The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Holding a Large Fish on Machu Picchu with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

There are times in life when it seems as if the entire world is against you. Nothing is going right, everything feels a bit off, and you just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. In those times of despair, don't fret, honey. Everything you need to live your most glorious life is neatly and efficiently contained in today's episode of Bald. From serial-killer dating tips to useless trivia to cleaning advice for gentleman's relish stains, the following hour of audio will brighten your smile, your day, and possibly even your very soul. *A quick update for all the fans of Bald: the podcast will be continuing through 2022 and beyond, so get ready for some great updates from the Trixie and Katya Live tour, as well as several special guests! It truly is a wonderful time to be alive. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch our podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hi. Oh my God. Pleasurable. Oh. Pleased. Oh. Happy. Excited.

That's T. So what's up, Divas? We're getting hunty here. pleased happy excited that's tea so listen up divas we're getting hunty here because we're about to serve slay and fierce it up for you with the divas and the hunnies can I tell you about something I'm going to start off strong here

do it wait I forgot what I was going to say okay wait blah blah blah blah blah holocaust denial blah blah, blah, blah, blah. Holocaust denial. Blah, blah, blah. COVID denial.

Blah, blah, blah. Do you like trivia? That was my strong opening. Oh, just an open-ended general question. Love it. You do? Do you like going to trivia? I don't like to go, but I like to participate from home.

Trivial Pursuit was a game I grew up being able to play. Oh, okay, but you don't like to go to bar trivia or something? No. They never have the right kind of soft pretzel

and I don't drink alcohol. What's the point? You're wrong on that. Bar 10, which is now High Tops in West Hollywood, has a soft pretzel. Big hot, big hots.

They have nachos, soft pretzels, chicken sandwiches, chips, fries. They got chunky salt that sticks to it. Yeah, and they do trivia. I've never gone,

but I've recently been asked to go to trivia a lot. And I keep not going, but then I keep going, why don't I go to that? It's like a happy hour with an actual activity. That sounds fun. Also sounds like a great way to meet a lovely dame. Well, we recently got a question on our sub stack, which anybody wants to follow, gooped our sub stack. It's very, very funny. We got a question about how to meet people. That's not Tinder.

Yes. And I almost said exactly what I was just thinking about. That's what I was thinking about activities in public. What do you think about that? I mean, I think it's a great question. She asked on sub stack. I actually haven't answered it yet.

Me neither, but let's start to, I started to, but what do you think is a good for people who are, let's say you're sober or let's say you, I don't know. No, you're an adult.

You're an adult professional person. You don't want to go on a date based on blacking out or based on loud music, I don't know, a lot. No, you're an adult. You're an adult professional person. You don't want to go on a date based on blacking out or based on loud music. You can't talk. Yeah. What are the ways for adults to meet? Well, so yeah, like if I think it's the key is activity public because there's too much pressure

and it's not a great like display of character to see one-on-one activity. You know what I mean? Like a date is not, I can't tell if you're good because you're just trying to be your best self and I'm the only audience.

I want to see how you interact with others. That is a really good point. Seeing the way people interact with others really can get the boner going or not going. Are they funny?

Are they like attention hogs? Are they insecure? Are they like a little too much? Do they sweat a lot? You know, things like that. Do people like them? Yes. Are they generally well lot you know things like that do people like them yes are they generally well received or are they people fawning over them do those do you pay those people to be there i read this article in men's health magazine did i ever tell you about this about the most liked man in america according to who the algorithm

of tinder oh he was the most swiped right oh he was bland and he wasn't gordon he's fine he wasn't that rich that gorgeous that tall that fit whatever the median the mean but he followed a few rules that he was like this is how you get the likes one of them was change your picture weekly because people are always updating and if they kind of recognize your face they don't take the time he's like you always change your pictures this is a serial killer giving advice by the way but the other thing he said was yeah never look in the eye yeah don't wet dead flesh it's a no-go on the time you get home before you stab um stabby stabby no he also says something amazing which is women really respond to pictures of men where they are friends

with other women oh okay because women feel comfortable are men that are that women seem to feel comfortable around serial killer yes it did seem like baiting. I know what women want and they want me on Machu Picchu. Is that what Mel Gibson was talking about? Mel Gibson was What Women Want, right? Helen Hunt? What Women Want, yeah. What Women Want. Helen Hunt? Helen Hunt.

Helen Hunt wants a facelift. Helen Hunt and What Women Want. Helen Hunt. No consonants. But back to what I was saying. You see someone interact in the wild and it tells you a lot more than them just talking to you. Okay, perhaps.

However, on apps, dating apps and such, hookup apps especially, why is your profile picture with a woman? Gay man? Hi, gay. No, in this picture, he was like at a social setting with women, female coworkers. I vibe with a woman. Gay man. Hi, gay. No, in this picture, he was like at a social setting with women, female coworkers. I vibe with the ladies.

It wasn't him with like, look at my bitches. It wasn't that. Yeah, look at these hot tubes and cans. Hot slutty bitches. Look at their boobs. Hot sex tubes with hair. Boobs in holes.

You know, I've been watching a lot more straight porn too. I'm really interested when the man jerks off the woman or the woman jerks off another woman or the woman jerks off herself. A lot of friction, a lot of action, a lot of speed. Sure. And then when the wet comes out, when the wet, wet comes out and sprays. Well, I don't believe in that because when Annie Cruz told us it's usually- You don't believe in that.

