The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Majesty of Live Theatre with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

If you count yourself amongst the lucky few who have attended a live theater performance, you fully understand that tingly feeling you get inside as the lights dim and the curtain goes up. That beautiful moment of silent anticipation before the actors appear onstage and the performance begins. Live theatre is spellbinding. Live theatre is pure magic. But most of all, live theatre is the perfect place to do hand and boob stuff on a first date. Start shopping at https://Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving at thousands of stores today! Your Cash Back really adds up! There’s no more shame in your gut game. That’s why Ritual is offering Bald & Beautiful listeners 30% off during your first month! Visit https://Ritual.com/BALD to start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Learn more at Amex.ca. Crocs sent me these Jetsons Crocs. Aren't they fun? Those are wild. Crazy, right? I love the Jetsons, but we'll say it took me a whole beat to understand what the theme of these were. I was like, what? What?

And then I saw the spaceship. I was like, oh, it's the Jetsons. Jane, his wife. His boy, Al Roy. Yeah. They really did a good job on that song. They really went, that intro was, has, is molten, is

like, you know, Pompeii, how that city was preserved in the lava that really did like kind of engrave itself into my consciousness pompeii people reserved in lava and then hiroshima people's people's silhouettes burned into walls from where they were standing when the explosion happened like ashes in the shape of their body burned into walls it's a recurring theme in Watchmen. Wow. I, you know,

I thought about, I think about getting vaporized probably more than the average person. What would you hope? Or like you worry or what? I think about, I just think about it. Like, like I think,

you know, it was just September 11th. And I think about, you know, they say never forget. So I don't. And I, I think about driving or flying into those twin towers or into the Pentagon. Cause I'm also, you know they say never forget so i don't and i i think about driving or flying into those twin towers or into the pentagon because also you know we always forget actually that

there was the the pentagon and then the one that was supposed to go to the white house pentagon is still there mama they were yeah but she got struck yeah she got struck uh-huh she wasn't destroyed completely but there were four planes am i right forgot forgot forgot control room has already forgotten do you think we'll have another event like that in our lifetime absolutely yeah it's almost i feel bad but yeah but they're happening they're on that scale they're happening all the time yeah it's like ukraine you know i mean there's like global catastrophes here and there told you thank you i don't want to be like pollyanna but like wait oh yeah the jetsons believe that that was the year 2062 yeah right girl i doubt it

please girl twitter will be called x like still that like mary twitter is x i'm gonna what are we doing we talked about this but it deserves i went on I opened my phone today I don't use social media very much anymore Me neither And I went on to tweet something That I thought was particularly tickling Would be particularly enticing To my fan base

And I opened the social media folder And what was down there We had Instagram We had Grind. We had Instagram, we had Grindr, we had X. And I thought, oh shoot,

did I misplace a porno app into this folder? No, it's Twitter. It's fucking Twitter. Yeah. Twitter formerly known as X, formerly known as Twitter. This is like the whole Prince debacle back in the day.

The artist formerly known as Prince. Do you think that a lot, maybe it's just you and I, do you think a lot of people are turning the corner on social media? I really care less and less. I mean, the only thing that really hooked me back in was Lauren Boebert getting jerked off at the theater in Beetlejuice. What happened? Lauren Boebert, the Congresswoman, getting fondled,

felt up, finger blasted, and jerking off her date during a production. How do people know about this? Because there was security camera footage, and she surely was escorted out of the theater. Boobs touched, finger blasted, pussy eaten, dick sucked. At the musical Beetlejuice? Kicked out of the theater. Lauren Boebert, congresswoman, disgraced.

At the fucking booth. In the theater. Wait, not the movie theater. The theater. Booted out of the theater. Live production with children present. Getting jerked off. Titties fondled.

Jerking off her date. Mama, there were babies crying in the aisle. She was booted out the theater. She's a public servant, honey. Getting jerked off at the theater. Lauren Boebert reporting for duty. She's very conservative. Yes.

You know what's funny? You know what's funny? If she was liberal, I think the gays would be like, honestly, work. No, I think she was only – if she hadn't accused her Muslim colleague of being a suicide bomber, if she hadn't alleged that all drag queens are pedophiles If she hadn't gone through all this Really harmful rhetoric I think she would be propped up as a presidential hopeful

Yes exactly But she surely is a shit disturber And a troll Jerking off is not a crime, sex is not a crime In a theater with children is inappropriate And that's coming from a drag queen Who's a groomer I'm grooming I'm grooming.

