The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Living It up for the Next Two Years Before It’s All Over with Natasha Leggero & Katya

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

The effervescent, enchanting, & ever-so-ebullient Natasha Leggero stops by the house to chat about her new book, "The World Deserves My Children". She and Katya have a sparkling conversation about such disparate topics as pediatric caviar, mid-life-crisis-techno-DJs, and brainless gutter people having relations with robots in a post-apocalypse hellscape. Natasha's new book "The World Deserves My Children" comes out today, November 15th! Go to: https://bit.ly/NatashaLeggeroBook Cancel unnecessary subscriptions with Rocket Money today! Go to https://www.RocketMoney.com/BALD Listen to the podcast: “Baby, This is Keke Palmer” Exclusively on Amazon Music! Download the Amazon Music App Now! Fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a licensed therapist today! Learn more and save 10% off your first month at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD Get a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale at https://www.Stamps.com/BALD Thanks to Stamps.com for sponsoring today's episode! Visit https://www.RAKUTEN.com or download the app to earn cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. You can start saving today! Follow Natasha: @NatashaLeggero Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Today, I am bald. She is beautiful. Oh, thank you. Yeah, we have an extra special guest, Natasha Leggero. Now, we never have guests anymore, but Trixie passed. I gathered that. Yeah, she passed away two days ago. So, you know, why are you laughing? That's weird.

Well, that's your producers laughing and giving me the cue. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Stop doing the laugh track. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, as a comedian, sometimes you do laugh when your dearest pass. So I wasn't sure, but I'm very, very happy that this is a joke. Okay. I thought you were going to say I'm very happy for your loss. No, but thank you so much for being here. First of all, I have to say I had never seen another period until very recently, i.e. yesterday. And it is so fucking funny.

Like laugh out loud funny. Like obnoxiously funny. I was watching it while my new gay lover. We're like kind of doing sexy stuff on the couch but and you had another period on yes and and i have to tell you like i really like him and he we're very attracted to each other but the attention was like squarely on the television yeah it was it was so funny it's like it's i don't i don't think that like i don't think that comedy is funny all the time, to be honest.

But it is. We tried to really go for it. Yeah, you really. I mean, it's so, so good. And also, it's worth noting that Shonda Rhimes came out and told us in the press that that was her favorite show and her dream was to make something like Another Period. And then she did Bridgerton. But Bridgerton's not a comedy.

But she just has that golden touch. So what can you do? That makes a lot of sense, actually. But, I mean, the whole, like, the concept of, you know, a turn of the century. It's like a Gilded Age. Gilded Age as a reality show is so fucking funny. Thank you. Did you love doing it?

I loved it. It was such a dream. And, you know, you never realize something's a dream when you're doing it. Yeah, it always seems like a nightmare.'re like when will this end and then you get five more jobs and you're like oh my god that was so much better than anything else because you know we were working with all our friends and the network comedy central i mean the good thing was they didn't give us notes i was gonna say that i was like this doesn't seem possible anymore like how how are you able to get away with so much blue material i mean it's really really crazy especially that bit where

you're the irish um uh when there's the pageant um and there's i think it's your talent that uh the irish song that about the mix i don't remember because we were thinking like people used to be racist towards the ital and Irish people. It is brutally funny. I'm sure there's a lot of fun PC things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's so, so, so, so good. I think our manservant got raped by like a woman.

It was so, it was, it was so, it was so funny. I mean, it's like nobody could ever believe that he'd been ravished because he was so ugly. You know, it is just so funny. It's so, so, so funny. Well, thank you. I'm glad you were able to get through the nine paywalls to watch it. Because it's not that easy to access. And, you know, that's really the hardest thing about producing TV shows is like, if it's on Netflix, everybody sees it.

Right. And so how do you get something seen today? You just have to put out a million things until you get on a streaming platform. Cause comedy central. It's like, I, I don't know what cable provider I have.

I have no idea. It's 9,000. I know. I, so I go to this, like the, the general, I go to like,

I go all the way back on my TV and I look for the search thing and then I search for it. And then it tells me like, oh, these are the only fans companies that have the thing. And then I, then you have to pay $10 to watch it, but whatever. I don't even care. Well, yeah, it's very frustrating. My husband's in charge of the tech support and that is one of the main reasons I got married, I feel like, because he just like helps with all of that.

But then he gets annoyed and won't help me and I kind of give up. Do you, how long have you been working with him professionally? Well, we have a podcast together. Yes. The Endless Honeymoon Podcast. And, you know, I guess that's pretty, oh, and we've, I guess we're always kind of working together.

We did a special. Well, I was wondering, I was like, that seems challenging. You must really really like him that's an interesting way to look at it um it's just it feels so inevitable really i guess well because then you're also like there's so many things i want to ask him to do just about like the house sure and like pick up this and can you close the cabinets and i mean the other day he like and then living with a guy like it's so challenging like we have three elderly chihuahuas that pee on

everything and he leaves out for a pee pad the other day he's done this twice now my new monogram towels on the floor and i come home and he's got it really neatly put out so it's like you know so it's not an accident oh right right you know it's not like he just threw it on the floor he's like this is where they can pee so it's like a lot of challenges like that do you feel like it's a vengeful placement that's what i thought because he also started techno djing and i do not like techno at all because wait are you a dj no she was yeah yeah she was you know rest in peace i feel feel like, oh my God, this is horrible. So he started doing like 90s techno from like his office and it's really loud. And I said to him the other day, I was like, are you trying to fuck with me?

Yeah. And then he brought it up in couples therapy. He's like, I can't believe she thought I was like fucking with her. And I'm like, well, I just don't understand why someone would think like at 11 a.m. this was acceptable in a shared office space. Yeah. How old is he? 43. Yeah.

At 43, I'm going to take up this really annoying hobby in the home. He is like always coming up with new hobbies. I feel like it's because like women, a woman is a mother. It's like there's no time. My hobby is like laundry, but like he's got surfing.

He's into RVs and camping, DJing. Wow. It's like he's got all these like. Sounds like a hobo. Oh my God. It's funny. Like I don't.

So wait, you've been married to him for. We've been married for seven years. I'm trying to work less with him. But we do have this podcast, which is really fun when we give advice. I love the podcast. Oh, thank you. And he's, you know,'s was an aa for many years he's got good advice oh that's right you know what that's great someone married to somebody sober that's oh it's either great or you know no and he totally is not judgmental and he's always telling me like

he's like you're not an alcoholic you don't smoke too much weed i'm like okay good and i'm like i do smoke all the time he's like yeah but you don't have a problem because. I'm like, okay, good. And I'm like, I do smoke all the time. He's like, yeah, but you don't have a problem. Because in AA, it's like people, he knows people who woke up in Jerusalem with a high heel in their eyeball. So he thinks I'm totally fine. And he's always driving.

And he takes care. That's perfect. So you can get lit, crunk, and turnt, and then you always have a chauffeur. That's really smart. I mean, it is a nice perk. I you can get lit, crunk, and turnt, and then you always have a chauffeur. That's really smart. I mean, it is a nice perk. Yeah.

I don't know how lit I get, but you know, I hate driving. I hate driving too. And I recently started driving again after maybe 10 years of not driving. And it is so terrifying. It really is.

Why? Seriously, why aren't people more afraid of it? Well, I am as a child like having a child too like i don't want anyone driving her anywhere i'm like always trying to walk places and then i had a nanny who flipped her car and i'm just like how did she like she just on the freeway like oh i thought she just like flipped it over like she flipped is she's dead now or

she's still alive she survived how did she survive that? I don't know. Super nanny. Damn. My kid was not in the car. Okay. Thank you. But then I never let her drive the kid anywhere. Yes.

Driving is terrifying. I saw. Well, I saw. So there's, as you notice, there's no sidewalks on the street. That's terrifying to me. I know. And I saw a young dad with a child on a bike. On the street? Yes.

