The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Joel Kim Booster Loathes Katya's Movie Recommendations (Part 1) with Katya

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

Since the debut of The Bald and the Beautiful in October of 2020, Katya Zamolodchikova has tickled your ears with full-throated recommendations of tens of hundreds of films; many of which are great, most of which are not. As we approach the zenith of the Halloween season, be prepared for Joel Kim Booster to be utterly at odds with Katya's positively shining endorsement of Terrifier 3, with Miss Zamolodchikova describing it as what would happen if Ingmar Bergman decapitated Stanley Kubrick while simultaneously stabbing Wong Kar-wai with Jean-Luc Godard's sharpened femur. Want to try the #1 meal kit for eating well? Go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! If you’re 21+, check out VIIA. Head to https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use the code BALD to receive 15% off. This fall, enhance your everyday with VIIA! Need a website? Check Out https://SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Take more control of your finances and stop waiting for payday! Open your account in minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Follow Joel Kim Booster: @IHateJoelKim Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is sponsored by our friends at Green Chef, the first certified organic meal kit company. Green Chef brings the flavors of fall to you with fresh seasonal organic produce in every box, plus premium proteins like organic eggs, sustainably sourced seafood, and antibiotic and hormone-free chicken. Even better, you don't have to guess what to make with your farm-fresh items. With Green Chef's easy-to-follow recipes and pre-measured and prepped ingredients, you'll be serving up a restaurant worthy meal in no time. With so many delicious fruits and veggies ripe and in season, fall is the perfect time to dig into squash, cranberries, brussels sprouts, green beans, maple, and pumpkin.

Oooh pumpkin Debra! You'll find these whole foods and more in Chef Crafted Recipes designed to celebrate the season. I made their Turkish Spiced Chicken Tacos with Lemon Honey Crema, Shug Slaw, and Pistachios last weekend. It was so amazing that I literally ran out to the balcony and yelled at my neighbor Greg who was watering his plants across the street. I screamed at the top of my lungs about how great it tasted. And now, well, Greg is super into Shug Slaw and even put a long review of the Green Chef

recipe on the front page of the Green Chef recipe on the front page of the neighborhood newsletter. So what are you waiting for? Be like Greg and go to greenchef.com slash bald50 and use code bald50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months. Again, that's code bald50 at greenchef.com slash bald50 to get 50% off your first box

plus 20% off your next two months. Green Chef, the number one meal kit for eating well. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. If you've been in a coma for the past 30 years, you might not know what a website is or that we now eat entire salads from that green leafy thing that used to be a decoration on the Sizzler salad bar.

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And after you've launched, let's say you need help with marketing. Squarespace has so many features to help drive sales and engage your audience with creative email campaigns that you'll be filing that lawsuit in no time. And if you have some extra knowledge that you think you can turn into some extra cash, say some detailed information about have some extra knowledge that you think you can turn into some extra cash, say some detailed information about the netherworld that you inhabited for the past 30 years, Squarespace can help you post online courses.

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Accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay, and offer customers the option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. So go ahead and check out squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. From the kitchen to the laundry room, your home deserves the best. Give it the upgrade it deserves

at Best Buy's ultimate appliance event. Save up to $1,000 on two or more major appliances. Shop now in store or online at bestbuy.ca. Exclusions apply. Hi, divas. As you know, Trixie is on break. So I'm solo here on the podcast to tell you that we are bringing you more Baldin,

the Beautiful Live shows this fall. That's right. We're going to be in Baltimore, Providence, Columbus, and a whole bunch of other East Coast cities that I don't have on the script in front of me. But all tickets and info will be at Trixie and KatiaLive.com. So get your panties in check for the best damn podcast you've ever seen.

["The Best Damn Podcast"] Wait, I just have you right there because this is the thing that I do that I hate. I have to introduce you first before we start talking. Welcome back to another riveting episode of Bald and Beautiful. I am Bald, he's beautiful. Please welcome Joel Kim Booster.

Woo! Hello! Woo! So you're gay and bipolar. I'm gay and bipolar. Cause I needed another thing. I'm Asian, I'm gay, I'm adopted, I'm bipolar. Yeah, what else?

I'm physically dyslexic. It's great. Wait, really? Yeah. Physically? Physically dyslexic. It's great. Wait, really? Yeah. Physically? Physically dyslexic. So it is a real thing.

It means I have no natural instinct for left and right. So I am constantly still doing this. Get out. Like all the time. Dancing, choreo, it's a nightmare for me. Well, I still can't get stage right or stage left. I don't know what that is. I still don't know what it is. Try not knowing left and right already

and then being asked to put yourself in. It's just not possible. Take two steps to stage left and I'm like, just point. Just point. I still don't know what it is. What is it? What is it? I hate it.

Stage, so stage, so okay, so stage left is if you were on the stage. Looking at the audience. Looking at the audience. It's to your left. That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. So as the director, it's to my right. Right, right, right, right.

Right, correct. So they're making it, because they know that actors are stupid. Yes! They know that actors are stupid and they cannot. And then downstage and upstage is tough, but that I know because it used to be like, so downstage is towards the audience, upstage.

So upstage, stage right is going back and to the left. No, not to the right. Wow. I don't know. I don't know. And I'll never have to know. Yeah. You know. Who cares? I will never, yeah, I don't think I'll ever be put

in a position where I have to do that. Would you be in a Broadway show as a singer, as a lead male singer? So here's the thing, my entire career has been one long con to get Stuntcast in a musical. I want to be famous enough, little shot, and can I tell you, I actually think we can talk about this. It's in the early stages of, right now we're looking for a venue. It's happening in January though. It's happening. Shea Coulee and I went to high school together. Get out. Yes. We were in my senior year, her junior year. We were in Little Shop of Horrors together. I was, I was Seymour. She was Audrey too.

