The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Juno Birch Is a Little Less Blue with Trixie

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

Once upon a time, today's exceptionally iridescent guest was twilight-blue and hidden behind a cloak of pastel azure. Now that cerulean shell has loosened, revealing shades of the full spectrum long hidden. Emerging like a butterfly from the secret cathedral of her cyan cocoon, Juno Birch arises splendid and majestic, opening her wings in a pageant of sunlit defiance and pride. Also, she tells a harrowing tale of getting food poisoning and sh*tting the bed. Follow Juno: @JunoBirch Need a website or domain? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain at: ⁠https://Squarespace.com/BALD⁠ Bath & Body Works candles not only smell amazing, but are crafted with premium, lead-free wicks for a clean, safe burn. Shop the White Barn Neutrals collection now at ⁠⁠⁠https://bathandbodyworks.com⁠⁠⁠ Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic Plus. Save 25% on your first month at: https://Ritual.com/BALD This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at: https://BetterHelp.com/BALD To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit: https://Hims.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hi, it's Trixie, and I'm here with the I-M-H-O in my homosexual opinion girls. Would you like to say who you are? Oh my God, hi, I'm Darby, and that's another one. I'm Alexis. We're here promoting the fact that we're here. It's so good to see you again. Oh, my God, we have tea from back in the day. We have tea from today, tea from yesterday.

We have hospital stories. We have live show set stories, and we're going to give it all. Wow. Girl, I have been trying. By the way, do you know Birch is here today? Oh, hello. Are we recording? We are.

Hello. Wow. This is your camera. This is your people. Hello. It is me, Katia. I have transitioned my pronouns and now she, her. And I wore some shrubbery on my head just in honor for Katia.

She fucking wishes she looked like this. Honestly, she might wear this outfit. She would definitely wear... Oh, queen. The unprofessionalism. I'm sorry. She might wear this up to, but she'd need... How many pieces is this?

This is about five. Okay, she might need eight. Yeah, but what's she gonna stick it on to? That's a really good point. These are like scrunchies. You know, when the hair wraps around the bubble, and you tie hair up with it, she's gonna have to glue them on.

Well, we were talking about your hair bleaching journey, and you were saying that the stylist was trying to convince you to go natural for a while. I went into Tonian guy many years ago when I was in university. And I thought I'm going to treat myself. I've never been in a salon before. I'd never been in the salon. I always boxed I at home.

Lotions and potions and potions and sizzling and bubbling and snapping. And burning. And burning, yes. All that jazz. Did you ever get the burn on the scalp from the bleach? No, I've never had that. And I think I've never had that because I've been bleaching my hair for so long. What do you want?

Who was that? Twink. I think that was Darby. I'm having dinner with her tonight. With her? Yeah. God. I know.

That's sick. What about Alexis? Yes, she's coming as well. I just didn't know what did. Is there only ever one trans woman at once in any public setting? Yes. When there's more than one, they have to start putting in deposits. Special bathrooms.

Special bathrooms. Special bathrooms. Yeah. But no, I've been bleached me however so many years. I went into Tony and Guy. And my hair was very thin because of, And the hair's naturally thin anyway, but it was bleaching it so much at that time. And they said, you're going to have to grow out your hair or you're going to be bald and keep bleaching it.

And I said, I'm going to keep bleaching it. Because at the time I was watching that movie Tank Girl, have you ever seen the movie Tank Girl? With Lori Petty? Yes. And that's what of like shaved bits, stringy bits. I was like, I'll just rock that. Yeah, this kind of post-apoxygen. Like, head explosion.

Yes. And I think over the years wearing wigs so much, I just, I kept getting like a little bald spot here. Oh, from like. The cage pressure. Yeah. Of the wig cage. It would kill the hair follicles and you just get a little hole. One slot of no hair.

Yeah. And now you're still. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think maybe I had one big cage on one day and then it was just all gone. Would you ever do bald? Would you ever do head shave bald fantasies?

I have a little bit once. Did you feel glam or did you feel? I was, I was smoking a lot of weed when I was younger and I was, I was just a bit, I don't remember a lot of my life when I was about 17, but I shaved the whole entire back of my head and left a little bang. No, you fucking didn't. I did. So what did you do, curl this? Yeah. And did you feel like you were eating?

I felt like I was eating. I had, I had like, eyeshadow down to my cheekbones. Maybe you were eating. I was, I, I would sometimes do a tear. Okay. It sounds very Hollywood Boulevard. Yes.

It sounds very. It was very Hollywood Boulevard. I just walked around with a shopping trolley and good. Yeah. Yeah. You're on this stand-up tour right now. Have you been playing out in Los Angeles a little bit? I'm on a,

I'm not on a proper tour, but I'm on a bit of a tour. You're on like a self-appointed tour. Yes. So it's, I, secret tour. I'm in a, yeah, I'm in a bit of a midlife crisis era. I know. So I've kind of quit drag. Well, I started to see.

But is this drag? No. I don't know. I don't know anymore. As long as you stay away from the kids. Just stop grooming the kids. Yeah, they can keep away from me. Disgusting.

I will say this. We were hanging out two weeks ago when we, I told people on this pod that we went to see Lee Cronin's the mummy. Oh, yeah. And I, do you know, before we. watched that movie together. I had never tried a deviled egg and I don't think I want who anymore. Do you not

remember the bit with the devil dags? Oh, now I do. When the possessed girl is crawling out of the damp ceiling. Yeah. And then this woman and she just decides to go into a wine glass of deviled eggs. That was sick. Also, the grandma

when she pulls her skirt up and goes like this. I was sitting next to her and she goes, it was like the best part of the movie We were gripping each other's knees throughout the movie yeah Well we were standing Remember there was a D box

It was in front of us And those seats were like this When there was people That got up out of the seats Because they thought they were They were broken Or they started moving And the people were like no

And just left And all of us just went Should we go Should we just go and replace those seats? Do they cost more than the normal seats? I think they do I got them for another movie and I didn't like it

I wouldn't like that It just is like We were talking about like if something in the movie happens like a gunshot, I don't need the seat to go like, no, not in a public place. I remember, I was, I went to see like a Ratatooey 3D, 4D movie once. And when the rats were all running.

Ratatooey 4D. I love Ratatooey. It's my favorite film. I watched it for the first time recently. Oh. I went to Disney and I watched it because, you know, when you go to Disney and you stay at the hotel, they have channels that just show Disney movies or whatever. Yeah.

