The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Hot Loads Delivered Straight to Your Door with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

It's that time of year yet again! Are you ready for the big sports game? If you have lots of manly men coming over to root for their favorite athletic team, you're gonna need quite the spread, Jack! Introducing scratch-cooked, ultra-fresh, hand-made hot loads made from quality ingredients and spices, crafted daily to nourish more than just the body, Deborah. Trixie and Katya's Bald 'n Fresh Hot Loads offers community-inspired dishes crafted with ingredients, flavors, and viscosities that we all love. Our freshly-delivered meals are perfect for now or later, lunch or dinner - so you can get a hot load whenever (and wherever) you want! Go team! Check out RocketRX today at https://www.rocketrx.com! Use code BALD for 40% off your first order. Terms & conditions apply. You’re going to love eating healthy with Hungryroot as much as we do! Go to https://Hungryroot.com/BALD and use code BALD to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life! Need a website? Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode is brought to you by RocketRx. With RocketRx, you have freedom to access FDA approved medication on your terms for a lower price than branded alternatives. With RocketRx, it's delivered in two days, no more waiting in line and no in-person appointment needed. Get proven prescription treatments delivered straight to your door in plain, discreet packaging. Head over to RocketRx.com and use the code bald for 40% off your first order. Terms and conditions apply. The offer 40% off your first order is only available once for new customers and cannot be combined with other offers. The offer is not available for prescriptions.

This episode is sponsored by Airbnb. Gather around children as I'd like to tell you a tale. A tale about a haggard drag queen who had just finished a whirlwind tour and was in desperate need of a trip. And as most of you already know, trips are simply better with Airbnb. Late one night after returning home, tired and barely able to keep my eyes open, I opened up the Airbnb app and searched for an escape. A place east of Los Angeles where I could relax, recuperate, and rejuvenate all by myself amidst the peace and tranquility of the California desert. After checking out a few listings, I happened upon the place that dreams are made of. An orange frenzy of mid-century post and beam architecture complete with vintage details like period furniture, amazing art on the walls,

and a conversation pit that would make even Don Draper swoon. I booked it immediately, and set to packing for my glorious high desert getaway. After a few days of solitude, I invited a few friends and we made excellent use of the multiple bedrooms and bathrooms. A hotel would not have worked for us at all. With Airbnb, you can stay close and hang out in the living room rather than a crowded lobby. And while hotels are filled with strangers, we had the entire house and yard to ourselves, allowing us to enjoy the serenity of true privacy. It was the perfect trip, and the perfect way to recover for an absolutely insane tour. I was sick, but I am healing. Returning to W Network and StacTV.

The West Side Ripper is back. If you're not killing these people, then who is? That's what I want to know. Starring Kaylee Cuoco and Chris Messina. The only investigating I'm doing these days is who shit their pants. Killer messaged you yesterday? This is so dangerous. I got to get out of this. Based on a true story.

New season premieres tonight at 9 Eastern and Pacific. Only on W. Stream on StackTV. Hi. This is the kind of beat that go rah-ta-ta. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Sex is so good I say. Blah blah blah. When I take my thong off my ass goes boop. My ass go boop. I love that shit. You know, and I'm wearing an American flag thong right now. And the thing is, it's fun. It's super funny, it's creative. It grows your economy.

Hurts nobody, helps everybody. You know, what about, what about gray ass Corpse Biden's ceasefire speech? Mom, that was a mannequin doing AI. You know, he's not in the, without being ageist, he's not in the age group for my dream president. My dream president is about 35. Sweetie, darling, we don't have to be ageist to say that.

It's not ageist to say you don't want the Cripkeeper as commander in chief. Yeah, this is what I don't like. And... I'm happy to tell you that's a ceasefire. What I don't like... What I don't like is, okay, you have to be 35 to run for president in the United States, but if you run for president at 35, they say you're too young. It reminds me of in pageant world where no matter how good you do,

if you haven't competed a few years, you can't win. It's not her year. Or it's like, how do I get a job experience? I don't know how do you get experience, but you can't get a It's not her year. Or it's like, um, how do I get a job experience? Well, I don't, how do you get experience, but you can't get a job? You know what I mean? Yes. Mary, do you know what was Pam Bondi? No, baby. Don't get me started. Miss Pam Bondi, they got her up there on the stand and they said, so true or false. Donald Trump lost the 2020 election. These people won't even say they're like, well, Joe Biden was elected even say, they're like, well, Joe Biden was elected

president. And they're like, no, that's not what I asked you. I need you to say on camera in front of God and everyone that you agree. And they like won't say, is that what the thing with JD Vance was doing all that word salad? He was doing old country buffet salad bar. Okay. I'm Republican and you're democratic. Ask me if I like orange juice or apple. Do I like orange or apple? Mr. Vance, which do you prefer, apple juice or orange juice? Well, you know, in my 18 years as a prosecutor, I have found that apple juice and orange juice are two things that many Americans like.

You know, I remember growing up in Missouri, my mom giving me apple juice in the morning before I went to school. And you know, when I was deployed and I was, you know, fighting for the rights of Americans, we were having apple juice in spider holes. And so I guess I want to say that orange juice are both important drinks. That's actually not that's not the. I need you to answer either or. So one or the other. Do you like apple juice or do you like orange juice?

Which do you prefer? Well, Congresswoman, I would like to assert once again that I would just defer to the president-elect of the United States about their. Excuse me, we're not deferring to anybody. It's a simple question. Apple or orange? Can I say that this isn't even realistic

because we stopped to listen to each other? I know, that's true. I don't know what's wrong with my brain, but the same as at the DMV, how I couldn't read the screen while people were talking. When I am watching a debate where two people are both talking, it makes me want to get up there

and no matter what side I'm on, I want to slap both of them across the face. I want to mangioni them all. Girl, it's just too much. It's too much. Well, I liked when they started cutting their mics off, but also, I, you know, I guess it's probably naive and a little Pollyanna to think that you're ever going to get a straight answer out of any politician. I think that sometimes they should replace them with red and green, like, yes, no, a button,

no talking, just hit a button. Multiple choice. Right. Because like, oh, do you believe that, you know, do you believe in- Cunty, SAT style debate. Well, celebrities do this too, which I don't like, because they'll be like, oh, do you believe that men,

do you believe that same sex marriage should be legal? And they say something like, I believe everyone should be able to love who they want to love. Yeah, that wasn't the question. That's not a fucking answer, Ho. That's not a fucking answer. I hate it so much. Yeah, it's like, is it true or false?