Get out of here. The plant. I was Seymour, she was Audrey too. Get outta here, the plant. And for years we have been joking about like, oh we should do like a charity remount, but this is like pre-Drag Race, we had this idea, and then post-Drag Race we were sort of toying with it, and then like right pre-pandemic, Bob the Drag Queen was like, I wanna produce that.

And now he's much too busy to do it, but I was talking to this producer at O'Mary who produced O'Mary and he was like, I wanna do something with you. He was like, do you have anything quick and dirty that we could do? And I was like, quick and dirty. Quick and dirty.

I was like, you want something quick and dirty. Quick and dirty. You want something quick and dirty. Like, let me tell you this plan that I have. And it's me and Shay reprising our roles. And it was so funny because at the same time I was texting Shay, I was like, I cannot wait to see what the drag version of Audrey 2 is.

I was like, Poison Ivy but pop star. And at the same time, Shay texted me, Poison Ivy through the Rihanna lens. And I was like, that is so perfect. I think it's gonna be great. And we're gonna cast it with a lot of drag queens and queer performers. And I don't know if you know who Murray Hill is.

I do, yes I do. In New York, yeah, like we're really trying to get him to play the dad. And it's early stages of planning, it is happening in January. Who's gonna be Audrey? That's the question, that's the question. And it's like, do we get a cis girl?

Do we get a drag queen? Do we throw a Marsha Marsha Marsha bone? Do we throw a Taylor bone? Oh yes. Yes. Anya Taylor Joy. Anya Taylor Joy. Actually, I kind of might slay.

That's the problem with her. I'd slay. That's the problem with her. She always slays. She always slays. Except, I will say, as Peach. The Mario movie. Oh, I didn except I will say, as Peach. The Mario movie. Oh, I didn't see that.

The Mario movie. Why did that have to happen? Terrible. Why does that? And then Sonic the Hedgehog. If you want to watch the Mario movie, just watch your nephew play Mario. It is a much more enjoyable experience

than watching the Mario movie. And I will say this, did you ever see the Mario movie in the 90s, the live action Mario movie? No. It's impossible to find. My boyfriend had to find it on German Netflix. We used a VPN to find it. And here's the thing that I will say,

it is a historic flop. Like it is not a great movie, I will give it that. But is it watchable? It's definitely watchable. It's definitely watchable. It's definitely watchable. I would recommend watching it even because here's the thing that's interesting about it, is I would much rather have an adaptation that takes a big swing and really changes the world or really brings something to the world that the director and the writers are bringing, rather than the Mario movie we got,

which is like, oh, isn't like, look at the reference that we're, you know, oh, I get that reference. Oh yeah, that's from Donkey Kong. This is, you know, like, I fucking hated the Mario movie. And yes, I'm an adult man, so like, it's not for me, you know, to love, but. I don't think any movie needs to be like I think if you're gonna make a movie

You might as well just make it really really good. Yeah, that seems like the logical Like that you have to make children's movies watchable for adults to yeah They use I used to think I do think that used to happen a lot more Than it's happening now. Because you know what I'm fucking sick of? With Disney right now? I am so fucking sick of the lack of villains in Disney movies.

Because bitch, every fucking villain in every major Disney movie now is like, your self-esteem. You know? Or it's like, it's like, it's like, it's truly like, they cannot give us an Ursula anymore. They can't just deliver on pure evil.

They can't give us Jafar. They're too afraid to like give us a real villain. It's always like your lack of belief in yourself. You know, it's the villain. It's like, fuck you, fuck you. Like give us the singing and dancing villains that are fierce, that we root, that we end up as little gay children rooting for over the ingenue.

I agree and there's a film that I just watched where there is no, I don't think there's any better example of a villain that is so villainous and so sadistic. Have you ever seen the terrifying movies? Okay. I only know about this movie because of you, because of you, and I won't. I'm talking, I'm going to, this is the part where I'm going to talk at you for a little bit. Oh God, the people listening to this are probably just gonna shut this off right now.

The third one, there's been three terrifying movies. This is The Clown. The Clown, this is Art the Clown. First one is very bad, second one is even worse. And the third was fantastic. And this is, it's a sadistic clown who. It's torture porn. It's absolutely, it's, I don't wanna, it's a sadistic clown who- It's torture porn. Is what you're selling.

It's, I don't wanna say it's, it's, hostile and saw are torture porn. Human centipede for me was where I really had to, because here's my thing. If I wanted to watch a movie where two young girls scream in agony for 90 minutes, then I'd watch the Gilmore Girls. I don't need human fucking Santa Pica back.

For some reason I don't group this film in. Because there's a plot or why? There's definitely a plot. Well, I'm gonna, oh god, this is a spoiler I suppose, but. Babe, no one's seeing these movies. No one is seeing these movies. I'm gonna, I'm gonna. You've been selling these movies

for truly literal years on this very podcast. I'm a listener, I'm a fan. I have never once heard you talk about this movie and said, put it on the queue, babe. I'm gonna, this is a major spoiler alert right now. I saw a sneak peek of this film, it's not out yet, but it probably will be by the time this airs. Anyways, it is very much torture porn.

I would say it's a gore, it's like a gore, a feast of gore. Feast of gore, it's a gore glut, a gluttony of gore. Torture porn is like. There's an art to that. There is an art to that. Torture porn is so realistic. Yeah.

I think that. It is about the girl screaming in pain. It's like there's a realism to torture porn where it really, really like seriously takes, it takes itself very seriously trying to depict very ultra realistic violence, right? Like there's a really squirmy kind of like- But this is so over the top.

