The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Kristen Schaal Is Lost in an Abandoned Warehouse With Katya

Episode Date: August 13, 2024

Please join us in our deserted power station under the 110 overpass as we welcome legendary actress, comedian, author, and animation megastar: the inimitable Kristen Schaal! Ignore the lack of bathrooms and that low hum as we steal electricity from the rusty lamppost on the corner, and simply enjoy the effervescent conversation about creative head holes, public poo etiquette, historical colon blockages, and harlot makeup trends. As a favor to us, please don't walk to your car alone after the interview. Most of this block is haunted by the spiteful ghost of William Mulholland. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! Get the Rakuten app NOW and join the 17 million members who are already saving while shopping! Cash Back rates change daily, see https://Rakuten.com for details. Your Cash Back really adds up! Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime! Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BALD for $20 off your first purchase! Head to https://Gametime.co for more info! Last minute tickets. Lowest Price. Guaranteed. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's right. We're going to be in Baltimore, Providence, Columbus, and a whole bunch of other East Coast cities that I don't have on this script in front of me. But all tickets and info will be at TrixieandKatya.com. So get your panties in check for the best damn podcast you've ever seen. Head to TrixieandKatya.com. So get your panties in check for the best damn podcast you've ever seen. Head to TrixieAndKatya.com for more info. Panty check. Okay. Okay, so I just like housed a burger and fries and a milkshake.

So I feel like I'm going to barf on top of being excited and a little nervous. Oh, you're in a good spot. Anything, anything can happen. Yeah. Welcome back to The Bald and the Beautiful. Today we have an extra special guest while Trixie's enjoying her year of rest and relaxation. Good for her.

Yeah, good for her. Exactly. Yeah. Good for her. Take some time off. Do you think she'll watch this and be a little jealous? No. She's not even going to watch it. No, she's going to watch it. She's really Take some time off. Do you think she'll watch this and be a little jealous? She's not even going to watch it.

No, she's going to watch it. She's really taking some time off. She's already grown like a beard. I don't think she ever had the capability of actually growing a beard. So things are really changing in her world. She's like David Letterman now. I can finally grow a beard. She's going to have a wizard beard down to her waist.

Oh, but it's going to be beautiful. It'll be like maintained. No, it's patchy. It's going to be like long wispies. The claws are out. Kristen Shaw. Hello. I don't know.

Where's my camera? Everywhere. Okay. We've got hidden cameras up there We've got cameras in here Thank you so much for agreeing to do this You look beautiful and you're a legend Thank you

I almost just accepted I was so excited when I got asked To do this podcast I don't really enjoy doing podcasts But I was like oh do I get to hang out With you all? Yes! yes yes be on the forefront of like culture like yes i don't know about the forefront of culture we mostly talk about pee and poop i know but that's like really really cool and and not everybody's doing it we have the um

we alone have the um the uh the strength and the bravery to continue the ongoing discussion and keep it relevant. Yes. PP and poo-poo. Because it's not stopping. People will be doing it. Yeah. Every day. Every day.

All the time. If they're lucky. You know what? Well, we had to watch a TV show on Netflix, a survival show. And one of the contestants had to be airlifted out because she hadn't pooped in like 29 days. Woo! Okay. Impacted bowel.

Yeah, sure. That could kill you. I went to the Mütter Museum. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? In Pennsylvania. Oh. In Philadelphia.

I thought it was in Germany. There's probably more than one. Okay, so is this the museum where it's like dead stuff? Of oddities and weird. Oh, Philadelphia. I thought it was in Germany. There's probably more than one. Okay. So is this the, this is the museum where it's like dead stuff. Of oddities and weird and dead stuff for sure. And one of the things they had was a guy who had such an impacted colon. When he died,

they like took it out and it's like in a, in an exhibit and it's as big as this room. It's, and I, he was like a father. He had children. He had a job and a big, big bowel.

It didn't seem like it held him back that much. I mean, he definitely had more time because he wasn't pooping, but like... You know, I always think about like... We put a man on the moon yes we did maybe we get yeah allegedly i wasn't there so why are we still pooping in the toilet i enjoy pooping in the toilet would you rather oh you mean why haven't we developed a pill that will extract the poop or like yeah or like some kind of in like why can't we slit our wrists and just discreetly

pour out the poop like in a plant over here i know slit the wrist like have a little wrist slit that we can open and close not by a vein okay thank you where the poop will just like just be like i could be talking to you and you and i like discreetly pooping. Or like you have a diabetic port that has like a Glade plug-in so that it can discreetly just pop out a little skittle. I mean, honestly, like if I could poop like a deer, I would be so happy.

How do they do it? They have like tiny little pebble poops. They're so cute. Like they're as big as marbles and they're like da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And you know, you know that they don't have like the endless wipe you know i'm talking about where you're like where do i begin and my poop ends at this point like they even poop like what is happening to my body oh that's such a day ruiner all of our um i think all of our listeners who are currently eating lunch or dinner are going to be so happy.

And Tracy and I always talk about the fact that we, she's like, we don't do poop jokes. We don't do poop jokes. And then it's just endless, endless feces talk. So let's, let's, let's pivot. Okay. Okay. Absolutely. Cause I could go on and on.

I was about to tell you my worst poop story of my life. Do it. Do it. You have to. Yeah, you have to. Okay. I'm gonna tell you my worst poop story of my life. Do it. Do it.

Are you sure? Yeah, you have to. Okay, I'm getting lots of enthusiasm from the tiny pink room that I thought was a lot bigger watching this online. Really? I thought you guys were in a studio. Oh no.

