The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Huffin' at Macca's with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

This Summer, visit beautiful Australia and experience Brisbane’s sights, sounds, and especially the smells! You can island-hop by helicopter, hike to hidden waterfalls, or relax at one of Brisbane's acclaimed new restaurants! Explore the city with your mate as you sip spritzes atop a rooftop bar, down pints at a craft brewery, or order cheeseburgers and fries with a side of automobile adhesive at Macca's! You definitely won't have memories that last a lifetime after you take a magical olfactory carpet ride on that chrome duster to a magical netherworld! If Katya can quit nicotine, literally anybody can! Today's episode is sponsored by EX Program! Text JOINKATYA to 88709 to get started on your quit journey today with the EX Program! It's free, confidential, and available 24/7 anywhere in the U.S.! Try VIIA today! Head to: https://viia.co/BALD and use code BALD to receive 15% off, free shipping on orders over $100, and if you’re new to VIIA - get a free gift of your choice! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp! For a limited time, visit https://BetterHelp.com/BALD to get 90% off your first week! Try the best-selling Blissy pillowcase today! Head to: https://Blissy.com/BALDPOD and use code BALDPOD to get an additional 30% off! Your skin and hair will thank you! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacky, Wisconsin. In Wasacky, we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight. Technically, I got a huge cabin

right outside of Wasaki on the river and it was perfect for me. It was perfect. Great Wi-Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to on the river and it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great wifi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the wifi to the stove, to the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king size bed

with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some Kansas soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like,

I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like, you can kind of plan ahead so let's say I'm going to Florida and Far in advance of my trip I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options and that way when it comes time to crunch time

Like I've done a lot of my perusing my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited so in Milwaukee and You know I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm gonna stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb.

I love it. If you want more space, more privacy, and a better location and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Hello to the Swedish people. It is me, your local leader and hometown girl. Drixie Mattel all the way from Stockholm to Sweden. Hello.

When I land in Sweden, there was a gay guy there last time we came up and said, welcome home and give me a hug. We are coming over to Miss Norwegia Boots. We are, I love it a hug. We are coming over to Miss Norwegia Boots. We are. I love it there. You guys are so... You're gonna be the level of out of pocket.

Never seen a pocket. But you know what? I don't know. I don't know. I'm happy to come. Stockholm is so beautiful. It is. They're really yanking it off.

And Oslo is so beautiful. They're really yanking it off. We're gonna be at the circus in Stockholm, Sweden on Wednesday, July 2nd, and at Concert House in Oslo, Norway on July 3rd. Artist pre-sale is Wednesday, March 19th at 10 a.m. local. Code bald for that. And then venue pre-sale Thursday, 20th March at 10 a.m. local.

General on sale Friday, 21 March at 10 a.m. local. I said that weird, but you got the info. Yes, please, we are, we're American, and we've been really enjoying our time leaving the country. So thank you for having us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will see you at the program. Yeah. I was in Australia, which is not American.

And it's crazy hearing how much they know about us. And we don't know about ourselves. Because I can't tell you, I think Margot Robbie runs that country. I don't know what's going on, right? I think it's T.S. Eliot, Margot, is that Australian? I think it's, I think Margot Robbie runs that country. I don't know what's going on, right? I think it's T.S. Eliot, Margot, is that Australian? I don't know.

T.S. Madison, she's a legendary Australian. It was hugely Australian. Yeah. Nicole. Not the ball worms. Oh my God. Not the ball worms. Not the ball, I can't even.

You know, I was really good when I was there, and as soon as I left, it was like, it was like I menemblacked my accent. Now I can't do it again. I rewatched the Nicole ad for our show, and I was like, what accent was I trying to emulate there? Moira Rose? Yes. Something like that. From a Chippapian tribe? Okay, but tell me the highlights of Australia.

Well, sold out every city. I was very fortunate, you know, I'm just gonna be honest, we don't make the same kind of money traveling because it costs so much more to travel. You know this, when we did Trixie and Katya Live. Are you saying that, oh, I thought you were saying you make a lot more money than me.

No, of course I do. But in Europe and Australia, remember, gross, we make less money. Yes, yes, yes. Because it costs so much more for us all to be there. Absolutely. You know, the taxes, plus you have to pay taxes in that much more for us all to be there. Absolutely. Plus you have to pay taxes in that country. It's a whole thing.

So I was really happy it sold out. It was kind of like getting eight, six or eight paid rehearsals, six shows I think. It's like getting to do paid rehearsals to put on a pink disco. Because we hadn't debuted those numbers, the choreography, the set. You did numbers.

There's different looks in the show plus. I saw that number girl, those moves were tight. Mary, I know those songs. I know those, let me tell you something, I might not be the best dancer, but I know the song. Yeah, yeah, that was clear. That was clear. So in the show there's three numbers,

there's three costume changes, plus I DJ the full 90. How's the heat? Honey, do you know what a heat rash is? Oh, do I ever? I've never gotten one. Got it in Australia. What would you say to a heat rash? My butt looked like boba and feta.

That's where Ms. Goldbond. Goldbond feta. Goldbond comes into the play. I was putting aloe on my butt and sleeping on my stomach because I got heat rash from the heat. The first night was outdoors in Perth. It was at a place called The Courtyard, and it was nice and cold, not one drop of sweat. I told Brandon backstage,

I was getting ready for Supermodel, the last number, and I was like, what's wrong? I was like, you know in a movie when like, they fire a bunch of bullets and everybody drops dead and the one person is like, oh my God. That was me. I couldn't believe I wasn't sweating the first night. I was like.

I know. That was me in Germany. Great. Girl, Germany. I was like, what is this feeling? What is this sensation? It's Germany's greatest success, was the air conditioning in Hamburg.

Only. Outside. Yes. That's called outside in the winter. OK. So then things took a turn. Melbourne was, I was almost crying trying to reapply makeup backstage.

It was so hot. I was Tanya Harding, like crying, putting the blush on. Cause I walked backstage to change for work at my like physical fitness section. The entire, this diamond shape of the foundation, gone. The nose is gone. The contour, all of it is gone. Mama, you need to get in one of these gals.

Honestly, completely gone. And I'm starting to do this with my boys. Fucking shit. I don't even know what to say. They're fucking coming back. They're fucking coming. Like cursing everyone who works for us, everyone who's ever worked for us,

people who don't even work for us anymore. Yeah, people who are dead, long dead. And fuck that bitch. Yeah. It was so hot, and I started to get so mad because I'm like, I'm in my third year of doing this. Let's just say, I mean, I'll be transparent. Me, everybody involved in the tour, we had a gorgeous,

I gave them basically a gorgeous PowerPoint of like, what's the T? Like this was the roses and the thorns. The show went so well, the rose of the trip. The show went well, the audiences had fun, everybody wins. The thorn was when the heat is so oppressive, and you know, I'm not, I have to wear a corset.

