The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Let No Bannister Go Un-Cobwebbed with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Friends, fans, and fellow seekers of the sublime; it is I, Trixie Mattel. Lend me your trembling hearts, for the hour of All Hallows' Eve draws nigh, and with it, my home shall rise from shadowed mediocrity into gothic immortality. Upon my modest parcel of earth shall stand a citadel of candlelight and cobweb, a mausoleum of wonder where even the moon itself will pause to admire its own reflection. Let it be known, from the ocean to the valley, that I do not merely decorate. I consecrate, conjure, and summon the spirit of October itself to rest upon my dwelling. The wind shall whisper through animatronic ravens and even the bravest trick-or-treaters shall quiver with exultation at the majesty of my 12-foot-tall skeletons. And when the final jack-o’-lantern's flame eventually peters out, may it be said that I, in my boundless fervor for the season, did make the world, for one night at least, marvelously macabre. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being your best self at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD Find out why Nutrafol is the best-selling hair growth supplement brand by using promo code BALD at https://Nutrafol.com Get organized, refreshed, and ready for the holidays for way less. Shop all things home at https://Wayfair.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatyalive.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://workinggirlsbook.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠    #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. Last spring, I took an impromptu vacation and wandered to a secluded island retreat in the shimmering Pacific Ocean. It was a place I found on Airbnb where palm trees whispered in the breeze and the horizon resembled liquid gold at dawn. While sipping my coffee on the beach one morning, I had an epiphany. My own home could welcome travelers of its own while I'm away. Why should I let its velvety comfort sit idle when I could host it on Airbnb? I could share every mysterious corner and moonlit balcony while I journey across the globe and earn extra income to fund my dreams, such as the bathroom remodel I've long imagined,

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Hi, divas. We are going to be doing our final live bald shows of the year. November 9th will be in Tucson, Arizona. That's right, we only go to the desert in the winter. And on November 13th, we'll be in Honolulu. Oh, baby. Get your tickets now atrixie and Katya.com. I really want to re-watch American Horror Story Coven.

Mary. We would tear that shit up. We would put our dicks up in there and root around. Not, that is the, that's the overture. I would get in there like, um, Dr. Michael Bodden from Autopsy, the HBO series. And I would fucking. Alien autopsy. That carcass would be cleaned and cleared out.

You and I would be standing over at like vultures. Oh, every, I mean, Mary, let me tell you, let me tell you about that fucking faggot show. I hope maybe I know it's too late for Halloween now maybe next year we could do a double feature we could do Coven into Apocalypse because it's both witchy you know Yes but I'm telling you right now

I have I'm telling you right now I don't know that I have the bandwidth emotionally physically spiritually to handle the tomfoolery the bad shittery of that franchise Oh I do Because it is so

You think I think like sometimes I think I'm a tweaker and then I think of the Sometimes? You know, listen, sometimes I think I would figure it. Then I go to the writing of that show and I'm like, oh no, I have nothing on that motherfucker

or that writing room because they are truly twisted up on that pokey Tita. Please don't talk about the TV show that I was in. Oh, hey, listen, I'm not talking about the actors. You hate my success. It must eat you up. It does eat me up. I'm twisted up.

I'm not talking about the actors, most of whom, many of whom, pretty much all of whom are fantastic. if you want to know what kind of actor I am I only get cast on things to play myself Yeah so you're Julie Roberts I can convincingly do Is Juliana Roberts

She's always herself Did you watch the normal heart Wait I'm not done with Coven Okay Because so halfway through the season Everybody just can come back from the dead Yeah well it's witch stuff It's spooky there's no

There's no The magical framework is so Is established and then dismantled willy-nilly. So it kind of like eliminates any tension from a kind of a supernatural series, don't you think?

No, because people can just die left and right too. But if they can just come back. One day the Supreme just kills Emma Roberts, but then she comes back. But then they kill Jamie Broomer and she don't come back. You know what it is? It gives soap opera that they write it in the morning and they shoot it at night.

That's what it gives to me. I love it. I love that shit. I mean, it's super entertaining. I got to say, the writing wise, is one of the worst stinkers ever. Because it starts off so strong, Mary. It starts off so strong.

It starts off so cunty, especially that season. And then it goes like, Stevie Nix comes and sings a song. I guess, but... Don't you think... To me, it's like, when I'm in the mood for a spicy McChicken, I want a spicy McChicken,

and that shows a gorgeous spicy McChicken. What would the Sopranos be? It's not a bespoke. Cornish hen. You know what I mean? I know exactly weird. I know the analogy you're trying to make, but it's like,

it doesn't mean that like prestige TV is like hard to swallow or that it's hard to appreciate. This show, the writing, sucks. Like, it's really bad. See, it's hard to say that, but like,

I love all the actresses and I love all the imagery. The photography is great. It's like the, the vibes are cool. But like, story-wise, narrative, narrative, narratively,

it's like, what the fuck are they? smoking up in there. Maybe I have low standards. Well, but it's entertaining as fuck. Like, it's so entertaining. Because I guess I celebrate something for what it's good at. No, I love this shit.

You know, not so negative. Shut up. You know. I have too high expectations. I have definitely had too high of, my expectations of COVID were way too high because it started off so strong. It really, I mean, I'll admit that it starts off stronger than it maybe ends, but. Every, every one of those series.

And it starts off Conti. Like most of the series that I've watched, I think I've watched 80% of them, they're riveting. They're absolutely riveting.

And then by the end, I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. It's just so puzzling to me. That's my opinion, though. I like when Ms. Thing gets burned up and then they cover in the swamp mud as she comes back to life.

Myrtle? Oh, yeah. I love when Emma Roberts flips the... Although I was, like, you got to do more than flip that bus. Flip and the vehicle's horny. Yeah, but you got to do a little bit more than that because that's not a you know revenge that's not an equal kind of uh corresponding revenge

when you just get right i like when the supreme spits in the glass of water and makes him drink it and then scrambles their minds i love that i forgot about that i love but see i love when a strong older women are working together when marie levo and what's her face are in the boardroom with the axe guy and they just kill everybody you know working together however when kathy bates is decapitated head is sitting on the table watching roots sure It's like, ooh, I like, who is, I need that pooky Dina recipe. They're spooky and then there's pooky. And it's two different things.

