The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Langoustes Avec Serviettes Assorties Avec Trixie et Katya

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Next to the shimmering turquoise waters of the Côte d'Azur, on the picturesque beaches of Saint-Tropez, sits the Shack D'Amour: a delectable, debaucherous nightclub teeming with music-loving crustaceans, boys in bikinis, and girls on surfboards. Come for the baked potatoes and tanning butter, stay for the non-stop fruggin'. Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Get 20% off your first purchase at https://TommyJohn.com/BALD right now for Valentine’s Day! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Learn more about BetterHelp online therapy and save 10% off your first month at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD Head to https://FactorMeals.com/BALD60 and use code BALD60 to get 60% off your first box! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You'll flip for $4 pancakes at A&W. Wake up to a stack of three light and fluffy pancakes topped with syrup. Only $4 on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. at A&W's in Ontario. How do stop losses work on Kraken? Let's say I have a birthday party on Wednesday night, but an important meeting Thursday morning. So, sensible me pre-books a taxi for 10 p.m. with alerts. Voila! I won't be getting carried away and staying out till 2. That's stop

loss orders on Kraken. An easy way to plan ahead. Go to kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Non-investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee. Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students.

With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Did you see the movie Mama? Uh-huh. You did? Mama?

Mama? With Jessica Shitstain? I'm talking about Mama with the two girls from the woods. It's like, no. Yeah, yeah. I've seen that. Did you like it? Yeah.

I didn't like the ending very much where the little girl dies. Oh, I haven't seen it, but thank you. I wasn't going to watch it. I watched the trailer. I saw Jessica Shitstain in Oh, I haven't seen it, but thank you. I wasn't going to watch it. I watched the trailer. I saw Jessica Shitstain in that horrible wig and I said, no, thank you. Yeah.

You know, she's great. She's got the range, but I'm not interested. Jessica Chastain. Yeah. Jessica Shitstain is what you called me yesterday. Jessica Shitstain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was right.

And I should say it. Jessica Shitstain in Zero Dark. Squirty. Dirty. Zero Dark Dirty and Jessica Shitstain in Zero Dark Dirty. This is why nobody wants to be friends with us. This is why we're friends with each other. Mama.

And that's tenuous at best. I love when people are like, I want a friendship like yours. And I was like, shoot for the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you could see somebody twice a month and make some money. Yeah. Totally. But you know, I had a really enjoyable day yesterday

while we filmed Unh because we had not seen each other in quite a while. It was fun. You were really good yesterday. It was fun. I was motivated. I was present and I was ready to talk to you. Yeah. I'm interested in exploring topics. I love days like that because I just have to ask a question and then sit and listen.

Right. Cause you really, some days you will really go in and I'm like. Because I loved those topics. Yeah. They were broad. They were expansive. I had experience. It's, it's tough because we've been doing that show so long.

It really is hard to think of a topic yes it's extremely hard because we've we started kind of with big abstract concepts that you know we could revisit them of course but we're you know i don't know there's just everything under the sun doctor but now we're like what about nurses yeah what about nurse practitioners yeah yeah vpns wait that's wrong lpns licensed practitioner nurse is that what it's called lpn licensed practitioners and okay what about an licsw what's that a licensed social worker oh how about an lmhf mary what about

socal gas they came to my house the other day and they said i said hi and they said hi um do you have your gas turned on i said yeah it's like through los angeles water and power right and they said i said hi and they said hi um do you have your gas turned on i said yeah it's like through los angeles water and power right and they said nope it's gas it's separate your gas has been on and we're here to turn it off unless you call and set up an account call them set up an account and now the gas is still on and everything's been great wait Wait. So they were mad because. Because the old person moved out and then I moved in and didn't start like a new gas account. And they were like, oh, it says there's no account here, but the gas is being used. And I was like, that sounds like me. Yeah. Siphoning gas from the previous tenant.

Well, I love to sit in the hot tub and turn on the little gas fire next to the hot tub. There's a gas fire next to the hot tub? There's like one of those conversation pits where you put like a gas fire next to the hot tub. And I'd gas fire next to the hot tub? There's one of those conversation pits where you put a gas fire next to the hot tub. And I'd love to sit out there and look into the fire. It's so decadent. It's quite decadent. Well, at the new fancy gym I go to, there is a display of LED lights and vapor that looks exactly like fire. So imagine it. Orange LED lights, a strip. And they're trying to make you feel like

you're doing squats in hell or what? No, no, no. It's just a feature before the locker room. It's just like a... Oh, I thought it was like everywhere. I'm like, this sounds like a KFC commercial. Like in a hot yoga class. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it was, I was like, oh, that's so cute and clever, kind of tacky, but fun. Yeah. And you don't burn the house down. And you get to think of like, every time you walk by, you think of like Chaka Khan through the fire or like Disclosure.

When a fire starts to burn. Yeah. Or, you know that song? Or, I'm a fire starter. An iconic track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, who didn't start, we didn't start that fire. Yeah.

Billy Joel. It was always burning. No. It was always vapor we didn't start that fire. Yeah. Billy Joel. It was always burning. No. It was always vapor since I went to the gym. Yeah. Now that I saw the B-52s, I keep thinking of every song as them. So I'm like, we didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world was turning.

It was a rock. Wait, how was the show? You saw it twice. Okay. So I fly to Atlanta with my own money. But you know, not a time when we're traveling, somebody else is paying for us.

So my own money. And I go there and I bring Mateo because he loves B-52s because it's nice to have an older friend. He's almost 50. Yeah. So he knows B-52s from like his youth. Are they all 52 or they did it?

73, 75. I've tried 73 and 75 fred fred linda no glenda kate kate pearson is the redhead cindy wilson is the blonde usually fred is fred schneider yeah and it was a rock yes lobster one of the original members had passed and one of them i believe is just not in the band anymore. I passed on the opportunity or passed away. Passed away. Okay. He was gay, Ricky. And he was the guitar player originally. He died of HIV.

