The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Cream Nation Sensation! with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

Get ready, America, because the new dance craze "Cream Nation" is sweeping the country coast to coast faster than a soda fountain jerk slinging banana splits! From hip teenagers at the malt shop to sq...uares cutting loose on the living room floor, everybody is jumping, jiving, and creaming their way into this sensational new dance! All you have to do is sway, shimmy, and jerk it like you’re stirring up the sweetest sundae ever served! And then, just when you think you're going to burst, keep going until everyone is covered in warm, wet cream! This year, be a part of the sweetest and saltiest rhythm revolution the nation has ever known! Grab your best pal, hit the dance floor, and when that music starts, jump on in and join the Cream Nation jubilation! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp! Give online therapy a try and get on your way to being your best self at: https://Betterhelp.com/BALD Get an exclusive $35 off Carver Mat by using Promo Code BALD at: https://on.auraframes.com/BALD If you want to finish the year with a sure thing, check out Audible’s Best of 2025 and discover why there’s more to imagine when you listen! Listen now at: https://Audible.com/baldandbeautiful Don’t miss NOBL’s biggest Sale of the Year! For up to 58% off your entire order, head to: https://NOBLTravel.com Stop what you’re doing and go to: https://Rakuten.com , download the app, or install the browser extension right now! Join today for a “new member welcome bonus” after minimum qualifying purchases. Terms and conditions apply. Get a free can of OLIPOP this holiday season! Buy any 2 cans of Olipop in store, and we'll pay you back for one! Works on any flavor, any retailer, including the Yeti limited-edition cans! Head to: https://drinkolipop.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠ Listen Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. On a recent fall retreat back east amongst the stillness that only autumn can bring, I stayed at a home that was hosted on Airbnb. It was so gorgeous that I was swept away with the sweet scent of pine, the hush of golden-hued leaves, and that feeling of stepping into a mountain cabin that seems to simply breathe warmth. And at some point between the evening strolls under the starry Vermont sky and my third cup of spiced apple cider, I realized.
Starting point is 00:00:28 I could also host on Airbnb. My home could be welcoming guests while I'm away, maybe even helping to fund my upcoming summer vacation to Bali, or perhaps help fund that guest bedroom remodel I've been planning all year. So what are you waiting for? Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com slash host. This Giving Tuesday, Cam H is counting on your support. Together, we can forge a better path for mental health by creating a future.
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Starting point is 00:01:32 Learn more at p.c.express.ca. Well, here we are. Why would anyone want to steal a dead naked body? I... Can I say something that I... I think it's a great icebreaker. I'm not promoting grape robbing. I know this is right off the top of the episode.
Starting point is 00:01:55 But I'm saying, can I tell you something in this is some real country shit? I've been thinking a lot about death. lately, right? Me too. Me too. I've been having waves of unwellness that make me constantly thinking about death. Okay, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:02:04 And I remember my stepdad's funeral, right? On top of the confusion of being young and having a paternal figure die. Yeah. Right. Country people, we're dealing with a burial. And we're so country, not all of us have a full dress outfit. You got to shovel at yourself? No.
Starting point is 00:02:23 The day of the funeral, my mom said, we need your dress shoes for your stepdad's body. And I remember standing at the coffin and thinking, why are we burying people in shoes? Waste of resources. And then it would go, why are we burying people? Why are we burying them in clothes? Why are we burying pharaohs in gold and jewels? I just think the burying is a, it's sort of a blue light turning on it, Kmart or whatever. It's a little salesy.
Starting point is 00:02:50 It's boo-boo. We should just do it the most, do it the most, what do you call it? smallest effect on the per footprint, carbon footprint, smallest per per footprint, and most affordable to the people, right? I got true. If you really loved your father, you'd go for the mahogany.
Starting point is 00:03:05 You know, like, that's crazy, right? It's upselling coffins. Mary, that is diabolical. I have three solutions to this quandary. What is it? Number one, slingshot into space. I knew you were going to say shooting to space. But that's just, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:03:18 That's the biggest one. Okay. So number one is really donate to science. Cadarvers for medical students. That's what I plan on doing. they're going to get a lot of boners, but that's not my problem. They're going to leave with more questions and they got answers. How did she live this long?
Starting point is 00:03:32 So there's all black liquid inside and no organs. What's that? Is this a Diet Coke can? What is that? Are the lungs made of glass? And then the last one is just cremation. Right. But then you got to rub cream all over someone.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Cream nation. I don't mean to need to be too. It really made me think. That's very funny. Unless your mom loved those earrings, but even then keep them. Keep them and then you have your mom's earrings.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Yes. Don't put your shoes on your dad. Very naked, if anything. Mary, how are you going to sell those loafers when you need to get a dime bag later on? Right. If I get buried, just put my naked body in the hole
Starting point is 00:04:16 and then throw dirt on it. I know it's kind of unceremonious, but like, why are we wasting shit? Is that horrible? It's not horrible. It's very practical. I think that the cemetery industrial complex really needs a re-org and a refresh and a re-come to Jesus, literally. Right.
Starting point is 00:04:32 You know, I think about that a lot. I think about those mausoleums. Girl, what's inside there? A rave. Is it a secret entrance to like a factory party? Have you ever been to like Hollywood's Forever Cemetery? Of course. It's just these, I mean, hallways, liminal spaces with names, huge, up the wall.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Nothing. Pissing contests, by the way. Why are you so special that you need to be rotting in a box in a high rise? Yeah, we got little. this plaque down here overgrown shrubs. Right. Can't even see her name. And then we've got the fucking Taj Mahal with like John Jay Guggenheimer or whatever the
Starting point is 00:05:02 hell. Jingleheimer Schmidt. Thank you. It's like, okay, so what? Right. Does that make my grief as a, the daughter of this man? Does that soften my grief or so does it maybe gives me a place to go and do what? Cry, have sex, vandalize.
Starting point is 00:05:21 It's stupid. In my experience, visiting someone's grave. makes me feel worse. You can visit their memory any time in your mind palace. Right. In mind palace. No, but I'm not.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Come on, Cream Nation. Cream Nation. Cream Nation. Cream Nation. Yeah. We are the son of the cream nation. What the fuck is that? We've got orcs again.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Bringing dogs to work isn't always the best thing. No, that's why I keep my child at home. Right. My dog is my child. My child is in my hot car. I don't have a dog, but if I did, I think I would be somebody who just have it all the time. I know it's irritating, but what kind of dog would you have? Whatever I can get.
Starting point is 00:06:03 Well, I feel like I would be getting into the, I would rescue and I would be so uppity about it. No, no. Sober people get sober and then it's all they talk about. I would rescue and the way every conversation would get, like, shoehorned into rescuing. And your dog would be a two-legged dog rescued from Vietnam or North, or. It was some like Two-legged Guantanamo, one-legged.