On this hill street with no sidewalks. You know, they have like a baby or a child seat on the back of the bike. I was like, you're going to hell because that child is going to die. I mean, it's so wild. I know. It's so terrifying. And every time I get in the car, I'm like, okay, this could be it. But no, seriously.

Because it really could. We have to get over our fears, though. No, no, no,. But no, seriously. Because it really could. We have to get over our fears though. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think we just need to transfer the irrational ones to the rational ones. Like fear of flying. That's an irrational fear. Fear of getting in an airplane.

Yeah, because you're not flying the plane. Right. So what are you afraid of? But driving we should actually be afraid of. Oh, and everyone's texting. And even if you're not texting, they are. They are.

Yeah. So it's like you're, it's like we're in Mad Max and everybody's drunk and like, it's really, really terrifying. I was,

like my first day of driving after I got my car, I would pull up to a red light on sunset and I looked over and there was a Jeep with no doors and a kid who was probably 17

smoking a joint and talk on the phone. And I was like, and it looked like a Hummer though. It was a giant Jeep looking thing. And I was like, he could crush my car and this could be it. Yeah, my husband has a Tesla, which I'm driving today. I hate it. It's so awful. It's like a computer.

You're like driving in the middle of the computer and then he drives it on autopilot and he's just constantly texting. But we've gotten pulled over. It's not legal to do this. Even though Elon Musk has made this feature like a part of the car. Yeah. And the officer was like, no, you can't do that. And then he just still keeps doing it. And also, I don't know if this is true and I shouldn't conspiracy theorize, but I believe that the CIA can hack into your car and then just drive you into a tree.

I'm sure you're right. I think they can. It's awful. Yeah. What do we do? I don't know. I feel like we should just live it up for the next two years and then it's going to be over. You know, funny, I've had that feeling for the last 15 years.

Oh, okay. Well, then maybe I'm wrong. You know. Maybe I'm wrong. It I'm wrong, but it's just an, it's just an instinct. Okay. So I have to like, I, so I'm watching your standup and you're like, you know, in your, the style of comedy you do and your point of view. Um, I, um, I imagine, I would guess that having a child may have changed your worldview a little bit. Yes, it sucks. And because it's like, I just keep talking about the child

and then I'll say something she says to a friend in front of her. She's four now, almost five. And she's like, Mommy, don't tell people what I say. Is she British? She does have a British accent. Well, I kind of have like,

I've always wanted to be a royal. So like, you know, I'm just always trying to like encourage her. You talk like that at home. Well, because her palate's really developed. She's always like screaming for caviar. So like you know I'm just always trying to like encourage Her to talk like that at home Her palates really develop She's always like screaming for caviar Caviar Caviar mommy

Do they have caviar here I'm like Nate keep your voice down We're at a Black Lives Matter rally Stop it She's like so stuck up But like I had beef running until I was 39 So you know I'm like totally down for her So anyway Oh but she's been telling me to stop saying things.

And then I'm like, oh my God, if she's like, if I do a Netflix special and like talking about her and then she sees it when she's like 12, what if she hates me? Oh, what if? She will, right? So I'm like, okay, I just have to be able to like tour right now. So no one will record it. I'll make fun of her, do the tour and then give it up i think maybe because i've run across this like you know um i've gone i've gotten into hot water i'm talking

about people from my personal life on stage or whatever on the podcast and um so that is definitely going to happen it's going to be tough because i saw a massage therapist in Australia and it was a one, you know, it was one where the. The jerk off one. Yeah. And, and I raved about the experience later, but I had called him a hooker. And. But no one knew who it was.

I did. It was nobody. I didn't say. All they know is this country. The country. I didn't even say the city. I don't think. And like, I didn't describe him. I I just I gave a rave glowing review but because I was also once

a hooker back in the day I used the term kind of flippantly I contacted him again to see if he had any like a record a recommendation for another city he's like I was like he's like um why are you gonna talk about on your podcast and he said he didn't know who I was anyway so I was like you know what i just have to be very careful about who i talk about and if you talk about your daughter on stage it's a wrap she's gonna kill you don't you think i mean i love her so much and if she started like hating me because i was like you know talking about making fun of her you know the things she eats or the things she says and i don't know half of it's you know in embellished so right i mean says and i don't know half of it's you know embellished so right i mean don't kids like sue their parents for putting them on instagram well

i mean i think that i mean most kids hate their parents at some point anyways like julia roberts her kids hate her i don't think they hate her but i think they're probably like they're not impressed well they probably never see her that's true she's probably like absent mother tuscany i mean it's like so hard to keep up with it all. And you know, if you want to still be involved, like every time I see an actress on a billboard with kids, I'm like, do they ever see their kid? Oh, it's probably just like an army of nannies. I saw Nicole Kidman once at the theater with her two kids, but she only stayed for one

act. Oh, wow. You know, like of the Broadway play. You know, so I bet everyone's just so busy that it's like you can show up. Yeah, you just show your face, you're there, and then you just go in the bathroom, do cocaine, and then leave. It's so horrible. Looking for a path to accelerate your career?

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Wait, do you roll with like, I'm imagining you, you're probably, you know, you're deep in the comedy scene, but do you have like, do you travel in the celebrity circles of Hollywood? No, I'm sorry. Wait, in what way? Like Julia Roberts. Yeah, I don't hang out with Julia Roberts. You don't do Mahjong with her on Tuesday nights? like being like at the height of your like in your prime you know and then having a kid and hoping they can kind of like figure out how to be a part of your life instead of you being a part of

like a kid life and it's such a struggle because you want to be this glamorous person who just has a kid right but then it's like there's all this pull to – it's very degrading having a child. Yeah. You know, you're constantly being degraded. Well, it's disgusting. She started doing this thing of like grabbing like my neck, like underneath my neck when we're in public, like talking to me. And I'm like, do not ever touch my face.

Not that part either. I know. And I'm like talking to my friends and she's like pinching under my neck yesterday. And I was like, I told you to never touch me. Like, stop it. You know, it's just like all of this. And then they're pulling at you. You've got stains on your shirt. And you're like, did you, you know, did you get your drinks and your medicine?

And you're like, food every seven minutes. It's just like, it's a constant. It's really challenging. Is she potty trained? Of course. She's five. No, I'm like you. I have no idea.

Every year is a surprise. Like, I was never around kids. I never wanted kids. I was like, my therapist called it a situational breeder. So, like, if the situation presented itself to me in the right way, I would say yes. And it did? It did. Well, I had frozen my eggs by 38 just in case the situation came around.

How long do they last for? They can last, I think, for like at least 10 years or 15 years. And your uterus is good until you're like 60. Oh, yeah. But you got to do it before 37. But anyway, I did not want. But then when I met Moshe, I was like, oh, okay, he can fertilize one of them. Oh, he's definitely fertile.

That head of hair. It's so thick and full. It's gorgeous. He's very into and full it's gorgeous he's very into his hair is it of course he is i mean men with hair are into their hair and men without hair don't care about hair yeah i don't really care about hair i wish he had less of it it's always everywhere what is it like um some i have this friend andrew who has this like long i mean it's like you know trust me commercial kind of hair and it's like there's andrew and then there's his hair so you're having a conversation with two people when you talk to him you know what I mean

it's like another entity in the room I hate that yeah some people are like oh it's so great to see you in your hair today you know it's too it's wild um so I have a nephew who's four oh so you kind of understand the age I understand the age from like, but we don't, you know, he's in Washington, so we don't see much of him. But he looks exactly like me. Aw. And it's creepy. I mean, it's nice, but it's, genetics is wild.

