The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Price of Yoni Eggs is Finally Falling with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

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I've been reading books. Oh my God. I'm as hell frozen. Oh no. I'm rereading Watchmen for the fourth time. I'm also reading books. I'm also a graphic novel. The problem is I do have some obsessive tendencies and they do pop out sometimes.

This is one of them. One of my other ones I'm reading is I'm re-audiobooking Dr. Sleep It's just so good It's also not reading a book Tell that to people who are vision impaired I won't I'm telling it to you They're not saying they're reading books

Let's sound off in the comments Is listening to a book reading a book? It's not, is it? No, it's I listen to an audio book Okay, well I'm reading Watchmen Okay Which is a graphic novel

Which you also don't think is reading So go ahead and read me Why don't you read me, honey? No, you're not reading a book You're reading a graphic novel Okay, I'm reading a graphic novel I'm listening to a book And I'm reading a book called All About Love

Okay, now we're talking It's a nonfiction book. It's self-helpy, but it's about not to be stigma about helping yourself in Hollywood. And everyone has a JDAG up their pussy. Okay. Let's be honest. But it's about how,

um, love in society, Hollywood, the world history is really hard to define. And people are afraid to say, I love you because everybody has a different definition of what that means. And something they were talking about in the book that I think is so interesting. And this goes for your relationship with your mom, your dad,

your boyfriend, your best friend, your whoever. Your Lebanese, your Orient. Love, we treat it like it's a stasis. Like it's a fact. It's a state. It's an is or an isn't. Right. It is more of a verb. It's a part of what you participate in. It's what, it's a fact. It's a state. It's an is or an isn't. Right. It is more of a verb. It's a part of what you participate in. It's what you offer. It's not a noun, baby. Which I find really interesting. It's a verb.

It made me reflect on like, last weekend was my mom's 60th birthday. Happy birthday, Val. Val, baby. I didn't get an invite. Six is for sex. No. I didn't get an invite and I didn't go cause I wasn't invited. But that sounds like love to me.

I called her on her birthday and I was like, happy birthday, Val. And she was like, yeah, we're just, and I was like, Oh,

you're having a party. You call her Val? You don't call her Val. No, I don't. Okay. I do. If it's like,

if she, well, can I be honest? I'm just a shout out Val. So Val, it's so Val, um, classic Val.

I called her on her birthday and didn't realize it was her birthday. And she was like, ah, I said, did you just wake up? We take a little birthday nap. And she was like, wow, I took an edible and then I smoked. She was so high and it was her birthday. So I was trying to reach her and have a sincere moment. She was not available. My mom for her birthday wants me to leave her alone. So I was like, you know what? I was calling to be sentimental But since you're Since you're on a journey Yeah

I said make sure you just You know Have a glass of water Yeah yeah yeah Have a good birthday The best gift It is kind of humbling When you realize

The best gift you can do Is not do something Yeah You know what I mean Yeah And I was like This is me making love a verb Hanging up the phone

And letting her get back On that horse And ride into the sky Stepping away Yes Stepping away I'm stepping away With love With love With love No that's Avec l'amour Avec l'amour Oui oui Hanging up the phone and letting her get back on that horse and ride into the sky. Stepping away. Yes. Stepping away. I'm stepping away with love.

With love. With love. No, that's- Avec l'amour. Avec l'amour. Oui, oui. I love- Oh, that's the-

Who do you love the most? So, wait. One thing I love is non-French speaking singers doing French in a bad French accent on songs. I just recently discovered this genre. It's not a genre. It's like, you know, Connie Francis does a Spanish language album, you know, of that nature.

There's a lot of like Eartha Kitt type singers who do like French songs. Oh yeah, like Speaky. Yeah, and it's fabulous. It's so fabulous. I love it. Do you know about this? Countess Luanne has a song called Chic C'est La Vie.

Chic C'est La Vie. Countess Luanne. Chic C'est La Vie. Chic C'est La Vie. Countess Luanne. Now, you listen to the music you listen to. You think that this is gutted. Do you know why? Because I don't understand the fucking words. You don't like words. No, I don't like their meaning.

Yeah. Words are useless, especially sentences. They don't stand for anything. How can they explain what I feel? Madonna writing for, Bjork writing for Madonna Bedtime story Now if the artist is bilingual, are you cool with it? I don't give a fuck about the artist

I mean if it's like they put French in They are an American artist who mostly speaks English But they speak French and they throw it into songs, is that okay? Like with Beyonce and Blow? No, like Debbie Harry puts French in her songs I don't care what they put. You can put fucking anything in your song. I just don't want to understand it.

Like, It's like, what? I don't know, but I love it. That I understand and it's corny and rotten. It's like a drag queen song.

