The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Bald and the Beautiful: Tokyo Drift with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

From the makers of The Fast and the Furioustest and 2 Fast 2 Fastiest comes the highest-octane installment of the hit movie franchise ever! When convicted felon and secret drag queen Jonathan "Turbo Titties" Callahan (Trixie Mattel) tries to start a new life on the south side of Milwaukee, his obsession with street racing sets him on a collision course with the head of the Wisconsin criminal underworld, Brian "Boo Boo Butterfinger" Baker (Katya Zamo). To survive an icy crash in his Dodge Intrepid during a blizzard race, Turbo Titties will have to master the art of peeing in a water bottle - a new style of racing where the drivers of tricked-out cars slide through hairpin turns, defying gravity and death for the ultimate golden release. With more mind-blowing stunts and heart-pounding racing sequences than ever, The Bald the Beautiful: Tokyo Drift puts you in the totally straight-man driver's seat with cars and guns and explosions and sh*t. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatyalive.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: https://workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb.

It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in

and that's really nice. It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in an Airbnb,

there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Hello, dear listeners. This is Katya. In light of the recent discoveries of the tweets by Carla Sofia Gascon, the bald and the beautiful and all incorporated would all like to express our just despicable disgust.

And it further exacerbates my own particular hatred for this movie. I think it's wrong. I think it's ratchet and I think it sucks. So that being said, enjoy the episode and have a lovely day. Enjoy the episode and have a lovely day. ["Principle of the Night"] Well, it's Oscar season, folks. And just as we predicted, our friends over at Emilia Perez have swept every category except congeniality,

which is not something the women in my family aspire to anyway. And furthermost. Can you believe? I... Pfft. Are you gagging for that pussy? That pussy has me totally gagged.

On the floor, my... Amelia Perez's non-binary tea has never been valid. Okay? It never will be validated by any toll booth, person or organization. Is it for you? For me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How much time do you need? Mamoplastie. Yes. Vaginoplastie. Yes. Rhinoplasty. Yes.

Laryngoplasty. Yes. Mamoplastie. Yes. Vaginoplastie. Yes. Rhinoplasty. Yes.

Laryngoplasty. Control laryngoplasty. What is that? Adonisumploreduction. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Vaginoplasty. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh. The dream of the best in the world. Like, I feel like in the musical theater canon, there's In the Heights, there's Wicked.

There's any Fosse production. And then... You have what is, I guess is considered... A f... A former transphobe's fever dream who read about Mexico on Wikipedia. You know, the more I hate it, the more the time passes,

the more hate I have for this movie. And then, but it's less and less about the content and it's more about the form. Like I was looking at an Instagram reel or a TikTok of a girl who's like, let's break this down. So they take, she's like, very nice to meet you,

I'd like to know about, sex change operation. It's all, the emphasis is not musical whatsoever. Yes, so we call this scan chin. Yes. And like, but sometimes it works. Two examples are All-Star by Smash Mouth. Somebody once told me.

It's like intentional. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes it doesn't work. Like that Katy Perry song Firework, where she goes, Stuccona, roller coaster. Stuccona, Stuccona roller coaster. It's not a thing. Yeah.

Like to talk about. It's very nice to meet you. You know what I mean? She gives an example, like what did she say? She says, I'd like to know all about sex change. I forget what it is, but it's not that. She's like, this sounds like a shitty first draft that you just try and get the words on the page

and just get something down there. But it's like, and they never went any further. And then it's truly mind boggling. It's like, don't you hear that? You don't smell that? You don't smell that shit? You don't taste that shit? Good for them.

You know what though? Do you know what I mean though? Like musical is a, music is a universal language. No, I feel, I feel between the new president and this, I feel like, oh, I just don't know shit. And maybe I'm an idiot and everything is a lot. And like, you know what I mean? This is a good movie and this is a president people want.

Okay, sure. Well, you know what Bjork just talked about in her latest interview, which you should go watch it. It's amazing and she looks incredible. But she's like- With the veil? Yeah, yeah, the Robert Wooden thing. She can't tell what she looks like. That's her thing, mama, she wears masks.

Oh, yeah. You know about that? She's incredible. You can see through the veil a little bit. And she's like, the apocalypse already happened. It's how we're dealing with the aftermath. And I totally agree with that. The world has been over.

She been new. Like, and how do we regroup, and how do you deal with the aftermath of the... with that. The world has been over. She been new. Like, and how do we like, how do we regroup and like, how do you deal with the aftermath of the, because look at all the, I mean, it's been a wrap. And now it's like all this chaos is like very sad because- It's Mad Max.

Yeah. I'm Tina Turner with those big bed spring earrings. Remember those? I do. I do very clearly. Did you see Furiosa? No. I've only ever seen Mad Max once, the original. Oh, you didn't see the one with Charlie Starrin?

No. That's great. That's a very heterosexual movie and I don't really do that. Really? What are you talking about? There's all the girls in there. It's like a female driven, a female lead. Can I tell you one of the worst things in my life?

Please. My Samsung 65 inch, the frame television in my bedroom in the mornings for some reason, it turns on on its own to the Samsung action channel, movie hub. So every day I wake up to Jason Statham, John Wendell building or some shit. I don't watch that heterosexual shit.

Yeah. Shit, shit. I don't watch that heterosexual shit. Yeah. Shit, shit. I don't like it. You don't like action movies. What to you is the quintessential heterosexual movie, for example? Reservoir Dogs.

Oh, that is- The girls love that. The Godfather, the girls love that. The girls love the girls. The girls, the men, the girls. Yes, what else do they love? Fast and the Furious. Okay, Reservoir Dogs is the perfect example of a straight men movie.

It's literally just a bunch of men with guns and shit, but being men. Fast and the Furious, but that gets camped though. That series actually delves into camp territory because they go to Space Mama. They do? Yeah, baby. Tokyo Drift and then like they're right on.

I saw Tokyo Drift. See? It came out when I was in high school, I think. It's camp. It's like has camp quality to the franchise and it's kind of, it's kind of country. One time I put my 94 Dodge Intrepid in a snowbank and I remember the car, I was riding with my cousin.

You put it. Crap, shit, just kidding. I guess. I was riding with my cousin who was two years younger than me at the time, Michael, hi Michael. And I was riding with my cousin who's two years younger than me at the time, Michael. Hi Michael. And I was sliding completely sideways and I was trying to keep the mood light as we were careening toward death.

And I said Tokyo Drift. And then we just crashed into a snowbank. That's cunt. That's great. And I had to wait my car for my family to come get me and it was a remote. There's like an hour plus for them to come get me. So I had to get out, shovel out the exhaust so you don't carbon monoxide yourself.

And then I peed in a bottle. And poured the bottle out the window. Why wouldn't you just pee in the snow? Code. Too code. Oh, too cold. Cause it would freeze up the penis and then to my uterus.