Starting point is 00:06:27 One-legged. Yeah, one-legged, no eyes. It would be like the, yeah. But it would be happy. So happy to have you as it's a doting parent. We're like a crossbody. No, say I have a gun to your head and you, like we're going to a breeder, bitch. No questions asked.
Starting point is 00:06:41 What breed are you choosing? Oh, I mean, at the risk of sounding crazy. I think you got to go really big or really small. We were just in, where were we? Hawaii. Hawaii. Yeah. And we saw those giant dogs.
Starting point is 00:06:57 That was pretty cool. What kind of dogs were a horse? Those were horses. Mastiff? It's Marmaduke. Great Danes or Mastiff's. Marmadook. Marned Duk is that cartoon.
Starting point is 00:07:06 That was a Clydesdale. And I, my first thought was, oh my God, to turn on the TV and lay on the floor with this dog, hang out with the dog. Suffocated to death. I don't think I'd ever invite dogs on furniture. But I would love to hang on the floor with the dog. Rub the belly. You're such a good boy. Of course. And it's also like if you're a petite, big titted woman with a wet t-shirt and walking your dog, safety.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Or I would get the tiniest dog. I would get one of those truly like cotton balls with a little face. Okay. That's hanging out of your little Lubu purse. 100%. Run the body all day. I saw a guy at the airport there. He got off the plane from Hawaii. I need a backpack with the dog's head just sticking out the top. I do love that. I love it. The dog's probably happy. Yeah. I love it when the women have it at the checkout line in the grocery store and they're clearly drunk. Sure. Oh, get into this. A friend of mind we were in Palm Springs and a friend of mine was like, let's stop at the grocery store and get wine or have to get chasing crackers so I don't think we're drunks.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Have you heard of that? That's, getting a charcutory just as a cover. That's too. People don't care. Come on. Some people just like, baby it's noon. I know. How many packs of crackers you can buy baby it's noon?
Starting point is 00:08:09 Also, Palm Springs, the old gays, noon is five. They've been up since six and a clock somewhere. 100%. But I would, oh, Mary, talk about death. Let's talk about it. I watched a movie so disturbing. So, you know, a while ago, they did a remake, Speak No Evil, it's called, with James McAvoy. It was a horror movie about...
Starting point is 00:08:31 I love James McAvoy. Oh, and he's jacked in this. He's jacked and split, too. Yeah, big stroke at material. Anyways, it's a remake of a day... Would I do him? Right. Cream Nation.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Right. He is quite gorgeous, and my God, what an actor. Exactly. I watched Split and Glass last week. Mama, he would split me into my glass coffee table. Having these entire conversations with themselves as different characters. Yeah. I listen to this pod and I'm like, I can't even do my own voice.
Starting point is 00:09:00 I'm like, what are you doing? I know, I get ad accused for ads at like Vincent Price. I'm like, I can't do that. Or like, do, do, do, I'm like, I'll just do the weird one. And also not just the voice, but believing the character and switching back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's wild. I'm going to drag 17 years and I can barely do a character that I invented.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Thank you. I've been doing drag 25 years and I can't walk in a heel. Right. That's true. But so this, so this, speak no evil. Speak no evil. I remember the commercials. Mary, we saw the trailers in theaters.
Starting point is 00:09:28 We saw these eight minute trailers that showed the entire fucking movie. I swear to God. But it's a remake of a Danish film of the same name. And let me tell you something about that movie. Spoiler alert, dear listeners on the 405 and the 110. This is so Twitter. I did see this movie. It's so fucking sad.
Starting point is 00:09:50 It's very like Sweden, right? Mama, she's trying to escape in the end of the car, right? It was so, I was like, I heard, I was like, oh, this is, the Danish version is so much, like, crazier. And I'm like, oh, let's check. I was like, let's check it out. And I was like, last year I watched three Christmas movies, that, the color purple, the color purple, and fried green tomatoes. Classic holiday films. I mean, if you're trying to avoid Tim Allen, what else do you have?
Starting point is 00:10:14 Do you know what I mean? The Tim Allen Christmas Industrial Complex is deep and vicious. But it was crazy. It was like, it was so, girl, they could just get pel. I'm insulting. James McAvoy's mental ill. No, no, no, no. This is the, the Danish one. The Danish one. It's fucked. It's fucked. It's fuck it up.
Starting point is 00:10:29 It's fucked. Did you watch that one? It's in Danish. I think I watched. The James McAvoy one? Yes. Oh, no. That's the one I watched. That's the remake. This is the original. What is it called again? Speak no evil. Okay, yes. I remember looking up the movie and being like, this is so fucked.
Starting point is 00:10:44 I went on Wikipedia and that's how I found out it's a remake of a Danish, but I didn't see the original. Are you talking about the original? I'm talking about the original. Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah. No, so like, you know how the little boy goes, ah, and he shows that his tongue has been cut off? Well, fast forward. It's all about this couple that can't say no. They're too nice. They're too. It's all about like this, this sadistic fucking evil couple taking advantage of these polite families who just can't like, oh, I do remember this now. Yes, yes, yes. But this escalates. And towards the end, they go back. They're flirting. Well, they go back because the little girl.
Starting point is 00:11:20 girl needs her bunny. Oh, I remember. I'm like mama. Girl. The way that. That's like running into the house. The childer runs it in the house for their animal or something. Yeah, for their little boo-boo.
Starting point is 00:11:30 Let them burn. I was like, in this whole plot, the whole thing got rolling by the dad looking for a bunny. And then they met this couple, whatever. So the bunny is like, I was just like, fuck this fucking bunny. You're about to get pelted with rocks naked until you're dead, bitch. Right. Fuck the bunny. Fuck the bunny.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Oh, it was so sad and frustrating and horrible. Well, it's hard for me to turn on the TV for anything, for any reason. But I'm watching Welcome to Derry. But I am watching Welcome to Dairy, new episode last night. I didn't see it, but I saw that chomp, chomp, chom, chom. Come to Mama. The first episode was bracing because, spoilers. Spoilers.
Starting point is 00:12:06 They really introduced you to a bunch of characters, kids, and they make you feel like, oh, this is, you know, I love Stephen King. And they were like, okay, this is our Losers Club of 1962. This is the kids we're going to follow. We're getting introduced their dad, their family diet. their family dynamics, all that. Most of them die in the end of the first episode. And you're left being like, oh, shit, this is, don't forget, this is a story about a child killer who is still on the prowl decades later.
Starting point is 00:12:35 So we know that this is going to be kind of a ran through bloodshed. Ran through bloodshed incident. Yeah. And the velocity and the bravery to kill children is something only Stephen King really does. Um, the beginning, Salem's lot starts with two kids dying. Two kids dying. I love that. Pet cemetery.
Starting point is 00:12:53 Cemetery. Gage. My God. I think it's because he knows like there's kind of nothing more universally, universally abhorrent than children getting killed. Baby, have you seen the butterfly effect with Ms. Ashton Coochard? Yes, long time ago. I read the Wikipedia. Dogs burning alive.