This is schlocky. This is like pockets of blood spewing. And it's kind of, the art is in like how they did it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's like, so for example, like a couple, a man and a woman are having, taking a shower, they're fucking in the shower. In art, the clown comes in with a chainsaw.

Not as easy as the movies make it seem. No, no, stand up sex too, it's very challenging. And then, you know, the clown busts through with a chainsaw, and the chainsaw got, like, you know, he hacks the girl up into several pieces, and then he sticks the chainsaw up the guy's ass. And it's like, none of this is implied, it's all very, very, it's right there.

Up the ass, and then you see the dick and balls get sawed off, and it's just like endless in your face, crazy. And the packed audience cheered afterwards. They cheered afterwards. You know what though? I get that though, because I would see that movie in a theater in a way that I would not watch alone with my partner. Like I just like, cause there is a catharsis when you're watching it with a group where

you are just like, I could see myself getting excited. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Green Chef, the first certified organic meal kit company. Green Chef brings the first certified organic meal kit company. Green Chef brings the flavors of fall to you with fresh seasonal organic produce in every box plus premium proteins like organic eggs, sustainably sourced seafood, and antibiotic and hormone-free chicken. Even better, you don't have to guess what to make with your farm-fresh items. With Green Chef's easy-to-follow recipes and pre-measured and prepped ingredients,

you'll be serving up a restaurant-worthy meal in no time. Green Chef is celebrating the most wonderful time of the year when the air becomes crisp and we don our light jackets that are only useful for 9 days out of every year. As we start to see witches, ghosts, and ghouls appear on our neighbors' lawns, why not celebrate the arrival of fall with some seasonal fall dishes from Green Chef? With so many delicious fruits and veggies ripe and in season, fall is the perfect time to dig into squash, cranberries, brussels sprouts, green beans, maple, and pumpkin. Ooh pumpkin, Debra! You'll find these whole foods and more in Chef Crafted Recipes designed to celebrate the season. Embrace the cozy vibes

and dig into no-fuss recipes designed to make eating clean a decision that feels good and tastes even better. Plus, every week features rotating options to suit a variety of lifestyles including the science-backed Mediterranean diet, keto, plant-based, gluten-free, calorie smart, and more. Make clean eating manageable with 15 delicious quick and easy meals to choose from every week, each ready in 25 minutes or less. I love saving time in the kitchen with premium ingredients that arrive prepped, many even come pre-chopped, and ready to cook like pre-measured sauces, spices, and dressings. I made their Turkish Spiced Chicken Tacos with Lemon Honey Crema, Shug Slaw, and Pistachios

last weekend. It was so amazing that I literally ran out to the balcony and yelled at my neighbor Greg, who was watering his plants across the street. I screamed at the top of my lungs about how great it tasted. I expected him to be annoyed, but he proceeded to ask me what Shug Slaw was. I replied, well, it's a delicious, spiced green sauce originating from Yemen, made with herbs, lemon, garlic, olive oil, chilies, and spices. It's orgasmic. And now, well, Greg is super into Shug Slaw and even put a long review of the Green Chef recipe on the front page of the neighborhood newsletter.

So what are you waiting for? Be like Greg and go to greenshief.com slash bald50 and use code bald50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months. Again, that's code bald50 at greenchef.com slash bald50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months. Green Chef, the number one meal kit for eating well.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You can't enter your neighborhood supermarket without seeing 450 items that are pumpkin spice flavored. In case the pumpkin spice sausage wasn't enough of a clue, I'll break the news to you that spooky season is upon us. It's that special time of year when we pop some buttery popcorn, invite that hot barista from the coffee shop over, and watch the vintage laserdisc copy of Mommy Dearest. Barbara please, please Barbara! And why do we look forward to the scene with Faye Dunaway running at her daughter with the wire hanger? It's because we all love to be scared.

Whether it's for a campy 80s film about how insane Joan Crawford was, or one of the new horror movies about creating a hot clone of yourself before your arms fall off, the act of being scared is ridiculously fun. But what if our fears don't involve the ghost of Joan Crawford haunting the set and terrorizing Faye Dunaway? What if those fears are real and not quite as fun as watching campy horror while snuggling under a blanket with your significant other? Therapy can be a wonderful tool for facing your fears and finding ways to overcome them.

Because sometimes the scariest thing is not facing our fears and consequently being held back from living your best life. Therapy can help you face your fears in a healthy manner and eventually work to overcome them. I used to harbor a very strong fear of clowns who had beards. The clown part was fine and the beard part was fine, but when the two are combined, it's the stuff of nightmares. Well, after years of therapy, I can now safely visit my uncle Douglas in Medford, who became a full-time birthday party clown after retiring. His stage name is Chuckleberry Finn, and if he

decides to put on his costume at Thanksgiving, complete with red beard, I no longer find myself picking up the steaming hot turkey and throwing it at him in self-defense. All because of therapy. I love BetterHelp because you can schedule sessions whenever and wherever it's most convenient. It's designed to work with your crazy life no matter how busy you are. BetterHelp never interferes with my burgeoning baked potato delivery service, which is great because I don't have time to drive to a doctor's office.

I'm too busy making sure my customers get their baked potatoes hot and fresh. Listen people, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

Overcome your fears with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash bald today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash bald. Have you seen the substance yet? Oh my god, are you, are substance yet? All right, oh my God, you motherfucker, are you listening, motherfucker? Have I seen the fucking substance? Is water wet?

Is the sky blue? I feel like we can't talk, I feel like we, because it's so new, I want people to see it. I really do think that like, we can't get into too many of the specifics. No, no, no, we gotta do spoiler alert on this one because I wouldn't want my experience spoiled of it.

