The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Sun-Dried Hot Dog Legs with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

Some of us have gams that appear as if they were sculpted by the gods themselves on the apex of Mount Olympus. Others, however, have legs that seem like they were dry-cured in the basement of a French farmhouse next to a beautifully-marbled Andouillette sausage. We'll let you decide if this episode is about the former or the latter. To learn more about microdosing THC, just do a quick search online or go to Microdose.com and use code: BALD to get free shipping & 30% off your first order. To pre-order your copy of our new book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com/ If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be helpful! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out the Trixie and Katya Live Tour, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. All right, we got camera one, we got camera two, we got sound. We are back on the Bald and the Beautiful.

Bald and the Beautiful back at our house. Well, my house. Yes, we live together. We've been in love. We've been in a love relationship for 14 years. Can I say,

on this tour, I didn't get as sick of you as I thought I would. Mary, we never saw each other. Never saw each other. I think we saw each other not even 90 minutes a night because we had a lot of separate scenes. I saw Kelly about 10 minutes a night. Yeah.

On stage. Kelly was a drifter. The elusive chanteuse. Kelly didn't come do her part. She was an apparition. Yeah. She appeared. It was always unclear where her dressing room was because I would always pass it and she wouldn't be there.

All of a sudden look over Sandy's in her, in her suit and just shaken. Also, I haven't started my makeup for meet and greet. Kelly's fully painted. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She's like full foundation. We'll just browse in her like late afternoon wig. You know? Yeah. It's so funny. Well,

the cat's out of the bag. Now we're back from tour and we kind of kept kelly under wraps but girl now the world knows yeah and i stole the show uh yeah stole the show um from laughter because she was terrible no she stole it out of the grip of laughter no she was so great and um i was i was so lucky to get her yeah because you never know i mean it's a huge commitment to ask someone hey can you want to go on tour for a month or and then actually three months and then maybe four months you barely went hello i don't know if i'm coming back now it was uh this was a this was a fun

first we call it a leg of a tour yeah we did one leg they took the leg they took the leg take the other leg not to be vague but the tour was not without trials and tribulations here and there. Something about this leg was a little... This leg had an ankle monitor. This leg had a little... And a little... A bunion, a corn, a couple of corns. And a little bit of frostbite.

No, actually, no frostbite. Fluid in the ankles I'm not I'm just I don't want to call out anyone but this is the air conditioning podcast this is the HVAC special there was one city I want to call out

Phoenix Phoenix motherfucking Arizona at the Balboa Theater baby you did us right wasn't that San Diego it was the Orpheum was it the Orpheum Phoenix was the Orpheum

Orpheum girl the Orpheum. Was it the Orpheum? Phoenix was the Orpheum. Orpheum. Girl, the Orpheum? Cold backstage. Blue lips. Honey. Blue lips. The dancers were shivering. So I didn't realize,

I didn't change my watch ever from LA time and I didn't realize we were back on Pacific time. So I thought I had an extra hour in the hotel. I realized, oh shit, I run to the theater. I'm like so stressed out and I'm hot because it's hot out i walk inside the door and i'm hit by the strangest sensation and i was like what is that

and then i go down in the dressing room into the dressing room what is that i go to the stage what is that oh a c bitch it was freezing freezing it was freezing. Freezing. It was. I finished, well, I finished a dance that I normally sweat during. And at the end I went, dry. I felt like,

dry. I felt like I escaped death. Like it was Final Destination. Yeah. Like you were a mogwai that didn't get wet at midnight. Yes. I escaped death. And you know what else I escaped death? What? I just had an STI test. procrastination yeah like you were you were a mogwai that didn't get wet at midnight yes i escaped death and you know what else i escaped death i just had an sci test this was my slut

tour in 1997 and fucking and sucking do you know what it felt like getting that that that negative tests i felt like in a kotex commercial when a woman's in a white dress and a car drives by it hits a puddle and she has an umbrella and she's like oh oh oh and she's like coy about how the fact that she didn't get wet because by all by the science of it life finds a way and by life i mean chlamydia virus and bacteria yeah yeah yeah yes and there was a time i guess i don't know maybe it's because my body has done its time like maybe i've clocked out early with stis no i don't believe that's how it works i think you just got lucky with some good people yeah and i've learned this about slut shame you don't believe that's how it works. I think you just got lucky with some good people.

Yeah. And I've learned this about slut shame. You don't need to have it if you have a sluttier friend. What's there to be shamed about? I think it's slut, it's slut, it's inconvenient sometimes. You just gotta go to the doctor, gotta get that pill. I shit my pants. You gotta go to the doctor.

You gotta wear a weight room and get the shot. And then you shit yourself on the way home and all that stuff. Yeah. But, you know. But there's been times in my life where I'm like, don't even test. Just give it to me. We both know what time it is. With chlamydia where I'm like, you know. Are you serious?

There's been times where I'm, well, I'll just be vulnerable here. I have sensitive skin. When I wash my penis with a soap that has strong fragrance fragrance i will get like inside my pee hole irritation that feels like gonorrhea so then i've gone to get tested being like i know i know i have it i know the jig is up and then i don't and they're like oh what were you and i was like i was staying at a hotel using a foreign soap yes yeah and i was sounding with a knitting needle. Well, I dipped the knitting needle in Clorox bleach too.

In breadcrumbs. Hydroxychloroquine. Breadcrumbs. Shake and bake. Who's sounding? I mean, a lot of people. Mary, my address book. Take a look. Is sounding fisting for the penis?

It's just, no. It's just poking the hole speaking of fisting were you happy to see your friends when you got home i was their holes are as gaping loose as ever we went out to dinner and my half my leg got sucked up one of the it was yeah it was lovely i hugged andrew i thought i was gonna cry but i'm not that sentimental um but i missed him so so so much and i missed our studio i know are you happy to be back mary now we say this with respect to the time you spent on the road but what does it feel like to be back so i i don't like i mean just because of the covid thing i mean being at home for almost two years i got into a little routine i had my little wiggle little wiggle steps my little wiggle routine i go to get my little coffee

Then I go to the studio I go to the gym I go to the coffee Then go to the studio And then I go home I watch my little stories Yes I do my little wiggle

Yes You know And I love my wiggle And I see my friends Like two or three of them And then For two fucking years And then

It was a huge shock And I was like After The first three days I was like This is gonna take forever And then it was a huge shock. And I was like, after the first three days, I was like, this is going to take forever. And then it fucking flew by. Fucking flew by. It flew. I mean, I thought we were approaching maybe show 10 and somebody said it was number 16.

