The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Repressed Theater Gays with Joe and Andrew from the Good Children pod with Trixie

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

As we struggle to recover from the annual ritual of shoving Aunt Grace's bone-dry turkey and lumpy mashed potatoes down our gullets while listening to Uncle Billy yell at the TV about the Chicago Bears' wide-open tight-ends, let us raise a glass of Alka-Seltzer and propose a toast to Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella from the Good Children podcast. Here's to two shockingly likeable childhood friends from Long Island chatting about dropping their pants for views, shooting a low-budget iPhone camera talk-show, and infringing upon Trixie and Katya's copyrighted friendship. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind. If you’re 21+, go to: https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! After you purchase, they ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them Trixie & Katya sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with VIIA. To get Mint Mobile's new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD today! Turn your holiday purchases into steps toward your financial goals with Chime’s secure credit card. Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like Progress. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I have to tell you guys, I had not been to Wasaki, Wisconsin in so many years since pre-COVID and I went up there last month. And of course, my whole family moved to Milwaukee. You guys know, I bought my mama house and so everyone years since pre COVID. And I went up there last month. And of course, my whole family moved to Milwaukee. You guys know, I bought my mama house. And so everyone lives in Milwaukee now. So I had nowhere to stay. And there's not even like hotels in that area.

It's such a small area. So I got on Airbnb and my host Jodi, hi Jodi. She probably doesn't listen to this or know who I am, but she made it so easy. Her cabin was beautiful. It was like right in the middle of my small town sitting exactly where it was. The wifi, the heating, and it was like a family cabin.

So it had a bunch of like, you know, DVDs. You know, when you go on vacation, you just like watch, you know, movies with your family. It was perfect for staying a couple of days. It had everything for cooking. It had knives. Like because it's a real family's cabin, I didn't have to bring anything.

In my suitcase, I packed a pan, I packed like a spatula, because I thought it'd be cooking breakfast, and they had all of that. It was so nice. You know, it was just perfect for me, and it slept eight, but honestly, it was so affordable that I just got it anyway. So instead of a bunch of kids' beds being used and stuff,

it was just like, had a full bedroom. It was like perfect, perfect for me. I could have never achieved like that experience of like relaxed and everything kind of provided for me if I'd stayed in a hotel. I mean a hotel in rural Wisconsin. So check out Airbnb.com or check out the Airbnb app. Download it. I cannot recommend it enough. Trips are always better with Airbnb.

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Hi, I'm Trixie Katya is dead to me. She's not here right now. And I have a card here because we started doing like real producing. Yeah. So I'm going to read. Obviously you guys have the good children here today. But I'm gonna read like, I don't know them. Okay.

This week on The Bald and the Beautiful, I'm bald and we have two very beautiful special guests, their lifelong friends and hosts of the hit podcast, Good Children, where they share hilarious childhood memories on filter pop culture opinions and even have iconic guests like Julia Fox and Trixie Mattel. It's Miss Jo and Miss Andrew.

Hello. This is really a and Miss Andrew. Hello. Yay! This is really a dream come true. That was incredible. That was amazing. That was incredible. We never do this. We are doing this for you.

Thank you. Because we're cosplaying as a real show. Well, it's- When Katya's not here, we try to really do it. I understand, yeah. I get it. Katya's not here. She has this weird phobia of two people

and two people on the podge thinks it's too many voices. So she said, I'll stay home. And I was like, good, we don't want you here. I think it has something to do with us. No, we were thinking she hates our guts. I think she hates you. We'll have to ask. We'll have to ask.

I have a whole bunch of questions to ask you guys. But like at the top, what was the turning point? Because I feel like it went like this. And every single person I know listens to your podcast. Was there like a specific moment or episode or like, how did you do it? We were just like the two dumbest fucks in the room who really, really, really convinced ourselves it would work. And we just were posting clips to TikTok. Like the TikTok is what did it. Yeah.

And it was... The TikTok. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. There was one, I would say there was a Kelly Clarkson bit. Yeah. Yeah, that went viral saying that the last time that America was fully unified was Kelly

Clarkson. And then that really kind of really helped us. You're talking about when she won? Yes. Can I tell you I remember it like it was yesterday? She sings a moment like this. Of course. Kids, if you don't know, because I'm sure people younger than us don't know.

It makes me sick. It makes me sick. You guys are younger, right? Yeah. We were five when she won. Okay, I think I was in middle school or something. But I remember her voice cracking, singing a moment like this, and being like, this is crazy. It was really beautiful.

I think like for Katniss, Everdeen to win the Hunger Games, that had to happen. Oh, absolutely. She saved the country. Yeah, I mean, in many ways, they're actually are very similar people. It was awesome. And then at the end, she's crying so hard

that other contestants sing for her. It was just so organic. And from Justin to Kelly, she hasn't stopped. Well, from Justin to Kelly, it was traumatic for her. Yeah. I've never seen it, but I remember the gentleman's hair. Justin Guarini. You can't forget that hair.

Yeah. Yeah, no. I saw him in Wicked, believe it or not. Was he good? Was he awesome? He was very, very good. OK, that's an American Idol. Are you guys horny for Wicked?

I am. I mean, you come to LA and it's like actually shoved down your throats in a crazy way, like every single street. You're like, I left New York. I left the New York area to have Broadway now thrust on my throat. Yeah, no, but like the 75 foot Ariana Grande posters that are on every road is crazy. It's pretty awesome. Brittany Broski had the nerve to text me two nights ago, are you going to see at the Wicked

premiere? And I said, no, I wasn't invited. That's crazy. That's wild. And Bob the drag queen was there. I don't know what I did. You would have came in a stunning outfit. I just feel like I wear blonde, I wear pink, you know, I love bubbles.

I love witches. Plus I just talked on the pod about going to see it on Broadway. The thing is, do you have beef with Ariana? Do you think you've said something on the pod about going to see it. I'm brought. The thing is, do you have a few for Ariana? Do you think you've said something in the past about probably what my aren't in granny personation? Do you guys know about that? Actually, I mean, you know, it's not good, but maybe she's meant about that. Yeah, she can't imagine that's that's wild that you didn't get invited.

But you were like, yeah, we couldn't make it this time. But ask anybody here. I would get invited and then complain about having to get in drag and go. Yeah. So what I want is to be asked and then tell everyone around me, well, I can't go. I have to sit in a corset. Like, I can't do that. I was a Barbie premiere drag and even the Barbie movie, you guys, by the end of the movie, I was in the corset. Like, you can't sit in a movie theater in a corset.

Well, I always think about when you told the story about the Priscilla drag when you almost went in full Priscilla drag to the Priscilla show with Priscilla next to you. Oh, Priscilla. And that kills me. Girl. Can you imagine? And by the way, did you see Priscilla? I did.

It's very dark. It was exactly uplifting. So imagine me and I was gonna wear like her her wedding dress with the veil and a big brown wig and the wig. And imagine the scene of Elvis abusing her and I'm sitting next to her like, what the fuck? Like, are you good? You're consoling, that's horrible.

Well, the crazy part about that story was that she came and sat right in front of me for the premiere. She was right here, her red hair, and I was just like, I'm okay. That's crazy. And that was the first time I saw Jason, not Jason Elordi, a Lordy, Jacob,

a Lordy in person. I didn't know he was an avatar. How do you look in person? Yeah. He's seven five. I think is the height. That's the Australian way. Yeah. So you guys, if not, everybody has heard of you guys, which I'm assuming they have, because let me tell you, the algorithm, the rhythm of the reels and the tick tock favors you guys. I think it's hard to avoid. Yeah. Thank you so much. It's hard to avoid you guys. Affirmative for us. Thank you. Well, people started, people started tagging me because they were like, oh, it's like the Trixie and Katya, but you know, not, well, not annoying. When you came on our podcast, we were like, we didn't know if you were going to show up like

very happy or with a cease and desist because we, you think we have a patent on friendship? True. The difference is you guys are real friends and Katya can't even show up to our pod today. You're right. That's the difference. You're right. No, but we truly watched you guys from the very beginning. And then we were delusional enough to say we're going to start a podcast,

and the rest is history. But we've been best friends since four years old. So that's what it is. Yeah. That's the crazy part about following you guys is I got to know you guys as adults talking about hookups or a movie you saw or whatever. But then the guys, what you stuff we share on social media. Yeah, it's sick.

