The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Bride and the Betrothed with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Ms. Trixie Mattel and Ms. Katya Zamo kindly request the distinguished honor of your presence at their most magnificent nuptial celebration, where the theme shall be "Baroque Techno Jurassic Gothic Cyborg Barbie Vampire." It will be held at the abandoned Hawthorne Plaza Mall in Hawthorne, CA, where the decor shall scream "gilded ruin of Baroque splendor where pink-hued creatures of the night have mated with cyborgs in orgiastic bliss." Guests are respectfully encouraged to appear in formal attire befitting the evening’s vision, namely Gothic court dress enriched with jewel tones, polished mechanical adornments, vampiric elegance, prehistoric accents, and, if one feels so moved, a whisper of pink-tinged old Hollywood glamour. A supper and bar of darkly splendid delicacies and rosy, probiotic blood-orange libations shall be served post-ceremony. Please feel free to visit our registry at The Sharper Image and make sure to RSVP no later than April 1st. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit: https://Hims.com/BALD Need a website? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain at: https://Squarespace.com/BALD To get fifty percent off your first month, then twenty percent off for two months with free shipping, use code 50BALD at: https://Greenchef.com/50BALD Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget! To shop all things home, head to: https://Wayfair.com Start saving today with Rakuten! Download the Rakuten app today or join for free at: https://Rakuten.com Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Hi, everybody. Our spring, very bald and very beautiful dates are just about sold out. So we're putting shows up for the fall. Hello. Why don't you go ahead and get your tickets at tricksy and katu.com? The website. Do you like websites? Hello? You want to be on top? No, no, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Have you seen this trend that's like my photo shoot after I told Tyra my mom died in a fire? And it's like, it's like some, okay, that's a bad example. It's like my told her my mom died in a construction site. It's like somebody in their garage. So crazy. Yeah, my mom was butchered to death. Was a stabs 17 times. So they have 17 knives hanging out above you.

Crazy. There's a proliferation of all the think pieces, which I can't read because I don't subscribe to the 4,000 only fans that these, you know, the vulture and. Substack. Don't say that. Don't say that. Wait, substack has partnered with Polymarket. What's polymarket? Oh, baby.

Just a gambling. Global cryptocurrency-based prediction market. What? So, like, I predict. So that Trixie is going to talk, like, she's going to say the word, cunt, 17 times in the pod. I think she's going to say 20.

They bet online about that. The tagline, that's weird. Yes. it is. It is very weird. Oh, we can't do that in the first few minutes. If we swear too much in the first few minutes,

bleep it. We get, bleep it. We have to bleep it. Bleep it. Just go, uh, uh, well, our Pam Bondi episode got blocked because I think people are like, it's fascism, but we're also not supposed to yell the F word immediately. No, it's the attorney general.

It's the attorney general who's a huge fan of ours listening to the board. Oh, she loves us. She's 60, by the way. And she's in bed with the FCC. She's 60. Oh. What does that mean? She's 60 years old.

Is that good or bad? I don't know. I just love it. Wait, wait. So poly, substack. So when the, the advertisement was because journalism works better when, oh my God, can you look it up? So it just took substack and polymarket. And the verbiage is so, like, dark. We are in, we are in, we do have to be careful as a society of the senseless collapse. This is exactly.

It's not senseless. It's the Chapolet-Roc. Crocs. Co-Lab. That actually makes a lot more sense because I would love to eat my crocs sometimes. Right. You know what I mean? But this is like, this is about journalism and gambling.

Right. So it's like, it was something to the effect of like, because journalism thrives in a gambling market or some crazy shit like that. I'm not like into gambling. No, because, no. And I encourage people to perhaps not also be into it because it's one of the most nefarious and addictions that ruins lives more than sometimes within drugs and alcohol. I have a friend who had a secret gambling addiction. We didn't know until way later. And he was like, did you know all those years?

We would go home for bar clothes and I would go to a casino. We were like, no. Somebody on our family too, it was a shock. Shocking. Scary. Crazy. And also, it can be destructive. Destructive.

And especially when other people have to foot the bill. There has been times in your life where I wish you would have gambled the money instead of do what you did with it. I know. But shoveling into the furnace is so fun. You always joke about bearing your money in a hole, but you never do. How do you know that? Wish you would.

Down at Westfield Mall, fucking breaking the bank. You know, I stole those clothes. No, it's kidding. What about thrifting? What about it? Why don't you buy some used clothes? This is used. Used by whom?

Those are my brothers. He handed me down. I have, yeah, I mean, I have, well, in L.A. It's tough because thrift store is a regular store. You're going out of the jet rag and a thrifted shirt, it's about 38. You got to go to the goodwill and Los Felo is the one that all the human shit outside. Yeah. Yes.

But then I got to go to the human shit removal service and get it all whatever. I don't know. You're right. I think, yeah, there's too much waste of it. Second hand is good. No, second hand is great. The vintage is good. Often it's not because I have such a challenging figure, such a big body shape.

Because of your size. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Broad. Broad. Goey. I make my own clothes in dress.

But we don't ever see those clothes. This is like what I'm talking about. You say, you're like, I'm always at the studio sewing, and then you show up to Netflix in four off the rack outfits. But I sewed the hams on them. No, I have been, I've been making some. You're getting ready to do your big one. No, Mo Michi, the girl I went to love it with,

she made me, oh man, she made me this body suit that has the boobs attached to it. And it's so beautiful. I wear it around the house. Love that. I saw your story with Michi. I believe I met her backstage. Yes. She's quite beautiful lady.

Oh, she's amazing. I think she's in China right now. She's doing a world tour for her, for her job. She's so gorgeous. She's so lovely. She makes all the lovely shirts. Oh, yeah, that's the pod shirts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had, I don't know why I didn't bring it today. It was the fucking, the cane one. You saw that one. Yeah. Yeah. But I wanted to talk about something that just flew out of it.

my head. Can I talk about something else? And then you can tell me to shut the fuck up. I have been really deep. I follow a lot of makeup artists on TikTok. And one of the things makeup artists be talking about a lot recently is weddings. And they're talking about how

the expectations of the wedding industry are so hot. You're talking about the last time. I did? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I'm going to pivot to something else. Okay, sorry, sorry.

