The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Live in London at The Troxy with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

A'lo, guv'nor! Grab a steaming cup of PG Tips, take your place in the queue, stuff your face with bangers & mash, and use the trusty National Health Service to check up on that rash that simply won't go away! Come and join Trixie and Katya as they travel to merry 'ol England for a live show at the historic Troxy theater! From insulting the locals for their consumption of blood sausage to detailed stories of hand-based romantic acts, this episode has it all! Happy Holidays to one and all! Head to SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Alexa customers can listen to A Christmas Carol narrated by Hugh Grant on Alexa for free the entire month of December. Just say, “Alexa, read A Christmas Carol…” Offer only available in the U.S. Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money today. Go to https://www.RocketMoney.com/BALD Seriously, it could save you HUNDREDS per year! Sign up at Firstleaf today and you’ll get your first 6 bottles for $39.95 plus free shipping. Go to https://TryFirstleaf.com/BALD This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Learn more about BetterHelp online therapy and save 10% off your first month at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD Collaborate with Canva for Teams today! Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to https://Canva.Me/BALD Visit https://www.Rakuten.com or download the app to earn cash back when you shop at thousands of stores! You can start saving today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Look, you have a gentleman caller. Give a gentleman caller. Oh, my God. Oh. That's sweet. London, what the fuck?

Are we going to do this every four weeks or what? I am so flattered that so many of you are here again. Again. But I'm more than ever. But I'm also a little bit concerned, babes. It starts to feel like mental illness, babes. We're really worried about your mental health. Yeah, these are real. These are real.

Buckle up, folks. They're real. Thanks a lot. Thanks a million, love. Okay, they have thorns. You're clutching it. There's blood dripping down. They're real.

Well, should we sit? Look at this little chairs. It is freezing in here. Girl. Girl. Well, should we sit? Look at this little chairs. It is freezing in here. Girl. My years of praying covered in sweat, drenched in Boston have finally paying off. Oh, yeah. A little late, a little late, but we'll take it.

Welcome to a live taping of the award-winning podcast. We've received, we got two Peabody Awards. We had a New York Times Honorable Mention. We had a Chicago Sun-Times Best of the Best. We were just, actually, I made all those up. I was going to say. I made all those up, actually. I made all those up. But we should win awards, you know?

But you know what I learned from the streamies? What? Sometimes you don't win awards. You guys, I don't want to be bitter. I'm happy for everyone involved. However, we were nominated for three streamies last week, and I stayed up on UK time in my hotel room, brownout drunk, watching the streamies on my iPhone mini,

and I was waiting for us to sweep these awards, honey. And we didn't get fucking any of them. No. We didn't get a single one. I mean, I'm not surprised. As a new mother, I'm pretty much ready for anything, and I'm always prepared for the worst. But yeah, we were overlooked.

We were ignored. We were snubbed. But then again, the Grammys did the same thing to us just a few weeks ago i'll do you one worse the grammys continues to not award us but not even nominate us yes and i didn't for the fifth year in a row i did not get an invitation to the jingle ball you know the jingle ball i don't even know what that is the kiss kiss 108 jingle ball it's a radio station that they have that plays a jingle ball. It sounds like he would be like Vanessa Williams doing a kick line with like gingerbread men.

I wouldn't know. I've never been. We wouldn't know. And I am not invited. Thank you all for coming. Listen, how many of you saw us just about a month ago here in London? Oh, shit.

Wow. Well, this is going to be nothing like that. Yeah, nothing like that. Still very long legs and very attractive, gorgeous figures. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I swapped out the Mrs. Doubtfire shoes that I wear for the show, and I put on the Miss Doubtfire shoes.

The Mademoiselle Doubtfire. You know it's the big event for Trixie because she's come and dressed in her three-inch sequin. What do you got? Is that three-inch? I don't know. The thing is everything looks like a low heel on me because the foot is so long. I can wear the hooker heel and it's like, oh, you got your little kitten on, huh?

Yeah. You squeeze those ham hocks through that thing. They are straining a little. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. There's not even weight on this one. That's not straining. It's varicose veins. Look very close at the varicose veins. I'm wearing nails, but

they're the exact color of my skin. That's really gross. I actually really like that. And we got a slight read at the meet and greet, as we tend to do. Somebody today goes, oh, you guys have nails on today. Thank you for owning up to it, you shady bitch. Oh, you lazy pigs put in a little effort today. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so humiliating at the meet and greet for a lot of reasons. But the women always have the manicure they got for the Trixie and Katya show. Oh, it's stunning. And we're sitting out there. On a good day, I have Sally Hansen fast dry, swiped on in a blackout. Yeah. And I have overgrown cuticles and then two inches of dirt underneath my actual fingernails.

She has Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. Yes. And I have Brendan Fraser in The Whale. Yeah. And here we are. Oh, England! I gotta say, some of you who paid,

let's say, a certain price to meet us a month ago, what was that price, perhaps? Oh, 300 quid. About 300 quid? Yeah. Were you happy or pissed

when we put these on sale for about a third the price of that? But let me tell you what happened. We started to notice very quickly that we're like, huh, everybody's coming in with these bags, these gift bags. Gifting!

Do you see all these cigarettes here? One, two, three, four, five, six, and then this one is rhinestone. Yeah. Do you think in the States, if they had the cigarettes with the babies, like the eyeballs and the... Oh, yeah.

Do you think you would have started smoking still? Earlier. You would have seen the baby and been like, this is for me. I'll have what she's having. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, very bold, very bold. So we don't have, in America, we do not,

our cigarette packaging says nothing, like, none of this stuff. What does this say? I think in America, the cigarettes say, our cigarette packaging says nothing like, none of this stuff. What does this say? I think in America, the cigarettes say like, you'll live forever. Yeah, yeah. People will love you. It's a fresh, mellow taste that will improve your life. Yeah. You probably won't get shot, you know. Unless you got one of those,

I will say, I don't like guns, but I love in a movie when somebody has a gun and then there's a lighter. Yeah, it's great. That is really fun. That's fun. Do you remember when iPhone took- Maybe they should just replace all those AR-15s with those lighters.

Yeah. You know? So they go into the school, they just light one person's cigarette instead of kill all the kindergartners. Thank God I don't work at a bank because if they ever robbed me with a gun, I'd be like, I know that's a lighter. I've seen a lot of movies. You pull out your cigarette. You pull out your cigarette. I'd be like, well, well, you know,

no, I wouldn't pull out my cigarette. I'd pull out my marijuana. You know, you guys, I started doing marijuana. She's a big... Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, fun. Yeah. And on the tour, I'm just trying to feel.

So, but the problem is in America, it's legal. So in California, you can go fun. Yeah. And on the tour, I'm just trying to feel. But the problem is, in America, it's legal. So in California, you can go into a store and say, I want you to give me the marijuana that you would give your aging mother who's never smoked weed and this is her birthday. Yeah. Or like, I'm a Scorpio and I'm 38 and I have brown hair. Yes. They give you the right strain.

Here, best thing I got to look forward to is Brandon or some, well, I don't want to say Brandon. Landon. Yeah, Landon. Handing me some pre-roll that he got from one of you at the show. And then I'm just supposed to smoke it or smoke it out of an apple. Like we're in the Garden of Eden. You were hunched behind a bus smoking weed out of an apple. Out of an apple.

I'm becoming my mother. You know, it was like... But then I'm smoking and then I'm like, well, this is all fun and great. And then I got on the bus. And it hit you. And things took a turn.

I remember very little. People were talking to me and I was like, are they talking to me? I remember going to pee and you kicked open the bathroom door on the bus and you screamed something. I did not kick it open.

It would not kick open the bathroom door, but I did scream. You screamed something in German and that was a little much for me at that state. Listen. It felt like I peed for hours. On weed, I'm dying to get you to smoke a little crack.

I will say, I just, it's not crack, but I, well, it's not crack. It's trim spa. No, I just started, I just rewatched, you know, you know I'm in a bad mental place when I watch Breaking Bad to be uplifted. You know what I mean? So I rewatched Breaking Bad from the beginning, and that show details the drug industry and drug use and never makes it look glamorous once. Not once.

I don't know. They kind of make New Mexico look pretty though. Yeah. I was like, should I move to Albuquerque? There's a lot of guns. I don't know. Well, the meth is all real blue, right? Oh yeah, that's his whole thing.