Yeah. I mean, he looks exactly like me. Interesting. So I just hope he's not, you know. Why? I mean, that'd be nice. No. Gay people, it's horrible being gay well i guess the nice

thing is that now hopefully when you when you you tell your parents you're less afraid to tell your parents that you're gay and there's more support of course i feel like so many gay people i know never had support so but because of that i think the um oftentimes now i mean you know off you know it's different in different parts of the country but these days yeah it's not a lot of kids it's not even an issue but that makes them less interesting so now we have boring gay people right you know what i mean what do you think about of wanting your daughter like hoping that she's a lesbian just so she doesn't have to be around like straight men all the time i think that is a

really natural hope i mean we, well, think about it. Men, like, ugh. Just the less men, the better, right? Yeah. I mean,

if you, you don't have to worry about her getting pregnant. You don't have to worry about her getting RAPD probably. You know, I mean,

not to say that someone, you know, but it's less frequent, I'm assuming. Yeah, it's so hard. And it's just wonderful to have someone around the house

who knows how to, like, hang pictures and stuff. I wish I had a tool belt. Do you like have someone help you with everything? I got this guy off of TaskRabbit. Ah. He's so hot.

And he has braces. Hey, you better be careful. You might listen. Oh, I'm so sorry. I got this nice man. Well, I didn't just. This hooker off of TaskRabbit. Yeah, this fucking whore with braces.

Yeah. Oh, but he's so fabulous. And I have to. And I'm. I have pretty. You know, I didn't just. This hooker off of TaskRabbit. Yeah, this fucking whore with braces. Yeah. Oh, but he's so fabulous. And I have to, and I'm, I have pretty, you know, I'm not, I think creepy thoughts, but I don't do creepy things. Okay. But Lord Jesus Christ, I would, oh, it's just, yeah, he's wonderful. And he does it all for you. See, I just feel like I wish I had a little more agency because I want everything to look

exactly how I want, but I don't want to like sit in my house with someone for six hours and be like a total diva about like, I'm sorry, can we redo that? Like one inch to the right. I had wallpaper put up and the guy said he was the guru. He was nothing of the sort. And it took him about six and a half hours and he'd put it, it was wrong. It did not stay up, but I said, it's perfect. And I just let him go and I ripped it off. You did? Yeah. I mean, what was I going to do? I just don't have the like said it's perfect and I just let him go and I ripped it off you did yeah I mean what's it gonna do I just don't have to like perfect yeah yeah and I think I tipped him like a hundred percent too and I just like get out of here and then oh my god I don't know I have no spine well that makes me feel better that you that you have someone helping you yeah yeah because I

don't know how to do anything I don't know how to cook um I'm learning how to do like unload and load the dishwasher. But I don't know how to figure out the oven thing yet. I'm 40. Really? Well, that's still young. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I don't like cooking.

And I have a friend who was like, I think you should examine that in therapy. She was like, that's not normal. Like that's like a, that's a thing like to, that creates home. And I just. I mean, there's so much. I mean, cooking is a thing like to, that creates home. And I just. I mean, there's so much, I mean, cooking is so, it can be so laborious. Like there are cooks. Yeah, the measuring and the. There are cooks who just cook. Yeah.

That's their job. Exactly. You know, if you were like mega ultra super billionaire wealthy, would you have a private chef? Exactly. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. And also, yeah, I don't know.

It's just like I can't do it. If something has like two or three ingredients, like that would be like a nice cookbook. Two or three ingredients. Rachel Ray, hot dog nachos. 30-minute meals. Is that hot dog? I mean, I can't.

I don't think I could eat that. No, I couldn't eat that either. It's really disgusting. But you have a – I hate it when people like just parrot back their things to the person. But I have to – the joke that you did, it was in one of your earlier stand-up specials, I think, where you were talking about being at the DMV. Oh, my God. Wait. That's like a cancelable joke now.

Oh, no. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's a cancelable joke now. Oh, no. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. No. No, it's fine. But sometimes people will send me things and I'm like, can you not send these around anymore?

Right. Right. It's just very stressful because I think it's easy to forget that the whole mode of comedy has changed and evolved for the better. Yeah. And I think that 15 years ago, people were like, how can I shock everyone?

Sure. And I feel like there was like a lack of empathy or something in the comedy world. Maybe. How do you think it is now? Cause I mean, I, um,

male comics, I have to say, I struggle to, to, I struggled to like them. I've never really liked male comics. And I just find women more interesting to look at. They're more beautiful.

They have a more interesting point of view. Even my daughter, we were playing music yesterday. And she's like, can you put on some more female voices? I want to hear women sing. And I was like, yes, women are better singers. But you're probably not supposed to say that. But at the same time she's just like like we were listening

to Beyonce and because I'm trying to play her like every genre of music and so she was very she's like say my name we're listening to

you know Destiny's Child and then when someone comes maybe it's Jay-Z they start rapping she's like that's their father right like she

when the man comes on it's like they're go to your room girl so then I was so she loves say my name

and so she always wants to do that so then I started playing her Beyonce and then like all of a sudden like a man will start rapping

Jay Z comes on she's like can we listen to something or just her singing like I don't want to hear them so I do like that she is gonna be

fantastic I mean I feel the exact same way about music. I listen to exclusively female vocalists. Yeah. I find the sound of a man's voice grating. What are the, who are the men right now who are like a single male who you would listen to in the way that you listen to like Billie Eilish or. Maybe The Weeknd because he sounds like a girl.

Okay. Yeah. But I mean, I don't think the music is up to my par for listening. I don't like it, but I'm just, I actually, the only- Like Billie Eilish,

I think is cute and cool and I like some of her stuff. Yeah. I'm trying to think. Are there like male singer songwriters? I mean- Charlie Puth, but it's very poppy.

I don't know him. He's like a young kid. He's so, so cute. Puth? Puth. P-U-T-H. Is he British? No, he's American

and he's like this adorable, like, hot nerd. But he kind of gay baits on his social media. You know what I mean? He knows that. Like he's straight. He's straight, but he knows that the gays are like foaming at the mouth for him. So they're like, he'll post like a two second video of like his nipples or something. You know what I mean?

Things like that. Oh, good for him. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I just hate, I usually listen to foreign music because I don't like the stupidity of bad lyrics to interrupt my musical enjoyment. Right. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, we were listening to Joni Mitchell and then she, we walked into a cafe and they were doing the Paved Paradise, it's a big yellow taxi song, but it was some dude singing it. It wasn't the Green Day version, but it was like another young guy and she was like, oh, I like the other version better. And she just kind of can hear it. It wasn't the Green Day version, but it was like another young guy. And she was like, oh, I like the other version better. And she just kind of can hear it. So, but I think I'm like pumping music into her all the time. So hopefully she'll be cool, I guess. At five, that's like a really good sign.

Okay, good. Do you believe in astrology? Well, I do, but my husband does not believe in ghosts, astrology, angels, the supernatural, like anything that he can't like touch with his claws. He's like, that's not a real thing. Good man. So, I mean, I guess I think that some people have intuition.

And I think to say that they don't is a little ignorant. Okay. and I think to say that they don't is a little ignorant. Okay. In terms of, you know, being able to access anything in the spiritual realm. Okay.

In terms of astrology, I don't really know or understand. I'm from Boston and I've lived here for about seven years and it's... Oh, because how much people in LA love astrology? I thought it was a joke, but it is like,

it is crazy. Well, I saw this clip of Lizzo the other day talking about like someone like mis-astrologied her as an Aries and she was like truly upset about it. And I thought she was kidding. But then I watched it again and I was like,

no, I think she's serious. Like the, you know, but because I'm an Aries. So I was like, oh oh she really does not like aries and then i was like what's wrong with aries um see it's it's kind of it is a little crazy right when's your when's your birthday march 26 march 26 okay so that's an aries i don't even know what my husband is because he like rejects it so much i think he might be a cancer but we've never he doesn't know what he is. Like, if you were like, what astrology sign are you?

