The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Last Rites of Eternal Chaos with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

You are cordially invited to attend a most distinguished yet eminently fake wake in honor of Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova, the undisputed queens of chaos, podcasts, and mirth. We shall convene in a chapel that smells faintly of Red Bull, stale makeup, and air conditioner refrigerant. Guests will enjoy a program of refined absurdities including a dramatic reading of Whitney Houston's 2001 BET Awards acceptance speech, a panel discussion on Taco Bell entitled, "Beans, Cheese, and Consequences," and a ceremonial burning of Katya's old hip. Attendees will encounter a tasteful lounge where retired wigs dispense movie reviews and gallon-jugs of iced coffee. The service will feature a eulogy by a Dunkin' Donuts cashier from Back Bay, culminating in the release of several doves that will immediately relieve themselves on Trixie and Katya's pink and crimson coffins. Formal mourning attire is required, though guests are strongly encouraged to incorporate elements of high camp, delusion, and inappropriate accessories that suggest you are in dire need of therapy. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit: https://Hims.com/BALD This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at: https://BetterHelp.com/BALD Join Rakuten to start saving money today! Join for free by downloading the app or going to: ⁠https://Rakuten.com⁠ Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. We are very excited to announce that our very bald and very beautiful podcast tour is almost sold out for spring. I'm excited. We're not doing that many dates. And my New Year's resolution is quality over quantity. And we're doing it. We're doing it. Can you believe we had to add a second show to Boston and Toronto?

Queen. We sure did. So you fucking Bostonians in Toronto, when Toronto tautites or whatever the fuck you call yourselves, you better get some tickets. Yeah. Snatch him up. We do have a few seats left for some of these cities. and we are not doing that many of these this year. It's going to be hot.

It's going to be exclusive. It's going to be fabulous. Tickets available now at tricksey and cadi.com. Queen. A to an cigarette. Kim Kardashian had this absolutely stunning sex look at the Met Gallery. Kim Kardashian. It sounds like in my mind when you go to Dunkin' Donuts by your house in Boston.

Give me a small doc. Two sugars and a powdered donut. That's the person. It totally is. That Dunkin' Donuts goes off. Which one? The one by your old apartment Like through the alley

Yeah, with the, does it still have the Starbucks there? The competing, they do like white-collar blue collab. You know what I mean? If you're a jocks and you go out, you walk through the alley. Yeah, yeah, you walk through the alley. That one to the left. That one I think is the flagship.

It's the flagship, Boston. Duncan Donuts. Yep. Over the land of the free. Can I say, I'm trapped. I don't want to drag Francis Scott Key. P. Who wrote the Pledge of Allegiance or whatever?

Drag her. Drag that brick. Drag that brick. Or the land. Mary. I don't see it for her. There's so many. There's too much words.

I better remove the V. We can't be doing that. There's so many suspicious phrases in that little fucking ditty. Or the land. Oh, no. The ramparts. What's her rampart? Thank you.

What are they? That part. Rampart. It's gross. I've got phlegm in my mouth. Oop. What is she gibbing? Did you see...

Did you see... What do you know about Miss Charlie Puth? Oh. Um... Is that the guy with the eyebrows car? Yes. Okay. He does a lot of other things besides having that.

He plays piano and sings, right? He's, um... A male vocalist. Um, uh, the list ditches. Right? No, that's awful. Isn't that awful? He's the one who's like,

my... Whoa, yeah, I did it. Do you want you to fuck him to? No, no, no, no, no. He's saying the national anthem the other day at the NFL thing, and I was wondering how he did. The people who sing it, the people who sing acapella, balls of steel, I think.

Yeah. The girls do a good job, but it's balls of steel. Yeah. Nobody can do Whitney's. Nobody can outdo Whitney. No. And they don't try, which is good. And she's not here to say if you did a bad job.

I mean, realistically, like. Yeah, yeah. she also isn't going to tell you you didn't do as good as me you know like that time has passed I bet it was harder the year after that anybody had to sing and it was like well fuck I wonder who that was

it was probably Fergie remember that one oh yeah that was a basketball game I love that's the best thing ever also I watched I don't know I've heard that shit so many times yeah

let's do the off the beaten path version let's do the slam poetry marina omobrova bit let's do let's do the interpretive vocal experience. Let's do the running into the woods. The girls allowed, does that mean anything to you? Girls allowed?

It's when you allow girls. It's like the girl group. Oh, it's a group? Yeah, yeah. You never heard of them? Oh, they got this great song. Well, it's not great. It's a really bizarre song and they got a music video to go with it where none of them

are doing the choreo instinct at all. It's fierce. It's so fierce. I think it's like a making the band type of British, I don't know. Yeah, they were created through pop stars, the rivals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like one of those things. What do you think about that?

Can we address the situation? What? We have a producer microphone in the room now. All of the people who hate to hear Tracy laugh, well, now you're going to hear it in full stereo sound. Oh, I did not even notice that fierce. Oh, I didn't put my headphones on. Oh, she has headphones on. Wait, are these yours?

These are really nice. You know, we got these in the mail from Seinhiser. These are fancy. see the only reason I'm scared to wear him is because I always had makeup on. I'm scared of... Shout out Don, who gave us those headphones. Don. Don.

Don, we love you, Dawn. Hey, Don. I don't know what it is. Something in the sound world, recently, Seinhiser and Road have both started sending me things. Almost like they both decided at the same moment they want to fuck me. So they're like, who can send the biggest like pebble and the penguin, the dowry? Well, I'll have you know, Seinheiser. I'm interested in receiving perhaps a...

A plane. Yeah. Also, Bose. We're listening. Oh. Plane. Also, Sonos. What is your sound bar at home, Mary?

I love everything. That's the problem. I love the JBL. JBL. JV.L. The L dookie. Yes. I also have a Polaroid P4, which is their stand-up, like Bluetooth radio.