Because when the trailer came out many months ago and I heard some buzz from Cannes about it, and I was looking forward to this film for a long time, maybe even a year or something. It was like, the trailer came out and I was like, oh, this looks interesting. And I could not wait to watch it. And when I saw it in a packed theater,

probably, no, by definitely, definitely the most wonderful moviegoing experience I've ever had. Oh yeah. I mean, it was movie going experience I've ever had. Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, it was magical. Then I saw it again. And then I watched her other two. I don't know if I could see it.

Did you did you hate it? No, I really liked it. I really liked it. I do. I am not like a gore person, but it's utilized in such a way that like it's it's almost commenting on, I hate to be that person, but it's almost commenting on gore itself. And I think that the movie,

the met, like the sort of POV of the movie is so strong, because it isn't just a killer clown, like eviscerating people with a chainsaw. There is like a point to it in a way. In the same way that honestly, I don't put Saw in the same category as Hostel or some of those other movies either. Some of the Saw movies I do think touch on,

the narrative of those movies keeps it afloat in a way that other torture porn movies don't. Yeah, I just rewatched Saw 10, which has a, I've not seen all of them. I know some of them are much worse than others, but Saw 10 has a very clear, is a very clear revenge plot. Like the guy gets, he gets got, he gets swindled, and then he gets revenge on all these people

who like try to whatever. And it's very systematic and it's like, it's very clear cut and it's very satisfying and it makes sense and there's a clear, there are clear villains and there's a clear victim even though he's the, whatever. Do you know what I mean? It's actually very watchable.

It's disgusting. It's absolutely disgusting. But it's, yeah, I don't know. The substance, I... I mean, to me. Yeah. I mean, there's, and also there is an irony. There's like a kind of an elephant in the room, I think, because I've been watching, like gobbling up every little bit of press that all the actors and the director have been doing. It's like, she took the substance.

I don't mean to be disrespectful at all, but there is like a, there's like a un kind of unspoken like meta quality to it that I'm like, they're not trying to think of like a similar example where like, it would be like, I don't know, it'd be like if Alec Baldwin did a movie where he shot someone accidentally. You know? Yeah, I know. And then had to do press about it.

And everyone's sitting there like, mm. But you know, it really, it got me, I'm like, I'm like a, I have become a huge fan of Margaret Qualley, Andy McDowell's daughter. Well, first of all, what do you think? Wait, I did not know that she was Andy's daughter.

Oh yeah, Andy McDowell's daughter. What do you, how do you, Andy's daughter. I didn't know she was Andy's daughter. What do you, any thoughts about Nepo babies? Do you care, does it matter? Listen, I think that there's an obvious advantage that a lot of Nepo babies have. But the thing is, it's like,

if we're gonna go after Nepo babies, then I think we have to go after any sort of privileged kid that starts with an, cause like the thing is, is like when I was coming up, like I was coming up, like I was coming up, there are comedians that I know and love and who I think are brilliant and deserve the success that they had.

But the fact is, is that while I was busy working 50 hours a week at a day job because I had to have health insurance and pay my student loans and my rent, and then going to do open mics after that until 2 a.m., I had friends who didn't have to work or could work as a dog walker or could work as a temp or a nanny or something like that

because they didn't need money to live. And it is, you just have to acknowledge, and I don't think that there's anything wrong with acknowledging that, I'm sorry, I worked a little bit harder than Margaret Qualley. I don't know if there's anything wrong with acknowledging that, I'm sorry, I worked a little bit harder than Margaret Qualley. I don't know if that's crazy to say. Like, clip that, clip that, clip that. That's our title, that's our episode title.

Fuck that Nepo bitch. But the thing is, I do feel though, there is a certain element too though where you gotta show up if you're gonna be a Neppo baby. Also you just have to be good. You just have to be good. But the problem is in this business, this is when I tell everybody who wants to break in

and is like, oh but I'm so talented and I don't know why it's struggling. It's like babe, everyone's talented in this town. Every single person is talented. Everybody's hot, everybody's young, everybody's talented. So use what you got to get in the door. And if it happens to be because you're Judd Apatow's

your dad, then God bless you, you know? But just be good. Yeah, you gotta be good. And then, I mean, there also is on the flip side, I do appreciate the romanticism of a Hollywood dynasty, like, Tippi Hedren. Or wait, who is it? So it's Melanie Griffith.

No, okay, Tippi Hedren. Or wait, who is it? So it's Melanie Griffith. Ingrid, no. Tippi. Well, it's Dakota Melanie. And Ingrid Bergman, no, Tippi Hedren. Tippi Hedren, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Ingrid Bergman, Isabella Rossellini? Something like that. Control Room.

Yeah. Yeah. Type faster. Yeah, I love it when there's like three, I love it when there's like three. I love it when there's three. Well, the Clooney's famously too. Dynasty, Hollywood Dynasty. Rosemary Clooney, it was his great aunt, I think.

Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hollywood Dynasty. There's a couple of really good, I think there's some great examples. I think Maya Haq is usually pretty good in what I see her in. I think Sosie Bacon is great.

I was just gonna say, she's great. She looks exactly like Kira Cedric and Kevin Bacon. Exactly. She's great. Although I gotta, this is so funny. I saw Smile twice, and I'm ashamed of it. But there is a scene in that horror movie where she's a therapist and her boyfriend says to her,

I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness. I Googled mental illness.

To her, she is a licensed therapist. Oh my God. And her boyfriend is like, babe, listen, you're crazy because I Googled mental illness and you're showing signs of it. I auditioned for Smile 2 several times. You did not. I actually got pretty close.

