The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - The Squirtle Spurtle with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

If you thought oatmeal recipes couldn't be sensual, you'd be dead wrong. Dim the lights, burn that bergamot arousal candle from your cousin's bachelorette party, and bring 1 cup of steel-cut oats to a slow, smoldering simmer in 4 cups of creamy, luscious whole milk. Add just a pinch of sea salt, and let the ingredients relax into a luscious, velvet-thick porridge so opulent it's no wonder this recipe won the World Porridge Making Championship. Once you achieve the ideal level of viscosity, stir in 2 tablespoons of sweet brown sugar, 2 tablespoons of hot melted butter, a dash of vanilla, and a deliciously decadent pour of heavy cream. Finish with toasted walnuts, a molten ribbon of sticky honey, and bejeweled raspberries whose tart sparkle will slice through all that thick seduction like Trixie and Katya waxing poetic about proper air conditioning. Serve it molten, fragrant, and make sure to eat it slowly, because this is not some bleak porridge from Oliver Twist, Deborah; it's a flirtatious, butter-kissed, spoon-clutching bowl of hot breakfast filth. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets! Get 40% off select Lola Blankets products by using code BALD at checkout at: https://Lolablankets.com Get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Save 25% on your first month at: https://Ritual.com/BALD This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Your emotional wellbeing matters. Sign up and get 10% off at: https://BetterHelp.com/BALD Our listeners get 15% off plus free shipping when you buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at: https://WarbyParker.com/BALD Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemotel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Listen and Watch Anywhere! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Trixie: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.trixiemattel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/trixiemattel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   Follow Katya: Official Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.welovekatya.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Twitter (X): ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://twitter.com/katya_zamo⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   #TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, everybody. Our spring, very bald, and very beautiful dates are just about sold out. So we're putting shows up for the fall. Hello. Pre-sale starts March 18th using the code vary. That's V-E-R-Y. And tickets on sale Friday, March 20th. Why don't you go ahead and get your tickets at tricksy and katy.com? Ah. The website. Do you like websites? So we were just chatting a little bit before Trixie was mercilessly making fun of me. I don't know why that's so funny.

Oh, you love it when I cry. You love it when I cry. Did you get bird poop? Oh, it's all this schmata is crap. What is it? I don't know. Girl, this is so weird. I walked by your house two days ago because I always walk by your old house.

Oh. I walk by your old house. They got all these workers out there. They're doing stuff. What are they doing to my pergola? There was scaffolding and ladders. And I was like, oh my God, they're working on kitty bug's house. And I was rubber, but not rubber necking.

Looking. Yeah, I was craning my neck trying to see. And I said, oh my God. And every time we walk back. buy it. I retell how beautiful it is and how much I wish you still live there and I'm sorry to bring it up. Anyway, your old house,

they're making it look even better. Too bad you don't live there, bitch. So I went whenever I'm in that area, which is never, I just, you know, I go by there. I creep. Right. You know, it's a very, you have to drive slow in that street, by the way. It's very dangerous. So I go about... Well, you should tell your neighbors.

I go about three miles an hour. And then I just, I goon, I goon, agoon. And I looked in and what they had done these two, I know for my neighbors, my old neighbor, he told me about the people who live there and they're like suspiciously nice, lovely people. Right.

Old people across the street. No. Wasn't there a guy who invited you over in his basement was full of shit with some girl in the bed? Oh, baby, mama. Not me remembering a story. Not this. Not me remembering a story.

That's how traumatic it has to be for my brain to hold on to it. No, that was, that was, oh, that was. Wasn't that somewhere else? That was across the street. That's what I'm talking about. So across the, To next door Next door was a different story

But my neighbor Scott Who's lovely His housemate Mama you go into that house It is so cunty You go ah Right Huge tall ceilings

Christmas party Tree up to the fucking Rafters All year Yeah Oh girl speaking of Somebody So my house in Hollywood

Somebody Right next door Threw away their Christmas Tree two days ago I said End of February Trash Trash.

I was like, no, wire haggers. You took it out and put it back in their house. End of February, bitch,

might as well put it in the freezer and pull it out in November. Like, what the fuck? February? When did you have every weekend? Valentine's Day came

and gone and you had the tree the whole, the whole time? The whole time. I don't know what it is. To me, maybe it's because I grew up poor,

but we knew that if it was one thing you could control, it's taking down the decorations when you're supposed to. The one thing. you can control. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I feel that. I feel that. But I looked in the house,

Mama, and the interior was a little, just so strange. Right. First of all, they took my, I had to take my blinds down and got these, this is so boring to the listeners, so I'm going to really talk about it. Everybody has a house. Everybody has blinds. That's not true. Everyone lives somewhere that has blinds and has neighbors. I don't love blinds. I like window treatments, curtains, whatever. Right. But this house is weird, as you know. And the all, no, nothing in the windows, just like square open, um, just nothing. And I got these gorgeous, like, they made me take them down. They were so expensive. And I looked in there were posters on the walls. Posters. Straight people. Yeah.

They were older straight people. You know, my house, the patio on the second level. Yield diamond posters. Oh, God. The, Simon and Garfuck. We're currently doing, you're, you're fearful for not relatability. I'm like, so this is the gardening we're doing on the second patio. I don't care. Is this in the primary residence or the Hampton's house? The thing is, these are the primary shareholders of Trix and Mattel LLC. Yeah.

And I'm just telling them what happened to the money that I got from them watching this. Thank you. So, thank you. My patio I never use. That took me so much money to fix the water damage to retire. I don't use it because the apartment building are the renters across the straight guys, no window treatments. The computer, the double monitor set up where I think it's probably, what are the straight guys playing FIFA.

FIFA? The World Cup? Yeah. World Cup? Video games. FIFA? FIFA. FIFA forever.

Is it FIFA or FAFSA? So I don't go out there because sometimes he's out there gaming or whatever. And I love video games. Yeah, you do. The straight guy games. No. So I'll be out there in drag after a DJ gig, a little half in the bag smoking weed with my Sequin Lady Money outfit on.