Love it. Ooh. I also have, I'd be experimenting. I have some skull candy wireless headphones that I have had for five years probably. Hell yeah. And are in perfect working condition. But all my little headphones are Apple AirPods. Yeah.

I would say I lose one every four days. Yeah, I would agree with that. And I don't like it. I don't like it. But I don't like the way they, if you drop your fucking AirPods, they springload, like, fly into the next galaxy. Yeah. They do fly.

They fly. And it's, it's really embarrassing. Yeah, they fly. They'd be flying. They'd be flying. And then my house. has speakers in the ceilings. Vessel. So I do listen

to that sometimes. That's fierce. And I got those meta-goggles. I like to listen to the radio and those goggles. So I'd be listening to music. I want to be able to have music wherever I know. Do you have those Do you get that virtual reality thing? Yeah. Tell me about it. So. You love it. You dying for it?

I go through phases. So I have two. I have the Oculus Quest 3, which is like the gaming kind of console. And I have the Apple Vision. Okay, so that's the one where you go like, that's basically they call it spatial computing. So the idea is you can word process or go on TikTok or look at Twitter, whatever, without using a computer.

So like if I was sitting here, my Twitter window would be floating out in space in front of me. And I use my fingers to navigate it and click things. You like that? I go through phases. For a while, my arthritis is really bad. It was great because I could lay down completely flat on the ground and work. Wow, that's grim.

I know. I mean, it's nice, but that's sad. But that was nice. And then sometimes, let's say I'm producing, I could have my music production stuff, my library of sounds, my whatever, whatever. You can have like 40 windows all at once. So it's like you have 20 monitors.

You're like, it is chaos. I don't know. I don't think Apple Vision Pro has caught on. No. I follow the Apple Vision Pro Reddit where people candidly talk about like, all right, I've had mine for two years. Here's what I really think.

Yeah, yeah. Everybody says the same thing. Like, I just don't use it. it. It's not that comfortable. It's a toaster hanging off my face. Yep. I, Mary, when that Oculus thing came out, I was like, well, there I go. Never coming back.

I was like porn, 3D porn. I'm going to like just walk into the woods and never come back. Oh, can't stand it. Can't stand it. Yeah. I don't like the I don't, I don't like, I don't like it. I don't like it. Yeah, I mean, the Apple Vision is, I would say the best thing about it is porn. Really?

But is it? If you want to watch porn, like at the drive-in, on such a massive scale that you feel like honey I shrunk the kids and the dick is so big but I don't you don't know what if you don't like though the POV thing where like you look down and there's a weener oh yeah and you're like on a massage table yeah I don't like that I do not like that yeah get at that point have some sex yeah have some sex do you think sex is good I think sex is good yeah it can be even great I was talking to somebody who is a drug addicts the other day not you and I it was I you're not the only one you're not the only cracky in my life honey

Okay. Damn. I got a whole carousel, you bitches. Carousel of crackers. And when you're not around, I watch intervention. Okay. Wait, I'm addicted to smelling my, my dad's underwear. That's not an intervention.

That's my strange addiction. Sorry, sorry, sorry. At this point, I wouldn't say the things that are addicted to an intervention are strange. It's like fentanyl. Like, it's not strange. Oh, no, yes, yes, yes. Smelling your dad's jeans or whatever is strange. But like, I'm on, I'm on alcohol.

It's like, okay, it's not strange for an addiction. So how do they make it fresh, though, Zanes? intervention shows. Well, we're on season 25. And... Well, I guess it just keeps on the gift that keeps on giving. Fortunately for us all, um, addiction is so... That show does show one thing, which is there is no profile for an addict.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no profile. All ages. All genders. All generations. Any day of the week. Any day of the week. Any amount of functioning. Some can't feed themselves.

Some work full time still. Yeah, yeah. all over the place. And I watch it. I used to enjoy it more because there is some sort of shock, but they do a good job of, it's uplifting and very human. Because the people,

a lot of them do, the show is maybe their, that's, okay, the story I'm being told by the show. Yeah. Is that for a lot of these people, this show did intervene with a cycle

that wasn't working for. for them. Oh. Their family surrounds them. They go to treatment a lot of times for the first time. I'm not saying it sticks. Yeah, I was going to say, it's not a straight line.

Right, right, right. But I'm like, I'm curious about that part. Did it, the show start out as exploitative? Or was it always like, do you know what I mean? I think it depends who you ask. Yeah, I guess so. I've watched it on and off for years. Yeah.

And I can't watch too many because there's, there is this moment, I will say. There's this moment. Most of the time, when you see them at the end of the episode, they're leaving treatment. Tell Trixie, I want to know. Most of the time when they're leaving treatment at the end of the episode, you are seeing them detoxed for the first time. The difference between that person at the beginning and once they're clean, the eye color, the skin color, everything. And so there are these moments of like, oh, wow.

And also, they talk a lot to the families about the system because let's be honest, somebody that deep in addiction, somebody's feeding them. Somebody's housing them. Somebody's paying for them. So you're really looking at a lot of times it's family dynamic. A web of enabling. This is part of it. What they are really exploring a lot of the times is abuse, parent issues, sibling issues, spousal issues. The drugs is just part of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I'm not saying it's a great show. I'm not going to say that it's not national geographic. But the people on it are so candid. It just feels like one of the only reality things that feels real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn.

I mean, I don't know if you'd like it. I don't think. It's probably a little too shop-talkie for me. I don't know. It's like, I don't want to go home watch Drag Race. You don't want to go home watch. There's like, you didn't see if I had legs I'd kick you. But it's this movie with Rose Byrne, this Oscar buzz for her, for best actress.