Starting point is 00:13:11 People get in arms chopped off. Babies and moms firecrackers exploding in their heads and dying. I read the, I thought this was a lighthearted like rom-com kind of like Gwyneth Paltrow sliding doors. Like what if? Oh,
Starting point is 00:13:22 it's morbidly, graphically sad and crazy. It's sad. And then at the end, I believe he walks by this woman and doesn't introduce himself because bad things will happen. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:33 Sad. Horrible. I was like, I read the book of the plot and I was like, huh? Eh? Oh, I want to watch it.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Oh, yeah. But I did see the clip of the, I can't see the dog getting caught on fire because, you know. Your dog is a child. But I, did see the child in the mom open the mailbox then. Yeah, that's tough.
Starting point is 00:13:50 It's crazy. I wonder with Welcome to Derry, because, you know, like, people love Pennywise. And all of the movies have featured Pennywise as kind of like, Pennywise's base self is a clown. Yeah. But in the book, which I've read two and a half times now, there's, the entity of it is like,
Starting point is 00:14:13 it changes according to the, known to be from space. Oh. Oh. Known to be like, it has no real form because it changes forms all the time. Right, wait. And so I wonder if people watching it, I mean, at four episodes in, I wonder if people watching it are like, where's my goddamn clown? I think they are. That's what they're saying.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Yeah, but they're also, I think they're welcoming this new, I mean, really grisly, cool format. Because in the book and in the movie, most of the time Pennywise is matching your freak of whatever he's scaredest of. He's a streetwalker, right? He's showing them titties. No, he's not showing the titties The first episode was really sick When the girl eating the liver Put her fingers up to the kid's face
Starting point is 00:14:52 That was disgusting What about the pickles? The pickles were crazy and sick The scariest part of it for me Was the part where they go to the movie theater In the first episode And they're trying to see what happened to Maddie And they're watching the music man
Starting point is 00:15:04 And then he's in it Your dead friend being in the movie And then looking right at you It's an immediate no You leave the theater They're all trying to talk to him You get your money back You get your 25 cents back
Starting point is 00:15:16 Which I Child actors can make or break it And they're all turning it out Mary I'm telling you As the entertainment czar Of the United States and the world I'm going to lift my embargo On child actors
Starting point is 00:15:25 Just for this series And a few others This main actress I forget her character Lily Every time she cries I cry What a great cry Yeah
Starting point is 00:15:33 Look at this Ollipop ginger ale I know I forgot to mention Well I just I have been enjoying Some really refreshing gulps Of this incredible drink What is this again
Starting point is 00:15:42 Crisp apple It's good for a digestive health But with it, I wanted to ask you with Pennywise, do you prefer Bill Scarsguard versus, or in a cage match, Bill Scarsguard versus Tim Curry? Oh, God, I don't know. Because I love how faggity and fun Tim Curry is. And I think he's all so scary. It's like a Freddy Krueger. I think that the Scars Guard take is playing him more like a child.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Like he's trying, even the face of Pennywise, they make him look like he has like full cheeks, like a kid. He's like a kid. Yeah. His mouth is like a kid's mouth. I just don't like all the I don't like the wardrobe and I feel like I feel like Tim Cray played it more like a pedophile A kid killer he played it like like a dirty old man yeah but also he was like hey fat boy Right you know something they like talk about more in this series which I do like is it's in 62 so obviously like race
Starting point is 00:16:34 Is a big part of it it reminds me of watchman yeah because um the guy who plays will hamlin is the guy who plays young hooded justice and watchman same guy Same guy. HBO. It's not... It's not cable. It's HBO. But this is not an HBO. The director...
Starting point is 00:16:54 I thought it was on Apple Plus. What's the director's name? Something. Ron Perlman. No. Him and his sister. Andy Muskeetti. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:17:09 She knows her directors. Andy Muskeetti, who did the movies. Oh, no way. sister is the producer. It's a family affair. I saw two last names that I just assumed husband, wife, and I looked it up. And they're from? Derry?
Starting point is 00:17:22 No. They're from Argentina. Oh. Argentina is a... What did I say? Argentina, which is fun. Argentina. That's fun.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Argentina is a hotbed of nasty, unrelenting horror films. Remember that one we watched in my house when evil lurks? Oh, love that shit. God, that was fucking hot. horrible. You moved a rotten. I thought that was so depressing. It was awesome. When the little girl gets killed by the dog. And then also the car?
Starting point is 00:17:53 Yeah. It's love that. But I guess what I like about the series so far is like one of the other big things about it is the influence it has over the city as a whole, how the adults don't really notice or care how much the kids die. Don't believe the kids. And then as soon as one of those cycles is over, Derry just like kind of forgets about it, which is obviously like trauma. Yeah. People bury their shit. But I love it. I don't know how many episodes there are.
Starting point is 00:18:16 We're four episodes in. I'm excited. But I love Stephen King and sometimes people watch stuff mad. Yeah. People love Drag Race. Fucking hate it. Do you know what I mean? I do.
Starting point is 00:18:26 I don't have, of course I know exactly what you mean because I wish you were at this viewing party I was at because... For what? Drag Race. It was a while ago. A bunch of gay people. Why were you doing at a viewing party? Oh, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:18:36 I'm sorry. It wasn't a formal viewing party. It was just a bunch of gay people watched. Oh, I thought you like wanted to feel famous and you went down to West Hollywood and And then you're like, no, no, no, no. This was like 12 gay men watching Drag Race. It was the episode where Lala rewere the gift bags. Mary the Vitri, not even Vitriol doesn't even come close.
Starting point is 00:18:54 The invectives, we were hurling at the screen, the slurs, the slanders. It was like, it was like we were wanting to kill all gay and drag. It was so crazy. I think the first brick of that falling was Amazon Prime because every faggot was watching drag race being like, I could get a wig by month. By Monday, I could let all these hoes have it. But the truth is, owning a wig, owning a car doesn't mean you can drive. Case in point. You know what I mean? Yeah. I, I wish, I wish, I wish I'll be an earshot when I heard some faggot say like I could do that because my head would turn. Like the exorcist. You wouldn't even turn
Starting point is 00:19:33 your body. It would be very penny wise. Like, balloons would float out. You know what I mean? They would They're to smell popcorn. I just, I mean, people who love things, hate them. People, and I love the Sims.
Starting point is 00:19:45 People who love the Sims, people who love Drag Race, do nothing but hate on drag race. And people who love Stephen King will watch every iteration of it, but have problems with all of it. Yeah, I mean,
Starting point is 00:19:57 I think there's a, somebody called me a hater the other day online, and I took, I was like, I cried. I was just kidding, just kidding. But I was like,
Starting point is 00:20:05 I was like, oh, shoot, I don't want to be a hater. I wouldn't be, I like being a critic. I like being critically evaluative about stuff. I like, you know, discussing things and like thinking about them and talking about them. But I'm critiquing them. But I've been watching All's Fair.