Yeah. Yeah. Mama. I'm grooming. Yeah. She's, she's lead associate at grooming Dales. She was,

um, when she, she was kicked out, kicked out of the theater for unruly behavior. And then she, she lied. And then when it, when the security camera footage came up,

she said, I was mom eccentric. Oh, they're right Now what other way You're No you're not Mama You're not eccentric You're actually boring

You're a perverted bitch This is sadly The most exciting thing You've ever done Thank you Fondled up At the theater Wrong time

Listen Let's say You and your betrothed Are leaving the theater It was just a date And you're in the parking garage Yeah And you get finger blasts.

Your panties fall off. The garage is basically closed. You're like, I'm in my car. It's into windows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That should be about as public. Sure, sure, sure. Public servant.

I don't believe we're servicing the public in public. So Congressman Lauren Boebert, you are a mama. She got jerked up at the theater. Do you remember Senator Larry Craig? Remember his toe tapping? Larry Craig? Wasn't it Senator Larry Craig? Oh, and I don't remember this one.

I believe it was a Minnesota Republican senator who was toe tapping at the airport. Like, suck my cock. Remember that? I don't. This is a breaking news. Wait, wait, he's doing Morris Code? Morris Code? You don't know about toe tapping?

Morris Code? Rigger Morris. You got's doing Morris Code? Morris Code? You don't know about toe tapping? Morris Code? Rigor Morris. You gotta use Morris Code? No, toe tapping under a stall is like an old school gay way of like, do you wanna hook up?

Of course, of course. It's like, hey, psst, psst. Oh, no,

you thought toe tapping, you said, was he doing a time stamp? I thought he was doing like, I thought he was either doing, I thought he was either doing tap dancing or Morris Code. That did happen,

right? You better use Morris Code. but I mean, certain celebrities have gotten in trouble for masturbating at theaters for masturbation. Yeah, yeah. And these are people who are not publicly elected officials

serving the public on taxpayer dollars who are also purporting to live and abide by a code of ethics, morals, and a lifestyle that they are themselves not adhering to. Nothing of the sort. Thank you very much. That old maiden jerk off behavior in the theater.

If she was a public figure who was very like pro-sex, pro-queer, pro-everything. If she was Annie Sprinkle saying, let's fuck trees with our pussies out. That's a different thing. Annie Sprinkle? Annie Sprinkle, a performance eco-sex, eco-sex performance artist. Okay. But she has titties. She's.

She's fucking trees. She's not a congresswoman. Let's just say that. She's fucking trees. She's fucking the ground. She's doing public cervix announcements. She's legendary. But she's not running for congress and she's not getting funded by taxpayer dollars. Let's just say that. Mama. Jerked off at the theater.

Again, to play devil's advocate, working 40 hours a week on the public's dime doesn't mean that when you go to the theater, you're on the clock. But this is still inappropriate. It's still inappropriate because yes, you don't...

I don't go to the Wiggles and get cornholed in the aisle. No, because you don't go to the Wiggles. No, but I don't go to Blue I don't go to the Wiggles and get cornholed in the aisle. No, because you don't go to the Wiggles. No, but I don't go to Blue's Clues and fill up some titties and pussies. I don't put my fingers up and decide pussies and then go sucking on titties. I don't do that. I don't do that.

Call me crazy. Call me old fashioned Lauren Bolberg. By the way, she's lucky i wasn't there i would have been like i just think it's really funny you know like bitch got kicked booted out the theater but you know what though boot boot scoot out her support comes from a group of people who are wild and not with nick hannon these are the grabber by the pussy people who are like so what yeah this is her locker room talk so she jerked off the date At Beetlejuice Whatever So there was six year olds nearby

Whatever You know By the way not flattering The artists on stage You know they went to AMDA They went to Milliken They went to all the

Musical theater schools The conservatories Juilliard The Juilliards They went to the master classes They did a private lesson With Sherry Renee Scott Thank you

They did it all And all for what For them to walk on stage in that Lydia wig? It's not flattering. They're not going, still got it. No. They look out. And Lauren Boebert's got her hand up some guy's asshole.

Girl. Girl. Girl. Lauren Boebert is straddling a Sibian in the front row. By taking her glasses off. She is crouched over a jackhammer. She's taking four and five loads. A traffic cone up her pussy.

There's a line of people. Ushers are ready to quit. They're all waiting. It's a dump. A cum dump. It's a Lauren Bobert Beetlejuice cum dump. Oh, Bobert, baby, you've done it again. First of all, it's not funny.

It's not funny. It's not funny. To make a room full of people consent to your sex act, it's not funny. Mama, that's sexual terrorism. It's not funny. On the taxpayer's dime. What makes it funny is that person who's like, I would never do that, is now doing that. You know what I mean?