So I watched Ratatooie. It was fine. I don't know why people are so obsessed with it. It makes me so hungry. there's something about the cartoon food in Rattahooie. Oh yeah. And it's the music as well. The music.

I'm just the bonbon. I like the French lady. You know what your hair probably looked like? It looked like one of those rats was pulling it out when you had that bald spot. Yes. No, we're more of a bird's nest, I'd say. Yeah.

But anyway, I went to these 4D movie of Rattatooey and there was like a weird pipe underneath the seat and they shoot air through the pipe. So it goes, like this when the rats are running underneath. But it didn't feel like rats. It just felt like a pipe smacking my ankles.

And it wasn't very nice. And I don't think I'd do that again. Also, it stunk. It stunk. Smelly, acy, you know, stuffy sort of old machinery. Yeah, I don't know. I just want to watch the movie.

But I don't even like movie theaters that much. Do you? When we were going to hang out and you were like, let's go see Lee Kronin's the mummy. I said, sure. And Katte was really pissed that we didn't invite her. I know. I saw her last week.

She was a bit. annoyed. She was like, no, I've not seen it. Do you want to see it? No. She's upset. And then she's hospitalized. But I do like... And what if she almost died and you could have included her and you didn't? Well, I got to be here today, so... You're kind of the her. I think if people squint and they're scrolling really quickly, they could think that you're her. Would you take that as a compliment? A compliment. Yeah. You know, I went to Turkey recently and got my teeth done and I showed them a picture of Cathy's teeth and I said, I want these. Girl. I know I didn't. She... How was it going? Because you said last I talked to you said they were hurting.

So I don't know if I'm supposed to be in this much pain this far down the line. Oh, that's good. It's so sensitive. Do you think you're just so British that your body's rejecting perfect teeth? Yeah, I think so. They're like, these sweet cons are never going to be. But they look incredible. Thank you.

Because you used to wear the flipper. Every time I was on camera, I even started wearing them just to the market. to the market. Ladies, do you ever clip in your six hair scrunchies and put in your flipper and go down to the Tesco? I, I, listen, you know what? This is, do you what's really embarrassing?

I'm actually 32. People think I'm so much older than I am. I didn't say that. No, I know you didn't say that. Who thinks you're old? Everybody, but I think it's my voice because I sound a lot older than I am. Also, your dress.

Yeah. I do dress a lot older. Oh my, my, guess what I listen to today on the way in here? Because I know you're going to be here. I love your purse, by the way. That is so cute. Isn't it gorgeous? Dolls kill.

Isn't that the most gorgeous, perfect color of purple you've ever seen? The color and how like monochromatic it is. I like a periwinkle mixed with like a lavendery purple. It looks like a purse in like a video game or a cartoon purse. I want to bite it. Yeah, I want to bite it too. It's like, oh, it's grape flavor. Yeah.

It's laughing, teppy vibes. I know. I was driving. today and I've been trying to relax more. So my assistant, you know, Brandon, he listens to classical music in his car and I always think it's so funny that he drives around listening to classical music, but he loves it.

And I was like, I want something instrumental and calm. I put on the Sims one soundtrack in the car. It's so good. I knew I was going to come here and talk to you and I was like, what am I listening to in the car? And I just thought it was so funny because I know you love that music as much as I do.

This tea. Wait. Wait, here we go. Driving through Burbank. Rihanna. Here we go. Good girl's going to kick in now. It's so good.

I want to murder someone one day to that song. That song, it's called Mallrat. It's from the Sims One soundtrack. It's so good. And the strings start and you go, how could this get better? I know. And then the flute happens and you're like,

oh my God. I know. Do you know that they use a lot of Sims 3 soundtrack in reality TV. What? Yes. I will sit there and watch Mama June not from Not to Hot or I'll watch. I will watch something like reality TV. It's usually those like, you know, when people talk like that,

that kind of reality. Oh yeah, because you love Thousand Pound sisters. I love Thousand Pound Sisters. Amy's eyes are looking forward once more. Girl, Amy, you want to talk, can I say, I have a lot of feelings about this. Okay. Because I don't want to get in trouble from TLC. Bravo, bravo, bravo. Six seasons into a hit show and the storyline is that none of them have money.

I know. Can we get the girls paid? I know. It feels like a human rights violation. It's the same with a lot of reality TV. It's the same on Mama June. And on housewives now. Everyone's broke.

Everyone's broke. Yes. But I just feel like once they fixed her eye, I was like, wait a minute. Five seasons into this, it's dawning on her now that she could get her eye fixed. Well, well, she was. told when she was younger that she could never get it fixed. Yeah, I remember that. And wasn't it something to do with like cat shit?

Yes. In utero. Yeah. I believe it had something to do with exposure to cat feces in utero. Let's take a break. I don't. You know, I'm not, listen, Katty's hospitalized. Yeah, cat shit.

In the eyes. In the bowels. She's done. They fixed Amy's eye. She looks amazing. And now looks. I never thought she looked that much like, Tammy. And now I'm like, oh, they are sisters. Yeah, I got so used to her looking like a little baby chick. Yeah. It kind of is like a different person now. It changed her looks so much. She looks fabulous. She looks amazing. My bills are paid. She looks great. Congratulations. And she got married. The spooky wedding. Oh, yeah, the spooky wedding. I saw that episode. I didn't think Tammy was going to show up to that. Yeah. I feel like they have, they, I don't know. I know that sometimes she gets a little.

little, she's the crier of the family, Amy for sure. And she always feels like none of them support her. Yeah. And sometimes I'm like, they don't. They're not supportive enough to her. No, I think they just sort of, I can kind of relate with that a little bit because in, not in necessarily in my family, but in my sort of friend group, no one tells me anything because they know I'm in La La Land.

Like I'm kind of, we'll say something stupid. I'm a bit like dumb in that way. So I kind of relate with her a bit. Because she kind of, she doesn't get told things. Oh, Amy's doing this again. Do you know what I mean? It was like Kelly, Kelly Mantle. Like touring with Kelly Mantle was like, oh, it's like me and Katia and then that's our,

that's our parakeet over there. Yeah. Like she just, why tell her? You know what I mean? You know, we were talking the other day, me and Kelly, about sounds that we really don't like. And one of mine was that I cannot stand it on British Airways when they serve the rice pudding and everyone wakes up from a nap and they start eating it with like congested industrials. and I was doing an impression of it,

and she just started launching wet wipes at me. I feel like that's her thing when she doesn't like what you're saying. She just throws wet lights at you. Yeah, or she just glug, glug, glug, glugs. You're still off the sauce kind of, right? You're on a light drinking reprieve. I didn't intentionally stop drinking, but I can't casually drink. Me neither.