But I like the pooky too. It's very boogie. It's a gay guy spooky. Well, yeah, I would take pooky rather than spooky, which is boring. Like, how about Mary, this is the opposite. I'll give you this. Prestige HBO drama, The Outsider, diametrically opposed. This is like tonight on the outsider, a 20 minute zoom shot of a puddle.

Like, it is so boring. It is so... The first episode, you are clutched, eagle talons on your testes. You are so invested. Jason Bateman coming out of the woods, bloody, all covered in blood in his mouth,

just devoured a child. And then eight episodes later, the action starts to ratchet up. It's just diabolical how slow and boring that fucking series is. So there you go. I would never watch that. You shouldn't.

And I would say, if anything it should have been a movie not a series. They cancel a thousand pound best friend so I feel kind of lost in this world I thought for sure we're coming back for a season three because it got really good I think that the longevity of those ladies' lives perhaps is a bit called into question

no no no it started to get good because when people got the surgeries they started to be mad because at each other like you don't celebrate me because when one of them gets thin the other ones get surly. Very jealous. It gets fierce also they added in a man last season so it was like a group of women kind of doing Real Housewives style drama

with like a guy And he's just sitting there So wait wait Is this issue with his mom And he's not gay But he was really fun and cool I think his name Scott His issue was

He was trying to lose weight But he would like go to the doctor With his mom still Which I don't know I think we need to separate From the mom unit At some point in life Adult adult

Which is just say for example Guestimate Maybe 30 Okay 30 at the doctor With the mom is a little weird You know, but maybe when it's an extreme health crisis, you do need the parent support. Right. And so he's like, I've been really good at my diet.

And his mom is sitting there. And his mom is basically like, no, I found two dozen string cheese wrappers in your room yesterday. And he's like, mom. Like it's, it's, mom, gee whiz, mom. I want to go sleep over at Brad's house tonight. By the way, shout out to string cheese. I'm sitting at home being like, hell yeah. Oh, my God.

Hell yeah, string cheese. No, ma'am. What about the Oreo cakester rappers I found all littered around the bed of the person's? Those aren't even that good. So I don't even know how you have so many of those. I don't either. I don't either.

Also, I don't know I have $150 a loose change on the floor. Well, what is your, what is your Oreo cakester? What is your, let me carpet this room with the rappers, bitch. Baby, baby, baby, baby, let me tell you one more time. When I touch me like this. Red vines. Hold on, no, no, hold on. What is it?

And the greatest love of all is outshine bars. Outshine bars, bitch, you motherfucketticals. You big old faggity bitch. The no sugar added ones are good. No sugar. No, no, no, no, full fat sugar. Mary, tangerine, grape, pomegranate, cherry lime, coconut.

You want a soft coconut? Ooh, lime, lemon. delicious, refreshing, gorgeous, show-stopping, unstoppable. Show versatility. It's just, let me... Outshine could do bomb pops, but bomb pops could never do Outshine.

You see, I've never even heard of that brand because Outshine shines them out so fiercely. Bombs are those blue, white, and red, dog dick-looking things? Oh, the Rocket ones. Yeah. From the... Those are good, too. The truck.

They're fine, but outshines them clearly. Right. You don't realize... They're delicious. I have eaten four boxes. in a row. In one day? Oh, in one sitting.

Fierce, bitch. Mama, when I found out about Miss Pomegranate, I almost nutted. Right. And then Ms. Grape followed along and I was like, are you kidding me?

It was like, this can't be that, this can't be real. I must be dreaming. I must, this, I have full body chills the whole day. Right. And I brought some over to Phenas. And when I, like,

was putting something together and I looked in the freezer and they weren't there. I almost started crying. You can always get more. Oh, of course I can, but I got to go to Rossons has them. I got to go to Ralph's. I go to Ralph's and I literally take every single one they have.

Is Gelson's high dollar? Yes. Jennifer Coaches. Gelsus is ridiculous. Jennifer Coaches recently said to me like, oh, Gelson's a little rich for my blood. And I was like, Gelsons? Mary, let me tell you about Gelsons. What could it banana be?

$10? Yeah, exactly. Gelsons, the only thing is it's impeccable. It's like clean as fuck. It's all, all the apples are shining in order or whatever. And there's not too many things. It's kind of like Trader Joe's where it's like, these are the tater tots. There's not 40 brands.

This is it. So when you're quick shopping, I do believe there's less options. I maybe I disagree a little bit, but it's just like, it's, hey, do you want a $15 muffin? Go to go to Gelsons. Well, you know when I went to Costco that one time, I bought two dozen onions and spent the whole summer Googling how to use them work. Why did you buy, oh, just because you Chris?

Just because I was like, you know what? We definitely need you to 24 onions. Tell you what, last night I really killed it. I got, you know that. Wait, I'm not talking. Wait, I just want to say one last thing about Outscheon. Say it all. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'll shine. Sponsor me. You sponsor or not, I will be gobbling up your delicious treats. Yeah, I guess we just told them they don't need to sponsor because we're going to keep buying talking about them. And maybe that, you know, they're probably responsible for the assassination of JFK. Who knows? Every company is problematic. I, I, it has curbed or curtailed or eclipsed my desire or.

hunger for dairy ice cream. I don't see her anymore. I know I'll see her in the future, but we're on a little break. We're in a what do you call it? Trial separation. No, I completely get that. I love like a full fat dairy ice cream item.

Absolutely. I was on a walk in Milwaukee last week. Walking in Milwaukee. Walk. I'm a, um, you started thinking about the outshine. You started nutting.

Oh. Um, I was walking and I was walking by pizza shuttle and I was like, pizza shuttle. Yeah, on the east side. And this is me on my walk, right? I thought, I'm on my health walk.

I'm going to go on my gorgeous health walk. Now, the good news is I did go on a seven mile walk. The bad news is, on the way, I did stop for a slice of pizza at Ian's pizza. And then I stopped for a slice of ice cream, but it was no sugar, no fat. And I thought that was huge for me. That is, that was huge for me. That I didn't sit there and take one of those 10 gallon buckets of ice cream and fuck myself with it. Do you realize that?