That's fun. Did you watch Breaking Bad? Yeah. It's great. Do you guys watch Breaking Bad? You watched Breaking Bad? Good for them. There are very few spots on the Venn diagram where we overlap in our taste in anything, really.

But I think Watchmen, Breaking Bad. Polo and Pan. Polo and Pan, the musical act from France. French guys doing music. And then I think that's probably it. That's it. We have nothing else. And then this, think that's probably it. That's it. We have nothing else in common. And then this, I guess.

But, you know, there's dollars involved. And, but we, I told her to go see a movie. And I said, you're going to love it. And I said, did you like the movie? She's like, nope. No, not at all. You know, that's our whole relationship. Sometimes I'm like, are we friends?

Or do I make money when I stand next to her? I mean, who wouldn't though? Yeah. It's like that. I can't wait till I get to my list. I made a list of things that I'm going

to do after tour next year. It's a riveting list. We'll get to it later though. You guys listen to the pod, obviously. You wouldn't be here. You know,

we've been on tour since March. Yeah. Since March. March. That's 13 months ago. Yeah. Since March. March. That's 13 months ago. Yeah. And it is like Groundhog's Day because people be like, how have you been?

And I'm like, the same people put on the same outfits and say the same words to me every day. Every day. Yeah. So I don't remember what else is going on out there. It's really strange. I like, there's times on stage where I've, I've kind of like snapped to, back to reality.

And then there was the whole week, a stretch of a week where I was sleeping so much. My dreams were so vivid. I was like, I think this is the dream life. And that's the real life.

Yeah. It got really freaky for a minute there. And freaky for you. Yeah. I mean, that must have been like. Yeah.

I had a dream that I was, I won't go into the dream thing, but I was like, like jumping through people's stomachs at a dinner party. Like I had them over to dinner. Uh-huh. And then I would shrink myself down,

jump in their mouth and then just redo things in their bodies. And then I get out. But that's fun. You know, I had a dream. This is really crazy. I had a dream.

This was about two, no, this is when we were in Germany. Crazy dream. No, we had a dream. This is really crazy. I had a dream. This was about two, no, this is when we were in Germany. We had a crazy dream. No, we were in Germany. I had a dream that she, I was helping the police department investigate her home at her new house. Do you know what I'm going to say? Because in the dream, I had to like wear a wire

and she was my friend and I was all conflicted because they were like, we think she's a murderer. And I was like, in the dream, I my friend and I was all conflicted because they were like we think she's a murderer and I was like in the dream I was like I don't know I guess I'll just hi girl how have you been at your house I've got a good liar in the dream you know real me is a great liar and the dream a little shaky yeah so and then I go I'm gonna go use your bathroom and she goes no don't and I go I you know I have to use your bathroom. And this is before Breaking Bad, so I was premeditating it. But I go in the bathroom in the dream, dream bathroom. I open the dream toilet. I look down. I move the dream toilet. You guys are not going to believe what's going on

down here. The toilet moves. Michelle Pfeiffer is down there with a couple newborn babies. And I think the inference in the dream is that you imprisoned Michelle Pfeiffer and made her have babies. Yeah. Which, I mean, she's like pushing 60. That's really impressive. Oh yeah, she was crying, but she was happy.

Yeah! You know, she was like, I got everything I need here. I got TiVo. She got David E. Kelly as a husband. What's she got to complain about? But in the dream, I had to be like, I got everything I need here. I got TiVo. She got David E. Kelly as a husband. What's she got to complain about? But in the dream, I had to be like, you know I have to tell the police about Michelle Pfeiffer in the toilet. It's like, girl, do you have an aging actress from the 90s in your toilet again? You're like, yeah, that's the actor's studio.

She's giving a speech down there. That would be fierce to have in my new house. I don't want a pool. I want an actress on retainer in my bathroom who's that oh and that's january jones she does my flowers yeah hey is it tuesday we got felicity huffman down by the um you know we can do something similar to this which is to get famous friends and ask them to come over oh you're right i keep forgetting we saw a famous person last night you guys we went to see Cabaret here in London.

Oh, yeah. Before we get into it. Let me tell you something. Those whores ate, okay? That production was so beautiful. Why did they have to snap so hard, honey? The costumes, the makeup, the singing, everything. Dynamic, hilarious, crying.

It was great, but it was so beautiful. They were, oh, they were oh they were young it was amazing imagine being on broadway at 23 23 on broadway oh that's not that's not broadway what is it it's west end west end west end whatever um but yeah 23 this this uh this blonde guy had his leg all the way up there 23 years old he's like i'm so old i was like uh-huh he said old meanwhile oh this is the other best part. I said, God, this, because they were acting. They were crying.

They were singing. They were kicking. And I went, wow, the stamina. I said, how many nights a week do you do this? And they said, eight. Yeah. And I said, okay, well, sometimes we do four, and we sit backstage clutching a rifle,

looking at each other. Sometimes we have to do three days in a row, and I'm on suicide watch. Yeah, gratitude. Gratitude. As I'm in my straight jacket with biting on leather. Yeah. But you know what?

We don't have beautiful young female bodies. We don't get to wear like a lacy panty. Oh, sorry. I guess I'm speaking for... Oh. Let me correct myself. Oh, yeah. because I'm speaking for oh let me correct myself yeah you don't have a young and I mean at least they get to burn you know what also is thinking this is so toxic they were up there twirling and kicking and I went

they burn so many calories oh that is you are sick it's so sick I went I went you know what for lunch they get to have a nice big lunch knowing they are gonna fuck up those calories later you know what I mean there's you are sick have a nice big lunch knowing they are going to fuck up those calories later. You know what I mean? You are sick. I was, the thing that I was like really struck by was the proximity of the audience to the, because it was like theater in the round, you know? It was like, if we're here, they were right, we were right up in the action. It's right up.

And they were crying. They were crying. They were kicking. Like glittering. Bowl cuts. I can't, bowl cuts, underpants, dirty underpants. Well, not dirty, but they look dirty. And the makeup was stylized.

It was borderline clowning makeup. It was amazing. It was really dramatic. And we met the makeup artist, and I went downstairs, and I said, can you come by the Troxy tomorrow and help us out? Please. In the wig room, the wig room, because they have men's wigs, which are so cool.

Like little, little, they look like toupees, essentially. I mean, men's wigs which are so cool like little little they look like toupees essentially i mean men's wig with all the lace and i thought wow for my year of rest and relaxation coming up that's at the top of my list to wear a men's wig yes full lace you know lace from the back too when i want to like really like um when i'm in a store looking at something i really want to like you know I'll snap and then get people's attention and point

and then I'll just go back so they look at the lace on the back yeah and then before you turn the corner you go lace on the back

yeah or I'll preset some bumblebees you know and be like excuse me do I have something on the back of my hair

and there'll be a bunch of bumblebees yeah or it's a little poster that says it's not a wig bitch you know you know what else i noticed at this meet and greet today because uh it was significantly at this i don't want to expose people's financials at this at this tax bracket

at this price of meet and greet with the poor much more men oh yeah which means one thing real men are cheap yeah we drop the ticket uh the price down a little bit, and boom, all the guys show up. But everybody showed up. It's laundering money, really, because everybody showed up today handing us cash. Yeah. Isn't this so strange? All those suitcases full of cash. I felt like Skylar White with the laundromat.

What to do with them afterwards. What did you receive? You get any cigarettes? I got a lot of good stuff today. I got some graphic novels. I got some action figures. I got a Barbie. I got so much candy.

I do love candy, but I'm trying to cut back. And you guys aren't enabling that. Yeah. Well, I was trying to quit smoking, but I guess I'll continue. Every city, it's a new version of Kinder blank. It's like, this is a Kinder pyramid. You're like,

okay, it's this big. There's a toy inside. Perfect. In Germany, is every candy named Kinder something? Germany is a, it's a country.

And we were there. Did we talk about how we saw Miss Fame in Switzerland? Oh, we did not. Bitch! We have new information. Oh, we did not. Bitch! We have new information. Yeah, we have a story that has not only been not repeated,

but not even told yet. When we repeat, when you guys are on your morning commute, when you're on the chape, and you hear us repeat something that we've not only said on the podcast, we've said on, uh, we've said on Netflix, we've come into your home and said it at some point. Yeah. Are you just like, it's so exhausting.

But at the same time, I'm so forgetful. I don't care. You know? It's new information for me every time. Yeah, you're like, ooh. Yeah, yeah. We ran into Miss, we didn't run into her. We didn't run into her.