That's the problem. Yes. Well, I don't want to say a drinking problem. but I'm saying if we're going to go, I'm not that bitch who's like, should we just go for one? That's not going to happen. No, no, no, no.

If I'm going to a restaurant for a gorgeous carbonara, I'm not going to order a white wine with it. I'm going to have a Coca-Cola. But if we do go on to the white wines, we need to go out to a club and we will be out all night. We went to eat together

and we went to an Italian restaurant and I will say, maybe I'm getting to an age where I don't want the alcohol with, I don't want alcohol with dinner. No. Not really. I don't want a full belly. I'll have an alcohol before dinner.

But for the meal, I want like Diet Coke or something. Yes, I'm exactly the same. And if I'm going to drink, I'm like that, then we're not going to a restaurant. Yeah. Then we can maybe go to something and get like a French fry or a finger food. But we're here to drink. Yes, exactly. I'm exactly the same.

I used to drink quite a lot when I would work on stage. You did. You really did. I would pound the fireball. before I went on because I didn't need to be switched on as much on stage because it was like

lip syncing or you know that sort of stuff now that I do stand up comedy only I cannot have a drink before I go on stage I agree because I feel like comedy is all about being faster than the audience and you're sewing yourself down but I will say when I was lip syncing sometimes a little bit of alcohol gets me in the zone

where I genuinely do a better job Yeah, no, absolutely. A few couple of Pino Grigios. You will, she's twerking. You will go out there and feel that music in a way that actually helps the performance. You get goose pimples on stage as your lips like. From your own performance. From your own performance.

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We were talking about your creative pivot a little bit because you've gone from being blue and touring this like concept space creature to doing standup kind of closer to yourself. What has that been like? It's been really strange. I've been wanting to do that for such a long time. Right. But I was scared to do it because I built this sort of branded face, the alien face of the glasses and the wig and the marigolds and all that sort of thing. And I was scared to sort of step away with it because I felt people would be disappointed. And then there was one show that I did on the UK tour last year and they had no AC. It was 30 degrees Celsius, which is boiling hot inside the room. and I just turned around

I said I'm not I'm not doing it I can't get in drag so I did the whole show out of drag and I loved it people don't realize when you do these special effects colors you can't sweat it's on an option oh my god

you and I did a shoot for YouTube for pride two years ago oh my god and the air conditioning was like non-existent I know and I tried to be cool about it and I was like you guys I'm fine and you

I don't know how to say this but they were maybe more scared of me on set. Oh yeah. So I turned to them and was just like, she's not going to say this because she's too nice. She's like special effects blue. You can't even sweat. If she sweats, she'll probably have to wipe it off and start over. You can't, when you, when you put talcum powder on top of that blue makeup, if there is a slight bit of wet or anything cracks, you can't redo it. It like freckles. Yes, it does. It congeals. And if you're beauty blending it on and you're all. You're already sweating through the pores.

It takes it off. It takes it off. Whereas when it's skin colored, well, also, the stuff you were making, you were using foundations mixed with pigment to make the foundation. It's not like you go backstage and have a jar of it. No, but I did do that once and that was a mistake. Oh, really? Because it's strunk. You pre-mixed it? I pre-mixed it. I melted it into a Tupperware and then, like, put it in the fridge to, like, set

it like butter for tour. This was the first tour that I did. And the smell that came off, it was just like... It was a waxy. It was like bleachy, mushroomy, semeny. It was just like, and every show, this is back when I was drinking on tour as well, I'd be like putting it on the, like dry heaving putting on. Yeah.

And on that tour, this is like five years ago now, I was performing. in venues that barely had an EAC like rock clubs and it was and I was in corsets pads and everything yeah I was on my deathbed well you're also wearing because you're blue your costumes were it's sort of like the wig not with the

wiggles it's Sesame Street where it's full body fabric coverage yes but this like wicked this was like during the attack of the stunning tour so this was like the space the alien space age era whereas in space suits like PBC

PVC fully. I would have tights on underneath a full foil fabric cat suit that was also lined with a sweat-soaked pad. Because it was like nude illusion. So you would see the skin through the PVC. And your wigs are huge. Yeah. How do I always wonder how you function with the glasses on. Because we dressed up as you once together.

You were working at Fubar. Yes. She did it. You did it get Fubbar. And Lady Red was on the. door. Yeah, was it pre-COVID or was it? It was pre-coed. It was 2019. Yeah, it was maybe right before COVID or something. Yeah. Yeah. We, yeah, Lady Red was on the door. And I think Mario was DJing and you were Ray LaTrey's show. Ray LaTrey's show, yes. And I was dressed as you because we did a video together. So then we went together. And I remember I was standing there in your outfit and like the head wrap and everything. And do you remember this? The guy came up to me, the stage manager and said, hey, just to know we're starting in five. And I said, oh, okay. okay. And then they walked away and I was like, I guess I'll go tell her because he thinks I'm you. Yeah. So then I went to go to you and I had no idea what time stage time was at that point.

So I was like, woo, Phil was going. There was like this weird. There wasn't a stage. It had like a, it was like a step up platform. Yeah, it was not like a proper stage. Phil kept going to be, be careful of the set. Be careful of the set because I was already a little bit tipsy anyway. Right. And I was, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. And I went straight up there and completely put on. Do you remember me? falling over. There's something very, I always feel like as a performer, if you warn me about a step on stage, I get really defensive. Like, you think I'm an idiot? And then you fall over it. Like, there's always some part of me that's like, you don't have to tell me. I'd be doing this 17 years.

Yeah. Fall on the floor. It must be nice, not painting blue because the times I've done that, you have blue ear holes, blue nail beds. Well, the thing is, the amount of hotels and Airbnb's I must stayed in and left blue on everything. The thing is that when you, when you shower it off, it doesn't, there's not really blue water everywhere. It's more the towels. You think you've got it off. But you don't.

And then you'll scrub with a towel and you're like, oops. You know. Yeah. But I don't miss it at the moment. I'm enjoying being able to write comedy as me. Yeah. Rather than as like, she's an alien from da-da-da-da. You know what I mean?

