The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Tee-El-Cee Presents: Extreme Rumspringa! with Trixie and Katya
Episode Date: April 8, 2025In a world where Amish tradition meets secular temptation, six Amish youths will be tested like never before. Watch as these impressionable young adults from Lancaster County are thrown into the outsi...de world where their innocence doesn't stand a chance. From the barn to the bar, this ain't your Uncle Jedediah's Rumspringa. This Summer, Tee-El-Cee Network presents a journey from farm to filth. Stop churning that butter and throw away that bonnet: it's Extreme Rumspringa! Sundays at 9, only on Tee-El-Cee. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp! Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Support a balanced gut microbiome and get your gut going with Ritual’s Synbiotic+! Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD If you’re 21+, try VIIA during their annual SPRING 420 SALE for Black Friday-level savings up to 35% OFF site wide! Go to: https://VIIA.co/BALD and use code BALD today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipsYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Okay, Martin, let's try one.
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Hello.
Hi.
Hi.
What is your tea?
Girl, my tea, my tea is, girl.
What's your tea value?
What's the validity of your tea today?
I went for a walk today on Hollywood Boulevard,
just because I wanted to see shit.
Yeah, human shit.
You hadn't seen human shit in a while.
Human feces, rent by the 30 minute block,
cyber trucks you can ride and take pictures in,
and you know, penis.
Penis. Naked penis.
Wagglers? Was it wagglers?
Yeah, wagglers, just showing it all.
And every time I do that diagonal crosswalk
in Hollywood Boulevard,
it feels like I'm gonna get hit by a car.
Oh, is that Hollywood in Highland?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there's the X-shaped crosswalk.
And every time I'm in the middle,
I'm not like a young girl taking a hair flip photo.
So I'm ducking and covering because I'm ruining pictures.
And I keep being like, we're gonna get hit by cars.
This...
Yeah, this isn't the time for a flash mob photo shoot.
There's like, go to the Hollywood sign.
Go somewhere.
Go anywhere else, literally anywhere else.
Go to the Chinese theater.
Go to the Grauman's Chinese theater.
Or the TLC theater.
Other Chinese theater.
Wait, that's the same theater, right?
I don't know.
I think it is.
A fan saw me and came up and, you know,
it always feels very corny to get recognized
on Hollywood Boulevard,
because it feels like I'm out there going, I'm me.
You're doing the...
Soap dish.
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
You're taking yourself to the mall and cheating out.
Ooh, ooh, what's her name?
What's her name?
You're so small.
Yeah.
And so this person comes up and is so excited and goes,
but it's like TikTok brain rot.
So it's just, wait, no, wait, wait.
You know, it's just wait over and over.
And you're, what are we waiting for?
Yeah, we're in the middle of the street.
And it's like the targeted ads on TikTok
where they're selling clothes
and it's just some girl pulling up tights over an ass
going like, oh my God, wait, but oh my God, wait.
Is that everything? And I'm waiting.
And it's just pants.
Waiting.
Nothing to wait for. Nothing to wait for. So then, and I'm waiting it's just pants waiting to wait for nothing to wait for so then um um
And then I take the picture with them, and they were so excited and that they go
Honestly, it really is not tea
What's not tea this like your Lee isn't tea what isn't tea?
Just we pass the point in no return in regard to language girl. I think it's done
We passed the point in no return in regard to language.
Girl, I think it's all done.
It's done.
It's too much.
Wait.
Oh my god, wait.
What are we waiting for?
Oh, wait.
I don't know.
The way it, wait.
Wait?
I don't like that.
It makes me think of the crosswalks.
Wait.
Oh, yeah.
Walk sign is on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait for what?
Wait for the perfect lighting to hit you at that diet. I don't...
I don't like that crosswalk in any way, shape, or form.
I don't walk it.
I don't drive through it.
I avoid it.
The crossy walk.
The crossy walk.
The cross walk.
That...
It's hard, heavy, bricky tea in that crosswalk.
The crosswalk.
And you know what I do love though?
And this is kind of like,
maybe I used to like pimple popping videos
or maybe then I used to like the Korean baking videos.
I'm trying to get into those by the way.
My new thing I like is those videos of,
let's say it's a butt where you've lost 300 pounds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A lot of extra skin.
It's dimples, it's whatever.
It's that moment where you pull those tights over.
Oh, in a culture.
And it all snaps together and then wait.
And then it's thrilling.
It's fucking thrilling.
You go from, you know,
a lot of these people have worked out very hard.
It's very gratifying to see somebody who, you know,
you have all that extra skin.
You probably have to feel like you have to hide in clothes.
And then they put on this bank, the neon spanks.
And they're like, wait.
And then I do wait.
And then, you know what?
It's worth it.
It's worth the wait.
Do you know I hit the Benjamin last night
and spent $700 on TikTok Shop?
You hit the what?
I can't talk to you anymore.
The Benjamin?
The Benjamin.
Benjamin?
Benjamin and Julie.
What is that?
Wait, what are you talking about?
Wait, what are you talking about?
Ooh, ooh, ah!
There is something about the way he says that. Ooh, wait.
It's too much.
I love it.
My face is full.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
Will you, your body, you know when I don't have time to wait for, I'm not waiting for
your body dysmorphia, not one second.
I'm not in that crosswalk.
It's been really hard.
It's been really hard.
It's been really hard. I'm not saying I don't sympathize.
I'm saying I don't see her.
I had to...
It's my own journey, my own journey.
Yes, yeah.
I have my...
I think we talked about this.
I don't have the same...
I would see a man with my body and have no issue, but on me, I'm like, I guess you should
just go...
Of course.
Yeah, kill yourself.
Yeah.
So go wait for that crosswalk sign to change.
Wait until the cars come.
Wait and then let them hit you.
Yeah.
I had to do that Phantom of the Opera descent into the dark.
I had to do that.
I had to do that.
I had to do that. I had to do that. I had to do that. I go wait for that crosswalk sign to change. Wait until the cars come.
Wait, and then let them hit you.
Yeah, I had to do that Phantom of the Opera descent
into the basement to get my 34 jeans, not the 32s.
Oh, gotta cover one eye.
Oh, completely out of cantalabra.
I have a mask on.
