The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Straight People Having Sex & Drinking Eggnog with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

While it's a scientifically-proven fact that humans require food, water, air, and shelter to survive, it is not yet widely known that straight men also require eggnog post-coitus in order to continue existing in this wild world of ours. So this summer, please don't bring a six-pack of beer to your neighbor's barbecue. Instead, tell him that you value his post-intercourse survival and bring him several cartons of refreshing, summery eggnog. His life may just depend upon it. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our latest book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Best line. She's so good. Lyrical genius. Lose control. Lose control. The cookbook. Pass that Dutch. The cookbook. I love the Meltdown.

Ooh, the meltdown. It's this nasty, sexy lyrics. Nasty, sexy lyrics. I wish I knew what they were. Tempo. Oh, I love tempo. I'm really hot. I'm really, really hot every time I work.

Oh, my God. So the DJ's know I shake my breasts. Jingle, jingle, jingle. Yeah. There was some kind of dripping down her kitty litter. Kitty litter. Down my kitty litter. Damn.

Juice is running down. Juice is running down the river slowly down my kitty litter. Meow. She's amazing. Meow. Got the missy misdemeanor gossip folks it's her she's when i walk up in this piece oh yeah yeah yeah everything i'm a bad mama jama god damn it motherfucker ain't gotta like me the blow-up suit also her music video is always uh uh ahead of their time girl showstopper her videos the work it video that opens with her at a turntable with real bees all over her. Yeah. So wild.

The inflatable suit, which I've been trying to get in drag with cold air. No, girl. This is the tea. I heard that the other drag tours now have our little air conditioned condos. I think we invented it. I think that we've been blazing a trail. All it took was a legit tirade from you. Girl.

I love, can I say, I think, I think with people who work with us, I have the reputation of being a cunt, but I love, compared to the two of us, I think they're like Trixie's going to be one. Yeah. But I love when you lay down the gauntlet. I love when something air conditioning or scheduling or hotel or transport related goes South. And instead of me having to say something, I love when you, is this on flop,

flop, flop, flop. You're fine. You can choke. Yeah. I love because when you speak just now we had to call a manager when you make the call i'm always like oh yeah oh i just okay well i feel like whenever it's a big ask i'm like can you ask because well because i always feel like there's

a looming threat of like self-harm that will verge on death with me. Totally. It's like I'm like, do you want blood on your hands? 100%. Whereas me, they're like, she's being a greedy cunt. Yeah, she's being a greedy cunt. She asked to front load her schedule. Yeah, she demanded that we triple staff her schedule with gigs and now she's complaining. Whereas with you, everything is like, hey, can you fix the air conditioning in the venue? Or else?

Do you want blood on your hands? It's literally that. You've got two choices. Warm room with tons of blood. When they've got you, they're like, well, she doesn't have this greed or ambition. So if we don't make the conditions right, she just won't do it. Yeah. There are no stakes here.

Whereas with me, it's like, what's the paycheck? She'll do it. What is it? Covered in blood, drinking gravy, chugging piss? She'll do it. I, yeah, the, I mean, I don't, yeah. Well, there's just certain times where it's like, um, it feels appropriate to overreact a hundred percent, you know? And because also like, if you don't let people know how you feel, they're not going to know. Yes. Like that's, nobody's our mind reader. Everybody's I'll boop, boop, boop to their own little world, to their own little song,

their own little field of vision. And if you don't let people know, especially where it's like, like in a situation like that, where the, the, the assumption is that we're all on the, we're in the high of our lives and there's a huge achievement at radio city. You know what I mean? That's the assumption. It's party time, but it wasn't for me. Do you know what I mean? Like it wasn assumption. It's party time. Yeah. But it wasn't for me. Do you know what I mean?

Like it wasn't party time for me. It was horrible. Girl, I was down the hall in the reception area with Vanessa Williams and she was like, it was great out there for us. The air conditioning was perfect. And she was like, I'd like to meet Kati. And I was like, I don't think now's a good time. I don't think now's a good time.

I didn't get to meet. There were major tragedies for me that night. I didn't get to meet G. Laurie Cooper. That was huge. I can't believe we didn't get to meet there were major tragedies for me that night yeah i didn't get to meet um g lori cooper that was i can't believe we didn't get to meet that was a huge that was a huge disappointment yeah also i know that there were like there was like stars in the green room and whatever and i was like i um we missed it i missed it and i felt i didn't feel bad in the moment i feel bad later of course but i i like uh got so upset i had to almost cry because i had to get my point across no i know like if i if i underplay it that's not good i can overdo it and then it'll definitely get the point across mommy dearest when she's like i think you're overreacting and she goes and i think you're underreacting there you go yeah i was like um and uh yeah yeah you

know because it was like just so crazy anyways um. I don't overreact, but I would say sometimes I react immediately. Which I think is good. No, sometimes the next day I wake up and I'm like, oh, that text could have been a little nicer. Oh, I see what you mean. In the moment, if I'm like overheated or something, I'm like, hi, it's Trixie. Can everybody blank, blankety, blank, blank, blank. Thanks. And the next day I'm like, oh, I probably could have attached a rainbow, blankety, blank, blank, blank? Thanks. And the next day I'm like,

oh, I probably could have attached a rainbow emoji or something to that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. With writing or text or anything in print where it lives forever, you want to be editing is the key. Like wait on it.