And you're not a sweater though. I mean, you're not a big sweater. So when I'm sweating, that's hot. You're dead. Oh yeah, long dead. It was so hot that I was like, you guys, I hate to be a hater, but Melbourne and Sydney,

it was so hot that I couldn't enjoy it guys, I hate to be a hater, but Melbourne and Sydney, it was so hot that I couldn't enjoy it. Well, what is the audience going through? Probably the same thing. That's the thing. It was just so hot. And it was summer in Australia, so I don't know what I'm complaining about. I go to a tropical weather in the summer, but... You went to a first world country,

an industrialized nation, who I believe has access to electricity through which you can have air conditioning. Yeah, who I believe has access to electricity through which you can have air conditioning. Yeah, and I also understand it's nightclubs. Nightclubs are hot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shut it down, shut it down, shut it down. But I would say of the six shows,

three of them were very well air conditioned. I barely sweat, so I'm like, it is possible. I know it's possible. So when it flops, it's a big, big flop. Yeah, but honestly, the tour went great. If you can see in America, we still have some cities available we're selling out, but please come.

You're doing great doing numbers. Oh yeah. Numbers. This gorgeous dancer, Zo-J, who's like a supermodel who happens to be a perfect dancer. And then Tom Feeney, who's, I don't know, it's like Superman on stage. Hot as hell.

Yeah, I don't know. It's an amazing mover and I love the numbers and I love doing the show. And even though I was, I'm in this like physical fitness, headband with like sweatband with, and I was so sweaty that I was like, I guess at least I'm like in character. Buckets coming off me.

You need to do a sauna number. Yeah. Well, you know what? I have a suggestion. This might be kind of interesting. What about a, now hear me out. Fuck him. No, no, what about an eye mask?

For the moments where- For like sleep? No, no, no, for performing, where you can keep your mouth in your lower, because you can do that. Do you think we need to give, you think we need to give Texas chainsaw mask or leather face? That's not where my mind went, but I'm into that.

No. I'm into that. No. I'm thinking, okay, imagine the cuntist all rhinestoned. You do the Batman eyes underneath, right? You do like whatever, a white or black, you know what I'm talking about? Are you saying that I have Batman eyes that are whatever, black and white? You make a masquerade, Trixie, fantasy mask.

Sure. And then you just do ba-ba-ba-ba-ba underneath. Because you know the makeup is not gonna stay, the integrity is not gonna, the shapes aren't gonna hold. I mean, a lot of it- I think that could be cunty. A lot of it did hold up. I mean, this was after, directly after a show.

I retouched this a little bit. Oh, well I wanna, so what are you complaining about? I am gourd. What are you complaining about? Can we just talk about- What are you complaining about? Wow, people. So you're just lying.

No, okay, but this is the unretouched. I mean, this is okay too, I guess. Oof. No, I mean, that's fine. You know, I felt wet. You're not, you're a little bit far away. You probably looked incredible. Yeah, and that's the hard thing about working with professional dancers.

If you mess up, there are two people hotter than you doing it perfectly on either side of you. So your little mess up, two people are fl than you doing it perfectly on either side of you. I know your little mess up I know two people are flanking you doing it perfectly. Yeah, they're saying fuck you bitch. Yeah, it's very inspiring But you did great. I was very impressed with everything was so in unison. Oh, yeah Well, I learned that shit. Can I tell you some of the other parts of the trip? I was in Brisbane Oh go brisade is by gif Oh, go Brazil is my guess

Disneyland's Disneyland went to the Macca cheeky Maccas got a nine dollar bucket hat cunt So it says Macca's run on the front of it McDonald's. Yeah, okay Oh, we know a cheeky Maccas heaven. I stick in tinder sugar any nice fries get a nice is the bogan That's nice and bogan. We'll get this morning here to shower Mmm, so We'll get this morning, hit a shower. Oh my God. So, Jakey Mekas, having all the stock cork. So I see these two kids in Brisbane, and it's one of those double decker McDonald's fancy. So I see these two kids with empty water bottles. I go, damn, the kids that today go to McDonald's

and there's no one to even buy them the water bottle. They had nothing in there. Why do they have toothpaste tubes? That's weird. Motherfuckers, I'm talking maybe 10, 12, these little boy, little girl, these bad little kids. Ooh, bad kid. Squirting glue into bottles

and just huffing at the McDonald's. 10, 10, 11 years old, huffing, we're talking squirting glue and just huffing and like, huh. And I was like- Huffing and gooning? And I'm telling people in Australia, everyone's like, oh, was it in Queensland?

Oh, Brizzy. I'm like, yeah. And they're like, that's us. Huffing glue out of toothpaste at Macca's in Brizny Vegas. I was in shock. That's okay. So say it again. It made me sad.

I had my new bucket hat on. I was feeling like Jennifer Lopez. And then I look over. Jennifer Lopez! Hell yeah. And then I look over. Fam Lopez! Hell yeah. And then I look over. Famously a Mac appreciator. And I'm watching like the Nick Jr. version of Intervention.

It was fucked up. Huffin'. Felicity Huffman. I've never. Huffington Post. Ariana Huffington. Juliana Huff. It's horrible.

Fuck, David Hufflehoff. H.R. Huffin' stuff. It was fucked up. Shit, they huffed and they puffed and they fucking blew that Mac is up. And then I was in Melbourne. Wait, so what did they huff again? It was-

The glue. What kind of glue? E6000? Like automotive glue. What is automotive glue? Glue for automotives. I don't know. Like Castro Cintec motor oil?

Why'd you look at a lesbian when you asked about car glue? She got a computer. The research, this is the research R&D over there. That is crazy. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. They were huffing and then what were they doing with the other things?

Stealing. They were pouring the glue in the bottle. And I'm like, you know, I'm Kitty Carial. I'm not used to seeing that type of drug use. Like I've seen drag queens do this with the nail. Of course. And that's kind of cunty, I guess. I got offered so much drugs on these tours.

A lot of drugs on these tours too. I forget the club tours. It's like, and people have been like, Trixie, we're so happy you're here. We do have ketamine if you. And I'm like- I was just going to say, for DJing? Can I get a sugar free Red Bull?

For DJing, could you imagine? The music goes, brrr. Yeah. So then, um, I have this, um, then I go to Melbourne, and in Melbourne, um, I go to this place called Silver Lake Social that is a Silver Lake themed bar in Australia.