I'm like, ugh.
You know, and that's that's.
Wait, is it Hunchback or Phantom?
It's botha, because I also ring a bell
while I was down there.
The Hunchback of the Opera. The down there. The hunchback of the opera.
The hunchback of the Phantom of the Opera.
It was just, it was too much.
So you're now, you're both size 14?
Well, I just wear my clothes from a year ago.
Great.
Before I got arthritis.
So I guess I'm back.
You're back, back, back again.
Back to who I always was.
Return to you.
Big face.
Now in a photo, I'm like, shit.
I'm gonna have to start taking a charcoal brick gray
and draw a circle in the daylight around the face.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Well, you know that in the foot.
I want a tiny Mitt Romney face.
I want that Post-It stamp.
Huge forehead, giant hair, little face.
Oh, I guess that's not good either.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not good.
No, eyes, sunken eyes, ugh. You, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, to be put food on. Can I tell you that I barely made it here? They closed Coenca Pass. I was right behind you.
They closed Coenca Pass the only way I know how to get here,
and I literally was like...
No, they didn't, baby.
Yeah, they did.
I was on her.
No, you weren't.
Yes, I was.
The entrance to it at least was closed.
No, I was on her.
Tell me why I ended up in the parking lot
at Universal Studios.
Are you serious?
Yes.
Trying to get here.
You know what?
That is not surprising because I have done... The car is... at Universal Studios. Are you serious? Yes. Trying to get here. You know what?
That is not surprising because I have done...
Ugh.
The car is...
I'm not ready to not stop talking about the car.
Okay, I'm not ready to not stop talking about it.
It's so dangerous.
Girl.
It's like, it's...
People are so willy-nilly with the danger
and I can't and I won't and I won't ever stop.
I drive like a mannequin.
I drive, I have...
Yeah.
Completely erect spine. Erect, I have completely erect back.
Vision, peripheral.
Yes.
Alert.
My blind spot, my head turns all the way around.
I swear to God.
And I have to give my rental back on Tuesday and I feel like a foster parent having to,
you know.
Did you like that car?
Yeah, I loved it.
Why did you get, well, you still have it.
Yeah, I'm still trying to get a real car.
This is a fake one. Like a car I can have.
This is a fake one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can at least win.
It's not fake, it's real.
I have to return it to Enterprise on Tuesday.
How does she handle?
It's gorgeous, can I tell you how much,
well, the car jerked me.
Didn't know it had the thing where it puts you in the lane.
Oh.
I guess I was-
How do you feel about that?
Well, there was construction taking me around,
so there's cones taking you off the lines.
Got it.
But my car thought,
oh, you're drinking and driving or something,
tried to yank me back in.
Damn.
And I had to fight her.
Sometimes when we try to help, we hurt.
We hurt.
So I had to like push,
make like a nail and press on and just get around it.
How do you feel about the beeping sounds
when you're backing up?
It's like, shut the fuck up.
It's too much beeping is what it is.
Yeah. It's too much beeping. It's too much beeping is what it is. Yeah.
It's too much beeping.
It's too much beeping.
And also we've talked about this,
the unpredictable cadence and the unclear message
of her beeping is like, what do you mean?
What do you mean?
Like, could you be more specific?
There's a truck eight feet behind me.
Yeah.
Ah!
Yeah, it's horrible.
What?
Hate it.
It's too much.
So what kind of car are you going to get?
Is this too unrelatable to talk about?
No, I have a lot of feelings and a lot of thoughts.
Sometimes I...
I mean, when I sit in a giant Navigator or a Tahoe,
it still doesn't feel big enough for me to sit in drag.
So part of me thinks, just accept it and get a small car
so that it's easy to maneuver when you're not in drag,
you know?
Well, you can get a sedan that's roomy through the hips.
I hate riding in the car in drag.
I had to do a photo shoot.
Oh, it's awful.
I had a photo shoot yesterday.
But you're so big though, like tall, I mean.
Huge.
Shut up.
And the giant hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you have to do this?
Yes, I had to come to a photo shoot here yesterday
and in drag trying to sit up like this.
You don't do a tipping wig? No. I think you should start doing a tipping wig. It started to hurt my back so this. You don't do a tipping wig?
No.
It started to hurt my back so bad.
You should start doing a tipping wig.
A tip toe wig.
A tip toe wig?
Yeah.
I mean, it's essentially a bus driver, something that'll fit,
but also give you some dignity.
A ma wig.
Yes.
There was an era.
Oh, just a bang.
There was an era of drag where...
a lot of the wigs you could attain
were maybe not found in nature for Caucasians.
Oh, yes. Well, yeah, originally.
Yeah, so there was a time in drag where a lot of the girls
were wearing some very...
I'm right here.
I wouldn't say you'd do it now.
I'm right here. The first, I mean, I don't know,
23 wigs I owned.
Like, I'm from Roxbury, Massachusetts.
Well, there was an access...
My name is Lawanda, and I have, like, and I live in the projects.
It's crazy.
No, no, because that's all that was available.
But now there's, I don't think the kids today know the access of wigs.
You can get your lace to match your skin.
I mean, I used to buy the blonde wigs
with the brown window screen.
And the lace would be like a deeper,
so I'd have to paint it or paint my forehead brown,
which I was already doing anyway, boop.
We, we, we, oh, I remember this so clearly.
It was a hard time to be blonde 15 years ago.
Yes, it was, but you know what we all did?
We all made a collective delusional decision to say,
I don't see that brown screen.
It's not there.
It doesn't concern me.
It was absolutely there.
It was so there.
It was in the room.
We all knew it.
And we all knew it, but we just chose to ignore it.
And I was like, that's fierce.
And then there was like the access to Wigs by Vanity era
where all the girls had the six inch lace at DragCon.
Do you remember that?
The birdcage veils?
Because it's too much.
How the fuck was that?
Because it's so good, you don't want to get rid of it.
It was so crazy.
People at Meet and Gr-
Do like, girl.
It's like chopping up your Gucci gauchos.
Oh, I like the length.
I don't know.
Because I like a short lace.
I like it almost gone.
I know that's horrible.
Well, it depends, yeah.
But it's so long.
And we're getting Broadway tea.