But I had, I was, I started rehearsing the tirade in my head before intermission. On stage. Before intermission. No. Before intermission before intermission before intermission because when once i started um once i started to realize that my makeup was never going to be in a a state acceptable state to be on like the this milestone professional achievement

um i was like okay this is like untenable like we can't i was, now I'm going to call a FEMA. It's like a Hurricane Katrina type of crisis management emergency. And it's also not what you imagined for the moment. No. And also, I didn't show up on crack. No. That was the big one for me. I did.

You know, if I had been on on crack i wouldn't have called the meeting because i wouldn't have a right to also you wouldn't have cared so much about the air conditioning no i mean it would have been like oh it's probably just me no that's what i'm saying it's like i'd be like oh don't worry it's like sweat you're sweating you'd be like i don't think it's hot at all yeah i actually think it's quite comfortable everything's normal i think we should do another show what god i'm a little too dry. The difference is you'd be having the tirade in a room alone. Yes! No one would be in there.

Eden would be cowering in the corner. And you'd be like, and another thing. Bitch. She'd have to be putting on different masks of different presidents so I get an audience. So you can play off her. And you know, that was so funny too because Vanessa was like, Reno City Hall sold out. That's a big deal. You know, Vanessa's like a native New Yorker. So I was like, oh, really? Yeah. And I was like that was so funny too, because Vanessa was like, Reno City Hall sold out. That's a big deal. You know, Vanessa is like a native New Yorker.

So I was like, oh, really? Yeah. And I was like, I was like, have you played here? And she was like, no, no, no, no. She's like, just the Grammys and the Tonys. And I was like, oh, just the Grammys and the Tonys. Do you feel weird having big famous friends like that? These large titans of industry, these women of incredible acclaim.

And only when I remember like, like oh that person is attached to this core memory i have of them singing like this song yeah yeah yeah like mel b i'm like that's that's a spice girl that's like if victoria beckham walked into this into this thing i'd be like yeah but i i forgot about i forgot about it but i got over it in five minutes oh yeah and then now like when i was just watching queen of the Universe I was like that's Mel B. That's my first CD was Spice World.

Wow. With her on it. And now yeah it's crazy. It's just moments like that. I believe yeah. Leads.

Leads. Fucking Leads. Fucking hell. She loves it. I want to talk about a neighbor who made a comment. Sure. Thank you Tracy.

Okay. So now so going back we left I think we... Can we show them, by the way, how you prompt us? Yeah, please. This is our high-tech way for them to signal us.

This is the control room. This is the control room. By the way, I started watching that limited series on Netflix about the disaster, the tsunami in Japan. This is what we get. Do you want to talk about your neighbor who made a comment? Yeah. And notice the six porn tabs open. Yeah.

So there's a woman. Yeah, there's a woman beautiful kind woman yes lovely woman absolutely i don't know how to say this diplomatically um with big jangly um titties no she's probably in her 50s maybe and she is just absolutely unbelievably beautiful oh because you think it's unbelievable for a woman in her fifties to be beautiful. Well, I don't want to say that a woman's age is relevant, but I also think if we're talking about innate beauty mentioning that if we're 50 years in and she looks. You can't cheat that. That's just a beautiful person. If aging isn't really touching you, it's working with you.

You're doing good, right? If not, you're doing, you're just getting, you're sitting, you're sitting. She bumped into her and, uh, she was always very nice. And not, you're doing, you're just getting, you're sitting, you're sitting. She bumped into her and, uh, she was always very nice. And I, she saw me in drag the other day too. And she was like, I like your outfit. And I said, thank you. And she was like, um, she was like, did you end up selling the unit? And I was like, no, I still live there.

So I said, I love the unit. I don't want to let it go. And she was like, um, she was like, yeah, she was like, you look good. I said, thanks. She was like, you lost weight. And I was like, yeah, I said, I i said thanks she was like you lost weight and i was like yeah i said i've never been drinking and i still love running so she's like no you lost a lot of weight and i was like okay and then she goes yeah sexy and i said okay she was like you look good and i was like thanks she reached into your pants and a woman i barely know to be like not just stopping me to yell something hey to the folks

yeah yeah she was like we're doing eye contact she's like yeah now you look can i ask something and i'm sure she was joking but it came out so funny because it's my neighbor who i barely know it's like no you look sexy i was like all right can i ask a detail is she asian by chance she is yeah because andrew was saying and i don't know if this is true obviously and andrew doesn't speak for all asian people but um he says that in um for for chinese like custom it's like is different differs from american um politeness and custom that in that like like oh you gained a lot of weight like it's immediately commenting on weight like if friends family, family, whatever is not as gauche and unacceptable as it is here. Right.