You go to France every summer. Well, I love Maine. Right. It's like, what? Right. What? Do you believe that, are you a vegetarian? Well, I think that all types of food taste good.

Like, I can't fucking take it. I can't. Multiple choice, yes or no. I think we should boil it down, dumb it down. But I think if you're a celebrity, let's say you're Beyonce, and people are asking you political questions, it's not your job to answer every question,

so you can word salad. Cause you're not trying to be the president or whatever. I would say, slay-ance. Right, right. Say-ance, do you believe in ghosts? But if you're a political figure, we're- You gotta get into the truth. You gotta get into your opinion.

You have to have a stance. In all these positions where the pay is so low that the only people who will do it are people who come from generational wealth. Like, it's so whack. I live in fear. I think it's horrible. It's horrible.

The only person I like when they do that is RuPaul. Because that's ambrosia salad. Like, I love, I love, I love when RuPaul's like, well, you know what, honey, you better get out there and make them laugh because you know what, this is your moment, David. I love that. And also she's like, here's how to change a tire. The Pearl of parallel parking video. Mary, all her car videos, you cannot come for them.

Instructional, she breaks it down. A, B, C, D, and E, you know what to do. I love, I love RuPaul so fucking much. I love vehicular Paul. Girl, do you know how bad I want at the DMV? You know how bad I wanted somebody in a curly wig to turn on and be Ru in just a wig? Because I love how RuPaul just puts a wig on be ruined. Just a wig. Yeah. Cause I love it.

RuPaul just puts a wig on. RuPaul's little characters on reels, which TikTok's going away. Oh yeah. Let's talk about TikTok. Let's talk about it. Ironic that it's TikTok when you're in the final hours on the clock. Boop. TikTok, Clarice. TikTok.

Little Catherine's in that well. TikTok. TikTok. Well, are we going to get on the red note? Okay. Are we invasive species on the red note? Listen, I'm on blue sky and red fin. What else do you want me to do? What's red fin?

It's like a Zillow. It's something else. Oh, yeah. And I'm on red it. I'm on red fin and red it. If you'd like to see our short form video content that used to be TikToks, you gotta follow us on Zillow.

Okay, we're gonna be posting listings. Every six months, I put a thing up. You can't see it, but it's for me anyways. We're gonna be showing hard nipples selling Sunset Style on the Zillow. What is? If I had a Zillow account, my realtor billboard would be me like this

in stacked crystal clear chute with my long square acrylic nails with my pussy lips spread out. Pussy lips spread out. Prosenium. And it would say, are you looking to refine? Like, you know, are you trying to refinance? And you would be driving on the one-on-one

and you would say, what? And then you get rear ended and then you look up and the other billboard says, accidente, accidente. Una lamada es todo. Una lamada es todo. Una lamada es todo, baby. Fuck. There's this guy. So why TikTok?

Why is TikTok going away? Oh, your hands are so freezing. Well, I think the issue is that before we really knew the depth and breadth of the agreement of TikTok, I think now politicians who are coming into power believe that we were giving away too much information about ourselves. They're stealing our digital panties. They're not stealing it. I think we are giving it away, which was fine,

but now people coming in are saying, I don't know if I like that. Mama, all our information's everywhere, everywhere, everywhere all of the time. That Michelle Yeoh movie. But also since now, none of it's apparently ever going to be fact checked ever again. It's sort of like, who cares?

Somebody told me that if I was really woke.org, I would have to jump ship on all the meta. So there's no TikTok. And I'm also not on Instagram. And I don't even remember my Facebook login. Redfin. I go up to once a week, I'll go on Blue Sky. And OK, you tweet on Twitter. what do you do on Blue Sky?

Chirp. I squirp. Squirp. I squirp. I squirp like a chirp. I go on Blue Sky and I squirp and I'll squirp like, what's going on here? Yeah, who's here?

Who's here, what's going on? It's sort of like walking into a dark room at a sex party and like, caca! Like, I don't know who's anywhere. Who's head game fire? Who's around here? It's too anywhere. Who's head game fire? Who's around here? It's too much. Is your head game fire?

Head game? Head honcho? Do you know what this song, Head Honcho? Is that about being a really good head? Is that a blowjob expert? Yes, yes, yes. This is by an artist I like called Kimberly Petrus. Oh, she loves to do slut stuffs.

Yes. And it's a song about her saying, she liked to suck big dick every day. Every day all the time. Every dick everywhere all the time at once. Right. Michelle Yeoh. Did I tell you I watched that movie? What did you think? Did we already talk about that? What did you think about it? Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. A lot of hard laughs. Had no idea what was going to happen.

The doughnut, the bagel, the costumes, the makeup. Amazing. People are twisted. People got all, people are twist, people got their Oscar panties twisted up about Jamie Lee Kyrness. Jamie Lee Kyrness on the gurney trying to get a sag or Oscar nom for her supporting role in The Last Showgirl. People are really not feeling it for her. You know, I was gonna go to the premiere last week

and the fire's canceled. I was gonna go in a Vegas style costume and try to say hi to Pamela. I love her. I'm afraid to watch that movie because I don't think I'm fires canceled it. I was gonna go in a Vegas style costume and try to say hi to Pamela. I love her. I'm afraid to watch that movie because I don't think I'm gonna like it. Of course we're gonna like it. We have to.

Okay. Okay. We have to. Well, it's gonna be better than Amelia Perez. Tea. Sweetie. If Amelia Perez can get the Golden Globe, I think this movie could make Pamela the president. Footage of my honeycomb walls drying from a new coat of paint

will get better, is more entertaining than Emily. I love Jennifer. Jennifer. Jennifer? What does that mean, Jennifer? Pamela. Who's Jennifer? Who's Jennifer?

Yeah. Brain death. Well, I love it. Girl, me on the red carpet at her premiere saying, love you, Jennifer. Yeah. Everybody's Jennifer. That's like me with Cynthia. You're going to have a great year.

You'll be like, don't worry. Things will pick up for you. Yeah. What happens when I see RuPaul next? How's it going, champ? Like, what the fuck am I going to say? She's like, I don't have a tire iron. Same.

What did she? Her parallel parking video was perfect. Replacing the tire was really good, but you have to have a jack and a tire. Right. And then what else did she do? I think it's really horny when people know how to change things in cars.

Sweetie. It's really horny. Erect. Erect. Turgid. Two and a half inches. Three. Pencil thing.

