The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Kristen Schaal and the Relativity of Time & Collarbones with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

Lords, Ladies, and Theydies! By royal decree and under the ever-watchful eye of our potentate and monarch King Emmanuel Podcast IV, Esq. — prepare thyselves for a presence most prodigious and profound! Now entering the Bald & Beautiful Grand Hall of the Dolls...we present to you: the Duchess of Deadpan, the Empress of Eccentricities, the undisputed Queen of Comedy, KRISTEN SCHAAL! Follow Kristen: @k.schaal and check out Kristen's podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@TheExtraordinarians Traveling this Summer? Find exactly what you’re booking for at ⁠https://Booking.com⁠ Booking.YEAH! Book today on the site or in the app! Get the Rakuten app NOW and join the 17 million members who are already saving! Cash Back rates change daily, see https://Rakuten.com for details. Your Cash Back really adds up! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! To get 6 bottles of wine for $39.99, head to https://NakedWines.com/BALD and use code BALD for both the code AND password! If you’re planning a trip this year, consider hosting your home on Airbnb while you’re away. Your home might be worth more than you think! Find out how much at: https://Airbnb.com/host Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatyalive.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://workinggirlsbook.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen Anywhere! ⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠   Follo​w Trixie: Official Website: ⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com/⁠ ​ Facebook: ​⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠  Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠ Twitter (X): ​⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠https://www.welovekatya.com/⁠ Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya/⁠  Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠  Twitter (X): ⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠    About the Podcast: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya features a pair of grizzled gay ghouls sitting on chairs, holding microphones, and discussing their fabulous lives in Tinseltown. (featuring occasional forays into movies, television shows, and air-conditioning) The New York Times called them models, moguls, actors, influencers, drag queens, RuPaul's Drag Race contestants, and even humanoids. If one thing can be said about these two preternaturally gorgeous queens' podcast, it's that Trixie and Katya find the sheer, unadulterated beauty of pure insanity. Tune in every week to experience the auditory pleasure that is The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya. #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Learn more at PCExpress.ca Do I look like Pharrell? You-ish. Come on, Pharrell. I'm just Pharrell. What is a beta cuck? Let's take a break. I think it cancels each other out, right? Oh, it's like a...

Redundant. I think cuck holding is... I'm embarrassed because my wife is getting... Oh, it's like a redundant redundant redundant. I think cuck holding is I'm embarrassed because my wife is getting is cheating in front of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And beta is like, wow, a man who is like a feet. No, a man who's like not even better than me is embarrassing me. Okay. Oh, Ned Schneebly.

Oh, so like so like an effeminate non alpha is is shooping my wife in front of me. Well, this is your psyche. Cause I said less than me and you said effeminate. I guess you think effeminate men are beta. Ooh. Let's take another break. We're doing a lot of breaks today.

We have to, we have a, This is woke, sorry, this is woke. We gotta breathe, we gotta breathe. Before we, I don't like it. Do you do woke? I wanna sleep. Do you do woke? Do you ever do woke?

Oh, I've done woke once in college. We never introduce anybody. Although your voice people will know who you are immediately. I have to say I was on my break. Hello people. When I was on my break and you guys had your episode. We hit it off. It was the star episode.

I listened to it twice I think. It was the only good one while you were gone. And we were trying to figure out when that was. Can you remember when that was? Yeah, last summer. I said eight months. July, probably last year. Oh, so a whole year.

Whoa, a whole year? Or about eight months. Time is scary right now. Can we all agree? It's going faster than it has. Like something, no one's talking about the fact that we might have lost like 10 minutes in the earth spinning and nobody, every day.

People are afraid to speak up. I'll speak up. Whistle blower. Guys. Like it was seven a.m. and now I swear to God it's almost noon. And nothing happened in between. Oh, fuck. That was me this morning getting here.

Did you know I get, well, we have Miss Shawl in the house today. Kristen Shawl, everybody. Hello. Wow, honored, honored. The return. I can't believe you came back. Yeah, thank you for coming back.

Nobody's ever come back before. You know what, and I put it off a little bit, because I get nervous coming here. I'll tell you why because I feel like I need to look pretty, more pretty than like normal. I put on false eyelashes by myself, so if a caterpillar comes crawling down, let me know. Just because you guys are pretty

and you know how to make, you know what I mean? Like I, and I feel like your audience is very detail oriented. Well, they are. They're not, they like us. They're detail oriented when it, like, for example, we had a blue background before this one

and you would think that that blue background had incited Nazi Germany. They hated it so much. We were talking about Nazis a lot before you two. They're vocal. If one of your lashes does travel, believe me in the comments, they're gonna say something. You'll be hearing it for the rest of your life.

Yeah, there's a pressure there. And as I was doing, and I think about you two a lot, because I think about how artistic you have to be. This is one thing, but then this is something else. And I really have to- Turning the gun on yourself. No, it really is. It doesn't-

It's such an art form. Those skills don't transfer. No, it's a totally different thing. Because I was actually a good drawer or painter, and then that didn't help at all. No, no, no, because you're- Not at all. This is-

And also, 3D. Well, she doesn't really like makeup. Not at all. No, no, no, cause you're, this is. And also, 3D. Well, she doesn't really like makeup. Do you like the glam? Do you like doing the glam? I don't. I don't like it. I'm not on the train. I even like, I'm letting my face just naturally fall to my collar bones.

Stop. And there was a moment, I had to go on a journey with it. Cause I was like, oh man, my face is changing cause I'm living longer. And I'm like, oh no. So I asked like my beautiful model friend, like where do people go to not have their face look like it lived a long time?

She's like this doctor. And I like, well I ran in and he's like, yeah, I can get in there. I can like lift it. I can sew it all back. And then I was like, okay, let me think about it. And then I was like, forget it. Like I was never selling something that was in trend.

You know? I was always a little bit over here anyways. And I was like, I mean, why don't I just let it fall and see if I get more roles like Haggard, Haggard Witch. Haggard Witch. Fun role. It's super fun. I actually, I would like wanna be, if I were an actress,

I would wanna skip age 20 through 60. And just get right to grandma. Yeah, go from hot, like, spuckable princess to, like, crone. I do think that's how gay fans are. They love, like, a 21-year-old actress, and they love, like... Yeah, it's tough in the middle, though.

It's tough in the middle. Do you enjoy getting in the makeup chair? Yeah, because I just sit there, and every, almost every makeup person I've met is lovely. Yeah. Almost every. I mean, I would say every. I actually met is lovely. Yeah. Almost every. I would say every. I actually haven't met one I didn't like.

Can I ask about your wig on shadows? Because that thing looks dense, thick, heavy, hot. Hot. It's like a thick, thick wig. Yeah. Like silver, long. It's beautiful. I had different ones all throughout. Cause I told my friend Jermaine,

he was like, I got part for you on the show. And this never happened. I know this is wow. Big more shows Jermaine. And then I was like, okay, can I be, can I have long blonde hair please? Cause I've never had it before. So he just, I guess he went into the hair trailer

and was like, Kristin's gonna be on the show. I don't know what you mean. Christine's gonna be on the show. I'm gonna do my new, Christine's gonna be on the show. No, it's not good. She wants long, I know, now he's New Zealand. Which part of his face doesn't work? Like this side. She wants long blonde hair.

She wants long blonde hair. Oh, she's not coming. Oh, she's not coming. No, that's not good either. Went to New Zealand for spring break and I feel like I got it, but only in the car alone. Well, they say breeds with spreads. What did you just say? Breeds with spreads.