Because that's very inappropriate. If you were like, oh, you're fat now. Oh, it was all compliments. I was very. I was the same thing. It was like, like, that's like kind of jarring to me. No. The thing is, I'm in drag so much that they've all seen me in this building.

They've seen me take the trash out and drag in this building. They've seen me take the trash out in drag in this building. They've seen me get the mail. I need you to picture. I wish. This is the only time in my life I wish a reality TV camera was following me around. As I made my exit from the plaza. Covered in sweat. With my ruby slippers on.

With an Ikea bag. Filled to the brim with crap. Changing into my flip flops in the alley by the dumpster. And then walking to my car three blocks in the dead of night, looking like miss Twirlina Pouquet. I was like, this is, that's when I really got the, the flashback, um, time warp Jacques thing. I was like, I was like, this is, that's when I really got the flashback time warp Jacques thing.

I was like, I was like this. This would be the witching hour normally. I was waiting at the intersection. Cars were passing and I was like. You're in drag by yourself carrying an Ikea bag? Carrying an Ikea bag that was filled to the brim with shit. Filled. And I was, I had my flannel on.

A red mini skirt. Were you in drag? Uh-huh. You had a flannel on?-huh why because i didn't want my breasts exposed like because i had my body on i had my body on so you had the dress off i had a red mini skirt a red mini skirt on a flannel oversized flannel boyfriend boyfriend flannel who's boyfriend exactly Who's boyfriend? Exactly. Who's boyfriend?

I don't know. And then I changed it to my flip flops. Thank God. Because I had the good sense to do it. But I was in the alley by the dumpster. And I was like, this could go wrong. This is the first chapter of a very dark night. Yeah.

I was like, this is like, I know who I am. I know what I have. I know what I deserve. But this is something different. This is the universe queuing me up. Yeah, yeah. This is something different. Like this, no matter who you are, this could go badly.

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love following drag race queen's twitter behavior and she posted something like um about being eliminated from drag race and i just have to troll it's who i am i have to get involved where was she eliminated she from the she uh from the new season she quit yes she quit she resigned yes she quit she quit um i have to find the real tweet. I'm going to make your video. While you do that, I'm going to say, oh, say can you see. But. So her tweet was, sometimes you got to have a conversation with your loved ones to remind

you how booked and blessed and highly favored you are. The lying is a trigger of mine. I've honestly got too much good in my life to let that distract me. Happy pride, especially everyone in Bergen, Norway. good in my life to let that distract me happy pride especially everyone in bergen norway and i said and i said it just made me laugh and i said it's time for you to own your truth and clear the air and occupy your space and step into the light and return to you and become who you've always been but also evolve into the new you with absolute clarity and confidence in who you are and at the end of the day life is short and you know who you are

because of what you present through all the bullshit and drama. And I thought it was like a funny response, but the comments are so earnest. Cynthia Lee Fontaine was like, thanks my love, well said. But also you did not use any punctuation marks in this post.

Oh my God. You know, that's happened to me. Cynthia's like, I'm okay with run on sentences, but I would appreciate a few commas maybe, you know, like give me something. The sentiment I enjoyed. The lack of punctuation hurt me. Huge problem for me. Yeah.

Please apologize, mom. You just show. I've noticed as well that there are perhaps sometimes, sometimes a Roo alumna will, certain levels of irony may be lost on them in terms of tone or whatever. You mean 95% of them? Especially in the written word. You know, if you were to make a post.

I love it. When somebody's currently on Drag Race and they tweet like, oh mama, it all gets back to me. All will be revealed. You're like, do we have a parking ticket? Like, what are you talking about i also love when

it's vaguely religious oh i love when it's like the good lord knows that i have ears everywhere and i will air the building and you're like you're fumigating now you're like all the insects will come out of the woodwork once this termite busting queen does her gassing girl i, I have the angels on my side. You're like, the angels? The angels? You don't even have the angels on your side. It's so crazy.

It's so, but I mean, it's a vulnerable spot to be in when you're on television for the first time. And it's all unclear. And there's a rampant, rabid discourse unfurling on social media. You're on the biggest show in the world. Drag Race is one of the biggest competition shows in the world. For a drag queen. So even if you, no matter who you are, you're opening yourself up to everybody talking about you. I just have to make, I had to post because it was too funny.