But part of the audition for Smile 2 is you just had to do the smile. Oh my God. Like you had to do a take where you'd like look up. And I can't do it now, I can't do it now, it's too embarrassing. If I can find the clip, if I can find the clip, I will email it to you and you can just like insert

like a little bit of my version of the smile. It was so embarrassing and I was on vacation, I was like in a house in Ojai with like 12 of my friends upstairs screaming like in front of my laptop, like trying. You have to try. I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna try really hard. I'm gonna try, how do I do? It's so, it is really corny.

It is really corny. It is really corny. I don't know how to do it. I feel like it's like. And I think part of it is like hiding. It's not this. It has to be like, but it can't be like.

No, it's gotta. You gotta hide your bottom a little bit too. I. What? I cannot. Mine is so bad I can not do it I'm sure that's why I didn't get the part. They said we can't yeah, it's too beautiful. Yeah, nobody would ever believe The oh god, it's it's such a oh my god

Well, you know what and this is the thing like my next movie after, I'm gonna write a movie, honestly, if I ever have a hope of writing a movie that will end up in theaters and actually make money, it's going to be a mid-budget horror movie. Okay, but why mid-budget? Because the thing is, is look at Smile, Megan, the one with her head. Malignant. Malignant.

None of these movies, these movies were made for cheap. And for two reasons, the reason I like this model, is A, they get to do goofy shit. Like Malignant was goofy as fuck. That. And B, they're the only movies casting unknown people in the leads. Yeah, that's true.

They're like not star heavy movies. They really aren't. Yeah, that's true. They're like not star heavy movies. Yeah, really aren't. Yeah, it is true. I mean, I just so the director of The Substance, Coralie Fargeot has her first film is called Revenge. And I watched it yesterday for the first time. I heard it's amazing. Great. It's great.

I don't know any people I've never heard of any, but Matilda Lutz, I think is the lead. Never seen her in anything. Don't know who she is. It's so bloody. It's, I mean, it's really cunty. You know who I'm pissed I didn't get called in for? In the substance?

That gay fucking nurse at the beginning. You would have killed that. Are you kidding me? You'd be a perfect candidate. I'd love to see you in the substance. Just one more test, hold on. One more. Just so...

I have something that can... It's long, isn't it? Seven days. That would have been me. I would have been perfect for that guy. Oh my God. This episode is brought to you by VIA, the Hemlock Foundation. Perfect for that guy. Oh my God. Oh my God. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

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$2 fee to get funds instantly. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. I mean, would you take the substance? I mean, how old are you, 30? I'm pushing 40. Okay. Thank you very much. Where are you pushing it to? Um... Pushing it off the cliff.

Away, away, away. What exactly, 38? Um, 30, no, I'm turning 37 soon. So listen, hey, that's late 30s. Yes, late 30s, pushing 40 is 39, which is not a real age. Okay. Okay. Did you know me, 39 is like a non real age. I always thought once you were in your late 30s. Yes, late 30s. Pushing 40 is 39, which is not a real age. Okay. Did you know me? 39 is like a non real age.

I always thought once you were in your late 30s, you were pushing 40, because you're getting closer to it. I think pushing 40 is the year of 39. Anyways, 37. We'll say 37 for posterity sake. I don't think so, because you know what's crazy? Okay, this is crazy.

So I have been a presence online since like 2016 when my first Conan clip went viral, of course. And when your first clip goes viral, you're in the comments. You wanna know what everyone is saying. You wanna know everything everybody's saying. You're reading them. I don't often anymore, because this is the thing,

after almost 10 years of reading the comments I now know all six reasons why people hate me, okay You know like that's the thing every I know at least like on the on the non-conservative like the homophobia And the conservative doesn't like that doesn't like that bounces off me like whatever who cares? But like in terms of like gay people and normal people like I know the six reasons why people hate me. Everything they say always fits in one of those six lanes. And so because of that, it's never new. It's never new and it truly has drained the interest from me to look at it anymore

because I'm like, oh, none of these people are saying anything new, except the newest one is on some of my videos, I'm like, oh, none of these people are saying anything new, except the newest one is, on some of my videos, I'm getting a lot of, his plastic surgery looks crazy, he needs to fire his plastic surgeon, why is he doing so much work to his face? He's fucking up his face, why is he fucking up his face like that? Please slow down on the plastic surgery.

Bitch, I haven't even gotten Botox yet. I haven't even gotten Botox. Look at this, look at this. That is, like would have veiled, what a compliment in the form of an insult. It's so weird though. That's so punty. I don't know what about my face is giving filler

or Botox or anything. They're trying to come for you, but they're throwing a jab, but they're secretly like caressing your cheek. Yeah, it's like, sorry I look the same that I did 10 years ago, not my bad. Sorry I'm not ugly, you ugly bitch. You know what is crazy in LA is that like,

and to full disclosure, I talk about this on stage right now, I have a whole bit about it, but like Gen Z, I don't know if any of you are in the room. Quick, that's a Gen Z. We also got a shout out to Gen Alpha. Gen Alpha. But can we clarify exactly what is the Gen Z cut off? Because I always get confused.

I believe I'm a millennial. Okay, so the oldest Gen Z. Gen Z was born in 1997. Is 27, 27, okay. Oh shit. Yeah. They're not aging well. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Really? No, why is that? Listen, I love getting in an argument with a Gen Z person because they always love to go back to my age. They always love to be like, oh, but Joel, you're pushing 40, you're pushing 40. Why are you arguing with me? You're pushing 40.

And it's like, yeah, bitch, I know. That's why I look like this. What's your excuse? You know? Like, and I read this article, it's because of the vaping and it's because of all the TikTok skincare that they're doing. They're doing too much.

