The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - How to Use Double Entendres with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Today, as our fingers gently brushed the record button and we engaged in a long and thorough microphone check, we adjusted the levels for several minutes, thus ensuring the room was warm and ready and... inviting us to continue. We settled into a steady rhythm, exploring the acoustics until we eventually found the mythical sweet spot, taking our time and allowing the tension to build as the red light blinked, letting us know we were on the right path to podcast ecstasy. Instead of rushing headfirst into the recording session, however, we pressed every button we could find, slid the stiff faders with purpose, and teased the gain until the input signal was just the right amount of hot. As we continued, we stretched the stories and kept it slow and steady to avoid getting overly excited and experiencing a recording that clipped too soon. During breaks, we whispered notes to each other, tightening the segments and edging closer and closer to the episodic climax. Before long, the session swelled with jokes as it became positively engorged with humor. But even then, we didn't stop; we went deeper into the topic, syncing up with each other, hitting our marks, and savoring the long comedic pauses. Finally, we arrived at the finale: a grand, unadulterated release of pure, animalistic aural delight. Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, go to: https://Squarespace.com/BALD For an exclusive $35 off Aura Frame's amazing Carver Mat Frame, use Promo Code BALD at ⁠https://on.auraframes.com/BALD To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit: https://Hims.com/BALD Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for WAY less! Head to: https://Wayfair.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 On a recent fall trip to the wild, wind-swept majesty of Nova Scotia's rugged coast, I stayed in a home I booked through Airbnb. It was so breathtaking that I felt myself carried away on the briny scent of the Atlantic, the low murmur of crimson and copper leaves swirling along ancient cliffs, and that hushed enchantment of stepping into a seaside cottage that warms the soul. And somewhere between my twilight wanderings along the weather-beaten shoreline and my dinner with a local fisherman, a thought swept over me like a tide. I, too, could host my own home on Airbnb.
Starting point is 00:00:31 My place could be welcoming travelers while I'm away, perhaps even helping to fund the New Year's voyage I'm planning to Greece, where I dream of greeting January beneath the white stone chapels and the shimmering acheon sky. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Canada's Wonderland is bringing the holiday magic this season with Winterfest on Select Nights, now through January 3rd.
Starting point is 00:00:56 Step into a winter wonderland filled with millions of dazzling lights, festive shows, rides, and holiday treats. Plus, Coca-Cola is back with Canada's Kindest Community, celebrating acts of kindness nationwide with a chance at $100,000 donation for the winning community and a 2026 holiday caravan stop. Learn more at canadaswunderland.com. Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and sip. Play. Post. Taste, view, and enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. I'm trying to be less poorly dressed.
Starting point is 00:01:44 I sat down the other day, and I made a Pinterest board of what kind of outfits I look the best in and what you would call that personal style and how I should spend the next few months really trying to pick a lane. Which lane is this exactly? I've gone full circle. I am country trash. And I think with my bone structure and everything, that looks best on me. I do. I don't like this negative self-talk.
Starting point is 00:02:07 I don't think it's negative. I mean, like, what do you call it? Country trash. Rustic Americana. Yes. Like a canvas. Down home country living. Denim.
Starting point is 00:02:17 That's what looks best on my face, my everything. So that's what we're doing. Stolen magnolias. We have to talk about. What I said before we walked in here. No, no, no, no. He didn't get out of the Cockadoony car. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Instead of us, people have been begging us to do like a movie club, and instead we've pivoted to book club. Mary, that book. Do you want to say what it is? Misery got my pussy in a knot. It's amazing. And she kicked it down the stairs. Spoiler, big time, spoiler alert.
Starting point is 00:02:49 People who have seen the movie. The movie's amazing. Movie's great. Annie Wilkes, Kathy Bates, Oscar winning. Incredible. Oscar-winning performance, best-supporting actress. But the book. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:00 Mama. The hobbling in the book. The horny is coming from inside the house. She takes... Spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. So in the movie... She takes a sledgehammer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:11 She puts a block of wood between his ankles. And then she waxes it with a sledgehammer to break his ankles. Because she finds out he was out of his room. Yes. You know, her little penguin is always facing due south. Mm-hmm. So in the book, Mama, she takes an axe to the fucking foot.
Starting point is 00:03:29 And it doesn't happen once. It goes, wham. And then wham. And then she gets that last little piece of gristle. Wham. And then a blow, torch, to carter, rise of the wound. Baby. In the book, she takes the foot off.
Starting point is 00:03:42 He only takes one foot off. She takes one foot off. Oh, but he also, she also takes a thumb with an electric knife. She in the book. In the book, it's longer, obviously. So figuring out how crazy she is is much slower and much scarier. But you know she's crazier from, you know she's cuckoo from the jump because it gets right into it. Also the ending.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Oh, he kind of is like seeing her forever. And then in the end you're like, is it her? Is it her? But also when that when, okay, so fast forward, fast forward, fast forward. You know, the fight scene in the end with that, you know, stuff in the charred, um, uh, manuscript into her mouth. In the book, oh, it's much longer and much longer. Much cuntier. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Oh, they really go at it. It's so, I read in two days. Gobble it up. And honestly, similar to The Shining, what you miss in the book, the feeling of isolation, the feeling of you are fucked. Yeah. No one can hear you. No one will find you. And he's there longer.
Starting point is 00:04:40 It feels like in the book, he's there longer. Kind of like in The Hunger Games. She's in the Hunger Games. There's like a whole two weeks they don't show where she almost starves. So they don't eat in the Hunger Games? Is that why it's called Hunger? Well, they're kind of like me where they're eating. eating always and still hungry.
Starting point is 00:04:54 Because, you know, I like my two breakfasts, my two lunches, my three dinners, and then my sweet treat, which is a popsicle up my butt and in my mouth at the same fucking time. And then, do you know what my big ass? But you've got that stoma that just comes right out. I feed the best up. Girl, I... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, one second. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Hello. Okay. I have to tell the people what transpired upon my arrival here. So I'm sitting out there, just minding my own business, feeling great, loving my life. feeling grateful and then Miss Thingmox then and she says oh hi ugly do you want some makeup that's not what I said no no no what I meant was I'm I'm using the makeup station I meant do you need the station and you're like no you need this station no can I tell you the truth that's not what I meant at all I meant do you know I know because I don't know how to do it I know I was trying to help
Starting point is 00:05:44 you did yeah I was just trying to help I don't know clap I use my color on her I don't know if my color exactly matches her but she's okay but it's better than wherever the gray white underneath was the gray white and red with the hair if you're going to go lemon yellow with with the with the with the tanning you get more red and so this is toned did you use mustard toned with gray poop on i think you look really good you look like um what is it's a tray parker and uh no it looked like the guy from um lawmore man oh oh oh oh it's almost too rich almost too sweet What about the lawnmower, man? You know, I saw that in the theater.