And I was like, yeah, it was wild. And we had a lot of there not to be like, but we had a lot of there were six in the row at the end. Yeah. And then we had two stretches of four there were six in the row at the end. Yeah. And then we had two stretches of four in a row. And it's traveling every day. We had six in a row at the end. And then I had to film Trixie Motel Sunday and Monday. That's fucking diabolical.

And then I had a shoot of a photo shoot for a collab I'm doing the next day. So I was on basically vocal rest for a few days because it was. That's so crazy. The voice, I do a different voice in drag, I think, compared to like others. And that voice is not necessarily easy to produce. So doing it every day, like squeezing. Yeah, no, if you're singing, I mean, you gotta sing.

A female, they're like, hi, like... Like that's... There's a toll. I want to go to vocal therapy. You should go to vocal. Have you ever had like serious vocal training here in LA? Yeah, I've had like singing training, but speech. Here in LA?

Yeah, yeah. But like. Yes. Very boring. Very boring. Sorry, go ahead. Yes, but I would love to do a speech therapy because a lot of the vocal tics we pick up from like vocal fry or shit like that not good for you that's why babies can

scream for hours and not lose their voices but adults who pick up like weird speech patterns from culture and stuff your voice isn't being used correctly so then your voice falls apart sometimes i don't know what my real voice is i went to memphis for one day and came back with a southern accent i don't even think it was maybe like 16 hours yeah yeah you know it was not yeah anyways well i'm a dialect coach so i get it yeah yeah you know i mean i just listen to one of the out of it i just listened to one of the ads where we did, and I did an Italian accent, and I was like.

Is she from Mongolia? I thought I was doing like Jared Leto and House of Gucci. Is she? I don't know what I sound like. You probably sounded like a Japanese person trying to do Chef Boyardee or something. It was totally that. It was so, it was odd. But I would love to do like speech therapy

because it can really extend the lifespan of your voice if you're using correctly but then again gay voice right gay voice comes from mimicking the people around us right and those people are usually women so then i don't know we're training our human we're training our human male voices to talk in a way that is not really natural to i never thought this is. What? Yeah, so I was reading about gay boys, right? I have it, obviously, always have. So, we have it because we identify with more feminine people around us, and so this is what I read.

Okay, who says this? I don't remember who says it. Okay. But you can look it up. Dr. Phil? Dr. Phil. Okay. Open the door.

You're ugly. You're ugly. You're disgusting. I'm going to kill you. Give me $200. So you just say, hey, stupid bitch. If you're a pansy out there, you just got to talk like this and get some pussy. But I think I sound like my mom because I'm from a very small town, country, country, country. I'm with my mom all day. I'm a little gay boy. She's a woman. I want to sound like my mom because I'm from a very small town, country, country, country. I'm with my mom all day.

I'm a little gay boy. She's a woman. I want to sound like my mom. I think my voice sounds like my mom. This is crazy. If I was straight, would I have probably a totally different sounding voice? Guess the fuck what, bitch? What?

When I went to my little summer camp in Surprise, Arizona for only two weeks, summer camp in Surprise, Arizona for only two weeks, surrounded by these very masculine all men. One of them was gay later on, but they were all really butch, beat you up. I wasn't

even aware of it. Was this Pray the Gay Away? No, Rehab. Yeah, Pray the This Away. I don't yeah. Pray this away. Yeah, right? I don't know. Pray the weed away?

Yeah, but they were all like being in a, I had never thought of that. I naturally started to modulate my voice. Not because I was ashamed, just because I was around them. Because you're an actress. Because I was just like, when I'm with the band,

the way I talk, I'll say shit like, hey, go pound some gash. Somebody today said, like, what time is it? And I said, I think I said, what time is it, Deez Nuts? I become a different person. I'll be like, um, Bofa. Bofa? Bofa Deez Nuts.

Eden said that to me the other day, and I laughed for about 35 minutes. Never heard of it. Um, but one thing I will never ever be able to say, Hey man, thanks man. What about a brother?

What about that? What's up brother? I'd wrap. No. Like, Oh, thanks man. It just never handshake that whole, what, man. It's just never. Handshake, that whole.

What about bruh? Hey, bruh. Bruh? No. Hey. Hey, guys. How are ya? I call everyone girl.

Like, hey, bitch. I don't know. Hey, bitch. Are you. So you go to your mom and you say, get over here, you stupid bitch. I should do him. Did you tune into the Cleveland Indians game last night, bitch? I don't know.

I just don't know how to talk. It's weird. Yeah. Wait, this is it. Why do you have the expectation for them to do it? You expect for them to do it and then give them absolutely unshirted hell for the way they're doing it. I don't expect anything. Open the door or I'm going to throw rocks through your windows, you dumb whore.

That's a straight man. He has a point. I've been watching Super Nanny and I really need you to get into some not trash TV bitch I really need you

to do it I need you to do it but Super Nanny it's about families and children families and children learning and growing it was funny

and it's changed the way I interact with Brandon because because I'm learning consequences you create consequences right Learning and growing. It was funny and it's changed the way I interact with Brandon. Because? Because I'm learning consequences. You create consequences. Right?