It is a slog. It's not a feel good film. It's a woman, it's you watch a woman unravel for two hours. And it's so stressful and it's so crazy. and it's so like not uncomfortable. And then I was like reading reviews on letterboxed and it was like, ah, yes, the perfect movie to unwind to after a long day at work, because it's literally just like needles in your eyes.

And I'm like, I, oh, I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Like, like difficult, horrible movies. Like, oh. No, I know what you mean. You know what I mean? And for me, the worst the world is, the more I want departure.

And so I have fallen off of intervention over the years because the older I get, it's a little much now for me. But every episode doesn't end to them dying, does it? No, no, no, no, no. A lot of times, like this whole season, it seemed like they were in Canada. A lot of times, it's the first time they've been in treatment. You get them at the end getting out of treatment.

And you get an update saying, like, at the time of this airing, the person is still clean, whatever. Or you get that they relapsed and they went back to treatment. Like, you do get like a, I don't. I don't know. I'm not saying it's my favorite show, but I'm saying every few years, I'll notice, oh, there's some new episodes. And I'll watch like five in a bit. I'm good now for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm watching 1,000 Pound Sisters, which is similarly, you want to talk in the world of influencer and you want to talk in the world of people moving into a fake house to film their reality show. You don't mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People don't really, it's not their house on TV. Right, right, right, right. Over here on season six now of Thousand Pound Sisters. Thousand pound. Thousand pound sisters. So they each weigh a thousand pound. No, together they weighed 1,000. In the beginning, Amy and Tammy together weighed over 1,000.

Damn. Tammy alone, I think, was 700 than it started. Ooh, girl. Tammy now is tiny, tiny, tiny. Tammy's lost hundreds of pounds. Hundreds of pounds melting off. So it's a family of very big people, and they're all, like, one by one getting the surge. Okay.

And so that's, like, a big part of it. But I just want to say these people are not performing for the camera. They're not doing a bit. They're not getting their hair and makeup. up done to go shoot a gym scene. Right. They're living. They're just living.

They're a real family. They can't fucking stand each other. Fierce. And they are very critical of each other. And they all have the ups and downs with the body stuff. I like that type of reality. Even 90-day fiancé, which I love, they're choosing to be on it because they want to do gym shark ads.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Or whatever. There's an ulterior motive. There's an ulterior motive, which is fine. Yeah. It's like, if you love your job, you can also expect money. I don't think it's the devil.

Totally. I mean, ever since the Netflix Tyra thing came out, have you noticed everybody doing like, um, every publication is doing a whole thing of like, looking back at it. And,

um, did you watch it while I was on TV? I surely did. On UPN or IGN or whatever. I remember it being on. Yeah. But only during COVID did I really like, oh,

that's right. Watch it. Watch it. I watched like the first 10 seasons and succession during COVID. It's so, it was so wild. And I, I've been like trying to figure out what actually Tyra Banks's hot ice cream is.

And now I know what it is now. But that whole thing is so wild too. The hot ice cream is a metaphor. Do you think? It's like she's selling this paradoxical thing you didn't ask for. It's like it's almost like it's like too heavy handed. It's crazy. It's like we're going to get the hottest girls from small towns.

And we're not going to give them any food. And we're going to swing this grandfather clock thing at them. Like it's fierce It's awful It's crazy But you know what And this is how I know I'm a true faggot And I don't want anybody at home

To be mad at me But of course the documentary Like I saw an article Roundup that was like How to be a like Perpetrating liar In a trench coat for three hours starring Tyro Bank

It was like I wouldn't say people watch it And I feel redeemed with her But the problem is I'm still a faggot What does that mean? And when they were like Isn't she the worst

And they cut to like a 90s? runway shot of her. I go, no. She's the hottest. Like, I just, I'm like, but. I see, I just, she is the way. Have you ever seen life size with Lindsay Lohan? Have you ever watched any of her Tyra Banks show programs?

They're her talk show? Am I not a Nikki fan? Yeah, of course. When she invited Naomi Campbell with no audience. Yeah. So, so crazy. Crazy. So crazy.

But there was a time of that, like, remember Wendy's talk show was crazy. Yes. Anthony Frankel had a crazy talk show There was a time where they were like Let's get the girls out here And let's get a five gallon pale and a barn light And get the weird shit on I-DX cards Like really

I mean I kind of miss I miss the Wendy cinematic universe Of course did you ever see You've seen Amorosa on Wendy right? I don't think so Amorosa visits the Wendy show Okay Is it do they

It's immediately Hostile Immediately It is immediately It is immediately hostile Okay fierce It gets so mean And Wendy's like just trying to show her book

And Maraosa snatches it out of her hand And she's like I won't be disrespected It gets so nuts And then they start ripping each other's looks Oh I think I have And Wendy's like I would do a little rest alone under the eyes And then Amorosa goes And I would get a wig that doesn't sit three inches off your head

Which is awful Which by the way For me with Trixie I'm like Three inches How about 10 baby? Yeah Oh it's so wild It's so wild.

But I think you could have a talk show. I mean, I would love to. It would be better than Tyra's. You could do like a late, late night. I love you at like an 11. No, like 2 a.m. Like I'd want to have like, what's her name? USA up all night.

Ronda Shear or something like Elvira kind of like like a slut after hours, really smoky. And just like, you know what I mean? Oh, I would love for you like an Alvira, but you show like your weird shit. Yeah. Or like we just do erotic thrillers. Skinimax kind of, you know what I mean? That would be so awesome. I love a good erotic.

And we could do, rank it on like how long is the sex scene? And I'm not talking like hand that works a cradle. No, no, no, no, no, no. Made for cable network cinemax after dark. Yes. I'm talking like, gauze. Yeah, it's Emmanuel in space or like, you know, illicit confessions. What she didn't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it's all going to be. Has to have, like, to qualify, it has to have like a five-minute sex scene. Maybe we could do it together and then we'll do each, we'll do back and forth and I will be doing lifetime movies. Yes. Oh my God, it'd be like Siskel and Iber, but like with smut and smut. Schmaltz.