I do fully realize that. I respect it and I applaud it. However, I am suspicious of the nature or the quality of why sugar-free and fat-free ice cream. It's harm reduction. But what is it, though? It's my needle exchange. Do you know what I mean? It's needle exchange.

It's like, I'm going to do it anyway. So can we do it more, less hazardous? Totally, but what is it? Well, Xanthin gum? No, that's a commercial grade stabilizer. I know about ice cream. She does know about ice cream. I mean, like milk and sugar, that's all it is.

Yeah, I mean, I do love ice cream. It's just... What's your favorite ice cream if you could eat it and it'd never gain a pound? Girl. Yeah, to choose three for the rest of your life. How much time do we have? I love any kind of strawberry cheesecake scenario. Ooh.

With the graham cracker salty crust chunks with the strawberry and like the cheesecake-flavored ice cream. You want the texture. You want the items. You want the... I love the crunching. Yeah. Cherry Garcia from Ben and Jerry's. Now what's in that?

It's cherry ice cream with dark chocolate chunks. Oh, yeah. And when they're cold like that, the dark chocolate pieces are thin and they really crackle in your mouth. Yeah, they'll break them teeth. They'll break the enamel in your teeth. They're the cunt factory. And then?

I'm going to say Chunky Monkey for Ben and Jerry. Which is? It's a banana flavored ice cream with chunks of like, I think, chocolate and peanut in it. Okay. Banana flavored ice cream as a base is really fun. I love banana. You love a mixed chunk. I love a mixed chunk.

I love a fruity versus a crunchy something. Oh, you love a conflict in the mouth. Yes. How about you? I would have to say black raspberry is the raspberry is the ice cream. So this is like a, the black raspberry is kind of like a, is like a, not very accurate. It's the purple kind. I know what you're talking about.

It is purple. It's, but it's not raspberry. It's, well, different places call it different things. You know what when you see it? Like pornography. Yeah. I like, um, oh, fuck. See, I would just go.

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate chip, and then fucking butter-pecan. Literally, it's just like straight up. Are you 95 years old? 116. And then I have golden, were there original chewis in my desk drawer. When I used to work at the ice cream place, we would see people coming and we would profile them. Because people, you can tell what they're going to get. It would be like, old people would be like, oh, here comes butter pecan and maple nut.

Damn. Love it. What about it, salt and straw? Here comes Thanksgiving turkey. comes Dracula blood. Well, love that. But usually they're not serving ice cream in the fall up north where I worked. Oh, they're not.

Summer programs. Summer shows, summer things. Oh, right. But then people will come back. It'll be kids and you'd be like, oh, that's going to be Blue Moon. Do you fuck with a mint chocolate chip? Of course. Of course.

How about a honey lavender? Mint chocolate chip is like toothpaste, like, fuck-ass cousin. Polyamorous cousin just getting blown out. I don't do cookie dough ice cream. I don't much care. for it either. I don't want to do peanut butter ice cream. Yeah, I wouldn't say I would ever choose that either.

And then sometimes you would pick like, you see people coming and you'd be like, oh, brownie. Anything with a brownie in it? Oh, yeah, like a brownie Sunday. Chocolate fudge brownie. Love. Chocolate fresh brownie. Love. Well, this isn't really helping my diet for us to sit here and talk about ice cream. But we can just get it out so it's out of your system.

you didn't know. Our new quieter trains are great for listening to that self-help podcast you lied about actually listening to. Get on board. Via Rail, love the way. We bet you didn't know. Our new quieter trains are great for listening to that self-help podcast you lied about actually listening to. Get on board. Via Rail, love the way. Let's talk about Oh, so I want to give you a, I want to give you a pull-up bar. This is a riveting conversation for the people at home in the car or whatever. I want to give you a pull-up bar that I just want to make sure you have a door jam, a frame. In my antique home?

You want me to tear the door? No, in the studio. No, in the studio. Do you have one of those things that's like a molding? You think I'm going to go to my drag studio to use the pull-up bar? Yeah. Not your drag studio, your guest house. I'm sorry.

Oh, the guest house. Yeah, maybe in the guest house. Yeah. Because that's like newer than the home. It's got to have. one of those little frame right that you could just yeah that's where i keep all my workout stuff anyway perfect i'm gonna install that today whether you like it or not do you believe in hallowing decorations i absolutely believe they exist i mean i think this is the year that i go the

fuck off on my house with these hallowing okay now what exactly does that kind of mean because i'm a little concerned well you know i go the fuck off for christmas yeah but that's like that's much okay yes so my house is very old and spooky and dark What about cobwebs? Those cotton cobwebs, I wish. Of course. I think I'm going to do them on the banisters on the stairs. How I've never in my life seen them look artful.

But that's not going to stop me. It looks like cotton candy. Like cotton candy. Your limited scope of what's possible isn't going to cap my possibility of my joy. I have a very broad scope of what's possible. I'm a great Halloween haunted house enjoyer. You don't even have spider. I know spiders.

Some of my best friends are spiders. I know about webs. I just, oh, wait, don't tell me, we've got to talk about things on the floor. I'm not going to bite off spider culture without probably going to a spider-owned business. Like, you know what I mean? You got to talk to Spider-Man. Go straight to the Spider-Man. Spiderman.

My dermatologist, Laurence Spider-Man. Spiderman. I've been really into Spider-Man as a last name. It's great. What about Spichemen? Dr. Spichemen? Dr. Spicheman? It's good.

I've been really thinking about this year, my house. just needs a little push to be not just a little witchy, but witch out. You need the 80 foot skeleton in the front yard. The balcony. What about the balcony? Oh, baby. It's a whole scene up there. It's a whole monster mash kind of scenario.