Does he know his birthday, though? What day was he? His birthday is July 6th. So it is a Cancer. Okay. So water and fire. That's the only thing I go by. Oh, no. Wait, he's water and I'm fire? Yes. Is that bad? No. I mean, water puts out fire

and you need, um, right? That sounds really sexy in the bedroom. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Water puts it out the fire. The passionate flame is doused in like the cooling water of, I don't know. But doesn't it have to do with like something scientific? I don't think it has anything scientifically because- The stars?

The planets? The placement of the planets? Isn't that science? I think that's astronomy, right? because the stars, the placement of the planet, the placement of science. I think that's astronomy, right? Like I have a friend who's like a, a professional witch and she was in Salem for many years, like reading cards and stuff.

She knows all the mythology of it. A white witch. Oh, she's black, but like, no, but like, I'm just kidding.

She's, she's a good witch. Okay. She's definitely a good witch. And she's very, very smart. And it's kind of like, she's a good witch. Okay, good. She's definitely a good witch. And she's very, very smart. And it's kind of like she treats it, I would say she treats it kind of like mythology. So there's all those stories and stuff that have lessons and yada, yada, yada. Okay, I like that.

But, you know, Zeus wasn't real, right? But, like, there's all these lessons to be, like, gleaned from these, you know, mythological stories, I guess. Like, like almost like, um, uh, aphorisms or they're like, uh, things that you read to help you, to help guide you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Because I mean, I feel like I know somebody who thought they were like a Gemini for half their life. And then they found out they were a Scorpio. And I was like, so, and then their whole worldview changed. Okay.

We'll tell you one thing. Okay. My daughter and I would say my six best friends throughout my life have all been Pisces. Uh-huh. And someone said that,

or I don't know if this is like very obvious, but they always say this, that you learn the most from the astrological signs right next to you. So I've always like taken that to heart that like every one of my friends has a birthday in February. Do you think that's just,

my husband would say it's a coincidence and I'm an idiot. No, I would think that that's absolutely like the, And my daughter. The heavy fate, the heavy hand of fate working in your life. I don't know.

I think it's, I think if, I think in 200 years, it would be very possible for us to look back at astrology and be like, wow, they were really stupid or crazy or something. You know what I mean? Or like, or it's all like proven to be exactly true. And I guess we'll never know.

Yeah. I just don't know. I just don't understand how like the day you were born could indicate your whole personality well it has brought me a lot of solace that i was born on the same day as both tennessee williams and diana ross so that's much more important than astrology because you're like oh these are the parts of me these are these are my kindred spirits you really get it yeah those are your soul sisters but there's so many famous people and so many amazing famous people

that there's no way that you don't have like, like my husband, I think was born on the same day as David Bowie and Hitler or something. So it's like, what can you do?

Perfect man. I mean, I was born literally like minutes after Kirsten Dunst, whom I don't know, but love. Minutes after. I mean, and I feel like, I feel like she looks like my sister.

I feel like we're related. And I hope to meet her one day because I feel like there's something there. Okay, now what about ghosts? If someone's like, I saw a ghost in my house. I believe that people see what they see. Because I have seen ghosts. You have? Yes. However. In your house? have seen ghosts. You have? Yes. However,

In your house? In my house, outside of the house. You've seen them, not felt it? I've seen them with my eyes. However, it is very important to note that I was under the influence of psychoactive drugs. That doesn't count. What doesn't count?

The drugs or the ghosts? Well, I mean, I just did ayahuasca and saw a lady motioning to come towards me. But it was because it was, you know, it was a vision from the drug. No? You wouldn't call a ghost a vision? And I suppose you would. Maybe an apparition. Apparition.

Apparition. Yeah, yeah. I mean, so I was, but it was like a very ghostly. And I was not hallucinating anything else at the time. Okay. So it was interesting. So you entered a different realm because that's what I noticed when I did the ayahuasca. It's like, okay, reality is not exactly what we think it is.

Oh, that's for sure. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And to think that reality is just this is like. Depressing. Yeah, there's other realms, right? So when did you do ayahuasca? Recently. Really? Tell me everything because I'm very into this. It was really cool. Did you puke?

I did. Yeah. And the thing I wasn't prepared for is we were very packed in and then like, you know, you're sober, you're looking around. It's like this tight circle. You have two little like open, like glass vases on one side of you and then two on the other side so the one on to your right are is your vomit bucket and your kleenex bucket and then the one to your left is the other person's vomit bucket and kleenex bucket so you're kind of sandwiched in between their vomit and then the other thing i wasn't really prepared for because you know i throw up very neatly i'm just like you know but all of a sudden you're having this vision there's music and you just hear a man across the thing like because like you're hurling and men are just louder yeah it was just like that was a lot

because you're already like okay can i handle this like i'm peaking and then that happened but it's so it's not a perfect drug pretty much because of that. That's that is the glitch in the drug. Three, two, one, zero. The final seconds of the game separate true fans from the rest. The fans that are there for every victory, defeat, agony, and ecstasy. And when the buzzer sounds, you deserve a Coke Zero Sugar. The one with irresistible taste and zero sugar.

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What does be love mean to you? I definitely would say my be love role model is for sure my sister. Unconditional, infinite love. Something that is never ending, that you know is always there. Never questioned. Never questioned. No matter if you fall off a cliff, she's there to catch you, you know? Be love. Shop now at pandora.net. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, I did it with about 150 people. And exactly what you described, sandwiched. But we were also all wearing diapers.

Why? They said you shit? They said you might shit. What? Yes. So I was fully diapered up. I was not taking any chances. I did not hear of anyone shitting.

No, no, no. I mean, enough people were had I mean maybe like it's very rare I guess Because I don't think anybody shat that day Or that night I'm not sure But I was just so scared And I was like I'm in the middle of this I'm in a parking lot in Mexico

And I don't want to shit myself so I put the diaper on It was kind of fun though because it was freezing Oh my god Did you like The symphony of retching? Well, that was rough, but that wasn't as prevalent. Everyone did it at first, it seemed like. There was like 35 people.

Then I was sitting next to this woman who, you know, she had a headdress on and she was from like some indigenous culture. And I was like, you know, which one? Can I move your vomit bucket a little closer to you? And she was like, know which one can i move your your vomit bucket a little closer to you and she was like oh honey i haven't vomited in 45 years because like i was just very like freaking out about the vomit you know yeah and then i'm like i'm not gonna need kleenex meanwhile like my kleenex bucket was like totally full from not just crying but like wiping your mouth and thinking you're going to retch and like blowing your nose. It's pretty unglamorous.

It's pretty humbling. You have these like masks on. Wait, you had a mask on? Yeah. Well, they wanted us to wear like an eye mask because I think it's a very sedentary, but everyone's experiences were so different. Like, and talk about entering another realm. One woman, like, so we all had to say our experiences at the end.

And we did it six times. So you do it three times that night. Wait, what? Well, it's an, you, it's,

you spend the night. Yeah. So you did three times that you got there at five. You did it at like 6 PM, 8 PM. And then probably like 1 AM or something. We did that too. We fell asleep.

And then the next morning we did it three more times and then left that day. So it was kind of like you could really fit it into your schedule. I mean you don't have to like go to Mexico and get diapers. Whatever you did. Shitting in some parking lot. I mean we're literally in this like

like broke ass like hooptie van trying to like go up a hill like a rocky hill to get to this abandoned van. I'm trying to like go up a hill, like a Rocky Hill. We get to this abandoned restaurant. It was very, very rustic. Very rustic.

Was it a good experience? Were you glad you did it? I never, I didn't, me and two other people. You didn't feel it. That happened to me. So the first time they gave me the amount,

I felt the, the, the circ, I saw the circle come in and I felt someone motioning towards me and I got afraid. Okay. And I was like, no, I'm not going to go in. I felt someone motioning towards me and I got afraid. Okay. And I was like, no,

I'm not going to go in. I don't want to know what they have to say. I just got a little afraid. And then the two other times I did it that night, they gave me a little less and I never accessed that point again until the next day when I said, can you give me the same amount? Yeah.