Annie Cruz told us a lot of the times in porn, they're faking it and it's urine. Okay, yeah. So she said, don't believe everything you see. But this is just me watching. I don't have to drink guzzle it down, like hoping not to get pissed. I have to run a test. I have to do urinalysis. There's going to be a lab tech in the frame while she's standing down her fucking pussy hole.

I'm doing a pee test. I'm doing a smell test, a taste test. I'm checking it out. As a consumer, even as a potential partner, I'm not mad at a little bit of pee. I'm not mad at a lot of pee. Urine. Because semen contains a percent of pee. Yeah.

Semen has more dirt in it than pee has. So take that down the bank. I don't know if what you just said was true, but I'm going to go with it. Because I'm yes anding. Yes. And then and, I will say, go to the bank. Yes. Cash some checks.

Speaking of, I got the Easy Bear Lovin' hat on from Teddy Bear who we had on the pod. Oh, cool. I saw a picture of him and he did a 23andMe and he found out that he was a big part Neanderthal. Oh. Well, that explains a lot. And he was like, that makes a lot of sense. The knuckle dragging in the note. Yeah. The huge overbite. Yeah. Yeah. But not one sentence. Didn't really speak any language. oh well that explains and he was like that makes the knuckle dragging in the note yeah the huge

overbite yeah yeah but not one sentence didn't really speak any language remember when he walked in here with a club and hit me over the head like a cartoon dragging some hot bitch great way to meet women caveman hit them on the head if a guy hit me on the head with a club and drag me back to his house honestly i know i'm i know i'm kind of submissive and kind of a bottom but i'd be like he made a move honestly he made a move a guy who's not afraid to make a move he made a move hold on i'm just checking on the food because i am we ordered some food today we got some thai food where do we order from june bangkok cafe katya has a lot more like experiment uh you're more into exciting flavors and textures than i love spicy i'm about

bland food usually i I'm simple, but I'm spicy. Like I don't like, I'm, I'm very picky. I'm very like prohibitively particular. It's very annoying. I'm not proud of it.

Um, I don't like any condiments, but I just, I love things to be high impact, flavorful and spicy. Good for you. Thank you. Um,

other activities to meet people, sports. When I played kickball, low loss of people meeting each other at sports yes yes church if you're into church good for you because go and get them those those new those kids those kids are just sitting there married marriage let me tell you these new age evangelical christian churches that are not churches they're in the radisson they're in these strange, gorgeous looking buildings. Mosaic. The ads that say, like, would Jesus

wear jeans at church? We're not a normal church. No, we're not your granny's church, honey. Well, it's like that lady who rapped Tamara Lowe. It's like, you know, if you want to be a survivor in this amazing race, you need for speed, you need God's grace. That's these people. That's, well, that's a mega church. But anyways, I went one night

into one of these places Mosaic Because I was like I gotta see what the tea is Everybody's hot Character study Hot Rich

Nobody was gay Rich Probably rich They looked They looked well to do They looked like Orange County Or something And not one gay

Because I lorded for quite a while How rich? I don't know How rich can you tell kids? Holy Spirit activate? Holy Spirit activate Holy kids? Holy Spirit activate? Holy Spirit activate is the level of rich. Holy Spirit activate. Holy Spirit activate.

This was a mix and mingle. Oh. It wasn't like some tent revival or whatever. It was like a mix and mingle on a Friday night. It was like a mixer. A lock-in. It was a lock-in. It was a sit-in.

People were protesting doing hunger strikes. Honestly, some people are really fat and they should be more hungry. Strike. That's what they should be more hungry. Strike. That's what they were doing. Hot LA people. Is that what a hunger strike is? It's a fat roast? They're like, honestly, at my winter weight, you guys should have all striked me. And you didn't.

So people who are on a hunger strike are just making that makes a lot more sense. That sounds fun. It's possible. So the Mosaic, for example, was But listen, so the, the, the mosaic, for example, was this new, you know, it's like they get bands to like sing Christ rock or God rock or whatever you call it.

And, um, Oh, um, the, the, the clientele is hot, sexy,

flying, beautiful, not one gay because I would have been recognized. Sorry to say it. I would have been recognized. Nobody was checking for me at all. You are the gaydar. I was,

yeah, I was the, I was the litmus test or the cowbell or whatever. When they're trying to find out people are gay in the CSI. Yeah. The CIA. The CIA.

The CSI. They hook them up to a lie detector machine and they show them pictures of you in drag and they go, do you recognize this woman? And they go,

no. And it's like one sweat bulb. Totally. And then they start shaking. Yeah. Two weeks. But yeah, but they start shaking. Yeah. Two weeks. But yeah, but they were hot.

I was like, if I were a straight God fearing individual, this is where I would try to be. Smash that Christian. Looking for a path to accelerate your career, clear direction for next level success? In a place that is innovative and practical? A path to stay current and connected to industry?

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And when it was time to get serious, he really took my hand and helped me to do that. Edward Jones. We do money differently. Visit edwardjones.ca slash different. All it takes, it's kind of like how for the conservatives, all it takes is one or two gay friends in the life to completely change their point of view. it's only taken a few people in

my life who firmly believe in god who are basically normal and human to kind of change my mind a little bit i don't believe in god but i used to be like all of them must hate me oh no no and i don't think that anymore no no no they got bigger fish to fry those bigger fish being that there's a man upstairs pulling strings like a puppet no no no i mean but people don't believe they don't think that anymore. No, no, no. They got bigger fish to fry. Those bigger fish being that there's a man upstairs pulling strings like a puppet. No, no, no. I mean, people don't believe. I think most people don't even really...