It's worse. It's a drag queen song. It's worse. It sounds like a gay guy high on crystal worse It's a drag queen song It's worse It sounds like a gay guy High on crystal meth In Palm Springs Wandering in a recording studio And just starts saying things

That's what she sounds like Orville Peck and I Came to your house the other night And we held you hostage And we watched Real Housewives clips Yes And I Those whores

I mean So I've always maintained that I don't know if this is okay to say Andy Cohen is a pimp In all of these girls All these women, these alcoholic women are just whored out for dollars. But anyways,

I know that you participate in the franchise. Oh yeah, I'm currently on it. Sorry. No, listen, that's just my outsider point of view. I'm on three episodes of Salt Lake City, which is I think I have my snowflake now. I've never seen a full episode of the show, so I don't know what I'm talking about. But y'all, you made me watch all these clips

and it was so wild. Well I was assaulting you with Orville and I were like brainstorming the best fights or craziest moments of every franchise so you were getting an amused boosh of like. I got a lot of booshes. You were getting like a seven second clip of NeNe Leakes going yeah I'll snap your neck and poke both your eyes out. Bloop bloop. You were getting like. My boosh

was very amused because I learned the origin of some memes. Like, who gonna check me, boo? Who gonna check me, boo? That is so old, by the way. I remember Destiny at the dressing room with Jacques saying that. Who gonna check me, boo?

That was 10, 12 years ago. But then I was like, what, I'm not in the bathroom smoking crystal meth all night? I was like, holy shit. Don't talk about my son. You're gonna put on a uniform. Yeah.

She watched the girls in Amsterdam. And then just fighting. Just fist fights. Screaming. And I'm like. There's something very. Orville and I. At least they're in his face.

Just period. Yeah. Orville and I have been having parallel low points in our lives. And we dragged you along for what was a very therapeutic ride for us I'm in the mud, that's where I live It was me, you, and Orville watching Welcome to Me Which is a very dark movie No, it's a very charming movie

It's very charming, but it has a darkness It has a peculiarity, let's say Kristen Wiig plays a bipolar woman who wins $86 million in the California State Lottery And uses the money to start her own TV show On a local network in Palm Springs Yes, with a star-studded cast by the way Jennifer Jason Leigh looking haggard Walking into the frame

Looking haggard from Harry Potter Jennifer Jason Leigh walking onto set Walking into hair and makeup And then beating them up Her face, she looked like an emoji of a peach dressed up as Steven Tyler. Now, this is one of the greatest

actresses I believe of all time. Jennifer Jason Leigh. Dolores Claiborne. Jennifer Jason Leigh, just single white female bitch. Annihilation. Yes.

Annihilazione. She's great in that movie. So good. But she walks, truly is in this movie looking like whodunit and ran. It's so funny. It's so funny. It's so funny.

Well, she is quite a beautiful woman. Yeah. But they, for some reason with her character, she skipped hair and makeup every day. No, they didn't skip it. There was a separate trailer where they threw dirt on her face and then. No, it wasn't just dirt. She looked like she had been crying until they said action. Red nose, red eyes.

And every scene, no matter what the vibe, she looked like she was just crying, red eyes. And every scene, no matter what the vibe, she looked like she was just crying. I know. And also pissed. Pissed. Over it. But she plays pissed well.

Well, like you, when I said, right before we started the previous episode, I said, you look great. You're like, ugh.

I know. Because everyone wants to fuck me. But it reminds me of the, like, you know, alcoholic nose. Did you know that Melanie Griffith on the set of working girl was so drunk one day they had to stop production and they tried,

they charged her for it. They halted production, made her pay $80,000 because she was, she was famously very drunk on the set of that movie. I support them. Oh no. The director's like, okay,

we're shutting down because bitch, you can't walk. And, uh, we'll revisit this later. You're going to pay for this whole fucking day. 80 grand. Isn't that crazy?

Why are you looking at me like that? It's a lot of money. It's a lot of money. That's a lot of fucking money. It's a lot of money, especially, and I wonder about what were the dynamics between she and Sigourney Weaver, who I kind of assumed to be a consummate professional

who's not showing up to work drunk, especially not in that movie. maybe I could be wrong. I don't know. A lot of people have. We just don't know about everyone's situations. But isn't that fascinating, though? Because I've been a fan of that movie. I had no idea.

The difference is, like, if you're a PA on a set, you could go to work hungover, drunk, stonedoned in a bad mood yeah underdressed yeah hired yeah you can go to work with so many different states going on but when you're the star you have to hope for your you have to be your best state at all times right to make the movie good so everyone can make money right so there's huge huge pressure and if you're melanie griffith at the time and she's struggling with alcoholism first team it's like all this stress, all this pressure. Um, I recently had a stress, um, let's say boil over and a boil, a boil over more than maybe I've ever felt. And a doctor had prescribed me 0.25 milligrams of Xanax, which I think is a quarter of the size of one milligram,

which is what people take. I took a half of one. That wouldn't even like. I took a half of 0.25. So what does that? I have to booty bump that to even get. So you took, you took a, you thought about Xanax. You thought hard about Xanax.

But I never take drugs. No, I know. So I took that tiny amount. It did take me from panic spiral back to, alright, I can manage what's going on. And then I thought, I can never take this again. That's a great line of, well, okay. The effect was

so, like, not immediate, but the turnaround, my POV, my outlook was so shifted and it felt so real that I actually was like, this is why people become Xanax addicts. No shit.

Oh, I don't want to be ignorant, but when you'd ever taken really drugs like that, you're like, man, I mean, I've taken stupid party drugs when I was like 21, but I never taken a prescribed pill from a doctor for stress. And I was like, that comes from a lab where you know, people get it. So I put that, put that back high on the back shelf medicine cabinet. So I put that back high on the back shelf of my medicine cabinet. I was like, unless I reach some kind of major crisis in my life again, that has to be the last ditch effort in life.

