The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - Twirlina Marie Poukette feat. Drinklina Turlington with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

In this corner, wearing pink, weighing in at a stunning 62 lbs, the reigning BYOB World Featherweight Cosmetics Mogul Champion, the undefeated Skinny Legend, TRIXIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And in this corner, wearing faded Soviet Bloc vermilion, weighing in at a staggering 278 lbs, the EWWW Eastern Massachusetts Participant Trophy Winner, the "mostly" defeated 2009 Cillian Murphy Lookalike Contest 4th Runner-Up, the Slavic Siren, KATYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your credit’s a big deal. So build yours up with Chime. Just open a Chime Checking Account with a $200+ qualified direct deposit to get started. Go to: CHIME.COM/BALD or click this link: https://www.chime.com/apply-debit/?ad=podcast_bald Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our latest book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com The Chime Credit Builder Visa® Credit Card is issued by Stride Bank, N.A., Member FDIC. Chime Checking Account and $200 qualifying direct deposit required to apply. Out of network ATM withdrawal fees may apply. On-time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Late payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. Hello, welcome back to the pod. Welcome to the pod and the beautiful. We're involved and we discuss all things beautiful. Oh, God, my back right now. I got a new...

So my massage... I got a massage table for my house because my massage guy, Kendon. Hi, Kendon. He... I feel bad because he massages all these people. And then he always comes to my house and I see him carry... Massage tables are heavy. Yes, they are. Yeah.

That person needs a massage from carrying the massage table. Hello. Hello. So then I got one now and I feel after like, what, five years of him rubbing me, six, seven years of him rubbing me. He's been rubbing that nasty body of yours for six, seven years? About, yeah. Get, mama, the medal of freedom i know purple heart only a couple times a year and i feel bad because most people probably see a massage therapist for maintenance by the time i see him oh i'm crooked as a question mark i'm coming back from a tour leg and like they said that before us go mama says my back's crooked as a question mark that's a

queer is a three dollar bill yeah crooked as a question mark did you know that tom hanks wasn't supposed to have that accent but then when they hired the kid actor he had that accent so tom hanks improvised took it and used it jenny because that was the boy's accent oh really actor jenny so he probably would have been like i love you j, Jenny. It would have been a different movie. Padam. Padam. Padam. Life is like a box of chocolates.

You never know what you're going to get. Ha ha. That's a good one. Oh, no. Jenny has died from AIDS. By the way, I didn't understand that until much later. Oh, yeah. I thought she had cancer as a kid.

Yeah. Then again, I think he thought she had cancer. I, yeah, we did. We knew that he didn't know. Right. But as a kid, I didn't know either. So I'm with Forrest.

You know? You can't see the forest through the trees. Right. That movie's so good. Is it sad to think it's good? No, I think it's a classic. Is that Spielberg?

Is that Spielberg? Oh, Zemeckis. Gay. Contact. Gay. Contact. Death Becomes Her. Oh, Zemeckis. Gay. Contact. Gay. Contact. Death Becomes Her. Oh, yeah.

So many. The scene at the end where he's standing at Jenny's grave talking about, like, I wish you could see our son. Oh, my God. If you could see us now. By the way, that song goes, if they could see me now those little friends of mine i saw dina martina do it and she said if they could see me now all of my little friends it's just the same lyric but switched around and she switched around on purpose if they could see me now all of my little friends

i don't get it the real lyric is if they could see me now those little friends of mine she's saying all my little friends that is so weird so weird and me and like the two musical theater faggots who notice are like why is she changing it and it's not even a joke she's just changing it and that is the joke she's changing lyrics that don't need to be changed i love dina martina i do too i would that i i laughed out loud on a scrolling which you like so many people are leaving touching gifts for this memorial and it's just a pile of trash that's overflowing in new york city she's like people keep leaving touching gifts at this memorial and it's a shitty trash bin overflowed trash she's like the love is

overwhelming it's so crazy so funny oh my god i watched um you know what i watched over and over recently is um lip synca at boy bar on youtube um if you go on youtube and look up lip synca boy bar um she does her classic medley no no it's like a nine minute number but it's um it starts off with um it's it's the telephone medley it's amazing masterful masterful artwork and i'm like oh wow yeah i've never done drag not to mention you know what i mean if you guys don't know lip sync goes as famous drag queen new york based who basically invented drag queens talking to like clips of movies and shit she did she it's like I mean it's the the the

structure I don't know if she composed this maybe she's like Madonna where she didn't invent voguing she popularized it maybe lip sync could just popularize it I'm not sure well in any case whether she's responsible for the this I think I'm sure she's probably responsible for the selection of the clips of them from the movies that she lip syncs.