I won't disclose the location for your diehards. Thank you. But I was surprised. Is this podcast is very popular she had to she had to dodge two muggers on the way up here i'm gonna be walked to my car after this that's for sure right charles thank you charles charles charles oh my god is that that's so funny yeah you guys are huge i told people like i was name dropping this podcast i was i was like guess where i'm

going to every and people are impressed with me today well you know what you know what i trees and i were talking earlier about how like the level of fame she's very famous she's gotten very very famous hotel or whatever hotel she's got a television show she makes a documentary about everything she does so you could do that too when she finally let you in on her makeup line yes yes did you have to beg for that i had i took three years of like everyday writing letters we could really go for it oh yeah yeah Are you serious? But I recently had some financial troubles And I was like hey maybe it's time to do another little makeup collab

I wanted to do something called The whore palette And she's like oh that's great we can't do that Why? Well because it's just not It's not like PC or whatever? Yeah to call something It's not really sellable. The whore palette.

I don't know. I know. I mean, but it was like, it was just like an all in one kind of like, this is how to look like a whore. Yeah. How? Yeah. How?

Oh, how? Yeah. Just dark eyeshadow. Yes. Red lipstick. Yes. And really pink blush. Oh, so it's just sort of like kind of to cover up.

Just an all in one. The long night. No, no, it's not. Not fresh faced. Well,, it's not fresh faced. Well, it could start out fresh faced, but then it would wear well. I'm out of my element here. Call it right now. Back to my poop story, please.

Please, please continue. I don't know anything about makeup. I was when I knew't know anything about makeup. I was, and again, I, when I knew this was coming to it, that's why I was trying to schedule it. Cause I was getting my makeup done for this thing. And I was like,

we, I have to do it right after. Cause I didn't want to come. Cause I, I don't know how to do makeup. Do you? Yeah. I really,

most like stars like yourself, Hollywood stars, Hollywood Hollywood stars Hollywood stars Hollywood royalty the woman who will do it when 10 people say no you guys when you're at a gig you sit in a chair yes you sit in a chair and they do it for us you just run I remember

I'll never forget Sarah Jessica Parker saying I just run out of the house at 5 a.m. with wet hair oh I know it's true that's what I did today yeah it feels so good and then Charles blows dry and then I'm like child I don't like it that happened today he tried something new and I was like I don't know and and it's not even Charles it's just like I'm kind of having anxiety and hating myself so when I look in the mirror what I see is totally different from what's actually happening. Fuck. Yeah.

Wait, did you finish the poop story? No. Could you? Yeah. So, okay. So I was in this studio, like a real studio, not like this. Not in some dump in Skid Row. It looks so fake and it is fake.

Like it's not. And I just, it's, this is why I feel like, i'm punk now like i'm doing it like that's like yes yes they want me i'm relevant and here i really actually don't know why you guys asked me i'm gonna shit myself and then i'll have a nice story oh yeah you will god damn so this it gets pretty graphic okay put your lunch down yeah so i had to take a poop while i was in this studio and it was a public you know bathroom and i went into one of the stalls and you know how you know when you take a poop you're gonna wipe and you're gonna check it to see if you need to wipe again this is basic stuff that nobody's verbalizing for good reason yeah so so but i

need to for this part so then um for some reason the lock or whatever there was a few stalls i don't know why she picked this one a woman opened the stall door while i was looking and the worst part is is i definitely needed to wipe again it was the most intimate that is the most vulnerable yes the most intimate. That is the most vulnerable. Yes. The most vulnerable. There was nothing. I could be pooping, but it'd still be kind of my thing.

I could be like resting between whatever. But this was like, here's my poop that I just took off my ass. And I need to do more. So you should probably close the door and pick a different stall. Sorry. Proof is right here. Oh, my God close the door and pick a different soul. Sorry. Proof is right here. Oh, my God. Proof for the both of us.

Fuck. That was really embarrassing. I didn't see that woman again. Thank God. Thank God. Do you turn red when you get embarrassed? I don't know. Am I red now?

I don't. I mean, I flush to the color of this microphone. And it's so embarrassing. And then people like, oh my God, you're so embarrassed. And then you get even more embarrassed. Yeah. My nightmare. But I think that makes you like really sweet.

Like that is so like lovely and adorable. It's your tell, which is sucks for you, but like it kind of makes people want to hold you closer. I mean, maybe. Keep you safe. Keep you safe. Oh, he's so embarrassed his feelings are right on his face well i when i went to um college we they had didn't have um they had public bathrooms yeah and so i didn't poop for two weeks oh my god couldn't do it you're about to be airlifted yeah couldn't do it i get it two full weeks i was almost airlifted. Yeah. Couldn't do it. I get it. Two full weeks.

I was almost airlifted. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, but I just, I don't get that. There's a comfort. Like, do you?

I, yeah. I, it was like unimaginable to me to like, just blow ass right next to anybody. Open air. That is just. In their nostrils.