So I remember, it reminded me of the time when I was doing wedding makeup. I know. Everybody get your laughs out now. I used to do wedding makeup. Everyone laugh. Thank you. So this woman, I did her wedding trial. This was like a core memory that was so buried that when I unearthed it, I both didn't recognize it, but no, I know what happened.

Suddenly I was like, I remember this. Oh, my God. I did her, Brett, her wedding trial. She looked great. Beautiful woman. She looked great. And at the trial, the brides would pay 50%. And then I would make them pay the ultimate.

other 50% the day of the wedding or before the wedding. This gal, when their wedding day came, eventually she was like, yeah, I'll pay you when you get here. I said, great. I get there. I do the whole makeup for her wedding. So it's the morning. She's getting married by the that. She's getting married at home.

Or she's getting ready at home to go somewhere to get married. So I finish her makeup. And her house, all the family photography is her and her kids. And the theme of the photo shoot is money. So they're sitting on big oversized bills. They're holding money. Some of the shoots are them throwing money. Right?

That's real classy. So I finish the makeup and I go, you look amazing. You're going to have a great day. Thank you. You know, it's time to square up, whatever. And she goes, well, this is the thing. I only can pay you the half that I paid you at the trial. And I didn't say this, but what I really regret saying was, what about that money?

could you go get me some of that money No, no, no, no, we just say it's like, okay, though that's totally fine makeup wipe, half the face off. I would never do that. I'm not going to violently assault someone with a nitrogen wipe, but... We don't have to do violently gently. But I remember just thinking like, you probably could have told me when I got here that you didn't have it. And I probably

still would have done it. But waiting until the end, weird. Yeah, no offense, that woman is a fucking bitch and a cunt. Not to mention you guys, at the time, she's stealing from the poor to benefit, I guess the also poor. Like, I didn't have money. that. With the, with the crass, nasty, tasteless

money pictures hanging up? Yeah, it was just like, it was so trippy. I think I drove home in silence and blocked it out. Good. You should have drove into the church and killed everybody in the wedding party. Well, I thought about it this weekend because Sunday I drove an hour out of L.A. to go to a wedding. Oh, that's right. You

looked great, beautiful, and white is definitely your color. Thank you. Everybody said, why are you wearing a white dress and a veil? And I said, well, I'm involved. So I Get there Five o'clock wedding Perfect time

Get there at 4.30 The sun is setting It's a Jewish wedding I've never been to a Jewish wedding They have the Hora Which is Hohpa

No that's not right is it There's fabric over their heads While they get married Hapa Hapa So there's the Hapa Oh the Hora is the chair In this guy

So the wedding's beautiful So something you need to know about me When you invite me to something Is that I I'm all in. Okay. You crush the glass. So it's 120 person wedding probably, 140 people.

They have parents. I'm crying more than anyone there. And I'm crying so bad that I'm getting self-conscious because I'm like, you're the plus one. You're not allowed to cry when you're not involved that closely with the family. You don't even know their first names. I do know that. I'm friends with them, but I was like, I peeped their parents.

I'm like, they're not crying. I'm in the back row. I was like, that is, I care. And I'm not trying to cry. So then I'm trying to hide it. So I have one hand like this. And the tears that are coming are so, you know when the tears are so big and wet that they're coming, whether you, you can, you can, you can. No, no, no.

They're falling. So my boyfriend's with me and he looks at me and he sees I'm crying. And he knows I have an issue with this. We're like, if it's, I'm going to cry. Just be crying. If something is remotely good, genuinely good. I'm crying. Okay.

Mind you. Mind you. What? Hello. Come say hi. Hi, ladies. How y'all doing? We're just talking about how we fantasize having sex with you.

And my fantasies have continued as but hers of stuff. Oh, my God. I was talking about Andy on the pot. I was talking about when we were at Plastic and Plastic and Nipia show. And I said to him, I said, is it weird for you to see Plastique and like, do you think of me? And he goes, you know what's weird? It's hard for me because she's up there, but you're standing right here. How's that possible?

I love that. I love him. Well, thank y'all. I just want to come and say hi. You know, I'm very jealous. Bob has guessed it all to show so many times, and I've only been asked once. That sounds. That's been here like once.

That's not true. Bob has been here like four times. Yeah, he's been like four or five times. Yeah. Ever since Ginger Minge, we can't. Josh's massacre just was like, well, that's how you have a guest. Yeah. She was the last guest after that.

God damn. Well, I was going to say hi. I don't want to bother y'all too much at work. Can you have a podcast you could promote? Oh, yeah, Monet Talks. You listen to Monet Talks. Fuck some rivalry. And also, it's going to, you better have both hands free

when we watch this one with Valentina because you're going to be jerking it. Oh, my God, you guys. I don't want to, I don't know when this comes out. She just, can we say Valentina? Valentina was sitting in there waiting to go in and I was like, oh, fuck. And I had just literally just watched one of her lip sinks.

And I was like, porn. Porn. Porn. Love you, girl. Bye, see ya. Holding her around the middle, I just felt, I felt abs. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by hymns. You guys, ED does not mean your love life is over.

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for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by our friends, Squatters-Bachie. That is what they call Squarespace in Italy. My friend Nick is from Italy, and I told him about that.

And he didn't confirm it, but he did laugh. So I think that maybe that's true. But let's say you are a yoga instructor and you do private instruction specifically for, let's say, restorative stretching for people with arthritis. Don't ask me how I know. Let's say you want to put your business on your website. These are the ways that having SquarePace will help you. Obviously, people will be able to find you, but that's where the magic only begins.

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And you can connect your social media accounts. So let's say most of what you do is produce content about stretching for arthritis on Instagram or TikTok. You can actually link that out to your website. I also love it because you can sell content. So like let's say you are doing a series of like video content. You can sell the videos directly from your website. I'm just telling you as a small business owner, it's very rare that having to depend on a bunch of other people is the better option.

I'm telling you the best thing you can do as a small business owner is be as self-sufficient as you possibly can. Head over to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald. Squaredespa. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up,

and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring. That brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful. But what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window,

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Airbnb.ca slash host. So I'm crying. Okay. Yeah. And my boyfriend knows that I get, you know, for Valentine's Day, he wrote me a note. I cried like someone died. Like, stop me the toilet seat. I came down the stairs in my house, like, ah, like it was like too much.

Tony Collette. No, not Tony Collette. Sarah Paulson. Yeah. That's Mary Bamford. Right. So I'm crying. And then I'm laughing because I know that I shouldn't be crying this much.

