The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - How to Use Double Entendres with Trixie and Katya
Episode Date: December 16, 2025Today, as our fingers gently brushed the record button and we engaged in a long and thorough microphone check, we adjusted the levels for several minutes, thus ensuring the room was warm and ready and... inviting us to continue. We settled into a steady rhythm, exploring the acoustics until we eventually found the mythical sweet spot, taking our time and allowing the tension to build as the red light blinked, letting us know we were on the right path to podcast ecstasy. Instead of rushing headfirst into the recording session, however, we pressed every button we could find, slid the stiff faders with purpose, and teased the gain until the input signal was just the right amount of hot. As we continued, we stretched the stories and kept it slow and steady to avoid getting overly excited and experiencing a recording that clipped too soon. During breaks, we whispered notes to each other, tightening the segments and edging closer and closer to the episodic climax. Before long, the session swelled with jokes as it became positively engorged with humor. But even then, we didn't stop; we went deeper into the topic, syncing up with each other, hitting our marks, and savoring the long comedic pauses. Finally, we arrived at the finale: a grand, unadulterated release of pure, animalistic aural delight. Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, go to: https://Squarespace.com/BALD For an exclusive $35 off Aura Frame's amazing Carver Mat Frame, use Promo Code BALD at https://on.auraframes.com/BALD To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit: https://Hims.com/BALD Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for WAY less! Head to: https://Wayfair.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Listen and Watch Anywhere! http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast Follow Trixie: Official Website: https://www.trixiemattel.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/trixiemattel Follow Katya: Official Website: https://www.welovekatya.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/katya_zamo #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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On a recent fall trip to the wild, wind-swept majesty of Nova Scotia's rugged coast,
I stayed in a home I booked through Airbnb.
It was so breathtaking that I felt myself carried away on the briny scent of the Atlantic,
the low murmur of crimson and copper leaves swirling along ancient cliffs,
and that hushed enchantment of stepping into a seaside cottage that warms the soul.
And somewhere between my twilight wanderings along the weather-beaten shoreline
and my dinner with a local fisherman, a thought swept over me like a tide.
I, too, could host my own home on Airbnb.
My place could be welcoming travelers while I'm away,
perhaps even helping to fund the New Year's voyage I'm planning to Greece,
where I dream of greeting January beneath the white stone chapels
and the shimmering acheon sky.
Your home might be worth more than you think.
Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host.
Canada's Wonderland is bringing the holiday magic this season with Winterfest
on Select Nights, now through January 3rd.
Step into a winter wonderland filled with millions of dazzling lights, festive shows, rides, and holiday treats.
Plus, Coca-Cola is back with Canada's Kindest Community, celebrating acts of kindness nationwide with a chance at $100,000 donation for the winning community and a 2026 holiday caravan stop.
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Welcome aboard via rail. Please sit and enjoy.
Please sit and sip. Play. Post.
Taste, view, and enjoy.
Via Rail, love the way.
I'm trying to be less poorly dressed.
I sat down the other day, and I made a Pinterest board of what kind of outfits I look the best in
and what you would call that personal style and how I should spend the next few months really trying to pick a lane.
Which lane is this exactly?
I've gone full circle.
I am country trash.
And I think with my bone structure and everything, that looks best on me.
I do.
I don't like this negative self-talk.
I don't think it's negative.
I mean, like, what do you call it?
Country trash.
Rustic Americana.
Yes.
Like a canvas.
Down home country living.
Denim.
That's what looks best on my face, my everything.
So that's what we're doing.
Stolen magnolias.
We have to talk about.
What I said before we walked in here.
No, no, no, no.
He didn't get out of the Cockadoony car.
Oh my God.
Instead of us, people have been begging us to do like a movie club,
and instead we've pivoted to book club.
Mary, that book.
Do you want to say what it is?
Misery got my pussy in a knot.
It's amazing.
And she kicked it down the stairs.
Spoiler, big time, spoiler alert.
People who have seen the movie.
The movie's amazing.
Movie's great.
Annie Wilkes, Kathy Bates, Oscar winning.
Incredible.
Oscar-winning performance, best-supporting actress.
But the book.
Right.
Mama.
The hobbling in the book.
The horny is coming from inside the house.
She takes...
Spoiler, spoiler, spoiler.
So in the movie...
She takes a sledgehammer.
Yeah.
She puts a block of wood between his ankles.
And then she waxes it with a sledgehammer to break his ankles.
Because she finds out he was out of his room.
Yes.
You know, her little penguin is always facing due south.
Mm-hmm.
So in the book,
Mama, she takes an axe to the fucking foot.
And it doesn't happen once.
It goes, wham.
And then wham.
And then she gets that last little piece of gristle.
Wham.
And then a blow, torch, to carter, rise of the wound.
Baby.
In the book, she takes the foot off.
He only takes one foot off.
She takes one foot off.
Oh, but he also, she also takes a thumb with an electric knife.
She in the book.
In the book, it's longer, obviously.
So figuring out how crazy she is is much slower and much scarier.
But you know she's crazier from, you know she's cuckoo from the jump because it gets right into it.
Also the ending.
Oh, he kind of is like seeing her forever.
And then in the end you're like, is it her?
Is it her?
But also when that when, okay, so fast forward, fast forward, fast forward.
You know, the fight scene in the end with that, you know, stuff in the charred, um, uh, manuscript into her mouth.
In the book, oh, it's much longer and much longer.
Much cuntier.
Yeah.
Oh, they really go at it.
It's so, I read in two days.
Gobble it up.
And honestly, similar to The Shining, what you miss in the book, the feeling of isolation, the feeling of you are fucked.
Yeah.
No one can hear you.
No one will find you.
And he's there longer.
It feels like in the book, he's there longer.
Kind of like in The Hunger Games.
She's in the Hunger Games.
There's like a whole two weeks they don't show where she almost starves.
So they don't eat in the Hunger Games?
Is that why it's called Hunger?
Well, they're kind of like me where they're eating.
eating always and still hungry.
Because, you know, I like my two breakfasts, my two lunches, my three dinners, and then my
sweet treat, which is a popsicle up my butt and in my mouth at the same fucking time.