It was planned. I don't think anybody runs into Miss Faye. I don't think so either. God help you. Because I don't think she, she made it very clear that she doesn't go anywhere. She doesn't go anywhere. She had, in the morning, I said, well, why don't we go to lunch? She said, I'm showing chickens.

She was at some barn somewhere. Yeah. Al's Toy Barn, showing chickens. Like a dog show? It's a chicken show. It's a chicken show. And she said, well, she's like, I have my drag for when I go to the chicken shows. And I said, I'd like to fucking see it.

Because she's trying to say, I dress like a normal farmer. You wouldn't even know I'm a runway model. I go, I don't fucking believe that for a second. Pasties, latex waders, and a whole like feather hat thing. Totally. Or like a long boa and like a short little wig. And she shows up with a microphone. And they're like, you're just showing a chicken.

No, was it like a best in show chicken kind of scenario? I forget. It was Miss Fame, so it was probably the very best in show. Are they going to eat the chicken or is it, they don't eat these chickens.

I think if you win a war, I think it's like Hunger Games. Like if you are a beautiful chicken, you live longer. Oh. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're not going to kill your prize-winning chicken. You're like, honey, we're going to get you breast implants,

and we'll come back next year. You know? How long can a chicken live for? A couple of months? She about a size 14. How long do chickens live for? Comment below. Yeah.

How long do they live for? I wish we had a way to find out. Chickens live a while. So anyways, so in in zurich switzerland where everything is very expensive um crazy we uh she rolls up in a car and i like kind of my heart sinks because i'm like oh my god she's driving i can't get in that car i cannot get in that car she's driving because i know she's not drunk which is good that's one thing but but with fame I don't trust whatever's going on behind the eyes to not interfere with what's happening in front of them. You know? You know, I was sitting in the hotel.

What do you call it here? A hotel. Yeah. And I don't know the word. I don't speak the language. But I was sitting there, and I'm thinking, I'm picturing what she's wearing. And I'm thinking, like, Chanel. I'm like, she's going to do, like, a silk scarf.

I said, I bet you $150. I said this to, I think, Gabriel, that she's wearing leather driving gloves. She was. But she wasn't even driving. So the car pulls up, and I go, oh, I bet she's in there with those fucking gloves on. I owe money to no one. And then her husband's driving, and I go, and she I bet she's in there with those fucking gloves on. I owe money to no one.

And then her husband's driving and I go, and she's in the back seat. Oh, that's true. Like Mrs. fucking Doubtfire. She's back there just... That's true, yeah. She's so fierce. She has not changed one bit.

Younger. Younger and thinner. Oh, that's true. She literally is... I mean, I don't know what the hell she's doing. This many days a week in drag, my face looks like a pizza-licious Pringle. Yeah.

And she shows up... It's moist. drag my face looks like a pizza licious pringle yeah and she shows up it's moist wet it's like a sponge cake it's wet everywhere it's glazed hair super dry skin it's wet lips and when you're trying to talk to her she is listening but there's another part of her that's yeah she's listening for like 60 40% is like perched for something better. Yeah. She's in a black, I could tell she dressed down for us. Like, oh honey, we don't want to make them feel stupid. Like she was in a black women's turtleneck giving like, I don't know, Sharon Stone on the back of her own book.

Like, hmm. And she's in blonde hair, perfectly proper. Tiny waist. Tiny, teeny, tiny little waist. So tiny. And then she was so like, teeny, tiny little waist. So tiny. And then she was so modest and humble about her drag. And then, of course, we receive a video the next day of her in the most, I mean, she told us that she's never in drag anymore.

And I said, oh, I believe it. I mean, you have your chickens and that's great. You have a full, rich life riding in the backseat of your car while your husband drives. Yeah. Like a murderer. Yeah. And then the next day she sends us a picture of her. Stunning lighting.

And just long enough to get all the angles to know that it's not a filter or anything and that she's just like, I mean, it was exquisite. But the words spoken were like, hey guys, I just missed you and yesterday was so wonderful. I love connecting. But the subtext was, that's what I fucking thought. She was like, you haggs. So you guys are probably getting out to do your show. So I wanted to let you know what a real drag queen looks like. Totally, totally.

Have a great show, fad. And I watched the video, my phone self-destructed and i like fell to the earth and i was like never mind yeah an ad pops up for new careers you could explore later in life yeah she is so fun remember oh wait wait i didn't tell you this part remember what she said but we're sitting in katya's dressing room because it's a bigger room. Oh, the, you know. She's the star. And then Fame comes in and she sees your little show wig on the head and she goes, oh, oh, crispy. Like under her breath.

I wouldn't say under. Not under her breath. It was a full volume. It was so fucking funny. It was so funny. And then she does the whole, this is like the euphemism or the qualifier they always get. No, but it works for you. Yeah.

No, but it works for you. If I had a nickel for every time somebody said, you can just wear whatever, huh? Yeah. I love how you just don't give a fuck. Well, then she said to me, and yours is like a loaf, but I expect that from you. Yes, that's true. this is one of our close friends yeah yeah okay this is why we're best friends because we're just nicer to each other than everyone else

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she has chosen to talk about it here at the Troxy yeah Yeah. Now, before we start, straight women who don't know, you might not know about this because Drag Race hasn't done a mini challenge on the subject yet. And gay boys who fully do this, this is your time to start acting going, what is that? I've never heard of it. Because you hear with your straight girlfriend who's gonna be like, that's weird,

and you're gonna be like, that is weird. Oh my God, that's so weird. Meanwhile, you get up from the chair and it's gone. So how did it happen? Did you go in knowing this was gonna happen? No, it was a very, it was a surprise. And I didn't get fisted, let's just be clear about that. I mean, I couldn't even stick the straw up there.

Well, a baby fist. I mean, I didn't mean a child. I mean like a small, like a small. Well, I mean, as you'll notice, my hand is quite petite, quite petite. Yeah, anyway, so we were engaged in many, you know, acts of penetrative Congress. And then we were like, he was a gentleman around my age,

a little bit older, 43, was a breath of fresh air. And I was like- It was a gentleman around my age, a little bit older, 43. It was a breath of fresh air. And I was like... It was sort of a December, December romance. Yeah, December. It was like a Christmas, New Year's romance. And so not to be lewd. Oh, God, I hope you don't mind me being gross. But I was, you know, I didn't have nails on. Or the ring watch.

Yeah. But it was like, and then four fingers. And then before you know it, he just sucked the whole watch. Yeah. But it was like and then four fingers and then before you know it he just sucked the whole thing right up. So what so did he grab

did he grab the arm and push? He was like you know like this and then I was just like I was like person in the bed

I was just like we're taking a break kinda and I was just like and it wasn't like loose loose loose like some people are just like

barn doors wide open and you can't even you don't even hit the sides. I think of Poltergeist when they're throwing the tennis balls through the doorway and it's coming out in other parts of the house. Or like the end of Witches of Eastwick where they're all like, they're holding onto the doors and they're getting like stuck down the hallway.

Exactly that. Anyway, so he's like, go, you know, do another one, do another one. And he was Italian. So he's like, a poco, a poco. Yeah, he's like go you know do another one do another one and he was italian so um he's like yeah um and uh and then he just he's like go for it i was like go for it it's like go for it the whole hand yeah he said um but he is saying go for it like you knew like he he thought you were heading toward this. I had no idea. Because like I said, it wasn't like all blown out cow pussy or anything.

It was like, it was quite, it was succinct. It was concise. Yeah. It was like drawstring gym shorts where you pull the string out eventually and then it doesn't fit anymore. And it's just like. Actually, I think that's probably a really good metaphor for it because sometimes this is so this is gross too i mean unless you're unless you're hung like a campbell soup can you really sometimes you don't feel when you're penetrating that kind of somebody who tests the outer limits then when you go to them you're like is this thing on yes and sometimes

they're like i'm like is it in they're like, I'm like, is it in? They're like, they don't know. You know, it's like a whole, can you clench so I can feel something? Yeah. So it can be tough. But this guy was really, I mean, it was lovely. Great, great, wonderful ass. Anyways, so I got the whole hand goes in.

Up to the wrist? Up to the wrist. We can clap. And something. Look at security by the doors. They're like, they're ready to leave. That's fine. we can clap and in something look at security by the doors they're like they're ready to leave that's fine hi Bob

hi Bob remember I shook your hand earlier yeah we're not security's like we're supposed to protect these people he's like we're protecting people outside from the people in this theater I have to apologize about people. He's like, we're protecting people outside from the people in this theater.