The Bergen, Norway is hysterical. It's so funny to me. It's like Christopher Guest. Bergen, Norway. That's right out of a Christopher Guest movie. I read it and like had to triple take like sometimes I'm at the airport and I'm thinking like maybe I didn't

sleep enough or maybe I popped a goofball or maybe I'm not reading this right but this Drag Race Girl Twitter is so devoid of irony self awareness it's insane and I can't not poke the bear sometimes I can't not I know.

Because sometimes it's so like, it straddles a line. Because you know sometimes those movies like, like Catherine O'Hara is really good at this. You're like, is she joking or is she serious? Many people wouldn't know that it's a joke even. Right. You know, midnight at the Oasis. I know. No, these drag queens are doing, they're doing.

Unintentional comedy They're doing the rehearsal Yes They're doing What's his name Nathan Nathan for you What's his last name

Nathan Fielder Yeah Nathan Fielder They're doing Nathan Fielder And they don't know it Unintentional comedy I love Nathan Fielder Oh yeah

It's crazy Inventive Crazy Fearless Have you seen Possibly insane I love him so much Have you seen the Houdini one Where like If he he doesn't do this, if he doesn't get these

handcuffs off, his pants are going to drop in front of a school zone? No. I only watched the rehearsal, which blew my mind. Oh, Nathan, for you, the grandson's piss, drinking my grandson's piss. You can't find TV like this. I wish you could. You cannot. This is the exact type of things that hgtv

would never let me do because it's hard for him to get spooked in in hard you never see him break but this grandson's piss got him together um during the rehearsal he's watching this guy rehearse a scene with his fake brother and he's going you know she's she's like fought me on the money you know how the jews are and nathan's like he's fiercely jewish and he walks going, you know, she's like, fought me on the money, you know how the Jews are. And Nathan's like- He's fiercely Jewish. And he walks over and goes, I just have to, it's coming across that that might seem anti-Semitic.

But then Nathan's like, the guy's like, well, that's how my brother would talk. And Nathan's like, well, if we're rehearsing and that's how he would talk, I guess say it. But anti-Semitism is so crazy that people don't even, it doesn't even register. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That that's not something you should like. It's crazy.

That's one of the more insidious forms of prejudice I find. Jewish people make up 0.01% of the religious population. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like the number one most hated. It's crazy. It's insane. It's crazy. I'm not for religion.

No. But I'm also not for hating. I'm not for religion. No. But I'm also not for hating people for their religion at all. How about this? Driving home from the plaza in drag in the car, I was stopped at a red light behind a car whose license plate said, no religions matter in heaven. What? No religions matter in heaven. That sounds like it would be on a t-shirt

at dave and buster's like what are you like i was like no religions matter in heaven it's like what came first the chicken or the egg what came first heaven or religion it's like what i honestly don't care about religion I don't believe in religion Because what I know is that when I die I'm going to have sex with virgins What are you talking about I'm not a religious but I know about Xenu Like what

Mama where are the taxes at Don't even get me started Sarah Silverman had a funny joke about About Priest and her latest stand up special You know it's like Yelling at kids Sc-up special um you know it's like uh yelling at kids screaming to them about hell and it's like calling the police and be like yeah there's this guy and he's wearing all black he has this whole white thing and it's like screaming at this kid about oh no it's okay oh also he doesn't pay taxes you know it's like crazy it's like that

that's the real grift and scam of the whole situation yeah the financial piece it's yeah because what if you're a store that sells like a christian store are you tax exempt no no no one time when i remember when i did crank anchors yeah the most scary thing i've ever done one of the unused things they did is they had me call a christian store like what like a christian bookstore okay and look for a very specific type of nativity scene that's like one where i was looking for one that if see it at like, like do you have one with like LGBTQ representation? Like, you know, where the wise men are they them?

And can I get like, you know, maybe Mary's in like a Bob Mackie gown. I'm sure that did not go over well. And the thing is when they hang up on you, the director comes on and goes, you're gonna have to call him back. You have to call these stories multiple times because it's not realistic if you just, because you have to try to keep them on the phone as long as possible.

And you have to try to clown on them, but not make it so heavy handed that they pick up on it. Right. Of course. It's like the jerky boys. Yes. So like when I called that restaurant where I was looking for my eyelash, I had them crawling at our tables at restaurants looking for my eyelash. Oh, I hate that.

I know. I actually, it really was hard. I hate that. I know. I actually hate that. It really was hard. I hate that. Even the Christian store. Cause you know, whenever I rag on conservatives, you never catch me saying fuck Christians. You hear me saying catch fuck conservatives. Yeah.

Because even like some Christian lady working at a Christian store, I was like, oh God, I'm gonna have to ruin her day. Well, my mom was Christian up until she, you know, like was converted to Catholicism. My mom's the nicest person in the world. So not all Christians are horrible, but Christianity as a thing is deeply flawed. Not all atheists are great people. Same way not all religious people are bad people.