It's you guys have like, like middle school VHS footage of each other. Yeah, my dad worked in IT and was very, very, very serious about archiving every single single thing I ever took a picture of or a video of and I got a camera at a very young age. And every single, like to the point where it's scary, like every single thing I've ever experienced is on camera. It's by month and year in the archive. It's like, it's like 200,000 videos and pictures. It's really sick. We haven't even breached the surface surface of putting things out there. It's wild. But every single time I would go over to Joe's house, he would be like, we're filming today.

Get to work. Get to work. And then he would direct me, and I'd be like, OK, this is amazing. We're slaying it now. What was your beginning projects you guys would start to film together? I think it really was Farmville Moms. We were doing drag at a very young age. On Facebook, right?

Yes, it was the Facebook. We transitioned from Farmville Moms to Facebook Moms, and it was a Facebook video back when Facebook video was a thing. I mean, also, actually, before that, it was early Facebook. But I was Deborah, you were Linda. And we were just two Italian moms cleaning out, just having a fight every single week. And we took it very seriously, and our audience

was 45-year-old women. We had an audience. We were like, oh my god, me. They were immediately standing. standing they were doing well I wish we did stay with it because it would have like taken us somewhere But then we just got nervous and like any bully gay crept in and it was what we talked about this on the pod Yes, we're doing this you guys were doing drag pretend to be moms, which is gayer than anything Yeah, it's gonna be like a four-year-old. Why mom is gayer than getting fucked in the ass

Oh, yeah, I think and you guys were staunchly like, but love the girls, but the pussy. I'm so straight up. That's so wild. It really goes to show you how repression really can take ink from the pores. And even our parents, they were like, when we came out, they were like shocked. That was the craziest part.

You were watching Far of a Mom with us. You bought us the wigs. You bought us the wigs. I was like, I was using my mom's clip-in hair extensions as a wig for like four years. And I was like, this is literally yours. Like how do you possibly, how are you shocked? Mom, can I wear your cardigan? She's like, absolutely. You look amazing. Well, I think whatever repression you guys are feeling is mirrored by the level of denial that a parent can exhibit. Exactly. I mean, I wish my parents were shocked. When

I told my fucking mom, they all know this. My mom was like, well, I kind of knew. Yeah. And I was like, but I was expecting like, you know, when I watched a grassy and someone comes out, they have to like run away from home. I was back called. I was ready to run away. I thought I'm ready to go live in a women's shelter or whatever I need to do. Mom was like, yeah, we all knew you're like that easy. That's like what the fuck scenario in many ways. It is, but it was also kind of like as somebody who wasn't quite ready to be called feminine at all. I was like, well, fuck you too, bitch. You know what I mean? I wanted my mom to be like, really? You were so athletic. You wanted the drama to happen. You were so butch. Yeah. You did football, right? I, well, we both

did football for a second. I played football. I played lacrosse was my main thing. Do you like how I call it did football? Did football, yeah. We did it. We did it, yeah. No, and then I broke my wrist in eighth grade playing football and that was the best day of my entire life. I'm being serious.

Because you were like free. I was free. My parents thought I was going to be in the NFL. Can you imagine? What would I play? What would I be? The national faggot league. The national faggot league.

Throw me around please. And so you're playing football and then your wrist is just free swinging like this. Not exactly head a row. No, I'm like, my wrist snap. Yeah, it was so limp. Yeah. And I was backpedaling and I fell and I was like, fuck yeah. Was it fucking wild to have Julia Fox on? Oh, it was. It was our one year anniversary of the pod and you were the second year. That was a huge celebrity guest. And that was like, I mean, you guys are so big now. That was like the beginning of you guys.

It was so terrifying. It was so scary. We literally the whole time, I mean, same thing with you. We thought you weren't going to show up. Like, we are like, obviously, all we think is like worst case scenario. But for Julia, it was like we ran into her at a party, like some like PR event.

And that was like the beginning of it. And we went up to her asked her to come on the podcast. She said you had a t shirt. I mean, yeah, I didn't want to get into the full story. But basically, I'll make it quick. The 24 hours before this party, she posted to her tik tok and said, I want a shirt that says I have a right to be ugly. I was informed by somebody that she'd be at the same party as us the next night. I had this shirt made by my sister.

Who makes shirts? All you need is somebody with a cricket to get something done. And she made the shirt for me in 24 hours. Are you saying the word cricket? Cricket? Cricket? What is that? See, and that's because you don't live in the suburbs. These moms, these 30-year-old girls, they are making things with crickets. All Katya's clothes are t-shirts that she makes on like, Pixar. Yeah.

Canva. Mm-hmm. And then this is like full, like, it cuts it out for you. You apply it with like an iron or a heat press. Oh, and you like, can't wash it. Yes. Basically, or it'll peel right off. Yeah.

So Julia's shirt has peeled off, I'm sure, since then. But um. You gave it to her? Yes. So the next day, she was at the party. She was in like, the craziest custom look. Like, she was floating through the room. I was like forging sand.

I don't think I even told you what the plan was. Because she came out like, again, the air left the room. There was, it was a grand entrance, I would say. You didn't tell me this was happening. No, I said I have some, I have a plan. But I didn't say what the plan was. Because I needed to be like, if I told anyone, I'd be so much more nervous.

Oh yeah, I'm so scared of celebrities. I'm so scared of famous people. And I'm very scared of famous people that I like. Yeah. Well, of course. That's why we're terrified of you. We'll never forget when we got the phone call from the Wisconsin area,

because it was the scariest moment of our entire life. No, we really. We almost drove off the road. We still talk about it to this day. We're like, no, no, don't do it. Oh, because I just called. Yeah, it was so scary. We called to say, were you saving the number?

We didn't pick up. We didn't pick up. No, we didn't pick up. I'm so insane. And we knew it was you. But we couldn't do it. Oh, because I just called. You called to maybe save. But were you saving the number? We didn't pick up. We didn't pick up. No, we didn't pick up. I'm so insane. And we knew it was you. But we couldn't pick up. I just cold call people. I think you guys aren't so, so young.

But I know Gen Z and stuff is like, that's their worst nightmare, is that their mom calls them on the phone. And they were justifying. We were like, no, Trixie didn't mean to call, right? It was an accident. It was an accident. It was for sure a butt dial.

414 number. I'm like, hey. By the way, just to segue, you guys are mean to call, right? It was nice. It had to be an accident. It was for sure a but dial. 414 number. I'm like, hey. By the way, just to segue, you guys are going to Madison, Wisconsin. Yes, we are. Holy shit. We are. And we're trying to sell some tickets,

so thank you for that plug. Madison, let's hear you scream. You guys are going to Indianapolis, Madison, I believe Chicago. Yes. Those are the three. And you do a little Midwest tour. Yeah, we're doing a little tester Midwest tour.

Have you guys been to the Midwest before? No. Well, you've been to Chicago. You were in Chicago, right? No. Ohio, Ohio. Oh, I've been to Ohio. What are you going to wear?

This, I think. We do think we're going to do some sort of, are we still going to do that? We want to be near the country for it, which I don't really know if it's actually Midwest, but we just think both really want to see a country song. Because we always open and end with a song. We always sing.

We just don't shut up, right? But we were like, what songs are we going to sing this time? Do we just go like full country and make it funny? No, you hate that. It seems like you hate the idea, so we'll get back to the drawing. We could ideate. Let's take a break. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. For the past several years, I have been hard at work on my debut self-help book, Finding Comfort in the Chaos. In it, I teach my followers that when you find yourself living in an uncomfortable moment,

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After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them and please support our show and say that Trixie and Katya sent you, okay, this holiday season enhance your everyday with Viya. I think honestly, like, what's the most, I mean, Wisconsin's weird because, at least the Midwest is weird, because you guys are going to big cities. Big cities are not, like, the country.