Starting point is 00:20:22 And now this is a show that defies description, critique, and evaluation. Right. Because it's, why are you watching this? Because it's, have you ever seen a train track, like an old-timey train accident? with all the cars get piled up and the huge plumes of smoke and people dying everywhere and that's kind of what this is in a way
Starting point is 00:20:46 it's like a version of television that it's so bad but in such it's such a particular way like it's I don't know how to describe it really well first of all Nisi Nash who's carrying the show on her shoulders her name is Emerald Green and I think that is so great
Starting point is 00:21:05 Naomi Watts is trying to find some kind of character. She's wearing capes. That's as far as she's getting. Is this a Ryan Murphy thing? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Sarah Paulson is every word out of her mouth is a, is an over the top, filthy insult that
Starting point is 00:21:22 was written by like the nastiest 16-year-old gay guy. Like, hey, jizz face, I see you took time out of felching your grandma to come to the office today, you big, fat, fucking shitwad. I mean, literally like that. And then Kim Kardashian is there with thong out at the office, at the firm. Swinging big. And starring in this vehicle, she looks exquisite. Like her hair and makeup, or her makeup, some of the hair is weird.
Starting point is 00:21:56 It's so beautiful. And then you hear the words and the delivery and the dialogue, you're like, wow. This is giving Gal Godot a run for her money in a way. But it's so glossy and it's so splashy and it's so colorful. I don't know. It's a very interesting cultural moment. It got a zero on rotten tomatoes and yet it's when a Hulu's biggest hits. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Somebody yesterday was like, are you going to watch it? I said, why would I watch it? It looks bad. And they said, because all the gays are watching it. I said, that's not enough to convince me. No, I don't like that. That's not enough to convince me. No, no.
Starting point is 00:22:30 All the gays were wearing chokers for a while. And I didn't do that. All the gays have cock rings and orange. Everyone's in a cock cage. Everyone's, everyone's cucked. Wait, I never asked you about how your locktober went. Oh, you know, it is good, but the problem is, they don't tell you, you got to trim your pubs. Because the roughage starts to grow in around the metal, and then it's kind of like a trellis on the side of a house.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Yeah, at Vertical Garden. Right. Yeah. And then every time I had a boner, I lost a full row of pubs. And those are hard to grow back. Yeah, that's why you get the Kim Kardashian Merkin Panny. You know what? I don't want to yuck anyone's yum.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Lock your dick up. Do it. your dick and balls up mama lock your asshole up this episode is brought to you by Airbnb there's something transcendent about the fall the way the mountains seemed to hum under a golden quilt of maple and flame I stayed at a log cabin a few weeks ago so picture perfect it felt like the forest itself had written me a beautiful personalized invitation a roaring fire the scent of pine and cinnamon in the slow, deliberate quiet that big city life never affords you. And somewhere between my third cup of cider and the crackle of the fire in the hearth, it struck me. I already have a home that
Starting point is 00:23:48 I could host on Airbnb. It's currently sitting empty as I wander these Amber Hills, but it could be working for me. While I'm away gallivanting with my fellow leaf peepers, my home could be someone else's slightly warmer autumn dream. And honestly, with my next trip already on the calendar, a Christmas a ski getaway to Whistler British Columbia? It just makes sense. Picture it. Snow-dusted pines, cocoa steaming in a chalet mug, laughter echoing off the slopes, and perhaps, just perhaps, a romantic spark with a charming local Canadian who knows how to make a mean snow angel. And as I toast this season under Whistler's starry sky, my home could be helping finance the guestroom remodel I've been dreaming of, all the while welcoming travelers of its own. And it's not just me. All
Starting point is 00:24:35 All of you out there in podcast land already have a home you could host on Airbnb, too. It's straightforward, smart, and it might even be worth more than you think. After all, while you're chasing your own snowflakes this season, your home could help you finance next year's planned vacation to Bali. So what are you waiting for? Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.combe slash host. Welcome aboard via rail.
Starting point is 00:25:01 Please sit and enjoy. Please sit and stretch. stretch, steep, flip, or that, and enjoy. Via Rail, love the way. Well, hey, romance. Oh, love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.
Starting point is 00:25:19 What's better than love and romance? It's porn with your clothes on. It's sex without touching. It's prolonged glances. It's, you know what it makes me think of? Makes you think of those Amish romance novels where the whole thing, you read the whole thing, and the most sexually charging that happens is a long look. A long look, maybe like a flash of an ankle.
Starting point is 00:25:37 Or yes, we're like, in a life or death, let's say you're allergic to bees and a life or death bee sting, one of your arms became exposed. You know what I mean? Like one of your postual swollen arms. Right. So I just felt like today's episode of All the Beautiful is brought to you by Audible, of course. Of course it is. Of course.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Why wouldn't it be? Who else? Why wouldn't it be? If they're listening to us talk. Yeah. Perhaps they could listen to real authors who have actually thought of what to say. Yeah. I'd say amen. Right?
Starting point is 00:26:06 So this episode of Baldwin, by the way, I'm listening to Needful Things on Audible, and Stephen King is the person reading it. Get out of here. Pretty cool. I'm reading misery, and Kathy Bates is doing it. You're just kidding. Of course, I'm like. I wish.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Are you listening to the audio book? No, I'm reading the book. I listen to the audiobook, and the actress who plays her in that is Turnt. Who? Is it Annie Wilson? Wait, I don't remember if it's a guy or a girl who reads that book. I think it is a guy. Some cocked duty actor.
Starting point is 00:26:30 The girl who did. The Lord of Claybourne was Cunty. I love to course. Okay, let's get back on track. We saved this for the regular pod. This episode of Bald and Beautiful is sponsored by Audible. Audible's most anticipated collection, The Best of the Year 2025 is here.
Starting point is 00:26:44 After countless hours of listening and heated debates, the Audible editors have announced this year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals. Hidden gems have been found, plus the busiest new releases in all your favorite genres. Check it out at Audible.com slash bald and beautiful. And now let's get into some Audible romance. You should check out Audible's amazing collection of romance audiobooks like 10 Things I Hate About Christmas by AJ Pine, a sexy Christmas rom-com, or Miss Bennett, Christmas at Pemberley by Lauren Gunderson and Margo Malkone, a period piece that reimagines the famous Jane Austen character.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Bodice Rippers, come on through. Oh, yeah, bonnets. Tare the bonnet off. Bonnet rippers. Yes. And to honor these amazing romance audiobooks from Audible, we're going to come up with our own. Romance audiobooks. The little game we're calling
Starting point is 00:27:34 The Fast and the Flirtiest. Ooh, I like that. Tokyo Drift. We take these random cards and we're going to randomly decide what the book is. So, girl, this is your winter reading. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Secret baby and secret twin. The orphan. No, I'm just kidding. This is a romance trope. Secret baby and secret twin. Okay. I didn't know I was pregnant. Secret baby.
