The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Robby Hoffman is Aggressively Kind with Trixie

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Once upon a Silver Lake lanai, beneath a moon so bright it seemed personally sponsored by comradery and friendship, Dame Trixie Mattel met Emmy-nominated comedian and actor Robby Hoffman, and before the iced drinks could sweat through their cocktail napkins, a legendary best-friendship was born. In this episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, Trixie sits down with Robby to trace the wildly improbable, yet deeply hilarious road from having almost nothing but nerve, humor, and cockroaches, to becoming a powerhouse comedian with a gorgeous wife and a life so wonderful it sounds like the ending of a YA romance novel written by a semi-anxious adult. It is a joyful tale of friendship, comedy, and pure destiny, proving that sometimes the greatest adventures begin on a stained lanai. Use code 50BALD to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months! Head to: https://Greenchef.com/50BALD Patients shouldn’t suffer because of their laws. Our communities deserve better. To get involved and support Planned Parenthood, text UPDATE to 22422 To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit: https://Hims.com/BALD To save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, head to: https://Squarespace.com/BALD Get a free can of Olipop! Buy any 2 cans of Olipop in store, and we'll pay you back for one! Just go to: https://drinkolipop.com/BALD Try Mood's incredible line of cannabis gummies! Save 20% off your first order with promo code BALD at: https://Mood.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Start your Alienware Journey with a streamlined Alienware 15, with a design that refines the essentials for a more focused gaming laptop. Featuring a brilliant 15.3 inch 165 Hz display seamlessly engineered into a portable 15-inch body, powered by an Intel Core 7 processor for high performance during every session, all wrapped up in the elite and durable alienware design. It's everything you need for an immersive gaming experience, distilled into one iconic machine. Visit alienware.ca.

slash alienware 15 today. What happens when two people who grew up in a very strange corner of Los Angeles look back and realize just how bizarre their upbringings really were? They start a podcast, of course. I'm Ashley Johnson. And I'm Talas and Jaffe.

Before we became the internet people we are today, we spent our childhoods as working actors, appearing in shows like growing pains and films like Mr. Mom. In our podcast, Weird Kids, we're diving deep into our unique upbringings, our friendship with each other, and all the delightfully odd interests we still carry with us today. In each episode, we get to share stories of our youth, the things that bring us joy, the problems that we face, and occasionally the friends we've collected along the way. If you're a misfit, an outcast, or just a weirdo who loves all things nostalgic and unconventional, come take a seat at our table. Each week, we'll be releasing previously members-only episodes on YouTube and all major podcast platforms,

with new episodes dropping exclusively and ad-free on beacon.tv. Hey, gay. Bosco here, Rupal's favorite transactual. So sorry to interrupt. I'm so sorry to interrupt your viewing of this gay shit. You caught me at the perfect time. I'm here to sell you thing. Come to my show, The Marvelous Misgender.

The Marvelous Misgender. The gender is stored in the Bengals. 33 cities. There's going to be Burles. Backup dancers, wireless microphones. There's gonna be jokes. Camp, nudity, spotlights, giant martini glasses, 33 cities, overpriced shoes, production, action,

topless costumes, there's gonna be projection. Whatever I have in my storage unit, it's going on this stage. Get your tickets now at dragfans.com. Where? Dragfans.com. 33 cities. This summer. Tour.

Miss gender. God's favorite transsexual. Okay, enough about me. You kids go have your fun. Go watch that gay shit. Hey gay. Bosco here. RuPaul's favorite transsexual. So sorry to interrupt.

I'm so sorry to interrupt your viewing of this gay shit. You caught me at the perfect time. I'm here to sell you things. Come to my show, The Marvelous Misgender. The Marvelous Misgender. The gender is stored in the Bengals. 33 cities. There's gonna be burlettes,

backup dancers, wireless microphones. There's gonna be jokes. Camp, nudity. Botlites, giant martini glasses. 33 cities. Overpriced shoes. production, action, topless costumes. There's gonna be projections.

Whatever I have in my storage unit, it's going on the stage. Get your tickets now at dragfans.com. Where? Dragfans.com. 33 cities. This summer, tour. Misgender.

God's favorite transsexual. Okay, enough about me. You kids go have your fun. Go watch that gay shit. Do you do, when you do acting, you're beyond the world of auditioning. Probably, what do you feel about self-tapes? I won't.

You won't. I got to do a Zoom. I like it back and forth. I like something. I'm not beyond auditioning. I auditioned for the Steve Carell show. That's how I got that. I auditioned for dying for sex.

Very large callout audition. Obviously for hacks, they were inspired by me and thought, how do we pop this fucking season off? And I said, I got you. How do we rescue the sinking shit? I got you. I got you. Yeah. Is that your dog?

No, no, no, this is Luna. Luna is Mark's dog. No, I like the dog. It's a friendly dog. Yeah. No, that's a good dog. That's a good dog. We knew there would be.

I hope we're rolling. We knew there. Wait, was it not rolling? Oh my God. It kills me. Whenever we have a lesbian here, we bring a dog. Yeah, no, that's fine. Now, what is the fundamental difference between a dog lesbian and a cat lesbian?

Because I think that's a different world. I just inherited a dog. Right. Gabby came with a dog. I have a cat, obviously. I don't like to work for a dog. The cat doesn't require much a dog. You gotta go out at night.

It's like answering to a dog. Like I don't answer to enough in my life. Right. And now I have to answer to a dog. But it's fine. I have both now and the dog terrorizes the cat and that's how it is. She's just trying to live her life and he needs to be a part of it. I wasn't familiar with what your wife looked like and last night while I was doing my research.

I googled it. What an absolute beauty. She's unbelievable. Wow. I have the greatest life I've heard about recently. You really do. I was watching. I was doing preparation for this, which is unprecedented because I think we're best friends.

I think I know everything about you. No, I really love and respect you. And we'll get into how we became best friends. I think I know you so well. And then yesterday I was like, okay, I've only met her a couple times and I've only seen a few things. But I think we're lifelong friends. I think we're lifelong friends. You know, I tell people you're my boyfriend.

And that's fine. And I've heard this, you know, I'm not on TikTok, but I get a lot that I'm big on TikTok. Uh-huh. And I think I have you to thank for it. Yeah. Because I'm Trixie's boyfriend. Thank you.

And listen, if you needed a boyfriend from afar, I'm your guy. It costs nothing. It costs nothing and I'm here for you. Yeah. We met, we did Silver Lake Lounge. Yeah. We did a comedy show at Silver Lake Lounge with,

I think it was the very gay paint guys. Yeah. I'm thinking of who knows us and who booked us. probably them, right? Checks out. I've done thousands of random shows, as you have. So I'm sure it was those guys. And it was a great show.

It really was. Amazing. Me, you and Caleb. Yeah. Caleb was there. What a good lineup. No one knew why I was there. But it was that nobody.

They had like a back lanai, the Silver Lake lounge. What's a lanai? Like, see I'm already learning. It has like a little patio. Oh, a lanai. It's like a patio. Oh, a patio. Right, see the queens, Lanai?

I mean, they say that on golden girls. You know, it is. Okay, I'm calling it a Lanai. I'm pretty sure it's an alley that they put a picnic table in so that the comedians can smoke. Now, a lanai from a patio, what is the difference? Okay, thank you for asking. One just sounds like better than everyone, or is there a real, you know, architectural difference?

I think that a Lanai communicates, don't you think a patio is kind of trashy? No, no, no, no. I literally feel, I feel incredible that I was on a lanai. I had no idea. I was on this lanai. This is huge. And now I'm like, a bitch goes to a lanai. Like, you don't think I've been to the lanai?

