The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Lifting the Gossamer Curtain to the Other Side with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

If you need answers about your past life, we're here to help. As we gaze into the swirling mists of the unknown, we're seeing you. Not "you," but rather a past you. You're wearing a funny hat and white stockings. You're Henry Picklethorpe Wigglesworth IV, the Viscount of Golden Balls, Oxfordshire. Your estate, Hairy-Knob-upon-Fanny-Bottom, was famous for its 27 chimneys, haunted marmalade cellar, and the location of the only documented UK marriage between a man and a swan. You routinely bathed in earl grey tea and while loathed by most of the village, you were beloved by the local cabbage farmers due to your penchant for drunken cabbage copulation in the town square. Your current life is still echoing with aristocratic absurdity, so go forth knowing that whatever happens to you in this life, it'll never be quite as embarrassing as humping a cabbage under a full moon after drinking three bottles of absinthe. Traveling this Summer? Find exactly what you’re booking for at https://Booking.com Booking.YEAH! Book today on the site or in the app! Start listening to amazing audio books and discover what’s beyond the edge of your seat! New members can try Audible now free for 30 days and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit ⁠https://Audible.com/BALD⁠ or text BALD to 500-500 today! To honor the complexity of human desire, Feeld presents you all the options and leaves you in control of your experience. Download Feeld now on the App Store or Google Play! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatyalive.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://workinggirlsbook.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen Anywhere! http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast   Follo​w Trixie: Official Website: https://www.trixiemattel.com/ ​ Facebook: ​https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel Twitter (X): ​https://twitter.com/trixiemattel   Follow Katya: Official Website: https://www.welovekatya.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo  Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/katya_zamo    About the Podcast: The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya features a pair of grizzled gay ghouls sitting on chairs, holding microphones, and discussing their fabulous lives in Tinseltown. (featuring occasional forays into movies, television shows, and air-conditioning) The New York Times called them models, moguls, actors, influencers, drag queens, RuPaul's Drag Race contestants, and even humanoids. If one thing can be said about these two preternaturally gorgeous queens' podcast, it's that Trixie and Katya find the sheer, unadulterated beauty of pure insanity. Tune in every week to experience the auditory pleasure that is The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya. #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah. From vacation rentals to hotels across the U.S., Booking.com has the ideal summer stay for absolutely anybody, even those who might seem impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your sleep light, rise early mother, or your high maintenance group chat, you can find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com. We all know that when we go places, there's always that one friend who has a million demands

but refuses to participate in any of the legwork of actually booking the trip. I hate that bitch. Cause even if you pay for everything, somebody will complain and it still might be me. I like to find my perfect stay on booking.com and anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for, booking.com and anyone can find exactly what you're booking for booking.com booking.yeah book today on the site or in the app.

I just heard that FX has a new original comedy series coming out called adults, which after watching the trailer feels all too familiar. Adults is a comedy that will feel relatable. If you ever find humor in the struggles of being an adult in 2025, you know, like remembering your full social security number or to drink water or perhaps you're having the third existential crisis of the month. Best part is that all episodes will be ready for your next weekend binge. Watch FX as Adults May 28th on FX, all episodes streaming on Hulu. Oh my God, somebody just DM'd me one of the flyers from

Talapeak Disco and said, are you going? Love that. Probably. I'm planning on it. Is that okay? Damn. I just bald as... Drop the daycare, sis. Bald as beautiful feels like all drag is valid. Mama, let me tell you something. You got a nice shaped head.

You shut the fuck up. Thanks, okay. Sure. Shut the fuck up right now. I don't have to fuck me. That T, that's the ultimate T. You put that on a bumper sticker or a sash, everybody needs to remember that. If you want a deep sea dive in a heap of trash,

that's on you. That's your garbage can, okay? That's your life, ho. Don't fault me for being open. I said this to our lovely producer Tracy because I heard it and thought of trash. That's on you. That's your garbage can, okay? That's your life. Don't fault me for being open. I said this to our lovely producer Tracy because I heard it and thought of you. And basically it's a TikTok about like, oh, we didn't have therapy in the 90s.

We just had daytime talk shows like this. You got a question for Sylvia. I have a really bad problem with social anxiety. I can't freak out. I can't. You're doing pretty good now. But let me tell you where this comes from. You were accused of being a witch in a past life. You were put in a circle and you had to name two people so that supposedly you wouldn't die. The girl's just crying listening to this.

They just said, tell us two people. You named two people and all three of you were hung. Fucking obsessed, obsessed. Sylvia Brown said, well, you were a witch who was hung. Very familiar with Miss Brown because I had worked in a bookstore. That grift, that blonde grifter really got the cow together. That is so funny.

And with such, um, conviction and certainty, like authority. Like it's, oh, well you're double parked. Yeah. It's like, oh, you're like, I'm six, three, I'm six, seven, and I get self-conscious about being so tall. Oh, well that's because you were, um... You were a giraffe. Yeah, exactly. And you were killed by a rhinoceros. It was like, it's so crazy. And she made... Well, she obviously inspired your wigs.

I feel like three of your wigs look like Sylvia Brown wigs. Raffaella Cara inspired my wigs. The Ninja Turtle? -♪ Hahahaha! -♪ -♪ Hahahaha! -♪ Pull up, pull up Raffaella Cara, please. C-A-R-R-A. Sylvia Brown. C'est Anse Noles.

I saw Beyonce last night. Okay, Brionce. What's your favorite kind of cheese? What's your favorite kind of cheese? Beyonce was awesome. Tell me about it. The logline is, the feelings she communicated to me in the show. What was it?

Girl, that's you. You're so make believe. You fucking have that wig. That's Raphael Acaro. Do you mean Sylvia Brown? No. No. No.

No. No. so make believe. You fucking have that wig. That's Raffaele Cara. Do you mean Sylvia Brown? No, is that Sylvia Brown? In another life, Sylvia Brown was Raffaele Cara. No, in the same life. In the same life. Just in Italy.