But the arrangement and the order, you know, she does a song. It's like, I forget what the song is. And then it goes, the telephone rings. And then it's clips from old movies. And everything from like Mommy Dearest to fucking, you know, Vertigo. She's the one who popularized the clip. That's how I got sick. On the telephone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's her, right? Yeah, yeah. And the monologue from the mom, from Carrie at the end. Yes. The smell of his roadhouse whiskey on his breath. And I liked it. And it's just so, so good. It's like, it is like, it's like crack for me.

It is so, so good. You know Liza Lott? Yes. Who does Terrorphone. No, no, no. That's, um, um, um, um, uh, All of Another. Oh, All of Another. Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah. Terrorphone. Brain wipe. Yeah, yeah. All of Another. Great drag name. Yeah. She's nuts. She's been doing Terrorphone,

which is a weekly thing in a bar in Provincetown for years. 42 years. 42 years. And every week it's her picking up a phone and being terrorized by different callers. Yeah, it's great. And it never ends. No.

And the story is baseless, directionless, but very intricate. Love it. She's showgirls, showgirls, she-ow girls, like barking. Is that still happening? I guess. I mean, I haven't been there in years, but Provincetown. Everybody's been texting me this summer, are you coming? girls she yelled girls like barking that is she still they is that still happening i guess i mean i haven't been there in years but provincetown everybody's been texting me this summer are you coming and i really wish i was this that for some reason this year i have hardcore fomo but everybody's saying that in p-town the housing crisis is extreme all the big companies have

bought the houses because i looked at opening a tricksy motel there i was looking at properties forget it mary but the property is so expensive and you can only make your money during the summer months. So your business sits kind of, I don't know, I bet in the summer or in the winter. Is it alcoholic wasteland? Well, for you to even keep your bar open, it's hard to probably not go into deficit for months just to keep the bar open for the locals. Yeah. And of the cost of people and, you know. I think it's like the mist in the winter. It's like, you know what I mean? Well, one time. The Langoliers.

Yes. Peaches Christ and Barla Jean Merman did a show called The Whining that was like The Shining. But it was about Peaches and Barla living in P-Town over the winter. That's scarier than The Shining. Well, because you know. I'm not joking. It becomes Miss Pookie. Mary.

It becomes Miss Pookie. It's Miss Drinky Drinky and Miss Twirly Twirly. I know. Like a Drinky McAlkey and Twirlina Pouquet together. Like it's crazy. Twirlina Marie Pouquet getting down and dirty. Drinklina Turlington. Well, Peaches and I, the summer we lived together in Provincetown,

I remember we found out that the place we were staying in, it was like, oh, you live there. And it was like, why? I thought it was going to be like the ghost of Captain Abraham who came. They were like, oh, no. Last summer, a tweaker chopped off someone's arm. 37 meth murders happened in that basement. Seriously. Yeah.

I know. But anyway, I love Provincetownown i just wish i could go this summer why don't you try fire island honey have you ever been there yes you have i will not be returning yeah i i i guess i don't i'm gonna let the girls uh let them have their emmys there but that doesn't mean i want to go to fire that's true's true. Oh, speaking of Emmys. Speaking of Emmys. You know what? A lot of my friends have been nominated, though.

And I'm happy for all. Not our friends, but our friends at Drag Race. Yes. People we know who deserve it. What we do in the shadows. I think we know them, even though we don't know all of them. I think those are our friends. Yeah. I think we're friendly with them.

And we certainly encourage and support them. But a show like What We Do in the Shadows, where it's actually good. Yes. Emmys is so much noise. Yeah. And so much like, well, you say it's her year. What We Do in the Shadows is actually so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That they skip all those steps of who's year, who owes who what. Yeah.

And they just get those nominations and they deserve it. Yeah. Vanderpump Rules has two this year. Lucy Vanderpump has two nominations. Really? Crazy. Reality never gets recognized. 60 pages of a PDF I scrolled through.