Breeds, yeah, breeds. Very good! That's the only thing I know how to do in Kiwi. It's a lot of ee. Mexican. Mexican, yeah. Did you see all the Lord of the Rings shits at the airport there? Yeah.

Crazy, huh? You can have the airplane, it's just like flying eagle in the airport. Yes, yeah, they're very proud of their ring. They're very proud of their ring. It is beautiful. We only went to New Zealand. I've only been maybe once or twice.

How about you? Yeah, the same, it's beautiful. She tried to get me to do this thing. Would you do this? They put you in a chair, and they d about you? Yeah, the same, it's beautiful. She tried to get me to do this thing, would you do this? They put you in a chair, and they dangle you off it by a rope, and then they drop you, and you swing like a bungee jump canyon.

She wanted us to do it in drag. Yeah. Oh! Right? Doesn't that sound fun? That's beautiful. Well, I just watched the skywalk thing in China, did you see that video circulating?

It's like a three hour ladder into the sky in China. That seems weird. It's like- Right to heaven? Yeah, I mean like- You climb it yourself. For three fucking hours. That's like a drawing a kid would do

and then they're in heaven, that's where grandpa went. What if you fall off? You're like cooked. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There are no rules, you can't sue. Then you get cooked. Yeah, then you're dead.

And that's where the jet packs come from. Have you seen the videos of the jet packs in Dubai? People in Dubai with jet packs, flying next to planes looking like jet packs, don't look stable. They look like prototypes. They don't look right. And I'm like, so what?

So you can go up to an airplane and be like, I'm gonna follow this guy and die? I think there's, okay, I love that you, in your imagination, the jetpack means that you can show someone how cool you are, or it's in my imagination, a whole airplane full of people. I think there's the sensation of, I am a human that's flying like a bird.

Right. I guess the clip I saw was someone flying by a plane. And so it was like, anything you can do. That's very dangerous. It was very, I know you are, but what am I? I can beat up your dad. This is a clip. It was on the internet.

It was a live action thing. It was a live action thing. I gotta see this. I don't believe it. Roll the footage. I follow like your grandpa's Twitter where it's like crazy clips. You won't believe it. It's like dog saves a woman from Birmingham building.

And with that, it was like, like wow and Dubai people have jetpacks But also some of this is a one. It's a one. Yeah artificial intelligence Yes a one I was gonna say I mean that I might I was sniffing out something suspish Yeah, about that jetpack being too close to the airplane like a fucking Twilight Zone or something Maybe you get sucked into the airplane, like a fucking Twilight Zone or something. Maybe he gets sucked into the turbine too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I always watch those videos,

then all of a sudden the guy's head turns into a dog. And then it's A1. Yeah, lately it's a lot of dogs. A1, what we're calling you now? Because I like... Well, this is what Linda McMahon called it, the secretary of education. Oh, cool.

The woman from the wrestling stuff. Yeah, well, because it looks like a Roman numeral to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she says that we all need to get more on the ball with A1 cause it's coming. Yeah, more steak sauce in schools. And she's educated on the subject. More steak sauce in schools.

She's educated on the subject. Do you ever do fake tanner? No. My friend Mateo did some fake tanner just last year and speaking of A1, if you put on too much, it had looked like he just took barbecue sauce and rubbed it up the white legs. It's very barbecue-y.

At the airport, bright red pink legs. Yeah. So he did it right? I mean, at least you're letting people know I did something. Something happened. You know, something occurred. Can I, can I- You have to tie a break before you reveal,

remember what we were talking about earlier? There's- What? I was gonna, we have to ask her with, oh, so about causing noise for a neighbor. Oh yes. Okay. Okay, I'll hold my other thought. Will you present it to her?

Which isn't gonna make sense later. Get back there. Don't talk about it now. Okay, so earlier, after you honked at me on the road and then cooled down in the back. Sorry about the finger too. It's okay. I deserved it.

I didn't get my shit together. And you told me so. And so Katya was talking to me about how she's interior designing her condom and herself And so Katya was talking to me about how she's re- interior designing her condo and herself because it's very expensive to hire the hardworking interior designers that deserve every penny. Yes.

And what was- But they were making so much noise. She's making so much noise. So much noise. They're like, you know, they're sawing, there's loud noise. And I was saying, you need to leave your neighbors a gift with a note, sorry so much noise. So much noise. They're like, you know, they're sighing, there's loud noise. And I was saying, you need to leave your neighbors a gift with a note. Sorry about the noise.

This will be over soon. If you have any problems, here's my number. Yeah, yeah. So, but I was saying that absolutely not. I'm gonna give them a gift when it's done. Because they haven't said, she's... I kind of think it's before. Yes, it's before! But then... think it's before. Yes! It's before!

But then... Because it's acknowledging the current... The current ask is to deal with a little noise. But the only reason I don't do that is because we're about halfway through and they haven't said anything. But I don't know when it's going to end. So I can't give them a really concrete answer. Do you know what I mean?

You don't have to give them an answer of the end date. I just think, sorry about the ongoing noise. Well, my first question would be, that's okay. How much longer is it gonna be, you cunt? That would be my next. That's how you would say that, holding the chocolates in your champagne. Yeah, how is this champagne going to fix my ear?

You know, yeah. I would say do it during, and you... Really? Can I tell you, when I moved into my building, my condo building, I was renovating before I moved in and one day they caught me in the elevator, my neighbor, she was like, I said, oh. Name, name.

Name, I, she said, so they were like, I said, oh, I'm moving next door to you. And then she goes, are you the one who's been renovating? Oh my God, what has it been over? It's been 24 hours a day. And I can know has been over? It's been 24 hours a day. And I can know for a fact that it's been eight hours a day. And also, I'm the only one in this building who doesn't have a bunch of kids and a bunch of dogs.

And I don't, you never even hear me. So all you bitches, I'm sorry, a couple months of clink, clink, clink, hi ho. Is that how long it was? It's not compared to your dog flipping out every time I get off the elevator. Couple months is a long time. Lisa Vanderpump says everything takes twice as long,

costs twice as much. That I agree with, but shit. It's true. You know, you never know either. It sounds to me like you're approaching your neighbors from a place of real insecurity. Distain, yeah. Yeah, like you're ready for a fight,

you're ready for people to be mean to you. What if they're excited that you made any contact at all? I don't think that that's the case. I think the consideration of, hey, I just wanted to, I wanted to address the situation. I want, open up the, you should make an apology video. Open up a doll, oh, do a YouTube apology video. That's right.

And then send it to them. I'll send it to them, but I'll do it like they do in school where you like roll out a fat back TV. Yeah. And I'll just knock on the door and then just leave and press play. That would probably be a good idea. And they could, this is a-

Hide around the corner. Just start seeing their expressions. Take their reaction. Or what about, what if they think they're watching an apology video and then you stand up and it's a live feed? And then you kind of walk in Chris Hansen style. That's right and arrest them.

Or what if in your note you say, and as a, for forgiveness and for further happy relationships, I would like to offer to pay for your renovation. Yes, totally, totally. Up to $300,000. Right. The powder room of your choice. I think there's an easy solution here,

which is you have a friend here and a very beloved America sweetheart. Everyone loves her. Would you do the video? Would you kind of show up and kind of do like a- Oh yes. What are you doing this afternoon? I would love to go over to your house.

Soften the blow. That would be cunty. Not much. That would be cunty. Yeah, I would cunt it up so hard for you. Outside their door. Yeah. I could be like, I could even like through the wall

be like, God, it sounds so good in here. What is this cool beat? Yeah, that's a buzz saw. That's a buzz saw, yeah, yeah, yeah. And what if you kind of are in a nice outfit and you walk in That's a buzzsaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what if you caught her in a nice outfit and you walk in and you go, that's right, it's me. Yeah.

