The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Stockholm Syndrome: Live from Sweden with Trixie and Katya!

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

Live from the historic Djurgårdscirkus theater in Stockholm, join us as we dive headfirst into the frosty fjords of Sweden! From government-funded moose warning signs to the national obsession with fermented fish that smells like Satan’s humidifier, it’s a smörgåsbord of Scandinavian magic! The dolls dissect Sweden’s bizarre love affair with coffee breaks (yes, “fika” is mandatory), their legally protected right to sunbathe naked on someone else’s lawn, and the insanely scary haunted house at Gröna Lund where Trixie's screams may have summoned the ghost of Ingmar Bergman. Buckle up, as this is a Volvodyssey of Viking realness you won't soon forget. Start your free online visit today and find ED treatment that’s up to 95% less than brand names at ⁠https://HIMS.com/BALD Work on your financial goals through Chime today! Open an account in 2 minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress. Get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD Need a website? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Start listening and discover what’s beyond the edge of your seat with Audible! New members can try Audible now free for 30 days and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit https://Audible.com/BALD or text BALD to 500-500 Give your summer closet an upgrade with Quince! Go to https://Quince.com/BALD for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatyalive.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://workinggirlsbook.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠    #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and important safety information. Do you want a better relationship with yourself and the people around you? Honey, same. That's why I'm getting better. I'm talking with the most brilliant folks I can find. We are going deep to figure out how we can care for ourselves

with more joy, curiosity, and compassion. We're talking mental health, financial wellness, aging brains, tiny habits, and everything in between. So if you're ready to learn and unlearn and laugh a lot while we're at it, come join me, Jonathan Van Ness, on Getting Better, available on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. I'm gonna be your friend Welcome home, honey. Welcome to the home of the sweetest. Wow. Oh, wow. Tomorrow we should go to Russia.

You know, maybe not today. Maybe not today. Stockholm, how the fuck are you pieces of shit? At the good old circus gal. Good old circus gal. This is such a beautiful theater the circus yes well we're taking prize that expensive well you know what i think is expensive we're crossing that hotel the the hassle back in hustle backer hassle back in thing that fancy pink building across from us.

Isn't that like a rich ass hotel? Whoa, whoa, whoa, what did they do over there? That's so special. Well, it's like every other hotel here. They charge you top dollar for zero fucking air conditioning. Oh, ooh, there it is. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it.

I don't like it. So delicious. I don't like it. So delicious. I don't like it. I don't either. You know, I don't like to complain except every word out of my mouth is the complaint. Oh, do you mind if I sit? Hold on, hold on.

Oh, Jesus Christ. What the fuck with this little fucking wooden chair? This is the first Nordic chair ever carved from a Viking ship. What the fuck is this? Mars Ericson. We were giving really hot cunts. This is the first Nordic chair ever carved from a Viking ship We're giving really hot cunts, I know my pussy's out So I usually Let's just get it off get it on the table and then throw it off the table. This is my pussy, right?

You will see it from time to time over the course of the next 90 minutes, so just make peace with that in your mind, okay? Just it's gonna be fine. You know what? You paid to see it. You might as well get to look at it all fucking night, okay? Thank God I got my paper straw. I also heard that we're taping tonight, aren't we?

We're audio recording. Say hello to the people in their cars. Oh baby! That's right. That's right, rest of the world. You can suck our cocks because we're in Sweden. We're in Sweden, baby. Oh yes, what an incredibly opportune time to leave the United States. Oh my god. Not a moment too soon.

What a shit. What a boiling festering diaper bag of shit. Oh my god. I stay up late and watch the American CNN feed. I sound like Brenda in Scary Movie. I'm just like, ah! I'm just screaming. It's so...

You know what? Can I tell you? It's not us. You can count on us. We are just like you, probably a little worse than you, but not as bad as that. And we are willing to move here. We're just like, yeah. Sorry, I'm willing to move back here.

Like Americans are just like Swedes if you take away, but like 30 IQ points or 40 IQ points and then no knowledge of any other foreign language. So basically just twins. It's really fierce. This time around coming home, cause you know when I lived here for- Of course.

Since birth. Since birth. Yeah. I didn't pay much attention, you know, cause Swedes, you guys know, we don't, you know, we're just, ah, did you have that? We don't, you know, we're not, you just go about your business.

We're just, you know, we're not... You just go about your business. We're just, you know, we're bleach blonde. Well, not really bleach blonde. Incredibly sun damaged. And just rocketing down the street in our own bike lane. We don't give a fuck, okay? Can I tell you, you will get killed in that bike lane. Mary, don't I know it. You do not have the right of way.

But you know it though, you know when I won't get killed? At 6.30 in the morning. Because there ain't nobody outside. Nobody. I want to tell you a tiny little story. I was jet lagged, so I woke up starving and with the need for coffee, I go outside, I was like, 6.30, oh my God, there's going to be so many coffee shops, people going to work,

it'll be like a fun little scene. Right. Mary, it was like dead by daylight out there. Oh yeah. It was nothing. No, nothing was open. 8, 9 in the morning. It's 28 days later. Eight, nine in the morning on a Tuesday or a Thursday

or whatever the fuck day it is today. Like, what are you... I don't know. It was very frustrating. I was just, like, circling the block like a fucking vulture until that coffee shop opened. And then, you know what I did? What?

I ordered, like, $85 worth of food. Good for you. Like 17 juices, 400 croissants, I shoved them all in. Well, do you know something they have here? I actually know a little too much about Sweden because I always think, you know, I'm from here, I should know a few things.

Do you know about this thing? I might get the word wrong. It's the break in the middle of the day they have where they have a coffee and a sweet treat. I think it's Flankapinka, what is it? Flankapinka. Of course. It's like at some companies and corporations, it's like I think it's Flankapinka, what is it? Yeah! Of course. It's like at some companies and corporations,

it's like mandated, it's like no marriage. In addition to lunch? They come up, they say, Miss Johansson, go down the block. Lars. Lars, get your fucking coffee with Eric and get your fucking cinnamon bun and don't come back here, bitch.

That is my dream come true. It's crazy. I would love to build my life around like cinnamon buns. You build your life around simin' in buns. Ooh, there ain't no other way. Oh, ow. You know who I saw here once? I saw Troye Sivan here once.

Did anybody else see that shit here at this exact venue? Wasn't I there? I was also there. I was in drag. I played some guitar or some shit. I don't know what I did. In the show? In the program. You got paid?

No, of course not. I mean, they can't afford me, so I just volunteer myself. But also, you know, in Sweden, we do not get paid. Work itself is a reward. Exactly, exactly. I'm thrilled to be here. It's really weird. I got to tell you guys, as somebody who flirts with alcoholism

on a bi-weekly basis, me at a gay bar where the sun doesn't go down at night. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. But luckily it's Swedish people,

so no one's talking to anyone. I'm sitting alone. I've been there six hours. My eyes are crossed from drinking. No one's coming up to me. There's no music playing. I'm like, I believe that you're the not the future. I'm just living.

Too friendly or like too reserved, too shy. That's one of the main principles of being Swedish. Do not ever speak to another person as long as you fucking live. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. If you go on TikTok and you look for like Swedish things that Americans don't understand, one of the first things that comes up is like,

they're not rude, they just are like, not doing all that. Not interested in all of that. Not interested, not interested. They got fjords. Or is that Norway? I think that's Norway. We'll take our question off the air. That might be Norway.

But also, I was waiting for the car. So on the way here, we were supposed to all take the same Uber. Did you know this? No. OK, well, so I walk down there, and they go, oh, Katya and Fina just took their own Uber and left you. I said, OK, great.

So I'm waiting, and there was one gentleman outside. And I don't want to pass judgment. He did seem very drunk, very disheveled. He was looking, you know, can I have a cigarette lighter? And he's asking me, and I know what he's saying, of course. Yeah. But you don't want to, like... But we live in America,

which is a walking human rights violation. So I'm so used to people coming up and, like, fighting me or whatever. Yeah, putting a gun in your mouth. Right. Can I have $550? Yes. Yeah. I'm playing, you know, the RuPaul match game on my phone. I'm like, I don't, I was like, no, I don't have anything.

And then the girl walking after me, she could not have looked more fucking Swedish. Her skin, death defying Leetan for this time of year. Deep leather, right? No, but how did they get it so even? Well, I think it's not, I don't, well, can I tell you? I went to the fucking park. Do you guys know where the observatory is in town?

Yes, the observatory, I went to it. And I'm just gonna show you what the fuck I saw at the goddamn park. And I just, and I don't have any panties on. I just wanna say that. No panties. I wanna tell you what I fucking saw at the park and I need all of you to come together as a community

and share with me exactly what the fuck is going on at these goddamn parks. It was an observatory, and I'm gonna show you what the fuck I observed. These people are not just sunning themselves. And by the way, I just came from Ireland where it was pouring rain, and people were sitting in the park reading books.

So I was like, okay, at least there's sun here, you know? And for half the year, that's all they have is those croissants. It's just the moon. All they have is cinnamon buns. Yeah, and the moon. Yeah, and did you know Rebecca Ferguson is from here? Is she really?

Oh yes, oh yes, her mother- Oh, Rebecca, baby, oh dude, oh, rose the hat, rose the hat. Her mother translated Abba's songs to English. Oh, and of course, how can we forget the giant family of actors that have taken over Hollywood? Of course, the Scars guards. My god. We got Bill.

We got Lars. We got Garth. We got Penguin. Penguin. We got Roberto. McGee, yes. Juan. Tensley. Tensley, Mortimer, and Carnegie.

Yes, yes, yes. All of them. So I'm at the park and I'm thinking I'm at the observatory and I have so much to tell you. I see you sucking dick and cock. I've been in Sweden, I've been in Sweden for like four days but the sun has gone down a collective six hours so I've been out there looking. Okay, so I'm at, I don't have panties on, I'm sorry.

Wait, well this is a- And I have a huge fucking cock, so I hope you don't see any of it, and I'm sorry. No panties, all cock. I didn't exactly dye my pubes to match my hair, so I hope you don't see anything. These, I'm gonna say motherfuckers, are out here, just yorgie porgy,

you know, they're just being Swedish, and they're like this. Oh! Baby, baby, baby. They're holding up the... They're like... Baby, baby. They're sunning the crumb hole. What, what, mama?

