The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Proper Posterior Grooming Techniques with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

As you might imagine, ridding your bottom of pesky hair follicles is not just a laborious task, but can also require extensive acrobatics and a bit of body contortion. We here at Bald, LLC recommend a multi-mirror system to achieve full visibility upon spreading your cheeks. Additionally, we also advocate for the use of a teammate if possible, because as with most things, the more hands involved in this process the better. Once you have achieved excellent sight-lines, apply a moisturizing gel or foam, grab a very sharp razor, and start from the inside out. Begin on the left and right sides, followed by the front and back, and then proceed along the skin lines as you use extra caution when close to the holy of unholies. Once done, rinse your undercarriage with warm water, thoroughly apply a moisturizer to prevent razor burn, and then head out to the club with the extreme self-confidence that only a freshly-shorn bottom can bring. Godspeed, friends. Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 to get 50% off your first box. Factor Meals! Ready in just 2 minutes, no prep, no mess! Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.BetterHelp.com/BALD to get 10% off your first month and get on your way to being your best self! Start shopping and saving now! Go to https://www.rakuten.com now or download the Rakuten App today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our latest book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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So, it is a hard song to sing. This song goes out to all the children and also their mothers yes that was supposed to be celine dion i i got it i got it it is a hard song to sing it is a hard song hello canada well here we are again we are going to stand outside at this festival and i'm going to sing this song i don't drink any milk because the mucus that was not saline that was i don't know fun that was saline saline that was saline saline dianne saline dijon it was saline dijon um love to love to go to canada oh my god it's our friends to the north it's like a bizarre version of america where people um are nice well i'm not saying they don't have their problems. Looking at you, Justin Trudeau.

They don't have as many shootings and stuff. No, but they have a lot of snowplow accidents. And people love to be like, in Canada, we don't lock their doors. People who don't lock their doors don't tell people about it. I don't even lock my doors. I know. I only started saying it after I started locking. Yes.

Yeah. God. Mama. Mama. Sweetie, darling. Honey. Can I talk to you about something? What?

The locking, the door, doors, locking them. Hey, what's up with that? All my doors have locks on them. What's up with that? Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. We're talking about boo, boo, boo, boo, boo,'s up with that talking about key codes like um these locks that are like they can be accessed remotely love it um yeah when they work i have doorbird and when somebody today's episode is brought to you by door no i have doorbird and when we have

a package and i'm not home i see a camera of who's there i see a guy with a package and i go hi you can come on in and leave at the door. And they go, thank you. The door unlocks. They walk in. I can see them leave the package and leave. So you could be in San Francisco. Anywhere.

Belgium. Belgium. Canada. Belgique. Belgique. France! Remember that lady yelling France? Canada.

That scared the shit out of me. Belgium! Turkey! France! What was she going through? I think she was excited. Because, you know, when you talk about the vocal tract, it's all smooth muscle. And smooth muscle like that can be very involuntary.

Smooth muscle is by nature involuntary. Because everything gets heightened and clenched. Which is why people are singing and they're nervous. They clench. That happens to me all the time on stage. I know. I clench and then I crack and then it's a whole thing. I clench and I crack.

But then the audience loves you. I received an insane compliment this morning. What? Can I tell you? Sure. Can I celebrate a success on the pod? Hold on. Let me just.

Can you for one second not dog pile on me and let me have one thing? Can I just crack my drink? Yeah. Get it. Hold on. That's my favorite color Red Bull, the yellow one. Was it called pineapple or mango or tropical? Sip it.

Tell us how it tastes. Hold on. I love the yellow one. Ambergris. The best is when someone goes. Liquid gold. Did you want sugar free? I said, what are we doing here? Mama, if you also

sucked dick with a condom on. Thank you. Like that's what's happening. That is the perfect. That is it. Do you suck cock with a condom on? That is it. That is it. That is the perfect analogy. I talked about this in one of my shows. Diet Coke, sugar

free Red Bull. Why don't you get that big schlong out here and double bag it before you... Not Diet Coke. That's different. Diet Coke's lovely because sometimes

you want that little burn without all that sugar. Okay. I don't drink normal Coke. I think that's disgusting. Diet. Okay. Diet.