American sweetheart, Kristen Schall. And I'm the one doing the noise. And I want to say sorry. And I want to cut you all a check for $300,000. It's starting to sound like extreme home makeover. You show up at someone's house to give them money to renovate. Yeah, love it. Move that bus.

Yeah, love it. I had an idea this morning while you were cooling down after honking at me with Katya about making a show about interior decorators competing against each other. Like up and coming ones, you know, like new novice ones. And there's like who can buy the best lamp? Yeah, it's like Project Oneway, but for interior designing. No, no, no, no, no, that's, I want it.

Who can buy the best lamp? And what are the constraints? Like who can source the best LED wall scones? That's right. Do you know what I mean? Right, who can make the room look like the jungle room from Elvis Presley's Graceland? For under $48.

Okay, now they're not getting interesting. I don't want a price48. Okay, now it's getting interesting. I don't want a price point. I don't want to limit them. I want like galore. Okay. But yeah, time. There's tariffs. They gotta get it over the ship.

Right. Yeah. And the woke. And all the woke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the wokeness. Yeah, you gotta be woke, you gotta be cheap,

and you gotta be quick. Yeah. They do that on Drag Race sometimes. They have them do like an interior design challenge where they have a room like this size that's just like a white box, and they give them one day to go like, make a nightclub or design a hotel.

That's crazy. Well, because they've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm hearing. But it's drag queens who are like, I guess creative, but incredibly lazy and combative, so they're all fighting about who has the best idea, but no one's actually doing the work.

I know, I'll tell you where they're not lazy, right here. Oh, yeah. Well, they have to. Well, they keep getting so, I mean, the drag queens on Drag Race that were so good, especially the All Stars girls, have you seen any of the episode? No.

Oh my God. There's like, they are, the stuff that they're doing is like, it's so next level. It's like A1. It's A1. It is A1. It's like, it's like A1. It's next level. It's A1. It is A1. It's like, it's so, I could never, I was like,

I was watching Bosco, you seen Bosco? Yeah, with the breasts. She's one of their trans now too, which helps. And like, they are like, it is truly like mind boggling how they like, the stuff that they pull out on the runway. It's crazy. I would like to see you compete on Drag Race. What do you think? Hard left. Would you do would like to see you compete on Drag Race. What do you think?

Hard left. Would you do a, have you ever judged on Drag Race? No. Oh, come on. You gotta do that. Okay, okay. That'd be fun. They would be so lucky to have,

and when the celebrities come on, the girls get so excited for like funny women too. Like they flip out to see you. It would be cunty. Oh, well that's an honor. Again, I would love to cunt it so hard for them too. I, I, I, I, yeah, an honor. Again, I would love to cunt it so hard for them too. I... I...

I... Yeah, I guess it's... Cunt it. Cause it's all about a persona, right? Yeah. And that's sort of what gives you the courage to just give your all on the runway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like leave it all on the floor. Yeah. Right? Cause you're... Shit on the floor. Cause you're not you. You will shit on the floor because you're not shitting on the floor. So and so is. And she's cunty.

She shitted more than you. The pile of poop is bigger. She shitted. She's a shatafras. You know what else, too? If you see these drag queens out of drag, you'd know why they feel so emboldened in these other personas.

Ghouls and goblins. Ghouls and goblins. When they become Don Nott's with no eyebrows, you're like, oh shit. Ghouls and goblins. Ghouls and goblins. When they become, you know, Don Knotts with no eyebrows, you're like, oh shit. I think you both look very good. No, I mean, you know. I mean, you're not going to accept that, but. Did you know that we're both named,

we're both bald and white and named Brian. And we both have older brothers named Dan. Whoa. Yeah, it's very special. Yeah, I know that you had to reach for something more, didn't you? I know, it's awful. Wow.

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for six bottles of wine for just $39.99 with shipping included. That's $100 off your first six bottles at nakedwines.com slash bald. And use the code and password bald for six bottles of wine for $39.99. Can I ask you more questions about shadows? Yes, of course.

Okay, so do you guys, I'm assuming because it's a vampire program, do you guys do like tons of night shoots? Yes. What is it like all night? I've never- Like overnight? Yeah.

I've only shot at night once in my life and I found it very disorienting to like go home when the sun is coming up. It is, yeah. Yeah, I'll come home at seven o'clock and my daughter is like eating breakfast, like, good morning, mom. And I'm like, okay, just keep it down.

I don't like it. I think it's terrible. I feel like, okay, just keep it down. I don't like it. I think it's terrible. I feel like, especially if you're like, be funny and it's 3 a.m. And then you're like, be funny. I am my least funny when I'm asleep. Right. So.

And what's the night before when you're trying to adjust your sleep schedule? You're like laying in bed at 2 p.m. what? I'm like, go to sleep, bitch, go to sleep. Yeah. With the big fat sleeping pill or what do we do? I don't take sleeping pills, but I'm gonna start I just recently started to I do lots of coffees during the night shoot and then I But yeah, I started doing gummies. I know I'm not working. It's a very dry time

I don't know if you've heard about this in Hollywood. What do you mean? I mean, a lot of people aren't working right now. Why? Because they're waiting for a boy, I think, and Trump to tariff the TV shows so they can come into LA. Sure. Jesus. Did you guys hear about this? I did.

I watched the news every day like a crazy person. Oh, you're being serious? No, I don't know. But you haven't noticed that the industry has like more of your friends in the industry are To be honest, you know what it is Do you watch the news I don't watch the news It's just no change. I love that.

Do you watch the news? I don't watch the news. I probably shouldn't say that. I listen to The Daily. What's that? It's a podcast that the New York Times puts out and the guy who is the host, Michael Berbara, when he's supposed to be biased,

but like he does a nonverbal grunting sound to things. So tell me something good and tell me something bad and I'll react like he does. Okay. I had my own car to drive here today. But there was really bad traffic. That's very unbiased. I'm like, dude, take it off the mic. You're supposed to be a journalist. It's like the number one podcast.

Everyone's downloading the news. I would love to see him play poker. But you know, he'll be like, oh, Christ. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Oh my god. Would you wait a minute?

I actually watch Democracy Now every once in a while. That's pretty. I don't know what that is. No, no, Democracy Now with Amy Goodman. It's like, it's like very, I guess it's like very, the only neutral kind of like non-biased thing you can hope for in a news item. The good news is right now, I guess it's like very, the only neutral kind of non-biased thing you can hope for in a news item. The good news is right now, I mean,

I watch the news every day and it's, even when it's delivered non-biased, the information is so absurd that if they're saying what's really happening, they're really not gonna come up with something else because they're delivering like, hey, this isn't good or bad news, but your mom's dead. It's like, no, that's bad.

Oh my gosh, I have this thing, and I told him to his face when you watch E! News with Mario Lopez, he'll be like, and this just in, da da da, died of an overdose two hours ago, stay tuned and we'll see the apartment. Extra, extra! I know! And I saw him at a movie premiere for a cartoons

with his kids and I said, I was like, I don't like it when you do that. What did he say? Please stop. What did he say? He was like, I know they make me do that. Oh no. Like they want energy, but he felt it too.

Oh my God. And since our talk, no, I don't know. I- Honestly, I saw him at a function once too. He's very nice. I don't know what he's doing. It's crazy. He drank the potion.

He looks like he was on Save the Bell last week. It's really crazy. Yeah. Okay, so I saw that an ad for this red light mask you put on your face. Do you know what I'm... We have that. You do that?

