The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Queen of the Amazons with Naomi Smalls and Katya

Episode Date: June 25, 2024

This week on KBLD's Schlock & Beautiful Masterpiece Theater, we bring you the preeminent 1973 sexploitation film, Queen of the Amazons starring the one, the only, Naomi Smalls! In the far-away island Hermythia off the coast of Papua New Guinea, there lives a tribe of Amazons who are the epitome of primal power, sexual desire, and goddess-like grace. For centuries, men were kept by these Amazons as sex slaves, used solely for breeding purposes and menial labor. Now, as a cruel band of bloodthirsty female warriors from a nearby island pillage and loot the Hermythian countryside, the oppressed males decide to join the Amazons and fight back! Come for the death, sex, and gratuitous nudity, stay for the occasional hot warrior orgy. Rated NC-17 for long, silky-smooth legs. Now is the time to make the switch to the best cat food in the world, Smalls! Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Gametime! Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BALD for $20 off your first purchase! Head to https://Gametime.co for more info! Last minute tickets. Lowest Price. Guaranteed. Whether you’re looking for friends, fun or finding the one, download the best dating app for gay men, Archer, today! For more info, head to: https://www.ArcherApp.com For more info on the towering gorgeous goddess Naomi Smalls, head to: https://naomismallsduh.com Follow Naomi: @NaomiSmalls Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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we have never actually had a beautiful person on. That's a lie. No, it's not. She walked into the studio and it's like when you realize Santa Claus is real. It's like the opposite of that. So I grabbed, you clocked in at what, 90 inches? 90 inches from stem to stern.

I've never walked in anywhere and a tape measure was grabbed immediately. It's almost like, it's like, it's like the size queen for like, I'm a size queen for legs and, and, and bodies. It's so, so how I need to, we need to talk about the, I'm just going to objectify you for like a good long 20 to 30 minutes. Um, how did you get here? Uh, were you, uh, did you get here? Were you,

did you have to lay flat on like a large, like an 18 wheeler bed? Do you know? You know when like the camel gets lost in the hills and the helicopter has to take it

and it's just like floating over. Yeah, airlifted. It was very that, airlifted. Oh, and then it goes like, yes. And then it turns into a meme. You have, that's your next,

oh my God. No more reveals, no more ruffle coats. You are going to get strapped to a gurney and then towed by a helicopter and then you're going to like fucking spin out of control

and then they're just going to fling you across the country. That's the plan. So when did you get these legs and how do you, how do you negotiate the physics and the aerodynamics of having legs that go all the way up to your neck?

Honestly, I don't know what the hell else I would do if I didn't have them. I literally am like a pygmy person next to you. No, you're not. I didn't know if you were going to be in drag today. I texted you. I was like, are you going to be fresh-faced or are you going to be in drag? You texted me? I just want to know because I keep trying to uh gas myself up to do something i'm so happy that

i'm not in drag because i would look like i would look like the um the the woman who lives under a bridge next to naomi campbell over here oh my god so do you know what your what is your inseam? I think it's like 37, 38-ish. Do you have trouble finding pants? I used to. Yeah. But now I feel like the style is like a lot longer and like baggier. Yeah, thank God. But when I was like in high school, I used to like go on ASOS.

ASOS had like the tall girl jeans. Do you remember this store called Tall Girl? No. There was, well, I mean, how old are you? Is that Bolton's? No, how old are you? Oh, I'm 30. Oh yeah, okay.

So this is like, I think this is probably like early 2000s. There was a store in Boston called Tall Girl. Oh wow. And I think it was, they were marketing towards tall girls. Yeah. It is like, I have a hunch. I'm not exactly sure. But I mean,

if that story existed today, the way that they would be just up your ass to do every single campaign. Oh, I would hope so. It would be so cunt. I'd be fierce. So do you like, do you ever have issues on airplanes?

Oh, all the time. Horrible. All the time. When you don't get that, like comfort upgrade, even at least you're just like back in the day before the coins really started rolling in, you're like in economy like this. Yeah.

Or the worst is when you're like, if you've ever missed a flight or anything and they stick you in like a middle seat. Or what about the very back middle seat? Back middle seat on your way to Australia. Or on your way back from Australia once you've been kicked out for having the wrong visa. Or just a gig in general.. Or just a gig in general. Yeah, just a gig in general. Do you, oh my god, like

No, but honestly there's perks and there's non-perks. What are the perks? Perks is concerts but it's a con for everybody else. Yeah, but fuck them. Fuck their sight lines. Perks is drag, for sure. I feel like just like walking into the room and being a tall drag queen is always impactful.

You actually scared me. I felt like a deep existential dread that I wasn't able to identify for a good 25 seconds. I was like, oh my gosh. No, we've been in drag plenty of times together. No, I know, but I haven't seen you in a while and it's like I'm used to seeing Trixie it's like you know it's just like the same Lady Bunny impersonator

but like it's the but you are really striking and I feel like in this day and age with there's so many drag queens it you have to have like something that sets you apart and you have like a good 36 inches on everybody it's cunty oh thank you do you like have um do you like wiggling like what do you mean like dancing

yeah like actually on stage yeah um not really uh i think in my own special way I figured out a way to like keep the crowd entertained while I'm well I think it's you're like oh god minute 35 I mean you're if anybody could get away with you know literally standing there beveling at the foot and just like

it's you do you when was the last time when was the last time you went drag race oh gosh um 20 i think film 2017 i know i'm not crazy yeah that's not true it's like right after what are you talking about oh my gosh no you filmed right after my original season but and then all stars and then all stars then All Stars was like I think it aired like 2018. Yeah. Holy shit.

So it's been a minute. It's been a minute. Are they barking at your door to come back and do it? All Stars 58? No, I think that I think I have a little bit of a sharp tongue. You're like, hi.

Oh, fuck you. No, I think that like I actually definitely do have a sharp tongue you're like hi oh fuck you no i think i think that like i actually definitely do have a sharp tongue and i didn't realize that they knew i had a sharp tongue so that's like a whole when you say sharp tongue can you be more specific um i don't know i think i'm just like really passionate about not going on drag race no not even that it's not that because i'm not that girl it's like no no more drag race i think i just like i was such a fan of drag race growing up so when i was when i got there and i was like i realized what it was it was hard for me to like oh i'm definitely part of like the first wave of queens that was like a fan before they were a contestant yeah yeah so like oh so the

magic was just gone but not in a bad, just in a very like factual way. So then I was being very factual about it, talking about it. But I realized that's not necessarily, like there's some things that are supposed to be smoke and mirrors. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's true. And it's also, it is kind of annoying. Like I've had the experience of being at a viewing party where there's a queen who's been on the show.

And, you know, she's so, she really thinks she's's like um just suck my ass faggot ross matthews no never mind we'll get back to sucking i was gonna say no like there's a queen who's like intent on like um you know telling everybody how it really works or like how you know spoiling the mystery or giving that kind of insider perspective. I would prefer to just take it at face value, which we both know is not exactly the case. It's produced. It's a reality show. There's a lot you don't see whatever but um

i mean uh could you imagine going back for another version of all stars when i watch it now i don't know if i could keep up girl like those girls put in so much work and money and where did they get the fucking um where did they even get the outfits? Insane. Like where? Like the Plastic and Gottmik are like fucking it up. Like it's like insane. Why? If I walked in the workroom and saw, after like the first or second episode with Gottmik and Plastic, I'd be like, okay, so maybe behind the camera is a good place for me. I could do, I could help.