For you. For me. For you, yeah. Because that really scared me how much it made my outlook. It didn't just make me feel like everything's better. It made me feel like everything was genuinely better. I was like, that's not the pill. Everything's fine.

And I'm like, then later I was like, no, that was the pill. That's why people get addicted to Xanax. Yeah. It just, it woke me up to the possibility

of that very slippery slope. Very slippery slope. Because, well, because our life is our perception and our perception is chemical.

So if you alter, you have a chemical alteration in the perception of your life situation. It's an instant shift. And the only really chemical experiences I experience now are maybe a Celsius. And coffee up the ass. Or a cup of tea. Yeah.

Or a sugar cube up the ass. Well, you know with caffeine, there's a good amount of research out there that caffeine is actually, caffeine is a good enhancer. It's not like bad. Well, caffeine, actually caffeine is a good enhancer it's not like um bad it gives you a there's a very light rush of euphoria with caffeine especially if you're not used to it i remember the first time i worked at the mall and somebody bought me a starbucks refresher which is a green tea caffeinated drink and i remember being like i'm in a great mood and i have tons of energy and been like, you're so fucking weird, bitch. No,

you're so fucking weird. I was like 22. I never had coffee in my life. 22 little boat peep. Miss little boat peep with your staff and your sheep. You're so sensitive. I love it. I love it.

I'm using to you about drugs now because it's like, I thought about Xanax and I was like on the floor face down, like 0.00025 milligrams of Xanax and you were like – But for me, if I'm having a hard time, weed can make it worse. Yes. Yeah, weed doesn't make things better for me. No. Caffeine can make it worse.

Like if you're spun out, if you're anxious, it's worse. You're not putting fire with fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, think about – because panic disorder, so anxiety disorder And panic disorder People are often Prescribed Klonopin And Xanax And they're

It's a It's for anxiety Attacks They pop a Klonipin A K-pin And then it's like And I watched this documentary

You better lay low Yeah Hold up You better lay low Your brain says You better lay low. Yeah. Hold up. You better lay low. Your brain says, you better lay low. Donna,

Karen, Kalani, Zami. Thanks for holding down the fort. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. But it spooked me. Yes.

Well, it is spooky. A quarter of a half quarter dose. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, this is a powerful drug. What does possible sound like for your business?

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Turn on connections. Turn on possibilities. There are hundreds of programs and services available at the Y. See what you can achieve at ymcagta.org. This will be the day. Benzos are very powerful. They're very addictive. And also, withdrawal from benzos can be life-threatening.

That's why you can go. That's why insurance accepts, like, rehabilitation for alcohol and benzos and some other heroin like things that you can actually where withdrawal is a is a physical well we have friends who have struggled with that exact thing and they can't just magically stop no because you have crazy i watched this um recently that i think it was all about benzos xanax clonopin whatever mostly about xanax and so there was And so there was a few different illustrations. Some people who like one girl who's like, you know what? I realized I just need it.

I don't need it, but it helps me. And my life is manageable with it. And I like my life with it. And it's a small dosage, whatever. And then there's a whole range of experiences. But girl, if you have no other tools. Tools, tooltinas. Tooltina. And then there's a whole range of experiences, but girl, if you have no other tools. Tools. Tool Tina's.

Tool Tina. If the only toolbox, if the only thing in your toolbox is the Zanny or the Klani or the whatever, then that's, I think, where you're up Schitt's Creek. Because once the toolbox is empty, it's Niagara Falls. It's a stepping stone. It's not an island to settle down on. You know what I mean? Street drugs are better. No, street drugs are fine. You know what I'll do? drugs are better. No, street drugs are fine.

No, because I'll go down to Union Station. Somebody will sell me pencil shavings. Thank you. Yeah, because doctors don't know what they're talking about. I want a doula with meth.

Yes. Give me a lukewarm spoon. No, that's horrible. I watched a fentanyl documentary last night while I was eating my Thai food. That's crazy. That's crazy.

I mean, it's horrible. I really, I know we've talked about this. I don't like, I don't like, I don't like fentanyl. No. Oh,

I don't like that. People who have like chronic pain in some States can't manage, can't access marijuana, but people will just give them pills, pills, pills, pills, pills,

but marijuana will kill you. I'm not even like Laganja, like, Ooh, the weed, like I've done me you. I'm not even like Laganja, like, ooh, the weed. Like I've done me, but I'm not like a weed person. You don't have to be a weed person to acknowledge that it's less risk for people. Also, you don't have to be a weed person to acknowledge the severity and the, um, also, well, I mean, you know, this is not, it's a business period. It's a business.

That's like colleges. You've got to remember education and health care they're two major the two major fucking bugs of this country education health care business business colleges are businesses mama that's bullshit when i had to drop out of beauty school to go to drag race you better remember they were like okay bye yeah zero zero like are you sure you've done so well You're so close to the end. Like kick the door. You have so much talent. They were like, all right, great.

Just clean out your locker and disinfect your headset. Get the fuck out of here, bitch. I was like, work. You better get out. Yeah. Do you get your, you don't get your hair. Do you miss getting your hair cut? No, but I do.