I go. Listen, I can get us a table at the lanai. I know. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm already learning so much two minutes in. A lanai. Yeah.

The Silver Lake Lounge. You and I were sitting in the back. Because it doesn't seem like the place that will have a line. Well, it's in the name. The Silver Lake. But even that. Lounge. It's like a dive bar.

You've got kind of... Right. That's true. That's true. Lounge. Ooh. Yeah. And they really could have the Silver Lake Lanai, which is behind.

And I was sitting with you and you're so funny and so wonderful. And I was in drag and maybe that's why I think we're in a relationship. Because sometimes when I'm in drag and someone sound nice to me, I'm like, well, we're in love. I'm happy that you said that because I come off aggressive. People don't take me for nice, right? And I've joked about this that I'm opposite Ellen. terms of Ellen purports to be kind and nice. Remember she was dancing?

Yeah. But then people said she was a terror to work with. Well, I come off aggressive and rough around the edges, but I'm actually a delight. I'm actually kind and sweet. You can be aggressive and sweet. I'm aggressively kind. How's that? I felt that energy.

I think you sat on my lap or I sat on yours. It was a very, we had a very maternal. Paternal or paternal. One of us was the model. when it was the father and moments and moment I couldn't tell who was who the son or but in that case right now you feel like the son right but you were my my little girl you've been doing great people say I look like that little boy from Malcolm in the middle do you see you do and you know he wasn't available for the reboot no one called me he wasn't unavailable he didn't want to do it

oh yeah I think he's retired from acting yeah love when people are like I know I just retired I just yeah I just love it do you watch the boys on amazon prime I I don't. This actress who wasn't in the finale, I was like, why wasn't she in the finale? And they were like, after the boys, she just retired. Irish actress being like, I'm just going to go live life. It's wonderful. I think it's so cunty.

Do you think you'd ever do it? No. Yeah, for sure. Maybe today. Katty retired, I guess. Yeah, well, she's, you're having a procedure. I've heard that before. And how does she feel about you that she won't be here when you're here?

She went to the hospital to avoid this. I have no idea how she's going to feel. And you know what? I don't care. You don't care. How's that? How's that? I have to say, we did the Silver Lake Lounge,

and then literally I feel like I blinked, and we were at the Emmys when you were nominated. I was nominated and... I felt like I had to manage your emotions because... You were. I wanted you to win. You wanted you to win. I've never met somebody organically in the wild

that then was nominated for an Emmy. So I was like, this is crazy. It was like... It was like... This is our little... This is our girl from the Silver Lake lounge, but the Lanai. I was on the Lanai and then I was on the Emmy stage.

And as you know, it's all rigged. I'm kidding. We went for, we went for- I was there with my sister. I was there with my sister and I was the biggest sore loser. So I lose immediately. I don't know if you watched the ceremony. So I lose immediately.

We're the first award up. I'm immediately lost. And we woke up with all the gusto in the world. Right. My sister, Chaya and I wake up and she's like, it's a shoe in. Like we're already acting like we got the Emmy. We got the mimosa. You started crying.

No, we were like, oh my God, who's even in the cat? Like, it's not even close. And meanwhile, the category is literally Olivia Coleman. That's right. So it Gravis. It's like insane PM. We're like, it's a shoe in. So we are beyond surprise to lose. Like, I walk in like, I'm already like, where am I going to put the Emmy? I got to put it next to my writing Emmy. We're building a collection now. And so we lose immediately. My sister goes, we don't need this shit. Push us. me out okay she grabs me by the arm and she we're leaving this shit yeah you can see us i think in the in that you see us immediately leaving that's good we lose and we leave and we are stewing and you

embraced the stew we're back in the green room we're horrified that we lost it's it's homophobia it's anti-semitism all throw in transphobia absolutely thing is sick meanwhile julian nickleson who beyond deserves it one and if not for me her for hacks you know she was amazing and she was the best but people fuck her jill fuck you i love you so much she was the best too but it's like the people you really were hearing us out oh yeah you you became mommy absolutely like especially to my older sister because she was like this is and you were like it is it's disgusting it's horrible it's horrible i was sitting there in drag because kelly and i were presenting for like kelly mantel was presenting for best sci-fi hair styling, which she really should be presenting for best sci-fi face or some shit.

Yeah. Like she has like a law and order hair on presenting like best sci-fi hair. That's sure. Meanwhile, I'm in this like stacked triple wig that I did the night before. I'm like, no, Kelly, I'll present the human haircut award. Literally. You do the sci-fi hair award or whatever I did. Yeah.

But you were early in the thing. Yep. First award. We were in this little green room. First loser. I didn't even, I guess, what do they call the non-televised, the creative enemies? Is that what it is? It was the creative enemies, which is still the Emmys.

They always act like that's like the cracker barrel. No one cares. Well, nobody does care. Well, I cared until you lost. Then I was like, well, this is a sham. Yeah, no, it was a sham. And then they wanted me even more sick because there's a masochistic vibe there. They want me.

I go, we're leaving. Right. So the Emmy managers, people, producers, they go, oh, you're still presenting. I had to present cinematography. I said, no, I don't want to do that anymore. No, it's part of the program. You got to do the cinematography, you know? Like, and I was like, well, my circumstances changed.

Right. Now I don't care. My circumstances have changed. Why? So I'm not in the mood. And they want me to read whatsoever on this teleprone. They're showing me you got to present. I go, one thing I know, I'm not saying whatever the fuck they have me on their saying.

Right. I got out there finally. And they were like, you know, we had champagne with you. We would calm down two hours later. I have to go present now. I'm being forced. I felt like. what kind of a sick,

they want you to hold an Emmy for somebody else. That's what I'm saying. That could have been yours. That's what I'm, well, I'm giving somebody else an Emmy now. It's criminal. But I get out there and I go,

I lost. There's nothing to say. And it is criminal that they have me presenting contractually. Right. In such a state. Right. And it just for some reason brought the house down. It was one of those things that I was like,

burn it down. Yeah. When I get into a tantrum, I'm like, I'm not calm. I'm not relaxing. I can't deescalate. All I do was escalate.

And it just brought the house down. I guess the ceremony had been so long in the way that they are that people were just like, finally a sore loser. It was like the weirdest thing. Can we be real? Like I felt like I remember you came back and it was exciting. I got to see beforehand. And you came back and I'm going to be honest.

I was actually refreshed by you entered the room. like your whole family was murdered. Yeah. And you sat on the couch and you were like kind of in shock, but you felt like you were in shock that you were actually upset about not winning. You had said to me like, I didn't think I cared and now I lost and now I'm mad or now upset. Oh yeah, because I never even figured it was possible.

You hadn't mentally prepared to lose. Like from nomination to this, like my whole family is like, she's an Emmy winner. Right. Like who else is it going to be? My brother Smalley is like, who else is, it going to be. There's amazing. Olivia Coleman is, you know what I mean? So we just didn't even

see. It was shocking. And then it was shocking. I cared because I never even thought, how am I these feelings there was so foreign. I did not know. Had you already won an Emmy before this? Yes. Okay. So this is a part of the story that I think we need to add color to, which is you have won an Emmy. Yeah. I've won an Emmy. You don't think I wrote an episode of Kids Towers. Television for PBS that won an Emmy. Wake up. Wake up! Which is also the name of my Netflix special, which is doing very well.