And also, drag queens are groomers, but I'm going to get jerked off at the theater in front of a six-year-old. You know who's trying to jerk off drag queens? Nobody. Bo Burt. Nobody.

No, Bo Burt is. Bo Burt's at the Hamburger Mary's. Yeah, yeah. Who wants, and she's snuck into the back room. She's got a bullet vibrator in each nose. She's got Morgan McDycle's tuck

untucked and she's yanking on it. And she's like, Delta, you need them titties sucked bitch Lauren Boebert goes straight to jail

Lauren Boebert was supposed to guest judge on Drag Race but she had reached over and was fingering Michelle fingering Paul

fingering the hilarious Matt Matthews and style superstar Carson Kressley. And she had to be asked to leave because she was being inappropriate. Darren had to boot her out of the studio. The musical was

Rudel Juice. And Lauren said, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. These fingers got a mind of their own. By the way, she was on a date. Was it Tinder? TMZ caught up with her a little bit after the incident.

Caught up with her. Caught up with her at the airport or something. And she very glibly said, I believe that was the last of that date or whatever. That person, I will not be whatever, whatever. glibly said um i believe that was you know uh the last of that date or whatever you know that that that person will i will not be whatever whatever it was so flippantly it was all flipping and glib and kind of dismissive listen i'm very sex positive but in this in this instance wrong time wrong place lady inappropriate behavior from a public elected official yeah you could do a lot of flirting a lot of hand on the knee hand arm around how about this on the cheek and then you

can save that moment for just a little more privacy. Or about him. But how about you just shut the fuck up, watch the show and then go home and shit on his face or whatever you want to fucking do. Or leave in the middle. Well, they did, but they were booted out. Also, they were unruly. They were rude.

There was other behaviors that were going on. She's like, oh yeah, I'm going to check party affiliations before I go on another date. Like, well, vapinging don't even get me started Vaping Mary vaping at the theater Vaping is worse than the jerking off Thank you We were on a tour together I was on the tour bus

I'm here to tell you that people who vape Think that they should vape everywhere and anywhere And I'm not in that school of thought Mary that strawberry mango mojito cloud of smoke We're not doing that We're not doing that On of thought. Mary, that strawberry mango mojito cloud of smoke. Yeah. We're not doing that. We're not doing that.

On the tour bus, I walked in and said, what are you doing? It's like, oh, it's just a vape. And I said, get off the bus. Yeah. You're the smoker bus. I know. And they're not even vaping on the smoker bus. So why are you- Mom, we're not vaping or smoking on the bus.

Honey. Oh, yeah. Actually, we could smoke on the bus. People in their bunks vaping on the bus? I'm we actually we could smoke on the bus people in their bunks vaping on the bus i'm like girl no we're not doing that i don't that's the thing about vaping that i really never um it's it's it's smokers with the audacity like even further audacity but i don't even think it's that because smokers have a very smoke especially if you're still smoking now cigarettes um or or weed or whatever you have a very there are clear cut unambiguous

boundaries about where and when you can smoke like that's the whole kind of gig about smoking i have to go outside yeah it's non-negotiable if i smoked a cigarette in here right now you would slap me in the face and kick me out like i was jerking off lauren bobert in the theater there was a drag queen i worked with in the face and kick me out like I was jerking off Lauren Boebert in the theater. There was a drag queen I worked with in this studio and I had to go to a gig and they were closing up and they were going to lock the door. I got home from the gig, reeked of weed in here. And I was like, I don't even smoke weed in this house.

Unacceptable. Because the impact that it has, I mean, now granted the vapor's defense, I would assume is that, well, it's not not gonna seep its way into your curtains your fabric your the human hair wigs or whatever that's not the point it's not as bad

for sure it's not as bad but it's still inappropriate it's still inappropriate but also the problem with the vaping is because there aren't

those boundaries there aren't those checkpoints in place vapors just vape all day all the time in the bed on the toilet in the bed

are you nuts what Are you nuts? What are you nuts? I don't get a bed with vapors. In the bed, all the time, at the sewing machine, in the theater, in the handicap stall, everywhere, in the airplane bathroom, everywhere. It's the accessibility and the ubiquity of the vaping which is really the problem. anywhere that's the ubiquity it's the the accessibility and the ubiquity of the vaping which is really the problem and not to be like just to be honest i have my own prejudices probably against vaping right why well it's so new i feel like we don't know what a 20 year old vapors

lungs look like somebody's getting 20 years we don't we have an inkling though and so i worry about that at least with like smoking weed or something we know yeah yeah yeah and so the research is coming out that it's not great it's not great i mean i think of again kathy griffin certainly one can't never smoked her life you don't lung cancer i mean it's not great right vaping is not i just hope and pray for the vapors that they find that boundary where other people in the room don't go like just just pull out a vape in the middle of my living room you know what i mean like it's tough i hate being put in that position where I'm like, it's like a no shoe household.