Diet. Dietina. I don't know about Miss Diet. Have you ever seen, you know Delta Work Yeah She has her podcast Very Delta

And she'll have guests on And they'll talk about Diet Coke versus Diet Pepsi Oh my And when someone says They prefer Diet Pepsi Her eyes You

Get out of here She says it She'll go Now tell me why Just tell me why You prefer it I'm just curious It's like she's on the verge

Of gunning them down Yeah yeah yeah Any last words Before I strangle you to death Yeah There's one person I don't want just curious. It's like she's on the verge of gunning them down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any last words before I strangle you to death? Yeah. There's one person that I want mad at me. Diet Pepsi is diabolical.

Diet Pepsi is diabolical. What's going on with that? The fruits of the devil. What's going on with that? I'm already mad about Pepsi and now you're gonna give me diet? Mama, you might as well just

get that dead cat and squeeze its fucking mung juice. Mung it. Mung it right into this mouth. Mung it into my ma. Yeah. Mung, mung. Mung, mung, mung, mung, mung, mung juice. Mung it. Mung it right into this mouth. Mung it into my ma. Yeah. Mung, mung.

Mung, mung, mung, mung, mung, mung. I talked about this in one of my shows, but. Wait, where's the compliment? Where's the compliment? I'll get to it. But one time at the doctor, the doctor said, are you having sex? And I said, no, just oral. And the doctor said, well, oral sex is sex.

And I said, well, if oral sex is sex, I guess what's been happening to my assholes on murder suicide. I don't know what to tell you. I'm not sucking cock with a bag over it, bitch. You think I grave robbed to look at the jewelry? Like, if we're going to do it, let's do it. I know. I don't.

Come in my mouth and give me the fucking full fat Red Bull, bitch. Thank you. I don't. I don't. I don't fix my mouth to that corpse's butthole. I have my friend jump on the stomach, not just pull away at the last minute, honey. I get all that mung up in there. Get the mung.

Forever mung. And eternally wonderful. Forever mung. Forever mung. Yeah. Woke up to a compliment. Tell me about it. Woke up to a compliment.

What happened? I have, I'm text friends with Sia, the artist Sia. Okay. She loves drag. Music Sia. World famous musical icon singer, wig wearer. Yeah, yeah. She's watching Trixie Motel and she told me, she said, who wrote the theme song? I love

it. I said, I did. To save us some money. And then she said, maybe it actually, you know, now that it's coming out, it might be a read. She was like, if you guys do a season two, let me know. I would love to help with the song. So maybe it's actually turning into a read. But I think it was a compliment.

But I'm obsessed with reading bad movie reviews. I love it. That's why I love the whale. Every piece of the, every, you know, even. People don't like the whale? No. But why does it win awards well that's a great question well first of all it's payola and second of all it's it's an academy

it's it's a an academy of um it's drag pageants it's it's saying it's her year politically exactly it's a ghoulish incestuous political machine that we don't really know how it works. And it's just like, ugh. Didn't RuPaul present at the Oscar? No, RuPaul presented at the Emmys, played the Emmy. Do you remember when RuPaul played the Emmy? Yes, with Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was fabulous.

Playing the Emmy. Mama, that's better than getting the Emmy. Well, you know who was close to that? Emmy Rossum. Of course. And she thought, well, I'm Emmy. It's a shoe-in. And then RuPaul said, actually, not really.

Not really. RuPaul came in about six feet taller than her. And stomped that little bitch like a bug. Put that shoe right on her throat. Have you ever seen the movie Anaconda with Jennifer Lopez? I sure the fuck have. And guess where I watched it? At Margaritaville.

When you were doing Trixie Motel? Margaritaville. Yep. At the bar, eating a steak, a horrible steak. I was at the bar glued to the TV for two fucking hours watching anaconda. Anaconda. Love that when you came to drink, came to film Trixie Motel,

I had COVID and you didn't get it. Do you remember that? I like got COVID the next day. I was, I feel so in retrospect, I felt like such a fucking asshole because I was sure I had it uh-huh because i was in bed with you tongue kissing you yeah you know i mean i was like there's no way i don't have it but you can't get it from fucking yourself with my foot that's true with acrylics on my toes do people get acrylic

toenails is that stupid no they do they sure for the fuck do do people do press-on toenails absolutely of course they do i bought them I have worn them many a time. I bought them as a last resort because of the thumbnail not being big enough. I was going to say, yeah, you can use a thumb. You can use a toe for a thumb. And sometimes I'll use the baby toenails as like a jewelry. And if I feel like I find, if I, if I'm breathing on my nose too much, I put them up. I just block.