Check it out. I don't check emails. Enjoy at your own risk. I just was like, I did feel bad about you not winning until I, yesterday, Googled that you had already won one, to which I have two things. One, I'm sort of like, well, now we can't say that it's rigged because you have one. That's true. So if we say it's rigged, then that one doesn't mean.

We can't say anything as well. First of all, I'm wrong. Right. That's the whole thing. Okay. I'm going to look for any excuse that isn't me. I'm not going to say my performance, you know, before I say, oh, somebody had a better performance than me,

I'll say it's anti-Semitism. It's this. I like to defer blame for a long time before I go, Rob, did somebody do better than you? Right. All fair. It's fair. All fair.

I'm being a baby and I need my tantrum. I'm the same way if I'm sad, I throw radio head on. And I'm like, I'm like, we're in sad. We're going. I don't try and pep up. I don't try and put on something peppy. I go in.

When I'm thrilled, I got girls just want to have fun. Right. I like, I like, I lean in. Right. And I'm thrilled. I'm driving. If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad. Right.

So all of, so you're seeing in real time, it's not like with the Emmys, it's not like stand up or acting or writing where I get a lot of practice, right? Writing, I can't read what I wrote 10 years ago. It's abysmal. Stand up. I can't even, I shudder at the thought of what I was talking about, right? Because I've had so much practice.

With the Emmys, you get to go once every, God knows when. You maybe have three, you know, I went, I had an Emmy. I had no experience. It's not like I get to build up a muscle. of losing an Emmy. Right, because you'd never lost before. Well, yes, I had been nominated with the team before on Odd Squad, but we didn't win, but I wasn't on that Emmy.

And then when I was on the Emmy, we won the Emmy as how I believe it was. So yes, I didn't have this experience. Right. I had experience with the show, the kid's show that I worked on losing, but it wasn't as personal. Right. This felt personal and vindictive. Right. Robbie Hoffman lost.

Not the show. And it made me sick. And in fact, the show won as it deserved to. Hacks for Julianne Nicholson. And she was the best. She let me be a baby. And I said, I'm such a baby. And I'm so happy for you.

I have a different recollection. I remember being backstage and seeing your name on an award. I remember seeing like a lot of like. And then they kind of wiped the name off and changed it. That's what I saw. Oh, okay. See the plot thickens. Hello.

The plot thick. Did you end up having wine out of Kelly Mantle's purse? Is that where we got the wine? It was dry back there. Girl. You know why? Because they had drag queens. And they're like, we can't very well.

Because you know, like, have the people that room are sober. And also the people from the pit. Yeah. She was amazing. And her husband, we were all. And they won, but they were still into a stew. Like the green room was, there was nothing. First of all, my sister spent $400 on the top.

She's like, I've come all the way for Arizona for this. Right. It's an hour. By the way, it's an hour away. It was like a conference room with like too much crudite. Yeah. And coffee. Coffee.

Where's the booze? Champagne, nothing. We had to scour it. Yeah. Kelly Mantle had a long black purse that was shaped like a wine bottle. Guess what was in it? She brought wine. I love that.

Room 10. No, you guys were excellent. She took that shaking hand and poured it in. And also those two women from hunting wires were back there. They were incredible. What beauties, my God. They were so gorgeous. Mullen and, um,

Brittany. Yeah, no, really hot. I never go up to people, but I did have to go up to two people in there. Well, first of all, that is the kind of room. It's okay. Is it not kind of is going up to, right? Because that's the whole point of it. You're at a networking thing.

You're at the fucking Emmys. They stick you in a room with a bunch of people who are nominated and have good right to be there. Right. And you're supposed to say hello. It's fair game to say hello. It's something like this. I went to the Vanity Fair party and I really wanted to say, you know, like Gab is the kind of person like you. Like she's just, she doesn't give a shit about it.

anyone. She's like, when can I go home and sleep? She's like, I'll do an hour. I'll have a couple siggies and I want to go home and sleep. And I do the hell, you know what I mean? Because that's the only time it's fair game. You could go up to anyone you want. You go up to Nicole Kidman. Nicole, you smell lovely. Moving on. I've been smelling you all my days. No, literally. It's like who cares. Right. That is what you've signed up for when you go to one of these

parties. It's all fair game. You got to get paid in some way. You're not being paid in any other way. Why shouldn't I run home and tell my family that she smelled amazing? They're like, really? Do you drink, right? I do, but my wife doesn't. Oh, so you got to kind of like have dignity about it? No, she'll smoke with. She's fine. She just, she doesn't care. She'll put you home in a

wheelbarrow. She's like, you know, and people, you know, and it was the first time that people are coming up to me. What I found is I was always that person at the party, like, you know, not that I'm specifically, but you get stuck in conversations with people. So many people, were like, Robbie, I loved your special.

And I said, see, now it's happening. I'm not mad when it's happening to me. No, I'm mad

when somebody beautiful, the guy who played, um, ooh, he played in the, um, in the Kennedy, that new,

that show that just happened with, what's his name? Uh, Carolyn Bassett and, um, you know, I haven't seen that. It sounds serious.

Girl, what's, what's the Kennedy show called? Love story. Is he stunning? he comes up to me. The lesbian's upset. He's stunning.

Yeah, no, but I have to objectively, I could say somebody is gorgeous. Right? What's his name from Twilight? It came up to me. The fellas are loving me. I heard he lives in my neighborhood and I'm always like on the secret watch.

You know, I am not even like a Twilight person, but if I go to for some reason when you go to a hotel, it's going to be playing on the TV. And I always am like, well, it's on. Let it play. Yeah, hotel TV. It's a calming. I want something so ambient that I like will not be convinced to pay attention at all.

Ambient and Lanai. Those are my two takeaways so far. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. There is a very specific moment in early June when Canada collectively remembers it can go outdoors again. The parks come alive. The lake starts sparkling. And everyone begins to act like they've just been. introduced to sunshine for the very first time. Suddenly I'm entering my summer travel chapter and I need a

charming home on Airbnb, a soft place to land, and preferably a porch where I can sit with a nice coffee and look thoughtfully at a large tree. A huge tree. This June, I'm taking a few days in St. John's, Newfoundland, where the houses look like they were painted by very cheerful wizards and the ocean is just sitting there like a melodramatic, gorgeous thingwob, totally for free. I want to climb Signal Hill, eat fish and chips near the harbor, walk around in a light jacket pretending I'm a lead character in a Canadian coastal novel that mostly is just a hot seaside romance. And the best part is while I'm having my ceremonial first taste of summer, my home does not have to sit empty, like a sad little diorama. Hosting on Airbnb means your place can welcome someone else while you're

off exploring, hiking, eating, napping, or buying that exceptional hat you'll never wear again. That extra income could help cover the next getaway, a home improvement project, or maybe just some extra gas money for a road trip. So this June, while you're planning your own great Canadian escape, consider hosting your home on Airbnb. Someone else gets a wonderful place to stay, and you get a little help making your summer adventure happen. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com. Everyone deserves access to high quality, affordable health care, no matter what. That's why millions of people rely on Planned Parenthood Health Centers for services like cancer

screenings, wellness exams, birth control, STI tests, and more. In fact, one in three women in the U.S. have been to Planned Parenthood for Care. So it kind of blows my mind that lawmakers are trying to permanently shut them down. They already passed a law that blocks patients that use Medicaid from getting the affordable, preventative care they need, and now they want to make that law permanent. Nobody benefits when people are getting fewer exams, paying more for care, or just skipping the health care they need, and we know that's happening. Planned Parenthood Health Centers have reported that fewer patients are getting basic care

like breast exams and STI tests since the Trump administration and their backers defunded Planned Parenthood. Patients shouldn't suffer because of their laws. Our communities deserve better. To get involved, text update to 22422. Today's episode of The Ball and the Beautiful is brought to you by Hems, H-I-M-S, He-Oms. If something's been off in the bedroom, you are not the only one. A lot of guys wait much longer than they.

should to take action. It's hard to talk about. It can be embarrassing. You don't even know where to start. No one talks about it. So it's not like you can get a recommendation. But the difference now is that getting treatment is simple and through Hymns it's 100% online. You can blame it on getting older, stress, not getting enough sleep. But, you know, if your performance is in question, it's probably crossed your mind at least to do something about it. And the goodness is you do not have to jump through hoops anymore. Hymns connects you to license health care providers online, giving you simple access to legitimate ED treatment options from home. No awkward appointments. no pharmacy lines, and no being stuck in traffic trying to get to the doctor.