That would be so weird. Smut and smut. Smut. Smut. Shmall. Today's episode of Ball and the Beautiful is brought to you by Hymns. He'd and already done had hymases. Hymns cannot be folded sheet.

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Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblain where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting,

the trails will be waking up and I will be out there hiking in the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house.

There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralering the official soft launch of spring. That brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching

the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than

you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. You know, I listened to this week's pod and all week I was like, were we too hard? Too hard on who? We let Pam Bonnie. We let her off easy. I listened to it being like, are we fans of hers? No, that fucking bridge

troll needs to get wrecked. I think we were a little nice. We were too nice. We actually were, I think we flatted her even. And I saw some of the comments were like, finally, I was like, maybe you don't listen hard enough. We jumped down bitches throats every week on this fucking show.

I feel like we do. Sometimes we don't say names. Yeah. But Pam Bondi, I sure will say out loud. Pamela Bondi. Girl, even Ginger Minder's in there

being like, you're lying. Do you know what I mean? Like, Ginger Minder with the senators. Madam Attorney General, you are lying. And Robbie Turner started up and said, yeah, she is.

Yeah, she is. It's so crazy. Bobby Turner pulls that Uber into that room. Crash is straight through the wall. Crashes his backs right up into it. Girl. Mary. Wait, hold on, wait, wait, wait, hold on. Before we get into that,

I saw, I, this, do you fuck with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre by chance? The movies? Yes, the movie. I love the first movie. Yeah, the first movie's great.

And then there was a remake that's pretty good, but there's been several remakes. I'm talking about the one with Matthew McConaughey and, Nathan Zellweger. Get out of here. Renee Zellwiger is in Yes, she is. In it spheres?

And it has the best. It's fierce. It has the most amazing Is that 2003? Movie poster. It's a girl's lips and she's holding a lipstick but the lipstick is a little chainsaw

and where it touches the lips, sparks are flying on. Oh, that's cool. That's cool. Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellwiger in Texas Chainsaw Massacre the next generation. The next generation.

That's not a remake, sorry. No, no, no, no. You know, I was watching clips. I just, I went down on like a rabbit hole of like leather face clips and I was like on YouTube and I was like when does he ever gas up his chainsaw? When does he ever gas that bitch up?

She got eternal gas in that thing. Cold fusion. It's cold fusion. It's cold fusion. It's cold fusion. It's cold fusion. Oh my God. It runs on Duncan.

Do it he? It runs on Duncan. Yeah, leather faces, chainsel runs on Duncan. It never goes out. So the roof is, and I don't want to get too into it. But you know, Mateo's favorite movie is

Texas Chance on Massacre. Get out of here. He loves it. Really? Yes. So what I love about it is when you watch that first movie, it's friends on a road trip, basically. Then they pick up the hitchhiker. That was weird.

He cuts himself. That's weird. But mostly the dynamic is like these siblings fighting and like the group squabbling. Like friendship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden they go into this house. I think they run out of gas or whatever. When that wall opens up, the wall slides open like a door and leather face grabs the guy.

and closes the door back up and you as a viewer had no warning, no explanation. They really surprised you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at the end when, because all horror movies happen in the dark, at the end when it's like sunset and she's running, bleeding, something about dusk, like sunset is scary. Yeah. It was very scary. It was very scary.

The daylight and someone, you're so remote that the daylight don't matter. There's no one to save you. That's, you know what I mean? Yes. Like even though it's daytime, you're not saying, oh, I don't like that. Very. That's like Candyman. All took place during the day.

Yeah. Yeah. The parking garage shit where it's like... Ellen. Yeah. Ellen. Oh. He really turned it, that actor.

Tony Todd. Tony Todd. Tony Todd. Tony Todd turned it. He surely did. Tony Todd turned it up. I watched... You're not going to watch Wuthering Heights.

You don't go to the movies. Yeah. I won't watch that. I'm like, I'm obsessed with... God, I'm obsessed with bad reviews of everything. Are you, you fucking with any of these Olympics at all? No. No.

I mean, I watch the LA local news every day and they include packages from that every day. So I see it peripherally. I do know that there's a wonderful speed skater from Wisconsin. Yes, incredible. Yeah, I don't know his name. Jordan, something, no, I don't know. He is. But I'm a little offended because they keep going.

And then there's this kid from Wisconsin. They act like he. crawled out of a hole in the ground. Like, he is, it's winter sports and he's from Wisconsin. Why is that not believable? I know, that's like, yeah, like, oh shit. We should be good at winter sports. A lot of talent comes out of Wisconsin, if I'm not mistaken.

Who? Prince. Prince is from Minnesota. Damn. Well, he's Minneapolis. Well, same thing. But that's really close to Wisconsin. Yeah.

At the airport, they have all the purple Prince, you know, store and shit. I think he's from. I think you're right. Minneapolis. You're definitely right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when I play shows in Minneapolis, I always end with raspberry beret. Like when I walk out and people flip out.

In Minneapolis, they flip out. What is your favorite print song? RuPaul's DJing in Milwaukee. Really? At the rave, Eagles Club. I want to go to that. Girl, I want to see her out there too. And she always be wearing like a hazmat suit or something, a house coat.

Yep. Whatever her little flippers, anything. Like anything. But the vibe check is correct. She's bouncing. She's living. She is giving it. Yeah.

She's given the energy. she's a conduit. Yeah. It's fierce. Let's plug RuPaul's show in Milwaukee. Honestly, Milwaukee. Hey. When is she coming?