So how was Beyonce? It communicated. Can I say, the short of it is, it's the only thing that's made me proud to be American in a long time. Really? It just was like, I know this wasn't the primary messaging, but the fun part of the messaging, which is like,

I'm beautiful, I'm talented, I'm confident, I'm a mother, I'm an artist. I'm the best thing about America, and I am a black woman. A mare I can. And she's, clips of her from younger, it's like, I'm the American dream, which is empathetic. I'm proud of where I'm from. I'm proud to be black. I'm proud to be a woman. I'm proud to have gay people in my orbit. And without being too finger waggy, like I actually think a conservative

could go watch it and have a good experience and not feel like we're. They would do that thing where they're like, I don't think they would. Because she comes out singing about America and I think they're like, Yeah, America's the question. Like I think they could still get that out of it. How many times did she do the Star Spangled Banner? She's saying part of it once. Are you kidding me?

That's serious. Pledge of Allegiance? Well, she wouldn't stop saying that. Oh, by the way, when she's saying that, she's saying the Star Spangled Banner, I went like this. And I have not felt the need to do that in probably fucking 10 years.

I did this first, I was like, oh no, no. Right? And the person next to me, I go. And I like made people around me put their hands in their heart. Taking their hats off. But I went wearing this, a camouflage hat and big dad glasses, and I took a picture

with the big flag. You went full Duck Dynasty? And I was like, if you were scrolling, this looks like game to God's country. Oh my God. Try that in a small town. Yeah. It was the best singing I've ever heard in my life.

For real. She flies around. On a horseshoe, right? It was the best stadium show I've ever seen. It was amazing. Well, Miss Nils Carter always talks it to you. The singing, the singing live is hard to believe. That's where you lose me.

She could be just singing and you're like, this is the best. You think she could do a real, she could do a park and bark. A hundred percent. Actually, at the beginning of Renaissance, she did a park and bark and it was delightful. I mean, the-

Did you see the Renaissance video movie or the tour? No. Highly suggest it, highly suggest it. Very wonderfully filmed. She had a Renaissance section, but I know, you know, it was short, it was like 10 minutes or something, but it was so awesome. What was your favorite part?

There's these parts where she talks about like, let me hear an American poem and it's a, you know, all the parts of America that she cites are not the shit that you see when people are trying to float America. It was like American propaganda if it was being used for good. So like patriotism.

But like actually- National pride. Yes. Yeah, national pride. About like, you know, gay people and black women that came before her and her experience as a mother and a Texan and it just was like general this part at the end where she's kind of singing about like What a big part of what I got out of it is that it's like She was kind of like let's all just hold our hands and bleed for America for one second, but in a hopeful way.

Without being like to that, I just left feeling hopeful for America. She made me like happy about America. Jesus Christ, I can't wait. I'm seeing it tomorrow night. It was so beautiful. She comes out, you know, she kind of started it with the American Requiem thing,

and I'm immediately crying. I mean, it was just- American Requiem? It's the first track from Cowboy Carter. Oh gotcha and it was just beautiful It was great. She communicated to me. Look at this. I expected cuntiness, but like it was like I felt like I watched a play Giselle went straight to her heart. I called my brother who was like a rather probably conservative libertarian and I said, I think he should see Beyonce and he's like pro-america in like a rather probably conservative libertarian, and I said, I think he should see Beyonce. And he's like hung up on you. He's pro-America in like a woke but not make you feel bad about it woke way. Like.

Just good. It encouraged me to imagine a reality that America could use its power for good. Well, howdy fucking duty. It was beautiful. I was like crying. I'm gonna cry now. Damn. Well, like, it sounds like she,

in one fell swoop in about three hours, did more for the American economy and public than the whole White House legislative branch and all the branches have been doing. She talked for maybe 60 seconds, the entire show. There was almost no talking. And instilled more hope in the people, thousands of people than any president could.

It was so amazing. Cunt. Oh my God. Orville Peck is calling. Another American singer. Leave me alone, fag. Let's see if he'll pick up. I wish we could talk about,

I'm gonna tease the listener right now in such an obnoxious way. Hello? Hello? Ooh, there an obnoxious way. Hello? Hello? Ooh, there ain't no other way. Are you doing drag, you faggot? Yes, bitch, wake up. Wake up, bitch.

Oh my God, we haven't talked about Cabaret yet. Oh, we haven't talked about New York. That's what I wanted to talk about. Oh my God, we were just about to talk about, congratulations on Cabaret, it's so crazy you called. On the line right now, the emcee of Cabaret on Broadway in New York City. How are you feeling? How's the show going? The show is going great. I'm really marveled at the fact that I constantly seem to call when you're taping this podcast.

I know. I just was talking about Cowboy Carter making me hopeful for America, but we saw your incredibly powerful program, Cabaret, which made me feel like I need to flee to the center of the earth. Yeah, it didn't make me hopeful for Germany. It was so moving. You were amazing. We were blown away.

And I was, I gotta say, it was an unpredictable quality of, I don't know how to describe it, like a butchness even. Like, you were... And there were certain parts where surprisingly, like, what's a better word for butch? Like, hard-edged, scary, manly kind of thing. I don't know.

You were scary. Yeah, that money, was it money? What was the song with the black fucking... With the long fingers? Honey, that costume was Cunt T. That no like that costume. Genuinely, I feel like I have dumb drag now.

Like that is those nails. I feel like I want to get like six inch acrylic nails permanently on my fingers after this. Yes, you should and get three inch toenails too. Thank you all so much for coming. That meant so much to me. It was so incredible. It was you were amazing. Thank you all so much for coming. That meant so much to me. It was so incredible. It was, you were amazing. It was like one of the best, we've seen it twice now.

We really favored yours. Mama, let me tell you that the length, the production, the layout, everything was much. I mean, that London show was... Oh, what the? And I loved all your makeup and you looked so handsome. You looked hot and we got to see your rear end. Almost a little bit of butt hole.

I know. Well, the world's seen most of it anyway, so. Really? That's a good point. You slut. It was scary to see you be evil. No, I was very natural. I know that you were excited.