They gave us one. I'm sorry to look at you so suspicious. How does it work though? They sent it to us for free. And I think we're both so like, again, not working unwanted. So like for us to get a gift, we were like, wow. And so I put it on more out of like, wouldn't this be fun? You know what I do with it?

I get high and turn around and it glows red and I walk around the house in the dark. It's super spooky yet. And I look at myself in mirrors. Like I come around the corner, I'm like. I really, and all you see is glowing red eyes and I'm like. It's very Tron.

I was Googling it the other day. I was like, do red light. I mean, look at us. What do you think? You always look pretty. We look 22. They say it works, but I was like, to red light. I mean, look at us. What do you think? Yeah, I mean, you always look pretty. We look 22. They say it works, but I was like, how? It hasn't existed for like more than 10 weeks. It does work.

You know what I mean? My dentist, Dr. Sun, she says that- Your teeth look great. Thank you. But they're- They're fake. Yeah. Oh, you got veneers.

Yeah. I have some too, cause I lost my teeth after drinking too much wine. What? We'll get into it later. Back to your dentist. Cut to a break. Cut to a break. Okay. Cause I lost my teeth after drinking too much wine. What? We'll get into it later. Back to your dentist.

Cut to a break. Cut to a break. Cut to a break. You know what? That's what I do. I just yell, let's take a break. My dentist says she has what? 50 years of education.

And she says that red light has such strong anti-inflammatory properties. Okay. Which does make sense with your skin, right? Like your face skin is so thin. Red light anti-inflammatory properties. Okay. Which does make sense with your skin, right? Like your face is so thin. Red light anti-inflammatory. And the mask we have has, it's by Shark. Shark.

Unpaid spokesmanship, but they did send it for free. Yeah. It does have- Then you are paid. Then you are paid. I wanna see the money. Well, because it's $350. It is?

Yeah. That's cheaper than the Dyson diffuser hairdryer I just bought. But that works. For this podcast! Oh my God. We'll reimburse you later. I was like, I gotta get my hair right!

But like, do you know what a diffuser is? I said no. I love your hair. Well, I diffused it. I love curly hair. I know that people with curly hair, when I say I love curly hair, they're like, you don't know what it's like. Yeah. You don't know what I've been through.

But it could be worse. It's true. Well, there you go. But at least this is not stress-free. Can I? Oh, it's very soft and really squishy. Wow. Fountainelles.

Fountainelles. Can I ask? I, I, I- More questions. Yeah, I'm sorry. I loved you. Why are we here? Last Man on Earth.

Okay. Last Man on Earth. Yeah, that was such a special show for me. I loved you. Why are we here? Last man on earth. Last man on earth. Yeah, that was such a special show for me. I was thinking of it and feels like such a big, epic show. Because the big, I mean, I'm sure this is intentional to make you guys seem like the last people. It's these big open fields. Yes. It's really, for such a big feeling show, I'm like, that's a tiny call sheet for performers.

I will say that my makeup artist was saying she misses it because there's no extras. There was like, okay, you're done. And then they just like, relax. Yeah, that was, that I felt too, for the first couple episodes where it was just me and Will Forte that it was my show, even though it wasn't my show.

I was like, this is my show. Then they started casting other people, I was like, let me weigh in! To be honest. On my show, I was like, this is my show. Then they started casting other people, I was like, let me weigh in! On my show! On my show! On my show! On my show! Not your show, bitch.

It felt, to me it felt very 50-50. When I think of it, I think of the scenes of you two together, like mainly. Oh, that's- You guys were- The whole cast was great, and we're all still friends. Maristine Virgin and Ted Danson are godparents to my kid. Because I was pregnant on that show up until the day we wrapped.

I actually gave her we were like out in Peru and and they were like, so in this scene, a ghost is going to run towards you. And it was like February 8th. My due date was February 9th. Oh, my God. Jesus. I don't know about that. And then I went in as the doctor the next day, they're like, we need to cut you open

because your baby's so big. And I was like, awesome. Cause I was kind of like secretly hoping they would just cut her out. I don't want to deal with the bad military. I don't want to push her out. Like I've done enough growing her, like get her out. And so he, so yeah, on the day,

last day of the show, of the whole show, I gave birth and they wrapped the show. And then they, and then my life changed. No. And then motherhood changed me. And this is when you cheat out and plug the haircare products. Oh my God.

Red light masks by shark. I just, I love, I don't watch a lot of television, but I caught that program and you were so great in it. Have you ever seen this program? I haven't. Which is why I was very quiet. I just love that you're calling it a program. I know, my grandma used to say program.

And I just, I love you so much. And I love you in shadows so much. And I love you for those burgers so much. Thank you. And I feel like the people listening are probably also screaming that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Louise! Don't bark at my show that I love. And I feel like the people listening are probably also screaming that yeah, yeah, yeah

My show that I love It's we're bringing that back Is it hard to talk with the fake teeth in for the vampire stuff it is is hard to talk, yes. And you have to get used to it. And there was, I did like season one and they measured my teeth. And then I didn't do season two and they wrote me back in for season three. And they were like, do you want us to,

it was like high COVID. And they were like, can we like, do you wanna like measure your teeth again? I'm like, no, we'll just use the things from season one. I'm fine, I'm sure. And then we went in, they gave me my teeth right before they called action. Like they blocked it, everything.

And they're like, oh, and here's your teeth. I popped them in. I forgot I had like a root canal because of the bike accident where I lost my teeth. And like, so things were like, my mouth had changed. You got all new teeth and you're like, I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure it's fine. I pop them in. I can't get my tongue.

I can't talk. I was like, I was like this. I was supposed to hit on Harvey in a tunnel and I was like, oh. Oh my God. It was a nightmare. And it's 3 AM. Yeah, and it's 3 AM.

And then there were, and I was just like, this is like, you know, and I'm like a guest on the show too. So it's not, I'm not like totally like, you know, you always have to earn it. And I'm like, oh my God, like the only thing the actor has to do is talk and I just, fuck that. Like when you get asked if you need to be refitted for a prosthetic, especially one that goes

in your fucking mouth. So you say yes, yeah, I'll be right over. Right. I think, you know, Mr. Colin Robinson really looks out because like, okay, you're a vampire, but you don't have to wear corsets and capes, or a wig, or fake teeth. Oh, no shit, yes.

He's got it so easy. I know. So what a bastard. He really does, yeah, bastard. I know that you're entirely responsible for the graphics department and the CGI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little Colin baby.

How do they do it? How do they do it? How did you do it? How did you do it? So what I did was I cast little baby, like two, like tell three year olds, we had three different three year olds I cast. And then we asked the parents, is it okay if we put dots on your baby's face? And they were like, yeah, sure.

How much, how much are we getting for the day? You know, so, and also the kid, you know, you're not in this. So little dots on the face. I tell Mark Prosh, you stay home in LA. We shouldn't try to, you just stay home. We don't need you. Dots on the face.

Then film the scenes with Matt Berry. Then at the end I go to LA and I film my friend Mark, or L.E. comes to Toronto, making all the faces and doing all the lines. And then I take that. Right. And I use the A1. And at the end of the day, it was just me and A1.

At the end of the day, A1 was cheaper. Yeah. It was cheaper. You know, like, A1 does not ask for a money or a break. A1 doesn't ask for anything but to be used. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah.