She's not going to Milwaukee regularly. Let's make it a fucking event. She had a fracking. She sure did have some fracking visuals up there once. It was hysterical. I remember that. Crazy. Crazy.

Yeah. No, but it looks like I was like, I didn't even hear about this tour. And then I saw it like clips of it. I was like, this looks like the funest thing ever. Yeah. I don't know anything about it. It is fun. March 21.

March 21st. Go see Raymond. Go see Raymond in Milwaukee. If you're in Milwaukee. Yeah, March 21st, you know what to do. That is fun. That is fun. That is.

And then make sure you go out afterward and get drinks at the local homosexual facilities. Yes. Because you never know when they could close. The FagGs are hurting. The Fagys are hurting. They are hurting. The Fagis are hurting. Girl, there was, well, I don't talk about the weather, but do you, last night or the night before, the wind and rain were, like, hurricane level.

Oh, yeah. It was wild. Yeah. I was on the top floor. My thing, I thought the whole thing was just going to come down. Biers. Girl, I bet it was slightly creaking and you were stumbling around your apartment naked. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I bet it was just slightly like, er. No, it was like, whoa. Your breast plate on. Yeah, they're a wet too. Yeah, a wet. Lube everywhere. I don't know why. Listen, I made you something.

You did not. I did. I got really inspired by you talking shit about Pam Bondi. Fierce. And I just, I just thought of you. And, you know, I sit home and think about you. and I'm jerking it and, you know. You're strolling your car.

Each shit and God. Each shit and God. Yes. All you got to send me that. I got to put on my gym list. Edibles. My gym playlist. Me on a 2.5 milligram edible.

Crossed out. My eyes turned blue and crossed. And I was on this computer like. Like, yes. No, but last night I was played video games and the lobbies were taking to long. I was like, how about this? Pam Bondi. Pam Bondi.

Go to hell. Rotten hell, eat shit, and die. Fierce. It's fierce. That clip too at the end, I just go, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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place on Airbnb right next to the city's best barbecue joint. I'm talking morning coffee outside while the city wakes up, walks where you don't need gloves to avoid frostbite, and plates a brisket eaten outdoors with the Texas sunshine highlighting every bit of flavor in your dry rub. I booked my stay through Airbnb and honestly it's doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this trip. I get space to sprawl, a real couch to decompress on after screaming lyrics with strangers, in a table where I can eat like a human instead of balancing food on a pillow in a hotel room. I can close the door when I need silence, throw open the windows when I want light, and enjoy privacy that feels like I actually live there, even if only for a few days.

And if I'm traveling with friends, we can all stay together instead of coordinating lobby meetups like we're in a low-budget spy thriller. And while I'm dancing my way through Austin and writing that early spring glow, I'm already plotting the next adventure. This summer, it's Lisbon. Think ocean breezes, late-night dinners that turn into midnight desserts, and perhaps a moonlit stroll with a charming local who teaches me exactly one Portuguese phrase. and then disappears forever.

Trips just feel better when you book through Airbnb, and I already know I'll be booking again and again. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things, and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up,

and I will be out there hiking the Grand Broulet, while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode

from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else, so while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly

amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.c a.c-a-slash host. I have to tell you something. Yeah. I had to go to... We lost somebody in the Drag Race Cinematic Universe.

Gabe Lopez, who was a music producer for pretty much all the rousicles, all of Queen of the Universe, all the pop girls, like, is a vibrant star of music onstage, stage passed away like a couple weeks ago. Oh, no. And we did Queen of the Universe together.

And we've all, all of us who don't Drag Race have done Drag Race with him, even though we might not have seen him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got to go to, um, he had a funerial, which was like funeral, but tried to keep it light. The tables had like, kazzoos and tambourines. And it was like, if somebody on stage telling a memory would start crying, everybody would start shaking the, that's cute.

They were like, let's, they were like, we, if people start breaking down, we need support. So if anybody cries, just start clapping. That's fierce. So then when someone cried, we're all just like, I wish they do the midsummer thing. Oh! So I get the invite from Leland, and I go, okay, great. I'll just meet you there because Leland, you know,

we'll go together, whatever. I'll meet you there. So I get there right at 11 because you don't want to be late for someone's funeral, right? It says 11. I'm there at 11. Oh, yeah. So I go in. I'm like, oh, they're still setting up.

I'm sure it's like, you know, like a lot to put together, right? And it's family members setting up for a person they've lost. Like I'm like, I'll just. just sit in the back and ask if I can help with anything. I walk in. I meet some of his family and I go, I'm so sorry for your loss. We got to work together on this show. Can I help you guys pass out anything?

Can I help you set up chairs, anything? And they go, no, you don't know. I go, okay. And I go sit down, like, 10 minutes go by. And they're doing like the lights and there was like a, there were a lot of singers. So they're doing sound checks. Like a lot of his friends are musicians. They want to perform for him, right.

10 minutes go by. I call Leland to go, what's up, girl, where are you? He said, oh, are you calling from brunch? I said, yeah. What? And he goes, well, I figured you were at brunch. And he said, yeah, what do you mean brunch? Are they going to feed us?

And he goes, oh, where are you? I said, I'm at the function. He goes, it's not till 1 p.m. I'm over two hours early. Just like, auditing, auditing the. Walking around, just going, hello. Yeah, this chair's good. This is chair.

I like all that. Yeah. Still dead. The sound checks are happening. I feel like Simon Cowell. I'm like, you know. Crazy. I thought we were going to say it the wrong funeral.

No, it was, it was their funeral. And I was like, whatever, being early. And, you know, I guess whoever shows up earliest, love the person the most. I mean, like, and that's kind of a competition. And I was like, I get to, so then I go, Leland, what do I do? He goes, just come here to his house.