Yeah, some might say. How many shows have you done so far? Tonight is my 44th show. Are you fucking kidding me? We performed a whole bunch of shows. I know. I know. I know. might say it was bad. How many shows have you done so far? Tonight is my 44th show.

Are you fucking kidding me? We performed 100 shows in a year once and we still talk about it like we were in Vietnam. Yeah, like we... It's crazy, I can't believe it's gone. I can't believe I've done this 44 times. That's crazy to me. Do you do two in a day on Sundays?

Yeah, I do eight a week. So on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I do two. We have to hang up. Yeah, we gotta go. We can't support this lifestyle. Love you both. I'll talk to you later. Love you.

Bye. Also, I want to tease something. I want to just antagonize the listeners. Sometimes when we do Netflix, we like watch a program and then famously, let's the electric state, for example, we're like surprised by one of the stars that I didn't know who they were. You know, sometimes it's cool, sometimes it's whatever. And we received a video from someone that,

it honestly made my day. And that kind of shit, that kind of corny bullshit never does, but this really turned, I mean, I showed that video to my parents. I showed that video to everybody who would look at it. The homeless man pissing on the bushes outside my house. The contractor who doesn't speak English. Everybody.

I saw you running down Hollywood Boulevard stopping people. Yeah, caked in shit from the waist down. That's all. And I'm not gonna say who because we can't. We can't say it, but it'll be awesome. It's T. Nick, did we talk about Cabaret already? No because we can't. We can't say it, but it'll be awesome. It's T. Nick, did we talk about Cabri already? No, we didn't talk about New York at all. Okay, Katie and I went to New York.

We didn't talk about Mary. Mary, okay. Oh, Mary, the most nominated musical on Broadway for the Tonys. Cole, you better work, you fucking whore. Cole, that motherfucking bitch, they are going to win a Tony. That was the funniest thing I've ever seen on stage in my life a hundred percent. No question. No contest

I laughed out loud the whole time. Also, can I say it not to be like a little alky girl? Not to be like boofing a you sure I bought Katam run But like they have a drink called the the paint thinner that's three shots because there's no intermission So you get three shots in a drink to be able to, love. Yeah. Okay. Love that. Well, let me tell you something about runtime. This is something that is always on my mind.

Always on my mind. The runtime of this show is, it's just a perfect show. 85 minutes to, it's like, I think it was 80. Feels like 15 Sweetie never for one moment does your attention wander never for one moment you even think I wonder what time it is You're never oh, it was the funniest thing I've ever seen it was so good They are Cole is such oh, I still think about there's this running joke in the show I don't think I'm giving away because they don't march it But I think where every time she talks to the painting

of George Washington, she says, oh mother, that is so funny. And there's a recurring gag about like, we're at war with the South, and she goes, the South of what? It's just so funny. So funny. Also, she's, and then she keeps talking

about her performances in her cabaret. She says, you love my madcap medleys. That shit is so funny. Now when I'm DJing, I'm like, I'm gonna do my madcap medleys. And then plot twist, those madcap medleys come to fruition at the end. And it's so bananas. And even like, I won't give it away,

but the last part is on paper is so ridiculous. You're like, that can't really be happening. The end of it is so crazy. But it's so beautifully lit and and Cole is just a genius, and I love them so much. Every man in that show is... Fuckable. I'm talking to you, James Scully.

I would suck the shit out of your colon. I'm sitting here jerking it to Abraham Lincoln in this economy. Thank you. I mean, it was a wonderful program. The thing at the end with the, you know? The shooting that happened at the theater? Yes.

Well, there was no shooting at our theater, but in the play, Lincoln gets shot at a theater. Nobody's in danger at O'Mary. Yes, nobody. We don't mean to make it sound. But that whole, it was just so tight, so crisp, so well directed, so well acted. Everybody deserves everything in the world

that can be given on Broadway. It's so funny. So funny. The giant, and these giant hoop skirts. Oh my God. Cole's has a very broad expressive register that is just like, I love them so much. One minute they're all happy, the next minute the character's screaming angry,

so unpredictable. On a dime. And it makes you immediately be like, wow. I mean, it opens with Abe Lincoln basically telling the audience terrified of his own wife. And so then you're like, what the fuck is happening? And Cole goes by they, obviously the character Mary is she. Yeah. Alcoholic, crazy, wants to do cabaret.

Alcoholic, cabaret, sorry. And then- Which by the way, when is Jakes gonna sue for the rest of her life? Hello, Abraham Lincoln gets a blowjob under his desk. There were some wonderful theatrical moments that were like true like surprises. I was like, I looked to my left and I looked to my right

and I was like- Yeah. But you know what though- That guy next to me was like, I looked to my left and I looked to my right and I was like, yeah. But you know what though? The guy next to me was like, what? You know what though? Big, a great, mama, if you're Frederica Bimmel, you're gonna have a hard time in that seat.

What are you talking about? Who's Frederica Bimmel? A great big fat person. They were narrow seats. Mama, I immediately like was texting with a friend who's fat and she's like, I would would but I girl I can't sit in those seats Yeah, it sucks because I mean I am 510 or 591 65

Tiny little girl and I was on top of Basically, we were doing like, you know a human chain No, really with the and I'm not joking and it's like why can't they just widen them seats a little bit? I know it's like fat people can't enjoy Old Mary. Well, every time I go to Old Mary from now on, I'm going to bring a nail file, an emery board, and just shave down the sides a little bit. Do my part.

Thank you. Well, you know what I'm going to do? Is I'm going to buy the whole row. Right. And I'm going to just, I don't know what I'm going to do. Well, when I used to work in Provincetown at the post office theater, which is kind of like Broadway when you think about it, when you really think about it. Ifetown at the post office theater, which is kind of like Broadway when you think about it.

When you really think about it. If you really take the time to think about it. When you kind of think about it, obviously. Wait, wait. But the chairs were pews. Pews. And so during a normal show, I think we could fit 110. Bear Week.