If you sat them down and they had to write an essay about what exactly God is, they wouldn't say it's a man. They wouldn't say it's a man in the sky. No. Like a wizard in a castle in the clouds. Wizard in the castle, yeah. Yeah.

Parquet floors? I don't know. Trivia. Trivia. I would like, I think that's a great event and I'm going to go to one pretty soon. The only thing is I just,

I think I've told you this, Dave and I, our third date. What kind of trivia though? Well, you don't know the categories. You can't study. It could be anything

from automobiles of the 1930s to like, to Indochine. It could be anything. Well, I do kind of have a game that has some trivia on it you kind of we could play really quick do it okay hold on one second i'm riveted plug something while we're gone oh my god listen guys hi so i've been in the market for a new set

of dildos that allow me to put my balls inside a cavity human Human cavity. That's when I found Baldos. Baldos is a system of a system that will allow you to place your balls into the orifice of another human being. With their consent, of course. Baldos. Put your balls where they belong. In some hot gash or steaming

rancid shit can. Close your legs to marry men's. Thank you. So Drag Race sent me this. It your legs to Mary Minns. Thank you. So Drag Race sent me this. It's called Race to the Crown. And I think it's kind of like a Candyland that's also trivia. Let's get it.

Let's get cracking. We don't have to play the game, but I thought we could get into some of the trivia. I love the trivia. Because I don't know a lot of Drag Race trivia, to be honest. Girl, me fucking neither. It's exciting.

COVID. I didn't get COVID I always came in contact With someone And I did not get it My body's like Not now This must be like

We're not doing all that This must be like A Candyland situation See that doesn't I don't like that There must be reading involved Oh hunty Oh my god

Do I look like Oh No you look like I should You look like someone that I don't want to talk to. I look like one of these people. By the way, I've been using TikTok, so I can't even make fun anymore.

No, no, no. I don't think it's, what I was going to say about TikTok earlier is that I, it is, it's not, it's just, it's just the, the huge, enormous range of information and the, the, the things that are that you observe on tiktok are like wow has civilization ended and this is like a remix with a one minute chunks do you know what i mean yes it's so it's so outrageous in the future they will promote tiktoks the way they promote like it's the largest ship in the world like titanic it'll be that budget can you put the crown on him? Yeah.

Okay. There's a rule book, but honestly, as if we're going to read that. I think there's some questions in here. Come on. Come on, Beverly. Those are baldos, hun. You can get those at any drugstore downtown. You can just stick your balls in them and then they go right up the

pussy. There's a stack of cards here called maxi cards. Let's see. Who was the first queen to be kicked off of RuPaul's Drag Race season seven? Who is Victoria Porkchop? Oh, season seven. Who is Tempest DuJour? That's where you have to listen to the whole question.

Correct. Yes. You know, this would be a great way to also check to see if you have some kind of dementia. Yo, that's good. Like, who's the president don't even like name the three queens that have played beyonce for snatch game who is tyra sanchez who is uh trinity uh uh k bonet and who is kenya michaels no fuck it's tyra sanchez, Kenya Michaels, and Asia O'Hara. Oh. Eh.

Damn. That's a hard one. What season was the prize money upped to $100,000? These are hard. Season four. It's four. Work, bitch. I got it.

Yeah, that was a guess. Who was the runner up on season nine? That would be Shea Coulee. Peppermint. this says peppermint are you calling rupaul a liar i thought i thought sasha velour won season nine she did but i think she beat peppermint in that lip sync i think that oh come on oh come on that's splitting hairs then the runner up following rules is splitting hairs oh i guess i have much i have to watch the episodes now to know stuff?

You can try some with me. Okay, cool. Our brains are kind of atrophying, and unless I'm doing Pit Stop, I don't always catch the show, so... Okay, if you don't know this, I'd be concerned. Who are the top three queens from season three? I mean, that's not that hard, but it is kind of hard. Raja, Manila, and Alexis Mateo. Yes, correct.

Who did Mimi I'm First infamously pick up, dubbing the quote, drag is not a contact sport? India Farah. Of course. Oh, which queen chose Jasmine Masters as her Snatch Game character? How am I supposed...

Nina Benina Brown. Was I right? Yes, you were right. These are all multiple choice, by the way. Holy spirit, activate. Holy spirit, activate. Well, this is not exactly... Is it a slur?

What queen did John Travolta mistake for the real Taylor Swift? Adele Dazeem? No. Taylor Momsen. J. Jolie. J. Jolie. That makes a lot of sense.

I'm down. J. Jolie is down for two. It says A. J. Jolie, B. Katya, C. J. Jolie, or D. Penetration. Someone thought you were Taylor Swift. I look exactly like her. Taylor Swift, honey, I am so sorry. I look exactly like her. You look like a man named Taylor.

Yeah. Taylor Smith Taylor Sniff Who was the first queen to leave a lipstick message on the workroom mirror? Shangela, that's true Alaska and Alacia Alaska and Alacia Sparks paired up to create this

life-size doll in season 5 Miss Pancake What is it? me. Miss Pancake. What is it? Pancake. Miss Pancake. Miss Pancake. Mrs. Blaine's Ripple Sticks. What was the name of...

Oh, this is so easy. Miss... You know what? We can give it a wrap. Okay, okay. Hold on. One second. One more.

I just thought it'd be a fun activity. Well, it wasn't that fun. So maybe... I'm just kidding. Which two queens have won Snatch Game twice? Oh. Was it? Who's what?