Do you have your breastplate clearly visible and wet? No, I have him on the floor. And then I have my bare feet and give him a foot job with my feet. And everybody wins. But basically, I've had to get a fake boxwood because I never go out there because that guy can just see me. I know. So sometimes you do have to, when you have neighbors, be creative. Oh, are you kidding me?

You got to be creative when you have neighbors. It's the story of my whole fucking life right now. Do you hear people or no? Do I hear people? Do I feel people? But I think sometimes if you have no neighbors, you're still hearing people. No. That is absolutely, that is an astute, accurate observation.

However. No, no, no, on this pod. Roll the tapes. You've told me you've been home alone and you've heard people in the house. Wait, which house are we talking about? Your old house. Oh, that's because, you know. That's what I'm saying.

However, however, however. No, no, no, but however. So that house is not like in the woods by itself. Right. Do you know what I mean? I had across the street, I had a crazy neighbor. Okay. I mean, Mom, I wish you could have met.

Baby, if they're the crazy nary. Sweetie. In this scenario. If you're the crazy, if you're in the normal neighbor. If I'm Condoleezza Rice, they are like, I don't know why I just said that. And by the way, you know she's a crazy neighbor. I had her as a neighbor. Well, she wears those boots.

She always playing the piano. And to put something else on, honey. She ties her hair up. She has her hair up in rollers and just rain boots. And that gap tooth is not real. It's black massacara. Waterproof mascara. Black masacera.

That's the Italians call it. Blacka masacara. Wait, wait. I don't done. I'm not done about the name. So, as you know, Struggelina, the neighborinas, in the condo. I want to talk to. What is the expression you say?

It's like, I would like to talk. No, no, no. The cock suckers responsible and the cuntz. What is it? The cock suckers who did this to me and the cuntz responsible. Which is from Kill Bill. Okay. Yeah.

Because on this shitty-ass block, I live on the loveliest street. And by lovely, I mean, the shit-ass. I think it's probably, it was technically called, but I think it's actually a shit-ass Boulevard. You're in West Hollywood proper, right? The address is West Hollywood, or is it Hollywood? It's technically West Hollywood, but it's really just shit-ass. There is this bewitching area between West Hollywood and Hollywood

where you get the blood of Hollywood with the drug use of West Hollywood. Beep, beep, that's it. Yeah, that's where you are too. Bingo. Yep, that's how I know. That's a bingo. And so on this shit-ass street, we've got a lovely, array of apartment buildings that, you know, they erect them in about 12, 13 minutes?

Yeah. Girl. Yeah. I was like, oh, so with the scaffoldings on two days? Yeah. Mama. In the 70s. Girl.

Popcorn ceilings. Ding bats. Popcorn ceilings that amplify sound. Amplify. I'm living in a fucking, I'm living in a giant speaker. Right. It's crazy. The subwifor.

Yeah. I live in the, it is so flagrant. It's so abusive. And I have to just, I was like a little. running a little late today, so I was stomping. I got stairs, which I love stairs. But I was stomping up and down the stairs. It's good for you. I love stairs. Yeah. If I could live in like a teeny tiny like eight, um, like, you know, just like a little tower with eight, uh, stairs. Oh, a lighthouse with the circle stairs. That's what somebody suggested and I really

agree. I would love that for you. Me too. We would never see you in. Privacy. Girl, the, the lighthouse would be your fucking iPhone at night watching porn. No. I don't. I don't watch porn on my phone. I do my two screens like the guy you're next door. No, I'm just kidding. No, I do not watch porn on my phone. Girl. It's so teeny. Let me just do a performance. My astigmatism?

No. No, no. All that blue light. All that blue light. Did you put it on night shift? True tone. Now, we back to that guy because Mary, in my bedroom, I opened the curtain to let, the day when I opened all the windows to get some fresh air. It was like Piccadilly Circus.

It was like, in what way? It's like Piccadilly circus in here. It was so fucking loud. Oh. It was so fucking loud. Because on every, like every cardinal point, there's construction, crackheads. Last night, the helicopters. Mama, the helicopters were in my bedroom.

Girl. Those blades were like chewing up my comfort. They fly over Hollywood. They fly low and they fly with those lights on. Have you ever had the light shine in your house? Uh-huh. So you're at home. I'm like, they're coming after me.

Obviously. They're coming after me. I'm in the kitchen making my. Majuel date and rice errone casserole, whatever the fuck I'm doing. A celery salad. Lately I've been getting crafty. I've been doing nutritional yeast, apple setter vinegar, some dead bugs. Girl, it's crazy.

But I be in my house on the couch and when I hear the copters, I'm like, okay, sure. And then sometimes I'll turn on the news to be like, I bet they're in my neighborhood. The news? Right. They'll usually have the chase that's going on on the TV at the same time. It never even occurred to me. Oh yeah. You can just see where they're at.

You can like, oh, yeah, there's Gelson's. Like, yeah. Do we have the news on YouTube? I don't know. We watch like six news channels. Really? Yeah. News is on from sun up to sundown.

I just watched democracy now in the morning. But anyways, go ahead. Yeah. We watch the local. We watch every iteration. I love the local news in L.A. Because for a huge city, they got fucking nothing to talk about, bitch, for America's second largest city where they're like,

so they're having a dog adoption at the Beaten Buffin' Fair in Pasadena. I'm like, ain't there shootings? Yeah. Ain't there crackheads jumping out of plane? There's a shoe store in Melrose

that's closing at five today. I know. Like, what the fuck? And the helicopter in the window, it's one thing when they're circling

and you're like, and I'm, and I'm a little unwoke in the sense that I'm like, I hope you get who you're looking for, like bring justice, whatever.