Starting point is 00:27:59 How does somebody not know they're a baby? How is it kept a secret? Mama, that's me. Secret twin. I didn't know I was a baby and a twin. Also, if someone lives in your house and looks just like you and calls your mom, mom, maybe it's not a secret, that's your twin. Could be a ghost.
Starting point is 00:28:12 Could be the mirror. Wait, and then the character's name is Lance Broadsword. And the premise is that a reclusive vampire hires a therapist. Oh, this is classic audible. This is the classic audible yarn, that sexy old yarn that they love to spin around. My, you know what. They love it. Yeah, you know, he's.
Starting point is 00:28:32 a vampire and he has a twin and he's sexy on Christmas. Is that right? Nope, but it could be. A lot of people are sexy on Christmas. That's true. So many babies are conceived around that time. People say financial situations, be damned. It's the holidays. The whole, yeah. Yeah, can't put the whole. I think people feel cuddly. Yeah, it's, um, where they call that, um, uh, buffing season, uh, buffing season. Cuffing season, nail buffing season. I like buffing season. What do you got? What's your contribution? Well, I mean, I mean, this riveting premise is really is really rock hard. We've got Vance Daggerhorn. Another porn actor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Or a financial analyst. Sexy rock hard abs. Ghost haunts a Pilate studio. I mean, it makes sense. But you better hope you died with the abs because I don't think you can get abs once you're a ghost, right? That is a really good plot point. I think that would provide the twist.
Starting point is 00:29:26 I think this is a message to all the ultramarathoners out there. If you're at your peak physical form, die. Is there keto after death? No. But the truth is, once you die with the abs, you'll be whatever you want. Boop. Ain't nothing going to happen.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Honey, have another serving of gravy. Maybe you won't be hungry, though. Oh, because you're a vampire goat. Oh, not a ghost. No. No. When you're a ghost in a Pilate studio, you just drink all those like green juices, but they just go right through you went on on the floor.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Celsius. Yes. You have a Celsius. Okay. So this is fun. This is kind of one of those classic stories of when a royal falls for a commoner. Kind of like what Dinning Hill. was with Ashton.
Starting point is 00:30:04 And this is starring Sebastian McPex. And this is fun because a town's new mayor falls for his deputy mayor. Towns, wait, with, oh, is that like the mayor and the second assistant to mayor? It's the mayor of East Town. That's what it is. So this is kind of a fun story too. And I remember listening to that. And you know who read that?
Starting point is 00:30:23 Lance Bass. Lance Bass. Little gay for me. You know, when I listen. A little gay for my taste. Right. I don't, I don't want to hear that. Lance, a little too gay.
Starting point is 00:30:31 Yeah. You're never going to believe when Rebecca DeMorne's sultry voice reads to you about two platonic best friends forced to share one bed on a road trip, hitherto unattracted to each other, but an extreme sports athlete and a prudish historian, once they meet at a museum, sparks fly and they cannot stop doing it. You know what to you know where. They met in a museum and they're on a road trip. Yeah, well.
Starting point is 00:31:00 Sometimes when you meet, you instantly. click and you say, should we just leave here and go on a road trip? Well, so they went to the museum. Well, they were forced to share one bed at the museum. Right. You know how Tilda Swinton and did the bed thing? She's like laid in the bed of the museum. Oh, it's a Brovovich.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Yes, it's like the artists are present and sleeping. Yes. The artists are sleeping. Yeah. We can do that. And one's an extreme athlete and a prudish historian. So maybe it's the docent and the, um, Shikari Wilson. It absolutely is.
Starting point is 00:31:26 Yeah. It absolutely is. That's one of my favorite ones from Audubal. For sure. It's also very Liz. An athlete and a historian. Thank you. It's a WNBA player and a women's studies major.
Starting point is 00:31:36 And nobody knew they were attracted to each other. A docent and a point guard. Scissor at the Chaparone concert. Oh my God. I couldn't believe we were at the WNBA concert during Women's History Month and we scissured. So this is second chance at love at the county fair. Oh, I hope it's like when they weigh the pigs.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Originally the title was Charlotte's Webb. And this is starring Portia Quiverbottom, who I believe was one of the antagonists in Harry Potter. Ellie McBeal. Elie McBeele. And this is about competing candle shop owners ignite more than Wix. Oh, arson. Arsin.
Starting point is 00:32:09 I was just going to say, they burn each other's candle stores down. You burn it, you bought it. All right. Well, that's nothing compared to this audible gem. Jasper Van Sinn is the incredible author, as we know. And he's writing about a single depressed widowed dad and a sassy nanny who are trapped overnight in an IKEA during a snowstorm. No toilet is safe.
Starting point is 00:32:35 Oh, people be, do people go in there? Mary. They sell toilets at IKEA? Baby, they saw everything. They do? What don't they sell at IKEA? Why don't people go to the bathroom in the fake toilet? Swedish meatballs.
Starting point is 00:32:46 Okay. I got something else for you. I got something that I really get the juices going in a region that hasn't gone in years. Okay. So this is a messy roommate who falls for a clean roommate. Relatable. That's kind of fun. Which are you?
Starting point is 00:33:01 It depends. If it's a girl, I'm the clean one. Right. This is starring Bunny Lafleur. Oh. Obviously, he's doing a tip spot at Hamburger Mary's Ontario. And it's about a mermaid and a marine biologist find forbidden love on the high seas. But is it really forbidden if it's a marine biologist?
Starting point is 00:33:18 No fucking kidding. It's like out here with a half chub with a telescope hoping to find a mermaid. If it's like a whaler and a dolphin, that's a little bit forbidden. And also if you're a mermaid looking for a land dweller who's going to get you, the marine biologist. is going to get you. They're going to get you. They're going to be your octopus teacher. But the heartbreak of the marine biologist realizing that if you're a mermaid you have probably no genitals.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Maybe that remains to be seen. And plus, there's other things that marauds can do without genitals. I think so too. But what about this? What about it? You're missing? Oh, there we go. Okay. Well, Duke Thunderclap stars in this real intense, hot, sexy
Starting point is 00:33:54 story about a romance book cover model who falls for a famous romance novelist, but it's his best friend's older brother. I guess you got to go for it, right? That movie for Christmas, not for Christmases, that movie, that Christmas movie that Christmas movie that people switch boyfriends and the girlfriends? You only get one shot in this life.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Go for it. Yeah. Yolo. Yolo. Besides, I don't think you can steal anyone. They went to you. No. That's a really cop out to blame the person, right?