Samarie Presley died today. Yeah. Sorry to interrupt you. I know. I had her record in high school. Her Lisa Marie Presley record. The Naked Gun. Deadpan actress extraordinaire.

Also, I happen to know My friend Mike knew her personally And said she was the nicest woman he's ever met Lisa Marie Presley Are you thinking of I'm thinking of Lisa Marie Presley Priscilla Priscilla Priscilla You're thinking of Priscilla

Priscilla she's dead No Lisa Marie Presley died not Priscilla Presley Priscilla's the mom Lisa Marie Presley's the daughter Lisa Marie Presley was married not Priscilla Presley. Priscilla's the mom. Lisa Marie Presley's the daughter. Lisa Marie Presley was married to Michael Jackson. Lisa died? Yeah.

But Priscilla's still alive, the mom? Yeah. Isn't that sad? That's like when Carrie Fisher died and Reena Reynolds, Debbie Reynolds was still alive. Isn't that sad? That's horrible. Isn't that horrible? Well, because... I had Lisa Marie Presley's record when I was in high school and I was so good.

I loved her. Wasn't she in Mars Attacks? Or that was just Lisa Marie? Yep. It's confusing. There's a lot of Lisa Simpson, Lisa Lisa, Lisa Turtle. I was thinking about Jennifer's the other day. I got all up in a thing about it.

You know, so many Jennifer's. Oh, so I'm at the concert. Okay. I get there. And what I didn't expect was, I thought it would be on the younger side. Didn't expect to be the actual youngest person there. That's great. Loved it.

But we're talking people the age of your mom, your dad. Grandmom. Gooning on light beers and tequila sours. We're talking two songs into the show. Smashed phone on the ground. Head in lap. Someone's mom like this. It's Margaritaville, isn't it?

They're wasting away. It was like music is time travel. And your Uncle Stephanie, your Aunt David. My Uncle Stephanie. Yeah, and your Aunt David. They were transported to their youth. Okay. It was a time when a peanut farmer was in the White House. Yeah. I don't know if that's true. And the tin roof was rusted. Yeah. It was a time when, you know, a peanut farmer was in the white house.

Yeah. I don't know if that's true. And the tin roof was rusted. Yeah. And they were thrashing. I mean, and then I have an aisle seat the first night, right? I'm over here. This woman comes up and she gets really close to me and she goes, I'm good.

I'm good. And I was like, are you aunt Diane? So then she tries to scoop past me. This is a science eating. She tries to come up from the back Little poke coming through She tries to get in next to me And Matteo

And then she grabs his butt And leans in and tries to talk to him And we eventually had to just like Like body check her out of there Because security was kicking people out of the aisles Because safety So they're telling your mom and your Aunt David to get out of here. There's a fire, Mary.

You're going down. Yeah. So that was crazy. But they were so good. I mean, they're in wigs. Yes. 70-year-olds in wigs and sequins singing these songs that have stood the test of time. They came out.

Private Idaho started. And I started crying. It's not My Heart Will Go On. It's not a sad song. But just the spirit of, oh my God, it's them. They're there. It was so good. That's so fabulous. And then through my little finagling, I got a friends and family pass to go backstage after.

Yes, I did all of them individually. Well, not the one who passed. Fucking all of them individually. Were they lovely? Yes. Yeah, really? Yes. All nice and beautiful.

And they were like, we heard you were coming. We heard you weren't coming in drag. And I was like, well, but all of people's moms and dads were in B-52s outfits. Everybody was in the leg avenue, sixties girl, mini dresses with shitty beehives and go-go boots. And it was like, so Mateo and I were surrounded by like aged Trixies basically. I was like, this is trippy. That's the ghost of Christmas future all around you. That's cool though. So I got to meet Cindy and I love Cindy Wilson. And I can't,

I got up to her and I said, I have to tell you, I, you matter so much to me. I was on the, I got so scared to meet them. I almost left three times. Cause I was,

I don't know how people do meet and greets because it just fucking scares me. Yeah. And then I go, I love you so much. And she goes, well, thank you. And I said, I only pay attention to people in wigs greets because it just fucking scares me. Yeah. And then I go, I love you so much. And she goes, well, thank you. And I said, I only pay attention to people in wigs. Thank you for always wearing wigs. And she said, well, I'm always in a little wig.

I gave her a hug, got a picture with her. And then I talked to Fred Schneider and I was like, you know, I got a show tomorrow at the Eagle. I'm DJing at the Eagle tomorrow. If you want to come, I was like, sexy, sexy guys on the dance floor. And he said, well, what I want is a man to come back to my room like i don't want to go to your club yeah i want men to come to me well i'm straight yeah if he was straight so like did you so the second time was it good or uh just as good or

better or worse they changed songs oh fuck me they changed songs well they added channel z which i love they added a bunch of. They didn't play the first night. And Mateo and I were like, should we even go again? It was amazing, but it was the same thing as last night. They had new, Mary,

new costumes, new costumes, new songs. They do moon river. No, no moon river. It was just, it was amazing.

New costumes, new songs. Yeah. I mean, they still played the mega hits, but they changed the B sides. And so it takes a lot for me to get up and go see a concert. I'm not a very good goer. so i it was so worth it and then i went and dj at the eagle where it was

about 125 degrees hotlanta baby so hot but the guys there were so hot yeah big muscly chubby hairy men who eat food and finger each other while they dance. Yeah. It was so fun and crazy. Picking each other up like six packs. And it was so hot. I don't know. Mateo's in like a little leather fetish outfit.

So he takes most of that off. So then he's basically naked. Sure. And then I'm in this exact t-shirt, a thick Carhartt t-shirt. Probably soaked through with sweat. It was saturated. Yeah. I mean, it's, you know mean it's you know it's um

thank you that's been out for a while yes it has and i just i was summoning the courage to say something and tonight i'm going to another concert well a show i'm going to see the mean girls at the pantages oh my god that's fantastic my friend sydney you are going out. You are a Little Miss Social Butterfly attending events. Well, my little friend from college is in it. And so me and some of my other friends from college are going to support to clap clap. How tall is she? Sydney, she's short. How tall?