Right. But on the other hand, it's often the news. And on the other hand, once that light comes in my window, oh, Queen. You're like,

you're like, oh, hold on it's like, wait, yeah. Yes. especially if I'm in back I'm usually naked in the hot tub in the backyard

because I have good coverage you're worried about being relatable and I'm talking about being in the backyard in the hot tub I don't care no no no no this is extremely relatable to me because I'm worried about being naked but when there's a plane circling

my mind goes straight to they're gonna shine lights on your breast boobs and your tities so I have the hot I put one leg here and usually if I'm not at my winter weight I can push my pelvis out of the water

and I wait for the TMZ to fly over And I go, oh. Yeah, but then you have, you have that crocheted titty top that says KTLA, get a load of this. I don't want to come for KTLA. No, no, no, you turn on the news and then they're like, the stories about like the houses across the street. Meanwhile, you're a hard boner. There is a woman. She has been very open on social media about, on the news, the local news, about fighting cancer.

She wears wigs on the news. And it has made me think, if you're on the news, you have to get about two in the morning. all that. Get all these women wigs. Yeah. Keep styling your hair at three in the morning. Baby. Get the women wigs. That is a whole different lifestyle. It's crazy. Back to my horrible suffering trauma. The last night, it was so, it's so crazy. I love to be naked, but even worse is that I love, as you know, to wear these little secret outfits. Yeah. Yeah. I heard about those.

Yeah. And because I love working out in them and I work, my gym, membership is through the window. I don't go there anymore. So I work on home. And because you're too old to transition. No, I'm not 50. When I'm 50, I become the only transsexual. Right. Yeah. So we're not there. By killing everyone else? No. No. Okay. Having someone else killed them. I know, you know, like, there's like a gold medalist at the Olympics. Right. If, you know, being a trans woman had that competition, it would just

be me. Right. But everybody knows that. So the, I, my, it's just like, I, want to sound, you know, like I researched so much soundproofing and I'm just like, you know what, let's just get the fuck out of here. Let's just get the fuck out of here. So we, we talked about, I think, two episodes ago where you were kind of focusing on pivoting to like reselling. Are you still that pivot then? Yeah, that pivot is is squarely in the front of my consciousness. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. And you have a goal. Yeah. And you said it's going to be a lot of micro steps to do it. Micro, macro, macro. macro. It's like, you know, in the movie the long walk with a shoot true if you stop walking. Girl, why would you do all this shit to your bathroom and leave?

Burning money. Well, here's the thing. I'm not sure if you've ever met me before. Hi. I love to waste money and I love to make every, every wrong decision that there is so that other people can make the right ones. By the way, though, what if someone is like, okay, realtor, I'm looking for a house that is half ugly, half kind of black, white and red crazy. And then they find your house and they're like work. They're like, this is my, um, the ultimate, uh, buyer situation. So, I'm looking for like a three-story townhouse

that has like no privacy at all. Like paper thin, grape walls, like tissue paper. And like one bathroom is like super super gophe and hard to clean. And then the other one is, and then the bedrooms have like a super weird paint, but like a like

outrageously expensive bed that I can't keep. And then like, you know, and what if even though this person was rescued from the cycles of addiction by the X program? What if the whole place reeked of cigarette smoke? Oh, I am never. smoked in the house. You haven't? Not once ever. That's good.

I have married. Sometimes change happens. You've been to my Havill and Laurel, the old, old one, the cigarette hut? Yeah, yeah. The smoke shack. The one with the studio? The smoke shack. Do you know Nick was your neighbor? You had... He was... I don't want to say. He was...

We're just saying addressing this, though. Get this, though. Oh my God, I have a story. I've got good stories. Oh, my God. Good stories. Oh, well, we also have a... I know. There's a lot to say today. I know I got a lot to get to do shit. And it's all going to be on the Patreon. All the good stories will be behind a paywall.

Let's take a 30 minute break. Yeah, let's take a break. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person, instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house.

There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine, through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income.

It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else, so while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory, So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host.

This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet, while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home

pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else, so while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside.

Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com slash host. I went to visit a sex worker. Oh, okay. Because I don't. In jail?

My dad's not in jail. I went to visit a sex worker. I was like on their deathband. In Rikers Highland. Right. Yeah. We drugged up through the glass. No.

It was a, I don't know how much detail is appropriate to go into. Let's do it. So his social security number was, no. He was a little expensive, though. L.A. Sex workers, in my opinion. Does he know you're talking about this? No.

He has no idea. Well, one time you got a massage and the person was mad. So I just don't want people to be mad. Well, yes, that guy, because I flippantly referred to him as a hooker. He was very nonplussed. Right. He didn't know who I was, though, of course. So then I was a little perplexed when he called me out moments after the podcast had aired.

Interesting. Yeah. Anyways. So we respect sex workers. This is not a pod. Are you kidding me? This is not a pod where we respect. Will ever.

Adore. Yeah. And we honestly only give glowing. Not that I'm giving them. But when we talk about sex work. I'm not. We're, we're, we're. Accentuate the positive.

Yeah. Yeah. Eliminate the negative. Um, so there's some. Sidebar. I hate when podcaster's like. famous ones say like you'll never believe who we had i can't say who i'll tell you after do you know what i'm talking about i hate when they do that i hate when people have a segue and then say it wasn't that

a good segue no it's like if it is break to say it's a good segue it makes me want to lose it yeah it's like it's like when someone's fucking over they're like isn't this fucking nice girl it's up there with isn't this is an enjoyable fucking it's up there isn't this a pleasure fucking I'm giving you. It's working, right? Is it working? It's up there when you go to a restaurant that has four walls, a door, and food being served, and they say, we're doing, we do things a little different around here.

No, you don't. That's when they take down their khakis and start jacking it on your plate. So I'm going to say what food I want. You're going to bring me that food. I'm going to give you money and leave. Baby, I hate to burst your bubble, but they're doing the same thing next door at the other restaurants. Okay, bitch.

It's crazy. Can I talk about love it? Oh, no. Let's go. Hooker. Don't say hooker. He wouldn't mind. Okay. Sex worker.

Sex worker. He had a sling. I don't do that. But so it was a sexy massage. It was very vanilla. I'm such like, I'm such like Pollyanna. A sling is vanilla.

Call me when it's a no. No, I didn't use the sling. Call me when it's a noose. He had a bunch of nooses. He says he has a sling. Well, it's just a bunch of nooses. Well, I mean, not that I have or ever will.