Starting point is 00:34:23 Absolutely. It is. And especially, you know, like they say, brothers by chance, lovers by choice. Right. if Beyonce herself climbs down from her helicopter and takes your, like, your man went to Beyonce. Beyonce didn't take your man. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Your man went to Beyonce. Yeah. And who wouldn't? Yeah. I would. I would. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:42 So this is fun too. And this kind of applies to you. So rich ice queen. Oh, no. Hires a rich or witch? Rich. Oh, no. Negotiable.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Formerly rich ice queen hires a sexy landscape architect. You lived it. This is too. close. This better have a happy fucking ending. Well, they used your stage name here. Tempestina de lest. Oh. Tempestina? Tempestina. The ice queen. Tempestina.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Damn. Living in Pookieville. Girl. The mayor of Pugiville. An exorcist and a demon fall in love during an exorcism. Oh, that's your love story. That's fun. This is your love story. I choose me. You choose you. No, no. No. I was going to say if I had an exorcist, if I needed an exorcism, I would fall, I would make that demon fall in love with me. we would be to become one. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:30 That song we'd play by the Spice Girls. Such a... Yes, of course, gorgeous song. But what about when Dax Rough, Ruffhune, an alien in their abductee fall madly in love on a spaceship with a fake marriage for tax reasons that turns sexy? What is a fake marriage? Well, marriage fraud.
Starting point is 00:35:53 So say me, you're from Bulgaria. You want a green card. I think you're hot. We do it up. We get married. We get the green card. But that's marriage fraud, baby. And that's a huge family.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Why is that marriage fraud? Because we're not in love. Who's a transaction? Well, that makes sense, though. Right. But an alien in there, an alien in the alien's abductee fall madly enough on a spaceship. That's absolutely. I could see that happening to me.
Starting point is 00:36:18 100%. Yeah. Fire in the sky. I'm a fire in my crotch. Yeah. He kidnapped me. He chose me. He chose me.
Starting point is 00:36:24 It's all of a perspective. He beamed. Yeah. He went right past that cow and saw you and was like, hubba, hubba. He didn't probe me. He felt me. He discovered me.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Discover me, Raban. What is that? From what in my show? There's a reason why you and I aren't writing romance novels. We don't have the great ideas. Audible does. If you want to finish the year with The Sure Thing, check out Audible's best of 2025
Starting point is 00:36:50 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Listen now at audible.com slash bald and beautiful. Again, that's audible.com slash. bald and beautiful. From the darkest corners of our imagination comes a game show that's more ridiculous than terrifying. Welcome to Tickled to Death.
Starting point is 00:37:13 I'm your host, Roz Hernandez, and I'll be guiding guests through the creepy questions and chaotic games, all to win the ultimate title of horror movie champion. Listen to Tickled to Death, wherever you get your point, podcasts and hit follow unless you want the show to follow you. This episode of The Bald and Beautiful is brought to you by our friends at Racketon.
Starting point is 00:37:38 There was a time, dear listener, when I was the worst shopper in the world. I wandered the holiday aisles in December like a ghost of poor budgeting, clutching coupons had expired in 2009, praying for mercy as I paid full price at Macy's for things I did not even need. I stood at rock bottom, surrounded by rejected promo codes in the faint aroma of financial despair, but then, in my darkest hour, a spark from the heavens ignited, and Racketon appeared. And like a phoenix, I rose. The truth is simple.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Racketon made me a champion, a conqueror of sorts, a sovereign of savings. How you may be asking yourself? Well, because Racketon lets you earn cash back at all your favorite stores, and during the holidays, that cashback stacks right on top of the holiday sales. Savings on top of savings. If the store has 20% off and Rackettin has 15% cashback, I sack them both and and I ascend to the heavens. And these stores are everywhere.
Starting point is 00:38:30 Sephora, Target, Best Buy, Adidas, Bloomingdale's, Alta, Nike, Levi's, even Wine.com for when I need to bring a nice bottle of Chateau Nifthupap to Christmas dinner to impress my uppity distant cousins. I check Racketon's weekly big deal reveals like Sacred Prophecies. There's always a store offering epic rates so powerful they feel ordained by festive Christmas angels. And the most wondrous part, membership is free and signing up is easy. Join me and feel like a sworn night in the Kingdom of Holiday Competence.
Starting point is 00:38:58 There are already 17 million members who are saving, earning over $4.6 billion in cashback. With Racketon, I, once the weakest shopper of all, have been reborn. Join me at Racketon, where even the broke can rise again. Stop what you're doing and go to rackettin.com, download the app or install the browser extension right now. Join today for a new member welcome bonus after minimum qualifying purchases. Terms and conditions apply. How did you love Hawaii? I liked it a lot.
Starting point is 00:39:37 I had one day. Did you get those pancakes I told you to get? Baby, I went to that. Fina and I went to that motherfucking pink hotel. The breakfast. And that breakfast, I wanted it.
Starting point is 00:39:48 I was like, do I eat it where I shove it up my fucking ass? The rural Hawaiian, that breakfast was I went two days in a row. Barbara, shout out to Barbara that waitress. She was cunt. Tisha. I got the bread pudding, french toast each time because I couldn't say no. Yeah. It was. First day I got some kind of.
Starting point is 00:40:05 The pancake special. I got a burrito thing. And the next time I got the pink pancakes. How were they? Those were probably the best pancakes I've ever had. This was the best brios or bread pudding french toast at a pink palace I have ever enjoyed in my life. It was so delicious.
Starting point is 00:40:18 And I jumped in the ocean. The water was so warm. Yeah. Ocean water that's so warm. even in like Santa Monica in the summer, the water's not that hot. That Hawaii water was hot. Well, it wasn't hot.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Thailand is like hot. This was warm. It was amazing. It had to be pushing 90. No. Yes. Seriously. Yeah, maybe 87.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Because I keep my pool at about 90 when I'm warming it, which I know some people think it's hot, but I don't like that moment of getting in. Well, that's, I had a little, when I went in, I was like, but then I quickly acclimated. Mary, that sand was was crab, rock free that water was turquoise oh yeah it was clean it was so shallow all the way out i think i went a half i think i went two and a half miles out still up to the knees yeah i had a really good time i
Starting point is 00:41:06 got in that water i just was like i got to get in it just for a second so i did all the sand in my asshole you wouldn't believe so much i mean you could probably like make an adobe hut with all that sand uh i got back to my room and i took my swimsuit off the amount of sand that hit the floor had me wondering where it was it was mama it was in your uterus i had to go get the two room key cards and create a shovel and like like like like a sand castle that came from my fucking perineum mary i know i had to change rooms because i clog the shower with the sand yeah no i'm just kidding but i mean i could have i should have probably no once i was in the shower the amount of sand that came off me it just kept coming it just kept coming i was like i don't feel this is like i don't feel
Starting point is 00:41:48 this is like i don't feel there's much sand on me and the shower is like really is that you think? Yes. It was like, is the sand coming from the shower? Seriously, it was that much. It's not like it could get hot in my hair. You know? Well, I put my hair up in a thing anyways.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Saw a video of myself in the ocean. Doing that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Beyond the self-body shaming, which I won't subject any of you to, the patch of hair on my lower back has gotten so dark and egregious and thick and present. Omnipresent. Confrontational. If I was walking away from you, you could grab it and pull me back.