Like Silver Lake Los Angeles? Yes! And I walk in and I think like, I'm gonna authenticate this. Because I like to go into the American candy scores and be like, we don't even have that. We don't have that. You're a liar. Cause they'll have Reese's puffs and shit,

but then they'll have shit that we don't have. And I'm like, that's not American. Like such as what? Those Tim Tams. Yeah, it's like, what are you talking about? Or like Aero. It's like, that's not an American candy. We don't have that.

Yeah, never heard of it. So I go to this over like social and I'm like, I'm gonna they have a pool table there A lot of pool tables. Okay, a lot of pool tables in Australia plays that big in Silver Lake He's had pool games I don't know well go eat in the Chinatowns in each city and I think there was lots of billiard halls in the Chinatowns Really nice clean billiard halls with groups of young men with the fancy glove on playing crazy, precision, robotic level pool. Incredible.

Did you ever get into the old like alley sitting on milk crates, betting with cards, dice? No. Okay. We didn't have that. I don't even know if that exists. I just see it in movies a lot. I bet it's, you know, it's one of those D and D dice.

And no one knows what any of it means. Your witch died or whatever they do. I don't know what they do. I don't know what they do. What's your favorite city of the tour? Well, I gotta tell you about Melbourne. So the Southern California themed bar. And I'm like, I guess I'll have a beer.

And the bartender has an American accent but has never been to Los Angeles. So I'm like, this is all very theatrical. That's country. I love it. What, $28 for a cocktail? The service was great. The service was great. The vibe was great. It was a really nice bar.

I would recommend anybody go there in Melbourne. And this lady comes up and she's had a few. Yeah. But she's there alone. And I can tell she's trying to talk to people next to her. And people are like, it's 4 p.m. man. Bar fly. Yeah.

And she comes up to us and she, we're playing pool. And she comes up and she's like, do you need one more? And I was like, yeah. And then she had a French accent. I tried to speak French to her and she didn't respond. I was like, great. Because she just has the accent, but no.

So just the accent. Just the accent. So she comes up and she wants to play with us and she thinks I'm going easy on her. She's like, I think you're being nice to me. And then she gets really close to me. She gets this close to my face. And she goes, you think I'm a nice girl?

And I go, not just that, but like. She wanna fuck you. We're in a Los Angeles theme bar playing pool at 4 p.m. I'm clearly gay. Well. You're on the pool at 4 p.m. I'm clearly gay. You're on the pills or something. I don't think it's clear. Sorry, sorry to this man. Oh, I had a bra on, just kidding.

No. I had a bra on. I had a bra over my blouse. It was so crazy, I was just like, I don't know what to say. Did you fuck her? Did you fuck her? No, she just got drunk enough that she kind of forgot

she was playing with us and slithered away. And I was like, thank God, because I'm not. Lonely bar flies at 4 PM at Silver Lake themed bars in Australia. Yeah, I just, I don't get down like that. And then I also noticed the gay people there are dressing very wild. Everybody has this Australian mullet.

What's the haircut? Okay, yeah, because that's the thing that, that's the hairstyles that go, they have lives and trends way beyond America. They don't, we don't see that. Yeah. You know what I mean? In the UK, the men because that's the thing that, that's the hairstyles that go, they have lives and trends way beyond America. They don't, we don't see that. Yeah. You know what I mean? In the UK, the men have that haircut. You know what I'm talking about?

Europe too, like lots of different hairstyles. They never even touched the US soil. Australia, they got that mullet right now. How do you feel about that mullet? Oh, who's it flattering? Unless you are drop dead gorgeous. It's sort of like when some people are like, is Ben should I wear crazy hats?

It's like, okay, Margot Robbie can wear a crazy hat. You look crazy. You look crazy and ugly. So you need to balance it with a cute hat. You know? Because sometimes I think really hot people will get like fucked up bangs just to prove how they can do it.

I was gonna say, I'm gonna have turf bangs tomorrow and then maybe like pull out one of my teeth. Yes, but the gay people over there have two settings. Queer people, everyone. They either look little baby slut princess Yes, but the gay people over there have two settings. Queer people, everyone. They either look little baby slut princess or van life. What is van life?

They look like they have... Unhoused individuals in the nuts? No, not unhoused. Like... Earthy, Patagonia... Oh, I understand. You know, van life. Hikers? Yeah, like living off the grid TikTokers. Outdoorsy types. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, living off the grid TikTokers. Outdoors, outdoorsy types.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is very hot on anyone. Hot on girls, hot on men. I think it's a hot look. Or people had like baby slut princess looks. Even the boys? Yes, just a lot of glitter and short, weird haircuts and a lot of clunky jewelry and good for them though.

I mean, I'm not the peak of fashion, I understand that. Any goth people, any goth sightings? Not really. I didn't see any goths, but also, how do you be a goth in the Australian heat? Well, I mean, black umbrella. Stay inside, also, you're not gonna see them. And they're not gonna come to the pink disco.

They're not gonna wear pink. Somebody came to the meet and greet, there was a goth. One goth I saw, complete goth, and he had pink contact lenses. He was like, this is all I'm gonna do. That's so adorable. And I said, great. That and he had pink contact lenses. He was like, this is all I'm gonna do. That's so adorable. I said, great. That's adorable.

That's adorable. Oh, I forgot to tell you that after, at the Maccas, the Huffers called me a poof-ta. Ooh, ooh. That's a badger or bingo card moment. This is a life milestone. So the 10 year old Huffing Gloobing like, ah, ah, yeah, poof-ta.

And I was like, Huff-ta called you a poof-ta. yeah, puffed up. And I was like, Huffed up. I'm sitting there in my bucket hat, looking like Jennifer Lopez. Like, what the fuck did I do to you, kid? Sipping your diet coke out of your rhinestone cup. I saw cops now. I almost went to the cops and stitched on the kids.

Looking like Jennifer Lopez. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

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Okay. Have you seen it? No, you asked me yesterday. Oh, okay. Because I'm, the whole time, this parade of fashion in the 60s, office world, the hairstyles, the jewelry, the outfits, the looks from top to bottom are so up your alley, they're wedged right up your alley. Your alley is stuffed with these looks these looks

That's the program that made everybody horny for John Ham. Oh, yeah, mama, but everybody's fire Kiernan Shipka Okay, I she's Sally the daughter clips of it. Yeah, Joan cuz one time I did a Truvada commercial That was a spoof on that Oh fab So I played were you Christina Hendricks with the red with the no I played a grown-up Sally Draper And I was pitching like an ad. And it was all 60s vibes. With Jack Plotnick, you know him? No. It was fun.

But everybody, this show is like, everybody is at the top of their game, Hanoi, so beautiful, so fabulous. But let me tell you what you don't wanna do while you're watching Mad Men. What? Quit smoking. Oh, cause they're just smoking.