Starting point is 00:06:25 The, I've only seen it once. It's not that great. It's not that great. Isn't it like kind of, he gets sucked into the computer or something? Something like that. Also, did you see the tweet about if Jesus, Joe Rogan's, if Jesus comes back, maybe he's AI? It's fine.
Starting point is 00:06:43 I was like, to wrap it up. But you know what, though? He knows his audience. His audience is like, it's the A1. A1, 5G. Like, what? I don't know. He'll...
Starting point is 00:06:53 Who knows. Girl. Seriously. Ro Jogan. Okay, so what's up? Oh, so November 1st, I woke up. I said, it's time. Went down to the CBS and bought all the leftover Halloween candy.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Thrifty, 70% off. You love a deal. Sour punch straws. Mambas. Mambas. You know mambas? Mambas. Tell me you didn't get non-parales.
Starting point is 00:07:19 No, no. High chews. Starburst. and a bunch of snickers. I got them all stacked away in the pantry, in the pantry for a rainy day. Why don't you freeze them? That candy will keep me going for days. No, but honestly, months, I'll be like, oh, have this candy through.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Because the Halloween candy is good, and it's all individual small pieces. A little sweet treat. And that way I only have 16 small pieces. Do you know, you digest it better if you keep the wrapper on? It goes right through you. Of course. Of course. You get the satisfying chew, but none of the calories.
Starting point is 00:07:50 Right. I can I talk about the medical mystery please I had to go to a urologist and oh god the I had to go to a urologist and they had to do a trigger warning they had to do I'm going to be honest this is pretty graphic and I wasn't sure if I would share but I thought they told me at the urologist's office that this is really common if people get it done all the time so I don't feel that crazy maybe somebody knows they had to do a I forget what it's called but they put a camera a camera up your pee hole the sounding into your bladder so first they put a numbing gel in my hole. Then they clamped the end of it with like a chip clip, right? And I'm just laying
Starting point is 00:08:25 there and they're just laying there and they're kind of like, you know, the girl at the front desk says she knows who you are. I'm like, great, perfect. The girl wants to come in and look at your pee holes. Is that okay? Oh, yeah. Oh, one time I was at the proctologist and after they pulled out the brown glove, they said huge fan, huge fan. Um, the brown glove. So, um, then when it's all numb, he comes in, he goes, you know, this is actually really, the whole thing's like 90 seconds. He was like, it's not really painful. He said there's one part of it where if you don't relax, it will hurt more. Mary.
Starting point is 00:08:55 So the camera gets to what you call the bladder sphincter, which is like another butthole. And what do I do? I tense. It's shocking. So I just go, it gets up there and I go, I'm not kidding. I go, ah, ha, ha. And he goes, okay, okay. When you get nervous about this, you're going to close.
Starting point is 00:09:11 But naturally, it's not that tight. So if you just relax, the camera will just go in. And he was right. The second try just was like, I was like, play dead. No matter how much it hurts, play dead. And it just went, it was perfect. Okay. But that's, that is a situation where you need to use a strategy.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Like, don't worry is not going to cut it. Relax is not going to cut it. He was right, though. Yeah, no, I know that he's right. It's a stincter response. It's a, you nervous, you tight. Totally. But, but saying, don't be nervous, what am I going to do?
Starting point is 00:09:37 Right. I'm going to get nervous. And I laid there on the table and I thought, if I leave now, I, I'm not being good to to myself health-wise if I just dip out on this. So I'm just going to do it. So I'm laying there with no pants on and the tube is up the penis. I'm like not looking. I'm like staring at it.
Starting point is 00:09:52 I'm like, I'm dissociated. Yeah. And they have, they bring the screen over and they go look and they show me my bladder. I'm looking at my bladder on, on, on, on Twitch.com. You start to get, they're live stream. You start to get hard. It's a live stream. And I get.
Starting point is 00:10:05 With the thing in there? It could happen. No. People do it for pleasure. And I'm so ran through that like them handling my penis, even a medical environment. I like, that was even. So. Touching my penis in medical environment.
Starting point is 00:10:17 I don't care. I'm not nervous about like a doctor seeing do whatever you need to do you're you're a body doctor what you want with my body also I'm not when I was younger I think I was like an STI test I'm so now I'm just like swab it do whatever you need to do yeah I respect to your process break a cute tip off in my ass and I said do you guys do this a lot they said are you kidding me with five before you got here and we'll have like 15 more today this happens we do this all time so I was like great honey you are not special are not special a little scary but like I said the whole thing in and out was 90 seconds but you know what though 90 seconds could be could feel like 90 minutes Can I say this was the first time of my life. I've had a foreign item wiggling around in my body that wasn't like that? You feel a little camera in your bladder.
Starting point is 00:11:00 I don't doubt that. So he's showing me, he brings a TV vore and I'm looking at the walls of my bladder. And I'm going, oh, I'm looking at my own bladder. Okay, okay, okay. And luckily, it looked normal. It was just blattery, if you Google a bladder. You know that weird kind of fleshy, peachy, yellowy color with like very small veins? That's what it looks like a bladder.
Starting point is 00:11:17 That's what I want to see it. picture. So it was normal, luckily, but it was like, oh, God, oh, God. It wasn't, I don't, I don't love it. I don't love the, I don't love that. I don't wish it on people. No. And it was bad, but you got to take care of yourself. I guess. What the fuck is that? Oh, yeah, we won an award. One of that fucking show up. It's literally today. I know. Congratulations. I'll grab it. Excuse me, when? This is not true. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Oh! I'm gonna wrap podcast of the year. Is this real? Yeah, I'm gonna take this to my eyes wide shut party tonight. People who like, who used Grindr voted us the pod of the year? Is that, this is like, I'm sorry, grinder's real, real gaze. These are real gays. I work for them.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Ran through dolls. My Grindr Pondy. Does that get me every subscription? No. Should we say something? Say what? I mean, can we accept an, Grindr? I can't do a speech?
Starting point is 00:12:19 Yeah, please. Speech, speech, speech. Wow. Oh, my God. I had, I never thought this would happen. After years and years of paying for Grindr Extra, which I think is $785 a month now, I think that I bought this. This maquette means the world to me. I beat Merrill. Thank you so much, you guys.