You'd have to break the penis off like a carrot off a snowman. Ha ha ha! And that is my shape. It's very nice to meet you, a carrot in a snowman. I don't want you to freeze. I crashed my car and I peed in a bottle and I poured it on the ground.

It's like the, it's the emphasis on the wrong syllable. That's a girl, that's exactly what it is. And that, but everybody can hear that though. And it's like, why don't, why don't we fix that? There is a way. I love women, women's stories. I love crime stories. I love musicals.

I love so many things about what this pitches to me. You love a lot of the ingredients in this bullshit soup. Yes. But all the ingredients when taken out of the soup have great potential. It's like, it's like British cooking. It's like, baby, what you doing? Yeah.

Baby, what are you doing? What you doing with all that blood, baby? What you doing? Baby, what about that blood? Why all that congealed blood, baby? Why is it a loaf now? Oh, girl, we're going to the UK, and I was like... Not we, you.

I am. And I'm going with people who have not gone before, and I'm shaking. I have like a gourd and like a bag of bones and I'm shaking it that way. I'm like, you don't know what's coming. You better pack a bag of food. Sweetie, they don't.

The girl, they don't. Bring some sundries and victuals in dried goods in your bag. Soylent green. Bring a FEMA trailer, which they won't be anymore, I guess. No, no. Where are you going in the UK? Upcoming, that's not true. I think I guess. No, no. Where are you going in the UK? Up, go, but ever, but love.

That's not true. I think I'm just going to London. This morning I woke up and tweeted, oy bruv, innit? Getting ready. I love bruv. Do you know about the girls on the TikTok doing the chav makeup?

No. It was like bad British girl makeup, where it's like orange, like the big crazy black lashes, the white lips. I love it. I love it too. I think the makeup on the gals over there is,

I like that they just pound the pavement with it. They're like, let's go. Life is short. Yes, I can't stand the style on the guys though. Have they stopped wearing painted on jeans yet? Because I just can't with that. Like, you know the chaff style is like super fucking tight clothing on the pen? It's crazy. It looks like cartoonish. Because they have the big muscles

and they're like bulging out of their skin tight skinny jeans. You know what I'm talking about? Well, the men's haircut that is supposed to be trending this year that I've learned is like the Beatles' kind of shag, where it's kind of like from the 90s, where it's like overgrown and kind of bad haircut shag kind of thing. Like, what's like kind of like from the 90s, where it's like overgrown and kind of bad haircut, shag kind of thing. Like, what's his name on the white lotus season two,

Aubrey Plaza's husband, it's all in his face. Like, it's like a shag. If you had hair, what would you be doing with it? Well, I was just thinking, because I'm bald, I never think about hair, ever. Unless it's a wig. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if you think about those either. Shut up.

I mean, I don't even think about it because Fina thinks about it for me. You know what I mean? Hair is like not having to deal with hair. I know people get really mad about being bald. And they get so sad. They get, mama, they get suicidal. Not me, boo.

Not me either. I love myself. I'm old, I got mold, but I'm bald and I'm fat. Like, that's great. Like, I love being bald. I don't have to go to the fucking salon here, whatever, barber. I just shave it every other day in the shower and I love that. Girl... I love it.

I know this is your sudden end, but not liking yourself... It's tired liking yourself is corny boots. It's tired, it's corny boots. It's corny boots. What's wrong? I don't like my, you know, whatever, but we gotta give it up. Yeah. The apocalypse happened. It did.

You're gonna skid into the fires of hell being like, should I get a nose job? No, bitch. You wear that beak. You wear that beak. You wear that beak around, honey. That's you. And you probably smell better than everyone else. So let's, let's celebrate it.

Love the beak. Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak, bitch. Love the beak. Going to Turkey two, three times. Going to Turkey two to three times. And the new drag race girls. Yeah.

They come back to All Stars. Girl, Rawhole Collins is going to have the top and bottom teeth. She's going to Turkey two to three times. And the new Drag Race girls, they come back to All Stars, girl, Rawhole Collins is gonna have the top and bottom teeth, she's gonna have it, I don't even know what she looks like. She probably is so mad that we're talking about it. I don't know what she looks like, sorry. Her hairline starts at her eyebrows, she has huge chompers and she's got ginormous lips. Ginormous lips, ginormous.

I don't, I've never been, I think I maybe have been sad about not having hair for like three minutes. And for real, I just don't get it. I don't miss it. I mean, I like to wear hats, but I also like to be bald. I like when it's freshly shaved, I like to rub it. Yeah, I do. The only, actually the only troubling part is that

because my wardrobe is a hundred percent casual, like athletes are pretty much every day all the time. You can't wear a baseball cap in a suit. is that because my wardrobe is 100% casual, like athletes are pretty much every day all the time, you can't wear a baseball cap in a suit. You just gotta be bald. You gotta be bald. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like to be bald?

I do like to be bald, but I love to wear a hat. Especially because the sun will fry my egg head in the, you know what I mean? No, you do gotta sunblock the top of the head, and that's not a joke. That's why I just put the hat on. Otherwise, you know what I mean? No, you do gotta sunblock the top of the head and that's not a joke. That's why I just put the hat on. Otherwise, you know, I'm gonna be what? 36 with some module dates up there.

Yes, liver spots, all kind of looks like a top, it looks like a map of the world. A map of the world. I'm gonna look like one of those gourds at the grocery store with all the little acne on it. Did you have acne as a teenager? You did. Oh, you did, Accutane.

Accutane, didn't you? Oh yeah. Can you have acne as a teenager? Mm-hmm. You did. Oh, you did. Accutane. You did, didn't you? Oh, yeah. Can you still have babies? Pfft. Baron poisonous. Baron and poisonous. If anybody tried to impregnate me, what would come out would be probably like a gremlin.

Length or girth? Botha. Botha. Wait, it was, yeah, no, it was so, it was so, do they still do acutane? They still do it? I'm talking about penises. Oh.

Length or girth. What do you think I was talking about? Babies. Long babies? I don't know. My baby stretches longer than yours. Like, what the fuck? Can you imagine having a baby?

Let's take some time to really put that in your head. Can I be honest? I do want a child, and I'm really happy to start out at like four. We don't need to do poopy doopy. We don't need to do pissy wissy. We don't need to do pre... Like, I'm ready to start at the age where they go to school five days a week.

You go to the orphanage and you pick up the teenager. But I like to tour, so I'm gonna have to have some bratty ass, like, homeschooled on a tour bus, maladjusted monster. Yeah, with a nanny. You're gonna have to get a nanny. The nanny. I want Fran Drescher. She's a step down from... Ow!

She's SAG. She's the president of SAG. Yeah, that's what I meant. She's the SAG lady. Well, you're about to become the baby lady. She's the baby lady. She is the n Lady. Well, you're about to become the Baby Lady. She's the Baby Lady. She is the nanny. Trixie, your children. That was... You know what? They shit again.