What do you think about the guest bathroom downstairs? What about you? You walk in, um, skeleton in the shower with towel on the head and tall wrapped around. Screaming. Screaming. Screaming. Screaming. And then, um, and then you try to flush the toilet, blood comes up, like shooting up into

the ceiling. That could be messy. It's Halloween. My house is just old and spooky It just, I think you have to go You have to go witchy You can't do It's all about, it's Jackalinards and Lighting

It's Jackalinards and Lighting You can't do, like my house is not going to be You know what I really hate The Flattened Witch that looks like it hit a wall With the arms and legs straight out Oh, I don't know her Oh, it's the fucking dumbest thing girl Unless you have one, good for you at home

But I don't know Crash at my house I think that Halloween tacky Is a lot worse than Christmas tacky for some reason because it's like also how when do you put up the Halloween you got to take it down after November like November 2nd

yeah November 1st is got to come down but that's why I believe that you have to start the decorations early too before October I was going to start this month yeah why not it's fall do you have to wait till the fall the autumnal equinox

I got to wait for the leaves start to turn in Los Angeles I was going to say I was going to say wait for the leaves to turn but I realize we live in California. We live in California. Oh, it's a horrible time to live in L.A. Let me tell you what, Marianne.

It's a horrible time to live in L.A. The fall. It's always a hard time to live in L.A. Yeah, but oh, come on, please. The winter. I have a hair in my mouth. The fall, even in Boston, New York, magic.

Magic. Damn. Don't you think? Yeah. I don't think it's ever magical to live in Los Angeles. I don't want to be a hater. You don't think that winter, Mama, you don't think around February 12th? It's not delightful to walk out of your-

It's you and the shittiest people you know, hitting pause on the weather for three months. Right. No, Mary. You know, the reason I decided to set up shop in this shit-ass bucket fuckhole of a town is for its weather. Oh, I don't prefer winter. No. I'm not going. In winter in Milwaukee, I say goodbye to everyone about Halloween.

And I said, I'll see you. New Year maybe for like a day, but I'm not doing... No, no, girl. When I got caught in that, the gridlock moment, the gridlock crisis of Boston and year, whatever the fuck it was, when we were all in traffic. It was the gridlock crisis during a snowstorm, a major snowstorm, took me eight hours to drive two miles. Boop.

Had to get gas. Had to get gas. I'm not kidding. We were everybody, the city and the schools and the businesses all released at the exact same time. it was like everybody in boston will know about it i think it was on 2016 15 whenever before i moved it was the winter running out of gas in the street yeah i had to go i had to go like some people are pushing their cars in the gas station that's like the people trying to get into kochella and running out of gas and shitting on the side of the road well that's different if you shouldn't the snow

nobody can see that but i think it burning man once they're and they start shitting on the road trying to get into it they're like we were going to do this anyway you know what i mean they're like oh my god someone passed out shitting party started her Do you think that those people get truly pebble and coal dust up their pussy? You should ask Ms. Thing over here because you did a 10. Nick was just there. When you go to suck cock on day eight of that, do you just know that it's going to be a slim gym? It's going to be gravelly.

You're going to pull back the foreskin. It's going to be sheathed in margarine. And you're just going to say, sure. Margarine she. A lester blown out the back, too. A lester? You know why I'm in. In spooky mode. I started watching horror movies like a month ago.

Okay. Like what? For example. Just the criterion collection per me. You have the criterion collection? No, per me. My own criterion collection. Can I make a suggestion that's on the criterion collection? Yeah, sure. The Devils by Ken Russell. Oh, what's it about? Maybe. What year's that? Uh, 71 maybe. I'm not sure. What's it about? I'm going to send you the trailer and you will gag. But you won't tell me now. No, it's about, um, it's during the plague, I believe the church. I think a nun gets road or rooted with a motorized dildo.

Maybe the imagery is off the chain. Ken Russell, I did like a little feature. I watched a feature red on him. He did the Tommy, the rock musical, the rock opera with Anne Margaret and the beans. It's one of my favorite movies. Yeah, it was groundbreaking too. Love that movie.

There'd never been in a rock opera like that before. Yeah, Ken Russell. Do you love that movie? Oh, yeah. Mary. Me fucking too much. The way that I want to recreate that bean scene with black sludge for black diarrhea.

Have we never talked about this? I love that fucking movie. Yeah, you're going to love... I'll send you a list. He's on... It's on the Criterion Collection, uh, criterion channel or whatever it is now. Um,

and I can't wait to watch it. The Devils. That Tina Turner Acid Queen number is the best shit I've ever seen. The Tina Turner Acid Queen number. Oh, you're gypsy! Acid Queen! It's crazy. It's amazing.

The Bean commercial's crazy. The Bean commercial is nuts. With the white carpet. Girl. Shooting. Just. And then she's crazy. She has, and then she's on the, on the bed where there's like the long pillow and she's like, she's rolling slowly.

It's fierce. When she's going. Oh, with the hair. Yeah. I was like, why is that me? Why is that me? It's full of you. And Margaret is so cold.

And the big statues. The giant. You'll play the mean pimballs. This motherfucker. So good. Ken Russell, this motherfucker's got a vision like nobody else. Also the church where they all worship Maryland. Yeah.

And then the masks. It's so kind, right? It's fucking great. It's incredible. incredible. I highly recommend it. But The Devils, with Vanessa Redgrave, that's on my list to watch next. I want to talk to you about something that is also diabolical, speaking of devils. Tripping on stuff that I put on the floor.

Have you ever... Have you ever... I've never tripped. You know, when Rupal's, she constantly talks about self-sabotage and your inner saboteur. Is she talking about kettlebells and shit on the floor? She's talking about, Mary, she's talking about everything on the floor that I put there. I, so just for example, a water bottle, a shoe, a weight, a piece of paper, anything, anything that I pick up from one place and for whatever reason I put in the floor. I am guaranteed to step on it or kick it the next time I enter that room and I never fucking learn and it's driving up the wall.

What if we get you some pylons for the home? What does that mean? Orange cones. But I, every time you put up to be so high though. They happen to be so high because I don't look down. down. I got my eyes on the road. I'm looking up. I'm looking forward. That's about it. Got it. What if we hire some young men, maybe hot, to be in the home and kind of have the stop and slow kind of signs like Tret. Or I stop being like a fucking moron and just don't put stuff on the floor. Do you realize how many bottles of lube I have kicked over and then imagine?