Ginger? No. Ginger's down here a lot. Is it Ginger Minj and Katya? Obviously not. Is it Bendelecrem and Eureka? Is it Ginger Minj and Bendelecrem? Or is it Eureka and Ginger Minj?

It's Ben de la Creme and Eureka. Yes. It is, isn't it? Because Ginger didn't win twice. She's certainly not. No. No, no. She had a win in season seven. Unless she did. No, no. She had a win in season seven and she was Tammy Faye in All Stars. But didn't she do All Stars again? But that wasn't out by

the time. Isn't she on like the is she on the next one i don't know i don't think this has to stop wrap it up we're giving away too much insider baseball delicious sound like a man give it up delicious well this is a fun game you know um that's good i would i would um sometimes i get a little bit i don't know fact checking if one of those answers or one of those answer keys is incorrect i think it upsets the whole integrity of the thing, and I would throw it away. Is this narcissistic, but do you think that we could make a board game about like a-

Are you fucking kidding me? Of course we could. Like a Candyland where it's like a trivia about- No, I would say less trivia, more fun. Trivia is fun. Yes, yes, yes. But I wouldn't want trivia that only refers to our sort of like program. would say like okay if this is about a mountain biking vampire which the trivia could be witch related you know what i mean like and then it could be like it it doesn't your knowledge

of trivia in general will be an asset not just us because you don't want to be playing with people who are obsessed with us uh i mean people who are obsessed with us sometimes probably have big brains though and they probably can expand to other areas of trivia right one time me and david went on a date and this is our third date and the first we went to a trivia and the first category was rupaul's drag race and i got every answer and the second category was hollywood directors of like the 1940s and david got every answer and we were like oh my god this is Slumdog Millionaire and then 2 through 10 or 3 through 10 Mama Crickets

it's a wrap we knew nothing sports any sports and I try to help at trivia but I don't really know I don't really listen to the whole question either in chemistry water I'm like it's wet write it down it's wet it's wet write it down it's wet

it's wet write it down no write it down drinky drinky drinky drinky the actually answer was h2o i'm like yeah well rigged we'll take a break bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic. Hi there. Still no. What about hello, handsome? Who knew you could give yourself the ick?

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Deal that's, deal that's win-don. Deal that's win-don. And we're back. Looks like Tilda Swinton and Lion Witch in the wardrobe. What? Just say what you're going to say. Don't fuck with me. I don't think that Lady Gargar should win an Oscar. Have you seen House of Gucci? No. Oh, but you just, you feel you feel about it. I do. I will feel

I feel that Nicole Kidman should win an Oscar. For the AMC? She should have got it for the AMC commercial, so if she gets it for being the Ricardos, I think that's fair game. Plus, I just learned that she smoked. She started smoking a pack a day. For Lucy? Does Lucy smoke?

She smoked a pack a day. And then she quit as soon as she was done. She smoked. She smoked to be more like the character. To sound that, to get that rasp. Hey, you guys! But Lady Gaga is getting drunk off fake wine. She's getting drunk off pop wine.

And she's getting followed by swarms of black flies. You know? Oh, yeah. She said it was time to give up the ghost because I've been following the press, you know, all the lead up to the... She's going to make a speech no matter what. Either if she's nominated or not.

They're going to give the best actress to John Travolta. Yeah. And she's going to walk up there in her wig. And then Gaga is going to storm the stage and be like, I can't believe this is happening. And they're going to be like, it's not happening. And she's like, it doesn't matter. It. And then Gaga is going to storm the stage and be like, I can't believe this has happened. And they're like, it's not happening.

And she's like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There's so many bees outside and flies. I just had to be here to say this. Give me that prop wine. I'm going to get lit and give my speech. Maybe she thinks she's Jesus.

Like she's turning water to wine. It could be. Yeah. I mean, she should, she should. That's their next high voltage religiosity. High voltage religiosity.

Le stigmate. Le stigmate. You got to see Benedetta. You've got to see Benedetta. What are you talking about? Benedetta, the new Paul Verhoeven film starring Virginie Ephraim, French medieval nun fantasy. Nuns in the Black Plague in Italy, baby.

Lesbos. Lesin out with statues of Mary. Dildoed up their pussies. Stigmata. Blaspheme. Sapphic yearning. Sapphic yearning. Religious devotion.

And it's so good. It's so good. It is hot, sexy, flying, gorgeous. Le stigmate. Le stigmate. Blaspheme. I gotta tell you something that I did yesterday. So, you know, the girls and I launched Serve Vodka. Yeah, flying, gorgeous. Le stigmate. Le stigmate. Bless them. I got to tell you something that I did yesterday.

So, you know, the girls and I launched Sir Vodka. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is a vodka that's being rolled out across the United States in all the different bars, all the different territories. And I thought, I want to make a TikTok going to the bars in LA that carry it. And I'm going to get a drink at each bar. For free? No, I had to buy it. Oh, wow.

Every bar charged me, yes. Interesting. Every bar charged me. How much is Sir? Full whore drag. Full whore. Yeah, I. Every bar charged me. Yes. Interesting. Every bar charged me. How much is it? Full whore drag. Full whore. Yeah, I saw it. 4.30 p.m.

You saw it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did you see it? I saw the TikTok. No, I didn't make a TikTok yet. No, you sent me a picture. This was me. You sent me a picture.

You sent me a picture. It looked so good. You were at the bar. Yeah. Hitting the beat. Hitting the beat. She's onitting the beat. Hitting the beat. She's on the move. That's me in front of the Abbey.