But like, oh, I don't like that. Girl, Mary, they had me call a big and tall store and say that I was coming in with my husband who's under four feet and I was asking them to make accommodations. I said, can you just take some of the shorts and put them in the pants section? Oh my God. What did they, did they catch on real quick?

And I asked him if they could lower the doorways so that he can hit his head and say, ow. Oh my God, I was writing this shit. I don't know. And then I said, girl, this is so crazy. I'm talking to the guy in the front desk and I go, you know, he's also, you know, a shorter guy and he has a kind of a higher voice and you have a deep voice sir do you think you could change your voice when he's in the store he gets really intimidated i said can you be like hello hello and he was like yeah i said can you do it now and the guy was like hi hello

oh my cranky anchors is domestic terrorism they make you um into a puppet or something yeah they make you no puppet so there's like a warehouse of of puppets, anybody who's been on the show. And I guess there's one of me now somewhere. Damn. I was so scared. Don't yank my crank. Prank calling people is very scary. I know.

It's so much scarier than live performance. I've never, we've done prank calling, but it was always, they answer the phone, you say, fuck right in the pussy, and you hang up. That's easy. Why no? But that's like the thrill. Having to start it like, fuck right in the pussy, and you hang up. That's easy. Why no? But that's like the thrill. Having to start it like, how was your day? Yeah, it's good. Just anyway, I'm kind of looking for something specific.

Like trying to make it real and not going so hard that they hang up. Yeah. The Jerky Boys used to do this gay character. They were like, I like to shove furnitures up my ass. And it was so funny to me. Oh, it's amazing. But I'm looking back and i'm like there's so much gay humor like so much humor at the expense of gay people

especially like mary in in the east coast for some reason queer she is there someone talks about in her special too was like fucking queers queers like that was like there's so many horrible like and we just did it you know I knew I was gay yeah did anyway of course you know I I watched Reno 911 from the beginning last year um a lot of gay humor I forget his name but the gentleman on roller skates oh and that show and dangle no not listening to dangle that's gay but he's playing it very um straight he plays it like if you're not paying attention- Thomas Lennon, is that Thomas Lennon?

Yes, Patrick Thomas Lennon, I think. Thomas Patrick Lennon? Maybe that's what it is. Nick Swartzen plays a character who's a prostitute, who's always on like Wall Street- A male prostitute. Yeah, where the police are like, what happened here tonight?

He's like, I was murdered. Like he plays it like that heavy. I love it. Where they're like, you out here hooking tonight? He's like, no no I'm just giving massages with my mouth I know it's horrible but I love it I think it's so funny

I love it and honestly not to be whatever that was probably some of my first exposure to like a gay character wait a minute hold on I gotta tweak your prostitute on roller skates it's so fake big boy but it's true though and I know love that. And I know her. You know what I mean?

I've been her. Yeah, I've been her. I've never been to me, but I've been to her. But I have known many people on the barstools of Jacques Cabaret like that. Oh, yeah. Like old barfly fags. Yeah, with like rings. Yeah, rings.

Even like an ascot sometimes, even though they haven't paid their rent in the last three months. Yeah. It's like crazy. Well, you know, Oh Honey was based on someone in our life that we know. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't think he knows that. Oh, of course.

And I don't think he knows. But there's a million of him. But one time he was like, Oh Honey, Oh Honey, who do I sound like? And I was like, you don't even know that I'm doing you. I've been doing you. And I think he knows now then. I don't think he knows. No.

I don't think he knows. I ran into Scott Thompson at that Netflix thing. So funny. And he loves, and he loves you and I, and he was so nice. He was like, he was like,

you got to hold onto that. He was like that friendship. You have one in a lifetime. He's like, you got to hold onto it. He's like, I've worked with so many people where we let things go sour. Do you got to hold onto it?

Wow. That's really deep. That's really poignant. Yeah. He was very nice. Did he stick two fingers in your hole? Three. Yeah, he was fucking me. And so I was fucking his mother. And he was, you know, but she wasn't alive.

She spread them lips wide open. Yeah, I clipped them off so I could take them on the go. I love, gay is fun. Gay is great. It's gay pride still. Don't look at me. I'm dead. Love shit like that. Is he gay? Scott thompson no no nick swartzen or whatever no yeah and that's even better yeah well it's hard because it's like a gay straight person can play gay but oftentimes a gay person cannot play straight convincingly if the person like i don't know let's just say me for example it'd be hard to modulate my voice in a

way that wasn't cartoonishly overcompensating for my baggy voice. Right. We're not casting Ross Matthews as Romeo. Right, right, right. Like, hi, Brian. Would you like to come back and watch me fuck my wife to completion? Stick my dick in her pussy and then I'll demand that she makes me eggnog later. Is that like straight?