Starting point is 00:12:39 She's right. My $800 a month. It's huge. And it's heavy. You could beat someone to death with this thing. Low hangers. This award is a lot. a low hangar. This could be a ball stretcher. You know what I mean? It does have two holes.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Hello. You guys, stomp and then you, on the Patreon, which you don't know we have, we don't have one. But on the Patreon, can we fuck this award? Would you guys watch that? If we two-timed, each took, we bucked this award. You know what I just had the strangest vision of? What? Us doing the whack-a-mole through
Starting point is 00:13:14 the weeny hole through there, but somebody else on the other end with a lighter. Honestly, my pubs are so long right now. In the event that they could get burned off, everybody would be a winner. That's tea. Do you understand? Like,
Starting point is 00:13:29 do you understand that for them to put the camera of my pee hole, they had to do like chip clips of the hair? Like the hair had to be swept back. Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. It's okay. You know, being an adult means having to go to the doctor and be uncomfortable,
Starting point is 00:13:42 but you have to take care of yourself. If you think something's up, you got to take care of yourself. This is true. But, I mean, I don't wish cameras up the p-hole on anybody. I mean, I have friends who fully love to sound. Sounding, yeah. It's a little, it's a knitting needles.
Starting point is 00:13:56 I don't want to yuck anybody's yum. I do. Be careful, though. Be careful. That particular thing is horrifying to me because, like you said, I think it's like also. But we're putting things up the butt. Is it really different than up the pee-hole? Yes, it is.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Can you fit two fists up your p-hole? But they're not sounding with fists. No. They're sounding with knitting needles. They should take those metal straws. My P-hole is exit only. Right. Traditional.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Yeah. But no, no. So, like, I, oh, God. But what I, would I get? The gays are so ran through. That's the, that's the gay version of straight women being like, I don't do anal. For the gays, if you don't sound, it's like, oh, vanilla. Palliana.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I just, when people say relax, I tense up. Right. They would have to use to come in a kind of reverse psychology. Yeah. Out of van. Yeah, probably.
Starting point is 00:14:43 Why didn't they drug you? They don't drug people. Um, the time. The type of inflammatory disease I have with my stress and autoimmune disorders, things just happen when I get stressed out. No, lupus do you? No. And so I think what's going on is what I'm getting, I think it's just the symptoms of my body getting tense and involuntary systems getting out of whack, which I think is it's occurring. But don't what, it matter what, part of adulthood, you've got to go to the doctor and you've got to get it checked out.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Yeah. And you've got to let those medical students walk in the door and look. I did not do that. That's happened to me. When I went from my, you know, they're like, this is definitely that. We have some med students in the hallway. Can they come and look?
Starting point is 00:15:24 And I was like, no. No. No. Not today. But they were streaming. Live streaming doctors appointments. They were one on top of the other, like through the crack in the door. the first true breath of winter air during the holidays, the way it slips into your lungs like a song
Starting point is 00:15:50 you forgot you knew. Up in the rugged serenity of Newfoundland's jagged coastline, where cliffs brood over the Atlantic and the sky wears a perpetual shimmer of pearl and frost, I stayed in a weather-beaten but perfect cottage that felt out of time. It was the kind of place where the wind itself seems to tell stories, where the scent of sea salt mingles with wood smoke, and where the quiet is so profound, it feels like the world is holding its breath just for you. And somewhere between my trek into town for dinner, and the soft drum of ocean waves against the ancient rocks, it struck me. I could be hosting my own home on Airbnb. My place is sitting empty while I wander these silver coasts, but it could be working for me.
Starting point is 00:16:30 While I'm off tracing the edges of the North Atlantic and befriending every rugged fisherman in sight, my home could be someone else's winter sanctuary, a slightly warmer chapter in their holiday adventure. And honestly, with my next journey already inked into my calendar, a Christmas pilgrimage to German, these Chris Crandall markets, it simply makes sense. And as I wander through Munich, wrapped in scarves and snowfall, my home could be helping finance the guest room model I've been dreaming of, all while welcoming travelers of its own. And it's not just me. You too can host your home on Airbnb. It's a practical way to earn a little extra money when you're away, letting your space become part of someone else's travelogue. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how
Starting point is 00:17:10 much at Airbnb.ca slash host. From the darkest corners of our imagination comes a game show that's more ridiculous than terrifying. Welcome to Tickled to Death. I'm your host, Roz Hernandez, and I'll be guiding guests through the creepy questions and chaotic games, all to win the ultimate title of Horror Movie Champion. Listen to Tickled Tickle.
Starting point is 00:17:40 to death, wherever you get your podcasts, and hit follow, unless you want the show to follow you. Oh, heated rivalry. Do you know about it? No, I mean, the memes online I've seen. So there's a hockey show. I'm understanding that, I think it's the lesbian's new jerk off show. Well, it's based on, I ordered all the books. It's based on books by a woman author.
Starting point is 00:18:08 the cover art is a little suspicious. It's giving Y.A. It's giving Y.A. picture book. It's giving Y.A. like, 9 to 12 age range. Like, it's so bad. But Conner's Story. So there's a Canadian actor, and then there's an American actor. He plays a Russian guy.
Starting point is 00:18:27 And his Russian accent is good. His Russian is not great. But that's how I knew he wasn't Russian. But his ass. is huge and lovely. Okay. Jason Mamoa, who cares anymore? Jason who?
Starting point is 00:18:45 Right. That's just being deleted from the phone as we speak. Literally, he's being like, he's got his like walking papers and he's like off my phone. This motherfucker's ass is so big. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll have to watch it.
Starting point is 00:19:00 I actually, you'll be proud of me because I've been watching a lot of stuff and you don't watch a lot of TV or movies, but it was the holidays. And when you were family, you really have nothing to do, but I'll sit and watch it. I watched this amazing documentary called The Joneses
Starting point is 00:19:12 is about this trans woman who lives in Mississippi who has a family and she lives in a trailer and she's like a woman who transitioned later in life and she's gorgeous long legs beautiful face older and it's seeing seeing how later in life seeing older trans women with families and like how later thriving and living like a normal normal comfortable life like 73 She looked amazing
Starting point is 00:19:40 Her name was Jerry J-H-E-R-I I believe when she was male Her name was Jerry So she switched it up But she has four kids She lives at three of her adult sons Supportive Like nice family
Starting point is 00:19:51 They do her makeup and everything Dysfunctional but not more than normal family And I don't know Seeing like an older trans woman Living the life of just a woman that age With the same things in a way She's just like planting her tomatoes Love it
Starting point is 00:20:04 A lot of the movie was her putting on like Workout clothing and like strutting around her trailer. Oh, that would be me. It was 100, and I just, like, loved it. I thought it was very beautiful film. That's fantastic. Great.
Starting point is 00:20:15 Then I watched... It was great. It was great. Yeah, great. No, I meant it was great. Then I watched something about disclosure, the alien movie. The new documentary about aliens. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:27 So I was... Yeah, this came up at the holiday table as well. And I watched it. Talk about it. Well, I was watching it with... I can say now, my boyfriend. Wow. Oh, my.