No. But I'm so fascinated by autoerotic asphyxiation. Well, don't get too fascinated. I won't do it. Okay. You know what I want? I don't want a sling. I want the centa bites, chains flying out from the corner.

You open the box. So I came. Call me when it's that. When I propose to someone with the ring, they're going to open the box and it's just going to be changed. Chins. Okay. So lovely time. Huge, wonderful cock.

Good. But in lovely guy. That's great. Older. Do you make you feel comfortable and all that? Oh, lovely. And just we had banter. We chatted.

Did he know that used to be a... I mentioned it in passing, and then I showed him a picture of me as a dragoon. He was like, that's you? And I said, yeah. So I put on drag and I just did a little show. No. You probably showed him like a face app, baby filter. It was manga rub.

Liquify. In Wuthering Heights, though. You hadn't seen it yet. Right. No, but we did that. But the point is, That was by my old, old neighborhood. Right.

So I walked around the street. I went to the smoke shop to get some, um, uh, an $11 sprite. An $11 sprite. Girl. They got you. Crazy, but it's so delicious. And the guy. But you don't live on that street anymore.

No, I know. It's like out of state, into it. Out of state tuition now. Yeah. I mean, I was like, I was so like, I was so whistle and like, you know, it was memory lane. And I, the smoke shop used to go there all the time. And the guy was like really cute. And I was, he was really nice, straight.

And then he started, like, talking about my tattoos. And I was like, oh, my God. I wanted to fuck him so bad. Okay. So I left, got to the window of the pizza shop, ordered a pizza, went back in. And then got another, I think I got like Skittles or some shit. Back for your other $11 soda? No, no, this was like just a candy, whatever.

It's got Skittles. Did you give him pizza? No, it hadn't happened yet. Oh. And I was just like, I was like trying to like be, I'm creepy, you know. I know. I know. And like if I try to do smooth or slick or have game, it gives like yikes.

So I, but it was working. He was so interested in my tattoos. And like, he was like, I swear to God, he's giving me these lingering glances. And I found that more erotic and exciting than actually anything happening after that. You know, Mateo and I were talking about this. I think that things that aren't sex can sometimes be. Sexier. Not even comparable, but on their own level, sexier.

Without the sex. Yeah. But sexier. I mean, that's why I literally don't jerk off to porn. I jerk off to, you know, clips from late show. Right. Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah.

I have something to show you that's made me horny. If it's a new clip of Jason Memo, I don't want to get a boner, so don't show me. No, but I don't speak Spanish, but when I watched... Bad Bonnie? I almost called him Lady Bunny. When I watched Bad Bunny, I knew those. lyrics were about him wanting to fuck me. No doubt in my mind.

Conservatives are like, we can't understand. I'm like, I do. I'll speak a word of Spanish, and I know he's talking about opening me up. And Benito, you can write in. We don't have guests anymore, really, but I would, yeah, you can kill me and have him. You come down here. I thought I saw him on a scooter today, but I was like, I don't think he's on a scooter in I, and I like. So do you know about this viral, um, queen, queen?

Do you know what this viral evil queen from Disneyland? Yes, who got fired. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's become a friend of mine, we text, but I'm kind of mystified by that, because in some ways I feel like their job is the only thing similar to our job. Yeah. Oh, very much so.

Right? Yeah, yeah. But there's a second one. So, Universal Studios. They have different characters. They have Scooby-Doo. They have, they have wicked. They have, like, all different.

They have their own franchises, right? Flubber. Flubber. They have Dracula, old-school, like, like, Dracula, like, like, Bella, like, Legosi Dracula. Is he hot? And there is a Dracula who's famous on TikTok called Dimples Dracula.

He's super tall, super deep voice. Look. No more roses. There is no more tea. It's better now that my food is here. He says to her in a ear, he goes, don't worry. Life is short. But I can always make it shorter.

Uh. Isn't that horny? That's so horny. And he has dimples, so the TikTok searches Dimples Dracula. And all the comments are like, this isn't a hear me out. This is hold me back. So wait.

So I'm not going to universally more because he's going to hear about this. Yeah. And he's going to, yeah, you'll get a restraining order. No, if you go, you'll probably get an offer to do Nospheratu. As long as they get to work with him. Yeah. I know how weird to do. Obviously, Dracula's a gentleman.

He's suave. But tall and horny. When people take the picture of them, he puts the caper on them, it's like, oh, sorry. That's not cream cheese on the floor. You know what I mean? Thank you. Bird poop. No, I think it is.

Sorry. Girl, thought of you the other day. Wait, wait, why? Bought oatmeal. Cooked it. Did you do the steel cut? Did you do the batch? Was it rolled oats, quick oats?

I think it was rolled oats. No. Is that bad? No, no, it's not bad. It's not bad. It was in a bag. Yeah. Do you cook it with water?

For 30 minutes? No. But they were like, what do they look like? It was 10 minutes. Okay. So you got it. They looked like wood ticks. They're like

Like a deer tics Like flat pine Pine wood colored Outs the kind that might be on bread You got to get into the golden spurtle Got it The Irish steel cut oatmeal The golden spurtle

So what you gotta do It's annoying But I cook a whole week's worth When they call it I hate this term meal prepping It's cooking baby It's just cooking Just say you're cooking

I'm cooking food I'm meal prepping. I'm not hiking Kilimanjaro this week. You know what I mean? I'm investing in my mental health. Baby you're unemployed. Pick a lane. I'm taking some time for me.

You're lazy. You got divorced, honey. Yeah. So 30 minutes and then I cook like, it's like five batches. And then what you do is like you don't do milk, right? I do soy milk, fresh strawberries and honey drizzle. Can I tell you what I do? I probably said it a million times.

I think you do a lot. of sugar. Well, let me tell you. So I take a big chunk. I put it in the pan. I don't use a microwave anymore because the microwave of my house sounds like, I don't know, like the world is ending. I also don't want to be a conspiracy theorist. But in beauty school, they taught us that microwaves kill food. And I think it might be true. Microwaves, they don't have them in Europe, I don't think. And I think for good reason. That's why they can drink wine when they're pregnant. I'm just kidding. Oh my God. My mother was European. So wait. She didn't drink. She smoked weed, though.