And then during Bear Week 11. And I love the bears, but it was like, these are pews. And y'all sit like this, and y'all have three boyfriends. So there's nowhere to sit in here. Pour one over the fatties and give some room. Let the people of all sizes be comfortable at the theater. Can we have that? Hello, are you craving your next action packed adventure?

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is brought to you by booking.com, booking.yeah. Imagine you're in a band with very particular soundproofing needs. Maybe you need soundproof walls, privacy, a lot of pillows, or maybe you're an influencer and you need a very aesthetic place that's as a, you know, every room is asking for a selfie. You know, you might need mirrors or good lighting,

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I like to find my perfect stay on booking.com and anyone can. Find exactly what you're booking for,.com booking.yeah book today on the site or in the app you Google more comes up from Katia than actual silence of the lambs boo you're welcome what movie that you put on the map yeah Jonathan Demme flop nobody ever heard of her it was called the silence of lambs because critics would not talk about yeah she never won Oscar never could win an Oscar. Oops, she did win three Oscars.

Um... Um... Would you say, you know, it bothers me when people say that's their favorite horror movie. I'm like, that's not a horror movie. It's a psychological thriller. Yeah, it's not a horror movie. Uh, well, well, I'll stop you right there

because there was a very graphic sequence in which two men were brutally murdered. One was flayed and s, his face ripped off, and then, you know what I mean? Eaten. There were horrific elements. It was a... Yeah, it just feels a little...

It wasn't like basic instincts. That's not a horror movie. That's a psychological thriller. Yeah, but it's not a psychological horror. Like, Smile was almost a psychological horror. Smile's horror, I think, right? But like, is she crazy? Is she having hallucinations?

It's sort of that. It's the feeling of everyone around you saying you're crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is psychological. It's my life. It's your life. Did you like Smile 2?

I love Smile 2. Girl, that was the best depiction of a famous person in a movie I've ever seen. 100% in the music was believable, the choreo, that like everything about it was, it wasn't corny. The outfits. It was really hard to do. She seemed like a real,

the isolation of being a famous person and being stalked by the smile monster. It was very believable. Naomi Scott tore that shit up. She was absolutely incredible. Australian. She was wonderful. She did a great, she was small. Small.

She's small. I'm gonna have to do a version of Smile, but instead of they're doing this. There is, in the studio, the new comedy with Seth Rogen about Hollywood, they do a ripoff called Wink. Wink? Yeah, like smile, like.

Love. But they have the same, oh, I just spit on you. Have you watched that show? No. It's good, you might like it. Maybe I will, I'm watching the rehearsal right now. Mary. The season two is out.

I heard it's even crazier than the. It's crazier. I can't wait to watch. It has to do with airplanes going down. Oh my God, I'm hard already. He says that he's done a lot of research on why planes go down and Most of the crashes have to do with pilot and co-pilot

Communication and miscommunication. Yeah, so he's trying to solve the problem of why don't these pilots communicate as the plane is going down One of them goes you need to pull up we're gonna crash and the other one goes no We're not and then they just crash. We have a man and woman Mars and Venus There's well, they're saying that the there's I don't know There's the pilot that's in charge the chief the leader captain captain. Sure And then there's the assistant Sturdis, you know like the other pilot copilot the other pilot is supposed to have the power to go No, this isn't a safe landing. I'm denying you the privileges and they're supposed to be they have veto power.

But if they use that, they're saying that pilots say things like, you're never gonna work in the city again. You embarrassed me by calling my landing into question. And then planes fucking crash. And they have recordings of them being like, I don't think we should land. And then one of them was like, shut up, or you'll never work in flying again.

And then they crash. And it's all recorded. Yes, they have real recordings. He has the transcripts and hires actors to act them out. Love that shit. It's so crazy. I can't wait to watch this stuff. Nathan Fielder.

Love him. Boundless. Fearless. With all the gall in the world. Yeah, he has, there is a shortage of gumption because he is like stocked up. She is so fierce. Yeah, it's so fierce.

I love that grandson P. So we saw, we went to Cabaret. Yeah. It was like a preview night, friends of. No, no, no. It was, they had done it, they'd been doing it for a week. It was a gala. Why were we invited?

It was a gala. It was like a, it was a celebration. But obviously it seemed like it was. They had been doing it for a little while because you don't want to have the gala on the first night. But me and you and Brittany and John Waters, it felt like that was the night for the dolls. Yeah, it was.

It was a gala. It was like a party. I guess I thought it was some kind of press night or something, because why were we all invited that night? Because they do that at a gala. Oh, okay, I didn't really understand how that works. It's like, come on, famous people.

Right. I mean, do you realize that every single megawatt A-list has seen O'Mary? Yeah. Steven Spielberg, Sally Fields. Calista! Oh my God, Calista, so backstage, we got to go canoodle backstage

and this lovely, just petite woman introduced herself. I said, hi, I'm Brian. She said, hi, I'm Calista. And I turned around and I was like, turned back like in smile. I was Allie McBeal. No, you went, that's Kalista Flockhart. I went, yeah, she said that.

No, she- You took a whole 60 seconds to accept it. She said Kalista. She didn't say Kalista. Hi, I'm Kalista Flockhart, former star of Allie McBeal. They told me she was in you back there. I thought they told you too. No, they don't tell me nothing. You were like, that's Kalista. Hi, I'm Calista Flockhart, former star of Ally McBeal. They told me she was in the back there. I thought they told you too.

No, they don't tell me nothing. You were like, that's Calista. I was like, I was like. And I was like, yeah, she said that. She was so sweet. She was. She was so quiet. She was, she really was.

How long did we get to meet? I sent the girls a care package of Trixie Cosmetics. I was like, you guys really put the blush on in this show. Yeah. Let's hook the girls up. Yeah, you dogs could use some paint. Yeah. Did you really? And this stunning Yeah, you dogs could use some paint. Yeah. Did you really?

And this stunning woman, Bianca, who plays her, I forget the character's name. I don't remember either. Is it her teacher, her nurse? It's like the woman trying to like teach her to embroider. Yeah, like her like Lady in Waiting or something. She was so fucking funny. Everybody was, ugh.