Starting point is 00:20:38 God. Where's the confetti? And we did talk about this on my channel, but I think I should mention it here. Yes. This is news to me. I mentioned it here. It's been going on for quite a while. Yeah. Let's just say, let's just say I fucked him. Let's just say you're enjoying my sloppy seconds. So whatever. Just kidding. Could you imagine?
Starting point is 00:21:01 Not like it hasn't happened. Do you remember that? Oh, Mary. Don't even get me stunned me. Do you guys know about this? We, we, no, we shall. I think we can.
Starting point is 00:21:13 We will talk about it off camera. I don't want to give that person. I keep saying we have a pay. We don't have one. We will talk about this behind a pay wall, baby. When the ad-free version of this drops and it will, the deepest grossest sex story we share will be only what, $4? That's how low rent we are.
Starting point is 00:21:28 You want to hear the worst sex thing that's ever happened to us. It's $3.50. Our one degree of separation sexually will cost $4. It's going to cost two gold shillings and a piece of gum. Oh, bye. Well, congratulations. Oh, thank you. By the way.
Starting point is 00:21:40 As you all know, he's amazing. He's gorgeous. He's wonderful. You don't deserve him. I know. But I just want everybody here. I said it on the channel too. I have really learned, as you all can imagine, the value of keeping this part of your life to yourself.
Starting point is 00:21:55 Yeah. I mean, what about me with those medical students? You know, I keep my herpes to myself. Girl, there should be a class where they just cut your body open and show things. It'll be like, Christ's the future. They just pull out organs and go, boom. five years some now. No, I think you should be alive.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Oh. They show it and you go, and then they put it back in. They pull out the lung. It's black. Mary, you know if I have general anesthesia for operation, I'm waking up and going, go right back.
Starting point is 00:22:28 Okay, so go ahead. So he loves aliens, so we're watching it, and he's watching, we're watching the documentary, and every time they say something, he's a blanket covered around up to the head, and every time, they say something, family all around, we're watching this video, this movie, every time they say something
Starting point is 00:22:41 like, and that's when I had confirmed that it was an alien body, he would just go, hello. Hello? So like every eight minutes when somebody, because these are all X, like, F, not FBI, whatever it is. Military. They worked in the military, and these are people who've seen, what are they call them, UAPs. Unidentified alien, alien, but I know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Yes, UFO, I guess, is not the term. It's UAP. This sounds more legit. Yes. Yeah. And these people all from different eras of government, areas of government, they don't even all know each other, but they're all telling similar stories of seeing something and being encouraged to keep it secret. Is it unidentified error? Unidentified anomalous phenomena.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Okay, yes. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty broad. Yeah. And every time they confirm something like this, I just hear, hello. Hello. And I do think there do be aliens And I think there are probably already here
Starting point is 00:23:40 And they're just hiding out Well, that's Mary, that brings me to my next point. Charlize. Bugonia. Oh, watched it. I watched it. You did not. Yes, I did.
Starting point is 00:23:49 And that will also be on the Patreon. And that will be another $3. You did not watch Bougonia. You know why I watched it? Why? Because I knew you would watch it. Oh, baby. What did you think?
Starting point is 00:24:01 Mary, I lived. You lived? Well, okay, here's the thing. The electric. scene was really shocking. So I, I knew. Oh. Oh my God. Scary.
Starting point is 00:24:12 The screaming. The execution scene was really shocking. It was shocking. I didn't know. I didn't think about that. It was. That is so funny. It was.
Starting point is 00:24:21 I didn't get it. The land, honey, the land. Oh, shit. It was scary. But I knew. So I knew. Why did you know? Because I read the wiki.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Oh, come. Why would you do that? Because somebody told. me. I didn't read the wiki because I wanted to be able to, for myself, read the ride. Does it make sense? Of course. Courtney, literally for like the last four weeks, Courtney
Starting point is 00:24:44 Act was like, have you watched Pagonia yet? I'm like, no, stop harassing me. I had a blocker. And then so I read the Wikipedia of, I don't know, I never do that. I never do that. But I was like, I'm going to, I was like, oh, whatever. When I watched the movie, I was still shocked. Here's what the wiki's good for. The wiki's good
Starting point is 00:25:01 for, let's say you're cooking while watching a movie and you're like, did I miss a plot point? Pause it. Go read up to that point to make sure you've got all the information. Well, Andrew, he, Wikipedia's every movie he watches. While watching it. Yes. Love it. You know, they're just turning it off.
Starting point is 00:25:14 I do like to watch it. I mean, I love Jesse Plemons. Jesse Plemons eats and everything. He's such a phenomenally talented actor. He's amazing. Oh, my God. And he had tracks. Love the tracks.
Starting point is 00:25:23 The scene where they're at dinner. And it's sort of the political part of the movie where he's saying he's been through every side of political affiliation. And she's. kind of reveals that she knows who he is. She deduced that that was his mother. We're rooting the movie. I'm sorry. Yeah, big time, spoiler, big time spoiler.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Alicia Silverstone. Always happy to see her. And, you know, she's such hardcore vegan. She was like, you know, she's like, I'll play the woman that a corporation kills. You know, she, of course. And that scene, I love Alicia Silverstone. She was in the air floating on those, like. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Yeah. The performances, and God, they just all eat. The autistic gentleman who plays the brother. Incredible. I looked him up. This is his first film. Incredible. He was so good.
Starting point is 00:26:08 But Ms. Emma Stone, I know it, like, she's got 13 Oscars already, but give her another one because that ho is... Forget everything you knew about La La La Land. Mama La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La. Like, she just, she nails everything. She really eats. She's like, like, that whole, she nails that, like, shitty... The C where she's been the corporate apology and then starts over.
Starting point is 00:26:31 Yeah, there's too much diversity. It was like all... It's just so... funny she's so she's pitch perfect i because of the level of movie i was like there's no way she's not going to be an alien at the end right that was my that's kind of what i figured and that i was like i was not shocked to can to have that be confirmed and i was still as surprised because i knew like i knew nothing about the set piece of like what happens in the end which was riveting um what about the castration the chemical castration love love i've done it i've done it i
Starting point is 00:27:04 I love when he goes, well, we thought you might try to seduce us. So we both chemically catchers and she goes, oh shit. That's when she realizes like, this is, I'm in danger. Electrocution was crazy. Yeah, it was. But then. Shocking. But she, I was, I love that he was like, oh my God, your majesty, I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:20 And they gave her a wig? He gave her a wig? She gives her a wig once she realizes she's, so she doesn't have to be bald. Remember, at the end, when she goes back to the office, she has a wig on. Oh, that's right. That's so crazy. You need to read the Wikipedia. That was a vanity unit
Starting point is 00:27:36 That was a Wigs by Vanity Unit That was a Miss Australia Miss Sweden Is Miss Sweden Stage lace It was a great movie I loved it The end was
Starting point is 00:27:45 I was like Hello That was you at the end Hello I'm just trying to bust out of an ambulance Get to my office To teleport to my homeland Girl I still be
Starting point is 00:27:55 I still be saying how Remember when I told you When I started driving again I say hi in the car a lot Because I'm not used to be in the car alone And I'm still turn I'm turned out of the freeway going Hello
Starting point is 00:28:03 Oh, hi. Other cars. Hey. Hey. Get out of here. You cock a duty. In the car alone? It's creepy.