That's like, you just... That sounds like Chris Jorley, the bartender from Jocks. Exactly. It just gave me chills. Gotcha. I like your number. Too bad no one saw it. Oh, you're not bringing any fans to the show tonight? I like your hair. Halloween was in October. Yeah, you smell like shit.

I had a vision of her, like, she gave the strongest cocktails to the girls, and we drank before the show. Thank God. Mama, we drank alcohol before every show. It was, you did not do a show. Am I a Nicky fan? Yeah, it's like... The drag queens with just the, what do you call it?

You know the stage in the drag makeup where everyone looks like they're in cats? Yes. It was, you did not do a show. Am I a Nicky fan? Yeah, it's like. The drag queens with just the, what do you call it? You know the stage in the drag makeup where everyone looks like they're in cats? Yes. It's that stage of the makeup. And I remember a windy breeze in Milwaukee. Hello, windy breeze. She'd be like, she, I remember she used to say cocktail.

And I say. Cocktail. And I say, no, I say, but I say cocktail, like a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she'd say, should we get a cocktail? And I'd be like, it was like the tippy toe of the century to have like one eyebrow drawn on and go to the bar like, can I have my triple Jack and diet please? What was your drink?

What was your pre-show drink? I've gone, just like Kelly Osborne, I've gone through changes. Okay, so like I, Kelly Osborne. Remember she did a cover of, I'm going through changes with Ozzy Osbourne? No, but there you go.

Obviously not a fan. I think I started out like every homosexual where it's like, I think I was like vodka and Sprite. I needed something sweet. Vodka Cran. Yeah, Vodka Cran. And then I would go through my Jack and Diet, Jack and Coke era.

Then I went through a bourbon neat era. Then it was gin and tonics for a long time. Gin and tonics and bourbon neat. Before the show. Cause you just sip it. Bleh. That's wild. And then I did gin and tonic for a long time.

I think that's still my favorite. Yeah, yeah. And then lately being a Cali girl, now that I started drinking again. Sangria. The tequila. I'm gonna go for the tequila. You will regret it later. Now why is that? To me The tequila. I'm gonna go for the tequila. You will regret it later.

Now why is that? To me, tequila, you can't, it's, you get drunk so accidentally fast, the next day you're like, oh, tequila got me girls. Tequila crawled in bed with me and had its way with me while I was asleep, you know what I mean? Like, you, I can never tell how drunk I am in the tequila, and the next day I find out how drunk I was,

cause I'm like, oh. It's all there, the writing's on the wall. I mean, there was a breathalyzer in between the stage and the back room. You couldn't get on stage if you weren't drunk. I thought they were gonna say that. They were like, you ain't drunk enough, go back, get another cocktail, and then you can perform.

That was literally the vibe. And by the end of the night at the third number, we were all seeing trash. Not seeing shit. A girl. We were like, we were like, dun, dun, na, na, na, na, uh. And you know, you would go out there and,

I remember one time. Womanize a womanize. Uh, uh, you know. Breath the lies, breath the breath the lies. I remember one time I was at Playlouville and I did, I don't remember where the fuck I was doing. You know when you get real like a little bit drunk and you go like, put on that number

that I've been wanting to do and I think I know the words. And then you go out there and you really are a miss. Have you ever seen that video of Eureka doing that song, Snowman by Sia? No, she not know one single damn word. Love Eureka, front of the pod, love you. It's the most amazing thing. And it circulates every Christmas

because she's in red and she looks drop dead gorgeous. And it's, you know, that song is very like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you know, Eureka's got the big painted out lips and she's so gorgeous and she's got fur and she's showing the titties and the lips truly are. Like she, but it actually inspires me because I'm like,

if you look kind of them words, it doesn't matter. Yeah. I don't care in drag race and then all the words. It's a movie. I hope the next person on drag race is lip-syncing and doesn't know the words gets right up in the camera and does like a cocoa and it's just like watermelon, watermelon. Yes.

Just don't know them. Fuck the words. Fuck those words. Fuck the words. Today's episode of Baldwin the beautiful is sponsored Fuck those words. Fuck those words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words.

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Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. Fuck the words. two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me

to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal, it was amazing. I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in and that's really nice.

It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television.

And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Hey everybody, my name is Bob the Drag Queen. And I'm on Xchange. And we are the host of Sibling Rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends, Gab, talk smack

and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family. So we talk about everything, honey, from why we don't like hugs to Black Lives Matter To interracial dating to other things right Bob. Yes, and it gets messy and we are not afraid to be wrong So please join us over here at civil rivalry available anywhere. You get your podcast You can listen and subscribe for free for free, honey for free. For free, honey.

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For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. For free, honey. You thought it was a loaf? Are you out of your mind? Wait, at the Golden Lobes? It looked like she walked by Ginger Minj, grabbed that pageant bump and threw it on. And I mean that lovingly to Ginger. It was too cute. I thought it was so big and crazy.

Well, you only, no, you only see that. Pulp drive, whatever. No, that's only because it's in stark contrast to her movie hair, which is always so bad. Like she always, she's like, she's like incredible wig, incredible good. No, no, no, that one, that one in the clearance section. Let's do that.

I did like her wig in Stepford Wives when she becomes a Stepford, it's long, strawberry, kind of blondie blonde. Of course. But I mean, like she's got her wig, you know, I mean, it's hard for her because she's in every movie and every TV show since 1992. We need to open a wig store for her.

Calm down, come down to the wig loo. Come down to the wig loo. We keep the air conditioning so fucking cold. You can rent a fur coat to put on. And you know, bring the kids down. We got a petting zoo with some penguins. Come down to the wig loo. Oh, wig loo, that sounds great.

But who do you think is gonna win? Because I didn't see Baby Girl. And you know what? I know I don't want to. Okay. And it's like, I'm not gonna see it. But you also don't wanna see Wicked, like, why are you invested if you don't wanna see these films?

I will see Wicked, I will absolutely see Wicked. I don't think Baby Girl's up for anything, Oscar-wise. I do have to see, I'm not gonna see The Brutalist, I'm sorry, and I'm not gonna watch... Sounds fun. Oh, my God, not after that Adrian Brody SNL thing. No, he's tainted to me. But like, I'm not gonna see The Brutalist, and I'm not gonna watch...

But I am gonna watch I'm Still Here. Because I have to know that if Demi Moore loses the Oscar, the best actress Oscar to Fernanda Torres, I wanna know why. People are mad that our friend Angelina Jolie didn't get nominated for playing Maria Callas. Apparently she really sang that, is that true? So it's partly true.