I have to apologize about my dress. It's so short. So the whole hand goes in his ass. And I'm not so, honestly, all my friends back home are all fisting porn people and I'm like, you know, they have their life, I have mine, and we just don't really meet in the middle of sexually like that.

And so it's just not on my radar. It's not on my radar. I don't, I've never watched a fisting porn. I don't really go to extreme stuff with sex. But let me tell you, when that hand went up his ass, I almost had an orgasm immediately. Really? Yes. And just from my hand.

I wasn't diddling my hand between me down there. Your hand was going to shoot calm like Spider-Man. I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah, I was like, oh. I was like, oh. Mama mia. Did you feel like Reba in Tremors? Yeah. That was so crazy, it was so great.

Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you do. Fuck. I tried to do the Reba no lip thing, and now I'm paying the price. Okay. That's tough. And she still had more. I would look at number 32.

Yeah. Could you imagine if we had shorthand? We knew every tooth in the mouth. Yeah, that's great. Perfect. Thank you so much. I don't think that... If they can see the lipstick on your teeth from all the way back there...

We got bigger problems. We got bigger problems. Because they can also see our skin. So I got the whole hand up there. And then, you know, fisting. So from what I know from my friends is that fisting is a very, it's not exactly a spontaneous activity because there's tons of preparation. Colonic irrigation, full colonic irrigation. Plus you get to lay out the pee pee pads. They have pee pee pads like, you know, for the dog. Wait a minute to lay out the pee-pee pads. They have pee-pee pads for the dog.

Wait a minute. They put out dog pee-pee pads? They do. And then they use this gloppy lube called J-Lube. It's like slime from Nickelodeon. It is like... It's like... You know like in Ghostbusters, the ectoplasm?

That is the lube they're using for fisting. Wow. Buona sera. You know, after you told me about this, you made me Google things about fisting that I never Googled. Oh no, don't you ever Google fisting. No, I wasn't trying to watch it.

I wanted to know things like, does it hurt? What does it feel like to be the fist? And all the, unless I put gay, unless I put gay in the search, it was all about pussies with a fist in it. It was all women being like, I like it. It turns me on. I didn't know so many women had fists straight up the pussy.

Absolutely. Yeah. I just always think when it comes to the extreme and things that extend you straight to hell, that gay men are pioneering it. You know what I mean? Yeah. I have some news for you. The straights are wild.

But if you have a pussy, then you also have an asshole. Could you double fist? One pussy, one asshole. Somebody just yelled, yes. Whoa. She's like, I'm doing it now. That's the full Jim Henson. At a certain Jim Henson, you know, that's the Muppets on Muppet Island.

Yeah. And then you make the hands clap inside. I know it doesn't work like that. Okay. But so anyway, so we don't have all the setup. It's a relatively like, it was a spontaneous activity. Bold of him. I think he knew himself.

It makes me think he must have been like, I could get into this, so I better be ready for it. Yeah. I mean, like I said, I'm not up to the shoulder. Right, right, right. And sometimes that's going on. But I go up in there I mean, I wouldn't, like I said, I'm not up to the shoulder. Right. And sometimes that's going on, but I, I go up in there and then I'm like,

I'm like, it's very titillating and it's very new. And then I'm like, once I start to, I'm not trying to palpate any viscera. You know what I mean? It's not like a guessing game of like, what did I have for lunch?

No, I'm not. This is an AP bio. No, we're not doing like a fetal pig. No, we're not dissecting anything. This is not, it was not finals week. And I'm like, yeah, it's, um, I'm not. This is an AP bio. No, we're not doing a fetal pig. No, we're not dissecting anything. This is not finals week.

And I'm like, yeah, it's... I go... And then I just go... It was wild. Yeah, it was wild. I can see these straight people are like, am I homophobic? These people are going to leave here and be like,

it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. It's not Adam and Fist, that's for sure. Remember in the Garden of Eden? The Garden of Eden? When Adam shoved a fist right up Eve's pussy. Right up Eve's pussy. That snake? Right up the pussy.

That snake right up the pussy. Well, snakes can't fist. They don't have arms. That's tough. No, a snake just goes headlong right up the muscle. Well, snakes can't fist. They don't have arms. That's tough. No, a snake just goes headlong right up the thing. Yeah. Anyways, so that happened, and that's great. Well, that was my big exploratory new thing that happened.

It was kind of a good one. I cannot top that. Because I can't top anything. Oh, no. You know what? That joke is perfect. Cause this is kind of like my Kasha Davis brunch dress. Do you know what I mean? I look like you're Frank Marino.

I look like I'm about to be like, I don't know, like hamburger Mary's to be like, anybody here straight? Ooh, we have a straight. Oh, I know.

Like, do you remember like the old brunch? I don't co-sign on this, but brunch drag jokes would be like, bisexuals, they're so greedy. You know what I mean? That was always the brunch drag joke of like, you'll just fuck anyone.

I don't know what that is. It's really. It's always that. It's like. There are so many. Gay people are so stupid. Gay people are so stupid. There's always like when you do drag and you like bring bachelorettes on stage

There's a there's a small rolodex of not very creative jokes that God puts a gun to your head And you have to run through them It's like yeah, you're getting married show me the ring and then you you tell them their ring is small And then you ask them how big their new husband's dick is I know it's so you know Cheryl from Brookfield has seen two yeah Yeah, I know. So she's gonna be able to say it's bigger than the last one or smaller. Like, she doesn't know. Does he have a big cock?

And it's always a drag queen with like a smoker voice. It's 11am on a Saturday. Like, shut the fuck up. At Gospel Brunch. So the drag queen is in like a church cover-up coat. Drag is so fucking rotted. Oh, it's rotted, you guys. It's r coat. Drag is so fucking rotted. Oh, it's rotted, you guys.

It's rotted. Drag is, sometimes I get in drag, I'm at the point now, 15 years in the industry, thank you so much. I sometimes am getting in drag and I'm like, I look in the mirror and I stop

and it's almost like a musical theater, like the walls fly away moment. I look in the mirror and I go, this is so fucking stupid. I'm like, drag is so stupid. These are my eyebrows, right? And you're like, sure, Greg. Drag is so

stupid. These are my eyelashes. Okay. Great. This is my hair. Okay. How many pairs of eyelashes do you got on there? How many falsies have you glued? These are small for me Actually, these are only about eight on the top and one on the bottom

Now just for it just for comparison. I wear one pair She wears up to cut in half. She wears a brand new pair every night rich Rich I wear them once and I throw them away Top of there you hungry? You haven't eaten any of your flowers. I haven't fisted anybody. I did hook up with a gentleman who, I had never hooked up with a gentleman

who had a head wrap, like a religious head wrap turban. What kind of religion are we talking about? Well, I don't really know the, I believe Sikh, but I don't really know the terminology, right? And I got the idea that it was maybe he wasn't comfortable with me asking. Very closeted, very that. Sure, sure, sure, sure. And so everybody's so quiet and ready to hear this.

But he is comfortable. They're like, this better be two fists, bitch. You can't follow that story. But after that, he was really nice and so nice and handsome and smelled good and very respectful. And then afterward, I had the balls to ask a few personal questions because I just had to know. I mean, he just dicked you. You might as well.

I mean, don't cut the hair. Don't cut the beard. So it was super long, like super long beard to the pubes. That is so wild. And then the head wrap never came off, which I just, I can barely keep a fucking wig on. So I was like, how did he? We were like cartwheeling in bed and nothing moved i was like what kind of bobby pins are those you know i wanted to know

and then afterward i do i feel if my heart goes out to the closeted people because i some we're so immersed in gay that are we i forget that closeted people wait are we gay we're gay no we are i've been noticing. Oh, sorry. He was amidst. I said, so for your dating life, I said, does your family know about, you know, that you, I don't know if he's bi or whatever, but you like, and he was like, well, no, I'm in the middle of like matchmaking right now. And I was like, oh no.

And I didn't want to overstep and be like, girl, don't do that, girl. You know, if it was, we're here, I would have put a wig on him and like done something, but I, you know, if it was we're here, I would have put a wig on him and, like, done something. But, you know, I can't step in. So I just felt like, oh, I hope this improves. But, you know, straight people. You're down to the waist, like Gandalf. Yeah, straight people. That's so wild.