I think people thought I was Angeline. Oh, for sure. Totally. So I screamed. Yeah, Angeline. So I go to the beaches. I get a drink. I have it.

I go down to Mickey's. I get a drink. I have it. I go to Kitchen 24. I buy a round for everyone there. And I drink it and have it. And then I go back here. Did you distress each other? 24. I buy a round for everyone there and I drink it and have it. And then I go back here.

Did you distress? It was just weird to be in drag on wet in West Hollywood. Did people cat call you try to finger your pussy? It was a lot of, that's not her. That's not her. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It was a lot of, that's not her, which is great. That is good. I said, I would do the fan thing next time. Just go full Angeline.

Do you know what I mean? Well, I did do something that I thought was funny that hopefully people didn't think was mean. What? I walked by and somebody went, are you Trixie? And I said, it's Carmen. I don't know. I just went for a name and I just said, it's Carmen. I just picked a new idea.

Carmen Electra? I don't know. Carmen Carrera? I'm Carmen. Because I was like, no, it's Cindy. Cindy Brady? Is that Trix i was like no it's cindy cindy brady is that trixie no it's carmen you dumb uncultured fuck in all pink with trixie makeup on no it's carmen no baby it's carmen yes carmen it's carmen carmen's a hot name gracias carmen yeah it's extremely hot but you know what though you gotta be hot to be Carmen. Yeah. Because Carmen is also like the ugly Carmen. Not good.

No. Carmen. Carmen. Riding in cars with men. But if you're hot, you're like, I'm Carmen. Carmen.

Is Carmen a hot name? De la Fuerga. Mark. Especita. What's a hot name? Lisa. No. Juliana.

Anything Ana. That's what all the porn people Juliana is. That's pretentious. Oh, it is? That's Lisa pretending to be rich. Do you know what I mean? Amelia's a hot name?

No. No. Amelia can't find her. Amelia Earhart? Is that what's- Amelia. They asked me questions when I did Z-Way. By the way, hysterical, fun, wonderful.

They asked me, she held up a picture of Amelia Earhart and said, is she a top or a bottom? Is she a piss queen or a pill queen or something like that? I was like, I was like, she's like, you have, she's like brought up receipts. Like you never stopped talking about Amelia Earhart. I thought you would know. Exposed.

I was like, I don't remember saying, and it turns out, I sure did bring up Amelia Earhart plenty of times. I don't would know. Exposed. And I'm like, I don't remember saying, and it turns out, I sure did bring up Amelia Earhart plenty of times. I don't know why. You went 2 a.m. on Twitter. What is Amelia Earhart doing right now? Yes! We don't talk enough about Amelia Earhart.

Let's have that conversation. Let's have that conversation. Where is Amelia Earhart? Where is she? Oh my God. But guess what I got to do? No, they did not. No.

But she's Les' announced somewhere in the Caymans. I think that's what I said. She's with Tupac Cesare. But guess what I got to do? No, they did not. No, but she's Les and now somewhere in the Caymans. I think that's what I said. She's with Tupac. I said, I think that's what I said. I think it was, she was, she's in the Cayman islands with Tupac getting ham fisted with a bunch of,

you know, Jack and Jill. Yeah. Getting opened up and roto rooted out by hip hop rappers. Hip hop. I saw Tupac poster the other day on my run. I did a 10 K yesterday morning. opened up and roto-rooted out by hip-hop rappers. Hip-hop rappers. I saw a Tupac poster the other day on my run. I did a 10K yesterday morning. No big deal.

And I saw a Tupac... There's something called wheat papering. Do you know what this is? Wheat paste. Wheat paste. Madonna did it. Okay. Wheat...

I had to get it out still up there go ahead you move the microwave as if that did anything when you're going be like wheat pates

so when you do a campaign for a record you can do wheat pasting which is I guess posters stuck to the wall yeah and I guess I thought real

celebrities had to do that. You had to be real. You can just call a wheat paste place and say, can you do this? Give them money and they'll do it. You could just have your face with nothing to sell wheat pasted across Los Angeles if you were rich enough. I think that's what Kylie Jenner does.

I wonder how much that billboard costs. There's one right on Santa Monica and La Cienega. How much can it cost? Because it's her all the time. I know. Yeah. It's probably like a house. It's probably like renting a house.

Wow. It's crazy. I didn't realize. And they have those giant sprawling pictures of her. Yeah. Do you know how those get up there? I saw it one night. It happens very late at night.

Very late at night. And people are huge. They're like three times the size of a regular person. It's like that makes way too much sense. They're not even on stilts. They're avatars.

They have... Giants walk among us. They have Sigourney Weaver in Avatar. Six foot seventy. Yeah. She's up there. With Geena Davis.

And Geena Davis is shooting arrows. That's how they get to stay up. Batter up. Yeah. Can I show you something that I might fuck myself with? Okay. This came with Matthew.

Is that a lube syringe? It charges. I thought it was a vape. But it charges, and I think it heats up his hole. So when you fuck him, it's hot silicone, baby. And guess what else it comes with? Put the hole in the micro. I'm getting fucked today.

To douche out your own cum after. So your babies get out of there. The babies. It cleans the pot of the baby batter. The boss baby. Baby driver. Baby driver. Baby driver. Daughter of mini driver. That driver. Baby driver.

Daughter of mini driver. That's your baby driver. Wait, so wait, wait. That gets the muck out of the sewer? You charge this, and this is how you know it's really getting juicy. You put that in there, and I think this is a heating element. So when you put your dick in there, it's hot. And then I think that this is to clean out your cum once you've cum in it.