Do straight men want eggnog? Well, it's the holidays. After I fuck her in's the holidays i love to have a nice eggnog the holidays and i need to unwind isn't unwind i'm gonna fuck a mug of eggnog no my wife sharon is that straight my wife and a pussy i use eggnog as lube no lube she's wet from being attracted she's always ovulated when we got the eggs out. Ew. But, you know, that's not really in the cards for me. Some people do. I mean, Cheyenne Jackson can, but he's not.

I just almost said it. I know, I know. Extra, extra. You know, I bumped into him at the Ben and Jinx holiday show, and he was seated in front of me, and I started vibrating. I bumped into him almost literally at 8,000 sunset. He's very tall. He's gorgeous.

Shocking blue eyes. Absolutely stunning. Shocking blue eyes. High cheekbones, full lips, great physique. Like a movie star. A beauty. A movie star. And he was like, he, I was like looking down

my headphone, whatever. I kind of like, and then I look up and he introduces himself to me as a fan of me in of us and was so nice and i was so like just i was so like i was um disturbed disturbed but it was um speechless speechless because he was so the the eyes he's gorgeous and he's tall and nice. And you know why I freaked out? Why?

Because he had his hard dick hanging out of his dungarees. I've seen one American Horror Story. I loved him in Apocalypse when he played one of the warlocks. I love him in everything. Because he's good to look at. He's a good actor. Great. He was hooded justice in Watchmen.

And so I grabbed him and said, you got to play hooded justice. You've played a superhero from the biggest graphic novel of all time. Was he fucking the guy? Yeah. Yeah. That's right. I yanked it to that scene. No, he isn't. Oh, no, no, no.

Yeah. There's a scene where he's fucking someone in American hero story. Yeah. In the show. In the show. In the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's so beautiful.

And I'm like, my biggest regret is I didn't buy anything from that auction. But one of the costumes they were selling was Hooded Justice. Why didn't you buy him? But now Hooded Justice is black in the lore. So I feel weird dressing. If I was going to go for Halloween as a black guy with white eye makeup. But you are from the Brewster Projects, though.

That's right. I'm from the Brewster Projects, apparently. I hope I don't get in trouble for that story but i think it's pretty harmless no no no it was a mistake it's a big mistake huge huge huge it's like any drag mistake where you're like put on track 12 and you're in your gown and you think it's the greatest loves of all and it's get on up y'all pussy like this and you're like oh shit fuck yeah i gotta turn around yeah turn around it's crazy nothing better than a man in a wig poking out behind a curtain and screaming next track but but see that's the

nature of drag see the problem is the disconnect happens when you take drag to this radio city level you can't have cd skipping no you can't at the plaza you you can you know what i mean we just need to get famous enough that like if we we want to do Lizzo juice, we book her to sing it off stage. Exactly. Yeah. We have to get that rich. Lizzo, would you ever come to one of our shows where you sing live and we lip sync? Turn off hesitation. Turn off doubt. Turn off fears. The YMCA of greater Toronto helps you turn off whatever's holding you back so you can let your potential shine.

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Magic Eye. I noticed you didn't have a magic eye poster framed up in this condo and i wondered why you know what with enough edibles do you remember everything's magic eye yeah magic girl checking out books in the library magic eye kids and kids in elementary school with a book literally this close to their face but do you remember the moment where you learned how to do it do you remember the how does it work so you i remember it's in the kiosks in the mall the kiosks in the mall would have them and it looks like a bunch of just like blurbs blurbs and then all of a sudden you let your eyes kind of unfocus or a little cross slightly yeah and. And then you, it's like when the mall. When you're at the mall.

It's a version. It's like on the gateway to goon. Magic. I was the OG gooning. Yes. It was guys at home on Pornhub looking at books this close to their face. You have to like,

you don't look at, it's not that far. It's like that monitor. It's like, you just kind of, and you, it just kind of, I,

my eyes crossed a little bit. Yeah. And it was magical. A magic eye. Yeah. Because a lot of people have a slight wild eye. I do. Or a slight cross eye.

I do. Or sometimes just when they're driving or just when they're focusing. Yeah. Or some people just when they're drunk, one eye will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've definitely known people with wandering eyes. Yeah. You know, sisters or relative, cousins.

The girls. Cousins. But I often appear cross-eyed in photos often i think a lot of people are a little cross-eyed we just don't notice yeah i mean lack of symmetry jesus christ mary we're not all anya taylor joy let's just say that my face looks like remember that exercise in elementary school where you fold a paper in thirds and each person draws a part of it and then you know exquisite corpse and you open it and go oh isn't that funny yeah it's two halves this is by jesus this is by allah this part of my head is xenu the body is the book of mormon papa shango i don't know the wrestler i don't know i i thought like i don't know papa shango everybody's contributing it's a's a buffet. It's a potluck.