I'd never seen or had the opportunity. I think it's kind of rude to ask to touch someone's beard. I'd never touched a beard that long. I was like, this is cool. I think once you've crossed the threshold of like sucking his dick. Mary, it's the first time I've been sucking a cock and then gotten a beard hair in my mouth. And I loved it.

And I'd do it again. And I loved it. And there was no fisting. I'm sorry. There was no fisting. We're old fashioned in closet. We just did penises. I'm sorry about that. Rubbing naked bodies We were old fashioned in closet, we just did penises. I'm sorry about that.

Rubbing naked bodies, what is this, preschool? Yeah. I've noticed on, just from my observation online here on the apps, that there seems to be a resurgence of the word discreet. Discreet. So that laugh just came from someone who's lit like Unsolved Mysteries. No face showing. Oh. Discreet. Like faceless profiles and I

mean and then also just the word discreet, discreet, discreet, discreet. Like whether that means closeted or not in the closet or not coming out, whatever. I just find that fascinating. I recently, you know, people do legit hijinks to us on Grindr. Yeah, they do. The other day, don't, and by the way, I don't even want to tell the story

because I don't want to encourage it, but somebody the other day, you know what time that somebody told me, I love your style and I love your attitude to her. Do you remember that? Somebody messaged me on Grindr, I love your style, and sure as fuck, she had a message that said, and I love your attitude to her. Do you remember that? Somebody messaged me on Grindr, I love your style, and sure as fuck, she had a message that said,

and I love your attitude. That's cute. I have friends at Grindr. I did their Christmas party in 2015, and I could have your account deleted in minutes. So don't try it, Greg. Yeah. That stuff is cute on Facebook or whatever,

but not when Miss Thing has 35 minutes to get laid before she gets to get on the bus. Mary, when someone's like, I had to say hi, most people probably, you probably get a lot of messages. I said, they mostly say exactly this, what you just said, bitch. But thank you. Yeah.

But so what do you think, have you noticed the discreet thing, by the way? I'm fine with it because to be honest, if we're being, for telling tales at a school, I don't really, I haven't had a lot of successful gay male hookup experiences. Well, how would you if you're a girl? Well, I'm a woman. But also, they are so afraid of me in person or turned off by me that nothing happens.

Right, right, right. Maybe they're turned off by me in person and I'm flattering myself and being like, I'm so fucking famous, they can't get hard. But like, they get scared of me and then nothing happens. And then they feel embarrassed. They leave with their tail between their legs. And I'm like, well now I like embarrass them because they're scared of me or something. That's why you have to have a little candy dish filled with Viagra. I'm not. Is that bad? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you a doctor person clapping? Is that drugging people?

Well, you check their blood pressure first. and then you do a full physio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 45 minutes, tops. But the straight or the DL guys, they don't know who I am, and even if they figured out, they're not going to fucking tell anybody. No, that's true. Discreet. Whereas no matter what happens with a gay guy, I know it's a story. It's a story forever. It's a story that's going to come up any time I come up, and I don't like that. Okay, all right, all right, all right. It's okay to have boundaries.

So you have discreet in your profile. I'm discreet. Discreet. Discreet. I got blocked. I got, my account got deactivated for catfishing three times this year. So who knows?

I'm flattered to think that in someone's free time, they catfish as a 33-year-old bald cross-dresser. Yeah. Shoot for the moon. Do Marky Mark. Do something. Yes, anybody. The Rock. Yeah. Shoot for the moon. Do Marky Mark. Do something. Yes. Anybody. The Rock. Yeah. Dwayne The Rock Johnson

150 feet away on Grindr. Could you imagine? Yes, I could. I wish. I'm the type of person that, like, I wouldn't be intimidated. I would certainly be excited to hook up with Dwayne The Rock Johnson. But if I open the door and it's Dwayne The Rock Johnson, I'm going to have an erect Johnson.

And I'm going to have a great time. And probably a great story afterwards. But I don't personally relate to that whole like, oh, I'm scared. Oh, I'm scared. I'm scared. Unless you're going to do acting. Unless it's like sex acting. Yeah.

They pull the dick out and you're like, oh, no. I'm scared. Don't do it. I'm scared. Yeah. They pull the dick out and you're like, ooh. Ooh. No. No. Scared. Don't do it. I'm fucking scared. Oh. No. Well, on that note, we have to take a brief intermission.

We have to take an intermission. Or they'll sue us. We have to. So everybody can refresh their drink. And we're going to come back here in about 15 minutes in the exact same outfits. So take the other half of that pill now. And we'll see you in a little bit.

Take the Zanny bar, honey. See you in 15. same outfit. So take the other half of that pill now and we'll see you in a little bit. Take the Zanny bar, honey. See you in 15. We do. What's your portfolio's most valuable asset? It may be your financial advisor. Financial advisors have the investment knowledge and experience to help clients build diversified portfolios that can thrive in a variety of market environments. Feel more confident about your financial future.

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Thank you for pretending these are new outfits. Thank you. Thank you for pretending these are new outfits. Thank you. Thank you. You know, a little fun fact. In the UK, if your show doesn't do an intermission... You get fined. You get fined. So you have to let the people have their alcohol. Yeah.

I'm sensing a rampant alcoholism around these parts. You guys like to drink? I do too. I'm sensing a rampant alcoholism around these parts. You guys like to drink? I do too. It's just fun. I, you know, I- This weather. This weather. This weather.

How do you get this weather? I love to drink and talk about the weather. The weather. Do people, do people say, ask each other on a date, like, do you want to get a drink? They do, right? I'd be nervous. I'd be like, you want to get a drink? I'd be like, yeah, I would love to want to get a drink i'd be like yeah i would love to get a drink i love drinking oh not that

much i don't know i said that i don't drink at all like i don't know i would backtrack but so i have to tell you about the time that i offered a guy i offered to buy a guy a drink and he was like i already have one and i don't know what got into me i was 21 i was like well do you want me to like reimburs i don't know i was like can well, do you want me to re-imbert? I don't know. I was like, can I give you $5 for the one you just bought? Jeez, this is getting expensive. You better put out, you know? Oh, my God. Listen, we're putting a lot of trust in your hands because this is a Q&A.

And at Trixie and Katya events, things can get a little dicey. Yeah, and by dicey, we mean weird. Weird. And very annoying. And as a new mother, I really have to shield my child from these inappropriate questions and lines of inquiry. And we're not passing out microphones because you can't be trusted. Last time we passed off microphones, somebody read us erotic fan fiction of ourselves and we will never be the same. Yeah.

And I'm pretty sure that person was underage. So there was a whole lot going out there. A constellation of difficulties we don't want to wade through tonight. You know, is there people up there? You guys are at little tables up there. That seems rich. Here, get up the skirt.

They're in the front, but that seems rich. My dress is so short. I'm so sorry. Are you photographing us? I just feel so embarrassed. My whole leg is out. Have you ever photographed girls like us before? Yeah.

He hasn't. He's like, I'm quitting tomorrow. 40 years old baby. Are you heterosexual? I'm doing the drag brunch jokes now. You are. You're in the business. He's heterosexual.

He's heterosexual. Yeah. That photo's going to, that photo's, it's not going to be. You ever seen a woman with a cigarette before? Yeah. Do a little like emoji cigarette in her mouth and just do like something else over my face. It's fine. Oh, there is a, there is an old drag brunch joke.

I guess it's a joke. But they, she would say, say you're wearing like a feather trim on your sweater or something. You're like, oh, feathers, you're a bird fan? I've kissed a cockatoo. It's so bad. It's so bad, right? It's so bad. Drag is tired, corny, cheesy, and played out.

It's so bad. All right, at this point, drag, the dolls are the dolls. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? How does it feel to be a fan of a dying art form? All right, at this point, drag, the dolls are the dolls. Yeah. You know what I mean? How does it feel to be a fan of a dying art form? All right? You know, back in my day. It's also crazy to be doing this for only 15 years,

and we're veterans? Which means everybody else has died. Or moved on to banking or something. Yes, but here we are. Oh, and speaking of which, I do believe we have some UK drag royalty in the building this evening. We do. Everybody's head looked so everyone already knows.