Large move over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could be a PA. I could do some gaffing. I'll definitely be like, hard ice. You know, I would, I would just walk right through the workroom and be like, no, I'll just wait for next time. That's kind of how I feel. Watching it now, I'm very happy we can both say it.

Every single time I talk to someone who can say this, I'm like, we are the Logo TV girls. It's from a different time. I think I'm actually a Hanna-Barbera girl. It was a long time ago. Yes, it was a cute, lovely thing back then and it's, thank God, you know, the fame has continued, but

mama. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. You gotta fucking miss Jean-Paul Gaultier walking down the runway and then Plastique, the Brazilian carnival float, come to life. Insane. And you're like, oh, so I look like a chicken nugget that's wrapped in like shit. And it's just, it would be so intimidating to me.

And you don't get eliminated. Well, that's the cool part. I will. No, no, no. Like you have to show all your shit. You have to, no matter what. I'm like, I'll go first. You know, like I'll go. like that's the humiliating thing.

It's like insult to injury that you, week after week, you have to be compared to these untouchable goddesses. Yeah. Oh Lord. I know I could definitely snap myself into it. I just, it would be like, it would be a completely different headspace. You would burn it. You just come, you'd go down to Hustler and Hustler store in Hollywood,

get a few negligees, bring some baby oil. You just let them have it. You wouldn't have to do all that. Michelle would hate it. You just come, you'd go down to hustler and hustler store in Hollywood, get a, get a few negligees, bring some baby oil. You just let them have it. You wouldn't have to do all that. Michelle would hate it. Oh God, fuck her. Oh my God.

Fuck her. What would it take? Like what actually would it take besides a gun to your head to make you go there? It would take, you know what it would take? I'd be like, okay, here's what we're going to do.

I'm going to be the casting director. I'm going to pick the ugliest girls that, and then I'm going to limit their costume budgets. I mean, we're going to give them three days notice. I'm going to get the casting director. I'm going to pick the ugliest girls. And then I'm going to limit their costume budgets. We're going to give them three days notice. I'm going to get a year's worth of preparation. Well, there are girls who would do it with three days notice. Oh, I know. There's always a queen who will do it.

Or what you're saying now. Oh, hell yeah. But guess what? I'm also going to call the airlines. Their luggage is going to get lost. And we're going to have to film right when we get there. I would have to sabotage and be so undermining and underhanded it plus it's just not that fun it's a lot how are these heels these are fine these are

actually like my go-to william's the one who like was like i don't want these you should have these and i ended up buying them but there's three three straps of dental floss. This is where I feel comfortable. Oh, my God. It's just a sensible five-inch lube. Yeah, but there's like a hidden platform, so it's like only a four. Oh, so that makes it a hidden platform. Do you realize if I was wearing those shoes and I stood up, I would break both my ankles immediately. No, you're good with heels.

You also are very, like, durable. No, you're good with heels. You also are very like durable. Hardy, weathered, weathered, seasoned. No, no, no, no. No, I just did a lip syncing this past weekend for the first time in like quite a while. What did it feel like? Was there pride? Yeah, it was pride in Salt Lake City.

It was exhilarating, but before the exhilaration, it was humiliating. It's a lot. The heels, I thought I was like, I walked on the stage and I'm like, okay, I'm wearing pumps. They're like three and a half inches. They're fine.

Closed toe. Closed toe, just a pump. I got off stage and I'm like, well, I have bunions and corns now. It hurt so bad and I was like so, like I couldn't feel my pussy with those shoes on. It's the worst.

You could get away with bare feet. No. Yes, you could. I could arch. I need like, I feel like your back just, you know.

Releve. You go up on the tippy toes. Literally speaking of backs, I'm having like, Back surgery. I went, honestly, I might need it. After these like pride gigs

and like just throwing my... Putting your pussy in the wind? Pretending to dance for the past nine years? No, no, no. Listen. See, when you get the hardware, it's not pretending. You're showcasing. There you go.

You know what I mean? It's like you're showcasing. You bring the goods to the stage. People ogle the goods, and that's it. That's it. The work was done before you showed up. Yeah. We're not doing cartwheels,

flip flops, spread eagle splits and pirouettes and shit. We're going, uh, uh, uh, and uh, I need to remember that.

Yes. My back is fucked. Really? Like actually fucked. I've never had that kind of like a, when you have to like wake up actually on your back to like become, or actually sleep on your back, like a patient,

like Dracula yeah yeah so I mean drag is like it is one of the quickest and most efficient ways to ruin your body I'm learning also

I think 30 hits differently than well or a different decade period just hits different than the previous one yeah there's like

there's definitely a threshold around like the late 20s I found like where you you wake up and you're like oh yeah what's this this is what the this is what they were talking about yeah like what is this bag of shit um but i wonder like so i'm trying to think of like you're so your proportions like what what would the danger be of having like such a an unusually seductive body. You've got long legs.

So if like you had a really long torso, I feel like that would be like. The dangers. I don't know. Just probably just people touching it when you don't want them to. Yeah. Being so sexy that people, you're just liable to be.

I'm not to be indelicate, but if I had Your body My god I'd be I'd have 13 kids Oh see And I think

If I had like George's body I would have like A mattress tied to my back Like just like Push me over And go to town The tiny

Tiny Oh she's on the current All-star season Yes Okay I What about Plastique? Oh, I mean, that's like, I feel like men would be too scared to hit on her.

She's almost like too unattainable. Mama, that's you. I mean. You're the terrifier and terrifier part two in terms of female sexuality. If we're in a club and I'm like a dude and I've got my jeans and my black button down, I don't even know what my approach to you would be like. Hello, glamazon woman. I don't even know.

How do people? Well, dress like a bap slash ice climber. I don't know what. That would be intimidating. Yeah. But if you're in the club, you kind of pare down the drag a little bit. Is there a pickup line or is there

an approach that has ever worked on you? Honestly, not so much a pickup line, but if they are over like 6'6". It's a wrap for me. You can be butt fucking ugly. So you're pretty much exclusively NBA focused.

That would be so hard. Yeah. Like that would be, if I was a woman. Mama, why aren't you courtside? Why aren't you, like,

why aren't you courtside at the Lakers like right now? That'd be wild. Like with, I could see with this outfit like this, like.

Like pretending like I know what's going on. Well, yeah. You're just leaning. They always lean in and then they whisper to their friend. So you and Plasti

coincide at the Lakers game. You would probably have a line around the block of suitors ready to just fucking spray you and come. That'd be a wrap. But I would hope that they're bottoms. Okay, so now you've even...

That made it even more enticing. It's a different market. Oh yeah, because literally the percentage of men out there who want to get topped by a glamazon goddess. It's high. You could be charging in the tens of thousands an hour. It'd be fierce. Yeah.

Give up drag. Just become an escort. Yeah. And then I could actually just lay on my back. Well, no, you got to do, as the top, you got to put in a little work. But you wear one of those. Oh, that's tea. You know how the movers wear the back braces?