They're sunning. They know a secret that we are not privy to. What is it? That your pussy needs the sunlight just like the rest of your body. Right. And when the sun hits those lips, when the sun hits those lips.

When it hits those lips? When you get that lip crack. I couldn't believe it. Why? Because in America, well, it would never happen. Well, you'd be a sex offender in like two seconds. The people would buy a tanning bed, get a huge tax credit for it, and then do it at

home, you know. Oh my god. Could you have a floating canopy tanning bed? Specifically up the pussy. I mean, they're not even sunning the pussy. They're sunning the area between the pussy hole and the asshole. The perineum. Yes, they're getting all the rays.

Because that root chakra needs that sunlight to grow. Oh, yes. The sun is coming in. You're having a hard time with that chair. And they're just smiling. They're just like, yabadee ba da. They just love it. They love it.

So you saw their cunts. So I saw it once and I was like, that's weird. Maybe they're evening it out. Then I saw it again. So I saw it once and I was like, that's weird. Maybe they're evening it out. Then I saw it again. So I saw it on a man, a woman, and then a group. And I was like, okay. So are you serious? Why would I lie about it?

This is my hometown. I'm actually from somewhere else. You're from Helsinki, aren't you? I'm from Skonson, yes. You're from Helsinki, aren't you? I'm from, I'm from Skonson, yes. You're from Malmo. Absolutely. Yeah, Malmo. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.

And then I'll tell you this too. I walked at six or seven parks in this city cause I want to see it all. Cause a park here compared to an American park, American parks are for drug deals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's out there. American parks are for undercover cops

posing as hookers, drug deals, and dog shit. Right. That's about it. And smoking. Not, yeah. And I was in Ireland walking around, and you know, Ireland, this is their hottest time of year. And I got out of the car and I told a joke.

The person was like, so what do you do in Ireland? And I was like, well, incredible. Right? I don't know how to do the accent. I'm Swedish. Uncanny. It's crazy. And I said, well, incredible, right? I don't know how to say the accent, I'm Swedish. Uncanny, uncanny, it's crazy. And I said, well. Do that again. They were like, are you doing a show in town?

And I was like, yes. And I said, well, obviously I'm also here for the weather. Because it's been cold and rainy every day, and it's peak summer there. It's wild. And the person goes, I know, we've been so lucky. That, Mary, I'm telling you. Is that horrible?

That little portion of the globe, they are cuckoo bananas. I know. That nasty weather has got them all twisted up and upside down. They are crazy. Yeah, you know, we live in Hollywood. Sure, we have fascism, but we have sunlight.

You know, like, we have something. Listen, if you're gonna live live in Hollywood. Sure, we have fascism, but we have sunlight. Yeah. We have something. If you're going to live under a totalitarian dictatorship, you need an even tan. Right. It's the only thing that's going to keep you grounded. You get that pyreneum straight in the air. Oh, baby.

I go up on that sundeck. I hit a downward dog with an acute angle. I let my fucking rear end have it. Have it. All these beautiful, you guys have so many beautiful parks here. The other thing is- It's fucking gorgeous here. Gorgeous.

Gorgeous. All of you are the hottest people. Not a care in the world. You're just going about your business, being nines and tens. Yep. Quiet, capable, competent. And you know their conservative parties are moderate liberals? Yeah.

I bet they have daycare too. Oh my god. I think woke here is like, I don't even know what. It's whatever beyond our woke is. Yeah, it's throwing a baby off a waterfall. Right? It's anything. Right, we're throwing a baby off a waterfall. Right, it's anything. Right, we're just, we're doing anything, really anything. Sweden, Sweden, how many,

so you guys grow up speaking English? That's funky and wild. And get into this, if you move here, there are free classes to learn Swedish. Of course there fucking is, god damn. Oh, so I was in, I got in a, an Uber yesterday and I was like, take me to the gay area. Just kidding, I didn't say that.

And then they knew. I know, I did ask him, I said, is this area the, right. And he's like, what? And I was like, is it, you know, it's like, are there gay people there? He's like, I don't fucking know. And then, but he was very nice. He like, actually he ripped me off,

now that I think of it, because he took this really long scenic route that charged me about three times extra. But at one point he pulled up to this like beautiful vista. He made me get out and take selfies. And I didn't want to, he's like, go get out, take selfies. And I didn't want to. He's like, go, get out, take some selfies. You're gonna love it.

So I'm like, okay. Where was it? And I'm like... And then he's like, do another one. And then I got back in the car and I was like, he's wild. Where was it? It wasn't even that like great of a spot. It was just like some, it to go wild. Where was it? It wasn't even that great of a spot.

It was just like some water. Some water. Two different parks I went to today have gorgeous daycare pre-K facilities attached to it. And you know in America, you need like three lanyards, an ID, and a blood sample to pick your own child up from school. I know. It's true. You need to shoot your way in to get your own kid. It's true. It's true. You need to shoot your way in to get your own kid. Like it's crazy.

Here, I'm telling you, it was a kindergarten where the fence was this high. In America, the pedophiles, the traffickers would just jump right in there and do, you know, you guys really have a beautiful space here. You should be very grateful. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe, you know, that rope that the kids all, you know,

hold on to while they cross the street, that was invented here. Are you making that up? That is a Swedish invention. Very, very natural. They invented children. Children of the corn. Right. Well, that's why they're sunning the preroneum, because they know when the baby comes, it's going to be an adult.

Yes. And it's going to be evil. It's going to be evil. If it doesn't get that, you know, taint ray, it's going to turn into children of the corn. Do you know about this? Like I keep hearing on TikTok of girls calling- do you know about this like an evil gay? Evil gay? It's like a straight girl, like there was this evil gay at a party who was like trying

it with me. So a gay. I was like, I say any gay. Any gay. That's like a straight girl, but there was this evil gay at a party who was trying it with me. So, a gay. I was going to say any gay. That's a little redundant, yeah. It was an evil gay. There was an evil gay talking to my boyfriend. I'm like, well, that's one of the nice ones, girl. I know. All gay is evil. All gay is very evil. Gay.

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I bought the jet pass. Yes. I'm an elitist. I couldn't win the lines. Okay, whatever. No, you're bolstering the Swedish economy, doing great for your hometown. I'm trying. I mean, you know, bringing all the glory. It's up to me and Rebecca Ferguson. I mean, I guess it's just us. And the Scarsgards, of course.

And the Scarsgards, of course. They got a few bucks. They got a few folding cash, you know, but. And I also heard that Americans lean a lot. We're like known for leaning because we're like so fucking lazy that we're like, I can't prop up my own spine. You know what I mean?

That is frighteningly accurate. So the Swedish people are in line for these rides like. And I'm like, I'm like fucking ungrateful, sad. And they're all waiting like, so crazy. Yes, it's funny. Now that you think of it, I, oh God, now I'm so embarrassed. The cafe, I put my, not just my elbows and arms and hands on the glass counter, my whole upper body.

And I'm pretty sure my breath made like fog on the thing and I was like, ooh. God, I'm such a pig. It's awful. And so I'm pretty sure my breath made like fog on the thing and I was like, ooh, God, I'm such a pig. It's awful. And so I'm so gross. This is an odd time to travel the world because as if I wasn't always a little embarrassed to be American, this is not exactly the moment. Like people, I mean, I just, I feel the energy of like,

are you okay? Are you evil? And if you're not evil, are you okay? Either way, no, We're not okay. You know what? Even regardless of political affiliation or the government taking over the world or any of that stuff, my life is very challenging. Of course.

I wake up a woman so vulnerable, it's hard. Wait, when did... She's barely adjusted to the times. When did you get here? I don't know. I feel like I've always been here. Right. No, I got here yesterday and then...

Immediately tried to have sex and you guys are... What happened? Well, you guys are doing something a little... You guys are playing this... They're playing a game. They're playing that age-old game, Don't Have Sex With Katya. It's like, I know it's a Scandinavian tradition.

It goes back tens of years. That's one of the principles of Scandinavia. I think it's soldered into the plaque on the palace and the constitution or whatever. Well, they're not going to go fuck Russians. It sends a weird message, you know? I know, I know, I know. But the things she could do with her body,

well, the things she used to be able to do with her body. The things I could tell you about that I once was able to do and the adjectives I would use to describe that behavior would get you so hot, hard and horned. Horned up. Horned up, gal.

I have changed, what is that song? I'm changing. I am changing. What is that from? It's from Dream Girls, I believe, right? Dream Girls, you faggots know. Sure. Jess is on the dream girls.

Jennifer awesome. I bet in fitting rooms all across the world, theater students are singing that song. Of course. Because they're changing clothes. Because they're changing. Yeah. What happened with the sex?

Well, I, this is, okay, so I don't have a lot of time here. We are pressed for time. We're on the move, we're on the go. We have, you know. So I get a little, a nibble, and I say, do you want to fuck? Right. Then blocked me.

Block. So that was it? Well, that was my first try. I mean, you know, I have many overtures that I, I was rebuffed brutally several times. Well, that was the overture where you introduced the themes of the songs of the evening, and then you kind of go sing the real song later.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then the B-side comes out. I mean, I don't really know how to flirt online. What am I gonna say? Ooh, you know, ooh, ah, ooh. Yeah. Or maybe I'll send a GIF of somebody doing this. Right. And they say, I would like to suck your dick if you would like to do that to me.

That's great. I'd also like to eat your butthole. I mean, I just say what I want. And I think they think I'm joking because they just block me most of the time. Whoo. Also, some people think it's not actually me. And I think they think I'm choking because they just block me most of the time. Also, some people think it's not actually me, which is hysterical. Oh, none of them think it's us.

But why would anybody choose us as their catfish? What is wrong with you, Dream Bigger? Dream Bigger. Pick a Scar's Guard. You know what I mean? Google search images. Anyone. Anybody. Grab a black and white Abercrombie ad. Do anything. Pick a scars card. Google search images. Anyone.

Anybody. Grab a black and white Abercrombie ad. Do anything. Charlie Chaplin. You're going to pick a bald cross dresser who's pushing 40. Pushing 40? Fell over 40 three years ago. And by the way, if you pick a stock photo of just some gay guy,

some gay guy, then later you can be like, oh, I look different now. But if you pick someone that the person might actually know, like Charlie Chaplin, what if then you go, what if then they expect it to be us? And if that happens, you better do it good. Yeah, you better do it good. You better have a cigarette.

