always got to peek my head and just see what they got. Because especially since I don't have hair, glasses really is a way you can really change your look. The other great thing is prescription glasses of Warby Parker start at 95 bucks. You can get quality, stylish frames for a portable price. I also love that because you could leave me in your car, like my glasses when I go on tour. I bring them for when I'm reading at night.
Starting point is 00:38:14 They just sit in my bag and I have an identical pair at home. I have three glasses and two styles. Like one of them, the pink ones, I have two of them. Love them. Warby Parker gives you quality and better looking prescription I wear at a fraction of the going price. Our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at Warby Parker.com slash bald.
Starting point is 00:38:34 That's 15% off when you buy two pairs of glasses at W-A-R-B-Y, Parker.com slash bald. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent to you. When I was riding home, when I was driving home, almost in tears from that Cutco MLM group interview. And doing 90 on the 495 in Massachusetts, just can't wait to get home, pulled over, belittled, be rated, and yelled at by the cop. Screeching. Did you take fucking drive? I don't think he said fucking.
Starting point is 00:39:07 Did you take goddamn driver's ed? That's unnecessary. I didn't. What I can appreciate by the guy pulled me over It was a police officer Truly almost reading from a script Transactional Yeah
Starting point is 00:39:17 No one was mad at me Yeah He said have a good day He said drive safe Like we don't have to be mean I think that's mean It was extremely mean It was bullying
Starting point is 00:39:27 Because then I started fucking crying I didn't cry I would have cried I couldn't believe it And cry the other day Well when I So when I was my friend Annalise Would drive me to school
Starting point is 00:39:35 Sometimes And we got pulled over She drove this huge fucking boat We got pulled over Right as we got to school, she had heaving breasts, right? Right. And she started...
Starting point is 00:39:44 Her first name was anal ease. She started to cry. And those big juicy droplets fell on the cleavage. And she started to cry. And, of course, the titty started bouncing a little bit. And then you better believe that ticket was waived. W-A-I-V-E-D got Scott-free. Why didn't I do that?
Starting point is 00:40:01 Hot, wet, jiggling titties. It's catnip for those nasty cops. Well, I was like, you're worried about my phone. I have an open-flamed grill on the passenger seat. Like what? I'm shaving my legs. What are you talking about? I'm getting LASIC.
Starting point is 00:40:14 What are you talking about? You don't see my doctor from Turkey? I just had, doing, putting hairs in the front of my head. I just had, I surgery. Oh, I have the double LASIC glasses on. Oh, yeah. I'm looking straight up. And I'm possessed so the eyes are rolled back.
Starting point is 00:40:29 Like, my, bony bear. Boni bear. Boni bear. Not the white refrigerator. Wait. Not the black bobo. Wait, more fig tics. So, oh, um.
Starting point is 00:40:39 Yeah. So it's just these, so this is from Spartacus. I, of course, I saved a few clips and then I, you know, edited at them just for reference. And, you know, they are egregious, these fake dicks. I just, I would implore Hollywood, maybe they don't have a huge budget. I don't know what the deal is. But if you're going to go to the fake dick route, because it's a full cod piece with a fake dick and balls and pubicare, right? Full thing.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Okay. I just would say, why do you care? Can I ask why you care? Well, I'm passionate about on-screen nudity in mainstream film and television. I love the lighting. I prefer it to point out of it. It's important to you that the actor who's cast
Starting point is 00:41:18 shows their real dick. No, absolutely not. No, I don't want to actually do something they're uncomfortable with. However, I would love it if the prosthetic and costume apartment would somehow maybe step their pussy up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Literally. Set their dick up too while they're at it. Step their digging balls up. Right. I guess I could see what you're saying. if it's going to be not real, you want it to be uncalcable. Yes, because look, I mean,
Starting point is 00:41:41 we all saw the substance. Mark Qualley's breastplate was pretty well done. A lot of people didn't even know she had a breastplate. I didn't know. There you go. I don't think it matters. You don't think it matters. Like,
Starting point is 00:41:55 well, I think what we're showcasing is a huge dung, right? In that instance. And the other version of the other season of Spartacus. But the actors don't have huge dogs. Like, are you mad? No. Oh, you just wanted to be really convincing.
Starting point is 00:42:06 That's it. If it's not convincing, don't show it. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying because it takes you out of it. It takes me out of it. It's like kid actors. Make them really good. Or don't have them.