Maybe 5'7", 5'8". That's short? I think so. For a girl? Well, Kylie Minogue is 5'1". But I think I'm petite. That's why I think everyone's a little short. Oh, that's true.

You have a very skewed sense of scale. I have body dysmorphia in that I think I'm skinny and tall. Mama, I'm so jealous of the B-52s changing up their sets. I went to Labada and she wore a yellow suit. I'm never going to forget it for the rest of my life. She wore a yellow suit, Mary. Yeah. I know.

I told you and I told everybody and I say it again. Yeah. What happened? Two nights in a row wasn't nice. I've never seen a show two nights in a row. No, they go on in one outfit. They're married. They're 75 years old. Hey, listen. And what I didn't expect to us when you see a show the first night, you get to experience it. The second night is almost better because you know the lay of the land.

Yeah. You know when you want to plan a pee break. Yes. You know they're going to open with this. So it was actually even better the second night. It so good i loved it so much the b-52s you got to imagine like they had this unique party male female response sound that no one had ever done yeah and it's all very like straight 80s mtv world and they are complete faggots in wigs and sequins singing crazy music malicious gay fag faggotry. Singing songs about aliens. Yeah.

And everyone's like, you guys are weird. It was a rock. Exactly. Lobster. Yeah. Even I'm like, this music is bananas. Yeah. I love Rock Lobster.

That spoke to me. Oh, you don't know. I'll be alone in my house and I'll be like, everyone had matching towels. Like all the time. It was a rock. By the way way a pro tip karaoke rock lobsters great karaoke songs all yelling absolutely people at the party you don't need to sing you need to hear the music hello thank you everyone had matching towels everyone had matching.

Was that what the line is? Yes. Matching towels. Everyone had matching towels. At the bathhouse. There's these moments in the show where I almost go like, there's something wrong with me that I like this music so much. Why? There's a whole ending where they're like, here comes the surfboard.

And then they're naming all these animals. And then the women are doing the sounds. So he's like, there comes the dolphins. And they're like, like, it was like, these are someone's mom, dad, grandma and grandpa screaming about marine life. Yeah. I'm crying to it. Well, think about, I think it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Think about 400 years ago, 1400 years ago, people were painting flat pictures of giant tittied people with no necks, crying. The rewards don't stop there. When you earn two times more points on things that matter to you and your business, easily track those business expenses, and experience flexible Aventura rewards, you'll realize how much more rewarding your hustle can be. Get up to $1,800 in value when you apply for the CIBC Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. Looking for a path to accelerate your career? Clear direction for next-level success?

In a place that is innovative and practical? A path to stay current and connected to industry? A place where you can be yourself? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a supportive environment, cutting edge facilities, and a best in Canada financial

assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. Do you like music? Music, mama. I was thinking about this in the car. If I didn't have music, it'd be a wrap. Music, mama. I was thinking about this in the car.

If I didn't have music, it'd be a wrap. Yeah. So quick on my life. So quick on my life. It'd be a wrap. I'll say this to you too. You and I should challenge ourselves to go to more shows because when I'm in the audience of a show, it inspires me to perform. And I forget how much of being a performer is fueled by seeing performances.

Yes, yes, yes. However- We don't see enough shows. You know what? Funny thing you should ask. The problem is the people that I like, for example, Lana Del Rey, we're used to. I don't want to see her live. I don't want to deal with her horrible fans. And you wanted to see Labada. And then what happened? Mama, I got rude and rotten audience in the talk about in the aisles egress no egress in that place people were although the fashions were crazy the people in the

audience turned it way harder than she did on stage but um it was disappointing yeah i want to see like i like vocalists i like i want to hear it in my headphones i want to hear it on my stereo i want to like watch a sunset and cry sure in a movie you like music in a movie oh god yeah my dream one of my dreams would be to have a song in a movie somewhere absolutely you're you absolutely bones and all they should they should have tapped you bones and all they should i mean should have. I mean, I don't even eat ass. And I'm certainly not eating people's asses. I don't know if I belong in that movie. You ever done eating them bones and all?

Oh, I'm the person who's like, fucking rim me. And they're like, will you rim me? I'm like, that's gross. There's so much wrong with me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And time is running out. Mama, time is a flat circle. We ain't got nowhere to go.

No, music makes the people come together. Yeah. Music makes the bourgeoisie. That's like my earliest memory of Madonna, I think, is that or Die Another Day. Those are your memories of Madonna? Yeah, because when I was that young, that's what was on MTV. Oh, what an unfortunate situation. Well, I think that's why. You don't care for her very much.

Yes. But usually that's why, like, let's say gentlemen of a certain age in the gay community who love Madonna. You have to understand they experienced the best of Madonna. The most beautiful. The most beautiful. The most compelling. The most all that. The most well-written.

Not by her. Songs. You know what I mean the most compelling. The most all that. The most well-written, not by her, songs. You know what I mean? Yeah. Best production. I love Beautiful Stranger. That's funny. It's my favorite Madonna song. I mean, she's got some. Take a Bow is probably one of the best ballads of all time in pop music.

So beautiful. I don't know it. Take a Bow. You don't know. Take a Bow. The night is over. This masquerade is. You're right. It is gorgeous. Shut the fuck up. You're stupid. Also. Take a bow. The night is over. This masquerade is. You're right.

It is gorgeous. Shut the fuck up. You're stupid. Also, this was the heyday of music videos on MTV. Big budget music videos, events, premieres. I know. So gorgeous. A bullfighter.

She fucked a TV. She fucked the TV. She put the sheet on the. She went, ah, the TV. Okay. Fucking the TV. Have you ever seen the documentary? For the. Truth or Dare? Of course. Do something else. Do my brows. Yeah, do my TV. Okay. Fucking the TV. Have you ever seen the documentary? For the-

Truth or Dare? Of course. Do something else. Do my brows. Yeah, do my brows. Yeah. Warren Beatty. Warren Beatty.