And then, do you know what my big ass?
But you've got that stoma that just comes right out.
I feed the best up.
Girl, I...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, one second.
I don't know.
Hello.
Okay.
I have to tell the people what transpired upon my arrival here.
So I'm sitting out there, just minding my own business, feeling great, loving my life.
feeling grateful and then Miss Thingmox then and she says oh hi ugly do you want some makeup
that's not what I said no no no what I meant was I'm I'm using the makeup station I meant do you need
the station and you're like no you need this station no can I tell you the truth that's not what I meant
at all I meant do you know I know because I don't know how to do it I know I was trying to help
you did yeah I was just trying to help I don't know clap I use my color on her I don't know if my
color exactly matches her but she's okay but it's better than wherever the gray
white underneath was the gray white and red with the hair if you're going to go lemon yellow with
with the with the with the tanning you get more red and so this is toned did you use mustard
toned with gray poop on i think you look really good you look like um what is it's a tray parker
and uh no it looked like the guy from um lawmore man oh oh oh oh it's almost too rich almost too sweet
What about the lawnmower, man?
You know, I saw that in the theater.
The, I've only seen it once.
It's not that great.
It's not that great.
Isn't it like kind of, he gets sucked into the computer or something?
Something like that.
Also, did you see the tweet about if Jesus, Joe Rogan's, if Jesus comes back, maybe he's
AI?
It's fine.
I was like, to wrap it up.
But you know what, though?
He knows his audience.
His audience is like, it's the A1.
A1, 5G.
Like, what?
I don't know.
He'll...
Who knows.
Girl.
Seriously.
Ro Jogan.
Okay, so what's up?
Oh, so November 1st, I woke up.
I said, it's time.
Went down to the CBS and bought all the leftover Halloween candy.
Thrifty, 70% off.
You love a deal.
Sour punch straws.
Mambas.
Mambas.
You know mambas?
Mambas.
Tell me you didn't get non-parales.
No, no.
High chews.
Starburst.
and a bunch of snickers.
I got them all stacked away in the pantry, in the pantry for a rainy day.
Why don't you freeze them?
That candy will keep me going for days.
No, but honestly, months, I'll be like, oh, have this candy through.
Because the Halloween candy is good, and it's all individual small pieces.
A little sweet treat.
And that way I only have 16 small pieces.
Do you know, you digest it better if you keep the wrapper on?
It goes right through you.
Of course.
Of course.
You get the satisfying chew, but none of the calories.
Right.
I can I talk about the medical mystery please I had to go to a urologist and oh god the
I had to go to a urologist and they had to do a trigger warning they had to do I'm going to be
honest this is pretty graphic and I wasn't sure if I would share but I thought they told me at the
urologist's office that this is really common if people get it done all the time so I don't feel
that crazy maybe somebody knows they had to do a I forget what it's called but they put a camera
a camera up your pee hole the sounding into your bladder so first they put a numbing gel in my
hole. Then they clamped the end of it with like a chip clip, right? And I'm just laying
there and they're just laying there and they're kind of like, you know, the girl at the front desk
says she knows who you are. I'm like, great, perfect. The girl wants to come in and look at your
pee holes. Is that okay? Oh, yeah. Oh, one time I was at the proctologist and after they pulled out
the brown glove, they said huge fan, huge fan. Um, the brown glove. So, um, then when it's all
numb, he comes in, he goes, you know, this is actually really, the whole thing's like 90 seconds.
He was like, it's not really painful.
He said there's one part of it where if you don't relax, it will hurt more.
Mary.
So the camera gets to what you call the bladder sphincter, which is like another butthole.
And what do I do?
I tense.
It's shocking.
So I just go, it gets up there and I go, I'm not kidding.
I go, ah, ha, ha.
And he goes, okay, okay.
When you get nervous about this, you're going to close.
But naturally, it's not that tight.
So if you just relax, the camera will just go in.
And he was right.
The second try just was like, I was like, play dead.
No matter how much it hurts, play dead.
And it just went, it was perfect.
Okay.
But that's, that is a situation where you need to use a strategy.
Like, don't worry is not going to cut it.
Relax is not going to cut it.
He was right, though.
Yeah, no, I know that he's right.
It's a stincter response.
It's a, you nervous, you tight.
Totally.
But, but saying, don't be nervous, what am I going to do?
Right.
I'm going to get nervous.
And I laid there on the table and I thought, if I leave now, I, I'm not being good to
to myself health-wise if I just dip out on this.
So I'm just going to do it.
So I'm laying there with no pants on and the tube is up the penis.
I'm like not looking.
I'm like staring at it.
I'm like, I'm dissociated.
Yeah.
And they have, they bring the screen over and they go look and they show me my bladder.
I'm looking at my bladder on, on, on, on Twitch.com.
You start to get, they're live stream.
You start to get hard.
It's a live stream.
And I get.
With the thing in there?
It could happen.
No.
People do it for pleasure.
And I'm so ran through that like them handling my penis, even a medical environment.
I like, that was even.
So.
Touching my penis in medical environment.
I don't care.
I'm not nervous about like a doctor seeing do whatever you need to do you're you're a body doctor
what you want with my body also I'm not when I was younger I think I was like an STI test I'm so now I'm just like
swab it do whatever you need to do yeah I respect to your process break a cute tip off in my ass and I said do you guys do this a lot they said are you kidding me with five before you got here and we'll have like 15 more today this happens we do this all time so I was like great honey you are not special
are not special a little scary but like I said the whole thing in and out was 90 seconds but you know what though 90 seconds could be could feel like 90 minutes
Can I say this was the first time of my life.
I've had a foreign item wiggling around in my body that wasn't like that?
You feel a little camera in your bladder.
I don't doubt that.
So he's showing me, he brings a TV vore and I'm looking at the walls of my bladder.
And I'm going, oh, I'm looking at my own bladder.
Okay, okay, okay.
And luckily, it looked normal.
It was just blattery, if you Google a bladder.
You know that weird kind of fleshy, peachy, yellowy color with like very small veins?
That's what it looks like a bladder.