Okay. No, I do not. I don't either. I always, it was always a point of extreme anxiety. I would probably need a Zanny or a k-pin before I went to the hair salon because first of all if it's a guy

a gay guy oh my god they want to talk about vacations where you been so where you been where you going on vacation it's like I don't go

I go on vacation it's like crazy they do so where you going we went to and then they tell me about their vacation I don't care and it's like

well we went to other islands I'm the talker their vacation. I don't care. And it's like, well, we went to other islands. I'm the talker in those scenarios. I'm the talker in the haircut chair. When they're like, so how have you been? And I'm like, well, my mother,

my mother just passed. Yeah. No, not that, but I launched right into my relationship, my career, especially you're doing therapy. You're using the chair as the therapist chair.

No, no, no. Uh, like when I was, I would always talk about doing drag. Because as soon as I say, oh, I do drag for a living, they have a million questions. And then every time you get your haircut, you're talking about drag.

Are you getting a lineup with a straight guy in a barbershop? Straight guys are good barbers. No, I didn't say they're not. But that's why I would go to a straight, I would go to a barbershop and get a lineup by a straight guy. Not a lineup, but a fade. You would do lines. Way back in the way. I would do lines in the bathroom while he did.

Were you guys doing coke in your bathroom? Were you doing cocaine in your bathroom? So funny. Well, at least I'm not in the bathroom all night doing crystal meth, bitch. Isn't that crazy? It is crazy, but back to the barbershop. Also, I love, back to Housewives. I love, fuck everyone.

I love, there's something wrong with me. You better shut up. I love on Housewives when they check each other with the cameras on and go, well, let's not talk about that. Yeah, yeah. You know what we're not going to talk about. Your husband beats you and then he kills himself. Keeping it light on the pod today. Yeah.

Have we ever kept it light on this pod? Has anybody listened to us for hope for glimmering hope are you kidding me light-hearted fair we are people's zanny bar we are the k-pin we are the fentanyl sometimes i'm the fentanyl patch you put right in the middle of your forehead before your afternoon nap honey after a coffee enema to calm down you wake up sunburned and you pull the patch off it's the only part of your body that's not sunburned. Pulling the patch. Pulling the patch. Chopping it up. Now, who do you love in your life the most?

I'm going to go back to your question. I'm going to answer it. I used to hate getting haircuts because of the conversation. I just, I would, I would. Listen to me. You got to listen. We are mentally ill. I know.

Like it's really. No shit. We're going to look back on this and be like. No, I'm not looking back. Is it weird that we flaunted our illness. Eyes forward. Eyes forward. For years instead of addressing it.

No. No. But so I, but so I, that's why when people, they're struggling, they're going to Turkey. I'm like, girl, go to Turkey. I'm sitting pretty bald headed. I love my look. I love like doing it myself in the shower every other day I love it

I love it to do it By the way the money I love being bald A men's haircut in a kind of nice salon Even a head shave I go through hell at the salon I go through hell there I go through hell

Floyd's Barbershop I go through hell at Floyd's Barbershop Can I tell you something And then they give you a horrible massage They don't want to Oh the best is Let me see And they do

The best is when they just like It's so half assed. They don't want to. Oh, Oh, the best is the, let me see. And they do the best. That's when they just like, it's so half-assed because they don't want to be gay. Yeah. Yeah. It's horrible. Yeah. It's like,

it's like no homo, but I have to do this or my manager will have to fire me. Yeah. I love when I was in beauty school, I loved giving head massages. I would use an essential oil and I would do a cross on your scalp. You're very good with customer service. One-on-one.

Um, like he's just, he just did some makeup stuff for me. oil and I would do a cross on your scalp. You're very good with customer service one-on-one. He just did some makeup stuff for me and the two techniques he mentioned are so good. And I've been makeup, not professional, but you know what I mean? I've been working with makeup my whole life. We've seen. We know what's up.

But you're very good in that arena. I think you would succeed extremely well. Your makeup is, you draw circles around the holes. Now, what about, can I say, can we just talk about, we have to put a stop to something right here on the pod. We have to stop drawing nostrils

on Bigger Than Jack. We fucking have to. We fucking have to. Who started it? Cocoa Munchies are pearl. Now I'm a girl now I'm a girl. Now I'm a girl. Because women have giant triangles for nostrils, right?

Brown circles and then black craters. James Mansfield does it. Who did it? Who did it first? Pearl did it. It needs to stop. Pearl famously did it, though. And I'm open to people's creativity, but at some point we need to put the brush down and just step away and go, do I need big triangle black nostrils today to be a woman?

I'm actually asking because I really don't know. What is the point of it? I think it's to make the nose appear smaller. And why do we want that necessarily? If your lips are bigger, your eyes are bigger, you can make the nose holes bigger so that the nose itself looks small in comparison. Now, why ain't you doing that? Because you don't want to look crazy, right?

Well, as far as nose makeup, I don't think I'm in a place to criticize anyone. Well, because you do a white stripe. Mama, it's a white worm in chocolate pudding. A white worm in chocolate pudding? We know what it is. It's a white crayon that's been thrown in the mud. A white worm in chocolate pudding. So why don't you do little crispy crackers?

Can I say I've never done it? I know you haven't. Watch, what if I do it? And it looks amazing. No, what if I walk into set and it's blocked out fucking holes? No, it's the whole, it's the whole like. I use Hollywood prosthetic makeup to make the septum gone. Like a longtime Coke user.