Every single person in the, there is not a scene where somebody doesn't have a cigarette. I think Sally starts smoking in the fourth grade. Like, I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. People smoke on planes back then too, huh? They're smoking in the,

the doctors delivering babies with a cigarette hanging out as well. The baby comes out with a cigarette. Yes. So I'm like, I'm like, on the one hand, I'm so enjoying this and on the other, I'm like, why am I torturing myself? Because guess what, you fucking bitch.

What? You hoe. You Jennifer Lopez look alike. What? I haven't been smoking cigarettes. And it's for, like, actually, I swear to God, there have been days where I've had one two today zero yesterday Maybe one I'm just gonna say I saw you last time we film

No, no, no last night I had that was a to that day was a bad day for that day Very bad day, but only two progress Mary 25 to 2. That's a pretty good differential You used to smoke 25 cigarettes a day. We did get to 30 What are you talking about if I if I'm on a roll on the phone, it's just one after the other. Oh, yeah. That's why you're so tired. You are busy. I heard you want to go on vacation in Europe,

and I literally said vacation from what? No, it's not a vacation. It's a trip. I don't know why they said vacation. My life is a vacation. I got to go to work. Anyways, so I swear to God, I don't like- That's impressive.

25, smoking 25 cigarettes is impressive in a really dark way. Yeah, but there was a whole week where I did none. You have to understand. And it's not like, it's not super difficult. I mean, I have this ex-program thing I have. I was a little like- What is it, how do you do it? So basically it's like, there's an online support thing for you.

It's, you get text messages that are like encouraging. It can be as, you know, you can use it as much or as little as you want. It can, it got a little annoying at first, because I didn't want to, I didn't want to like, always think about smoking all day. Right. So I get a text and I'm like, ugh. But then I was like, okay, this is actually

kind of encouraging. But the thing is, the main thing, I don't wanna smell like poopy, poopy, poopy. Can I say that's the thing? Everybody has freedom, everybody has autonomy with their own body. No, but you smell like poopy, poopy, poopies. Also, the money.

No, yeah, the money's insane. I mean, the fact that you're very blessed that that's not enough money for you to worry about. No, but in college it was. How does a, I don't wanna say normal, how does a person who has a standard income smoke 30 cigarettes a day and survive? Do you know what 30 cigarettes a day in Australia costs you?

About $60. The 25 cigarette pack Australian cigarette case is $50 Australian dollars. That's crazy. That's what I would do there. I would pay and you can't bring cigarettes into the country. So I felt like so ashamed of that when I did that. You know, next time we sell any concert tickets or show

tickets that are 70 bucks, we should be like, for the price of one pack of Australian cigarettes a day, you can come support us. Yes, totally. That's why, but the vaping too is like, I didn't, the vaping is not like, I didn't really get into the vaping because it's different, but I mean, everybody's vaping. I swear to God, it's-

People, we know, I mean, I think people know, of course. No, no, no, that's not surprising, but we can't name names. We know so many people who I think are on Team Goodie Goodie with me, that have been vaping names. We know so many people who I think are on Team Goody Goody with me that have been vaping, and it shocked, my jaw hits the floor.

Somebody we work with, a famous drag queen, walked in and I was like, they pulled it out and did it, and it was so passive and involuntary, and my eyes went from them to watching it go to their pocket to like. Like the killer. No, I was like, you remember in Mars Attacks when the first lady's like.

That was me watching someone vape. No, I get it. It's shocking. Well, it's not shocking, but. So what do the techs say? Like, hey girl. It's like, it would be like, you know, you can do it. You can do it, Diva, not really like that.

But it's like, you know, it gives you like a statistic about, you know, saving money. Like, I mean. Can you tell, I mean, for me, I would know that It gives you a statistic about saving money. I mean, for me, I would know that maybe for me, could I tailor it to be more like, make sure the techs are telling me how much money I'm saving. That's the only thing that would motivate me.

Oh, hell yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Or if you're health conscious, maybe it's a health tech. And then you can go online and you can, people have, they share their stories where it's like, and I'm not to be corny, I'm not to be corny, it actually helped to know that people are going through, because nobody I know is trying to quit smoking in my life. They either don't smoke or they're a lifer.

Yeah, they're like, exactly. So like, I, and it's insidious when, every time I've tried to quit smoking with somebody else, oh my God, it does not work out. Because I see them and they're like, do you want to? You know, and it's like, ugh. But I'm actually. Enabler.

Yes, yes. And it's so easy. Oh, it's smoking. It's not crack. It's not crack today. The crack people are saying, it's not smoking. Yeah, it's not crack today. But in 20 years, it's big time crack. Do you have a history with having

maybe an addictive personality? No, I don't. It seems like your body. This is really new for me. How did you start smoking? Mary, this is the diabolical part. I was in sixth grade. I'll never forget, Marlboro Reds.

You're the person huffing at the McDonald's. I was originating theing at the McDonald's. Mama, I was at the, I was originating the shade at the Maccas, okay? I was the shade originator. The shade store. Yes. I remember so vividly, I smoked the cigarette. That cigarette tasted like the cat's motherfucking ass. That cat's ass. Like you rim in your tongue, way up in a cat's booty hole.

And I puked. I can't even kiss a smoker. And then I did it again. Of course not. So this is the thing about, that's why like the little reminders are so great because it's like, it reminds you, A, hey, maybe you don't want to smell like the cat's ass.

And then B, maybe you'd like to have an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't smoke because that's non-negotiable otherwise. Or C, maybe you'd like to save 50 Australian dollars a day or D, maybe you don't want to dive in for Zima ho I know can I tell if I could be vulnerable I'm sure my mom won't mind me sharing this my mom smoked off and on her whole life yeah she has emphysema it's not a party I could get it absolutely it could be I could have lung cancer right now you know what I mean

Kathy Griffin got lung cancer and had never been smoked in her life. So if it can happen to somebody who doesn't smoke, it can really happen to you if you, you know what I mean? Of course, I know. It's like, I mean, I'm... Obviously many types of cancer are treatable and they're surviving, you know, but...

But no, I'm actually really, I'm not even proud of myself. I'm kind of in shock. I'm in shock. Cause I was like, I got all this stuff today and I was like, I was a perfect opportunity to smoke. I had just had lunch and it was the time, the prime time to smoke. And I just didn't go outside and do it.

I just walked in here today and didn't I say, where is she? Is she smoking? And they said, no, she's over there. I have it. It's bizarre. But you know what it is? At Trixie and Katya Live, you would hang out the window and smoke until the overture started. In between numbers, right after hey sexy, sweating.