Starting point is 00:42:16 Don't have them. They can, I mean, there's so much you can do with an off-screen yell. Oh, my favorite thing is, I love this. You know, babies on sets. It's like, they have to be twins. They can work for eight minutes per day. Like, it's crazy. And I love to watch for the actors having the fake baby.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Because whenever it's a non-moving baby, they'll do a lot more of this. Oh, yeah. And you can see it's rubber a hair. And like... Love a shaken baby. Yeah. It's pretty... I love that shit.
Starting point is 00:42:43 When I'm entertainment, my platform will be, of course. Realistic fictics. I'm going to be an agent with an entire roster of reborn babies. Reborn. The silicone babies. Oh. So it's like, oh, you're casting the baby.
Starting point is 00:42:58 Let me see a picture. I've got a match for you. And then I got one of my... I call them. I'm an agent in this scenario. I'm like, we got a gig for you. You know, it's very like an old-school TV agent. I called a reborn baby.
Starting point is 00:43:08 I'm like, we're going to need you on the universal lot tomorrow, dress casual. Yeah, you've got to be able to pee and poop on command. No problem. Yes. And then I come in with the baby sort of as the handler. Do you know what was so crazy? Have you ever worked with a cat? Like in a TV setting?
Starting point is 00:43:23 No. I did this thing for that movie Argyle a few years ago. And I shot my shit alone. Like, you know what? They interclipped it with clips in the movie. Obviously, I'm not there with Dulapeep. And, you know, I'm on another shoot day. You on Argyle?
Starting point is 00:43:37 the movie. No, I did some commercials for them. Oh, okay. Okay. Like during Drag Race. No, during the drag race hour, one of the ads was me talking about Argyle. Nobody knew I was there, including me. I'm just having to be involved. Right. But there was a cat, a real cat. I don't remember
Starting point is 00:43:53 his name. His name was like Gandalf or something. It was a crazy name for a cat. But all cat names are crazy, right? So they had the real cat for certain scenes, and up until literally action, they had a long stick with a plastic lid of like cottage cheese that they would smear like liver patte on so the cat would stay in one place and then as soon as I would say my line they would yank that out because the cat
Starting point is 00:44:16 of course when I start monologuing is like like the cat just leaped so they got that scene a few times and then they had a fake so believable cat that they put in for the wide shots in the same place and I was like when can we get the fake trixie involved no it just was stuffed Yes. In the same outfit because they had a little hat on it. It was pretty cool. I think that's kind of. And I think that that is a wonderful second act, a business entrepreneurship opportunity for me. As a cat? No, no. As a background actor.
Starting point is 00:44:51 Yeah. As a stuffed. No. I want real looking pussies, genitalia, and animals. No, I'm going to provide all those. So I'm going to provide the ultra, ultra, real stuffed. You're going to have to go to a lot of carnivals. No, no, no, baby. It win a lot of... No, these silicone babies are going to be so unclockable.
Starting point is 00:45:08 Oh, we're doing babies again. Yeah, okay. And fake dicks. Everything's silicon. You and I can get some babies. Some silicone babies, reborn babies. Yeah. And these, also, these dicks, unrelated to the babies.
Starting point is 00:45:18 These dicks that I'm going to put on these men are going to be so unclockwiseable. These men are just going to, they're going to take them home. I've been seeing a lot of TikToks of people taking their reborn babies to me. No, no. Can you clarify what exactly that is. So it's a fake baby. Okay. I don't know if the word fake is offensive.
Starting point is 00:45:32 It's a baby that they care for. Synthetic baby. That they care for, that they love. Non-human baby. Yes. And it's not real. And I think it's, for some people, it's a form of play. For some people, it's a form of maybe therapy.
Starting point is 00:45:42 A mix of both. Maybe they let their baby in a hot car. Yeah. And they feel guilty. You and I dress like fake people for a living. I'm not criticizing anybody. I don't want fake babies. Probably compared to a real baby.
Starting point is 00:45:53 But they take them to like Disney and like push them in a cart and stuff. And I think it's fun for them. Maybe the attention's fun for them. It's a victimless crime. Yeah. Like, oh my God, how old? I was like, don't ask me that. How old?