Cause there were other people there. There was one girl there who's like, yeah, um, I have a, I have a shaman who just sends me ayahuasca, so I do it in my bedroom. People are like, what are you doing tonight?

She's like, well, actually, I'm going to be sitting in my room doing ayahuasca. Spirit vision for eight hours. What about you? So she didn't feel it. Okay. Because she's her tolerance. And then I also heard if you smoke a lot of pot, you kind of have to stop for almost like two or three weeks.

The girl next to me was like, she's, she's a jealous, you know, ayahuasca can be jealous. She doesn't like weed, you know? So like they're like competing

or something. So that didn't work at all. I think you would have just needed a higher dose. Well, it took me, so they offered a third pour for the people who had like,

by the second pour, it was vomit, like a symphony of vomit right everybody's retching people are moaning it's like full theatricality and um me the girl next to me and then some other person were just kind of like patiently waiting and then so they offered us a third um a third dose and we took it i vomited but nothing nothing i would the only thing that was good is that I was like awake and present enough to see the assistant of the shaman

really getting down by the fire. It was so strange. Like, like two in the morning, he's just started like boogie dancing, like by the fire by himself. And that was very entertaining. But other than that, because he was doing it too, right?

I don't, I don't think so. I think he was just like being there to help. And you know, well, everyone was on it. Like even the shaman at one point, he bumped me and I was like, or I bumped him and I was because I was dancing and I was like, I'm sorry. He's like, oh, honey, I have no idea where I am. I'm just like, I kind of like that everyone.

But it really made me believe that there's other realms. If you can access it from a drug, maybe that's ignorant. But one girl. So we all talk about our experiences. And this one girl was like i was in nazi germany and there was a wall and i was helping this woman had turned in some jews and then felt bad about it and was coming to me to have her soul cleaned and i always wanted to clean souls and i'm just like what is? Like these people were getting like full on.

They were acting out these like lays or whatever. Like mine was not like that. What was yours like? What kind of visions did you have? Mine was more annoying. Mine was like a to-do list. Oh my God. It was so annoying. It was like, sell your house.

And I'm just like, ugh, like, come on. Shop for different clothes. But then at one point, I got so many to do things like, you know, finish your will. And so that I was just kind of like the last time I did it, I wanted a really big dose. And I was like, I asked the spirits. I was like, what am I past everything? Past my house, past my kids, past my career, past my husband, like past everything I imagine. And I got like very very strong information okay and that

was something that really kind of lasted for a lot like at least I was high on that for like two weeks it's kind of come off a little bit but still it's like and I feel like I really enjoyed getting that information I think it's great. I mean, people, it's the weirdest thing about it is that it was discovered by, you know, indigenous populations in South America. But it, I don't know how they did it because it's one compound from a plant and then another to make it digestible. one compound from a plant and then another to make it digestible. So on its own, because the psychoactive compound in ayahuasca is only able to be ingested because it has an MAOI inhibitor or something like that, but you only get that from brewing it together for hours.

How the fuck did that happen? I'm so curious about that as well. I was just visiting in Santa Barbara And there's this coastal sage habitat And they talk about all the indigenous people who lived there The Chumash Indians and they were just like This berry is used for you know Astringent and this one is used For washing your hair and this one

And like they all have these different properties But how did they did they just trial and error Every single plant That's a lot of fucking trial And a lot of error Well they were there for like thousands of years. I know, but even thousands of years with no like

how. Maybe they got visions. Maybe they I think it was probably put there by ghosts, you know, or like aliens or something. I don't know. That kind of shit makes me think, oh, maybe this you know, maybe there is like some other. We're being metal to it i mean who

knows but it's wild um the the the drug or the the compound in ayahuasca is called dmt and then you can do that by itself that does not seem fun everyone's like yeah it's like uh for 20 seconds and you don't know where you are and you faint is that dmt it's for probably 20 minutes and 20 minutes yeah yeah but um and it's probably the most intent, the 5-MeO version of it. It's called 5-MeO DMT. It's probably the most powerful psychedelic drug you can do, but it only lasts 20 minutes. And why should I do this? Because it's sort of like, well, it's incredible.

I mean, I don't want to endorse or promote illicit drug use, but you feel like you die. But there's no pain. It's not a party drug. Oh, no. You're dead on the floor. Yeah, you need someone there to, like, catch you. Okay. Because you will fall over.

And are you having a realization afterwards that stays with you in a positive way? Absolutely. You can. You can. Other people, I think, get too scared by it because in about 45 seconds you completely um lose the sense of your body and the sense of me versus anything out there so like you it feels like you dissolve into the ether wow and there's no more scary yeah it's super scary and it's um thrilling i wonder what would happen to someone like my husband who is sober, who doesn't believe in other realms.

Oh, he would love it. Because he did acid when he was like in sixth grade where it's like you just see colors and you're like, whoa, awesome. It's a kaleidoscope. And then he like had to go to rehab by the time he was 14 and so never got to revisit drugs in any meaningful ways like drinking strawberry 40s or whatever those like. What's like the strawberry alcohol you get from Boone's? Boone's Strawberry, Boone's Farm or something like that. Whatever. He was just doing that stuff.

So he never got to be like a sophisticated. Right. Which is what I want to tell my daughter almost like. Designer drugs, darling. Right. And wait, I didn't do drugs till I was like 30. And then now I feel like I can do them. Yes. You know, lightly. You know, I didn't do drugs until I was like 30. And then now I feel like I can do them, you know,

lightly. You know, I don't, I didn't, you know, OD on stuff. Not that my husband OD'd, but.

Did you grow up in the suburbs? No, I grew up in Rockford, Illinois, which is, it's outside of Chicago, but it's not a suburb. It's the second biggest city

in Illinois. I just went back recently. My husband went there for the first time. We've been married eight years. And he he goes this place has major get me out of here vibes the second we got there he's at a Costco trying to get a computer cord and it was just like it's rough I mean it's not as bad as a suburb as they say better from the gutter than from suburbia I mean suburbia feels really rough. I mean, it's rough in the strangest way,

especially for white people, because like you get, I grew up in this very safe, like never locked our door. Really? Yeah, never locked our door, but we were like squarely middle to lower middle class.

Like I never had like a car or a computer or anything, but we could always, we never, ever, ever worried about physical safety or like nothing. It is nice, but it's also boring. And there's nothing like, there's no like real world stressors to kind of like prepare you for a life of like pain and degradation. You know, there's just nothing going on.

Just like Panera Bread. Yes. It's Panera Bread and it's Dunkin' Donuts and that's about it. So because of that, we did a lot of drugs. Oh, fuck. You know, but it's panera bread and it's um dunkin donuts and that's about it um so because of that we did a lot of drugs you know fuck you know but it's you can't win because i'm always like where can i raise my child no no no yeah but it's i wish we hadn't because it's so much better to do them when you have when you know your brain is developed that is a big issue yeah especially with the weed i've recently learned um this like you know, especially now where the weed is so strong

because there's like California weed is like, it is not the 70s weed that people were smoking. What were people doing in the 70s? They were just smoking in the morning because it was like a cigarette with like a tiny bit of something in it. It was just like, that little just spark and a doobie and like, that stuff I think is like, I mean. Did they drive while they were high? Yeah.

And they didn't wear seatbelts or have like airbags. It was just wild back then. It sounds so fun. I know. My dad hitchhiked all the time. Sunset Boulevard was just like, you just would get in people's cars. Yeah.

I mean, I guess we can do a version of that now with Liz. I was saying that the other day. I was like, so we just get into strangers' cars every day, multiple times a day now. For generations. That's fucking crazy. I know.