That's my least favorite part. And that includes sildenophil, also known as generic for Viagra, available through Hymns at up to 95% less than the brand name version. And if that's not an option for you, there are plenty of additional treatments available. You can find what works best for your body. It's straightforward, transparent, and designed to make getting care super easy. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hymns.com slash bald.

That's hymns.com slash bald for your free online visit. Hymns.com slash bald. Prescription required. See website for details and important safety information. Sildenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Vietris specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Vietris. Robbie, how did you figure out that this was your calling?

Because my God, you're talking about people coming up to you and saying they love you. I imagine that you are pretty universally loved. You must have figured out pretty early that this is what you were supposed to do. Well, no, we never, I never had any dreams. I never had hopes or dreams. That's good. We weren't taught, you know. To want anything.

Yeah, like we were taught that it was like not going to happen. Good. Like we should just lay low and try and get a job. University of my mother told us, school's not for everyone. She told us that a lot. And we, you know, and it was already pretty disappointing. I mean, I was born in New York, which if you, you know, you're like, okay, that sounds pretty good. pretty lucky.

I didn't say that. No, that's, but that's, you know, and then I'm like, I found out I'm Jewish. It's okay,

that's looking up. They're doing pretty well. When did your family break that to you? And then it's like, poor on welfare. It was like, how did we fumble this bag? But we know,

we were from a very large Orthodox Jewish family. Sure. And we were not on the rich side. Like we just missed the bone on so many things. Like we're in the weirdest pocket of a community that otherwise,

I think was doing very well. So. I think it's a harsh stereotype that a lot, all Jewish people are rich, because let me tell you that's, that's not the truth. But a lot are. Right. But here's the thing.

A lot are. Why are you yelling at me? No, because we were so close. It pisses me off as a child. How did this happen to us? I was literally so close. I was so close. So it started there.

Right. It started there. And then as a kid, I remember being like 10 years old and, you know, we had cockroaches and, and Sullivan on the windows for the cold. and I was just like, I gotta get out of here. Like, there's no way this is, I got to get out. And I just felt like I had nothing. Like I literally like.

That's not fair. You had the cockroaches. Yeah, exactly. You had the cellophane. Exactly. You know what sometimes it's all about perspective. You could be like some people don't even have cellophane. They don't even.

Some people's cockroaches are dead. I know. I know. So I just felt like so whatever. And then I realized at some point, well, I have close to nothing, but not nothing. I have me and the roaches. Oh, yeah.

So that's when I was like, what could I do with this? I didn't even really want, but it was my only thing I had. The only card I could play was me, you know? And it's not for everyone to be born this and to be this. It's a unique, weird one to get, you know, if God or whoever is assigning bodies and souls. And he's going, Rob, this one's for you. And I'm going, really? I love that kind of sidearm.

Yeah. He's like, get out there. Good luck. And I'm like, it's a really particular type of person. The way that's the way you do that, it's going to skip like, like in the water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there I am.

And it's like, I've done well for what it is. What I've been. I don't think everybody could do me. You know, like I was given this. And I think I've, I've steered it pretty well. I've done the best I could with what I was given. And I think I actually did better than people. Like, we didn't, you know, such a particular one to have to guide and steer and drive.

but the car works and drives and I just kept updating it and I kept preparing it and I kept making it as good as it could be and we got here. I never knew of stand-up really or anything. I grew up in a very funny family. I think when you don't have like tons of material stuff, you have yourselves.

You have funny, you have, you know, making fun of each other. You know, it didn't matter what you had. If you were slow, you know, my brother is special needs. And we made, you know, we're like, he's on the blue butt. Like psychotic. Right. He would yell at us.

You gotta make your own fun. My other brother was overweight. He would call him fat. Like we just went there all the time and we just developed thick skin and our personalities, which is like, you know, a blind person who has a better sense of smell or something like that. So I didn't really know of it. All I wanted as a child, my only hope and dream was money.

I really liked money from a young age. And you believed it would like feel good. It would like, yeah. Yeah. I thought it would be great. And by the way, having some of it now, it's even better than I ever thought. Oh my God, it's great. I hate to say that, but it's one of the best things.

Well, and I always thought it was like, God, you just, you kind of just need some of that. Yeah. You do need some of that. You need, you need. And I wanted a lot of it. Right. I wanted an extreme. Like we're going here.

I couldn't see myself happier for under a million. What kind of fancy shit do you like to buy? Like what's your splurge? I just like having it. What do you mean? Oh, you just like to look at it, touch it. I like having the money and sleeping. Cool.

I like things like that. My splurge is, again, I don't buy many things, but I buy good things. You asked me about my glasses. My glasses I got maybe 12, 13, 14 years ago now. They were on a teddy bear in the window of the optometrist. No, they had some sort of a holiday display. I thought you were going to say, like, build a bear. Like I had these toy glasses.

No, it was an automatrist, but they had like glasses on shelves. And then they had a teddy bear like a small teddy wear. wearing these and i said i think those would fit me because i have a very small head you actually have a very narrow you i feel like we're similar i wish mine was narrower oh my gosh oh is it not small you love your head yeah so i have a small head and then they were children's glasses they were children's glasses so they fit perfect but then i had to haggle it down i got them for 350 which at the time glasses are so expensive they really are the warby parker and and and and and and and and like this was like you have to go to a specialized place for glasses, at least in Montreal at the time. It was all wrapped up

in the medical. So I get the glass for 350 and I'm still wearing them. And they still look great. I take care, very good care of my things. It goes in this case. These are my prescription sunglasses and I'm always swapping. I've never not taking, I don't buy many things, but I buy very good things. And I want them to last. And I can like things forever. I think it's the reason I love marriage. I like, just like I love Gabby forever. I do that. It's not unique to her. Of course, I'm obsessed with her and I love that I found that in my wife. But I'm the same way with my watch, with my glasses, with a car. I'll just use it until I can't, like, I will go the distance with it. I will update, fix, repair and repair, but I'll buy something good that can, you can do that with. So just having that also being able to

help family and just like feel okay is just amazing. I do like what's like I have a sibling or something. I'm like you need a tooth pulled because I got you financially. I got you. I got you. It's amazing. It's really nice. Yeah.

That's something that like when you're when you're young and you worry about money and also I don't know about you but I always just felt so embarrassed of being. Of the worst. Of course. I felt embarrassed to people over embarrassed if it was like a. school function and we needed money and I would feel like embarrassed of my clothes. I had an older brother so it was hand down. Yeah.