So she did train for many months and the product is a result of her voice along with some magic. Some magic, yes, some like vocal production. Pretty much nobody but Maria Colas can sing like Maria Colas. Of course, but she really like did it. She did a lot of research, she did a lot of work,

and she did a lot of, there's a ton of effort. Wow. It's not, I didn't love the movie. I would never watch a movie like that. Yeah, I didn't love it. I mean, she's like breathtaking. I like serious shit. I like serious love the movie. I would never watch a movie like that. Yeah, I didn't love it. I mean, she's a... I don't like breadstick. I like serious shit. I like serious shit, girl.

Wow, I don't love biopics. But that's all they want. Because people only award biopics. War and biopics. The Oscar is all about, it's either the Holocaust or World War II or a biopic. That's all the Oscar's nut for. Why don't we get into some horror? That's all they want.

Get Timothée Chalamet down here to play Rachel Maddow and give her her Oscar. That's the other one. I'm not gonna watch a complete unknown. I don't care about Bob Dylan. I do. Good, but like I don't wanna watch, he's still alive. You know what I mean, isn't he?

He's very much alive, Bob Dylan. Yeah, why you gonna make a movie about a guy that's still alive? Because you can go to the premiere. That's why they do, I, Tanya, they want the person, the actor with the real person on the red carpet, they want them hugging and crying. Thank you for playing me with sensitivity.

Did Tanya Harding do that with Margot Robbie? Yes, whore, yes. Really? Yes, she was on talk shows being like, wow, Margot Robbie really took skating lessons and she really channeled me. And wow, that was really my mother that, The, with the parrot?

Yes, the parrot. Damn. That's what they want, girl. Yeah, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. I want horror. And I want sex. Brandon told me about the Pee-wee doc. Pee-wee, Pee-wee Herman,

Paul Rubin says a documentary out where he posthumously comes out as homosexual. What? Honey, just came out at Sundance. His graveyard tea is getting dragged up into the mix. He says it in the doc, I guess. It's like old footage. I haven't seen it. But Brandon says he comes out in the doc.

That's I don't think that's like that's not valid. I hope she's like it's like it's like in the credits and she's like, one thing about me that you know, like I hope she kind of makes a song out of it's like in the credits and she's like, one thing about me that you, you know, like I hope she kind of makes a song out of it. There's something else I want to tell you. It's that I'm gay. Also, the other thing is Paul Rubin's Pee Wee Herman so brilliant.

I know you don't think a straight person came up with that shit. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. It's too cunty. Straight people are doing Amelia Perez. You know what I mean? Like exactly straight people are singing off key

with no hummable tune to garbage. Okay. Can I show something? No. Yes. Okay. I got a new shirt. Oh yeah. I'm just gonna sell it to the girls. Okay. What do we got here?

Okay. For the unbelievable price of $49.95. It's a black crew neck that says Trixie on the front and on the back it has a picture of me on the floor in an Uber as you've seen me many times before. Oh, there she goes as Trixie on the floor. Fierce. Thank you.

It's good. And we have a women's, well, your non-binary T is valid, it's not women's. Thank you. Because this would be gorgeous on anybody who wants to show the midriff. Yeah. Because this is a cutoff.

Do you have a 2002 belly button piercing you want to show off? Have you been too squeamish or too skittish about showing it off? Now's the time. I got new house keys. Yeah. I already lost them. Fuck. At my studio.

And I should get my belly pierced and just hang them off there. Because I lose them. You should get one of them castle, like a big old rusty, like long heavy, you know, skeleton key. And hang get one of them castle, like a big old rusty, like long, heavy, you know, skeleton key and hang it from your belly button, bitch. I love physical keys. You do? I do, because I never lose them.

Like a hotel, the fucking Charlie, they gave me a physical key and said, if you lose this, it's $250. No, it's not. Yes. So I didn't lose it. Go to Home Depot, bitch, it's $4. I don't know, it's not. Yes. So I didn't lose it. Go to Home Depot, bitch. It's $4.

I don't know. It's a whole scam there. But I don't like key cards because they always just stop working. And then you got to go to the front desk. And you got your little half shirt on. And your belly's hanging out. Right.

Do you like Home Depot? I love it. I do, too. Yeah, I love it. Love it. It's huge, though. And you got to know. You got to go in with a mission.

Yep. If you can't wander around, do you cruise there? I got house keys made. I'm not fucking at the Home Depot. Well, a lot of people are. Girl, the one in Hollywood. Yes. If you go on the apps,

people go there and jerk it in that parking. I don't wanna blow up people's scam, but they're jerking in that parking garage. Very nice to meet you. What I'd like to talk about. Home Depot. Mutual masturbation to talk about. Home depot. Mutual masturbation. Yeah.

At the Home Depot. I think it's in the parking lot or something. It's in the parking garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, fierce. Fierce. I love it. I mean, I got, who did I?

I ran into Kelly's husband there. That was a lovely thing. On the second floor of the Home Depot parking garage? Does she know? I just think, you know, be careful out there with your cruising, because I wouldn't say the next four years are going to be the time to get caught jerking it in public. I wouldn't say this is the moment.

Speaking of Paul Rubin's, for Christ's sake, isn't that crazy? I just think it's so fucked up that he was... it's like, um, it was like Wynonna in the shoplifting. Actually, it's not like that, because what he was doing is not illegal. No, jerking off in an adult movie theater? What are you supposed to do?

Go there and read the Bible? It's like, oh my God, he was in a cat store, caught petting a cat, or whatever. What's a cat store? Cat Cafe. He was at the Cat Cafe, and he was like caught stroking a little kitty at the Cat Cafe.

Front page news. I know. Shocker. But yeah. People gotta be careful. I mean, I feel bad because I'm not like a cruiser, but I know that cruising is a part of gay life that has so much to do with,

that was the only way people could hook up, right? Yeah. Was like secret, secret, secret. Yeah, or like, you know. Yeah, winky, winky. I love that shit. Love it. Are you a good winker?

Let's see. Which hole? Um, yeah. Perfect. Wait, who is who are you? I love when people are like, is there something wrong? I love that. Who's your Oscar pick for best actress?

Girl, I ain't seen one of those movies. Amelia Perez, we barely watched. I didn't see any of those movies. No, I we barely watched. I didn't see any of those movies. No, I know, I am gonna be, I'm gonna beat the dead horse. I am gonna be unreasonably upset if Amelia Perez does the upset. I think that's just, you know, it's another nail in the coffin of the chaos of the post-apocalyptic world we're living in.

Absolutely. It's like, oh, nothing matters and nothing means anything. Absolutely. 30,000 immigrants are going to be rounded up and put into Guantanamo Bay, and Emilia Perez is the best film of the year. It's so fucking crazy. I hate it. It's a mess.

What country are we going to go to? We have talked about leaving the country. Well, I was going to say Mexico City, but they do not want us there gentrifying their country. They don't? No, they don't. Let's not go there, then. I think that maybe. What about Paris? No, they don't. No, they don't. Let's not go there then. I think that maybe...