So then I'm laughing at the thought of it. So I'm like this, holding the tears like this in the back row. So the bride comes and everyone turns around it because I'm in the back row. I'm in the front to her. So imagine you're at the wedding and your music is playing and I turn around like this. Like it was so bad. So then I'm trying not to cry because it's her wedding and I want her to have a present moment and not be like, look at everyone. Why is he crying like that?

There's a fag in the bag. So I get through the wedding. It was great. And I'm like, oh, God. So we go and we sit down and there's a cookie table. You started crying at that. I think, one of us is from Pittsburgh, I guess, and this is a Pittsburgh thing where everybody, maybe I'm wrong. Tracy, Google.

You bring cookies at a wedding in Pittsburgh. And at the end, everybody brought cookies. So you take a bag, a cookie doggy bag home of all the different cookies. What they got. Wait, what? So there's a cookie table with a velvet rope because you're not supposed to take it till the end. I'm not taking anybody's big. I walk by the grooms table and I go, I know you have a velvet rope.

But if I want these cookies, nobody here will be able to get between me and these cookies. So nice try with the rope. And then plot twist, I got so drunk. I forgot to take home cookies. There you go. But is it wrong? No, it originated in Pittsburgh and Youngstown, Ohio. Cookie table.

I think it's cute. It is cute. I prefer money. It's a cookie swap of a wedding. So the wedding's beautiful. I love weddings. I love an intimate wedding. My brother got married on a porch.

There was 10 of us there. I loved it. I've been a huge. I've been to huge weddings, cry. I love all of them. I just love love. If we're not crying at a wedding, when are we supposed to cry? I went home being like, can I cry at a wedding?

You can cry anytime you want. It's not in the car on the 101. Right. So, well, I'm busy shaving my legs. I'm going to go and going a past. Yeah, I'm crying doing my mascara. Doing mascara and then crying at the same time because I want that look. So we go to sit and then the parents dance, right?

So me and the groom's mom are talking a lot because she owns an umbrella cockatoo. She's a big bird lady. So we're talking about birds. We're talking about birds. And all bird people talk about birds like this. They're like, ah, it's a nightmare. You have to get one.

Like, it's like, everybody with the bird is like, if there's anything I can do to dissuade you. But it's changed my life and it's like my other child. I love it so much. I lived with a landlady who had a flightless bird on her shoulder at all times. The poop lady. Yeah. I know about that.

I know about birds. But what's weird is when this is a side side note because I'm getting a bird. this is a side note. I'll get to it later. You're going to cry about the bird. Of course. But people keep going, attention to how long they live.

I'm sorry, do we get pets hoping they die? Yeah. A pet that will live as long as I live? Why don't you talk to me in 13 years when your collie's dying and I'll be sitting here with a bird being like, and she's a preteen.

She hasn't gone to middle school yet. Right. I don't know why people are like, the birds live so long. I'm like, when your dog dies, I swear to God, you will wish it was living 50 years. No shit.

Okay. Yeah. Because I was there. with that doggie deathadula. Right. That was awful. Napoleon. Pour one out for Napoleon. Napi, little nappy. So cute. But that woman, I'm telling you,

she... Kelly Mantle. Kelly Mantle has a similar service. She has six or seven bottles of wine. She comes over. She takes your border collie in the headlock and chokes a life out of it while she watches you.

And then just walks out of the house like that. Leaves all the wine bottles and then just drags it down Santa Monica Bullard. So then we're sitting, we're eating, the food was great. Love a wedding with good food. Then it's time for the dancing. And I cry when the dad, the son and the mom dance to that song from that Stephen Sondheim song,

Nothing's going to harm you, not while I'm around, not while I'm around. Beautiful song for a mother and son, love it. And then the father and daughter dance, the brides, parents are both modern dancers. So an older man who really can dance. whenever there's an extension, the arm is out. It was like a fred of stairs swagger. Porta bra. Like, I'm crying from that.

Yeah. I'm crying from all of it. Damn. That was the last time I cried of the evening, but just the three times. Just the three, just the three. Three longer sections. Yeah. Were you wearing makeup?

Did you have to repower your nose? I put makeup on. Yeah, but that's what I mean. I cried so much. I think I had white streaks down my face. Damn. And there's something I did do because I'm not flexible. But if the situation calls for it, I can like the grudge out of any situation.

So I hear that, oh, they're about to, it's about to become a cash bar. Extreme backbending. Backflip. Backflip, sprint. Spin move. Like velvet rope. I can get these chunky thighs over that. In a five minutes, it's going to be a cash bar.

I'm going to need three tequila sodas. Cash bar at a wedding. Well, no, at a certain moment it turned into a cash bar because they're closing. Who? The bar. Oh. The venue. The wedding was over at 930, nice and early.

But right before that cash bar, I said, I will get in there. Oh, yeah. And you brought your own hail. Right. I brought my own. Forget my trough. I had one of those gumball machines. You put a quarter in it.

I put my mouth under. Splash in the mouth. You know those love... Oh, my God. It was a great wedding. I love weddings. What was the theme? Marriage.

The theme of the wedding was marriage. I mean, what's the theme? Is it love? Well, I did just watch this TikTok saying that we're experiencing the trend in wedding right now is classic wedding. Elegant, classic, timeless. And the TikToker was saying that we're all going to regret that because weddings are going to all look too wedding-y. I think that might be crazy.

I feel like a lovely plain wedding is lovely. The thing about things is sometimes that they are a certain way. And we identify those things because of those qualities. Right. If there's a tucks, a white dress and a white cake, that is a theme. No, it's a baseball game, right? It's a baseball game. I'm okay with a wedding-themed wedding.

Also, what it does is it relieves a little bit of burden for the attendees. Of course. The theme is like Balkan Baroque with orange. Like what, you know what I mean? It's crazy. It's not crazy, but it's like, classic never goes out of style. That's why they call it classic. Yeah, I love classic.

