The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Megan Stalter & the Hotness of Kindness with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Good morning, and welcome to the annual meeting of the National Association for Supporting The Yuck, (N.A.S.T.Y.), where certified uggos from all over Southern California come to the Burbank Holiday Inn Express to embrace our beady eyes, crooked teeth, bulbous noses, and horrible skin. If you got up this morning and thought to yourself, "I don't think I'm a very attractive person," you're 100% correct. But please, as a favor to me, do not dwell on the fact that you're aesthetically deficient. Instead, focus on the indisputable certainty that your beauty is simply inverted; like a perfectly-fried crispy egg roll, your good stuff is all on the inside. In a world where happiness and success can be achieved despite severe genetic impairments, our group's motto has never been more relevant: "Not everyone is hot, and that's okay." If you strive to develop an intellect that can elicit a smile, a laugh, or even a smirk, trust me when I say that there is absolutely nothing as hot as being genuinely funny, smart, and most importantly: f*cking kind. And on that note, I want to thank you for attending. Complimentary coffee and snacks will be served in the lobby, and please remember to pay your dues by the 30th. To try America's #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months! This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind! If you’re 21+, check out https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! After you purchase they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with VIIA! You owe yourself a trip and trips are always better with Airbnb. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app! Take care of your leather handbags and products! Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today. The best way to make your handbag last forever! Men's health? RocketRX has you covered! To check out RocketRX and start your free consultation, head to: https://rebrand.ly/170bbc Follow Megan: @MegStalter Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Bald in the Beautiful is brought to you by Green Chef. Green Chef is the number one meal kit for clean eating so you can feel good about good for you meals. You guys, they introduced me to lots of new foods like I'm a couscous person. I'm just like so like insulated with my food experience that I've never even had that until you know I started using Green Chef and I love it. It's great. Go to greenchef.com slash bald50 and use the code bald50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months. That's code bald50 at greenchef.com slash bald50

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40% off your first order, is only available once for new customers and cannot be combined with other offers. This offer is not available for prescriptions. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. If you've been in a coma for the past 30 years, you might not know what a website is or that we now eat entire salads from that green leafy thing that used to be a decoration If you've been in a coma for the past 30 years, you might not know what a website is, or that we now eat entire salads from that green leafy thing that used to be a decoration on the Sizzler salad bar. First off, I'd like to welcome you to 2024, where everything is wonderful and the earth is fine. Second, I want to tell you that you need a website right now. Even though you've never surfed the web or stupidly bought a lion costume for your pet Chihuahua at 4am off of Tmoo, Squarespace is the industry-leading tool where you can

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We don't do acting. You on the other hand, Megan Stalter. I'm assuming we're recording the podcast. We are rolling and I'm going to say welcome to Meg. Welcome to the ball to the beautiful. Isn't that professional? You know what? I think people who follow us are just gonna look at the thumbnail,

they're gonna look at the name and they're just gonna scream their little gay heads off. So thank you for coming. They're gonna rub it. They're gonna rub themselves raw. The girls are gonna be jerking it. Jerking it, jerking it, jerking it. The girls must love you. Do you think we'll have a viral moment in this?

I think the whole thing is gonna be virulent. The whole thing. Yeah. The whole virus. We don't put any pressure on ourselves. You know, most podcasts, like, they prepare things, or they, you know. Like, ooh, we're going to do this fun thing where you say,

mindful, or demure, or moodang, or like, I can't get into that. Did you hear the episodes where Katya interviewed people, and she'd be like, so you're you. What's up with that? Yeah. So your name's Catherine. Why? Yeah. I love that. I have caught some of that.

But no, seriously though, I gotta get this out of the way. I've seen every single fucking thing you've ever done. Because I'm obsessed with you. But when we were at brunch in Montreal, or... Oh, she... This was so funny. This is the funniest thing anybody's ever said to me. Like, we're all having... There's like ten of us.

And then Meg turns to me and says, so I know you haven't... I noticed you haven't looked at me recently. No, no, no. We're all sitting there. We're all sitting there. We were... It was... Who was it? Amy Schumer? In conversation, I mean. No, no. Yeah, yeah. It was like... It was Jay.

It was Alex Edelman, Amy Schumer. It was... another person. There was a couple people that seemed like they had a lot of money that I didn't know. Yeah, it was a stressful environment with stars at the Ritz. It was like weird. We're all talking, we're all talking.

And Meg, you turned to Katya and you go, so I noticed you haven't talked to me in a little bit. We're sitting at the table. It was so fucking funny because I think we had just engaged in a group conversation instead of just with you. And that seemed to really upset you. I didn't want it to be a big group thing. Right. She wanted some one on one.

I think Amy Schumer should have left. Even though she's the one who invited us to brunch. But you know what though? You know what was crazy about that? We played consider the source and every single person got it right. Do you remember that bitch? Strangers. Wait, can you remind me again what that one is? So consider the sources. It's when we all take our clothes off. Yeah, we take our pants and panties off. Oh yeah, I can remember that.

Yeah. No, you know what I'm talking about. It's like you say, You say like, okay, choose a number. Yes. Between one and 10. You close your eyes. Yes, oh my God. Yeah, I remember now. Okay, okay. Yes. Between one and ten. You close your eyes.

Yes. Oh my God. Yeah, I remember now. Okay. Okay. But like when you have to, when you're given a category by a stranger that you don't know, they say supermodels from the 80s and the number is six. How do you like let that person know that everybody got it right?

The first time four, seven, it was crazy. I can't believe that I got it right. The first time, four, seven, it was crazy. I can't believe that I got it right. I know that I'm smart, but I am surprised I got it right. It was huge for you. I was kind of nervous during that breakfast because you guys remember that we went to the wrong place at first when we were in that cafeteria. We went to a cafeteria that had closed last year.

No, because Meg was our... You were our in into the celebrity world. And so you were like, girls, we're gonna brunch. And we got all the celebrity girls. You're gonna be fucking famous people. How do you feel about going to brunch with Amy Schumer? Well, I love obviously her, but I love Alex Edelman too. So I was like, oh my gosh, love him.

And I was like, Meg, she's got us hooked up. Who were the- It felt amazing for it to do the invite. And then it all fell apart when we got to the first location. The intel was not right. We're going to go to a fruit truck in the Bronx. And I think we waited for about 35 minutes. I pictured, I can't picture her coming in here. And then we called her and we're like, where are you? Why aren't you here?

Yeah. And she's like, I'm at the location where the brunch is. I started shaking. I was really nervous. I'm at the location where the brunch is. I started shaking. I was really nervous. I'm at the nice place, you fucking dirt bag. We were at like the hotel closed cafeteria. It was, no, it was like the lobby where they have... You guys ordered tea.

It was the lobby where they have... You ordered tea. Yeah. It was like the foyer where they have the little fruit water. Right, it was. We just pulled up like... We did order tea. Well, I figured I'd have to sing.

So I was getting ready. You guys felt distant from me when we went in there, because I thought you knew that something was off, and so you started pulling away from me. But once we got to the real place, I wish I was closer to you, because I was seated right next to Amy's Jumer, and I was like, oh my God, this person's like a billionaire, super big star. And then she's like, so what's your deal?

I was like, well, I'm gay. I'm a cross-dresser. That's I was like, well, I'm gay. I'm a cross dresser. That's what's... I just said I'm gay. Don't make me explain it. I was at a wedding last weekend and I was talking to an older gentleman who didn't know. And he was like, what kind of entertainment do you do?