Well, I actually don't smoke anymore. You better, um, but you can hold the dick like this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you better do it good. You better have a cigarette. Well, I actually don't smoke anymore. You better. But you can hold the dick like this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, candy cigarette. Candy cigarette. Ratty hair, pattern problems, man and woman cologne. What else? Let's see.

Oh, herpes. Right. And that's kind of the big giveaway, right? If you're fucking a bald guy who think it's content and there's no herpes, you're like, something? Wait, hold on. I'm having an Oprah aha moment. What is it? Where are you going?

Oh, just walking around. People in the car listening, she's just walking around. Sorry, guys in the car. Pouring out for the guys in the car. Give it up to the guys in the car. You know? Whether you're on the 405, the 110, the 2, the 5, the 495 or the I-90, we just want to say hi. Yeah, but the people in the Volvo.

Yeah. Do you guys know I drive a fucking Volvo? Represent. You're welcome. Ooh! Okay, so I'm going to shelve this, but I want to put a button on the bulletin board so we don't forget. Mattress, okay?

I'll come back to that. So I had my Oprah aha moment when I walked around, and I think it's because, or it could be, my, um, some would call, uh, let's see, like, I don't know, shamelessly transparent admission of having herpes that might turn off some potential suitors who might not know that, you know, you probably won't contract it from me

because I only had one outbreak and it was in the 80s. And, you know, it's a thing of the past. It's like, you know. Well, you can't control other people's like lack of information about that. No, so maybe I should, I should like include with my ass and dick pics a PDF from the CDC. From the CDC.

For sure. Or like a pamphlet. Like if I have a pamphlet, why don't you come over and read it with me? Right. Great foreplay. Yeah. And nice literacy check right off the top.

Or I could do a little voice note because I love those nowadays. Do you really? Yes, I do, girl. Every time people send them, I'm like. No, you know why? Because you're busy and you're at work. No, I'm like put down the pookie, whoever it is.

It's always that. No, no, it's Brazil. Every Brazilian I know does it. It's like an intercontinental thing. Oh, the Brazilians. Hello, Brazilians here. Any Brazilians? I don't believe you. Guess how many Brazilians are here?

A Brazilian. They're Brazillionaires. They were telling me in Ireland that the Brazilian people clean up very well sexually there. What does that mean? They clean up? I mean, those freckly bastards don't know what hit them. All these hot Brazilian people show up. They get horny. They get wet.

I know. The Swedish people, yeah, they get horny. They get wet. And they get wild. They get wild. So I think, well, I guess it's too late to get laid in Sweden. How close were you to the sex? Was anyone coming over?

That is a really great question that if you asked them, you'd probably get a different answer than my answer. I thought that there were several potential trysts literally on the horizon. Sure. You know what I mean? I started shaving things that hadn't been shaved in a while. Right.

You know what I mean? You were putting all your eggs in one basket. I started looking for those shoday vinyls that was sourcing a record player. Oh, God. I think if you put on ABBA, they'll just run at you here. That's very easy. Well, I think I blend in too much out of drag here.

I mean, there's so many bald white guys in this fucking town. It's like crazy. It's true. They are fucking everywhere. Y'all are just bald and white. Bald and white. This is Stockholm. Just bald and white.

Seriously. It's sick. Are you bald? Yep. Are and white? Bald and white. Boop-a-doop-boop. This is Stockholm, just bald and white. Seriously. It's sick. Are you bald? Yep. Are you white? Definitely.

You got kind of a beard? Sure. People always be, I don't know what happens to you, people complain about, they think they're losing their hair and they look me dead in the eyes and say it. It's really fucking crazy. It's really, it's like going to J.C. Dugard and being like, I think I'm losing my childhood.

And it's like, do you see me on death row or something? Girl, looking in the mirror, pulling the hair back, being like, do you think I needed to go to Turkey? I'm like, do you think I should be buried? I know, like, do I have the right to exist? If I go to Turkey, I think they put handcuffs on me and send me the fuck back, girl. Seriously.

Where are they gonna translate the hair from, my lower back? Yeah. It's sad. They'll get it from a nice Russian girl. Ooh, Yakky Bundles. Yeah. Slavic bundles, baby.

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was out. So this time I went across the street. It was so cool. Wait, the Abba Museum? No, no, yeah, I did that too. But the very special theme park over here was so fucking cool. The rides were amazing. Everybody was so nice and beautiful

and nice fans came up and said, welcome home. Everybody says that. What was your favorite ride? Yeah, okay, so a girl, faggots coming up and going, welcome home. Then I was at that gay bar, what is it, the Secret Garden? Yes, it's not so secret, it's out in the fucking open and there was a bunch of straight people there,

so you guys need to work on that. I think it's just so woke here that the gays have scattered. They're not at a gay bar, they're just like, they're at Zara. Yeah, that's what my fascist Uber driver said. He's like, there's not a gay bar, they're just like, they're at Zara. You know, they're- Yeah, that's what my like fascist Uber driver said. He's like, they're all, you know, there's not a gay district, they're all scattered up because it's not, I don't know, like, it's not really a, what do you call it, horrible place for gay people.

Not dangerous, yeah. Yeah, it's not super dangerous. It generally tends toward the tolerant side in regard to homosexuality. Accepting. It's almost like you guys believe that everybody deserves respect in the same chance. I don't know, it's very crazy.

Yeah, it's a little fairy tale-ish to me, girl. A little Hans Christian Anderson, if you know what I mean. Yeah. So I'm over there and I'm riding all these rides. Monster, love it. All kinds of crazy, I mean, every ride gave me a neck ache. Every ride was some kind of, I mean- Did they beat you up? Are they violent?. I mean, every ride gave me a neck ache. Every ride was some kind of...

Did they beat you up? Are they violent? I lost the baby every ride. Yeah. It was... those rides, for people who make smooth driving vehicles, I got like a black eye and a bum knee from that shit. Like, it was so crazy. I love the rides that let you have it.

Girl, they let you have it. And plot twist, 50% of them are drop rides. Ooh. I love them. Drop to your death. I love that shit, I love that shit. I mean, there's a famous case in the States where some guy, you know, died, but, but his family got $350 million in a lawsuit, so who's laughing now?

Are you talking about, which ride are you talking about? The drop. Are you talking about Kentucky Kingdom? Could be. Do you know about this? Oh, legs chopped off? Oh yeah, oh no, no, no. I don't know.

Is that too much? You guys are like so pure. I know. I feel like you guys are like a kindergarten class. It's summer. The days are endless. You're so hopeful. And we're gonna come here and talk about legs chopped off.

I know. We're gonna turn you into Americans. Or worse, Los Angelinos. I know. Anyway, just watch your back and your legs. Watch your back. Girl, I wrote all those rides, and there's one ride that I could not fucking wait to tell you about.

First of all, there's a ride called, I can't read anything that has signs. I don't know what any of them mean. Of course I can, I'm from here. Well, you can't, you got to play the part. I'm with the group, and I don't want to make everyone feel stupid, so I'm like, what do you think you say?

You know, I don't know. So, for example, this ride had a witch voice and broomsticks. I'm like, oh, this is a witch ride. It's a witch ride. What did it sound like? I swear to God, I'm waiting in line. I don't want to be difficult, but in roller coasters, I would rather wait longer and be in the front cart.

I want the front cart. I want the wind in my hair. It's, you know. You wanna face death or don't bother. Yes, so I'm waiting and the witch ride, I'm assuming it's a witch ride. The word for witch is like a K something. I don't remember, but yeah, that.

Yes, it's that. So I'm up there and of course, all the safety announcements are. Safety announcements? It's real people, real people, real teenagers So I'm up there and of course all the safety announcements are safety announcements It's real people real people real teenagers reading these announcements with real Bracelet you which one of your arms is gonna fall off if you stick your hand like by the way every ride has a sign That says don't do this Don't put your hands up. I said, okay bitch

It's a I'm riding that shit like Mary Katherine Gallagher hands and the armpits Terrified cuz I'm like, but by the way, what a country to lose a limb. The healthcare. Oh, the GEO-ed girl. In America, they would put me down like a Doberman, okay? Mary, if you got your hands chopped off in Sweden, you'd probably go back to home,

you'd go back home with like four hands. I would get crowned the prince. That would become part of the royal family. OK. OK. So the witch ride is a witch voice that comes on. It's like a teenager being like, you know, this over it. And I'll be over it too. I get it.

And then the witch, you know, my wouldn't say my wish is incredible, but the witch, I guess, on the ride is like, it's time to ride the ride. And the voice, so I'm waiting there and it's just all these children. And it's like, Get out of to ride the ride. And the voice, so I'm waiting there and it's just all these children and it's like, get to the bed, boobah! Womp, womp, boobie! And I was like fierce.

So I go over, the sign says, don't stick your arms up or they're gonna get chopped off, bald bitch. So I put my arms like this, ride the fucking ride. It was so crazy. So this other ride, I should have known what it was because it was in English. It said, it said, house of nightmares. Okay. But it didn't dawn on me that perhaps this was

a haunted house experience. Oh. So I walk up thinking I'm going on like a Tilt-A-Whirl. Ooh. You go in, doors slam behind you. It's pitch black. Fucking love that shit. It's, you're alone.

Love that shit. You're being let, you're alone. You're walking through, there's animatronics, people jumping out. Oh baby. It was so fucking scary. Blood pressure spiking. And nobody I was with was screaming. They were like, yeah, I mean, I was nervous.

I'm like, uh, I'm like, I have inflammatory arthritis. I shouldn't even be here. Well, you know, I go into those things willingly and enthusiastically. You know why? Because I want to die in that. Because you want to die. I want to die either on stage in a haunted house or at Ferrari World in Dubai.

Right. Or whatever. Abu Dhabi. Shout out for Abu Dhabi, sure. Getting excited. Poor went out for Abu Dhabi. It was a lot of excitement for that. Ah.

Sweden. And so then this other ride, there's another haunted house ride. That's like the very classic must ride. That's like spooky, creepy, you know, for kids more. Okay. Or you think. Oh, the outside of this ride is like a giant pulling a girl's hair. Ooh, or like there was a rubber fish who had human legs. Ooh. It was, like, very, very...

Norweigia does evil. A24 presents Bloom House. It was weird. So I'm waiting to go in. There's a giant dinosaur. And, by the way, all of these animatronics have nipples. Huge... Hard, hard nipples? Giant, hard pink nipples. Wired animat pink nipples.