Who is it? I don't know. Oh, hi. So unfortunately my viewing has stopped with Bimini Bamboo Lash. And I have not been able to keep up Is she still in London by the way? That's her booking agent right there. I Still haven't fucking met her and it's crazy

But uh, so how many seasons of UK's ever been for so far for their for just completed right? Who won? Oh? Danny Beard the beard. Oh won? Oh, Danny Beard. The beard. The beard. Good for them. Danny Beard, just say what it is. They had to have a beard so that we can have stubble.

Good for us. I'm going to be like, Danny told me I can. I'm not shaving anymore. Oh, yeah. Do you like it? If you, the 14 shin hairs that you could. Six pubic hairs. Are you kidding me? It would be horrible.

Horrible. So, well, congratulations. the 14 shin hairs that you could six pubic hairs are you kidding me it would be horrible horrible so well congratulations and I'm so sorry that you don't win a god damn thing on that fucking show isn't that horrible like that is so I think we should

wire them something we should give them something I think we should like get you know reach into her purse and pull out a few GBPs and give it to the girls yes

and she can she can count it as like a she can create like a fake charity and take it as a tax write-off. Yeah, launder some money, Rue, and give it to the girls. If you're not laundering money, you're not doing drag.

That being said, Katya and Trixie LLC, we have a lovely accountant and we do pay our taxes. Yes, we do. Quarterly taxes, in fact, always on time. And you know what?

And contrary to most Americans, I think, we are semi-rich and pay the amount we're supposed to pay. Which... I finally do understand why those rotten people are their rotten way. Because they don't want to give away any of their goddamn money. I know. It's horrible.

I know. You have to start a fake charity. That's what they all do. Homeless, not, what is homeless, not toothless? Homeless, not toothless. Yes. Yeah. I'm going to do toothless, not homeless.

Yeah. And I just put all my money in there. Hope for the best. I'm going to run a charity for girls in their 20s to teach them how to squirt. I love that. Do you remember, anybody who's a long time fan, do you remember on Trixie and Katya on Biceland, we had Annie Cruz, the

porn actress on there? And she told us that like 90% of the female squirting is fake in porn. She says she can watch and she goes, that's pee. That's pee. But here's the thing. I don't care. You know? Because you also like piss. Hello, thank you.

As long as there's liquid coming out of that pussy into my face, I'm good. And I think most men would probably feel the same way. Or women.

Do you know what I mean? It's a little bit of pee. It's a little bit of pee. You know in Hollywood when someone pukes and they have a tube and they go like this and it like shoots out?

Just do that. Yes, rig up the tube for Christ's sake. Put some Minute Maid lemonade in the garden hose and just... You know we do questions okay you know if you've got a question um you can just stand up and you can use your um booming bravado voice to uh we're not going to give you a microphone so yeah but calm down raise your hand and we I'll call on you. Not make it weird. Yep. Yep.

How would you rate HVAC air conditioning out of a one to 10? Well, hold on a second because this is actually not HVAC. Thank you. This is mother nature. We need to stop the gaslighting. This is not HVAC. This is Father Winter. Yeah. to stop the gaslighting. Yeah, yeah. This is not HVAC. This is Father Winter. Yeah.

This is the great outdoors. Don't let these walls fool you. There is nothing separating us from that out there right now. This is like when they put lashes on in mascara commercials. It's fucking lies. Yeah, it's lies. Lipstick on a pig. It is lovely.

I'm going to start an HVAC company here, just called Winter. Yeah. And around fall, I come to your house. I open is lovely. I lit is lovely. I'm going to start an HVAC company here. Yeah. Just called Winter. Yeah. And around fall, I come to your house. I open some windows. I go, it's going to be 250 JVP. This is Winter. And I will say. I like it.

My toes are numb. Yeah. Are you guys okay? It is cold, right? It's cold. It's very cold. It's very cold. It's very.

I don't know why I'm asking. We can have each other body heat. Because we're not going to change anything. Thank you for that. Okay. Yeah, right in the front here. Mm-hmm. Yep.

What's the weirdest thing that a brand's asked you to do for a brand deal? That's a great question. People have a lot of, people have an earnest curiosity about brand deals. Well, this is, I mean, you're a businesswoman, a very successful small business. You're a global corporation, just these two little legs. Absolutely. You know, actually, the American dream,

seriously, I'm saying the absolute American dream, no, I'm serious, though. I guess, I mean, I'm blonde, I do fake tanning, and I own a hotel. And I'm not Donald Trump, okay? Oh, my God. So the other day we were at the Hilton in Paris and she was like,

you realize we're at the Paris Hilton right now? Yes! That was funny. You laughed so hard at that. It was so funny. She is making fun of me. No, so her question was, what's the weirdest thing a brand has asked you to do

when you're doing a brand endorsement, like on your YouTube or whatever? It's not ever too weird, to be honest. Sometimes you can tell it's a fan who's like an intern, and they pitch the exact perfect idea. Like, they'll be like, oh, we think you should do this. I'm like, that person must be a fan of us because they know what that is. Well, that's a good thing, though, right? Yeah, it's a good thing. And sometimes it's like, we want two divas to get hunty and fierce

and you're like so what would it look like if you uh took you know your pledge wood spray and got real hunty with it yeah yeah yeah how could you as an american express card holder get fierce yeah yeah not to be boring but to be honest a lot of the departments that are in charge of spending money, they call themselves creatives, but they're not that creative. So what I do is when I like a product, I reach out and I pitch an idea. And I say, I love this product. This is what I want to do with it.

And most of the time, they're like, that's so much better than what we came up with. I love this glue stick. You want to see me shove it up my ass? Yeah. When I worked with Duncan Hines the first time, Brandon literally just sent them pictures of me with the Easy Bake Oven and was like, we're about to When I worked with Duncan Hines the first time, Brandon literally just sent them pictures of me

with the Easy Bake Oven and was like, we're about to go off on some Duncan Hines. Fork over the cash, Carol. Fork over the cash or the Duncan Hines gets it. Thank you.

That was a good question. Great question. Uh-huh. In the fur on the aisle. Uh-huh. The hunty who's fierce. When is Trixie Cosmetics coming to the UK, please?

It's not here yet? No, we have some products on Beauty Bay, but I'll tell you this. What a shame. Not the holiday collection. You better come up here and slap me across the face with that attitude. I'll tell you something nobody knows. To sell makeup products in the UK, you have to test each formula and shade individually. Oh, gee whiz.

Each shade per... Let's say you have 10 shades of lipstick. Each shade costs almost $800 just to test it. And then you have to ship it over here, pay taxes on it. Then you gotta give them healthcare and all that stuff. The profit is so slim. To get product over here, it literally... You work for profit? That's why so... Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. I'm just saying that's why. So you notice we started, but for us to test everything as it comes out, we're working on it. What do you need to test it on? It's just colors. Well, that's what I don't get. In Australia, not to out anybody in Australia. They're like, what is it?

Lead paint? We'll take it. Yeah. And then here, because it's a good to out anybody, in Australia, they're like, what is it? Lead paint? We'll take it. Yeah. And then here, because it's a good thing, but in the UK, they're actually more strict about what they'll allow you

to put on your face, which is good. So that's why. Okay. We're doing it. God. So I have a question though. I don't remember starting

UNICEF Cosmetics. Christ. How come if they're so, but if they're so strict about ingredients and cosmetics, why do they let so strict about ingredients and cosmetics, why do they let people get like orange brown tan in those beds? Which like, give you cancer in three weeks.

That's over here with my orange palms. I'm like, sisters. The in between of my fingers looks like barbecue sauce. I'm like, woo! You're right, babes. Okay, next question. So what is the reason, oh, the testing, okay. Yep. Anybody else wanna drag me?

You? Yep. What do you think of the food here? Oh, what do we think of the food here? Rotten, gutted, awful. No, the English food is just, take it away. Mary, take, the English breakfast, y'all are so weird and gross, nasty and horrible. And I don't want to out anyone, but we were on the bus the other day, and we went on tour so long.

Recently, we did an activity where somebody takes a chip from an unknown bag and passes it around, and we smell it and taste it and try to guess what it is. I stopped playing almost immediately. I said, oh, is it dill? Is it like cheddar? And they're like, that's roast turkey. I said, okay. Or prawn cocktail chips.

Prawn cocktail? What? I know you might think this emergency exit's for fires. It's for people who like prawn cocktail. All right, the hell out of here. The English breakfast, though, is something that needs to be in the history books. Like this.