Starting point is 00:28:15 It's creepy boots. No, it's not. You know what I did in the car? I'm doing Grammys performances. Right. I'm at the Grammys. I'm Sabrina Carpenter. I'm Karen Carpenter.
Starting point is 00:28:23 Right. The grannies. I'm giving vocal performances. I'm doing master classes like Christina Aguilera. Vocal performances. I'm giving octave of inches. Right. Today's episode of Ball and the Beautiful is brought to you by hymns.
Starting point is 00:28:41 I have to tell you, according to the National Institutes of Health, as many as 30 million men in the U.S. experience ED. It is more common than a bad night's sleep. The good news is, it doesn't have to be uncomfortable or stressful or awkward. Getting access to treatment can be so simple, and you can just get back to being your normal self. Through HIMS, you can access personalized prescription treatment options for. E.D. Like hard mints and sex RX Plus climax control if prescribed. And you shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hymns brings the expert care straight to you with 100% online
Starting point is 00:29:14 access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. It is not a one size fits all thing, especially with that area of the body. And also with your goals and your relationship with your E.D. Like for me, when I was experiencing this, it was almost all emotional, stress and mental. So having access to this type of care was a great bridge for me to get back to myself. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more. Visit hymns.com slash bald. That's hymns.com slash bald for your free online visit. Hems.com slash bald.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair. Breathe deeply along with me, beloved seekers of seasonal serenity, as you and I shall inhale holiday harmony this year. With Wayfair, you can exhale the panic deep within you that has arrived like an avalanche of stress-filled fruitcake.
Starting point is 00:30:18 For it's true, the holidays have arrived and suddenly every room in your home whispers questions that affects your very soul. Do your guest rooms shimmer with final touches? Have you acquired gifts for every loved one on your list? Have you accepted that the universe is nudging you toward transformation through the holiday deals that can be had at Wayfair? Children of the cosmic hearth, listen as I shower you with the knowledge that enlightenment is actually available this year. When your spirit quivers beneath the pressure of last minute gift buying and frantic home preparations, remember that Wayfair is your one-stop shop for bedding, linens, and holiday decor for every sacred room in your dwelling. They are masters in the divine artistry of stress reduction.
Starting point is 00:30:56 Last week, in a moment of deep spiritual woe, I turned to Wayfair and manifested a celestial set of emerald velvet throw pillows, a golden table lamp shaped like a lotus, and a guest room comforter so soft it felt like hugging the embodiment of serenity. The delivery was free, fast, and so hassle-free that I was blinded with the feeling of pure tranquility. And when I placed those items in my home, I felt my energy rise. The rooms vibrated, the holiday magic aligned, and suddenly I was no longer a frantic mortal. I was a pure being of preparedness, glowing like a fresh ornament on the cosmic tree of life. Now is the best time to attune to this season ahead so you may glide joyfully through gatherings with your family, your children, your guests, and even that one moustachioed
Starting point is 00:31:40 cousin who smells vaguely of Roquefort cheese. For when your guests leave, Wafer helps you refresh your maledorous cheese-tainted guest room with bedding pillows and scented candles for a deep discount this holiday season. They even offer kitchen essentials that empower you to host with the confidence of a thousand enlightened Michelin Star Chefs. So breathe in readiness and breathe out stress. Only then can you ascend into your highest holiday self with Wayfair, the sacred sanctuary for every time your spirit needs to thrive
Starting point is 00:32:08 during this magnificent season. Get last minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home.
Starting point is 00:32:25 All right, y'all, gather around because Monet exchange from sibling rivalries here with an announcement. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Google Gemini. Now, listen, the girls over at Google said, Monet, tell the children, so I'm telling you. U.S. college students get Google Gemini's pro plan free for one year. Use the best model in the world for multimodal understanding, so whether you're uploading a video to get feedback on your presentation, uploading a photo of your homework to ask for help,
Starting point is 00:32:52 or transcribing notes from a lecture you missed, Gemini 3 Pro can help. And baby, if I had this in college, oh, she would have been unstoppable. Picture it. Monet exchange in the library, uploading a picture of my music theory homework like Gemini, please, help a diva out.
Starting point is 00:33:10 Or recording my rehearsal videos for feedback instead of crying at the practice room for three hours. This would have been life-changing. Now, back to the goods. Sign up to get more access to Google's most accurate model Gemini 3 Pro Unlimited Image Uploads, Pro Level Image Editing, Higher Limits in Notebook LM, Gemini in Gmail and Docs, 2 terabytes of storage, and more. You heard me, 2 terabytes! That's enough space to store every vocal warm-up, drag race look, and every photo your aunt sends you of her plans.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Visit jemini.comgoogle slash students to learn more and sign up Terms Apply. I also watch, there's a lot of movies I watched. I watched Madam. Did you watch this? Madame. This is a Tony Collette film. Heidi Fleiss? It's a Tony Collette film.
Starting point is 00:33:58 Her and her husband play rich upper echelon socialites who are American who live in Paris. No. And they're hosting a dinner party and they realize there's 13 chairs and she's like, I can't do that. Tony Collette's like this complete bitch.
Starting point is 00:34:11 She's like, I can't have that. She goes to her maid and is like, go put on a nice dress. Don't tell the people here that you're a maid. We need 14 guests. Just drink a little bit. Don't talk much. shut up but we need 14 chairs
Starting point is 00:34:23 and she accidentally charms the pants off of this super rich guy that's at the dinner and they start dating and he doesn't know who she is and Tony Collette's like I can't believe this made in Manhattan. The reveal is at the end he's like so in love with her and she's worried that he's going to like dump her
Starting point is 00:34:38 and Tony Colette tells him that she's the maid and he does dump her and then she quits the job and leaves but it teaches her that I'm not that different than these people And these people suck And she's like
Starting point is 00:34:55 I'm wearing the basically the subtext being like I had a maid's outfit on telling myself I'm not as good as these people I'm as good as these people I'm better than these people And I would and that guy sucks And I'm leaving and she quits Great
Starting point is 00:35:06 It was a great movie And the actress who played her This woman She was a Spanish model An actress who has like a million awards But I never seen her anything And she is um Rossi de Palma
Starting point is 00:35:18 Oh I love Rossi De Palma She has very distinctive looking Yes I was, yes, I was watching. She's an Amadovar. She's in like an Madovar movie. Okay, I love big noses on women. Oh, she's incredible.