Push in three. Yeah. Yeah. Squeezing up to three. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Exploding. All the blood down there. Yeah. Yeah, squeezin' up to three. Mm-hmm. Yeah, exploding. All the blood down there.

Yeah. Girl, I had to do my injection this week, my Asmzia for my arthritis. Once a month, gotta do two real syringes. Now, what do you mean by real syringes? So I used to do the stabber, the button. Like an EpiPen. Happy Christmas.

The new one comes in disposable syringes preloaded, where you alcohol the skin and the belly. This is a diabetic needle, right? And you stab at skin and the belly. This is a diabetic needle, right? And you stab at a 45 degree angle. This is a diabetic needle, right? And so what if it is? Could you can you feel that shit, mama? Honey, sweetie,

Simzia is the consistency of like syrup. Can you pull it up on your phone? Cause I wanna see what gauge it is. I really do. Cause my brief flirtation with HGH. What's it called? Can my just like non-binary T be valid for squirting in the butt or squirting in the stomach?

CIMSIA, C-I-M-Z-I-A. It's a TNF, tumor necrosis factor inhibitor. This is what people listen for to find out what gauge is this needle. We need to know. You're not buying it? We have a right gauge is this needle? We need to know. You're not buying it? We have a right to know.

Okay. You can't wait to Google it and invalidate my T. Mama, your non-binary T is coming back. Invalid. Okay, okay, I can see it. I see it. Okay, I think I'm going to rescind my commentary. That's what I'm fucking saying, bitch. You love to mimish me.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sweetie, that ain't shit. That ain't shit, girl. OK, it's a little more than shit. It's not quite as, a diabetic needle is like very small. It's a very thin gauge needle and it's teeny tiny. Yeah, fuck the diabetic. No, but like, if you do HGH, you pinch up a little bit of fat

and you're supposed to do it like, I was told I was supposed to do it like five in the morning. So like, you wake up, you set an alarm, and then you're so tired, you stick yourself and go back to bed. I don't know if that was true, but that's what I did. But the point is, is I was able to do that because I felt like nothing.

Like it was so just nothing. That's not me. No, that can see, this is a longer needle and probably a thicker gauge. Can I tell you what I do during the injection? Scream. I go. And where do you get?

Ah! I scream the whole time. ["Hungry Root"] Today's episode of Bald is brought to you guys by our friends at Hungry Root. Hungry Root is like having a personal nutritionist. They take care of the stressful meal planning each week by recommending delicious recipes tailored to your tastes, nutrition preferences, and health goals. I gotta tell you guys I

love cooking, you know I love cooking, but my skill level and my like comfortability with certain foods, I've never wanted to like take myself to the grocery store and pick up ingredients I've never used before. I've read that in magazines where people are like, pick up an ingredient you don't even know what it is and just go for it. And I'm like, girl, I don't have time to ruin my food. Like I kind of need a guiding hand. Hungryroot makes it easy to eat high quality, nutritious food and achieve any diet goals. It helps you by tailoring recipes for various lifestyles.

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wherever you are. And that's why for me, I don't like have a huge love affair with restaurants. I love cooking for myself because I wanna be able to make whatever I want. Planning meals can be really simple and stress-free. I mean, you just talk about your goals and your preferences and they fill your cart with personalized recommendations.

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It was delicious. You are going to love Hungry Root. Okay, take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com slash bald and use code bald. That's hungryroot.com slash bald code bald to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash bald code bald. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. If you're like me and you want to really expand your new chicken rental business, you're going to need a really great website.

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And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Speaking of screaming, what did we watch last night, Ho? Well, that's where- Bees on the dick. Okay. Bees on the dick.

Well, we turned off Amelia Perez. We kind of got the clip. We finished Amelia Perez and then I said, well, we're all sitting here in a group. One of the only films I own on iTunes is Jackass from 2022. Yeah. So we turn it on. And it's Bees on the Dick.

Mama Bees on the Dick. It's... It was... It's Scorpion biting the dick. It's a lot of dick things. It was a lot of ball trauma. We had bloody balls. Yeah. We had a lot of rough housing. We had a lot of, like of moments I had to look away, and I had to bail once the pig semen came out.

Oh, yeah. So they get a bunch of pig semen, and they're going to drink it. And that's when she... I had to just... Listen, I love the terrifier, but there's always the bridge to the terribithia. I can't do that one.

It's a bridge too far for me. Did you watch that? It's so disgusting. The thought of drinking it, I honestly think you just have to do it. Like, they were smelling it first, like that's worse. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You say, this is whole milk from a dairy, and you just down, I can't even, I can't go, I can't, yeah. It's disgusting. But what if they said this was faille, this was gorgeous faille.

Do you swallow cum when you do sex? Mary, the last time I've had cum in my, I couldn't tell you the last time I had jizz in my mouth. What? Yeah, I've never seen a penis before. No, I honestly, I have to be, I have to be so head over heels. What? Like I have to be so, this, it has to be Tom Hardy

and he has to love me, that he can jizz all over my mouth. But I don't particularly care for, especially some of the men that I've been with, the consistency and the... The viscosity. The viscosity, thank you. The thickness and the consistency of their jizz is not exactly edible. I like a more watery spray,

because then that's just like Dasani. Right. But I don't want Faye, globs of Faye yogurt on my face and in my mouth. Greek yogurt. Chunky. Yeah. Expired sour milk. I have my tonsils out

and I have two little sperm banks back there. I just, to me, if you're going to suck it and you're not going to swallow it, what the, to me that's- I would jerk it and then go, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and have it go all over my face. Oh, I hate that. If you're, if you're, if you're not gonna swallow it? What the f- that to me that's- I would jerk it and then go, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh I'm not talking about strangers, I'm talking about Tom Hardy. Oh, your lover, your person who loves you. No, he had come in my life. Isn't he engaged to Zendaya now? Do you know about that?

No, no, no, they broke up. Girl, we've been together for three months. Is that wrong? No, he's not Zendaya, Tom Holland. Tom Hardy, I'm sorry. Tom Holland, Spider-Man. You know, my mom reads People magazine and she tells me bits and pieces. She showed up that rock at the Golden Globes. I don't, I don't like...

I mean, if it's, I love a pregnancy reveal. Remember when Beyonce was like dancing, singing? Whack. What are you gonna do? When I get pregnant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm gonna keep it.