Starting point is 00:46:05 20. Ageless. I've had this baby for 20 years. It depends. Yeah. Right. Oh, 90. It's actually a Benjamin Button baby.
Starting point is 00:46:11 We only got a few days left. Speaking of Benjamin Button, what in the world was that? I thought it was really moving. Is that awful? No, I don't think it's awful. The end when she's caring for him as a kid with dementia? It was just so. I found it moving.
Starting point is 00:46:24 I want to know the elevator pitch for that movie because that was, my majesty, birth, by the way, speaking of babies? Well, do you know what's coming up? The, like, 20-year anniversary of Brokeback? and they're doing showings and I want to go but I'm telling you I don't think I can handle it
Starting point is 00:46:38 why? Oh because the no lube in the tent and all that shitty ass The crying. Oh, the crying. The scene at the end when Heath Ledger, who's dead now, what?
Starting point is 00:46:48 I'm just kidding. When he is talking to Ann Hathaway about like oh well he always wanted his ashes scattered at Brokeback Mountain that came up on reels
Starting point is 00:46:59 the other day and I threw my phone like a horror movie like threw it across the room and backed against the wall and slid down it. I was like, I can't go back there. Like, I cried so hard at the movie theater. I've only seen it once.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Wow. And it completely shattered me. Ugh, I love that. It is a beautiful movie. You know, yes, and Angley yanked it, but I just, you know, the eaten beans on the mountain top, no lube, just spitting and sliding. Have you ever fucked with no lube? Oh, you've actually brand new.
Starting point is 00:47:28 I have never fucked with no lube. Oh, come on. I'm sorry not ran through. to be honest, sometimes the chemicals in any loob irritate me. Sometimes the spit is better. And you're ran through. I wish. I mean, no. Not ran through.
Starting point is 00:47:45 You haven't watched heat derivory, huh? No. Once the Zichai settles down, take a look. Yeah, maybe I'll watch it later. Like in years, honestly. It's like I'm going to wait for the dust to settle with Wicked. No. It's like I'm just, I need time. I need time and space.
Starting point is 00:47:58 If it's good, it'll be good. It'll be good. Yeah. It'll be good. I watched Money Exchange Let's hear about it Hi girl, you're on the pod
Starting point is 00:48:09 Sorry, I just called to confirm that you did indeed Have a foot feminization surgery I did I had FFS, foot feminization surgery The best decision I ever made They melted my bunions They fixed my hammer toes And I have the most beautiful feed on the internet
Starting point is 00:48:23 I currently have a 4.7 on Wikipede Yeah, so Trixie, why did you take that And take that down to Furucci Boulevard and sell it I thought everybody was pulling a prank It sounded like a, it sounded like they all made it up. I didn't know about this. Yeah. She's housing you on wiki feet right now, bitch.
Starting point is 00:48:40 So why don't you step up your foot game? That's good though. You do be showing your toes in drags. So that's a good thing, right? Like if you and I had a surgeon, we don't ever show our real toes. So it wouldn't matter for us. Mom, it's hammer time on these tutsies. Right.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Do y'all have mangled ugly, nasty drag queen feet? I had, though. She does. I do not have mangled nasty. Girl, she has yoga instructor feet. They look like they're made of fucking Legos. Yoga instruction feet, those are eagle talons that can grip a girl. She looks like she moonlights as a grape stomper.
Starting point is 00:49:08 It's fucked. Stop it. All right. That's it. Thank you, Monet. Love you. Bye. Who is that?
Starting point is 00:49:14 I'm just kidding. It's awful. Who else can be called out feet? Oh my God. Check your wiki feet. No. No, you, control room. So who you, wait, let's take a wager.
Starting point is 00:49:27 Who do you think has a higher rating? Obviously, you do. But if it's about size, do they like big feet? Because that might help me. It's a mystery. To me, I have no idea. Because I have, we're 13s. There's a lot.
Starting point is 00:49:37 What? What's the rating? WikiFeed. There's like young photos of you. Oh. What's the rating? I feel, can I say? I feel so.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Out of five? I feel so pillaged. Yeah. What? I'm out of here. You know what? I need the officer who pulled me over to go investigate that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:58 I know I was texting and driving, but what about WikiFEat? I was on WikiFEat. feet. Yeah. That's crazy. You know what though? People love everything. Listen, I'm deductive fears and I have some queer questions. They do and they always say don't give it away for free. Do you realize the way that I would have killed to have a foot fetish? Are you joking? Most people have feet. You know what I mean? I think sometimes though the foot fetish is attached to I want a picture that I'm not supposed to see. Is it? I don't know that. Nobody's ever like, can I see it? They're like, can I secretly get it? Don't you think? I have no idea. Because it's all about accessing a celebrity for.