I do too. But the person on TikTok was saying like, I think the response to this is, in a few years we will see more of those fucking dances down the runway. No, we will see like one of the themes that was. pitched, not a theme, but like an aesthetic was freaky teaky. Like vintage prom in a gym. Fabric, streamers. I actually really loved that. I like that for a party, a birthday party. You don't like it for a wedding? No, I don't know. I don't. I like,

I want the church and the... Yeah. So I don't know. To me, when I go to a wedding in my mind, I'm picturing some kind of altar, two people, sides of a family. I want the love is blind wedding to watch. I'm thinking, I'm thinking like at least 13th, 14th century Gothic architecture cathedral. Right. Latin. Incense. Service is probably around

three, four hours long. We do Catholic. Catholic, of course. Oh, the Jewish wedding. Stomp on the glass. Yeah, yeah. The woman, okay. Did she get down the first time? This is fierce. Rabbi Janet was taking no prisoners. Rabbi Janet. She roasted people?

No, she goes, oh God, what was talking about. There was a part of a prayer that's in every wedding. And she said, what these other religions don't know is, they actually got that from us. And everyone laughed and she goes, is there something funny? And then she cited the passage that I guess

gets used a lot. And she's told a story in the middle of the wedding about the time a priest gave her a tip to say use this passage. And she said, well, guess what, honey? I'm a rabbi. I knew it before you. I know it. Anyway, pussy's so tight like a nun. Right. Right. So anyway, she was fun. A lot of Acapella singing. Very good job.

I was like, okay, work. I love the stepping on the glass. Yep. I guess it signifies that just like this glass can't be reassembled, I think it signifies that now that this is a union, the world, that your world has changed forever. Yes. This marriage. Do you know what they do, like a lot of, I know a lot of Jewish weddings in the Midwest,

they just use pookies. It's really easy to crush. And they're easy to come by. You just put it in a sock. You don't even need the... You can walk through Hollywood with a push broom and go home with about a dozen pookies. Mary, I went, I passed a little, like, smoke shop. I was like, do you have gum?

They have, no. Just pookies. No. Just pookies and lighters. We have cold glass and hot glass. Pookies, lighter, a little thing on the librette, little, like, stand. I was like, they have to have gum. I guarantee they also have...

Gatorade. Gatorade and Monster Energy. Like an energy drink. Oh, they have a million of those, like, rocket fuel, like, going to kill you with drinks. Oh, yeah. At this point, I think the straight men are cracking open like a D battery and they're just drinking that. Well, you know what?

And this is sad. A lot of parents I know who have like tough schedules and stuff, they bypass the coffee or they go straight to those fucking monsters

because they need energy. I've climbed down the ladder. I'm hugging the like organic black tea more. Oh, see, that wouldn't even register in these people's lives. And they're not drug users. People who have autoimmune disorder, we don't need to be

mass-consuming energy drink. Sure. And certainly if you have any type of anxiety, the last thing you want to do is introduce more cortisol as your looks maxing. Can we please talk about that for two seconds? We can, but I have to finish the wedding talk.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, so then my other favorite part was the part where they throw the people up in the chairs. Oh. So they have the two people in the chairs. They throw up on them in a chair. I pictured like an inject thing out of a, you know. Oh, she never came down.

She's gone. Well, they go, we need four big, strong people. And I thought, like, I'm not going to be responsible for dropping a bride or a groom. Or lifting her so high she, you know, she hits the same. Yeah. So, and then everybody holds hands and goes around in opposite circles. I, nobody up in the chairs looked relaxed.

No. Everyone's like, it's a trust issue. Yeah. I don't think, I don't, and this isn't about like my body. I would be scared of people who've been drinking in slippery, dress shoes holding me up on a folding chair or whatever the hell. Labada got on it. She stood on a

chair when I'm one of the acts had I started screaming. Get down from there. Get down. I think I'm just going to, I'm not Jewish, but I'm going to say that maybe at the Jewish wedding, we put helmets on the bride and the groom. Green Bay Packer helmets just in case. I'll do you one better. Invisible bungee

cords. They don't even need to be on. The chair is a very light foam. It just attaches to the dress. And then she just goes Absolutely. I think instead of the chair thing, they should do pink, we're all going to start her to fight. Rubber bands. And also, I don't want my dad to walk me down

the aisle. It's like, as soon as you hear the music, right to the altar. Yeah. Years. Weddings. Sorry, you were just going to talk about something. Ow! What were you going to talk about? I forgot. Oh, fuck. No, no, no. Looks maxing.

So this is so, oh, it's so okay. You know, I don't want to like be Okay, boomer. Baby, I got one step ahead of you. The other day I tweeted, before we looks, Max, can we make sure we personality bare minimum? There you go. Hello.

Thank you. But you know what's real? I watched a TikTok saying that you can call these men like a pedophile protector or like a fascist. The worst thing could be called as a beta. Because they really believe that the alpha beta thing. So I'm not as, obviously, I'm not, whatever. I'm not like chronically online anymore.

and I'm also not a fucking sociologist, but like, and I'm not that smart, but like, the, it's just, the, it just seems so a product of,

just chronic online, weird, in cell, lack of socialization. I don't know. It's like, these guys are, talk about it.

In cell is, it's in cell related in a sense that like, they're, I don't even want to like dignify it with their, talking about their names. It's like, they're so loathsome. But the idea of looks maxing to me is so stupid. But that thing is choosing to like put a little concealer on. Well, it goes further than that, of course. But I'm saying like wanting to look your best. That's what it is. It's quite far from, I think, looks maxing. But it's like a sign of, I think, health when someone like

does their hair and puts on a little perfume, but like, you know, this is a very historic phenomenon that has existed, probably since the days of the Boneyard. Right, the cave people are probably putting on the fancy flowers in their hair. They're, you know, even the primates are ticking ticks out of the, you know what I mean,

they're grooming each other. Yeah. Grooming. But the, it's so funny, it's like, I don't know how to describe it. But they're like breaking bones.

They're doing trend. They're doing, do you saw the, the guy get his wig snatched. What's Tren? It's a very powerful steroid. Tren is one of the

testosterone supplements that gives you all the back knee and makes you crazy. Trend is like real serious. Yeah. So it's like HGH, testosterone. Trend is like the...

They're also taking meth to get skinnier. Well, yeah. I've heard about that. That is, I was like, that is stupidest. I mean, it does make you skinny. Yeah, it also ruins your life.

But like, how do you know? I'm not, I've heard. I've heard. I've heard. But like, why don't you just, Anyways, that's... You're not gonna be able to inspire the masses if you keep living your dream.

You're out here living your dream on a podcast. It ruins your life, by the way. Look at me. Let's take a break. Let's do some ads. No, no. That was, I think it's a rumor.