Because I have realized how expensive adoption is. I'm not saying birth is cheap, but goddamn, they got you bitch. And let me tell you, the adoption agencies, they don't take Coles Cash. They don't take Delta Sky Miles. They told baby they don't take, you cannot, they don't take coupons at the Old Country Buffet.

Yeah, I mean, the more the wealth gap does this, they're really walking around to these orphans saying, well, you better hope someone rich comes along. Like, who can afford to adopt? Uh, billionaires? My fucking bougie gay friends. It's wild. Wild. It's wild boots. Um, yeah. Getting back to drinking cum. I want to talk more about it. Yeah, of course. Well, I just, that's sort of a form of birth control. Interesting. Hot loads.

Everyone loves to take hot loads. Everyone loves to take hot loads. Do people love hot loads in the mouth? I thought they want to get bread in the ass. I hate bread in the ass. Rye, sourdough. Bread in the ass, I don't know. You know what Brandon said to me once?

Brandon said, Brandon, he said. I don't like the expression breed Reed, by the way. Just... No. No. Brandon said, when you bottom, do you feel like you're being given something or having something taken away from you? Your life is about to change forever!

Yeah. That's really dark, what you just said. He asked me that and I don't know the answer. That is so dark. I don't know the answer. That is chilling. That's a chilling statement or question. Do you feel that you've earned something?

Or that something is stashed away from you? We live in Los Angeles with the killers. The people we know who have sex are the killers. No, they're the sewers. The sewers, the pump and dumpers, the no loads refused. No load refused, this is the common eye socket. They are drainage grates. Yeah, the LA River of semen. Yeah. The LA River of semen.

It's the LA River of semen. They are putting the moisture back in that dried out river. Can I just say too, I wish that, um, you know when you go to Starbucks and you're like, oh, can I have that without foam? I wish if you weren't trying to have a baby, you could just like turn off the comb. I guess you can get-

Vasectomy, sweetie. So when you have a vasectomy, does no semen come out? No, no, no, no. You ejaculate. There's just, it's like clip of the vasta friends, I think, where there's the sperm in the- So there's ejaculate, but there's no sperms. Yeah, there's no pregnancy possibility.

So it's like non-dairy. Sweetie darling, if I was the president of the USA, before you get your driver's license, you get a vasectomy. Boop. But you remember when we watched Love is Blind and they talked about vasectomies because apparently they're not always reversible. Who cares?

Well, the person who wants to have a baby. Mom, get real. Because you know that the straight guys are obsessed with their own DNA. They're obsessed with, they want to have their own baby. But that's why you as a woman, you do some creative fudging. It's like on White Lotus. When she's like, she's like fucked her trainer and those are her real kids.

Love that. Love that shit. Do you think that if you were heterosexual, you would have already had a baby? Sweetie, am I a heterosexual man or woman? Does it matter? Yes. Because it takes both to have one, so.

No, but I mean, as a woman, I have a very different conception of having a baby. My sister just had her second. So what do you think if you were a woman? No. You would have never had one ever? No. What if you were a boy? No.

So what did it matter? It just does. Oh. Does that fucking matter? The procedure matters a great deal because tubes tied or balls snipped, not balls snipped, but vasectomy. Mama vasectomy before passport, vasectomy before puberty,

vasectomy before eighth grade French trip. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, no, I, because I don't wanna use, I don't wanna use condoms and want to fuck them pussies raw. I think most people wouldn't want to have a vasectomy until they have... I think most people probably get it once they've had

the kids they want to have. Like my brother, yeah. Right. Because let me tell you, they just want... People... Can I tell you something? It's an outpatient procedure, mama. People want...

People want hot loads. They wanna take hot loads. Yes. Wait, but gay men. No, I'm talking about straight people. Oh. As well, they wanna take that. They might not be wanting to have a baby,

but they want the hot load. Really, though? Them girls want them hot loads? I think they want the hot load. Girls, chime in. They wanna catch the hot load. Yeah, comment below, how many loads have you caught this season? And the men wanna give the hot load. Well, that I They want to catch the hot load. Yeah, comment below how many loads have you caught this?

And the men want to give the hot load. Well, that I understand. Right. That I understand. Even if they're not trying for baby and everyone's on the pill on the condoms, I think they still want the hot load, the urge to deliver the hot load. But it's just like, it's just like, OK, we have the vasectomy, which is an outpatient procedure. Yeah, perhaps it's not 100% effective, but it's so easy,

peasy, light and squeezy. Or you have girls going through rigmarole, getting their birth control. Yes, sometimes their skin gets better, but there's a whole lot of side effects. There's a whole lot of, it's a lot of drama. Right. You know what I mean? Versus one procedure, months of drama.

One procedure? But not having sex isn't the option because people want the hot load. Right. They want to deposit the hot load. So you get the vasectomy and you can spray all them loads up that pussy. Right. Have you ever tied like a cord into a knot?

You just untie it. Well, I only learned mostly about it from that Love is Blind where that guy was like, we are afraid of having a baby, but she doesn't want to be on birth control and I don't want a vasectomy, so what do we do? You say, uh, boo-boo, you're gonna get the vasectomy. Or you ain't getting this hot... You ain't putting any hot loads in this puss-puss. This puss-puss is gonna be barren, cold, and loadless. It's kind of nice that we haven't had to worry

about getting pregnant our whole life. We're giving pregnancy. No, just AIDS. No, I don't mean, do you worry about AIDS? Do you think about AIDS? I don't have any at-risk behaviors. I don't have unprotected sex, especially not with people I'm not monogamous with.

So I don't really feel like I've ever been in great, like line of fire. Yeah. Maybe that's not the word. I know what you mean. At risk. At risk, yeah. You know what's so crazy?

This is a huge shock. I'm sure to everybody, I love having sex with B, myself, and I. Yeah, and also I know my facts about, you know, I worked at the makeup counter. We had World AIDS Day, and it was like, I know my facts about, you know, I worked at the makeup counter, we had World AIDS Day and it was like, I know my facts about like, the type of sex acts I can have that are not high risk for HIV. You know, so it's not that I'm not worried about it. I just, I always consider myself in the know.

Knowledgeable. Because I feel like the pendulum was swung back the other way where, um, I think probably the young gay men now, it probably seems like a disease of a relic of the past. Well, I mean, I feel like it's also a locational thing because every time I go out of town, mom, the condoms are on the table. Like in other countries, right? Condoms are very much on the table. Um, perhaps maybe due to like a lack of access to Doxypep

and prep and pep and all that shit, but condoms are very much still on the table. Have you ever taken Doxypep? No. I heard an ad yesterday that marketed it as the morning after pill for chlamydia. Thought that was a little wild to say. That is true, but also.