Starting point is 00:42:26 I swear to. It's like a cheerleader's pom-pom on my all five. Mary, you just go up to 8,000 sunset, go to Miss European Wax and ask for Mary. She'll get you good right away. I'm like, I barely have eyebrows, but I have a woolen basket and the lower back. But I have a full fall. A scrub daddy. I have a three-quarter wig on my Lombars fine.
Starting point is 00:42:49 And also, how many people have been back there and said nothing? Shout out to all those nice people. Well, you know what? Listen, people love hair. People love not hair. Do you know what it gives? Have you ever seen like that hair girl that's all bald except a pony? Like one island of a pony here. That's what I'm giving. It also gives malignant. You know what I mean? Oh. Maybe it's like, what was that guy's name? Jeffrey. No her fake brother. Oh yeah. Juniper. I forget. I don't remember. Damien. No. Malachi. Something. It's something like that. What do you think of all those religious names? Oh, I love religious names. I would. If I would name my, if I had a dog, I would name it Christian. John Mark and Luke? No, Christian.
Starting point is 00:43:28 John Mark, Luke Christian. Yeah. I mean, I've really, no, I don't want to really just name. Brian Irish. I mean, I like regular names. I'm not, I'm not really into the McAleys and the McBailies and the McBailies and all that stuff. That's a very like Midwest, Southern gymnastics type of thing. Oh, dance team.
Starting point is 00:43:46 Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like, I like, I like. Camere Racquet. They all got crazy names. Yeah, yeah, McRacket. Satchel. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:43:53 McSachal. It's always like a something like a... Rise. Rise McMadison Satchel or whatever. Rise Phoenix. Rise Phoenix, MacSachal. So I went to the ocean. I wanted to touch an ocean with them a little foot, right?
Starting point is 00:44:06 And I have my men's clothing on. And I just want to touch the ocean. And I have my shoes on. And I brought my sneak and I was like, I'm just going to touch this ocean. And then before the wave comes back, I'm going to skittle. Right? I'm going to skittle out of here. Don't, don't.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Don't. I want to touch it. Don't, don't. Right? So I go to touch it with my, like, I go to touch it and the water comes quick and the water overcomes my sneaker. How spliced are 80% wet? Great.
Starting point is 00:44:29 Like up to almost the ankle. I go, okay, great. And I'm like dealing with it, right? I'm kind of like going, no, no, like screaming up at the universe, you know, if anybody can hear me. Like Jennifer Leap Hewitt in them at the end of the movie. Oh, no, my butt. And also thinking, yeah, duh. Waves.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Yeah. Do you think it was going to stop magically and wait for you to touch it? Yeah. No. No. And then this old lady to my right goes, ha. fucking cunt. I thought ha ha ha was so crazy.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Ha ha's a little... I don't know you. Ha ha ha's a little... Haha? antagonistic and also a little familiar. She might have said, I know you are, but what am I? It was like she was trying to want up me.
Starting point is 00:45:06 And I go, ha ha ha. I would have been more comfortable with a faggot. Seriously. What did you think was going to happen? And then this family, this family's watching. Family with children is watching. Probably just see how I'm going to respond, right?
Starting point is 00:45:18 So now I feel all kind of like, I got to say something. Take your earrings off. And I go, ha ha ha, ha, ha, that swimsuit. Ha ha, that hair looks like straw, bitch. Ha ha, that frass. Front ass. And the dad of the family was watching me say that and then was like, oh.
Starting point is 00:45:31 And then looked at her and she didn't respond. So then it was kind of over. So I think I kind of won. You did win, but I wish it would have evolved into a world star hip hop kind of moment. You could have gone viral. What would you have done if you opened Twitter and it was like struggling drag race star? Jacked it. Gets in a full fist fight with a woman on a beach.
Starting point is 00:45:49 Yeah, 73 year old woman. piece bathing suit from Des Moines, I would have jacked it all night long. Right. That would be so great. What would you do? I would have jacked it. Right. Jerked it. And then I would have printed it out and then gone to the library and looked at it as microfiche. I wish we were famous enough to have
Starting point is 00:46:05 paparazzi after us because I would love for us to have something. But I don't think they do that anymore. They don't. I think only, I think, I don't think that level of, well, I mean, I know it. Like Harry styles and stuff. Like K-pop people. You know, like the girls, the, the, the, the, the, the, I'm still at a level of fame, but if I see paparazzi, my, I feel, I feel, I feel elated. What, why?
Starting point is 00:46:29 I'm like, are you like, they wasted pictures on me? Like, I'm like, oh, my God. Well, I'm always like, oh, they thought I was Guy Branham or something. They thought I was, they thought I was Madeline Con. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I was, I heard a comedian say, the level of, the most common level of fame nowadays is that they either don't know you, they either don't know who you are or they know what you've had for lunch.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Does that make sense? Yeah. Like it's like, oh yeah, the one I was, I was at an award show when I was leaving, and they were just taking pictures of anyone who was leaving. Because I think no, no photographer is going to know who everyone is. No. And that's what happened. The taco truck.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Are accidentally like, taco truck. What do you mean talk? At the hospital. He's like, can I look at your Instagram? Once you saw that the, the, I had more, like a lot of followers, he was like, and then he just pictures, photo shoot, photo shoot. He's like, I'm going to post these. I was like, okay.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Were you a drink? No. I was an interesting. drag it all, but I had taken a photo down the street, like a block with two girls. And I guess he maybe saw it and figure, I don't know what it. And it made a huge deal of it once he saw the, and that's happened before. Once I got robbed by those Pakistani gangs in London, they, once they saw my Instagram, we became fast friends. And this is not a, I'm not pulling the yarn. This is like, I almost got like rolled by this gang of young kids. But we, I didn't
Starting point is 00:47:47 I've told you about this like three times. I swear to God. And they stole money from me, but they didn't, they took $2 instead of the $100 bill. That was in my bag. Right. So, but once they saw the Instagram followers, they're like, oh, my God, this is Kate Blanchette. This is Tom Cruise. They're benevolent thieves.
Starting point is 00:48:03 No, we're a team now. Right. Like, they want to be my entourage. It was so wild. It was crazy. That's really weird. But it's, but it makes sense, though, for kids because what is a more, what is a more, like, Realistic opportunity in the future.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Paying for college, we're going viral on TikTok. Going viral on TikTok? Yeah. Okay, the other day I Googled. What about fucking Brittany Broski? What about her? She has like a billion followers online and makes tons of money and is super famous. Yeah, but she's famous for something.
Starting point is 00:48:37 She's famous for being funny. Yes, but she was discovered through a meme. But I'm saying I would argue that what she's put on the internet is funny. Yeah. And she's funny. And she's using the internet to showcase that she's funny. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Versus the genre of content that is just someone living that's hugely popular.