So people are probably gonna be like, it's gonna be like little fashion gays and shit, you know? Okay. And little like the girlies and the they-thems. It's gonna be like that. But what you guys should do in Wisconsin. Please. Well, I don't want to spoil it for you,

but you guys should get some Packer jerseys or like those cheese heads. Something very local in that way. And they'll turn up for that shit. OK, we'll do that. Yes, and we're familiar with some cheese heads. So it's actually perfect. Chicago is like America's third largest city.

You guys are acting like you're going to the goddamn prairie. I think you'll be OK. We get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that we haven't been to Chicago is kind America's third largest city. You guys are actually going to the goddamn prairie. No, Chicago will be okay. The fact that we haven't been to Chicago is kind of crazy. Yes, and we're going in the dead of winter, which I heard it's beautiful that time of year, so I'm really excited. You might get snowbound. Katya and I got stuck in Madison because of a snowstorm last year. Wow.

Yeah, good luck to you. I mean, I think that'd be a fun story for us. Snow to the Madison. It's going to be a Hallmark movie. You guys got to marry someone in Wisconsin. I'm telling you, everybody, all my gay guys. You don't have to twist my arm. All my gay friends who go to Wisconsin are like, the men there are, Nick, right?

Nick? The men are beautiful. Really? They are corn fed. They exercise and eat. Yeah. They have jobs and educations. Yeah.

And they like are repressed in a hot way. Okay. You know? Where it's like, what version of sex do you want? Do you want like the boy's coat version where you just jerk off and don't talk about it? and they like are repressed in a hot way. You know, where it's like, what version of sex do you want? Do you want like the boy's coat version? We just jerk off and don't talk about it or getting a little drunk and mama, you're getting choked. You know what I mean? Like, right up your alley.

It does to get choked. Well, yeah. Okay. You guys are both single now? No, I am in a two year long relationship. I knew this. I'm sorry. It's so okay. It's so okay. It's so okay. So we're trying to marry you off.

Yeah, please. And what's the dowry situation? Like if someone comes courting your daughter and they're like, hey girl. It's tough. I'm a very, very strict parent when it comes to that. Because I think that Andrew has really crazy judgment. And we know, but we can't disagree here.

We can't disagree. You're right. Do you like the toxic group boys or what? Yeah. You like them deaf husbands, don't you? The most evil, evil, evil person on the planet is usually who it is. And I don't even think they're evil. And it's like, it's yeah, it really is horrible. Something he does is he'll be like, it's amazing. Like he does not let me speak, but I love it. Like I love it. It's amazing. I'm like, honestly, I met him at the bar and like he would just like disappear every 15 minutes. And like, then I'm like, honestly, I met him at the bar and like, he would just like disappear every 15 minutes.

And like, then I would just find him kissing somebody else. And then like, I'd be like, I'm with him. Then he'd come right back to me. Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah, I know. I can't stand when you know what I can't say in a relationship. This is a deal breaker. What do you want tonight for dinner, babe? Well, what sounds good? And then you present options and they say no to everything. So then what is this about? Right. Yeah.

Is this just us volleying restaurant names? Is it a game? Like we just say no to everything. So then what is this about? Is this just us volleying restaurant names? Is it a game? Like we just say no to everything? I like decisive men. So I'm not saying I like to be passive in relationships, but I hate indecision. I hate sort of like, I don't know, whatever. No.

I'm definitely, I would say I teeter on indecisive, but I'm decisive when it comes to food. That's true. You do know what you want. Yeah, I know what I want. What's the dream food on the date? Dream food on the date? I like an Italian.

Well, I'm Italian. So I like an Italian restaurant. Yeah. I like twirl my little fork for you. You know what I mean? Yeah. And we'll see how it goes. But I feel like I'm not normally going to dinner for a date.

It's normally like, let's grab a drink. Yeah. Or let's get coffee. That's like so New York style. Let's grab a drink or let's get coffee. It's like so New York style. Let's get a drink or coffee. And we'll see where it goes. But you bitches are from Jersey, right? No, Long Island.

I'm sorry. We talked about this last time. I'm having deja vu. These little faggots who follow, they know that I have no memory. They're going to post us asking and talking about the same things. Yeah. No, I will say, I think that one time, we might have mentioned it when you came on our pod too, but you had Bob the drag queen on and you mentioned us and you were like these two, these two faggots from, from New Jersey and people were tagging us speak like New Jersey. No, it's okay. We love New Jersey. We love New Jersey. We're obsessed. Yeah. JLo. No, I'm so sorry. Oh my God. See what he did was worse. No, because we're okay. But here I can explain why. Because I was thinking of Antonella Barbara from American Idol.

She has a song called Jersey girl and in that song she goes not to be confused with the movie starring JLo because JLo did star in Jersey girl. Yeah. Right. Quick recovery there. That was really good. I need to bring it back to American Idol whenever you need. Now with the toxic men, are you the last to know? Is it everyone around you like girl to girl? Girl, girl. It's like you can pick them out of the group.

You know what I mean? Like, you know what they're going to look like. You know how they're going to be. And yeah, I'm trying to steer away from it. It's been a while though. Right. You know, but I'm always finding myself in a bad situation. But you're doing a good job right now.

I am. You really are. I really am. You really, really are. Thank you so much. You know, I think the game changer is when I started thinking really are. I really am. You really, really are. Thank you so much. You know what I think the game changer is, when I started thinking like, would I want,

but this was, okay, if I hear a story about someone's relationship or like my relationship, whatever, and I go, all right, if this was happening to my sister, what would I tell her to do? Or my mom. If a guy said this to her or the guy did this to her, what would I say?

Yeah. Yeah. You know, do you guys have siblings? Yes. We do, yeah. And then you gotta, the thing is, when your siblings are acting wild in a relationship, you have to keep your yard clean enough that you can get on your soapbox and tell them what to do. Because if your relationships are wrecked and you start telling them what's up, they're like,

well, what about you, Mary? You know? I feel like it's hard because we're like young. The younger ones, both of us and all of our older siblings are like very, like own a house, have kids, normal life. And we're like, we're podcasters with a little bit of a structure. So we look like the crazy ones. 10 times out of 10. Our parents are like, what do you do?

I'm like, I'm a podcaster. Like, what's that? I'm like, cool. You started recording at home by yourselves, like using your own cameras and own sound equipment. Yeah, our own phones. And we still do that to this day. Phones?

iPhones, that's it. An iPhone can do anything. It really can. It really can. It can but have you guys seen that Google Pixel 9? And I do love the Google Pixel as well. That camera. You got to get a Google deal? Yeah. That camera is amazing. It's crazy. I did a commercial for them with Money Exchange and they were showing me how to use it. And by the way, the phone didn't come out yet. You would have thought we were like in a secret service. They were like, you cannot take a picture of it. Like you can't believe what it is.

Because everyone's constantly. The camera on that shit is amazing. Okay. So even if you've got it just to film with. I was thinking about that at one point because it really, I used it over the summer for a job and I was like, this is the best camera I've ever seen. Okay. So we're getting the Google.

But the iPhone footage is fine. Like it's totally, it's very HD. It looks good. We like our, we're at the place where we're like, as long as the video is recorded and the audio sounds okay, we're happy. Yeah. I know sometimes we worry so much

about what the pod looks like. And sometimes I'm like, I'm sorry. What ever happened to a podcast? Of course. Or that ear holes? We just put on clothes now. Yep. And you can't repeat the outfits.

I get stressed. Yeah. Your face needs to be moving all over the place. People want to stay engaged, you know? They want who's? I guess people want. But it's like a podcast. But now let's just call it what it is. Low budget iPhone camera talk show.

Exactly. You know? Yep. Watching on YouTube. Yeah. Watching on the YouTube. Horrible. Horrible.

Yeah. No, but we love it. I love it. Are you too famous for the apps now for the gay apps? On the gay apps? I mean, like, I get noticed here and there. That freaks me out though. I'm like, especially when it's like... Oh, you're going to get killed. No, and you always... Joe has always said that. That's scary.