Wired animatronic nipples. A pterodactyl like this with two nipples and a slit. I swear to God. If you guys Google this, I swear to fucking God. So I'm waiting in line and this animatronic is just sitting there with a pussy and two hard nipples and I'm thinking over in America they're saying that we're grooming the kids. Baby! We're sexualizing the children out here in Scandinavia. They got that shit roboticized. Girl! Mary that's the you know that is the beauty of living in a country that doesn't view the naked

body as a crime you know. Everybody take your clothes off. Take your clothes off. Everybody! Let's see them titties let Let's see them asses. Let's see the little tits. Those little asses look good. So there's little kids seeing it. I'm looking at them. I'm looking at the mom. OK, sure.

We're all seeing the hard pink fucking. That fish had a pussy? The fish had human legs. OK, so it follows naturally that it was a pussy. There's a giant head with human arms coming out of ears. Ooh, I love that. I was like, what kind of body horror, weird, you know, weird. It's Sweden.

It's Sweden. It's okay, it's Sweden. So then I go in and I'm thinking based on the outside of this, it's going to be like a funky, wild, like little, ooh, something popped out, ooh. It's fucking terrifying. It's completely blackout. Has anybody ridden this ride? Yeah!

Woo! It's completely blacked out, and it goes from silent blackout to lights on, extreme noise, and different scenarios. So the first one is like a scarecrow, and you're like, oh no, this one is scared.

You know, you're scared. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the next, yes. Then the next thing was like rats. Ooh, rats, scary. Well, I tell you what happens next. I thought of you immediately and it was so fucking crazy. So all the scares are like, a witch, a rat.

No, was it a crack head? Bitch, a door flies open. It's a small bathroom with a big fat guy covered in puke shitting going, ugh. It was so crazy. It was so fucking crazy. Imagine you're on a kid's haunted house ride, and then there's an adult man shitting and puking. Stockholm, you've done it again.

I couldn't believe it. That is, now that is cunt. That is truly terrifying. It was so fucking crazy, girl. It was so wild. And was it animatronic, right? Was it real? Animatronic. But was so fucking crazy, girl. I just thought of you. It was so wild. Was it animatronic, right? Was it real?

Animatronic. But it's a kid's ride. How do we go from like a scarecrow, a witch, a human adult man defecating and puking, screaming, and he's leaned over a toilet. Ugh. But you know what? For the kids, it's great because then you don't,

as a parent, you don't have to suffer the indignity of reading books like everybody poops to your kid. You just take him to that ride, But for the kids, it's great because then you don't, as a parent, you don't have to suffer the indignity of reading books like everybody poops to your kid. You just take into that ride. They learn about pissing through your asshole. And you know. Yeah, I also liked that in Sweden, the worst thing that could happen to you

is that you overeat to the point of puking. It's like, oh my God, the horrors, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have people going to school with AK-47s, and the worst thing that happens here is a little indigestion. A little gas. Gas. Gas.

I get a little gas. But it makes sense. What is that? It's this fundamental principle of Sweden. It means not too much, not too little. What is it again? Oh. Tago, right?

Or loka? Laka? Wait, one person, you, say. One person, you say it. Oh, you. You're not Swedish? Get the fuck out of here. Okay. Shh, everybody, I want to learn. I want to learn. I can still learn. Logom.

Logom, yes. Thank you, thank you. You stop filming now. Not too much, not too little. Okay, thank you. Thank you. No, um You stop filming now. Not too much. Not too little. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Um, talk duck duck And their whole thing is not too much not too little everything the right no moderation And so I think they see I'm assuming that was the American part of it the the the Shitting and shitting and puking. It was like, overindulgence, ah, no, you know? I think that was it.

Okay, so I wanna tell you something, and this is, I don't wanna be a, You're pregnant. Yeah. Don't go ride those rides, girl. Don't go ride those rides. Oh, I need to talk to you about something, and it might be, it might be too much.

Do you guys want to hear it? Stockholm, do you want to hear it? No, no. I have, I did something, I did something truly wild and truly reckless, and I don't know if I regret it, but it has roots, deep roots, in fact, a tradition in Sweden. Has anybody heard of a company called Hestens?

Okay, girl, sit down. Oh, great, good. I'm sitting. Yeah. And I know what Hestens is, but for the people here who don't know, can you tell them? It's for the people in the car.

Yeah. So everybody driving. Hestens is a Swedish company that produces mattresses now when I say mattress I mean like the most luxurious form of a mattress known to man right these mattresses I didn't know about them until about two or three months ago They are I want a mattress that feels like it's stuff with a bag of hard cocks. Oh Baby, she's got you even better than that.

Love it. So, have you ever boiled horse hair? Uh, you ever boiled horse hair? No. Five times? No. No? To get it all nice and curly?

No. Did you ever source some chunks and chunks of mohair? Wool? No. Yeah, well, they do here. And they stuff it into these mattresses so I went to the store in LA and the first mattress I tested I kid you not this was the price tag seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars you're lying

I'm not lying I'm not lying it's called the Grand Vividus. I don't know if you'd pronounce it like that, but $750,000 fucking dollars. See now, can you believe that shit? That doesn't feel like lagom. Okay, no, no, no. That feels like a lot. No, but they do, but they do, so they do make cheaper ones. And essentially, here's what I, this is my logic.

Why? We have been brainwashed by the automotive industry, for example, where it is more like people have more of a desire to purchase a car as a status symbol, but a car is really a death machine, as we all know, right? I mean... It's a flying death machine.

Yeah. Not the way you drive. She's a very safe driver. I'm a very safe driver, but, you know, I'm on the road with people who are insane. Well... Psychotic death machine drivers. Well, you don't have a Swedish car. You can't crash it, you'll die. I think if you crash a Swedish car,

you live longer somehow. It extends. Every injury you get, the bones get hardier. Yes, totally. So I, listen, I bought one of the mattresses. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't have any money, by the way. I'm broke.

How did you get this mattress? Well, a girl has her ways. This man offered me 0% financing for three years. I don't know if there's fine print. There probably is. But the point is, I am going to let me tell you something. When I laid my fucking carcass on this bed, and he literally, so we had moon booties on.

They give you little moon boots when you go in the store, I don't know why, and then they tuck you in literally. They tuck you in right to the chin, cover my breasts of course. Were you topless when you walked in? Well, no, but I mean it's like, you wanted to get a deal. If I'm gonna simulate the sleeping experience,

I have to get totally nude. Right, and put on your breastplate. Yes. I tucked. Yeah, and tucked. Yes. It's the only way to keep you from pissing the bed. Yeah.

You have to tuck. I've got a story about that too. Okay. So, tucked me in. And Mary, when I tell you the sensation was like 5D. You know what I mean? There was like, there's height, there's length, there's width, and then, or depth, and then something else.

Yeah, all those. All those, and then there's like time, and then there's something else. This was another- Then there's like vibes. Yeah, there's vibes, and then there's like barbecues or whatever. Yeah, and R vibes. Yeah, there's vibes, and then there's like barbecues or whatever. Yeah, and Riz.

No, Riz is over. Oh, Riz is over. Yeah, Riz is over. Damn. What took Riz's place? I don't know. Jizz? Well, evil gay.

Evil gay. I guess. So anyways, I'm telling you, I was transported to another realm. Okay. Mary, I'm telling you, this mattress, when it comes in four to five months,

because they make them by hand. Are you saying you really bought this? Well, so, yes, I did. But why is a little... I love you. I think you're an artist, and I think you're a woman of careers. Where the fuck are you gonna get $750,000?

Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was not that one. Oh. No, no, no. I was like, are you..., no, no, no. It was not that one. Oh. No, no, no. I was like, are you, and you're all enabling it. No one's speaking up. No. You're all like, oh, she's gonna have to come back here. We got her coming to perform.

No, so like, it's like a car, imagine if a car, like, as the whole gamut, so like you've got your McLaren, or whatever you say, like the Rolls Royce is up there. Then you've got the Tiers. So you got like the 80 grand one, and they're like, yeah, if've got your McLaren or whatever you say, like, the Rolls Royce is up there. Then you've got the Tiers. So you've got, like, the 80 Grand one, and they're like, yeah, if you fucking hate yourself. Yes. Well...

You poor bitch. That's what's funny about their marketing strategy, because the second best one is, like, this is our second most exclusive mattress. If you can't afford the first one, you fucking poor fuck. Right. But I settled with this one.

The sleep engineer or whatever the fuck they call themselves. He was so... It was like... It was like... He was like a matchmaker. Right. You know what I mean? It was like Indian matchmaking, except he made matches too. No, no.

He was like... He's like, that's... Oh. I'm sorry. Stupid. Stupid. Sorry. That was like, he's like, that's... Oh. I'm sorry. Stupid. Stupid. Sorry. That was like not worth it.

I'm sorry. No, but I feel like I... I'm telling you, in the four to five months, when and if I come through with the money, I am going to have a 180 degree personality change. I swear to God, after three nights of sleep on this fucking handmade Swedish mattress, baby, mama, do you even realize what's gonna happen? And I guess you can trust the Swedes

because sometimes it's 20 hours of nighttime. They know what the mattress feels like after 18 hours. Yes, because in the winter, they sleep on average 20 hours a day. Absolutely, they go into hibernation, yes. No, but I- Like a hamster. Like a hamster?

Like a Syrian hamster. They hibernate in the winter. Have you seen these TikToks of people who have turtles who like put their turtle in hibernation in the fridge for the winter? Right? Swear to fucking God. I need them to do that with us in the summer.

Baby, oh. Put me in the fridge to sleep? Cryo. Oh, and then put this on me, hold on. Oh, put me in the fridge to sleep. Cryo. Oh, and then put this on me. Hold on. Oh, your little thingy. I'm just gonna put this on. You know, I want the audience to get some of the benefits of this technology. Right. And I think they can just do. I have one of those too. I didn't choose to bring it. So the front row, you will look about three months younger

when you leave. You will. You will. I love this thing. It's so Hannibal Lecter, like Jason in space, kind of like. I get really high and wear it while I play PlayStation. And I probably look. And it's, by the way, completely dark in the house.

I'm glowing red from the face, not one light. It's cunty. When we first got them, it was a while ago, I used to smoke with it on. And it was just like so crazy. And the routine was better aging. I'm like, Love it.