But I looked at the butthole and I don't know who these I don't know who these baby dick people are who can fit their dick in that thing. It's a corn kernel. No, no, no. It's silicone.

It's so stretchy. A pin prick will put an eggplant in there. Trust and believe. Trust and believe. Jennifer, ring a bell. Couldn't even see it.

I had to palpate. I told you about Jennifer and he's afraid of you now. He should be Yeah the last person Who fucked With that neck This person had no head

No arms and no legs And got thrown down A dumpster Matthew Not before they were Dick the death down Honey Dick of death Not the dick of death

The dick of a dead person There's a difference Yeah One you want Mine's grey Never gets hard Ooh Do you think

you'll be found dead yes hopefully well I mean I would prefer not to be like do you think you'll die in a way where you go to the hospital or do you think

you'll die in a way where like we don't hear from you and you're at your house dead well I thought that that happened a little while ago and it was

it was you thought you died yeah and it was like you know it was just another it was just a boilerplate psychedelic experience but it was so intense that i thought because you die often in these experiences but i i was like oh is it really happening of course it's not but it's you know but it's true yeah it's true every time when it's intense like that. For all of your critical observing faculties and sensory input indicates that you're no longer with us. Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's crazy. But then I was like, oh, I don't want to be found and I don't want to create a mess. So people are going to have to clean up. They're going to have to organize. They have a lot of stuff going on. So like people are gonna have to clean up. They're gonna have to organize. They have to,

a lot of, a lot of stuff going on. If you're like, just slip on a banana peel and then get, you know, killed in your apartment. I learned from Alexa Stone that it's illegal to fake your own death.

She said it's some kind of like, Fraud. Fraud, yes. Yeah, yeah. But if we could fake your death. Oh, Alexa. You know what? We actually don't need you to cents right now, you stupid bitch.

Sorry, you dumb woman. No, we'll never know what she said. Are you happy you silenced women? Yes, I am. Yes, I can. Is Alexa a hot name? Alexa is a fake name. What happens to people named Alexa?

And they have an Alexa. I know. They get Google Home. I think maybe they opt out. Can you change Alexa's name? Can you be like, hey, bitch? No, but you can change it. Siri, you can change to Russian, and I did that.

And it's a little tough. But she does like an accent. I'll say, say you send me this long text, and like, Like, she'll just say message or communication. But then she'll go, ha, ha, ha. You're lying. No, I swear to God. I had it for a while and then because I am limited in my like technical vocabulary I was just like, but

when she would dictate, it was hysterical. Worth it. Worth it. Ha ha ha ha It's so funny. So funny. So funny. Her laugh is still prettier than mine. But she would do like a heavy heavy funny accent

like you're a fat bitch and must go to wait for truth like so funny but a female obviously I would think

she would almost also like contextually like she would she would interpret it not just with an accent but the way a Russian would tell you

what it says basically she'd say to you she'd say actually you're worthless and like should die but I don't like the way she'd say to you, she'd say, Actually, you're worthless, and like, should I? But they don't like the way she'd speak to you.

I don't think you should have friends like this. Yeah, totally. Life coach. I think Alexa will become more and more invasive. I think we're probably even past that point. I mean, this is a Siri. She's here. She's on the wrist at all times.

Always listening. What are they listening for? They're listening for the purposes, their money. They want your money Which you know what I think is fine Everybody's like I don't like that

They spy on me I do want my browser To suggest things I like I do want to I'd rather do that Than show me shit I don't want Yeah yeah yeah But I think

The Yeah privacy's funny Fun Or not funny Fun Privacy's not fun I'm having a stroke No but Can I say something That's not compassionate? or not funny, fun. Privacy is not fun. I'm not having a stroke.

No, but can I say something that's not compassionate? Poor people should die. When I read articles about people, so-and-so who went viral for refusing to get vaccinated dies. Oh. From COVID. That's my jerk-off material.

I feel so bad saying it. That's what I'm beaning and flicking. I feel so bad saying that's what I'm beaning and flicking. I feel so bad saying it, but I'm just like, I'm glad someone's writing about this because this person that went viral for being like, I quit my job because they tried to vaccinate me dead from COVID. And then they show their Facebook.

They'll be sharing weird anti-vax shit until, well, I'm in the hospital. Pray for me, pray for me. And then this is someone's mom on their account. They passed last night. I'm like.

Yeah. Just want to let you guys know, don't get vaccinated. It was a scam up to the bitter end. That's crazy. These people are probably doing cocaine and taking Tylenol with impunity. You know? It's just really. What's the deal?

On another level. What is the problem? I'm the laziest piece of shit on earth. I don't want to do anything. I'm very Kim Cattrall. I'm 30 minutes or less. It took me more than 30 minutes to go get vaccinated. I still went and did it.

Free. What's the problem? What's the issue? I don't know. If you have it available, I mean. I don't know. It's so crazy. People are very irrational people.

Guess what? Ooh, they're irrational. I think it's a lot of groups of people who don't like being told anything. And it's a lot of groups of people who have been so ignored by the health system and the government that they're not trusting enough to do anything. And so it's a mix of ignorance

and a different brand of ignorance. It's a perfect storm. It's a conglomerate, a confluence of ignorances. Oh, people in my building. Murder. Murder, deaths. Death. Well, it is what it is, Santa.

At the end of the day, diva, it is what it is. And that's T-Lon. Dolls, diva. You gotta live or die. I live. RBC Avion Visa lets you get there your way. Whether you want to... Suit up for peak ski season. Or...