That's scary. But I'm like, you know, you're on an app. You're like, I'm just trying to get it right now. Sometimes. Well, sometimes it's like, you're more worried about like, Oh God, is, are they going to be, are they on prep? And I'm like, you're going to a stranger's home. The killer is waiting. The killer doesn't need to wait for SDI. The killer has the knife. No, I got to delete those. I go, I ebb and flow with deleting, but the like hinge and Tinder, I'm trying to get away from them. I go by Ebb and Flow with deleting. But the like Hinge and Tinder, I'm trying to get away from them. I'm trying to meet somebody organically.

I love Hinge. In Wisconsin. In Wisconsin, I swear to God. You guys are going to Madison, which is beautiful. College town, gorgeous. Do you like younger men? Well, I wouldn't say college. Yeah.

Would you say college? I hope not. What about grad degree? Grad degree, I can do. Yeah, I would love somebody with a grad degree. Higher Ed. Higher Ed. Smart men are the move. Yeah. Would you say college? I hope not. What about grad degree? Grad degree, I can do. Yeah, I would love somebody with a grad degree. Higher Ed. Higher Ed. Smart Ed are the move.

Yeah. Yeah. We could do that. I could do that. I'm actually willing to settle in Wisconsin, for sure. As in like settle down? Settle down. OK.

Oh, no, not settle for people in Wisconsin. You're saying settle for the state of Wisconsin? Yeah, that's what I heard. Wow. That's exactly what I heard. I'm trying to be shady about Wisconsin. I'm obsessed with Wisconsin. It's amazing.

I love cheese. But I do believe that I would settle down with somebody in Wisconsin. We could just do it virtually, right? The podcast? Yeah, that's fine. Okay, cool. Do you know what I think is funny? When we were on the pod afterward,

I was like, do you guys want to go swimming? And you guys said, yeah. And then we all went swimming. Yeah. That really happened. That really did happen. We said yeah, and I turned to Joe and I was like, are you sick about this?

Yeah, in front of you. That was a crazy moment to me. Because we have anxiety. Sometimes we're like, we want to infringe on spaces. But you know that I'm the queen of like, come over and I'll tell you when to leave the moment I'm sick of it. Yeah. And that was the perfect amount of time.

Like, we were swimming in that pool for like an hour. And then we were in the pool. And then get out. Hot, hot, hot pool. It was hot. Yes, it was amazing. When was that? That was like May, April?

May, May. You said that your house was just redone. Oh, it had to be April. Yeah. May is when the episode came out, so it was April. Yeah. Well, sometimes we keep the pool at like 90. Yeah, and that's what it was, I think.

Sometimes we keep it at 100 and we'll swim in it for a weekend like a hot tub, a giant hot tub. It was really a glorious day. And I think our spray tab was coming off almost. I'm sure, yeah. I'm sure. Oh, yeah. On the beach, it was hot.

It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. It was hot. giant hot tub. It was really a glorious day. And I think we were like, our spray tab was coming off almost. I'm sure, yeah. I'm sure.

Oh yeah, on the car over. Yeah, absolutely. Because we were dripping. Yeah, it hit midnight and. Gorgeous house. David was watching the Marilyn Monroe talks or whatever. Oh yeah. Hey, we're here, we're swimming now.

You know what? I always thought if I had a pool, I'd use it all the time. Do you guys honestly think that if you had a pool, you would use it? Yes. I understand what you know what? I always thought if I had a pool, I'd use it all the time. Do you guys honestly think that if you had a pool, you would use it? Yes. I understand what you're saying. I grew up with the pool. And you never used it?

We never really used it. It was the biggest point of contention in my family, is my dad being like, no one goes in this pool. It is draining money. We cannot have this anymore. Take the video camera. Go in the pool. Yeah, and that I did.

And that I did. We got some mermaids. Would you prefer a hot tub over the pool? Oh, and that I did. And that I did. Mermaids. Yeah, mermaids. Would you prefer a hot tub over the pool? Oh yeah, maybe the hot tub almost every day. After being in drag all day, when your little piggies are all smashed from the shoes, and you have body makeup residue,

you scrub it off, but you still feel sticky. Cook myself like a fucking lobster, bright red. I want that water 105. I wanna be afraid for my life in that hot tub. You wanna be in there for five minutes and you have to sit on the ledge because you're sweating so much. Oh, and I'd be in there alone?

Yeah. I'm like falling asleep alone in the hot tub. Yeah. That's perfect. Best case scenario. Clock it out. Yeah. You guys, when you do your pod, do you go into it with a plan,

or do you do what Katya and I do, which is walk in and scream? We do the latter, which I think is really hard. It really like we because only because like, but you guys have a really established audience and, like, a really established career, so people just want to hear you speak about anything. For us, like, we still need to hook people with something. Yeah. And then we show up and we sit down and we're like,

what the fuck are we gonna talk about? Like, what's the theme today? But I think that we're getting to a place, though, that it doesn't matter as much. Yeah, but I still am like a YouTube, a casual YouTube scroller is not going to click on a thumbnail that's like us talking about pumpkins for an hour. Yeah, it'll be like, you clickbait them,

it's like, gay, first time having gay sex. It's actually what we're always doing, because that's the best clickbait. Yeah, it is. It's like movies that just can, like, if you guys talked about Wicked, right after you saw it, they'd probably get clipped. True.

You know, and sometimes the fans of the shows clip better clips than I have. And sometimes I'm like, my little friend over here has clipped a clip of me in Katya that has millions of, like- It's crazy. Meanwhile, my like shitty selfie on TikTok, they're like, what are you doing?

Yeah. Are you well? Do you run your own socials? Yes. Girl, Tina. We run it all. Wow. I know. Do you run your own socials? Yes. Girl, Tina. We run it all. Wow. I know.

Do you use your socials anymore? I post that. Yeah, yeah. I post. I think you can tell because it's like a 2 a.m. ship post. It's like misspelled. I understand. Yeah.

But that's what people want. I feel like you want to know that the person is also doing the socials. I can't even tell you. I'm like in the DMs. I'm like messaging people back. I love it. Yeah. It's fun. I hate when you follow a celebrity and their Twitter

presence is like a GIF from a movie they did. And it's like, walk it into Monday. Girl, this isn't you. I did that for an unnamed celebrity for a year and a half. I was them on social media. Actually several, three at one point at the same time. And it really was soul sucking. It was a soul sucking work the whole time.

I mean, they were all like nice and everyone was fine. Like not like the actual like management, but the celebrities themselves are very, very nice, but it was really, really, really weird work. Because sometimes I'm like writing a beautiful essay about like body empowerment. And then like, I'm like, okay, this goes off to you. And then I sit in the background and watch people

like love what you're saying. And it's fully, I wrote this. It was like ghost writing, but in like full TikTok, off to you and then I sit in the background and watch people that love what you're saying and it's fully, I wrote this. It's like ghost writing, but in like full TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. Even interviews I feel like, right? Like they would go on interviews and you would tell them what to say.

Sometimes, yeah. Which is crazy because my job was video editor. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Mint Mobile. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Can I just say, I'm not going to say which provider I was with, but this was like 2017. Fina Barbotol was the one who was like, how much do you pay for your, and she's the one who went into my phone, like log in and showed me like, oh no girl, they got you.

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I could use more of it. I love the attention. Same. Same. We're always begging for it. We're like really, we're really kind of desperate in some ways. In like a weird way. We're like, hey guys, DMS. We'll take off all of our clothes on Patreon if you pay us $7. Like we will really do it in our feet. And then like all of a sudden we're like, oh, so we do have a gay following.

It's like Michael, James, Patrick, everyone starts following the Patreon because they think we're naked. Oh. Not on a day-to-day basis. No, not a lot of people are trying to fuck us. Do you guys really take the clothes off on the Patreon? We've done it once or twice.

You look at shirtless episode or something? We've done, we've done like full, we've done like, we've covered, we've used like a modesty cloth occasionally, but there was a time this summer that we did full, because we went to a nude beach together. So we like crossed the boundary. We were like, okay, we can like be around each other naked. And we did a full episode completely naked.