Yeah. That is absolutely horrifying. And just the sounds you make sometimes when it comes and also it's like the plop of the water you just want it to be private in your own comfortable toilet at home and then it's kind of enjoyable yeah it can be a relief yeah it can be a relief it's a pleasurable relief yeah it's relaxing nobody's reading well see that's the thing i've never it's never been that long of an event to require or you're just like i mean you're done i mean it's it's i mean i hardly even have oh yeah i hardly even have time to hit the seat good lord oh yeah in and out like in a flash okay is it can i get a little please you can cut this is it uh it's all runny

okay okay for the most part it's always it's very neat okay it a neat. So you have a ghost wipe. Yeah. I do that. Yeah. You eat well. Well, not today. There's something about the quality of my GI tract that lends itself to just like, just get in,

get out and get rid of it. That's gorgeous. Yeah. It's nice. I'm grateful. That's something you should lead with. Yeah. I was,

um, I, I, lead with yeah well i i was um i i'm gonna puke no that would be incredible you should do it okay hi it's me listen listen to my voice you guys i spent the entire week in bed sick it was horrible and it would have been more horrible if i did not have access to the correct doctor with the correct information in bedside manner there are some things in life where it's okay to be a crapshoot right you go to your local coffee place and it's not as good as the chain. Listen, it's real. Or you go thrifting with somebody who's enthusiastic about thrifting and they find something, you find nothing. Or you try to save a little bit of money and get that car ride service where you share with other people and everyone smells like hot garbage. But finding the right doctor should

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But I want to talk about The Harchie Holler. Because that is one of my top three favorite shows of all time. Katiana, thank you so much. Did you enjoy doing that? Of course. Okay. Nobody brings that show up. Really?

Because it is. You're the first. I am. So, and then on season, you're in season one. Oh, wow. That's so cool. Yeah. Season one.

Season two, Amy Sedaris. Yes. Or season three. Maybe season two. I don't know. She took over. She took over. Yeah.

So, you two are, I mean, legend. But that show is, how would you describe that show? show is how would you describe how would you describe that show i was kind of like um it's like a hillbilly twin peaks super gross super inappropriate like it's so nasty yeah it is nasty yeah but i it is so good it's really it's it's uh it's john Lee and Vernon Chapman. Thank you. They were the geniuses behind Wonder Shows In. Okay. Okay. And so they kind of had, and Allison Lee too,

I think was a big part of it, but they had a little bit of free reign in a niche part of Adult Swim. So they got to make this show that's a little bit like, it's super surreal super gritty hillbilly uh like Patton Oswalt plays like the head of the family and he's dead and he's left videos for everybody and it's who's gonna own the holler and it's like there's ghosts and it's campy as fuck and I am playing Hershey and she

Hershey Hartshy Hershey Hartshy and one of the most amazing things about that job is that in other jobs I took someone would be like so you're gonna be doing this like awkward sex scene with will forte and i'm here for you if you need it need me like if you're

feeling uncomfortable for any reason and i just look at them i'm like um i played a character that held her pregnancy in until it was a full- grown man and then held a gun to my giant pregnant stomach. And I was like, I think, I think I'm good. Like it just made me like, I did every weird thing that, that John and Vernon could imagine. And I was like, I'm fine. And I was sad that I moved to LA and, and there was a conflict so amy stepped in but it wasn't because i didn't fucking love this show i'm so proud of the show this show is so good yeah it's so good it's so twisted i'm so happy you know about the show i don't and i it's not a very well it doesn't seem to be a super well-known. Can you even watch it now? Absolutely. Well.

You can? Oh, that's right. Because sometimes, I don't know how that works, by the way, where like you go to Adult Swim and then some are locked and some are not. Sometimes they disappear then. But it's, I've seen, I mean, I've probably watched that show all the way through like three or four times. And it's like the last episode, I mean, it gets so surreal.

It gets so insane. It's almost like the creators episode, I mean, it gets so surreal. It gets so insane. It's almost like the creators of the show are like daring you not to watch it. Yeah, that is. They are very punk rock filmmakers. Yeah, it was amazing. Yeah, they could not care about their audience. Yes, especially on the last episode. I think of the series, the whole series.

It was just like making it more and more difficult for the viewer to like stick with it, which I love. Yeah. It's fantastic. But yeah, that show rules. Oh, it's so fucking good. It's so nasty. Imagine a show with no notes where they can do anything they want and they absolutely will. Yeah, crazy.

I loved Meemaw. Meemaw was so amazing. Oh my God, Meemaw. Meemaw. notes where they can do anything they want and they absolutely will yeah crazy i loved me ma me ma was so amazing me ma me ma was she the the actress was awesome yeah it was that um and then was it heather lawless heather lawless plays the other sister like the psychic sister yeah so good she's like looks like sissy spacey yes yes but she ah she's such a good stand-up too and then if you're watching get back on that stage girl she needs to get back out there she's awesome do you like doing stand-up no i get i understand heather i understand i do i i i used to like it. Oh my God, I'm going to shit. I just need to... Quickly though.

Yes, yes. I know so much about you. Oh, fuck. I need material that I like to say on a stage in front of people. And I just don't have it. And sometimes that's scary. There's a time in my 20s where it happened where I was like, I don't know what to say. I don't have it and and um sometimes that's scary um i there's a time in my 20s where it happened where i was like i don't know what to say i don't have it and i had to stop for a while and i'm like it's over i'm all dried up and someone's like no look at look at um uh

stephen martin stephen martin he also took a hiatus and then i was like you're right and then but stephen martin took a hiatus for the rest of his life. I dipped back in and now I'm like, okay, I need another. I still don't know what's funny to say on stage right now. Some people are in love with stand-up and on the top of their game because it's just pouring out of them. Do you think that, not to get weird, but I was thinking about like Wham. I was watching the Wham documentary and how George Michael, did you watch it? No. Do you like Wham like I was watching the Wham documentary and how George Michael did you watch it? No

Do you like Wham? I just watched I don't know much about Wham to be honest I gotta watch it. I'm so pleased because I was ready I was gearing up to come here and not get any of your references I was like they're cinephiles with movies. Every time I watch them

I'm like oh I haven't heard of that I haven't heard of that okay Well anyways you'd like it Maybe if you like Do you like pop music Well he would like go upstairs And he would write a song In like two hours and it would be Like that last Christmas song

Mega hit He wrote it in like a couple hours And there's a few others that are so good that that the story is like oh he just like kind of like dipped out and wrote it and came back like here like that faith song yeah all i mean every song i i'm a big but i i sometimes i wonder if there's like an ether just a creative ether where you've got a portal to it somehow it's like it's almost like he can grab the song and put it out there.