Starting point is 00:35:28 And I'm watching her. And in the movie, obviously, she's meant to be like not traditionally pretty. Ugly duckling. Yes. But I'm watching it and the family commentary is going around. I go, you guys, I bet she was a model. I Google it. Sure was.
Starting point is 00:35:40 Oh, yeah, Mugler. Yes. Also, she eats. Beautiful. She chews up every scene she's in in all those Aladover movies. And the red carpets. Yeah, she's so fucking funny. She's so funny.
Starting point is 00:35:52 She's so funny. So fucking funny. Anyway, I'd never even heard of that movie. It's not just a Tony Collette film. The gentleman who plays her husband. It was his last movie before she died, he died of leave. What was his name? Harvey Cotele.
Starting point is 00:36:03 He's her husband in the piano. And Tony Collette, I never get to see her be like a true cunt. She's really a cunt in that movie. Oh, wow. Is there anything she can't do? This is part where she reads the nurse, the maid down and tells her to go to bed and then all the party is like, you're embarrassing yourself, you don't belong here, whatever. Oh, that would have made.
Starting point is 00:36:20 And then before the girl walks. away. She goes, and you look really pretty in lipstick. Oh, wow. Cunt. Hello. Hello. Hello. It was a great movie. You know, sometimes when you let, when you're not, when it's not your house and you're at the mercy of what other movies people pick, you can be surprised.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Things you never thought of or never knew about play on the TV and you go, oh, the Jones. I would have never picked this independent documentary about a trans woman in Mississippi. Loved it. Loved it. Also, Harvey Tell is he dead. Thank you. Weenie's still intact today. You know what I love about Harvey Keitel, his large schlong.
Starting point is 00:37:01 I love him in, um, Death Till Dawn. Think about it. Think about it. Think about it. And that's what the community is. I'm afraid to talk about. You know, you know what I can't get out of my head? What?
Starting point is 00:37:14 Salma Hayek in her pool, swimming with the bikini and those large breasts. You know what I'm talking about. Instagram? Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about. And you did it at my birthday party. I just watched that. Girl, that's so weird. In all this, on all this cinema, I was like, should I rewatch that? No, it came up. All this Oscar cinema, Bologna into that video. I mean, it's apples and oil. Hello. Bagonia could never. Bougonia could never. I'll see you at the Oscars, Tati. I'm ready for some sort of, like, I, Tanya. I'm ready for some kind of I, Tanya movie about like, 2016
Starting point is 00:37:51 Arab Sandra Bullock Tati Who's playing Tati Sandra Bullock? Yeah Right? Bring it on Okay
Starting point is 00:37:57 Who's playing James Charles Maybe himself No Um It's gonna be Tim Disholme Oh of course
Starting point is 00:38:06 Timothy Shalme And he can do it too He's got the range He could do everything He's motivated He's gonna be the best Sandy Bullock is Tati or
Starting point is 00:38:14 Liz Hurley And I think I think Emma Stone is Jeffrey right 100% yeah and there's got to be that do you know
Starting point is 00:38:26 do you follow that account head very empty where it's the swing the swing do I follow that account pull up in the Sri Lanka are you kidding me
Starting point is 00:38:33 in the red track suits head v empty on Instagram everybody needs to follow every day every day every day every day it's like my pill
Starting point is 00:38:45 every ball running through the field yeah I got it I have a shirt that got my red dress on tonight. Did you see the new drag race promo? I, okay, so let's talk about that.
Starting point is 00:38:53 Rupal says, like, it says in shady times, like, let there be light. And Rupal's in this glowing dress. I honestly, ready set glow. I was like, we do need this. We need drag race in these trying times. Yes, we do. Do you know what was going through my head the entire promo?
Starting point is 00:39:10 How pretty I was. Three words. I could never. Baby. I don't care. Some of those girls were hit. The idea that you had to self-evaluate. Some of those girls were hit.
Starting point is 00:39:18 and tore down in the face, obviously. But every single one of them was wearing an outfit that I could never dream of acquiring, designing, or even sourcing. You don't care. I do care. That's why it hurts me. Can I say, I don't know when... I was just, look, it wasn't... This isn't this dragress gas.
Starting point is 00:39:37 I'm more rude. She's wearing a little purple, like purple off the shoulder thing from telos. She might not even be in the picture. No, but I mean, she was there. Yes. Yeah. Like, when we did the All-Stars promo, I remember she was there like the day before. We never saw her. She shoots her own day.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Oh, no, she's not going to be there with you guys. Yeah, no, no. She's running through the parking lots with the shoes singing Annie. You're going to get and drag ahead to set with Thorgy. You got to your mind? Can I tell you the craziest thing happened on that? I think I talked about this on my channel, but that photo shoot for All Stars 3 was gold. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:06 And Thorgy brought a yellow feather dress and was mad when they were like, this isn't gold. They didn't style you? No, we brought our own. She bought a yellow feather dress and they were like, this isn't gold. And she was like, what? it's yellow gold let it mellow you know
Starting point is 00:40:22 was David Lachapel shot that right yeah we had I think we shot our shot our own on an iPhone what's with that
Starting point is 00:40:29 Mary what's with the All-Stars 2 promo no no no there was no no
Starting point is 00:40:33 there was no we didn't have promo what is it not it it was queen faggot queen
Starting point is 00:40:40 faget queen queen it was like royal it was boo boo boo we didn't really have we didn't have a we didn't have a we didn't have a
Starting point is 00:40:48 commercial. Amazing television though. You guys didn't need it. Best season maybe they watch it and thought we don't need it. It's just good. Yeah, horrible. I mean, do you know where my... Who looked cunt? I actually think Roxy looked really beautiful. Is you're dressed literally from like Acehose? Yep. Um, not ASOS, it's
Starting point is 00:41:04 something, something better. Al-A-Express. Detox, I think won that challenge. She looks incredible. I think y'all look fucking chopped. A1 had to be evented. I would have said let Gem and I take a draft at y'all. Nasty put your clothes on. Best season of television ever.
Starting point is 00:41:25 Nasty take your clothes off. Best season drag race ever. I cannot wait till you and I can someday do a recap of All Source 2. I've been wanting to watch it so bad. You are so good at that shit. I, you know what? I'm not the type of person who like peaked in high school, always reliving my glory days, you know, tipping cows. You certainly didn't peek in high school.