I know, I totally get it. And I just feel a little bit like when I started that so many years ago, I felt like I was just in my own lane. And now when you go to drag con, there's so many pastel blue alien 60s drag queens that I'm just kind of like. They really are out there. Yeah. It's fine. I mean, I'm sure it doesn't bother you, doesn't it? No, not at all.

Let them live. No. I don't really feel precious about people when they have like a big black and white eyes or something. And people say it's like me. I'm like, I don't think that. No. I don't see my. in anyone else.

No. You will never be me. They'll never be you. But what was I going to say then? I was going to say, um, I, the only thing that does bother me is when somebody copies my

drawings or artwork. Oh yeah. Are you doing illustrations again? I'm on a, I kind of go through phases of in and out doing artwork because I feel like when I'm doing stage work, it's a different person to when I'm sat at home and don't want to talk to anybody and just draw a picture.

Do you know what I mean? watch TV and like, yeah, I'm comfy. I don't want to answer my phone. And also I can't sculpt with them. Oh my God, do you miss doing your sculptures? Yeah. I think, you know, David, my ex-David is, I think, the world's premier collector of Juno Birch sculptures. He probably has like eight of them. I know. They're amazing. Thank you. They're so cute. How did you ship those all over the world? They look so fragile. This was, this was going back even before I started doing drag, I think. Yeah, this was like, because that was how I paid my rent. Was making sculptures? Was making sculptures?

Because I would, I would spend like seven days just locked in my bedroom, making miniatures that were in little baggies. Which is a sign of mental illness? Yes, I know. I know. When you say it like, I know. When you say it like, I'm like, is she okay? No, I'm not okay. Is she going to jump from there?

I've never been okay. But, do you know what? It's, it makes me money. Yeah. You did really, it was very exclusive. I feel like you would put one out like monthly. And David would buy it. Yes.

It was like always him. I know. But I remember seeing his name on so many receipts. And I was like, who the fuck is David Silver? Yeah. He loves your art. It's my new sugar daddy. Yeah, totally.

Totally. But no, I, I used to sell them quite a lot of money. And I know David bought quite a few, but like, they sold really quickly. And I know I've always, I've always. I've launched a new merch website, juno birchlive.com. JunoBurchLive.com. And it is solely just my artwork on merchandise.

That's great. I'm not doing as much drag merch, you know, where fans make art and put it on shirts and stuff. I'm just doing just things that I've done on my iPad or sculpted or whatever. And you know what I'm working on at the moment? Tell me.

Bag charms. Bag charms. You know like that little vinyl plushy that you get like a laboo, like a, something like that. I want to do my sculpture heads, but in like a little furry sort of like, oh, I love that. And they all have their little bios and little characters. Storylines. Yes.

That's fine. So I'm working on that at the moment and just looking for like manufacturers and stuff like that. So I have a piece of merchandise to me that I love. It's your white shirt and it's a black illustration. It has you on it, but it's a lot of other stuff too. I remember when I first came to stay with you. in L.A. in 2019, and you had that shirt on. It was a really, really old shirt. And I remember looking

it like, how the hell is that so white? And you were saying that you put bleach in the washing machine. Girl, you got to get into it. When I tell you about bleach, let's take a break. Are you like, are you kind of like Danny DeVito when always sunny when he goes through the, the quarantine? And he just smothers himself in bleach. I'm like Danny DeVito and everything. Okay. When you have white clothes, and you put bleach in the wash. Those clothes will come out whiter than you've ever imagined. Glowing white.

What about the ink in the rest of the fabric? Does the bleach not make the black ink? No? No. It'll just do the, again, the natural fabric. I should be a bleach expert at this point, shouldn't I? Oh, my God. But I mean, like, my white socks, and I wear a lot of plain white t-shirts,

because I dress like a sim. I dress like too normal. Like a serial killer. You're the randomized button. Totally. And my white t-shirts, you've got to use bleach. sheets, your white pillowcases and stuff? You probably don't wear white pillowcases. Why? Well, blue.

I don't, I haven't done that since September last year. Maybe now, but maybe not anymore, because I had to wash the sheets in the Airbnb because I shot myself in the bed the other day. With Phil? A couple of weeks ago. Yeah, and it got on Phil's leg as well. He's in here. He's in here. I told him he could come in here and watch and he said no. Listen. No, no. Phil can answer. He's probably actually really fuming that I told you. But it was, it was that kind of. Did you know shit on you? Okay. So, never mind.

It was, I, I was very, very ill. I was drinking peptibismol like so much. And it was just, this is horrible, but it was leaking out of me. Sure. I was, I was nearly. After the watermelon incident. No. Oh, right, you got food poisoning. I got food poisoning from the sesame chicken.

That's right. Open sesame, honey. I don't know this. Peptibismal makes your shit black. It does. I thought I was internally bleeding. No, the active ingredient is like bismith something that it makes your poop black. Pepto bismol is amazing.

I did save my life. It, it always is amazing. I like the little tablets that you get. The tablets for tour are fierce. I sent some your way the other night. They taste kind of good. The tablets taste kind of good. Yeah.

Pepton is more taste different here than in the UK, though. In the UK, I think it's more minty. You got to mix it with a little bit of gin. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Do you see a curdle?

Ooh. Love the color. Float on top. The color's beautiful. Yeah. The color's really beautiful. Whenever I did pink makeup, that was my inspiration. It's a great color.

It's very blue. Blue pink. Yes. It's very bubblegum milk. Don't wear as a lipstick because your teeth will look yellow. Not you anymore. Not anymore. The teeth look incredible, you're just in constant pain.

I'm on a diet of Tylenol right now. How many do you take a day? Paracetamal. Maybe like four doses, three doses a day maybe. How many you're allowed to. But do you know what I think it is? I grind. When I'm on stage or I'm doing something, I crunch my teeth.

I think that pushes the crowns a little bit, maybe. Think of all the gender affirming, participations in medical field you've experienced and teeth was the one that got you? I know it hurt worse than getting my dick turned into a vagina. That did hurt that much, actually. That's a credit to your surgeon. I know, Dr. Belringer. That's right.

That's right. You were telling me his name. His name is Dr. Bellringer? Dr. Bellringer. He's a sweetheart. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Do you know what he said to me?