So, you have to, you have to, you have to get on someone's level. To hit him. So the other day I was talking to Brandon

about how to properly just clean beauty sponges and he was on the ground and I kneeled down so I was eye level. So you could choke him out. So you get more of a response from children. This is sounding very creepy and condescending

and I hope you're, are you joking right now? I'm half joking. And then you're telling me you made your eyes like that. Well no, and then Judge Judy says you gotta give consequences the first time. But she's a judge. Let's take a break looking for a path to accelerate your career clear direction for next level success in a place that is innovative and practical a path to stay current and connected to industry,

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Aventura Visa for Business at cibc.com slash aventurabusiness. Terms and conditions apply. But no, I told Brandon, I said, I said, I've been watching Supernanny and I learned that I should get on your level eye contact when I talked to him and he fell out laughing. So obviously he's taking it very seriously. And you also shit your diaper and make him change it. Well, I wanted to know about Supernanny because I said, is she like a TV fake? Because you know, taking it very seriously. Did you also shit your diaper and make him change it? Make me boo. Well, I wanted to know about Super Nanny because I said, is she like a TV fake?

Because you know, sometimes the show about the doctors, it's just out of work models with stethoscopes or something. I don't know. Yeah, of course.

And I said, is she really a nanny? And she was a nanny for 16 years before Super Nanny. I would say that's a lot of experience. After 15 years,

you become a Super Nanny, I bet, yeah. You become super. They give you the cape. Well, you don't get like a PhD. They give you the badge and the gun. The gun. The gun.

But you know what I've learned from super nanny? Kids are fucking crazy, dude. It's not just... I know. When I think of kids, I think of, I can't go out. Oh, all my money's going somewhere. These kids are slapping their parents. These kids slap their parents in the face.

They put them in the naughty corner. They get up and walk away. Mama, they call them... My childhood best friend, the one who's dead. He called his mother by her first name. What was her name? Mary. Diabolical. Did she want that? No, no, nobody wanted that. That's what I mean. Diabolical. I don't call my mom I have never in my life in any situation ever heard that it's so bizarrely diabolically inappropriate

and strange yeah you know what I mean not to be sentimental you we all

most of us if we're lucky outlive our parents right yeah we're supposed to use the word mom while you have it I mean

mom it's your mother that's what that's what you call it i mean mom it's your mother that's what that's what you call it there's not gonna be other mom there's just like there's very few very few things in roles in life are as simple as that mom and dad or mom and mom or whatever yeah not mary like imagine me saying val hey val i guess it would be a joke but if i'm talking like in alone with she's making you a peanut butter jelly sandwich and you're 12. mary i'm hungry oh i don't like that no it's fucking crazy it was it was a portent of things I'm talking like in Alone, she's making you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you're 12. Yeah.

Mary, I'm hungry. Oh, I don't like that. No, it was fucking crazy. It was a portent of things to come. I don't like that. No. What's your dad's name? Dan.

You wouldn't fuck with that. I'm going to fuck my dad? No, say Dan. Are you fucking kidding me? Never, right? He's a karate master. One punch, one kill. You're like, I had an older brother. I call him Sensei.

I beg for forgiveness. Yeah. I beg for mercy. I mean, I did had an older brother. I call him sensei. I beg for forgiveness. I beg for mercy. I mean, I did call him sensei when he was my sensei. When you were training with your dad, what did it feel like knowing your dad could absolutely ice you at any moment and chose not to? I was like, it was always like, what is going on there? He's playing the long game.

Because he could take you out. Oh, anybody could have, bitch. I brought you into this world and i could take you out but your dad is serious yeah yeah when all everybody could the the guy the head of the whole um thing the shigeru kimura he was like um so scary he was like a little overweight japanese guy didn't look like a martial artist he smoked a lot of cigars, died super young, very unhealthy. But he could punch you. He could punch you like point-blank range and just crush the skulls, crush your skull,

all the bones in your face. You'd be dead pulp with one punch. I don't understand physics or anything, but don't you think fatter people by nature pack a bigger punch, right? More mass moving at you. Yeah, there's more.

Heavier arm, heavier fist. They have the potential to harness, but the way that they can harness it all the way up from the feet, radiating out is bizarre, wild, cool. Spooky. Yeah. But wait, wait, wait. So the bald and the beautiful, bald,

I got a facial for the first time. What went on? Where'd you go? I went to a face house on like Hollywood down. Okay. Post tour. Post tour two days after because Mary, all that stuff. All that crap.

And all that stuff. Yeah. What did they say when they saw your face? She screamed and cried and another facialist had to come in and take over for her no no she fainted the other facialist caught her and then she fainted and it was like a conga like yeah it was like a domino thing and then i had to pick them all up and then go home no um so i hadn't had really um i had like a i had like a frou-frou facial where they just put a bunch of goop on your face and that's it this they did that and then they did

all the extractions. Oh mama. She went, she was Indiana Jones. She was, did she let you know what time it was? Bone collector. She was literally the love return in Jurassic park,

like sifting through the dung, looking for bones. It was, I wish I hadn't put on the makeup on now, but like that it was yesterday. I couldn't believe it. It looked so, it looked so smooth. Now it looks like shit again, of course, but like it was, yesterday. I couldn't believe it. It looked so, it looked so smooth.

Now it looks like shit again, of course, but like it was, she really got me together. I think your skin looks great. Yeah. All of this, all of this,

that had huge, huge blackheads everywhere. Nasty. Really? Was she showing them to you? Oh yeah. She was like, I was like,

when you get a good one, I'm gonna see it. And it looked like, it looked like. Have you never extracted your own blackheads? I have, but so I don't know how to do it right. And of course the skin, it looked like. Have you never extracted your own blackheads? I have, but so I don't know how to do it right. And of course the skin around it gets irritated.

You know what I mean? Like. Yeah, you got to do like a steaming first. Loosen everything up. Yeah, they did all that. I have a facial steamer.

I really like it, but you got to have distilled water. Who has distilled water? nobody's got distilled water. And what if I put normal water in my facial steamer? What's going to happen? Yeah, I don't know.

Is it going to break? That's why you go have a lovely experience. This i think cory was the name hysterical lovely and it was i fell asleep almost i think twice so relaxing so wonderful and um it was only it was cheap it's like 90 bucks something like that good for you we're on skin journeys skin journeys and i'm you know the clock has been well the clock stopped for me i know for whom the bell tolls yeah yeah but i couldn't believe it and no like no redness afterwards i thought it was going to be like hammer time i'm not surprised well here's why um people who do what you do to your face your skin is worth is used to a lot of tug and pull it's worse it's used to scrubbing

pulling gluing yeah so if you were a normal man who never touches your face, red for days. Red for days, yeah. But leather face could walk away from a facial and be like, whatever. When I get the vampire facials, they said it takes five days to scab over.