It made it a little too like, just do this. Yeah, but also there's other stuff. But also it's good to know that if you were exposed, that if that's how your brain remembers it, it probably saves you, helps you. I mean, we're along, I think we've evolved a long way past going insane from syphilis, although it does still happen.

It surely does. But you know what? I'm not gonna get myself syphilis when I'm doing me, myself and I. Also, syphilis can live latent in your body without symptoms for a long time. Syphilis. A long time.

Yeah. I love being, I love, I love knowing, I love knowing how to take care of me. You know what I mean? I am at like, nobody can fuck me like me. No, seriously. I love when I fuck me.

I put on that little negligee that I just made. There goes my shirt up over my head, put me up on the pool table and just fuck myself. And I watch footage of it. Just fuck me. Tear that pussy up like old newspaper because it was built right. No way. No, I would be. Ooh, tear that pussy up like old newspaper because it was built right, no way. No, but I would be, I know people who are, you know, they have this feeling of like,

it's a loneliness, it's a yearning, it's like, oh, I need to have sex, I want to have sex, I need to search it out and I, and then masturbation is not a good option B, a good plan B. Sweetie, masturbation is always a good option B, a good plan B. Sweetie, masturbation is always option number one. Sex is like number two. We gotta bring back the masturbating with others.

Oh yes, that's fabulous too. It's the best of both worlds. Although, are you doing pornos or what? Is that on like that? You don't need to watch porn. You're in the room with someone with their genitals out. Why are you gonna watch the news? Like the porn.

Someone's here naked. We're watching Christiane Amanpour stroking it. Yes. We're just talking about Syria. No, okay, so I don't, okay, that I like. I don't like watching porn with people. No. Kids grow, we ain't got the same taste.

But you know who loves that? Who? Straight guys love that. Straight guys love, when I was hooking up with straight guys. Yes! Well, you know what I'm traumat same. But you know who loves that? Straight guys love that. Straight guys love, when I was hooking up with straight guys. Yes. Well, you know what I'm trying to say too, because you know who loves that? Tweakers.

Well. Like on multiple screens. And they want the marathon. They want. Multiple screens and it's never good. They want all of it. Oh, it's the right. Like in a comic book when the mastermind has a wall of TVs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want that with like, well, we got Sean Cody. We got, you know. Randy blue. Yeah. We got a. Blacked.com. We got Vixen, we got Sean Cody. We got, you know, Randy blue. Yeah. We got a blacked.com. We got, we got Nixon. We got Tushy.

Yes. We got everything. We got broke straight guys or whatever. Even more break stroke guys. Stroke guys who've never had two goddamn red cents to rub together. Tweet it.com. Yeah. What level broke do you want for the straight guys?

Cause we have every financial bracket. Beefcake hunter. Wedding cake farts. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. When I look back at 2024, do you know what I remember most? Excuses, excuses, excuses. We all make them.

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This episode is sponsored by Airbnb. Gather around children as I'd like to tell you a tale. A tale about a haggard drag queen descriptions. to keep my eyes open, I opened up the Airbnb app and searched for an escape. A place east of Los Angeles where I could relax, recuperate, and rejuvenate all by myself amidst the peace and tranquility of the California desert. After checking out a few listings, I happened upon the place that dreams are made of. An orange frenzy of mid-century post and beam architecture complete with vintage details like period furniture, amazing art on the walls, and a conversation pit that would make even Don Draper swoon. I booked it immediately, and set to packing for my glorious high desert getaway. After a few days of solitude,

I invited a few friends and we made excellent use of the multiple bedrooms and bathrooms. A hotel would not have worked for us at all. With Airbnb, you can stay close and hang out in the living room rather than a crowded lobby. And while hotels are filled with strangers, we had the entire house and yard to ourselves, allowing us to enjoy the serenity of true privacy. It was the perfect trip and the perfect way to recover for an absolutely insane tour. Everyone, it's gotten so analog now. I think it's spun back, because now it's just live streaming, jerking off in a parking lot.

I think porn, when I was coming up in high school, and I was stealing porn off the internet before I was 18, it was fantasy lighting, spray tan to hell, not a hair on anyone's body. And now the porn has gone back to, it's girls on HBO. It's the overhead gray light. It's Blair Witch Country. It is Blair Witch Project. It's girls on HBO. It's the overhead gray light. It's not Blair Witch Country. It's Blair Witch Project. It is, no, it is Blair Witch Project.

It's Paranormal Activity. It's the Blair Dick Project. Ha ha ha! Paranormal Sex-tivity. Paranormal Sex-tivity. It is, I, so... It sort of parks and rec. It's sort of like mockumentary style.

Jim Hopper goes with his dick out. Yeah, I wish. Well, I have, I should, in the last, I don't know what, two, three, maybe even a month, I haven't watched any point at all. Mama, she's got, I got the telenovelas on lock. We got serials going on, multi-episodic storylines, or simple JPEG, or a GIF of Jason Momoa's butt.

That's all. That's all. That's all. I've gone way back to like PG. No, but I just, the reset is like a, we're so over saturated or over, I know I talk about this all the time. Blown out pussy holes. We are blown out.

But our mental calcities are over stimulated. Over stimulated, you know? And so I'm trying, like, naturally it happens where I'm like, okay, so I've, I just enjoyed a, um, a super 4K, um, 86 inch, uh, uh, crystal clear pulse pounded... Where I could see the pores on someone's pussy hole. Yeah, yeah, I could go in there with a hysterectomy. Yeah. It's medical.

It is, it is wild. It's so stimulating. Then I'm just like, oh my God, I need a reset. So that's when I just go to like, literally JPEGs of nude men in a movie. Right. And I'm like, ooh. Or like, oh, it's the gray shorts, but they actually never come off.

Absolutely. Look at that. Love that, it's the tees. It's the art of the tees. Dita Von Teese doesn't get to be Dita Von Teese by walking out there completely nude with all the lights on. Mary, can I, speaking of that bitch, I was watching clips of her Vegas show. Honey.

She eats. There is not one crumb left of that buffet any day. No. That fucking bitch just goes chomp, chomp, chomp. Do you see clips of Violet of the Crazy Horse? I love it. Girl! She looks... Girl! The lightingomp, chomp. Do you see clips of Violet of the Crazy Horse? I love it. Girl! She looks, girl!