Oh, blowing out chunks of tissue in the shower and pushing them down the shower drain with your big toe That's tough The 90s That's tough We gotta stop drawing the nostrils It's not that they But you're doing it for a Michael Jackson illusion I don't know why they're doing it

Because he had a nose like that It's not feminizing It's not beautifying It's mortifying It's surgical It feels surgical It feels botched It looks botched

You know I will say if you're doing it for Maybe a character that has a severe nose That's what I'm talking about Coco Montrese does it for Janet That makes sense to me Because she's got a Jackson nose And those are like sharp peak mountains with big giant whatever's.

I mean, no, no offense to the Jackson. I think then, you know what it is too. What? I don't, I'm so okay. Boomer with drag. I'm the Gen X of drag. You, I'm Gen X. You are, you remember the beginning of Jurassic Park?

Pioneer wagon. Remember the beginning of Jurassic Park when they're at that dig and the helicopter comes out and they go cover the site and they're covering the dinosaur bones. That's you. Who do I love the most? Who do you love the most? Um, it's not a competition, but who do you love? Meaning any type of love. That's a really good question. Now the book I was reading defines love as a verb. No, the willingness to extend oneself for the personal or spiritual fulfillment of another. Somebody you just would go for because you want the best for them. I think that really is love.

Oh, well, I mean, not sex. No, no, no. I mean, romantic can be included. Let's say you had a husband or something. It could be that, but. Well, when we went on our walk the other day, we were having a really lovely discussion about like this.

We walked around Lake Hollywood, the the reservoir very weird for us to hang out very strange I kept waiting for someone else no cameras no camera but I was cheating out you were so used to being on camera I was like RuPaul what did you say she brought her own ring yeah um no but it was uh I it got me thinking I was like, I don't, when I fall, when I develop sharp, intense, all encompassing, like love feelings for people. Oh my God, I would, I would climb Kilimanjaro for them. During the three days, of course. Sure. On the fourth day, she ill.

And I'm no longer interested. You do fall hard and fast you hit the ground and bounce though but then I sizzle and it's a dry and then it moves you know but I was going to say my family but I don't I mean I love them but I don't you know but rank them no I'm just

kidding you know because I think romantic love is different we tend to be like one or all but with siblings parents friends it's endless well I would I would jump in front of a bullet Romantic love is different. We tend to be like one or all, but with siblings, parents, friends, it's endless. Well, I would,

I would, I would jump in front of a bullet. I would put myself, sacrifice myself for any member of my family. Even my parents, they're very old. Um, uh,

does, does, does age affect it? Cause my thought would be, yeah, cause the Ram for you, right? Like the youngest,

he would go first. Like, like you would kill him first. I would kill him first. Cause he don't know nothing. Right. He's not gonna hold a grudge. And babies go to heaven.

Yeah. And plus, you know, it frees up my, my brother for, you know, and no more gift giving at the holidays. Hello.

My checkbook got a little heavier. So, um, the, I would say like my, my sibling there, we have unconditional love. Like that's kind of built.

That's built in though. Of course. But it doesn't really, it doesn't make sense though, because we're not, we don't hang out with each other. We were not in constant contact with each other. We know we're there and we'll see each other periodically.

We could check in and everything, but we, we have a, like a, you go into your room, I go in my room. We know we love each other kind of vibe. It's like, we didn't start hugging girl until later. But when you started, you didn't stop. And then for the list, For the listeners in their cars, you'll be spared that little detail. You're the baby, right?

I'm the middle. Your sister is younger. My sister is younger. My brother is older. But there's only six years between us all. Two, three years apart. Pat was like, let's do do it let's do it quick I gotta go to China

I gotta bike to ride in China let's get these fuckers raised I don't know that's actually kind of a depressing question don't think of it as who would I die for you went straight for who would I take a bullet for it's not about death well I love you for sure.

Love you too. And also that's a long relationship. That's a long relationship that you know, there's... It's about money. No, but it's not about money. It's about quality of life. It is. Honestly, we don't really ever talk about this. You could pretty much call me for any reason. Oh, and same.

And I would drop absolutely everything. The very few times that you've actually called me looking for some kind of help, I'm like, are you kidding me? I throw the baby out of the window and I'm like, Have you seen that scene in Twilight where she throws the baby in the fire? I throw my baby in the fire where I take my dick out of the whore and I just run.

I just run naked, boned up, murderer. You show up with the karmics. The needle's still in the dick. The poogie flies out the window and I'm wigless down the street. You stole a car, even though you have one. It's a stick shift, can't drive it.

You live kind of up the Hollywood Hills. I would love to build an emergency zipline to my house. How about a channel? I guess it's just a tunnel. But it's a hill. It's gravity. I know, but maybe underneath.

I said channel as if there's a channel. Earthquakes. Oh my God. You want to die down there? Mama, the big one is coming up, honey.

Sweetie, are you prepared for the big one, miss, the big one? That's why I use Pure For Men. Pure For Men.

By the way, I think you have to take about seven or eight of those tablets a day. It's crazy. And they work. They work. I know people

who are scared by them. I took four today. I'm work. They work. I know people who super by them for today. I'm going to report back. It's I know people who have been taking them for years. It's, it's a fiber supplement. Okay. Let's just talk about a fiber supplement. I want to talk about anal sex right now.

Cause I just, I had, this is gross. I had, I had flaming hot diarrhea the other day. Okay. And that got in the way of, of my plans. I had planned to stick something on my ass. Cause I said, you know what? You haven't had anything up your ass lately. We don't, we don't want the hole to close up.