It is pretty scary. When I was doing drag back in Boston, getting the taxi home in drag from the nightclub was always a crash course in sexual assault because they were always, something about cabbies at that place, they would come to pick up the girls and they would always try to like put my hand on their dick. I mean, all the time. All the time. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I was chased home by a FedEx truck once. Like chased. I had to run into my apartment. It was so crazy. That's horrifying. Yeah. But I was really hot and drag. I bet.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Thank you. Actually, I haven't heard people talk about that, you know, because it's like so often I feel like all the victims are women. Yeah. I mean, some of them just look like women too. Right. You know? Yeah.

I mean, it's like for drag queens, especially, I mean, for trans women, it's like it is rough. Yeah. Rough, rough, rough. Because I don't know. There's something about men who when they fetishize what they consider to be taboo, they have this laser focus that's even creepier than their normal mode. They get even more horny. Yes.

And also if they think that you have a penis, they kind of assume that you're, it's like, I feel like it's kind of like you're one of the guys, but not so they can, I don't know. I don't really know how to figure that out. But it is fucking creepy. Like I would be at a bar, a drag bar, you know, like after the show and a guy would come up to me two inches from my face. Like, can I give you a blowjob? Really?

Yes. Like, yes. And I miss that. I miss it. I bet. What was it like backstage at a comedy club pre-pandemic yeah

I mean in the good old days did you see that girl just got like hit in the head I just feel like was a bottle thrown at her yeah I don't know

I mean it just feels like it's getting more and more dangerous to like let's just not work anymore podcasting's nice podcasting's nice if you actually have

some kind of point of view and maybe just like a modicum of understanding of like any facts. Because if you notice, no, like you notice people will be like, so I stopped washing my daughter. And I have to say, it's so much better. And then the post will be like, yeah, I'm never going to wash my kids again. Yeah, the misinformation can really- Just because they have headphones and a microphone.

I know. It's fucking crazy. I also think that people are noticing that like, oh, there's no one talking to the right. And like if we start talking to them, we could have like our numbers will go through the roof. How else can we compete? So people kind of are vague. Yeah. They're not.

Right. Yeah. You know, they're trying to like make sure that they can get as many. Yeah. Those vulnerable flyover country people. It sucks. Yeah. So I don't really know what the future is in terms of that.

Do you like traveling on the road, being on the road? I used to love traveling, you know, and that's the problem. One of the things I talk about in my book too is like coming to terms with, I use, I'm trying to get back to my pre-child Natasha, who had so much to leave and would like go, you know, river rafting without a helmet and like go to Africa on a spur. Like, OK, get vaccines up and down my arms, go the next day. And now it's like I'm constantly like worried about choking and like, you know, everything is like a fear based thing. Yeah. I mean, there's definitely a freedom in not having kids. And it's like, I hate that I'm like not this person anymore who had so much because I was never a scared person.

I was just like, really moved to New York, moved to London, you know, go go to Thailand, go to Australia. And, you know, I just would never look back. go to Thailand, go to Australia. And, you know, I just would never look back. And it's just sad in a way because I want to be that person again. But I mean, look at Madonna. She's normal. She's got like 12 kids. She's like in her bathroom at all times making a video,

like a sex video with her trainer. Like what are our kids are like, Ma. I'm sure she has her own bathroom. But that would be funny if she has her own bathroom. That would be funny if that was a shared bathroom. One bathroom in the mansion. 14 bedrooms, one bathroom. Yeah, that'd be so funny. Wait, do you look at what Madonna's doing and you think that's

funny or cool or normal? I don't know. I mean, I look at it and I'm like, is she okay? But I've never been a huge fan. I've never been a huge fan either, but I've been gay my whole life. So I have been always aware. And there were, there have been eras or,

you know, moments of her career where I've like, oh, wow, that's awesome. Like, I mean, I remember when music videos were on TV and they would premiere on TV.

And that was always a big thing because hers were fantastic. I mean, I remember, was it truth or dare seeing that at the theaters? Oh, that's a fantastic documentary. It's good. But it's just good. I remember her coming it Truth or Dare? Seeing that at the theaters. Oh, that's a fantastic documentary. It's good. But it's just good.

I remember her coming down the steps and rollers and asking the assistant. This was before cell phones. And she's like, any messages? And they're like, no. She's like, okay, I'm going to my room. You know, just to peek into the lonely life of a. Of a, like a world famous diva. Exactly.

And I mean, you know, arguing, taking the piss out of Warren Beatty backstage. Oh, yeah. It's just so, it's like real Hollywood shit. That's a great movie. Yeah, it's awesome. So I am a fan, I guess,

but I don't know what's, I just feel like we've, I don't know, the sex thing is like just a little boring to me, I suppose. I mean, it's, it's on the one hand,

you can like applaud her for being consistent and not being like a sellout. But on the other hand, she's wearing trainers and a grill and asking Jimmy Kimmel to eat her out.

You know what I mean? It's like... Remember she did stand up? No. She did. She did it on a late night show. But why did she do that? She's just like,

I can do it all. I think because when you're Madonna and you just, I don't think you're surrounded by a lot of no people of course that would be my guess um because i actually do know someone who i'm not gonna worked with her let's say and um and he said that she's a a very very difficult person oh to disagree with i know why i i got off of her too. Hold on. Bless you. That was so elegant.

That's how I vomit too. During the ayahuasca. I'm like. I mean meanwhile it comes through my nose and I break blood vessels in my eyes. No but I read her brother's book. Oh right. And he was like Madonna's wedding. She put me in the smallest room of the

castle up in the attic and then he was her quick change person oh christopher jaconi no for her for a while okay and they would get into these huge fights and she would like degrade him in front of everyone but it just sounded like whoa yeah a lot of whoa oh yeah she's always seemed like a person you would you would not want to get within six feet up oh and the other funny thing christopher said is he's like she always says that she was dropped in times square with two dollars in her pocket but my dad was paying for her apartment i love that shit i know and who knows like how and also it's like was it really the smallest room in the castle I mean

it's like the castle right like it's like very easy to be like well why you know why didn't I get this suite yeah I mean I just think that she is probably at a level of she's talking about different realms I mean she's probably in a realm that I don't think any of us could probably understand

right of course so let her just be in the dark in her bathroom with no eyebrows. Yeah, no eyebrows looking like – On a Tuesday. Yeah, with her grill and her tits and her giant ass and just talking about her pussy with a lisp. It's so wild. And also she put an ad on her Instagram the other day looking for a trainer.

Did you see that? Oh, my God. What a funny idea. She must burn through these trainers like so quick. So, so quick. She probably just wants to conduct interviews for two weeks, right? Like just have men or like gay guys over who are like, I'll be your trainer. That's true.

Because I think there was like in the 80s, I think she would famously like get in a limo and ride around New York City and just like pick guys, get, you know, pick guys off the street and then fuck them in the car. Wow. And which is like, you know, that's really. Very modern. Yeah, yeah. And I think she probably still does that. She just has to go about it a little bit Wow. Which is like, you know, that's really, that's fierce. Yeah, yeah. And I think she probably

still does that. She just has to go about a little bit differently. I'd like to do that. I would too. I'd want to get to know them first though. I don't want to just pick like hot guys.

Yeah. I'd like to like, I don't know how I would, how I would do it. Let me ask you this. So I'm always so fascinated with straight people in this concept of like

cheating and betrayal as the ultimate like sin. Do you know what I'm talking about? I know what you mean. What is with that? Because there's nothing else. Because we've like, I've got to be, my daughter is like so important to me. Yeah.

So I have this family and that's what it is. I'm making that work. Right. So the fantasy, I suppose, would be that he dies. And then I'm free to fuck some guy with a yacht, probably is where I would go with that. Who's like hot enough. And then I can have the lifestyle I always knew I could have. That you deserved.