He goes, get here now. I go, okay, okay, God. So I go out the back entrance. I try to go out the back entrance because I don't want to expose that I'm here early on. I accidentally walk through the office of the facility. So then I'm definitely standing an area and not supposed to stand. And then I try to go out a door and right before I push the door, it says fire alarm will sound. And I don't push it.

Thank God. Because now I've learned to start. Oh, by the way, I checked the invitation. It says one. Fierce. Read 11. I read 11. You put another one on there.

And this is on a show where I've made fun of Monet for not reading the invitation of the Halloween party. Oh, that shit. And so stupid. So then I rush to Leland's. I walk in. I'm like, oh my God. He goes, you know, he goes, Gabe would have loved that. I said, I know.

So then the theme of the day was like, Gabe would have loved that. Anything obnoxious or crazy that happened that day. And funerals are so odd, awkward, sad. It's strange. Strange. Strange. Strange. Not in a bad way, but almost like a dream.

Yeah. The vibe is so hard. Also, have you ever been to a funeral where the family did not get along? No. Really crazy. Really crazy. A lot of crazy family dynamics. Speaking of funerals, so I've never owned a suit in my life.

Okay. Ever. You want to make more money? Yeah. You got to buy a suit. You got to buy a suit. I went to the mall. To Klein Epstein.

In Parker. Yeah, no. I went to the mall and I made an appointment with this, and this guy like basically, like, dressed me like downtown Abbey. Like Downton Abbey. Like downtown Abbey. And you liked it? Did you go to Suit Supply?

I did, and I did like it. Do you go to Suit supply? I did, yeah. Soot supply eats. It does eat. It was country. Good service. Nice clothes.

The service was great. And it was like, I've never, I was so like, I don't know how to put on any of that stuff, girl. None. I don't know how to put any of that stuff. Like cufflinks and like, like, you know what I mean? That's just like crazy. I feel so embarrassed and nothing makes me feel less male than having to dress up male. Oh yeah.

It makes me feel like I'm. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A genderless blob. Yeah, yeah, totally. The missing link. I mean, I was like, I feel like, I feel like I'm cross-dressing. I too, too.

I felt like I was like in just. one of the guys. I'm Joyce Heiser. He's got tits. Um, but like, the finished product was kind of cunty. Yeah. I got three suits. Oh, you did? I got a tuxedo for a formal thing. I've never worn a tuxedo in my life. Right. Cunty. Cunty. Do you feel like a waiter? Do you feel fancy? Well, that's what, that's the thing. So I was like, I didn't, I was like, A, I like black, so I don't want to look like the mafia. And I don't want to look like I'm attending the function to work. Oh. You know. Do you get a bow tie? Uh, I

Or a normal tie. No, I got a bow tie. Oh, cool. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. It's kind of fierce. Fun.

Now you're gonna have to go to something. You know, you will get invited to like a Grammy or something. And now if you don't want to go and drag, you have the perfect outfit. I would, yeah, but I would have to do something to it. Like, you know. You'd like a fun flower. Or like a bloody nose or like maybe like there's a hole in the butt. You can see my shit stain.

Yes. What about like a shit stain? What do you think about white tie, white suits? Oh my God. I think it's fine. Do you better not do anything? Well, that's, I went to fucking land noodle the other day with a white t-shirt on. Are you kidding me?

Did you look? What do you look like? So the color of your lenses, that was the whole like color of my t-shirt when I left. Just orange sauce. Everywhere. Soup splatter everywhere. You chew with your mouth open. I chew with your mouth open and I eat with my hands.

Yeah. No, but it was like there's no elegant way to eat in a white t-shirt at a noodle restaurant. You fucking bitch. Next time you should go in a full noodle brown outfit. With like pre-splatter. Ooh. Pre-splatter. I already in COVID when everyone was doing tie-dye.

Oh, no. I just remember the sourdough. Sourdough is huge. You know, I love sourdough. It's the only bread I buy. Yeah. But I got curious about how to make it. And so I started going down the TikTok rabbit hole.

Oh, God. People proudly opening the jar of this living nasty thing bubbling out. No, ma'am. And the caption of like, she was hungry today. I'm like, this is going to eat you in your sleep. This is going to kill you. Yeasty? Yeasty. Yeasty. Yeasty. Yeasty boys.

I... Oh, God, Mary. If there's more water damage in that place, I'm going to kill myself. I'll give you... What about you? Any updates? My studio, not leaking. Get out of here. Even with the shenanigans. The guest house is still being fixed. But the studio, the building, resealed the roof over the summer. And it's sealed. And it's not leaking. None of my areas leak. Love that.

And then we've been having, like, extra... air tests on everything just to make sure with all the rain and stuff all the air is safe. Fierce. Because you know when you do water damage remediation,

they air test it to death before they seal anything because why would they fix all the walls and then it's still an issue. Wow. I have to do a lot of gardening because they want to make sure that the what are they called?

The gutters. Yeah. Run off the building and in a way where the water doesn't just pool next to the building. Yes. But you're in a townhouse I hate water

I love water I love water I also hate her Love to tour I love to tour I love fresh water I love water girl What about AI in water Fresh water

Crazy crazy It's everything's nuts Like AI centers Dringing up all this fresh water So wild It's so wild Drink more water than you Seriously

I love a bottle of water Mary I don't I don't have to be hospitalized And they do it rectally No, I did have a little water yesterday. A little bit. A little bit of water. It's almost too sweet.

Almost too rich. It's almost a little too rich. What about me showing up to a funeral two hours early and just talking to the close family members? Giving notes. Maybe like, it's so fierce. I also like the number of steps it takes me to realize I was in the wrong place. Oh, I'm standing there being like, damn, I thought people like Gabe. Like I don't like, I was like, where is it?

Wow. Everybody's so late. I thought, oh, do I not know something about funerals where you trickle in? Maybe I'm rude by showing up on time. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, when it came to one, it started perfectly on time. And I was there.