And then here in LA, I think there's a very specific problem that goes on where I'll get hit up on Grindr by someone who doesn't have their age listed. And I'm thinking 34, 35 tops. And then they come back with 24 because it's the steroids and it's the filler. And between the two, like when you give your face the look of plastic surgery, it can look good, but I just assume that you're at an age that you're getting plastic surgery. Sure. Yeah. I saw a clip of, um, was watching Drag Race in my sewing studio the other day and then it ended and then the show came on and I'm like, what is it? It was Sylvester Stallone in this show called Tulsa. And I was like, his voice sounded like it was like, just dude with a mouthful of marble speaking.

And I look up and I'm like, huh! I mean, sorry. I mean, I guess if we're making fun of stars, we have to say sorry. But whatever, he's so rich and whatever, it doesn't matter. But it's just like that face, that dude is like 80. Check his age.

I think he's probably 70. There's no way he has any idea you exist. Exactly, and he never will. And he never should. And think he's probably 70. There's no way he has any idea you exist. Exactly, and he never will. And he never should. And he's better for it. But, whoa. I mean, men's, um, men's work in Hollywood is wacky. It is crazy. And in LA, the thing is, is here's, people always love to talk about how LA has the hotter people than say New York.

I think that is completely wrong. Completely wrong. Because I think that what really they're saying is there's one type of hot in LA that everybody wants to look like. And in New York, there's a lot of different kinds of hot that you can be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. I've been of the opinion for a while now that I think NL, this is just a theory and it's probably wrong, but the most attractive thing, the most attractive quality you could have is not necessarily hotness, it's novelty.

It's that they haven't fucked you yet. So you are more attractive. Do you know what I mean? No, absolutely. And I think too, like, LA is such a monkey's paw situation because in LA you can have sex with some of the hottest people you will ever meet and it will be so bad because they have never been given a note

in their entire lives. And you are like, you are fucking an Adonis and you're like, no one has ever told you that this doesn't feel good. Yeah, or that this kissing is a little bit strange or whatever with that, like, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that, yeah, I mean, I just. Would you rather, if you had to kiss somebody

who was bad, a bad kisser, which, by the way, Rather, if you had to kiss somebody who was bad, a bad kisser, which by the way, Wait a minute. So here's the thing though. There's only two people in a kiss. So what is a bad kisser? No, I'm not down with that. Everybody, there is an objective standard for what a good kiss is.

I'm sorry, there is. There is an objective standard for a good kiss. And if you had to have a bad kisser, would you rather have someone who gives you nothing, who's just doing this the whole time, or eat your face? Or fully eat your face? I would absolutely go for the face eat. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think too. Because it's the enthusiasm.

Right, at least that's passionate. Yes, passionate. At least you can interpret that as passion. The other one I'm like, what are you hiding? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the, there's nothing sexy about reticence because then it's like it gives a flavor of like. But that is a common kissing technique

that I experienced in LA. Yes, they give you they won't let you in. They will not let the right one in. It is so crazy. Intimacy coach. I had a very very satisfying sexual encounter with a guy. And in somewhere in Europe on tour, he almost, at one point he like, it got so intense, the eating of the face. Like it was like almost like the monster at the end of Smile, where like the mouth is just almost gonna like envelop my whole,

and he was like, and it was really crazy, but I loved it. See, my problem with it is mostly vanity because I do have adult acne and I cannot get out of my head when someone's eating my face, I'm like, well, here comes the breakout. Oh, shit. Here comes the breakout.

I was like, I don't know where that mouth has been. This breakout city over here. The mouth is absolutely a sewer. Yeah, oh God, especially if you go, like if you're in these downtown raves with a dark room and they come out, you don't know where the mouth is. So wait, are you, so are you kissing in a dark room? That's a lap for her.

We're talking about gay stuff. Yeah. If you can't respect our culture, then you need to leave. You need to get out. You need to go into a dark room. You know, yeah, I mean, I guess the kissing happens before you go in the dark room, and then once you're in the dark room,

you're on to other things. I think I have probably made out at least a little bit prior to engaging in other things. But I will say, and I'm sure you understand this now, it is no fun anymore to be in a public gay space. I have never. Really? No.

Again? What? I can't think. I have been, there have been very few instances where I've been in a public sex scenario where there are more than three, I'm trying to think, where there's more than three,

I've never been to an orgy. Okay, oh really, okay. Never been to an orgy. I am too- Even in, even in your most, even when you were hanging with Tina, you never went to an orgy. No, especially not that.

Because when you're dealing with drugs, and especially meth, you're opening up the door to so many outrageous variables, it's not worth it. I guess. Because I will say my only experience with men who are using tea is when I've seen it happen at an orgy. And I've never, never once, it's so strange,

it's not in my, like, in the outer circles of my social circle, at least from what I know. And it's very possible that I just don't know about it and it's happening. But. I think it's that one. Because what I've observed in LA at least, I mean, I don't know about everywhere else But it's still like the drug that is very not admitted sure talked about sure people are totally fine and open about like

Molly Molly everything else. I don't know what else there is. 2C, 2CB. Anything like, any kind of psychedelic. Acid, mushrooms, et cetera, et cetera. All that stuff is like, it's very, there is no stigma at all to it. There's, I will say, I have a lot of friends who put G on the same level as T, which is crazy to me because I will self admit, I have not been drunk since 2022

because I prefer G and I know the thoughts and opinions on it. But the thing is, I do think there's a lot of confirmation bias around G because the only people at the party that you know who are on G are the people who are violently falling out and ruining the party that you know who are on G are the people who are violently falling out and ruining the party for everyone. Meanwhile, you don't realize that 70% of us

are setting our timers and doing it responsibly. I've never fallen out. And I'll tell you one other thing. I would much rather deal with a friend who's lightly falling out because they get a little sleepy than someone who's blackout fucking drunk trying to get them out of the bar. Oh, I know.