I use a little block here. When you're straight guys. And then I have to just mouth breathe for the rest of the day. So I get my lips nice and dry. Yeah. I got to shave my ass. Oh my God. I just did that last night. Well, there's always this like, there's this, this period where it's long and you would

think, God, how can your body be bald up here, but grow six foot long toothbrush bristles out of this region. I'm going to talk to Bob Hoskins, right? Talk to Bob Hoskins. And I do. You do. I three-way text him with Sia. Me, Sia, and Bob Hoskins.

So you shaved your asshole. No, I need to. Because it gets to the point where it's Stephen King's In the Tall Grass. Oh my God. And I'm Patrick. Well, I'm not even Patrick Wilson. I'm like. You're the tall grass.

I'm the tall grass. Yeah, yeah. You're that rock. Then I have to, if I'm going'm gonna shave it it's usually because for like a week i'll go like i'm gonna do some bare legs drag shit so if i'm gonna cut it i might as well shave everything i agree so then i'll shave everything and then for like two weeks i'll wear one pair of tights and feel my judge actually i can get a few weeks in with just like her that short bristles and nobody knows absolutely but for that first like week or so when everything shaved to the skin it's pussy cuntina mc hi there's like an eight hour period where you're like am i butter is my whole body butter you get in the sheets and you're like did

i piss or that's just what sheets feel like on your legs wait a minute is that a fuck is that a wet pussy is that a wet fuckable pussy oh shit am i having a period right now yeah my labia are puffy right wet wet this clit is throbbing red purple throbbing purple purple purple i gotta squeeze it like a fucking concord grape put it in a juicer bitch put it in a ninja put my clit in a ninja clit in the ninja so then you shave it and then everything's and then there's the dark period which is sort of like a six-day period where everything's bristling and new it's it's things are things are ingrown or not ingrown things are red because when you cut a hair strand and it grows out it's growing out sharp because you sliced the hair at an angle.

I mean, any hairstylist will tell you, you can get slivers from people's hair. Oh, absolutely. Power your scale with no preset spending limit. Redefine possible with Business Platinum. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Terms and conditions apply. Visit amex.ca slash businessplatinum. Get ready to uncover your potential with the all-new LG Gram Pro laptop. Staying as light as a gram, this powerhouse is here to elevate your workflow.

Powered by Intel Core Ultra Processor with AI-adhanced capabilities, you can keep your cool and stay in control of your work with advanced power dual cooling. Welcome to the pro life with LG Gram Pro. Experience the power of pro. Get your LG Gram Pro today. Pro, anytime, anywhere. So then I got to wait like a few weeks for it to grow to that like porn length where you have hair everywhere, but it's this long. Yeah. I then I gotta wait like a few weeks for it to grow to that like porn length where you have hair everywhere but it's this long. Yeah. I suppose I could like namaste on the floor and just

buzz it with a lawnmower. So here's what you gotta do. You gotta do, you gotta buzz, um, every, like you only wanna shave the hole. Cause the butthole's hard. The butthole is like not going to the butthole, around the butthole itself is not, not gonna get. Youole, around the butthole itself is not going to get.

You don't want that razor. You don't want that Gillette Mach 3 up against your hole. Oh, no. Yes, you do. You do? Au contraire, honey. But then it's going to grow in all sharp and crazy. No, no, no, no, no.

What you want to avoid is doing that on the cheeks around the hole. Because that's where the real, that's where a hammer time comes in. That's where the danger begins. Because that's where you're sitting down. You're not sitting on your asshole. You feel it. When you sit on a freshly shaved ass a few days later,

you're like, oh, is that razors? Oh, yeah. Am I sitting on a bunch of needles? Because I tossed in a vat of needles. Mary,

I got a movie for you if you love Saw. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. I'm not done yet. You got to go get,

got to get your fucking hole sugared. Sugar waxed, baby. Sugar walls. And can they do that at like Trejo's Donuts? They do it at Trader Joe's from three to five. Interesting. Happy hour. In the wine section. The sampling. You have to go like this.

No, but no, seriously. And apparently it's a less painful, more effective form of waxing. I mean, what you really want to do is electrology, electrolysis, laser. But I like having a hairy butt. Well, there you go. So why don't you— I don't want Rolls-Royce car wash. I think of those big flapping, turning things.

I just want AstroTurf. You know what I mean? I want a nice, flapping turning things. I just want astroturf. You know what I mean? I want like a nice uniform short hair. I want to be a short hair domestic cat. Yes. You want to be a short hair chihuahua down there. I don't want a hairless sphinx. Right.