It's right there. And it's like, we got it. It's in the room with us depends. But it's so long. And we're giving Broadway tea. It's right there.
And it's like, we got it.
It's in the room with us.
Yeah, we have to acknowledge the present.
It's a COVID mask.
I mean, it's covering the mouth.
I mean, they might as well have just like
laced eyebrows into it.
Yeah.
Because that would be a fierce little look.
Do you remember the Lana Del Rey face mask
that was clear, see through?
The rhinestone. Love.
That is content. She's always ahead of the game. The rhinestone, that is content.
She's always ahead of the game.
She's always ahead of the game.
And yet behind the curve, you know?
Ahead of the curve, behind the times.
Hell yeah.
I think that she should write it.
Does she, it's so funny that she came onto,
you know, Coachella with the same, like,
what do you call that?
Like, it was her Coachella, Lana-Cella.
Yes.
Right after Beychella,
which was legendarily enormous and crazy.
And she just rides in there on some like motorcycle
in a little two piece and goes,
Oh, Lana-chella, lemon-chello.
Lemon-chello.
Have you ever had, okay there's...
Ugh!
Sorry.
There's lemon LaCroix.
Yes.
And then there's its fucked up sister called Lemon-chello.
The Instacart person brought Lemon Cello.
Wait, actual Lemon Cello or Lemon Cello La Croix?
Okay, so there's lemon flavored La Croix,
which is like sparkling wine, it tastes like lemons.
And then there's Lemon Cello, which is, I don't know,
like chemical flavored?
Boo Boo Lemon.
Boo Boo Lemon.
Well, I tried Lemon Cello in Italy,
because it's like, hey, limonici.
So you do it, and you're like, this is fucking gross.
It's gross.
It's like a lemon flavored battery acid or gasoline.
People like that?
I guess.
I hate the limoncello La Croix.
It sounds like a bad idea.
Just do lemon.
Well, it's like that cucumber and blackberry.
I was like, what?
They do too much. Everybody's trying to reinvent the wheel. Just do lemon. Well, it's like that cucumber and blackberry. I was like, what? They do too much.
Everybody's trying to reinvent the wheel.
Just do red, brown, and green.
Well, that's like the vape people.
This is bubblegum brown cinnamon.
I know.
And it's also so nefarious
because it's so clearly marketed towards the youngsters.
Right.
This is watermelon peach brownie.
They need to, yeah, that's too,
they need to like make it more adult oriented.
I would do like, my vape line would be like hot pussy.
Like full bush.
Do they make vape that tastes like a cigarette?
Just like this is my Marlboro red.
They do.
Absolutely tobacco flavored.
What?
Yeah, well, because, you know, some people try to replace it.
For me, it's not a replacement at all,
but ask me if I've not a replacement at all,
but ask me if I've had a cigarette today.
Have you had a cigarette today?
No.
Impressive.
Ask me if I had one yesterday.
Do you have one yesterday?
No.
Wow.
Huge if true.
Huge if true.
Planet of the vapes.
Yeah, but I have them.
What are you gonna do with them?
Like a dick-a-posh?
No, just in case.
Just in case.
You never know.
Just in case.
I think in the collapse of America, they will be currency.
Well, they're coming back.
I don't know why it's, well, I know why,
just because of what you just said, but I don't know.
How did you let me smell like shit all this time?
Remember when you-
It was just kind of part of your charm.
Yeah.
We're just happy you were still with us most of the time.
Oh, here she comes.
Yeah, you smell her.
I smell like booty. ["Better Help"]
Better Help, baby.
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I fell asleep on the couch last night,
which did not help my back.
Are you depressed?
No, I just was watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
It was the Thanksgiving episode.
I don't love that episode.
So I fell asleep.
Okay.
You know.
Because, okay, so I wake up, I'm in pain, right?
I wake up the way I wake up every morning lately.
Oh!
I try to lift my head and I'm wincing.
I'm going, oh, oh.
It's been horrible.
So I turn on the TV because I like to watch the news.
And what do I see? Badlands in Sacramento. Do you remember that gay TV because I like to watch the news. And what do I see?
Badlands in Sacramento.
Do you remember that gay bar?
I'm sure you performed there.
Lovely place.
Hello, hello.
Burned down?
And now that my beautiful bar closed, I feel like I could be more loose-lipped about the
industry and some of the issues and the problems, right?
Okay.
I turn on the news and I see that this bar in Sacramento called Badlands has banned their
political...
They've banned political attire at the bar.
They're like, just come here and drink,
leave your politics at the door.
But then I guess that was the original thought,
but the thought became banning just mega shit.
So you couldn't come to the gay bar
where the gays and bisexuals and trans and bi people,
you know, pansexual people live and drink
and wear your red hat and shit.
And why would you though?
That's my thought.
Because people were doing it, I wonder.
Well then the news, they had the nerve to say on the news
they had a Republican on there saying,
it's bullying a community.
Mama, that's like racist towards white folks.
That is fucking crazy.
Racist towards white people, it's not a thing.
And this thing who came on the TV gave deep in the closet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She came on and her like laminated brows
and she was like, it seems unfair.
I'm gonna go fuck my wife.
That's neither here nor there.
The point is like, you just shut up.
Shut up.
Why do you need to go to that bar?
Also, why do you need to know whose penis I'm putting my,
no, know whose body I'm putting my penis into?
Well, I'm obsessed with these country videos
of people trying to go into gay bars and magashit.
And these-
What are they looking for?
These bartenders with the little mullets just go get the fuck out. Yeah, we don't want your money
We don't want your friends here get out
I mean imagine rolling up to the eagle with a mega hat 2 a.m.
Oh this bunch of horny bears around they're gonna kick your ass
I know and it's hard because obviously I know this gay bars are harder and harder to keep open
In 2025 so turning away any business seems crazy Obviously, I know this, gay bars are harder and harder to keep open in 2025.
So turning away any business seems crazy, but get your fucking red hat the fuck out
of here.
Go down to Chili's and leave us alone.
Thank you.
Applebee's is open until 2 a.m.
Baby.
And they have they have all you can eat buffet on Sundays from three to six.
And for 18 bucks, you will get a thimble of liqueur in that drink.
Oh, yeah.