And I said, oh, drag. And I saw him look like, explain. And I was like, all right, now I have to explain it. No version of explaining drag sounds good coming out. So I said, I'm a cross dresser at the wedding function Hi, I'm a little crossy. I'm a little crossy girl like to see yeah I bend over I push my sack all the way back and then I put on a little maid outfit and I go You know, don't you think if you would have showed them a picture of?

them you in your your big look but of you in your big look that... Big? Yeah! The look was big? Not like your big wig. Oh, right, yeah. Don't you think that I would've rang a bell?

You're so famous. Well, then I'm, but then you know what it feels like? It feels like you're putting your wedding ring out and you're going, see that? Oh. It's worth 40 grand. How about, I don't know, it's like, I know I'm hot and then he would've been...

Jerking it. Jerking it. Yeah. So stone hard as steel. Do you know what else happened? I know we're supposed to ask you questions, but do you know what else happened? Last weekend I was in. Yeah, wait, this is two days ago. I was coming back from a college gig. Carnegie Malone.

How many gigs have you done in the last three days? That's the problem with going on break when you come back. They get you on the tricycle. So Carnegie Mellon, the little college gig. You guys have done college gigs. It's always kind of early and weird. People don't really come to mine. Oh, good.

But you still get paid in a handsome way. Yeah. I think it's fun when they don't come, like an empty room and an auditorium is really funny. That Gay Straight Alliance pays out. Yeah. Yeah. Three people, 300, doesn't matter.

Well, she's paid by the straight gay alliance. I know, she's on the spectrum. Are you a poor person? You thought I was straight. I knew what you did. I don't know. She clams. I guess I assume that was wrong of me.

But my shirt says Tiva on it. Oh, I've got the big honking dyke shirt for you. Oh, I'm so excited. But I have one for you, too. Perfect. I want a really big one with three head holes. Well, it's funny because the one they gave me, I was going to give to her and the one they gave you was like a three X and I was like, damn, they always be doing that. So dirty. I was coming back from the college gig and my driver, the night of the election, a driver

goes to me. So can I, what is it that you do? I'm in full drag in the backseat. Oh shit. I'm a dental hygienist. Medical billing expert. Yeah. I'm a medical transcriptionist. I get to make my own hours and work from home.

I sell leggings. Wait, wait, so you do, I know what you do for a living, and it is really like my favorite thing, so I've watched every fucking episode of Hacks three times. What about you, Trixie? How many times? Do you know what? I watched one.

I watched the first one. And she went, boom. No, I don't watch a lot of television programs. Did you like when I popped in and said something sassy? Yes. That's the only person I like. I was like, no her. And I only watched television for that moment.

You don't like Jean. Well, she doesn't like me. We have a long... Well, you know I'm obsessed with her because of Watchmen. Do you have a feud with Jean? No, I'm obsessed with her because of Watchmen. Yeah, she pulls that blue dildo out. Yeah.

I actually haven't seen Watchmen. Well... Oh, wow. And I was in that, so... I wasn't. What? I mean, I've been a fan of hers since Charlene designing women. I know, I thought she was so hot.

She is, she still so hot. She is, yeah. She smells really good. Charlene. What does she smell like? Charlene, not Charlene. She smells like a beautiful perfume. Like a beautiful, like, now what would that perfume smell like?

Like a... Floral, fruity? Yeah, like a really strong, but not too strong. But floral or fruity? It's like both. Is it kind of umami? It's like... Steak Diane?

It smells like... I remember the first time I smelled her, I was like, whoa. Did she know you were smelling her or you just shamed her behind your back? She likes to rub your... Oh, sorry. She'll rub your arm or... I thought you were smelling her or you just came up behind her? She likes to like rub your... Oh, sorry. She'll rub your arm or, you know, like she'll just be like always touching... Like she's always hugging and... And she just smells really good, like a fancy, fancy woman's perfume. I love that.

Yeah. Kayla is my favorite character and Kayla and Jimmy's relationship over the two... Me too. Yeah. No, I'm telling you, whenever my mom came into visit and we watched the whole series, and she was so obsessed with Kayla and Jimmy by the last on the plane scene where it looks like he's proposing,

we were like screaming. That scene was so fucking funny. When Jimmy's like, I'm not a woman or something, whatever, you know. The screaming woman was really good in that scene. It's hard to get a little extras like that who have those moments. She's so good. Knocked it out of the park.

I just couldn't believe who she was. The killer. I thought that was like a weird kind of like, Whoa, how did you get on this program? Well, first of all, I want to say that means a lot to me that you watch it. And it means a lot to me that you'd have me on the podcast, though you haven't seen it. But it is a first of all I haven't seen I haven't seen every inch of hacks. You don't always see every inch of the show you're in right? Right. But you see most of it. And I'm every centimeter of that. You offer us as purveyors of your content many ways in which to experience you. Instagram. Also, honey. Live performances.

I saw this video of you recently doing an onstage meet and greet. Oh. Do you want to explain what that is? Pointing. Yeah, I feel like some people were mad. What the f? Who the f does she think she is?

Fat bitch. I'm like, OK, well, it's a stand-up show. I love it. You were seated, and people were walking across and you pointed at them, but they couldn't cross. And also they could also do no right, which I loved. It was like, you're going too slow, you're going too fast. They actually were doing a bad job.

Someone came up and you screamed. Like they went up to like say, I love you. Oh yeah, they got too close. They got too close, tried to grab me. I did just a meet and greet in my stand up show and I had my two friends, Karen and Maddie, who was a couple B twins. So sometimes they'd kiss throughout the show and they're twins, but they're not in real life.

And then I told them to help me do sort of a meet and greet and had the table set up and it took a long time to set it up And then, but I thought it was worth it. Oh, I saw a dynasty typewriter, okay, Hannah Ionbinder. Her set was so deranged. She comes out, she is singing a song. The first, she starts like the first bar of a song and then continues and then continues and then says it over and over.

It was like, it was so funny. Me and the girl I was with were like, wedding ourselves. It was so crazy. I was like, wow, if a normal person was here, I don't know what they would think of this person. Like, it was truly insane. I like when people are there not understanding it. It was, and you like, people, like, if anybody went to the bathroom,

you would call them out. It was so like aggressive, but also very playful and confrontational. But I feel like I've seen so much of your stand up on the internet, the YouTube. So if people are fans of you from that, do they really show up and get confused by the media? Well, I think that some people just go to like, show, like feel like in LA especially,

they'll just like show up because they wanna see like stand up because they want to see like stand up and they won't know or like someone will bring their friend and the friend doesn't know. I think people understand more now that I've performed a lot and it's online but... The only problem is you put David Spade on the sign and then they...

Yeah, yeah, Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah. They're in the role of Whoopi Goldberg tonight as Meg Salter. If I went to the Laugh Factory and saw you, I'd be like this deranged person. I don't really do clubs anymore. I like to be in a theater. Yeah. Because I did that for years where they wouldn't get it fully and be like mad at me. I used to have this bit where I'd have fake blood in my mouth

and I'd come out on stage, and it was at the Laugh Factory, and I would open my mouth and be like, Hi, guys. Sorry if my mouth bleeds tonight, it's just because I'm nervous, but I'm not nervous tonight, so it probably won't happen. And everyone was dead silent, and someone went, oh, is she okay? Like it was like, it was at the Laugh Factory in Chicago, so it was like the whole audience was like straight,

like out of town people, and then my friend in the back was laughing so hard, he was like straight, like out of town people. And, but I, and then there, my, like my friend in the back was laughing so hard, he was like crying. See, there you go. There could be 99 people in a row. Yeah. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by Green Chef. Green Chef is the number one meal kit for clean eating.