I wonder with comedy, you don't even grab the good jokes. There's a hole in your head that's open to good shit and it's just coming through you. My hole is close. It's been close for

about five, six years maybe longer you know the stand-up as a form i i it's it's missing a theatricality for me like it's it's even you know i i mean i i loathe visually speaking i loathe the image of a man who is balding in a white t-shirt okay you know on a stage yeah and and there's like a there's like such a an assumed like bravado of like i'm so funny that i haven't even showered in three days but i'm gonna get on a stage and that's gonna be enough i did not you know what i mean do not understand that aesthetic but it's cool to look like shit on a stage where that's a respected place yeah even like even when or like um who's the guy who always wears a suit a John Mulaney yeah wears like a nice suit yeah that's nice yeah but I also it's just like one person I feel like I want I want more I want more that's how I

feel about myself with it I'm like so what I just going to talk about how I'm like 46 and doing pretty good. I want to give them a show. Yeah. You know, I want to like bring it. I mean, I used to do characters and stuff on stage because that's the same thing. I'm like, they came. That's how I feel like when you go to Comic-Con and you do panels. I'm about to do that.

No offense. I hope you come. But we're all just sitting behind a fucking banquette table right being like yeah that was a fun part on the show i'm like that's not fair that's not fair to the audience like we gotta give them a show that was my first instinct when i was like so we just sit there and we'll answer some questions and then we'll get off and they paid for that they got in line for hall h for us to be like yeah i just i felt like really good about that episode i was like no and and they're like yes this is all this is this is your world bitch yeah and i was like i love that you care i love you that you care i think that that's a good instinct. Yeah. You know, I got to see, I got to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's live show.

I wish I was so bummed that Trixie didn't, wasn't able to go, but they were fabulous. And it was like a, it was enough. Like it was an, it was like low tech ish. Kind of.

It wasn't like a, it wasn't like, you know, like a Busby Berkeley spectacular with like water fountains and stuff but they had just enough like video and like costume elements like it was so so so well done and it was like the two of them it's like it's such a different dynamic when you have two people yeah rather than one i want to be with a partner yeah it's great it's so great it's so division of labor yeah yeah it's like if you're out there by yourself all the stress if this lives or dies it's your fault yeah yeah and when i i had a comedy partner for a while i still do but

he likes to go solo which is fine but it is like oh i don't mind sharing the laughs I don't mind if you get a bigger laugh and I just like that we're friends up there it's hard to get friends so you can convince them that oh this is our job this is what we do for a living and oh we're going to be fine together it's great though it is great what does possible sound like for your business it's having to spend to power your scale with no

preset spending limit redefine possible with business platinum that's the powerful backing of american express terms and conditions apply visit mx.ca slash business platinum um so i watched i didn't watch the wham documentary but i did watch the faye dunaway one last night oh someone just sent me a thing that I should watch it. Yeah. It's interesting. It's interesting. Cause I've,

I, when I, when I meet stars, I always ask them, I was like, who's, who's horrible in Hollywood? Cause you know,

it's like the first thing you want to know. It's the most. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who sucks? Who sucks? Who sucks?

Who sucks? And I'm constantly, I really, I'm like, what I really want to hear is like, I want to hear, you know, someone that you would never expect to be a nightmare is a total nightmare. Yes. But I haven't really been surprised, but people have, you know, it's been like, she's been like a notorious terror in Hollywood. I've got to watch this. Yeah, and it's interesting because they kind of, I feel like she opens up about her being bipolar and stuff.

And I think she kind of like, it almost feels like it's a little bit of an excuse for bad behavior, which, hey, you know, whatever. But, oh, it's fascinating. Oh, my God. Oh, it's fascinating. Oh, my God. Oh, it's fascinating. I love it. I can't wait to watch it. Well, and she said that in Chinatown, you know, that, like, she's my sister, slap.

She's my daughter, slap. And he was, Jack Nicholson was really slapping her. Oh. She's like, we can't, we can't, like, she told him, like, we can't fake it. It's not going to look good. So you got to really slap me. Yeah.

And it's, they showed the footage. He really slaps the shit out of her. Damn. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. And he called her dread. The dread.

Oh my God. Yeah. Cause I guess she's a great terror on set. That is, that is cool. Yeah. I don't, um, my old movie star Goss is, and I don't think it's Goss, but I was watching Rosemary's Baby again. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I love this old time movie making.

It's like, what's her name? Mia Farrow. Thank you. Mia Farrow. Oh, she's just like, she was just had like kind of a bob and now she has like a total pixie cut and nobody talked about it. I love that.

I love old movies where we don't have to like watch a montage of her like brushing her hair, thinking she doesn't like it, making an appointment, watching her get it cut. It's just like, no, people cut their hair. And he's like, I don't like your haircut. The end. We move on. And then someone was like, no, no, that wasn't in the movie. She got in a fight with frank sinatra who didn't want

her to do rosemary's baby it was that was a famous story because he thought it was bad and she's like fuck you i'm doing it he's like fuck you you're my wife you do what i say i make you not part of i'm imagining she's like you can't stand the way of my art or whatever and he's like and and i don't know what the fight was about the hair, but to tell him to take it, um, just to get back at him. She went and cut her hair in the middle of a movie shoot. You're fucking kidding me.