It's a milkshake with about a half a cup or half a teeny little thingy of a fucking whatever.
I just was gagged because it's like,
for them to say it's discrimination,
I'm like,
A, why do you want to come in here?
Why do you want to drink here?
And this paraphernalia, you're wearing it to signal
that you make a hobby out of trying to snap the rights
out of my little denim skort pocket.
Yeah. It's like going down to elementary school and just kicking kids in the face.
What's up with that? Well, that sounds kind of fun, actually.
Yeah. I just was watching the news gag.
That is crazy.
The word bullying being used, I was like, bullying?
Mama.
Bullying?
Oh.
Oh.
Why is it? I mean, I feel like-
So go off, Badlands. I love you. Go off, Badlands.
Yeah, go off. Do whatever you want to do.
I just wish the descent into fascism wasn't so riddled with stupidity.
But I guess that's the foundation of that kind of prejudices, ignorance.
Yeah. I will say, as the world has gotten crazier, my taste for television has gotten even worse.
What are we watching now?
Like, now it's not enough for me to goon
and watch Natalia Grace.
Okay, who's that?
Who's that?
Natalia Grace?
Mrs. Grace?
She was this young woman who was adopted
by an American family.
I could be paraphrasing, don't fact check me people.
Don't fact check.
But the program is called
The Curious Case of Natalia Grace.
Okay, that's fun.
Yeah, it's kind of a fun little, yeah.
Which channel is it on?
I was one of the crazy ones.
TLC.
Yeah, probably TLC. And she, her family decided that she was secretly older.
It was like part of the inspiration for the orphan.
What? They decided to age her?
She had a form of dwarfism where they were like, eventually they saw in a bathtub that she had
pubes and they were like, she's secretly 30.
And they got her an apartment and took this like child
and gave her an apartment and just left her there for years.
And so it's kind of an abuse story.
That's so weird.
You're like, get out oldie.
Yeah, so now there's a dramatization
starring that woman from Grey's Anatomy.
What's her name?
Ellen Pompeo.
Is that her?
So now I'm gonna have to watch that.
You have to.
Of course. You have to.
Of course.
You have to.
Because I did watch both seasons.
Ellen needs the work.
So the first season of Natalia Grace is the parents speaking out, being like, she was
horrible, she ruined her lives.
And the second season, Natalia Grace is the main character, and she said, open the fuck
up.
And she sits down across her legs and trails the real tea that she's basically abused.
Holy shit.
And they said that this happens.
People with no birth certificates from other countries,
they come in and they get re-aged.
Oh my God.
Renamed, re-aged, and then, you know.
Nine years old, you're 18, bye.
It's like 30 Rock is like,
you know, your cousin Jeffrey used to be a girl,
or no, I figure it was an accident with a hot comb.
You know what I mean?
But you know, well if you're using a hot comb to straighten your pubes, I don't know
Straightening the pubes.
I'm wait you're older that my child is actually 30
Because she had pubes which by the way people can mature at all different
There's a it's not a black. Yeah, there's a there's a spectrum of age range and things, oh my God.
Not to mention she has a form of dwarfism.
Are you an expert on what her body does when?
My child identifies as 35.
Yeah, it's a crazy program.
It was very hard to watch that type of abuse.
Are they in jail now, those parents?
I think they're vibing.
Oh my God.
That's the thing about these documentaries.
There's really no justice.
I was gonna say, don't you think it's explained, they probably can't go to the grocery store anymore.
Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, town hall justice
or village pitchfork justice is not the right kind of justice.
I wonder about those things if it's exploit, exploitation.
I watched, ooh, did you watch, do you like sad stuff?
I have a really hard time with it, but what is it?
You'll hate it then, it's adolescents.
Oh my God.
For, it's four episodes on Netflix. I have a really hard time with it, but what is it? You'll hate it then. It's adolescence. Oh my God.
Four, it's four episodes on Netflix.
13 year old boy stabs a girl to death.
Oh my God.
And it's just the aftermath of the trial or the investigation, the trial, the parents,
the school, the community.
It's like devastating.
It's good though, which is great for Netflix
because they really need a win.
They're pumping a lot of turds out of that shit factory.
That electric state, mama.
I know we're not supposed to speak ill of our employer.
You're allowed to like what you like.
Yeah, I mean, and they encourage us to tell the truth.
Yeah, I never.
Plus it's not them anyways. I never feel ever ever, ever feel censored at that job ever. Not like
here where I'm told, you know, you're too sexy. Yeah. Cover up. Yeah. Exactly. Too sexy.
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Hey, everybody. My name is Bob the Drag Queen.
And I'm on Xchange.
And we are the hosts of Sibling Rivalry. This is a podcast where
two best friends gab, talk smack and have a lot of fun with our
black queer selves.
Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family. So we talk about
everything, honey,
from why we don't like hugs, to Black Lives Matter,
to interracial dating, to other things.
Right, Bon?
Yes, and it gets messy,
and we are not afraid to be wrong.
So please join us over here at Civil Rivalry,
available anywhere you get your podcast.
You can listen and subscribe for free.
For free, honey. In the spirit of transparency, I didn't know what we were going to talk about today, so
I took it upon myself to use my own money to go down to the El Capitan Theater and see
Snow White this morning.
This morning?
I'm, hold on, I'm going to do this.
Okay, here we go, here we go.
10 AM showing on Hollywood Boulevard.
Okay, here we go, here we go. 10 AM showing on Hollywood Boulevard. Okay, here we go.
So, can I just say it's not for you.
It has everything you wouldn't like.
It has singing. No shit.
It has good feeling.
You had me at Gal Gadot singing.
Poof! Yeah.
Yeah, tell me everything.
You know, I went because I really thought
it was gonna be the ultimate stinker,
and I was like, I was like.
Yeah, you were hungry for stick.
And I thought I'd be able to come in here and get a good story for you.
You brought toilet paper, didn't you?
It wasn't bad enough to be funny bad.
It never really took off for me.
Never took off for me.
You got a really earnestness and musical theater vibes to like that.
How is the singing from Miss Goodell?
Oh, I mean, well, Rachel Ziegler's an incredible singer.
Is she really?
That's kind of not negotiable.
She's a great singer.
Okay, I didn't know.