Like no, I was hideous. I had nothing to wear. Now I like look back and I'm like, wow, nobody was making me feel ashamed of being poor, but I remember just full time feeling like on, is anybody going to know that I'm deeply poor? Everybody made me feel bad about being poor and we were very poor. But we had other poor kids. I grew up in a neighborhood. We'd be like, well, you're on food stamps.

So are you bitch. Right. It's like we're both fucking poor. It's like, so you're, you know, people would say your father beats your mother. It's like, yeah, like, you know what I mean? Like there was no low that you could not go. But yeah, I also then went to this Jewish school and I'm not shading. It was an amazing school.

And my mother thought it would be a great opportunity. They took me for free. It was a nice private school that I would take the bus to. And my mother really like would get down on my love and like, this is a good opportunity for you. Like, don't mess this up because I was a troublemaker and whatever. She really was begging me to take it. She's like, you know what a good opportunity this is for you to go to this school? And your brothers are in this school, not school.

Just please, you know, because I couldn't just lay low in school. I always was causing problems. Robbie visits with neighbors. Are you a disturber in class? Yeah, it was a shit disturber. I was just talking. I had funny things to say and I wanted to tell the people around me. Yeah.

Like, I know you're working, but I just thought of something so funny. I know you don't even like me, but guess what just happened. Because we didn't have the material. We really and that became my asset. It's a tough room grades K to 12. It's terrible. It's a tough room. It's a long type five.

It's terrible. And also the teachers, you know, we had pop quizzes that I objected to. I said a pop quiz is just so, whoa, how we got you. What's this gotcha moment? Just tell me when the fucking quizzes so I can read the book and know the answers.

That's what upset me was the homework. Like the whole thing was like, so my mother would be like, just do it. And I just, I had, I had authority, problems. I had anger management. I just the whole thing of it. I saw. Yeah, exactly. So I'm still that way. And in the end, I've been able to monetize it and quite well. Thank God. By the grace of God. Today's episode of Ball and the Beautiful is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh my goodness. Don't be my friend because I will make you, I will force you to turn your passion side project into a

business. I will force you to turn your hobby into a monetary thing. I will force you into turning your talent into something you can make a little money off of. But you know what? I don't think that's such a bad thing because I really feel like if you love to do something and there's a way you could get paid to do it, hello. So let's say you make these adorable little sculptures that you want to sell online. But there's this barrier between it's one thing to post it on your story or posted on your, you know, like your feed. It's another thing to be like, how am I going to handle people's money? How am I going to have like an about me as an artist? How am I going to give people a hub to support me as an artist? That is where Squarespace comes.

in. You guys, one of my favorite things about Squarespace is Squarespace payments. It's the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. You can onboard super fast. You are just a few clicks away from receiving payments immediately. You give your customers different ways to pay like Klarna, ACH direct debit, Apple Pay, after pay, clear pay. I love it. And you have email campaigns. So all the tools you need to engage with your subscribers, drive sales, and simplify your audience management is set up for you. Like I'm going to give you a little inside tea at Trixie Cosmetics, something like 35% of our emails get opened because we don't really harass people that often. When we do, it's usually really good new information or a deal.

You also can sell content. So let's say you just want to do like a video series or yoga classes or something. You can sell your content directly on your website. So online courses, blogs, videos, memberships. You can earn revenue by putting your content behind a gated paywall. Just set your price and choose whether to charge a one-time fee or a subscription fee per access. You guys, I'm just really passionate about people having their own business in their own hands and taking care of their own stuff. So I just want that to happen to you.

Head over to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash bald to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com slash bald for 10% off. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. There is a very specific moment in early June when Canada collectively remembers it can go outdoors again. The parks come alive. The lake starts sparkling, and everyone begins to act like they've just been introduced to sunshine for the very first time. Suddenly I'm entering my summer travel chapter, and I need a charming home on Airbnb, a soft place to land, and preferably a porch where I can sit with a nice coffee and look thoughtfully at a large tree.

A huge tree. This June, I'm taking a few days in St. John's, Newfoundland, where the houses look like they were painted by very cheerful wizards, and the ocean is just sitting there like a melodramatic, gorgeous thingwob, totally for free. I want to climb Signal Hill, eat fish and chips near the harbor, walk around in a light jacket pretending I'm a lead character in a Canadian coastal novel that mostly is just a hot seaside romance. And the best part is while I'm having my ceremonial first taste of summer, my home does not have to sit empty, like a sad little diorama. Hosting on Airbnb means your place can welcome someone else while you're off exploring, hiking, eating, napping,

or buying that exceptional hat you'll never wear again. That extra income could help cover the next getaway, a home improvement project, or maybe just some extra gas money for a road trip. So this June, while you're planning your own great Canadian escape, consider hosting your home on Airbnb. Someone else gets a wonderful place to stay, and you get a little help making your summer adventure happen.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. When June finally shows up, we can all stop pretending we're indoor people and finally get some vitamin D. The day stretch out, the sun gets warm, and suddenly I am emotionally transported into being a person who wears a linen shirt and says things like, let's go get some fresh fruit at the farmer's market. This summer, I'm planning a little getaway in the St. Ines Valley, which is where I found this gorgeous little home on Airbnb. That feels like a little headquarters for a few days of warm weather intervention.

I want to wake up slowly, make a little bit of tea in an actual kitchen, and wander through the rolling hillsides buying some chunky jewelry and maybe a cool piece of wall art with a bit of seasonal motif. And after that, I'll be ready for a little trip to Solvang for Danish's, smorgasbordes, and that kind of Danish village charm that makes one briefly consider buying wooden clogs. That is what the beginning of summer does to me. It makes travel feel less like an escape and more like a grand seasonal awakening. Suddenly, I need fresh hair, open windows, and a home base that feels like a real place to set out from.

That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can sprawl out after a long day in the sun. I want a kitchen for late night snacks and lazy breakfast. And I want enough space to actually feel settled instead of just stacking my luggage in a hotel room. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and we can collectively pretend for the kind of people who do not forget sunscreen. And of course, once June begins, one trip becomes three imaginary trips. Maybe it's the Santa Ines Valley now, Yosemite National Park next, a long weekend in Santa Fe after that.

However summer unfolds, it's just feeling more personal when you book through Airbnb. Can I ask you a question about marriage? Yeah. I really feel like when you know, you know, did you know immediately that you were going to marry her? Yeah, you know, I wasn't the little girl who always dreamed of getting married, obviously, you could tell. but I just, it felt like the one loophole to me because when I was a kid, I really hated a lot of my family. My brothers, we were very violent in the house. I mean, at one point, we were 10 kids, you know, we were 10 kids in 12 years.

So at one point, it was like eight teenagers living. You have nine people. I have nine siblings. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. And you from the city? That feels, I'm from the country.

That's some country shit. No, it really is. Maybe you would have been happier in the country. I think so. I would have been happy anyway. Because you could have nine siblings in the country. It's like, oh, hey. Yeah, no, it was really bad.

We were living in. like, you know, a duplex and with apartments and everything. There's too many people. How do you explain that to people? What is Christmas like with nine fucking siblings? Well, we don't do Christmas because we're Jewish. Although can I say I've been to a lot of Jewish Christmases? Yeah, but they're not.

See, but they weren't the Jews that we were. Right. See, we're doing, we're putting our money where to our mouth is. We're doing the Jewish Torah, the Bible. We're doing all this shit. And you're out here selling out and doing your fucking Christmas. And we got to be poor. We got to be poor.