Two steps forward, three steps back. Love it. But they're not, they're not aging like us. I, the other thing I keep seeing here is adults in a city walking with ski poles. What the fuck is that? Wait, are you serious? Yes. Well, yes, people, they have two poles,

and they're in the city, like, doing elliptical. Are they getting ready for the cross-country winter? I think there's so much winter here that they have, like, like, what is it, when you have the, when you think that the, what is it? Delusion? No, no, no, no.

Delusion. No, like if you, oh, Phantom limb. They think the snow is there. Phantom season, Phantom season. Yes, they're like skiing. Am I crazy? Have you guys seen the people with the sticks walking through the city?

What is the, for what? What's the rationale there just for support? Somebody was outside of the secret garden doing it. I was like, where are we? Like, and get this, outside of the secret garden, this was either a community theater play or something that really happened. Somebody had two dogs hooked around the leg of one chair,

and the person got up, right? Because, you know, Swedish people, not too much, not too little, they're leaving, you know? No, go home. So then the dogs escaped, And the person got up, right? Because, you know, Swedish people, not too much, not too little, they're leaving, you know? No, go home. So then the dogs escaped, and these two dogs take off fucking running. And this would never happen in America.

As the dog passed each person, that person like pulled out their headphones and kept, started running after the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they dropped their infant and then left with the dog. The entire community came together to find the dog. And we're waiting, and we're like, god damn, that dog's never coming back.

10 minutes later, someone comes back with the dog. The entire street of all the people sitting outside stands up and starts clapping. Oh! Clapping. That, you know, that is the Scandinavian spirit. You just can't buy anywhere. It's the spirit. It the Scandinavian spirit. You just can't buy anywhere. God damn.

It's the spirit. It's the whole spirit. So wait, I think I have a problem with this spending money that I don't currently possess. Well, that, we keep doing this because if you guys listen to the pod, you know that she just got three Melee vacuums. Yes, you know what?

And I'm gonna return one. I'm gonna return one. I'm gonna return one. I'm gonna just... I'm gonna be wild and crazy, because that was a little nuts. Um, but I... I-I-I-I do want to briefly mention something only because I've been harping so endlessly about the fucking mold and my condo, yada, yada, yada.

I just want to say very briefly, but very sexually... Right. ...that my new bathroom is... but I just want to say very briefly, but very sexually, that my new bathroom is... is, um... is, like, infuses me with a neuroticism that is inexpressible with language. I... I... It...

I'll post, you know, photos of it, but you just got to be there. And I took a gentleman into the shower, which has a long bench and with lights, and I sat him down and then we fucked in the water. And we had a waterfall coming down on us, very dramatic. And then we had another water source kind of hitting us from the side to keep us alert. And then we had also the wand, which just turned on and then squirting us with like a very like in the face. So it was a very overstimulating.

Even the shower was like shooting precom. It was like everybody was excited. That shower got wet. Got really fucking horny. But you know what I do, and the party doesn't stop once the water turns off. That's when the things really get cooking. Cause I got two squeegees.

Wall mounted squeegees. Oh, to get the stuff off. Cause that water in LA is so hard. And you really got to clean that water. But when I tell you that, imagine me totally nude. I got my squeegee and I go, ah. Ah. And then it pools down here and I go, ah, ah, ah.

OK. And you don't even wanna know what happens when I get the Windex bottle out. I love my bathroom. I go through hell with my bathroom. Ah ha ha! Long story short, thank you for Black Mold. Thank you, God bless Black Mold.

God bless Black Mold, I know, I'm sorry. If you come to LA, free tour and free shower. Free shower. I'm not joking. Hey, Brandon, can I get a powder puff? I hate to ask. This lack of air conditioning has taken me out. It's taken me out.

Do you want a little of this? Oh, the fan that's pointed only at you. Yeah, I don't know. I'm hogging it. Hold on here, watch this. Oh, thank you. You know, just, oh, and it matches my outfit. Oh shit.

There you go. Thank God. Is that Kunti? It's Kunti. I it matches my outfit. Oh shit. There you go. Thank God. Is it cunty? It's cunty. I am your father. You know. I don't think they were in play though.

Very that. Oh, thank you Tracy. Keep it up for our pod producer Tracy. Oh yes, Tracy. She's the girl you guys hear laughing in the background sometimes. She's so cute. And the comments will be like, I hate whoever's laughing.

And I'm like, sorry about fun. Whatever happened to fun? Yeah. Oh, sorry. You never had a good time, you piece of shit. Also, like a diehard fan being like, I was there. I wouldn't laugh. Yeah, I listen to every episode. I've never laughed once. You're in your Pontiac Grand Prix on the 101 laughing. So shut the fuck up, bitch. Oh, my God. where do you wanna die?

Well, obviously here. Okay. Obviously here. Do you wanna have like a Viking death? If I could snap my fingers, snap my fingers, and have all my belongings sold and a passport, I'd be here tomorrow, bitch. I would be like, yes, it's gorgeous. It's amazing, it's fabulous. And the only thing that I, well, there's been a few things I'd be here tomorrow, bitch. I would be like, yes, it's gorgeous. It's amazing, it's fabulous.

And the only thing that I, well, there's been a few things I haven't liked. And it isn't a part, as I understand, this is a country with a lot of churches, but not necessarily an obsession with Christianity, or do you guys disagree? Well, not like a modern obsession, but not like other parts of the world where it's like,

girl, it's game on the sequel, right? Mama, it's not where they take the little babies and go, donk, donk, donk, donk. You guys have like woke beliefs, like, you know, trans people are real. You know, crazy stuff that, you know, yeah. Um... It might even be worth living, you know, who knows?

Human rights. Human rights? Rights, exactly. How is that? Yeah. Somebody came up to me today. I went to one of the parks, one of the different parks. How many fucking parks did you go to, bitch? Baby, this one, I wrote it down.

I wrote it down. This one was called... Look at those nails. Fuck, what was it called? Wow. They're really... Humble, hum... Humble gardens, humbuckers and sparkly.

Was it free? Oh, yeah, it was free. Completely free, gorgeous. And a lot of outdoor workout equipment. Lot of different types of bars you can climb on. Lot of different types of rings. Just me, just me. And you know, can't do much, but I'm just there, right?

Right, I recently, Gemini told me that my BMI is, Gemini told me that I'm overweight, so I'm recovering from that. Well, what does she fucking know? She knows. She doesn't even go here. She said for six feet, I'm overweight, so I'm recovering from that. Well, what does she fucking know? She knows. She doesn't even go here. She said for six feet, I'm supposed to be like 165 pounds.

For what? I said, which half of me, bitch? Like, what are you talking about? 165 pounds to what? Like, star in a movie about starvation? I don't know. The Hunger Games. There you go.

She thinks I'm gonna be in the new Hunger Games. Well, you know what I tell the, you know what I say to Miss Gemini? Girl, go fuck yourself. Right. You know? Right. Because I'm, Unless this episode to Ms. Gemini? Girl, go fuck yourself. Right. You know? Right. Because I'm...

Unless this episode is sponsored by Gemini. Yeah, in which case... Thank you so much for all the info, babe. In which case, this story is that Gemini got me on the wellness track. But you're a cancer, which is tough. It's tough. Yeah.

Can others, like, can a Scorpio use Gemini? Oh, I get what you're doing. Yeah, it's a horoscope joke. I get what you're doing. All right. I don't like it, but I get it. We have been watching... Wait, have any of our season seven episodes come out yet? Wait, can I tell you what happened in the park?

Oh, God, Jesus, of course. Two people came up to me and spoke in some language. They said, um, you know, and I said, yeah, and they were like, oh, do you know the gospel? And at first I thought, oh, they're fans. They're making a joke about like, I'm here, whatever. And then, and then I saw the two cross necklaces.

Exactly. And I don't know what it is. I just don't respond to that. I find it very assaulting. I find it crosses a lot of lines. What did they look like? What were they wearing? Younger than us. Young, able-bodied, happy individuals wasting their fucking life. Um...

But I mean, maybe they just want to collect canned goods. And I'm such a fag, they were like, have you heard the gospel? And I said, God spell? The music? Like, I was like, oh my God. You know, a Vita? Sure.

So I said, what? And they were like, do you know the gospel? And I said, no. And I was with someone, I said, no, we don't really do that. And then we're like, sitting. And then they have like a flow chart of what to say, And I was with someone I said, no, we don't really do that. And then we're like sitting and then they have like a flow chart of what to say, no matter what you say to try to keep you going. It's like a telemarketer in real life. They're trying to keep you on the phone.

Mary, they should. I wish they would talk to me. And it like it starts from no, no, thank you to I'm uncomfortable to I'm gay. You know, you have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suck dicks and cocks all day, you motherfucker. Is your God okay with that? Right. I even pulled a dick out of the ass and suck it again. You know, like. Does your God shit himself and puke and all?

Yeah. And it just, it really was like, ugh. Yeah, it's wild. Ugh, and we want to talk invasive species. Like how come I can't bring an apple on a plane to Australia but Christians are allowed to go wherever they want and do whatever the fuck they want? It's crazy.

It's crazy. It makes me sad. It makes me sad. And by the way, you don't know what someone's religious trauma is. So coming up and asking them if they know the gospel, it's like, uh, yeah, a lot of people knew it and are still recovering from when they knew it. Yeah.

But it's very re-traumatizing and psychotic. Also, it's a little vague because I believe there are several gospels according to many different people, like Luke, Mark, Sarah Jessica Parker, whatever. Like, what is the gospel? Gospel music. Thank you. You know?

You've already been to the water. You know, I mean, there's a lot of different avenues. So what was their pitch? I don't know. What was their elevator pitch? I wanted to like vampire movie it, like rip the cross off, put it in my mouth and just melt or something.

I don't know. I just found it, it was just today and I was just like, ugh. Okay, I have a suggestion. This is what you do. Ask me, so I'm just alone, vulnerable, and I look like I need a friend. Right. Fresh me, for you, the gospel.

So I'm the Jesus person, okay. Hold on, let me just get in character. Do you know about the gospel? Do I know about the gospel? Baby, I wrote it. Oh, it's Ha ha ha! It starts with rule number one, you gotta fondle these titties.

Right. Then the gospel according to Luke, rule number two, you gotta finger this slit. And then they have long since charged the other way. They're gone. They're long gone. Right. So you gotta eroticize these moments. You gotta sexualize them. Or you need to, like, completely left,'re long gone. So you gotta eroticize these moments, you gotta sexualize them.