I don't want one of those scrunchy face long hair. No. I want a domestic short hair. Easy. You buzz with a clipper. The cheeks, if there's anything there, up in the crack of the cheeks. But then the whole, you can shave with a Bic smooth. So that your man friend can enjoy doing.

You think I'm using a Bic on my butthole? No offense to Bic. No, a Gillette. Mock three. Gillette, mock three, comfort, grip, honey. Absolutely. Chic, ultra glide. Or I'm not going to lie, those Manscaped, when they made those shorthanded razors for when you're doing close shapes.

Oh, sure. Nice little shorthanded razor for the head. I tried. So this fun fact, you know, that my little skull shaver, the bubba da bubba da bubba da. Are your thoughts changing on it? No, not up here. No, I'm squarely on board still.

You tried to do it. Where did you try to do it? Well, let me tell you where I tried to do board still you tried to do it where did you try to do it well let me tell you where i tried to do it i tried to do it on my derriere and it worked in the sense that it got it got like it was like smooth on the cheeks but then irritation but then an evil started irritation yeah there was um you know it it was like the calm before the storm. And then in the eye of the storm, there was nothing but pure evil. I can't use one of those.

My grandpa's used it with like the three circles. Yeah. That's what that is. That makes my face itch. Like you couldn't believe. Yeah. I think you're, you have to get acclimated to that.

There's like a, I don't have that kind of time. I don't need their mama. Fuck that shit. Plus get in the shower. All the hairs go down the drain. If you are male or a hairy person and you're shaving your face and you're using electric shavers those pieces fly everywhere your bathroom gets disgusting in two seconds no no no they go inside the electric shaver you hope no no they do well i mean on this one anyways

are you working for the government i'm working for the fbi right it seems like you're kind of insider trading here am i gonna find out that you own like 51 of some butthole shaver company you think i own 51 of anything mary no but it's so true but the um so i i did shave my asshole for the very expressed reason that is, I fucking shoved a huge ass fucking double, not double dong, but a dildo up there again. Lovely.

And why do you need the hair gone to do that? Oh, because it's just, it's hygiene. It's also, it's priming the pump. Yeah, it's priming the pump. I like it to be, I like to feel,

you know, fresh and clean and ready and sensual and erotic and all that stuff. Owning a home is a gateway to becoming yourself. Owning a home is a gateway to becoming yourself. Because living alone is fine. But then you got neighbors. You got a landlord.

Owning. That's when you piss on the floor in your own house. What did I talk about? I know. I threw away the shorts today, though, because I realized I left them in there and they smell like pee pee. That'll happen. Yeah. I want to talk to you about this.

So I got my two jeweled butt plugs. Uh-huh. One is very heavy. One is not. Now, do you like, why? Can I just, I don't want to be close-minded. Then don't be. Do people like the,

do you like the look of someone turning around a little fucking, a little fucking troll jewel poking out of their ass? Mommy, there's nothing little about this jewel, honey. Girl, this is not. This is the hope diamond. This isn't Gring this isn't this is the jewel of the ocean the jewel of the nile this is the heart of the ocean it's like the hope diamond it's like that big girl it's

a hopeless diamond it's a no hope diamond wait what color it's a conflict it's a blood diamond when you pull it out it's a blood diamond well i have ab so in the light one the hot like the they're all stainless steel ab crystal is the light one but then the heavy one she's about mama she's like three pounds shit it's solid solid steel heavy we're like oh if it hits the fight one day i was had in there for a little too long i stood up to go do something i forgot wait a minute how long are you leaving it in there? Is this sex related? Absolutely.

But I, is this stupid? I had it in there while I was working out. Is this stupid? Do people do that? Do people do that outside of sex to like stretch their bottle? Ask Winnie mama. Ask.

Oh, to stretch. But why are you doing it outside of the sex environment? Cause a, it's titillating. B all the time. It's the right. No, not all the time. I don't do it to the grocery environment? Because A, it's titillating. B, it's the right. No, not all the time. I don't do it to the grocery store.

I do wear it to the gas station. No, but I like, I had, so I had it in. Okay. Let me just paint the picture real quick. Paint something. Clarify. I had it in my butt. Do, do, do, do, do.

Boo. Okay. Then I was like, ah, I'm going to go downstairs and work out. So I kept it in there. And it was an interesting experience. Cause this was a heavy one. So it was kind of like, um, it was kind of like,

uh, the, the sphincter, you know, the jade egg. It was like, yeah, the noni egg,

the pelvic floor, uh, toning. And it was like funny. Cause I, I, I sneezed at one point, you know what happened?