The religious ones. It's like criminal. It's criminal. And now I've done Christmas. I've had three Christmases. In fact, what do you think of it? Brought as sneakers,

which I've wanted my whole life. I'm reliving the childhood. Gabby and I try and give ourselves the childhoods that we didn't have. I always wanted these. She got me these for Christmas. They're so cute. I fuck so hard with Christmas. I'm all about Christmas.

I've now said, I mean, I'm not Christian. I love Christmas. It's amazing. I can't help it. I get into the decor. I become a gay.

Girl, the decoration. I have vintage things and ornaments and I have the fucking. What's your tree look like? Do you have a tree? We get a true. We get a real tree. I like the smell. Yes.

Give me that fucking pine. Do you also like pine needles in your foot, bitch? No, I don't have any. We're very neat. Can I tell you what happened to me this year? And the people on the pod know this. It was February. I know I say that word weird.

February. It's a brutal one. No, no. No, no. They have to stop. February. Sure. February.

I walked outside my fucking house end of February and there's a goddamn real tree on the curb. Who throws their tree out after Valentine's Day? Is that too soon or do you like? Are you kidding? I'm very new. That shit should be gone second week of January. Oh no, we keep it whenever. What?

If it's healthy, I'm saying if it looks good, I'll keep it. When it starts dying, I get rid of it. If I had Halloween stuff out in December, I hate Halloween stuff. Tell me I was crazy. Halloween stuff is ugly. Christmas stuff is pretty. Halloween is ugly. It's not aesthetically.

You don't like spooky? You don't like witchy? I don't like the orange. I don't think it's the nicest color. Right. For the Halloween, the kind of shade. I like the fall orange, more of the burnt orange. Sure.

But once you get into that plastic pumpkin orange and the plastic stuff, no can do. Not pretty. I like the aesthetic look of Christmas stuff. I was with a Jewish man for like 70. years and I got to do Hanukkah and it was so fun and lovely. Yeah, but there's nothing. But I was like a P flag mom or when it was time to light the candles, I'm like filming. I'm like, oh yes. Yeah, no, it's good. I was making a bigger deal out of it than then a card carrying Jewish person was like, it's really just like lighting candles. Like say the prayer. I'm like, say it. This is

amazing. You should be so proud. I know. My birthday is in December. So I always had Hanukkah fell the same time as my birthday many years and my mother would give me I always got jude out of my present because she would give $20 if it was your birthday or $10 whatever whatever she decided cash she gave cash or a gift card to the pharmacy did you guys do tooth fairy we did for a while but it's very traumatic is it different so okay we have a few stories remind me of this the tooth fairy my wife being married to her and family and then my birthday. So I'll do my birthday then tooth fairy. Birthday, I got a combined Hanukkah birthday card.

Okay. But with 20 bucks in it. But I'm like, but my mom, should be 40. She goes, this is for your birthday and Hanukkah. But I'm like, but you see everybody else gets 20 on the birthday. Yeah. Okay, Schneier's birthday, he got in April, he got $20. And then come December he got another 20.

That is 40. You're like splitting. It's not double the gift. I'm getting half the gift. Can I tell you? I went through something really similar. It makes me sick to this day. When I won Rupal's drag race, they told me that if I, it was a tie that I was going

have to split the money. And I said, split the money. And then the next year, there was a tie. They both got the full amount. Whenever they do that of like the, when, when, when, you know, conragulations, you know, you won the challenge. and they make two people tie split the gift. It's so cheap.

It's corny bitch. And it's unbecoming. And Rue, we don't need to be doing that anymore. We love you. You've got the money. We're thrilled for you. The show is doing very well.

Emmy winning times a billion. Let's just give them each. Yeah. Like always go more generous than less. Hello. And if it's anything else. Always more food than less when people are coming over. If you can't have nobody over,

don't have people over. I've said this too. Mary. But if you're inviting people, over more than less. You don't want people hungry. Do you want me to get upset? I cannot take in this our city,

Los Angeles, California, if one more person, but especially fucking gay people, invites me over to a function where there is not adequate food. Oh, no. Why are we having a, it's a Super Bowl party with chips

and room to walk from the store? That's not a Super Bowl party. No, no, no. That's you leaving your fridge open and you left the TV on. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Girl, going to someone's house

where it's like, baby, one tray of Trader Joe's entrees that you pull out of the oven? I literally, I got to do something so classy and something I've always thought because I thought if I get money, I'm going to do it good.

Yeah, you have to. You know, you met terrible rich people growing up and you met good ones who said, hey, right? So I wanted to be that. My Netflix release party, I didn't do a whole thing in a theater with Netflix. I said, I just wanted to be at home with some family and friends.

My brothers, some of my brothers flew in and my sisters, we had family, we had our good friends. I said, I'm doing one of those home bartenders. You know, right? I thought it must have been, I thought I'm using the Netflix budget. I thought it's probably $20,000 after me.

It's $400. I was literally just going to say, was it about $400? It's $400. It's like, so it's $4.00. They bring everything. They bring everything. The bar.

The guy is there. He's cute. We should have this today. And I got catering the kitchen. And I said, everyone bring nothing. It was an unbelievable party. I had food for weeks left over and that's how it should be for something of that. You know what I mean? I'd rather left over and that's a lesson for my mother. We always had, you know, we were poor people go, oh, that's why you're small. She's

had a lot of food. She prioritized. She was peeling those potatoes. We had food. That's what kind of family I was too. We were absolutely poor. But I don't know what my mom, her dream was to be a wife and a mom. And let me tell you, when food, she was like, we're poor, but we're having a protein, a salad, a dessert. Like every meal had everything. That bitch, that bitch made us food. She made the food. Yeah. And we had good food. And that's fine. You know, she went to markets and stuff. She bought in bulk. But we had always more than less. And so it's, you know, that's something I wanted to bring to the rich. Right. Growing up, like once I get there, let's bring that lesson more than less. You're the ones who should have that lesson. Thank you. But somehow you missed a memo. The food and

family and and you touched on it with gabby marrying gabby and what's that like is as a kid you're not appreciative of your family necessarily my brothers i thought they were dumb as hell i didn't like them they were always violent you know they were teenagers living in the same room at one point 13 14 15 16 i don't know all jerking off on each i don't know what was going on in that they probably were okay but they were violent you would get caught and cross the fires it was horrible and i would come home from school and I would say, ma, there's something wrong with them. Like, I'm telling you, there's something. It's, it's, it's clinical. It's something wrong. You're going to grow up. You're going to see that I was right. I was wrong. But,

she said, why don't we check your record? She said, well, they're your brothers. They're your brothers. You can't choose your family. It is what it is. You can't choose your family. And then it was a loophole was getting married. I can choose my family. You absolutely can. One time. Yeah. One time. And I got. to choose Gabby to be my family and it's like changed my whole life. Oh yeah. It's like the best. So that's that was the one perspective change I had with it. And it really like gab and I are family. Um, ancestral because we touch each other. But it's the one type of family. You know, it is if you think too hard about it, it's not great. But it really is like, I mean, I don't know. I just feel like when

you grow up, you're like, I'm going to. I don't know about you, but growing up poor and growing up with let's just say family things that I would change if I could. I was like constantly. keeping a ledger of like never doing that again. I will not do that in my house. I will not. It's like I know I didn't know you get born into whoever you're born with, but later I'm going to truly try to avoid poverty. No, it was the worst thing. But also 18 years was good. That was good. That was enough. What I realized though is like I'm bringing the morality to a richer world because it's like these people, you know, the richer people

are the cheaper they are. You know, there were things that like it makes you so sick when you go to a person's house and, you know, they have so many rules you can't go in the fridge. It's like what I said before. It's like we were poor. We had nothing. If people were my mother said, take, take, take, like they just don't have that same spirit. I had a pool party last summer and Katte came over, walked by all the food that I put out, went into my fridge, took a bag of green grapes, put it in a grocery bag and left with it. Yeah. Well, She just took it. She bypassed the food. Okay, she is, she's a snore.