For me, it's usually three. Girl, when I got the intense light facial, she said, she warned me about, she built up this horror story that was going to happen. Nothing happened, honey. Also, it didn't work.

You don't think it took? No, nothing. Were they trying to break, light facial usually breaks up dark spots. I have, yeah, happened nothing happened honey yeah also it didn't work you don't think it took no nothing were they trying to break if light facial usually breaks up dark spots i have um yeah hyperpigmentation all along my forehead well one visit isn't gonna work well mom i'm not going back it was so painful hi oh it hurt it hurt more than a tattoo what it was so much is it like is it like it was needle needle needle it was a flash of light that feels like she described it as a um an elastic band it's like a slingshot mary i the last guy who shot me up with botox right before the tour which some of it did not take which was it happened mary atlanta that's what happened to me i'm not mad

it happens um and then he was like you can come back get touched up i'm like i'm gonna be gone it doesn't matter yeah he was doing something i'd not seen before which is taking the skin under my eye pinching to get a good hold on it and then stabbing and it hurt so bad and I was threatening him

as he did it I said I'm gonna take this building down I'm gonna have you all fucking sued for malpractice as he was I was like no you're so I've had Botox

quite a few times and I've had filler quite a few times nobody's doing it like Lori Ottinger none of these girls are doing it like Lori fucking Ottinger

at Santa Gomez Spa. This bitch, it's like, imagine you go through your whole life not knowing about shoes or clothes and you're living

in the winter and you don't know nothing about like, you're trying to play sports, you got no racket, you got no balls. Yeah. And then Laurie Ottinger

says, here's this whole world. You don't have to feel pain no more. Oh my God, me and Brandon are bringing our tennis rackets on this tour in the UK.

Oh, Wimbledon. Wimbledon. You can get in. It's not too late. Yeah, no. They take late applicants. Did you see the Kamala Reda video? Did you see me playing in drag?

It's amazing. In feels all day. I mean, it's so funny because I hear the stories and I hear like the, what I hear is terror, horror, pain. I would never do that. And then the product is so beautiful.

Especially like the Hello Hello video. That was Hellraiser part six. It turned out to be Hello Dolly. You know what I mean? Yeah. And not to bring up necrosis and necrotic tissue, but I also was like, I won't be able to move like this forever. Let's just do it.

In 10 years, I probably wouldn't be able to do this. It was fabulous. So let's just do it now. I loved the end. to move like this forever. Let's just do it. In 10 years, I probably wouldn't be able to do this. It was fabulous. So let's just do it now. I loved the ending so much. Oh, the murder in Come On, Loretta? Yeah, the flaming ball. Yeah, in drag all day outside was a little tough. Well, guess what?

That's a Victoria's Secret model, mama. Girl. They're up in hair and makeup at 4 a.m. They're on those rocks, freezing cold, naked. Do you want, if you were rich enough, would you want someone to do your makeup every day and drag no um just hair just hair just hair glue the wig on and everything so like once you finish the makeup they come glue the whole i would do the makeup and i was like

i would say you're gonna you're gonna do this hair and it's gonna fucking be perfect and it's not gonna fuck up one little bit of my makeup and if it does do you want to fix it yeah that would be that diva like i just want expert hair you know sometimes i feel lazy and i i'll place the hairline i like to place it and then i'll be like can someone just do the sides like the yeah the flaps before i do like the snatched up i'm like can someone do the flaps i just i just i feel like a fiend and fiend is like so great she's so gracious and so like generous she would do anything i asked her to do i just feel like if i'd rather have a whole team or just do it myself you know what i mean sometimes like it's

like i can't style the wig i need some help for that but then when it comes to putting it on there was like a moment there was a few um uh months where she was putting it on me and i'm like am i like what was wrong with me i can do this it. It was weird. Yeah, it's weird. And I'm very particular about the hairline. Yes. Being too far back or too far forward. Yeah, and I know where to glue it. And I can feel my skin. I know if it's on or not.

Anyways, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. We're not helpless actors on Game of Thrones who don't know how to put wigs on. No. You know? I feel like getting in drag is part of the job. And it's part of the fun. And it's part of the fun.

And it's part of what you're being paid for. The artistry. Yeah. So like at a certain point, it's like, you're getting. What did you do, bitch?

And you're not even funny. Not you, but like some of these girls, they get into all this gig and they, they, someone does their costume, their hair, their makeup,

their, their, their song. And they're not even funny. Well, I know some people that like, I know on we're here, they get their makeup done. Brooklyn gets her they're not even funny? Well, I know some people that, like, I know on We're Here, they get their makeup done.

Brooklyn gets her makeup done for Canada. Why? Why? Well, we may or may not be doing Queen of the Universe again, and I was like, I don't want my makeup done. Well, nobody could do your makeup. I don't want my makeup done. Nobody could do your makeup.

Well, what I would be afraid of is somebody turning it, and then whenever I do my own, people would be like, you look like shit. That's not going to happen. You have to get a Freemason who has sacred geometry knowledge. Do you know what I mean? Like Ordo Templi. Masonic temple. Yes. I got to go to the Masonic temple. Tablets. They got to know the cuneiform.

Rosetta Stone. Yeah. Ain't nobody alive like that. The problem is I think it would take part of getting someone to get it right for me would be at least five or six times of them doing it. Of course. And I'm not doing that. No.

And here's what else I'm not going to do. I'm not going to be in the chair like this for an hour and a half. Girl. And guess what? No offense to anybody who's ever done my makeup. Even fame. It doesn't look as good as when I do it. Because I know what to do to make myself look the way I want to look.

Right. You know what I mean? You've worked with this nose. Yeah. This challenging profile. This challenge. But I do it straight on. I don't know how to make it from the side.