That's what I want to see it.
picture. So it was normal, luckily, but it was like, oh, God, oh, God. It wasn't, I don't, I don't love it. I don't love the, I don't love that. I don't wish it on
people. No. And it was bad, but you got to take care of yourself. I guess. What the fuck is that?
Oh, yeah, we won an award.
One of that fucking show up. It's literally today. I know. Congratulations. I'll grab it.
Excuse me, when?
This is not true.
Look at that.
Oh!
I'm gonna wrap podcast of the year.
Is this real?
Yeah, I'm gonna take this to my eyes wide shut party tonight.
People who like, who used Grindr voted us the pod of the year?
Is that, this is like, I'm sorry, grinder's real, real gaze.
These are real gays.
I work for them.
Ran through dolls.
My Grindr Pondy.
Does that get me every subscription?
No.
Should we say something?
Say what?
I mean, can we accept an,
Grindr? I can't do a speech?
Yeah, please. Speech, speech, speech.
Wow. Oh, my God.
I had, I never thought this would happen.
After years and years of paying for Grindr Extra, which I think is $785 a month now,
I think that I bought this.
This maquette means the world to me.
I beat Merrill.
Thank you so much, you guys.
She's right. My $800 a month.
It's huge.
And it's heavy. You could beat someone to death with this thing.
Low hangers.
This award is a lot.
a low hangar. This could be a ball stretcher.
You know what I mean?
It does have two holes.
Hello.
You guys, stomp and then you, on the Patreon, which
you don't know we have, we don't have one. But on the Patreon,
can we fuck this award? Would you guys watch that?
If we two-timed, each took, we bucked
this award. You know what I just had the
strangest vision of?
What? Us doing the whack-a-mole through
the weeny hole through there, but somebody else
on the other end with a lighter.
Honestly, my pubs are so long right now.
In the event that they could get burned off,
everybody would be a winner.
That's tea.
Do you understand?
Like,
do you understand that for them to put the camera of my pee hole,
they had to do like chip clips of the hair?
Like the hair had to be swept back.
Oh, baby.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
You know,
being an adult means having to go to the doctor and be uncomfortable,
but you have to take care of yourself.
If you think something's up,
you got to take care of yourself.
This is true.
But, I mean, I don't wish cameras up the p-hole on anybody.
I mean, I have friends who fully love to sound.
Sounding, yeah.
It's a little, it's a knitting needles.
I don't want to yuck anybody's yum.
I do.
Be careful, though.
Be careful.
That particular thing is horrifying to me because, like you said, I think it's like also.
But we're putting things up the butt.
Is it really different than up the pee-hole?
Yes, it is.
Can you fit two fists up your p-hole?
But they're not sounding with fists.
No.
They're sounding with knitting needles.
They should take those metal straws.
My P-hole is exit only.
Right.
Traditional.
Yeah.
But no, no.
So, like, I, oh, God.
But what I, would I get?
The gays are so ran through.
That's the, that's the gay version of straight women being like, I don't do anal.
For the gays, if you don't sound, it's like, oh, vanilla.
Palliana.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I just, when people say relax, I tense up.
Right.
They would have to use to come in a kind of reverse psychology.
Yeah.
Out of van.
Yeah, probably.
Why didn't they drug you?
They don't drug people.
Um, the time.
The type of inflammatory disease I have with my stress and autoimmune disorders, things just happen when I get stressed out.
No, lupus do you?
No.
And so I think what's going on is what I'm getting, I think it's just the symptoms of my body getting tense and involuntary systems getting out of whack, which I think is it's occurring.
But don't what, it matter what, part of adulthood, you've got to go to the doctor and you've got to get it checked out.
Yeah.
And you've got to let those medical students walk in the door and look.
I did not do that.
That's happened to me.
When I went from my, you know,
they're like, this is definitely that.
We have some med students in the hallway.
Can they come and look?
And I was like, no.
No.
No.
Not today.
But they were streaming.
Live streaming doctors appointments.
They were one on top of the other, like through the crack in the door.
the first true breath of winter air during the holidays, the way it slips into your lungs like a song
you forgot you knew. Up in the rugged serenity of Newfoundland's jagged coastline, where cliffs
brood over the Atlantic and the sky wears a perpetual shimmer of pearl and frost, I stayed in
a weather-beaten but perfect cottage that felt out of time. It was the kind of place where the wind
itself seems to tell stories, where the scent of sea salt mingles with wood smoke, and where the
quiet is so profound, it feels like the world is holding its breath just for you.
And somewhere between my trek into town for dinner, and the soft drum of ocean waves against the ancient rocks, it struck me.
I could be hosting my own home on Airbnb.
My place is sitting empty while I wander these silver coasts, but it could be working for me.
While I'm off tracing the edges of the North Atlantic and befriending every rugged fisherman in sight,
my home could be someone else's winter sanctuary, a slightly warmer chapter in their holiday adventure.
And honestly, with my next journey already inked into my calendar, a Christmas pilgrimage to German,
these Chris Crandall markets, it simply makes sense. And as I wander through Munich, wrapped
in scarves and snowfall, my home could be helping finance the guest room model I've been dreaming
of, all while welcoming travelers of its own. And it's not just me. You too can host your home
on Airbnb. It's a practical way to earn a little extra money when you're away, letting your space
become part of someone else's travelogue. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how
much at Airbnb.ca slash host.
From the darkest corners of our imagination
comes a game show that's more ridiculous than terrifying.
Welcome to Tickled to Death.
I'm your host, Roz Hernandez,
and I'll be guiding guests through the creepy questions and chaotic games,
all to win the ultimate title of Horror Movie Champion.
Listen to Tickled Tickle.
to death, wherever you get your podcasts, and hit follow, unless you want the show to follow you.
Oh, heated rivalry.
Do you know about it?
No, I mean, the memes online I've seen.
So there's a hockey show.
I'm understanding that, I think it's the lesbian's new jerk off show.
Well, it's based on, I ordered all the books.
It's based on books by a woman author.
the cover art is a little suspicious.
It's giving Y.A.
It's giving Y.A. picture book.
It's giving Y.A. like, 9 to 12 age range.
Like, it's so bad.
But Conner's Story.