Okay, wait, wait. Marry, fuck, kill. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme. I think you marry Stallone. You fuck Schwarzenegger. No, wait. You fuck Van Damme. You marry Stallone.

I think you kill Schwarzenegger. Isn't that horrible? I don't think so. I don't think it's horrible. You have to kill somebody. You have to fuck Van Damme. Okay. You have to fuck Van Damme, right? I agree. Blood sport? I don't think so I don't think it's horrible You have to fuck Van Damme You have to kill somebody You have to fuck Van Damme Okay You have to fuck Van Damme

Right? I agree Bloodsport I agree I just literally jerked off To the three second clip Of him showing his butt In that movie the other day

Exactly And then you marry Stallone I think Stallone would be like fun Well Stallone Right Hey Like I don't know I think he's probably very Italian

I just watched the The three Three episode documentary On Arnold on Netflix, gobbled it up, like gobbled, gobbled it up. I mean,

crazy. So riveting. He basically popularized the, um, like pyramid style, uh, repetitions where you do like, uh,

less reps at more weight. And then each time you do a set, you do less weights, but more reps. Like he invented that ladder, not invented it, but popularized like laddering oh interesting isn't that interesting it's fascinating because i mean you look at him do you think i'm gross if i think he was quite the beauty when he was younger are you out of your mind well you know how some people are like i don't like that rustly but he was he was a beast he was so tall he was so huge yeah it was so crazy but like

his achievements like are so nuts did you like him in the terminator the newest one that i didn't see the newest oh no no i did he's in it as an older man he's like the terminator and he's married and i don't think his wife knows he's a robot oh i did see it i think i enjoyed it i liked it too because there's a young girl terminator who's like the new model and she's young and blonde she was t3 the one with the fierce one with the ponytail i that that bitch was that was that was that was so gay coded yeah that was the diva and it's um not diane lane um from my so-called life clear danes clear danes clear danes i remember when so the second one was when with the liquid that's when the liquid started To happen the second one is sickening it was sickening

And then the third one was the girl Sarah the second one is Sarah Connor Like getting out of prison I think And then and they're All great they're amazing but Stallone I cry when he gets lowered into the lava Oh that's right I did too

I love that in the second one he became A hero i love that flip the script on me yeah when bad people become good i'd like nut for that yeah oh yeah because the whole first movie he's trying to kill them yeah i'll be back and then he just like but isn't he trying to kill them to save the human race let him kill you he's he's from the future i don't know for the future but isn't he like hey in the future uh animals or uh in the future humans get enslaved by robots would you like to stop that by dying don't you say yes i thought it was i thought it was the other way around like she was the one who

saves them from enslavement so she has to be killed oh because he's the robot i think you're right yeah she's the savior or she gives birth to the savior. She gives birth to the savior who frees the human being. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why he's trying to kill her. That's why he's trying to kill her.

Yeah. I didn't know about that. Maybe that's wrong. But the point is he's hot and sexy. And yes, in 1974 as Mr. Mr. Universe, I would have climbed him like a fucking redwood tree and suck the sap out of him. Yeah.

Like a fucking. Lately, I'm very interested in seeing dicks really rather than hearing about well let's say whether or not i'm attracted to someone if someone's like oh yeah andy has a huge dick i'm like you have a picture oh i'm like do you think he would just rip it out we don't have to sex but like i'll see it now what's your what's your opinion on flaccid peonies fine Fine. I'm not. It's fine. I think being erect at all times is inappropriate. I'm not so gay that I'm like, he took his cock out.

It was soft. Gross. Like, what is that? That's pretty cool. Yeah. Because I can get a dick hard. Soft serve ice cream. I'll go to Dairy Queen.

Yeah, if I wanted something soft, I'd go home and lay my head on a pillow, bitch. Like, I don't think, I don't think, I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, my God. It was so soft in my hand. It was like holding a fucking, holding a handful of old pastrami. A big noodle. A big, big noodle.

I don't know Oh my god I love when What was the original question I know we want Straight people to We want Gay people to play Gay people I guess

I don't No no no no I don't feel that way We want We want everybody to have We want equal opportunity For there to be no prejudice Within the industry

Right Like if Stanley Tucci Has to stop playing gay people I'll kill myself Right Right Like I need Stanley Tucci's portrayal of gay people. It's important to me.

Well, they told Arnold, he was like, he struggled for years trying to break into the film industry because they said, first of all, you're too big and you can't speak English, which is a problem.

Your accent's too thick. Isn't he? He became a leading man. Austrian became a leading man. 20, $30 million a picture. Leading man. He's good. I'm sorry. he's good and jingle all the way

everybody can eat my ass how about fucking kindergarten cop girl twins twins hello true lies girl Jamie Lee Jamie Lee tango with the with the rose you fucking bitch true lies so funny yeah so funny what's his with Roseanne

Barr's ex-husband Arnold arnold tom arnold so good so good jamie lee curtis so good tia carrera tia carrera the villain she's such a good villain when she's in a fight in the limo where the driver's been shot and they're just careening down the bridge remember that part that's amazing at the end the driver's been shot and the bridge is out and the the um limo is just flying. It's going to drive off. And they're fighting in the limo. And he gets lifted. He lifts his wife out of the limo and the limo crashes with Tia Carrera.