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host. Every good love story has a little danger. In mine, he flew me first class halfway around the world, spent an hour with me without speaking a word of English and then sent me straight back home. I'm Kayla Jade and my podcast Storytime with Kayla Jade is like your favorite spicy book, except it's real. These are the stories I've never told until now, the wealthy clients, the secret rendezvous, the kind of drama that makes you blush at work. If you love stories of sex, power, and hearing every juicy detail. Totally uncensored. Let me be your narrator.

Join me for story time with Kayla Jade every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. Bye guys. Are you a Taylor Swift fan? Let me rephrase that if your answer was no. Are you Taylor curious? Surely you are, even a little bit, but perhaps you're put off by the psychophantic drivel

and general fan hysteria that trails her legacy. Enter Evolution of a Snake, the Taylor Swift podcast. I'm Zach. And I'm Madeline. We are Taylor historians who are unafraid to critique one of the most eventful pop careers in recent memory, going beyond fangirling and zeroing in on sharp, intelligent, and funny analysis. Whether it's her groundbreaking albums, shocking controversies, or record-breaking tours, we cover it all, from every Easter egg

to every plot twist, going back to the beginning of her career to help you understand this incredible phenomenon. Where can you find us? Subscribe to Evolution of a Snake for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're currently listening. You can also find new episodes

on the Swiftologist YouTube channel. Do you like the Kunti vampire outfits or is it like a whole rattle? I love the Kunti, are you kidding? I love to be completely different. And I also really love to talk in the accent. I don't know if I have, I don't know if I have it anymore. But it was so fun because I was, it was like,

oh, are you going to judge me about my, about the authenticity of my vampire accent? Kat! There isn't a real way. Well, luckily I feel like Moira Rose paved the way for like, if you commit, who cares? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because what is that accent really supposed to be?

Yeah, what is that accent? Or Parker Posey, which her accent was probably really good. Yeah, it was a sit-in. In the White Lotus? Yeah, in the white lotus. Yeah, O'Hara's accent is... Just go for it. Yeah, just go for it.

Commitment, I think, might be the key to everything. Yeah. Like how you're committing to not being wanted so hard. We are. Is actually winning. Did you notice that like, we never, you never catch us taking jobs from other drag queens. The only way we can work is if we do something ourselves.

Nobody's ever like, you're up, it's between you and this other drag queen. Or you and, you know, elf fanning. Yeah, they want you for this drag queen tour. It's like, stay over there, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In your little office with your headphones, talk to yourself.

Yeah, exactly. Can I ask, have either of you considered taking a role as another character in a thing, like a serious comedic thing? Like acting? She does real acting. I'm a horrible actor. You do real, oh, oh.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't like it, I don't like it. She does a good job. I don't like it, I'm not. She was in a program with Michael Shannon. Oh God. Yeah. I'll tell you what, the people who don't like it

are the best ones. Wait like it are the best ones They are the best one, what do you mean? I'm just saying you're probably better than Meryl Streep Incredible actor and he was a plant in my earlier stand-up things and nobody knew it and And he's a writer now, but he hates it. Like I would. Like a ficus? Like a fern. Like a... Oh, oh, you're sweet.

Um, no, an audience plant. Oh my, yes, yes. So he would be like, how big was it? Or like, you know. I had this thing where I would like propose to him and he would say no, but I was about to do a one-woman show about Anne Boleyn. Oh, God.

But I'm like, before I start, I just wanna say happy birthday to my boyfriend in the audience and ah, fuck it, will you marry me? Something like that. And then he says no, and I'm shocked, and then I have to do the show anyway. Oh, shit! That's fierce. That's amazing. It's fun. And I can't and I'm shocked and then I have to do this show anyway Anyway in my bed in my really bad accent

and then I end up like Just melting down and he like gets mad that I did that in front of the audience and he like runs out Anyways and other things and lots of other things I'd put him in cause he was so good. You're a disruptor. You know what else he did? We were doing a table read for last man on earth and there was a part that went to Chris Elliot and it was like a long, it was a long part and it was a table read with Kristen Wigg was there.

I love Chris Elliot. I mean, Chris, oh, I thought you were gonna say Kristen Wigg. Both, but I also love Chris Elliot. But I love Chris Elliot too. Yeah, yeah, Schmit, Sch gonna say Kristen. Both, but I also love Chris Elliott. But I love Chris Elliott too. Yeah, yeah, Schmitz Creek. Well, shit. We'll bring it up. Yeah.

Anyway, so Chris Elliott wasn't cast yet. And so they had Rich read the part and he blew everyone away. Damn. Kristen Wigg was like, you're so funny. And he will never touch it. Damn. Cause he hates it.

Yeah. And I think people who are really good at it hate it. Hate your job and you'll excel. Why? Is it because you put every part of your soul into it? Like why don't you like it? But also I think. Cause it's not fun.

Delivering it like. Cause you put every part of your soul into it. Also if it's not like your skill set and it's not your career, you probably deliver it like who cares. I'm not getting cast, so I'm just gonna say it. Oh, that's right, you're my free like, cast. Whatever.

And that's probably pretty compelling, right? It's kind of like, remember, do you guys know this person, Uta Hagen? Of course I know Uta Hagen. Okay, specs for acting. I had to read that book in college and they talked about how animals on stage are the most interesting

because they don't know they're on stage. And you don't know what they're gonna do as an audience member. They don't know what're on stage. And you don't know what they're gonna do as an audience member. They don't know what fear is and they're just like vibing. Okay. Like a cat on stage is just like, what are all you people doing here?

You're like a dog. I feel like on your podcast, I'm like a dog. I feel like I'm really vibing. I do, I feel really good here. Do you like animals? Yes, we got a dog. What kind of dog did you get? He's a little dog.

And I'm sure he's, we rescued him from the jaws of a coyote. Oh, are you serious? No, we did it. We did it. I just want to say that and I want to move past where we got him. Do you guys have pets?

He's a rescue. He's a rescue, which is what I call it when I steal a dog from my neighbor. It's a rescue. Yeah. Oh my God. I rescued him rescue. Yeah. Oh my God. You rescue them from another person. We don't like animals.

I mean, I love animals, but we don't. I don't. I don't. I love your weekend. I don't like pets. Oh, so you can't have them. I don't like pets. No.

I wish I had a bird. I love birds. You think that's crazy? She's a bird fan. You do. My daughter wants a bird so bad. I mean, I'm gonna talk to her. Don't you do it.

I'm gonna talk to her. You know you will have it for 20 years. Yeah, they don't die. They don't die. And also they're in a cage, which is- They don't die? Why would you put that bird in a cage? Well, apparently we've lived to 90 years old. Oh no, Mary. No, get out of here.

Even like a budgie from PetSmart can live like 18 years, 20 years. No, thank you. Get out of here. I mean, and then my whole thing is like my parents had a bird that they brought back from Hawaii, like a cocktail. Are they smuggling exotic animals? Yeah, they're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals.

They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. They're smuggling exotic animals. Thank you. Get out of here. I mean, and then my whole thing is, like my parents had a bird that they brought back from Hawaii, like a cocktail. Are they smuggling exotic animals?

Girl, I don't know. I don't wanna get it. I don't know why it was there. I think they bought it from a pet store and brought it back and then it sat there. And I hope they don't, I don't wanna hurt their feelings, but I hated it. It broke my heart because it was in a cage.

You knew why the cage bird sings. Mm-hmm. And then at the end of its life, when we found it, it was on the bottom of its cage with its wings spread. Fierce. Dead. Like that was its sign to us. Corny. You assholes.

Right? I'm supposed to be like this, but in the sky. And I'm like this on the ground of my shit cage. One time this was leaving LA, somebody had a, you know they have no more show support animals? Somebody had a bird and they took it out on the plane. What? What did they do with it? No, they didn't.