I don't know anything about her.
And it's a retelling.
This is super spoiler.
None of the people who listen to us are gonna see that.
Maybe they are.
Are the dwarves all 35?
They are all, they're all animated.
Oh, I don't like that.
They're mixing and matching?
They're all animat-
So it's Polar Express vibes with the faces.
I mean, they're animated. I don't like that. Really good animation, I thought They're all animated. So it's Polar Express vibes with the faces. I mean, they're animated.
I don't like that.
Really good animation, I thought.
Well, then why don't we make the people animated?
You don't have to hire Gal Gadot then.
Well, there was a little person in the movie who played a, like a hero character.
Okay.
Oh, so they're, okay.
That's interesting.
So the dwarves were not little people.
The dwarves were...
Creatures.
Yeah, they were hundreds of years old.
They were creatures, okay.
So they were non-human.
Yeah, they're not human.
So when they see her, they go, oh my God, it's a human.
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
They're not meant to be little people.
And she's like, oh my God, it's a creature.
Yeah.
You are not Peter Dinklage.
And when she sees them, she's not scared.
Okay.
You know, she's like, oh, hello.
Hey.
And what is their relationship?
How would you characterize it?
Well, can I say Gal Gadot looked cunt?
Of course, because she does.
Her head to toe jeweled in the gown.
I saw the drag queen jewelry neck thing.
Mary.
The girls at Mickey's are hot gluing right now.
Oh, and Morgan McMichaels is literally...
The girls are getting ready!
The black smoke is churning out into the atmosphere right now.
Yes, the girls are ready to do their dangerous woman number.
They better not do the actual song from her, I would say.
The song had an Amelia Perez vibe.
I'm going to be honest.
Really?
It did.
I'd like to know about your seven little creatures.
I thought some of the music was really nice.
There was a song called Waiting on a Wish that I liked.
But I kind of, can I also say Rachel Rachel Ziegler's a very beautiful woman.
They have her in this Lord Farquaad cut
that is so diabolical.
She don't deserve cards.
Sweetie, they have stacked the cards against her.
They made her play at a penalty,
like they gave her a golfing handicap.
I was like, why are you doing that to Ms. Sona White?
Girl, so I liked some of the songs,
the good things, girl, the opening song,
Waiting to Wish That Was Great,
obviously and some of the old shit, hi-ho slaps.
I don't care who you are.
It's off to work, we go.
Gotcha, go, yeah.
Sucking on it, sucking on it, titty, titty, titty.
That was fun.
Giving them, giving them, giving them, blow job.
This is a missed opportunity to hire Miss Lana Del Rey
and have her, no, because they missed it in Priscilla.
They missed her, scheduling conflict, I'm sure.
They missed, they did it in Maleficent. She did one of the songs.
She should have sang all of her songs
and she should have lip synced like the old days.
It's, I mean, it wasn't, to be honest,
I think that the, I was expecting it to be a complete mess.
It just doesn't lift off the way you want it to.
Yeah.
But obviously, live action.
I tend to never like that anyway.
So I'm not the, I didn't like Beauty and the Beast.
I don't like care for that.
I know, I don't understand why they're doing it.
Like why, I guess, oh, existing IP, existing IP,
let's just like, people know it, people know it.
But like, I don't know.
It was just, and also I went into it knowing
I'm not a child.
There was children in the theater, they loved it.
Did they really like it?
Yeah, so why, I'm not there to hate at all.
Yeah, but I really think that-
Gal was gorge.
They got her in the good drag makeup. And she is so I'm not there to hate at all. Yeah, but I really think that- Gal was gorge.
They got her in the good drag makeup.
Yeah.
And she is so, and how many people look good
with their hair gone and just a nun,
like cut out of the base.
But wait, there was a girl on TikTok.
She was like, she was like, Gal can not sing.
She could not act and she even struggles to stand there.
You know, she, I don't love the portrayal
because I can kind of forgive actors
who aren't super actors doing singing in a movie.
It's all Melodyne to hell.
It all sounds like it's so auto-attuned,
it all gives glee.
Like it's all just that level like pop singing anyway.
You saw it down around the crowd and just, thank you.
What did they do when they changed Cee-Lo's
Fuck You to Gwyneth Paltrow's Forget You?
Bless you.
That was a real weird one.
Melodyne, that's a new one for me.
The auto-tune Melodyne, it's like a tool.
Okay.
So it just wasn't for me, but Gal Gadot had the good,
when she first came out,
she's standing in front of this mirror
and there's this magic shit happening
and she's doing the mirror mirror.
I was like, oh, my nipples are hard.
Because she really is.
Cunty.
Cunty.
But also in that story, she's too cunty
because she's like fierce, obviously.
She's the fiercest of them all.
What's the problem?
Well, it was kind of a re-imagining the storyline.
She's not saved by a prince.
She's saved by like a poor person who. the storyline. She's not saved by a prince. She's saved by a poor person who...
Sounds woke.
Yeah. Yes.
Very woke.
And then they're together like,
let's make sure everyone's happy again.
It's very sweet.
So, but she wasn't jealous.
She wasn't very jealous,
like a rat searching around for food.
She's jealous of the beauty, that's the main thing.
But she has the beauty.
I don't know my friends to Miss Siggler.
Because the mirror says that Miss Snow White is prettier. And so't know my friends to Mrs. Igler. Because the mirror says that Ms. Snow White is prettier.
And so she gets cooked and plucked.
And then.
The mirror ages Snow White.
She says that's the 35 year old.
No, the mirror goes, well, you're not giving anymore
because this, you know, Snow White, who is the-
She's up and coming legendary.
Yeah, up and coming legendary children
who got the good face smash in Turkey.
And now she's giving the girls the boop.
She's got, her plugs have healed.
It's curtains for you.
Maybe, and none of them fell out.
Yeah, what are you hiding underneath that?
Give up jobless.
Give up jobless.
Keep crying jobless.
Keep crying jobless.
So,
Fuck.
It was fine, it wasn't for you,
but I didn't walk out, I stayed till the end.
That's impressive,
because I do be walking out of theaters these days,
if it do stink like shit.
The only thing I missed was in the cartoon,
which I do love, when they kill the queen,
she's as the old hag.