Tia Carrera is a hot bitch. She eats. I got to work with her. I got to work with her, you know. AJ and the Queen. She was on set the same day I was. We didn't have any scenes together, obviously. Did you say hi?

I did. She was so nice. So fabulous. Was she just unbelievably beautiful? She looked the same. Crazy. So good. When she sings ballroom blitz in Wayne's world,

she's so great. I'm not traditionally into girls, but my God, is she sexy? Yeah. I'm the bangs singing. I told you, I've seen that seven times in the theater,

Wayne's world, seven times. It's so good. And then Carvey, so good. Kim Basinger is as David Dana Carvey. The second one. In the second one. Right. Yeah. Laura Flynn Boyle as the, the, she so good. Dana Carvey, so good. Kim Basinger as Dana Carvey. The second one. In the second one, right.

Yeah. Laura Flynn Boyle as the, she's like in love with Wayne, I think. With the neck brace, the back brace. So crazy. So crazy. She loves Wayne

and she buys him a gun rack as a gift. And he has to explain to her that it's a bad, and she's like, you know what, Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.

Have you ever seen Big Top Peewee? Of course. do you know when Penelope Ann Miller is like I made your favorite sandwich and he guesses every single sandwich that you could possibly

make besides egg salad and egg salad is what she made him and she makes him eat it and he hates it so much and I think about that scene

all the time it's an amazing movie pitching it like what if his bike gets stolen no that's that's Pee pb's big adventure big top is the circus it's much less good it is much less good but it features valeria galeno valeria galeno an italian actress who was supposed to be uh she was supposed to be pretty woman oh wow yeah and the miss julia came julian snatched it right out of you do you think it still would have been a good movie without Julia? I think I do.

You do? But Julia, I mean, come on. I've never seen Pretty Woman. Beautiful Lady. Beautiful Lady. Damn, you've got to see it. We should be doing that on Netflix live. Beautiful Lady?

Yeah. Totally. Pretty Woman? I mean, it's like, it's so crazy. It's so good. Anyways. You should have Peaches do a stage version for it's so crazy. It's so good. Anyways, you should have peaches do a stage version for you.

Pretty woman. Yeah. Beautiful lady. Beautiful lady. Come see our show. Beautiful lady. Okay. Um,

well in that, so wait, uh, anything to promote? Of course. Do it. Um, Oh,

I, I have a joy to share. I have a gratitude to share here on the pod um i have gotten to be on a lot of music charts and i this was my first time being on the dance charts oh my god cool let's give a round of applause feeling gorgeous number one on the charts number one on the dance chart honey i'm right up there with erica Jayne now. Erika Jayne now. Erika Jayne then. Post-conviction. Wait, you were electronic charts.

I was all music, actually. Yeah, worldwide music, pop and hip hop. You got to do more music. No, I don't. Give the people what they don't want. Don't want. Give the people what they haven't asked for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Force things upon the people that they do not wish to hear. I've learned in all the, and i switch i switch genres here and there but i've noticed that no matter what type of music i do the write-ups say country music musician trixie mattel right does uh pulse pounding dance thumping hip-hop beat yeah bottom burner a bar mitzvah blaster totally yeah it's no It's no matter what you do, you are country forever, which is fine. Love country. Yeehaw. Yeah. Yeehaw.

He smashed my keys into the side of his little, little stooped up four wheel drive, carved my name into his middle seat. I took Louisville slugger to both my thighs, bang my chicken into his eyes. Maybe next time I think before he skates, maybe next time she'll think before she creeps maybe next time she'll think before she skeets before she skeets yeah brandon

calls the meet and greet the skeet and freak he shoved his dong into my puss can i actually promote yes we have if you like bald and the beautiful we have many live dates we do have live dates coming up all over the country they're fun have live dates coming up. All over the country. And they're fun. We're going to Minneapolis. Oh, yeah. I think we're doing Boston. I think we're going everywhere, honey.

We're going to go everywhere if you want to see the pod live. Fly over country, I bet. And let's just set the tone. It's us sitting and talking. No, it's fun, though. So don't come and expect hot dancers. Oh, no, no, no, no. But they know that.

No Kelly Mantle. No good performances. It's not a goon town. No, it's chatting. It's listen and learn. It's listening. Because sometimes town. It's not a goon town. No, it's chatting. It's listen and learn. It's listening. Because sometimes when we don't listen, we don't learn. And on that note.

Goodbye. Bye.