She's a ball buster. Madonna is a ball buster. He looked afraid of her backstage. Yeah, he looked, it was like a mixture of like, I, yeah, it was like a fear and also kind of like, I don't know if I should get involved with this broad. She's trouble. She's trouble. She's trouble. He's sort of like the energy backstage. She's sort of like, well don't know if I should get involved with this broad. She's trouble. She's trouble. He's sort of like the energy backstage.

She's sort of like, well, that's her. Yeah, I guess. Well, she was great in bed, but I don't know if I should continue this. She's really annoying. Everyone's wild and crazy. Sandra Bernhardt? Yeah.

Ran into her in New York, literally? Like bumped into her? Did you say hi? I was so terrified because she looked like she was going to strangle me to death yeah i saw her backstage at that comedy thing i loved her there i thought she was fun yeah she's i mean in person i was like i know i was like thinking to myself i know this bitch doesn't want to talk to me but i was like she's a new yorker i love you so much she's a new yorker she's looked 45 for 30 years that's a really good

i think it's good it's and i don a really good. I think it's good. And I don't mean this as a read. It's good to not look 20 when you're 20. Right. And that way it all evens out. It all comes out in the wash. And also not exactly known as a classical beauty. Right.

But so just preserving the features of her face for identity, identification purposes. For future use. Yeah. Is a great thing, you know, for future use. Would you go to Turkey for work done? Are you going to Turkey?

Let me ask you, when are you going to Turkey, bitch? Fucking Thanksgiving. I think I'm like the last person to not go to Turkey. Yeah. I'm supposed to be in Istanbul getting my nipples chopped off and glued to the back of my head or some shit right now, but they're going to be pluck pluck pluck in yeah i would

everybody had matching hairlines well i'm on i'm currently on my my note my no drinking journey maybe that doesn't matter well oh flying to turkey with no alcohol what are you worried about no no no i'm saying i'm seeing what no drinking for a while will do to me. Who knows? Maybe in six weeks I will be Bradgy PG. Bradgy PG with a gorgeous, luscious mop of thick,

healthy hair. I'm not a surgery shamer, but I believe that the best way to transform myself is diet, exercise, sleep, and water. I do. Speaking from the mountaintop.

You have to look. The call's coming from within the house. The calls coming from the moon, mama. It's all about astrology. And from Istanbul. Would you go to Istanbul? What are you going to get done?

I would never go get the hairline surgery in Turkey. If I'm going to Turkey for a hairline, I'm going to go with a toupee, have them sew it into my scalp with permanent thread. Yeah. And then that's it. But no. We know what the aftercare is like.

It's brutal. That's the thing. If I was ever going to bite the bullet, I would try to do it here so I can go sleep in my own bed. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not the, no. It's so expensive here.

Immediately after is not the problem. It's the weeks. It's the months. I know. When the scabs fall off, the incessant itching that you cannot scratch or it might not grow. I don't want hair. I don't either. I don't mean to be like. I don't either. I never had good hair. Fucking bald is fierce. I don't think being bald is fierce, but I personally don't care about having hair. No, being bald is

fine. I'm not a woman. Like if I was a woman losing my hair, I understand that's a different thing. Being a man who grew up around bald men who is now a bald man, it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter to me either. It is absolutely fine, perfectly acceptable. There are many examples of gorgeous, sexy, hunky role models of baldies. And a lot of ugly people with hair.

Oh, thank you. A lot of ugly people with hair. So this is why I am continuously like surprised at the, like men are terrified of this. Gay men especially. And they need this turkey trip. They need to, this Thanksgiving trip to Turkey for their hairline more than a heart transplant. I know. It's an emergency.

Well, do you remember that meme that's like no gay has three? A good father, a strong hairline. And like a mortgage or something. But it was like 10 things and I didn't have any. I had the money, I think, but that's it. And I was like, I think my worst hairline is, I mean, who fucking cares? Who cares? I don't need to. Would I like to be very hot?

Yeah. I think everybody would probably love to be hotter than they appear to be. But until people stop fucking me and until my standards drive up insanely. Yeah. Yeah.

I just don't, I don't have that bone in my body that like looks in the mirror and hates myself. And I'm not saying people get worked on hate themselves. That's not what I'm saying. No.

But I don't look in the mirror and go, if I change this physical thing of myself, my life will be better. Yeah. I don't ever think that. Yeah. I mean, there are certain surgical procedures in which a very significant change can occur for the better. Of course it all has a limit and you just move on to the next thing.

Right. But like, I would say if I had a gray tooth. Yeah. I mean, you know what I mean? I have big fake plastic teeth. Plastic? They they're not plastic but I have veneers Okay, but like I didn't used to look in the mirror and go the I teeth ever lazy. I cross-eyed Oh glass I marry one of my eyes These are two different fathers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah my on the prize I on the highway They're not even related the two sides of my face. They're not even in the same hemisphere I've recently come to the conclusion that I'm also cross-eyed. Completely cross-eyed. Yeah. Courtney Act is wall-eyed. What's that? Her eyes will look like this. No, apart. Apart. Not like this. No, hers will look apart. Well,

if she does this every day for five minutes, she could train it. Yeah. I want to talk about people who really need to become beautiful. She's been disgusting for far too long. You know, and that is like, you know, the true talent of her enormous list of talents is right at the top is the ability to withstand that level of ugliness. To power through being so butt, dog, ass ugly. I know. And to go on television and like around the world i know different networks looking like looking like whodunit and ran miss potato head run over looking like like she would scare a buzzard off a shit wagon yeah yeah body gross face disgusting yeah she is

clapped bald clapped Yeah She went to Turkey And she's not a good person Yeah She's a horrible person She's a horrible person She kidnaps children And tortures them Maybe we should go to Turkey

I don't know But can we just have Turkey Come to us Can we get Postmates Turkey I'm going to Morocco You are Yeah Not for hairline

Just for fun I want to Thailand You do Bangkok For hookers How about Little Popcorn Micah That says I'll see you later

Oh Yeah yeah I learned like three things In Thailand I just got booked in Japan I'm going to Japan For the first time I've never been to Asia

Oh that is so exciting It's very exciting How many days Are you going to spend in Tokyo Like one Oh come on Well it's the last day of a trip So I think I might

Try to take a week off and just visit. Yes. Because I've never been there. Honshu. I think they got Pokemon restaurants. Mama, they got everything. They have like bourguignon in a vending machine. Well, when I shop at Fiorucci, I'm, I think, an extra large. So I'm ready to be

a 5X in Japan. No, no, you get two XOs and you just stitch them together when you get home. I know. No, it's not that fierce, but you got to go to, um, uh, Hokkaido Island. What's that?