That's what we would call. A snore? She's a schnor. What's that mean? She, she mooches. Yeah. Yeah, she's a mooch. She's mooching now.

She's a mooch. She's a mooch. She's a, I'm not even getting paid. You're taking a check from a queer girl. How does that feel? How does that feel? I have a glam question. Please.

Your look is very signature. You really probably can never get new glasses. because now it's going to be like, was that Robbie? I was different classes. I don't know what I'm going to. You know what? Yeah, I don't know. So for your specials, do you do hair and makeup?

I do my own hair and makeup. You do. Yeah. You do this. Yeah. When did you start doing this? I don't know. It's just one of those things again.

I don't know when it happened, what it happened. Yeah, because I used to see a teacher. We had this crazy teacher and she was at the school since before it's like, like the first teacher of the school. Like you could see black and white photos of all the classes. Uh-huh. Like this like when the school was like in a room and she always had this like buffont kind of snooky haircut. Okay.

But you see it through the years for like 30 years till when she's like an old lady with the same. And I always used to laugh at that and make fun of her. Like she still looks and I'm that lady now. But I like it. It's like a cartoon. I don't know what happened. I thought like I thought the future I would have a. I remember this episode of Doug?

Do you remember Doug? Doug was the best. So Doug opens his closet and every day has clothes. Doug like. Absolutely. He's a little Doug like. He opens a closet and every day is the same outfit. Yeah.

I like thought someday if I could just have a closet of the same outfit, I thought there would be so much peace in that. Right. I know what I look like. If you see me from a file, you'd be like, that's that bitch in her white t-shirt or whatever. I think your hair and your glasses is so your thing. So you go to your special taping. We do this. We put on the glasses.

Do you put makeup on? Yeah. What kind of makeup do you wear? I wear whatever's on sale. I wear a blush. My sister says it's like you, but better. Oh. Yeah.

And it just helps like to see like before I did stand up with any cameras, I didn't have any cameras. I used to be really, you couldn't see. Right. And I'm a, I'm a talker, but a hand talker and a face talker. Yeah, you get close to you. Yeah. So I have a lot of expression. You know, to actually lose some language if you can't see me properly.

So we did the blush. Sometimes this is a bronzer blush. It really depends. But I buy whichever. Gab always says I look kind of different depending what. Like if it runs out, then I'll have to, you know, buy wet and wild. So as I say, have that color. So does I have to go with a new one?

I think I, maybe I'm toxic. I think every single person who goes on stage or on camera should have a little bit of makeup on. You have to. No, no, they put it on. I mean, the counts, the lights people don't realize are, or, it would be like you're the wall. They're like blinding lights. Yeah. Yeah.

You have to, you know, it's, yeah, you have to be larger than, in normal lighting. you have enough color, you're normal. But in such bright lighting for television or for filming, you would lose so much if you weren't visible. And people don't want to talk about that, but I will. Well, I think you're talking about it. I think we're talking about it. Do you like Los Angeles?

I do. You do? Well, I, you know, look, I think New York's a dump and L.A.'s a shithole. But there's nowhere else to live. That is so, like, you can't even shit on New York if you live here because it's like, well, girl. they're both horrible she shit her pants but so did you yeah like they're both horrible for different for different reasons yeah reason and now it feels like like they're becoming themselves again like mom

domini to me in new york is like so the epitome of new york he's so new york bringing new york back to the people of the people by the people like new york is feeling very much like new york again or what you would think and then if spencer pratt which it's looking like no but it's looking like but it's like it kind of makes sense that hi and remand tag would be first lady of California. Like, it actually, it actually, you know what I mean? It's like the world might be here.

Like, it actually is who you would think would be first lady of like, you know, they talk about the plastic surgery and the fake and whatever. It's like Heidi Montaga's first lady of California like shocks nobody, I don't think. Just like Mom Dani running New York, it's like it feels New York again. New York is getting more New York in L.A.

is back to being, I guess, more L.A. That's how I feel about Trump and Melania. Sometimes I'm like, we deserve it. This is what we deserve. It's crazy. deserve but I'm like yeah America does love this shit it's crazy it's crazy I have you seen these Spencer Pratt commercials that are like this is where Karen Bass lives and this is where I live and it's like an airstream trailer and I was like you do not let I love it I lived in a trailer for a

long time I actually love trailers you have you ever lived in a trailer no but I used to rent them a lot just to have just like your money just to know it's there yeah I like like little things oh yeah I like like a clickety look how this opens. I swear to God I turned 19 moved out of a trailer and then people were like tiny homes. Right.

When I live in a tiny homes, it was trashy. Exactly. Do you like RVs? I do. I'm obsessed with RVs. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't you have a motel? I do. Where is the motel? It's in Palm Springs, California. We got to go to this fucking motel. You'll die. Is it finished? Oh yeah.

Because you were building this motel. Yeah. I built a, well, I renovated a motel a few years ago and it's still open and thriving. People love it. People show up and cry. We marry a lot of people.

Oh my God. I got to go with Gab. I'm always trying to upsell people. I think she'd really fuck with Palm Springs. We do divorces. You never know. God forbid. Are you insane?

Are you insane? Say, I take that back. That's insane. Projection much. You know what we do? I take it back. I take it back. You know what we do?

Vow renewals. What do you think about vow renewals? We do it every week. Right. Did you write your own? Are you horrified? What's the other story I had on my list? No, we have

The tooth fairy Let's save you from this Okay Did I do the tooth fairy My mother, yes Even though we were poor When we moved to Canada Born in New York

Moved to Canada My little sister was of the age We moved to Canada Of the tooth fairy We didn't grow up with the tooth fairy Because religious Jews, whatever But she had heard about it in school So we were like, wow

We should really do the tooth fairy for her Like why not? It's hard to keep a cap on that Because everyone's teeth are falling out And everyone's waking up with money How is your kid going to not find out about the tooth fairy? We slept in a room. I slept here.

My sisters were on a bunk bed here, one on top, one on the bottom, small room. And then at some point in the night, we heard a crash. The lights go on. My mother is on the fucking floor, tripped on a Lego God knows what. Okay. We're like, ma? She's like, it's me. It's ma.

I'm the tooth fairy. It's me. She blows it in two seconds. My little sister starts crying like what? I'm like, Ma, you're making her cry. You're making her cry. She's not the...

I'm sweet, it is. It's my money. It's not money. She gives her the 50 cents. She's like sitting there crying with the 50 cents. So that, my mother attempted. Why did she give it up so easy? She could have just said I fell.

She just was so sick of it. You have to imagine what this lady went through making 10 lunches, nine loads of laundry. She just cooked stew for us. And finally, she's like, you know what? I'll try and do this fucking tooth fairy thing. I'll find 50 cents. Put them in a little bag.

She had them in a little leg bag. And I'll just stick it under the pillow. But you know what the way? Before she went to bed, it was her last. And then she can't see because it's dark in the room. We've been sleeping. It's probably nine o'clock. We're kids, you know, and she smashes.