So there's a Canadian actor, and then there's an American actor.
He plays a Russian guy.
And his Russian accent is good.
His Russian is not great.
But that's how I knew he wasn't Russian.
But his ass.
is huge and lovely.
Okay.
Jason Mamoa, who cares anymore?
Jason who?
Right.
That's just being deleted from the phone as we speak.
Literally, he's being like,
he's got his like walking papers
and he's like off my phone.
This motherfucker's ass is so big.
Yeah.
Well, maybe I'll have to watch it.
I actually,
you'll be proud of me because I've been watching a lot of stuff
and you don't watch a lot of TV or movies,
but it was the holidays.
And when you were family,
you really have nothing to do,
but I'll sit and watch it.
I watched this amazing documentary called The Joneses
is about this trans woman who lives in Mississippi
who has a family and she lives in a trailer and she's like a woman who
transitioned later in life and she's gorgeous long legs beautiful face
older and it's seeing seeing how later in life
seeing older trans women with families and like
how later thriving and living like a normal normal comfortable life
like 73
She looked amazing
Her name was Jerry J-H-E-R-I
I believe when she was male
Her name was Jerry
So she switched it up
But she has four kids
She lives at three of her adult sons
Supportive
Like nice family
They do her makeup and everything
Dysfunctional but not more than normal family
And I don't know
Seeing like an older trans woman
Living the life of just a woman that age
With the same things in a way
She's just like planting her tomatoes
Love it
A lot of the movie was her putting on like
Workout clothing
and like strutting around her trailer.
Oh, that would be me.
It was 100, and I just, like, loved it.
I thought it was very beautiful film.
That's fantastic.
Great.
Then I watched...
It was great.
It was great.
Yeah, great.
No, I meant it was great.
Then I watched something about disclosure, the alien movie.
The new documentary about aliens.
Okay.
So I was...
Yeah, this came up at the holiday table as well.
And I watched it.
Talk about it.
Well, I was watching it with...
I can say now, my boyfriend.
Wow.
Oh, my.
God. Where's the
confetti? And we did talk about this on my channel,
but I think I should mention it here. Yes. This
is news to me. I mentioned it here.
It's been going on for quite a while. Yeah. Let's just say,
let's just say I fucked him.
Let's just say you're enjoying my sloppy seconds. So whatever.
Just kidding. Could you imagine?
Not like it hasn't happened.
Do you remember that?
Oh, Mary. Don't even get me stunned me.
Do you guys know about this?
We,
we, no,
we shall.
I think we can.
We will talk about it off camera.
I don't want to give that person.
I keep saying we have a pay.
We don't have one.
We will talk about this behind a pay wall, baby.
When the ad-free version of this drops and it will,
the deepest grossest sex story we share will be only what, $4?
That's how low rent we are.
You want to hear the worst sex thing that's ever happened to us.
It's $3.50.
Our one degree of separation sexually will cost $4.
It's going to cost two gold shillings and a piece of gum.
Oh, bye.
Well, congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
By the way.
As you all know, he's amazing.
He's gorgeous.
He's wonderful.
You don't deserve him.
I know.
But I just want everybody here.
I said it on the channel too.
I have really learned, as you all can imagine, the value of keeping this part of your life to yourself.
Yeah.
I mean, what about me with those medical students?
You know, I keep my herpes to myself.
Girl, there should be a class where they just cut your body open and show things.
It'll be like, Christ's the future.
They just pull out organs and go, boom.
five years some now.
No, I think you should be alive.
Oh.
They show it and you go,
and then they put it back in.
They pull out the lung.
It's black.
Mary, you know if I have general anesthesia for operation,
I'm waking up and going,
go right back.
Okay, so go ahead.
So he loves aliens, so we're watching it,
and he's watching, we're watching the documentary,
and every time they say something,
he's a blanket covered around up to the head,
and every time,
they say something, family all around, we're watching
this video, this movie, every time they say something
like, and that's when I had confirmed that it was
an alien body, he would just go, hello.
Hello?
So like every eight minutes when somebody, because these are all
X, like, F, not FBI, whatever it is.
Military. They worked in the military, and these are people
who've seen, what are they call them, UAPs. Unidentified
alien, alien, but I know what you're talking about.
Yes, UFO, I guess, is not the term. It's UAP.
This sounds more legit.
Yes.
Yeah.
And these people all from different eras of government, areas of government, they don't even all
know each other, but they're all telling similar stories of seeing something and being encouraged to keep it secret.
Is it unidentified error?
Unidentified anomalous phenomena.
Okay, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty broad.
Yeah.
And every time they confirm something like this, I just hear, hello.
Hello.
And I do think there do be aliens
And I think there are probably already here
And they're just hiding out
Well, that's Mary, that brings me to my next point.
Charlize.
Bugonia.
Oh, watched it.
I watched it.
You did not.
Yes, I did.
And that will also be on the Patreon.
And that will be another $3.
You did not watch Bougonia.
You know why I watched it?
Why?
Because I knew you would watch it.
Oh, baby.
What did you think?
Mary, I lived.
You lived?
Well, okay, here's the thing.
The electric.
scene was really shocking.
So I, I knew.
Oh. Oh my God.
Scary.
The screaming.
The execution scene was really shocking.
It was shocking.
I didn't know.
I didn't think about that.
It was.
That is so funny.
It was.
I didn't get it.
The land, honey, the land.
Oh, shit.
It was scary.
But I knew.
So I knew.
Why did you know?
Because I read the wiki.
Oh, come.
Why would you do that?
Because somebody told.
me. I didn't read the wiki because
I wanted to be able to, for myself,
read the ride. Does it make sense? Of course.
Courtney, literally
for like the last four weeks, Courtney
Act was like, have you watched Pagonia yet? I'm like, no,
stop harassing me. I had a blocker.
And then so I
read the Wikipedia of, I don't know, I never do
that. I never do that. But I was like, I'm
going to, I was like, oh, whatever.
When I watched the movie, I was still shocked.
Here's what the wiki's good for. The wiki's good
for, let's say you're cooking while watching
a movie and you're like, did I miss a plot point?
Pause it. Go read up to that point to make sure you've got all the information.