If someone walks in with shoes and I'm like, can you, well, we just watched zero mom. The cop walks in chewing gum and she goes, I'm sorry, officer, this is a no gum household and puts out the tissue and he has to spit it out.

And I was like, yeah, it's your house. It's your boundary. Yeah. Say it girl. You go girl. You go girl.

You put that boundary up. I, I, um. You go, girl. You go, girl. Say it, girl. You put that boundary up. I have, I frequently run into that problem in my home because I have a no-shoe policy. And it's, but sometimes, you know, depending on if we're just running through, it gets a little nebulous. But I, but hey, listen, so you don't want to put on your shoes. You can't come inside. I know. Take off your shoes.

You can't come inside. I know off your shoes You can't come inside I know Well like this This is a white carpet There was a time where it was like Fuck If I don't take my shoes off It gets gross in here quickly

I know But your socks are worse than your shoes So now what? Did you tap dance and dog shit on the way here? And then put the shoe on? Is that what occurred? No I was fisting Lauren Boebert at the theater last night during the

production of Gone with the Wind. She's getting silicone put in her dick at Beetlejuice. She's got saline balls at Beetlejuice. She was teabagging her Democratic date with her giant engorged saline clit.

She was slapping him in the face with the clit. She was slapping him in the face. She's doing, she's doing, she was spraying the whole, the row with, with piss. No, the ushers,

some, some hourly worker usher in an unfitting uniform came over with a little light and she had a sounding rod of her date's cock. And she said, what? What? It's a ballad. It's a knitting needle.

It's a B-side number. Like no one's watching. I thought this was still intermission. Yeah, crazy. Also singing at a musical is worse than anything. What do you think is an under... Could you actually go and see Les Mis? Well, why would you go to see Les Mis?

I agree. Yeah, thank you. Let's say the curtains open and the person next to you is like, at the end of the day, it's another day older. And you're like, this has to stop. If's another day older and you're like yeah it's this has to stop if i went to the product if i went to a production of les mis you know what happened as loud as i can the grittiness of life in 19th century france the conflict between good and evil and the concept of redemption are all brought to life on screen an unforgettable

musical journey kathleen zeta jones the 2012 Golden Globes. You better catch it. She did catch it. She is crazy. Talk about, I mean, she is crazy. She is compelling though. She eats in Chicago.

She eats. She's untouchable. Everything. She's an untouchable Welsh superstar. She's amazing. Cannot, not down, whatever the opposite

of down to earth is. Her husband? 80 years old. Yeah, go off the edge. She's amazing. Cannot, cannot, not down, whatever the opposite of down to earth is. Her husband? 80 years old. Yeah. Go off the edge. 78 I believe. I love May, December.

I love old and young. Love it. In the adult years. I don't love, I don't love 18 and 38. You know what I mean? Like, or like 12 and 35.

But I love like 50 and 70. Love that. Love that. It's appropriate. Love that. You know, it's appropriate. And women die.

Much, much later. Later. You're going to out. It's appropriate. Love that. You know, it's appropriate. And women die. Much, much later. You're going to outlive your husband probably anyway. Right. Might as well lean into it. Lean into it. Lean into that Douglas dynasty. We don't see many older women, younger men relationships. I guess.

Mary Kay Letourneau would love a word. But I guess like Demi and Ashton at the time, that's it. That's the only one I knew of. Oh, come on. There's plenty. We see it in gay world a lot. Gay world. Old, young, old, young.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, because you know. It's so fierce when someone's like. Palm Springs, how about? I'm gonna talk about Palm Springs. We all have those gay people in our life where you're like, oh, here's your new boyfriend. What is he, actually 19?

Like you're like 20. Yeah, I know. 20. I have been myself, I have been a perpetrator of this, let's not call it a crime. Let's not call it a crime. Let's just call it a participator in the trend. Let's say the activity. And the youngest I've ever been with was somebody who is 23.