Oh, that's fine. Actually, like, gives you... People where I'm from, they find out they're pregnant around eighth month. And they're like, I guess that shit. They're like, these keg stands are really difficult lately. So wait, so I put half and half because I don't have milk in my house, just half and half. Okay. You know?

I think that's okay. Thank you. Because last time you said it was disgusting. I mean, you drinking it? I've seen you like almost drink the shit. Which, yeah. You were here with that giant jug of dairy coffee. Yeah.

Yeah, those white chocolate mocha. But I think if you as a woman on the edge, when you come in here with a trough of white mocha chocolate frapper caffeine, you know, I'm like she's... Carbo-loading. What? I love nasty, sugary drinks. I think with sober people. They love sugar. Let them have sex and let them have coffee.

It's all they have. Mary, the best part of this book called Living Sober is, have a milkshake. Have a milkshake. That's what I literally say. It's like, have a milkshake. So anyways, so you do the... I cook it, heat it up on the stove in the pot with the half and half. Then I put brown sugar, probably too much for you.

Brown sugar, walnuts, dry cranberries. If I have fresh fruit like blackberry, strawberries, a little bit of chia seeds. And Mary, that fucking bowl of oatmeal is so goddamn nourishing. Your body, it's like you feel the cells in your body going, oh. Right. Thank you. You've just been shoveling trash into the size.

furnace for like the last three years. I was going to say compared to what you do the rest of the day. Does I mean? Show up here and get Taco Bell. Go home probably a pizza. Excuse your mouth. Yeah, that's what I do. That's actually exactly what they didn't give you Taco Bo when you got here. I don't think you'd come. Nope. Queen. But then wait, so the last thing I'm going to say about the thingy. The hooker. So I was so

I love that street so much. And I went to my old apartment. And visit my friend Roman who lives there. Went inside. Yeah, no, yeah. Oh, we did. Oh, you knew who lived in there. Yeah, he's my friend. Oh, okay. But the other place I lived on Laurel is for rent again. I don't know if you've ever been there. Do you want to go back? Yes.

Honestly, I really like that for you. It's a, it was, it's a return to you. Thank you. Welcome back to me. It was, you see, you saw the garden, right? Inside. The fucking Roman. It is like the most otherworldly, like, courtyard. Oh, I remember this. Otherworldly. Yeah, I remember this. Not a pool, too, right? No pool. Oh, wait, I'm thinking of your place that had the studio and the apartment. That's, yeah, that's on the same street.

Are you talking about the place with the big stairs? We originally had that expensive bed? Yes. Go there. I love that apartment. Yes. That's a nice apartment. That's where we heard the scream heard around the world. 17 candles burning on the stairs at once. Remember Bertie screaming at night?

The scream. The scream. We decided she was an actress, right? Yes, but she has. She has, John. No, no, yeah, no, that has to be. She did a good job. She did an incredible job.

I don't know why we haven't heard that scream in, like, many movies since. I think when they green light screen movies, actresses should just stand at their windows and scream. And that's how you audition. She was, she's probably a voice actor. Maybe so. Yeah. Anyways, that place, it's so hidden. It's so like, and it had like a private front yard.

Point is the privacy. This is my private front. I have an open back. But so that, that is, it's on the corner of a very busy intersection in West Harbor. Hollywood. So noisy. Great location. So noisy. You go through that gate. Silence. This is when you had the electric bike. Yeah. That I stupidly left out in the, my yard and it was stolen. There was one here yesterday. Electric bike here. Who's is it? There was one here yesterday and I said, whose is this? Probably mine. It looks, they look happy. Are you fucking kidding me? It's like 70

motorcycle. It's like 70 pounds. I have no desire to be on a motorcycle. Mama, I almost hit somebody on, um, I didn't almost hit somebody. I wanted to. Yeah, Coenka Pass. our favorite little thing. This guy on a bike, not in a bike lane, because there's no bike lane. If there's one lane, people are flying down,

he's in the middle of the road. Good for him. Yeah. I thought, great. What could possibly go wrong with that? Yeah, it's,

I love biking, but Los Angeles is a tough place to bike. There are places where you absolutely can do it because the city has gone to the effort of carving out bike lanes, which people still ignore, but whatever.

I would say it's like, Santa Monica, Boulevard has a bike lane. It absolutely does. That's a great street to bike. But it's almost like... And it's also pretty flat. What you can do on Google Maps is you can select any directions here and I'm on a bike. And it will

send you on the streets with bike lanes or the slower streets. You should just go down to... Go down on the beach. Get the electric bike. Put on Lana Del Rey in your headphones and just do the whole little strip from Manhattan Beach to Redondo to fucking Palace Fair Days. Right. New Lana song.

I haven't heard yet. White, tail, deer hawk hunter something like that what is it called white white deer tilt whatever it's just called white no it's it's pretty it's it's more witchy white feather hawk tail deer hunter yeah i'm gonna listen to it mom and the cover art is it gives so i she's antagonistic with her cover art choices and i love it it gives like i don't even know what it's like my favorite was lost for life oh she looks so beautiful in that cover? I think she looks beautiful at everything. But like she, you know, she's taken some artistic turns that I found fascinating. I don't necessarily love, but this episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant,

where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the grand brule while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly

underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else, so while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors

again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblain where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up and I will be out there hiking the Grand Brulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting

empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate. While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own

home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. Soon I will be freshly reborn from a spring trip to Quebec's Mont Tremblant, where winter is politely packing up its things and nature is once again clocking in for work. The snow will be melting, the trails will be waking up, and I will be out there hiking the Grand Broulet while pretending I'm an outdoorsy person instead of someone who mostly just walks to the supermarket two blocks from my house. There will be herds of white-tailed

deer heralding the official soft launch of spring, that brief magical moment where you can finally be outside again without your face going numb. But I can't stop thinking about my own home sitting empty while I'll be gone. Sure, the hiking will be incredible and the scenery will be shockingly beautiful, but what about letting my own home pitch in and help a little bit as my quads explode from the inclines I will assuredly underestimate? While I'm watching the sunset over the mountains and inhaling the scent of fresh pine wafting through the window, I could be hosting my own place on Airbnb and earning a little extra income. It could even go towards fixing up my patio so it stops looking like a wintry crime scene, or it could help fund my summer adventure to a

destination I haven't even picked yet. That is the beauty of hosting on Airbnb. You get to share your little slice of heaven with someone else. So while I'm taking in the beautiful vistas in Quebec, my own home could be doing the same thing stateside. Hosting your home on Airbnb can help someone turn a regular trip into a truly amazing memory. So this spring, be like me and start planning a trip worthy of celebrating the outdoors again. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.ca slash host. Anyways, Lepeda. Oh yeah. Okay. I get a text from you a few nights ago. saying, I got tickets to Lovita. I thought it meant in the future sometime.