I know. Oh, fuck off. Oh. Oh, it's like I'm waking up. Oh, my God, I'm ready to start my day. How about some beans? Some mushrooms, marinated tomatoes, and a hockey puck of

blood. Coffee that is black and baked beans. I'm going to start the day by shitting myself. It's horrible. Do you know what's so good for you? In a gray, like a lukewarm gray bulging sausage. It's like, I...

The bacon, raw ham? No, it's raw ham fat. With a little bit of bacon flavoring. When I want breakfast here, I go down to the American Candy Store and I pick up a box of Lucky Charms for $45. And I love it. The way that God intended me to eat.

The whole milk is so whole, it's chunky. I'm like, mmm. Yep. Kelly Mantle question. A Kelly Mantle question. Oh, she passed away two weeks ago, but we'll send the message to her family. Yeah.

Oh, after she was caught on the shoulder in Australia with her luggage? Yeah, yeah, when she was street walking in drag. Yeah. Well, she went to go see The Cure. I don't know if that's a funny story, but... Yeah, it turns out they couldn't cure what she... You know.

I remember about 20 years late for that. What is... Every story with Kelly is funny. She's not a normal person. She's not. She's really not normal. Yeah. She...

What was she saying the other day? Her makeup is so funny. It's a bag. It's a blush that has two specks left. And it's like a setting powder that no one's used in 12 years. She stockpiled it. She's wacky. Yeah, yeah, she's wacky.

What did she call the... What is that? Every time I try to make fun of Kelly Mantle's old brain I'm just aware of my own really old brain and it's depressing it's funny because she doesn't she's not toured here before so she loves everywhere but she doesn't know where anything is who we are oh it's kind of a it's kind of a the notebook situation yes and every time to read from her diary to like bring her back you know and every time she's I have to read from her diary to like bring her back, you know. Yeah. And every time she's on stage after her number, where she goes, thank you, wherever

I hear and see the wheels turning, like, oh, she doesn't know where we are. She doesn't know where we are. The number's like, ba-da-ba. She's like, thank you. Thank you, mama. I love you. She doesn't know. She has no idea. No idea. But she's thrilled. But in true professional Yeah, it's very funny. She has no idea.

No idea. But she's thrilled. But in true professional form, she is absolutely thrilled to be everywhere we are. It's great. Yeah, she's cool. Next question. Okay. I want to go, yeah, yeah, with the striped jacket.

Ask Makeup Maverick when he will be at JoJung Glow Up. Wouldn't that be amazing? I've been stalking Glow Up for years to have me on. You were on it. Oh, hello. Did we make fun of you? Did you have a good time? You said you thought I was my mustache, but you're lying.

I'm the guy with Tourette's. Did we make fun of you? Oh, the guy with Tourette's. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, we made fun of him? No, we didn't make fun of him. No. I didn't say anything.

You made fun of him. No, I'm just kidding. We were talking about how, like, we can't even do our own makeup sitting in a still room with perfect air conditioning. I know, perfect air conditioning and every resource at our disposal. Yeah.

Well, I would love to do it. You know, I can't say, but I recently filmed a certain television program and I got makeup help for the first time and it was Jack Oliver and it was fierce to have makeup help from Glow Up. And she's, but you, like she told me she's only been able to

relinquish control of certain areas of her face, like, you know, piece at a time. We did a whole season together and Jack would stand behind me and they would just go, that side's uneven. But you should blend that. But I, eventually I would let them

do one brow, do one side of the lip and then I'm slowly, over a ten year period, I would let them do one brow, do one side of the lip, and then I'm slowly, over a 10-year period, I'll let them do more. Yeah. It would be so kind. I mean, I don't know that I'd be able to sit still and let somebody do my makeup. Also, if you own a makeup company

and you don't do your own makeup, I think you should go to hell. Really? Hello. Stay in touch with reality. But you also, you own a makeup company and you don't have products in the UK. Boom.

But you also, you own a makeup company, you don't have products in the UK. Boo! You know what you can't get in America? Rimmel London, Makeup Revolution, Barry M. I mean, the list goes on. It's like the Boston Tea Party all over again, honey. Uh-huh.

It's like trading prisoners of war. If you give me Barry M, I'll give you Trixie Cosmetics, okay? I still can't believe that queen is dead. Okay, next question. Are you feeling gratitude? Gratitude. Gratitude. No, honestly, no, I have to say,

every once in a while I have to make a sincere comment out loud to the crowd because very much so right now i am feeling gratitude yeah we're talking absolutely i gotta tell you the beginning of the tour is hard because it's a little like in oranges into black when piper first gets to prison and she like doesn't know the lingo yet and she's like missing home but then she gets over j Jason Bigman? No, Jason Biggs, who plays her husband. She gets over Jason Biggs. She starts branding people. She gets into it, you know? And so by the end of the tour, I always feel like, wow.

Yeah, we're in prison now, but it's fun. No, I feel like, wow, we did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we only have two days left, and that's unthinkable to me because when we started it in London. In 1974. In 1974. In 1974. Six weeks on the road was just not...

Six weeks is a long time. And, you know, I do complain a lot to one David Silver, and he gets really sick of listening to Thank You, David Silver. Yes! America's hottest Jewish bear who fucks drag queens. And I was complaining to him recently, and he was like, you're on a world tour sold out every night

with your best friend where you make all this money. I think you'll be okay. And I was like, are you my boyfriend or not? Yeah, but I can't shit on the bus. Yeah. And then he's like, by the way, can I buy these $600 bed sheets? And I'm like, no.

You know. Yeah, you, Mr. Confident. No, I'm just kidding. What TV show were you on? Are you going to tour in France because you speak very well French? We were just in Paris. We were in France.

We're at the Paris Hilton. We're just in Paris. We had a great show in Paris. Sometimes in France, no offense, but you French people sometimes can get a little vocal with your, um, they get a little, like, if you don't know, nous parlons le français.

Oui, nous parlons le français. Nous sommes des femmes très... Mais ça parle ma force. We never speak French in America, so it's like a parlor trick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? I just got used to guys on Grindr saying, are you okay? Yeah. And I go, I thought so. Why? Does it look okay?

What's wrong with my picture? You saw my picture and you're like, are you okay? It's razor burn. It's razor burn. Yeah, yeah. Are you okay? Okay, my mom and dad were cousins. So what?

But we would love to come back, honestly. I mean, yeah. My dream would be to do a DJ tour where she does numbers. We do all the clubs, the French clubs. But we do it in the French Riviera. Yes. The French Riviera, Marseille, like, you know, down south. So, oh, really quick.

I hooked up with a young French guy in Boise, Idaho. Met him in the lobby, and we spoke French. It was so lovely. But then he made me put these socks on and had my feet in his face the whole time while he was jacking off. I don't think that has nothing to do with him being French per se, but he was French and he made me do that. Just thought I'd share that. Les pieds. But you know what, though?

You get a guy with stubble, it's a ped egg. Oh, my God. You're right. You're right. All that dead skin falls off. I leave the bedroom three inches shorter. Oh Yeah, and this right here This is the word that most drawn-out

Suspenseful nothing and well, you know what they do on Breaking Bad. They resolve storylines. Oh, so I should make it out You should well, you should say something. Okay, you're what they do on Breaking Bad? They resolve storylines. Oh, so I should just make it up? You should, well, you should say something. Okay, okay. You're never going to believe this. So, I finally go to the Bank of America branch. It's closed. But then I go to another branch, and they let me into this closed branch at night, you know, way after hours. It was just me and the security guard.

It's dark. We have candles like it's Scrooge. And, you know, we're going through the vault. Opens the vault. We get into the thing. It's, um, it is a, it's a salad. It's a salad that I had

put in there, and it's still fresh. And so I ate it, and it was delicious. Thank you so much for asking. Wow. That's fun. Raisins on it, too, some apples. What about any whores up there? Have you all given up? Yeah, yeah.

The person with the glasses. Yes. Guess you babes. Take off your glasses so we can hear you. Since I'm a medium now and a psychic, as a former witch, what do you think? So this is what we call, this is what we in the biz call synchronicity.

So she's sort of just rolled into this phase of her life. How old are you again? I'm 33, which you have to think. I'm... No. I'm the age she was when we started working together. So more and more every day I go, she was right. Yeah.