And they just had to work with it. Am I right? That's incredible. It's fierce. That's incredible. And then of course it was Vidal Sassoon. She's like, it's Vidal Sassoon.

And it was Vidal Sassoon, but also. It was a huge moment. A huge moment. It was an iconic hair moment of the time. Everybody wanted that haircut. Yeah. And the sad part of the story is that not everybody's face can carry a pixie.

Okay. That's. Yeah. Well, I was watching. I, you know, I was. So Sharon Stone was in the Faye Dunaway documentary. And she had a pixie cut. And I was like, damn.

I can't imagine that. That is such a difficult. You have to be so beautiful. Yeah, you've got to have cheekbones. It's crazy. That you just want the hair to lightly, just lightly perch on top of your cheekbone. So you know what? Don't hide the cheekbone.

You know what? Don't even hide the forehead. Don't hide it. Just let them know there's hair there. Yeah. But don't take away from this. Yeah. Or like Demi Moore in Ghost.

Just a brown. So beautiful. Just like a brown. Just like a little brown cap. A cap. Yeah. Like a little swim cap. Just like, oh, I have hair, but I don't need it.

Yeah. That's crazy. Gorgeous. What's your favorite movie of all time? You could only watch one movie for the rest of your life. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, wait. Let me rephrase.

Three different questions. All right. So what is your, what do you think is the best movie that you've seen? Not necessarily your favorite. Oh. Like, but what do you think is like the best? And you've seen not necessarily your favorite oh like but what do you think is like the best and then what's your favorite movie but then what movie could you watch over and over and over are we on a date um it's like boring first date question thank you uh

oh maybe i gotta go take a shit excuse me let me see I mean when I think about that there's been so many good ones I mean I need to rewatch I would die if you said like Herbie 2 fully loaded I know I wouldn't I'm sorry

I won't I okay fine I'll go there well okay I just I haven't watched it in a while though so I need to re I'm sorry, I won't. Okay, fine. I'll go there. Well, okay. I haven't watched it in a while, though, so I need to re-watch it again. But I remember watching Hedwig and the Angry Inch multiple times and thinking, this is the first time I've seen a movie where dialogue is used so economically.

Maybe because it's a musical. But I liked that, and i like the music then speaking of musicals i love moana i think moana is a really good movie is it moana i know it's like i'm speaking a strange language it's a it's a disney movie that lin-manuel miranda composed the music with a couple other people um it is so good will you you watch it? Yeah. I know. Because it's animated? No. This offends me.

Is it Disney or is it Pixar or is it, um. It's Disney. Disney. Okay. I'll watch it. It's so good. I'll watch it. Yeah.

I mean, who's seen it here? What do you guys think? It's good? Yeah, it's really good. Oh, you know what else is really good um oh i just lost it oh spider-man uh into the spider-verse and the animated spider-verse yes fabulous fabulous i couldn't believe how good it was timeless movie yeah i couldn't believe how good it was yeah like i feel like the art in those movies are is like ahead of its time storytelling is perfected um i like those movies a lot.

What else do I like? You like Moonstruck? I need to watch it again. I watched it a while ago. I love, oh God, I love Step Brothers. I haven't seen that. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. John C. Reilly. So they're like

boy childs, man childs. And it's just the perfect timing for them and then mary steenburgen just holds it down she just anchors the whole thing and it's so funny um waiting for guffman i also like oh yeah i could watch that over and over except for i ruined it i think i ruined it once because it was my comfort movie that I would just watch over and over since I was in high school. And then someone gave me, Reggie Watts, gave me an edible thing. And it was like pot, but he's like, this is from Hawaii. And I don't really do, I don't do the pot, but it was just a night in Brooklyn.

And I'm like, oh, it's from Hawaii. Okay. It's like pretty chill. Not chill. Very trippy. in Brooklyn and I'm like oh it's from Hawaii okay it's like pretty chill not chill very trippy you know that thing where you're just like I want this to stop I want to get down from here oh I'll watch Waiting for

Guffman because that's my comfort movie and then I just watched it like this didn't laugh once oh fuck couldn't fuck couldn't fuck jokes suck Parker Poseyy's uh dairy queen speech at the end i find like absolutely bone chilling yeah bone chilling they'll always have me yeah they'll always have me at the dq it's fucking brutal it's brutal. Hearts are broken. Oh, God. That movie's good. It's really good.

It's really good. I remember seeing A Mighty Wind in the theater. Yeah. And that was like that, I think like it was a little too subtle of like a- Agreed. Do you know what I mean? It kind of-

Half the audience, I don't think thought it was- Oh, no. I swear to God. was like it was like nervous laughter but very uh patchy nervous laughter because i think people people like weren't really sure if it was like a comedy or not it was so strange i hate that yeah it was strange what are your what are your favorite films okay they're your favorite film of all time okay so you would have to watch over and over again.

I listed too many. I skirted the question. And those answers will probably change next month. Okay. Yeah, Witches of Eastwick is probably my favorite. Never seen it. Wow, we're so different. You got to see it.

Okay. Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jack Nicholson. Incredible. Okay. Incredible. And it's just so good. It's so, so, so good. Is it like Hocus Pocus?