The shootout. Yeah, the shootout. It hit the ground like an anchor. It hit the ground like a fucking scud missile over Baghdad. Crazy. So when people say like, you know, the old ball and chain, for you it's. It's the old jeweled butt plug. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck. But it's great though. But anyway, so. Magnetic? I get that. No, magnetic. Is it real metal? Do I have iron in my ass?

Is it metal? It's stainless steel. But I could stick a magnet to it. It's stainless steel but i could stick a magnet to it it's stainless steel i could stick a refrigerator magnet to it you could pull it on my ass with a fucking acme magnet like in looney tunes that's what i'm talking about all right you think i okay so you think you control me you could control me someone has to apparently we need to reel you in you've said you know what hold on i become a vascular 47 year old bottom and i'm going to start with kitchen appliances bigger than, you know what? I'm going to become a vascular 47-year-old bottom and I'm going to start with kitchen appliances.

Bigger than this. I know we talked about this before. I'm trying to, I'm trying to, bigger than, uh. What about the Chipotle candle?

It's a little smaller than that. A little thinner this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was in your butt? In my butt, and not only in my butt, feeling lovely, gal. I see,

you know what I see for you? Magda. Something about Maryary by the way you want to talk movies that i haven't seen in a while that some of the material shocked me yes i do there's something about mary what is it about mary that happened what doesn't happen in that movie by the way what's matt dylan Matt Dillon Really? Wild Things? You've seen Wild Things?

No Well mama You will nut for Wild Things It's got your girl Nevin there And Denise Richards Bitch Oh I got a one Is that the one We're on the front

They're in the pool Les Be friends Something about Mary Wait wait She They come in the hair Well first of all

Cameron Diaz as Mary Is just, oh my god It's a movie where Everyone's in love with her And of course they are She's so amazing She's very magnificent And I love Ben Stiller

And I love Matt Dillon And Brett Favre is in it The guy from Schitt's Creek Who plays Eugene Levy? No, their neighbor Roland Pookie Robinson?

Roland From Schitt's Creek um Tiki Chris Elliott's in it Oh Chris oh good very funny um Harland free it was last name is maybe Harland Williams he's a Canadian comedian who was in the movie Rocket Man he's in it's a great cast um I'll just say that uh Cameron Mary's brother has Down syndrome and that's fodder throughout the film. Granted, everybody who makes that fodder is being portrayed as a bad person.

Okay. It's not good people making these, like, it's a, I was like, I haven't seen this movie in like 15 years. I was like, Oh,

movies were different. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I told you when I was at that screening of the 25th anniversary of Hairspray

and Ricky Lake throws the R word I've never seen a crowd more pin drop silent like a

hush went over the crowd it was wild wild but again good thing it's good to be like that's horrible

one thing we don't do that anymore by the way speaking of hairspray Nina West invited me Nina West invited me to the Dolby Theater

to come see the LA premiere of Hairspray on May 2nd April 2nd interesting I'm gonna go in

love Hairspray invited David Silver he said he'd go so David Silver put on the movie the other day we gotta talk about fucking John Travolta bitch I haven't seen that movie in. We got to talk about fucking John Travolta, bitch.

I haven't seen that movie in so long. I haven't seen that Travolta in that movie. I haven't seen the one with spray. I've seen the OG hairspray. Of course. You've never seen the, the, the musical with Michelle Pfeiffer, John Travolta. No, no. I would.

There's so much good. Blonsky. Yes. First of all, Nikki Blonsky is incredible. It kills it. Yeah. She's amazing. She's hilarious.

She's funny. Her voice is beautiful. She absolutely kills it. I mean, I know she's not exactly winning a primetime emmy in 2023 whatever but if you're gonna have a major career moment she turned that movie great she turned that movie let's talk about miss michelle piper gorgeous she plays a horrible racist on a 60s television you know love it i think she's the blondie Debbie Harry role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's amazing.

The wigs in this movie, amazing. The wigs are amazing. What about Miss Travolta's prosthetic? Honey. What about Miss Travolta's? I'm going to do a good first. Okay, okay, okay. Amanda Bynes.

That movie made me just miss her so much. She's so good. She plays Penny. She's so good in it. Everybody's good in it. Queen Latifah's good in it. The guy who plays Seaweed is good in it. Everybody's good.