So you can feel good about good for you meals. You guys, I got to tell you, I have been wowing people. Ever since I started working with Green Chef, I started cooking all the time. I cook the recipes, re-cook them. I'm a great cook and I know all the basics of cooking. When I used to not be able to cook, they'd be like, well, I'd be like, how do you learn to cook? And they'd be like, well, you just have to cook to learn to cook.

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Huge brass cojones on this one. Something really scary happened to me at a show recently at the one. What happened? So it was a Halloween show and I was dressed as Jamie Lee Curtis, but Dom version. Or a- Dumb?

No, no, like BDSM. Sorry. I was gonna say Dom, like Dominate tricks. Stupid Jamie Lee Curtis. I was going to say Dom, like dominate tricks. I was dressed as dumb Jamie Lee Curtis. No, it was like a BDSM woman. Like I had a dog leash on me and this guy in the back of the room stood up by the door for like 40 minutes. Like he was just standing there like he wanted to kill me.

And I, the whole time I was talking about it, but the venue didn't know I was kidding because I always do jokes like that. So I was like, okay, he's still standing back there. Okay. He's going to rush the stage. He's reaching for his pocket. Hopefully he doesn't have a weapon, but the whole, the venue thought I was kidding, which I understand. It's like, I, I, cause I'm always like, sit down. Oh, come, come on, pissing it off the pot. Don't go to the bathroom during my set. But he wouldn't leave, like he was just standing in the back,

like the whole show. I thought he was going to kill me. And then my girlfriend went and got someone in. He was escorted out. I feel like you could have de-escalated that real quick, though. It would have turned into a fierce bit. If he tried to kill me? Yeah, like you would have gotten engaged or something.

Oh, yeah. I think he would have gotten fully stabbed. When you're walking on stage with blood coming out of your mouth to start, it's a little bit crying wolf. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. Faking our death would be really cunty. If I got shot on stage, which I don't want to do, by the way, do you think people would think it was planned like as a joke?

Depends on the firearm. That's what I'm scared of too. Shotgun, hard to fake. I would think it was planned as a joke. Depends on the firearm. That's what I'm scared of too. Shotgun, hard to fake. If you were in front of the opera and I dropped a chandelier on you, the audience would be like... Yeah.

They know that that's going to happen. Yeah, a piano dropped on me. So if you do blood out of the mouth and then you really start bleeding the mouth one day, no one's gonna say anything. But if a man's choking me, I bet eventually someone will be like, wait a second.

The body contact is that people won't... You're fucked. Because they'll think it's a bit. Or maybe they'll think it's kind of... Yeah, it's like, ooh, this is a bit... Oh, it's also sexy. It's a rabbit. Well, it was crazy that no one left,

because people did get really scared during the show, because I kept talking about it. What did he look like? A big, big white guy, scary, standing, not moving an inch. Menacing. Did he have a gun? Did he work at the venue? Because you know, sometimes they have ushers standing. You know that story.

Oh, wait. He had a credit card machine, but he's holding it really weird. He was standing in the ticket booth and he kept saying, show me your ticket. He was standing in the back. I said, I was like, you come here, go in, you come here, go in, you're standing back there, you're coming or going. And he was like, I'm waiting for people to come back

from the bathroom so I could go sit down. I'm like, cool, that's actually good. You wanna see what's gonna happen in the show. Awesome, like you're an amazing fan. And then he- He just stayed there. Then he stayed there when people came back from the bathroom and I was like,

okay, he's still there. That's not scary at all. He's not scary at all. But people were laughing because I was making it funny, I guess. But it was scary and I couldn't really do anything. It's probably a lymphatic drainage thing. He didn't want to get big.

Well, you know, I was scared that something medical was happening. Like I was like, oh my God, what if he couldn't sit? and he died his legs were straight straight for forever. Oh, right, right You're shaming him for having no knees. Yeah But no damn he eventually was asked to leave and he was yelling. Oh Well, he just was like, oh, I don't know I think he was saying like I'm allowed to stay I don't know. I was gonna make up something. Fuck you, you faggot bitch. I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. You turd bitch. You faggy bitch. I think he was saying like, oh, I'm allowed to stay. I don't know what he said. But you

know what was embarrassing is that I was dressed as Jamie Lee Curtis and then my friend, Kaitlyn Riley was coming out as Demi Moore and I was going to interview her about the substance. So she had to do the whole interview like right after that happened and she didn't know that all that happened. So it like didn't go that well. She was being so funny and she has like a raspy voice to be dummy. She is amazing. She is so funny. Who? Caitlin Riley. Who's Caitlin Riley? Well I found her on TikTok and then we saw her in we saw her in some Netflix program I saw her in. She's so funny she does like this Wasp mom character that's so amazing. She does like that quirky lady

from a film or like that mom from an indie film. She does all these characters. So on Netflix, what was the show? I forget what it was. I forget. She played a little tiny person shrunk down. What do you... Oh. No, no, no. The character was like this big in a glass jar.

Oh, what was that? Oh, you thought. I didn't know. Oh, no. She played a normal sized body person who was little. Okay. What was it in? Teeny Tiny People. Teeny Tiny People Netflix.

That's what it was. Yeah. Yeah. Netflix presents really, really small tiny people. Also, I feel bad you asked me how I got Hacks. How? I would love to know. And I think I actually did a really bad audition tape for it.

And it was really filmed bad and I was wearing a bad outfit and it was like my dogs, my brother's dogs were like barking in the background. But I met Paul in a standup show and we hit it off. So I think that helped. I love him. My tape was really bad. I love him, Paul. He's so funny.

He's so hot. He's really hot. Maybe now I'm gonna have to watch. Mary, he's funny, he's smart, and he has incredible skin. Yeah, he does. Holy shit. He's really funny at improv too. God, he's so sweet and he has incredible skin. Yeah, he does. Holy shit. He's really funny at improv too. God, he's so sweet too.

You're gonna love Hacks. I feel, but you know, people have told me that they're jealous of me because they wish they could watch it for the first time again. Oh, who said that? So I'm very horny to watch this. Oh, mama, you're gonna fucking love it. That is so nice.

You're gonna love it. Yeah. It's so country. This will be the only television program I watch. This is gonna be huge. I actually think you will really like it. No, it's the, I don't watch a lot of television. It's no disrespect to you or Jean or anybody.

What about the first episode? Didn't leave you wanting more? Well, to be fair. She got me to watch it. To be fair, I don't enjoy comedies. She's been trying to get me to watch the substance for two months. No, but to be fair, I don't enjoy comedies usually

because I don't find them funny. But the Hacks is actually very funny and it's also very poignant, very well written. That means a lot because I love you guys so much. And I know you're going to like it. How did you find us the internet? I think- Back page?

We found you on the internet I think. Yeah, I feel like I just found you on the internet and I found, I watched your documentary. And it made me cry and I was really like, felt close to you. And I think I just saw like, I think, like videos of the podcast and then I started listening. Was it when you had cancer? Yeah, it'll

That's usually how people find us. I was going to do a joke about yeah. And then I thought all of a sudden deadline article Megan had cancer. No, no, no, I didn't have that. And then it's like, okay, well, I just ruined your joke. Right. No, go on sabbatical. You get the news coverage of your life. Seriously, front page news. Woman takes a break. Yeah, wasn't there one about you that was like, Trixie sees memes that she missed? The BBC reported, struggling drag star takes a step back. And the video is like me DJing. DJing in a pink, in a giant wig with pink, like tons of pink blush. Oh my god. Well, I definitely found you guys through the podcast.