Tell them about the challenging profile. Oh, Mary. So we got hot dog legs. We got spoiled sun dried hot dog legs. We were in. Did we tell them about that? I think we did already. The hot dog legs.

And then somebody told you you had a challenging profile. No, I, oh, John Mark, I will call him out because it was the funniest thing in the world. I don't think he said that. He implied it, and I said,

oh, do I have a challenging profile? And I think he just went. But I looked, and I was like, oh shit, you're your director giving me that no for. Well, he's used to Kelly

and Tammy, who are female from the side, front and forth. Like, yeah. But I, and I looked because we get filmed at the, on our live show while we're in those hostage things. And sometimes I look up and I like see the witch profile. I'm like, oh God, it's crazy. You know what it's getting? And I love my nose from the front.

That naked old lady in the beginning of the witch. Oh, totally. Or the, or Melisandre in Game of Thrones when she takes her necklace off and she turns 300. Yeah, I love that shit. Let's take a break. Ending. RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies

into most definities, making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships, and skill development, plus resources for artists and athletes. Learn more at rbc.com slash support youth hey i have a secret uh-huh i use secret whole body deodorant because more than just my armpit

stink can i use it with my bra rubs under my oh yeah and what about down there you know my totally four out of five gynecologists would recommend it. So I tried it, and now I get 72 hours of freshness. From my pits to my sssss. Ooh, I love that it's a spray. Me too. And it comes in sticks and creams too. Go get your secret whole body deodorant.

And we're back. And we're back. Oh. Go ahead, go ahead. Um, the, oh, I don't know how to say this. The screamer, my neighbor. Oh, yeah. But I don't want to call her out.

Do you know her name? Yes. Oh, don't say her name. Okay. The screamer moved out. The screamer moved out. And she's, well, I don't know if she's well, but she's gone. Was it Meg Ryan?

Yeah. Yeah, I know. Meg Ryan getting back on the horse As an actress And starting with Scream movies Well I don't know I mean she's got It was Courtney Cox Remember when we met

Meg Ryan's A son No we didn't No Meg Ryan's son Was at Cinespia We saw him at Cinespia Billy Eyelash Billy Eyelash

Sitting right next to Billy Eyelash Remember when we used To go do things I miss God This week truly I know that Listen I know that COVID Thanks to Billie Eilish. Remember when we used to go do things? I miss COVID. This week, truly.

I know that, listen, I know that COVID was horrible for the world. We did something, didn't we? Didn't we do something? For joy and enjoyment? Yeah. What did you do yesterday? Didn't we just do something? I had a photo shoot during the day.

And then at night I had band rehearsal. And then I had band rehearsal today. I've been babysitting for three days. Who's the baby i don't know i thought we just did we went out to no i guess we didn't we have no joy thing no joy no i mean well there was a few times i got a lot during covid when i got to go to see cinespia which is that amazing outdoor movie so fun it's so fun and obviously being semi-famous has its perks because we get nice blankets and nice snacks. That is the perfect key. That's why I was just talking to these guys that went, oh, I went to see a drag show when

I tried to get laid and it didn't work. And I'm talking to these locals and they were like, they kept apologizing for asking pictures. There was just a few of them. I was like, Mary, I love being famous. Like, it's fine. Also, I'm at a drag show. Yeah, was like, Mary, I love being famous. It's fine. Also, I'm at a drag show.

Yeah. I know. I assume. If you don't want a picture, it's fine, but let's go for it. I love being famous. I love everything about this kind of fame. I do, too. It's a very manageable, low level of fame that gives you a lot of benefits and very few drawbacks.

Yeah. I just explained to someone, Maddie, who works at at pg yeah she said do you like being famous and i said hell fucking yeah why do you think i got in this tv i said yeah i said it's a lot like being lucky like it's your lucky day open for you every day you go somewhere someone it's a free drink oh cool you go somewhere else you don't know anyone and you're by yourself someone Someone comes and talks to you. Mary, at that bar, I went to see the guy. I wasn't there. Guess what?

I made 10 friends that night and hung out the whole night. If I was not on Drag Race, they'd be like, get out. Okay, Mr. Burns. You know? We're not having sex with you, old man. You old gray boot. You old boot. You old boot.

You old boot. You're an old boot. I go back on tour tomorrow. Okay. So we got to talk about, so sometimes you guys, when your friend, there are warning signs to look out for when your friends are doing self-harm. It's pretty, honestly, it's, I don't know what meme I was, but like, oh, do you remember that meme from All Stars?

You're All Stars of Alaska when she's sitting there with like the alien makeup on and her chin is really retracted and she's just like that's what i was thinking about this tour not that i'm not grateful and i'm excited five days off was not enough especially when i worked four of them well i was gonna say so that's okay so let's this was my day let's let's talk real reality that's not five days off well this is out of tour doing four days of work. Yes. This morning I had band rehearsal and now I'm doing this.

This is my day off. So you're working on your day off. I see you're packing. And then tomorrow before I go to the airport I'm running 16 miles. Okay, so now I'm thinking But I'm really

Listen. I'm loving my body right now. Great. And I'm going to keep following that. Yeah. After rehearsal last night I went and ran seven miles and smiled the whole time. I'm really Listen I'm loving my body right now Great And I'm gonna keep following that Yeah I ran After rehearsal last night I went and ran seven miles

And smiled the whole time Oh that is lovely I'm turning a corner With my training too Where I'm fast And I'm running like Long open strides Yeah

I used to run like I hope people don't recognize me And now I run like I hope they fucking do I hope they fucking photograph me And I hope they tell someone I hope Sports Illustrated Has a telephoto lens I read something interesting About running on the internet me and now i run like i hope they fucking do i hope they tell someone sports illustrated as a telephoto lens i read something interesting about running on the internet they said it was this

professional runner did a collab with nike and he was saying it's this only sport that's just against yourself yeah you're the coach the athlete and the opponent yeah yeah yeah and i think we've talked about this i think all exercise is commodified and made into rich people shit well running is for everyone same thing with yoga not for uh it's similar that it's just you versus yourself yes you versus your mind and it's impossible ideals so you never graduate you never complete complete yoga. Never, never, never. You never complete running. Never, never, never. Yeah.