I was looking for us. 60 pages. I was looking for us. 60. One, two, three, four. Were you disappointed? I was. No, because I didn't expect it.

Also, I didn't know what category. I was like, what? I mean, I was a little disappointed. You thought you were going to get best actress? No, because I was like, best coyote mask to scare off a young townsperson. You know what I mean? No, totally. Best fruit basket left outside for three weeks.

Best unstructured, scripted docudrama in a digital space on a Wednesday. Best couple of, best little roadhouse, best little, what is it? Whorehouse in Texas. I mean, there was just so many categories. And I was like, throw the girls a little bone. A little dog bone. A little doggy bone. Munch, munch, munch.

Chungi. The only way we're gonna get nominated is if they do like best two drag queen green screen. In memoriam which best best drag queen drag queen green screen duo where one of them died and the others um doing a reno show that would be like that would be finally there we get our you know that's the problem and i don't want to and you know what i've never been on something i I love Drag Race. I love Trixie Montal. I love every show. You do. I've never been on anything. Excuse me.

I sound like she's about to laugh. I know that was a sneeze. I know it sounded like a sneeze, but I thought she went. That's what I thought it was too. Miss Peanut Gallery over here. I said, I love all the shows I've been on. She goes.

She's over there picking the jerk off motion. But it's something that I think the quality is actually so excellent that on behalf of Pete, the editors, World of Wonder. Ron, Jeff, and Pete. That's what I want it for. I want the show to be recognized because I think it's actually better than other shows. I think we make something that is that actually impacts YouTube, impacts editing styles as a whole.

I mean, I did YouTube like it's a great digital series. It also was like the catalyst for I mean, curing TB in sub-Saharan Africa. A hundred percent. I mean, it was like that's kind of the boost that Doctors Without Borders needed for

Sudan. I mean, it's completely. You think we'd have Pfizer? You think we'd have gotten rid of all those military operations in Afghanistan without, huh? No. No. So I just want it on, of course I want it for us, but I also, I've never, I've just

never been on thinking something where I think the quality is so good that even if I wasn't in it, I think it should get nominated. Yeah. But here's the thing. I, but I was like, had a quick reality check, but I was't in it, I think it should get nominated. Yeah. But here's the thing. I, but I was like, had a quick reality check, but I was like, okay, best letter opener in an abandoned house on Sweetser Avenue. And I was like, okay, so like, um, this is crazy. And also who are these people?

What is this process? What does it actually mean? Do you probably buy it? It's all corrupt. Who cares? Move on. I feel that way. But I also like when nicole

gets nicole byer got nominated again every time she gets nominated i actually feel happy for someone because she's my friend but so good at that it's good if it's if you got it it doesn't mean shit if you don't that's my attitude like it's meaningless if you don't get nominated but if you do oh my god right yeah or like you know gabe lopez who did a lot of the music on um queen of the universe got a nomination for i think the other two it's like when you see a friend of yours get a nomination it means a lot i think joe gerbino won an emmy for a digital for drag race i believe he did joe gerbino love of my life how are you joe gerbino a producer of the pit stop and by the way

we walked into a sound booth where they were recording and we went Joe Gerbino how are you today how are you you sound well you sound hot actually

really sexy I wanna fuck you Joe hi Joe we have a quick question about the script what would you do if you were here right now and I was naked

yeah what would you do if you were forced to handle both of our cocks no no you work with drag queens hazard of the trade. You know.

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I've been experiencing, now that it's been hot in Los Angeles like this, I've been experiencing extremes of temperature. Because when it's hot outside, David Silver doubles down on the air conditioning in my house. Mom, it's a meat locker in here. Did you notice? We'll be in the pool where the water's almost too heated. Oh, shit. I'm like, it's not even refreshing. Then I go in the house and it's... You're going to catch a cold.

And because it's hot, it's like nobody... You're going to catch a cold. It's so cold. You're going to catch a cold. And because it's hot, it's like nobody... You're gonna catch a cold. It's so cold. You're gonna catch a cold. And then I got the air conditioning at my unit. My condo is out. So it's extremes. Yeah.