Well, I'm surprised there's any left. It's crazy. Well, here's that you need to do. You need to adapt to me. my posture and you'll always be looking at the floor and you will never stub your toe on anything. Yeah, the problem is I'm always like super erect like this like. Yeah. Love that. Yeah. So the films I watched. Okay, wait, wait, the last thing. The little miniature

car. Oh, very home alone. You should set up movie traps in your own home. I do though for myself inadvertently. It's so pathetic. Listen, some days you're a Kevin, some days you're a Marve. Okay. This episode of The Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair. Friends, Romans, country thems. As you may or may not be aware, the holidays are coming.

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in Spanish? I'm trying to do witchy but not doing cringe millennial hocus pocus Harry Potter core. Does that make sense? I'm trying to do

LA crystal core. Crystal core. Well, good luck with that. You have your house decorated for crystal all year. All you need is some pipes and stuff.

I keep tripping on things like glass pipes, hot glass pipes. I have so many torches and you know, good. It's terrible. Terrible.

It's terrible. You haven't mentioned how lovely my hair looks today but it's fine. I'm getting used to it. This is one of my second time seeing it. We're going to do it after the pod. I put some thought to be in there.

Beautiful. Commanding. Thank you. It's commanding of the space. She doesn't shrink under scrutiny. No, actually. She asserts herself.

You being this tan too, your eyes look super blue. Yeah, I guess I'm colorblind because I think they look either green, but I guess I'll trust everybody else is judgment. You look like the front woman

for a lesbian band. I know, I look like I am co-producer of the Lilith Fair. For sure. Yeah. Or maybe just an AP.

A PA. Yeah. Two years in a row, though. Yeah. So. Movies. I've been trying to watch the classics.

So I watch, well, my personal classics, I guess. So I watched Texas Chantown Masker. Did you like that movie? I do like it. I just,

it kind of is a slow burn. So much of the first half of it is just the group and nothing's really happened yet, the sibling relationship. But when it kicks off, another face, tears open that door, grabs that fucking guy and closes the wall back up, you're like, oh shit, this is lifting off. Yeah. I mean, it's certainly that is a fucking scary, it's a scary house and a scary

man to be pursued by. And the performance, the Maryland, I believe her name is, the main girl who like makes it on the back of the truck at the end. It's turnt. Is it really? Historically screaming. Watched Halloween. So, okay.

So, okay. So, okay. So, it's interesting, because I don't care for that franchise whatsoever. And I'm curious, like,

and I'm not trying to be a hater. I swear to God, I'm really not. Because I like some things are so fucking whack. But like, like, what do you like about it? Um.

Also, no, who stabs like this? Me. No, but like, I was like, a director would, wouldn't they realize

that you don't, you don't move like that Yeah, that's true. Like it's a very strange detail that I didn't catch until the most recent time I viewed it. And it's a very weird error by a director

who's pretty brilliant. You know? I like the like... There's like a lingering someone's watching. The bush scene? Yes. Mama, that bush scene is...

The part where she sees him in the backyard with the sheets. Oh, it's yeah. It's like... I like... how long it takes for her to even see him. The daytime stuff is terrifying. Yeah. I like how long it takes for her to

even see him. And then that, of course, that incredible ab controlled. Love that. Wild. Love the doctor. Just talking about how evil he is. There's a lot of buildup. I don't ever love in those old

movies the moment where the final girl walks into a room and everyone who's dead is in one room. I don't ever love that. Wait, what does that happen? It happens on like Friday. 13th, it happens in this where she, like, all of a sudden at the end, while she's running from the killer, I ran into my dead friend's body. Oh, I stepped over her dead body. Oh, right. Her realizing everyone's dead. I guess it's a good way to level up the, oh my God, everyone's dead.

Yeah. But I watched that, watched every scream in a row. Oh, wow. How many are there? One, two, three, four, five, I think six. Rose McGowan deserved better. I'm sorry. That, that garage door thing was such a bookie, like, it's such a biff. It's so iconic. It's iconic. It's iconic. It's iconic. But it's gory. Scared the shit on to me. I thought it was from a scary movie the first time I saw it. No.

I think it's... You really don't think that's scary? No. I don't think it's scary at all. And I don't think it's very... Well, I don't think it's like, um, gory enough either. Well, you're never going to die that way, honey? Because that garage door can't pick your big ass up.

Okay. I wouldn't be able to fit my huge hand through that thing. My Wiggles wiglet. No, but I mean, like, I wanted her to be sotted and half. That's how Jimbo would die in, like, like her boobs, her big boobs. Right. But like, I went in a world where she, where somehow he like undid the whole mechanism and then the thing went and sliced her in half. You know what I mean? Something like that.

A guillotine type of moment. There's a part in Scream. Or Drilled her. Dilled her eyes out with, he's in the garage, you know, grab something. There's a part in Scream 4 where this girl is trying to crawl out of the garage door and he closes it on her. Backbreaking. But backbreaking. Come on. You just need to go to the chiropractor. What about, um, does she? you get like actually physically bifurcated? No.

There's like a crunch noise. When you hear that crunch? When you get that crunch? What else did I watch? What's your favorite kill if you had to, or top three favorite kills in those movies? In those films? I like it when the cold open with Anna Pacquin and what's her name and then it's kind of

meta. Oh yeah. That's fun. That's fun. Love any name like Marnie. That type of shit. There's a girl in that. Marnie.

Marnie. You know what I mean? Who is mom? What does that mean? Is that a kill? Just the name moment for like a young girl. It's like, okay. You know, I wish that in horror movies, everyone had more interesting names.

Because it is scary when you're like, Cindy, this isn't funny. But I wish it was like everybody had funky wild names. Well, I guess now, like in the future, it would be like, Mick Brailin. Yeah. You know, whatever. Alethea. Yeah. Yeah.

biblical names. Stop at Leviticus. This isn't funny. I'm sorry, but Leviticus is a cunty, cunty name. Also, all the Latin, the class. Latin names for the seven deadly sins. They eat. Gula.

Love that. Miss Gula. This is my daughter Gula. Gula. My sister Akadia. This is what's it called? Luxuria. Love her.

Luxuria. I don't know what you're talking about. So I'm talking about the Seven Deadly Sins in their Latin names. Like lust is Luxuria or greed is avaritia or awaritia it's like they're all sound like really funky fun names ghula gula is kind of wild what is the other one um superbia

love that superbia actually they sound like car names do the toy um the honda superbia or the um the Subaru gula the Subaru gula yeah something very Texas chains that happened to me when i got to Milwaukee I have something crazy that happened to me. Someone tried to cut your face off? No, I got to Milwaukee and I was like, that's weird. The lights are part, my condo are off. Oh, that's weird.