So what is the end with the running? I think, oh gosh. The real challenge is when your body starts to deteriorate. Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, it is very traumatic on the joints. Well, I think I used to exercise because out of vanity, which always yielded short exercise it always yielded very short term and unstable results maybe a few pounds here maybe a few pounds here yeah

but when i started doing something with goals and hobby the body i wanted arrived unbeknownst and i was like if you just um do it for doing it, because what is exercising to look good, to be thin, to, there's no achievable moments. Well, there's no,

there's no number on a skill you can chase. It's like, it's stupid. Well, but if you have goals with your personal, like I'm trying to achieve something, the fitness attaches to it and arrives amazon overnight yeah you're like you're not even like you're it because you're you lose track of that because you have these fun goals like i remember the first time i was in yoga night i've never thought i would do a

press handstand and one day i did it and i was like ecstatic and then i realized oh my god i have the six pack do you know what i mean like consequence it's like consequence of course because you're doing all this crazy shit But it's like That's the fun thing about like Not exercise That's why like Exercising

Going to the gym Like Going through the motions Just to get a vanity pump It's just like I don't know I understand why people Do steroids and get silicone

Yes You know Why not just wear the suit? I guess You know I fear the upkeep of plastic surgery it certainly does degrade over time and that's what i feel refreshing free floating silicone that's not plastic surgery that's that's those that's illegal procedures that are

or like um for men getting something sucked out of my middle and then let's say in my 40s I gain weight again And then I have Big everywhere except the middle Oh right right right Which isn't quite a masculine look Because then I don't want like a big butt In like an impossibly small Like I

And so I fear the long term effects of things Because I don't trust my My own follow up And also And it's anything that is an extreme change It's just very risky also i didn't know bbls are so dangerous girl so dangerous when they gave me these veneers they said these should be good for like 10 years and i said in 10 years i have to have enough money to re-up these

or what yeah it's like buying a rolls royce you gotta change those tires blow it on the highway they sell you the razor handle and then the blades are more expensive. It's true. It's like getting an eyelash fill. It's true. Or a nail fill. Yeah. This is ignorant.

How do people have long acrylic nails? And they tour, let's say. And then one breaks. Don't you feel weird when you have like one weird broken nail? Yeah. Michelle used to have them, and they were, yeah.

You just live with it. Girls in, when I was in high school, acrylics were big. They were very ones the thick long square ones and those girls because i didn't we weren't nobody was rich they'd get them every like maybe once a month or something and then a half inch would grow out and they get all yellow and nasty i just say don't do it that's what i mean the upkeep like um the girls on our tour this last tour would go as a group i think and get them which probably makes sense.

Get their nails done. And I guess if you're touring, you could nerd out and find nail artists in each city you want to try. Oh, yeah. I guess that's fun. Because there's fucking, yeah, you can get some fierce shit going on with your nails. The artistry. It's insane. We glue plastic on our fingers and move on with our lives, but like.

And barely. I think about sometimes on tours, I think think about fucking around and getting like a short square. You know, it's funny. I, I, I could never, I couldn't either.

I don't want day Walker hands. Something about it. It's gotta be, it's gotta be internalized homophobia or it has to be because I'm at the age. It has to be residue from like, you know, not wanting to cross my legs and stuff. I know I am a fag and I probably look like a fag that to me is just it's so jarring to me to for me to look down

and see um nails during the day i would be so it's just very it's like wearing pumps i don't think it's homophobia i think it's honestly like dysmorphic like that's a heavy word but like i feel male and if i look down and saw a long beautiful slender female nail it would be dissonant for me yeah but there's a huge amount of dissonance almost that is like very disturbing yeah for me probably to no one else no one will care uh no they would care men would care because it's they feel that dissonance to be like what the fuck is they would notice those nails like

I remember one time this is like seven years ago this is before Robbie Turner was on Drag Race I did a show in Seattle we went out to like lunch together and she had nails full time

like little red what would they look like it was like red almonds okay right red almonds blood red and then leather

we were at a place and she ordered soup and she had leather driving gloves on and she was eating the soup and i said what do you have gloves on and she said well i just i have like acrylics right now and i just feel like people look at me i said you don't think they look at your scranton strangler gloves wait she had your indoor leather gloves over the nails leather finger gloves on like covering the full hand indoors with like a t-shirt on. I was like, well, they also look at that. Yeah.

I'm just saying, I do think as a male with a set, it will give you unwanted attention. Unwanted. I guess. If you just do like a shitty black manicure, that's fine. You know, guys do that all the time. But there's something about, I remember halfway through All Stars, Ru had, she did a, like an almond set of acrylics that were like, almost like a dark beige, almost like the color of her skin. So they looked like just extended fingers. They were subtle.

No, it was cute because I love that color actually when it looks, it's like a coffee color. Oh, I love that. And it was glossy. But halfway through the season, she fucking ripped them things off hated it and because out of drag she had acrylics i wouldn't like no it did not and she's not exactly um john wayne or bruce willis you know what i mean but they would do something about those hands you know who gets them um uh sometimes male guitar players get them as finger picks but then you only have those fingers on one hand so it's like You know who gets them Sometimes male guitar players Get them as finger picks

But then you only have those fingers On one hand So it's like That's Like short Thick plastic points To people Okay

Why not just like Little finger bowl A finger I don't know Apparatus There's not an apparatus I think sometimes people get breakage And then if you don't have nails at all

You can't play I really don't know I just I hate I hate fingernails I hate wearing them i know for the moment that we're doing uh or i like to watch really just the you know the few hours when they're on correctly and they look good i feel pussy cunt bitch and then as soon as the camera

rolls get these fucking things off me i shave down the get the glue anything can't do anything they they i there's such a huge fucking pain in the ass. I'm interested in the psychology of people who've had nails for so long that they're like, I can't function without them. Cardi B and those fucking Freddy Krueger talents. Michelle.