Yeah.
And she falls off the cliff, I believe.
Right?
And she screams.
And it's scary as hell.
Yeah, she's one with the apple, right?
Girl, it wasn't very scary.
But she did, she had an apple or some kind of...
She had an apple.
Or I was going to say it was a banana or something. She had an apple. It was just, it was a green? God wasn't very scary. But she did, she had an apple or some kind of... She had an apple. Or I was gonna say it was a banana or something.
She had an apple.
Okay.
It was just, it was a green juice.
It was very LA.
Oh my God.
She's like, he's a turmeric shot.
She came door to door with a wellness shot.
That's the race for those vitamin B tour shots.
Yeah.
I don't think God knows as bad as everybody said, but it kind of prevented...
Oh, gosh.
When you're not scared of the evil thing, it makes the stakes feel lower. She didn't really scare me.
Also, the hag portion of that is the fun of that character
because you see her in different iterations.
Like, I remember Sigourney Weaver was Snow White.
She was, she played a version.
A hag.
And the hag was fierce. Fierce.
Fierce.
I watched a movie that you might...
Give me Marla Hooch.
Yeah.
A lot of nightch. Yeah.
Lot of night games.
Yeah.
Or give me, like, not Eliza Sue,
but the one before where Demi's bald.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The club foot and the...
Get her down here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
Yeah, I mean, more hags.
Love hags.
Speaking of hags,
Andrew's show last night, CUNTY.
Oh, how'd it go?
It was really good.
So it was one night with Aster.
Also, the nerve of him to have merch, just, that's amazing.
Like all of, I blinked and there were T-shirts.
Girl.
And they were so glittery and CUNTY.
The dude dragged 12 years.
Yeah, I'm like, so this is my 20th year in drag,
18th year trying to sell shit,
can't come up with a good, whatever.
It was amazing.
He did a very, very poignant and stirring rendition
of a Judy Garland song that brought tears
to the eyes of the people.
What song was it?
I don't remember, but it was amazing.
Perfectly delivered and he looked so beautiful.
I was worried because solo show, you never know.
Mary, you don't even know about our solo shows.
Mama, I don't wanna talk about my solo show.
I don't either.
He was incredible.
And it made me wanna do drag.
That's how you know.
Wow.
Yeah.
Wait.
Wait.
Oh my God, wait.
Wait, wait.
Lately I've been spiritually feeling drag
but physically completely against it.
I love the idea of it.
Everything about the corset and the tights.
The problem is lately it's just been hurting
and my back hurts, my arthritis hurts.
So the drag on top of that, I will-
It's insult to injury.
I get in such a foul mood.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just get such a foul mood in drag.
That's like when it's so painful and you're like,
I'm a sad clown, I'm an angry,
I'm an angry, like, bugs bunny or something.
It's just so, it's so corny.
It's corny boots.
It's corny, it's corny, corny.
Yeah, it's corny boots.
Like I took my corset off, we did Netflix the other day
and I had my corset on for quite a long time.
And it had started to affect the organs of my body,
I felt like.
Yeah, yeah, no.
It really did.
It does.
This is so gross.
I'm sorry, I won't.
I took it off, and as I'm taking it off,
and my tights off,
flatulence is expelling from my body
in the most, like, Step Brothers,
kind of, Ferelly Brothers movie kind of way.
You know, it's like,
it's like the Grote Shallow Hal kind of, Ferelly Brothers movie kind of way. You know, it's like, it's like the shallow howl
kind of bathroom humor.
It was so gross.
It was so embarrassing, but I couldn't help it
because I was like, it is what it is.
Disgusting, totally gross.
Because it was all, you know.
Can I tell a story?
And you might, we can cut it if we have to.
Okay.
Do you remember what happened in Amherst?
Oh...
I went in your dressing room and you were standing there in drag,
and you went, oh, I farted, I heard it.
Wait, wait, wait.
And I said, yeah, you heard it?
I don't remember that.
Wait, I farted and it made a sound?
You were in drag and you went,
I farted, I just heard it.
Like, like, like it was...
I just heard.
Like, I just heard.
We've just received word. Did you just, are you just... I just heard. Like, I just heard. We've just received word.
I just, are you just, are you, are you ran through?
Is your whole ran through?
Is your anus discolored and ran through?
It was just like, my whole body was ran through
and then it had release.
The moment of release was like...
The other day, this is two days ago,
we were shooting at Netflix and...
Ugh, gross.
It was almost five o'clock
and I was starting to just reject the drag.
Your body starts to... your involuntary reaction is to tear off the wig.
It's physical, spiritual, emotional. It's a full rejection.
You fight the urge to rip off the wig and the corset.
And our director, who we love, goes,
come on, it's not even five o'clock.
And my immediate thought was, I started putting glue on my face, on my face, at 6.30 this morning. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is.
I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know what time it is. I don I won't say what it is so I can be more clear about it. I was supposed to be one shoot day.
We were supposed to do one shoot day.
And I said, okay.
And then they said, well, now it's a shoot day
and a practice day the day before.
And I said, okay.
And then they said, well, we need you to come
and drag for cameras and lighting
and you need to do socials the day before.
I said, well, that's a two day shoot.
And then they said, the day of the shoot,
we will need you in makeup shooting 8.30 AM to 8.30 PM.
And I said,
you must not know about me.
I just was like, I suddenly felt the spirit of you
and these big demonic wings blew out of my back
and I said, I just fled the situation.
I love that because I was like, is that what you want?
Because let me tell you, you're never gonna get it.
I say, get on the phone, get one of the girls,
get Miss Formica Table or whoever else,
get them to do it.
Get Formica Table top down here.
It's not plausible, probable or possible.
Yeah.
You know?
12 hours?
No.
No, no.
You're dealing with fantasy.
You want, you gotta do animation.
Do you know what it makes me think of?
The beginning of True Blood,
where it's the time lapse of like the fox rotting.
I don't remember. That's me at 12 hours. Oh, yeah, yeah. Bum-rum-rum-rum-rum-rum-rum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Attention. Do you know what it makes me think of? The beginning of True Blood, where it's the time lapse of like the fox rotting.
That's me after 12 hours.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Attention.
I look pretty good after 12 hours,
because I don't have a beard.