I remember I went in for a checkup because I had to go back down to the London, you know, they check your woman. He said, do you know what? You make a really great woman. And at first I was like, is this pervy or is this nice? But I thought it was lovely. I think, I'm sure after the experience you had with him, there's a high level of intimacy. He probably just feels very comfortable with you. He's seen me inside out. I don't know how much more familiar you can get with somebody. I know. Do you have a video of the surgery? No. Okay. Well, no. Whenever I have a surgery, I always, like, weirdly go home and wish I could watch a video of it.

No, no, I wouldn't want to see that. No, even when I had my teeth shaved down, I didn't want to see what they look like. Oh, yeah, people tell me they go in the mirror and they, like, in the middle of their teeth surgery, they go look, they go to the bathroom and see their teeth and freak out. I did do that. Did you look at the mirror? I don't remember it. I was that traumated from the pain. I don't remember looking in the mirror. But I had this, they send you home with like a, um, a temp in. And then they fit your eyes. Wake them overnight or whatever. Yeah.

And then during that weight of two days with the temp in was, oh my God, the worst fear I've had in my life. I had this fear that there was going to be like a hurricane or like an earthquake or something. And I was going to have to go home with shark teeth. Zombie apocalypse. And then you have little nubs for the zombie apocalypse. Oh, imagine if I died and I had to haunt like with shark teeth. Oh, yeah. Well.

But you don't have asthma anymore. No. That's kind of nice. No. Right. Listen, NHS, I've got something to tell you. I was diagnosed with asthma many, many years ago. Why is it easier to get a pussy at the NHS than to get an accurate asthma diagnosis? It is not easy. I was on that waiting list for like five years from the age of 16 onwards. Yeah. And I was waiting so long. And then they cancelled my surgery on the day of the surgery and postponed it a year. Heartbreaking. Because my surgeon had left the NHS and gone privately.

That was, we upset? Oh, I was devastated. There's pictures of me in the hotel that we booked in London. Like, just lying there staring at the wall. Like, because I'd waited my whole life for it and everything. It was horrible. But it sounds like everything worked out. Guess it did.

It absolutely did. By the time may arrive, something in me finally starts to thaw. The light shows. changes, the air softens, and suddenly I feel an almost urgent need to go somewhere scenic. This spring, I'm planning a trip to Portland, Maine, where I found a home on Airbnb that feels like the perfect home base for a few days of coastal renewal. I want to wander through the quaint old port neighborhood like I'm in a Nancy Myers movie. I'll be taking in the historic brick buildings in sea air and spending an afternoon on a lobster boat trip like I'm a salt-drenched

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Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Vietris. I always was laughing because we would make fun of you for smoking cigarettes and having an asthma inhaler. and maybe some of the counterintuitive process there. And then you're finding out magically you don't have asthma? Yes. So I got diagnosed with asthma when I was maybe like 23. Okay.

And I had a really bad chest infection. So I went to the doctors. And they just were like, we're going to do an asthma test on you. My lungs was so weak from the chest infection that, you know, you'd breathe into the tube. You like this. And because my lungs were weak, she just went, okay, you've got asthma. Is this the thing where they try to make, is it the ball? You know when you blow in that thing

And the ping pong ball? Yeah, yeah, it was like that. Yeah, yeah. I've seen that on television. And then I got the steroid inhaler and the blue inhaler and I used that for many, many, many years. And my chest was always just wheezy and shit and. Albuterol. Is that what it's called?

What are they called? I don't know. It's a steroid. I don't know. So then you were telling me the other day that the, the, the inhaler was essentially keeping you needing the, the inhaler at a certain point. I think so. Psychological warfare. I think so. And they kept doing asthma checkups and they were like, you need to use your inhalers. I'm like, I've not used my inhaler in five months and this is the best my lungs have ever felt. Right. And they were like,

okay, stop using it then. Love that. Also, I went on Manjaro. Oh, okay. And apparently that reduces inflammation in your lungs. It does. I am on some kind of one of those. because rheumatologists are using it for arthritis. My rheumatologist said that people who are on it are going off their... Some people are going off their arthritis medicine because the anti-inflammatory side effects are so profound. Yeah. It's pretty crazy.

I had to stop taking it because it made me so sick. Really? The shots made me so sick. I was the same. I kind of went on... I kind of did it because when you take a lot of hormones, you put on weight so quickly. Yeah.

So I did it because of that, but I kind of like a bit of a boobie and a bit of a bum bum. And it was making me dead skinny in the waistline, in the hip line. Oh, yeah. It's a trade off, right? It's like, I feel like, and also the face, like, I feel like most people's faces look really pretty with something, little something. Yeah, I look like I've had cheek filler. You do?

Oh yeah, you were telling me that people are thinking, when I saw you for the first time. When I saw you for the first time a couple weeks ago, I, I saw you for the first time a couple weeks ago, I asked if you had maybe had a special trip to the dentist or something because you looked so. But maybe it's the last drinking. No, it was the sesame chicken. I come off the Ozzy chicken because of the sesame chicken. I was like, this has snatched me so good that I should sue the restaurant. Not for food poisoning, but for unrealistic body standards.

Yeah, I went off the one govina. The manjarro and I just started having sesame chicken once a week. Yeah. Blowing my ass out. Black diarrhea? Black diarrhea. Dribbling. I have a question

about doing stand-up. Okay. You go out there and do... I'm trying to think one of the reasons you pivoted to your like normal look is because the audience if they know nothing about you.

You have to explain. You have to kind of explain. Or you just make a joke of it. Like you just be like you're all like what the fuck is that kind of thing. But I didn't like doing that because I felt like

I felt like when I was dressed as the big alien costume, I needed a big performance with it. So to just sit there and just do stand-up comedy just felt a bit like I'm doing all of this look just to chat, you know. I totally relate to that. I felt like I needed a song, I needed a number,

I needed something, some a bit of Liza Manelli, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think we all need a little bit of Liza Minnelli. Yeah. What are we going to do when she dies? I don't know what we're going to do. Probably we're going to do what we do when Katia dies. Just hang, just celebrate.

Yeah. Ding dong, the witch is dead. I have a question. We have all these things clipped on your head. You call them bird nest, right? Yeah. Do you ever? And then they just fly off. You don't have to, but I mean, are they expensive? No, five pounds from Amazon. Good deal. I know. I've got, I've probably got about 35. No, I'm not joking. Do you ever just keep putting them on? Oh, yeah. But they start to discolor. Oh, from like where?