It's extremes. It's hot and it's cold. Katy Perry. I love that song. Don't make fun of it. Love opposites. She really digs into like catchy little things you can understand. You're hot. Happy birthday. It's hot and it's cold. You're yes, then you can understand you're hot happy birthday cold you're yes then you're no you're in then you're out you're up then you're down

you're wrong when it's right it's black when it's white um it's poop when it's pee it's you then it's me we we fight we break up we kiss we make up yeah you don't really want to stay no oh no but you don't really want to get out oh no But you don't really want to get out Oh no For go Oh yeah Happy birthday She has a happy birthday song She's got a happy birthday

She has Roar Baby you're a firework Okay She has Firework Yeah Fourth of July She's got Turkey time on

She doesn't have a turkey time song She doesn't have that No She's got birthdays Every Global Yearly Global Yes Reliable Someday she'll have a song For every birthday She doesn't have that, no She's got birthdays Global Yearly, global

Yes Reliable Someday she'll have a song For every birthday April 22nd The day that you were born The day that you were born there Oh, May 1st

May 1st May 1st Yeah I love Katy Perry I know that that's a point Of contention for us But that album One of the Boys

Not to be a millennial When I first heard that record I was like This's a point of contention for us, but that album, one of the boys not to be a millennial. When I first heard that record, I was like, this is amazing. What about the one that got away? Because I love that. I imagine that's about Mary Kay Letourneau, the school teacher who who I imagine that's about an older female teacher who went to jail for having sex with a young male student. I thought it was about the Zodiac Killer.

In another life. Have you seen the video? No. I imagined it in my head. The music video starts out with Katy Perry as an old person in the future. See?

It's like a future home. Yes. And she's old and she walks in. By the way, don't know why I went like this for old. I meant like she's, she plays it physically like old, right?

Yeah. She walks in. She's not a T-rex maybe she stopped doing that she's older she's playing it old she's she's hobbling wig and then her husband's like she flashes back and the song starts and it's her and like her boyfriend when she's young and it didn't work out and she's married and old but she's remembering the boyfriend that didn't work out but when that got away i think we all have one that got away well this is

Labada just has she has the same exact conceived one that's called like I the one that got away essentially

and it's like what could have been two separate lives and they're running towards each other but then they go back oh it's very touching and moving

do you have one that got away the one the one that he didn't get away so much as he you asked him to leave no he didn't get away so much as he you asked him to leave no

he didn't got away because he never was he couldn't he never had him I tried to chase him but he but with your smoking at the time

you couldn't catch him I I don't no there's no he was on that skateboard you were never gonna catch up I think there's only I've had one

the one true love of my life was not available but i also don't i think that is a really dramatic the true love of my life well also the one that got away is that by the way serial killer by the way it also means jeffrey dahmer anyone you ever fall in love with next if they hear that you used to call that person the one that got away uh-huh that feels shitty does it if i was with david and he still referred to someone from his past as the one that got away oh like my yeah you're his second choice or third or fourth or something which i probably am well i'm probably a lot of people's you're a safe bet i'm a safe bet. Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. I'm financially independent. It grows the economy.

Hurts nobody. Helps everybody. I'm not going anywhere. I'll take a load. You know? I'll treat you good. Oh. Oh, wait, wait.

Hold on. I know that you love Missy Elliott. I'm writing this down. Love Missy Elliott. I have been getting into, back into, because I know pretty much every lyric of most of her hits. Take my thong off and my ass go boom. Turn the lights on so you see what I can do. Where's the Grammy?

She probably got one. Where's the Kennedy Center Honors? Where's the Pulitzer Prize? She gives. Where's all of those accolades? Take my thong off and my ass go boom. Yeah? Take my thong off and my ass go boom. Yeah, take my thong off and my ass go boom. Cut the lights on so you see what I can do.

I know. I said sometimes when you have a really iconic song like anything Missy Elliott, it's impossible to remix because how can you improve on something so good? Yes. Oh, I'm obsessed with, I don't know what you call it. She'll say something and go, yes. And in the meltdown, she's like, what?

Like she'll say something crazy, but like, girl, or it'll be like a break. And she'll go like, Oh daddy. And then you're like this, this lesbian.

She's like screaming. Oh daddy. Um, juices running like a river slowly down my can. Say what? Every, every, every phrase has a, Oh shit.

But you know, what's so good about it? She presents music that is inarguably flawless, but she presents it with a major sense of humor about it. Yeah. She's just making fun of music. Oh my God. It's so funny.

It's like, oh shit. Like always in the back. Her conscience is like ego. She says something confident and it's like. It's like, For real, girl. And then the lyrics are so funny. There's that one clip where she says, If you're big, you've got to stop dancing before you put potholes in my lawn.