Yeah.
Sweetie.
You don't want to know about this attitude
after 12 hours in drag.
You don't want to know about it.
I don't want to know about it.
I know.
Nobody needs to experience that kind of...
If you're cold, they're cold.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's...
I was thinking about that the other day,
and I'm like, fuck. What is my window of freshness in drag?
I think it's under two hours now.
That's fierce.
I think it's like a 90 minute window.
Love.
Because also it takes two hours to get right.
Well, I explained this to somebody.
I said, you know, the thing is,
in the beginning of drag, at most,
you're in drag like an hour and 10.
The drag shows I wear were 90 minutes.
Oh yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're only out there.
Two lip syncs that are three minutes long.
12 minutes.
You're out there 10 minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 10, 12 minutes.
That is so different.
That's fucking crazy, actually.
Than the RuPaul drag that is like just 12 hours on camera.
But you know what?
I don't know about that life.
Yeah, but you know what though?
I still think about this all the time.
My primary fear before going on
RuPaul's Drag Race was sweating.
I was like, I'm gonna be, I was like,
it kept me up at night, I was like,
I'm not gonna be able to, I'm not gonna survive.
I'm not gonna survive, it's gonna be,
I'm just gonna be wet the whole time.
Cut to set and it's 45 degrees.
But there's something, it must be the lighting there.
Is it the lighting? Because I, we did 10 hour days, some days.
It's adrenaline.
It's the situation.
No, but I'm looking, I'm just saying,
as a person looking at the makeup,
I don't see the nasty as much.
It's the lighting, it's the filters.
It's the lighting, right?
It's the filters, it's the lighting.
And you weren't 42.
No, but I was 32, and I wasn't wearing any makeup
because I thought I was like a girl.
You really had no makeup on.
Did you even contour?
I was like this.
You didn't contour.
One 301 lash.
Like this.
301?
101, cut in half.
No, I mean, I wore 111s or 210s or the whatever,
not 301s. Fierce. I really thought I was like, hi, I'm a girl wore 111s or 210s or the whatever, not 301s.
Fierce.
I really thought I was like, hi, I'm a girl.
Everyone was like, what?
No blush.
No eyeshadow, like nothing.
No, I did experiment with eyeshadow at some time,
at some point.
Oh, but I did go to the trouble of making nails.
Well, you didn't look great like I did.
Yeah, it's true.
You didn't look incredible like I did.
I was unforgettable.
Unforgettable.
Do you know how few pieces of jewelry and shoes I had?
Do you know I had like three pairs of shoes?
You had white shoes and that's it.
I had white shoes that I would spray paint
and I had a few sets of jewelry.
I either had my shitty plastic Claire's jewelry
or drag queens had borrowed me giant pageant like platters.
So there was no middle.
Do you want to ring the size of a serving plate or do you want a Claire's like plastic magic eight ball ring?
Why did I wear a black wig every episode? Why did I wear a short black $34.99 finger wave wig
every single episode? Never wore black wigs in my whole career.
I go and don't do the thing that I do and then I wear black wigs. What is that? What is that?
Identity, it's identity up in the air.
It was like, I was like, who, who, who,
like, or like Jessica, no, I'm Marie.
Yeah.
It was so fucking...
Have you ever been to the El Capitan Theater?
Yeah.
They had it all decked out for Snow White.
Dude, I guess when you go see Disney movies,
is it all themed?
It was all Disney themed in there.
There was a little hut.
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe it was because of the premiere.
Oh, because, yeah, they did the same thing with Nosferatu.
They had a hearse and a coffin and all that shit.
In the theater?
No, no, outside it. Outside it, yeah.
Oh, that's so cool.
But that was at the TLC, Grauman's Chinese Theater, I think.
It is TCL. I like to say TLC.
If there was a movie theater that just screened TLC shows...
Oh, there'd be Cunt.
...my 2,000-pound mother, my, you know.
My 4,000 pound boss.
90 minute fiance.
90, 90 pound fiance.
90 pound fiance, my 2000 pound mother.
Yeah, 4,000 pound brothers, girl, all the good ones.
Amish, loving it.
That sounds like, honestly.
I didn't know I was 2000 pounds. My 9,000 honestly, I didn't know I was 2000 pounds.
My 9000 pound baby I didn't know I was pregnant with. Oh shit. Yes. Yes. Extreme rumspringer.
Oh, they just die. No, they throw them out of throw them out of helicopters and stuff
with the bonadom. Rumspringer. Jerry Rumspringer. They the Amish stuff with the bonadoms. Rum Springer.
Jerry Rum Springer.
The Amish fire up the helicopter.
Absolutely.
We're going to take six Amish people about to turn 20,
and we're going to drop them into a live fire war zone.
Into an active volcano and see what happens
when things get real.
Ooh, girl.
This sounds like another TLC show.
Oops, I'm trans.
We're gonna kidnap people and give them,
we're gonna kidnap Republicans,
we're gonna kidnap conservatives
and make them, put them under the knife.
From red hat to red hot.
My bad, my terrible skin, colon, Stephanie's journey.
What about the swan? My bad, my terrible skin, colon, Stephanie's journey.
What about the swan? How about the goose?
The swan, of course.
What about, because it's woke now.
It's woke now.
The mallard.
The mallard.
Or the goose?
Where are the swan girls?
I bet all those dinners popped right off.
Sweetie, oh yeah.
It's homeless not toothless, or toothless not homeless.
Right. What is that from, by the way? It's fromeless Not Toothless, or Toothless Not Homeless.
Right.
What is that from, by the way?
It's from Real Housewives.
There's a charity called Homeless Not Toothless,
where they help unhoused people with their teeth.
Okay.
And she accidentally calls it...
Toothless Not Homeless?
Toothless Not Homeless.
Which is fine.
Well, I think her heart was in it,
but you gotta say it right. You gotta say it right. Right is fine. Well, I think her heart was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta say it right.
You gotta say it right.
Right, right, right, right.
What do you think about Mario Lopez?
Would you fuck him?
I saw him at an event once.
You did?
Yes, he's friends with Vanderpump.
Okay.
And I saw him at one of her galas
and I sat by him at the table.
Does he talk different when he's not on the air?