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Yeah. I tried to keep it positive. I did not do a very good job of that. Oh, no. We want you to be honest. I'll say that as a host. We want you to be honest well and here's the thing like when they so the producer when we were wrapped of course he gave me the very helpful feedback that i was a total bitch and i was like oh okay um but this i was like but you know what though brett farve sports the packers his little this is my sports his little dick his teeny little we no, no. People yell about sports all the time. That's the whole point. If we didn't have sports, half the country would be dead because they wouldn't yell and

they would just waste away. Do you know what I mean? They have no way to expend energy. Yes. It's just like, ah, dead. But people yell about sports. They're passionate about things that they have no expertise on or they have strong opinions about and they love to yell, yell, yell.

But at the end of the day, it's all sports. It's the deepest of the day it's all it's all sports well i mean i will say when i was hosting the pit stop um we want people to be positive but also if you're too negative we can't really use it it's kind of the same as judging you can't say your body looks like shit you can say highs and lows you can say i love your shape it would be even better if yes well it's if you're a judge too that's like I'm an observer I am a veteran observer of course I feel like I have carte blanche

to say whatever I don't but I feel that way because at the end of the day if I'm expressing bad it's like oh that was a shitty episode I don't want the show

to be cancelled yeah but it will because of you well you know maybe they should suck on some dead juice in the episode get some necro vaping in a mini challenge the show to be canceled. Yeah, but it will because of you. Well, you know, maybe they should suck on some dead juice in an episode.

Get some necrovaping in a mini challenge. Well, sometimes, also storytelling, when you say, I hate it, that doesn't, that's not interesting.

It's interesting to say what you would have liked to see. It's interesting to see what could have been done differently. We talked about that. Yeah. Yeah, it was,

I wasn't just like, shutting down. I was like, ugh. I was doing groans and stuff, of course, but I was like, then I would i think you're like shutting down i was like oh i was doing groans and stuff of course but i was like then i would say you know what that was brave that's shadier than anything it was a choice that's also shady that was brave i don't think but you know what though i think you watched it as a toddler with two pigtails in a chair and they're trying to feed you peas and you're going.

That is bizarrely accurate because also they the meal they fed me while I was watching it was this fucking rotten vegetable dish from tender sweet green or something. And I was like. Where's my chocolate bar and my glass of milk? Well, I know. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it was, yeah, it was a lot. When I work with you and they say, what do you guys want? I usually go, um, we'll usually eat tender green,

Chipotle, Domino's. That's a pretty good place to start. Just think about a 14-year-old who hasn't had sex yet. That's what you, that's the palate. That's how we're eating. We're going to need two chocolate shakes. Don't get me You know see The thing is

You can't really overestimate The power and the impact Of a lovely Shake Chocolate shake girl Any kind of shake I'm talking any shake Smoothie shakes

Nutritional shakes But a good old Like McDonald's Chocolate milkshake Or a Fuck me Dark chocolate milkshake From Haagen-Dazs

I might as well be drinking Just a quart of cum. Yeah. Big chunky cum with all the parts that chip your teeth. The chiplets. The congealed parts.

Little fragments of baseball. Have you ever cum on someone who's really hairy? Oh. They're fine tooth combing. I know. They're sifting. Jelly jar cum.

They're sifting fucking confiture. Me, hairless, the comb runs off me like a dolphin. Yeah. Right? Just gone. The chunks stay and then it just- And the water. Yeah.

It dehydrates itself. Separation. I look down, I have three crack rocks on my belly. Dehydrated crack rocks. But hairy guys, they're like, oh, I have to take three showers. Yes. Because this comb is in there. It's in there.

Yeah. It's matted in with the lice and the mites. You got to be careful where you get the cum because it's like a whole clean process now. Yeah. Do you fetishize the, do you really, do you pay a lot of attention and put a lot of stock into where the cum ends and how it gets there and all that stuff? I know a lot of guys seem to be preoccupied with that. Where did you nut?

Where did you nut? Where did you nut? I noticed that in straight porn, it's a lot more on the face than in gay porn. Do you think there's a humiliation aspect to that? I guess, but I mean, I don't necessarily think it's necessarily humiliating. Coming on the face is jokey. I've done it and I've been come on the face

and it just makes me want to laugh. Well, yeah. Because the person's like I mean, you can put your tongue out, but like, no. Nobody wants that. And then you're squinting and it's sometimes ropes of semen coating your face. And you're like, it's either like, oh, oh, or like there's not a really elegant way to receive that gift. No. And on the part of the person who's about to enjoy that I'm wondering like is it

is there a particular place or placement of the cum on the face that is ideal or is it just the sheer volume I'd rather see cum on the ass or cum on the dick

yeah or then cum on the face I think around the like wherever it was going like cum on the pussy or cum on the hole absolutely

approximate area cream pie arms length yeah yeah yeah the face I just like you just, what? Well, isn't cream pie pushing the cum out?

You come in and then the cum comes out. It's more of a Groundhog's Day situation. Come in, come out, come in, come out. Turtle, turtle head knit. Turtle head, yeah. What was that noise? Oh, the cushions. Okay.

My poor couch. Yeah. Yeah, my couch is poor. It's from West Elm. Pava. West Elm's not poor. It isn't? I don't think don't think so then it's rich but it is white and it is leather which is very brave it's awful i hate this couch i don't even like i never even sit on here and watch tv because i dread this couch

period what are you doing here living in a prison in your own home i'm having a new one made it's taking forever home well that you know what i had to to, not custom one, that CB2 thing. I had to wait six months. Isn't that crazy? No, no, because they tell me that show. When you go to CB2 and you go, can I have this? And they go. They say no.