Well, Andrew, he, Wikipedia's every movie he watches.
While watching it.
Yes.
Love it.
You know, they're just turning it off.
I do like to watch it.
I mean, I love Jesse Plemons.
Jesse Plemons eats and everything.
He's such a phenomenally talented actor.
He's amazing.
Oh, my God.
And he had tracks.
Love the tracks.
The scene where they're at dinner.
And it's sort of the political part of the movie where he's saying he's been through every side of political affiliation.
And she's.
kind of reveals that she knows who he is.
She deduced that that was his mother.
We're rooting the movie.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, big time, spoiler, big time spoiler.
Alicia Silverstone.
Always happy to see her.
And, you know, she's such hardcore vegan.
She was like, you know, she's like, I'll play the woman that a corporation kills.
You know, she, of course.
And that scene, I love Alicia Silverstone.
She was in the air floating on those, like.
Amazing.
Yeah.
The performances, and God, they just all eat.
The autistic gentleman who plays the brother.
Incredible.
I looked him up.
This is his first film.
Incredible.
He was so good.
But Ms. Emma Stone, I know it, like, she's got 13 Oscars already, but give her another one
because that ho is...
Forget everything you knew about La La La Land.
Mama La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La.
Like, she just, she nails everything.
She really eats.
She's like, like, that whole, she nails that, like, shitty...
The C where she's been the corporate apology and then starts over.
Yeah, there's too much diversity.
It was like all...
It's just so...
funny she's so she's pitch perfect i because of the level of movie i was like there's no way she's
not going to be an alien at the end right that was my that's kind of what i figured and that i was like
i was not shocked to can to have that be confirmed and i was still as surprised because i knew like
i knew nothing about the set piece of like what happens in the end which was riveting um what about
the castration the chemical castration love love i've done it i've done it i
I love when he goes, well, we thought you might try to seduce us.
So we both chemically catchers and she goes, oh shit.
That's when she realizes like, this is, I'm in danger.
Electrocution was crazy.
Yeah, it was.
But then.
Shocking.
But she, I was, I love that he was like, oh my God, your majesty, I'm so sorry.
And they gave her a wig?
He gave her a wig?
She gives her a wig once she realizes she's, so she doesn't have to be bald.
Remember, at the end, when she goes back to the office, she has a wig on.
Oh, that's right.
That's so crazy.
You need to read the Wikipedia.
That was a vanity unit
That was a Wigs by Vanity Unit
That was a Miss Australia
Miss Sweden
Is Miss Sweden
Stage lace
It was a great movie
I loved it
The end was
I was like
Hello
That was you at the end
Hello
I'm just trying to bust out of an ambulance
Get to my office
To teleport to my homeland
Girl I still be
I still be saying how
Remember when I told you
When I started driving again
I say hi in the car a lot
Because I'm not used to be in the car alone
And I'm still turn
I'm turned out of the freeway going
Hello
Oh, hi.
Other cars.
Hey.
Hey.
Get out of here.
You cock a duty.
In the car alone?
It's creepy.
It's creepy boots.
No, it's not.
You know what I did in the car?
I'm doing Grammys performances.
Right.
I'm at the Grammys.
I'm Sabrina Carpenter.
I'm Karen Carpenter.
Right.
The grannies.
I'm giving vocal performances.
I'm doing master classes like Christina Aguilera.
Vocal performances.
I'm giving octave of inches.
Right.
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I also watch, there's a lot of movies I watched.
I watched Madam.
Did you watch this?
Madame.
This is a Tony Collette film.
Heidi Fleiss?
It's a Tony Collette film.
Her and her husband play
rich upper echelon socialites
who are American who live in Paris.
No.
And they're hosting a dinner party
and they realize there's 13 chairs
and she's like, I can't do that.
Tony Collette's like this complete bitch.
She's like, I can't have that.
She goes to her maid and is like,
go put on a nice dress.
Don't tell the people here that you're a maid.
We need 14 guests.
Just drink a little bit.
Don't talk much.
shut up but we need 14 chairs
and she accidentally charms the pants
off of this super rich guy that's at the dinner
and they start dating
and he doesn't know who she is
and Tony Collette's like I can't believe this
made in Manhattan. The reveal is at the end
he's like so in love with her and she's
worried that he's going to like dump her
and Tony Colette tells him
that she's the maid and he does
dump her and then
she quits the job and leaves
but it teaches her
that I'm not that different than these people
And these people suck
And she's like
I'm wearing the basically the subtext being like
I had a maid's outfit on telling myself
I'm not as good as these people
I'm as good as these people
I'm better than these people
And I would and that guy sucks
And I'm leaving and she quits
Great
It was a great movie
And the actress who played her
This woman
She was a Spanish model
An actress who has like a million awards
But I never seen her anything
And she is um
Rossi de Palma
Oh I love Rossi De Palma
She has very distinctive looking
Yes
I was, yes, I was watching.
She's an Amadovar.
She's in like an Madovar movie.
Okay, I love big noses on women.
Oh, she's incredible.
And I'm watching her.
And in the movie, obviously, she's meant to be like not traditionally pretty.
Ugly duckling.
Yes.
But I'm watching it and the family commentary is going around.
I go, you guys, I bet she was a model.
I Google it.
Sure was.
Oh, yeah, Mugler.
Yes.
Also, she eats.
Beautiful.
She chews up every scene she's in in all those Aladover movies.
And the red carpets.
Yeah, she's so fucking funny.
She's so funny.
She's so funny.
So fucking funny.
Anyway, I'd never even heard of that movie.
It's not just a Tony Collette film.
The gentleman who plays her husband.
It was his last movie before she died, he died of leave.
What was his name?
Harvey Cotele.
He's her husband in the piano.
And Tony Collette, I never get to see her be like a true cunt.
She's really a cunt in that movie.
Oh, wow.
Is there anything she can't do?
This is part where she reads the nurse, the maid down and tells her to go to bed
and then all the party is like, you're embarrassing yourself, you don't belong here, whatever.
Oh, that would have made.
And then before the girl walks.
away. She goes, and you look really pretty
in lipstick.
Oh, wow. Cunt.