The thermostat is off. Oh, no, the electricity's off. Mind you, I haven't been there since December 30th. And there was frozen pizzas and lean cuisines in the freezer. So I was like a movie where I realized if X and Y, then Z. So like I creep to the to the fridge. I open it. the refrigerator is kind of gross

because it's just stagnant air the freezer larva pupa dripping from like alien flies coming out little like blue like bluish yellow like bugs in the freezer I step away

thank God for Airbnb I go on the Airbnb app I have an Airbnb down the street in 20 minutes it was 530 I was in an air maybe by 6 thank God on it that was fucking So then I plan my attacks.

The next day I go back, I call WeE Energies in Milwaukee. Shout out to Wee Energies, and I'm going to let you know what these bitches tried to do to me. So I called the building. The electrician's like, oh, it's got to be just your unit because all the energy in the building is working. Your neighbors, everyone else, the hallway. Call We energies. So I call We energies. I go, hi, it's me.

And they go, yeah. When did you buy the unit? I said, 2020. And they said, oh, well, we, and I said, I thought it. was included in the building because my you've never paid an electric bill on the whole condo since 2020 no so my so my air conditioning and my water are all included so i thought all things were included right all inclusive like jamaica sandals right i thought i was on like a sandals jamaica all inclusive flew out yeah yeah so condos are like cruises right right so i go well what about

and she goes well this is a secure line or but this is a recorded line and you said that you bought it in 2020, so we are going to have to back charge you. And I said, wait a minute. I said, I'm glad this is a recorded line because I need you to hear this. So you will know. And you're told them we'll someday know. Yeah. My primary residence is blank, blank. And I was like, and I'm not paying for she's like, well, looks like there was electricity used. And I said, by who? There were no sparks from when I threw my baton into the air. Yeah, I was just like, I'm, I was like, I'm not paying that. Also, what, where was my contract that I pay you that? What are you talking about? Where is so I I guess I did get five years of free energy.

So shout out to that. But where's the bill? Well, now I'm proud. At the end of the call, they go, and would you say that your experience with energy is as satisfactory? I said, well, this is my first day being a customer. So I guess we'll see. TBD, bitch.

I go, okay, now that the energy's on, I'm going to turn up the fridge and the freezer overnight. And when I come back, all those bugs will be dead. So instead of fighting live flies and bugs, I came back and they were all dead. So it was a lot better to clean out. And after I deep scrubbed and cleaned it and bleached it and deodorized it. You make banana bread out of those bugs. What?

You can make high protein banana bread out of those bugs. I won't be doing that. So then, now this has been happening for a while. Like two years ago, my stove went out at that apartment, but I haven't been there. And to get appliance delivered, you need to be there for like a week because, you know, with windows. We're going to be there from between 12 a.m. and 12 p.m. That type of shit. Yeah, from Tuesday to Tuesday.

Yes. So I also need a washer and drive. Because the dryer went out recently. So I was like, this is the trip where I'm going to get this all taken care of. And I have so much Best Buy rewards coming to me and make your head fucking spin. Right. So I go down to Best Buy. I take pictures of all the appliances.

And this guy helps me. And I always love to go to Best Buy. Love Best Buy. I love the possibility. You will catch me buying things. You will catch me walking through the fake kitchens, just turning knobs. Like, I love it. I love it.

Bringing frozen pizza to put it in the oven. Yes. I love the fake kitchens. I've never seen them at Best Buy. Well, oh, don't get me started on Home Depot, baby. Love it. I walk into those fridges and then just chill for a second. Hell yeah.

So I'm like, I go to Best Buy. I get to delivery, by the way, for them to bring your appliances and take the old ones is only $39, which I think is a pretty good deal. In fact that they're going to take away the old ones. Where's the scam? Well, I'm going to let you know. Because that sounds too good to be true, baby. So the people come to hook up the appliances and I'm sitting there eating my sub away, right? Yeah, with your, with your, what are you wearing

Sutton Shmese, hard nipples? I don't think I'm wearing like a truly a Bugs Bunny T-shirt. I'm like, Bugs Bunny T-shirt, no pants, no pants. And I'm drinking a Celsius. And the moving guy goes, do you have another one of those? And I said, no. Oh, he asked for a fridge.

Asked for a beverage and you did not for one. That's such interesting. So they bring the stove and they go, we can't take it because the hookup behind your stove is a hookup for a washer and dryer. And the hookup behind your washer and dryer is for a stove. And that's why both appliances shorted out. The good old switcheroo, freaky Friday.

So then I had to call an electrician to come swap out both things. Damn. And then now they just got a text on Best by yesterday saying, we need you to schedule your pickup now that you fixed it because they're going to come get it. But couldn't you, I mean, couldn't you have just like made it do with put your clothes in the oven and put your food in the washer? Right? I feel like, I guess.

I was not pissed off, but I was like kind of annoyed because I made, I was there in Milwaukee for a week. So I was like, this is my trip to get this all squared away. And instead of it getting fixed, They were like, Best Buy is like, we need another week to discover your, to do another delivery. And I was like, oh, God. Mama. Hostage.

Hostage. Give me another horror movie. Give me another horror movie. Well, I watched. You know Friday the 13th? I love Friday the 13th. You do? I do.

The first second and third I love. Why? I like it. I like the campground shit. You like the campground shit? I like the campground shit. I also watched, I know what you did last summer. Oh, the new new?

No, the old one. Okay. And I, would Jennifer love Hugh. I didn't like it as much as I remember liking it. Yeah. Did you know it was a mystery novel? I mean, it certainly begs the question. A question. So it is mysterious.