No. No. I go, but it's here. It's literally right here. And they're like, it's the floor model. I said, I understand that it's on the floor. I'm also a model. Can I have this?

It's an item that's here. I will take it. I will rip it off this floor and drag it home the 75 feet to my house. And I'm like. Full price. And they're like, no, it's six months to a year to get it shipped to you. Is it a drug front? Is CB2 for crack bullshit in two-way radios?

What is it? What is that? There's a nail place called CVT2. Oh. I mean, those bitches go in. When you go out of there, they file your feet. I leave there two inches shorter. What are they doing with all that skin?

Selling it? I think they're making furniture. It takes six months to have a skin couch. Now, that actually makes some sense. We're connecting the dots here. Yeah, so I hate this couch. Shut up. I'm ready for it to go.

It's just terrible, and it's just horrible. And I have all these pillows that Netflix used to send me about a pillow a week when ready for it to go. It's just terrible and it's just horrible and all these pillows that Netflix used to send me about a pillow a week when we were filming from home. That's right. All that extra furniture. I'd come back with pillows.

Yeah. Remember Sage, Sage, Sage, stepping in, Sage, stepping in to arrange the furniture remotely.

For me, I did not understand how to do that. I will never go back to shooting any television from home as long as I live. I won't either and I think it's for two different reasons as I live. I won't either. And I think it's for two different reasons.

Number one, you won't stop the insanity. But number two, I don't still know how to do it. You really don't? I don't. You really flatly refused to grow at that time at all? No, I refused to obtain a skill set that I was not interested in acquiring. For example, when they say, hey, would you like to go to school to learn this new thing that we will then include in your job description now i said i don't think so you know what else you're not looking to take jobs from from lights and sound people but you know what back to what

we first talked about what eating people at work yes fine yeah it is it is i think people at trixie cosmetics started dating i'd be like you should tell all. And we should all know that you are. And if you break up, we should have some decorum with how we still conduct ourselves at work. Professionally. But meeting people at work is very healthy. Jim and Pam. Jim and Pam. Jim and Pam.

Jim and Pam. Jim and Pam. Callum and Liam. What were their names? Liam and Callum. No. What were their names in the UK one? Dawn.

Tim and Dawn. Dawn and Tim. Tim and Dawn. Tim and Dawn. Dawn and Tim. Christmas special. Lucy Davis just lives, she lives close to me.

We were supposed to go see Golden Girls, but we were afraid because of COVID. You know her? Yes. Dawn? Yes. And from Sabrina? Yes.

I met her at Kiernan's Christmas party. We got drunk on wine and just cackled because everyone was 18 and we were just herning up. Wow. She's so fab. Yeah. She's so 18 and we were just herning up. Wow. She's so fab. Yeah. She's so beautiful and funny.

She lives around here? Yeah. Right over there. I would love to have her on the pod. Yeah. We've got a giant thing here that should have been. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, no. You're fascinating, honey. Tell that story again. You know what? For a guy who looks like that, it's pretty interesting. It is pretty interesting. Yeah. At least he's doing sheer set. Nice sheer set. Fascinating, honey. Tell that story again. You know what? For a guy who looks like that, it's pretty interesting. It is pretty interesting, yeah.

At least he's doing sheer set. I think men who look like this, I think at this point, gay men. How are you? Thanks for coming on the pod. Yeah. Sounds of the lambs. My dog.

Don't hurt my dog. You have no idea the pain I can bring you. Well. Love the suit. If you love the pain I can bring you. Oh. Well. Love the suit. If you love the pod, make sure you subscribe and tweet us once in a while. Take some clips and, you know what people do that I don't approve of? What? Put Photoshop titties on me and start jerking off to me? People make like best of compilations of us.

Put them on their channel and get millions of views. Oh, and then they're monetized, right? I think so because I think it's legal on YouTube YouTube to make a clip show and monetize it. How is that legal? However, if you do want to make a clip show of this show and you're good at it, why don't you reach out to us? Because maybe we could buy them from you and then we'll put them on our channel.

That could be fun. You know, at the end of the day, not only is it what it is, but I think at the end of the day, I'm not going to split hairs over that because people are enjoying, people are making money, people are laughing. I guess, but... And hairs over that because people are enjoying people making money. People are laughing. I guess. But and it's us.

It all comes back to us. You know, like, hey, love it. So those are funny. But I loved your editing skills. Can we give you a million dollars? But what if I had a TV channel where I showed clips of my favorite shows and charged you a subscription service? That's fucking crazy. That's what YouTube is.

See that I don't want. Well, that's what this is. I pay for YouTube premium. So do I. And I'll never stop i would never i love youtube premium when people when a friend who is a lot of times i roll with circles who are a little well to do and they show me a pull up their phone and watch youtube video and there's an ad i swap the phone out of their hand into the trash and then i fuck them well i, I was accused. I was like, it's $10 a month, isn't it? When the ad comes up, I grab them and I grab their hand and I go, are you poor?

By the way, it's not rich to have YouTube. No, no. And every media company has an OnlyFans. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. They need pruning, pruning, pruning. But I would rather go without applesauce one day a month. Not to mention TV, and we've done TV, big, big companies.

YouTube premium is what helps the independent develop, like the independent people get paid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The content creators you like. Yeah. So give the big girls some shots.

Give the big girls some shots. Their channels are good and juicy. Should we go? Bye. Bye. Bye.