It's a rumor. No, they're doing it. Like all? Well, do you listen to, what's that pod? I think it's from Vox. They did a whole segment on it. Okay.

And that's literally what they're doing. I listened to that. So, okay, that's another, okay, that's a interesting thing. It's like, Where do we draw the line between healthy self-care and... This is, I think, where the term makes more sense now. Looks maxing, not health maxing, not optimizing.

Oh, yeah. How do I, at what, at, no matter the cost, how do I get my shell to be a certain way? Right. To attract it, whatever, whatever. And looks maxing is just about physical appearance. Yes. And it came from male in cells. Back in like the 2010s.

Oh, yeah. Because I think it comes. from the alpha-beta. Like, you're trying to cheat genetics to be an alpha if you aren't an alpha. And sort of like the self-pressure of like, don't be a beta look like this. So you have access to this. But I don't get the sense that women like this. Well, that's the thing. It's kind of not about the women.

Oh, it's the fam-boy people. No, it's, they're all getting together on their little party buses with their little mess and they're fucking rubbing their dingies together. I mean, I just made that up, but I think that is. the vibe. It's wild. Today's episode of Baldwin the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair. Wow. Okay. Your home, my friend told me that your home is your sanctuary and the more you can feel recharged and beautified at home, the more you can be better in every other area of your life. And I actually

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Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. host. But speaking of the... Bad buddy wanting to... No, the alpha. No, Alpha. I saw 28 years later the Bone Temple. Okay, I saw your tweet because you didn't like the previous one, did you?

No, no, I enjoyed it. I cried my eyes out to that. Yeah, it was a different vibe. It was good. This was. It was. You will love it. I keep driving by the, um, billboard being like, well, my thought was the response to the

one before was mixed, even though I loved it. So I thought, how are they doing another one? I could see that. Oh, mama. There's the two majors. How would you, how would you compare? If I saw that one, what is this one? This one is balls to the wall.

It's so intense. And there's an alpha zombie who is a... I cried. With the big dick. Yeah, and I cried. Isn't that awful? No. No.

He had a big dick. You're just saying he has a big dick. I would fuck that zombie dick. Well, Mama, you're going to love this. So there's two like sort of different storylines going on with the... Ray finds is like this crazy doctor. He's covered in... It's not blood as iodine.

and him. The guy with all the skeletons. Exactly. So he's got his own little like, you know, underground bunker, da-da-da-da-da. The alpha, he tames an alpha via morphine. And I won't give, that's, I won't spoil anything else about that. Morphine love Dion? She's in the movie?

Your daughter. My daughter. Yeah. She fucked the alpha. Of course, because she knows. Well, she's warming up for me. Yeah. So then, but then there's.

Ew. Do you think people want to fuck out for zombies? Do you think that I'm like morphine? I think the resemblance is almost I would say sisters, not mother daughter. Yeah, that's what I would say. Okay.

But the other storyline is so harrowing. So there's this guy, Jimmy, who is a psychopath. Okay. New character. New character. Regular. Spoilers, by the way.

No, no, no. It's all in the trailer. Oh. I'm not. things in the trailer these days. Well, no, no, no. I mean, you can see that there's this blonde guy, and he has a coterie of, like,

um, his, he's a, his old cult gang, and they're all called Jimmy. And the way that they gain entrance into the gang is they, they have to kill one of the members and they become a Jimmy. He's a psychopath.

And there's a scene, I won't, where they go to this people's house, humans, not, you know, they've like protected themselves against the infected. They do this thing called, they have this thing called, um,

he, believes he is the son of Satan, old Nick. And they're like, what should we, what, um, what, uh, I forget it's the term he uses. Like what, um, uh, something we should we do for these guys. I think we should take their shirts off. And that's a metaphor. Is it skin? Are they living people and they deskin them?

It's so fucking disgusting. It was so hard to watch. Okay. There was so, it's so nasty. I, girl, I didn't even watch the last song. that you said was good because I didn't know if I could take that. Well, that's splatter. I feel like that's splatter gore.

You know what I mean? But I'm watching Real Housewives of Orange County. So how do I pivot to that? Oh, easy. It's just as vicious. Maddie from, Maddie has me, I said, well, you know, I finished New York. New York was incredible from the beginning, finished New York. Now what?

She said, we're going to have to watch Real Housewives of Orange County. The first three seasons are, it's not the Houseways you know in love. It's not like Hot Rich Bitches' Screens. screaming at each other. It's like... Dumpy Republican women's? It's like gated community people and their families. It's really...

It hasn't turned into the housewives yet. Vicki Gunderson. Like, they haven't realized what it is. They think it's about children or like... And also it's weird because old TB like that, when someone has plastic surgery and is open about it, it's like so crazy. Yeah, I had my boobs done. Crazy.

And it's like, whose boobs aren't done? Thank you. Go visit the bones. Temple. Go to the bone temple. No, I'm seriously. The boob temple. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's cool. I'll go watch it. I will. And it's, I probably won't go to the movies. It's streaming. Oh! You got to buy it, though. That's fine. Yeah. Movies, I will say movies at home when you want to see them. $38. Mary, how about this? I wanted, I was like, you want to rent it, 20 bucks. You want to buy it 25. I accidentally, I, why are they doing that? Because they're trying to antagonize me. They're trying to piss me off.

Well, I'm not pissed off. I'm pissed off that I chose to rent it by accident. For $5 more, I could have just given it to you. Yeah, that would have been nice. I don't think you can do that, though. I can give you my computer. You can plug it into your giant TV. Like, I want your computer history in my house.

No, no, no. I'll be using, I'll be at the switchboard. Making me watch some certain things. I'll be. Watch ball. Our show is free. No, it's not. All these ads.

Right. No, I'm serious. Watch that. And then. When we lost the Patreon, we will be doing a shot for shot remake of The Bone Temple. Yeah. Oh, the charity he calls them.

And I was like, charity, that's interesting. For a while we were calling you the lovely bones and drag. I think we got to pivot to the Bone Temple. Yeah, the, the, the Bonner Temple. The Bone Temple. The Bone Temple, Grandin. Did you, wait, so you saw 28, was it 20 weeks later? It was 28 years later.