God's perfect breathing system. During COVID, you inside with the air conditioner smoking in the house. That part. That's sick. That is grizzly Adams. You know what else is different this time? Cause I've seen you quit probably five times

since drag race season seven. You'll quit and you know, that one time you quit for eight months. Remember? This time it's before when you've quit, it's been a consuming thought. Exactly. Every time I see you're like pissed,

trying to quit smoking, pissed off. Peace, I have none. Right. This time I wouldn't have known because it's not like a prevailing thought. I'm not, it started with Ubers. Like there was three days in a row where I was like not driving and I was had to get Ubers like so many in a day.

And then it occurred to me like, I was like, oh, I think it's really disrespectful to get into this guy's Mercedes Benz smelling like a fucking lit cigarette. Only in LA you're getting in people's luxury Ubers. Oh yeah. People here drive like Cadillac Ubers. I know, you're getting in people's luxury Ubers. Oh yeah. People here drive Cadillac Ubers. I know, I take them.

Yeah, they're fierce. And sometimes they're just as cheap as comfort. Yeah. Boopy. Okay, but so there's that. And it's cool. What is? But I get it, this is corny too. David Lynch dying really kind of like put a bug in my ear.

Did he die of a vizema? Mm-hmm. Yeah. He probably don't smoke as much as you did. Mama, he was the smoker. He was the capital smoker. He smoked American Spirit yellows like they were going out of style. Yeah, but you're like that woman from Beetlejuice

with the neck like you're every. Juno. Juno. Or Juno, your caseworker, yes. Totally, and I don't wanna be like her, Miss Monster Eliza Suey in the corner. Oh, I know. You know, cause that's gonna be my insides. Well, you know, when you stop smoking,

a lot of the damage this has proven can rewind. Yes, and it's amazing how- For you it's gonna take more than a couple days. I know, but food tastes better. Food? It affects the way food tastes? Wildly. See, that's where my fat ass would draw the line. Because, oh my God, it's crazy.

And if you don't have a cigarette for a week, let's say, and then you smoke, that cigarette tastes like boo boo nasty. And you're like, why do I do this? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very wild, but again, don't watch Mad Men. That's the only thing I can say. Stay off of Mad Men.

If you're trying to quit drinking, good luck go to Macca's and huff some glue Honestly, they were very martini centric strong drinks from not like from the morning till night Just liquor straight liquor all the time at work It's crazy. I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much. I wonder shout out to the X program I wish my sister would quit vaping. I wonder if I can get her this and if I get you this will you. Thank you very much. I wonder... Shout out to the X program. I wish my sister would quit vaping. I wonder if I can get her this and be like, if I get you this, will you get into this? Say it's like... She just needs a gentle push.

Say it's like X-rated. It's like give her like some kind of tantalizing... Get in the X program. It's for X-rated smoking quitter hot. I'll tell her she's going to a pole class. There you go. That'll get her excited. Just kidding. She doesn get her excited. Yeah.

Just kidding. She doesn't watch this. Okay. Well, how do the kids at home do it? How do they get involved? Is it a website? All you gotta do is you text join Katya to what? 887-09 and then get on the-

Join Katya? Yeah, baby. I love that. It's like in fabric. Join us. That's really cunty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's I love that. It's like it's like in fabric Join us. Yeah. Yeah, it's country. It's actually is and it's the you know, it's the truth initiative Which is not like, you know, it's not like the fucking sackler family's trying to make a buck off of this It's like legit and people trying to just want they want people to not die. Yeah, I mean that's country You've been going through some economic turmoil

How dare you it would have been harder to have sympathy for you if you were smoking it all away. Because you're saving. Mama, my cigarettes are up 10, 11, 12 bucks a pack. Do you know what I'm doing? I'm too cheap for that. I'd be stealing. I don't know what I do.

I couldn't. $12 a pack. I know. You go a pack a day. Sweetie, when I was living in Boston and the abject poverty, I would get them from Russia. $2 a pack, $10 like twelve dollars a carton or whatever. So if there's, what is twelve times thirty?

Three hundred sixty dollars a month? Oh baby. Times twelve months? And factor in some lighters? That's a car payment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And lighters! Yeah.

And no tea, we've worked together where I've seen you send like an assistant just to buy cigarettes and I've been like. This is the thing. This is the pitiful and incomprehensible moral degradation. If you've ever watched Regarding Henry, he goes out for cigarettes in the middle of the night, he gets shot. No, like, I mean, it's like,

but if he hadn't been a smoker, he wouldn't have had to leave the house in the middle of the night to go get cigarettes. You know what I mean? I've been in that, I mean, I haven't been shot, but I've been in that situation where I get home to the hotel after the show, I look, I open my cigarette pack, none in there.

It's like, weh, weh, weh, weh. That doesn't happen anymore. The pack's always empty. You still open it though, just to look. I have cigarettes on me. They just haven't happen anymore. The pack's always empty. You still open it though, just to look. I have cigarettes on me. They just haven't been smoked. That's crazy. It's weird.

It's weird. Yeah, it's cool weird. I mean, it's wild. It also kind of exits the comedy of people like, I'm quitting tomorrow. Yes, it also. You know, like, there's sort of a failure in saying you're going to quit every.

People who smoke and say I should quit, that is always puzzling to me. Yeah. But also, I'm taking the pressure off myself where it's like, it's not all or nothing. If I have a fucking cigarette tonight, I'm not gonna kill myself. One is better than 20. Zero is preferred. But you know what I mean? Yeah. So, like, I'm not, like, counting days, but it's, like, it's been really dramatically great. Girl, I'm gonna cut your chest open and right wash me on your lungs.

Like a dirty car. So basically, in a nutshell, what people can get is they get encouraging texts, which I've actually found helpful. In the beginning, I was annoyed, but now I find them helpful. I'm gonna start sending you my own version of truth texts. $50 trillion, you fucking bitch. Hey, Baldy. You can go online and find support totally free anywhere 24-7 in the United States.

I mean honestly like think about that regarding Henry moment. Middle of the night 2 a.m. you run out of cigarettes you don't have to go to the convenience store you log on. You log on and get some. I'm in just as much danger when I'm high in Australia and I want to get some snakes alive Some what snakes alive? What's that those gummy worms? They have sure my ex alive Mary, okay? She died doing what she loved buying candy Fucking big bitch buying candy at 2 a.m

High as hell going to the cheeky 7-eleven in Australia looking like Jennifer. Looking like Jennifer Lopez. She had her bucket hat on. She was so happy. I thought you were gonna say those Huffers, they brought their own big cups and piston them. No, shout out to those Huffers. I don't like, I also get, I'm sad to think of you smoking in sixth grade because seeing kids Huffing, not that Huffing is the same as cigarettes,

seeing kids doing it was so sad. It just took the wind out of my sails at Maccas, cheeky Maccas. And dude, I think, dude, I've never called you that before, I think smoking's coming back. And it is. Do you know how a few years ago, you really stopped seeing smoking.