It's an island where they built the, um, time machine, uh, spaceship in contact. Just kidding. Just kidding. It's fake.

It's fake. Okay. Um, but it's, uh, you got to go to, um, uh,

I don't know. I just have friends who live there. The cool thing about Japan is that it goes like wintry northern all the way down to tropical climate. Wow. I hope I get somewhere not hot and not cold, just normal. Temperate. You know, not to be an idiot from hell, but when I was in Milwaukee for two weeks, it is cold. I'm going to say that the cold is rough.

Something about stepping outside in the morning, having 35 degree air hit your face. Fresh. It is cunty. Well, it is cunty. Yeah, because cold therapy is real. We need to get into that. Wait, we've talked about this. You've done cryo.

You know it's unbearable. Not cryo, not cryo. I'm talking about cold plunge. It's unbearable. You know this, right? I am absolutely aware of this. As a person who finds no, as a person who cannot withstand any degree of discomfort at any time for any reason, you think I'm going to spend 30 minutes in a cold plunge?

Probably not. No. But it's huge benefits, and there's data on it. There's the research that's out there. But it's unpleasant. Yes, but sometimes doing something unpleasant for a moment will yield many pleasant results later. I think that's true.

Yeah. I ran six miles today. Six miles. Six over here to Hollywood and back. Now, what are you listening to on the headphones? I was on work calls. I was on the phone with Michael Grinspan, our agent for a good 30 minutes of it. Wow.

He said, are you running right now? I said, no, I'm eating. I said, I got a multitask here to make this worth my time. Yeah. You're like Michelle Pfeiffer in I Am Sam, that high powered lawyer who does stairs and she times herself just to get it in. Yeah. So crazy.

Now, what was I listening to? Oh, I like this punk song right now. This like punky, punky, cool song that's in French. I'm going to share it with you now. Ooh la la. Hey, I've been getting into male vocals recently why can't we do a show where we just play songs from our iphones it's called a drag show at hamburger mary's oh yeah i know not to like um age myself but i come from a time where you would bring a freshly burned cd me too. With your tracks in the order that you will perform them.

Of course. And now I think they just either email music or flash drive. Flash drive. Yeah. Or they say, can you download it, honey? I don't have electricity at the house anymore. Yeah. What is it?

Were you good at sending your music ahead of time? Because I don't want to blow myself up here. I was the girl sending it in the nick of time. Of course. I was leaving the house burning the CD. Of course I was. I lived upstairs, mama. Yeah.

I lived upstairs. Sometimes I go get another CD between numbers, you know. But when I took a break from Drag and then did a show in Oregon, I remember the file wouldn't transfer to the DJ. So I said, well, please download this. This file specifically because there is an N word in this other one. And I'd rather really not do that. So make sure, mama, there was two N words in that song.

So that was tough. Caught you. And you were up there while it happened. You said, I specifically asked for the censored version. Yeah. But here we are. Yeah. So I put on the Klan robe and I just played it up.

You just ran with it. But yeah, you can't. Oh God, I don't miss that life, mama. It's hard. I don't miss that life. The DJs have it worse. Are you kidding me? I had to DJ. I DJed at Jacques for a week.

What does that mean now? Mama, listen to me. Listen to me. You were DJing? Food service is, I could never do it. I don't have the heart or the skill or the talent or the gumption. Or hands. Or anything. Nothing. I couldn't be able heart or the skill or the talent or the gumption. Or hands. Or anything.

Nothing. I couldn't be able to get. But in DJ at the drag bar, because when I lived upstairs, they were like, oh, great. When Larry calls out, we can just, you can fill in. I was like. So was it off a computer? It was off of a mixer from, I believe, turn of the century. You were operating a mixer?

Yes. It was like, do you know how to work it? I did. I did adequately. And of course everybody wanted their music sped up plus eight. And then, you know what I mean?

I was like, okay, okay, okay. And then I got yelled at by the fat bitch misery because her work me down, down was a little too slow for her. Not speed. It wasn't at chipmunk,

you know, speed. And I'm like, work me down, down, work me down. It's. Um, not speed. It wasn't at chipmunk, you know, speed. And I'm like, it's like, it's like, oh my God. And it was just, it was a $40. I know $40. And you have to be there the whole time. The whole time. Paying a very close attention. Before and after.

For 90 minutes, bitch. I know. Yeah. I said, I did it twice. And I said, the other day, I played from 11 to 3 a.m. Yeah. And not to be a princess, but I was like, this is a lot. And Mateo was like, this is this is minimum.

People were used to it. I was like, I'm used to playing. That's the crowd, Mary. You know what I had to. I had four bachelorettes on a Wednesday night and then four drunk drag queens who was like, you know, gave me scratch CDs. I know it's not very gratifying. There's nothing better than play this track. And then when it

starts skipping go to track 12 yeah and you're like okay charlene or when they were like so i want to do like 10 seconds of this song as like an intro and then skip to the next one but then i need a little time to change so like i'm like you think we're live mixing here do you think if this is the tonight show? Am I Mark Ronson? What is happening here? No, no, no, no, no, no. You looked compelling. Maybe you looked like you knew what you were doing.