And at the time I was 30 or whatever. Well, I mean, that's seven years is not that much. But even for me, that was an extreme stretch. Yeah. I like I like I'm only really attracted to around my age. So I can't throw stones. Yeah. I mean, my body's not telling me to fuck 19 year olds right like i don't have the instinct my body's my body's telling me to it's not there's definitely not an age group that i fetishize or that i gravitate towards and none of them fetishize you

shut up but i was recently so i've hooked up with a few guys recently. One of them – it's always a little bit humbling and perhaps a bit – it's not concerning. It's not insulting, but it is just a little bit eye-opening when they reveal that they are in fact attracted to older men. And then I find myself in the harsh reality of that category because I am in fact an older man to them. Suddenly it's the beach from old. Yeah. It's time 25. I got bone density issues and I'm crab walking down the,

you know, right in the sand. But, uh, the, you know, I, I'm like,

okay, okay, whatever. I'm 41. This person is 27 or 26 or 25 even. And that's older. That's older. And also I look old now. And you think i do is i do you

know i like i got no hair i mean i have hair but it's like shaved and gray do you think you look good um i think you look good i think my body looks great your body looks like my body looks great naked um and i have a nice dick um but uh it's just like you know at certain angles and in certain light and certain situations it's like it gives it gives like Twinkle Fester you know like Uncle Fester

Twinkle Fester you know it gives a little creep you know minus the little the wispies that the creeper had you know it gives a little ghoulish yes it gives a little creep, you know, minus the, the little, the wispies that the creeper had, you know, it gives a little ghoulish. Yes. It gives a little ghoulish. I'm not agreeing. I'm just listening.

No, no. But, um, but so then. But I see it. You know, it can give a little ghoulish, but I, so in, this is funny. Like I was thinking about this recently and I, because I've noticed that more and more and more, I've come across people who are really, really comfortable and have the instinct to film themselves. Sure. Sexually.

Film each other having sex. I've never had that inclination, I would assume, because I don't exactly think of myself as having a porn star body with striking Hollywood looks in the bedroom. Hollywood looks in the bedroom. But many, many people who I don't think even think of themselves that way either, it is a much more common practice. I have never,

ever wanted to see myself have sex. And I'm totally engrossed in the feeling of it. In the feeling of it. And I don't want to relive it. I'm not going to stop and record. When am I going to stop and record. No. When am I going to watch it?

In shitty lighting. When am I going to watch it? In iPhone flash lighting of Mary Dugan. I got it. And then we got to set up the shot. And now there's lube on the camera and it's slippery. It's like, I'm not putting a tripod in my bedroom. There's hardly any space.

And then what if there's no memory? Not in your house. It's way too small, but some of us could, what's the alternative? Am I going to prop up four different security cameras? I mean, it's just,

then it's just, you're going to use a galaxy cause they take better video. Oh, they do. They do for sure. But guess what? Mary, when we have access to a mostly free of charge library of every single pornographic clip ever made on this God's green earth for nearly free, hardly any money at all.

Why would I bother to contribute? Why would I throw my little rocks in that stream? Anybody who does sex work, please tune me out and don't pay attention to me right now. Trigger warning. Yeah, yeah. Who's paying for porn when it's so available for free? I'm not being like, I'm not looking down on people. I'm saying, why?

Why? I am. Tell me. Well, okay. Because. Because I actually don't get it. Because I'm a sex addict. So it has something to do with being, it has something to do with compulsive sex addiction.

In my case, a little bit. You like the pay for play element. Well, so I know that there is, this is my unprofessional opinion. I could very well be wrong, but in my case and in the cases of other people I know, there is an overlap. In the criminal justice system

I don't know why I gave that to other people would you still jerk off if every time you jerk off that song played mom I'd probably jerk off more but like there is an overlap in the Venn diagram of sex addiction and gambling okay so like say for

example it's almost like it gives shades of cash pig i'm thinking of kelly mantle at that casino when we were on yes now imagine if instead of slots where it's another kind of slot it's like a romanian webcam guy and that's different than paying for porn i'm talking about owning a membership to a porn website which i own cody or whatever i don't know currently i am the on i on I will release this information. I probably shouldn't, but I'm not ashamed of it. I have plenty of money.

I have four or five active memberships to adult websites. And here's why. Because you get access to extremely well-lit, super high-definition downloadable files that you can keep forever. Sure. Okay. Rent to own. So, yeah.

So, you're – because remember back – I mean, you don't even remember this because back in the day, a pornographic videotape, I'm talking VHS videotape bought at the local sex shop, the only place to actually get one, no internet, $60. What? Absolutely. Mark, can you corroborate that? I don't think he would care.

The peanut gallery would remain silent. Mark's like, I didn't have a VHS. A full length feature film from like Shishi LaRue, for example, All World's Video. Naked Sword.

This is I think before Naked Sword. All World's Video, these now called vintage pornos, these two hour pornos, $60 VHS tapes, some $60, $70 at the sex shop. And that was the only way in the nineties, eighties. Because they had the choke hold on your horniness. They could jack up that price. Of course.

Wow. So, and that's when those studios like made money and, and, and. That's when the star, well, there was porn stars. Johnny Hazard. And they make a lot of money. Well, yeah, but they made money. Whereas now I think the industry, and I could be just speculating. It seems like there's the few stars in porn, at least gay porn.