Starting point is 00:48:58 Which is usually like some hot girl, right? Right. Just living. Or eating. I mean, I was doing my little ASMR research baby and it's all about eating crabs. There's an audience, a lot of things. Nick and I were just, we got asked to go to YouTube, this Nick. And we got to participate in something called m-be-creators MBA in a day.
Starting point is 00:49:16 where you got to do all these, like, in-depth courses about being a YouTube creator. We were invited. No one knew why we were there. You're like, you don't eat crabs? No. The thing is, it was people who are, like I would say, I don't want to say who, but like individuals like Brittany,
Starting point is 00:49:34 that size, like, team where it's probably the person and their social media editor, whatever. And then there was giant companies that have 100 plus employees that are technically YouTube channels. These, like, content houses. Oh, like, The ones that I used to live like by on the hills with all those drones. No, not TikTok houses.
Starting point is 00:49:51 Oh, I'm going to say like Jubilee. Okay, or like Barstall Sports. Oh, yeah, or like mythical kitchen. These giant YouTube channels that do like last meals or whatever. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So at first we feast. Yes. So they were there giving interesting presentations about like, oh my God, it's a YouTube channel that has eight CEOs and like, wow.
Starting point is 00:50:14 Jesus. Like for us to be a tiny YouTube channel. And Bald and Beautiful Here, I was like, so crazy to hear people, they run a YouTube channel like they run a cable network. Right. 100 employees. It's like the morning show with Jennifer Anderson. One of the people were like, oh, we have a team of 2,500, team of 2,500 freelancers. We have a team of 2,500 pieces of paper in the, in the office.
Starting point is 00:50:34 Yeah. Maybe not even 500. So we listen to these presentations all day, including one about, honestly, it was 90 minutes. And I could not tell you what was said. Was it corporate iron? It was so over my head. It wasn't corporate erring because it wasn't word salad. It was intentional smart shit that was,
Starting point is 00:50:54 was it like, and the more I, less I knew, the more my acting got worse. So like, they were like, go, blah, blah,
Starting point is 00:51:01 blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Like, pretending to type and nodding, even though I was Googling exact words you would say. I pick one word in Googling.
Starting point is 00:51:10 And you had no computer. No, I had my iPad. Okay. And I was trying to. I had a pizza box. and I was just trying to keep up and 10 minutes in I was like
Starting point is 00:51:18 this isn't for me this is for big brain individuals Was it just like advanced marketing and business It was biomechanics No I don't know what it is it was something Nick do you remember what it is AIP API API
Starting point is 00:51:30 Oh yeah coding and stuff like that Oh yeah coding of course Girl HTML Yeah HTML I was like And there was an exercise where they had to have your whole YouTube channel
Starting point is 00:51:40 And you had to draw a web of the way your company's laid out And so they showed us a flow chart of like a company with a hundred employees or whatever. So Nick and I have one piece of paper and we write his name and my name. We're like, this is it. We got boobs. Uh-huh. They're called boobs Ed. And then guess who has to give a presentation at the end of the day? Who? Me? What? We get up there. We get up there. And it's all these big time, big time people who run major, major, major YouTube channels who are like, oh, I came from, I came from cable and I actually
Starting point is 00:52:10 started this cable network and then ended up over here at this giant YouTube channel. My name is Warren Buffett. You might have heard of me. Wow. So then I'm up there and I'm like, how are y'all doing great? So one time I did a video about the Amish, like, I just was like, we're going to bake some easy big oven stuff. Yeah. We talked about some depth, creating depth of fandom, which is like, I don't know, what we always call like the Trixie cinematic universe of like there's music and DJing and stuff in my house. And like if people are fans, they might only be fans from seeing like you and I and TikTok.
Starting point is 00:52:38 Right. Or they might be like hardcore fans who like can visualize my mom in videos. They love the easy big. Yeah. And so we tried to talk about that. And I think we were successful, but just after hearing these people literally give presentations
Starting point is 00:52:50 on how to hire CEOs, I was like, okay, like, let's get some color. Let's get some splash. Enough for that gray jargon. Yeah. Did you take your top off? No, they did ask me an interesting question
Starting point is 00:53:02 that I didn't have a good answer for in the moment. Somebody asked me if people like to watch you because they relate to you. And I said, I think so, right? I mean, I think people always tell you and I, I'm the Trixie, I'm the whatever. They go, they've made you more successful.
Starting point is 00:53:19 And so how do you manage being relatable to them, but then, like, appearing. That's an excellent question. Like, wealthier. Yeah. How do you maintain relatability while your lifestyle dramatically changes? That's a great question. But I think that minimizing or concealing that change in your life isn't honest and isn't a good place to start from. It can be dishonest, right.
Starting point is 00:53:41 Yeah. It's a really, it's a hard thing to negotiate because it's, on the one hand, you want to share, part of your relatability is sharing the details of your life. And yours. Yes. Oh, yeah, I'm just saying one's life.
Starting point is 00:53:53 And then, but of course, the problem is that many of those details have become wildly unrelatable. Right. So if we're talking about, I only have 18 rooms in my chalet. Uh, uh,
Starting point is 00:54:05 I would say you shouldn't have bought it. Yeah. Because you know you need 20. All right. We got a wrap. Oh, okay. Well, it was interesting anyway.
Starting point is 00:54:14 And I tried to grasp whatever wisdom, but so much of it was over my head. It was like, html.biz. It was like there was a pitching machine and I was swinging every time, but only connecting every once in a while. That's okay. That sounds kind of scary and boring. It wasn't scary or boring. It was like, it was the closest thing to college I'd felt since college. Oof.
Starting point is 00:54:37 Keep it. Icebreakers. I would rather just do the Gallagher thing and break watermelons. Yeah. It was interesting, though. Really interesting. Do you know about streamers getting swatted? Swatted?
Starting point is 00:54:50 People who like love big streamers, aka hate them as we talked about, will call the FBI or whatever and say that there's like going to be a horrible bombing crime at that address. And while someone's on stream, the FBI SWAT team break into their fucking house. Isn't that crazy?
Starting point is 00:55:08 Let's take a break. Let's take the ultimate break because the episode's over. That's it. And I'm going to go kick some walls or something. But we were talking to streamers hearing streamers talk about like that next level of well that's the thing they know that they know where you live they know what you have for lunch because they're watching you have it in your home yes that's why I always shoot in a cave
Starting point is 00:55:25 what do you think about the guy who ran up to ariana grande I don't marry go come to brazil baby Cynthia should have got on that broom and flown them both out of there baby when I was walking to the six years ago when I was wiggling my sweaty ass to a nightclub at 3 am to a stage that had shit on it I had a ring of 12 Brazilian bodyguards for me because people would have ripped the flesh out of my body. Brazil is next level. It's incredible. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Goodbye. Bye.

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