You stone one of those. You stone one of those. And then it's like a corset, you know? Fierce. You got to protect that lower. You protect your low back while you're blowing their back out. That'd be hot. Yeah.

That'd be really hot. Paul Gasol, I'm looking at you. Who? Paul Gasol. Paul Gasol. Fierce. You hear that, Paul? You ready to get topped by a 90-inch goddess?

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Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply. Is it true that Plastique wears a fake, like a silicone torso? Yeah, she has like a costume that's like a... So she could put on a fake torso over her torso and still look skinny? Yes. I know, it's crazy. She can pad her body and still look tiny. She is I know. It's crazy. She can pad her body and still look tiny. She is

really... Yeah, it's insane. But Gabe, he created like a skin stomach for her that matched her tits. And then she was like, how do I put this all together? And then she had another designer

put it all together and stone it so it's seamless. She's going to make it happen. That's the one thing I learned about her. She will make it happen. She is build back better. She is going to bring our troops home. She is literally, she is single-handedly like the allied victory

is all thanks to Plasty Tiara. Yeah, I look at that level of drag, the level of commitment, the attention to detail, and then I think, um, maybe I should work at the post office. You know, I cannot even imagine it. It's like way too much. It's great to see though.

And now I hope it's not, we can, I think they get paid now to go on drag races, right? That's another enticing part of it. It's about time. Honestly, watching it though, I do think that people like maybe have just pocketed some of the budget. Oh shit.

That's fierce. That's fierce. Like we're, yeah, you get a wardrobe stipend of a hundred thousand dollars and then you just bring stuff from home. All your stuff. Like just like smelly,

like brunch looks. Also because they can't eliminate you. Yeah. Well, Trixie and I joke that I would have to, because I can't even imagine approaching that level, I would go the other way. I would bring three wigs, no style, center part, hard front. And then I would do little biscuits.

I'd do like slacks to enter. Oh my gosh. I would do like a maxi dress for one of the good runways. And then like for the finale, I'd just wear all my bracelets. And that's it. Love. Bring it. It has to be reset. I mean, and then like for the finale I just wear all my bracelets. And that's it. Love. Bring it.

It has to be reset. I mean, and then they would change the rules after that. Change the rules to what? Okay, you must, you know, have you ever done a gig?

I don't know if your gigs are like this where they're like, costume change is a must. You know that some girl fucked it up for everyone that was like, No way.

I've seen wig changes too like like on like the Playgirls. Now that's fierce because in my contract, it did specify two high energy numbers. And I was like, I was like an hour before showtime. I was like, so I'm going to do Lana Del Rey. Love. And it was. Wait, which track? It Lana Del Rey. Love. And it was, Wait, which track? It was Doing Time,

the summertime. Love, love, love. It's one of the best songs she's ever done. I love her. I love her too. I love her too. But if you're looking

for a high energy option from Miss Del Rey, she is notoriously scarce. She's got like that summertime sadness remix. The remix. That's it. But that's a long one though.

I don't have the stamina to be out there for six minutes. And also it doesn't really go on a journey. It's just like more for like. It's got like a three minute intro too. But it was outside in the summer. I felt like it was, I got the energy, right? It certainly wasn't high energy, but I was like, thank God I didn't go out there and try to do some whip crack fucking diva mix.

Because three minutes in I would have had a cardiac event. What made you choose this most recent Salt Lake as like I think it was being broke. It had to do with being in foreclosure. No, I mean it was the one broke girl tour. Say yes to a gig.

It's like at the press junket. So what inspired you to take this role? The bank. The red numbers on my bank account. No, but it was like so, I was like shocked at how fucking fun it was. That's good. Have you worked with them before?

I don't know. Was there like a short lesbian with like glasses and like kind of like pinkish? Oh, I'm sure there were several of them It was like in charge The place was called Milk Oh yeah Milk SLC But it was outside with a big screen and shit and you know

the Mormon phenomenon of soaking No is that like like they take their white pajamas We can't have sex before marriage of soaking. No. Is that like they take their white pajamas under garments? We can't have sex before marriage. But so if you put

your dick in my pussy, just stick it in on the bed and then somebody jumps on the bed to create the motion, that's called soaking. But because we're not

thrusting, we're innocent. Oh, interesting. But there is penetration. There's penetration. But the motion is provided from a third party. It's outsourced to a friend on the bed. Oh, so. But there is penetration. There's penetration. But the motion is provided from a third party. It's outsourced to a friend on the bed.

Oh, so there is thrusting, but not by you. It's like earthquake sex. Yeah. Wait, this was what the event was? No, no, no. This is a Mormon loophole to the no sex before marriage thing. What you found out while you were in Salt Lake City. But because it's called Soaking and I was feeling it, I did an encore show across Soak Up the Sun.

And I could never, I wouldn't have imagined myself doing an encore, but I was feeling my pussy that much. So soaking is something that everyone there grows up just knowing. It's in the common parlance. Yeah, everybody's wrapped up in soaking. It's so absurd to me. Like how do you even justify that? Can you do it gay?

Well, no, because it gay? Well, no, because no gay and Mormon. Oh, I think at that point you might as well just thrust because you're going to hell. Right. You know what I mean? But isn't that crazy though?

That is crazy. As a loophole. It's like, Oh, well, if your friend jumps on the bed while you have your dick in her pussy, I feel like I remember family guy doing a bit about this where like they were trying to stick it in their ears

instead. I'm sure that's another loophole. When was the first time you fell in love? I think the only person... Never mind. Love. I think the first time I fell in love

and I thought it was love was definitely like with a straight boy that was out of my league but I think it was just like I mean I was in high school with braces mama braces are cunt

I'm sorry I'm thinking about getting them again I mean because if you see a guy like now who has braces you're like

oh you love yourself like you're into self-improvement yeah you're taking you're taking initiative exactly, you love yourself. Like, you're into self-improvement. Yeah, you're taking initiative. Yeah, you're... Adult braces to me are so hot. I love adult braces. Yes.

And at the time when I had braces, even though, you know, I was younger, I used to fantasize, like, what it would be like to suck dick with braces. And now I'm curious, like, if there's an adult man with braces, what that would be like. Well, let me tell you something. The first time I selected Dick to have braces on, the review was not great.

Was it your first time? It was my first time, but also it's just like, I would think the combination of being inexperienced and having a lot of jagged metal in your mouth probably did not, just the Yelp review was not good. Okay. Yeah. He was like, what was that? Or was it just blood? Yeah. did not just say the Yelp review was not good okay yeah he was like he was like blood yeah it was let's just say it was a an uh what do you call that

um unintentional circumcision I'm just kidding um but yeah I know I honestly think like men with yeah oh men with braces is kind yeah no it's cute it's cute it's very cute isn't there a drag queen with braces oh yeah what was her Maya was she the one who did the flips Yeah, no, it's cute. It's cute. It's very cute. Wasn't there a drag queen with braces? Oh, yeah.

What was her name? Maya. Was she the one who did the flips? Yeah, the Cher impression. I'm still trying, like, I haven't been able to catch up to drag, because I'm still on that moment. Like, what is that? Life just paused after that. Yeah, like, you're like, that's her Cher impersonation?