Who's Connie Collins? James Marsden. James Marsden. james marsden so hot and good yeah he's so hot and john travolta and then miss travolta miss john alina well first of all it's a baltimore accent which i i guess i'm not qualified even though i am a dialect coach i'm not qualified to say who's good at a baltimore accent because my other point of reference is Raymond and Carney marbles, the filthiest people alive. Yeah. Or, um, in American horror story,

freak show. Kate, Kathy Bates. No, the water that she's that. No way. So John Tavolta being like, um,

turn that record down. Tracy, my dog pills wearing off. I'm like, what? Also, he is looking like a dog. Like a dog pill is wearing off he looks like a german

shepherd shrink wrapped in like human skin and it's fun that we have like john travolta michelle pfeiffer people who are movie musical icons it's fun to have them in a movie musical john travolta is the it's i used to think it was so crazy that he played that and it's so weird and like debatably bad Yeah now watching it. It's so off the rocker crazy. Yeah that I can't imagine it any other way When when um, kirsty ellie died, I rewatched fat actress, which I think is one season and only eight episodes And he's in it for a second. I was like god He in that era like he's so he's very handsome man in his younger years. I love Christy Alley.

I know she has her own issues. That fat actor show was great. I loved her in Look Who's Talking. Yes. That was great. I love when people are good at things, but I don't like when off stage, they are a little wild later in life.

James Woods, Christy Swanson, Dean Cain. These are all like heavily conservative. That guy from Grand Pains. Trumpers. Yeah.

I don't like that. That's stupid. But you know, Holly weird, it really gets to you. The lamestream media. I can't believe we give people all this money and power

and expect them to think and behave the same way as the rest of us. I know. I'm disappointed. Yeah. I'm devastated in fact. Anyway, John Travolta

in Hairspray. You gotta watch it. The prosthetics, the outfits, you keep having to go, that's John Travolta. It's just so. I mean, Divine was so fabulous

in that role. I mean, it's interesting because I watch almost all of John Waters' movies and started with Pink Flamingos. It's a hard movie to watch. Yeah.

I know it's iconic. Yes. I'm good to watch it once. Once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably watched it twice. I mean, it's hard to get through. It's, you know, whatever.

It's disgusting. It's badly acted. It's tough to, it's a slog in a lot of ways. She eats that shit, Mary. I know. I know she eats that shit. And they fuck that chicken, Mary.

They fuck that chicken. They fuck that dead chicken. They fuck that chicken. And then, no, the live chicken. That chicken is alive, honey. Don't they cut that off? No, no, no. They're fucking it when it's like,

it's gross. But then you have polyester, hairspray. Love polyester. These movies, they're PG movies that are so, so, but like,

these PG movies are like so well done. Serial Mom? Serial Mom's incredible. So fabulous. Kathleen Turner turns that movie out. Turns it. So great. Pussy Willow.

Hairspray. That motherfucker got R-I-C-H from that shit. R-I-C-H. That musical's so good though. I can't wait to see Nina in it. When you and I were traveling the country, we played some venues where she was. In Indianapolis, right? Yeah, she's this big poster.

I bet she's amazing. Yeah, I'm sure she is. Or by the way, she, of course, is playing an unattractive mom. So Nina's always making her TikToks top of show when her character's in like rollers, a nightgown, and the makeup they have her in isn't, it's not Drag Race Runway. Okay. It's Mom. It's a mom who hasn't left the house.

Okay. So Nina's always doing these like TikToks in her Edna Turnblad makeup. And I'm like scrolling, scrolling. And I'm like, oh. Well, I mean, remember Divine, she had that slicked, like nasty, like, I mean, she looked rotten. And Divine playing a woman. She's playing a woman. 100% believable, though.

Yes. 100% believable. Miss Travolta, on the other hand, we have to play a little suspension of disbelief, I think. It's fun. Turn off hesitation. Turn off doubt. Turn off hesitation. Turn off doubt. Turn off fears.

The YMCA of Greater Toronto helps you turn off whatever's holding you back so you can let your potential shine. Turn on confidence. Turn on connections. Turn on possibilities. There are hundreds of programs and services available at the y see what you can achieve at ymca gta.org um we have to recast hairspray perfect okay well in this hair in this particular musical

the race and casting the body type in casting, these things matter. Yes, yes, yes. So we have to cast. It's the 60s. Okay. It's the 60s. So Tracy has to be at least somebody willing to gain quite an amount of weight. Tracy's Beanie Feldstein.