Well, it's kind of like low-rise jeans. Like as soon as it's gone, it comes back. But it really is back. And I think it's because this end time energy or whatever. 100%. So anyways, I'm very proud of you. Thank you very much.

And shout out to the X program. The X program sounds great. It makes me want to start smoking just to quit. Do it. It sounds fun. Yeah, do it. It's not true. The ultimate quit is to not start,

but the second best thing is to quit. That should be the slogan, come on. I do, I miss a time of, I fantasize about a time before PowerPoints or Zooms where people had giant pieces of cardboard to give presentations. We'll get into this, you're gonna love this. So they're marketing the slideshow apparatus.

Just smoking. They're like, what do we call it, what do we call it? It's like, it's not a wheel. It's a carousel. Because the wheel, it's like we're reinventing the wheel. How are we gonna get people to buy this wheel thing? It's not a wheel, it's a carousel of memories. Yeah, let's take a break.

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That's B-L-I-S-S-Y dot com slash baldpod and use code baldpod to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacky, Wisconsin. In Wasacky, we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them.

But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like to be able to cook dinner if I want, lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom,

but it sleeps like six or eight technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river. And it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great Wi-Fi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to the stove, to the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast

to my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king size bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a, a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some cans of soup,

but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options and that way when it comes down to crunch time like I've done a lot of my perusing my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm going to stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just

to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy in a better location and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasaki, Wisconsin. In Wasaki, we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from,

but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want, lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river.

And it was perfect for me. It was perfect, great wifi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the wifi to the stove, to the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make like breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling,

like giant king-size bed with a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. Being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought pancake mix, I brought some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these.

I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options. And that way when it comes time to crunch time, like I've done a lot of my perusing,

my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and, you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm going to stay. I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy, and a better location, and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. We used to ship Trixie Cosmetics out of this room when it first started.

We're full circle. Full circle. Full circle. It used to be just me and one shipper, and we'd be in here, somebody would be... Licking them. Licking stamps. Licking them. Yeah, just licking them.

I remember when we launched, I remember the first day we launched, we were in here, it was like friends and family, a bunch of people came and just shipped for free. And I wish I could still just have everyone work for free, but you can't do that anymore. Thanks Obama. Thanks Sleepy Joe. Labor laws. Labor laws. What's next Joe. Ah, labor laws. What's next?

Retirement funds? I don't know. Vacation? Although this is a great time in American history to just, anything unethical you wanna do, I guess this is a great time as a white man to just go for it. Let it rip.

Seems like it's just, why not? Let it rip. We're in the let it rip era of total anarchy. You know. Chaos. Girl, but we're also in the era of Jasmine Crockett and I never wanna be on the receiving end of that wrath bitch. I don't know what Jasmine Crockett is.

Oh, she's this Democrat who is young, gorgeous. Coming for the girls. And they said, what would you say to say if you saw Elon? She said, didn't she say fuck you? They said, what would you say if you saw Elon? She goes, fuck off. Wait, is she a Congresswoman?

Yes, it's cunty. Okay, congresswoman. It's cunty. She needs to go toe to toe with Boebert. And she matches the freak. Imagine if like Marjorie Taylor Greene's audacity was a hot black girl. Okay.

It's so awesome. And democratic. Okay, so you take the volume of MGT, MGT, MJT, and Boebert, and then you put it in a good vessel. But this is the Glinda. You know, this is like the good, well, I guess if you follow Wicked,

Glinda's not necessarily the good. Oh, we're gonna go watch it. You gotta watch Cynthia. Well, I'm watching Ferrari, Your Honor. Cynthia, she puts on those, she gets them. She's got the nails in the movie? Of course, my God. There's snowboards. They're this long.

I swear to God. Snowboard, frat paddle. All I remember about Wicked is, I swear, this is a shot for shot recreation of this. You're joking. There's a part, in my mind in Wicked, she goes. And then she gets on a broom and she goes, and then she flies away.

Yeah, she, like that's it. And you know what? She's gonna have a great year. She's gonna have a great year. She did. She did have a great year. She did. I just saw that she's headlining World Pride,

along with RuPaul and me. Wait, RuPaul is gonna go? Yes, I'm doing solid pink disco at World Pride. RuPaul's DJing at World Pride. I don't know if she's doing drag. I don't know. No, no, not doing drag and pod. I hope I can go because you know, I turn up for that RuPaul shit.

And she's gonna be on the roller skates I bet. That's a fun time. That's what I'm- She wants to get down and get groovy. Woo woo. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. Yeah. You know?

Everybody have fun tonight. If you could put one song, you know RuPaul loves music. Wait, wait, wait. If you don't like me at you know, RuPaul loves music. Wait, wait, wait. If you don't like me at my fun, you don't deserve me at my wangchung. You know, RuPaul loves music.

I don't know if you know this because she never mentions it. Yeah, never. She always says it like, funny thing about me, I like music. And it's like, girl, I like people, places, and things. Like, girl. I'm interested in doing stuff. But if you had to put one song in a thumb drive to like try to get this or this some RuPaul

Like what would be the song we're like, I know she'll love this song car wash car wash, baby I was right the five-minute version Rose Rose Royce a groove is in the heart. Oh, of course. Yes. Yeah, and then I feel love of I feel feel love of Donna Summer. That's a little played out though these days. Yeah. Yeah, Donna Summer and Donna Ross should kind of like sit down and shut up. Yeah, maybe you should shut.

They should kind of like sit down and shut up. Jasmine Crockett, what would you say, girl, what would you say to Diana Ross music right now? Fuck off. Fuck off. I'll play for you, it's so cun off. Fuck off. I'll play it for you. It's so cunty. No, anything I would, oh, what's the,

ooh, Amanda Lear, something by Amanda Lear. Chinatown. They go down. Chinatown. This is honey, watch. Okay. If you could speak directly to Elon Musk, what would you say?

I would say, fuck off. It's so fierce. There's something very Lee Dawson about it. It's also, well, yes. Well, yes. Yeah, totally. Fuck off. Lee Dawson, we're in the very,

we are actually in the unedited, does it need to be edited Lee Dawson era of politics? It's chaos, confusion, madness. It sure is. Can I shout from the mountain to you about this concert? Yeah, I want to do a concert too. Okay, we'll go back and forth, but me first. I have a little less to say.

So do it, okay. So I went to see Kylie. Minogue! Yeah. No, Jenner. I went to see Karlie Jenner. What? I went to see Kylie Jenner.