So, oh sorry, we were at Chicago. It was me, you... Where was I? New York. Oh, I was in New York at Cabaret. Yeah. No one's in Chicago. Somebody was.

We just don't know about that. I just travel a lot. I'm everywhere. So, we're there and it was a wonderful program. I mean, obviously I know he can sing. And obviously I know he has a background in musical theater. I had no idea. It was balls to the wall. It was amazing.

Yeah, it was cool. Scary. Sad. That musical is sad. I know. It's always great to see, like... Because I'm a huge fan of the movie. 89 Minutes. Cunt. And anything Bob Fosse makes, obviously, but the production we saw in London was so bizarrely paced.

It was good, I mean, everybody's super talented. But like, it was like- It was the odyssey. It was two hours before intermission. They were taking intermission, come back and have 10 minutes. It was something crazy like that. It was longer.

You and I went to the New York one. I was warning people about it being like, it's long. Just so you know it's long. I was like, I was looking for York one. I was warning people with being like, it's long. Just so you know, it's long. It's long. I was like, I was looking for the exits. I was strategizing. Cause you're kind of involved a little bit. Like you're very there. Wait, wait, John Waters was there,

which is always very exciting. John Waters. Chapel. Chapel Rohn who introduced herself to me. That was, I thought she was a fan of Chapel Rohn. Right. I thought she was like literally like a drag queen Chapel Rohn girl.

So funny. Marsha's in the production. Marcia times three? Doing face kicks and jumps and splits and- Oh, honey, let's talk about the physical prowess of the fucking ensemble. And the makeup. Hot bodies, doing erotic shit.

Great, Orville showed his whole butt. It's a really sexy show. Also, I realized, you and I know what Orville looks like, obviously, it was probably really exciting for people to see his face. I mean, come on, his mask is like two inches. I know, at this point, it's a Listerine strip on his forehead.

It's like Clark Kent with the glasses, at this point, you know? But it's like, it's like that, you remember that part of Batman when the Joker's the nurse, and Harvey Dents in the hospital, and she takes the face mask down and then he freaks out.

And then they go. Because he couldn't tell that it was the Joker. That is hysterical. Isn't that funny? It is funny. I didn't laugh as hard as you did, but it is funny. Heath Ledger. She ate. Two mama RIP. She Ledger. She ate.

Two mama RIP. She really ate. She did. Those also twins, they'll pay. Just kidding, they're not responsible. Cavalry was amazing, O'Mary was amazing. O'Mary was the best thing. If you have any resources or ability

to go to New York and Broadway and see O'Mary, I would skip every other thing, including like immediate family funerals, anything. O'Mary was- Best thing I ever saw. And I've seen a lot. It was an embarrassment of talent. Yeah.

And you gotta remember that Cole's starring in it and wrote it. Wrote it. And you're like, what? Yeah. And they had started off Broadway, Andrew Yang designed the prototype for the dress. Wow. And that kind of- That makes sense. Yeah. It Yang designed the prototype for the dress. Wow.

That makes sense. Yeah. It kind of looks like an Andrew dress. Yeah, Andrew made the whole, he made the thing that I think Cole wore it in the off Broadway. And then of course, like the union customers like made the version that they were.

But yeah, it was cool. Yeah. I love every, Cole's been in the studio a few times. And every time, I love that person so much. Did you know that after Abe Lincoln died, Mary Todd went Les. She hired a bunch of psychics trying to communicate with him. Really?

She was wacky. She was definitely. In Lexington, Kentucky, there's a Mary Todd Lincoln house that you can go visit, like a museum. Someone say Mary Odd Lincoln. I saw on a program that Cole said that they did basically no research. None. Love.

None. That's like me writing a history paper or something. And guess what? Steven Spielberg and Sally Fields show up, the director and star of Lincoln. The folk, the- Isn't that amazing? The truth doesn't matter.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I say forget rather than learn, you know? I went to the Come Day Garcon. Come? Uh-huh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. It's Come Day Garcon.

It's Come Day. It's Come Day. But you know what's funny? They were talking about counterfeit merchandise in the store and I said, oh, so it's like, come, come day garcon, right? Isn't that funny? How many of it is it?

Like, there's a lot of counterfeit, like fake Versace. So it'd be like, come, come dig ourself. Like, you know. Oh, I see. French joke. Like, like, like, like, like. Do you went to a program? No, I went to their spaceship store

and demonstrated one of my most admirable behaviors, which is facing financial ruin, buying things that I can't afford. Like in the- Did you buy stuff? I did. I was- So how did you face this?

Well, I was, so I said, oh, you know, my house is crumbling and I'm gonna have to empty my savings to pay for all this stuff. Why don't I buy like a really expensive jacket, shoes and a wallet? So we're applauding you for doing this? No, I think we should punish me. I was going to say, you faced your fear of what?

Defaulting financially? No, I just indulged myself in a horrible behavior, and I want you to spank my bum. Oh. Do you ever do that? I can't believe after everything we know about you that you made a fuedinistic choice in the moment. Lost control and made a bad decision.

But can I update you on the state of my flop house? I wish you would. What's the state of my flop house? I wish you would. What's going on with your flop house? The sun's coming out tomorrow, Annie. In what way? Little girls, little girls. What about a production of Annie where it's Annie Wilkes?

Love that. The cock-a-doodie sun'll come out tomorrow. Oh my God, hobbling like um dance number Oh My god, I love it when he fucking Eat it takes the charge script and fucking I love that that last fight is so kind. It's kind It's good. So I made it so I'm not an interior designer, right? And I realized that in this process of trying to choose materials to like,

cause they gutted the house, like they gutted many rooms. This is so fascinating. I know everybody's fallen asleep. But I have to choose like what kind of floor, what kind of did in the bathroom. And I realized very quickly that interior design is a job for a reason. Cause it's quite difficult.

It's hard. So many options. It's's hard, so many options. So many options, I've looked at every tile, I've looked at every wallpaper. But I made a decision, they bought these tiles, and at the last moment I was like, wait! No, Kaleel, no! They stung.