The lighting design, the split. I mean, it was just like, ugh, it's art, bitch. That fucking whore is doing art up there. Violet, if you're watching, you might be because you like her. Yeah. Like, great job. And thank you for flaking on me the other night when we made plans, ho.

But I did buy her calendar, cuntie. Buy it every year, fabulous. Oh, incredible. Playboy just sent me their calendar for this year and I opened it and I guess I didn't realize it was gonna be so pussy lips splayed. Playboy? It's not pussy lips splayed,

but I didn't realize it was gonna be full vagina and breasts. I thought it was gonna be, because it's a calendar kind of like swimsuit-y. No, no, no, no, no. I opened it at my dining table and was like, oh my God. But Playboy gives you lighting down. Let these women speak. Lighting down.

Yeah. Really beautiful photos. Did you see the Hollywood Reporter Roundtable with Miss Angelina Jolie and all them other girls? No. Lit to the gods. What was said? Stuff, but girl, they were so,

Miss Angelina Jolie. Was Gaga there talking about the fake wine? Thank God, no. Was Zoe watching Joker too? Yeah, Zoe Saldana was there and I was like, So, Miss Angelina Jolie... Was Gaga there talking about the fake wine? Thank God, no. That's me watching Joker 2. Yeah, Zoe Saldana was there and I was like... You shut up. But everybody looked beautiful.

You shut up. Oh, we lost the light. You get out of here. You said Zoe shut up and the light went out. But Angelina Jolie, I'm gonna pull it up just for the reference, she is, mama, that woman is otherworldly beautiful. It is truly, I mean, look at this.

Yeah, she looks excellent. What a beauty. Look at that. Gorgeous. Insane bone structure, gorgeous. And it's interesting. She looks like she was in Girl Interrupted yesterday. She looks like she's from Janet from another planet, because ain't nobody doing it like her. But it's interesting. She looks like she was in Girl Interrupted yesterday. She looks like she's from Janet from another planet.

Because ain't nobody doing it like her. But it's interesting, you know, like I'm not to get gossipy, but I know that her relationship with Mr. Pitt has not been. There's a lot of trauma, a lot of trauma there. And it was interesting to hear. I can't relate. Every single relationship I've ever had has always worked out. Am I cool?

Yeah. Jovial. Lovely. Jubilant. Yeah,. Yep. Jovial. Lovely. Jubilant. Yeah, but it's really interesting. It's like, um, I hear, I mean, who cares, I guess. But like, you know, when they're like, obvious, you can see the pain underneath the language. They're like, where they'll give you a little bit like, it was a challenging experience.

And like, you can see behind the eyes that it was horrifying. It's like really tough. Oh yes. Really tough. Well, can I say this? When we talked about on the pod, when I let everybody know about my separation last year, I realized having a relationship not go

as you plan it to go in the beginning, in the moment you feel like this has only ever happened to me. Right, yeah. But the truth is relationships being, when people are like, well, we got married at 18 and it's been 50 years, that's this much relatable. And like relationships not working out is something pretty much everybody knows about. And so in some ways when stars,

like that level star have to go through that, I'm sure they feel exposed, but also like everybody who watches your movies or listens to your music probably has been through that too. You're not being alienated from them just because you went through something in a much more public way.

You know? Yeah. I mean, I'm the outlier. I have a model. Of course they are not perfect. They have had their moments and I'm sure they continue to. My parents married at early twenties and now in their 70.

They've been married like 50 years. Yes, bitch. Yeah. Why do you think, can I, I mean, why do you think that they go so well together? Swingers. Because they fuck around with all the other houses in the neighborhood.

Is it kind of swingers if they only fuck me? No, they are their own best friends. I think that's the key. I mean, they only fuck me. No, they are their own best friends. I think that's the key. I mean, they are our unit. They're a unit. Yeah. And they've just been at it forever. And they love you.

They're so cunty. My parents are cunt. Yeah. They are so cunt. They also seem to have maintained health for their age, too. So they- Are you kidding me? Yes.

No, I'm not kidding. No, I know. They're fab. Yeah. They have high level mobility for people for their age too. So they- You're kidding me? Yes, I know I'm not kidding. No, I know they're fab, yeah. Like they have high level mobility for people their age too. Like- My dad's like half bionic, you know? He's doing karate every fucking day at seven years old. And my mom is just zipping around.

She's like the world, she's like the road runner. You know, I was talking about this on my YouTube channel and I was talking about arthritis and all that. And I have kind of flipped the script on it because after the first first year of like, ah, why me? I was like, we all aspire to live long enough to be in some way a little impaired.

Yeah. Right? That's why it's sad when people die young. Yeah. We hope when we die, we have like, I know it's like, we live long enough to have like a bum knee. It's like what Jack Nicholson says, which is a big stick.

When I die, I want to be sick. All these guys busted their balls to say fit. When I die, I want to be sick. It makes sense. Right. I want to ride it till the wheels fall off. Ride it till the wheels fall off. And that's what you're kind of doing with your smoking.

Excuse me. I would love to have you know that I have, and this is consistent and true. I have been averaging five or under. Andrew told me you've been smoking like three a day. That's about the average. Mary, I went five days without uh, uh, five days, a couple of weeks ago, three days, a couple of days ago, no cigarettes. The fires burned up all your cigarettes. You're just, remember, I was like, girl, when she walked out of the patio to go smoking and the hills were on fire,

were you just like, this is the good stuff? I was like, this feels a little in bad taste. I think you should start growing tobacco and then starting sections of your fields on fire and just walking outside. Well, I told you about that time I was up on Mount Washington with a cigarette in dry season, and this woman looked at me like I was murdering her baby and fucking the head.

She's kind of right. in dry season and this woman looked at me like I was murdering her baby and fucking the head. She's kind of right. Those dagger eyes were like, you get out of here. She's kind of right. She was absolutely right, but she was wrong, assuming that I was gonna flick that thing in the head. What are you fucking nuts, bitch? I'm a smoker, I'm born in the game. I know what happens with lit cigarettes.

I'm gonna put it in my mouth and then I'm gonna smoker, I'm born in the game. I know what happens with lit cigarettes. I'm gonna put it in my mouth, and then I'm gonna bury it. Bunch of nuts. I love when smokers are, you're in the car with a smoker and they go, do you mind if I smoke? I'll open the window and you go, yeah, this is my car. I have no say, but you're being polite. When I tell you that window gets opened, a credit card amount, this much.