Michelle carrying around tweezers to pull the card out at the gas pump. Fierce. It's fierce. But like for her, that's part of her hand. No, but it's different. They can open doors now. um no but that's different because they are an extension of your finger uh glue ones are always

vulnerable to pop off that's why they're so stressful if you're watching this or listening here on youtube or watching if you have nails are they like part of your hand or when you got them were you like girl i can't function because i would think some people would try them for the first time and then that week be like get these things off i don't feel human oh if you're not like giving pussy pussy glamour cunt if you're you know if you're like that's the thing i now when i think of the generation that has super ornate nails i think of like crazy dressed up nails exposed chin acne bad bangs like i think of like oh yeah yeah there's dissonance there crumbs on the mouth on the t-shirt stilettos on full time crazy dressed up nails, exposed chin acne, bad bangs. Like I think of like, Oh yeah. Yeah.

There's dissonance there. Crumbs on the T-shirt. It's like having stilettos on full time or something. With like dirty sweatpants. At least with press-ons, you kind of know what time it is. We were like, it's on.

And in a few hours they'll come off. But see, I don't know. Press-ons truly baffle me if you're not a performer, because what's the damn point? Get the damn acrylics. Wear them for a few hours. And destroy your

nail beds that's i mean that anyways i i love the way they look i every time i go into cvs or walgreens i look at them i never buy them anymore but i just look at them i love them you should love making them i i would buy the acrylic tips in the beauty store and then spray paint them yeah spray paint them jewel jewel them the long long ass ones that always rip your hair out. Oh, horrible. Girl, I mean, I look back, there was a phase where I was wearing long square blue nails

and I'm like, something. I think it's weird though because you're always like, especially if you're not a dancer, you're just like, you know. Oh, nothing's better than grabbing a dollar with long clickety clacks. Or this. Yeah.

Yeah. Or that. Oh. Gay. I'm not that gay, though. Just like Jasmine Masters says. I'm not that gay. David will take my auto heart pics and put them on and pretend to be Catwoman.

What? How about this? Could you jerk someone off from Grindr with them? Are you talking about... If I had nails on, I couldn't hook up. That's what I'm saying. I couldn't jerk myself off with nails on. I've tried to do that and it's not...

Dissonance. It's not... Maybe it's a little homophobic. I don't know. No, no, no, no, no. It's just I don't want to get jerked off by a 69-year-old witch. Because that's what I give you when I have these discolored bony knuckles with those fucking talons. It's very Hansel and Gretel.

Black magic woman. Yeah. Well, let's take a break. Three, two, one, zero. The final seconds of the game separate true fans from the rest. The fans that are there for every victory, defeat, agony, and ecstasy. And when the buzzer sounds, you deserve a Coke Zero Sugar. The one with irresistible taste and zero sugar.

Win or lose, Coke Zero Sugar is the most refreshing way to end the game. Coke Zero Sugar. Best Coke ever. Learn more at Coca--cola.ca. And we're back. So the first leg of the tour is over. You're going on another tour,

which is so crazy. Girl. Oh, no, no, no. I wanted to tell you. Wait, I wanted to tell you what it went. So I was, you know, I was like dying to come home,

dying to come home. Love the show. Love it. And everything about it, like the crowd, everything's great. There's no problem with the show when we're on stage. The merch? The merch is yanking.

Everybody, the customers, it's so wonderful. I get home. I'm so happy I almost cry. The next day, I'm like, I kind of want to do a show again. I kind of missed it almost immediately. Stalker. Yeah. Syndrome.

Because it's like, you know. Your abuser. It was, yeah. I know he hits me, but he loves me. Yeah, but he buys me presents. Yeah. Well, I know I get it. I mean, I was already.

Momentum. Momentum. I had tonight off and I was texting some bars to see if they wanted to DJ. I was just like, I feel like playing. Bus boy? You guys need a bus boy? Yeah, I don't know. I have problems.

No, you like to work. You like to work. But you know what I've been doing? doing but burning the cash when you get it dentures no what's that oh yes this is how i i'll just take a little half little little nibble of a gummy and i go for you should i go out should i work should i do laundry and then i'm like i'm gonna be on twitter for two hours on my phone it's the only way to get me to shut up and sit down okay i'll keep that in mind i'm gonna hit the dispensary after this and like doing some vocal rest for a few days and stuff like that

i'm like i need to spend a few days in sort of a vegetative state between these tours oh my god i need to of course like the the you know do you You know Did this happen to you When you were a kid Because I remember Distinctly Not having FOMO The other I had the other thing

I couldn't wait to get home And be alone Oh no Never had that No I was like Such a social busy body I wanted to be a part Of everything

Really That changed Yeah that did change No it didn't I mean not for me Like I'm still trying to do a lot of shit no you like to go out and have fun with people but now i'm like either by myself or or or with others i'm either awake or if i'm not smiling i'm frowning you know yeah i don't know i mean uh i like touring in general it gives my life rhythm yeah yeah and i don't know. I mean, I like touring in general. It gives my life rhythm.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't ever look forward. I don't ever not want to do the show. I often don't want to start getting in drag. Oh, I never want to do the show. Once the show starts, I love it. I don't mind doing the show. I never want to get in drag.

At 3.30 p.m., I don't want to put a drag on. See, I'm usually either neutral or excited to do my face. That's where it ends. The body. I never. So we're, oh, Mary, we're trying to go through this whole, we're doing a refresh because I don't know if y'all are aware, but I sweat more than the average person, except in Phoenix, Arizona, in the Masonic Temple in Detroit.

Just lovely. But not a drop, bitch. Not a drop. I thought it was, I thought like it was maybe the end day, the end of times or whatever. So like there is just so much, it's just so uncomfortable. I remember like I can so vividly recall getting miked by Cade when we were in a costume ready to go on. And I'm standing there.

