The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Introducing: The Kelly Mantle Show!

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

From executive producers Trixie & Katya comes the absolutely brilliant, gloriously gonzo, and extraordinarily entertaining The Kelly Mantle Show! Each week, Kelly Mantle invites special celebrity guests to endure the most divinely bizarre and uncomfortable interview you've ever witnessed. Kelly believes that laughter is life's lubricant, and these hilarious deep dives are a guaranteed good time that will leave you thirsty, hungry, and begging for more. New episodes release weekly every Wednesday! In this, the premiere episode of The Kelly Mantle Show, Kelly and Tammie Brown talk about mysterious disappearances, porta-potty prostitutes, ice cream socials, Bulgarian lovers, ASMR, Tammie’s tarantula toupée, and her utter lack of brand partnerships. Enter at your own risk! You can finish listening to this episode with Tammy Brown here: Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4S98xIGRIP6O0MSRgNURuV Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tammie-brown-spins-kellys-head-round-and-round/id1783432568?i=1000679982766 To watch, listen, and follow the podcast, go to: https://bit.ly/TheKellyMantleShow Kelly Mantle IG: @kellymantle Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, it's Trixie. I just want to get on the pod and let you all know that Kat and I are executive producers of a hot and sexy new podcast, The Kelly Mantle Show, starring, you guessed it, Kelly Marie Mantle. You guys, we love Kelly. We've toured the world with Kelly. Kelly is the funniest, the prettiest, knows everybody, and she is like completely humble and loves to make fun of herself and learn about the world. But like I said, she is gorgeous and stupid as well. So please enjoy that. We got approached about being EPs for her pod and it was an obvious yes because we love her. And to celebrate, we thought we'd share

the premiere episode of the Kelly Mantle show featuring the highly functioning Tammy Brown. Please enjoy. Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle. And this is The Kelly Mantle Show. Won't you come inside The Kelly Mantle Studio?

Won't you come inside the Kelly Mantle Studio? Do you know I never know where I am, even though I always end up where I'm supposed to be? Isn't that extraordinary? To me, time is timeless. Space is spaceless. And age and numbers and years are just fears inching towards our death. After all, that's the only thing we all have in common is death. You know, we all get along at stop signs and stop lights,

allowing each other to move according to law. Regardless of our beliefs, why can't we apply that to the real world? Isn't it wonderful? The world is ending, and here we are pretending that everything's going to be just fine in these trumpultuous times. And I'm okay with that. Because I subscribe to Delusion.

It's an app on my phone connected to my Venmo. And I won't mind if you tip me at Kelly Mantle. I'll use it for trips to Nice and the Isle of Greece and charity. After all, what can you get a woman who has everything she's ever dreamed of? A gorgeous husband, an Oscar's consideration, an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race, a podcast. Of course, you get her a podcast. What more could she ask for?

She was dreaming like a Texan girl, a girl who thinks she has the right to everything, a girl who thinks she should have something extreme. So I have a podcast. Won't you join me? We are like totally podcasting. Doesn't it look like so profesh? I feel like we should be like on the 10 o'clock news.

10 o'clock news. LGBTL8 news at 10. I'm your hostess. Oh, they don't call them hostesses, do they? Why not? News correspondents. You will call them hostess if you feel like it. And you would be the weather girl.

I can totally see Tammy Brown being the meteorologist. It's raining men. It's sunny out there so you can walk children in nature. Hashtag not grooming. Now don't you have a monologue or something? Seriously, I think we need to normalize being news correspondents, people like us on like CNN, honey, cause we're like truth tellers.

I don't wanna be on CNN or anything like that. Well, you know what I mean. We should be news correspondents. Yes, I have a monologue. I have an introduction for our guest today. She's a lady of travel and leisure. Tammy Brown and I have been BFFs for many, many lifetimes. I don't know if it's been too long or not long enough.