I consider myself a top cause that's what I prefer, but I also would have been whatever. And there was some flaming hot Cheeto diarrhea coming out of my ass and I said, okay, now we're going to close up shop. Well, there is some light planning. You do have to open your day book. You do have to open your Google calendar. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the dick. Yeah. That's kind of the rule of thought for bottoming. Yeah. And also I diet. It is a, it's a lifestyle. It's like being keto or something.

It's a lot. Thank you. It is. It's a lifestyle. And I am sorry. Like I, that being said, we just had Taco Bell for lunch.

Both of us. But I'm not going to go get both. But I, do you notice I had one bean burrito and then ate four pure for men. I didn't notice that. I didn't notice you had a liter of coffee And then ate four Pure for men I didn't notice that I did notice you had A liter of coffee That you squirted up

I'm gonna go home And be like David I cleaned out He's gonna be like Why Why Who's gonna fuck you David

I like to put on My sexy feminine voice Hello David Hi David I cleaned out He's like What the cap The fridge

You fat bitch I cleaned out Oh The pantry The earthquake What? The fridge, you fat bitch? I cleaned out. Oh, the pantry? The earthquake? The earthquake supplies. So what's the problem with anal sex is that you didn't time it right? Girl, it's too much. It's too much.

It's way too much. I would imagine with your pussy if you were like, well, well. Pussy. Well, menstruation. So what? Ain't shit. It's way too much. Imagine with your pussy if you were like, well, pussy. Menstruation. So what? It ain't shit, bitch. It ain't shit. And you want to have a baby?

Sometimes you got to deal with my pussy blood. I'm not comparing pussy to ass ownership. I'm saying, even if you had a pussy, it's not every day your not a victimless crime Your peak hygiene day I guess And of course there's hysteria about the smell of pussy But guess what Let pussies smell like whatever they need to smell like

Mama the pussy smells like the pussy smells like the pussy We're not going down there for a Glade plug in We're not going down there for like It's not a Soho home cherry vanilla candle It's not a Tropicalia vanilla It's not Soleil Blanc It's not a Soho home cherry vanilla candle. It's not a Tropicalia vanilla. You know, it's not Soleil Blanc. It's not William Sonoma.

It's not Mandarino Diamalfi. It's not that. It's not all that. It's pussy. It's pussy, honey. It's snatch cunt. Is that Aquadigian? Like, let it be a pussy.

Is that your car noir? Let your pussy be a pussy. Right. Also, we're not douching with coffee. We're not fucking spritzing with Mandarinoiamalfi to Tom Ford up our pussy holes. That being said. Yeah. You do love to Febreze up there every once in a while. No, no, no, no. That being said, the other day, did I tell you about the cologne?

The other day I got in bed and I was like trying to I got in bed and I put cologne on before bed. He's like, ugh, what is that smell? And he's like, did you put on cologne? I was like, yeah. And he was like, why? Like of a silk negligee. Oh, no, it was a, it was a, um, no, it was a, it was a, the Christmas Carol nightcap

long linen. I had a candle. Buttons up to the neck. Yes. A hundred buttons. Yes. Ichabod fucking crane. Yes, girl.

He goes, why? And I was like, you know what? That's actually fair. This isn't sexy. I assaulted you with cologne in bed. And that's not fair. Oh, like four spritzes like you're going to the nightclub. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's crazy. In the mouth. That's crazy. Well, you ever been to gay clubs where they have all the colognes? Mama. Someone hands you toilet paper. Has somebody hands you paper towel whether you like it or not? And I go, you know I didn't wash my hands.

Then you have the paper towel. You eat it. I fold it up. I do a plane. I throw it and I leave. And I go, I'll take that Starburst though, bitch. You eat it. I fold it up. I do a plane. I throw it and I leave. And I go, I'll take that Starburst though, bitch. You eat it in front of them. Eye contact.

Unbroken. The best is when it's like a nasty little gay bar. It's just a gay bar. I've never heard of this. A toilet attendant? I've never seen it. I've never seen it. The Abbey.

They all have it. What is this? 1830? Honey. What is going on? It's memoirs of a gay chef. I don't like it. You walk out of the bathroom. You have it. What is this? 1830? Honey. What is going on? It's memoirs of a geisha. I don't like it. You walk out of the bathroom.

You have just, you did so much coke that you blew ass at the club. And they're supposed to be there to do what? You go to the sink. You wash your hands. Jerk you off? You wash your hands. They give you a paper towel. Why can't you get it yourself?

And then they have gum, mints, candy, Becky, Mariah. Lindsay. They also have colognes and perfumes So that you come back from the bathroom refreshed Is this the Gilded Age or Mickey's? My problem is I'm not going to use the cologne that There's three or four colognes here

And what 40% of the people here have that on I'm not doing all that Also my friend got a cheap She's like a designer imposter perfume And I was like It's amazing It smells just like that

And I was like I'll be the judge of that I took one with that thing That $30 thing I was like It smells like rat piss honey would you like would you buy her exactly what she needs um what do you mean buy her the real one she's hinting at a christmas gift no she's not no she's saying she loves that scent she doesn't know yet what true good expensive scents are like because they do smell better that That sheep shit, Mama Pink Sugar, smells like cat piss right now. I was just talking about this in drag.