I'd come back. Oh, you left to came back. I went to Leland's and came back. Fier's. Went to Leland's and came back. Now, is that, what's the, there's a wake and then a funeral. The funeral is when they put you in the ground. This was a funerle.

Funeral. So we all shared pretty positive memories. And then we had like snacks and drinks and, like, dancing. Because Gabe was a musician. But anyway, shout out Gabe. Thank you, Gabe. For all, if you've ever loved a Rizicle, If you've ever loved a drag race musical presentation, Gabe, probably worked on it.

Sorry, Pete, Gabe. What's your funeral vibe? I hope this isn't a horrible trait, but maybe this happens to everybody. When I go to a funeral, I think about my own. Does everybody think about that? Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I kind of think don't do anything.

Don't do anything. But I don't know. I think there's important catharsis. There's important... Yeah, it's not for you. It's for them. There's important... acceptance that occurs.

I think a funeral helps something like that feel real. Sure. You know? Yeah. What do you want to do? I think I want to do like an interactive like laser tag thing. Like an escap room? No, like, um, like, or yeah, maybe like an escape room.

Or like, like how would you do, how did you want her to die? Oh. And then the hologram will like play out, um, a scenario. Will your body be there? Uh, no, holograms though. Oh. Oh, yeah. I'll be in the casket, I guess.

Well, it depends on how I die. But it's going to cost $100. You'll have to pay. The whole wedding? No, the whole funeral. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also a wedding. I think it's like, I think it'd be fierce to like charge a cover.

100%. $100. I think you charge it. People charge at their weddings now. You'd have to pay. People charge at their weddings now. They do. Yeah, some people do.

Look it out. No way. Oh, yes. Well, that hysterical girl from Vietnam, Jessica, was talking about the difference between American and Vietnamese weddings. and people show up. Here's a toaster to your American wedding and then to the Vietnamese wedding.

Here's $10,000. Love. Like, what the fuck? I don't want a toaster. I know, I know that I'm going to marry Vietnamese now. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay, girl. Okay, miss girl. I, you know, I used to do bridal makeup. I know that's a huge joke to everyone. It's not a joke. But when I was 23, doing bridal makeup, that was my little side gig.

I loved it. So I did probably my life. How many last did you put in? 25, 30 weddings in my life. Really? Maybe five or maybe 10 a year for three years. So I guess maybe 30. That's good experience.

And now I keep getting, I get a lot of makeup artists, TikToks, people showing their kits, cleaning their, I love makeup artists. I love makeup artists. Yeah, yeah. Real makeup artist showing their kit. That's like my porn. Yeah. And a lot of them are bridal makeup artists now talking about. like the bridal economy and how the images used in bridal advertisement,

the images used in media about weddings are so above and beyond a million dollars that now when people want to get married, they are in shock that they're down at the VFW having a Pollock because they think that it's going to be the Kim Kay like shot out of a canon experience and it's it's a backyard. It's a backyard. So the makeup artists now that I was watching, they're saying, we've lost touch with the fact that a wedding is a luxury item. And like, if you want a fancy wedding, it's a luxury.

But you can have a zero dollar wedding anytime you want. Yeah, you go to the courthouse. And so the makeup artist is talking about how more and more people are eloping because they would rather put the money toward a house or a baby or whatever. Harry, no shit. And I love a wedding. Sure. But you're also allowed to be.

like, we're just going to do nothing. It doesn't seem like a good amount of a way to use money. No. But I love a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I get it. I get it. I mean, especially if you're a straight couple and you're not like rolling in dough.

I mean, the house, Mary, the house. The land, honey, the land. While you were at the courthouse. I was in Brooklyn struggling. While you are in high school, I am in Brooklyn, struggling to survive in this economy. What is the, what is a rate? What's too much to spend on the wedding? It depends who you are and where you live.

Okay. For example, my mother got married in Middle Inlet, Wisconsin at the city hall, town hall, which I think was probably free. And it was a potluck, so there was no food. Fierce. I think the DJ was the major expense. $5.10. I was like eight at the time. So I wasn't back there crunching the numbers, but I'm just remembering in the 90s.

Probably a few bucks. I can't have cost more than a few thousand dollars. No, probably a few hundred. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think at this point, eloping is beautiful. Spending as little as possible is beautiful. Yeah, if you got money to burn.

And not even getting legally married is beautiful. Curt and Goldie. My brother is an attorney. He was like, Brian, I do weddings. I do divorces. You don't, like, people don't have to get married. No. Have the party if you want.

Yeah. But like divorces are so expensive. Yeah. What do you? That is so. What about, what about acrimonious. divorces and trying to get rich through a divorce. What do you think about that?

Weird. It's weird. Weird. It's crazy. I feel like, I think no matter how much you're together, it's good to have separate banks and everything. 100%. Don't merge your assets.

But I do believe in, like, if you're in a five-year-plus relationship, you're really serious, I do believe in, like, an account that both of you access that's separate where you can both have, like, house money, or money, whatever. But I, um, I come. from a long line of no one having anything to take from anyone because we all just have debt. Yeah. So all of that is very foreign to me.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any sense. Like my money's my money, your money's your mind. But of course, wills are important. Yes. Because I always think about this.

What if I got hit by a truck tomorrow? Today. My mom's house is in my name. What if Wisconsin or whatever was like, oh, technically it's not your name. You have to move out. I always think about that. Fuck.

Don't kill my. Don't kill me. Please don't kill him today. Yeah, that's crazy. And you said before that on my phone, on the notes app, it doesn't count. I mean, I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a lawyer. But I don't think it counts.