Well, she was working as Marilyn Monroe back in the day before she croaked, and then I was working in New York City, many a places, and had a good time. She ended up in Oklahoma. I went through Mexico, Costa Rica, and Texas. All the way down to New Orleans. It's nice.

People always say, Kelly, what's it like being BFFs with Tammy Brown? And I always say, oh, she'll spin your head round and round, but you'll never find out what's in hers. It's an anomaly. A mystery. Is that your monologue? No, I'm just coming up with this.

You're so creative. I love it. Isn't she creative? That's why we hang out. It's like a crossword puzzle in the National Geographic magazine. You're like Amelia Earhart before the crash. Oh, before the crash? And then the, what are those crabs? Coconut crabs. Yes. They were in the National Geographic, speaking of. That's how I found out about the coconut crabs. They say that the theory is that perhaps they tore her body apart and took her down in some little holes because they're finding human remains in some of those holes that the coconut crabs go in.

Who? Amelia Earhart? You better believe it. Now was she lovers with Martina Nabotilova? I'm thinking about the movie Air Force One. Oh. Or Airport One. And then there's Airport Three where they go into the ocean. And Amelia Earhart won an Oscar for that, right? No, you're thinking more like Jane Goodall played by Sigourney Weaver in the movie Gorillaz in the Mist.

Oh, but not Alien. No, not Alien, but there's a new Alien. Your mind is probably the most beautiful contradiction since Jesus Christ. Contradiction how so? Beautiful contradiction. Well I know about the beauty but contradiction how so? Because you're yin and yang. Well I am human, a jaded optimist I am. I would think you were a Gemini but you're actually a Virgo. I do like my lover Pisces.

Oooh, spicy. And I can ride, I can ride the bull. So we're gonna take this time to climb into the mind of Tammy Brown and swim around and unleash the ingredients that make your head tick-tock. Tick-tock, I'm on tick-tock, yes, planet Tammy. How is your head? It's good. I mean, I-tock, I'm on Tick-tock, yes, planet Tammy. How is your head? It's good. I mean, I smoke weed normally, I'm highly functioning.

I eat, um... But how's your head? What do you mean? Oh, you mean like performing oral copulation or something like that? Well, of course my head speaks, so they speak the perfect words of love that get the guys tingling and dingling, if you know what I mean. Liberty and fashion, baby. Well, not fascism and a bumblebee

covering an American flag. Annie, let's get into it. I want to really deep into your mind. I want to know what a romantic evening for Tammy Brown is like, because can I tell you what I picture? I picture Juice Newton just calling me angel playing on the record player on vinyl. And I picture lots of acrylic nails tapping along green glass ashtrays with half roach hanging on the side and lots of mirrored surfaces

and negligee, which is very different than lingerie. That's what I see. And I see lots of nibbling and sniffing. Things like, is that what a romantic evening for Tammy's like? Well, remember that night we were going down Santa Monica Boulevard? And we rolled down the window to that cute guy. And what did I say out the window?

Hey, Buster, where you going? And I'm like, what year are we in right now? And he's all like what? He's like shh. Hey Buster, I say hey Buster, where you going? More like hey Buster, where you going? You know like that right? Cause I'm always spunky and fun.

Oh my god it was hilarious girl. Spunking and dunking or something right? Spunking and dunking. So right? Spunking and dunking. So what is a romantic evening with Tammy Brown like? Please walk us through it. Like you have a date with one of your Bulgarian boys. He comes over and you chilled some champagne. Well as long as they know they're exclusive,

for the moment. For the moment. And one of my boys says, Tommy, I cannot say no to you. I love that for you. I love it for myself. Doesn't he like grab you by the arms and like embrace you when he says it all passionately? To be honest with you, he said, Dami, I'm cold.

And he put my body on his. But back to that question, I feel happy for them, not me. You know what I mean? People wish they could kiss my ass. And they literally are. I say line them up, line them up. So they're blessed for having a romantic evening with Tammy Brown. Well, why not?