That's what came out about a year and a half ago. And Spike was in that, the little boy Spike? Yes. He's in this one too. And his mom is sick. Oh yeah, Jody Cohn. That was very hard. It was so tough. So he's in this.

He gets recruited by the Jimmy's. Okay. And it's just. Oh yeah, it ends with that. It ends with him getting approached by... The blonde guy? It ends with him being like assaulted by some guys. It's like a cliffhanger.

Oh my gosh. I didn't remember that. It's so... It's really fucking good. It's really good. What is the speed they're going down this street here? Do you hear that? Well, it's nothing compared to what they do outside my house.

Crazy. Except they have no mufflers and they are screaming and they have boom boxes in their cars. They put up across from my house. They put up like one of those... You know, L.A. is obsessed with those modern duplexes. That are built in 13 minutes. Thank you. Is it the...

It's the four-story flop house? It's two. It's three, but it's cut down the middle. So it's two townhouses. Whatever. It's a trigger word for you. I know. I'm very sure.

But it's straight people. And I came home from that Super Bowl party. It's straight people at a Super Bowl. Like on the patio at a Super Bowl function. Like people in their 20s. Now, L.A. is back. No, it isn't. I'm, I've been told many times that I'm a hater.

I'm trying to be, I'm trying to be less of a hater. I know I am. You hate Joy. You hate Queer Joy. No, no, no. I like queer joy. Straight. Football, I can get into a lot of sports.

I can appreciate. Like tennis, for example, I could get obsessed with tennis really easily. Yeah. It's one of the most incredible difficult sports ever. Even golf, I could sort of, I can appreciate the precision and, you know, basketball, amazing. Hockey, whoa. You know, the list goes on. Football?

Girl, it's so much. American football. It's so much of nothing happening. It's literally like. When they see a hot, hot hike, the play goes for four seconds. And most of the time, they don't catch the ball. No. And the most exciting thing about it is seeing the veins bulge on the next of the, the coaches

and the managers on the sidelines screaming into those like headsets like their wives are getting tortured at home? There are so many incomplete passes, so many fumbles. So I watch it being like, are you guys that good? I don't want to be a hater. I'm like, this sport should move more. And basketball, they're not constantly stopping. Mama, what happens in soccer or a football?

Right. They are never not moving. Those whores are in such incredible shape. It would be like if it was tennis, but it was like half net shots. There's so much stopping and starting in football. It's like how many minutes are left in the quarter? Two. Also, we'll be here for four hours.

First down. First down, what? Exactly. Why don't you just score it? Is it seven points if you get a touchdown and then one extra if you kick a field goal, right? And I think it's 33 if you do, I don't have no idea. And it's corny girl. It's corny.

Baseball, it's thrilling. It's like, and it's like, oh, yeah. I love baseball. It's like a great American thing. American football to me is just so stupid, although baseball players are hot. Yeah, they get some, well, sometimes they're not, which is also fun. Like, I like a... I like the outfit.

They have big arms, could be throwing balls and shit. Yeah, and I kind of like when they have a little bit of, like a dad-bodd thing going on. Yeah. Sometimes the athletes grow their hair long. It's like a fun thing with the team. And then, so then everyone looks worse, which is kind of fun. Everyone grows like beards and long hair. And then you actually, I'm not a super fan.

I know that they're not the same people sometimes, but they all have long hair and beards. And I'm like, who is anybody? Hmm. Hillary Clinton, do you remember when Hillary Clinton grew her very long? No. It was weird.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. So the gig. I had to do this gig. Oh, yes. So the next day, 5 a.m. Like, we leave, Fina picks me up at 5 a.m. Get in the Uber at 5 a.m. We go.

Which, which, she's been up for hours. Fina? Yes. Oh, yeah, she's like a 4 a.m. I know. She's a baking cookies. 3.m. She meditates for 40.

She's at the gym by 7. Just fucking crazy. Getting that Uber is like death. And then fall asleep on the plane. We go to D.C. nonstop. So we arrive. I have to be at the venue on stage at 6. We can't have to get ready at the hotel.

Yeah. I have to get ready at the hotel. The American University of something. University of Phoenix. Yes. Trump University. It felt very, very like for-profit. No.

It was. it was um uh it was so anyways we get to the hotel at 440 i heard about the meat and greed oh yeah oh the meat and greed was rotten but but the point is i i beat my face in like 35 minutes and it looked amazing i bet girl we talked about it before put down the brush and move on with your life you were in my head the entire time i was doing it you can do it you can do it you can do it. It's possible. And not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not like, um, uh, we're not doing Chuck close. I mean, it's not like intricate. You can just do like a black eye. Well, she was like,

she was like on the, she was really worried for me. Did you know, no, no, but she was worried on the, on the car right there, she's like, just remember red mouth, black circle. You can do it. Honestly. But I did, I did, I did like a whole thing. And it was, as long as you were just, I wouldn't have known. You, right. It wasn't like, it was good. It wasn't amazing. But like, I wasn't Bad. Foundation looked a little flatter than usual. Yeah, because she usually does the whole

da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and I didn't have enough time. Also, I tipped, I dropped the powder thing. Your foundation looked more one color than it normally does. Normally you have more highlight contour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because she's been doing more. Yeah, yeah. Well, we do that thing from, I think it's from you. The yellow, the brown. Oh, the bronzer sticks. Yeah, yeah. But yeah.

It's easy, too. Oh, and it's creamy. Love it. But if you don't, Yeah, I saw the picture. Your eyes look like you're normal eyes. You had less on the bottom, maybe. Yeah.

I like you with a lot of horror color on the bottom. You know what the problem is, though? My age and the tissue craped skin under my eyes. Collects the shadow. Yes, and also just anything is accentuated all the... It doesn't wear that well. Have you ever used liquid or cream instead of powder under there? No.

You have. Liquid or cream? Like shadow. So that it's not powder. because powder will move. But what about like a liquid or cream like black or brown to smoke out the bottom? And you don't have to worry about it. Does it actually blend out well?

Yeah. You could use the black play pigment from Trixie black liquid. And then there's no fallout because it's not powder. I don't experience that because my under eye is here. Gotcha. But I would assume if it's closer to your eye, this is like the finest. Oh, it's a horrible. Yeah.

Would you do like a talkback? I did. It was just a moderated Q&A. So naturally, of course, I made them to the Pledge of Allegiance. We stood for the National Anthem at the end. Did you sing? I sure, I sure did. And then, yeah, it was fun.