Starting point is 00:50:31 foot if we're not supposed to see like you know what I mean like people must be bustin at the beach all day but I think it's fine like love a foot love a foot I put him in my mouth and foot go through hell walking I go through hell walking you know what I mean um I watched walk a while in these wiki feet do I am I not even on there no you're on here you score is five stars oh it's gorgeous shut the fuck up are you joke you're kidding me I beat her on wiki feet I'm putting that my Twitter bio. Her feet look like they're made a paper machet. Gorgeous feet? Because I, Mary, I do have gorgeous feet. That's good. Well, all the toes,
Starting point is 00:51:05 they're not like, you know, they're taper. Right. I have a beautiful arch. That's good. Dancer. That's good. That's good. Dancer. I'm going to remember that next time we're in choreography rehearsal. No, no, no, no. All I said out was a beautiful arch like a dancer. I had the arch of a dancer. And it will be a movement. No, no, no. Right. Still,
Starting point is 00:51:25 it's kind. Right. But the toenails look like a little guitar picks. Like lacquered coin ships Right. So I watched this other documentary And the problem is I keep getting Really high And Watching
Starting point is 00:51:39 Watching Watching documentaries that I'm sure I think are going to be fun And getting high and watching the Susan Powder documentary I was like My anxiety can't handle that So the other one I watch And this is like Not a funny thing
Starting point is 00:51:53 Is it sex called? No Yes, kind of I watched the documentary about the Boy Scouts of America because I was a Boy Scout for, from like five to 50. Oh, I thought you were going to talk about the Ohio State one. So I was a Boy Scout for 10 years.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Loved it. I loved Boy Scouts. My personal experience, I quit before Eagle. Okay. My personal experience was I loved it. I loved spending time with people. David Lynch. I loved going out the woods, love the activities.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Yeah. It's fierce. The adults, Mike, everybody was nice to me. I loved it. This documentary, there was some other things going on. I'm not saying that Boy Scouts is evil. men are evil but people are evil let's say boy scouts could have done possibly a better job um um um background checking etc and notifying police when things happen 82,000 people have filed claims
Starting point is 00:52:45 against the boy scouts of America and I feel bad because I know from the bottom of my heart when I was in boy scouts I had leaders and scouting and all that who were good to me yes of course So the people who wanted to do good and they wanted to do it through the Boy Scouts, it's kind of overshadowed by these like horrible events. Yeah. Like for example, great priests who are actually servants of God. Great gymnastics coaches are actually oneful leaders. That's what was heartbreaking is like these people saying like,
Starting point is 00:53:13 I love scouting. Then this happened. My life ever changed when this happened. But up to that, they was like scouting for these people like they loved it. And then something like this occurs permanently changes them for the rest of their lives. There were people giving interviews who, their wife and kids didn't even know about them. This was the first time
Starting point is 00:53:30 they'd ever talked about it. And it was so, obviously these people are very brave. And it's just complicated because I love, I personally had a great experience and watching it and be like, why do you join when you're a kid? Comerodery, you want to learn to do things. Yeah, because you don't, you don't join for anything bad
Starting point is 00:53:47 to have to you. The mission statement is actually wonderful. And they're so young, they don't know what they don't even have a word for what happened to them until much later in life. It was a really hard thing to watch. But it was, it was gripping. Gripping. I couldn't, I hardly made it through the Ohio State. I would like this world to run out of material to make sex crime documentaries about.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Mama. I would like us to run out of things to say. When the Larry Nessor, there was about two or three documentaries that came out, I think maybe during the pandemic or around that time about the gymnastics controversies. I have never had so much like the empathy. I've never been, I've never felt much. more empathic. Like I would, the rage I felt it was as if it happened to my sister.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Right. It was so. Yeah. That's good. I mean, yeah, it's good. But I mean,
Starting point is 00:54:35 this is like, like, I feel bad for people go through stuff. If my friends go through stuff, I suffer too. But like, this is, I don't know these girls.