No, I think one of easy's hairspray, dry shampoo and cigarettes, bird shit, you know. Right. Like, I feel like they start discoloring because somebody was around my house recently and they were like, oh my God, you have so many because I had them all lined up. I was about to give them all a bath and drunk them all in and anything. What are you cleaning with oxyclean? No, just shampoo and. Oh, like, yeah.

Yeah. Are they human hair? No. Okay. I like plastic hair more than human hair. It's easier. And they came around They looked at the line up

Of all the bird's nest They went oh Oh my good You've got them all different shades They were just dirty It's not a gradient on a purpose No This one's grey

Because you know I went out partying And this one This one's green Because you know It fell off In a pond I don't know

What you used to do this thing When I first met you You had like a You did like the scarf Rapper on the head out of drag. Yeah. Yes.

That was kind of your day look vibe. Yeah. I like doing it with this a bit. You know, sometimes if it's a bit too, too crusty, I'll just wrap a big turban around it. Yeah. Please be careful. Do you ever remember when I first ever walked into the Trixie Motel?

Oh, and you broke something. And I smashed the bedside table lamp. You did. First thing. First thing. No, what was I going to say then? I feel like I've got this thing that I've diagnosed my side. with. Oh, great.

Called transgenderism. Maybe. I might go back. I'm just kidding. I know it's like a small head insecurity. You think you have a small head?

You've probably never seen me with like wet, flat hair. Oh, is it like a chihuahua? But it's like at the back of my head, it's like so small. It's like Pepper from American Horror story. It's really. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Where is your brain? I know. No, it's in my nose. Crazy. But I hate it, so I feel like I have to always have something. Something big on my head. I remember many, many years ago, I tried doing like a long, straight.

Did you feel it? No, I hated it. I hated it. I felt like my face looked too big for my head. Yeah. You could do the Amanda thing where you kind of, she wears like a lot of half hair, I think. Who's Amanda? I mean, LaPoor.

Oh, she's also that super high-lift blonde. Do you know what I mean? my god, yeah. Was she, does she use some of her natural hair in the phone? Yeah, I think she wears it, because I read her book, um, doll parts and she was like, I don't even go get the mail in my building without sunglasses, lipstick and a headscarf. Yeah, well, I heard a story about her in Birmingham. Somebody who booked her in the UK decided to put her on a megabus. Amanda Leport on the megabus. You do not put Amanda Leport on a mega bus. No. The private jet. People like that just should not be on certain public transport. It's criminal. See, that sounds kind of discriminatory when you say it like that. People like that shouldn't be on public transit. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that exactly?

Those transgender women? Ew. Ew. You know what? You want to go in the girls' bathroom? I think, I think, I'll do you one better. All queer people should be exempt from public transit. Right? Yeah, I'm happy with that. I used to take the bus all the time in drag because it was just like. I didn't have a car. I needed to get around. When you're the biggest freak on the bus, people mostly leave you alone. You got the bus in drag? I used to all the time. To go to Hamburger Marys.

Wait. In what city? Milwaukee. Girl, be on that bus in full drag with my suitcase with my stuff for the show. No. And people would, when you're that on the bus in Milwaukee, people wouldn't even make eye contact with me. I suppose I'd be on safe. Probably a bit scared of you in a way.

Oh my God. Yeah. Nobody would seat in these seats by me. No. Yeah. And it was nice because I could just, usually what I would do is I would get myself to the gig. And then once you're in drag and the bartenders are closing up and stuff, you're like, can somebody drive me home? You get suck her off a ride, like, like, oh, suck off a ride home.

You could, you could, you could leach off a ride home, but I would get myself to the gig. Yeah. I feel like in the UK, we all sort of don't get ready at the venue. No one gets ready at the venue. That's, yes. I noticed that. And people, I notice people kind of go out in one look and one hair too. That's kind of the vibe.

Yeah, then we do one, one look for the whole. Well, I know there's a lot of queens that do variations. If they're doing different numbers, they'll make a change. But I feel like UK, in a nutshell, drag is just sort of, we just live in it. Yeah. It feels more like New York drag in that way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And you leave the house in character and you commit to the look till you go home. Yeah. I think that's fine. I mean, the UK must be so proud of you. You've gotten so famous and I feel like you feel so British and they must feel so like into you. Maybe. Like gay people.

I'm not saying you're, you know, I'm going to be on the next, you know, pound coin. But I'm saying like the gay people there must be like, you must be like there. I don't know what you would have. Are you like an Alvira there kind of? Yeah, maybe. Like a mascot. Yeah. Yeah.

But I kind of, I get, so I get recognized on the street now, but people don't shout. certain things Pause But no, now it's Mac Oh from your videos That's kind of scary Because I started doing

Little makeup tutorials And somebody said to me When Juno Birch says Mac She sounds like a duck quacking Oh yeah I hear that So I've just sort of ran with it And Mac And they Mac love it

Well you're also yelling Mac And then slamming your face And Dush Well I've got to get away There's got to be a way For people to watch my videos You know

It's like, who is this ridiculous tranny, sorry, transsexual, on this video slamming her head on the table. If you are transphobic, you're like, oh good, violent, you know. Yes, she's hurting herself. She hates herself. Great. Yeah. You're bringing something to the table for everybody. That's how I feel when I do stand up comedy as a trans woman, I will bash the shit out of trans women and myself to the point where the transphobes in the audience are like, yes.

She gets it. Yeah. I always say that gay people and conservatives, what we have in common is that we hate gay people. people. Yeah. That is so true. It's like so true. Oh my God. But going back to what you're saying, you're mentally ill. I'm like, I agree. Going back to what you were saying about, um, being in the UK and being very British, I feel like when I come to America, people want to book me more and I sell a lot more tickets for shows than I do in the UK. And I feel like people see me as a bit of a cartoon character here. I agree. Compared to like the UK.

you're normal there I'm kind of normal that in Manchester I come here and I feel like people when they meet me for the first time I think is that her real voice

they kind of are a bit like is she I did get that recently somebody went I didn't think Juno Birch actually talked like that I thought it was a character voice what did they

this is the real me like you have a secret yeah maybe it's an American accent or something my name's Juno Burr I'm from Manchester. Any relation to Simon Birch?

I don't know who that is. The movie Simon Birch with Ashley Judd. I know Thorough Birch. Oh, Simon Birch is a film about a little person. Oh. Let's take a break. I don't know. I can't do this anymore.