You're not smoking the car with you? Baby, of course, everyone. That is so rude. Well, I think of like high school. This much. Smoking the car with you? Baby, of course. Everyone. That is so rude. Well, I think of like high school. Oh. I think of sitting in the backseat of like the cool girl's car, where she's like, my fucking dad.

You know, and then like whatever. I mean, I was in a car with my childhood best friend, and he took a whole McDonald's bag and threw it out on the street. That's murder. That's the killer. I would rather you pull out the crack pipe. Yeah.

And make me smoke it. I think littering is. It's unconscionable. It is. It is. Now I'll say this, flicking a cigarette. I've been known to do it. It's a weird loophole. It's not, I don't agree. It's littering point full stop. But when you take a full happy meal and all them fries and a Coke and put it in the bag and then toss it out into the middle of the street, you should be jailed for five years. Yeah.

Ask me as a Republican if I've ever littered. Now, Senator, as a Republican, as a member of the Republican Party, have you ever littered? Congresswoman, as I said earlier to some of my constituents who are here today, littering, you know, is something that has always been here and will always be here. And it's our job to find out more about it, find out ways to build around it, plan for the future, support those systems in place and reach out to those communities that are in need.

Especially women, young women. But do you litter? Well, see, as I said, Congresswoman, like, I can't, it shouldn't be allowed. I know. It shouldn't be fucking allowed. I think it's SDG style. Somebody should go, give me this, give me this.

Somebody should go like, I noticed you didn't answer any of the questions, so you should just leave and you're fired. Bam! Like, what job do you have where you can just not do parts of the job? Wrong person. Wrong person to ask.

Right. My thought is, if you're the type of person where you know, all right, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I get asked hard questions and I have to look bad for what I believe. Then you're not a civil servant. Maybe you shouldn't be a civil servant. No, no, no. Why don't you go do podcasting?

That's what we do. Why don't you go be a fucking 4chan conspiracy blogger? Do that. Yeah. A macrame. Do that. Open arame. Do that. Open a pottery store. Do anything.

Leggings. Started pyramid scheme. Anything, literally a drug deal. I don't know. It's wild. Do you think GameStop is gonna go away? I'm not sure even what that is. Pfft.

It sounds like GameStart. Obviously the internet is eating like brick and mortars. It should be GameStart. Yeah. Or GameC Game Start. Yeah. Or Game Continue. Is it like Blockbuster? It's like a store for video game stuff. You go buy a Switch, a PlayStation.

So, you know, I continuously bowled over by the revelation that the video game industry dwarfs Hollywood and TV. So how is GameStop going out of business? Does that mean dwarf, meaning it's bigger or it makes? Bigger. It is? Oh, wow. Combined.

It is? Yes. Really? The video game industry makes more money than Hollywood, than cinema and television. That makes me happy. It's crazy because I never play video game. Well, I think people's idea of video games is duck hunt.

But video games are like heavy storytelling. There's writing there's acting there's animation. There's original scores There's bones sticking out. There's bones sticking out. I think it should make more money Well, they are kind of they are extremely cinematic now I mean, I'm amazing I I bopped off when Sega Genesis went from 2d to 3d I couldn't handle that. Do you get car sick from... I have, like, people get car sick from playing games that are in 4D. You know, like... I've never played it in a car,

because we never had Sega Genesis in a car. It's got to be hooked up to the TV. You know what I mean? And we blew on the cartridges. Sega, that makes me think of, like, being young in, like, rural Wisconsin, my cousin being like, do you guys want place they got I mean It was literally a step up from Nintendo

Yeah, say it was fierce Let's say three fighter Mortal Kombat. Yeah street fighters. So let's have a hug Well, it's so does Mortal Kombat and maybe you could get anybody you get Martha Stewart playing you get you get Freddy Krueger mother Stewart You could get um Charles Groten. Oh, yes. Luigi, Luigi. Any player will get like- Should we say Charles Groden?

Yes! Ha ha ha! Charles Groden versus Martha Stewart. Girl. In the ultimate fighting. Martha fucking Stewart. I live for Martha Stewart. I love that talk, baby.

She gobbled it. She eats. Gobbled it. She's like, why are you cutting that orange with that little knife? Use a big knife, you fucking idiot. Love that shit. She was probably right.

She of course she was. Yeah. You're gonna go into Martha Stewart kitchen clueless? You better get out of there, baby. Don't do it, Jackie. No, I've been cooking a lot. What are you cooking? Everything.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Recently. For real? Yes, recently I've been doing a type of eggs where I buy buttermilk, cause I know you can use it in a lot of different ways, but I'm too idiot to know what it is. So lately I've been using the Google of eggs where I buy buttermilk because I know you can use it in a lot of different ways, but I'm too idiot to know what it is. So lately I've been using the Google Gemini to be like, I have eggs, buttermilk and spinach.

Help me make a recipe. And it does, it helps you. Yes. Will you go to Lawn Noodles with me, baby? Lawn Noodles? Yeah. You want some authentic Chinese noodles that will blow your mind.

Lawn Noodle, how do you spell it? L-A-N. And who would play her? Lana Del Rey. You know, I remember hearing a, wait, oh, we missed DragCon. UK. Thank God.

UK? UK. Pouring out for that whore. Remember we were asked, we were gonna go maybe. We didn't go, remember? Oh, to do this. We were gonna do a pod there, yeah. All due respect to Miss DragCon, she's firmly in the past.

It's also, with all due respect to the people who do it, it's hard. Poor one out for the queens who's at the bunions after the weekend, exhausted, broke. The bunions, the career in shambles. Yeah, friends, none. They go home to nothing and to no one. Dragcon is hard.

It is hard, and it's hard in a way that no, the average Joe just can't even conceive of. It's like, it's, yeah. The thing is, like, if you're in a Marvel movie, I'm not saying this is nothing. You just show up in your jean jacket and you sign, you take your fat flat rate, you get paid to be there.

And you sign eight by tens of your character that you didn't have to print off in your jean jacket. Oh, at Comic-Con? Yes. What did I say? You said at a Marvel movie. Oh, sorry, I meant Comic-Con. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, Vyra doesn't show up as well, Vyra.

And they get to just sign the lovely things and go home? They don't have a booth? No, baby. They got security? No, they just do a signing. I think that Drag-Con, some of us should do it more and we should embrace the freedom of just showing up for an hour, maybe out of drag, just sign and leave. I, you know, I would do that.