It smells like cat piss. Take a cat and squeeze its dick into my face. Put a cat's piss on it. Yeah. I was talking about earlier in my drag career when I couldn't afford nice makeup, nice brushes, nice perfume was always worth it. But I never knew. I never knew about it.

Because I was using so much. Nice perfume was worth it. I believe nice perfume is worth it now. It is. Because it's a gift to other people. Drugstore makeup can be great. Drugstore hair products can be great. Drugstore nail polishes. Drugstore perfume is never giving. It just isn't. Rubbing alcohol with a Glade

plug-in. It's like you dusting yourself with alcohol and have a Glade plug-in in your pocket. Totally. That's what it smells like. And it's kind of a beauty product. I mean, there are drugstore foundations that you could do like the Pepsi challenge and people wouldn't know. Masc pocket. Totally. That's what it smells like. And it's kind of a beauty product. I mean, there are drugstore foundations that you could do like the Pepsi challenge and people wouldn't know how. Mascara.

Yes. Mascara. But perfume. Yeah. Invest in the one you want. And it's a racket for sure. Some of them are $200. It's crazy.

Excuse me. Some of them are $400, $500. Like some of those Tom Ford, if you want a big thing at Tom Ford, prepare to spend $500 but every squeak every like spritz is a dream come true

yeah Mary I want that wild cherry one I have cherry smoke I got lost cherry I got all the cherries electric cherry she's not worth a damn though cherry smoke is cunt cherry smoke is very cunt. Cherry smoke is cunt over once the cherry's lost, you smoke her out a little bit.

I'm not a paid spokeswoman. Have you ever used Scentbird? Yeah, I did. Wait, I am a paid spokeswoman, but not to tell you now. It's great because they send you the small versions of everything. So you really get a 30-day supply and then you know if it's worth investing. Yeah. Because you've used it for weeks.

Yeah. I like the ones that, well, when I was a smoker, most of my life, it was a necessity. You would pick a scent to- That complimented. That complimented. So it's always woody, woody, earthy, sometimes vanilla. Because you can't do like clean water. No, nothing fresh.

No. Never anything fresh. You smell like- Well, I think we know you never used anything fresh. A fresh piece of shit, yeah. No, because when I got into a cab, and they were like, you smell wonderful, like a cigar, not a cigarette. Because it was vanilla plus cigarette equals cigar. That's classic.

There's this company called Replica. You know them? I haven't. Yeah, by the fireplace. Cunt. But they also make Jazz Club. Got it. Jazz Club, one of the notes is heady cigar.

Affordable. Very. It's the Margiela. It's amazing. It's Margiela. Those amazing it's margiela those replica ones that by the fireplace one smells like you have sat down in a fire yeah in a good way yeah you got ash on your butt bitch burning skin burning burnt hair um i want to talk to you about something tell me and how did i know you weren't going to have anything to say That's so fucked No shut up I do

Who else do you love Meryl Streep Talk about her No no no Who else do I love You know what I was thinking about the other day I always when I'm in drag think of Death Becomes Her By the way I know a lot of younger queer people haven't seen that movie

Oh you should go see it My god is it worth it Although you know what My god is it worth it It's made by a gay man Directed by a gay man, directed by a gay man. Robert Zemeckis. It's very anti,

it's not anti-woman, but the man comes out on top at the end by getting rid, by unburdening himself of the nastiness and pettiness of womanhood. Well, he's in an unhealthy relationship with them. They're in an unhealthy relationship

with each other and him. It's a three-way bad relationship. Yeah. It's a girl. It's a girl movie, but the girls are shitty. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and there's a part where she takes the, I'm going to spoil it.

Meryl Streep takes the potion that makes her endlessly youthful and beautiful. And she goes, I'm a girl. I do that all the time. I feel that drag sometimes. But recently I've been dragged less. So when I am in drag, I'm so cunted out that i walk by a mirror and i literally go yeah that's what i fucking thought the confidence is so blind and aggressive aggressive confrontational that i turned to someone like the fucking nerve of you to be in

the room with me right now yeah look at me you got a lot of nerve being here not trying to fuck the sound guys like is your microphone okay yeah the sound guy's like... Is your microphone okay? Yeah. The sound guy's like, what are you talking about? You? That white, what is it? A white worm on a brown mountain? That white worm, that brown,

that... That wet brown nose with a white stripe through it? Yeah. That chocolate pudding with a white crayon thrown into it? Yes.

I mean, I, well, there's, when the hair comes on, because I have two hair pieces made by, one's by Wigs by Vanity. The other one is another brand.

I forget. Sheen. Wet Wigs. Wet Wigs. When those things come. Wet Wigs. When that wig, when she, Eden take them out, she'll wash them. When they're damp, I put them on my head and I feel myself.

Uh-huh. I'm feeling myself. Did you jerk off? No, she's right there. It's in the studio. Okay. Don't jerk it off for drugs in the studio. You gotta draw the line somewhere. Yeah. No, she's right there. It's in the studio. Don't jerk it off for drugs in the studio. You gotta draw the line somewhere.

But you know, because like the bald-headed thing, the Sasha Velour, it looks very artful. When you have a nice face and a bald head, it looks like art. But then when that hair comes on, it's pussy. The cunt serves so much pussy, the cunt goes pussy, pussy, pussy, meow, meow. When it's wet.