I can't do this anymore. I can't do somewhere. I just wonder, in Manchester, are you the Beyonce of Manchester now? No, no, no. Oh, okay. I wouldn't say so. They don't have like a mural of you in Afflex. They don't have like a something, you know.

No, I don't even get booked for Manchester Pride. They're embarrassed of you. Yeah. I don't get booked in Manchester. But it's not because of you. It's because of your drinking. Yeah, maybe. I feel like they see me online and they go.

You're the vanity of the UK. I don't know whether we have enough carers like, you know. They probably just think she's too mentally ill to take bookings. There's an open bar. We can't book her. It's going to get really ugly. Phil just told us he got shit on. we can't book her

she's a mess have you ever been to Hull? Hull, yeah I don't know There's a river of mud that goes through Hull That sounds about that The UK is a mysterious place I

I hate the UK Here we go I I right listen Listen Listen Listen if Kattie was here She would probably high five you

Okay She always high fives me about Hey the UK Talk to her about the UK And she is the only American. She is the only American I've been able to get on with about hating on the UK. Because every time I talk about, oh, I love Manchester. I do love Manchester.

Try living there, bitch. Okay, okay. I don't live there. You walk around Hollywood with your Wendy's and your fucking, like, I don't get donuts. I don't know, people fucking bag up your groceries for you and say, hi, how are you? Air conditioning. Have a great one. Have a great one. In the UK, it's like, fuck off.

Yeah, and no air conditioning. No air conditioning. The air conditioning, well, the UK has the best breakfast. I think the breakfasts are so horny. Delicious. No. I don't like the eggs, but, or I don't like the beans. No, no, no, no.

Have you ever donecan donuts in America? Yes. I think you would love it. I like the coffee and Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, and the packaging is kind of. pink and brown. I'm not a very sweet person though. I like salty food.

You do. I love salty food. Like the sesame chicken. Like the, no, that was sweet. I can't talk about it too much because I will actually drive me. But I love salty food.

Really? Yes. What's like the craving? If you like smoked weed, what's the food you crave? Girl, you know what I had yesterday when I was at the hospital with Katia?

What? First of all, she like couldn't, because of her, treatment she can't eat right now. So I was like, oh yeah, that sucks. And she like was harassing them for ice chips. Truly being like, hello, caught you? So like, you mean like an ice cube? Just plain. Yeah, yeah. She, because she's not a lot. They're like, you know, working up. But yes. She literally has like a tube up her nose and she's just yelling, hello. Hello.

Somebody, hello. Is she in like a special private hospital? I wish. She was passed out and I told the nurse she was famous. I was like, they were like, do you know, they were like, how do you know, how do you? How do you? you know him and I said oh we work together. I said, what do you guys do? I said, we do TV and podcasting his stuff. And then I was like, he's really famous actually. And the nurse was like he is. I said, yeah.

And I pulled up the Instagram show pictures. It was like, that's her. It was a picture of Katta and together. And they were like, that's her. Who's that? And I was like, that's me. No, they said, what is that? That's me.

That's me. But I kind of blew up her spot and I was like, I bet she doesn't even want people here to know she is. And then I accidentally told on her. But. Yeah. I was like, we're in Los Angeles. Nobody in this gay hospital. I know. I would have thought you'd have people running around after like crazy. You have crazy fans. I know. I just, I rocked up here today. There was no gate on the car park. The door was swung open. I just walked straight in. I went up some random stairs and I just took a Diet Coke out of the fridge and made myself at home. Nothing safe. You just took that from upstairs. Yeah. Work. You know what? I made myself at home. It's fine. I think you're owed it. Honestly, you came in to cover for Katia. So honestly, she owes you that Diet Coke. Yes. I've been here quite a lot since I've been in L.A. This is a, it's definitely a hub. This is my second home now. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I want to start a podcast. Oh, God. About what? I want to do the Juno show, but like a series.

Well, welcome to you. Yes. I want to abduct celebrities and probe them for information. that's a great idea and I've been wanting to do it for so long but that's why I've not been doing YouTube that much because I'm tired of just doing like the little stupid videos and having an excuse to make a video like oh we're going to do makeup today or whatever I just want to chat shit

because I've got so much to say but I didn't start it in the UK because I want to I'm moving here so I want to start it here oh yeah I mean I don't want to leak the news but you have been doing a trial run of staying in L.A.

what do you think of it? I love it. I don't want to go home. You do? We've already extended our stay for another week. That's great. I love it here. And I feel like it's going to get extended and extended.

The only thing stopping me right now from going from, from never leaving here is the cat. I know. Wasn't Neville or something? What is it? You're the godmother. How dare you get the name of you? I know. I know it.

I know it. It's like Artemis or some weird shit, right? You're just naming the cat. of always sunny in Philadelphia right now. It's like Cyril. Cyril. That is weird. Cyril.

It's a cute little old man's name. Neville, Cyril. You don't think it's kind of... Neville is a cute name. When I do move here with him, I've got to get him a passport. How do you move with a cat? You have to get them a passport.

Shut the fuck up. You have to have a little picture taken. You are lying. That is so cute. You're going to cry. I feel like I'm going to have to go. and get him some like little maybe like a little. How do they fly?

How's he going to fly all the way to LA? I know. So this is why I, we've been doing research on it because I'm so scared about traveling with Cyril. Isn't he going to pee on the plane? So yeah, no, what you do is you can't, you have to fly with a specific airline. You can't fly with

I think it's virgin. You can't bring a cat into the cabin. Certain, I think it's KLM, you can fly with a cat in the cabin. You put the big cat carrier under the seat. And then they have like, it has to be a special one that has compartments where they can have P-Mats, gravel if you need it, anything like that. You are lying. I don't even know about this. No. And I've even seen, I've been watching a lot of TikToks on it. Oh, thank God for the internet. I bet you people make it really easy because I bet you can hear from people who've done it. Yeah. And people,

I think a lot of people do not very often long haul because it's stressful for the animal. But people do it all the time with And cats are so routine. Yeah. Yeah. And Cyril is an Oriental short hair, so they're very, very, very vocal. So he will scream constantly, even when he doesn't want anything. I've never seen a cat that looks like him. He looks so different than other cats.

Yeah. It's almost like, is it exotic species of cats? What I did is I made him in The Sims too and I walked his face. He does have that very triangle shaped. People say I look like him a little bit. You know, I think that's kind of a compliment. Do you think? No.