And I am the editor of it. And I remember Andrew was on a flight here actually, and I was trying to edit this and I was like, I cannot in good faith. We were never going to post our actual dicks. So it was always going gonna be censored. But it was just the practice of doing it that I was like, we've crossed a line here. Are we pathetic?

I was like, what are we doing? But no shame to anyone who's doing sex work. But I was like, we're like, so if, it was like this fine line between like actually committing and then just being like soft and naked on camera. Yeah. Talking about our lives for an hour. And like you rap and like you just like go on with your day. Put back on your pants.

Pretend like nothing just happened. That's why people should shoot in studios with crews. Because we just get bored. Wow, just trying to keep the clothes on. Yeah. Apparently if you guys are left-handed devices, you get out the iPhone and show the whole. Imagine. Yeah. Also, if you're going to start doing sex work, I think you should ask more money devices, you get out the iPhone and show the whole. Right now, imagine. Yeah. Also, if you're gonna start doing sex work, I think you should ask more money than YouTube views.

Yeah. Also, you know what else? It might hurt sponsorships. I know. Well, that's why I'm glad that we didn't release it. But- By the way, don't tell Katya that. She will get naked in here.

Right? Please don't. Her and her bright gray bush just like, no, please. Next week. Fucking no, please. Yeah. But that was exactly how we sat, too, the whole episode. Yeah.

Like that. Do you guys, you guys are involved in the drag. You like the drag girls. Yeah, of course. You like the drag girls. Joe's getting a drag queen. Yes, yeah. Oh, I wonder if you guys could ever go on drag race

and be judges. That would be wonderful. That would be a dream. That's a dream come true. Dream case scenario. Then you would have a nervous breakdown. Do you think? Every's a dream come true. Then you would have nervous breakdown. Do you think? Every time I see you, Paul.

We always have a nervous breakdown. Yeah, yeah. I need to have him see us. When I was pulling you to the parking lot, I was having a nervous breakdown. Joe was like, you need to turn around. I just kept going as far away as possible. I just kept driving past you.

It was sick. What's happening? Well, they pulled in and it was me standing next to the Bob the Drag Queen tour bus with Bruce Blanche. It was a heavy intro. Overwhelming experience. Oh my god. And they parked at Trixie Cosmetics

because as we're filming this, it's Veterans Day. And there's no one in the office today. So you guys lucked out on the parking. It was amazing. I think it was meant to be. It was. 100%. Can I tell you, as many times I've worked with RuPaul,

every single time, it is a pulse pounding horror thrill ride because I love her and fear her so much. And if you guys, I'm telling you, even out of drag, when she walks in, it is like a voodoo doll somewhere has stabbed you in the neck. It's so chilling and thrilling. Well, you were saying you can't meet your favorite celebrities or somebody you think is so famous. Like, I actually do think I would shut down if I was in the same room as RuPaul. Well, I'm sure when you guys had Miss Fox, it was like that. Who was in that echelon for you of faves

where you would just die? It's like, my answer is so random for this podcast, but for me, it's Lorde. Oh, yeah. New Zealand singer, songwriter Lorde is someone who, like like I have such a scary parasocial relationship with. Like she posted her birthday party pictures yesterday

and like my stomach dropped because I was like, she didn't invite me. And I was like, oh, I have no idea who this person is. Like this is a complete stranger. But I literally like felt that. So I would only be afraid of how I would behave because I don't want to be parasocial. I don't want to be weird.

And I would just want to like be normal. For sure. So it'd be tough. I think it really makes sense to you though. Because then you have to pretend you don't know everything about Lord and I just want to like be normal for sure. So it'd be tough. That's a good make sense too though. Because then you have to pretend you don't know everything about Lord. Otherwise you're a freak. Everything about you. But then you're pretending to not know.

Because I've had guys I've hooked up with pretend they don't know and that's much worse than just saying it. Yes. Is it that would you want them to say? I guess so. When they say like, so what do you do for a living? I'm like, you're all a man on Instagram. What are you talking about?

Yeah. What about you? Who would chill you to the core? I think it's just because we talked about her lore for so long as Kiki Palmer. Oh, yeah. I'm obsessed with Kiki Palmer, like, in a crazy way. So I feel like the conversation would be amazing. I think she'd break the ice pretty quick on that one.

I did a commercial with her. For sure. How was she? Monet, I did that Google thing with her. How was she in real life? This episode really should be sponsored by Google. She was there. Am I dreaming this?

I was dreaming it. You were dreaming this? I was dreaming it. You were dreaming it. I often dream about her. No, she was hosting because I asked her about Scream. Because I remember the first time I saw her, it was in Scream the TV series. And she was so beautiful. And she was asking me and Monet all about our hair and makeup

because she's like a little drag queen. It's funny because in drag, when I'm with another drag queen like Monet, I think like, oh, we're just two, five, two girls. And then when a real girl enters the room, it's like that scene in Alice in Wonderland where you're like growing. Oh, right. We're huge. Would you guys ever do the drags once again? I guess. Yeah. I mean, I've done that like twice just for Halloween. Like my boyfriend's put me in full drag this year. I was Jessica Lang in American Horror Story Asylum and during the name game with the, okay. This year I was Jessica Lange in American Horror Story Asylum

during the name game. With the, OK. When she has the little 60s. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really felt my oats this year. I really enjoyed it the year before I was Trisha Paytas. And I left immediately, went home, and showered.

I was like, I hate everything about this. This year I was like, oh, I could do character drag. I would enjoy this shit. I cannot, I couldn't serve. I simply do like character drag. Like I would enjoy like this shit. I cannot, I couldn't like serve. I simply, I cannot serve. Sure. But I don't know if I would actually commit to it in a full way.

I mean, we basically, we like do the cheapest worst version of it all the time. I don't know how to beat my face. Like that's the one thing I need to like learn how to do makeup. Cause I do think I would do drag. You don't wear any boy makeup either of you? No.

This is your real face. I'll grab some eyeshadow on my lids occasionally for fun, but it never looks great. Wow, you got there skin in real life. You guys look like a little baby, glowing. Thank you. It's because we're 16. It's because you don't do drag. Yeah, exactly. The skin loves no drag. This summer when I was doing my sabbatical, I was like, wow, cross-dressing is a wreck on your body. It really is. How was that sabbatical? I cannot recommend it enough. Yeah. What podcast do you guys listen to as podcasters?

Who? None. None, but like... Oh! Let's take a break. You really listen to none? Yeah. I love that.

I will tune into, depending on the guest, I'll tune into like, for a while I was listening to Sarah Silverman's pod, because she just talks about herself, which is kind of interesting. For a while I was listening to Matt and Bowen. For a while I kind of like jump around. And I love Attitudes with Brian and Aaron.

But then you guys, it's like mostly when the Algama rhythm reminds me to. I'm like, oh, I love them. I'm going to turn them on. Oh my God. That means so much. I feel like I comedy pod. Sometimes I don't listen to as much.

I feel like I want to get away from like what we do sometimes, but I do occasionally listen to adjust Trish or sloppy seconds, sloppy seconds, love meatball, love obsessed. But yeah, we really just, even when we started the podcast, we never listened to a podcast before we started. That was real delusion. I think that's quite worth it also. Oh yeah.

Because we had nothing to reference. Yeah. The first few years of doing drag, I was in Rocky Horror and I didn't know any other drag queens. That's crazy. Crazy. But you know, that's why you figure out how to do everything the wrong way and then you have to fix it yourself.

Right. Yeah. It's like the hard version of everything, because you're too proud to take direction for anyone. I don't recommend that approach to anything. But I do love it. It's my favorite approach, unfortunately. It does. I think sometimes the things people don't know

podcasters have to know. I mean, luckily, you guys using iPhones is just so nice. Yeah. Do you use your real iPhones, or do you have separate phones? No, we use our real phones. And it's a point of contention once a week, because Android does not have storage. It's like, and I get yelled at every single week

that I don't have storage. Well, it's just because every week I say, let's make sure we have enough storage on our phone. And sometimes we're 10 minutes in and the storage is full. And sometimes I can't handle it. So I just delete everything that ever existed on my phone, like a crazy person. You guys make Katya seem like a type A, organized, reliable,

you know? It's so sad. Like, we really, really just. The fact that we've got beer. Yeah. And that's proof positive. Miracles happen. This is huge.