What about Paris? What about France? Not Paris. Maybe like Marseille? So if we move there, we could still do the pod or like, we'd have to fly to LA to do Netflix. That's OK. That's OK.

We'd do it every once a few months. Yeah. And then we can... We could do the pod. We could tour. It'd be really easy to tour Europe. I love to tour Europe. I love to tour.

I go through hell living in France. I go through hell. Those feces everywhere. In my apartment in Marseille. Those feces everywhere. Wall to wall feces, I hate it. So last night when I was high on Gabapentin, I downloaded something called Kindred.

You know what this is? No. So it's an app where you list your home like Zillow, but instead of renting it, you swap homes with people. It's parent trap with your home. What does that mean? So let's say you see a home in Paris and you're like, hey person, I would like to switch homes with you

for two months. And they say yes, and you just go live at each other's houses. Get out of here. But I don't know why I signed up because I don't want people in my house and I don't want to stay in someone's house. Then why did you go to Best Buy?

Curiosity. Curiosity, I guess. So it's like a pen pal, it's like an exchange program. Exchange program. But then you're like sleeping in their bed, eating their raisins, like whatever. Well, that's eating their raisins. Yeah, you know you gotta eat their raisins. Tell me this though, why in the fucking hell

are you not able to stay in a house that you're about to buy for like a day? At least a day, preferably a week. I would prefer a month. You can return a car usually for what, two weeks, 30 days? I think there's a 30 day warrant, it's usually like 30 days. Major purchase buying a car.

You can't return the house, I don't think, unless you find like something very contradictory to the inspection. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, you don't know about the ghost situation, you don't know about the neighbor's sexual activity schedule. The ghost sexual activity with the neighbors. Thank you, thank you.

How many raisins they love. It's like... It's, it's... There's a lot of variables. Do you eat ants on a log? I would never. Celery with peanut butter with raisins. That is so...

Girl, don't eat. That is so fucking abusive. It's so abusive. It's self-harm. I feel like it's self-harm. Wait, is ants on a log a pretzel? Is it the pretzel? No, you're talking about yours...

It's ants on a log, right? Celery with peanut butter and fucking raisins. Yeah. You fuck with peanut butter though, right? Eh. Really? I don't love peanut butter. Interesting.

It's not my first choice. I saw this tweet that was like, Americans are obsessed with peanut butter, why? And I was like, I don't know if everyone is, but I will always select the peanut butter option of something if there's a peanut butter option. Yes, of course. Peanut butter milkshake, you out of your fucking mind?

Oh, gross. See? We're two different people. Two different people, like two different things. What's the flavor, like, flavor milkshake you want? Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate, straight up.

I love strawberry. Me too. I do too. I fuck with strawberry. Strawberry. Cookies and cream. Hell yeah. Or slash Oreo.

You fuck with a McFlurry? Absolutely. Girl, when they come out, when they come out, and you kind of like mix up like that, and they tip it upside down and it doesn't leak, I start leaking. I get very excited. Cause I love that.

They tip you upside down and it's a mess. Girl, did I ever tell you this? My roommate in college needed to gain weight. He was so thin and his doctor was like, we need you to put on some weight. So he would go get giant, giant McDonald's milkshakes and drink them every day, just trying to pack on weight. And he would call them triple-dipple thick.

Triple-dipple thick. The dip-ple. I hate that. Triple-dipple nipple. I guess David Lynch had a malt milkshake, like for every day at the same time, for like seven years at Bob's Big Boy or whatever. Not fierce.

Routine. Do you like a routine? I love a food routine. Okay. I look forward to the same foods over and over again. Like, I'll make tacos. The next day, I'll use the leftovers to make nachos. Like, I'll use the same shit for...

I want the same flavors and faunas and flores for days in a row. And then I'm good for a month. I'm a food repeater, but then it's a hard no. And I need something, give me something, do my brows, do something else. I completely agree. So what is your, for the rest of your life, you have one menu, what is it?

Breakfast, lunch, dinner. And one, you only snack, you get a snack that's three choices. So it's, okay. So the breakfast is eggs, toast. How are the eggs? Scrambled with buttermilk, salt and pepper. So it's, okay, so the breakfast is eggs, toast. How are the eggs? That's scrambled with buttermilk.

Okay. Salt and pepper. Toast, white or sourdough toast with butter. And then like a, like a potato scramble, potatoes, onions, and like red and green peppers. What do you drink it? Orange juice or grapefruit juice. I say grapefruit juice.

No coffee, no tea? No. Okay. So then I have a banana for a snack. Okay. Then for lunch? No. Okay. So then, I have a banana for a snack. Okay. Then for lunch, fuck. Okay, for lunch. What is it?

A chicken, a fake chicken sandwich. Okay. With a thin, so it's bread, like a bun, and then it's a spicy chicken patty, fake chicken patty, with like melted cheese on it, lettuce, and like jal's a spicy chicken patty, fake chicken patty, with like melted cheese on it, lettuce, and like jalapenos sprinkled on it, because I love spicy. Hot, I'm not happy unless my face is sweating.

I feel that, I love that. Because like, what is this about? What are we doing? Why can't I feel my lunch? Mild salsa? Girl, shut up. Like, get out of here. Shut up, you bitch.

Shut up, ugly. And then for dinner, baby. Tacos. Tacos? Tacos, fucking tacos with flour tortillas. Tacos. Okay, what's in the taco? Well, kind of like some of the same stuff from...

The fake chicken? No. Oh, from breakfast. From the crumbles with the cheddar cheese, with the cheddar telemuk cheddar cheese, with the cheddar, tell them, tell them with cheddar cheese, with iceberg lettuce, with, you know, peppers and all that type, what they got. Oh, and a corn slaw on the top too, in the taco. Fierce.

Like a corn pico. Okay. Why you mad? What are you drinking? Oh, um, die cope. Die cope? Die cope. And then for dessert, oh gosh, those Outshine Mango

Frozen Bars. Oh. The mango one. Horned. The lime one gets me horny. So good. I love it. I was chewing on them.

Courtney was on my, she was wearing a weird blue suit on my couch last night. I was just going through them like crazy. Yeah. My other snack is those soy fake yogurts, the raspberry one. Fake yogurt? It's like a non-dairy yogurt. Okay.

And it's raspberry. What's in it? I think it's made from like, coconut milk, soy milk kind of thing. So what are you going to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Okay, breakfast is steel cut oatmeal with brown sugar, cranberries, dried cranberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, chia seeds, and that's it. Baby, that's a pie. No, it's a big fucking bowl. It's huge.

Right. It's a lot of stuff. Because you wake up hungry. I wake up fucking starving every day. Fierce. And then it's a huge gallon of coffee. Right. Like a gallon. I mean, I'm talking three pots of coffee.