Or you need to like completely left, because gospel just means, I was with someone and I said, well, what does gospel really mean? And they said, well, they present it like, do you know the truth? And then I thought, well, you can say, yes, I know the truth about blank. Like you can say, I know the gospel of?

RuPaul. Right, so it's like, do you know the gospel? It's like, oh my God, that Sarah Michelle Geller and Alison Hannigan had beef. Yeah, or that Taylor Swift is a dyke. Right, right. Like, yes, I know the gospel of something. But what are you talking about? And by the way, that jewelry is very cheap for someone who's chosen.

You know what I mean? You might want to rethink the jewelry hunt. Right. And by the way, walking... Today we're gonna go to the park and walk up to people. What are you, in Hollywood Boulevard making TikToks? Get the fuck out of here. I think it's so crazy. Do they get, like, candy at the end of the day?

I don't know what they get. I don't know what they get. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of Girl Scout-ish. I don't know. Do you guys have Girl Scouts here? No. So we have this thing where, like, little girls go sell candy bars. Right. It's so weird, but they collect the money, and then it goes towards something. I'm not sure what, but... No, so we have these this thing where like little girls goes sell candy bars, right? It's so weird, but they collect the money and then it goes towards something. I'm not sure what but you guys know

What Girl Scouts are? And you know they have to sell Cookies or to get money to do activities. Yeah start them young in America You know and if they don't meet their quota they a tractor drives over there. Right, exactly. Someone gets on a tractor, they're laying down tied to the railroad, and they head chopped off. Right.

Right. I mean, it's an epidemic. It's an epidemic. It's an absolute epidemic. And I don't know, the day before I was doing tourism, I went in a beautiful and stunning church. I wish I could remember the name. It was so beautiful.

The Hergiflergenmuseum. Here in Stockholm. And I was like, wow, I could remember the name. It was so beautiful here. The Hergifler. Here in Stockholm. And I was like, wow, the painted ceilings. They had little rainbow buttons. I was like, okay, I don't feel embarrassed being here, whatever, right? Because I don't know.

I was thinking, if I'm kind of noticeably gay and I'm in the church, aren't they kind of like, you know what I mean? Like, get out of here, you know? Right. Am I gonna feel like how some of the misogynistic gay guys make a straight girl feel in a gay bar with, like, ugh, you know what I mean? Like...

Anyway. I hate evil people, you know? What a trip. What a drag. I mean, it takes a lot of effort to be, um, to be evil. I wish that, in my utopian version of the world, everybody would have one of these. We would all sleep on a Heston's, and instead of, when every time we sneezed,

we would squirt. Right. You would have a spontaneous, a brief, but extremely satisfying orgasm. Right. Have you heard the gospel? Yes, I have two Miele's. Three.

Three. Yeah. The gospel according to Heston's, baby. Have you heard the gospel? Yes, I'm still paying off my Heston 80 years later. But you know what? It's supposed to last a lifetime. It better.

It is, oh it is. It better. It will. You know those Toomey bags? Those Toomey bags, is that Swedish? Maybe. Toomey, I don't know. So they are supposed to fix those for life.

And my bag was ripped at the airport, and I walked right into the airport to me, and I slammed it on the table, and I was like, you guys work on commission. I don't know what I said, but I was just like, and they fixed it for free and shipped it to me. Baby, I did one better. I went in, I started crying.

I was like, my to me bag doesn't work. They just gave me a free one. Completely replaced it. Everything good happens to this person. Yeah. Which is so crazy because people like, why do people with money get free stuff? It's so fucking weird. It's bizarre. Do you think about it?

Like, it's crazy. Anyways, I don't know. But the poppy soda just DMed me and said, we're going to send you some soda. And I wasn't like, no, send it to someone else. You know, I was like, I will take the prebiotic soda. I'm 35 years old, you know? That GI tract, ooh, she's a scramble mess. Oh, I'll be having a grape soda just cracking the bowl, just blowing it out, my God.

Ooh, black toilet in my bathroom. She got a black toilet, you guys. Now, I, you know, when you have a dream and your dream comes true, then you live with your dream, it can become a nightmare, right? So the black toilet, I don't know about her. I don't know about her. If you have a dream and your dream comes true, then you live with your dream, it can become a nightmare, right? So the black toilet, I don't know about her. I don't know about her.

We are in a trial period because I love... I know you like a black toilet that seems so glamorous. Of course it looks glamorous, but I want you to imagine over the course of some weeks, are you able to spot certain uncleanly parts of, basically it's hard to see the shit in there. Do you know what I mean? Like it's hard to like,

cause I clean the toilets with my bare hands. So it's like, no, it's just like, it's not as satisfying like, oh, it's clean cause it's all black. Do you know what I mean? But there's always shit in the toilet. You open up the back, you go, there it is, and you put the lid back down.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. I had a wall-mounted one, but I was too afraid. Not in Sweden. In Sweden, when you use the toilet, it shoots into space. They sing a song. Everything's perfect.

Yeah, Holland gets more flowers. Yeah. You know what we really got to come back for? We got to come back for St. Lucia. What's that? Do you know about this? Okay. These whores here, they get in their best drag,

their best weird sacrificial drag. Long, long white dresses in the dark with candles on the head. Oh, okay. I'm listening. But obviously kind of a fire hazard, too. I was watching some videos of it, and I was like, I'm listening. But obviously kind of a fire hazard too. I was watching some videos of it and I was like, I don't know. That bitch you hate, you're like, you need another candle. Good luck whore.

Evil arson game. Evil arson, right. I don't know. Damn. Damn. So you really want to die here? I want to die. Of course.

In America they'll sell me for parts. You know, here we could have the Trixie and Katya museum or something, you know. I wanna die. Of course. In America, they'll sell me for parts. Here we could have the Trixie and Katya museum or something, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna explode.

Yeah. I wanna explode on TV. Yeah. Live TV. I mean this with all the love in the world. I don't see you dying old. Like so. No. Well, old, What is old?

You know what I mean? Here, it's like 300. Right. You know? They live... I mean, life expectancy in Sweden is gotta be like 106. Well, they get in a car accident, they live longer. Hello, thank you. Yes. You know, I don't see you at 90.

Oh, me neither. Right? You know what I mean? I mean, I'm hoping to kick the bucket before 60, but that's just between 25. I was gonna say 50, but it sounded crazy. That's a little crazy. Because that's in like eight years. Seven, seven. Okay, seven.

Well, yeah, okay. Seven. 55. But you know what? Listen, I do wanna say something. This is the bald and the beautiful, and not to get corny, but I do wanna reiterate. I think that we should mention this from time to time.

Being bald is not a death sentence. It's not an affliction. It's not a disease. It's not a humiliation. It's not a handicap. It's not an obstacle. It's an opportunity. Right. What are you looking at? That weird piece of dust that just fell over. Oh, I thought it was a bug. Do you know what I mean? Being bald is cunty. It is, you know.

It really is. I mean, like, I don't, and I don't understand this, like, crazy hatred of it because look at American movie stars. We got Vin Diesel, secretly gay, by the way. We've got... Cynthia Erivo. Cynthia Erivo, bald as a...

Have a great year. Mary, that bitch is so fucking bald. Bald. She is so bald, not any hair, never. Balded. Yeah. We got Vin Diesel, secretly gay, I already said that. We got Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

Montell Williams. Jason Statham. Mr. Clean. Sure. We have Charlize Theron in that movie. Exactly. Yes. Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta. In that movie. Yes. We have a lot. That robot. Well, we all have to go see Elio, do you know about this? No. The girls at Disney are really mad at us because the Disney people said, well, if you are mad that we don't make more original movies, when we put out an original movie and you don't go see it, what is the truth, Ellen?

You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. Because it's like their biggest flop ever. Oh really? Yes. Well, you know what? They need to get it right. I'm sorry.

Do you know that I went to see 28 Years Later? I saw, bitch, I did too. Ah! Yes! Ooh, they're right in the middle of the way. Can we spoil or talk about it? Is that okay? What did you think about it? Listen, my brother, the monk, was in town,

so we went to the movies a lot. We went to see F1, which- Straight people. Straight people. The guy should have died halfway through, but that's just my opinion. It's like Brad Pitt is gonna drive a car. Right. He's gonna drive it fast. You know there's gonna be an accident.

He's going to the hospital, but, wow. Big surprise at the end. They win. Right. So it was... But I have to admit, it was kind of a high-octane, thrilling experience, but two and a half hours really tested the limits, they win. Right. So it was, but I have to admit, it was kind of high octane, thrilling experience. But two and a half hours really tested the limits of my bladder. They're asking a lot at these movies, OK? They're asking way too much.

Well, I had a carafe of soda and an Icy. Right. And I chugged a water right before we went in there. So the Icy really hits. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that shit. 28 years later, I was like, damn, living up to the name. We are out here for 28 years in this movie. Yeah, Ray Fiennes, the bald bitch covered in, like,

whatever the fuck, iodine, that was me. Right. That was me. Crazy. This was a... Spoiler alert. I cried, mouth open, face crunk. I cried like Sarah Paulson. I know. Uh... Or like Claire Danson. I know. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Yeah. Or like Claire Danes. Like, uh. Yes. It was so, and then that, that, the giant zombie with the huge cock. The huge zombie cock. If you guys are into zombie cock,

this, this motherfucker has a tree trunk hanging out the whole movie. Yeah. If you want to suck some undead cock and dick. Right. Yeah. It was huge. Flagrantly large with undead cock and dick. Right. It was huge.

Flagrantly large. With big old balls dangling. Yeah. I loved it. I thought it was so wonderful. It was good, but it was surprising. I went in expecting a lot of like, huh, huh, huh. And it was a lot of, ooh.

It was very sad. Yeah, it was very sad. Well, I was trying to see Final Destination, and I guess I missed. No, no, no. I went the first day it stopped showing in the theater. Mary, you can watch it on YouTube. Well, I went home and it was like, it's on iTunes now. I'm not gonna sit on my MacBook.

No, no, no. You go on to Miss YouTube, youtube.com, and you can get all the kills in one condensed video, because ain't nothing helping in that movie besides that. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, where are we going? I like the story, too. You like the story?

Of course. The riveting acting? But you like the Saw movie and that's the same shit. I just, yeah, but I go to youtube.com and I look up the kills. I don't want to, I don't want to like watch them say, hey, whoa, what's that? I just want to see the heads getting chopped off.