Love. Beanie Feldstein. Love. Edna is. John Travolta. Let's do it again. Marga Martindale. It has to be a man

It's a drag queen No it doesn't And out Oh we can get and out And out Well don't you think we should get Honestly we should get James Corden We should get James Corden

And throw him into a wood chipper How about How about Oh oh Bruce Valanche Wait didn't they do i was gonna see jennifer hudson for motormouth maybel but didn't she play her on television when they did the live hairspray live it might have been well did you watch it you didn't watch hairspray live no you don't see in the type no i love hairspray i know it's corny as buck i love hairspray hairspray the movie is not corny it's amazing yeah

The musical's great But isn't The musical Hairspray I love it I know it's corny What do they sing about They sing about Have you ever seen the movie So you know what they sing about it's the plot of the movie What else would they be singing about

I don't know Aquanet Got to be glued. There is a song about hairspray. Okay. I mean, the movie is so smart. So fabulous. It's so transgressive.

And Debbie Harry. In those wigs. Deborah Harry. God, the costumes. Yes, fabulous. And Ricky Lake.

Ricky Lake. She's so magnetic. Yeah. Such a sweetheart. And obviously, I have the original Broadway cast, Marissa Jarrett Winokur. Eats that shit up, girl.

How about, how about we have to, you've seen The Witches of Eastwick. Of course. Let's recast that. Love. Okay. So we need a blonde, a blonde. We need a blonde, a brunette.

And a redhead. And a jack. I want the jack to be, the guy who plays Voldemort. He was in the menu. Ralph Fiennes. Love him. Is that his name?

Ralph Fiennes. Okay. He'd be great. He'd be a great devil. Yeah. The great devil. Cause he's supposed to be kind of dumpy, but something weirdly sexual about him.

Yeah. You know, he's supposed to be not attractive, but like they want to fuck him. Yeah. He's very charismatic, but he looks kind of like a, by the way, that movie movie that tennis scene love i love the movie so much so many favorite movies ever it's amazing veronica cartwright horse horse dildos dildos of course spanish flies

she's so fierce i have nothing against a good but there's evil here and someone needs to do something about it veronica so unbelievable choose the out of every scene she said oh clyde honey i think i broke my leg i think i broke my legs so funny and the soundtrack's great yeah so good and then uh you know in funny i've probably mentioned this before but the other scene i love when they they make a voodoo doll of him and he's oh he's trying to get home from town yeah flying all over the place feathers incredible and they guess what they filmed a lot of the so his mansion they filmed at the wang center where we were in boston really yeah the interiors of is the lobby of the Wang Center of his mansion,

of Fierce. Oh, it's supposed to be Massachusetts, right? It's in, yeah, it's Lenox.

It's supposed to be, it's like Witchy stuff. Eastwick, it was Ipswich, Massachusetts. Ipswich, supposed to be Eastwick. Yeah.

Oh wait, which is of Eastwick. Where is Eastwick? It's fictional, but it was filmed in Ipswich, Massachusetts and then in the Wang Center. Wow. Pretty, yeah. Oh yeah, we played of Eastwick. Where's Eastwick? It's fictional, but it was filmed in Ipswich, Massachusetts. And then in the Wang Center.

Wow. Pretty, yeah. Oh yeah, we played the Wang Center. It's so beautiful. It was beautiful. So beautiful. You know what I love? What?

Not doing that show. Mama, let me tell you something about it. Girl. Let me tell you something about it. I got those costumes sealed. Girl, dry cleaned and sealed in the, I have them bound up in the closet like Dory and Corey. Sarcophagi.

Girl, girl. Tutankhamen. I have them preserved in the Smithsonian of my ass. I never want to see them again. They are locked and loaded and ready to be dropped into the ocean. And by the way, you would think like, I don't remember all the lines. I think my brain dumped that. My brain started putting things in the shredder the day of.

Oh, mama, mama, mama, mama. We started forgetting lines on stage last show. You started to empty the hard drive two weeks. Two weeks before. It was so funny to watch. The last few shows, I kept having to be like, I don't know what's going on. I was like, yeah, it's like we're clearing up space in the hard drive because it's like it's phasing it out quiet quitting girl my brain was quiet quitting on that show loved doing it but like

anything after a year you're like yeah it's crazy i mean i've been at in the studio making new costumes with such verve and excitement new fabrics new, new cuts, new lovelies, new shitties, new yuckies, new horribles. It's great. And there's something missing from getting in drag when it's the same costume every day. Being able to select an outfit, select a hair, select an eyeshadow. Or change something. I got to feel something.