Miracles happen. It's huge. Yeah. Do you guys do vaping? Vaping? Yeah, sometimes. Let's talk about it. He vapes.

I just went on there. Well, listen, it's not my fault. We live with one other gay, and it's honestly his fault, because he vapes. And I will never buy a vape. I don't think like this whole week we're not with him. I'm not gonna vape once because I won't think about it. But if it's in front of me, I just need to borrow it.

Interesting. But you always, what's funny is that you guys always like give it a name that day. Yeah, like it's Catherine. You're like, can I see Jessica? And it's Jessica. It's any name we think of. So it's like the whole day, it'll be like,

we really need, we need to see Charlize today. Like immediately. Is it marijuana or is it nicotine? It's nic, we really need to see Charlize today, like immediately. Is it marijuana or is it nicotine? It's nicotine. Yeah. It's nicotine. I've only done, well, when I was an English teacher, they had a fake vape, which was just the vapor.

Speaking of you on English teacher, talk about a star. That was fucking crazy. Well, you know, I don't know. Well, it was so fun. Brian Jordan Alvarez is so great. And I got really lucky because he made up that whole character and didn't even have to audition. He was like, I have this for you.

It was so good. It was great. It was so fun to play like a loser burnout because I was never that person. Yeah. I'm so successful. Yeah, it's hard to even get yourself in those shoes. But like, you know, that is how real drag queens

would act in high school. They'd steal shit. They'd, you know. But the fake vaping was like... Was it a real vape or was it... And they bought me one the size of like... Yeah, which is so good. deal shit. They, you know, it was like, was it a real vape or was it? Yeah. Which is so good. And maybe choke. I don't know. I guess you get used to it. I choke every single time I do it. That's it. They like sometimes like to just watch me do it to laugh. It's like, okay,

but no, I'm so happy. I never got into vaping. I mean, it's stupid. No one should do it. Like I stand by that, but I, I mean, on top of it, my voice is already so fried. I'm like, it's only going to get worse from here. Like I really, I, I'm a victim of vaping. Vaping. A vape culture. I've done, I've done like weed vapes before, but I'm also off the weed train. You are? Did you guys quit weed?

I did recently. What happened? I just getting to a point where I, I'm an anxious person. I don't know if you knew that but I'm an anxious person. So when I would like get high, it was supposed to calm people down and I would just like spiral on my head. So I was like, why am I actually doing this? And then it would do like I would do it at like 7pm before I went to sleep. But then I would just like go down in the basement, the basement,

go down into my room, which is in the basement. I feel like I'm Cinderella. But I go down to the basement. Freddy Krueger. And I go to the boiler room. Sit there by myself. And I'm like, why am I not being social right now? It just would make me less social. It definitely makes me less, well, to be honest, I love to, on a night where I'm like, there's no drinking,

I just started drinking again. On a night where it's like no drinking, it's fun to take a very minor edible. Yeah. Edibles, sure. But sometimes you take that edible and you're gripping onto the tabletop because you're sinking into the floor. Depends on how much, yeah, you do that. Edibles, sure. But sometimes you take that edible and you're gripping onto the tabletop because you're sinking into the floor.

Depends on how much, yeah, you're taking. And I never know how much I'm supposed to be taking. We've had some crazy, well, edible stories. One time, Tracy and I were in Mexico. And you know how some hotels, you have an elevator to get to the lobby, and then you go to a different elevator to go to rooms? And sometimes there's an elevator that just goes to the bars and the restaurants

in the hotel. Okay. Tracy and I got high. And by the time we got up to the second elevators, we kept getting in the one that only went to the bar and the bar and the restaurant. And we were kind of like, what? Where are the rooms? Like have they all disappeared? Like it was like too much. And then I, I went to see wicked. I'm not being paid to promote, but, and I sat in the front row. Cause when you go along, you get one little ticket and I hit the Benjamin during the night row. Hi. And I was so high that I, I, my thought in my head was, what's my line?

I thought I was, so you gotta be careful. Did you know your lights? My thought in the moment, I swear to God, I went, okay, I'm gonna stand up and turn to the audience and talk and then I went, nope. Can you imagine? Oh my God. Can you imagine the headlines the next day? It's like Trixie Mattel stands up at Wicked.

Was it on Broadway? Yes, with the new Elf of America, Kate Morrissey. And it was No Good Deed, which is in the front of the stage and the air's blowing. And imagine me being like, oh. Thank you everyone for coming. What would I say? Did you guys ever do plays?

Were you theater people? So that was one thing for us is like, we're repressed theater gays. We just never did theater. And it's something that we regret deeply. I assist and directed anything goes. And that's theater, girl. And Barnum, if anyone's familiar with Barnum.

What goes on with Barnum? It's literally The Greatest Showman. It's almost the exact same musical. It's about BT Barnum, like, putting on a show. Do you like The Greatest Showman? Same characters. No. Okay. I just think that's all it is.

There's that song that the drag queens do, I'm a stranger to the bar. Yeah. Whatever. This is me. The girl, let me tell you, the drag queens. They love it. They sit there.

You know like that meme of Lois Griffin with the pills and she's like all disheveled. That's that song. And drag queens during Pride, they're like, they're like, I have to do it. Not to mention if you are mean, if you're a plus size drag queen, have access to a lace beard, mama, get ready. Easy. It's coming in.

It's really tired. It's coming. But you know who turns up for it? Straight people at the Pride. Cause it moves them. Oh yeah. That is me. That's true. And it? Straight people at the Pride. Yeah, because it moves them. Oh, yeah. And you're a straight person at Pride. I'm a straight person that loves Greatest Showman. So that sucks.

Straight people, what's going on there? In general? Yeah, like what's going on there? I feel like you've been on the record saying that you never want to be near a straight person. No, no, no, no, no, no. I love straight women. Straight women.

I love straight women. Straight women. That's women. Straight women. I love straight women. Straight women obsessed. That's crazy. Straight men. Yeah, straight men. I don't know. I have no, like, there's no evolutionary purpose for me to be like a friend of a straight man

unless I am family with them or it is one of my dearest friends, husbands, or boyfriends. Right. And there are those unicorn straight guys who are like, you're amazing. How are you not get, you're just so funny and nice. Yeah, and that's wonderful. I'm happy about them. I don't know those people. Right.

Like I'm never in a room with them. It's like, what do you talk? Like what are you like, what do you talk about? Do you watch sports? Do I? Yeah. And like, I'm like, is that what you say? My brother just invited me to come to Minnesota to watch the Vikings and Green Bay Packer game.

And I love my brother and I'm always trying to have a more consistent relationship. But I was like, I am not going to that. Yeah, that's a worst case scenario. I'm not going to that. Like, I'm just, I don't even think you should go. Like, I'm not doing that. I don't know. I don't know what that is.

Like, hey, Dan, do you want to come to Los Angeles and go to a Bette Midler concert with me? I don't know. It's like a little, I don't know. Do you want to go to DragCon? Yeah. a Bette Midler concert with me? I don't know. It's like a little, I don't. It's too much. Do you want to go to DragCon? Yeah. But I think we can find a different.

Maybe if you and I went to the Super Bowl, and it was like a Dolly Parton Super Bowl. I got that. There could be a crossover. Yeah, that would actually be perfect. Yeah. Dolly Parton at the Super Bowl? Yeah.

At the Super Bowl. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How much longer do we have? Oh, god. No, I have a do we have? Oh, God. No, I have a tendency to not be able to wrap it up. And then suddenly I realized we have to go and I just quit talking and we leave. So I try to create more of a button.

You know? So if you guys are, how'd you guys start watching the drag race? Was this when you guys were straight? Well, it depends on who we were straight to. No, so I came out. I came out pretty late. I came out 23, which was four years ago. Five. I came out 23 times. No one believed. Well, yeah, everyone. Yeah. Everyone was like, you're gay. You're gay. No, it took me till I was 23. But once I turned 23, four years ago, wasn't it New Year's Eve going into 2020 once I turned 23. Wasn't it four years ago?