And then. Self-made. Well, the interest is, even though stars, the interest is fucking new new new and it's never been on camera never been on camera never been a camera it's all about new new this is what i was just saying to anthony it was like the real i believe the real currency in la and perhaps everywhere else in terms of gay male sexuality is novelty yeah it's not who has the biggest muscles who has the even the biggest dong although that is very big on the currency thing. It's who's new.

Yeah. Who's new. Who's new on the scene. And what we love is new fucking someone we like. Yes. And then you have the security of, well, I love him.

Yeah. And there's a new guy. Yeah. And we love new, never been on camera, never done this before. New, new,

new, new, new. Yes. And also like it's the cycle because our, that, that, um,

the desire pleasure brain, that's all it seeks. New, our, that, that, um, the desire pleasure brain, that's all it seeks new, new, faster, better, hotter. And it's just, sometimes it's a lateral. It's not like climbing up the ladder of the mountain of hotness. It's, it's going around the mountain, you know? And that's, that's the way that kind of like desire brain works when it's in that, that really like kind of intense addictive cycle. Especially in straight world too, because you know, not in straight world,

but as open to sex things as gay people are straight. People are like, they got that fucking wedding ring by 22 and they are like horse blinders of like, if you're not like, I wouldn't, I would say that porn thrives because people are restricted. It's a way to experience things without like, I don't know, leaving your house. You can have very full-color HD sexual experiences

on your phone. And it's healthy. Honey. Very healthy. 3D virtual reality. You can get jerked off by Jenna Jameson. What do you think of people who think porn is bad? Well, I think that those people,

I think that those people, I think those people, if it's a moral issue, that's where I take umbrage. I take umbrage with that. But it's anything. Anything in excess can be a problem. Anything in excess is a problem. And when we're dealing with a sexual, that kind of

dopamine release of sex addiction, anything can become a problem. It's pickle eating. It's popsicle stick house making. Is it interfering with your life? Extraction videos. There you go. Anything, really.

I mean, it's like people eating their own feces. You know, I think it's healthy, but other people wouldn't agree. Let's take a break. I know I've been a person who has been, who definitely has had bouts and bouts of mean streaks, porn addiction. Sure. I mean, you know,

usually with usually on crack Tina, but sometimes not. And, and I will, I mean, one time in Boston, this is listeners. If you have a faint of heart,

please close your ears for the next about minute and a half. I masturbated for 18 hours straight didn't go to the bathroom you couldn't figure it out couldn't figure out how to how to get were you the pee pee hole are you kidding no I was in a very I was clear headed and stone

cold sober you were at the library you were at Beetlejuice I was actually at a double feature of is it Beetlejuice and Les Mis? I creamed a cream of life gone by. Yeah. It was, no, I was huddled on my desk, my computer desk chair and up above the Jacques apartment. Shades drawn.

You were in the castle on a cloud. Mama. It was puff, puff, puff, the magic tweaker. the castle on a cloud mama it was puff puff puff the magic yeah tweaker and it was um rubbing the skin off pulling on the taffy long past the point of actual objective pleasure mama scabs and yeah yeah it was track marks she was scabbing yeah she was scabbing she would she crossed the picket line into scab territory anyways so but you know that, that's like, she, she was, SAG cut her off. SAG cut her the fuck off for being a scabby dicked bitch. She said, where's the, show us the card.

This is why we need writers. This is why we need writers. Show us on the doll where the, show us on the doll where the picket line crossed you. Thank you. Yeah. You scabby bitch. But anyway, so porn is, porn is a – I don't think that porn – if we're talking about human rights violations and issues notwithstanding, trafficking not an issue, consent is all there. Porn itself is not bad.

It's a tool. Well, can I ask? There's so much free porn. And guess what I'm getting to is if you seeked out free, I don't know, if there was an ex-hamster of pirated movies, that's illegal. That's bad. It's bad to not pay for movies. But if there's porn clips on Pornhub, let's say, maybe they've been pirated, maybe they haven't. And I have no way of knowing. Am I hurting the industry by watching free porn?

Yes, you are. I am. You are taking cash out of these independent... No, but we really are, right? If I watch porn clips on Twitter... What if I pirate your fucking music? Who would?

That's a fair question. Lauren Boebert. Well, they didn't check it out, but Lauren Boebert had AirPods in. And it was a raisin in the sun. She was singing my music. Yeah, she was like Malibu. No, no.

But it's, I mean, because what? I don't know. I could list off Julian, Austin, Roman, Logan, Sharad. Tina. Thanks for holding on the floor. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Yeah. holding on the floor.

Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Yeah. But they, I am literally, I would be not robbing them, but depriving them of- Well, the ethical way is to- They provided me with the service and I did not pay the admission price. And you got it the roundabout way.

I got it. I went through the back door. I snuck into the theater and jerked off. Oh my gosh, you're right. You're right. I snuck into the theater and I did not have an admission ticket and I got to experience the full fierceness of their performance. You know, this is a call to action here and I'm with you. The next time we all want to watch porn,

let's try to find it and get it the most responsible way. How about this though? So I was talking to a creator who makes his entire living off of OnlyFans and JustForFans and all those kind of independent sites. He's a content creator of the porn variety

and he admitted that he don't fucking pay for porn either. I get it. I mean, I feel very strongly about stealing music. I think that's really wrong.

I have never illegally downloaded music since I was like 18. Do you know that I fucking haven't either but because of, it's not because of morality, it's because of stupidity. stupidity yeah like how am i gonna go find a backdoor site like i've i've never known lime wire naps girl i don't ever know how to use it but um i consider

stealing movies wrong i consider stealing um music wrong we need to consider sucking off like sapping off porn wrong unless you're getting it from where someone's selling it, maybe we do need to think of it as wrong. And also, here's the thing. The reason, one of the reasons why I do go to the source is because of the quality. I'm not trying to watch 480. Right. Honey, 480? Right. I want

1080. Right. You know what I mean? I want the pixels. Yeah. I want the depth. Yeah. I want the full length. I don't want some watermarked little highlight clip in shitty resolution. Where it cuts off right before they come. Yeah, Mary. And then you skip that part. You know that's my favorite part.

Why'd you skip over her? Why'd you skip over her? Because they want you to – they're trying to get you to be ethical. And also, you are supporting a third-party little goon who created their own little thing by stealing other stuff. Do you know what I mean? And running money off the ads. And running money off the ads. Movado watch.

Movado watch. It's that kind of energy. Yeah. This fell off a truck and I'm out in the square selling it. And I have my watch. Also, like all those porn videos start with a voiceover that's like. The new porn game where you get to fuck your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's always that. Jerk mate. Yeah. the new porn game where you get to fuck your mom yeah yeah it's always that jerk mate yeah so you should use or like or like if you don't watch this video you have to fuck your granny like did you it's crazy the online um it's like the all online sex multiplayer where you fuck your fucking parents it's always that if you don't finish this video do you like busty blonde it's like do you want to drink your grandma's piss today son well you're gonna jerk it with lauren at beetlejuice yeah yeah yeah you got a hard-on for bobert state too yeah it's crazy so but but in my so my porn cleanse which i've had a couple and i gotta tell you i'm not a i'm not a puritan, I'm not one of those people you know, sex is

lovely, I love pleasure, all that crap but to do those resets where you really kinda, where you just you kinda clean the slate a little bit, because we do get oversensitized close the door to the spiritual realm and I'm telling you, this is for me personally at least

when you, oversaturation with the pornography and having grooving those tunnels to, to orgasm become, becomes detrimental to actual real life, sexual pleasure in terms of like, can I get off with another person without switching on the TV, without going in my head, thinking about something else, like, you know what I mean? Like those, um, and I've noticed this with the younger crowd of 24 and over let's say um you know where they can't get off naturally they have problems with their boners because there's because they've been watching especially they've been watching every

kind of porn since they were 12 i could use a boner problem mama i could use a boner problem your heart is a rock you read it's the Redwood Forest down there. No, but ever since I started drinking, now when I'm horny, it's a pressing incident. It's an impediment to my day. It needs to be dealt with. It's pressing. It's really hard for me to not handle it. All these puns.

All these puns. And now that I live with David, too. Wait, wait. Are you saying that you become an uncontrollable sex monster who's thrusting his penis? No, but like now that I live with David, I'm like, well, you're in the house. Yeah. I'm going to go jerk off secretly in the bedroom. This is your problem now, you know.

You walked into the Redwood Forest. I walk in front of the TV naked and go. Yeah. I'm erect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, not that, but like yeah i don't know i guess uh without the ebb and the flow of being hung over or drunk or whatever my body is just like healthy what about being horny yeah well it's probably it's it's also the circulation yes and the exercise and also by my ever noticed on leg day you get super horny if you do a workout

the lower body workout those intense leg workouts hor, horny as fuck. After long runs. Yeah. Big time. Yeah. If you do heavy, heavy weight on the legs, quad hamstring workouts, mama, you will, that bone or somebody could hang from it. One armed off a cliff. Yeah.