I actually never watched really Drag Race until I was going to be one of the guest judges. And then I watched some of it. Right. I'm just too, I was always too far behind of like the rules of the show. Right. So that it was hard to catch up. Yeah. Usually they just look like a woman and do that.

Well, I love drag, but I just never got into the rules of the show. Which episode did you guess, Judge? One of the ones, hmm. What were they doing? Let's think about it. Were they? There's still a lot. Oh, there was an old lady dance.

Okay. The rock star group. An old lady dance. Was it Rue or Michelle? It was Rue. I think it was Gottmik there. Do you remember a white face person? No. No, no, no. It wasn't. It was. I think you should clarify what the white face is. Yeah, I mean like, like white. It was, it was Rue. And then, but it was also, Michelle was there too. So old ladies, there was drag queens, there was cameras.

There was, there was drag, but they're also queens. I thought you said, was it Rue or Michelle? And I was like, well, both of them were there. No, you said old lady dancing and I was like, which one? Oh yeah. Well, guess what? I was really bad at, both of them were there. No, you said old lady dancing. And I was like, which one? Oh, yeah. Well, guess what? I was really bad at yelling out the catch phrases. So I had to do a bunch at the end because I'm not going to,

oh, honey, those shoes, you got to throw those out and give her some slippers. So I just made up one at the end. But I'm not, how do you do that while they're walking? Like, oh, yeah, cuntaholic. We've never been asked to judge, so we don't know. No, in puns on the fly, I'm not a pun girl. But I love that.

Oh girl, you're looking a little ugly. Maybe change that outfit, like now. While they're walking? I know that it's probably all puns and you're like, I don't like it. Yeah. Ooh, blue sky, turtleneck. Also I was terrified that they were gonna say one at the same time I was trying to

say one and then I was like, oh, oh, you go. Like that's so awkward. Did you have somebody in your ear? No. We just interrupt each other. We don't worry about who's talking. No. Yeah.

But Rue was, I would have been scared to interrupt her. She'll hit you. Yeah. I heard her yell about something. What'd she yell about? Well, I don't know if I should, I'm not saying anything bad about it, but she didn't raise her voice. Okay, she said, she said, come on people, I'm in a corset! Yes!

That's very fair. But she was, I think she wanted to wrap it up or something, or they wanted to redo the dance and she was like, come on, I'm in a corset. So it's actually not mean of her, she just was telling everyone she was uncomfortable. 75 years old, sometimes. Pigged up like that. Get her, get her, let's snack. Sometimes I walk in and we'll say like, this outfit's really uncomfortable.

I have about this much time before I can put it on. I was gonna say, I'm not talking bad about her because literally I would be so uncomfortable. I can't wear a corset for more than one second. I'll pass out. I have a question about drag. When you did the elf hydration, elf holy hydration, I love that moisturizer.

I've been using it for like two years, love her. And I saw you in the ad and you had those hair horns on. Did that hurt? Cause that's like clipped into your real hair. Oh, well my hairstylist, Clayton Hawkins is so incredible. And he made it like a headband. So he made the horns a headband, but also all of the hair is fake, but it looks like

mine because it's like, well, I mean, it looks a little better than mine, but it's fake hair, which did hurt because like the clip-ins kind of hurt eventually. The horns not too much because it's like a headband. That's what I did during Halloween. You wore clip-in extensions? No, I wore headband horns. She was the devil. Yeah, you were the devil. I showed my midriff. Scary. I want to see a picture of that. I'll show it to you later.

Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb. Y'all, the holidays are upon us. I have to tell you guys, I had not been to Wasaki, Wisconsin in so many years since pre-COVID. And I went up there last month. And of course my whole family moved to Milwaukee. You guys know I bought my mama house and so everyone lives in Milwaukee now.

So I had nowhere to stay. And there's not even like hotels in that area. It's such a small area. So I got on Airbnb and my host Jodi, hi Jodi. She probably doesn't listen to this or know who I am, but she made it so easy. Her cabin was beautiful. It was like right in the middle of my small town. and my host Jodi. Hi Jodi. She probably doesn't listen to this or know who I am, but she made it so easy. Her cabin was beautiful.

It was like right in the middle of my small town, so exactly where it was. The wifi, the heating, and it was like a family cabin. So it had a bunch of like, you know, DVDs. You know, when you go on vacation, you just like watch, you know, movies with your family. It was perfect for staying a couple of days. It had everything for cooking.

It had knives. Like, because it's a real family's cabin, I didn't have to bring anything. In my suitcase, I packed a pan. I packed like a spatula because I thought it'd be cooking breakfast. And they had all of that. It was so nice.

You know, it was just perfect for me. And it slept eight, but honestly, it was so affordable that I just got it anyway. So instead of a bunch of kids beds being used and stuff, it was just like, I had a full bedroom. It was like perfect, perfect for me. I could have never achieved like that experience

of like relaxed and everything kind of provided for me if I had stayed in a hotel. I mean a hotel in rural Wisconsin. So check out airbnb.com or check out the Airbnb app, download it. I cannot recommend it enough. Trips are always better with Airbnb. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

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This offer is not available for prescriptions. People were mad at my costume. For the commercial? No, for Halloween. I was Ariana Grande and my girlfriend was the boyfriend, the redhead guy. The Ed Sheeran? The SpongeBob guy? No, yeah, the Spongebob.

What is his name? Ed Sheeran. Ethan. Ethan Hawke. Well, Ethan Slater. And so we were a celebrity couple, but people were mad because they thought we were... Did you guys see Pettie or a Centaurine costume? What did she dress up as?

I didn't see it. Oh, Michael Jackson! Wait, she really looks like him! With the baby. With the contouring and stuff, with like the contouring, looks like you! With the baby. With the baby on her. With the contouring and stuff. With like the contouring, the plastic surgery contouring and the baby. Give her the Oscar. She actually did a really good job.

Give her the Oscar. Did you read her app—she wrote an apology. I hope she— Oh, but it's like a joke. It's so funny. I go through hell apologizing. I hate apologizing from a costume. That bitch is so funny.

She is deranged. Do you guys think that people should apologize online when someone's mad, or do you think it almost makes them even more mad at you? I think if you, the only way to apologize is to do it on parchment with calligraphy and a quilt. And if people have the patience to wait for it, then it's good.

If not, don't bother. Seriously, what are you gonna apologize about? Hitting somebody with your car? Right, well then you should. But online only. Yeah, online you should. But online only. Yeah, online only. Never to the family. Just hit somebody so sorry.

Only in a story post. A story post. But sometimes people get more mad at someone that apologizes. Like, they were mad at Chappell for saying, like, there's problems on both sides. Right. Yeah. Politically. And then they were mad that she was trying to explain, like, no, I'm obviously not voting for Trump. And people are still mad at her.

Hard to get nuance across online. Yeah. That's why you just show my tits. People will get mad at us for saying we aren't voting. People will get mad at us saying who we're voting for. Yeah. They got mad at you. You wouldn't believe the vitriol hurled at this color, right?