So we're seven years apart, and so that's a whole cycle of dead skin cells or whatever. Rage, trauma, and female PTSD. It's true. I think that you're, and also you're indigenous American roots, so you have that, like,

you have that sense. Absolutely Oprah. Oprah? Yeah, Dr. Philbert was going, absolutely Oprah. I will say, sometimes they go, am I psychic

or do I just have memory? Because sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I knew that was going to happen. I'm like, because it's happened before. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The jury's still out. Also, somebody commented recently on our podcast, it doesn't sound like you're psychic. It sounds like you have ESP. I don't know the difference, but we're going to find out. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's not just, it's like people are so flaky in LA, you seem psychic if you're paying attention.

I was at a comic book store yesterday called Gosh here in London, the best comic book store. I read. The books have pictures. No big deal. And I almost bought the book from hell. And something told me, don't buy it. And then today, someone presented it to me at the meet and greet. That is crazy.

Now, that's crazy. Wait a minute. There's no possible way anybody could ever have known that you were interested in those things and had an opportunity to buy you stuff and bring it to you? I know. No. I know. That is wild.

In the book, Dr. Sleep, Abra predicts 9-11, and I think that that was on par with that. Yes. Probably more powerful, actually. Yeah. More powerful. Yeah, more powerful. I can tell what gifts are going to come. I'm going to pick one.

You know, I'm going to pick this gentleman in the end because it's hard to be all the way over there Yeah Hi, oh we do know who he is the person from Red Bull you fuck him, honey This person works at Red Bull and brings us Red Bull Red Bull it gives you wigs Perfect Red Bull it gives you wigs perfect yes honey you want me to ask Trish see something it's okay you can talk The big man is gone now. Yeah.

I cannot. No, I can, but she can. What is it? Homophobic Cher, please. Oh. What is this? Can you just give it a little ditty? That's not a question.

That's a comment, bitch. That was rough. That was not great. That was not great. It's been hard. It's been a hard week. Yeah. Okay, we all need to calm down or we can't hear anyone.

All right? Let's pick somebody from the top level. Yeah, anybody. That person in the middle who just put their hand up. Oh, you had a Greg's guess! Yeah, we had Greg's, it's not that great, next question. Y'all act like fucking Gordon Ramsay is in there, no!

It's Greg's. They asked about Greg's. It's 7-Eleven, get over here. I remember when they rolled out the vegan sausage roll, I was like, a McMuffin with cat food in it? Give me a break. Okay, the young lady with the phone. Oh, could be a gentleman, sorry.

Or they, we don't know. Those villagers have torches back there. Do you know ContraPoints? Oh yeah, Natalie Wynn, right? ContraPoints? Do you know ContraPoints? Oh yeah, Natalie Wynn, right? ContraPoints? Do you know ContraPoints? She's on YouTube. She's so funny.

That's all. I mean, it's not a big story. Yeah, if you know her, tell her I love her. Yeah, that's a fun question. This is why we don't give out microphones. You know what I mean? Can you raise my arm? Oh, sure. On a scale of what I mean? Can you raise my arm? Sure.

On a scale of what to what? Oh, wow. I say 10 out of 10. There you go. Yeah. She was like, no, you're going to do it. And I'm going to shake it. You know, there's that.

Oh, God. Yeah, right here in the front. Hi, this is my daughter's question. When are you going to release Ghost on the Moon? Oh, well, listen, we're recording it right now. The endless demand for cross-dresser folk music. I can't even tell you. Wait, Ghost on the Moon?

Ghost on the Moon. It's inspired by Dr. Manhattan. We don't have to talk about it. Listen, the world needs more bald white men with guitars. They just do. Hello, lady there in the black. Yes. I'm sorry, I can't see anything.

So if I'm mistrendering anyone, I just see eyeballs. How do you decide whether following your passion for a career is worth losing the passion? That's a great question. And I'd love to point you out. We have 15 years of experience in this. Yes. And there's all you could ever want to know about that and more in Trixie and Katya's Guide to Professional Womanhood.

Modern Womanhood. Currently on sale. Currently on sale any place where books are sold. Yes. You don't need to read to be able to enjoy this book. Plenty of pictures. And I think, what, 20 quid? Something like that?

And you'll... It's a great question, though. To keep it short, I think money has the capacity of making you not like anything. Yeah. You know, money complicates everything. I know.

Kim Chi and I sometimes talk on the phone. Our favorite memories of drag when we were, like, barely fucking making it. Right, right, right. Because money doesn't make anything better. just makes things complicated in drag i mean it's nice to have nice hair but yeah hopefully that helps well yeah uh okay this way there's people in the house i recently stayed at hotel in Stockholm and it was hotel owned by this day about

and the hotel had the a ba a l of me in the room scared to make link it it's like is that Trixie or is that already heard from is that Hans Flirty girl yeah let's do a couple more let's come do a couple more. Okay. Make them count. The whole world's going to hear this. With the blouse. Miss thing in the blouse here. Yep. What was your favorite city to play? What was your favorite city this, to what? Oh, this.

We don't play favorites. But you know, there was a few that really gave. Yeah, there was. There's always, always an unexpected hit for me. Like in the States, it's like the shittiest town that gives the best show. Yes, totally. Because in the States especially, the secondary, secondary markets, they're like, no one ever comes here. Because it's like in high school, you know, the quarterback and the prom queen, they're not that great in bed.

It's the buck-toothed mathlete who's going to really like gnaw your dick right off your body. Totally. They're going to really go for it. Yeah. So Cleveland is always a good time. Yeah. The Hills have an eye for talent, you know. And you know what else I loved here?

In Hamburg, we performed outside. In a fucking tent. In a tent. In the German winter. Did we talk about this already? No, I don't know. I don't think we did. We performed outside.

It was so cold we could see our breath on stage. We finished the last number dry. And now this is like if you said to an Olympic diver, okay, you're going to compete this meet. You're going to get out of the water. You're not going to be wet. It's going to be weird. It was so strange.

And the dancers were on death's door. Yeah. Blue lips just shivering. And I was like, well, you better fucking get used to it because... This is the new normal, bitch. It's the new normal. Our next tour will be outdoor winter venues only, okay? Sponsored by the North Face.

Yeah. Bring your own space heater and generator. It was so sickening. It was great. Oh, a person in the glove. It is that cold in here she's mittens on yeah she has hot tea and like a bowl of soup the question is can you turn on the heat yeah what's the first thing you do when you go back home wow um powerful stuff yeah It's the first thing you do when you go back home. Wow.

It's powerful stuff. Yeah. It's powerful stuff. I know exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to put my luggage in the garage. I'm going to take off all my clothes outside. I'm going to turn the key on that front door, leave it wide open as I go up to the kitchen, just stare into the refrigerator for 45 minutes.

Yeah. And I am going to suck David's cock in our brand new house. We haven't, we now have a hot tub, but like the neighbors can kind of see it. And I was like, David was like, what if people can see us?

I said, if they're peeping in our backyard to see sex, they fucking see what they see. Yeah. Like keep your eyes on your own paper, Paul. Yeah. When I lived downtown, I had a neighbor who never put the curtains up, and she was pregnant,

and she was butt naked all the time. And I thought that was really fierce. So I think that, well, when I get pregnant, I'm never going to wear clothes. And I think I'm going to experiment with nudity like outside my house, because I have a lovely backyard now. Totally. And I think, you going to experiment with nudity outside my house because I have a lovely backyard now. Totally. And I think, you know,

is it, like if people come by and they see my, you know, if they see it all. To see what exactly? Well. The scars? If they see my naked body, are they going to call the police? Well, when they see you smoking two cigarettes at once and jerking off with a turd, yeah, I think they will.

So you know what though? We have a powerful thing here. You and I can be coming from Europe and the UK and we can go back naked and be like, oh, everybody over there is naked. Oh, yeah. The subway? This is who we are. Yeah. A town hall? No. Dude, naked. I met Greg's eating some shit

sausage. Yeah. Nude. Completely nude. Can I say, we never thought we would get to do the podcast like this. It was so wonderful. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you so much. It gets really bleak sitting in our house out of drag.

This is much more exciting. But on another note, I am going to get my hip replaced soon. But on another note, I am going to get my hip replaced soon. And not to overstep, but we have collabed with audible.com, and we have hip replacements for everybody in the audience tonight. Everybody want a hip replacement? Say yeah. Bumble and suck it. Thank you for coming.

Have a good night. Goodbye. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Have a good night. Goodbye. Thank you. Spay and neuter your twinks. Play us out. Don't stop clapping, we haven't left Don't stop clapping, we haven't left