Yeah. Mary, so. It was that that day? It was so, yeah. And I had, it was a bummer because we had to go, I had to go, meet, Fien and I had to go fly out at seven in the morning flight. It's fucked. To wake up at 4.45 a.m.

You got to go. And that was my fault. You couldn't go the day before. I go the day before now. You had a show to go to. But now I splurge. I spend my own money and just go the day before. No, no, no.

It's not negotiable. I have to go the day before. I have to go the day before. But I couldn't miss the Luba dot concert. I get it. You know what I mean? And last one was so good. Baby,

she pulled some... There was some Tom Foolery at this show. What happened? How did you get the ticket? So I purchased it online. She still ain't sending you a ticket. I guess it's because you're kind of her biggest critic too. No, no, no.

She doesn't know who I am. There's no idea who I am. But Mici, my friend, I went with her. She bought the tickets. We go. And we went last time. as soon as we get to the front door, not even inside, Mel from Avalon is like, Katya? I was like, yeah.

She was like, oh, come on. We're going to go to VIP. And I was like, I was like trying to hide the brick, the huge brick in my pants. Because you shit? No, I should be four. I got rid of that. Oh, a boner. Okay.

And I was like, so she took us up to the side. It was just amazing. But then halfway, or two, three songs later, she came back up. She's like, you guys, we got to, sorry, we have to leave. She got us to him. better spot front and center VIP with our own food and everything and seating a banquet.

This is amazing. It was amazing. Compared to the time you saw her in Florida and you were like... Mama! Where I paid foolishly, stupidly, splurged for like three other people, three of my friends. I think I paid five grand. Right. For shit-ass seats, a horrible show in the worst

place on earth. Yeah. It wasn't even in Miami. It was like, nor it was horrible. But she did something with her costume changes that were, that would be futile and perplex you. In a good way? In a strange way. So you know how, you know, it's okay.

A drag queen, for example. She loves to keep you guessing. And she does listen to this. She goes, that bitch didn't like my big suit. I'm going to show her some weird shit. Oh, baby. Baby. The suit got bigger.

Okay. So if you play the concert in reverse, it makes sense. So she would come out in like a look like crystal something. But then she would put on something else and then put on something else. What? It's like she was getting ready to go skiing. She's getting colder?

I was like, what the hell is going on? Like I'm so fit that I get cold up here? I have no idea. She did, by the way, the only part it did to film, of course. I know it's stupid to film concerts. You never watch the footage, whatever. I would have rewatched the, and it'll be available sometimes, but one of my favorite songs that she did this, she's had, we have a similar movement vocabulary.

Right. Wiggle, wiggle, ding, ding, ding. But when she, she did. this like, dude, let's see it. Stand up. She goes like,

this is a good reminder you guys should watch the pod on the YouTube. Oh my God. It was like, it was kind of like that. It was kind of funny. And it was

kind of a gypsy rose kind of dance. Have you seen these videos? No. Well, I'm a long time supporter. Well, I'm a longtime follower of hers.

Is that the one I killed my mom and I don't care? No, she cares. Oh, Okay. Is that Jeanette McCurdy? That's Jeanette McCurdy. That's, I don't care my mom. I don't care my mom's dead. Oh, right. Sorry.

That's not her. Sorry. Her book is called like, Into the Light or Survivor's Journey or something. But I did read Gypsy's book. Okay. The book is called My Time to Stand. My Time to Stand. So it's, I have a signed copy. Not, sorry, not to like Flex, but. People are going to stop listening now.

A sign copy. But she, because of, I think, something about the case, a lot of the video, files from when it happened are public now. Something about something of information act or whatever freedom of information. Okay. So all these files, video files that Gypsy had sent to her

co-defendant like Is she TikTok dancing in court? No, she's not dancing in court but the videos that were played in court are like her and wigs doing characters. You know, she's so abused sort of touch with it. It's just so wild. But they're calling it the Gypstein files.

I hate that. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, they're called the gypsy file. So if you want to watch those, you can go on TikTok and watch them. I don't know her. I don't know how she'd feel about people watching them, but it's public information. So, but I'm saying this because one of the songs she dances to is that song by fun, some nights I

blame on my lips good a bit, whatever. And there's a dance she does and they're calling it the jip hip where she goes like this. Mama, that was Ms. Lovita. Maybe she's doing the jip hip hip. She was doing that and a whole lot more. The gypstein files. But so she got, Mary,

We thought I didn't make it up The chips So she The outfit First of all I She loves a designer moment

She loves to get it I like I think you know Designers reach out to her Her team To them Whatever happens She came out in Scaporelli

Now Cool Was Scaparelli cool Mary No It was a brown suit It was a brown suit So it was

I was like Oh that's that She got your ass I was like She got your ass I mean her body is T Always She's so gorgeous

Her fucking wig I've had it. I want it again. I don't. It's like a long, like a long, like page boy Bob with the root. It's just, it is a wig, but it's so beautiful. But this brown suit, it's like a two piece with a visible panty that's kind of con. But her, at every moment, her four backup dancers were in sparkle, sparkle, sparkle,

visually outshining her at every turn. It's a matte brown suit? Baby. It's like, I have to. Mr. Hankey vibes. It's leggings that have this weird flap on the front. And then it's like skin tight, but then it has like two little bows with some cutouts, black bows. You think she got like the Nordstrom rack, Scaparelli?