It was fun and easy. And I was like, I can't believe I got, I can't believe I got ready that quick. But I wasn't stressed out because you just do it. Yeah. It's kind of like when you have that, timing with drag can be tough because, like, if you have like too much time, it can get a little weird sometimes,

then you're late. Do you know what I mean? Yes. I try to now, like, I don't want anything about the day I have to be in drag to be that. Like, just yesterday I took a wig home and I, before dinner, sat and styled my updo topper for my DJ gig this Friday. Because I said Friday, I don't want to go to the studio early to style this hair. I want to show up knowing some part of it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because to your point, if you just want to economize the time you're getting ready, you just got to cut corners. You can't do everything you've ever wanted to do. No. But the funny thing is, though, so I had a high neck because my problem area is. Also, I didn't have to shave all this, which is great. But when I get in that shower, I'm ready to hit it. I'm ready to hit the ground running with that razor. The water pressure was like three adult men peeing on me.

I was like, you're going to be kidding. Veterans. Yeah. It was like, I was like. Veterans with prostateitis. Prostititis. It was like, this is my rush. This is the shower.

I have to rush. This is going to take about 45 years. It was so. It was a comically... It was Mitch McConnell's peace dream. When is he going to kick the bucket? Girl. When?

Girl. It's going to be so funny. Yeah, I mean, I don't wish anybody died except him. I'm going to be like, thought he was. Like, you know what I mean? Like, what's the difference? Man, he's been... There have to be.

We cannot... But evil can sustain you. No, yeah. People who die, it's never who you want. No. I don't know what it is about the universe. It's never who you want. I wish that when it was time for someone to

die, death would go like, hi, Trixie, and I go, I got a list. I go in here at this other room, my whiteboard. It looks like a phone book. I haven't all worked out for you. So top, Pam, Bobby. Right, and then we're going down, you know what I mean?

And if you take bad bunny before I say, you can't take bad bunny. You take him to my house. You're taking him my hotel room and make him do sex to me. Right. I love him. Love him. The other thing was,

This is America. And the halftime show should be on English. So, you know, we don't know what they're saying. We speak English here. I know, I know like there's like 40 billion Spanish to be. Megan Kelly, shut the fuck. Megan Kelly can suck it. She can

truly suck it. She can suck it. Not any dick. She can just suck like a big frozen turd that they get in those weird German nightclubs. Nasty wet rat. She, and it's... Violent, violent, violent person. Horrible. Hate her.

I hate her. I hate her. Dumb bitch. It's a weird. Weird. weird commitment to the bit of being a liar. Well, I think what, I mean, my only, one of my guesses would just be that people know in this horrible day and age that vitriol is profitable. Girl, she's in, she's assembling nuclear warheads with Nikki Minaj and Mar-a-Lago. Yeah. That's what she's up to. God.

If they, if Nikki Minaj gets on one of those subs that they have, you know, with all those Satan two nuclear warheads. Wait a minute. I wish I could have handpicked the people on that tight. Titanic thing that exploded imploded. I wish I would have been able to handpick. I would have done it like a pyramid like dance moms. Oh my God. Revealing who's going to be on it. And you'd be like you guys like this is

going to be the most unforgettable. It was like the opposite of the trip to space. Yeah. I saw it they have what do you call it de-gasified her Miss Menard. Oh. She just has flat hair and she looks like it was just like interesting. Pierce. Interesting.

Come with me. And I don't want to I don't want to belittle people for their weight or whatever. but there was this funny this guy I followed on Twitter Big off when she was walking into the thing it was the ground was shaking and

Oh my God I saw a picture of her with Trump and she was in that big coat and it said they're having a big off That was yeah I think it was probably the same guy and it was like It was just yeah

I mean you know I think if you're like I think it's like I'm not into body shaming unless it's somebody doing evil You better come for that bald head Yeah it's still achievement You know, I feel, shoot me in the eye, bitch. I don't like talking about people's,

you would never catch me saying mean shit to someone about how they look. Don't roll the tapes. That's, well, but, so I think they have plenty of footage. I don't like, this happens on the housewives a lot. I don't, I don't like when they say someone has a little dick as a bad thing. No, no. And I think what it means, because I googled it. I think what their meaning is this person exhibits behavior of someone who is insecure.

about having a little dick. When you say someone's little dick, you're talking about their behavior, the way they act. Yeah, so that's an imprecise. But I don't like making fun of things that people can't change. People's bodies that we think should be bigger

or smaller. And I feel like it's up, I kind of feel like it's up there when being bald. People are like, people online are like, and your hairline. Not to me, I don't care if I'm bald.

But it's weird to like, my unit. I'm all about slam dunking on men, but I kind of think like, and your hairline, it's like, I have a mirror. I know what's going, yeah.

I just, and maybe there's no answer to this. No. But the way we, I love when people are coming for people they don't like, let's say you hate this young Republican. Their character, their actions, the things that they stand for and that they promote. We're all very loosey goosey about saying men have a small dick or they're bald. Yeah. And I just feel like that's also making fun of someone's physical shit. And it also doesn't matter.

And I feel, I regret when I say like, you know, that fat bitch. I mean, I think if you roll the tapes, I do appear incredibly fatphobic, and I swear to God I'm not, but I was at the supermarket and this woman walked by, or no, it was at the mall.

And she had some very interesting surgery done to her face. Interesting in what way? I would probably, like, it was... Aftermarket light switch knows. It was extreme. It was extreme. Extreme.

And I looked and I looked and I, And my immediate reaction was what a free. And I was like, oh, I stopped myself. I was like, you know what? There's so many people in this world. They look the way they do. Let them live. Let them fucking live.

I look like a goblin often. I often can get confused for Gallum from Lord of the Rings. It's like I, people look all. I mean, I either want surgery. I can't believe. I can't even tell. Yeah. Or I want Riley from House of Evelyn.

Yeah. Or who knows. I want the dolls, the goddesses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I want like, Restolin. I would have never know. You know, like I want that. But also, we don't know anything.

I didn't know anything about this woman. I don't know, you know, and I, and I, my mind goes to like the bullying for like congenital, um, uh, herpes. Defects. I'm not joking. Yeah, oh, yeah, like defects are like, genital. Congenital herpes. Oh, you know.