No, I went to see Klay Minogue. I was in Sydney for Mardi Gras and she was doing three nights at this huge arena and Rimmel London. Hi Rimmel Rimmel gave me a see the London VIP influencer station which was like just just Naked bitches tossing their hair in front of ring lights Love Rimmel and the girl in front of me. She kept having a guy film and okay You're gonna pretend you're filming me and I'm gonna do like kind of like what she was doing

She would like she would like wait for the hit songs to play and then she would make them film. And it would be like, la la la, la la. And she would be like, she was wearing a shirt that was mostly jewelry. Like Goodfrey didn't know who she was. She took a picture with me, she said she's a fan. Hi girl, don't know who you are. You look fucking great.

How was the show? I've never seen Kylie Minogue before. And I would say- Did she do all the lovers? Did she do all the lovers? Yes. I know probably 15 Kylie Minogue songs by heart. Which I know that for Kylie before and I would say- Did she do all the lovers? Did she do all the lovers? Yes. Oh thank God. I know probably 15 Kylie Minogue songs by heart.

Which I know that for Kylie it's not a lot cause a long catalog, a lot of songs. Same as Madonna, I would say. I'm not super fan. I know a dozen songs of them like for sure. Sure, sure, sure. That Kylie shit, I loved it. It was great.

She looked great. She looked beautiful. She really sang. It was amazing. Five foot in a whisper, tiny little thing. And there's this time where she goes to, you know those arenas, they have a little platform in the back?

She goes out there and a guy with a guitar comes, she did locomotion. Oh, fabulous. And ran around the audience while cameras followed her. It was crazy. It was like she was on Price is Right, just running through the aisles. And the price is rought.

The price is rought. And Mecca's. Harley Menard. She was like trying to, you know, every song has an intro. She's like, and thiska's. Carly Menard. She was like trying to, you know, every song has an intro. She's like, and this song's for the lovers, whatever. For her to try to shoe in the locomotion. This song is for the movers.

She's like, she's like, I heard that in Sydney, they gonna make a stolt with the locomotion. And these Aussies just start, they start pissing out of their ass. Cause this is their single ladies. start pissing out of their ass. Cause this is their single ladies. Pissing out of their eyeballs. Yeah. And seeing Kylie in Sydney on Mardi Gras, sold out stadium, it was thrilling.

That's the way to do it. And she sits down and she sings a song from her disco record. And she says, I always imagined singing this song for all of you. And this album came out when COVID happened. And I never got to like live my dream. I forget the song, but it was a ballad.

And she sits and the guy's playing the guitar and she's singing and it's so intimate. She's so gorgeous. And the camera work, the people running around with the cameras make every seat the best seat in the house. I could see her face and her voice and her eyes. And she's singing this song like it's just, this is what she's made to do.

And a disco ball comes down while she's singing and starts spinning and confetti falls. I start crying like my mom died. I start crying like my mother's dead. Like I'm looking at her dead body. Like the doctor walks in and says, we did everything we could to save her life and your mother's dead.

And in fact, your whole family died too. Yeah, I'm Sarah Palms. Oh, like I'm really... You're Claire Danes in Homeland. Yes. It was such a good concert. It was so beautiful. And I thank you to Rimmel for giving me the tickets.

Thank you, Rimmel. Pouring out for Rimmel. What did you see? Mary Svetlana Sergeyevna Labada. And let me tell you one thing. Ask me if there was a yellow suit in attendance. Was there a big yellow suit? Absolutely the fuck not, there was.

She took the note. She, very... Do you think she heard about you hitting her suit? Yes, I do believe she has. Let me tell you something. So got tickets to go. And now I went with my friend Michi, who had gone to the other concert when she was in LA

that I couldn't go to because I had to go to the funding firm. But, you know, that was a kind of a flop concert, turns out. She was hours late, not a great show. You could have busted out at the Funny Farm to see her. I know, but I was so... Somebody at Cellapink Disco said they left the hospital to come to the disco, and they were going back

to the hospital afterward. Music saves lives. There you go. I said, thank you. A DJ saved my life tonight? Hello? There was a friend with her pushing her chair, and I said, are you the friend who broke her out? The friend was like, I was like, I love that.

God is a DJ, life is a dance floor. Love it. So the looks were gorge. I saw it on your story. I was worried. I was worried about the following. A, the venue. B, our general admission tickets.

That means standing. Grandma gets cranky. And C, I was really worried. She's like, if that bitch is three hours late, I swear to fucking God. So we roll up. Showtime is 8 o'clock. She's like, if that bitch is three hours late, I swear to fucking God. So we roll up, showtime is eight o'clock. That's what they say on the tickets.

7.45 we're there. Someone from the staff, Katya brings us right up to a fucking balcony, bitch. Thank God. Right up to a balcony all to ourselves. It helps to be a pretend Russian. I was like, holy shit. I was like, and she just, we never would have seen,

she never would have seen me. It sounds like a dream. I know. Katya, Lumbada is asking for you. And then she grabs your hand and just starts French kissing you right on the pussy. She pulls down my pants and my panties. Yeah.

So we're up at the box. She untucks your cocks, she takes the cage off it, and you guys start playing. With your gear. With your gear. With your gear. Okay, so you had great, was the balcony better seats? Oh yes, well the seats being the operative word. Horny.

Horny for seats. But guess what? That hoe was prompt and professional and she sure did have her whores come on stage around 8.05 or whatever. And that bitch had choreo, she had outfit changes, she talked a lot, played all the hits. My little granny ass hardly hit the seat because I was screaming every fucking word, sweating my life away. I was like doing this, she would do this leg thing, I was doing the leg thing. You were shooting like a Simon

Says situation. I was, I was gooned. You were Amy Pollard Mean Girls. You were like, Oh my God. So embarrassing. And I was like, I was just, I had the time of my life. I loved it. And like you said with the video, they had, they videotaped her so well that like all around you could see her gorgeous fucking face, her fabulous wiggy wig and her... The full wig? She did a banged wig, yeah. It's very wiggy, I love it.

I feel like for the pop stars there's three settings. It's either pretty much the real hair, which Kylie just had the under pieces, you can tell she had some magic, but it was her real part, her real bangs. The Erica Jane, which is hair snatched back with just hair pinned to it, which is a little draggy. Or the full wig. And then she, it's funny because she and I share a movement vocabulary, which is wiggle wiggle,

shimmy shimmy, point, huh huh, huh huh huh, and then freak out. And she did the freak out, and I lived. There was like strobes, everything. And she sounded actually great. This is really different than your Florida experience. It was, I received, it was like God said, you know what, you suffered so much and you spent so much. Right. And for that, we are going to reward you about four years later. And that show was cunt. Good for you.