People hate the set. People are mad at the set. They hate the set more than... I love it. Mama, they hate hate this more than, I love it. Mama, they hate this set more than like certain world wars. Why I saw on the pod, you were like, sorry, our set's ugly. Well, guess what? We love it. And I thought, well, I don't know why you're saying it's ugly. Cause I love it. Because we're ready for the, you know, why are they upset? I love that color.

Do your fans like you? Because our fans are ready at any moment to let us know exactly what they think. They've gone to the Netflix comments and said, ooh, love this red, thank God it's not blue. Oh, yeah. They've infiltrated the other areas of our content. Are they ever like, I hate moisturizer, bitch, or whatever they say to you? Oh, they were really mad at my Pantene commercial and I had to silence the comments because they were going,

oh, that's, it's bad for your hair. Well, number one, yeah, probably. Number two, I still used it. So I don't have a problem being in a commercial for something I actually use. Also, you looked so pretty. Thank you. Your hair is kind of your, I mean, your hair is so beautiful.

Do you always wear it very long like this? Oh, well, actually speaking of Pantene, they chopped my hair off for the commercial. Good for them. And so it took me a long time to grow it back. So they cut it like a lot, like this much. Bastards. So up to my breast.

Right, and it's good to have just enough to cover the nipple in case you want to go topless. I know, but they didn't make that much. They didn't make you go topless for Pantene. Interesting. That would be so funny. That would be great. That'd be like blurred out. Or like a hair bra. Yeah, That would be so funny. That would be great. That'd be like blurred out.

Or like a hair bra. Yeah, that would be a good hair commercial. But I think I'm allowed to talk about that now because I think it's over the campaign. But also, I'm not saying anything bad. I still use Pantene. I love Pantene. I would get paid for something, selling something I didn't even know. Except on this podcast.

Like you would never do that. Like, oh, you're going to love these grenades. You know what I mean? I just, yeah. Would you sell like a hair product that would make people's hair fall out? Yes. I'm bald. There is something I said no to a couple of years ago. They asked me to do a campaign for Jenny Craig.

For who? Oh, Jenny Craig. What does that mean? I want to know what the... I forgot. The email is probably like, Hey, girly. Hey, you pay plus size diva.

Hey, big ass bitch. Your tits are acid. There's no waste in sight. You love to sell this. We fucking love you, you fat bitch. Yeah. Fat diva. They're kind of saying like, you'd make a great before photo.

Oh, I know. They're kind of saying that. I know, and so what was sad is my manager called and was like, hey, this one's weird. It's a little weird. I've got that call. I remember being like, yeah, you know what I said, no. I actually think now I would do it as a joke.

Sorry, I would, but I think. I actually think now I would do it as a joke. Sorry, I would. But I think then I actually felt like, what if I'm encouraging like bad diet culture? Yeah, I mean, I've got recently there's been interest in me doing an anti-smoking thing. And I'm like, well, do I have to quit smoking? Oh, you're... I think I would think that's the cuts. Yeah, I think that's probably... That means they want you to stop.

I know. So they're saying they will pay you to stop. That could be horny. Mama, I'll tell you the details later. It's extremely horny. You should do it. You should quit. What if you really like it?

What if it really helps you? How are they going to know if I'm going to quit? Just sneak a couple here and there. You're smoking in secret? What are they going to, test my blood? This is the Catherine Heigl of the drag community. Yeah. Mama, somebody's got to smoke. I'm going to do it. Wait, that's interesting that you're getting offers for

non smoking when you do. They want to use the program to quit. They want to success. Okay. It's like, Oh, see that that snaggletooth orphan. And now she's a, you know, they wanted you to quit. They wanted me to lose a little bit of weight, but not that much. Notice they didn't ask you to quit meth. They were like, that's not going to take. All the hard drugs, that's fine. We just need that nicotine out of there. So if you're losing weight for money, you're quitting smoking for money, I hope that I

can perhaps grow hair or get boobs. Oh my God, you have big, big hair. Huge and curly like a perm. Like Ryan. Yeah. You need to be the face of the hair club for men, but the toupee, like the systems. Well, we've done that on this,

we've done hymns on this channel. No, no, I'm talking like an installed unit on your head. What do you think of the men with the units, the toupees, the wigs, the units? Like, are you talking about when they glue it down? Absolutely, yes. Or no? Oh, I think that, first of all,

I think it's hot when people are bald. Okay. Ooh. And so I don't know, like if I was dating someone that was gluing their hair, I'd just be like, why don't you not do it? Right, why go through the trouble? Yeah, cause like also imagine how uncomfortable

glue on your head all the time. But imagine the satisfaction of having a beautiful hairstyle. Well, yeah, I guess, I think wigs are fun though. So it's like, why not be bald and like put on a wig and not just glue it down? Yeah. I think it's the, they don't,

they really want to keep it secret. They don't want to be open about it. Well, when you see a guy with the toupee to me, do you remember that scene in Austin Powers where he's like, moly, moly, moly. And he like, cannot talk about the mole. When I noticed the hair is fake, the guy, whoever, the he, they is talking to me, whoever,

and they're nodding and talking to me, and I'm like, whatever they're saying, I can't hear, and all I can think of is grabbing it and pulling it. Or just pulling it down over their eyes. Yeah. Wait, do you guys think I could go full blonde and want to change everything for me? I think it would be a huge disaster.

No. What, they're just so gorgeous. Well, I actually feel like like I used to think like, oh, blonde would be everything. But I got a couple blonde highlights and I actually look better darker. Mama, you're I love you. Yeah. Oh, thank you. That means a lot to me. I think darker the better for me. Stunning brunettes. That's what we need in this world. Yeah, we need more brunettes.

You always do your own glam makeup. I know. But today I did. Does it look good? Yeah, we need more brunettes. You always do your own glam makeup. No, but today I did. Does it look good? Yeah, it looks great. I feel like your personal style with the makeup, have you, when did you start doing the wing? When did you like start doing that?

I will say, looking at old videos, people thought my makeup being bad was part of the character. And they'd be like, oh my God, the makeup, the way, like, I'm like, the makeup's not like, I had this on today and it was pretty bad. You should hear the shit drag queens say to us about the things we wear and do.

Yeah, they're like, I love how you just go out wearing anything, girl. Girl, you're just do you, girl. You're so funny. Are they kind of, I was gonna ask, like, I'm not good at roast jokes. Like, is that kind of what they're doing there? It's an unintentional, it's a backhanded compliment.

Yeah. Heavy on the back end. Like you come out in a gown and like be a gown. You're like, I'm this thing. And somebody goes, you are hilarious. And you go, oh, OK, good. There was someone that did that to me and Hannah. I won't say who, but at a photo shoot, she kept being like, oh, my god, you two are so funny.

We were like trying to model. And they were like, you guys don't even have to do anything. And you're cracking my ass up. And we literally looked gorgeous. Like we, I was like, I don't even know what we're doing wrong. And they, they shoot at one point she was like, come on, don't do that, Meg. And I was literally like posing like, you're like, I'm like, girl, stop. You need too much. I'll just do a normal face for once. And I'm like, girl, stop. You need too much. The curse of the funny girl. I'll just do a normal face for once. Yeah. And I'm like, so I get that.

Do you like doing photo shoots? I do, but like, I like it when it's... It's really good. Because you're gonna have to do them for a long time. So if you hate them. I do like it. I like it, but I don't want it to be like funny photo shoot. I just want it to be hot.