Absolutely. Why not? Absolutely. I mean, I'm the boss. Oh, so are you a little bit more on the, like, the strong side of things, the dominant side? Well, I am a woman in control of my life. A she-wee, a he-wee, a mam-sir-a-sheen-us. Speaking of romantic evenings.

American lovers. I strictly go with Europeans now. You strictly go with Europeans. I had to threaten to like beat up one of your American lovers one time. Oh, the porta-potty prostitute. Remember him? The porta-potty prostitute, honey. Tammy, like... Tinky-stalking, they called him. What happened? What even happened? Tinky-stalking. I just remember calling him and saying if you don't

Remember her shit back. I'm gonna like his name was Tinky stocking Tinky stocking Yes, Tinky stockings or something like that. That was his name Tinky stockings Well, I met him in one of those big cities here in the United States of the Americas and Chicago to be matter of fact. In August in Chicago. What happened? And I met him and then I invited him over to come and do some stuff and then he started playing some game, you know. What did he play?

The game that you had to call him up and he was at the Abbey and he answered the phone fast, that trick. And guess what? Trick baby. You told him what? I said I was going to smash his face into the gravel. Into the gravel. You said you were going to smash his face into the gravel. That's Kelly. I can always call Kelly and make sure she takes action. The way I roll, baby. You don't fuck with my friends. Am I scared of you? No. Hell no.

You shouldn't be. But you will tear some asses down. I will tear an ass down, bitch. I don't play, honey. I do not play. I am from Oklahoma, honey. We don't fuck around. All right, so I want to get to some listener questions.

We have some very interesting questions. We have some of our listeners. Do you have any thriving questions for Ms. Tammy Brown? And they did not disappoint. So Rose in Rosetta, Texas wants to know, so you're known as planet Tammy on your socials. What's your favorite planet? Is it really Mars? My

favorite planet is is planet Earth the only one we know. That's a good answer. That's a fact if I had a time machine what would I do I just actually stay in this point in place right here. And fix it. Mm-hmm fix it. You're doing a lot to fix it. I do my best I'm not competing though. No as we shouldn't be we should be joining arms and fixing it together You know I used to say my favorite planet was Pluto But then I heard recently that Pluto no longer identifies as a planet. Really? Yeah, satellite baby satellite baby, and that was a number one hit single in the Scandinavian country

Do you really think that they landed on the moon? What was the number one hit single? Huh? What was the number one hit single in a Scandinavian country? Satellite Baby. Ding! And you performed that at that show. What was it called that we did up on the Hollywood Hills? Oh what was that called? When Queens Collide. When Queens Collide. That's the name of it. And Mama's dead. Mama's dead. Mama's dead. Mama died. Mm-hmm. And they cut off her toe.

Mama say Mama sama maku sa. Jules from Long Beach went to the funeral. I know, I wanted to go. Rhea texted me and asked me to do something at it, but I was out of town that weekend. And that is Rhea LaTrey. What did I say? But you said Rhea. Oh, did I say it wrong?

But I'm saying Rhea LaTrey. Do you know what I told her? She needs to come out with a brand of sunglasses called Raya Bands. Raya Bands. Hey, look at me. Marketing, marketing, shing, shing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing, shing. Here comes the money.

Here comes the money. Here comes the money. The clouds are all around us, but we got money. Marketing, marketing, shing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing. Money, money, shing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing.

Marketing, marketing, shing. Here comes the money. Here comes the money. Marketing, marketing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing. Marketing, marketing, shing the money, the clouds are, the clouds are all around us but we got money. Money. Hey winner, I'm the winner. Buy some salami and go fuck yourself. Can we get some more champagne flown in from Miss Tam Brown?

Oh my goodness, only from Champagne France. We can edit this part out. No, we're gonna do it all. We're gonna get some Champagne sponsors because I want some. We're going to get Champagne sponsors. Avik, Avik, Champagne, Champagne, Avik, Avik, Avik. Episode one and she's already thinking of Champagne sponsors. Where's the Champagne?