Hello. Hello. Hello.
It was a great movie.
You know, sometimes when you let, when you're not, when it's not your house and you're at
the mercy of what other movies people pick, you can be surprised.
Things you never thought of or never knew about play on the TV and you go, oh,
the Jones. I would have never picked this independent documentary about a trans woman in
Mississippi. Loved it.
Loved it.
Also, Harvey Tell is he dead.
Thank you.
Weenie's still intact today.
You know what I love about Harvey Keitel, his large schlong.
I love him in, um, Death Till Dawn.
Think about it.
Think about it.
Think about it.
And that's what the community is.
I'm afraid to talk about.
You know, you know what I can't get out of my head?
What?
Salma Hayek in her pool, swimming with the bikini and those large breasts.
You know what I'm talking about.
Instagram? Oh yeah. You know what I'm talking about. And you did it at my birthday party.
I just watched that. Girl, that's so weird. In all this, on all this cinema, I was like,
should I rewatch that? No, it came up. All this Oscar cinema, Bologna into that video.
I mean, it's apples and oil. Hello. Bagonia could never. Bougonia could never. I'll see you at the
Oscars, Tati. I'm ready for some sort of, like, I, Tanya. I'm ready for some kind of I, Tanya movie about like,
2016
Arab
Sandra Bullock Tati
Who's playing Tati
Sandra Bullock?
Yeah
Right?
Bring it on
Okay
Who's playing
James Charles
Maybe himself
No
Um
It's gonna be
Tim Disholme
Oh of course
Timothy Shalme
And he can do it too
He's got the range
He could do everything
He's motivated
He's gonna be the best
Sandy Bullock is Tati
or
Liz Hurley
And I think
I think Emma Stone is Jeffrey
right
100%
yeah
and there's got to be that
do you know
do you follow that account
head very empty
where it's
the swing
the swing
do I follow that account
pull up in the Sri Lanka
are you kidding me
in the red track suits
head v empty on Instagram
everybody needs to follow
every day
every day
every day
every day
it's like my pill
every ball running
through the field
yeah
I got it
I have a shirt
that got my red dress on tonight.
Did you see the new drag race promo?
I, okay, so let's talk about that.
Rupal says, like, it says in shady times, like, let there be light.
And Rupal's in this glowing dress.
I honestly,
ready set glow.
I was like, we do need this.
We need drag race in these trying times.
Yes, we do.
Do you know what was going through my head the entire promo?
How pretty I was.
Three words.
I could never.
Baby.
I don't care.
Some of those girls were hit.
The idea that you had to self-evaluate.
Some of those girls were hit.
and tore down in the face, obviously.
But every single one of them
was wearing an outfit that I could never
dream of acquiring, designing, or even
sourcing. You don't care. I do care.
That's why it hurts me.
Can I say, I don't know when...
I was just, look, it wasn't... This isn't this dragress gas.
I'm more rude. She's wearing a little purple,
like purple off the shoulder thing from telos.
She might not even be in the picture.
No, but I mean, she was there.
Yes. Yeah.
Like, when we did the All-Stars promo,
I remember she was there like the day before. We never saw her.
She shoots her own day.
Oh, no, she's not going to be there with you guys.
Yeah, no, no.
She's running through the parking lots with the shoes singing Annie.
You're going to get and drag ahead to set with Thorgy.
You got to your mind?
Can I tell you the craziest thing happened on that?
I think I talked about this on my channel, but that photo shoot for All Stars 3 was gold.
Yeah.
And Thorgy brought a yellow feather dress and was mad when they were like, this isn't gold.
They didn't style you?
No, we brought our own.
She bought a yellow feather dress and they were like, this isn't gold.
And she was like, what?
it's yellow
gold let it mellow
you know
was David Lachapel
shot that right
yeah
we had
I think we shot our
shot our own
on an iPhone
what's with that
Mary
what's with
the All-Stars 2
promo
no no
no
there was no
no
there was no
we didn't have
promo
what is it
not it
it was queen
faggot
queen
faget queen
queen
it was like royal
it was boo boo boo
we didn't really have
we didn't have a
we didn't have a
we didn't have a
commercial. Amazing television
though. You guys didn't need it. Best season
maybe they watch it and thought we don't need it. It's just good.
Yeah, horrible. I mean, do you
know where my... Who looked cunt? I actually
think Roxy looked really
beautiful. Is you're dressed literally from like Acehose?
Yep. Um, not ASOS, it's
something, something better.
Al-A-Express.
Detox, I think won that challenge. She looks incredible.
I think y'all look fucking chopped.
A1 had to be evented.
I would have said let Gem and I take a draft at y'all.
Nasty put your clothes on.
Best season of television ever.
Nasty take your clothes off.
Best season drag race ever.
I cannot wait till you and I can someday do a recap of All Source 2.
I've been wanting to watch it so bad.
You are so good at that shit.
I, you know what?
I'm not the type of person who like peaked in high school, always reliving my glory days, you know, tipping cows.
You certainly didn't peek in high school.
You were drinking.
vampire. You were in red leather vampire pants. I widows peaked. I widows peaked in high school. No, peaked. Peaked at what? Peaked. I peaked through the hole. Piqued at men in the shower. Yeah. Rubbing the skin off. Um, oh my God. No, but I don't like, I'm not the type of person to relive my glory. He's still waiting for them to happen. But like, I agree. It was the best. It was the best. It was the best. It was so good. You guys just amazing. I'm so glad.
But I'm so glad I didn't get eliminated at the third episode, though.
Best TV ever.
Yeah.
Rivenating.
The moment when the mirror, people are back there, I just, I fantasize about it.
Yeah.
I fantasize about it.
Wait.
I got two words for you.
Typeincub.com.
That's not a word.
Type in club.
So typing club?
You know how my secret shame, Hunt and Peck?
Uh-huh.
Do you know how to type.
Mary, asked me what I did the other day.
What did you do?
What did you do?
A minute.
100% accuracy.
Eat my ass.
Seven?
70.
70?
That's very, very, that's very, that's very out of character.
Are you an Adderall?
No, I'm, no, I couldn't, that it's like, that's like, a lot of characters a minute, no complete words.