Yeah, her braces were cute. They also just make you look 10 years younger. Exactly. Fountain of youth. I wonder, like, I saw that it works for everybody. You look very good.

Your skin looks bomb. Thank you. But I, I have to, there is something, something that you said that I swear to God, I'll probably forget the names of my immediate family. Okay.

All them before I forget what you said at the beach once. It was, I don't even know if you remember it was you me my friend Andrew a couple other people yeah with Violet Violet yes yes we're talking about plastic surgery at the time you must have been what 23 uh-huh and and we're talking about non-surgical things like Botox and fillers and then you said there's really no substitute for going under the knife I swear to god I swear to god and it was delivered with the most

convincing like the authority the tone in your voice was so authoritative and so compelling I was like yeah she's right actually though yeah like actually you can try and you can try and dress lipstick on a pig but you gotta take it out

and yeah but you really have to just What do you make of all of the all of the I mean like trends and like for example

waking up and seeing that everybody's on Ozempic or everybody's getting buckle fat removal like what do what do you make of all that shit? I feel like

with cosmetics and especially with uh injectable cosmetic surgical cosmetic uh it's it's meant for a certain case okay but because there's such good uh results from it it gets really trendy and makes everyone think that they are the candidate for that totally and then And then in five, ten years when the trend has shifted towards whatever, swung the other way, it's like everybody's like, oh, fuck. What the hell did I do to myself? Especially with like, the thing that I don't understand is with the buccal fat removal, these young actresses are like 22.

They want to suck out all the fat in their face and then they look like they're like 40. Yeah. It's crazy uh i think the number one example i have in my mind of that is uh mary kate olsen but she's working on a witch frequency though oh i mean she's been into the woods for some time though she really has but she's been she's been the dark crystal she's like is she 12 she 70? She's like, I don't think any rules apply to them. Because they're like.

I mean, definitely the buckle is gone. Like all the buckle fat is just like gone, gone, gone. And when you take fat away from your face, especially if you're not fat. Mama, when you're already a twig. Yes. You're stripping wood off the twig. You got nothing. off the twigs you got nothing but they've been they've been they've had like a a black magic mysterious um witchy uh by i feel like they're like transcend the sort of norms and um the rules

of like human life you know what i mean for sure um also it's just so cool to have a twin i'm so jealous especially a moody twin it's like it, imagine a dark, mysterious hoe times two. That's cunty. With that budget. Mama. Everything. Billionaire budget. I know.

Why have one when you can have two twice the price? Those hoes know what's... I love them so much. And also, I'll never forget that they served... One of them had cigarettes out at the tables of their wedding. Bowls of cigarettes. She married some old French dude. That tall ass guy.

Yeah. Like she looked about, she looked at 18 year old witch from the fucking woods. Marrying some like 75 year old billionaire, free cigarettes at the wedding. Conti. I know. They're on some other fucking frequency.

Also if I could wear their line, that's it. I would. I would marry the row. I would, you know, why couldn't you wear it? It's just black drapes.

It would break. I mean, it's, yeah, it's just black drapes it would break the I mean it's yeah it's well priced it's well fabrics but I mean they have such a such an enviable like life course like child stars on that whack like that

you know whatever show and then they sort of their transition into like billionaire eccentric billionaire like conjoined witches. It's so cunty. And their parents like actually didn't fuck them over, which is so rare. Really? Right?

Yeah. I think their parents like did it right. Mary, I started watching that quiet on set. I had to turn that shit off. That's why I'm talking about it. Girl, I was like, oh my God, this is so rotten. It only reinforces my personal opinion, which if I were the president,

my first executive order would be in film and television, nobody under 18. You want a baby in the script? Is there a baby in the script? Yeah. You got to put it on diaper. Yeah. Emma Stone, put the diaper on.

Put some freckles on. It's crazy. Put a binky in your mouth you're the baby no babies I definitely feel like I would have been I just fell for adult anything as a child in that scenario

it's so crazy I mean think about the little think about going on drag race for the first time just the level of like inexperience and Ru touched me yeah she felt up on your legs the whole season. Girl, Mary, it's like the opposite.

It's the opposite of with RuPaul's like, she didn't touch me. She didn't look at me. She didn't talk to me. She didn't, she wasn't even there. You got nothing to worry about when it comes to attention for RuPaul. Let's just say that.

But that's so fucking gross. Like I, I know it's so nasty. Oh, child stars just say that. But that's so fucking gross. Like, I, ugh. I know. It's so nasty. Ugh, child stars. I know. And now we have Teletubbies on Drag Race. Mama, what's up with the Teletubbies?

I don't know. I didn't even know the Teletubbies were still around. We had Hello Kitty. Look at Teletubbies. And they want to say we're not grooming? I know. I mean, it's just like. What's next, Tony the Tiger? I mean, you, I feel like say we're not grooming. I know. I mean, it's just like. What's next? Tony the tiger.

I mean, you, I feel like you also are like this. I'm a groomer. No, but you come from the world. It's like, you're just, you're not doing drag for kids at all. Like at all. Like that was never part of it. I'm doing drag so that kids are not part of the picture. I'm trying to make all the steps and do all the actions that allow for no visible children

at any moment. In fact, I'm trying to alienate my brother and sister so that my niece and my nephews don't want to come see me. It is so funny to me, like reading to children. I know, I don't get it. I was like, what I want to read to a child is, this is a story of get the fuck out of here. Get away.

It's so bizarre. I am thankful for Drag Race for taking drag, though, and at least filtering it in a way that is okay for a lot of the younger fans to watch and grow up with. Because A, I was that person. And then B, I've now been, it's been so long since like my original season that I've now seen the kids who are obsessed with me age

and become adults and get into the club. And it's like, it's just this whole like- That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Like I'm like, I was, when you get the message or the messages that are like, oh my God, I first saw your season when I was like, I graduated kindergarten. Now I own three homes and I are like, oh my god, I first saw your season when I was like, I graduated kindergarten. Now I own three homes

and I have like, I've been divorced twice. I'm like, And they say it so casually. Yeah, they're like, oh, that was a very casual you know, drop of like 20 years. It's like very fucking sobering. Like they're like telling you this and I'm like trying to have like

my card go through. Like and I'm like can you please shut up? Like please. Like this is too much for me right now. I'm spiraling. It's so crazy.

It's so crazy. There is so much casual information delivered to us in so many different contexts like the meet and greet et cetera online that you're like

oh okay. Like half of the people at the meet and greet this last gig they were like thank you so much for coming we know you really didn't want to be here

and I was like what are you talking about that's actually not true I had like it was so funny though they're they say the craziest shit but they still come

because they love you they came and we did 75 person meet and greet in like 20 minutes fierce cunty oh yeah

I know exactly cunty when it's just you it's easier if it's me and Trixie it's a whole thing We did 75 person meet and greet in like 20 minutes. Fierce. Oh yeah. In the back. Yeah. I know. Yes. When you're, if, when it's just you, it's easier. If it's me and Trixie, it's a whole thing.