Yeah, and I said, I changed it, and thank God, because it came out great. Thank God. Really, I would have had- The people at home have been following this, Saga. Mama, they have been writing it. The letters that I get every day. Right.

And then also the bathroom's gonna be cunty. It's coming along. The cunt is visible. It's just nice to see you dumping money into a property that you own. Think of all the things you wanted to do to your rental member. Girl, do you know the quote I got for painting one of the apartments I had from this?

Seven, I- Did you say white man? I did. We're whispering white man? Well, it's no mystery that most of- I think the white man could take a kick, okay. Well, it's like, it was crazy that like this, I don't know, this white dude, he was like, I mean, is it indelicate to say that most of the construction

happening in Los Angeles is done by Hispanic folk? I don't know. It could be indelicate, but this fucking white man, this cracker, quoted me like $7,000 for this, like relatively simple paint shop. And I'm like, why? Because you are white? It was so crazy. LA is a pedicure here.

It was crazy. You know? I'm going to paint myself. I'm going to hire some friends or... Don't do that. No, no, no. No, I can't paint a bathroom wall. Just get someone else.

Okay, I'll get the... You're not as good at painting as you think you are. Mama... Let someone do it That really hurt me. You can't be everything you can barely put makeup on bitch. You're gonna do bathrooms. You know your fucking mind. Oh, I Think I need a moment. Let's take a break Wait, what else I feel like a good interior designer will do something that I appreciate, which is, hey, I know what you want. Here's the expensive version.

Here's the medium and the cheap version. Here's the version of it that can get here quickest. Here's the version that takes the longest. You're really just helping you make those decisions. Because the choice is just the first hurdle, then the is it in stock? And then is it, how much is it? That's what I was faced with, because there's so many options.

Mary, I had this marble in mind that was gonna cost eight grand for one room. I said, no, ma'am. I changed something to $900. The kitchen? No, the bedroom. You were gonna get marble on the walls? No, on the floor. Marble floor?

Are you a super villain? I want to be one. Mr. Bigglesworth? Yeah, Mr. Jigglesworth. You know, in the, um, in the, uh, which, which one? The main bath. The main bath has tons of tiles. It was gonna do marble.

I was like, because it looks so beautiful. I was like, marble. $20 a tile or $1 a tile? It's a lot. It's crazy. Also, the synthetic marbles $1 a tile. It's a lot. It's crazy. Also the synthetic marbles can be pretty good. They just in natural light aren't gonna look as good as,

you know. But they're more durable and they're easier to replace. So like, I don't know, it depends what you plan on doing in there. I got a lovely black penny mosaic glass. I love it. You're gonna have to do the rest of the house. You can't have like two country rooms

because of black mold. Of course I am. You're gonna have to go off on the rest of the house. You can't have like two country rooms because of black mold. Of course I am. You have to go off on the rest of it now. I know. I know. And I have that. I am emotionally prepared for that. It's going to be like, oh, we're going to have sex, but I'm only going to twist the nipples.

Yeah, yeah. But do you realize it knows I'm striking a balance between what I want and like and what would be acceptable for the average human being? That downstairs powder room, baby, it's going to be acceptable only to me. I'm going full ham-hawk crazy. Can I say, I know it's unpopular,

but all my properties that I own look fucking crazy. Like I was thinking of selling my house, you know, after David and I separated, and I was like, God, no one's gonna want this crazy fucking house. And thank God, cause it's yours. Do we live for the person who's gonna live there after us? No. Fuck up your house. And thank God, because it's yours. Do we live for the person who's going to live there after us? No. Fuck up your house.

Fuck them. You think you're going to find a white toilet in my house, baby? No. Think again. Black. Oh, that's another thing I wanted to just mention. So as I was driving to the studio today, you better believe I was pumping it up

to the masters of my little soon to be released EP or whatever. How soon? How long do they have to wait? I don't know. I'm not really sure. Can we hear a preview? Is that legal?

I wish I really wanted to do it. I mean, it's so kind. Who's gonna yell? You're an independent artist. Who's gonna yell at you? Oh, it's my song. I always am like, what if someone's mad at me? Like, who's gonna be mad at me?

I know. So that's on the YouTube channel. I'll be like, we have a product coming out. I'm scared to mention it. Who's's mad at me like who's gonna be mad at me? I know so that's on the YouTube channel I'll be like we have a product coming out. I'm scared. I'm scared to mention it who's gonna yell at me Well, I am afraid somebody who's in marketing from the team is gonna be like so we just do whatever Okay, which ones we want? Okay. I think people have heard black diarrhea So I'm gonna so I did a cover of the Electric Hellfire Club song called Slaughter of Elysium from the album Kiss the Goat. Very satanic.

I love that song. Yeah, huge. It's a big, yeah. It's right up there with like, Hey Mickey. I think it was like a number one for like several years. I heard it in a pacemaker commercial. Yeah. It's satanic, very dark,

but their version is very muddy. The production value is kind of wacky. So I'm gonna play this and see. Is that you? That's actually really slay. Yeah, we did tons of vote. I mean, it's a lot of vocal tracks. Were you in there screaming? So me, that was that was me and Ash.

There's this crescendo is throw the fucking Christians to the lions. And then Ash does this scream that goes, it's scream that is so, it's like a Haley's Comet. It's so cunt. Wait, I don't play it. I'm gonna play it. That is so, oh, by the way, Ash Gordon, one of the co-writers of Drag the Musical,

the most nominated off-Broadway musical of the year. Congrats to Drag the Musical. Pouring out for Drag the Musical. And Alaska, the producer. Pouring out for Alaska. Pouring out for Alaska? Wait, can I play it? Is that okay?

It's only your song. I mean, who's gonna yell at you? Wow, I don't have a lot of experience in that type of music. That was all her. She almost ruined her voice that day. She pumped it up. She's crazy. She'll go for it. I think if they're still alive, the creators of the band would appreciate it.