Well, why not? People get sponsored by all sorts of things and why am I not sponsored? I can't even get sponsored by a condom company. You should be in the Olympics. I don't wanna be in the Olympics. Look, you look like you're in the Olympics representing Texas.

I love this. Well, you better believe it. This is wonderful. The Special Olympics. You could be a gymnast. Well, Texas. I want to see Tammy Brown break dancing in the Olympics. That's what I want to see.

I have a friend though that she has an Olympic medal for collecting stamps. Who? They have Olympics for collecting stamps? You better believe it. Shut up. Uh-huh, it's my friend in India. Mom, I call her.

Girl, are you serious? Shashan's mom, yes, yes, yes. When did they start an Olympic event for collecting stamps? It's a thing. There's a medal, she got a medal. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Shashan's mom, yep. Well, we love you, Shashan, and you keep on collecting, honey.

Oh my God, have you ever been to the Ritz Carlton in Dana Point on the ocean? It is one of the most beautiful hotels, the most beautiful views, and they have this wonderful little place where you can just get drinks and appetizers as the sun's coming down. Isn't that remarkable?

Well, that's what your Discover card got you. That's what my Discover card got me. That's what my Discover card got me. Do people still have Discover? Why not? Be the mess card of mix or discover. That's hilarious, girl. Well, it's a fact. I was thinking I'd prefer to go stay,

although the Trumpster owns the Plaza Hotel. I'd rather stay at the Plaza Hotel for a night. Yeah, he's owned it for years. And when 9-Eleven happened too, it could have been one of the buildings that would have collapsed as well, you know. I didn't know he owned the Plaza. It is healthy to burp, though, that's a fact.

Well, honey, if we didn't burp, we'd all blow up, I'm assuming. Oh, God, like a firework. Magpipedalyn Fairchild from San Francisco wants to know, Magpipedalyn Fairchild. Is it a drag king? I don't know, probably a drag king she says. From San Francisco, of course it's a drag king, wants to know, what's your favorite color? Oh, well that's a beautiful question.

I feel like you could read auras actually. Yes. I really do. Well I'm seeing purple with you. I wonder why Purple rain purple Rain May he rest in peace Rest in pieces perhaps now. What is your favorite color? My favorite color? If I had to guess I would say Tammy Brown's favorite color is red

My favorite color... If I had to guess, I would say Tammy Brown's favorite color is red. Cheren. Am I right? That's red in Bulgarian. Oh. Ciltik is red in Nauvalt. Ciltik. But my favorite color actually started off green. Really?

You better believe it. Kelly green? Huh? Kelly green? Emerald green. Not green with envy. Just the Heart Shocker green. Huh? Kelly green. Emerald green. Not green with envy. Just the heart chakra green. So I just went to blue automatically.

And I remember at the time I went to a deep sapphire blue, which is my, you know, birthstone, okay, but I don't really like that color blue. Many of us Virgos don't like that because it's just too damn dark. And I switched it to turquoise and guess what else? Fuchsia. So I have two favorite colors and then my lucky colors are green and purple. And purple is a healing color like for healing light and stuff like that. So I'm always thinking about you while watching you during this beautiful podcast of yours, that you're the purple light shining bright. I have never heard a more detailed answer

to what is your favorite color in my life. I thought this is the most stupid, basic question, and that was the most beautiful, wonderful answer I've ever heard. Well, I've learned something in Hollywood. You have to talk. And one of my lovers, though, the problem we have on our... He's a tourist and I'm a Virgo.

And how many do you have? Huh? He's the captain lover. I want a number. I just don't want to sound like a common tramp or fluzzy. Well, you're not. You're more of a Hollywood madam, if I were to call you anything. I'm going to tell you what.

You're like a Hollywood madam that runs a brothel of Bulgarian boys in P-town. This is what she does. Hold the horn, hold the horn here. Look, I'm not a bottom bitch. Oh shit, here we go. And I know what a bottom bitch is. You know what a bottom bitch is? Tell me.