You don't want like a carry-over mouse. I'm not trying to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like during a photo shoot. Yeah, yeah. Like the cover of your comedy book. Like... Right. Right. That's how we feel.

Like we don't ever in the picture are like, you know what face I hate? Like in drag when it's always like that. I can't describe it as anything but like a brunch drag face. Like, I hate that shit. It's like the... Like I hate that shit. You never do that though. She does this.

Or sometimes with the mouth open. I struggle to find sexy every single time. You always look sexy. It's always a struggle. She walks out there. It's so bad. This is my sister. It's so bad.

I love her. She walks out there. She doesn't know what a camera is. She takes out her... Thick. I start banging it. She walks out there. She doesn't know what a camera is. She takes out her... ...thick. I start banging it against the table. During a photo... Are you talking about during a photo?

I just don't know what I'm doing. She goes on and panics. She goes on and goes, I don't know what to do. I literally, I'm like, I did the drag, I had the hair on, like I did it, now what? Yeah. Do they do the fans for your long hair? Do you like? I do like when they do that.

It makes me feel I get like really into it. I really do like a photo shoot. It's fun. Do you ever get like a really gay photographer who's like, yes, bitch, you fucking bitch. You're such a bitch. I actually don't know if I've had that. Do you get the gay guys? I wouldn't mind that.

I like that. It's great energy. Oh, if it's too much, then it makes me like, wait, wait, he's kidding, he's like laughing at me. Yeah. Do you get the gay guys yelling crazy shit at you? High gay. Oh. Yeah, I think high gay and-

Unavoidable. They'll, lately when people ask for a picture, I'm a little bit more distant because I think before I would talk and it like, it would be like, I'd feel bad for whoever I was with. Sure, yeah. So now I feel like I'm like, dead'd feel bad for whoever I was with. Sure. So now I feel like I'm like dead silent. Do you ever...

It's because I don't want to be rude to the person I'm with, not because I don't want to say hi. If I was alone, I would be saying hi, but I feel so awkward now because I'll be like quiet and just take the picture and I seem like a bitch, but I actually feel bad for whoever I'm with. Yeah. Do people get really specific like, can you do that yogurt thing or like,? Like, can you do that yogurt thing?

Or like, you know, can you do that, like, ask for a bit? I think people will ask, like, if it's an interview, then they'll be like, can you say hi, guy, into the camera? Okay. Right. They want you to start the video with like, yeah. But people don't really come up to me that much. Really? What I really understand is when you're with someone,

can I explain it? But when the person who wants the picture leaves, you feel like sorry. You feel like you were rude to your friend. I feel embarrassed too. I feel embarrassed. If it's in public, I feel like, because people don't know who I am, like at the airport.

They're like, who the fuck is that old fag? Like, why is that person famous? You know what I mean? And it just feels like embarrassing. Have you ever gotten this? Sometimes like an airplane, if someone like, here's a flight attendant, you know, will come up to the celebrities, whatever.

And the flight attendant will say hi, whatever, and take a picture. And then the someone's uncle who's in the seat next to you goes, all right, who are you? And they're kind of rude about it. And the guy did that to me. He's like, so what do you do? Because they recognize you. Yeah, because the flight attendant is like, oh my God, it's like they were freaking out.

Are you going to fuck me? Yeah. We're so happy on this flight. Oh, you know, crazy. Yeah. And then... It is embarrassing. I'm getting red just thinking about it.

It's embarrassing. I hate it. I had a... I used to do these Instagram lives during COVID, where I'd be dressed as like a flight attendant for an hour and just be alone and like losing my mind. And there as a flight attendant for an hour and just be alone and losing my mind. And there was a flight attendant one, and there was a couple flight attendants

once that came up to me and was like, we were all watching your video, which is embarrassing because I was pretending to be their job for an hour. It wasn't like smart, like it wasn't like- They're mad about the representation. You're like, we're not really like that. We don't serve hot nuts anymore, you bitch. Do the massage or chiro people love you doing the?

I've never met a massager. Thank God. Oh. I love when you massage these bitches. I don't meet massagers because I don't really get massages because they kind of scare me. I'm worried that they're going to crack my back and I'm going to be like not able to walk.

Don't go to a chiropractor, baby. I never will, not even if someone was forcing me to. The Drag Race queens love to, in exchange for like a skin treatment or a fake tooth or whatever they're doing, they will do like a, I love Dr. Meyer and he made me feel so comfortable. And then it's a video of that drag queen

you love getting her face ripped off, it's crazy. Or her ankles hobbled with a mallet. I can't tell how many of these fucking, these cross dressers, these crossies, I've seen laid on some table getting their neck like... I hate that. Did you do that? Get the neck cracked?

No, mama. And if I do, I'm gonna pay for it and not put it on the internet. I just did it. Free of charge. I don't ever want anyone to crack me. I don't want that. Especially the neck at the speed

and they're gonna twist your hand right off. Well, crack kills. Crack it. Everyone knows that. Didn't you say, I mean, not to be a super fan, but didn't you say on the podcast that you said something about, that you saw on the news that they were gluing teeth into people's mouths? Conti. Girl, I saw it on the news.

I started watching the news during my break. And you said chiropractors aren't real. You said that. Well, no, no, they're real. You said that. You said that. No, they're real. You said that. You said that. You said that. No, they're real. They're just not certified.

Well, I went to an osteopath who she said is also fake. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not fake. It's just not good. So the osteopath told me chiropractors have like a third of the training of an osteopath. It's like, he said, he said, listen, I'm not a doctor and they have like a third of my training.

So what do you think? It's like, damn. The woman who sells leggings in Santiali could do a better, just sort of a job, like cracking your neck. I got one of those wheel things you lay on the back, the rollers, that's like a, that's free chiropractic. Oh, hell yeah.

But I saw on the news, this guy in his house had a dentist chair and he was telling these women like, hey, it's $2,800, whatever. You fly down to Florida. I teach a few of your time how to install veneers. He's not a dentist, he's a technician. Do they know how to carve the teeth down,

you know, with the like shark teeth? No, they would take like a polymer stuff, whatever, and sculpt it onto the tooth and then cure it. And then because they're not dentists, it's illegal to do medical work on people. And I know you do that. So I just wanted to make sure you know that. I'm allowed to do medical work on people if I'm pretending to be a doctor. It's on people. And I know you do that. So I just wanted to make sure you know that. I'm allowed to do medical work on people

if I'm pretending to be a doctor. It's on Instagram. But I'm not saying I'm a real doctor and they are. Right. Right? But I should be allowed to operate on my friends. I agree. How are people that stupid? And also how does stupid people have that much initiative?

But why do people even want to put veneers on people unless you were a dentist? Because they're like, oh, you pay this flat rate and then you make money. It's like, make your own hours. There's easier ways, isn't there, to make money? Yeah, selling leggings. Just get rich or die. Do you know my worst boyfriend worked for the Luluru place?

Lularoe. Sorry, that documentary of the really bad leggings that are moldy leggings. He used to do the designs and they were so ugly. Yes. What other horrible traits did he have? Oh, he wore fake eyeglasses so he'd stand out more in an improv group, like to be the glasses guy.

Oh, I love that shit, love that shit. Yeah, he was really, really annoying. What else I wish we had here? You know, improv shit, they have like a wig wall. Wig wall. With like bad wigs, you just put them on and now I'm this train conductor, you know. They do that in an improv factory.