Cause then you'd be like, I love you, but I don't really like you. You know, they could really get a girl making space for, yeah, it's, it's a lot,

but it's like, Oh my God, they are so funny. Besides Trixie, who's your favorite person that you've done a, like a gig with? Oh shit. I mean,

I think detox is always fun she's always fun always fun there's a lot it's a shorter list no I think it's a longer list it's not fun

well you know what the thing is what Trixie and I talk about all the time punctuality oh yeah oh are you a late you're late

I mean today I was pretty late but we guys but I mean I was pretty late you were not late I had to eat I mean I was was pretty late. You were not late. I had to eat. I mean, I was 30 minutes late today for the record, but.

30 minutes. Think about what could change in your life in 30 minutes. You could get a cancer diagnosis. Your husband could leave you. You could beat rush hour getting out of here. Or I could eat lunch, which I needed to do. So it actually worked out great. getting out of here or I could eat lunch

which I needed to do so it actually worked out great I'm sure you've had the like the the stress nightmares where you're you know you take a nap before the gig

and you you have a dream where you're like 20 minutes till and you're not painted yes that is a level of stress that I cannot fucking cope with

I have to be ready and then I have I need 20 minutes of buffer time to pace and worry and like you And like, you know,

like it's okay. Yes. Cause we did actually did do one tour together early on and you were very like, cause you had to do that big group meet and greet. Was that the Peter? Yes. Oh my God.

Yeah. That, that shit would also the way they used to run their meet and greet. It was insane. They, they would, they would be like, all right,

you pieces of shit. Line up. Cause these fucking nasty Queens are all I'm going to see you for and greets. It was insane. They would, they would be like, all right, you pieces of shit. Line up. Cause these fucking nasty Queens are all I got to see you for half a second. If you have anything to sign, fuck you. And then they'll grab a person, throw them at us. And then the other one grabs them and like chucks them off a balcony.

It's so wild. They would have like the phone and these people's face and being like, who's your favorite? Like, who is your favorite queen? So they could put it on social media. And then like, if they said you, you would have to like step out and be like who's your favorite like who is your favorite queen so they put it on social media and then like if they said you you would have to like step out and take like fucking i don't even remember that it was it that they i would definitely go to one of their shows again and

like you know be like friendly and go out and all that stuff but like doing those shows that was wild i was i was looking for an escape the entire time well girl because the schedule was also like okay we'll get back to the hotel you're d drag in bed by like one two and then you have a 5 a.m That was wild. I was looking for an escape the entire time. Well, girl, because the schedule was also like, okay, we'll get back to the hotel. You're de-drag in bed by like 1, 2, and then you have a 5 a.m. call time. No bus. No bus, mama. No bus.

It's pack. Get your sweaty fucking drag yourself. No assistance. Try to get two, three hours of sleep. Then wake your fucking ass up and then go to the airport. And this is the best part. You board the last zone and you pass them in first class. You go to the back of the plane.

Cunty. Insane. It's like when the diva, it's like the chauffeur and the diva. It's just reversed. It's switched. Yeah. We're driving the bus. It's Cunty.

Like that. Oh God. Those tours were so good. And Ed Hardy. Ed Hardy. Ed Hardy with the faux hawk. Ed Hardy. Fuck. it's cunty like that oh god those toys were so in a hearty and then were you at the the lunch table when there was um it was I think you were we were in Phoenix Arizona yes the we're okay cuz I feel like that was the only like group dinner we had where one of the Queen's was talking about how she did a private lap dance for Rihanna naked.

On that, it was on part of my tour then. Who was it? Oh my God. I was like, who's the one that would say? It was either going to be her or Thorgy. No, no, no. Thorgy has the temperaturegy. No, no, no. Thorgy's way. Thorgy has the reality.

Yeah. She could entertain, but this bitch, she was, she was telling campfire tales. It was cunt. Once Kim and I, like,

cause we got back from filming and like, we thought of her as like this, like hilarious, normal storied person. And then once we found out that, Oh, all these things are like suspicious, suspicious fallacy. hilarious, normal storied person. And then once we found out that, oh, all these things are like suspicious.

Fallacies. It was a wrap after that. Exaggeration. Wait, but not even exaggerations. It was literally like just yarn spinning. It's like, it's so casual too. It's like, did I ever tell you about the time I shot JFK? It's like, what are you talking about?

It was everybody. Nobody was, nobody said anything. Cause probably cause we're so tired, but we're like, look, I was like, is this really happening?

Is she really saying this? Oh my God. And literally the most wild on unbelievable things. And I appreciate the commitment to that, that delusion. I definitely caught up with her though. So how many tattoos have you seen of yourself on a fan that gave you an internal pause?

Like you're like, oh. Or like how many tattoos have you seen? Okay. So I, please, please do not get me tattooed on your body. How many tattoos have you seen? Okay, so I Please do not get me tattooed on your body. They don't have the face. The scale does not work.

They could maybe do half a leg. I just feel bad. I change my I like to think I change my makeup so much that I'm like, when I see an old face chart of me on someone, I'm like Mom, that was an old face chart of me on someone I'm like Mama that was from the flop era what are you doing

it's very that it's crazy but it is jarring every single time you see it it's flattering but it's very flattering always very flattering concerning often sometimes and yeah it's like I always think like you know what's gonna happen

when that drag queen gets cancelled you're gonna have to like maybe draw over it with a different wig or somebody I always think like, you know, what's going to happen when that drag queen gets canceled? You're going to have to like maybe draw over it with a different wig or somebody put a mole on it, turn it into somebody else. I mean, I know you can get tattoos removed, but like Mary, I have seen. Like are we going to face tape our tattoos up? That would be a great fame tattoo.

That's a good fame one. Just the tape. Just like eyes and the tape. Just the tape, just like, like eyes in the tape. No, but I mean like, you know, I know what the worst one I've seen is.

Maybe I'll have to like send it to you guys. You have as like a reference. It's, uh, Bob, the drag queen. That's it. Just say no more.

No, no. As Madonna, as Madonna, as a boy scout, like when Madonna dressed up as a Boy Scout. Oh, I know. And then someone got that tattoo tattooed on the, it's, it's actually.

But that's kind of impressive in a way. It's like. Garbage Pail Kids. It looks like Garbage Pail Kids. Oh, a hundred percent. It's like, it's like, I love Drag Race. What's the ugliest look that's ever been on Drag Race? I mean, that was wild.

What were you thinking about when she came down the runway in that outfit? When she... I mean, I was just jealous that she wasn't in a kimono. You know? So like... You participated in... You were one of the perpetrators of kimono gate. Kimono gate.

Yeah. I'm like the most ready to wear kimono gate, which is like not a flex. No, certainly not. Where did you get your kimono? It was made, but it was still just like very lingerie in comparison. I remember watching that thing and I was like,

this is so, this is like such a prodigious group fumble. Like it wasn't, like you all, that was a coincidence. You all brought kimonos. But then production just let it happen. Like, I don't know. I don't get, I didn't understand it. They just let it happen like i don't know i don't get i didn't understand it yeah they just let it happen there were more there were even more

but those girls going home at that point it was very bizarre that we all just decided like madonna 40 years of hits what's the one thing like it's that thing with like competing in anything group that you want to be like i don't want to be the obvious one. Right. So you try and think extra, extra, extra hard. And you're like. Yeah. With the curviest curve ball.