At her barbecue. Stop dancing because you're going to put potholes in my lawn. A plus size girl like her being like, And by the way, you too big. You're going to put potholes in my lawn. I love that. A plus size girl like her being like, and by the way, you too big. You're going to put potholes in my lawn. Lost a few pounds in my whiffs for you. She's amazing.

Ba-da-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Yeah. Sex me so good, I say blah, blah, blah. I think sex me so good, I say blah, blah, blah is probably one of my favorite song lyrics of all time.

It's amazing. I have the acapella of that and you can just throw it over like any song and people love it. By the way, I had a gig Saturday. I DJed Ospenhoff. Oh my. Have you ever been to this? Mama, I had a very long conversation about something. Get it. Come to the red table. Come to the red table. Come to the red table. I'd never been. No, that's not true. I think I'd been a warehouse party where everybody's on G. Is that correct? I don't know

what drugs people are on, but I do know it was the type of party that it was invite only. And there's medical staff. There's a tent like for people in case. Oh, because it tastes like candy. Probably not from drinking. That's all I'm going to say. Yes. But I don't know what people do.

Well, people are doing K and G and Coke and Tina and all that stuff. I was turnt because I had a lot of caffeine all day. David got me a black tea. And then I made a black tea. Yeah. Turnt on black tea. Black tea. And then I had a, I caffeine all day. David got me a black tea. And then I made a black tea. Yeah. Turned on black tea. Black tea.

And then I had a, and then I had a, I made my, no, you know black tea. You know her. No, I had a black tea and then I made a black tea.

I made, took three tea bags, made tea with it and poured it over ice. I poured it over ice, which is, I think the equivalent of like people doing Coke up a hooker's nipple.

Like, to me that was gooning. that's like a shootingipple. Like that's like to me, that was like, um, a shooting coke in a, in a truck stop bathroom. A hundred percent. I was like, what if we just went for it?

Let's go three, right. That was the equivalent of pulling the plunger out and putting it back in what they do. I've seen them do that movies. So I'm like jittery all day. And then later in the day I go, you know what? I need some exercise.

I'm going to grab a Celsius from seven 11 and I'm going to go on the treadmill for a little bit. I ran a little five K, but even if I got off the train we're at a 5k before doing osman off well yeah i run all the it's three nights three miles it's not like okay i did five pounds of k black tea yeah and then i g'd out i just i k hold on the treadmill yes tko so then i go to the gig and i'm like in the i'm in by the way it's wrestling themed I K-holed on the treadmill. T-K-G. Yes. T-K-O. So then I go to the gig and I'm like in the, I'm in, by the way, it's wrestling themed. And they told me I didn't have to come and drag because it's too hot to come and drag. It's too darn hot. So I'm in a, Bernie gets me a pink wrestling onesie.

And you know, I've lost a few pounds on my whips for you. So I'm looking good. I'm not exactly the gun show. Hot boys. Maybe you've got what I want. Yeah. So I get there. I'm in, I buy. Great. I'm not exactly the gun show. Hot boys. Maybe you've got what I want. Yeah. So I get there. I'm in.

I buy. Great. Thank you. Yeah. You haven't said anything. I buy white wrestling, you know, like headgear. Like RuPaul mask. Well, no.

Like the RuPaul mask. No. Like the RuPaul mask. I put on one of those white ear guards for wrestling. Oh, yes. I know that. And I thought I'm going to look like a hot like wrestler. I put on a black, two black eyes with bloody nose. bloody nose because I wanted to look like I wasn't a fight.

Oh, yeah. Cool. And I thought I was going to look one way. I looked like I was wearing that helmet for insurance reasons. Do you remember in Garden State when she wears that padded helmet for insurance for her seizure medication? I don't remember. I looked like I was wearing it for a medical reason. It was a neck brace. It was giving Penelope Ann Miller wearing neck medication. I looked like I was wearing it for a medical reason. It was a neck brace.

It was giving Penelope Ann Miller wearing neck brace. I'm bald and then Brandon bought me a wrestling onesie that was pink, which is kind of fun, but it kind of looked like a big pencil eraser. Fuck. And I thought I'd been in pretty good shape until I got to that part. And I was like, oh, nevermind.