It's totally, it's the, it's the look from. The Nordstrom rackarelli. Yeah. I was like so perplexed. I was like, oh, that's interesting. What do you want her to wear in your ideal world? Okay. So this, for example, same outfit, solid stones.

because she had a rhinestone pim cane Solid stones Because her Guess what her dancers were wearing Stones So Did she want them to be the spectacle? Wait wait

So I was like Oh it was like Song song song I was like I'm just gonna costume machine Mici and I were like Joking about it And then someone comes out

With a green Latex trench coat And puts it on her And then What color green? Puk Oh Peas Soup

Oh really Like a knotted emerald It was like a it was like a sageish kind of green it was a what i know it was so green army man it was crazy and then so she uh and then another raincoat exactly just in case it started raining on stage i don't know and then she she did this a crazy thing where like she would do she came out in this um a pretty beautiful like uh bodies through the head all this like rhinestone fringe i was like great she puts a jacket on over it what and then a coat and then a

stole of her. Was she trying to sneak snacks into the movies? Like, what is she doing? But if you had played it in reverse, it would have been like, ah, ooh, aha. You know what I mean? Instead it was like, ah, huh, huh, huh? You know what I mean? It was so strange.

So by the end of it, she's just pushing a shopping cart of clothing or like, what is she doing? And then the end, there's a lot that happened in the middle. Mary, this is unforgivable. But you love the music? Well, the set list was okay. But when she did her global hit, the one that everybody knows who knows her, it's called Your Eyes. and it's like a huge hit for her.

The visuals was an AI ape. What? It was an AI gorilla. An AI slop video. It looked like AI. No, it was. Giant screen.

And the crazy thing is that a song previous was this, like she does this little snake number. And they had an intro video while she was changing into her next trench coat or whatever. And it was her naked with this huge ball python. It was one of the sexiest, like, interstitial videos I've ever seen in my life. And then when she comes on for the number, it's clip art cobras. Clip art cobras that we saw in Miami. I mean, visuals are expensive.

I get it. No. They're not, though. No, I'm not excusing it. I'm saying, why doesn't she have the better visuals? I'm trying to think. Well, here's... They're expensive.

But so, but, like, meet me in the middle. Because that, like, you remember Beyonce's fucking... Beyonce's visuals were like Oscar winning. Mary, they don't even have to all be that expensive. No, no, no. They don't. Good can be inexpensive. Absolutely.

Creative means you can do anything with anything. Mary, Nick and I were in the studio yesterday. We're working on visuals for Super Disco right now. The show that's going to come to all the music festivals this year. Yeah. But one of the parts I don't want to give it away was I was like, well, we can't afford XYZ, XYZ, but we need some way for the mothership in the show to talk to the audience. I need lips and I need my lips saying these phrases.

So we painted huge Cherxie lips, bigger than usual really dark lepliner, really light highlight painted the rest of my face and neck green and we shot in front of a green screen to make floating lips cost zero dollars. I'm not saying she has to do that but I'm saying sometimes limitation

is the mother of... Mary, she did that in her video... Look at that. If you look up her video for boom boom that's exactly what she did and it was amazing. Can I show Nick? That's beautiful. But I'm just saying sometimes it's a recession. Sometimes you got it as an artist

Look at you guys. This is for next year's show. I mean, my, look at that. Yeah. Imagine my face painted green. Yeah. Literally, I mean, that's, she has done that in her video. I did that in ding-dong. She could have just used the video because that she did that in the show too. She used clips from her music videos. Yeah. And it was like, at the end of the show, I was like, Mary, this is unforgivable.

Well, again, I wasn't there. I trust you because of anybody. You're like an above above-average supporter of her. I knew every single fucking lyric. everyone. So if a fan like you is going in, look it give me that. This is what we need to be showing. That is your sniffy's ad. I need Labelada to get into this. Yeah.

Okay. Svetlana, are you watching this? No. Why can't this be you? Why can't this be you? I mean, the funny thing is that is the size of her lips. No, I'm serious. No, I know. That was, well, shows cost money to make. They shot cost me to do. I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying there's ways to make the right decisions about what can be cheap and look good.

Yeah. But see, and... Beyonce doesn't have to worry about what's cheap. No, but I don't think she does either. I mean,

she's not making a ton of money on this tour, I don't think, you know, it was like the Avalon. And it was interesting crowd. There was a lot of, what I noticed is these dushy-looking guys

facing away from the stage the entire time. Yeah. I was probably like, you know, they were dragged there by their wives or girlfriends or something.

Or it's more like a party. I hate that. When I did Coachella, there was lots of people. They're in a circle of a group. They're not really looking at me. I guess it's also, that is actually a party. Yeah.

Compared to a concert. And there's so many other things going on. Yeah. But in any case, there was, yeah, but it was, I, and I don't, I don't want to be mean, but like, I think she was very, very tired because I think she had a brutal, brutal schedule. So at the end, it's funny. Like, her background, her four dancers were cunt. Those horrors were cunt. Like snatched up pony tony tipped.

Their choreo was crisp and lovely. Their outfits were amazing. And for the last bit, she comes out, they come out in this red sequin. They just look sexy, shiny. She comes out, and, like, I looked it up. I think it's Vivian Westwood. A red velvet kind of negligee thing

with a hip detail that made her look like a fupa. No sparkle. What? I know. And I'm like, dude. I wish she would let you direct her costumes. So she's very hit or miss. like there's some performances I've seen of her

where I'm like, I would kill all of you in this room just to look like that and be able to wear it. You know, other times I'm like, Mary, like the yellow suit. There's also on Instagram I saw that she had a a beige bell bottom jumpsuit with a smattering of like brownstones on it. And I was like, if she wears that, I'm going to live myself tonight.

Right. She did not. But it was a little underwhelming. And I, there was, she usually does this encore or like the ending song is called It's time to go home. It has a great remix. It makes sense.