I would consider that if, this is gonna sound maybe smarmy, but like, I'll just say it. DragCon UK gives the girls a rate sometimes, whereas DragCon US snatches a rate from you. Um, so sometimes you get paid to show up at these cons, different cons. Others you... That's what I mean. I think at certain sci-fi cons, they book them like a flat rate to appear.

Yes, of course. Because you're drawing the people in. And then you don't really bring merch because you're like, -"Well, you don't have to." -"It's easy." You don't have to. The pressure's off. But I would show up. If someone gave me a little chunk of change,

I would show up in a nice little outfit, have you put a little boy makeup on me, and then sign some photographs. Also, like, if you're at a Comic-Con, let's say you were a voice actor from a cartoon. You're not going to show up as Marge Simpson. You get to just show up in a T-shirt for... Oh, homie.

You know, for the Simpsons. If you're from a, wear your Simpson t-shirt, kiss the babies. Dragcon is hard because God, it's so early. The drag, the long day in drag, having to set up a booth, the lighting, the access to a bathroom. Maybe I told you there was 9-11, there was World War II, and there was the Javits Center. A girl at the Javits Center. When they, when...

Second plane hit the tower, mama. When that person told me there was no smoking at the Javits Center, I was like, 9-11. Pfft. This is 9-11. This is my Amelia Perez. It was, you should have seen, my face went gray, and my eyes crossed, and I almost left.

Remember that year you almost did a hospital bed? I think that was that year. Did you do a hospital bed? No, because then I'd feel trapped. It was on wheels, somebody could just get you out of there. Yeah, they could roll me down to smoke. When I seriously, it's like, imagine you were like out of the hospital

and you broke both your legs and you needed this fluid, trans, I don't know. You just needed something that was gonna keep you alive. Transfluid, what did you just say? My gender is transfluid, what did you just say? I can't come up with a proper like analogy. Girl, how do the people in the medical shows, you play a doctor on a medical show

and you as an actor have to memorize, well, they have typer tachycardia, skin up right like. Or what about like. I walk in and be like, I'd look right at the camera and go, she's sick. Yeah, I'm like, girl, you're gonna die. Like, that's all I could get to get her. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I'm so sorry, she dead.

Girl. So she was not doing good and then she did worse and now she's better because she's in heaven. Yeah. Her skin a mess, her booty is nasty, she shit the bed, I gotta go. Oh gosh, I couldn't do it. I mean, I don't know how real doctors do it

and I certainly don't know how actors playing doctors and nurses. It must be so boring to do all that jargon. Well then they're also acting. They're not just saying the words. It's heightened. They're speeding. We need 3CC support for them over here.

Stat! Do you think when real doctors watch those shows, they're like, that would never happen? Yes, they do. Because I watch a lot of that shit with nurses, and they're like, ain't nobody putting a needle there. That's not happening. We don't put a dry needle in the neck.

It's like, what? Something else I really love is, I don't know why this is all coming back to me, but I love in movies where somebody has to go undercover at a strip club or a bar, they always have that little wig on. The little, the little bob. The little pink bob. Natalie Portman in Closer.

Sorry, we already talked about it. No, but it's like the run, l little strip Bob. Yeah. Natalie Portman in closer. Sorry, we already talked about it. No, but it's like the run Lola run. It's the, it's the Mia Jovovich is like the country, a colorful Bob. Yes. And you come in and you go detective starling. We're looking for, we're looking for Stephanie Michaels. Also known as sunrise. Oh, do you mean sunset?

She used to come around here, but haven't seen her in a while. Yeah. She owes me $20. Last I heard, she was dead in a dumpster wearing an orange wig from 27.99 from Dorothy's Boutique. Or there's that moment where they're like denying that they know anything,

and then they're like, look, I don't want to end up like Becky. It's so trite. Get a grip. Get something new. But girl, let me tell you, at these hotels, there's about, at any given time on Hotel Cable, there's about a dozen channels playing Law and Order.

You know, I've never seen a full episode. It's good. It's great. Yes, it's great to turn on. Is SVU all about RIP? It's special victims, so it's like sex crime. It's, well, it's mostly sex crime. Okay. But then there's normal SVU, there's SVU,

Elite Continental. There's like all the different... What about NCIS? Well, it's mostly sex crime. Okay. But then there's normal SVU, there's SVU, elite continental. There's like all of the different... What about NCIS? Well, that stands for... No, no, no, no, no, no... It says, it means never can imagine something. I don't know what it is. I think it's Navy.

Oh. Is it Navy? All these it's Navy. Oh. Is it Navy? All these procedurals. Enough with the cops. Can we please mythologize some other profession for Christ's sake? I don't mean.

It's navel. So it's always belly button related. It's very focused on the midsection. Very focused on the midsection. No, I mean like enough with the cops shows. Like, can we get into like- I want to do an episode of this where we wear those little blue and pink party pages. No, I want you like, enough with the cops shows. Like, can we get into, like... I want to do an episode of this where we wear those little blue and pink party pages.

No, I want you to be the hooker, and I want to be the detective. I'm going to be the detective that drinks a lot, has no friends, stays up all night with one teeny light overlooking the case, stays late at the office, no lighting. I don't know why, but Kelly Mantle's, um... Who's pod you should all listen to?

Kelly Mantle, her acting reel came up on YouTube recommended yesterday. And I thought, yeah, I thought I'm gonna watch it again. Cause it's fun. Bumby that Eagle Heart clip gets me to, ugh. But after you get through Eagle Heart, like I think three of the five clips are her in an alley talking about like a dead.

Hooker. Yes. So it's her in an alley being like, I don't know what happened. We haven't seen starlight in two weeks. Last I heard she was chasing the dragon with sunshine. Right. And then it's like, but you know, before you go,

do you want to take a ride sugar? It's like, you know, she ends with the proposition. Fierce. Good for her. Yeah. Well, what is it? I guess, you know, not to comment on Kelly's aesthetic and her looks, but I love that she walks into a casting

and they go, prostitute. Love it. Gets you right over here. Dead or alive, we'll figure out later. She can play dead or alive. Perfect. Damn. Well, we got to go.

Yeah. Listen, check out Amelia Perez on Netflix. Check out Amelia Perez on Netflix. go. Yeah. Listen, check out Emilia Perez on Netflix. Check out Emilia Perez on Netflix. Goodbye. Bye.