Yeah, I remember at Comedy Sports Milwaukee, there's like a box of wigs. You just grab the wig, now I'm the babysitter. Cause sometimes wigs make people feel like, now I'm a new character. But don't you have, you have a bunch of wigs. Yeah, but they're all Trixie wigs. Yeah.

Oh. You have to have a box of random wigs that's like right at the front door of your apartment. I want like homely wigs. You should get you should get some and wear them around. I am bald. It is one nice thing about being bald. You can put on a helmet or a hat or a wig and then it's not a hat hair reveal. Yeah.

Wait, say that again. When you have hair and you wear like a bike helmet, you have a dent in your hair. Oh yeah. I just have a dent in my skull. Well, you know, I can't really wear hats. It gives me a headache. Really? Even a hat like how you're wearing.

Even a soft plushie? Yes, I don't know what it... I think it's more like... And I can't really wear sunglasses that give me a headache. It must be like a pressure point thing. How old are you? How old do you think? I think you look extremely...

Very young. 34. Wow. How old did you think? 21. 22. No, come on. You could easily pass for 22. Really?

I think so. You look like a teeny little girl. Well, sometimes I will be like, can I still play like a 21 year old because I want to be able to play that. Absolutely. I think so, right? Absolutely. You're 34.

Thank you. You could play a junior in high school. Really? Yep. Okay. Sophomore even. That makes me feel good because I don't want to give up those roles yet. Yeah, fuck those Disney kids who are so hungry for them. Yeah. Do you think you would have been a good Disney

like child actor? I wanted to so bad act when I was little and I think it's really good I didn't. I was actually really bad at improv when I first started. Like I was like 22 and I would come out in the scenes and like kill everyone or like. Like Michael Scott. Yes, I was like Michael Scott. Oh my God. He always has a gun. You drag out your dog. I think I was always, I always felt like I was funny, but I don't think I like wanted to follow the rules and I wasn't like, uh, experienced

enough to not do it. Have you ever seen the comeback? I love it's my favorite show. So she does improv, remember? And her friend is like, I work in a cave and she's like, I have cancer. Yeah, that was the case. And the instructor's like, there's some things that don't just play as funny. Love that shit.

I always went for the joke. I didn't care how many times the teacher told me not to. I know I did, the first three sessions I did improv, like I had to consciously not say AIDS. So you wanted to be the Michael Scott. I just wanted to scream AIDS. It's not funny though, and it just took a while for me to not get that.

But y'all are comedians, don't you feel? No, we're models. You're models, but also don't you feel like you're comedians? If you were a comedian or improviser,'d be a comedian I would never call myself a Comedian well we met you at a comedy festival a lot of times. I do feel like we are the funny We're the special interest hire We're sort of the we get hired for our looks and sometimes we're running and we get to meet comedians We like like you like comics and Santa people and we feel like oh my god

We met them can't believe we're here because we only meet other comics, like comedy people at stuff like that. Really? Cause that's how we feel about y'all are like the stars. You're like the headliners. To what? For that festival that I saw you at, you were like the headliners. But that was, I think they went bankrupt.

You're like the stars, like everyone's trying to go to your show. Stop saying that. We're going to get, like everyone's trying to go to your show. Stop saying that, we're gonna get so, we're gonna start killing people. I think like we could, we've each done like, like one woman shows, like monologues and stuff. It's not like, like on a, on a, on a weeknight in LA, we're not like going to do a set. And I can't do set up punchline.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. You're just so naturally funny. No, I'm just gorgeous. And gorgeous. And sometimes it gets funny. But that's the thing you all also, you're of course gorgeous, both of you, but also you're so naturally funny and in improv, I guess a lot of comedians do improv, but when

you're learning improv, they're telling you not to go for the joke. Like it's not about being funny. Like what is it about? It's about like creating this, the group, the mind meld scene. Sounds like a Star Trek convention. Are the leaders of these groups ever funny? reading the group's mind-melve scene. Sounds like a Star Trek convention. Are the leaders of these groups ever funny? It's sort of like how in theater the worst dressed people are in costuming.

You're like, that bitch is making my outfits. What are we talking about? And the improv instructors are like, well, I've been doing it 40 years. Career hasn't quite taken off yet though. I'm like, well. Yeah. Lever my shift to Dungan Dungans. I had a teacher kick me out of a show because I was being too funny,

like going for the joke and like, I wasn't doing a good job, but I was doing standup and he was like, you can't keep doing standup and then taking these short form improv classes, like either take mine or you have to leave the show. And then it was like, it was a Shakespeare improv show and I didn't know Shakespeare and I just wanted to perform

so bad. Shakespeare improv. I was really bad. I know, I didn't know how to talk like the Shakespeare people. I would just like poison everyone in the show and like try to be funny. Who doth from out of town? He made me leave. And my mom messaged him and was like, you got rid of rising star Megan Salter, and me and my friends are not coming back to the theater. And he was like, is this your mom? And I was like, yeah. How old were you?

I was like 22. Work. He was like, you need to have your mom apologize or you can't take classes here anymore. I love it. Does your family love watching you on the TV and all that? Yeah. That's good.

You have a role that's so good. You're not like, you know, imagine, you know, like Margaret Qualley often is just totally butt naked. It's tough for a family to watch. So if somebody hadn't seen the show, like tell them about your character, the people who are listening, if they don't know. OK, well, what's your favorite thing about Kayla?

Well, I like that there's that part where you're like at this desk and you're like, I have a phone. Gotcha. That does sound like something I'd say in the show. It does several times. I know you haven't seen it, but that does sound like it. I hope I don't want to flatter you, but my only recollection of seeing it was you. Well, that means a lot to me. And I'm telling the cast, you said, shut up.

No, I mean, can I, I got asked to come to the premiere and I don't know how I got on the list. And I didn't go because I was like, I haven't seen it. You're going gonna like it. And I'm gonna feel. Hannah and Jean are so incredible. Paul would be funny. I'm literally doing like fan fiction porn of hacks online and I can't get an invite or even a retweet.

You listen to the pod, if you listen to the pod, you know she talks about hacks all the time. I know that you, it means a lot to us that you love hacks. It really does. And also I have Damien, you know, what's his name? What's his name? Damien. Yes. Yeah. Yes. We were together in the celebrity drag thing. Oh my God. He looks so hot. Yes. He looks so hot in the drag.

Yeah. And he's so hot as a guy and such a great actor. Yes. He's so funny. Hannah Einbinder is such a fucking good dramatic actor too. She is. And that was like her first acting job. I've known her in stand-up for a long time, but she's so good. Her and Jean are so much chemistry. It's like, can you imagine, you're what, 30 years old, 35, and you're having your first gig with this legend?

I think Hannah's only like 27. I feel like when she started, she was like 25 maybe in the school. And they are so good together. It's crazy that she's aged two years in that like 10 year period. Yeah. Yeah, wait, how old is she? Hannah? I feel like it started when she was 24, so she's probably 28. Yeah, that makes sense.

Like, Jean's like in her late 60s? She's so powerful and like so funny. So fucking funny. She was so good on SNL. She was. She was so good. She's so good in everything. She's been in everything. She's one of those people who are like, wow, she's in everything. Also, she was in Watchmen, Mare of Easttown, and Hacks at the same time.