Congenital herpes. Well, that's a thing. Look it up. Queen. But like, I don't know. I just, I, like, when I watched a movie where a person gets bullied for being overweight, like, especially a girl in high school, I, I, it like takes a knife into my chest.

Like I almost can't watch it. It's so tough to watch. Yeah. Just bullying in general. Like, I have our time with that. I think you and I, when we're being huge bitches, it's not unwarranted. I mean, yeah.

I mean, we're just, I'm not, I'm not a great person, but I try not to be a neat, like, a shitty one. No, sometimes when I listen to the pot, I'm like, oh, I was a little mean to that person, whoever, whatever, but. Like someone like Pam one. We speak unscripted full time for 10 plus years. It's really impossible to stand by everything we've ever said. Exactly.

That is a really good point in people. It's not to excuse bad behavior, but because I try to evolve intellectually. When I listen to this show sometimes, I'm like, oh, I said that. Okay, well. Yeah. But I mean. Does your hat say thanks a lot, bitch?

Yeah. But like, you know, I don't know. It's some people in this world are actually doing evil. Right. And it's Monet. Yeah. And Bob. It's Bob.

And it's Monet. And I don't want to... It's fierce. Love drag. You know what I mean? I love drag. I'm in an era right now where I love drag. Once they get...

Not always. But right now, because I'm not overworked, I'm just like... Oh my God. I love it. I can't wait to wear some gowns. It's so easy to drag when you haven't done it a while

and you're just feeling it, girl. I love feeling it. I love feeling it. I love to feel it. Yeah. As long as I got a good front facing shot and no profile, I'm good. Oh, that was the last thing about Lovada. The camera, live camera, often from below.

Mama, that bitch looks incredible from every angle. Good for her. From below? She got to figure out. Every angle. Every angle. Cunt. Cunt.

Beautiful. There's some more reviews on our side tables. Okay, I have one more thing I've heard of bring up. I guess we just let it go. No, no, no, don't let it go. Oh, I had a new injector. You doing it right now? No.

Just kidding. My old guy, Ross, he retired from that location. So I haven't gotten Botox and so long, but music festivals are coming. And it's more for the sweat. So if I get Botox. That works. Do you do a different type of Botox injection for the sweat? No, I get all the way up here into my scalp so that my wig glue don't get sweaty.

Wait a minute, baby. You think it's a lie? No. No, no, no. What's wrong? I've got something for you. The pills. The glycopy.

I'm not taking the pills. Why not? Music festivals, I need to sweat for health. No, you don't. You're the one who told me that it should only be for on-camera gigs where you're not sweating. No, event-specific hyperhydrosis. You don't take them every day. You don't think if it's 100 degrees at Bonarue, I should be sweating a little?

I think for my health. You will. What are you going to do? Have a heart attack? Yeah. No, you wouldn't have a heart attack. Yeah, oh shit. Really?

From overheating? Yeah. So I go to this and do injector. And I always feel dumb saying this. I say, because they always are telling me about other things I could do. And I was like, I just want the Botox for the makeup. And I said, I like to look really natural and really male. So I don't want anything softened or blown out or out of drag.

Like out of drag. Like out of drag, that's not important. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know? So you get all the needles. It hurts like a bitch. Doesn't matter what they do.

It doesn't matter what they do. It always hurts. Yes. Always hurts. I'm like drop-de-gorgeous. I'm like, ow! But they have a sale of dull needles that came art.

I'm like, I'm like, you know. And they have like a, give me a stress ball. That's my hand. There's a needle in my face. They give you a stress ball. So it hurts like a bitch and I'm just.

They did that for the tattoo removal. It don't do nothing. I know. So then they go, talking about my arthritis. And they go, have you done cry out? And I go,

well, I used to do cryout this location when I was like 25 but I quit because it's awful and they said why don't you try to get today on the house I just want to see if you like

and see if it helps oh it's three and a half minutes in like negative whatever 100 degrees yeah and I believe in the science that it can shock your system into like a survival mode

like a reboot it's so unpleasant it's so unpleasant I was in there jumping I'm thrashing so I'm in there jumping my eyes are rolled back I'm like cold plunge, isn't it?

I get out after two minutes and I go, she goes, how was it? I said, I remember why I don't do it anymore. It sucks. But I believe that it helps you. I bought a cold plunge. It's at my house. I got in it twice.

For how long? Never again. About 10 seconds. It's awful. 20 minutes? Yeah. And an ice bath? What are you nuts?

I can't do that. Brendan Fraser and Cino Man bullshit. Sweetie, when they numbed, these little guys numbed, but we put ice on them. to numb them. I was like, girl, what the fuck are you doing? Just zap them.

Just zap them. Performative. That hurt more than the zapping. Right. I was like, numb them so you can't feel. What are you talking about? You just iced me.

It's like alcoholing the skin before you shoot me up with a dirty needle. Okay. It's like, you know what are we doing here? Also, it's not numb. It's freezing cold and it hurts.

It's like wiping back to front myth. I put the shit in my pussy. And on that note, I think we have some reviews. Let's have 20 minutes of ads. We have reviews. My go-to-happy place is from Val Tori. A better way to spend my time than doom-scrolling.

True. Fierce. Funny and entertaining conversations with each other and love the occasional guest and guest house. Honestly, we doomscroll so you don't have to. We'll keep you updated. I don't want to dom-scrolling. But you do. I don't want to...

What you want to do is not necessarily what you're going to do. Thank you. Kachis-pussy says bloop. Oh, no, boop. Sorry. Just boop. That's a whole review. Yeah.

Boop. Word Smith. Shakespeare. Best podcast from Tingle Greeny Frog. Love listening to Trixie and Katia on my way to work, getting ready or whenever. You could have chili or chili with noodles. It's like too wholesome. This feels like it was written by a bot.

She's writing them all. Tracy's writing them all. Vacuum. As a person who is the court, as a person who is. the court of the Mila, it really does make the difference. Now, my vacuum opinions have shifted somewhat, and we'll get into that in the next episode. Can we talk about Mila next time? Yeah. Okay. Top of the episode, we're going in because I'm thinking to getting a second one. Okay. And so, okay, I, you're not before you consult with me. Okay, we'll talk. Okay. And last,

last but not least, it's 2025. So happy I can binge for days. I love it. Oh, the pod. Oh, no, I thought that way. Stay happy, Topless. Bye.