Starting point is 00:41:44 You were drinking. vampire. You were in red leather vampire pants. I widows peaked. I widows peaked in high school. No, peaked. Peaked at what? Peaked. I peaked through the hole. Piqued at men in the shower. Yeah. Rubbing the skin off. Um, oh my God. No, but I don't like, I'm not the type of person to relive my glory. He's still waiting for them to happen. But like, I agree. It was the best. It was the best. It was the best. It was so good. You guys just amazing. I'm so glad. But I'm so glad I didn't get eliminated at the third episode, though. Best TV ever. Yeah. Rivenating. The moment when the mirror, people are back there, I just, I fantasize about it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:24 I fantasize about it. Wait. I got two words for you. Typeincub.com. That's not a word. Type in club. So typing club? You know how my secret shame, Hunt and Peck?
Starting point is 00:42:34 Uh-huh. Do you know how to type. Mary, asked me what I did the other day. What did you do? What did you do? A minute. 100% accuracy. Eat my ass.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Seven? 70. 70? That's very, very, that's very, that's very out of character. Are you an Adderall? No, I'm, no, I couldn't, that it's like, that's like, a lot of characters a minute, no complete words. No words, no words. Or sentences. But a lot of pushing. But the thing, but full disclosure, no capitals. No capitals. That's given me a, but that's
Starting point is 00:43:04 given me a big, big. But that's Stan Twitter. You turn off the auto caps on Stan Twitter. I'm doing periods though. I'm doing semi-colons periods comes. I just, the capitals are really killing me. Because you got to go. You got to choose the shift to this shift. I know and I don't like it. That's okay. But Mary, I was, I was, I was cruising and it's so satisfying. Like, I haven't learned to do anything in so long. Do you want to write another book? Nope. Um, but I could, I could dictate somebody else's book or write somebody else's book. You want to be a stenographer. That's what I want. You put 17 years into drag to go be a court stenographer. And we get a brown wig, breast implants, real. Marcia Cross. Little, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that her name?
Starting point is 00:43:41 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute. Marsha Cross, Sarah Paulson, all's fair. You, what Ryan Murphy and those ladies are doing to us is something hitherto undid on television. They are trolling us so hard. Why are you feeding into it?
Starting point is 00:44:02 No, no, no, I'm not feeding into it. I saw a clip on Twitter. Don't stare into the abyss. No, no, this is not the abyss. This is the most dazzling car crash you've ever seen in your life and nobody dies. This is, Sarah Paulson has a monologue talking to Glenn Close about her pussy
Starting point is 00:44:15 her cat you sent it to me and as soon as she said pussy I turned it off Oh it's I'm sorry but I'm gonna make everybody listen to it Because she's getting her star I believe Sarah Paulson Or she just got it? It's so unhinged It's a level of like unhingingness That is just like I was like
Starting point is 00:44:30 Incredulous the whole fucking time Did Sarah get her star? Yeah She really is You know what jokes jokes aside She's an incredible actress I love her Reminds me of my pussy My kitty cat
Starting point is 00:44:46 Who died when I was five Mrs. Pussy She had feline AIDS Excuse me, but you're not comparing the loss of your cat To her husband of 40 years A child's grief can be just as profound My pussy was my whole world Okay, can I say
Starting point is 00:45:08 And when my pussy died I kept her in my bed for daze stroking her and talking to her. Of course, my mother, she got so angry. Stop playing with your pussy car. She yelled. But I refused to. Even when my pussy started smelling really bad and got really crusty,
Starting point is 00:45:32 I just stayed locked in my room grieving in private because I just couldn't let go of my pussy. You need to put this in a lip sink. Please stop saying. The word pussy, not get them. And I promise you will get through this. You know, it wasn't easy for me either. But eventually, I learned how to soothe myself without touching my pussy. Going into pussy, my pussy, my pussy.
Starting point is 00:46:02 I want to do the cabaret thing. How she turned to me and say, and this through that whole mom. Oh, my God. That is, Elsie. That is so crazy. That is so fucking crazy It is. It really is crazy I also have been listening to some new music
Starting point is 00:46:17 Orville Peck's new album is out And you know, she is one of our friends She's a crooner Amazing singer and of course We've seen her on stage And I have both of his first albums And then the other ones I kind of cherry picked This one I was on a long drive
Starting point is 00:46:30 And I just put it on He's beautiful voice He's just a great artist Orvo, congrats girl Congratulations And unrelated and inappropriate I had a sexual dream about him the other day
Starting point is 00:46:40 Okay What happened? I fucked him in his huge butt. Let's take a break. Finally, you called a break. My pussy. Krusty. So that is the Ryan Murphy
Starting point is 00:46:53 and the girls are having fun, I think. Listen, I, the other day, I needed a Sarah Paulson fix and I watched a bunch of clips of apocalypse because I love to watch Sarah Paulson in anything. Yeah. And what I loved about apocalypse
Starting point is 00:47:06 of American Horror Story was. It was the season where all the seasons are kind of converging. It's murder house, it's coven, it's this. And so they're all playing their characters from other seasons, but they all have facial blindness when they're like, who are you? And I'm like, well, that's the Supreme in a different wig. Like, I love that.
Starting point is 00:47:26 I love it. It's so drag. There's this part where the bitch is little Christmas. Medicine Montgomery turns and she's like at the murder house and she's like, and who the fuck are you or whatever? And she's like, I forget what the medium's name is. who's from murder house, but it's Sarah Paulson.
Starting point is 00:47:42 And she's a medium. And I'm like, but that's the Supreme who you saw earlier. That's Sarah Paulson. And I love the fantasy. And then like, Jessica Lang shows up as Constance from season one.
Starting point is 00:47:53 And she's like, this is my fucking house. You know, whatever she does. Blanche Devereaux smoking commercial. And then when they're like, who are you? I'm like,
Starting point is 00:47:59 well, that's the stripping with cancer who died two years ago. You don't recognize the girl. She's on the call sheet. Girl. I'm like, y'all need to get your eyes checked.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Ryan Murphy's die. Love it, though. Oh, I do too. At this point, I'm like, go, girl. Do it. Do more. Fuck it up. Fuck it up.
Starting point is 00:48:17 Eat it. Shit on them. Oh, I watched several Christmas movies already. What'd you much? Well, I don't want to overshare too much. Have you seen Scrooge, by the way? Yes. That's my favorite Christmas movie right now.
Starting point is 00:48:28 I've never gotten to write a movie. But you know, you and I've watched so many Christmas movies at Netflix that I've gotten weirdly empowered because the bar is in the basement. Girl, the bar's not even there. There's no bar. Yeah. But I like Christmas movies. The world is so bad that I think I've,
Starting point is 00:48:40 I reached a point where I want to watch a formulaic, predictable Christmas movie. Is it like a Lifetime or Netflix or like a, like, irreverent or like what? There's really good Christmas movies, right? Like, um, Scrooons. Scrooge. I would say Elf the Grinch. Those are like good, amazing. Christmas story. Yes, but I'm more interested in.