The bottom bitch is the head whore in the stable of whores. That's the bottom bitch. And I learned that from the Iceberg Slim, the book Pimp, which has a great glossary, and then also I like Black Widow Mama Spider, which deals with the drag queen. But please look out, Iceberg Slim.

Look for him, look for him. Great stuff. Iceberg Slim. Iceberg Slim. But, Slim shading. You would be my bottom bitch. I would?

Uh huh, yes. How am I gonna be your bottom bitch shading. You would be my bottom bitch. I would? Uh huh, yes. How am I gonna be your bottom bitch? Because you would be my bottom bitch. Like if I was Batman, you'd be Robin. Oh my God, I've never even thought of us together. So it would be like a lesbian, we would be like desert moons. Remember that old lesbian movie?

We would meet in like a laundromat and we would go like in our 57 Chevy out into the desert. So just like me ready Soft yes And just like start going down on each other and just eating each other out Just like going crazy and flipping my hair in the wind Be like Thelma and Louise. Gargoyles in the mud.

So you, I would be your bottom bitch. Why not? I mean, listen, it makes sense. Is that okay? Yes, of course it is, because I'm more of a pillow princess anyway. I like to just lay there and be like, oh. Mm-hmm.

Oh. And make sure like I'm perfectly lit. Your teeth shine in the moonlight. And like nothing's touched. I got you there. You're a bitch. Fancy. Oh, this is such a Willy Wonka set.

In the fucking, where did they have that at? Can I have another question, please? Okay, Vinny from New York City wants to know, what's your favorite movie and what is your dream role as an actress? Oh, this is a good question. I wanna know this too. Well, first of all, as an actress,

my miniseries is gonna be great and I can even play some of the parts myself. And the acting right now is the part I'm playing. So here we go. Inside the Actors Studio. the part I'm playing. So here we go inside the actor studio Inside the actor studio. I'm a must-join for sag. I always wanted us to remake the movie Who's afraid of baby Jane? Oh That'd be great. Remember when I did away. I totally messed that up

Oh my god, we should totally do a mashup of who's afraid of Virginia Woolf and whatever happened to baby Jane. What's eating Gilbert Grape? Oh, Gilbert Grape. Virginia Woolf. Will you play the mother or will I? I would be Joan Crawford. Of course, because you like the beauty. Well.

And you're not afraid of my reckless abandon. Exactly. I got my little ding-a-ling hanging out just for you. Look at this. This is Junior and the Twins. Shout out to the Imperial Court. Junior and the Twins. Yes.

Long Beach bow wow wow yippie yippie yippie. You know they're doing the 2020, 2028 closing Olympics. Are you gonna? Ceremonies. I think they should have Tammy Brown perform at the closing ceremonies of the 2028 Olympics in Long Beach because you are a Long Beach superstar native

just like Snoop Dogg. I'm gonna say what? This is what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say I would say no to the Olympics. Why? Because of all the controversy, the Sochi Olympics with the Orcas, the Gay Pride Olympics back in, what's it,

38 and whatnot in Munich, wherever that, I believe over there. And did you see Nymphia Wind on the closing ceremony last night? This is probably gonna come out much later, so y'all are probably gonna be like, when was this shot? But did you see her last night?

Nymphia Wind on the Olympics? Tell me, what happened? I don't pay attention. I didn't see it, I saw it on the Twitters, but I haven't watched it yet, but she performed at the closing ceremony. Good for her. Of the thingies of the Olympics. And what does she do?

I don't even know who that is. You don't know who Nymphia Wind is? I don't pay attention to this modern day pop culture bullshit. Oh my God. How about that, you need to edit that? I don't care. I wouldn't do the Olympics. There's the answer to that question.