And it was like, this is weird, but then I was like, no, it's not. The bird is in the sky. Yeah, finally. We shouldn't be here. That's a good point. That's a good point. Right?

Let it breathe. This is your plane now. So I went up to the front of the plane, I opened the door and I said, let. Right? Let it fly. This is your plane now. So I went up to the front of the plane, I opened the door and I said, let her speak. Let her fly. Thank you. Let her fly this plane.

She knows more about flying than you, sir. Oh my God. I knew it was a man. Do you think you could skydive? What? Do you guys think you could skydive? Yes. Well, I mean, you could do it.

I just watched Nathan for you. Are we gonna, don't tell me, I didn't watch last night's episode. Oh, this is, no, this is not the rehearsal. This is Nathan for you. Don't tell me I didn't watch last night's episode. Oh, this is not the rehearsal, this is Nathan for you. Oh, okay. He is so old. Do you know, have you met him? I have met him.

Oh, I love Nathan. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's like friends with a good friend of mine, so he always shows up at social things, and I always go like, I love the curse, I love Nathan for you, I love the rehearsal, and then I slink away. Or crazy.

He's probably so sick of people hearing it. Yeah. Well, what am I supposed to say? Like, that's what I mean. My shirt? Yeah. But I love his shit so much. I could never say nothing.

I'm gonna have to say something. Well, you should say something. I think he appreciates it. I don't wanna be like, hey, the rehearsal worked my pussy out. It did. But it does. He's so brilliant. It's so good. You do not know where it's done. He is so brilliant.

It's so good. You do not know where it's going. No, the grandson pee? The grandson pee? I know, but that's so wild. Which one is that one? Well, he was interviewing this convenience store owner, and the guy was like, well, when I'm scared,

I drink my grandson's pee. Oh! Sorry. And he was truly like. I heard grandson pee, and I thought it was a vegetable. Oh. No, it's like. I was grandson P and I thought it was like a vegetable. No, it's like, I didn't see that coming. It was wild. Wait, to stay young?

Yeah, he like was totally like broke character for like the first time ever. It was so wild. The new season is about like plane crashes. It's really crazy. Oh my God, I gotta watch it. I mean, I would, okay, here's a question. Would you drink some youthful piss

or walk around at a mask with red lights like staring into your face? I would drink the piss. This would be so much easier. You would see. Go, go, go, I'm done. If it was Nathan's piss. I'm at home with my red light mask

with my little Bundy straw. Oh, I love it. Thank you for the piss, Nathan. This is really good, thank you. Like people whose skin is really good, if they like bottled up their piss. Yeah, sell love it. Thank you for the piss, Nathan. This is really good, thank you. Like people whose skin is really good, if they like bottled up their piss. Yeah, sell that shit. Well. Sell that shit.

Some people you think it's- Meg Ryan's piss. Have you seen like the Facebook groups with the piss? Yeah, the piss divas, what is it called? Urine therapy. Urine divas. The Facebook group is called like urine goddesses. Yeah. I haven't seen this.

And it's women and men being like, hey, woke up today, put the piss directly in my eye, feeling great. Like they put a shock glass of piss up to the eye. Oh, their piss. Their own piss. They wake up in the morning, they bathe in it, they rub it on like lotion.

And these people, the other, oh my God, I saw a post that was like, hey, urine goddesses, loving the way my hair feels from my piss. But what do I do about the smell? Wait, is this a joke? Don't do it. It's not a joke. It's not a joke. Are there pictures do I do about the smell? Wait, is this a joke? Don't do it. It's not a joke. It's not a joke.

Are there pictures of the people in the cult? Yeah. And how do they look? They look amazing. What? Well, it's always weird because they're anonymously posting, but they're famous. Oh my God.

Always famous. Oh, what do you mean? Well, we've seen you there. Yeah. We know you're drinking your piss. I am so flattered. You're a urine, we've seen you there. Yeah. We know you, you know you're drinking your piss. I am so flattered. You're a urine goddess. We knew you were.

Thank you for following me, for noticing. For paying attention. It's a pain in the butt to collect that piss all the time. You just wanna relax and let the piss go, but you're like, oh right, right, you know, I gotta collect the piss. Yeah. Flashing out.

Can I ask a corny question? No. I was thinking about it. No. Oh my God. Your voice is so great. Yeah. Thank you. Did you figure out early on that you were gonna be like,

I'm gonna do a lot of voices for a lot of shit? No, no, I didn't. I sort of thought, ooh, it'd be fun to do a cartoon, but I think what happened was, is I didn't know, you can't hear it in your head. In my head, I sound really sultry. Okay, Kathleen Turner. Which is why I'm so sassy.

Right. Which is why it's such a fun dichotomy. But then as I got into high school and my voice kept this child-like tone, people started to comment. I remember asking my mom, like, Mom, do I sound weird? She's like, yeah.

Yeah. That's so funny. My mom talks like a kid, so that's weird. My mom, as she's gotten older, she's like, hey, Brian. She talks like a little kid. That's fierce. But you and like- She can do a cartoon.

I think of like Betsy Sidaro, too, where it's like this person was born to play a child. Yeah. You're really good at doing the little kids. Yeah, the little kids, it's such a, I mean, it's a gift to like jump into Louise cause she's nine. I was actually talking to, oh my God, I got it.

Hold on, she's got a, Yardley Smith. Oh, that's Bart Simpson, right? She plays Lisa. Oh, Lisa, sorry. That's Lisa, Lisa. And she was, we were just talking about, like, we've got such a ultimate gift that we get to always be, like, nine years old.

Like, no matter, as my face is going down to my collarbone, that's right. This, this gets... You're gonna be the oldest baby ever. Oldest baby. I have an oldest baby. You're gonna be like, I can either do a silent role that's a crone when you're like 100,

or I can do a voice acting as a nine year old. What would you like? What would you like? I'm versatile. Voice acting is cunty though, cause you don't have to, you know, wear your makeup. Yeah.

Yeah, voice acting is really cunty, but it is, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I will say I'm a people person, and it's not, you don't get to be around people as much. I miss people. That's why I like Shadows and Last Man, like then you have your family crew there and you're in it together.

Oh, cause when you're doing a voice, you're doing it alone? No, well for Bobs we do it together actually, but it's like, you know, you go in, you record the episode and then they're like, get out of here while we make it. And you're like, bye. I mean, I'm kind of bragging too. Like it's such a gift.

Damn. Are you guys in like little ISO booths? Can you see each other when you're doing it? We are like, so we're in a studio, and then a lot of them live in New York. So then they're on, they come into the studio and their studio, so the studios, we can see each other. We used to do it all in New York. So then they're on, they come into the studio and their studio. So the studios, we can see each other. We used to do it all in New York at the same time. And then a few of us

moved to Los Angeles. People got too big. Too big for the bridges. We got so big in New York that I couldn't take it anymore. Let me ride the subway. Right. You know, and they're like, no, I say, whenever I see like a A-list celebrity pictured on a subway, I'm always thinking like, this is once a year. Yeah, there's no way like some of these people are too. Yeah, no way. I do wonder about them, yes.

Cause it's like the private jets every other day and then one day they take a subway. Yeah, the helicopters in succession, yes. Yeah. The rich rich rich people in New York must just float above it all. They have to. Helicopters, paragliders get the camera. Yeah. Yeah. The rich rich rich people in New York must just float above it all. They have to. Helicopters, paragliders, the jet packs.