Pulling TVs off the wall. I know. Pissing themselves, shitting themselves. Truly, I had a friend who forgot which... He's rich. I forgot which hotel in New York he was staying at and just checked into the standard because he couldn't remember how to get home. Damn. Yeah, I mean, I think alcohol... Like, yeah, I mean, I think alcohol, I've... That's my thing is like, I get, if you're going to be a sort of a purist about substances,

then let's be consistent about it. Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. Let's be real about what we're dealing with here. Everybody should be doing it responsibly. Everybody should never be doing it alone, like, etc. I don't want to, I'm not advocating for anything, but I'm just saying. It really sounds like you are though. I'm just kidding.

Some of us like, if you're type A, like G is for spreadsheet people. G is not for some of these loosey goosey like girls who like, cause it is totally counterintuitive to every other substance you've ever done. If G is you do it, I don't feel it. Will you wait an hour, you do it, I still don't feel it. You wait an hour, you do it, suddenly you feel it. But with every other substance, it's like, I don't feel it, let's do more. You know?

And you can get in a lot of hot water really quick with the G. Yeah, you have to trust the process. And that is the thing. What most, the thing about my experience with G. Yeah, you have to trust the process. And that is the thing. What most, the thing about my experience with G is that it's always used in concert with T. Oh really? Yeah, like every tweaker I've known does them both. Interesting. Yeah, because it's like,

there's the properties of G. It's a downer and then. Aphrodisiac. Yeah, because it's like, the properties of G are aphrodisiac. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's because obviously meth is the most potent stimulant you can get your hands on, and then G, the counteracts it, but they both synergistically create that aphrodisiac quality.

And the thing is, is any drug user, any casual drug user in LA right now who is looking down on people who do meth, I'm sorry, we're all doing a little bit of meth. We're all doing a little bit of meth. I'm sorry, look at the testing, look at the testing on the Molly, look at the testing on the Coke,

look at the testing on any of the drugs you're doing, and none of it is pure, a lot of it has meth in it. And look at the, if you just Google the most commonly prescribed medications for children teenagers and adults I'm sure that some version of amphetamine salts is probably around 20 to 30 oh yeah it's top 20 it's a full-on shortage and my boyfriend who actually needs it who who really really does I'm really does. I'm not one of those people who's selling my boyfriend's Adderall.

Like, he really needs it so that I can get it to sell it. But no, he actually, he really does need it, and it's in a way, and it's impossible for him to find it. It's really frustrating, and the reason why there's this shortage is because everyone's afraid to do coke because of fentanyl. And it's like one of those things where it's like, oh, you've taken the wrong lesson.

It's like, oh, we're too afraid to do coke because of fentanyl. Instead of not doing anything. It's so crazy. That is so evil to me. It's crazy. That's the real horror movie happening is that you're at a party,

you're wearing a leather jacket, you got slicked back hair and you're 26 and you're really hot and then you go into the bathroom, you do a little bump and then you have your little cocktail and all of a sudden, boom, you're dead, fentanyl. That's so bad. That's why I have truly Naloxone in every room of my house. I don't know these bitches that are coming over. I don't know if they've tested their shit. I don't know what dealers they're coming from. I know, I do too.

Because I've been to rehab a few times and it's almost like salt and pepper at this point, but every room's a kitchen, so it's like everywhere. But it's so scary. No, it is, and I'm so glad that my partner, my partner's six years younger than me, and he started partying way before I did. I started probably partying in the way that I party now,

around like 26, 27. He started when he was like 18. That's a really responsible age. Oh, well, because I was too poor to afford to do it the way I wanted to do it. But you also raised really religious. Well, yeah, but I moved out when I was 17. Oh, okay. So that's whatever. I, but I moved out when I was 17. Oh okay, since whatever.

I've been on my own since I was 17, so that has very little to do with it. In fact, had I had money at that point, I think my life would have gone a much different way. But luckily I started doing it when I was pretty, had a good handle on myself and et cetera. And he started when he was younger, and we're reaching the end point, I think, together.

We are both now sort of like, we don't need to go to every party, like let's have a game night. Let's like, you know, it doesn't, like I would much rather, because the fact of the matter is with LA is, you are forced, forced when you go to these parties, to be surrounded by people who are horrible.

And I resent, I resent having to be surrounded by people who are horrible for the sake of being where? In a downtown warehouse so I can have a little fun and dance to music that I like? Now, you gotta explain to me the appeal of this warehouse party that's about 400 degrees, like the oven on broil, and packed sardines with people who are on the brink of unconsciousness?

How many of these have you been to? I will say, none. Okay. It's just, I get the reports after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of them can be that way. A lot of them are the samey samey samey samey whatever. I'm usually parked outside unless the DJ is someone

that I really love like Trixie Mattel. Yes, oh my God. Where's my camera? Where's my camera? Trixie, unless it's Trixie Mattel. Yeah. I won't, you know, I love house music. I love disco house music especially,

so it has to be a beat. Like do not play me this Rainbow Road ass I love house music, I love disco house music especially, so it has to be upbeat. Do not play me this Rainbow Road ass fucking last lap music at the end. What does that mean? What does that mean? It's just like electronic music that is just like, ah, you know, it's like pots and pans bullshit.