No words, no words. Or sentences. But a lot of pushing.
But the thing, but full disclosure, no capitals. No capitals. That's given me a, but that's
given me a big, big. But that's Stan Twitter. You turn off the auto caps on Stan Twitter.
I'm doing periods though. I'm doing semi-colons periods comes. I just, the capitals are really
killing me. Because you got to go. You got to choose the shift to this shift. I know and I don't like
it. That's okay. But Mary, I was, I was, I was cruising and it's so satisfying. Like, I haven't
learned to do anything in so long. Do you want to write another book? Nope. Um, but I could,
I could dictate somebody else's book or write somebody else's book. You want to be a stenographer.
That's what I want. You put 17 years into drag to go be a court stenographer. And we get a brown wig,
breast implants, real. Marcia Cross. Little, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that her name?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Wait a minute.
Marsha Cross, Sarah Paulson, all's fair.
You,
what Ryan Murphy and those ladies are doing to us
is something hitherto undid on television.
They are trolling us so hard.
Why are you feeding into it?
No, no, no, I'm not feeding into it.
I saw a clip on Twitter.
Don't stare into the abyss.
No, no, this is not the abyss.
This is the most dazzling car crash
you've ever seen in your life and nobody dies.
This is, Sarah Paulson has a monologue
talking to Glenn Close about her pussy
her cat
you sent it to me and as soon as she said pussy I turned it off
Oh it's I'm sorry but I'm gonna make everybody listen to it
Because she's getting her star I believe Sarah Paulson
Or she just got it?
It's so unhinged
It's a level of like unhingingness
That is just like I was like
Incredulous the whole fucking time
Did Sarah get her star?
Yeah
She really is
You know what jokes jokes aside
She's an incredible actress I love her
Reminds me of my pussy
My kitty cat
Who died when I was five
Mrs. Pussy
She had feline AIDS
Excuse me, but you're not comparing the loss of your cat
To her husband of 40 years
A child's grief can be just as profound
My pussy was my whole world
Okay, can I say
And when my pussy died
I kept her in my bed for
daze stroking her and talking to her.
Of course, my mother, she got so angry.
Stop playing with your pussy car.
She yelled.
But I refused to.
Even when my pussy started smelling really bad and got really crusty,
I just stayed locked in my room grieving in private because I just couldn't let go of my pussy.
You need to put this in a lip sink.
Please stop saying.
The word pussy, not get them.
And I promise you will get through this.
You know, it wasn't easy for me either.
But eventually, I learned how to soothe myself without touching my pussy.
Going into pussy, my pussy, my pussy.
I want to do the cabaret thing.
How she turned to me and say, and this through that whole mom.
Oh, my God.
That is, Elsie.
That is so crazy.
That is so fucking crazy
It is. It really is crazy
I also have been listening to some new music
Orville Peck's new album is out
And you know, she is one of our friends
She's a crooner
Amazing singer and of course
We've seen her on stage
And I have both of his first albums
And then the other ones I kind of cherry picked
This one I was on a long drive
And I just put it on
He's beautiful voice
He's just a great artist
Orvo, congrats girl
Congratulations
And unrelated and inappropriate
I had a sexual dream
about him the other day
Okay
What happened?
I fucked him in his huge butt.
Let's take a break.
Finally, you called a break.
My pussy.
Krusty.
So that is the Ryan Murphy
and the girls are having fun, I think.
Listen, I, the other day,
I needed a Sarah Paulson fix
and I watched a bunch of clips of apocalypse
because I love to watch Sarah Paulson
in anything.
Yeah.
And what I loved about apocalypse
of American Horror Story was.
It was the season
where all the seasons are kind of converging.
It's murder house, it's coven, it's this.
And so they're all playing their characters from other seasons,
but they all have facial blindness when they're like, who are you?
And I'm like, well, that's the Supreme in a different wig.
Like, I love that.
I love it.
It's so drag.
There's this part where the bitch is little Christmas.
Medicine Montgomery turns and she's like at the murder house and she's like,
and who the fuck are you or whatever?
And she's like, I forget what the medium's name is.
who's from murder house,
but it's Sarah Paulson.
And she's a medium.
And I'm like,
but that's the Supreme
who you saw earlier.
That's Sarah Paulson.
And I love the fantasy.
And then like,
Jessica Lang shows up as Constance from season one.
And she's like,
this is my fucking house.
You know,
whatever she does.
Blanche Devereaux smoking commercial.
And then when they're like,
who are you?
I'm like,
well,
that's the stripping with cancer
who died two years ago.
You don't recognize the girl.
She's on the call sheet.
Girl.
I'm like,
y'all need to get your eyes checked.
Ryan Murphy's die.
Love it, though.
Oh, I do too.
At this point, I'm like, go, girl.
Do it.
Do more.
Fuck it up.
Fuck it up.
Eat it.
Shit on them.
Oh, I watched several Christmas movies already.
What'd you much?
Well, I don't want to overshare too much.
Have you seen Scrooge, by the way?
Yes.
That's my favorite Christmas movie right now.
I've never gotten to write a movie.
But you know, you and I've watched so many Christmas movies at Netflix that I've gotten
weirdly empowered because the bar is in the basement.
Girl, the bar's not even there.
There's no bar.
Yeah.
But I like Christmas movies.
The world is so bad that I think I've,
I reached a point where I want to watch a formulaic, predictable Christmas movie.
Is it like a Lifetime or Netflix or like a, like, irreverent or like what?
There's really good Christmas movies, right?
Like, um, Scrooons. Scrooge.
I would say Elf the Grinch.
Those are like good, amazing.
Christmas story.
Yes, but I'm more interested in.
And then there's the top tier made for TV kind of, or seasonal Christmas movies.
Such a.
I'm interested in what's a little bit below that.
Okay.
Anything starring Jonathan Bennett.
Who the fuck is that?
Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls.
He's been in, I think I counted 12 Christmas movies.
The King of Christmas.
And I watched a movie that I thought I was going to make fun of and hate.
And I sat down to be like, fucking gay movies.
I love fucking gay movies.
I love bad Christmas movies.