You're a movie pirater. You're a thief and I cannot associate with you, okay? You're the reason why Hollywood is leaving Los Angeles, okay? But for every movie I do that, I bring a can of soup. To the library. To the library. Shut up, you guys. I think we have some questions.

We do. We have some questions that we have to answer. We do. The people are clamoring for the truth. And we're getting a little hungry. We could bring out the reindeer and the root vegetables, please? Thank you so much.

Does anybody know personally a scar's guard? No, I mean like, know them, not know of them. Which one? All of them. Are you yourself a scar's guard? Did you fuck one of them? Damn. Yes.

Oh, come on. So delicious. You know, I just rewatched that stunning film, Barbarian. Mary, so did I! Oh my gosh. That is so weird. Our cycles are synced up. Oh my God.

We are on the same wavelength because I've just been like, wait a minute. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Before we do these fucking cards, do you guys know that I had yet another psychic phenomenon? because I've just been like, wait a minute. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Can't wait a minute. Wait a minute. Before we do these fucking cards, do you guys know that I had yet another psychic phenomenon? This is a little spooky.

And this one is fucking good. This is spooky. This is actually spooky. So I was in Ireland last week. Yes, Ireland. Home of bewitched, c'est la vie, yes. And I had a dream. And you guys, when I have dreams, things happen, okay?

I don't wanna talk about it, but about a month ago, there was a natural disaster and I had a dream about the number when I have dreams things happen, okay? I don't want to talk about it, but about a month ago There was a natural disaster and I had a dream about the number of people that died and they did no no Tell that in a little more depth because what it's crazy there's a tornado in the United States and I dreamed that I dreamed how many people died and Then the next like the next day 27 people had died and I said there's gonna be 28. I had a dream There was 28 dead people on the next day. They found one more person. said, there's gonna be 28, I had a dream there was 28 dead people and the next day they found one more person.

So, yeah, psychic, psychic, thank you, Swayden, yes. Now, but was this dream after you saw it on the news? No. Okay, okay, just checking, just checking, just checking. So last week, this actually happened and I don't care if you all make fun of me, okay? I know I'm a national treasure here but I can take a little ribbing, okay? We're apart, we haven't talked, if we're not working together,

we haven't talked in six years, right? We have not hung out. Dead to me. I don't know what she's doing. I don't know where she is. I don't even know if she has a phone, right? She's sleeping on mohair couches and stuff, whatever you're doing.

I had a dream that she was in her house trying to hang a shelf, and she really regretted it because of the holes she put in the wall. And in the dream, she was like, I shouldn really regretted it because of the hole she put in the wall. And in the dream she was like, I shouldn't have done it, now there's huge holes in the wall, I should have had a professional do it.

So I wake up and I text her, hey, I had a weird dream, don't put that shelf in your wall, don't do it. In my left hand, I was holding a shelf. Swear to God. And, and, and, and, because a lot of home renovations going on in my house my dreams have been very mundane but not all you know just like hanging curtains

they fall down oh you know and in the dream sure enough I had drilled very poorly three big holes into the wall in this fresh paint job started crying and then I had to call a GC to take care of it. Psychic. Psychic. I said, and then she said... Isn't that crazy, though? Isn't that crazy? She said, that's actually weird,

and she sends a picture of herself holding the shelf. Yeah. She was like, I was about to hang this up, but I wasn't sure about the holes in the wall. Isn't that weird? That's very weird. My next tour, I will be. Predicting all of your deaths.

What? What's mine? Girl, I said 50. I said what I said. No, no, but not when. Like's mine? Girl, I said 50. I said what I said. No, no, but not when. Like, what? Oh, exploded. Exploded. Exploded. Exploded. Or what about imploded?

Like a titanic thing? Like, yeah, like a submersible. Oh, shit. Girl. Sexy submersible. You know what we have to watch? We have to watch that new Netflix program about the ship at sea with all the feces. Baby, I already watched that. You know I watched that. Was it fierce?

The poop cruise? No. There was no real footage. Aw. It's like I know that we're gonna get- You want a triangle of sadness. Of course I did. Like shit on the ground.

I do. I love a rich bitch pissing and shitting and peeing at the same time. Mind you guys, sometimes my psychic behavior is like, oh my God, I just remembered my locker combination from high school. Yeah, that's called memory. Yeah, yeah.

So sometimes I don't pay attention. Like maybe you told me you were hanging a sh... I think that's probably very likely. No, but I had also dreamed it that night, so. See? There you go. And the devil laughs. And all of you fucking make fun of me. And the devil laughs.

Wait, so how do you say the truth in Sweden, you again? Sonningan. Sonningan. Yes. Tuck, the support, that's incredible. If in America, if you just said truth, people would... I could have done that. Like audiences are not happy for each other. That's beautiful what If in America, if you just said truth, people would... I could have done that. Like audiences are not happy for each other.

That's beautiful what you guys have here. Okay, San Lingen. Well, let's look at these questions. So let's see. First one, doesn't say who it's from, but here we go. Besides each other, who is your favorite queen from Drag Race? Oh my gosh, what a fabulous question.

What a great question. Who do I really think eats it up? Who do I really think eats it up and lets the girls know? I would like to divide into two parts. Who is the fiercest queen and who's the fiercest girl? Oh, do you know what I mean? I mean, I think my favorite performer is probably Bobber Jinx.

Mm-hmm. Or you. Of course, you. It's probably Bobber Jinx. Mm-hmm. Whoo! Or you. Of course, you. No, besides each other. And the girl who really eats it up and gives the girls what they need to know, lets the girls know exactly what time it is,

what the tea is. Who lays it out. I mean, do any of us matter but Plastique? Oh, my God! Do any of us matter? Mary, if you put me in a room with Plastique and Bosco. That's how you die. Maybe.

The speed at which I would literally explode. It would just be like, like that. Oh my God, those bitches. How do they do it? How do they do it? Who's your fave? I would have to say nowadays, it's gonna be... Pfft.

Wait, wait, is it drag race? Was that drag race specific? Yes, I think so. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna be kinda, eww, and say RuPaul. I know. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's hard to not say RuPaul. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's hard to not say RuPaul. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Only because of her Instagram. She will teach you how to parallel park. She will. She will teach you how to replace the tire. She will let you know that she just shoved a nuke up her pussy. For sure. Do you know that Joe Joaquim from the heavy metal band

Hammerfall is here, it says. Joe? It says Joe. It was a lie. Apparently it was a lie. That's how you say always right here. Oh, oh. Hello. Hello. Stand up and take a bow, please. Take a bow, Joseph Marie. Oh, there ain't no other way.

Thank you for supporting the girls. Do you two consider yourselves to be soccer girl? Soccer Grease? What? Soccer Grease. Soccer Grease. What is it? Is it sexy?

Oh, is this like a... Is it like hot? Does it mean like tight but roomy? It means a sugar pig. Mama, I was born in that game. Sugar pig? I am the only sugar pig. Sugar pig.

I mean, I'm like, oh girl, please. Does it mean you eat special candies and stuff, or is it like a sex thing? It's both. Okay. Sweet Tooth. Oh, are you kidding? Are you kidding? I've seen her, when we used to do uh,

she would send the PA to go to the 7-Eleven down the street and buy multiple candy bars. That is after consuming at least four or five liters of full fat Red Bull. And she would get those Starbucks drinks that are like chocolate milkshakes with crack cocaine in them, those giant ice cream things, remember? Oreo cookie, whipped cream, chocolate ice cream.

It's amazing. I used to be, that was yesterday, but today Jim and I told me I'm overweight. So, different times. I wanted to try, there was a gummy in the store called a Ferrari and it looked like a little red car. And I just had to say, stop it, you don't. Wait, not too much, not too little, you know?

Y'all, do they do this, is it? Weed? Yeah, here? I don't know, I haven't been able to find weed anywhere. Are drugs legal here? Can you throw the joints up here? I'll probably go to jail for asking, oh God. Wait, wait, are you ambassador to?

America Swedish ambassador to America. What is the status of marijuana here? It's legal It's not oh, it's illegal. Oh god. Oh god. Wow That's why y'all go to the park and show your pussy's to the Sun. Yeah. Yeah, there's no weed I'm not legal. What about cocaine? I'm just kidding. Yeah, yeah. What about propethol?

No. Okay. What actually, wait, what gives you the actual full body chills? Oh my God. Ooh. Well, first of all, do you guys know this infamous interview

with Meghan Markle and Jamie Curren Lima? First of all, how are you? But second, so like, thank you for coming, but also, how are you? How are you? Yeah. You always make it about me. About me.

Yeah, and I just, when you're my true friend and I feel that in my soul, and then when people see it, they'll also feel it in their soul. I know. It makes me think of, have you ever had a fan come up to you? I made you a charcuterie board. Have you ever had a fan come up to you and go like, yeah, yeah, yeah, but how's Brian?

It's so invasive and weird. I'm like, okay, Robin Williams in 24 hour photo, you fucking psycho. Yeah, that's like RuPaul asking, do you know what it gives? Casey Becker, like, I wanna know who I'm looking at. It's very like, okay bitch, get out of here. Are you gonna fuck me or not?

Hello, yeah. If you lure me into a dark alley over the phone, mama, you better be fucking me. You better do it. You better fuck me. What gives you the chills? For me, for me, that moment, have you ever seen that movie The Visit?

With the kids who go to visit their grandparents? Oh, when they find out there's something not quite right with the green. Yeah, so the kids are like, here's grandma and grandpa, they're acting weird, and the mom who's, not Catherine, no, it's not Catherine Han. Yes, it is.

It is? Yeah, Catherine Han. Oh, I always mix up Madeline Khan, that's right, don't do it, okay. Catherine Han goes, that's not your grandparents, and they've spent the whole winter break with these two old people, and it's not them. That gave me the fucking chills, bitch.

Full body chills, baby. Yeah, let's see, where was I? I took a lap around the living room, I said, ooh! You gotta get up. Yes, ooh, girl. Like, I just was like, you know. You got full body chills. Yeah, those are your grandparents. You got full body chills.

How are you? So you wanna get full body chills? Um, I, ooh, I got, oh. I get, um, I get full body chills when we're all at the red light and we're all turning left. And that green arrow appears and the person in the front, bam, they have premeditated their course of action and they are pumped and ready,

and we all glide effortlessly left to wherever we're going. Isn't that beautiful? And it's like, this is the America we could have every day, you know? That, and also, I love a stainless steel butt plug up my ass. Does your car alert you if you haven't turned yet?