Yeah, kind of. They're like three, they're three female friends who find out that they're witches, basically. God, they couldn't get one diverse person in there? Jesus Christ. No, it's a very one diverse person in there? Jesus Christ. No, it's a very white cast. Yeah. Very white cast. But you know, there's like, I love like,

I was heartbroken when I realized that like, they didn't get along. I hear that. Isn't that fucking crazy? Almost every show or movie that's an all-female cast, that's the story. Yeah, and it's like, I guess it's a testament to how great of actors they are,

because they just seem like the best of friends on camera. But I guess like, apparently they cast Michelle Pfeiffer, because at the time she was the like, the, the toppity-top of Hollywood. It's like 1987, I think. She was doing that thing where she was like, turning dangerous minds, and she's like sitting on a chair being like,

straighten out. And everybody's like, I love her. I love that she fixed those dangerous minds, made them pretty safe. She turned those dangerous minds into safe minds. Family friendly minds I'm back on the street with a safer mind shit

but that guys Cher showed up to the one of them wanted the other's part so like Susan Sarandon showed up thinking she was Cher and then had to like and Cher's like yeah I'll do it only if I'm

that character but they had already given it to Susan Sarandon so it was like a big horrible thing which is so heartbreaking because I was like in my mind they're like the best of friends and she like Cher's like Sue like can we switch parts? And she's like, no, I'm so connected to this witch.

Yeah, can't do it. I mean, were all the witches so different? Yes. Okay. Okay. Well, one of them, you got a sculptor, you got a writer, and you got a... A weaver? A weaver.

A baker. Oh, a marionette. Puppeteer. No, no, no. a weaver a baker oh a marionette it's the not a violin cellist so I'm sorry they got a cellist a writer and a sculptor and who was Sue

that she couldn't give it to Cher well I can't if you watch the movie she's an, because she's an uptight. They're more than that. Well, she's an uptight. Susan Sarandon's character. She's an uptight sculptor? No, no, uptight cellist.

Of course. Super, literally buttoned up. Got to hit those notes. Math is in music. Yeah, no. Well, she has a famous, she's famously high strung. Like a cello? Yeah, through the hands of the devil, Jack Nicholson,

she opens up and becomes this braless slut. Oh, so she has a nice arc. Yeah, she's got a. Oh, Jack Nicholson, she like opens up and becomes this like bra-less slut. Oh, so she had kind of a nice arc. Yeah. She's like, oh, I've already mapped it out. I'm going to be like this and I'm going to be like that. Don't take it away from me, Cher. But see, I don't understand. Like Cher could not have done that part.

What part did Cher have? I think she had, she was cast as the musician, I think. No, Susan Sarandon was the musician. Susan Sarandon ended up playing the musician, but I think it was written that Cher was going to be the musician, which I don't... If you see the movie, you're like, no, no way. So what is Cher?

Is she the... She's the sculptor. The sculptor. But she doesn't have a lot of like... Susan Sarandon's character has the most... She literally goes from like Goody Proctor to like the town slut. Right. It's great.

It's so fun. She lets her hair down literally. She's just wild, like braless in the supermarket, eating literally goes from like, Goody Proctor, to like, the town slut. Right. It's great. So fun. She lets her hair down, literally. She's wild, like, braless in the supermarket, eating pickles out of the jar. It's great.

I mean, and Cher was just like, making a pot. Yeah, she's just making little booby dolls. And she's just like, why am I, I was in Moonstruck.

I sang. I did a variety show. I didn't even want to. All I want to do, is have a fucking arc, and I'm just making pottery in this movie yeah crazy why didn't they give her an arc i don't know i mean she really is the star though she is i know it's so gay no she kind of takes the screen away like yeah she's like watching a dog

on stage where you don't know what they're gonna do so you're just looking at them like that's share yeah i can't believe i was like recently kind of going back and like just you know on YouTube like going into the back catalog of all the stuff that Cher and Liza just to get really gay

like Cher and Liza Minnelli have done. Wait you're gay? We didn't I didn't know that. They did so much. Wait, they did stuff together? No, no, no. Oh, just their body of work.

It's insane. Yeah, they didn't say no to anything. Nothing. I mean, specials. The Sonny Sherriff. I mean, it's like all this shit all the time. It's outrageous. So prolific.

Do you think Sherriff, I mean, they both start slowed down now. Yeah. Well, oh my God. What? Oh, Liza's still alive. Oh God. And Cher's still alive. Oh my God.

I mean, it's been a weekend. So that was rough, dude. Oh, Shannon Doherty just died. Oh yeah. Crazy. And Richard Simmons. Richard Simmons. And, oh, and Shelley Duvall. Shelley Duvall. just died oh yeah crazy and richard simmons richard simmons and uh oh and shelly shelly duval shelly duval have you seen three women no i haven't okay do me a favor i'm gonna re-watch it

it's robert altman and sherry duval's character or shelly duval's character is so epic she's just like it's in the 70s sissy spacek is in it okay if you like heart g holler you'd like this too because it is just like drippy it's art has anyone seen it i like robert altman back just i like robert altman yeah you're gonna love three women okay watch it watch it tonight watch tonight. What are you doing tonight? Watching Three Women. There you go. What is, okay, if you had to, have you ever seen Inside the Actors Studio? Yes, of course. I am obsessed with the way James Lipton would interview stars.