Wasn't it New Year's Eve going into 2020? Yeah, it was. Is that four years ago? We're going into 2025? Oh, five years. Yeah, five years. That's so fierce. But it was going into 2020, and I was like, oh my god,

obviously 2020, like, clear vision. But did you have like this haircut and stuff, and you were like, it's me? No, I had a comb over. I had a comb over. My whole life, I had a comb over. Are you bald? over. My whole life I had a comb over. Are you bald? No, but like I mean like I would take my hair

and I would brush it to the side. Like I was a father of four. Okay. And like, yeah, it was like taking my kids to soccer and it was just like wavy. And then I one day just started to curl my hair but once I came out, it was 2020. Then we're in the pandemic and I'm like, what the fuck do I do? Like I'm gay. So what do gay people do? Yeah. Watch drag race.

So I binged the entire thing that and Queer Eye, because I thought that was the two things. So I actually like, be cute. Love Queer Eye. The straight people are watching that. Exactly. But I didn't have, I was like, again, I was isolated. I was alone. And I wasn't telling people. I was doing all these things. And I was just, it was like, drag race Queer Eye, drag race Queer Eye.

And then I left the pandemic. I was one of every exact, this is me. I was all five of the Queer Eye guys. And yeah. Wow. Drag down. Yeah. What I love listening to about you guys' pod is the,

you guys are like almost the same person, the way you tell stories. It's like hearing two minds that are conjoined tell a story, because you guys have been in each other's lives at every stage, which is crazy. Do you guys feel like you have a psychic link? Yeah, we were actually just talking about this earlier today, because Andrew said that, made a joke. He was like, oh, by the way, on Thursday,

I'm not going to be able to make it. And I was like, why are you going to be on elementary? And he was like, that's exactly what I was about to say. It's not true. It's not true. We were driving past a lot. I was like, oh, this is going to be really hard for you to hear. But I'm not going to be with you on Thursday.

I was like, you got Abbott? Yeah. And it's like we like so like there's no surprises when it comes to us at this point, like we can we do know what each other's thinking. I think sometimes for the worse. And I think that at the beginning of the pod, that's what really worked, because we would do the clips and post it on TikTok, and we would finish

each other's sentences. And we would land on the same like, oh, Kelly Clarkson. And people were like, oh my god, did you stage that? And we were like, no. It is like you guys are like so mind-melded because you were so young. Like, yeah, we ruined each other's lives in that way. Oh, but we blessed it, too.

Could you imagine if you guys moved, like, grew up even what, 30 miles away from each other and never met? Like what would your life be? It really, really makes you think a single mom works too. You would for sure. I'd be straight. I would, I would like deeply. I would be like, do you think I would be like, yeah, I would be like George Santos. I love that you whispered it. I would be like, I would be like George Santos. I love that you whispered it and then said it into the microphone.

I wouldn't be like, yeah, that's OK. That's OK to say. That's OK to say. Yeah, I mean, what is she up to? I saw that she did Ziwei, and I was like, the awareness has left the room. She was our congressman. Yeah, in New York.

In New York, Long Island, like our district. There were signs everywhere at the time. So I'm being serious, like, I would have been George Santos. That's so scary. What are they up to? Like, doing interviews no longer? I think things are looking worse for him. Yeah, because I feel like afterwards he was like,

I'm going to be a celebrity. Yeah, she's going to be on a TV show called Dancing with the Faggot Pieces of Shit. Yeah, exactly. Dancing with the Faggots. George Santos up, though. What a turd. I think now people, you know, we're

filming this at the time of a new incoming president. Woo. Do you think that everybody online is like, I'm going to stop fucking the straight guys? Do you think that we all just have to stop fucking the straight guys? I'm not in that situation. So are you fucking the straight guys? I was almost exclusively because the gay guys all know Trixie. Yeah, I get that point of view for you. Yeah. I saw one tweet that was like, we're going to stop douchey for the gay guys all know Trixie. I get that point of view for you. Yeah. I saw one tweet that was like, we're going to stop douching for the straight guys.

Let's paint the town. I was like, what? Painting the deal trade. Yeah. I mean, like, fuck the straight guys in Brooklyn. I don't know. They're close enough to being gay. The straight guys in Brooklyn are gay already,

so it's hard to really even differentiate. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I think that if I was in a situation where I was fucking straight, I think that my time would be up. I think my time would be up. It's over.

Yeah, it's a wrap. Unless you were, unless you were really reclaiming the pleasure and the power completely for yourself and you give them none of it. So maybe yeah, you have to paint. Painting is the answer. It's your art. When you guys came over to go swimming, you guys were staunchly against Los Angeles. Do you still feel that way?

I have come a long, long way. And I love it. You do? I love it. And I'm like, every single time I'm here, I feel like I, yeah, it's only a matter of time. We've talked about it, though, because you don't, right? I, yeah.

You don't see yourself living here. Waivers, I like it when I'm here for a longer periods, when I'm here for like a week or like a weekend, I do not like it. But also I don't drive. I know that you don't drive, but like, I feel very isolated. Like I like New York because I can go anywhere and like run into people, but here it's like,

am I going to walk down the side of the street for 15 minutes to like get coffee and like just feel like, I get very anxious here really quickly. Let me tell you, you will move here and you will never have a friend ever again. Yeah. Nobody sees anyone. No, just literally Thursday, Orville Peck, me and Brittany were supposed to go to dinner or an Orville Peck canceled and then Brittany canceled.

And that is the closest I've had to like a real friend in a friend. Yeah. No one does anything. The level of fierce like flakiness among us all is so extreme. Okay. I need to be around people all. So maybe you're swaying my opinion. Do you think I should move here?

Is it a good place? Do you like being here? Not really. As opposed to New York. Do you like visiting New York? Not at all. Okay. Not at all. But then again, when I'm there, it's like for a press tour

and I'm staying in a hotel in Times Square. Like it's not, it's not the fantasy. I think it's just because I'm from New York. I want something different, you know? And this feels a little bit different. I feel more relaxed here, honestly. And I like to drive. So that's the thing.

Once you come here and you realize there's no winter, it is very horny. It's horny when it's January and you're outside in your t-shirt and you're like, okay. That's a real benefit. I'm trying to be horny. I'm in New York winter, it's like they want you to kill yourself. That's the goal. It's a no for me dog. trying to be horny. I'm in New York Winter. It's like they want you to kill yourself. That's the goal.

It's a no for me vlog. It is really, really, really scary. Like January in New York, what are you going to do? Yeah, it's horrible. It's really, it's so scary. And you also stop seeing people in New York at this time of year. Like now suddenly your days end at 5 p.m. and you go to sleep. Like it's like over at this point.

It is. It really is. And also the other thing is the restaurants are people are sitting at your table. And New York, the proximity. Yeah. Like those rooms are so small. Like you're paying these even the fancy restaurants, fancy hotel. You open the door, it hits the bed.

You're like, okay, yeah, it is crazy. It's a space issue. The space here is really nice. I do think that there, I think there is an energy of peace. It's just not my level of peace. I need to operate a certain anxiety at all times and then I feel comfortable and like New York gives me that. I'm like, I'm getting on the subway. I'm at risk constantly. I feel amazing. You're almost like, what am I going to do all day? You guys are both very anxious, huh? Yeah. Yeah. What do you do? Worry about the long-term effect of your health

on your health? Like auto listen. What'd you say? Autoimmune disorder, stress anxiety disorder. Yeah, of course, of course. And that's like my mom is dealing with all that now in her life because she's just been anxious forever. I think it's a very Long Island Italian, like, growing up in that household. Your mom is always stressed and anxious.