All the choreo was on point. There were no costume malfunctions. The girls were sickening. She came out with a pimp can at one point. She had this, um... One point she had this giant white fur coat with like a rhinestone bikini underneath. Just like nasty. Nasty, put some clothes on. And, um...

Nasty clothes? Sheep, um, I knew every single fucking word to every song and I shouted it until I was hoarse. She did. It's not, listen, all due respect, not a powerhouse vocalist. Who cares? But she sang live to my,

and I was like really worried about that. She sounded great. She's the person who I feel like she does everything in her power to be the healthiest, prettiest, best version of herself. You know, I'm not a hater. I don't need to go to things and talk about what they weren't good at.

Right, right, right. Yeah. Right. Like, when we were growing up and there was conversations about, like, Britney Spears singing or conversations about, I don't know, so-and-so's dancing. It's like, I know what they're good at, and I'm here for it. I'm not here to ruminate on what I think should be better.

That's hater energy. Yeah, exactly. Especially if you're holding them to an unrealistic expectation. That Miami show, however, I'm telling you, was a real letdown. Because I know what she's capable of. And this was, she's capable of so many costume changes.

She was... Did you get to meet her? So that was the thing. I was in touch. You ran backstage and they carried you out in handcuffs. No, her publicist who lives in Europe got me the tickets, reached out on Instagram. So I was like, oh, so this is how I'm gonna get in there.

But her publicist was in Europe at the time. We waited, we waited outside forever, forever, forever. Like we felt, I felt stupid, I felt a little lame. You were at the stage door, you were gonna run up to her. Oh yeah, yeah. And I was, I was, I was. The killer. I was DMing her on Instagram, tagging her, scene, scene.

You up? Scene, scene. Yeah, your message is, I know you saw that ho. Yeah, get off the floor. Get off the floor ho. If we, the irony, five minutes later, could have met her. She came out five minutes after we left. She's probably getting on a drag.

No, she looked, the thing is, she came out, we saw it on Instagram, she looked spectacular. She looked like... Costume change, look change. She looked better than she came out. I mean, it was like no change at all. Like she hadn't done a show. It was incredible. But, I mean, I probably would have just been stupid. I would have died to get a picture with it though. I would have next time yeah

But love it out you fucking killed it. You better yank that shit off good for her. So happy it delivered good for her Yeah, it was amazing. I had so much fun. I think about it every day Yeah, I like to see the big pop girls now I saw why I did it I saw Madonna last year. Did you love this? I saw Cindy. Oh Cindy, yeah. And then I saw Kylie. Kylie?

I think I gotta see the Beyonce, Calbert Carter, but I'm not willing to lie, cheat, and kill. I was talking to Shea Couleé, I was like, Shea, how do I get tickets? She said, girl, I don't even know. Blackbird singing from the parking lot. You know, that's what they're saying, cause they're gonna be,

Blackbird singing from the parking lot. They're gonna get in the parking lot. They can't get in the door, it's what they're saying, because they're going to be Blackbird singing from the parking lot. They're going to get in the parking lot. They can't get in the door. It's too expensive. Well, that's what Shay was like, girl. $1,400 for a nosebleed ticket? What kind of earth are we living upon? Love it, I was $200.

Well, Shay's doing one of the Sala Pink disco dates. We have some great openers. No, not me. You didn't ask me, but it's me. I was talking. I went to see Leland DJ after Kylie Minogue. He was DJing at Mardi Gras. And I said, oh, yeah, we have some great openers. Not me, you didn't ask me, but it's fine. I was talking, I went to see Leland DJ after Kylie Minogue. He was DJing at Mardi Gras, and I said,

oh yeah, we have some great openers for Solid Pink Disco. I said, you know, Rebecca Black, A-Track, Daya, you know Daya, where do the good boys go to? Hideaway, I said, do you know her? He said, I wrote that song. I said, okay, great. I love when I'm like, do you know her? He's like, no her.

I wrote that fucking song. He goes, I am her. And then like, do you know her? He's like, no her. I am her. He goes, I am her. And then after Leland, same night, I went to see Honey Dejean DJ and I never seen it. I love house music. I love dance music. It was so big and so hot and dark in there and just all naked men. And I know that's a dream for many people,

but those environments make me uncomfortable. Yeah. So I either have to drink more or leave. And I know that's a dream for many people, but those environments make me uncomfortable. Yeah, it does. So I either have to drink more or leave, and I did both. Well, perfect. Okay, goodbye. Bye. Bye. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacky, Wisconsin.

In Wasacky we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch, whatever. So I wanted to rent somewhere to stay. I got a four, it was like a four bedroom, but it sleeps like six or eight technically. I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river. And it was perfect for me.

It was perfect, great wifi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the wifi to the stove, or the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot really clear directions on how to use everything from the Wi-Fi to the stove, the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, like giant king-size bed with like a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know,

I brought like pancake mix, I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like, I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app, where like you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida

and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different options. And that way when it comes time to crunch time, I've done a lot of my perusing, my browsing for bookings, and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee, in, you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, anywhere that I'm gonna stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me

just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it. If you want more space, more privacy, and a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb.

So I have to tell you guys, I went all the way up to my hometown of Wasacky, Wisconsin. In Wasacky we have two motels. I've never stayed at either of them. But when I travel, especially when I travel up north, where honestly, you guys, I love where I'm from, but on an average weeknight, we don't even have one restaurant open. So I like to be able to cook breakfast. I like to be able to cook breakfast I like people to cook dinner if I want lunch whatever so I wanted to rent somewhere to stay I got a four it was like a four bedroom but it sleeps like six or eight

technically I got a huge cabin right outside of Wasaki on the river and it was perfect for me it was was perfect, great wifi. I mean, it had really clear directions on how to use everything from the wifi to the stove or the TV, everything. I mean, nice hot stove to make breakfast in my underwear in the morning. Huge lofted ceiling, giant king size bed

with a cabin quilt on it. I mean, I slept like a baby, a perfect little baby. I love, I mean, being able to travel and eat, like all I did, I brought like, you know, I brought like pancake mix. I brought like some cans of soup, but I didn't have to bring utensils. I brought pans and then I got there and I was like,

I don't even need these. I mean, everything was provided for me. I also love this feature with the Airbnb app where like you can kind of plan ahead. So let's say I'm going to Florida and far in advance of my trip, I can start checking out the area and start favoriting different like options.

And that way when it comes time to crunch time, like I've done a lot of my perusing, my browsing for bookings and I've got them kind of favorited. So in Milwaukee and you know, like my brother lives in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm going to stay, I always have a few favorited because it helps me just to make a quick reservation when it's time. All trips are better with Airbnb. I love it.

If you want more space, more privacy, and a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.