Like, what do you call that? It's like ingratiating. Is that the word? Yeah. Where it's like he's literally licking their asses. Yes. To such a flagrant degree like worship thing worshiping them it makes you almost not like them yeah it's like too much it's way too much like it's like so like you cured cancer on the set of herbie two fully loaded it's like so bizarre yeah um but he's got uh i love the questionnaire at the end. I love, he always like, I think the actors and actresses

like always answer so seriously. And it's so weird. Like Sharon Stone was like, what is the sound that you love? What did she say? I don't know. I don't remember. Yeah, I know. They do get really, it's like, it makes you like think that you're, whatever you're about

to say has to be as special as he's acting like you are. Yeah. It's like, it's very, it's very culty, like worshipy, worshipy. But I mean, you know, have you met? I love the sound of soffing. Of what? It's called soffing. What is that?

It's when the breeze goes through leaves of a tree and the sound of soffing of what it's called soffing it's when the breeze goes through leaves of a tree and the sound that they make soft soffing how do you spell that i don't know what is the sound that you hate the sound that i hate um oh i don't know like Like alarms. Like fire alarms. Oh, yeah. We had one go off in my building last weekend. I genuinely did not know what to do. You do not live here?

No, she kicked me out. There's a lot going on. You get that whore line. The whore? You have to get that whore line. know i know don't you it's an all-in-one too because there's so much yeah but the palette with like a lipstick in it like basically you only need one thing yeah that's the whole thing it's like when you're a streetwalking whore yes you don't have a lot of room in your bag everybody knows this yeah so you just need

it all in one little palette you need to freshen up between tricks. You're fine. Oh, whatever you do. None of my business. Yeah. Um, whore.

Wait, the alarm went off in your house and I didn't know what to do. I, it was so loud. It was so, so loud. And I knew there was nothing going on, but it was,

and I didn't know what to do. You didn't know who to call. There's nobody to call. Like you call three, one, one. But it was, and I didn't know what to do. You didn't know who to call. There's nobody to call. Like, do you call 311? Is it 311? I don't know. Like, what kind of alarm is it? It was a fire alarm.

Are we losing the audience? Wait, wait, wait. I don't want everyone to click off my episode. Wait, wait. Just remember the question I wanted to ask you. Okay. Okay. It's a would you rather kind of thing oh shit okay um if you could learn another language absolutely read and write fluently

but you had to chop off one of your fingers oh okay yeah that's fine would you do it yeah and how many would you do how many fingers how many languages yeah oh i guess it would chop off like maybe i don't know maybe like three three fingers okay which languages would you do okay um i think i would do i mean i think i would like to order at the restaurant and for my friends and they'll in paris and they'll be like oh and i'm like oh la la okay pretty cool um and then maybe a dead language really like sanskrit dead language yeah ancient greek yeah oh is that dead careful you're about to get canceled by the ancient greek community we're still here in ancient greek fuck oh my god so just those three yeah what about I would. Yeah. I think I would definitely do. I would do Mandarin.

Yeah. I would do Spanish. Oh, okay. Spanish. I can't believe I haven't learned Spanish yet. I know. And then Japanese, maybe. I was just thinking Japanese.

I'll cut off another finger for Japanese. I might give up a whole hand. I don't need this right hand. I can wipe with one. You know, I think Japanese and Chinese characters are the same.

Like if you're from China and you visit Tokyo, you can read the subway characters. Oh, really? Yeah. Like your word for it is different,

but they use the same. You're about to shit. I know really? Yeah. Like your word for it is different, but they use the same. Are you about to shit? I know. I can tell. I can tell. I tell your face. Okay. If you could be the best

in the world at any sport for one year only, what would it be? Oh, man. These are fun. Best in the world at any sport. What would people look at me the most? I guess probably soccer. No, no.

Football. I would be the best. American football? American football. And I would be the fucking quarterback. And I would be like, oh, my God. I'd be like i know i made that play i called that i threw that and then they'd be like here's millions i'm like fine fine fine it's good that's me which league would that be well i guess in this fantasy i guess i was from colorado so the broncos

would take over whoever's doing bronco oh also you're from you're from colorado home of our um congresswoman lauren bober yeah you know i was just there over the fourth of july saw a big old poster for her on the side of the street lauren bober she got divorced so she moved to a new district and started running there because no one in her old district wanted her because she doesn't do anything. Right. Except get fingered at Beetlejuice. Yeah.

She doesn't pass laws. She just like makes shows. I mean, she makes shows. Yeah. By herself. In front of whatever camera she can find. But she doesn't care about anybody. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for some reason adams county or wherever she was voted for her i was surprised actually it's wild and disappointed wild i'm scared no i'm not i am so sick of it everybody's so like ah yeah um i do feel like uh anyways i i everything is so negative would you agree yeah it's like and i feel like to the point where like the internet i'm getting real deep with you this is a great time to take a shit and thank you for letting me talk at all on your platform to your beautiful listeners, watchers, all the bald and beauties out there. It's like, I feel like the internet

has definitely changed the way we communicate with each other. Everybody's on the internet right now watching this. I look, I am addicted to my phone. I got like a watch, cause I saw someone, I was like, oh my God, are you a time traveler? Oh, I love a regular watch. I got a a watch because i saw someone i was like oh my god are you a time traveler i love a regular watch i got a regular watch because i was like oh if i don't if i can look at my watch and not my phone i will not be like he's on his phone it's a huge difference

everybody's on their phone but it makes a huge difference though i love an analog watch that yeah love it but love it but i feel like also the problem with the internet even though it's freed people it's freed people, it's helping people find their voices on platforms and that part is good. But I think it's the thing that gets the most clicks, like for movie reviews, for example, and other things is if it's negative.