Like, she really, like, we woke up to her like face planted. Right. I were like, Mom, my little sisters are horrified. I'm like the big girl in the room. I'm like 12. I'm like, Mom, Mom, calm down, you know. And she's like, ah, it's me. It's my.

I'm the toothbrush. She was just holding up this like 50 cents in the baggie. She's like, it's me. It's my money. There is no tooth fairy. It's my money. You guys caught the ghost in like a Scooby-Doo movie. Yeah, like she could have kept it like.

She could have just. just said I tripped. But she just exploded. You know what I said? Oh, I found 50 cents when I tripped. She's not, she just was at her.

It just. She's tired. Collapse. The whole, it was hanging on by a thread. Right. And then she trips and the whole thing. If I had 10 kids,

I'm not telling them about the tooth fairy either. No. Because how many teeth are they losing? That's 50 cents a pop for 10 kids. No wonder. And my mother, I mean, we had bad.

You know, that's, that was another sign of, of poverty. And it's about like, we had kind of bad teeth because my mom would put like apple juice in a bottle. Girl, my sister's, my mom, when she was feeling like a good mom,

she would water the apple juice down for the kids in the bottle. Like we wanted apple juice. Like my mother was like you could have, but it's like, my sister's losing her teeth. You're not supposed to drink juice. It is bad. But you know what I mean? So, um,

don't drink your juice, Shelby. I'm still dealing with teeth. You know, teeth is one of those things when you want to grow, when you, when you try and get money, I'm like, but is it too late to fix my teeth? It's so awkward to fix it now. It's definitely awkward. When I turned 25 and I could afford a dentist at all when I first moved to L.A.,

I went to a dentist with just like my drag queen cash and was like, I. So what did you do? Because I don't want braces now. I always was insecure. You have great teeth. I think my teeth are fine. But. Did you have braces?

No. I didn't have braces. But I've had so many different issues. They're not. But they're fine. It's a facade. I was a lot more when my teeth. were bigger on my face when I was smaller.

My teeth were the same size. Oh, okay. You know what I mean when you're like a teenager? Yeah. But now my teeth are like more blended into my face. But as a kid, it was, I was really insecure because it was I grew up in an era too where you were hearing a lot about braces that people were getting them willy-nilly whether they needed them or not. Kids just got to have braces. Right.

And so I thought it was a status symbol to have braces. It kind of is. Yeah. inexpensive. No. So I always thought it was kind of a status symbol when you saw somebody on the bus with braces. It's also a status symbol to be an adult with straight teeth because you got to have braces. No, exactly. So you fixed your, you had bad like what happened to your teeth? Mine were, I mean, I thought mine were okay. And then you go to the dentist. And of course, I didn't go to the dentist through college. Yeah. No, no, no. I was cross-dressing, you know, I don't have

fucking money to go with my fucking teeth. But I will tell you this, every tooth problem is cheaper to prevent than it is to fix. If I could just tell everyone here listening today, obviously, so you should just go see Robbie and tune into her special. But if you could floss today, it'll save you a fucking tooth pull tomorrow. That said, I'm also on tour. 15 new shows added.

I think we're already, we've been on sale for two days. And we already are, you know, by the grace of God and all of you. So, you know, these are the only,

by the way, I don't want to hear, oh, you're going there, but you're not coming here. Those are the 15 shows that I can do. And that's a lot of shows for me. So those are the ones.

So get the tickets while you can and want. And those are the shows. I can't go everywhere all at once everywhere. And I'm not running myself ragged. I like a leisurely tour. I did eight cities on this one and we're going to do 15. And that's it. You're not going to see me every night somewhere else.

That's amazing. You're not going to see me. When I was younger, I would do like 100 city tours. And now I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I am not running ragged on a 100 city tour. I'm happily married. I like to see my wife. I act in things.

I write. I have other things. to do. Yeah. I have a very 360 life. And I have to, you know, I like to toggle between different things. It's amazing that you did drag coming from where you were coming because it does remind me of like my, like, I always think that style comes from the poor. Style and fashion are very different because style is like you.

Style is like you don't maybe have the things, but it's like how do you swag out? And you have to learn to do that with a lot less. a lot less. Just like you were saying, the mobile homes become trendy, you have these fucking tiny houses when you're, you know, pissing in a pot. The same thing with the vintage. You know, we grew up, uh, clothes shopping at the Goodwill or Salvation Army and a village de Valer value village. And it's like it was so embarrassing as a kid. It was not ever cool. It was to buy a thrifted item. No. When I was a, even a teenager. No. It was. It was. It was horrible. It was like, you smell.

Even if you had a hand me down that your mom bought new. Yeah. You were embarrassed of it. And now I really believe it's like, well, I'm just doing homeschooling because I'm reselling clothes online. I make a fortune. Reselling clothes online, that's what Goodwill does. That's literally Goodwill. So it was so embarrassing every aspect and now it's of course embraced and whatever.

But we have to be there first. Like my sister would go to high school in a fur. Let me show you her high school picture because, because she almost wasn't able to get. They were like, no, you can't wear a lipstick. She was poor. She was four or five. And she's like, I'm not taking the fucking picture.

How old is she? My sister now. She's like 40. No, she's like 16. Oh, I mean, I think that's okay. No, but I'm envisioning like a kindergarten with red lipstick on. I know, but she was, you know, it was like religious and Bible. What's wrong with lipstick?

No, it's insane. It's insane. You can be religious and wear lipstick. In fact, the more religious you are in my experience, sometimes the more makeup you see. I don't, for whatever reason, they wouldn't, but this is her. She's like, I won't take the picture. Like, fine, get the picture.

Is that style? She's very pretty. You better work, bitch. This is so actually. She doesn't give a fuck. And it gives that. You got to give it to the camera. Let's get a.

Can you guys believe? Has anyone? And you know what? She did need that lip. It's actually great. She's giving, like Gen Z has no. job because of mental health. Yeah, she just was like, I don't even want to be in this fucking in this photo.

She does, she can't be me. And she does copy for a skincare company remotely. Yeah, she was smoking cigs and you know, I remember she got in trouble because they said, oh, she vandalized the building. My mother was crying. My mother was like on the floor crying that we're going to have to pay and the police and she vandalized the whole school and she tagged her name. And it was like small Jewish religious school.

And, um, and my mother was like, well, how do you know it's her? How do you know she did it? And my mother takes the bus to the school with her. She's dragging her and she goes, you know, and they get to the, the building of the school. And she just says, Chaya, huge. What does that mean? Which is her name. Oh.

So it's like a very unique name and it literally just says Chaya. It's the other high. She was what she was. Yeah, she was one of these people where it's like style and personality and just herself was going to push through all of it. It's like you have nothing else but you're at the goodwill, but you want to look swagged out. She picked up the fur for $12 and she wore that fur to school. She bought a cigarette long thing and that's how she smoked her siggy's 14 years old. She just made.

If I had a child smoking at 14, do you know that I would go? If I ever had a kid, it would have to be well behaved because I would not know how to hand. I was not a rule breaker. Yeah. I was not a smoker. If I had a kid who was like, I was caught smoking, I would go nuclear. Yeah. Like, do you want to live in a crate in a field?

I would be, I don't know what I would do. She's so successful now, my sister. You don't have to worry. Good. Great. You guys go see Robbie. Like, you don't have to worry. You're so wonderful.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I really love you, too. And you know what? I really appreciate your emotional.

all um i'm invested in you coddling you're just emotional support at the emmys and in one of my darkest moments and i appreciate you having me on i'm robbie off on instagram i'll see you on tour and uh check out the special thank you so fucking much