Oh, I surely didn't. And I played the volume so loud one night, everybody almost went deaf. I'm in my journey of getting extremely thick and thin. Tiny waist, giant arms, all that. Because for DJing, if I'm out of drag, if it's hot, the other night I thought I almost am able to overcome my own body shame and I'm almost ready to get naked. That's how hot it is. Oh mama, you, Stu, I got the easy thing for you. A beautiful pink mesh top with a bra underneath. Bam, that's your DJ outfit.

Okay. I was out of drag. Oh. So that could be quite shocking. Okay. Oh, no. Drag DJing, Mary, it's about to be the only body curtain that goes to the pussy. Okay. That opens like a bell when I open my arms.

The lady bunny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, good old lady bunny special. One big wig that is duct taped to my head. Yeah. Staple gun to your head. gun to your head how she does it i wear big wigs too but hers are another level and they never move no in the because there's a lot of pain it's a lot she must be in serious pain she is she is because she goes like this i know

but but but but but but but aids yeah like it, it, there is a technique she has, like they are, they are glued it very bad. I mean, it's not good. It looks painful. It's painful. And it probably will. It's probably, probably the,

the thing that has been giving her the most brain damage. People think it's the drugs. I had a syphilis. It's the glue. Glue. It's the huffing of the glue. Yeah. Drag is crazy.

Drag is fierce. Drag is crazy Drag is fierce Drag is crazy Drag is so wild We got 10 more tour dates? Season 15 honey I haven't seen it Have you seen it? I've seen a little bit

Have you really? A little bit I saw some No I saw some of the I saw maybe 12 seconds 12 minutes But I'm gonna watch

The viewing party tonight Oh And my goal Because when me and Andrew Were together Watching Drag Race With other gays I saw maybe 12 seconds, 12 minutes. But I'm going to watch the viewing party tonight. Oh. And my goal, because when me and Andrew are together watching Drag Race with other gays, there's a tendency for some evil to come out, for some negativity to be spewed and hurled. And then it's an infectious kind of vibe where we all turn homophobic. It's gays watching a TV being like, kill yourself, bitch. Go to hell. Kill yourself.

Yeah, exactly. And it gets dark. So we're going to sit across from each other and then hopefully just keep it positive and cheer on the girls. This episode is brought to you by Dyson OnTrack. Dyson OnTrack headphones offer best-in-class noise cancellation and an enhanced sound range,

making them perfect for enjoying music and podcasts. Get up to 55 hours of listening with active noise cancelling enabled, soft microfibre cushions engineered for comfort, and a range of colours and finishes. Dyson OnTrack. Headphones remastered. Buy from DysonCanada.ca. With ANC on, performance may vary based on environmental conditions and usage. Accessories sold separately.

RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies into most definities, making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships, and skill development, plus resources for artists and athletes. Learn more at rbc.com slash support youth. Oh, you know what I did for the first time? The day I had to DJ at the Eagle, I went at 11 a.m. to see Megan by myself at the Ipik Theater. That's a perfect time.

And I got to tell you about the Ipik because I'd not been to an Ipik. I love the Ipik. It's fully flat. Fully flat. It's a planetarium. I mean, I'm staring up at the sky. And then there's a food menu. It feels like a choking hazard.

They lay you down and they give you nachos. And so I'm watching them. And by the way, they told me exactly when the movie starts so I could walk in after the trailers, which was so cunty. Fuck trailers. Three 15-minute long trailers. These trailers are long. They're for movies I can't see for two years.

Yeah. I say fuck the commercials first and foremost. That is a crime that never should have been perpetrated. But in the trailers too, yeah. I'm watching them on YouTube. Get a grip. But they're never movies coming next week. No.

It's in like 12 months. So what are we doing? What are we doing? Show me some. I want Maria Menounos to give me some more trivia. Absolutely. You know, in that laugh. Do you know that laugh?

No. She's got this A signature Annoying laugh Sounds like a hot laugh Sounds like It's really Oh my god

I'm so turned on It's like God is she Shooting out of my cunt Oh my god I had this dream This is so gross I'll skip it Skip it Oh my God. I had this dream. This is so gross.

I'll skip it. Skip it. Um, no, I want to know. I had a dream that I was a little like old baby who had orgasms out of my butt and went to the doctor and told him about it. You know, some people will call that a nightmare,

but you called it a dream. So what is that? Dreams. So I saw Megan. Okay. What did you think? Ryan Jordan Alvarez slayed Tina. He needed more.

They should have given him more to do. I just think it's incredible. Playing straight. That it's like, it's like, fuck Avatar. Fuck bros. Fuck all these movies. Gays are like, all right, it's Megan time. It's M3.

The gays came through for Megan. Yeah. In a way that they don't come through for anything. And I love dolls. I love horror. Yeah. And you know what else I liked about it? The movie was trying to be what it was.

Yeah. It wasn't preaching. It wasn't too scary. It was comedic.ic yeah it was gay without being gay there's not like yeah yeah yeah there's not like you know there's not like f words in there yeah yeah it just was brian jordan novelist was great only thing is i there's a few points um a it was the screenplay was gorier which i felt left feeling like, oh, this is PG-13. I understand why.

I didn't like the PG-13 of it all. No, of course not. This should have been way more gore. It should have been violent. Mama, when she took that, whatchamacallit, paper cutter machete, Mama, that should have been drawn out for three minutes and we should have said blood everywhere. Paint the town red, ho. I know.

Paint the town red. I know. Paint the town red. Also beginning spoilers, beginning the movie with a dog kill is a little ballsy. Well, off screen, of course it was off screen, which I didn't like. Well,

right. But also dog kill. Yikes. Downer, you know, kill that Margo Martindale impersonator first. I mean, it made more sense that it was like killing a dog first,

then killing. It makes sense. Yes, yes, yes. And I really lived for there was a moment where I felt like, oh, the edibles hit or something because when she started singing Titanium I was like, people, what am I watching?