I think big lawyer, the industry would tell you it doesn't count. You know, have you ever had an asset recovery? Have you ever had like a, like a, I can't tell if this thing is like a fucking, like a scam or what? asset recovery. I have the funds like somewhere that they're going to help me get. That sounds like a scam, right? Oh, I know what you're talking about You do. So let's say you World of Wonder.

Yes. Let's say they tried to pay you but you moved addresses. Exactly. And they could not reach you and they still owe you money. Yeah. A third party company might say

hey, for a flat rate, we will help get you this. But I one time to get a thousand dollar check from someone had to pay this other company like 200 bucks to get them. It's 20%. So I don't think it's a scam

because I did get money. Okay, you did. But I would Google them. Yeah, no, I think it's just so weird. It's so weird. I mean, how many checks I'm like tied up in like other mailboxes? Mailboxes, et cetera. Well, should we, well, now that we have the new thing where we end the episode listening to the fans.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Let's visit a few lovely comments. Would you guys prefer the term fans? I don't know. Fans or friends of the pod? Friends of the pod. Listeners.

You got any good? Oh, damn. Oh, yeah. Tracy got a microphone. She got a microphone. She said that's where it stops. Getting on an airplane sick is the worst. Yeah.

It's the worst. It's pretty bad. Where are you going? To Washington, D.C. For a job? Yeah. What are you doing? Not until Monday.

So hopefully they'll just like... What kind of gig is it? It's a speaking engagement. At a college? What are you going to talk about? They're going to talk to me. Are you going to get in drag? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a moderated Q&A. I've done a lot of those and they always say, like, you don't have to get in drag. I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm like, you guys are paying me to do nothing. Yeah, that's crazy. Get in drag. I'm going to get in drag. It's the very least I can do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that shit. You know what the, I think you're going to do a good job. I wasn't going to. I love that shit. I wasn't sure what I was going to talk about when I was at University of Wisconsin-Madison. And I locked in and I was just like, wait a minute, they're in college. I've gone to college. Oh, yeah. What if I have wisdom here?

Hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you have to shut me up at those things. I love it. What are you going to tell them? Like, if college kids were listening, what would you say? I mean, well, it depends on what they're going to college for. Right.

You know, it also depends on, I haven't, like, if you're at, if speaking at a private university, you can't necessarily, there are certain, like, avenues you can't necessarily go down, like, drop out. No, when I speak at private universities, I always start with like, so all of you have rich parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How many of you have Republican parents? I like, you know, but I think you should go person to person, have them say their major and then decide if they should drop out or stay. Perfect. Right. Yeah, and then it'll like, if it's like nursing, stay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. English literature LGBT studies You know exactly Oh man I love to talk to the college people I do too Can I tell you though

What They're very young honey You are going to feel Children of the corn Like children of the corn Like you're at a kindergarten I know I'm gonna get out I'm gonna get up my look

Sitting on a stool Reading like you know Show the picture And then read from the book It's crazy Because I've been doing college gig Since I was like 25 Yeah

And so I used to be like You guys are just a year or two I'm one of you. And now it's like, did you need a chair for us to roll you on the stage in? Like, it's like, it's really that. It's, it's terrifying. They are 18 years old and 18 is really 14. And also, they have 16 to 18 people designated to serve you in any way.

It is like the entire student body as handmaidens outside the door. It's crazy. I know. Like, they don't just, if your writer says a bottle of water, there's 10 different bottles of water of different brands. I know. It's fierce. And they're all. F happier there and terrified. Yeah.

Like the fear is in their eyes. I love that. Just, you know, be really nice. No, I'm not going to be horrible. I'm going to be a horrible monster. Come on. Okay, we have some comments from the people. Love five stars.

You two are brilliant. Thank you for the Joy. X-O. This is from sandwich slut. Do you think they're from sandwich Massachusetts? Could be. Is this the slut of sandwich Massachusetts? Is this the slut?

Wait. The slut? My God. I went to sandwich once. Did you, would you like it? I drove through it on the way to Peatown one. It's fierce. Yeah.

The Cape's spot. There was a water wheel. A water wheel? Like on a river. Like a water wheel. Oh, like a like a Rospocus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The girls make my day 10 times better.

Depression Buster. Oh, so fuck that fan. Did you guys see that? There's my day better. Blah, blah. I know, right. Mama said, the girls make my day 10 times better. Thanks for making me uncontrollably.

laugh for an unhealthy time. Well, thank you very much. You're welcome. I think laughter's healthy. Lafter's healthy. Nature's medicine. And then listen with sad and no longer sad vibes in soul. Have we talked to them today? What if they got sad the next day? You know? It seems like they were on the edge. What about, wait. Oh, God, I wouldn't say something that can remember. That's it. I think there's two more. There is more. I'll go for it. Flip my wig, five stars. Madeline Glory porn name This pod truly has me cackling

Love it Okay What did your friend say the other day But I don't I have no respect for the medium Even though I'm a comedian And a podcaster I have no respect for the medium

Oh God I love that so much Better than all the rest Five stars I would buy a shirt with Scarglow on it What's Scarglow? I don't know Did we say that?

I know probably Pam Bondi Love you too so much Heart Love five stars stars the best part of my week. Now this is maybe you need to up your life quality. Hello.

Yes. Us speaking to the microphone, we should be the low point. Dream bigger. For Maggie W. I aspire that we are the low point of your week. The nader. The dredge.

The slog. Here's some more. Okay. Hi, pig. Now that's my kind of comment. That's from Frederica. How come they're only talking to you? Why won't they talk to me?

Does this say, hi pig and steed? Perfect, perfect girls. Genuinely thank you to... What? Genuinely thank you to them for lighting up my life. That's nice. Well, thank you all so much for thanking us and I guess we'll see you in the next one.

Yeah. Honestly, we don't deserve you. And you don't deserve us in different ways. Goodbye. Goodbye. You know,