Wait, the thing on my ass? The Volvo, no, the Volvo will beep if the car pulls forward and I haven't pulled yet. The Volvo will say, go. You're kidding. Yes. God, what's next? Microwaves?

You can go. Also, you know, full body chills, pizza in an air fryer. Wow. No, listen, microwave days are over, baby. My microwave days are over. Do you guys even have microwaves here? Yes. Trashy.

No. They're trashy. They put the reindeer in the microwave. Yep. What's your ideal meal? Are we dating, Sweden? Like what? Oh. Oh.

Oh. Well... Oh. I'll tell you what. What is it? It's not the Mexican food here. Holy fucking shit, you guys. Yesterday, I don't know what to say where it is,

because I don't want to bring down local businesses. I love everyone. Not too much, not too little. We're talking chips from the store thrown on a plate, salsa that is not spicy but just sweet and runny, cheese thrown by a person who hates me next to a margarita that is in a martini glass, number one. With no alcohol. With just lime juice, te one. With no alcohol.

With just lime juice, tequila, and rock salt. Here you go, gal. And then out, oh my God, at the theme park, there was a place called Mexican Corner, and the mascot was a guy with like a mustache and a big sombrero. I was like, I don't know. Anyway, I don't know. But we lived like an hour from Mexico, so that's the only good thing about California

is it's like, don't come get the Swedish food in California. I'm sure you'll be like, Yorgie pork. You know, you'll hate it. Well, no, you could go to the Ikea and get the meatballs. Right. You go to the Ikea, get the meatballs. No, mine is simple. Fruity pebbles with half and half.

Girl, you better fucking work, bitch. I'm serious. Or if I'm in a pinch, Frosted Flakes. You know I'm getting that full fucking sugar rush in the morning. I am so gross. Yeah. I'm a 43-year-old man who eats Frosted Flakes,

Fruity Pebbles, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, with half and half and two full pots of coffee every day. Right. But how does she keep that figure? And then you have the nerve to tell me that I should reconsider taking vitamins. Oh, vitamins, shmitamins, that stuff don't work. So, for Trixie, is Katya okay?

Do you know about this? Oh, my parasite? Is she suffering from dangerous food poisoning? There's a news article that Kennedy Davenport texted me this morning, he said, is Katya OK? And I said, you got to be more specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are several layers to that.

Which level of OK are we talking about? As she said, I saw online she has food poisoning. I'm thinking, wouldn't I know? The show's tonight. So this is a little spooky, because I didn't tell you this. I really didn't tell anybody this because it wasn't that interesting. But I spent two days throwing up

from what I can only imagine was some kind of food poisoning. And when I get stomach stuff, I never do. I have a cast iron stomach, but when I do, I become the most fragile, vulnerable woman about to die, and I grab the wall and I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, I moan. And nobody's there. You know, like, I'm not, it's just like, oh, oh, oh,

and then like fucking projectile vomiting, blood vessels broken in the eyes, coming out the nose. It's like the exorcist. And then that thing showed up. Who did that? I... Did you do it? No. How did... Maybe Facebook was in my house.

Like... I don't... The article was crazy. I was like, the show's tonight. If she's in the hospital, I would have been notified, right? Well... Or am I coming out here with an upside-down mop, like, you know, in a dress? Like, hey, I don't know.

Megan the robot? Megan the robot. I don't know. I do take umbrage with how aggressively they're marketing towards gays. It's like, yeah, like, come on. It's a little patronizing. Put the butt plug in and support the robots. It's crazy. It's like, hey, f, come on. It's a little patronizing. Put the butt plug in and support the robots.

It's crazy. It's like, hey, faggots, get the dildos out of your ass and go to the theater. Right. It's a little crazy. For Katya, what's the capital of Colorado? Ooh. Is this real?

Colorado is very real. No, I know, but why do they want to know? I think we should all know. Did you famously get it wrong? Well, I would have to say that it is... Should we say it on the count of three? One, two, three. Denver.

Denver. It's Denver. Is it Boulder? No, it's Denver. Okay. Well, what's the capital of Montana? Oh, I know it. What is it?

I do know it. Are you going to say what it is or just keep it to yourself? I don't wanna give it away. Okay. What is it? Well, this card is crazy because do you guys know what headquarter is next to our hotel?

Tell them. Adolf. Klarna. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I walked outside of the hotel and was like, um, okay. It says, will you forgive us for Klarna? That's the question. Well, listen, I think we can forgive that because we have a lot on our plate that needs forgiveness. Yeah, in America, we would never prey on people not having money. That would never happen in America. Exploit folks who don't make a lot of money. Never heard of that. No kidding. Never heard of that.

We of course, we forgive you. I mean, people are not a model. Don't forget, 70 percent of the United States did not vote for Donald Trump. Yeah. 70 percent. And I think about 68 percent of that 70 know that the earth is indeed flat. Flat, right. What do you got? Mine are getting crazier.

I know. Can you do your, can you please do your best Swedish accent? I don't know. Mine's not good. I feel like it's something else. I mean, it's like- I wouldn't say mine is good. No, but yours is natural.

Mine has enthusiasm. Um, give me like a sentence. Um, um, I would like to have some reindeer and root vegetables. I would like to have some reindeer and root vegetables. I mean, that's pretty good. I think that's good. Can you help me with the steel butt plug in my ass? Well, did you guys ever see Trixie and Katya live?

Do you remember Kelly Mantle's Swedish accent? Yeah. What planet was she fucking from? Yeah, yeah. One minute or one second, it's Swedish, another second it's like Brooklyn, and then it's like- I don't know where she is.

She was so funny. One time we had to get a private, well, charter a plane to get us all to Dublin for our show because all the flights were getting cancelled and so we flew Kelly there to Belfast and we're sitting down the plane I go what do you think Kelly she said we're going to Belgium I said no we're not don't know what you're talking about they want to know do y'all like Ikea? No. Okay.

I don't. But you know what drag queens in the United States are addicted to? Those giant blue Ikea bags. Oh baby. I will hoard those bags. The only thing I don't, listen, American Ikea, we just couldn't, we can't have nice things.

Because you know what people are doing in IKEA in America? They're shitting in the toilets. Shitting in the toilets. They're shitting in the toilets, they're having sex in the beds. Yeah. They're microwaving things. No, they really are, it's just, it's...

My sister, she took one of the desks, she does nails in there. She takes clients, they do... I run a youth hostel out of the one. Yeah, yes. It's a WeWork. Yeah, it is very reasonably priced. I don't know what the problem is. For sure.

I don't know. I actually have never bought anything from IKEA, but I would like to. I think that... Well, see, here's the thing. The beds... Mary, the beds... I would give it all up. I would give it all up. I would give up this gorgeous dress, these lovely shoes, the roof over my head.

I would give up everything to have the bed of my dreams. That's it. That's all you need. A bed. Yeah. I don't know. The bed I'm in today at this hotel, for some reason in some of these Scandinavian countries, the queen bed, surprise, it's two single beds.

It's pleasant, Bill. What is that? What is that? In case I get in a fight with my spouse and we push like... Just one, like, I don't know. I find that very off-putting. You shit one and you can roll over, I don't know.

I find it very off-putting. Who here, raise your hand if you sleep with your significant other or spouse every night. That's beautiful. That's really good. That is so horrifying. You are very, that is brave and I will never understand the ability to do that. I, it's like, don't, ugh. I'm gonna... This is what it's like. I go into a public bathroom, and somebody comes behind me and puts their arms around me.

Right. That's what I did to you at the Home Depot. Yeah! It's very unsettling. I don't like it. I don't want it. And please, I never want it. I'm very hot cold, because sometimes I'm like, cuddle me.

And then I wake up and I start screaming, I'm trapped! Like, so, you never like, cuddle me. And then I wake up and I start screaming, I'm trapped. Like, so you never know what I want. You have to tune in. And Mary, with the amount of drool that I emit is just like, nobody should ever know about that. No. Nobody should ever know about that.

If you weren't on season seven of RuPaul's Drag Race, which season would you want to be on? That's the great question. Honestly, can I say rewatching it, I would stay. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, but gun to your head, you got to choose. You have to choose. We're talking about this. We're talking all summer. You guys will recap. We've been deep in it.

We're like halfway through. It's fucking crazy to watch. It's crazy. We all have hair. Mama, she looks 12. You look 12 years old. It's crazy. It's, I mean, I... Jazz at Masters looks the same age. Still, yeah. 20 and 50. She's both at the same time. I don't know how she does it.

Eight-pack abs. Yeah, it's giving the orphan and Benjamin button. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Season seven is great. I would say. I mean, there's so many stars from this season, and the parts of it that are bad are fun bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're bad. Awkward. Awkward. When we do bad on season seven, we do bad. When we do bad on season seven, we do

no personality. It's the time of the show. Yes. We're gonna stand up and they're gonna play the pod music and we're gonna walk forward. But can I, can I, okay, can I, can I just suggest something because I feel really gorgeous tonight. Okay. And I think you also look very gorgeous. Thank you. Can we just do a couple of runway walks just back and forth a little bit? Of course. Sure.

I just. Well, how about they play the music to play us out, and we'll do some runway, and we'll leave. And then you and then do your speech. Tell them what they got to do. Tell them what they got to do. So you're going to clap until both of us are gone. Again, clap until both of us are gone. Again, clap until both of us are gone.

Not the stop clapping while we sadly walk off stage. I'm talking until you are sure we are back in America, you keep fucking clapping, okay? If we are mid catwalk and the clapping stops, I will kill myself. And give us, we're going to Oslo tomorrow. What do you think? Yes, no? What's the strategy? What's the strategy?

What's the strat? We know they're not gonna be as hot as you. Ambassador, how do I woo a Norwegian? Have what? Go with nature? Go with nature, stick some dirt on my pussy? She wants us to go there and put our legs up to the sun. Oh yeah, okay,. Oh, yeah. Yes.

OK, I'll, yeah. Fist full of dirt and a sun filled, sun kissed pussy. We receive so much unwarranted support from this country, and it means so much to us. Thank you so fucking much. Yeah, thank you for coming. Love you, love you, love you. So here we go, baby.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes, ho. Yes, bitch. Oh, oh, oh, uh, yes. Keep clapping. Keep clapping, you motherfuckers. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck. Thank you.