We've got that sort of goddess profile. Yeah. You also kind of give Madonna. Did anybody ever say that? No, I've never heard that one. You don't think the... I've had... I've had, who have I had?

I've had Madymorphuses. Maddiemorphosis? Someone said I look like Madymorphuses. People say that about me too, so... Well, they say that about you two out of drag. Out of drag, yeah. Yeah. Who else?

I got... One that was really weird was people kept saying I look like Adele. but when I was in when I was in blue makeup people people just need people need to do you know I'm getting at the moment Lily Savage

Who is that You don't know Lily Savage is Lily Savage was an absolute icon in the UK She was a drag queen in the 80s and 90s Then became Paul O'Grady The Paul O'Grady show They've passed away now But they were from Liverpool

And they had this like they were They were talk like that I don't give a fuck like it was like kind of Pete Burns-esque. I was going to say Pete Burns. It sounds like Pete Burns accent. Yeah, since I've been doing stand-up out of drag, Lily Savage. Just Lily Savage all the time.

Oh my God, that fierce clip of Pete Burns, which is like, I don't give a flying lump of put. What is the clip about getting up at five? So it's the documentary you need to go watch on YouTube. It's called Unspun. And it's post when Pete Burns got bail from prison and had to go and live with a fan who paid for his bail and that was the terms and conditions

but the fan was a psychopath that lived in this dump. This really happened? Yes. And in the documentary they filmed Michael and Pete's Michael was Pete's boyfriend slash assistant.

And they're talking about getting Pete on the morning show this morning or something and Pete's like, I haven't got up at 8 o'clock in the morning since I was five. Yeah. And he says something like,

Don't give a flying brown lump of poo what they decided. I want that coat back. Oh, I also love... Jodie Marsh has got tits like saggy Spaniels ears. One of my favorite things is to go watch like super YouTube cuts of Pete Burns on Celebrity Big Brother. Because she really... They didn't know what to do with her. No.

And then my favorite part is when they do that... They'll do this sometimes a Big Brother will they have like a talent show. My favorite part is she gets up there and sings. and you're kind of like, even though she's kind of like the Frankenstein's monster of the house, there's this moment where she kind of serves all of them as like, I'm a fucking rock star.

Yes. And just in case you forgot, I wrote this fucking song. Yeah. And I think a lot of them in that room didn't realize it was Pete that wrote that song. And I remember that performance because Pete struggles hit the high note. If I get to know your name. But then when he goes like,

he goes like he goes oh yeah he kind of just goes like he's like fuck it he really didn't want to be there he was he was there just to pay for like a construction on the lip I think really sickening sickening face

so stunning and I love the hair I love the way the hair gets clipped around the face like rats nest with straight hair around the face yeah I wore my hair like that for a very long time it's a good look yeah and it's kind of like you only have to really groom this and the rest of it, it's like the more, the bigger, the better.

It's an easy, easy wig to have on the go because you can have it in a plastic. Like, it doesn't have to be real hair because you smooth down the sides like that with the clips. And when you take it off, it kind of stays like that. Oh, yeah. Well, here we go, girls. If people, well, people can't see you now because you're on your little secret, Juno Birch's secret L.A. living trip, secret stand-up gig tour.

It's not secret. But if people want to follow you or support you, maybe they could go to Juno Birch Live and buy some new art. Yes. JunoBitchLive.com. Go and buy all my artwork. Support a trans woman. Do you have prints? Yes, I'm selling Prince.

Love your prints. Do you like some for your house? Of course. She has wonderful prints. And some of you who are renters who have white walls, what you need is cool art. Yes. With color and line. With gorgeous alien transsexuals all over the wall.

You could do. I forgot to ask you. How was Strange Journey? You did the Q&A thing the other night. Oh, it was really cool. Have you seen it yet? No, I've watched so many clips of it, but I've not sat through the whole thing yet.

But I love Rocky Horror so much. I do too. I saw it when it came out. It's a really moving documentary. And like the interviews they have with Richard O'Brien so crazy and illuminating. And like this person came out as trans like 30 years after Rocky Horror, which is crazy to think about.

Strange Journey. And the person who, like, builds the documentary and does the interviews is his son, Linus. And so his son, Linus is the interviewer and, like, the producer and director of the documentary. And so it's so interesting watching through the eyes of his son, his son asking, interviewing his father about, like, how did you basically change the world with Rocky Horror? It's so interesting. And you have all these shots of Richard O'Brien with his guitar singing the song's acoustic, like, It's so cool. They did such a good job.

And I got to be in it. I got to do interviews for it. And I figured they're getting all these super A-list stars, but it's basically just me and Jack Black. Yeah. Because I think you had to be a certain level obsessed, and me and Jack Black are obsessed with that movie. 100%. I love it. It's so, such a personal thing to me, because when my uncle died, he requested that everybody at the funeral dressed in Rocky Horror outfits.

And my grandma was about 70. something and she showed up with stockings on and everything. Wow. When they lowered his coffin into the bit, you know, when they have the ceremony, they played on the day, I went away. So that's why it's just such a moving thing for me. Like, I just... I wish we could have gone to New York to see the Broadway show while you were here.

Well, I, I... Why are you whispering? I want to be in it. You could be in it. I want to play Frankenfer so bad. We have to get beyond. the barriers surrounding your paralyzing stage fright, your inability to dance and sing, and frankly, the amount of money you asked for is too much.

So those are kind of our barriers. All of those things are completely false. I work for it. I haven't been paid for any work that I've done here in L.A. And you know what? In order to make Broadway more profitable, we need to transition to actors paying to be in shows. Don't you think? Yeah, I feel like that's what's going to come to.

You could pay your way into it. All you got to do is ask Luke Evans to step down. Yes. Do you know what? They never cast, like, they never cast a feminine person as Frank. That's true. They always have to cast like a really butch, buff person. You're a shoe in.

They, they... Well, listen, I love you. Thank you for coming on and covering for Katia. You have really shown me that maybe she should be permanently replaced because she brings nothing. I will step in whenever you want me. Look, I even brought a little cap to replace. Catch you a little back. Well, hi there.

Welcome to Buckees. Bye. Have you tried our golden nuggets? Beaver nuggets. Beaver nuggets. That's so nice. I love those. Have you been to Buckees?

Yes. What did you think? It's very maga. It's so maga. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Thank you.