The jet pack! You know Amy Schumer's taking the jet pack, right? You know she is. You know she is. Why doesn't she talk about that? She's so transparent about everything else. I know. Oh my God.

Do you get, must get like, bombarded by people being like, oh my God, Bob's Burgers is the best shit ever. I do get it, I do get it on the daily. What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? What? What is the worst fan interaction you've ever had? Do you get real weird stuff? Well, now say the strangest perhaps.

No, I've liked everything. Cause again, this is what happened is, I learned that when and you guys You must get this to that when someone approaches well, maybe not but when someone approaches you And says I love this and that I always think oh They're talking about the show the thing that got made not me You know Kristen Shaw as soon as I sort of realized that and also it's about them Not me, not Kristen Schaal. And as soon as I sort of realized it,

and also it's about them, then I took it out of myself and put it onto them. And then I'm excited because the stranger is sharing something about themselves. And it feels really good. It's like, oh my God, I would never know that you like Bob's burgers. I like it too.

And also this is a show made by a hundred people, it's not my show, I'm a part of it, I'm the face of it. And so I can absorb it, and then I always make sure to tell the art director and the creator and the writers, you'll never guess guys, another person up in Canada told me that they're watching it in Canada. Years later, please stop telling us every time someone comes up to you.

No, I won't. They're changing their phone number. But I would say the only unsettling fan thing You know years later like yeah, please stop telling us every time someone The only unsettling fan thing I've ever one time in front of my kid this woman I was a little haggard and looked at my kid and was like your mom's so fucking funny. Do you know that? I was like, no, no. Do you know that bitch? No. Say it. Like any, actually, anytime my kids beside me and a fan comes up and starts talking directly to her,

or even to me, it's a little, that's something that I'm not like, don't love. Just cause it's, now she's like, what is this thing where strangers come up to you? And also it just takes us out. Yeah, yeah. But. How old is she? She's seven. Okay. Right. And also it just takes us out. Yeah, yeah. But. How old is she?

She's seven. Okay. Right. And also when someone, there's been a couple times where somehow people have sent me a fan letter to my house and that's hopefully an address that isn't available. And when I get that, I'm like, I don't like this. That's happened to me too.

Yeah, that's happened to her a bunch. Don't like it, right? It's not good. Where, you know. So I love you a lot and I know exactly where me too. Yeah, that's happened to her a bunch. It's not good. So I love you a lot and I know exactly where you sleep. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's creepy.

Can you sign my Funko pop? And those, I'm like, that goes in the trash. Because you can send it to Bob's Burgers. You can send it to this studio here in Hollywood. You can do some more research. Right. We always say, for us, honestly, people know, you can do some more research. Right, yeah, yeah. We always say like, I mean, for us, honestly, people know us from being us,

so we probably have a different experience that like, we're not known for being on a popular show other than Drag Race where we played ourselves. Yeah. So I wouldn't say when we get brought, come up to us, it's not like we love, I don't always feel like it's like, you love a show. People are gonna be commenting

about their experiences with you guys. But no people say more like. Oh I remember when I can't love you. But they like, I mean, I don't know if it's us or because of drag, there's really not a boundary. There is a tendency for them to feel very comfortable like just, I mean, and this is, I guess it's good that people feel comfortable, but like sometimes, you know, and this is, I guess it's good that people feel comfortable,

but like sometimes, you know, they'll grab your neck or they'll start screaming. And Kasey running airport. Yes. Oh, really? Well, we're huge. I know that we're not in demand in any way, as I told you.

No, no, not what did not in demand. But from a fan perspective, we're very in demand. There was a time when it was like for Brazil and England tend to be like big hotspots for like drag and drag race. And I remember I was walking like in, I don't know, Manchester or something in like an outdoor mall and a girl was in a store and she spotted me from inside the store. She screamed and then charged, like charged,

and then grabbed me by the neck and screamed in my face. And then what did you do? I just said, please stop. Well, you're also so recognizable and your voice, people probably at the airport, you're talking, go, hello. My childhood. Right. Now I think because you have a kid voice

that your kid must have like a mature lady voice. Oh my God. Oh, I know. Mom, you're beating him. I know, I know. Oh my God. I notice it's a little bit different. Like, she's like, is my voice changing? Like, hopefully, I'm like, it is.

It's getting lower. The first words were like, may I have some mustard on the sandwich please? It probably has a freaky Friday vibe. Oh, they switched bodies, the mom and the daughter. Oh my God. Oh my God. I want you guys to do a freaky Friday movie.

Yeah. Oh, another one? Oh yeah. Oh yeah God. I want you guys to do a Freaky Friday movie. Yeah. Oh, another one? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, there's a new one. What about Freaky Thursday? Yeah, switch it up. On Freaky Thursday, only one body part changes. Sassy Saturday.

Listen, now you have a new kind of fame because you're gonna be podcast famous now. Yeah. Oh yeah, I was supposed to talk about the podcast I'm doing. Wait, what's that, what's that? Don't worry about it. Hey, I wanna tell you.

Please don't worry about it. Don't try to find it. Don't search for it. I love that. It's my favorite. What to say that you, I do feel you two are, there's something about, like when I was first doing Flight of the Conchords and stuff, where there's something that feels like

this is just all mine. Like when people discover you, that feels like because you're not like a ubiquitous, like bigger thing, then they really feel an ownership. Right. Like that, yeah, like an indie band or something. Yes, exactly.

So they think, I think there's a moment where they feel like too, like they're gonna be so happy that I know that, you know? Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then that also is uncomfortable. Yeah, also when like the, where two people or like one person recognizes us and their friend or their boyfriend or husband doesn't know,

that's always a little strange. That's always a little strange. The straight boyfriend who's a little drunk will be like, my girl just like Googled you, and I just like really respect it. I was like, you too. Do you wanna fuck me, don't you? It's like, obviously. You like breasts, you like long legs.

Here we are. But I think the message that all three of us are saying about fans is that we're really gracious. We're grateful, very grateful. Here you go. And I do agree with you. I think the message that we're all three of us are saying about fans is that we're really gracious When people say I love you they attend to attach a personal life detail Yeah, my mom and I love watching my roommate and I watched you, you know, you got me through Yeah, I was gonna kill myself and then I turn this I saw you guys and I thought if they haven't done it yet, I won't do it either. You know? That's what we get a lot.

Honestly. No, really? I think honestly, I think we represent like, not tenacity, but laziness. Yes. They should have done it. That's the second time you said that. We're like a hurdle on the way to suicide.

Honestly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A hurdle. It's like an off ramp, but it's circling back. The fact that we haven't killed ourselves is camp. Yeah. At, yeah. A hurdle. It's like an off ramp, but it's circling back. But like the fact that we are, the fact that we haven't killed ourselves is camp. Yeah. At this point, like looking camp right in the eye.

Like seriously, like sort of like subverting the expectation because we represent so many subdivisions of a statistic of people who probably should have died that our fans are like, shit. I guess I'll go to work today. I mean, they did it. No, but what is- That's beautiful.

Oh my God. I will say podcasting, you know, it does breed a certain level of intimacy because people are, you're in their ears, you're with them in the traffic. You're at the airport in their ears. And I do think the sound of someone's voice, like some of the pods I love,

I believe I know those people. Me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're gonna get that now with your pod that you refused to tell us about. Oh, don't listen. No, it's called. Don't listen.