Lauren Burbert. She's got my prolapse in her mouth. She's got two fingers in your ass. Yeah. She's got the other full fist on your dick and you are feeling up her fucking titties at the lion King. Do you think we went too hard on Lauren today? I don't think we went hard enough.

Cause she certainly seems to listen. We have a great sense of Congress. We salute you. Yeah. And you're a nasty fucking agenda. I have a healthy sense of humor about sex. And I love when I do love when the conservatives go down. Well,

because mama, they, they're the name of their game is by and large hypocrisy, right? Hypocrisy. And, and, and the name of the game of just to draw a very,

very broad, horrible generalizations. I would say the right is hypocrisy. The left is fucking, what do you call that? Boo. Um, like,

uh, uh, uh, leg Avenue, pussy face, not pussy face, but like blithering, blothering in action, whatever, you know? And I don't know. It's just crazy. But the porn thing is. I would just recommend anybody out there, if you're horny, leave the theater and go home and have sex. It's just a better move. Oh, of course.

Especially if you're a public servant. You got to think about your constituents. You know, I think she's really just a troll though. All press is good for us with the troll folk. That's tea. Okay. Can I also talk about, I've been getting very strong. I've been making significant progress with my little fitness at home.

So I'm working on, I'm working on hangs. I've got one significant progress with my little fitness at home so I'm working on I'm working on hangs I've got one arm hangs going on go on but I mean getting very strong and I've just noticed it's because of consistent it really do take consistent consistency is the watchword here

yeah of course you're conditioning your body to do something. I know. I know it's self-explanatory, not news to anybody, but it's like, but the joy of it is really keeping me tethered to this earthly realm as of late.

Isn't that great? I enjoy exercise so much that I get sad at the idea that if I do it in the morning, the rest of the day, it's over. Well, let me tell you something. Do you know what I mean? Let me tell you something. Do you know what I mean? Let me tell you something. You're going to love this.

I've recently discovered that it doesn't have to be a wrap in the morning. You can do another one in the evening. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll lift in the morning and then run at night. Or if I have a long run in the morning, I'll still do a short run at night. And I do love it. Or a little movement snack after lunch. Yeah.

And now that the heat is breaking, I'm running out. Because I love the treadmill because it keeps me from running in 100 degree heat. But I get bored. Yeah, of course. You're on a hamster wheel. I love feeling like I'm going somewhere. LA traffic. I love fearing for my life.

Yeah. You know? The thrill of Lauren Boebert might be around the corner trying to clip you. Oh, entirely. With a hummer. Girl, give someone a hummer. On Santa Monica Boulevard. On Santa Monica Boulevard on Santa Monica Boulevard but not slowing down

she's in Vaseline Alley she's taking loads she is she is at Flex Spa legs up in a dark room she's at Wii Spa she's sucking cock

at Wii Spa that's horrible poor thing who poor thing us dragging this woman at the Wii Spa mama she dragged herself in and out of that

theater jerking that man off give me a break wasn't the we spa where that woman was yes penis and testes penis and testes the transphobic woman penis and testes penis no dick ball and testy i've never been to one of those spas because i know personally i don't really want to see people naked personally i i think i told this story briefly, but I'll recap a little bit. I was hoodwinked, bamboozled, and not maliciously, but taken to that place under false pretenses. Because as soon as we arrived, me and my silicone bald friends and porn star friends, who had no problem disrobing immediately, once you're given a face cloth as a towel. Is it a sex place? No, absolutely it's not.

Absolutely it is not. It is not a sex club. It is a spa. Flex is a sex place. Flex is the spa. Flex is a sex club. It's a men's spa with sex. People shooting up meth there.

No, that's real. People are not doing that at the Wii spa. It is a Korean spa. It is a Korean spa. It's a Korean spa that has hot tubs and cool tubs and cold plunges and all the things. But it is a nude spa. So when you get in the hot tub, there are no clothes allowed. That spooks me. I wouldn't want to be a part of that.

It spooks me too because I'm Catholic and I was raised to be ashamed of my naked body that it was a crime. I'm not ashamed of my naked body, but other people's nudity makes me a little uncomfortable. And that's my own whatever. Right. Maybe that means I'm supposed to go. Like exposure therapy. I mean, it couldn't hurt. And you won't.

And let me tell you something. I was concerned that maybe I would become aroused. Mama, that does not happen. No. It doesn't fucking happen. It doesn't fucking happen. It doesn't fucking happen. Maybe it does to some other person, but I feel like...

Let's say if you take Viagra, it doesn't make you horny. No, no, no. You have to be turned on to be horny. Yeah. Yeah. And that's that on that. Fun fact.

We're going to leave this on a cliffhanger. Guess what I tried? Try Mix. See you next week.