I really do. I really do. I think they would like it. I've done some covers and you don't do it because you hope it'll get back to the person. No. But you know, you're not. I feel like they would like it. I've done some covers and you don't do it because you hope it'll get back to the person. No.

But you always wonder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I also have a cover of the most famous Russian song ever recorded. You think they're gonna love that? No, baby! I'll probably get nuked. Beyonce, they're gonna be like,

there's an artist covering you? It's Katya? I guess she's doing crazy in love? I mean, it's like, it's like literally worse than that. Imagine Madonna plus Cher plus Barbra Streisand. That's all of Pugetsova. She's like by far the most like- And you're her protege, obviously.

I am the worst person, the worst person. I don't think anybody's ever dared to cover that song. Cause Putin would be like. Is it like, it's all coming back to me now, like a mega singing song? It's a Torch song. It's a Torch ballad. Yeah, no, no, no, it's kind.

It's like super dark and like, it's like, we did, it's the, it's alien microphone with diarrhea in it. I would say that your music sounds like Torch music, sounds like someone's on fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! Slaughter. I watched a lot of those.

Throw the Christians to the grave. Yeah, we will, crucifixes overturned, synagogues and churches burned, a new religion based on ultraviolence. We will build a new tradition and throw the fucking Christians to the lions. Mary, you are begging to end up on Fox News. I can't wait.

I'm hoping. I need free press. Laura Ingraham is coming for that ass. Yeah, and Tommy Lauren's gonna be like, mm. You're coming for that ass? Candice Owen's gonna, she's got my back though. Um, I feel, you know I'm obsessed with the news

and I feel like it's my responsibility to keep you abreast. Okay, what's going on? Obviously all these tariffs are happening. Okay. I don't know if you're aware that Donald Trump gave this comment that like, Mattel is the country, instead of $30, maybe kids get two dolls this year.

And I think that we're the dolls that they're talking about. Are these the dolls we're protecting? It's like because the cost of plastic and stuff being made overseas. They're like, instead of kids for Christmas receiving $30, by the way, I love that he thinks average kids get $30 for Christmas.

It's very Lucille Bluth coded. It's like, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? $10? How hard do you hit your kids that you gotta buy them 30 toys? $30 for Christmas? $30 for Christmas? Nobody wants that.

Fuck outta here. What is this stuff about Christmas? Class sizes are already too big. Now I got so many dolls to play with. Girl, I just can't, when I hear, when I think of Christmas in Trump's, I just think of Melania this Christmas Oh, what the fuck is Christmas? I fuck Christmas kids today one up so kids today won't get there Bentley

So so you don't get 25 cars for your quinceanera it makes me think of um Do you remember at my super sweet 16 that program on TV? Yes? Yes where kids would get like they wouldn't get the most current They wouldn't get the Lamborghini like and they would cry on TV Yeah, they're like a Ferrari everybody else will Lamborghini right crazy the ultra wealthy What are they up to? Oh my god. I I was binging videos about the Burj Khalifa the giant the tower or the building in Dubai the tallest one in the world, about how they built it, and then this rich couple who bought

one of the first apartments on the 100th floor. It's so weird. Those rich people are so weird. They had all this, I don't know. It's like, I don't know about that. I just don't know, but also, we're all different. We all have different experiences, right? And I have learned as I got older that there's a lot of trauma and poverty and I don't wish I don't think growing up

Poor is virtuous. I don't think it makes you a better person No virtue in part because there's really rich people who are nice and there's poor people who are fucking assholes There's no treasure in heaven for grown-up rich whatever or going poor But I do think if you've never been scared of rent You've never been scared of not having a food You've never been not able to go to the dentist because your toothaches or you've never been scared of rent, you've never been scared of not having enough food, you've never been not able to go to the dentist because your tooth aches? Or you've never made a decision

solely contingent on lack of funds? 100%. If you've never been calling dry clips to say, can I just do a tip spot? It's that desperate. If you've never looked for a coupon. Right. If you've never swept your apartment for loose change,

then maybe let the people who have tell you what that's like. It's okay that you weren't also poor. I'm happy for you. But why don't you let the woman who can't afford to feed her children tell you what that's like? Because she knows and you don't. Yeah, you ugly bitch.

It's like, why don't you let the black person tell you what it's like to be black in America? No, no, no. You don't know. You know? Maybe you know, I don't know. I black person tell you what it's like to be black in America? No, no, no. You don't know. You know? I know. Maybe you know. I don't know.

I mean, I grew up black. No. I just always think if the advantages of America is that we're all different and we learn from each other, but we refuse to believe each other about what it's like to be in that situation, then we are reaping none of the benefits of a so-called melting pot.

Because it's like, what's it like? La la la la la. It's like, you don't know. I can't hear you. I'm vacuuming. Yeah, it's like- We are in the era of let them eat cake. Yeah.

Oh, that's the thing I don't like about it. So you can't have 30 dolls. Yeah. So, I don't give you a Bentley on Labor Day. And if we can't get people 30 dolls, then we're not protecting the dolls. Thank you. It's circular. Also protect the bricks. Protect the bricks.

Mama, it ain't just about the fierce, beautiful girls. All girls are valid. Right. Okay. Different experiences too. If this is what's happening with bathrooms, now you could go into a, I don't know. I mean, I don't know, I think of like passing straight men,

or I think of passing trans men. How odd is a woman gonna, a cis woman gonna feel when some guy walks in and you're like, hello? You know what I mean? I mean, we've talked about the bathroom thing before. My issue with bathroom has nothing to do with gender. It has to do with blowing ass with the fucking door open. It has to do with disgusting filth.

It has to do with the wretched rottenness of the human body and its excretion process. These straight men? It's Obama. Blowing ass and groaning. Groaning. Oh, with last week's New York Times folded out over, like they have set up shop.

There's a little space heater. With the TV. That's like they're ice fishing. Mary, and it's like, I'm in the next stall, which I've waited patiently for, so P-Shy. No, so P-Shy, trying to blast music on my headphones and I'm so uncomfortable because I just need privacy. I don't want anybody around me wanting to pee in.