The whole place erupted in hysterics. It was so funny. I went at 11 a.m. and there was only two other people there because, you know, I refused to participate in loud theaters. I know. We had a great communal viewing experience there's probably about 40 of us at the grove and it was 10 of us were all together it was hysterical the the titanium the songs were so unexpected so funny but girl that um god love him and god bless you i hope you're not a fan or whatever probably not the the toy director guy i think his name is runny chung not a fan or whatever probably not the the toy director guy i think his name is runny chung or runny chung but a so hot sure b distract i've seen him stand up i know he's hilarious oh i'm sure

he's hilarious but mary he was not act he wasn't acting on the level that the other actor so it was sort of like oh it was you're not really an actor really bad yeah yeah like it was breathtakingly bad it was fast it was like strange yeah. Like, it was breathtakingly bad. It was fast. It was, like, strange. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, he took a big swing, and it was a whiff every time. Now, if you had kids, would you get a Megan?

If it didn't kill people. I would be the Megan. I would get the Megan to replace me. You know what I mean? Sure. You know. I know. Just get a Megan as a kid.

Don't get a kid. Thank you. Well, I'm surprised. So, what I thought was was interesting because, you know, Andrew told me a producer had said years ago that all the scripts on the table were for robots in the next few years, five years or so, and it's proving to be true. Because this Megan is what Child's Play remake.

It was about like a toy that's like syncing with Alexa and killing people. It's like Terminator and Chucky. Yeah. like a toy that's like syncing with Alexa and killing people. It's like Terminator and Chucky. Yeah. But the thing about the first scene where the bully at that alternative school tour gets on top of her and it gets a little dicey. He slaps her and it looks alarmingly like a sexual assault scenario is taking place.

You know what I mean? But I think at a PG-13 level, that's how they justify a murder. They make it look like a bad person. Well, I know, but I mean, that angle is so all like, Mary,

people are pedos. Megan is a sex object to men. Oh, and that wasn't even explored. You know what I mean? Like that's where I, obviously not for me. Cause I'm a,

people want to fuck Megan. No, man want to fuck little girls. Yeah, they do. And she's very, she knows everything. She's very capable.

She's bendy. Oh mama, that back bend. Did you like that aerial cartwheel? That no handed cartwheel? I kind of didn't understand what that was all about. I know they kind of alluded to like, they were learning a TikTok dance in the,

in the thing together. But what was that all about? Was that a seduction scene? I think it's just smart marketing to be honest. Yeah. I mean, did you see all the Megans running around LA? I sure did.

Group of Megans? I sure did, yeah. Good for them. Yeah. And Smile had good marketing, too, at the baseball games or whatever. I like that now it's not like the way to have a movie do well is to do some real life stunt. Yeah. Not just do like Nathan for you level freak shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you watch The Replacement? Nope. The rehearsal? I did. Did we talk about this? I don't think we. No, we did not. Have we talked about the rehearsal?

No. Let's take a break. Okay. I watched The Rehearsal on an airplane. We were coming back from, I don't know where I was. Montauk. Maybe Australia. The House in Montauk.

I think Australia. The Lake House in Montauk. The Lake House in Montauk. Such a long drive. And theauk. I think Australia. The lake house in Montauk. The lake house in Montauk. Such a long drive. And the, not the replacement, the rehearsal. The rehearsal.

It starts like, oh, this is fun. It's a little, it's a little awkward, funny. Yeah. He's going to help these people do things. It gets so fucking crazy. Yeah.

And the envelope pushes so far. The envelope turns into a Staples mailer. The Staples mailer turns into a shipping container. And then the shipping container turns into a tugboat that goes down straight over the cliff. The scenes where he was going to his fake bar with fake staff to relax. I was like. Yeah, I mean, it's it's it was so brilliant that almost was like, am I too stupid for this? Because it's kind of blowing my mind.

It's it's really I mean, it is like pushing the envelope for like conceptual like what if dot dot dot and then they did it you know but um have you seen you've never seen nathan for you oh my god this was he so he did a series um i love nathan yeah but there is so there was some controversy as to whether people think he's manipulating these like whether he's mean or a bully or whatever. There's some interesting writing about it, but Nathan for you was this program where he would approach businesses with ideas about how to improve their, you know,

sales. It's like a, for example, he would go into a Froyo place and be like, I think we should have a shit flavor. Yeah. And then also the gold from that show was when he was talking to a clerk at a convenience store and the clerk mentioned off the cuff that you drink. If you're scared, you can drink your grandson's pee. He says this? Does he mean it? never breaks character ever ever ever he's like so deadpan he's so in control he's so like

steering the ship it was like he's spontaneous moment he also lets things play out he's not really manipulating people he lets he creates a scenario he's a predictor of behavior yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean it's all like behavioral experimentation the scene where he's teaching where he's teaching an acting class and then the next day hires actors to play the class and then he plays the kid i know i was like and then goes to the guy's apartment and moves in and what about the woman he lives with the woman he lives with and then the child who the child who ods i know that was like i was like this is truly Jeez. I know.

That was like, I was like, this is truly off the rails. And when the little boy who was playing him got so attached to him, I was like, this is really unlike anything on television. It's like post-reality reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is post, post, post-modern like craziness. But you do get the sense that it's like, maybe this is a bit unethical. Everybody has a waiver, of course. But a waiver, course but a waiver

what does a waiver mean you sign away your you know the right to chop your balls off well let's say you're on rupaul's drag race and they let's say i don't want to say make people look bad let's say that something you did that was unbecoming becomes a focal point an episode no but you didn't said it no no no no but it's not that. It's just, it's presenting false scenarios. It's tricking. It's deception. You know what I mean? It's pranking.

It's that kind of thing. Drag Race doesn't do that. Do you know what I mean? Like, we're going to- But do you think he was misrepresenting what he, with the experiment, do you think he was misrepresenting what was going on? We're going to build this house.

We're going to see what it's like to live together. And we're going to have this kid and see what happens. I mean, I did get the sense that he, as a creator did not know what was going to happen. Once him and this woman got in this house together. Yeah. I did get the sense that she,

he really didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah. Cause you can't predict. That she's going to be a crazy 5g conspiracy devil theorist and super religious. And like, you can't predict that. But you know what though?