Moving along. Tammy Brown would not do the Olympics, but Nymphia Wynn did, and she did a beautiful job portraying a gold. She is the current reigning queen of RuPaul's Drag Race, season 39, Tamara. Well, good for them. Fraculate her, Ru. She really did a beautiful number on the finale and it

was this, it was this beautiful dance with these dancers and everything was in pink and blue and it was like trans rights. So pink and blue it's almost like fuchsia and turquoise. I loved it. Oh. Nymphia, love you baby. That's for Joan Crawford. What is your gender identity? Mam-sir, sheenus, Queen Studs, and I would be considered fluid with a dominant heteronormative and there's also parts of me that are 2% bisexual. We also have a lot of, what is it, asexuality going on a lot sometimes.

Really? Asexuality. Explain that. What is that? Because I'm more into sometimes boyerism. Than the actual act of penetration. To be honest with you, yeah, that gets me going. And then with the empathic lover sometimes that really just gets me flying

Really? Yeah, which is a problem sometimes. So you have sex with ghosts? Oh my god in the movie ghost remember they took me as a three-year-old to see them Not ghostbusters to see that movie and when Dan Aykroyd is getting the blowjob by the ghost remember that? No, I've never seen Ghostbusters. No, no, that movie's movie's great. Oh, boy. And it's great New York. And he's getting a blowjob? I thought it was a children's movie. By a ghost, and you see the pants unwrap. Really?

And the buckle go on my pants. That's amazing, I love that. Took me to see that. 19, what is it, 80, when did that come out? 84? So he got a blowjob by a ghost? Yes! Fuck off, in Ghostbusters?

Yes! Who are you gonna call? You better believe it. Oh my God, I did not know that. So tell me about Sex with Ghosts. Well, I'll tell you what, it's practically another dimension, but right here on this planet.

Now you were supposed to be born in Puerto Vallarta. Si. But you ended up being born in Corpus Christi because you had an amoeba. Is this true? And what was the amoeba? The amoeba was actually myself that grew inside my mom's womb and I was born in Corpus Christi, Texas right there. You were the amoeba? You better believe it. I ate the sperm.

So you've just been like a little gutter slut since you were like an embryo. No, the one you met is Courtney Love in the gutter. So wait a minute, you ate the sperm. So there was supposed to be a twin. Well, why not? With all this hit rage of aliens and this and that, why not let me be the one eating?

Wait a minute, you're Tammy Brown's down there in her mama's belly, mention on her twins. And when I was born, they laid me flat on my head, so I have a flak, I mean a flak, a flat backside of my head. That's why I'm always teasing my hair back there, or sometimes wear a little piece, you know? You do wear a little piece. I love your little piece. Thank you, so that's better.

When we stay in hotel rooms together, I see the little piece. I love your little piece. Thank you. When we stay in hotel rooms together, I see the little piece in the middle of the night over on the dresser. It's just back here. She totally has a little piece. But. I thought it was a tranche on the one side. Thank you.

And I'm like, ow! And I'm like swatting her little hair piece, her toupee up the counter. And I started stomping on it, like, Jerry! And she looked up and was like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh my god. Yeah, because I woke up and said, what were you doing? But the next morning when we woke up,

it was hanging on the banana tree. It was hanging on the banana tree. Oh my god. And then the chimpanzee came and started playing with it and then started wearing it up against the window sill. I thought it was like, I thought it put it like down in its rectum areas.

Well, that was the other one. That was the other, hey, hey, orangutan swinging from a tree. Did you like that? Of course you did. If you want to hear the rest of the premiere episode of the Kelly Mantle Show, head to the link in the description and don't forget to follow the show wherever you get your podcasts.

You don't want to miss a single, gloriously insane episode. Also make sure you do all like the likes, the comment, the subscribe. You know, Kelly, she's a young, ingenue. She's about 20 years old. She's trying to make it in the industry. We got to help Kelly. Okay. And if you don't

comment and like and subscribe to Kelly, you hate queer people. So maybe we can get Kelly to read some of the comments on the podcast. I mean, I'm not sure she can read, but maybe somebody can feed to the lions. Oh, wait, I'm an EP. I'm going to force Kelly to read the reviews on the podcast. Okay, bye.