Yeah, what were they calling it? Genesence or something? Yeah. What were they calling it? It should be more than that. It should be like the Gina Gettin. It's like so fierce. Sheettin. Yeah, so fierce She's such a full big career Like she's always been able to work and I thought she was the most beautiful and designing women

I was beautiful, but I love the bond one, which was her I always feel bad mentioning how beautiful someone is on TV because I feel like I only you know But men or women on TV if they're hot we just puke it out. We're like gorgeous Yeah, fuck them if it's guys were like I'd fuckke it out. We're like, gorgeous. Yeah. I'd fuck them. If it's guys, we're like, I'd fuck them. I'd fuck them. We should say that, though. It's OK. Not everyone is hot.

No, and ugly people should know their place. You know how, like, everyone's beautiful, but they're not. But that's OK. It's not that important. You got to be hot. It's OK. It's like, let the hot people be hot. There's so many other men who are hot.

No they're hot. Oh hot, right. Well, that's the new ugly hot thing. The ugly hot thing. Yeah. Well, it's like... But you can't mention it because it's insulting. Well, it's not...

It's like, we should be positive about people. Like everyone has something to offer to the world, but not everyone is hot. Like not everyone needs to be. And some people are hot and funny, like us. Right, like the Christina Aguilera song, I felt like gave a lot of people a bad impression, a wrong impression. I am beautiful.

No matter what they say. It's like, well. We shouldn't call people ugly, but some people are. Exactly. I think that's a good place to end. I think that's a strong message. I mean, I really agree. Oh great, everyone's gonna be mad at us for saying that. Well, guess what? It's not good place to end. I think that's a strong message. I mean, I really agree. Everyone's going to be mad at us for saying that.

Well, guess what? It's not that important to be hot. What's important is that you're kind. And also, if you're offended, you're ugly. But you know what? You have great socks. People that are hot will be going, of course. Body positive, I'm positive that not everyone is hot. Right. I am positive that your body is disgusting. But it's not that important.

No. I brought you this piece of soap. Did you really? No, you just got this. I think I gifted it to you last week. I brought you some gum. Wait, this is just a random thing. I can't really have it, right? I bought that.

For me, come on. You didn't. You bought it for me, didn't you? I bought it for you two weeks ago. You guys were giving me this soap, so I stopped telling people me. Come on. You didn't you bought it for me. Didn't you? I bought a few two weeks ago. You guys are giving me the soap So I stopped telling people that they're ugly, but I just don't want I Don't want my point to not get across. It is not important to be hot to be hot It's not going to be kind. Yes to take care of each other. Yeah to know the Lord. Yes I talk about God on every podcast. It's not important to everyone to be hot. Everyone's beautiful in their own way, of course. Everyone's... You're on my page, but you're kind of like,

oh, we might end this out. No, no, no, no. I think y'all are hot and funny. And a lot of people are hot and funny. I don't think you have to be like, you know how people are like, oh, funny people aren't hot. That's not true. Like most people that are funny to me are hot. I feel like that about drag. I feel like if you know, if your main thing is comedy, you still should try to look good. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Just because you can tell a joke doesn't mean you need to look like the cat's ass. But don't you feel like back in the day a little bit, like drag queens, if they were comedy, it was horrible. Like shitty body, like your body ain't got no shape.

You know what? You bring up a good point because like doing your makeup and dressing well can change someone that's not that hot to hotter. Absolutely. I go from Mr. Burns to Julia Roberts. Yeah. Well, I think you're always Julia Roberts. Thank you. Especially right now.

But I don't think I've always felt hot, but I always felt beautiful. Everyone's beautiful. Not everyone's hot. Well, what's the difference between hot and beautiful? I think how you feel about yourself and the way you're doing your hair and makeup. I think I'm backtracking. I think you're... I would know I haven't taught.

No, honestly, I think being categorically, classically not hot, beautiful or whatever, isn't going to actually stop you from people thinking you're hot. People thinking you're hot has really nothing to do with you. Oh, you could be hot and not beautiful. Right.

Yeah, you could be someone classically beautiful, like by the books. There's not that many people that are like, whoa, so stunning, but a lot of people are hot because of the way they feel about themselves, carry themselves, and then they are more beautiful. And then there are people that are ugly and it doesn't matter.

I mean, I have fucked so many hot, ugly people. Oh my God, of course. They are more beautiful. And then there are people that are ugly and it doesn't matter. I mean, I have fucked so many hot, ugly people. Oh my God, of course. Ugly sex can be the hottest. I'm actually not that... Well, my girlfriend now is very traditionally gorgeous, but I'm not... Like you know, like when I was dating men, I was never attracted to like really built like traditionally beautiful men.

Like Glenn Powell. Looks don't super... Every time I've had like a boyfriend in my life, I will say like, looks don't super matter to me. And they're always like. Yeah, great. So I'll just go back to my ogre cave. But they don't matter to me that much.

They really don't. No. But you're lying because you're, all of your boyfriends you have found extremely hot and sexy. I guess, yes, I guess. Yeah. I want to be attracted to them.

My girlfriend now is really hot, but I think, but she has an amazing personality. She's so funny. So it happened that way. But like when I first started dating, I wasn't dating like, I was so just interested in people's personalities. I really wasn't dating like,

not to say anything mean about you when I dated besides the Lularoo guy. Was he a heterosexual person? He was straight, but- Did he design leggings for Lularooowe? He did like the, the, um, like graphics. A graphics for a straight, scammy, graphic, legging guy? He was so annoying. Yeah. He was really annoying. But he wasn't, to me, I wasn't like attracted to his, like, his looks really.

It was like more of the vibe when I first started dating. He was very like, I want to take you out gorgeous. And I was like really young. attracted to his looks really. It was more of the vibe when I first started dating. He was very like, I wanna take you out gorgeous. And I was really young, so I thought that was cool, I guess. Do you think he would come on the pod? Yeah. Is he single? Do you think he's still single?

You're gonna have all your exes right in a consecutive row after this. I will say something I've never said is he used to date people that looked like his sister. Oh, love that. Well, I think that's a good place to stop. We're huge fans of incest here, and so are you. Thanks for coming on the pod.

I love you guys. Love you so much. Wait, do you have a middle name? Marie. Marie. I love what you do. A lot of people have Marie as a middle name. Marie or Elizabeth.

Or Elizabeth. I love what you do, and I'm going to watch your show so I can say that I love everything you do. It means a lot to me. I think you'll like it. I'm the last person who hasn't seen it, so I'm ready to go. You'll especially love her and Jimmy, the chemistry is electric. Oh, I always think it'd be funny if they hooked up on the show. Yes, or if you, like you said, if you get shot at the beginning of each episode,

that'd be funny. But that's you going for the joke. That'd be funny if I get shot in the episode, but I don't want my character to die. I want it to be like, it's funny that she gets shot. She ends up in the hospital. She's fine. You know? It's surprising. Do you remember an American Horror Story,

Coven, Miss Sibideh has that thing where when she gets hurt, it happens to the other person. Oh yeah. Maybe you can have that with your character. We should introduce some sort of magic. Yeah. Now you're dead. Hacks need some supernatural lore.

I think that'd be so fun to do in season four. Hacks, yes, exactly. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thanks for having me. Do you have anything to promote? Well, let's see, well, my movie, Koribora, is out on Amazon, and that's really exciting. Well, congratulations on all your, like,

you have enormous success. It's a heart, you're such a down-to-earth wonderful person. And you're so pretty. I don't know if that, we just talked about people not, but know you're so pretty too. I know people will be mad at what I said, but I'm actually trying to bring awareness to it's not that important. Your looks are not important. It's not the important thing about you. No, the important thing is the blue in the background. That's what's really important. Okay. Bye. Goodbye. Bye!