What? Absolutely. You drink this. I could, I don't, I mean, I go through one and a half. Do you blow ass immediately? Oh yeah, mama. It is, we hit the clock, we punch the clock when we blow ass in my house,

because it happens like. Clock punch the clock, it's time to shit. Yeah, well because once you get a cigarette involved, it's a wrap. Have you ever smoked on the toilet? What do you think I am? Some kind of barbarian? No, I don't smoke inside. Well, I do have an outhouse, but...

No, I would not smoke on the toilet, although I do know people who vape on the toilet. But that's so... It's so dark-sided. But anyways, it's... I have so much coffee. But here's the thing. it's really just an excuse. It's a vehicle for milk and sugar. That's what I'm saying. It's, I really want, what do I, do I want the coffee?

No, I want the half and half in the sugar. It's so light. Do you like the caffeine? I love the caffeine, of course. The tweaker's like the caffeine. The tweaker's like the smoking and the Red Bull and the- I think they like the sugar. They love it. It's the sugar that is like, cause the, it's very like the caffeine. The tweaker's like the smoking and the Red Bull and the... I think they like the sugar. It's the sugar that is like...

Because it's very like... Anyways, so then lunch... Fucking hate lunch. I guess probably... You don't like lunch. That's really crazy. You could say Soylent. You can say... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Sure. No. Gorgeous. It's just salt and pepper. Okay. What's the steak cooked in? Is it a gravy situation?

There's a, um, a baronet sauce maybe. It's like a nice marinade. Wow. And then for dinner, of course, it's noodles. What's the snack? Oh, shit. I'm not a snacker. I don't like snacks.

Fuck you for making me say snacks and you being like, -"I don't do that." -"No, no." Like pretzels or something, or like, I like a banana. I don't snack, bitch, I seen you on set. I know all they do is eat. She shows up to set, gives people her Taco Bell order, Miss Biggly, Biggigly, and then you love a snack.

I know. The Tate's chocolate chip cookies. Oh, but I, oh, those are too much. Those are too much. Those are too much. I think, I drink, oh, those are too much. Those are too much. Those are too much. I think I drink, oh, I love ice cream in half and half. I'm so disgusting. What did you do?

So gross. Ice cream with half and half? I don't drink milk. I drink half and half. I know. I know, it's so nasty. It's, but it's, it's basically the same thing. What? It's basically the same thing. What?

It's basically the same thing. Do you drink half and half? No, no, no, I don't drink it from the cup. But I mean, I put it in everything. I use cereal. I told you that. Is that crazy? It is crazy.

That seems fucking crazy. Well, here's the thing, milk goes bad so quickly. It really does, doesn't it? Mom, I can't come with milk. No, that's not milk. That's something else. That's like, do you like, I like a Coke. Well, we have Sprite.

I'm like, no, I don't want Sprite. I want a Coke. Is Pepsi okay? Is, that's the- She's not okay. She's not okay. And oat milk is only tolerable in a latte because there's so many other flavors present

that mask the nuttiness of the liquid. You know what I mean? I want squirt from a cow. I want the cow. You think that's disgusting, don't you? I think it's wild, but finding out that Donald Trump, like main lines and free bases diet coke has made me want to not drink diet coke anymore.

I have been a lifelong diet coke, what the hell is that about person? Well, when you came to my house and I had those tiny cans of Coca-Cola, I've been drinking them and I've been like, my precious. They are good. They're good, it's like, I mean, it's a lot of sugar. It's a lot of sugar, it's very sweet,

but it's the taste that you can't find anywhere else in the earth. But it's the taste that you can't find anywhere else in the earth. But it's supposed to be, isn't, Coca-Cola's supposed to be caramel flavored, right? I guess. It's a caramel flavored caramel. Bitch, have you tasted caramel? I love caramel. I say caramel.

Do you, you don't say caramel? I'm gonna sit down and have my caramel and drink my half and half. Girl, who are you? Let's take a break. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip

would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal.

It was amazing. I also like, because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options. So that next time I look at like, Oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice. It's also good about like,

if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen,

there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Better Help. What are some relationship green flags? We often talk about red flags,

which are things we should avoid, but what if we're more focused on looking for green flags in friends or partners? I especially feel that in gay world, people are ridiculously strict with some kind of rubric of no, what they want. But I honestly think sometimes we need to think about things we do want.

What are the green flags in these situations, you know? If you're not sure what that looks like, therapy can help you identify green flags and actively practice them in your relationships and embody the green flags just in yourself. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back.

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we would end up doing most of it remote anyway. And so for me, having therapy that's primarily remote, I can schedule it from my phone, I can make time for it with texting or a phone call. Like sometimes I've been in a hotel where it's not great reception, and so I will just, instead of Wi-Fi, I will just use a phone call, which is kind of better.

But I like it because it has to be this easy or I might actually make time for myself. I also like it because better help makes it possible to select a therapist based on something that's important to you. I think we all know that not every therapist will feel comfortable talking about LGBTQIA plus issues. And I like that I can purposely look for a therapist

who is comfortable talking about that and is gonna support me. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash bald today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot com slash bald. Chocolate, caramel, half and half milkshake. Sick.

Love it. Love that shit. I feel bad that people just listen to us talk about what we would eat for 20 minutes. I mean, whatever. Maybe they're driving home waiting to get dinner. It's like ASMR. It's like ASMR. And we all eat. Yeah.

Most of us. It's relatable. Yeah. Courtney's vegan, but I don't know how she does that. Courtney's a fucking freak. She's a freak. She showed up last night wearing a blue suit. I was like, who the hell are you?

Girl, one time I was on tour and I think I made the mistake of saying like, oh, I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to get sick. I'm starting to She showed up last night wearing a blue suit. I was like, who the hell are you? Girl, one time I was on tour and I

think I made the mistake of saying like, oh, I'm starting to get sick. She brought me to her hotel room and opened up the pharmacy. The apothecary. Girl. Yes. She has an apothecary. Some girls have echinacea capsules.

She has the live plant. I know, because her parents are like a, she's weird. She's like, she's weird. She's woo woo. In like, in a good way though. For sure, I love her. It's crazy how like, she has no problems. And she has perfect skin.

And she's wonderfully happy. And that's it. And did RuPaul block her? Yeah, I think that's the one thing... She did, right? What a weird person to not like. Well, that's the whole... There's so many worse ones of us. That's the poetry of it.

It's like, the one thing she can't have is RuPaul's approval. Isn't that fierce? I love it. It's Conti. Yeah, and we'll never know. It's probably not even anything, but it's like, I love it.

I love that shit. Cause they saw, they ran, she and Bianca ran into, or Ru in the, out in public once and she just ignored Courtney. Love. It's fierce. Fuck Courtney. It's so fierce, yeah, fuck that perfect bitch.