I don't like it. Yeah. But I'm always just outside. Used to be vaping, now smoking. Oh, we can talk about this. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. So smoked for seven years,

smoked from the time I was 15 until the time I would, oh no, no, no, smoked from the time I was 15 to the, so eight years, I smoked from 15 to 23. Okay. Ended up in the emergency room with pneumonia really, really bad. Decided to quit. Quit cold turkey, and honestly,

it was the easiest decision I've ever made. Partially because of the illness, and partially because I was just at a point in my life where I was like, you know what, I'm done. Flash forward 10 full years, I meet my boyfriend and it's post pandemic and I really do feel like pre pandemic, you weren't seeing vapes, you would see jewels, you'd see jewels but in the amount that you now see vapes

out and about, the disposable vapes. It's diabolical. That was not a thing pre pandemic. And now they're everywhere. And he got me into them. But they are truly everywhere. Everywhere. Every gay man has.

Your grandmother's vaping. Yeah. Your grandmother, like you go to an open casket funeral, that corpse is vaping. I was, when I was vaping and gestating, I'm sure a hundred times more nicotine than I am smoking my three or four cigarettes and gestating, I'm sure 100 times more nicotine than I am smoking my three or four cigarettes a day now. I swear to God.

Now, the thing I wanna, oh, ooh, I wanna, you know how they make like the New York Times or whatever, they like, correction from last week's article. Blood is not blue. Pfft. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, blood is not blue. Also, nicotine is not in it of itself that bad. Like the chemical nicotine,

like nicotine is actually like stimulating. Um, yes. Keep going, keep going. I think that's it. Okay, I was gonna say it is all the other stuff in it. And in fact, I think a lot, some studies, because it's all fresh and new. I think the chemicals in disposable vapes and vapes and stuff like that, it's a lateral move from smoking.

And in fact, it might be worse because you are ingesting more than you would normally because it's all day every day you're Inside your movie sure it's I'm on planes the I'm on planes committing a felony. Yep blowing my the fucking like Toilet yeah, yeah, also that I can taste beach day Yeah pink skittlesittles. 37 years old. Like you need to suck your pink Skittle. So I got my wisdom tooth out

because I was only born with one. And I had to. How was that process? Because I'm evolved. Because I'm like nearly perfect, whatever, non-perfect. Had my wisdom tooth out, had to quit. My boyfriend and I were finally like,

okay, this is it, we're gonna stop. And then I did pretty well. We were doing the nicotine patches. He struggled a lot worse with it because I'm on a very high dose of Wellbutrin, which is a smoking cessation aid in general anyways. And so I wasn't feeling as bad. Meanwhile, we go to Korea.

Every moment I am not with him, I'm like, I'm gonna go to 7-Eleven and get us some drinks. You want something? Smoking, smoking, smoking. Thinking he doesn't know at all. Okay, thinking he doesn't know at all. You can't hide cigarettes. No, no. And he hates it.

It makes him nauseous. The smell makes him nauseous. It's truly disgusting. It is. For people who don't smoke. Except, except, okay, let's say this. Let's be real here about smoking for a second on this podcast.

Because we don't talk about this. Smoking makes you look cool and sexy, okay? And those two things alone, they offset the health issues of it alone. Vaping makes you look like a fucking nerd, get out of the street with your Tamagotchi ass vapor puffer. It's infantilizing. Yeah, no, it looks so stupid.

It looks really good. The kind of vaping, I remember going to, I went to treatment in Arizona where people, this was back in like, this was almost 10 years ago, like, not 10, like six, seven years ago, they were doing carburetor vapes. Like, do you know the rigs? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The rigs, they look, literally look like, it's like this big. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like this big. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and you're like Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm and then plumes like Enormous plumes of vape smoke like like engulf the whole room. It's like it's wild. It's almost like competitive It's like it's crazy crazy crazy, but I think you're right the the little Flume or the the colorful they have the I think it's geek bar the little flume or the colorful. They have the, I think it's Geek Bar now,

has all the metrics on the side, the little screen. It is a Tamagotchi. Yeah, it is. It's a toy. You look like a fucking dork. You have like a girl's toy. Put it away. Put it away.

And I'm saying that now as a smoker because I, I don't wanna see it anymore. I don't wanna see it, I wanna get started on it again. But didn't they outlaw them? Yeah, but the thing is, no one's checking that shit. Nobody's checking. And if you go in and you don't look like a cop, I go in, I walk in in my crop top and they're not,

they're like, okay, here they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what really rattled me though is that David Lynch, the director, announced that he has emphysema from ears and ears to smoking. Yeah, I mean that we know it really rattled to me though is that David Lynch the director announced that he has emphysema from Years and years of smoking. Yeah, I think about that. I think about that a lot It's sad that like that I gave myself asthma I gave myself asthma in my late teens early 20s because of it and it's why I can't do Cardio like I mean, yeah, no, it's just about lifting, whatever.

Yeah. But like, it's fine. But yeah, no, it is strange. But so you've never done group sex? No. No. No. No.

No. My lovely conversation with Joel Kim Booster, we went so long, so we get to split up this episode. See you next week for part two with Joel Kim Booster. Dua Lipa, Harry Styles, Cardi B. You know these artists for their songs, videos, and epic performances, but they have so many stories beyond their fame. You know, when I play my music to people who I really respect or look up to, then I hear my songs in a different perspective. That's what we share with you on the Spout podcast.

We sit down with some of the biggest names in music. Along the way, our guests reveal stories that even their biggest fans may never have even heard of. I never went to like concerts growing up. Like now I've probably been to one concert, but it's not really a concert. It's like me going out to see where people perform after me at a festival.

So it's really sick to see people like, oh my God, this is my favorite concert ever. Check out the Spout Podcast to hear famous people spout off about more than what they're famous for and find out who's spouting off next wherever you get your podcasts.