What is it called? It's called Don't Listen with Kristen Schaal. It's called Extraordinarians. It's a name I made up. And it's about people who break records. What? Yeah, like someone put like a bunch of like barbecue skewers

in their beard, someone blew up balloons to fill up a room in like under six minutes, things like that. Somebody drank a hot sauce. Not like women in STEMs. Oh, we'll accept that. Okay. Okay. And so anyways, and it's with Tony Hale

and my friend Matt Oberg and we. Tony Hale. It happened during the strike where I was like, I miss my friends, let's make something. I'm sure that's happened to you guys too. Of course. You get a chance to, like you are needed to meet. This is my best friend and we don't see each other.

Exactly, podcast. Yeah, that's what Tony was like, I wanna, I miss you guys, let's do it. Let's do something. That is true. Yeah. You know, and it's almost like you guys have a Also when you have a guest there's a new energy and you all get to when you get sick of talking to each other You can be like When I was a kid I used to check out that remember those giant Guinness Booker world record books the library

Yeah, I love people breaking records and weird shit. I know, so their personalities are what I'm really into. It's so inspiring that someone sets a goal for themselves, like staying alive. Yeah, like how many quarters can I put in my mouth? Yeah. What's the weirdest one where you're like, that's a record?

I think the weirdest one was probably the skewer. Someone made like a giant Nerf gun. Like what? Like that's a record? I think the weirdest one was probably the skewer. Someone made like a giant Nerf gun. Like what? And somebody, I think the hot sauce one is what I'm really thinking about. Cause he, you drink it. And then you, it's who can drink it the fastest

and like not die. Yeah, not throw up. He like just lays on the floor of his bathroom against the cold tiles all night. Is there? And he lives in Canada. His name is... That's great.

Mike Jack. Come on, pour it out for Mike. He has t-shirts. Oh my God. I don't know, there was just like, and he's like, and I knew I could do this and I kept working on it. And I was just like, but you kept working on it.

That's this ambition that you can like figure something out and you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, you know, you can just like, and I knew I could do this and I kept working on it. And I was just like, but you kept working on it. That's this ambition that you can like figure something out

that you want to do, no matter what it is. Also, it's not like, I bet I can cure lupus. It's like, I bet I can shove marbles up my nose. It's something random, which I love. Some of that shit, until you break the record, people will be like, what are you doing at home every night, freak? And then you break the record and people are like like, what are you doing at home every night? Freak.

And then you break the record and people are like, oh my God, you're amazing. Why? Yeah. And then they get like a little certificate and they get to be in the book. That's cool. And they worked on it.

Like, I mean, a lot of people at home, I mean, for your hobbies, what are you doing? Yeah. I know we're all on your fucking phones. Phones. You could be sticking quarters up your ass. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kathy Griffin has a world record for specials. That's the only person I think I know who we're all on your fucking phones. Phones, when you could be sticking quarters up your ass. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kathy Griffin has a world record for specials. That's the only person I think I know who has one. Oh, like comedy specials? Comedy specials. How many she have? She's in the Guinness Book for that. She's always recording everything. She must have like, I don't know, she's a lot.

She was the one person I've been sincerely starstruck by. Really? It caught me off guard. Cause she's just in your world so hard all the time. And then when I turned around and she was in the flesh by me, I was like, She's a little thing too. She's petite.

Yeah. Petite on the outside but fire. What time? Let's wrap. Oh God, it's gonna be over. Can you, uh, extraordinary. How dare you? What is the podcast called again?

Extraordinarians on Headgum. Okay. We have like three out. Okay. How many do you guys have? Like 300 or some shit. Yeah, a lot. I don't know how many, a lot.

This was, I think, this was, I don't think either of us thought we would enjoy Doing this as much as no no because it kind of seemed like no we started during covid probably when everyone started podcast We're like, let's just do it for now. Yeah, now it's like our favorite thing. It's fun. No drag. It's fun. Yeah Do you guys do video too, yeah That's how they trick you. It's a podcast, but it's a talk show. You gotta do the video. Do your own glam.

You gotta do the video. Oh. Get your outfits together. Do you guys like this outfit? I put a lot of thought into it. I am obsessed with the leggings. Sitting on the, this is a company in Oregon. Lulu Lerman. Thunder Pants.

Thunder Pants in Portland, Oregon. Can I touch you? Oh, Thunder Pants. Yeah, and they do underwear. Thunderpants in Portland, Oregon. Can I touch you? Yeah, and they do underwear. I'm wearing matching underwear. These are long underwear. Underwear down here. Fierce. Wow.

Fierce. Sorry. I just want you to know that this is a good brand and they're little. I can't see where they cut the baby out when you did that. Oh, do you wanna see? Is there a scar?

There is a scar, it's kind of, but there's pubes right under it. Right. So it's up to you, because I'm fully pubed. I remember when my mom got a cesarean, she had a big scar, but I feel like they don't get a huge scar anymore. My mom's was like Frankenstein when we were kids. Yeah, and now I think they- Does it go this way?

No, no, no, it's just one line. It's just on the bikini. It's just like right on the bikini. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Oh, cause it's low. Yeah, yeah. And then they, and then I guess they're just peeling. They're just peeling your skin.

Yanking the thing right on. When they did it, I heard a splash, cause all the fluid splashes on it, and it just, it like soaked the doctor's socks. Wow. Fuck. And then I heard like a feral cat sound. Oh, what? That was my baby. Oh my God.

And you're doing one-liners like, oh, that's why I've been so thirsty. Oh. Damn. Yeah, life, right? Life horrible. And then the doctor pulled her out and said, hello human.

And set her down on the thing. On the floor. On the floor. And everyone walked out. And everybody was like on the thing. On the floor. On the floor. And everyone walked down. And everybody was like, it's so wet in here. Why is her voice fully mature? Yeah, hello, world. Thank you for putting me on my mother.

I'm so happy you came back and let me listen to you guys together, you guys were so fun. Thank you. Thanks for listening to your own podcast. I listened to it twice, you guys are amazing. She's the best. Yeah, I think this one worked out good too. I was worried about our.

And then I would get in the way. Exactly. You guys could do your own pod. That's how much people love you. Do another one. Okay, I'll do more. Let's do it. I love talking to you guys.

You made my day. And thank you to all your listeners and all your fans. Thank you for approaching them so kindly. Yes. Thank you. Thank them so kindly. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Kristen. Check out Kristen's new pod because everybody, I mean, who wouldn't?

Yeah. Who wouldn't? I mean, millions and millions of people. I don't know if you know this, but the pod world's pretty saturated. It is. No. Oh, I haven't heard that. Besides, we're in this new,

we should start snatching microphones out of people's hands. We're at the point, microphones have cables, just reel them in, take them away from people. Oh, I thought to make me stop talking. No, no, no. Well, thank you for coming and good luck with your pod. Okay, good luck with, when do you guys go on tour? Oh, no, not.

We don't talk about it. We're not going on. It's a sensitive subject. We're not going back on tour for a while. We're in the stay home and cross dress era of our lives. Sounds good. Do you like touring? I guess we have to go.

Of course not, of course not. I don't even like going on stage at night. Day of the show. We like the show. Yeah. But we always say the show is bliss, but everything before that and after that is like. Traveling, blah, blah, blah.

Yes, exactly, so anxiety leading up to it is a day-ruiner. The show, you feel good, because you've been waiting for it all fucking day. Right, yeah. I also feel like if the show could be at four o'clock, so four to six, you do a show, that's the saddest part of the day. Yeah.

So we all do the show, and we feel better, and then we have our night to have dinner and relax. In bed by nine. You know it. Yeah, baby. Unless you're fucking doing renovations. Next is. Let's end this.

Okay. Thank you, Kristen. Bye. Bye. Thanks for watching!