That I deserved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you're, if Moshe like cheated on you with Blake Lively, let's say. I wouldn't care who it was with. Okay. At this point. After the pandemic, I'm like, go for it. Because I was like, no hot nannies, no way. And then now after the pandemic, I'm like, oh for it. Because I was like, no hot nannies, no wet.

And then now after the pandemic, I'm like, oh, let him be hot. Just come over. Give him something to look at. Madonna. Madonna can come over. I don't know if he'd be into her. But would you feel like betrayed? Because it's always like.

If he fucked Blake Lively. Or any woman. Yes. It would be. I would be like, OK, now I get custody. Oh, divorce. Like straight to divorce. Well, no, I don't know. I guess I would be like, OK, now I get custody. Oh, divorce. Like straight to divorce. Well, no, I don't know.

I guess I would be like, okay, now I get one. Quid pro quo. Well, how does it work? And like, if you were in a relationship with a kid. I don't fuck kids. No, I'm sorry. If you had a kid. Yes, if I have a child.

Would you think you could still be in an open relationship with a kid? I mean, it's hard to go there if you had a kid like yes if i have a child would you think you could still be in an open relationship with a kid i mean it's hard to go there if you don't oh no i mean i think that well first of all like it would be the how do i um well yeah i don't see why not because if you're in an open relationship you're not having sex in front of people in general usually right so you just as long as the child is not, like, watching, I don't see what's the problem. Maybe we'll, I mean, he's always trying to push that. Open relationship?

Or at least a three-way. Oh, God. That's so tired, though. I know. But that's worse because that's, like, inviting all of the, like, insecurities and, like, foibles and, like and like missteps of that's just too clunky. And he doesn't have, it's such a good way to put it, clunky. And he doesn't have the wisdom to know that it can't be one of his friends.

Because I'm like, no, that's like awkward then. No, you just hang out with your friends. Yeah. So he, and then I was like, maybe like a sex worker would make more sense. Yes, that would make more sense. But at the same time, I feel like once we do that, or he was trying to say like, when I go to Burning Man, can I have it be an open thing for Burning Man? And I'm like, I'm already thinking five Burning Mans, five road gigs.

Okay, now when he, if I let him do that at Burning Man, now when healeigh in raleigh next week does he think that he can like do something there i don't want to have these discussions all the time so it's like it's almost like it's just easier to just be like we're not doing that i feel the exact same way is that's like part of the draw of being in a monogamous monogamous relationship we're done like we're like it's we're not looking anymore we're not like searching and like you know making a mistake whatever I burning man yeah you went there pregnant didn't you I

went there three times it was it was not for me and he wants to bring our daughter there so I tried to do she's five or four and a half and I'm like that's why I said to him, um, what if you, instead of bringing her, cause he wanted to bring her this year, you can just do that thing where you, you have free reign. And I told him that this year kind of as a joke. And then my

therapist kind of urged me to like get some clarification on it. Cause I was like, I just told him that let's see what he does. And then I told him, you know, right before he went and it was, it was actually very sweet. He was like, Oh, well, it. Let's see what he does. And then I told him, you know, right before we went and it was actually very sweet. He was like, oh, well, you know, you're the most important thing to me. And I didn't really even think you were serious. And our family is so important. So that was very nice. So he didn't do it.

But I still don't want him to take my kid there. It's not appropriate. It's not appropriate for anybody who is interested in hygiene or like feeling good. I mean, it sounds like a nightmare to me. Safety. There's dust storms. Yes. But there of drugs yeah he's like well then why do all these other people let their kids go i'm like well they're probably bad parents there you go so november 15th the book comes out right yes so i talk about a lot of this you know it's it's it's a lot of like me

trying to still maintain glam like glamour it's a comedy book it's it's not a self-help book this is comedy essays yeah the world is not that boring are what to expect when you're expecting bullshit

no no but I mean I like those books you do well I mean it helped me as a mom but you know I didn't know what to

I mean there's so many books about and so many people out there like arguing for competing for your attention in terms of how to like raise your child oh my god it's fucking daunting it's so annoying and like there's all these like women on instagram and sometimes i'll like save the videos and show my

husband so she'll be having a fit and i'm like okay let's do what this what the thing says you know and so we'll do the three steps and it doesn't work and i'm like these people are just scamming people i don't think anybody knows how to raise a child. There's no generation where we're like, yes, it really works to validate all of their. Yeah. All of their, you know, fear. And because you're not supposed to say all these things to kids. Now you're not supposed to say good job.

You're supposed to say you worked really hard on that. And you're not supposed to say be careful, you know, because that could like get them afraid. And there's just all these new rules that are like exhausting. No shit. Yeah. So I'm kind of making just all these new rules that are like exhausting. No shit. Yeah. So I'm kind of making fun of a lot of that stuff too. That's great.

Can I keep this? Of course it's for you. Thank you. I have one for you too. This is. Tatum O'Neill. Now, is it true that her,

her dad let her do cocaine when she was 11? Well, I think she won an Oscar at eight. So. Okay. Yeah. But like people didn't know, like we drink Red Bull and like. I don't i mean my mother was a nurse in this uh in the uh early 80s and she smoked at the nurse's station

with the doctors yeah yeah so i don't think we should be so hard on her dad for like giving her cocaine but maybe i should read all the yeah there's a lot of i think cocaine was the least of the problems and like jack nicholson would bring like 12-year-olds over and everyone would be like, okay, well, we'll just leave now. The golden age of Hollywood. Before phones, you know, people just vibing. I don't know about Jack Nicholson. They were vibing, right? They certainly were.

Actually, Stevie Nicks lived across the – or next door at one point. Stop it. Yeah, talking about cocaine. I love her. She's amazing. She doesn't still live there? We can't go over. You should have her do the podcast. Has she done it?

I don't think anybody's over there right now. It was like somebody parked in my driveway and I asked the guy, I was like, oh, do you live next door? He's like, kinda. I was like, oh God, here we go. There's some weird shit going on over there. Well, that stupid husband of hers, what's his name?

The woman's name? Kelsey. No. Not Leslie. It's not Leslie. It's Shelly. No, it's not Shelly. Veronica.

Julia. No, it's – well, anyway. What is it? He's so famous. I know. It's so famous. It's like Terry or – No, just look up Fleetwood Mac. Yeah, yeah. It's not Leslie, but it's very close. I know. It's so famous. It's like Terry or. No, just look up Fleetwood Mac.

Yeah, yeah. It's. It's not Leslie, but it's very close. I know. I know. It's on the tip of my tongue. It's. Anyway, he has his new family.

Like she looks exactly, exactly like Stevie. Like when she was, you know, 27. That's so weird. And then I really didn't like him anymore because he had a um heart shapes uh or no he had a guitar shaped swimming pool lindsey lindsey lindsey buckingham yeah yeah yeah um anyways well i won't i don't want to keep you too long this is sorry lindsey this is like such a great this is lovely this picture thank you that's my child and um and yes it's it's you know

parenting at the end of the world the pandemic was rough but um i tried to maintain some glamour i hope that it's hilarious and you know i was trying like it's like more like david sedera style comedy essays you don't have to like read it from the beginning to the end but you know there are no pictures though huh i'm sorry i you know, there are... No pictures, though, huh? I'm sorry. You know, the picture thing, it was like it took so much more energy and I could barely write the book. You've got to like hunt down high res. Did you do that?

It sucks. Writing sucks. It's so hard. It's so hard. It is so hard. Me and Trixie wrote together and it was like, my assistant had to have like a Glock

pointed at the back of my head to get me to write anything. And I don't know how to type well. I go like this. It's so embarrassing. You should have just texted it. I know. I did a lot of it on my phone.

But yeah, it's terrible. It's very rough. Did you have a nice editor? I did. And I'm so glad it's over. And I'm never writing another one. That's famous last words. Have you noticed how thin it is?