I thought I was going to go see the new one. So I was prepping by watching the old one. And then I just seeing the old one with fresh eyes, I was like it doesn't eat the way I remember it eating for me personally. Yeah. The second one has Brandy and Jack Blacks. Maybe that's the superior one. I don't know. It's just

seems like a kind of like a toothless like nothing kind of a movie rewatch the barbarian yeah and then fucking weapons man yeah well watch weapons god I love Gladys I just can't get enough for her

but I just feel like Did you see a bring her back? What did you see Bring her back? Yes Bring her back was Kunti we talked about this I know I'm sorry lizard brain I just worry and I love everyone I always worry about a certain costume

of the year annoying the shit out of me oh the minute I saw the minute she was introduced I'm not joking I'm not joking the minute she was introduced and she performed the first spell I was like well

it's over here it is the lattice is the Halloween diva and it's already started I just mean if we're going to do it Let's do it with some dignity. And you better have 25 kids with tracing you

all around the neighborhood. Thank you. Great group costume. Glass broken in every household within a five mile radius. That's what I want to see. And I'll be the bitch in the nightgown with the two little braids.

I'll be that kind of gladys. I just always want people to bring it. Yeah. No, I know. And nobody ever does. It's going to be a lot of group costumes of that, I think. Well, what about that fucking year where everybody was the lost

or the stuck Chilean minors? That wasn't such poor taste. What? Yes. Remember that? Remember all the church. Chilean miners that were stuck for so long and everybody dressed up as them. It was like

so crazy. Weren't we in some kind of show where I had a joke, Chilean miners? Tricks ain't Katja Live. Turns out they were all over 18. Yes. That's what it was. Times change, people change. Wasn't a good joke then. It wasn't a good joke now.

Willing to risk it all for a shitty joke. That's comedy. While I was in Milwaukee, I also, I was driving by, it was like a movie. It was August 31st, I think, 29th. And I was driving by a billboard that said, Joan Jett and the Blackheart and Billy Idol at the American Family Amphitheater on Sunday. And I was like, holy shit. You go.

Of course I went. I called up Gooch and Val. I say, get a sitter for the kids. You're coming out. Because Gooch loves Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. And so do I. Who doesn't? And my first pride I ever went to, Gooch took me when I was 15 to see Joan Jett.

Gooch. And that was 20 years ago now, 35 to 15. And so I said, oh my God, Gooch, we're going to see Joan Jut in the Black Hearts. I'm a gay man, you're a gay woman, and you took me to see Joan Jett. And we're going to see her again in Milwaukee 20 years later. Oh, I just love you so much. I'm so happy. And Gooch goes, yeah, I've seen her a bunch of times.

Love. Love. She took your big ball of enthusiasm and just, I love that. Me and my family have this relationship. A little time will go by and I'll go by and I'll go. go, you know what? Family, love, meaning. And I'll put my hand out and they'll go, and then I go, ow, fuck, I should have known. Then a little time will go by. And I'll go, Christmas is magical. What do you know? And then it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you're like, you're hanging from the, you're hanging from the cliff and then you put that other arm up and they've just like walked away. Yeah. But they did come. And my mom, you know, my mom is ADA. And so I was like, do you want the ADA seating? So you can sit the whole time, but it's further to the back. Sorry, what does that stand for? I'm so stupid. American Disability Act. Oh, gotcha. Okay. So I was like, would you like the ADA seating, but it's a little further

back? But it's a little higher so people who have to sit the whole time, because rock concerts, people stand. They do. Or would you rather sit and like, I was like, they got these fierce tickets. Fourth Road tickets, only $110. Are you fucking kidding me? I was like, this is really great. Where they playing? The American family

amphitheater in Milwaukee. Oh, in Milwaukee. Yes. Okay, okay. And if it was in LA, they'd probably be able to 8.50. Oh, my God. To sit in the nosebleeds at Katie Perry, did they just drain your bank account? Oh, my God. Don't get me started. So we get there, and Val's, she's ready, right?

She took her good pain pill. She's on her edible. She's getting the tequila. She's going off, right? She's three sheets to the wind. She's not going to feel that knee pain today. She said, uh, uh, uh, she was ready. She's doing the dugging and the stanky leg.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We went to play pool. I haven't played pool with my mom in so long. Whooped my ass. Oh, that makes me so happy. She just threw the cue ball right at your face. I just, I think her arthritis has been doing better

because she was very active and I was like, good for her. I forgot that you really eat at this. And Gouche goes, yeah, she hasn't played a while either. I was like, damn. That rusty bitch smoked you. Right. So we're at the concert and it's, you know, us sitting there and it was perfect. Park, sit down.

As soon as a sit down, show starts. Oh, baby. No waiting. Bona, bono pre-come in my boner. No waiting. No waiting. I'm Val is really high on her gummy

So she's like I have a dry mouth Do you have anything So I have some Swedish fish And I give them to her And then she sees Two other edible Like marijuana gummies

In the bottom of the Swedish fish Because you know I'm always packing And she goes Are those edibles Somebody says I said no Do you want something to drink

She goes I'll have a tequila soda And Gooch goes Miss Val goes She goes all the way But she's you know what She's in the prime Of her life

She's in her golden years And she's at a So the prime of her life in a golden years are two very different stages. Why? The golden, the golden prime of her life. Right.

She's the golden prime of her life. And Gooch loves Joan Jett and so do I. So we're losing it. Gouche is, I'm screaming. Oh, yeah. I love Joan Jett. And what's the, what's the demographic around you? Old.

And I actually hope that everyone was going to be so old that they would sit. And Gouche is like, no, no. Everyone's going to stand. People love to turn out. But what I saw B-52 is a lot of my favorite concerts are a lot of older people. these old people tear up. Their body gets reanimated. Yeah.

You know, the music is life. Yeah. Joan Jett was incredible. She was so awesome. And I've seen her twice now. It's like, damn, 20 years ago, I love the shit. Today I love the shit. You eat.

And, you know, her political affiliation, she's very blue and very loud and lesbian and queer and fierce. And I just love her. And also, her and Billy Idol, even though it's like old white people in the audience, they are rock music and freedom. and they represent, you know, stick it to the man shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it was a nice environment to be surrounded by old white people and actually not feel...

Like you're at an A-PAC function? Yes, I was like, these people can hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I like seeing some of these older gals in the audience who put on, like, the leather miniskirts and the corsets and stuff. The bangor sisters. The bangers sisters. Not even like a funny way.