Fuck that perfect bitch. Yeah. Also her commitment to health is impressive. Yeah. She's nice, her skin is nice. She's articulate. She's a nice person. Yeah, she's articulate.

Yeah, bleh. But she is, I'm used to this. I know. So that's half and half to me. I know, I'm the bizarro version taking it. Yeah. The thing is, I'm used to this. I know. So that's half and half to me. I know. I'm the bizarro version of her. Everything's wrong. And we're the same age, but I'm just the bad version.

What would have happened? Are you the same age as her? Yeah. I think she's actually older than me, although she looks 10 years younger. Catch it. Yeah. But wait, she went to the Magic Castle last night, and I really can't... I just can't with that place.

I can't with the Magic Castle. Girl, can I tell you, friends will come out of town... Have you ever been? No. And I never want to go. Friends will come in from out of town, and they'll be like, we're gonna stop by your house before we go to our function.

They show up in ball gowns, and I go, what the fuck are you doing? And they go, we're going to the Magic Castle. I said, what? She said, you can wear... They have a strict dress code. Very, you cannot wear a mock turtleneck. It must be a regular turtleneck.

They're gonna measure your neck. They got tape measures. We have colleagues who can't wear a real turtleneck. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. No, it is crazy, but I bet the magic is cool. You think? I like magic. I mean, sure, but I bet the magic is cool. You think? I like magic.

I mean, sure, but I don't like dress codes. You know I have a huge issue with the words close-up magic. I have a huge issue with that. I was just going to say it. I was just going to say it. It's a rich, rich tapestry of a history of sleight of hand. What do you call it? Close-up magic.

As opposed to far away magic. Well, I mean, you know, when David Copperfield's making the Brooklyn Bridge disappear. That's like far away magic. That's kind of, you know, when David Copperfield's making the Brooklyn Bridge disappear. That's like far away magic. That's cunty. Yeah, yeah, it is cunty. What do you think of that? Ha ha ha!

Making shit disappear? Yeah, like, what do you think of that? Can I tell you, I've had so many dark thoughts recently watching the news that on the television program, The Boys, have you ever seen it? Yes, I have. OK. In season two, there's a character whose power is making people's heads explode.

Yeah, she. The girl, she goes into politics, right? Spoiler. Yes, she's the politician. And we don't know that it's her until the end. It's like, damn, she's fierce. Yeah. Lately, when I'm watching TV,

I don't want to be like a murderer, but lately I'm watching TV and I go, oh. What if their heads exploded? If I could just like... Yeah. And just like, gone. Yeah. Love. I know, I feel that TV and I go, oh, what if their head just exploded? If I could just like, yeah, and just like gone. Yeah. Love. I know, I feel that way when I-

They probably feel like that watching me. Absolutely. They're like, you weird gay faggot. You're not gonna turn my kid gay or trans. I'm gonna explode your head. I feel very happy that I never in my life have read to the kids in the library because I do feel like that gets an undue amount of...

Yeah, it's easy target. Yes. Easy target. And also I'm happy I have an unflinching foul mouth and like I'm not interested in a situation where I can't swear and all that. Hello. So I'm happy for the kids

and I'm happy for the people doing that. But I need to say... Pussy kind of dick. Pussy ass into... Yeah, I need to say all of it. You know, so... I'll go read porn to adults. That would be Cunty. Yeah.

Her milky white breasts. Breasts, breasts, yeah. He thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding. It's disgusting. You go up there and you tell rich Mr. Candybar that he's not shutting me down. Madonna.

She was great in that movie. Yeah, Madonna. I just watched her performance of Sooner or Later at the Oscars. Have you ever seen it? No. Okay, so it's five minutes long. It's a full on old Hollywood glamor

with the burlesque, like the gloves, the gown, the fur. And it's like a vampy vamp. It's just her in a microphone. Five minutes, it's very long. And she's terrified, super, super nervous. She is? Oh yeah, yeah. Visibly shaking, like super nervous.

Cause you imagine it's 1990 or something. I think 1991 or 90, the Oscars, there's no, I mean, the A-list people and she's just a singer. Anyways, she does sooner or later live vocals. It's fabulous. She's awesome. It was incredible. She eats.

Five minutes. They could never do that these days. People are, they're on TikTok. TikTok, you know? The five minute number, people would be like snoozing. Too much woke. Too much woke. snoozing. Too much woke. Too much woke. Too much woke.

Too much Roman saluting. Oh, God. Jesus Christ, Mary. What is up with that? Mary, can you tell me what it is? I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm, that's not for me. What is that?

Okay. Is it just Nazism again? We're doing Nazi stuff again? What the fuck? Is that, is it just Nazism again? We're doing Nazi stuff again? What the fuck? The whole, the truly chilling thing was when he was, he's like telling the German, it was not some kind of conference in Germany or whatever.

He's like, don't be, you know, in Germany, there's a lot of still lingering shame about the Holocaust. Of course, yeah. But he was like, his whole thing was like, it was very not, it was like very unambiguous. He's like, you shouldn't be ashamed of being German. You should be proud of it. And he was like, you should undo any guilt.

There's no reason to have any guilt about being German. You should be proud of it. You should be have national pride. And I was like, is this real for real? I mean, it's crazy. It's just, it's, it's fucking crazy. If you listen to us and you like us, let me tell you. It's not good.

I would never, I would never, I would never make any excuses for that or imagine that to mean anything differently than what it's like, what? Oh, it's just this. Didn't you just tell me to fuck you? No, I was showing you my middle finger. Yeah, I'm just showing you my middle finger. Like what the fuck is that?

Yeah, and I don't know what, I don't get like to what end. To what end? I don't know. To get Amelia Perez that award. Are you gonna watch the Oscars? Are you kidding? I'm gonna be gooned.

I'm gonna watch- You love the awards programs. Well, I love the Oscars because it you kidding? I'm gonna be gooned. You love the awards programs. Well, I love the Oscars because it's just, I mean, I love the movies and I wanna see, like, I just, I know Hollywood gets it wrong so much and I'd like, I just like to see them fuck up and I love to see the dresses and I wanna just, I love it. It does feel good when a movie you like wins.

It's like, ah, it feels like it's, it's like, you feel, but you're also, your taste gets validated. Yeah, well, but they'll be... I knew they were gonna win when I saw it. Yeah, my tea... My non-Barnier tea was valid. The horror genre's tea has been, like, begging to get validated, and I hopefully think

that it will with the substance. Maybe not. Because no, I don't think there's been a horror film that's ever won best pic... I don't know. Silence of the Lambs, is that a horror movie? I don't think that's a horror movie. Psychological thriller.

Yeah, that movie doesn't scare me. You know? But it is scary, don't you think? Not really. I don't think it's scary. You don't think it's scary? It didn't scare me. I mean, it wouldn't give me nightmares. Right.