When we got our first one, I was like a pamphlet. Great. A pamphlet. another one. That's famous last words. Have you noticed how thin it is? That's, when we got our first one, I was like, I was like, a pamphlet. Great, a pamphlet. Now Sharon's, Sharon's is a little heavier. She kind of really went for it.

Yeah, but that's the heavier cardstock. Oh my God, I didn't realize that. You could do that. Look at, there's only 30 words on each page.

Oh my God, this is big font. See, I should have done that. Large print, yeah. I would also encourage people to do the audio book because, you know, we're comedians. Do you read it yourself? I read it myself, of should have done that. Large print. Yeah. I would also encourage people to do the audiobook because, you know, we're comedians. Do you read it yourself? I read it myself, of course, although that would have been

funny to have someone else read it. Glenn Close. Or like Kathleen Turner. That would have been amazing. Yeah, I would like... Stevie, maybe Stevie would do it. Oh my God, that would be, yeah. I would love to have an old, old, like, Russian woman who's been smoking for, what, 50 years and can't speak English very well. That would be great. Wait, I don't think someone's done that. That's really funny.

Yeah. I love it. I mean, especially if you're a voice person, you know, you've got a podcast, you're a professional, but you still have someone else do it. Outsource it. Right. Give someone else a chance. Give Glenn Close a chance. She's so bored. Well, Natasha, thank you so much. We never have guests, but I'm so excited because I actually legitimately love you. And I was so nervous to have you over here. Oh, well, thank you so much. This has been a dream. And I love you too.

Great. Where can they find you on whatever? Just go on my Instagram. Although I just can't deal with TikTok. I'm sorry. I have a page, but I'm just like my time is too precious. I feel exactly the same way. So on my Instagram. So you have a child?

I have a child, yes. They're going to have a TikTok. And you have to monitor that. No, I'm putting her in like a school that doesn't do technology. Oh, she's going to be like a Luddite or an Amish person? Oh my God. I shouldn't do that. No, wait, wait, wait. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no. I feel bad, but like I just don't want her to go.

Like, especially for girls. It's so terrible. They have to learn calligraphy. They have to learn sewing. Yeah, she's like polished wooden toys. She's hammering them. Block. Yeah, like squares and circles.

Exactly. I mean, when you say no technology, do they have electricity? No, they do. It's just something I'm like toying with. I think that's a great idea because I was recently asked like if I would ever let my child have like social media

at what age I'd be like that's why I don't think I could have a child. 27. Yeah, 30. I know. It's really sad

because like all these kids are getting depressed. I mean I know someone whose daughter they had to hire like someone to eat all her meals with her because she's anorexic now

in high school from Instagram and they're monitoring the food now and And it's like, it's just everyone's. And then it's just so who knows where it's going to be in 10 years. I mean. Well, hopefully, I mean, you you and I both grew up without having to curate an online persona as we develop. That's stressful. That's too much. And AI has been out, you know, since yesterday. And they're already trying to figure out how to like do porn fakes with everybody. So it's like we're it's going to be so trashed in 10 years.

We're just going to be a bunch of like like brainless gutter people fucking robots. No, there's going to be a huge split. And we're just going to be like the Amish Luddites. Yeah. Cool people too. I'll be there. Farming. Okay, yeah. Cool people too. I'll be there. Farming. Farming, doing our thing, using like a map to get somewhere, I guess. Drawing maps and then using it.

What's that thing? The Thomas Guide and like a, you know. Like an almanac? Yeah, an almanac. And then there'll be the people who just want to go there in their little pods. Right, sure. And slurp their goo. Their goo and fuck their robots.

Yeah, so maybe there'll be a middle ground that we can hang out in. I pods. Right. And slurp their goo. Their goo and fuck their robots. And yeah. So maybe there'll be a middle ground that we can hang out in. I don't know. But yeah, I think you're right about that. I mean, with Elon Musk, like taking over Twitter. I was just going to say that.

Yeah. He's going to trash the world. Robot fucking in like three, two, one. Absolutely. Well, I'll be there for it. And you know what? There needs to be something to make fun of. True.

And also making fun of robots. I feel like that's a, that's a world where maybe we could do that. It's like guilt-free, yeah, you don't have to worry

about anything. Yeah, it's like making fun of houses or something. Which is my next thing. Are you, are you going to do another, do you have a,

is it a Netflix special or is it a Comedy Central special? I have a Netflix, I have a Comedy Central special. You and Moshe have one together. We have one together on Netflix. Netflix, okay. Yes.

That's the one I watch. It's called the Endless Honeymoon Stand-Up Special. But the podcast is the Endless Honeymoon Podcast. And that is, you know, you can just see it all on my Instagram. Okay. Fabulous. And I'll try to read Tatum's book. Oh, you don't have to.

I've been like actually very interested in her because of that story that my hairdresser told me. It's crazy. It's wild. I think, last thing, I don't think any child should be in a movie ever. Me neither. Never. 18 or over. I have a friend who is 25 and she was a child actor in Disney stuff.

And I just talked to her yesterday and she came over and she was talking about how she's ready to have kids and she wants to settle down. And she missed her last two years of high school. She, you know, and I think that it's like she already experienced that life almost. And it's like, maybe it would have been better for her to have like, I don't know. I mean, she's, she's amazing and successful, so it's fine. But I just can't imagine being at 25 ready to settle down. Oh, I can. I was like at 32, I was ready to retire. Really? Yes.

I was so ambitious. Really? The kid really got rid of my ambition. Thank God. Yeah. I know. Ambition is annoying. It's so overplayed.

I mean, Trixie is so ambitious. That's why she's dead. You know? She worked too much. But good partner. Great. They're a good engine. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Well, she literally keeps me tethered to this realm because otherwise I would just drift away. That's awesome. And you guys are such an amazing. You're so funny together. I love listening to your podcast. Oh, thank you.

I'm learning a lot. Yeah. We have a lot to say as gay bald white men. Wait, can I ask you something? What? I don't want to get it wrong. Capital of Romania. No, no, no.

Was it? Because it's like not top or bottom. What's side? Oh, side. So like top or bottom is like. I know what that is. Yeah. What is it?

What is it? What is it when someone's a side? Well, there's guys who want to be fucked. That's if you fuck that you're top. Right. If you're wanting to get back to your bottom. But if you want to just shoot anal altogether, you're side. Oh're never doing anal well not i mean say yeah say that's not your preference because think about it i don't want to do anal hello if you're a woman part i mean why would

you want to do anal because you want to please the guy so bad and his dick seems small boom that's usually when i will i have considered it in the past. I won't feel that. Go ahead. But it fucking hurts. No shit. And there's no prostate. So what's the fucking point? Okay. So side is like a shooing anal.

Yeah, because like it's, I mean, there's a risk of shitting on the dick unless, you know, you're prepared, which takes time planning. There's no spontaneous anal sex. Not everyone has nail scrubbers in their bathroom either. You know? Well, I'm just saying it's like you gotta stick your fingers out there no no fingers no fingers either i say no fingers because i don't trust anybody's fingernail situation i know i have somebody who has a perfect i know somebody who had a perforated colon yeah yeah see i scheduled my c-section it was scheduled for 10 o'clock 10 07 i had great pictures i Yeah Yeah See I scheduled

My c-section It was scheduled For 10 o'clock 10.07 I had great pictures I had the baby I was out of there I'm not trying to like

No Do that To rip out the plumbing Down there It's horrible Oh my god Yeah so There's so much more

You can do besides Penetrative Anal sex There's so much more I love that Go on walks You can go get ice cream. You know,

like there's lots of other stuff you can do. I would definitely be a side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. But yes, I love your podcast.

Thank you. I'm learning a lot. Okay, great. Oh, my book comes out November 15th. Yes. It's beautiful. I haven't read it because she would not send me

an advanced copy. But it's, I can't wait to read it. Thank you so much. Thank you guys.