He didn't talk much, but he just looked, what about, 18?
Wet.
Yes. Gorgeous, young and wet.
His wife cut up his food for him and gave the plate back,
which I found kind of like sweet.
That's fun.
Romantic partners cutting up the food and giving back.
I thought that was sweet.
I think it's probably portion control.
She's like keeping tabs on his weight.
She said no more.
She said, I'll get this fatty.
Yeah.
I have off this weekend.
What are you going to do? You're going to work somehow. No, I was get this baddie. Yeah. I have off this weekend. What are you gonna do? You're gonna work somehow.
No, I was gonna go camping.
Ew.
Ew!
Wait, why?
Just to do.
What kind of camp? Is it glamping or camping?
I was gonna rent one of those, um,
like small campers and drive it into the desert.
Sounds like suicide now that I say it out loud.
I was gonna cook some meth.
You have a plan and you're following through with it.
Pick up Jesse Pinkman, grab some beakers and cook some meth.
I'm gonna moonlight as a crystal maker.
Damn.
My street name is gonna be called Dr. Cook.
Yeah, yeah.
No, what would your Breaking Bad name be?
Oh, um.
What is his name?
Walter White.
Yours would be like.
Not Weinstein.
No, no, no. Um...
Piperstein.
Pinkerton? Jesse Pinkerton? Pinkerton?
It's Jesse Pinkman.
Pinkman.
But then he's Mr. Heisenberg.
He's Heisenberg.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what is the guy who owns the chicken,
the evil chicken guy?
Oh, Gus Fring.
Gus Fring. What a character.
Love him.
Love him.
John Carlo Esposito, I believe is his name.
He eats, he chomps. He chomped in that one. He's so good. What a character. Love him. Love him. John Carlo Esposito, I believe is his name.
He eats, he chomps.
He chomped in that one.
He's so good.
You would be something like Pookie, I don't know.
Pookie Wilson.
Pookie Wilson, yeah.
Pookie Wilson and the Crystalettes.
There you go. Yes.
Yes, girl.
So now I got off.
I got off for the weekend.
You're not gonna go camping.
I wouldn't go camping. This is my plans. Don't do it. I'm gonna deep clean my bathroom. Oh, girl. So now I got off. I got off for the weekend. You're not gonna go camping. I wouldn't go camping.
Here, this is my plans.
Don't do it.
I'm gonna deep clean my bathroom.
Oh, wow.
I'm gonna throw away expired products.
Oh, God.
You know.
Yeah.
I'm gonna deep clean my spice cabinet, throw away spices.
This is kind of tea.
And, um, you know, gotta consolidate a lot of stuff in my basement. I love this idea.
Isn't this a fun story for the pod?
No, I think, I don't care.
I think it's great.
You know what I have to contract your beds.
I think I'm gonna do a little weed and do this.
Do you think that'll help?
No, no, no.
No, you'll get, you'll start spinning around in one corner
like a Roomba.
Right.
And you won't get, you know what I mean?
Well, it's not gonna help.
My diet right now doesn't consist of me changing my diet,
but just consists of me talking about it a lot.
So I think if I do weed, I will also just eat.
You'll eat the house down.
Cause my current strategy.
Just start eating expired products.
Of course.
These pills are expired.
My current strategy is to walk around the house
and scream, stop eating.
The way I talk to myself in the kitchen
to try to get myself out of there.
Don't do it fatty.
Really? Delete it fatty, of course. It's s civil. I hear a voice and it's my voice. Oh, no, because you're screaming
I just heard it. I hear a voice go step away from the fridge Carol Anne and I'm like, oh
You should have you should I mean just you're all I've had is for baby bell
What's that baby Babybel? The cheese that locks me up.
You should have one of those cartoon punching bags that comes out of the fridge if you open it.
Baby, I made lasagna on Friday, then I had some Babybel. Didn't have a bowel movement until Monday.
That's a lot of cheese. That's a lot of cheese.
Saddle to the pot, praying to the Lord.
Oh, damn. Pissing out your asshole.
I wish. Are you kidding? I pushed out a cinder block.
Oh my God, and then there's blood.
It was awful.
I had to treat it like tofu.
I had to kind of like wrap it in paper towel
and she's dehydrated a little bit.
Yeah.
And then chop it up into little rectangles
just to get it down.
Isn't that horrible what I just said?
It's so-
I hate the way I am.
What the fuck?
I think we can end it on that one.
That's so sick.
Every time we vow not to tell fecal eating stories,
and yet.
All we do is talk about pooping and Amelia Perez.
Yeah, and then eating the poop.
Girl, and then we have to sit here and say,
well, I don't think that singing was very good.
It's not great.
Like our pod, where we talk about cleaning out the pantry.
Yes.
How am I gonna clean the pantry?
Gal Gadot can't act,
but I can talk about cleaning out my pantry. How am I supposed to clean my pantry and not eat at the same time?
Yeah, what is that? Do you expect me to not chop up my poop and eat it get out of here you get out of here
Poop poop
They gotta have some kind of
Diet diet thing where that you can glue your mouth shut for the weekend. Are you talking you get your
where you can glue your mouth shut for the weekend. Are you talking, you get your jaw wired shut?
Well, I bought that book from that Amish girl, Lavina.
Okay.
And there's an Amish cleanse in there.
Well, you could do the Saw Trap.
That if you try to eat the baby bell,
the thing goes, whoosh, snaps right off.
Do you think, it's the lemon, cayenne pepper,
maple syrup thing?
No, no, no.
Do you think it's real?
I know that it's real?
I know that it's real in the sense that people do it.
I don't think it's healthy or effective
and I just think it's crazy.
It's a form of self torture, self harm.
I gotta get back on the Peloton, that's all.
Yeah, just cut down a little bit.
The simplest advice is always the best.
I'm the type of person that.
There's no magic formula.
There's no magic formula.
You already know what to do. Take the leg.
You know what to do.
That's what's so frustrating about it.
Like with the food stuff, it's like,
oh, I know I shouldn't eat this second full pizza.
Right.
But I'm going to.
But I'm going to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well?
Well, shit.
Kal-el, no.
Kal-el, yeah.
Enough champagne, enough baby bell to fill the Nile.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Goodbye.
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