If it's a negative news story, we're gonna click on it. And I think it's just making us feel a little bit like the whole world sucks and it's negative because we're looking at the world through a little negative box. I'm not saying Pollyanna, the world is beautiful and wonderful, but I am saying I think it's better than what the phone is telling us. And I think if you were able to talk to people like, aren't you feeling good right now? Feeling great. I mean, I only agreed to do it because there's cameras this is gonna go on the

phone but like this is nice right like but also they like it is a it is like an established like well-known fact that you're the echo chamber that you that you have curated on social media is not an accurate representation of what actually happens in real life yeah like twitter does not equal real no and that's like we know that yeah but we still look at it every morning can't help it i blocked it from nine to nine well ever since the it changed and there's like ads and stuff i'm like oh it's just it's just looking at a bunch of crap it's just looking at a bunch of crap you It's just looking at a bunch of crap. You need, I don't know. Instagram too, like I found you guys. Well, I met you through Harvey Guillaume

and stuff like that, but I followed you guys instantly and you were so lovely. I kept like keeping up with you guys and somehow it changed. I haven't seen you guys on my Instagram feed in like months. Anti-gay.

I guess they found out I'm anti-gay and the analog changed. I didn't know it, but i miss you guys we have to like search you to get back on to you like it's i don't know in any case it's telling me what to think and what to do yeah it's telling you what to think and what to do trixie's going on she's on a social media cleanse as we speak oh that's so good yeah i think well i think we're that's almost're almost going to wrap it up. I got on a soapbox and I really hope Dave, maybe you edit out the soapbox.

Cause it wasn't. No, no, we're keeping it. It wasn't that keeping it in. Last. I just want to ask you quickly about what we do in the shadows. That's coming up.

Oh, also my movies coming out on Thursday by eternal city on Amazon. It's a movie for Thursday. Talk about it. It's by Eternal City on Amazon. It's a movie for families. Okay. Okay. So no sex and gore. No. God damn.

But a really good 14-year-old named Chloe Coleman and David Batista is also the star. Fabulous. He's cool. He's cool. Have you seen Dune? Yeah, of course. Oh, I love Dune. oh i love it it's good it's i mean i had to ask a lot of questions for dune one being like why are they what is that and how

because it doesn't answer it no no you have to have like a nerd who's like read the books beside you yeah but i had one my husband so it worked yeah and i really enjoyed dune 2. Yeah, Dune 2 was fucking rad. See the Messiah or what? Well, so I read the books. And his name is Paul. I mean, in this space odyssey where there's, you know, there's time travel and, you know, centuries long genetic plots by witches. And then there's a character called Duncan Idaho. It's like so weird. He's just trying to connect. It's so weird.

Duncan Idaho. it's like so weird he's just trying to connect duncan idaho and i guess i've read i'm halfway through the fifth book and i'm kind of irked because i don't like the books very much but now i'm hate reading them that's okay yeah i'm like spite reading them like because you know started something i might as well just finish it but it's like a slog to get can i tell you please put it down okay you don't need to do that. Throw them away. You don't need to read something you're not enjoying. There's so much out there to pick up.

Could you recommend something else? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, right now, this is a quick read, but it's coming out soon. It's Simon Rich has a new book called, I forget it, something trophy. It's good. Okay.

And then this one, I don't know if this, it's called All Fours by Miranda July. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's her new book. It's awesome. It's like, it's so horny. Oh, really? And it taught me a lot about sex.

You wrote a book, a sexy book, though. I did, but she's like having sex with all kinds of people. Okay. And I learned a lot. Okay. In an embarrassing way. Like I'm 46 and I'm just like kind of visiting

this style of sex right now. Like, ah, I should know more. I should be better. But it was so good. She's a great writer yeah she's awesome i've read a couple of her books fierce okay well i think that's it yeah so put down your dumb dune book and pick up all fours all fours fierce i hate it when people are like i'm gonna finish it like i know but it's like well you're gonna get a trophy you want to get a sticker yeah nobody's gonna give me a trophy no you're just gonna like flogging yourself

it does it feels like self-flagellation yeah yeah I'm gonna put it down I'm gonna throw it away I'm gonna burn it I'm gonna burn it

oh how fun oh how fun well thank you so much for being here yeah let's call this listen you are you're a real Hollywood star oh thanks Katya

and thank you for listening to me and thanks for wanting to have me on your show i was like very i was so nervous and i was like so but now this is great me too the idolation goes back to you as well can i tell you can i tell you to your can i this is so i hate when people do this but yeah um i mean like one of your jokes i'm taller what one of your jokes from your stand-up routine that i'm obsessed with is like it's something go something like um you know uh they say like the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but i found a nice detour through his penis that's the joke that's the joke. That's the joke. That's so great. Thank you. I love that.

See, that Kristen doing stand-up, that was fun. Yeah, it was great. Thank you for remembering. Rest in peace, stand-up Kristen. You'll carry on the memory. All right, I'm sweating. We got to go. Thank you so much.

You are a legend. Thank you for coming. And this was a blast. Yeah, thanks for for having me where can people find you on the phone oh i don't care don't i mean i got i am a terrible poster on instagram k.shall i i'm really bad at it i don't like pictures of myself it's not my medium what else twitter i barely touch it scared saying the wrong things ah um you know perfect yeah awesome we'll we'll link your uh we'll put a um your home address in the comments can you put this address yes that's so funny yeah this we're currently in skid row and an abandoned building with no bathroom or

heating i mean there is good looking people walking around outside yeah but there's also am i right charles like i was like wow yeah like what what is going on with this neighborhood yeah okay great thank you so much goodbye That's the thing.