It's time to go home. The encore was so lifeless in low energy. I just felt bad. Yeah. And I'm just saying... I don't want to be a hater. I am a hater. But I'm saying you're such a supporter of her.

If anything, you're going in ready to eat dog shit if you have to. Yeah. I'm not going to be a hater. No. Right. I'm literally... That's how I am to. The only thing I was a little subconscious about was standing up and dancing and screaming all the lyrics. And I didn't want to put, when obstructing anybody's view.

You know what I mean? But like, I just, yeah, I was like, wow, this is really, it was interesting. And sometimes, like, the AI thing really, I really fucking hated that. Yeah. Because other numbers, she didn't have any visuals. It was just like, just her, no dancers. Just do nothing. You know?

Yeah, just do nothing. And I think her voice over the course of the evening was, like, I think. think she was losing it. At least she was singing. Oh, and I think she sounded great. And I know that there's like three types of, usually in Russian concerts, there's three types of things like full lip syncing. I forget what they're called.

You probably know. It's like, I googled it because there's a, and they have these giant shows in Russia, huge, crazy pop shows. And like, typically they would just lip sing album tracks or they would pipe it in for the broadcast. And people were like, no, no, no. but like there's just too much I can't go wrong

you know in a show like that I'm fine with pretty much zero singing I don't care make it all fake I don't care thank you I want her to look her best especially if it's a girl

I'm like let her do it baby if they're dancing if they're dancing are you nuts yeah yeah yeah she has the shoe

she wore these black black yeah it has some styling people hate women like you do right now I do I keep seeing these clips

of Jennifer Lopez in Vegas in the comments are like should she really be dancing like this at 50 I was like, what the... I said it to Tracy.

I was like, what the fuck. That's crazy. You know what, people are crazy. She should be dancing, but not with that choreo. I want to talk. I don't know who her choreographer. I think she goes to the same hairographer as plastic.

Because they both have bundles blowing in the wind. Oh, there was a few moments where she really let loose with the hair, Ms. Lovita. And I was just like, I was like, yeah. Get it, my man. Yeah. And it was like, um, The my, oh, the song, she just, when she did break it down, she really broke it down.

Because like, but when she didn't break it down, it was broke down. It was tore down. I've got, you seen her three times. That's great. Yeah, first time, she's super disappointing. The first time was unforgivable. Second time was, you know, I think I maybe had unrealistic expectations, but I certainly didn't expect to go to VIP.

That's great. You know, you're a world famous person who is desperately in support of this woman's art. It's nice that they recognized you. She didn't, but Mel from Avalon did. But now, if you go to a fucking show and you don't get that treatment, you're going to feel like... That's why I got Ms. Mel's number, baby. Anytime I'm at the Avalon. I've got to send her some stuff today, actually. She wanted to sign a copy of her book.

Were you signed it for her? Yeah, I'll do whatever. She's so beautiful. So nice. Anything to get you closer to the stage for the shows that you may or may not like? Thank you. So that I can complain about them on the fun. That'd be more critical. Yeah. One less thing, one listening. They had, the crowd was so crazy. They love it.

They've never seen so many women with the most healthy, long, thick, bone straight, not one extension. And they're just Russian bundles. Real bundles. Blonde, dark, whatever. It's all straight people, right? Is there a gay following for her? Yes. But it's, you know, gay.

You know, Russian gay is a little bit. But I mean, are a lot of the people who go to her concert here in the States? Have to be. They have dissent, Russian descent. Everybody spoke Russian. I think nobody knew who I was. Let's just put it that way. Love that.

Yeah. Because Russian people don't give a fuck about me. But like there's, it was everybody speaking Russian or Ukrainian. And Mary, the girls were so hot. So many hot girls. So many hot girls. So many hot girls. So many ugly, fucking nasty looking guys. That's LA though.

Yeah. Do we want to read some reviews? Oh my God. We have some great reviews. We do. Yeah. I forgot about that. It will do two each.

How about that girl? What do you think? Is it okay if I walk around in my little, my little come hither negliges in my home and people see me? Who are the people? The helicopters. You have no makeup or wigs on? No.

I'm known. I'm not crazy. But doesn't that go against your rule of people seeing you? Isn't the whole point is that you have your secret costumes? That's a really fair point. Thank you. Okay. Scott with 70s.

Scott Best podcast Oh, I get it I don't Do you remember the episode where I was like Scott? Oh, the sound guy

You're gonna fuck me, Scott? Oh, I remember that It's just from Ashley Rusineck Best podcast ever makes me Deliriously happy Every time a new episode drops Lost in Scott's eyes Is the best episode

that I listen to Whatever I really need to laugh Hi bald, still jobless Oh, that's fierce. Okay, okay, let's see From 3 a.m. dancing to 3 a.m. something. This podcast gives me life, especially when I listen to the ads.

I wish you guys would talk less and it would just all be ads. I love the ads so much. I get so hard and bricked up when I hear the ads. Would you please talk less and just do more ads? Thank you. This probably came from Squarespace. This came from an ad. This came one of the ad companies.

Yeah. Better help. It's from quince. It's from quince. Racketon. More ads. It's the human sunshine. You guys are so fat.

I love hearing how fat. I wish. Like, honestly. Your voices sound like you're huge. Have you can wait? I love the mouth breathing. I love the mouth. Yeah.

What's with your skin? I've always said challenging skin. God. Love the pond. That's too real. You two make my week. Love hearing all the laughter and friendship. It's like being there, capital, in the room.

I have to see you live now. Blah, blah. I'm just kidding. It's all lovely things. Best podcast from Ketka, M-O-6. Love these two individuals and as friends. They make me cackle with delight.

I'm writing this review from the Trixie Motel. Hey. Big fan. Huge, it says. I love that. Well, thank you guys very much. Yeah. And Amy Polar, we're coming for you.

I'm just kidding. Amy, we're coming for you. We're getting more lights. We're getting the same guests as you, but they're going to be completely topless. Yes. And they're going to say what time they like to go to bed. Yeah.

What they like to eat. And on the next episode, I'm going to give you the cold. bear questionnaire. Stay happy, Toplas. Bye. I love that. Stay happy Toplis.