You're always like late to something, then there's like extra stress on top of it. And it's always worst case scenario. Worst case scenario at all times. We've definitely gotten a lot better. Yeah, well, we chose a career where we have to kind of face it head on and on camera. So it really does actually make it like,

I think it's been every time we do something that feels like bigger, monumental to us, like we leave that and we're like, OK, we can do that again. Yeah, totally. It's a really good feeling in that way. So we're slowly getting there. You should have met us two years ago. Oh my God. We wouldn't, we wouldn't have been here for several reasons, but we would have, we would have called it sick. Even before our first live show, it was like, Oh, I had COVID for a week

and a half. I wasn't, I didn't actually have COVID. He didn't have COVID. He just had, he was laid out the day of the show. I was like, Joe, what do you, what do you mean we have a show tonight? Is our first show ever. And that was our first time ever being on stage. Katya will do that if you tell her, don't tell her that please. It was really amazing. I thought I was like, I think I'm having a heart attack.

Andrew was like going all around Brooklyn, like getting a rental car. Like it was nice for me because I was laying in bed, but I, yeah. There's these moments where like, I mean, I feel like it's insane. Like Bob the drag queen is next door. She's one of those people where I don't think

she gets nervous. I think the more heightened the situation is, the the Drag Queen is next to her. She's one of those people where I don't think she gets nervous. I think the more heightened the situation is, the more she actually plugs in and uses the energy. The more people are there, the more stakes are higher. She's actually, like, a better and better performer. It's fucking irritating, because it's amazing. Do you get nervous? Yes!

That's so crazy. That's so crazy. You would never know. I get nervous to, like, go to lunch with a family member. You know what I mean? Well, that makes more sense, honestly, than, like, your work, though. Like, do you get nervous to go to lunch with a family member. That's crazy. Well, that makes more sense, honestly, than your work, though. Do you get nervous at the gig?

For DJing, not really. For DJing, not really. For stand-up, I used to almost puke every time. When I was doing the one-woman shows, unless I was in the middle of a tour of a bunch of shows, I really would be like, that's going to be awful. Because comedy is so unpredictable. It was with DJing, I really would be like, that's gonna be awful because comedy is so unpredictable. It was with DJing, I'm like, well, I know

that I can play music and the variation on whether or not they like it is gonna change every night, whatever, but usually, you know, I would get really nervous for things like, I remember the first time I, right before I walked into Drag Race the first time, I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, this was a mistake and they're all about to find out about you.

The first time I went on stage at a nightclub at 21, I remember being backstage in the dressing room and thinking, this is a mistake and they're all about to find out about you. The first time I went on stage at a nightclub at 21, I remember being backstage in the dressing room and thinking this is a mistake. And they're all going to find out that you're a liar. Who's a fraud. Who should be here? Like there's that level of you fucked. Yeah. You're fucked. Like self deprecating thoughts. It's almost like you're in a bad dream. Yeah. Where the anxiety is so steep that you're like, should I just start running? Yeah. Yeah. That was like,

I remember that very vividly before our first live show, being backstage with you and just being like, we have to just commit now because we're here, but I do not think this is gonna go well. But then right when you hit the stage and then people are clapping, then you're like, okay, we got this. They wanna see you win. You know, so that's what we kept saying,

like throughout the entire pod, the live shows, whatever, like people want to see you win. So they're not like coming in there being like, oh, that fucking sucks. They suck. No, they're not. They're not, they're not. Especially for you guys, they're there to see you win. So they're not coming in there being like, oh, that fucking sucks. They suck. No, they're not. They're not, especially for you guys.

They're there to see you because they love you. They're there to hear personal stories and they know what they get. Katya used to get weird about, for the ball in the beautiful lives, she'd be like, are people gonna be mad that it's us just talking? And I was like, that's what they want.

Yeah, it's hard to convince yourself that that's true though. I get it. Because you are like, this is the easy. Especially with Katya, with us, it's like, we talk. We do this for fun, no matter what. So the idea of people paying to see it, I'm like, OK, we're scamming you. But people enjoy it.

I do think having a partner helps. Having Katya, I really never get nervous when we go out there. I think only after that first live show, we were fine. Because it was. It's so easy to be like, even if I feel off tonight, you're going to take it away. We can just balance it out. 100%.

Katya and I on tour would be like one night or the other night, it'd be like, it's your night, babe. Because I'm on the suicide watch. I'm going to go sell it. Or Katya, if she's sick or I'm sick or whatever, we would really feel out the like, I need you tonight to be the 60 so I can be the 40 because I can't do it.

Which is really, really nice to have that. Really nice. And you know, I'm not gonna, she's not here, is she? She's also so gifted and so funny and everyone loves her so much. I'm always like, even if I dropped dead, these people would get their money's worth. So when you think of yourself as like-

That's exactly how I feel about him. If you believe in your partner's talent, you're like, it's going to be okay. Yeah. Like best case scenario, like worst case scenario, I'm the like mid sidekick to something incredible. So it's going to be okay. That's not true. Thank you. Yeah, of course. I want you to start crying, but do you guys cry for movies? Not no movies. Not, no. Movies will fuck. I will go to a funeral of a loved one and be like, is there going to be food? And then like a movie?

Oh Mike, I watched that movie Lars and the Real Girl the other day about Ryan Gosling dating a sex doll. You were sobbing? You were crying? Oh yes. Okay, so I gotta watch it. That was me to eat tea last night on the plane, I will say. For some reason, E.T. brought me to tears and it wasn't the pilot. Entertainment Tonight? Yeah.

I was just like this, we used to, we used to make movies. It was like one of those moments. It's an amazing film. Those kids are flying. Like that really must have been crazy to watch when it first came out. And then I was like sobbing on the plane and then we landed and I couldn't finish the movie but I was crying. Have you watched Back to the Future recently?

That movie also has that power. No, I haven't watched it. No, I saw the musical. And that was crying. Have you watched Back to the Future recently? That movie also has that power. No, I haven't watched it. No, I saw the musical. And that was it. Oh. Girl, I wanna go, it's at the Pantages down the street from my house. I'll say you wanna, oh.

Go. Listen, the production of the show, amazing. You know, the technical thing's amazing, but I think everything else was, it missed me. Do they sing Power of Love? I don't think so. No. Damn.

But we could be wrong. Huey Lewis and the News? Who's to say? No. I love the beginning. It's like both of those songs are in it. We go, I'm late for school. And he puts on the headphones. And power of love. I love the fucking movie.

I wouldn't be shocked if that happens. I wouldn't be shocked. It's just like, we just didn't love it. Yeah. Do you think that Marty and Doc Brown did? Yes. I hope they got. I would if I were Marty.

You think he showed him as Doc Brown? Yeah. Yeah. He got Doc Brown? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. He got Doc Browned, for sure. In the off chance that not everybody here has followed you, can you tell them where they can follow Good Children? Yeah, you can follow us across all social media platforms at Good Children Pod.

You guys are so funny and everyone loves you. That is really nice to say. Obviously same to you. And you're so funny. Love each other so much. And you're both so well dressed. And all of your success is well deserved. Thank you.

Don't make it. You just want us to cry so badly now. You want us to start playing ET on your phone. Sometimes you're like, OK, give it up for her. And with you guys, it's just like, this industry is so random. But sometimes it happens to people who really deserve it. You guys really deserve it. Thank you so much.

That really means the world's coming from you truly. This was truly a dream come true. Of course, I need you to leave now though. Okay, yeah, we're out. Bye guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Today's episode of all the beautiful sponsored by Airbnb. Y'all, the holidays are upon us. I have to tell you guys, I had not been to Wasaki, Wisconsin in so many years since pre-COVID. And I went up there last month. And of course my whole family moved to Milwaukee. You guys know I bought my mom a house and so everyone lives in Milwaukee now.

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to keep you safe online. They have a VPN for secure browsing. They even have a password manager to help you create and store strong passwords and more. I've already started all my holiday shopping for my friends and family, and I can rest easy knowing that Aura has my back. For a limited time,

Aura is offering our listeners a 14 day trial plus a check of your data to see if your personal information has been leaked online. All for free when you visit aura.com slash defense. That's aura.com slash defense to sign up for a 14-day free trial and start protecting you and your loved ones. Once more, that's aura.com slash defense. Certain terms apply,

so be sure to check their site for details.