Yes. I got to put something together. Yeah. Violet always talks about that. She's like, I need something new. Even if it's just an earring. I gotta feel something. Yes. I gotta put something together. Yeah. Violet always talks about that. She's like, I need something new. Even if it's just an earring. I totally get it. I totally get it.

That's why I usually bring too much jewelry or too many wigs or whatever. Because I need something. I have to do something different. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's rotten. Last thing. Mary, so I'm trying to get this fucking hip ripped out of

my body right yeah what's going on with that girl it's horrible it's it's it's ratina it's ratina wesley every day hurts all the time hurts right now so the orthopedic surgeon's not available till may 3rd so i call this other second opinion hip replacement back alley whatever i get an appointment with them i i get another referral from my doctor. I call them today. I have to be over 50. You have to physically. So we have to what? Fake your birth certificate or what? I told him, I was like, can I have your name and number, my phone number?

They punched me in the system. They're like, oh, sweetie, you're 40. I was like, yeah, I know. Like we only do geriatric. I was like, what? 50? I was like, but I need a hip. Like I, this, I.

You don't understand. In drag, I'm 70. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I work in an industry where everyone's 11. Wear and tear. Yeah, yeah. I'm 85 years old. Blair St. Clair is old in this industry.

I'm hospice ready. Girl. So it was just so frustrating. I need to just find some. Is anybody out there? Listen, anybody out there with an MD or maybe you're about pre-med. Maybe you're just fine. Pre-med with a scalpel.

You want to hack this thing off and put another one in there? Comment below because I'm ready to get this thing cracking. Not to be dumb, but the femur, the hip, right? The hip has that ball. Yes. And that's what rotates, right? Yeah. So is that what's hurting you?

That ball thing? I have what's called femoral acetabular impingement. And so it's where there's a structural abnormality, a structural abnormality in the socket of the joint and the ball. So there's a grinding plus there's arthritis. So it feels like there's ball bearing metal grinding when I move my hip like this ow ow ow

ow this fine are you actually going to be able to tour again in your lifetime well now i have i have a thing and i'm supposed to go to drag expo in may I don't know. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I'm going to be able to do the podcast. My like. But you're going to have to either get that operated on. No, the hip, thankfully, is the easiest of all the joints. Knees, shoulders, hips. Anybody would tell you, any physical therapist or doctor would tell you,

this is the easiest, simplest one to do. And hey, it doesn't inhibit your hands. Mama. Imagine it was your shoulders. You had to have one arm for fucking six weeks. Or a knee. The knee is horrible. Horrible.

And you know, not to be old, listen to this on the Suzy Orman podcast, the healing process, you have to be so overly patient because if you get too fierce i know you have to wait for that thing to grow back better and then you can use it yeah i'm very thankful for my show i have great shoulders great wrists great ankles cankles great knees it's just this hip that's got to go but calgon take it away susie orman can you come cut this thing out of me, you les? All right.

Well, in that case, and anyway. Honestly, it's an extra, not to be gratitude, because I know that's like really cringe, but. It's not cringe to be grateful. It's not cringe to be grateful. Okay. It's good to be grateful. But like every part of your body that works, you just take it for granted. We all do.

And then when something's not working, chronic pain, you realize how closely linked chronic pain and depression. This close. I cried on the other. I called my brother who's a physical therapist and I was just, I was going to chat with him and then all of a sudden I started crying. That's what I mean. People who have chronic pain, they just, God.

It sucks. It sucks so bad. bad literally i was down stretching i started kissing my body yeah hugging kissing on myself was this when you peed this is right before i peed i said i said and then i said you anyways all right you're gonna get it you're gonna get the surgery. Yeah, I hope so. I hope they go a little too far. I was going to say, if you were going to get a surgery below the belt, I always thought. Well, maybe there's a BOGO situation.

A Groupon. Yeah. Anybody else out there with a bad hip, call in. Yeah, call in. Let us know. And we're standing by. And thank you so much. By the way, great for having that young boyfriend you had.

Yeah, my boyfriend's 23 And I have a bad hip It's giving very Hollywood Hills Giving very Intergenerational love It's giving very Hugh Hefner up in here

It's giving very Tom Daley Dustin Lance Black It's giving Jerry Weintraub 15 years old In Boca That's all I'm gonna say

Bye bye