Oh yeah. That weird Japanese look she did in that one video, that song. I don't even remember it. Exactly. Oh, and black hair too. I know. Madonna. When I think of Madonna, I think of kimono and black hair.

I ended up looking like Mowgli from the jungle book is what I ended up looking like. Damn. Well, at least that's a look. Like for kids. We're not doing drag for kids. Remember? No. Well, I'm grooming. She's not. Oh my God. And then when you, when you had your top three. Oh my gosh. I really did love my top three. I was thinking about that today. Because I figured we were going to talk about Drag Race at some point.

Oh yeah. I mean why not. I mean I think your top three was so cunty. Because you all were like literally not stepping on each other's toes. You had like such a like distinctive. You know it's like it's always a little awkward when like two people. Like Pearl and Violet I feel like were kind of similar. You know what i mean like like to the naked drag race person that's like oh they're just like a pretty white fashion inspired queen yeah but you all had like and your season was the

first season it was the oh no we did that whole you guys were the first one right the personalized the live taping and Mama. Wait, what? Getting ready for that was insane, I'm sure. Bitch, I've never been happier not to make the top three. I was like, I'm not doing some number. I'm not bringing three outfits, doing choreography. They made you whores work for that finale. Yeah.

Did you enjoy it? Well, I didn't know that I was going to be in the finale until like the week before because it was like back in the day when they filmed like they had the top four and then they filmed

each person getting eliminated. Right. So we didn't know. But I mean, the whole personalized number based on your kind of like your vibe, like the legs and then the...

Yeah, we didn't know that was a thing until like the week before. How did you feel about that? I love legs. Mine was cute. Actually, I listened to it... When they first gave it to me, I was like,

this is kind of crazy, but I feel like... And then I listened to Bob and Kim's and I was like, okay, got it. I could find my actual opinion then when I heard theirs. I was like, okay, I got the best one. Oh no, this is fine. I'll keep it. I heard theirs. I was like, okay, I got the best one. Oh no, this is fine. I'll keep it. I'm fine.

I bristle to think what fucking bullshit they would have hurled at me. Like weird, stupid, and Russian. When they just give you Sleepwalker. They're like, oh, we have this track. I would just be like a Lana Del Rey karaoke. And I'm just like,

uh, Pearl had the like, uh, unicorn onesies in hers. I don't know if you remember that. I think I blocked that out. I don't blame you. Unicorn onesie.

Like the dancers were wearing like pajama. Cause she was like, did you guys have Megan Trainor on your season? No. That's a different Unicorn onesie. That's a different evil. Okay. That's a different evil.

I hated that. Wait, you hated her in the Unicorn onesie on Drag Race? Yeah, me too. I don't get it. I like when the judges do drag for them, whatever that is. Wear the sparkle bustier and have one of your fucking handlers glue a couple of rhinestones

get it together get it together bitch it's so crazy that's worse than the kimono gate to me because I feel like she was like so we're going on this drag show but I feel like it's just so obvious for me to wear something sparkly.

So I'm just going to go like, look like I'm at a slumber party, like at age 12. Like, what is that? I don't get it. Not for me. No. I don't know any of her music. I think it's all for the best. Okay.

Yeah. It's not worth knowing. Oh. Who was the guest judge that you had that you were like, this is fucking cunt? Mel fucking B. Yeah. She was a really good guest judge. Oh, she, and I, my favorite thing is, which of course didn't make the edit,

is that she hated Violet. Love, love, love. She wasn't about it? Nope. And I'll never, it's like, I'll never forget what you said at the beach and what she said to her. It's like, you're having your beard, they're just ugly. Because it was our bearded runway, which was.

Oh my God, Jasmine. Mama. I'm 37 years old. I'm not. Can you, that's a level of like that. Now that's cunt. I know she is cunt. Jasmine Masters is fucking cunt.

She's like, she's in her own lane. Mama, I will wear what I want to wear. Yes. And if you think that I'm putting on any other rig than a black China doll, you are sorely mistaken. And I know my skin. I'm in my late thirties. I'm not putting on. It was like the,

the, like the confidence in the, the obstinate, like just, you really had to admire it. It was insane. Yeah. But it was like,

I actually kind of think that that runway was kind of fierce. Also to get a reaction like that from rue is like it's kind of like a very few girls can be like no i mean you're also like i'm surprised she didn't get shot or like whatever but um but yeah the trapdoor melby reading violet who by the way she looked flawless violet and she always like, she looks flawless. She's into this like classic Dior silhouette. And she was like, she's circus. Like she hated it.

And it was like, I was like, fierce. Like it was like so fierce. Cause you know, it's so untrue. But she is not afraid to like, just absolutely say the most incredible thing,

Mel B. But most of the judges are just like, they're just kind of sleep at the wheel up there. I feel like they're going along with what the, they're towing the party line. I remember one of the judges, I thought, I think he actually fell asleep. Oh, wow.

Yeah. I mean, it's a gig for them too. Oh yeah, and it's a long day. Yeah. It's a long day. Coming up with all those puns. I remember Marc Jacobs was cool. Marc Jacobs and Nicole Richie were like,

Oh, see, that's like, those are the perfect, uh, guest judges. Who else was really good? Um,

of course I got eliminated at, uh, by Santino rice because I wore, it was sewing challenge. No, he was, he had just left, I think.

And then he came back to judge our ball, which was the Hello Kitty ball. I wore an absolutely horrible outfit with just incongruous styling that just made no sense and of course he hated it and he ripped into me and also he didn't know

the other judges were kind of nice because they got to know me over the season but he was like you look like shit what the fuck is wrong with you it was kind of like that vibe and I was like ugh who was your favorite guest judge? my favorite favorite favorite He was like, you look like shit. What the fuck is wrong with you? It was kind of like that vibe. And I was like, ugh. But yeah, who is your favorite guest, Jed? My favorite, favorite, favorite?

I mean, I did the worst because it's like the episode that you do the worst, the coolest one comes in or whatever. It sucks. You're just like, fuck. I know. It's like, you know what? I don't want you to see me like this. Exactly. It was at Gigi Hadid, like pre-18, and Chanel Iman, who I was like looking up to, like as

just a baby wannabe supermodel. Yeah. But I mean, come on. I mean, I'm sure they were, those girls must be gagged by your proportions. I don't know. I mean, I was crying. Fuck. I actually wasn't crying, but I knew I I was gonna have to like lip sync my pussy off

I knew I was gonna have to work it hunty how about that stage being slippery as hell it's like they grease that metal sheet what the fuck is up with that I know sometimes it works to your advantage if you're trying to like when you're doing your boot scoot

you literally like that's like you're tapping to like a jet propulsion with those legs. I can't really do it anymore because it all depends on the slippery stage. Well, yeah, because you need little sheet metal greased with Crisco, which is what the drag race runway is. I need a non-broken back. And I also need to wear fishnets. I fucking hate wearing fishnets now.