No, no, no, when the hair is done. But it's that piece though. Sasha's, listen, she, meow, meow. When it's wet. No, no, no. When the hair is done. But it's that piece though. Sasha's, listen, she's figured it out. No, it's incredible. No wigs. It's incredible. Genius. Like her versus you.

Oh God. Versus Jimbo. Jimbo. Me a suitcase of wigs. How about Jimbo? Not only the wigs, the giant breasts that need their own luggage. That's disgusting. It's crazy.

Not that that's disgusting. The thought of putting on a silicone skin suit every day. Girl. I don't envy her. I've done that. I've been there for some god. That's what the aliens are doing. Mama, thank you.

Wait, what do you mean? Like aliens pretend to be humans. Oh yeah. Every day them and Jimbo are putting on their skin suit and walking out to CBS. Unzip, girl. It's so, it's fucking. I have to talk to you about um yeah uh chase morgan no western financial saving sasha belor doing bald yeah she can travel and

do gigs without wigs and that yeah i'm not saying it's easy because she has to put makeup all over her head which sucks right but how nice to not have to carry a wig kit of course but it's not pussy cunt cunt though but the Works for her. She's incredible. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. But what she can't do is the thing where you go, oh, this pussy is cunty. You know what I mean? She can hair put, but nothing happens.

But nothing happens. When I flip that wig that looks like it's coming out of my head, I feel the tumescence of stiffening boners in the room. Of course, nobody's ever in the room. Nobody's ever having a boner, but my imagination is so vivid because the cunt is so fierce. When you're around people, you strap them down and inject Trimix just to make sure they get a boner around you. I handcuff them to a chair. I straddle them like coyote ugly.

I take the Trimix needle, two of them, both hands, wop, wop. My back shawls sound like bongos. Sasha Velour's on We're Here now. What?

That's like a public thing, right? Everyone knows that. Sasha Velour, the new We're Here cast is Sasha Velour. She's probably great on it. Jada. Jada.

I think it's. Gina. Priyanka. And Latrice. That's too many people. I think it's four. That's too many drag queens. Girl,

they're going to ruin that town. They're going to, the electricity is going to go out. The grid is going to suffer. They have a different, I think they have a different skill set to offer than the last cast. Yeah. The three stooges. Well, Priyanka's going to be like, well, here's how we'd handle it in Canada.

Canada, yeah. You know? Yeah. And then Jada's going to be like, well, have you tried being gorgeous? Yeah. Sasha's going to shave their heads. Oh, Sasha's going to be like, so she's gonna be like so so you've been divorced have you heard about art you don't know like she she takes into an art museum their

mind we have in new york it's called art yeah totally totally have you been to the met totally you know drag does transform lives by the way latrice i believe it's transformed my life in a good way and then in a bad way but But I think for Latrice, Latrice could help in any situation. Yeah. I would take Latrice anywhere with me. To help. To have a duffel bag full of weed to smoke. Right.

Latrice knows just what to say at the right time. Yeah. She has the right vibe. She really does. I think Latrice could solve world problems. She should be at the UN General Assembly. She'd be the youngest person there. Yeah. In the sweatiest. She'd be at the UN General Assembly. She'd be the youngest person there. Yeah, in the sweatiest.

She'd be the fucking youngest person there. I know. Do you feel solidarity around her with the sweat? You have no idea. It's a safe space. When we were on the cruise together, we were both late for the callback of the meet and greet because we had both performed. She, way before me, by the way, or before her, there's no excuse. We were sisters in sweating

and it was, I've never felt so seen so supported so like um held that because it was like we're both out of breath of course now she's got 200 pounds on me i'm not really sure there's a there's a inequality in terms of like the the why and the what were the quantity of sweat how are you able to sweat the way she does? It's just, well, look at my dad. I wish you could. He sweats more than I do. Really? So if your dad did drag, it'd be over.

He wouldn't even get out of the dressing room. Yeah. He wouldn't even get out of the dressing room. Does your brother sweat? Uh-huh. Sister too?

No, not that much. What about Pat? Pat, no sweat glands have all removed in China. She's got it figured out. She doesn't, she's always freezing. She's got it figured out. She doesn't.

She's always freezing. She loves it when it's 120 degrees. You know, in drag, all I do is complain about air conditioning. Out of drag, I'm cold all the time. Oh, see, I'm hot all the time. Me and David's mother will be at dinner and I'll be like, who at the table will understand? I'll be like, Lynn, I'm cold. She's like, yeah, because it's freezing in here.

I'm like, thank you. That's David, right? Yeah. Oh, I have my apartment or my home is 40 degrees. Oh, 35 degrees maybe. 30 degrees. Yeah. And I'm David, right? Yeah. Oh, I have my apartment or my home is 40 degrees. Oh. 35 degrees maybe. 30 degrees. Yeah.

And I'm literally still sweating. Yeah. David, the air conditioning, 40. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Do you know that scene in Batman and Robin where Mr. Freeze's wife. Mr. Freeze, all his lackeys are singing like, I'm Mr. Winter.

I'm Mr. Ice. And he's like conducting. That's David. Yeah. And I have two icicles for my nose. I know you're the guy in Scrooge, the homeless guy who dies. On that note, neuter and spay your pets. Honestly, the fornication, the reckless fornication.

The reckless fornication of the animal kingdom. Join us next week where we're going to neuter 25 dogs on the air. Bye. Bye. next week where we're going to neuter 25 dogs on the air. Bye!