Whereas, like, Hereditary scared me. That's't think it's scary. It didn't scare me. Okay. I mean, it wouldn't give me nightmares. Right. Yeah, yeah. Whereas like, Hereditary scared me. That's a horror movie. You know? Yeah, totally. Okay. The Babadook scared me.

The Babadook. That could have won Best Picture. I really think. That's an international film. Or not. Was it internet? Oh, it's Australian. Yeah, it's an, it's Ethan Olathe.

That's right. Yeah. Ethan Olathe film. That was, I feel like that was a perfect movie. Smile scared me. Did you see Smile 2? No, is it great? It's better than the first one.

Really? I can't wait to watch it. Naomi Scott, who is, I think, Australian or British, she is so good in this movie. And like, they, she's a pop star, and they do such a good job of making her a believable pop star with like fierce outfits fierce outfits and actually kind of, like, believable pop songs. You know what I mean? Because you can't... If you're making a pop star, you have to make fake pop music,

which is so hard, because it's, like, hard to make good music, period. But they do it. I have something to show you. Please. So, Leiland, who writes music for Drag Race, sent me this. This is so amazing. So,eland, who writes music for Drag Race, sent me this. This is so amazing.

So this is a reel that is like these people, I'm going to say who they are. I'll tell you who they are. Who are they? Please. Who are they? Whenever I'm trying to look for a video, I feel like Drop Dead Gorgeous when Brittany Murphy's like,

Lady Liberty keeps her flame burning bright. She's trying to light the birthday cake on the Barbie doll. It's fierce. The birthday candle. Hold on, Leland sent me this and it is the conTIest thing I've ever seen in my life. It is every girl group challenge on RuPaul's Drag Race. It is these two creators.

Oh, you send it to me and it's very funny. In designer pumps, everyone's thinking she serves c***. Life was hard in a small town. Come on, my maroon, I'm gonna snatch the crown. Slay, slay, slay, slay, Chante. Slay, slay, slay, yeah, I'm gay. Serving face, serving c***,

serving brunch. By the way, this is Amelia Pareta. I know it is more musical. Way more musical. Vote, vote, you better vote, bitch. I don't want it if it's not 8 inches. This is the verse where everyone raps really fast, and guess what? I'm rapping really fast and everyone's gonna see like, oh my God, you rap so fast.

Mary had a little lamb, smack that bitch, take her crown. I almost killed myself. Give me that crown. I had a really tough time at home. Crown. I was kicked out of my house at 13. Give me that crown. Life was hard where I came from.

Fart, piss, shit and cum. I'm from the north, that was hard. I'm from the south, that was hard. I'm from the west, that was hard. I'm from the South, that was hard. I'm from the West, that was hard. I'm from New York, hey fuck you! Love it. It's so valid. That T's valid. I love that shit. It's so fierce.

Life was hard, give me that crown. I think Leland sent it to me and I was like, they got you girl. She was like, I was on the floor bitch. Life was hard, give me that crown. It's so funny. He was like, I was on the floor bitch. It's so funny. Life was hard. Give me that crap. It's cunty. It's cunty.

Words. Word salad. Words. But at least that had musicality unlike any tune in the musical Amelia Perez. Why do you think the Academy is pushing that movie so hard? Because they think it's sweet. Can I be honest?

It's lip service to Woke. Well, I haven't seen any of the other movies. Okay. Renommated. So I feel kind of like talking on my ass because I only saw the one that... That is true. I don't know why. I don't know why because I'm not a hater. When I sit down and watch a movie, I don't endeavor to hate it. I don't either. I want to enjoy the experience.

I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you. Yes, exactly. So I was like, wow, this is as bad as she's... Because I, you tend to get whipped. So I was like, wow, this is as bad as she said. Cause I, you tend to get whipped up. It's like, this is as bad as she said. Yeah. That's okay. Lydia Gaga says, sometimes people don't like things.

Yep. But we don't have to pretend that they're good. No, we do. Oh, we do. We do. Okay. I don't know. I feel like that's the straw.

I mean, you were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Yeah, but you know, unlike Amelia Perez, there were actual enjoyable moments of Hurricane Bianca 2 that were actually well-directed. Seriously. You don't let me finish. You were in Hurricane Bianca 2. Where is that award?

Let's get our boots on the ground effort to get Hurricane Bianca 2 up the... I mean... Up... The Academy kind of already shit it up, but let's shove that movie back up the butthole, get it circulating back through the digestive tract. Let's re-release it in theaters. Let's give it a theatrical release.

It never was in theaters, of course, but, you know... Posthumous. Posthumous theatrical release. You should come out dead. No, come out as gay in the movie. Yes, that would be... AI, chat, GPT, generate. That's the kicker with Amelia Perez that there's also chat, GPT, AI, oh, use of language.

It's like... Yeah. Well, that's it. The world is on fire. M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m- and watched Fahrenheit 911. Oh, that's not good. Followed by Sicko. Jesus. So I was in my house rolling around on the ground like, what? No. Why don't you start, just start cutting yourself. Jesus Christ. It was about that.

Cause I finished Little People, Big World. So then what? You go straight to Fahrenheit 911. Big People, Little World. Yeah, of course. No, you gotta try to meditate. Tea. Gotta try to meditate.

Good for your arthritis. Good for everything. Tea. Gotta try to meditate. Good for your arthritis. Good for everything. Bye. Goodbye. Boop. Ha ha ha. Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb. I recently went up to my hometown of Wathakie, Wisconsin.

We do have two motels in our town, very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk. It was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal. It was amazing.

I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice.

It's also good about like, if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not gonna like have people in my room because it's just beds. So when you're staying in Airbnb,

there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's somewhere to relax and watch television. And that's really nice. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app. Today's episode of Baldwin Beautiful is sponsored by Airbnb, baby. Let me tell you, pretty much any trip would be better with Airbnb.

I recently went up to my hometown of Wasacki, Wisconsin. We do have two motels in our town. Very small motels. And I just, because I was staying and I wanted to be able to cook breakfast and sleep in a real bed and go on like a nature walk, it was a lot better situation for me to be able to stay in an Airbnb. It was such a good deal, it was amazing.

I also like because if I know I'm going somewhere in the future, I'll go through the app and I'll start favoriting, like liking, loving, different options so that next time I look at like, oh, this area of Wisconsin that I'm going, it will show different Airbnbs that in the past I've like stayed at or liked or like been interested in. And that's really nice.

It's also good about like if I'm going up to visit somewhere, it's nice to have somewhere to ask people to come visit me. When you're staying in a hotel, it kind of feels like, well, I always have to leave to hang out with someone. I'm not going to like have people in my room because there's, you know, it's just beds. So when you're staying in Airbnb, there's a dining room table, there's a kitchen, there's, you know, somewhere to relax and watch television. That's, that's really nice.

If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app.