No, they, I mean, I think he probably knew that. But super religious people, they watch her say that shit and they're like, good for you. Stand up for yourself. Exactly. She was actually quite pleasant. If somebody that,

if everybody that religious was that nice, the world would be a different place. Totally. That's tea. I loved it. It was amazing. I mean, sneaking the kid out at night because child actors can't work that long and putting the mannequin in the bed.

I know. It's diabolical. How about with the garden? The garden, he had, there was a scene where they planted vegetables from the grocery store. Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary. It was fierce. They had the sticker on them.

It was fierce. It was so fierce. But you gotta watch Nathan for them. They had the sticker on it. And I'm just like, it was fierce. It was so fierce. But you got to watch Nathan for you. You'll die. But you know what I really gagged for? The woman that he chooses to be wives with, husband and wife with, she seemed to enjoy it. What was the paid gig? She was vibing.

Yeah. It's a paid gig though. She loved it. Yeah. All those actors are paid gig. It's like, you want to do cater waitering or do you want to do Nathan for, you know? Yeah. I did like that when he wasn't around,

she basically ignored the kid. Like love, love. What about love it? The gold rush, the gold treasure, grandpa, the gold treasure,

grandpa. What are you talking about? On the, it was one episode one or two, this guy. So, um, a brother, I was having a dispute over um an inheritance oh i remember this yeah yeah yeah and he wipes his ass yeah with a type puts the diaper on yeah it's just he will go that extra mile and it was so fierce it was so orchestrated it was like so it's crazy because

in television world let's say you pitch basically chopped the tv show but you change an element yeah networks will be like that's a little too wacky we're going to play a little more safe this season hbo did he pitch the hbo how did he get to make that it's is one of those magical things where i'm like something on television that is truly one of a kind yeah well it's amazing well i think because of because of the success in the in the concepts of like nathan for you this was like just a dialed up crazier version you got to watch it you got to watch it i might marry him a lot of people he's a very he's a sex symbol he he really is he really is i looked it up he's a. Yeah. He's very desired. There was an episode where they, Nathan, for you, the grandson pee thing was amazing. The guy in the first episode who earnestly is worried that his friend from trivia is

going to hate him. I know. I know. It was really sweet. It was so funny. It's so funny. But like building a bar, building an, the concept of the show, building an exact thing so that you can play out every flow chart version of what might happen.

The people texting nothing on their phones, the extras. What about the woman eating the fries? Yeah, yeah. Like that was, it's fierce. I was on this plane and every 40 minutes or so I would just go like And then the workshop The acting workshop Where they have to go do a trade And then present it

And everybody's clapping It's fucking bizarre But you know what though We live a Well I don't want to say where we live But that workshop over there That acting workshop I guarantee they're doing

That weird shit in there Yeah Acting is crazy It is crazy Today you're going to bring in A personal item that belonged to your grandparent and you're gonna sniff it and on the count of three you're gonna start crying it's like they all do weird shit like today we're fucking dead possums for for laughs i wasn't when

i was in college i did something called a sense memory exercise for people to close their eyes and instead of telling a story you have to be like uh the leather of the car is warm on my legs i feel this you're like it's about what you feel taste smell and it's a way to be like, the leather of the car is warm on my legs. I feel this, you're like, it's about what you feel, taste, smell. And it's a way to connect to like the reality of what's happening. I bet there was a lot of RAPE stories. I'm sorry to say. We're talking sophomore year in college sitting there. This girl, love her. Feel the roadhouse whiskey on his breath. Good friend of mine. She retells the horrific car accident she was in, in which she almost died. She's telling us, I hear the glass smash on my left side and I feel it cut my face. She's crying.

I'm like, is this an elective? I'm just like, how much credit are we getting? Are we acting or are we re-traumatizing? Yes. Thank you. Trauma. Trauma hostages. Yeah.

Hey. Hey, well, listen, that was a wonderful- Go Trauma. Trauma hostages. Yeah. Hey. Hey, well, listen, that was wonderful. Go see Megan. Go see, watch the rehearsal. And go see the B-52s. They're going to be in Vegas during the residency. And please encourage us, Fidlana Laboda, to ditch the yellow suit. I think she has already, so maybe we won't troll her for that.

But music makes the people come together. Hey, listen, comment below. Let us know what's your favorite song. I love to comment. I love to. us know what's your favorite song i love to comment i love to wait what's your favorite song right now right now my favorite song what's on the is there anything at the top of the rotation in the past few days what's yours mine is called um it's there's three one is by zvonky it's a russian artist called galasa it's so good. Zvonky. Zvonky is the name. I think the lyrics are kind of cheesy, but, and then the other ones,

is he carming up and down? It's the perfect gym song, mama. It's so fierce. I do have a current favorite. RuPaul, I love looking good, feeling gorgeous. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was listening on my run today and I was like, everyone loves RuPaul's music. Okay, but people like his music.

Yeah. Why does no one talk about Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous is, I think, far and away the best RuPaul song. It is so country. You think it beats Supermodel? Yes. I think it sounds like if Dua Lipa recorded it exactly today as is, people would be like, this is the best song in the world. But because it's a RuPaul old hit. Right. Maybe it isn't on the rights. Maybe that's why they don't put on Drag in the world. But because it's a RuPaul old hit. Right. Maybe it isn't on the rights.

Maybe that's why they don't put on drag race and stuff. But it's, I think this is as good as supermodel. I think it's better than supermodel. No, I know. Yeah. It's pretty good.

Yeah. How do I look? How do I look? And there's like all these pussy cunt sections where he's like speech, where he's like, get my Blackberry. I need to text message my modeling agency. It's so crazy.

Yeah. Buckle fat removal, lipo, like the whole list. It's so crazy. Buckle fat removal. Lipo. Like the whole list. It's great. Hey, bye. We'll see you in Turkey. Bye.