Starting point is 00:54:41 Yeah, but you're putting yourself in their shoes all that. I'm a fan. I'm fans. I'm fans of them. They're so incredible. And just like the way that all stuff, that all stuff shook down and,
Starting point is 00:54:53 and the, the, like, the, you know, the, All the manipulation and everything is like it's so diabolical. It makes me, I don't have, like I can't even compute, my brain can't compute the anger.
Starting point is 00:55:05 I know. The anger is so visceral that like when that, when one of the fathers tried to rush him in the stand to, I was like, yeah. Right. I, you would have had to hold me back. Yeah. It's like so fucked up. And it's just like evil. I know.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Don't fucking, don't fucking do that shit. God. It's awful. I mean, I was watching it thinking like, oh, everybody coming forward, somebody even wanting to make this movie. Like a lot of people had to really put themselves out there for this, you know? Yes.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Yes. No amount of money about what they would win in a lawsuit or what they get paid to talk. It's not about money. No. You really got the sense that these people were freeing themselves. They were letting something off their shoulders. It was very sad but very beautiful. You could see them sort of grappling and just like the level of honesty in this documentary
Starting point is 00:55:55 was gratuitous. And wow, it was, I'm not going to say good. It's not a good movie. It's not a feel good film. But it was, but it really was well done. Yeah. And I think of like, when I was in the Boy Scouts, I mean, I listen for my home life situation going on Boy Scout trips, I looked forward to it.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so for me, it was like such a positive experience. And there were people in it who talked about all the positive things about it. There's 82,000 people coming forward. They said when they opened up this website, they thought maybe they gave a thousand, maybe $82,000 people. That is so fucked. You know there's more.
Starting point is 00:56:31 And then what happened is the Boy Scouts of America when all these claims happened, went bankrupt. So that there's no liability. And they're explaining like bankruptcy is not created for people to escape sex crimes. Closing a business should not be a way that you can get a removal from the events that like and so in some ways bankruptcy can be used for people and not have to be liable for crimes which i thought was like i never even thought about yeah that's why that's why anyway kind of a fun thing to bring up yeah on the pod on our comedy pod too yeah 251 baby let's talk about sex crimes but you know what all of you driving out there you better be careful because you better
Starting point is 00:57:13 not pick up your phone you better not change songs no you better say Siri play boni verre you better do something else and if she doesn't put it on honey you listen to whatever the fuck else she puts on anything. Yeah. Or you can, on your steering wheel, you can go to do, do, do, do volume down. Right. Or you could go over to Apple music and listen to a Trixie Mattel mix that just
Starting point is 00:57:32 came out. Yes, you could do the Little one. You could do the J-Lo one. Oh my God, Jennifer Lopez. It's just coming out this week. Wait, Jennifer. Jennifer Lopez? The J-Lo, J-Lo? The 25-year album. Talk about it. Talk about it. And I thought. What, remix did you do? Play. Play. Play it all night long.
Starting point is 00:57:50 Come on, do you dance. So I was so excited. They let me pick the song. And I picked that. And I'm waiting for tonight. I thought it was going to be like an album of all remixes and I would be like one of 50, whatever. And I'm like the remix on it. I couldn't believe it.
Starting point is 00:58:06 Are you fucking kidding me? I'm gagged. It's like the album with an extra song and then a Trixie remix. I couldn't believe it. You know, this is a faded thing because I actually, I don't know if you know this. I actually. You also. No, no.
Starting point is 00:58:17 I got, I got this. This is so funny. I got those wheels in motion because I remember. years ago when I put on my Instagram I'm performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight. Her team, of course, contacted me to take it down. That's how she got to know you. I forgot about that.
Starting point is 00:58:31 I asked you do the remix. So you're welcome. I'm performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight. You just tweeted that. Yeah, I tweeted. And then about 25 minutes later, I got a call from our manager says, could you please take that down?
Starting point is 00:58:42 J-Lo's team got in touch with that. See, now, if you did that now to a pop star, if you did that to like Zara Larson, you get a call and be like, well, you better be here, bitch. Yeah, where are you? Because now they're going to expect to you. But so, you know, you're welcome.
Starting point is 00:58:52 Because, I mean, you would never have been on her radar if she hadn't Googled you through me. Right. I appreciate that. You're welcome. Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye.

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