Sweating. No, no, not sweating. Just uncomfortable. I know. ready to go on and i'm standing there sweating no no not sweating just uncomfortable i know just like squeezed tucked stuffed like like smushed and then um wrapped and then it's just like just the being in drag is very uncomfortable and then you got to do stuff then you got to do stuff i know but shout out to the assistance of the world because ripping my drag off stepping in the shower and then getting out of the shower and having it all put away is everything it's

everything mama it's everything mama i can never go back there was one there was there there's only been a couple nights where i will sometimes i will go in the bathroom with my soaked unmentionables and be like no human being should have to do this i'm gonna do this but when you come out in the makeups packed and everything's packed and you remember doing nightclubs at 3 30 in the morning heartbreak feels good in a place like this and you get back to that hotel nothing's packed ain't nobody gonna help you and you get a 6 a.m flight uh and when you're me when you add being drunk to it oh drunk packing, are you kidding me? Throwing things at it, sitting on it,

slam, like breaking a zipper, going to the airport drunk, sleeping on a plane hungover. Like, do you know how many times I went to the airport blindly hungover? Blind hungover.

But I feel like that's kind of a norm. Yeah. That's kind of a norm. But airport hungover is not it. The only redeeming quality is, well, you fear puking, you fear shitting yourself. Oh my God, puking. You fear shitting yourself.

Oh my God, that's right. You fear shitting yourself. I mean, alcohol makes some people. Both ends. Yes. You feel the headache,

but the only saving grace is you're like, at least when I get to the airport, there'll be access to water and snacks and Gatorade and like, you know, convenience store items. You're like. a good $18 bag of pretzels and a $25 water. Give me my $46 sandwich.

Yeah. Shit. But listen, you have off for a month. You need store items. You're like. A good $18 bag of pretzels and a $25 water. Give me my $46 sandwich. Yeah. Oh, shit. But listen, you have off for a month. If you want to come see me, I'm all over the UK and Europe doing Grown Up. It's a hilarious show. 15 costumes, four wigs, full band, jokes, videos. You're going to love it.

Yeah. What are you going to do for the month? Oh, baby. Guess what? I'm going to the Amalfi Coast in Italy, ho. To Mandarino di Amalfi. Capri capri are you coming am i gonna see you are you coming we're going to do press oh season seven of unstarted today yesterday the new episode is so funny it's so funny girl funny the part where we scream and it goes down a waterfall and we look great we look great the girls are giving it. So that happened. And then you're doing press for something with you.

I think it's that new estrogen cream that we're doing. That's right. That rub on estrogen cream. Cures endometriosis. Oh, my God. That human hair wig you wear on tour eating mandigos, that's her estrogen. So, oh, my God. So we have so much so i've been so we've been washing wigs been working in the studio all day the last couple days i put that wig on before

i came here and i said i think i might need a bra before i go because that was the custom vanity and miss vanity miss vanity knows what time it is she knows Miss Vanity knows exactly what time it is it's the world clock she has the digital world clock to the second girl

this wig that my new custom hairline vanity for this tour it's like my base wig I put it on today Fina snatched it up the way without glue

it lays perfectly to my head the entire because it's molded yeah honey molded to that noggin yeah drag is so hard when you don't have access to the right materials i know you have to be funny

or you have to know how to do you got to like have something but now like having having nice hair and stuff i'm like drag used to be so much i mean obviously there's a lot of things about drag that are easier now but just having access to a wig that fits your fucking male head most wigs are female sized and females have littler heads or just shittily made at 30 so if you're male or plus size wigs just don't fit your head no and then you and then you get to put on this um handmadecolored, rooted fucking human anti-unit. It's like Dula Peep whipping it. You're just like, oh my God, I've wasted my whole life.

I should have been doing porn this whole time. But yeah, never too late. When I'm in drag, I feel like a woman. Well, you look like a monster. I know, but that has nothing to do with me. What do you mean? Do you feel like a woman? I know, but that has nothing to do with me.

What do you mean? Do you feel like a woman? I feel like Trixie's a real person and I am that person. Do you feel like a Barbie doll? I feel like the drag doesn't come off. Does that make sense? No. I feel like, what?

Even though it's painted on and crazy and coiffed, I feel like that's what I look like all the time. In drag. Wait, what? I don't know. No, I don't know. on and crazy and quaffed i feel like that's what i look like all the time in drag wait what i don't know i don't know i when i'm in drag i feel like if i got in the shower and the water ran down my body i would wash my face and that makeup would still be on in a way do you know what i mean like it's a it's a weird oh of course i know exactly what you mean yeah yeah yeah yeah like i know i'm a drag queen is to's a mask that fuses to your, yeah. Yes, it's the mask.

The mask where it goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why the, it's, de-dragging is a very complicated process because even if there's residue, I feel like. It's a lot like coming down. Yeah, coming down from what, like?

Anything. Yeah, you know. It has to be, like, scrubbed off. You know, it has to be like scrubbed off. Like if I get a little FAA, I have a speck of eyelash glue. It's that scene in black, not a black swan where she said the mirror says whore. And she's like trying to wipe it off.

That's me trying to remove. By the way, you know, it's great for the skin. That green shit. Oh, no shit. Mary.

How about this? Six days in a row of me full lumberjack beard shaving down and then shaving up that six six show

blood everywhere oh my god blood everywhere and then having to put super emollient heavy fucking pore clogging

cream over it and powder yeah speaking of estrogen I don't know what kind of crack i've been on i've been having a prolonged good skin day for like a month oh let's celebrate let's celebrate that well maybe it's you're happy i i think it's because of tour because of the makeup every day the cleansing has been deep and on the days off it was mask too mama

your brushes are washed all the time that's you don't use dirty brushes you have a very uh well you've seen my assistant lives in constant fear yeah you have him hazmatted biohazard level five and he doesn't afraid yeah well anything else to say um yes um horoscope season's coming up so get your zodiac signs out yeah uh you can pre-order our new book marry the book yeah look um i got a birthday coming up she's got a birthday get her something no just give me a dollar give her a dollar yeah or give your friend a dollar a few of my cities are are are sold out the red is the pink and the red album oh the pink and the blonde album comes out pretty soon I don't know when

come on Loretta came out this week I don't jeez well I mean you're a musician not a marketing person I'm sorry

alright but yeah the new record check it out okay bye bye Bye.