Oh, yeah. I mean. You need to wear fishnets. I fucking hate wearing fishnets now. Oh, yeah. I mean. You need to transition into a woman. An NBA courtside diva. A basketball wife. I mean, I literally see you. This is what I see picture you courtside. You're in a Montclair puffy, huge puffy, winter puffy, like crop jacket.

So it's like, you you know the enormous with the hood and you're like slumped and you have you're crossing your legs and they're just you're you're your legs are like um they have that like glitter gel glitter gel and um you have like a i don't know maybe like a 12 inch heel one of those fetish heels yeah and you're just you're just like um you know you're leaning you have two friends those fetish heels yeah and you're just you're just like um you know you're leaning you have two friends you're flanked by friends you're just whispering and leaning and you just and then you do the sharon stone yeah and you have your whole pussy out because you're not wearing any underwear i feel like that would that would be fierce

is underwear important for you for drag? Great question. Yes. TBD? I hadn't tucked in quite a while. Okay, because stepping into an actual live gig, there's just so, there is a thousand and one factors to think about.

I told myself, I was like, what will not happen is this What will not happen is this wig will not come off my head. This wig will not come off my head. It's a wrap. I was like, it's not cute. We're not taking wigs off.

That's not a cute, this wig is a fantasy and we're going to stay in fantasy land. We're not doing reality. We're not doing, ooh, gritty behind. Remember like 10 years ago when every fucking photographer was like, yeah, I want to kind of get you in half drag at the, at the dressing room. I was like, yeah, you and every other fucking faggot with a camera, like we're doing full fantasy. The wig is getting staple gunned into my scalp. And so that didn't happen, but I had to wear these, I wore a speedo that was like three sizes too small so I can tuck and it's

girl the end of the night no tape though peeling off that fucking nasty speed I thought I was like well it's a wrap on the dick like it because it was like you know when it burns

yeah is it like should I go for bottom surgery tomorrow? And you're just hoping after a hot shower it's going to come back to life. That was a dick. That was a dead dick for a while. It was horrible. I think sometimes the dead dick, though, will just snap into, if you have the trade line.

If you have the trade line. Love me back to life. It's giving you CPR. Well, I was, I had, I was like, I had,

I had a trick on deck, but I was like, I don't think this dick is like, we don't have the like clear. Like, I don't think it's gonna, cause it felt, it just felt so.

Oh, have you ever like done a, like a proper tape tuck moment? Bitch. No, no, never. Because I, Have you ever done a proper tape tuck moment? Bitch. No. No? Never? Because I don't shave everything.

Me either. I know. Well, I shave my balls. I shave my balls. That's the most important thing to have shaved. I shave my balls like my asshole. Everything else can be whatever. I shave my balls like my asshole.

I trim everything. But also, I'm not wearing anything. It would be like wearing a tuxedo to the movies. Yeah, shame my asshole. I trim everything. But the, also I'm not wearing anything. It would be like, it'd be like wearing a tuxedo to the movies. Yeah. Like I, there's no point like for me, cause I don't do,

first of all, I never show my real skin because I, the last time I checked gray and purple legs were not in fashion. You have tattoos on your legs. I do, but there's mostly just gray, purple, um,

blotchy. Oh, spider there's mostly just gray, purple, blotchy. Oh, spider, hair coast. Like, yeah, the veins are pumping. The veins have more life in them than the dick does. They always are in tights. Always. Okay. Always.

The vein has more life. This is like, I look at this, I'm like, wow. I mean, I. How does she do it? You can, if you look closely, I don't know if the camera will pick it up. I did not shave. Mama, they can't feel, they're just stroking it at home looking at it.

What about shaving the legs though? Because you have, I mean, that must be like mowing the lawn in the White House. I'm not throwing any shade to where we are right now. It's like special gigs. Like special gigs. Oh my God. It's like twice a year

if I know you're gonna be like this close to me and I'm gonna be on stage I will actually take the razor with a shaving cream if not I'll just use like a body trimmer

and hell yeah cover it in oil and hope the light just like reflects yeah but I don't wanna

I don't wanna have the reputation of being a hairy girl so all the time honestly I don't know what you're talking about I see full would you ever do the laser?

No, I don't have the patience for my legs. I've done my back, my face. I feel like with that, just the square footage, it would take about, it would take you

until you're 60. That would be too much, I think. Also, they just do little, little teeny little areas at a time. I know. And then it's like

eight sessions to have it be like part of the bundle. I know. Have you ever done laser I sure the fuck have and also I fell hair removal or yes laser hair removal yes I did it but I didn't continue with it

plus it only really works on I guess it works better on contrast so dark hair if I had black hair on my fair skin it would be great but you better believe about three of those fucking, you know, those Instagram scams. Yeah. Those laser away.

Flashers, the nude thingies, whereas like at home flash away your fucking butthole hair. Oh, yeah. The Tria. Uh-huh. You better believe I cranked that thing up to the full capacity and fucking just let my asshole have it. Is your butt hairy? Unfortunately, this thing ain't working. So yeah, but so I shave it.

But I keep flashing my ass with that thing. Hoping and praying. I know. I don't think it's in the cards for me. My butt and my face took really well to the laser. My back, I don't know what it is. Like the older I keep getting, the more I have to be like, Oh my God. It's the terror.

Like I put a tank top on and then I'm leaving the house. I'm like, Oh my God. It's I, if I could, I used to pray that like, I was like, please God,

if you exist, I want all the hair been like from here down. Gone. Yes. Gone. Same. If that means you have to kill a whole village, do it. Like if you have to kill a whole village, do it.

Like if you have to wipe out the entire state of Florida, it's a fair exchange. I would like, I would, I would kill one, two, three, four, five, I'd kill five people if I have that happen. It would just mean the quality of life would just transform. Yeah. I mean, but probably not. But I mean, yeah, I cry. Would you be skin out then on stage?

Um, no, I would just be happy I'd be in the hotel happy Just wet like a seal I got the fucking discolored spider veins, very close but smooth So turn the lights down and then it's the full fantasy So hot, hot

But like yeah, there's nothing like I understand what you're talking about with the hair because it's like, you look the way you do and you invite the caress of a man and then it's like... Is that coarse grade sandpaper? It's weird. Did you ever do the tip grabber pedicure?

No, I also gave myself a 30 second pedicure before I was leaving the house. Do you like getting your pedicures? I do. I bet they go ham on them. a 30 second pedicure before I was leaving the house. Do you like getting your pedicures? I do. I bet they go ham on them. Well, no, I mean, it's like so much. But like,

I actually, I'm a person who asked for the pedicure, no massage. I don't like massages. Like, I know that they're important for like what we do and like how we treat our bodies and everything. So like once a year I'll do it but

but you're not dying for it like when like a guy comes up and like rubs my back I'm like stop it really? nowadays I girl I can't get enough of it I had a massage the other day you fall asleep?

never I don't want to miss a fucking minute of that fucking do you prefer naked them on top of me I like a therapeutic I don't like it when they assault you I don't like it when they're literally trying to rearrange

your organs the level of pressure that they want is like the Saw franchise they want torture I just like therapeutic. And I just think it's like it scratches or it fulfills like one of the body's needs. Like you need to be touched. Like the blood needs to be flowing.