I love bad gay movies.
And the two come together.
Ah!
The clip.
Clit.
Carved.
Fucking chip clip on the clip.
Cresty pussy.
Love it.
Cresty pussy.
Dead, dead pussy in bed.
So this movie stars Kristen Stewart.
Okay, I'm sold.
And who plays her girlfriend?
is a beautiful actress.
Mackenzie Davis, incredibly beautiful.
Oh, I know this one.
So they're girlfriends.
Yeah.
And I had no idea what this movie was about.
And I've been working on my Christmas shit.
And I was like, let's just go watch Christmas movies.
Get me in the mood while I'm working on my Christmas shit.
Working out with Jennifer from Netflix.
And I just want to say,
the hard thing to believe in this movie was that you're bringing home Kristen Stewart
and you're trying to pass her off as your roommate.
Okay.
Kristen Stewart is in like this unit color with like two hair clips.
With like overalls?
No, she's giving like grungy, cool Tegan and Sarah.
Okay.
Emo girl.
Gorgeous.
Yes.
And drop dead gorgeous, but really giving gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love the idea of bringing home that level lesbian and be like, this is my roommate.
Well, Mary, that's what my grandmother called my, my uncle's, you know what, for the entire life.
Well, it's like an old school thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Um
His roommate
It was such a good movie
Really?
Yes
It was so good
I had no idea
It was going to be so good
That I
Aubrey Plaza is in it
This sounds great
Jinks and Dale are in it
Ugh
Ugh
The drag queens
Where I really was like
This is too much
The mom is
Mary Steenbergen
Amazing
Love her
And she's kind of a mean mom in it
She never misses
her be mean.
Love her.
I love.
This movie was so good.
And I'd never seen it.
Happiest season.
Happy season.
It was the best.
It was not only a good Christmas movie.
It was one of the best gay movies I've ever seen.
Well,
that,
I don't think there's any good gay movies.
Hilarious.
Dan Levy,
there's this runner where he's babysitting her fish and they're dead.
He kills him.
And so the runner is that he's spending the whole movie trying to be like,
hey, if I have a friend who wanted to get your exact fish,
maybe the exact same size,
where would you get those?
Because he's trying to like replace her fish.
That should make me laugh.
That's funny.
scene with having a heart to heart and they zoom out
and he's in a fish store holding two bags.
That's funny. That's funny. The shit is so funny.
I cried like three times.
Damn. Because this girl is in this family
where her parents want her to be so perfect and the dad's
running for office and the damage.
And then really the takeaway is like
Allison Bree is in this.
These kids all just want their family,
their parents, they feel like their parents' love is
conditional. Right. And obviously the gay daughter
feels that. But the other two heterosexual siblings also
feel that. The story is more of like a
cautionary tale of like parents making
their children feel like their love is conditional
and gay stuff fits in that
but it wasn't like a gay themed movie
It wasn't like eating out
No
The Lady Bunny wasn't in it
A Piss Ballet
You know, did you know Brandon is in that?
Yes, I definitely. No, he's in another gay sequel
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a piss ballet in that
What now? A yellow, like a golden shower
ballet, like you're singing in the rain.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Wait, in this movie?
No. No, yeah, it's Chris.
Stewart. I love Kristen Stewart. Clear stream. I love Kristen Stewart. Are you kidding me? I love her. I love her. She's so
love her. The acting in this, I was like, is this my favorite Kristen Stewart movie? Baby, but you know
what else is fucked up about me? What? There's nothing I fucking like more. I don't know what it is. If you
ever go to a hotel and turn on the TV and turn on the cable, basic cable, Twilight will be on
some channel and I always turn it on. If I hear those opening cords, I lay in that bed, it feels like
pizza boxes on my shittiest bed spread and I put both I put my legs up in the air and I watch it I watch
twilight like with a trowel it's a little like the ring like I can't look away I got seven days to
watch the series like after I watch one I have to watch all Mary if the Volturi scene if the
Volturi fight scene comes on you know that I take my glasses off I take my eyes to the screen
are you talking about the head pops off yes I'm talking about the bloodless head fight
the bloodless decapitation the bloodlet oh I also love when you
Dakota Fanning throws the baby in the fire.
But where was...
Are you Jacob or Edward?
Neither.
I'm Volturi.
I want those dead...
I want the baby in the fire.
Right.
I also don't like that that whole fight happens and then it's a, it's a psychic vision.
I hate that.
That's why I turned out before that.
For me, that's a real thing.
Poppin, pop in heads like, I don't know what.
Like a pezz dispenser?
Yeah.
Weird.
And then also, like, what's his name?
Martin Sheen.
Not Martin Sheen.
That British guy?
Who play, like, the leader of the Baltori?
Yeah, what's his name?
He's got that smirk, that gay smirk that...
It's so hammy.
It's so hammy.
And Dakota Fanning is so hammy.
They're just hamming it up.
Michael Sheen.
Married to Kate Beckinsale, divorced, of course.
Father to Lily Sheen.
I love that shit.
Are you caught up on dairy?
I am.
I got to get...
Don't ruin it. Don't ruin it.
No, I'm not going to.
I'm not going to...
I'm not living.
I'm not living.
I think they have some really great set pieces, but...
Did you think that Maddie was going to be alive?
I knew it was a trick.
Of course.
He came out of a yellow tent.
I was like, this is a raincoat.
Girl, he came out looking like, who done it?
When the back of his head opened up, that was scary.
Yeah, but I was like, I was like,
when is this kid going to turn into whatever?
And I did think he was going to shoot his son in accident.
Yeah.
I'm living.
I got to watch this week's though.
I'm living.
Unpopular opinion or whatever.
I don't care for this penny wise.
I've never cared for it.
I think Bill Scarsgaard is so talented, incredibly talented.
I hate the design.
I hate the look.
I don't think it's scary.
I think it's boo-boo.
I think it's too ornate.
The big head just is funny.
It's not scary.
I think Tim Curry was eating, eating, eating.
Maybe we should end here because I have something in time.
I saw the scariest media I've ever seen.
What?
And I will tell you next week.
Oh, that's a clip hanger.
$3.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you.