It's like, ugh. It's deep and dark. It's hard, literally. It's wild. I know this is, I know we have to go, but I have one more thing to share with you. Before you do that, I need to just say one thing. I have never beaten anybody up.

And I'm pretty sure. Thank you for saying that. No, I'm pretty sure. In fact, I'm quite sure that I will never, if I will never beat the shit out of someone, okay? And I probably won't, if I'm in my right mind, never scream at someone's face, or push them off a cliff,

or shoot them with a gun, or be violent. Violence is not a part of my... Me neither. So why can't that be everybody's tea? I don't know. Why can't that be everybody's tea? I don't act, can I tell you, I watch a lot of Twitter videos that are like unbelievable.

I follow truly like Twitter accounts that like your aunt follows to watch videos on the toilet. Sure, sure. It's like fights and car crashes. I don't know what's wrong with me. You're human. People go to violence quickly. Yeah, especially in the car.

Do you see the woman sprayed shit over the hood? That's not violent. Oh, that's just that. That's funky. That's eccentricity. What do you think about the people who like poop being like, oh, do you want to paint my dick? I think that that's a kink. Right.

But that's not violence. That's not violence either. That's insane. No, that's a kink. But inflicting pain on purpose with malicious intent, mama, that is so tired and corny, we've got to leave it behind. But if you're ready, if you're willing to squat on a car and shit, imagine the grip.

Ha ha ha! Imagine the grip. Imagine the drip. Imagine the drip. So you and I are friends of the LA LGBT Center. Yes, we are. Shout out to the girls. Shout out to the girls.

I've given a dollar or two. And I follow them on Instagram and they keep me abreast. And this is more for the LA County, but I think of the universe as thinking of LA as like 100% homosexual. Which they are. And this is what's the LA County, but I think of the universe as thinking of LA as like 100% homosexual. Which they are. And this is what's been happening in LA. It's breaking LA County gutting HIV prevention funding

ahead of federal decisions. Los Angeles County's decision to eliminate HIV prevention services now is a direct threat to public health. It will fuel a surge of new HIV transmissions, deepen existing health disparities, and saddle the county with far greater long-term costs. Thank God, because I wanted to go back to the 80s so bad,

not just with fashion, but with AIDS. It's so sad. It makes me think of these youngest gay people who will have less education, whatever. You're basically creating, you're deciding that it's okay to allow the Petri dish of Los Angeles to proliferate more cases of HIV.

And obviously it's not a death sentence anymore, but I don't think anybody would check a box saying, I would love to have to deal with extra doctor trips. But the LGBT center does a lot. And I have known people who do not have a house, and the LGBT center hooks them up with housing. That's like a life-changing process. That's like a life-changing surface.

That's life or death. We both love them. So flop. This country is so flop in so many ways. Well, because LA is so wrought with homelessness and queer people are so much more likely to be homeless, LA LGBT Center does a lot of work for just homeless people. Yes. Yes.

Unhoused people. If you're unhoused and you want to find housing, the LGBT Center can help you. They can help you. And they can help you with so many things. Transitions. If you feel threatened at work about like maybe you're being can help you, and they can help you with so many things. Transitions, if you feel threatened at work about like maybe you're being fired, you don't know what to do because you probably,

you know, it's a lot easier to fire people for being gay than it was. They'll cut your bangs, don't do it yourself. Well, I think- And a side ponytail is a must. A must. Yeah, you have to have that first before you go in the door.

The LA LGBT Center is doing free veneers, but the only asia-ohara kind. So they have to be dazzling. Dazzling, side ponytail. Yes, you need show girl teeth, you need the side ponytail, East Hollywood lesbians are volunteering to pierce your septum.

Yes, and you have to be able to recite three RuPaul Instagram. TikToks. Verbatim. Verbatim. Verbatim. Yeah. Which one of you bitches is my mother? I love LA LGBT Center.

They are horny. I do too. I believe it's the greatest. It's the biggest nonprofit, LGBT nonprofit in the world. I did a little thing for them. That's where I got to talk to Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah.

Love. Love it. Oh, you did talk to Gwyneth. Yeah, through Philip Picardy, who I believe moved to New York. I don't know, he was heavily involved. Yeah, she said, you look so chic. I'll never forget.

She said that to you? She said that to my face. Because I did look very chic at the time. No, she said, are you seek? That's what she said. Are you a sheik? Right, are you a sheik? No, she thought it was one of the Saudi royal family members. Did you soil your sheets?

Oh. Well, it's time to go. And visit Bob? Bob's going to tour in the summer. Oh. We're going to go visit Bob the drag queen. We're going to visit Bob. She's having no visitors.

No. She's in one of her moods again. Well, she's healing up from just another little nip and By the way the way the way Bob and Monet talk to each other on Twitter I don't want us to ever be like that. They go so hard on each other. I don't like that. Please don't Bob tweeted a picture of Monet is like she don't know the worst this song and look at her big hands Corny we got to be a Bob and Monet. Please don't ever come to me. I don't care if it's corny. We've got to be little Susie Sunshine on Twitter. I would never retweet a picture of you and be like,

and look at the Adam's apple, you pig. That's them. Please don't. I will never. My heart can't take it. I will FaceApp you old, but in a positive light. But in a positive light. Bob, I love following you on Twitter

because you're so fucking funny. And we did say our congrats, New York Times bestselling novelist. Baby, I love following you on Twitter because you're so fucking funny. And we did say our Congrats New York Times bestselling novelist. Baby, Harriet Tubman live in concert. So Monet is doing both. The number? So the audience is rapping like the Dietrich and the Monheur. Bob says, do you see how she gaslights the audience

into believing they're the ones who don't know the lyrics when it is in fact her, even though she had the lyrics written on a piece of paper in her giant hands. Ha ha ha! I don't wanna be Bob and Monet. They fight so much. No, I don't like that.

In a fun way, but I still can't take that level of complex. No, I can't either. I don't like roughhousing, like verbally or physically. We're not doing that. Thank you. Okay. Goodbye everybody. Bye.