Yeah. And also you just need to be like, you know. You don't like that? I mean, I like to be touched, but it's like not in that way. That's so interesting. I don't know. So many, I know a lot of people are like,

I've never had, they've had one massage and then like, absolutely not gross. Hate it. So uncomfortable. Yeah. I mean, I've tried so many different types.

You can. My dude, he was a trainer for the track team at the Olympics, like in the early 2000s. Hot. This motherfucker. Hot. Oh my God. He knows he's hot. Oh yeah but he has to. He has eyes that work.

I mean like. He's seen a mirror. He is. Mama I would risk it all for this man. But the fact that it doesn't get sleazy even makes makes it more hot. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because I don't like crossing the line. Right right right. Like crossing the line. That's a different kind of massage. For sure. That's an erotic massage.

That's something you have to know ahead of time. Not being bamboozled. Yeah, and also you can't there's nothing worse than I couldn't imagine trying to because he's straight. And I'm not like

if he's going to fuck around with a guy, he's not going to do it with Mr. Burns. I feel like we bonded about this in the past like we're not the gays who are trying to switch like I'm so not that I'm also not trying to explore that nether region of a straight man you know what

cause you know what's going down there nothing good there's still things there that don't need to be there yeah it's like i i think at a certain point i realized at a certain point like in maybe high school or whatever i was like okay so we could keep falling in love with straight guys and wasting our time or we could get real and try to fuck some faggots yeah you know and then you're at a certain point you're like okay let's just let's go with the option that could end in sex. Yeah. And like, I just love,

I love a sexually aware faggot. Yeah. And also like a reciprocal arrangement. For sure. Yeah. There's nothing like, I like you and you like me. Wow. That's great.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I mean the. Hygiene's also just a huge thing for me. Like it's a huge, huge, huge thing for me. You don't like a shitty ass?

I don't like a shitty ass. I don't like unwanted hair. Scraggly ball hair, it's a wrap for me. Well, that's the curse of shaving the balls because you do it once, you sign up for life. Yeah. If you don't, is it like better hair quality or better growth? I think there's like, I mean, you shave your balls. Like on Monday, you shave your balls.

They're completely shaved. On Thursday. Yeah. You're poking through your undies. It's poking through and that sensation is not the tea. No. You got to keep doing it. But I learned that, I'll never forget the day I learned that you don't need to be delicate.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah, me either. You can go fucking like Mortal Kombat down there with that thing. It comes with like a comfortability. Yeah, but you have to like, you assume that that area, that skin is so, so, so delicate. Girl, you can fucking take a rusty, you know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. One time though, when I was shaving my legs, like my razor was like on the shower ledge and I was doing something

else and I like turned around and I watched the razor like fall and it literally nicked the tip of my dick like the blade hit the tip of my dick and like my tip my dick which is like bloody for a while that was the worst sensation like the worst sensation and also I've shaved the tip of my nipple off too. Yeah, it's a wrap. It's a wrap on extremities. Yeah. I have a very

very very highly tuned aversion to nipple torture. Like watching it or having it on you? Everything. It happened in a movie I had. I left the theater. I had to leave the movie Titan because there was this, this crazy nipple torture scene.

Okay. We got to wrap up soon. We're going to end on nipple torture. But the other thing is I'm so it's like I could, I will watch a saw movie and see somebody like, you know, rip their leg off, you know,

operate on their own brain, got a blood squirting out of every orifice. But when it comes to nipples, I can't look. Also, sometimes people try to, like, play with my nipples while we're having sex. And I'm like, I was like, mama. I was like, I love what you're trying to do there, but it's like, you might as well just go tickle that wall.

Like, it's like, I'm so, it does nothing. It's not doing anything for you. Nothing. I'm so jealous. I know. It's like, I'm so, it does nothing. It's not doing anything for you. I'm so jealous. I know. It's definitely like, for me, it's not connected either. But like,

once you like have a partner that's, it's like that, you're like, ooh. It's like, it's like, I mean, you know,

are your nipples wired? I mean, it's like, it's such a hack. Like it's such a gift. Yeah. And it seems almost like too easy. And,

and, like, I have a friend whose It seems almost too easy. I have a friend whose nipples are so sensitive. Literally Mother Teresa could rise from the dead. It doesn't have to be attractive. He just touches his nipples and he's just calm. That's so nice.

Isn't that fierce? Literally the other day, somebody was doing this and I'm like, are they sensitive? I was like, nope. Literally the opposite. somebody was like doing this and I'm like he's like are they sensitive I was like nope I was like literally the opposite it was so depressing

like yeah I literally I'm not now I do not have a boner so where can people find you

to see more of your incredible 90 inch fantasy I mean I'm still a touring girl aka like where to next not touring

I shouldn't say that right now because work the world's not doing that this year. That show is cunt though. That show is fierce. Of all the tours I would love to be on, that would be the one. It's cunty. I'm happy to be there. But I'm still gigging

and you'll catch me. Do you love me? It's like, thank you so much for being here Naomi we know you didn't want to show up I feel like we're in the age of the over it Ru girl

it's like we need another renaissance every logo bitch every logo bitch I'm talking to it's like a gig is a gig

is a gig is a gig it could be Rio or it could be Saskatchewan it's gonna be like a gig a gig you know you'll It could be Rio or it could be Saskatchewan. It's going to be like a gig.

You'll find me where you find me. You'll find me where you find me. I'm probably coming to a city near you and if not, I'm on Instagram. I'm not on Twitter anymore. My Twitter got hacked. You're kidding. So annoying. For real. If you guys know anyone that could help me. Twitter? Anyone in the

universe. Elon Musk? Can you figure out this... The doll needs her thing back. What about... Do you do TikTok? Not really. Love it! Oh, I love that. I feel like I'm definitely like... I'm just an elder queen at this point.

Old soul. At the ripe age of 30. Girl, I can't... TikTok is so weird. I don't know. I'm so okay boomer about it. I wish I was though because it looks like short and sweet. It's wild. Yeah.

It's wild. That little chicken nugget girl. Is that the girl who's like making the drinks behind the guy? She got it's hashtag no underscore limbs.

She bounds into frame, gets ready for Coachella. Cunt. She doesn't make like a double. She doesn't make a big – Like a double – No, she has – A torso?

She has no arms. She has legs. No. She – the bitch, fierce. She like bounces and rolls into the frame, like does her – pulls her hair up, does her fucking – With what? Mama, you got to watch it.

You got to get into her. I'm scared. No, it's like the most impressive thing ever when i don't want to get in drag i look at her and i'm like bitch get your fucking two hands and put the makeup on your face because okay it's cunty okay i'm gonna look at back pain completely different after that oh yeah i'm gonna show you when and i'm gonna blow your mind blow my mind yeah um well thank you so much. Thanks for having me. It's so good to see you. And thank you for just, oh my God.

Not shaving. Yeah. They're mesmerizing. Oh, thanks. Okay. Well, have a lovely day, everybody. We'll see you next time. Jesus, look at that.

Look at, I look, wow. Damn. Sometimes God doesn't, oh shit. Are those real lubes? No, they're just some. Bakers? I'm kidding... Oh, shit. Are those real lubes? No, they're just... Bakers? I'm kidding. Okay, goodbye. Bye.