Starting point is 00:48:59 And then there's the top tier made for TV kind of, or seasonal Christmas movies. Such a. I'm interested in what's a little bit below that. Okay. Anything starring Jonathan Bennett. Who the fuck is that? Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. He's been in, I think I counted 12 Christmas movies.
Starting point is 00:49:14 The King of Christmas. And I watched a movie that I thought I was going to make fun of and hate. And I sat down to be like, fucking gay movies. I love fucking gay movies. I love bad Christmas movies. I love bad gay movies. And the two come together. Ah!
Starting point is 00:49:25 The clip. Clit. Carved. Fucking chip clip on the clip. Cresty pussy. Love it. Cresty pussy. Dead, dead pussy in bed.
Starting point is 00:49:32 So this movie stars Kristen Stewart. Okay, I'm sold. And who plays her girlfriend? is a beautiful actress. Mackenzie Davis, incredibly beautiful. Oh, I know this one. So they're girlfriends. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:45 And I had no idea what this movie was about. And I've been working on my Christmas shit. And I was like, let's just go watch Christmas movies. Get me in the mood while I'm working on my Christmas shit. Working out with Jennifer from Netflix. And I just want to say, the hard thing to believe in this movie was that you're bringing home Kristen Stewart and you're trying to pass her off as your roommate.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Okay. Kristen Stewart is in like this unit color with like two hair clips. With like overalls? No, she's giving like grungy, cool Tegan and Sarah. Okay. Emo girl. Gorgeous. Yes.
Starting point is 00:50:23 And drop dead gorgeous, but really giving gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the idea of bringing home that level lesbian and be like, this is my roommate. Well, Mary, that's what my grandmother called my, my uncle's, you know what, for the entire life. Well, it's like an old school thing. Yeah, yeah. Um His roommate
Starting point is 00:50:39 It was such a good movie Really? Yes It was so good I had no idea It was going to be so good That I Aubrey Plaza is in it
Starting point is 00:50:50 This sounds great Jinks and Dale are in it Ugh Ugh The drag queens Where I really was like This is too much The mom is
Starting point is 00:51:02 Mary Steenbergen Amazing Love her And she's kind of a mean mom in it She never misses her be mean. Love her. I love.
Starting point is 00:51:09 This movie was so good. And I'd never seen it. Happiest season. Happy season. It was the best. It was not only a good Christmas movie. It was one of the best gay movies I've ever seen. Well,
Starting point is 00:51:18 that, I don't think there's any good gay movies. Hilarious. Dan Levy, there's this runner where he's babysitting her fish and they're dead. He kills him. And so the runner is that he's spending the whole movie trying to be like, hey, if I have a friend who wanted to get your exact fish,
Starting point is 00:51:32 maybe the exact same size, where would you get those? Because he's trying to like replace her fish. That should make me laugh. That's funny. scene with having a heart to heart and they zoom out and he's in a fish store holding two bags. That's funny. That's funny. The shit is so funny.
Starting point is 00:51:43 I cried like three times. Damn. Because this girl is in this family where her parents want her to be so perfect and the dad's running for office and the damage. And then really the takeaway is like Allison Bree is in this. These kids all just want their family, their parents, they feel like their parents' love is
Starting point is 00:51:59 conditional. Right. And obviously the gay daughter feels that. But the other two heterosexual siblings also feel that. The story is more of like a cautionary tale of like parents making their children feel like their love is conditional and gay stuff fits in that but it wasn't like a gay themed movie It wasn't like eating out
Starting point is 00:52:16 No The Lady Bunny wasn't in it A Piss Ballet You know, did you know Brandon is in that? Yes, I definitely. No, he's in another gay sequel Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a piss ballet in that What now? A yellow, like a golden shower ballet, like you're singing in the rain.
Starting point is 00:52:33 Oh, Jesus Christ. Wait, in this movie? No. No, yeah, it's Chris. Stewart. I love Kristen Stewart. Clear stream. I love Kristen Stewart. Are you kidding me? I love her. I love her. She's so love her. The acting in this, I was like, is this my favorite Kristen Stewart movie? Baby, but you know what else is fucked up about me? What? There's nothing I fucking like more. I don't know what it is. If you ever go to a hotel and turn on the TV and turn on the cable, basic cable, Twilight will be on some channel and I always turn it on. If I hear those opening cords, I lay in that bed, it feels like pizza boxes on my shittiest bed spread and I put both I put my legs up in the air and I watch it I watch
Starting point is 00:53:10 twilight like with a trowel it's a little like the ring like I can't look away I got seven days to watch the series like after I watch one I have to watch all Mary if the Volturi scene if the Volturi fight scene comes on you know that I take my glasses off I take my eyes to the screen are you talking about the head pops off yes I'm talking about the bloodless head fight the bloodless decapitation the bloodlet oh I also love when you Dakota Fanning throws the baby in the fire. But where was... Are you Jacob or Edward?
Starting point is 00:53:38 Neither. I'm Volturi. I want those dead... I want the baby in the fire. Right. I also don't like that that whole fight happens and then it's a, it's a psychic vision. I hate that. That's why I turned out before that.
Starting point is 00:53:50 For me, that's a real thing. Poppin, pop in heads like, I don't know what. Like a pezz dispenser? Yeah. Weird. And then also, like, what's his name? Martin Sheen. Not Martin Sheen.
Starting point is 00:54:01 That British guy? Who play, like, the leader of the Baltori? Yeah, what's his name? He's got that smirk, that gay smirk that... It's so hammy. It's so hammy. And Dakota Fanning is so hammy. They're just hamming it up.
Starting point is 00:54:17 Michael Sheen. Married to Kate Beckinsale, divorced, of course. Father to Lily Sheen. I love that shit. Are you caught up on dairy? I am. I got to get... Don't ruin it. Don't ruin it.
Starting point is 00:54:31 No, I'm not going to. I'm not going to... I'm not living. I'm not living. I think they have some really great set pieces, but... Did you think that Maddie was going to be alive? I knew it was a trick. Of course.
Starting point is 00:54:41 He came out of a yellow tent. I was like, this is a raincoat. Girl, he came out looking like, who done it? When the back of his head opened up, that was scary. Yeah, but I was like, I was like, when is this kid going to turn into whatever? And I did think he was going to shoot his son in accident. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:55 I'm living. I got to watch this week's though. I'm living. Unpopular opinion or whatever. I don't care for this penny wise. I've never cared for it. I think Bill Scarsgaard is so talented, incredibly talented. I hate the design.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I hate the look. I don't think it's scary. I think it's boo-boo. I think it's too ornate. The big head just is funny. It's not scary. I think Tim Curry was eating, eating, eating. Maybe we should end here because I have something in time.
Starting point is 00:55:18 I saw the scariest media I've ever seen. What? And I will tell you next week. Oh, that's a clip hanger. $3. Bye. Bye. Thank you.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.