Like, look great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hair destroyed. Especially in, oh, you're in Milwaukee, but I was going to say, especially in L.A., I love that shit. Biker chicks. Love. gorgeous like like a heavy makeup with like for like not not curtain bangs like new trend

curtain bangs they've had for 40 years like the ones that go boop and boop yes yeah i love that shit it was so good joan jett was so good the music is so good i'm listening to her i'm like she's in her 60s i'm like she sounds perfect the guitar playing in her 60s that's all she'd but she was awesome well the runaways she was 15 i believe wow in the runaways the band that joan jett and shiry curry were in they were like 15 14 traveling the world. Their parents, MIA, while they're all just doing drugs, traveling.

Latchkey kids, just stroking it. Did you, can you check to see if I love rock and roll was the number one during 1982? I believe it was. I think I've told you this before. 27 record labels passed on I love rock and roll. They all said it's not a hit. Well, there could be 27 record labels in the room.

Totally. You knew! I love, I mean, listen, rock and roll. I was born to love it. Fierce. And also get physical by living in John. I think it was the most, the longest, number one. She, but you loved it. She eats. She slaps. She was so good. I mean, it's like, obviously like, cherry bomb, bad reputation. Do you want to touch me? Crensen and Clover. Oh, you did it on drag race. It's such a good song. It's, it's so good. That's a banger. The only thing is there was one part where

she was like, talked a little bit about America. And she's like, I have something I want to read. And she pulled out The Holy Bible. Something from Abraham Lincoln, I think. And it was very, the people are for the people, by the people, whatever that is. She pulled out the fucking. But I also was like, I was waiting for her to tell all these old white people like, I'm queer. And if you're here and you're not like liberal a little bit, you don't get to come here and vulture on my talent, you fucking pimply fucks. But it was very bipartisan.

And so she said something very like, for the people. the people and the guy next to me yelled amen and I was like I don't think she's saying what you think she's saying but I know why if you have probably a lot of older fans you probably have to take the Dolly Parton route where you say things like I believe all people should be treated good

All lives matter. Yes and the big superstars, the Beyonce's and stuff they do take that sort of trying to bring the kids together. Yes. And I'm okay with that. I don't need everything to be a spit in the face. No but I think it also depends on the particular artist. I think Beyonce is less

she's definitely gets way more political in her imagery and stuff, but Dolly Parton has always been about love. For sure. Dolly Parton's always, she's like, she's like the real RuPaul. Right. Like everybody say love. That's like Dolly Parton's thing. And she's never straight from it.

People have been critical of Joan Jett in the past about like, I was reading this on her Wikipedia. People had said that she like, groups would be like, if you really were looking out for the gay community, you would be more vocal about being a lesbian. And she was like, how am I not projecting that I'm, I'm a lesbian. Yeah.

What part of this are you confused about? Is there any ambiguity about the silhouettes on the mud flaps of my truck? She's like, I'm in my leather pants, singing about my love for girls. I don't know what you want. At the front of the dike march at pride, you know what I mean? So I love her. And then Billy Idol came out. And I love Billy Idol.

And I was... Go ahead. Sorry. I didn't know what I would think of the live program. Because these artists are getting up there. Well, I saw Iggy Pop and live and I was like, woof. Yeah. These are actually getting up there.

there and I'm very, by the way, if you're an older artist, I do not expect you to perform like you were 20. I'm open and willing and able, right? I'm a safe space. Be ladle did not come out there no walker or nothing. This fucker came out there, shirt open, body, it's a person. He takes the shirt off and throws it in the audience. I mean, singing hot in the city, rebel y'all, all that. He was so good. The visuals were so good. He worked me out so fiercely. And I love him because, you know, he got some of his punk rock start in, like, gay clubs and stuff. He was so cunty. He was so hot.

How old is he? I've never thought he was hot. I was jerking it. Oh, 69. He was, he was amazing. He was amazing. He was so sexy. He was singing with, like, his fist like this.

And, like, the guitar player, Stephen Stevens would play all these crazy guitarics. And Billy, I don't stand there or do this. I mean that white wedding song maybe Did you play that one? Of course he did it. Yes. I mean, he was so incredible.

Do you know he's never married? Good for him. I think if you have a song called white wedding, you're like, we can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's too cliche. Katie Perry would do it. Here's my Arbor Day song. Baby, she also do a divorce song. Right. Anyway, well,

it was great. Shout out to Billy Idol and Joe Jet. It was amazing. Shout out to performers who are in their, in their AARP and beyond years still. turning and bucking and giving the children everything they want on stage. It was incredible.

Yeah. Talent is talent. Yeah. Wait, one last thing, quick thought. It was oh, I went, I almost, like, spent five minutes, so I was in the waiting room with Fina, like, to compose a tweet that was so unnecessary and not called for. It was about

yoga. I just want to share this very briefly. For the people at home and for the yoga teachers who are talking about detoxification through sweat, is it fake yes mama the only thing that happens in a hundred degree in 110 degree heated room where you're vigorously stretching is dehydration when you sweat to regulate body temperature that's it point blank period in the and what's in your sweat is 99% water there's some minerals like calcium um there's salt they're a very the amount of heavy metals are like toxic material

is so minuscule, is so minuscule as to make absolutely no difference for your overall health. So what you're doing in those bickroom yoga classes or whatever, those hot power yoga classes, you're just stretching in a super fucking hot room for no reason. Can I ask you because I have two points of view, which is Brandon, who loves hot yoga, tells me how much he loves it. Yeah. I mean, I used to love it too. And Jason Wimberley told me when I was running, and I was seeing Jason Wembley and running,

he was like you know if anything run in the cold because your body burns calories try to stay warm and if you're yeah also if you go into a room temper room or someone that's just like regular like you don't feel the temperature if you're doing a shanga yoga it's gonna look like you're in a hot yoga class because you will be sweating your to the oldies so you think it's kind of just pageantry it's it's it's a gimmick it's pageantry and it's also very dangerous and it's ineffective because I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard yoga teachers say

especially during twisting poses that you're going to like squeeze out the toxins I was like Mary I'm not a sponge the kidney and the liver that's who detoxifies your body that's it

it's crazy it just makes me so it boils my blood so everybody out there who thinks you're detoxifying through sweating at your yoga class you're not but hey that's all

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