It's nevermind. Get off the stage, fatty. Not but um but lack of yeah yeah lack of muscular ability yeah where's the muscle tone you fucking flopped so i was like okay and i get there and it was really fun though oh it was so fun but i didn't have to do drag whenever i don't have to drag you're vibing it's do you know how much harder everything is in drag i do okay so imagine doing imagine doing tricksy and kajal live but we didn't have to dress up at all first of all it's like nothing yeah it's like nothing not literally nothing be like hey boop boopie doop boopie doop hey we're gonna need you to do your stuntman work today but you don't have to fall down the stairs you're just

gonna sit in a comfy chair yeah you don't need any shoes right yeah yeah crazy so i do the gig it was so fun i plan all my tracks in advance for these gigs like this where i'm like i've never been there and osmanoff's kind of a cool party yeah invite only whatever and i want to do a good job and i love our audience i very rarely get put in a room with gay men on drugs having sex with each other so the music has to be different than my usual vibe yeah i can't play like you can't disco and like what did you play what did you play i played a lot of big nasty dark like i don't know what i would consider like men's sex party music uh big gross nasty heavy bass lines like a lot of like strong electronic musical elements and not a lot of top 40 references i'm not trying to usually i'm

trying to trick an audience that isn't into house music, into liking house music. So you have to play a lot of contemporary acapellas or like stuff they might recognize. It's like feeding an animal a dog pill. Put it in the meat. This party, because these are people who love drugs and house music.

They're there to hear aggressive house music. But it's not a circuit party per se where it's like that constant drone where people it's like, where it's that constant like drone where people are just like. No, I still played some really dumb shit because I was like, well, they're there to see me. Who cares? Interesting.

How were you received? It was so fun. Do you think? A blast. I heard a little bit differently. Shut up. I got a text from somebody who we know. Yeah.

Who said, I go to that party all the time and I've never seen people dance like that. Which is very sweet. Oh, I mean, I told you that some guy, I don't know where I was, but we were talking. They mentioned you. You had DJed at Evita, maybe? Probably. Yeah. And like, it was like, you know, I could tell it was one of those guys who was like very, like a bitchy gay guy who's unimpressed by everything.

He's like, I normally don't like any DJs. He didn't talk like that. He's like, I normally tell it's one of those guys who is like very like a bitchy gay guy who's unimpressed by everything. He's like, I normally don't like any DJs. He didn't talk like that. He's like, I normally don't like DJs. She did amazing. Thank you. But that's the problem with DJing is unless they're doing really good or really bad, you don't necessarily go, I'm so grateful for that person over there.

You don't think about it. Right. Because it's just good. So you need to either turn it or if you're bad, people notice. Yeah. Like if you unplug the thing from about it. Right. Because it's just good. So you need to either turn it or if you're bad, people notice. Yeah. Like if you unplug the thing from the wall. Yes. But you don't want to do that.

In my experience, you don't want to do that. How do you switch songs? Well, I'm just kidding. But I was just relieved it all went well because Osmond Hop is like a cool, gay, sexy party. And I was like, well, I'm like a fucking cross-dresser. So I was like, how are these things? Don't I could have dressed up? The other thing about that party was I was like well I'm like a fucking cross dresser so let's try I was like these things don't overlap I could have dressed up

the other thing about that party was it was wrestling themed and in the middle of the big warehouse there was a real wrestling ring get out with drag queens dressed in wrestling outfits

fighting to the death beating the shit out of each other I'm surprised about the drag element because for me that's a boner killer get ready to uncover your potential with the all new That's a boner killer.

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I love wrestling sexually. Like, as a sexual thingy. Do you know what I mean? I mean, wrestling is obviously very homoerotic. Right. Men wrestling with each other. Well, I do think

when somebody, I will say, when there's a bunch of guys who, let's say, I'm not self-diagnosing because I'm also gay. We all have a little bit of baggage about our own faggotry. We're like, ugh, I hate my hand in that picture.

I hate how gay I am. I hate the sound of my own- When gay guys say I hate the sound of my own voice, what they're hearing is their gay voice. Their gay voice, yeah. I do think when there's a drag queen in the room, everyone else feels like, can we just be ourselves tonight?

Like, can we just all be a little faggy? Yes, you know what, you're right. It's like the masculinity um expectation thermometer it was just like not in play i think it's healthy um this is a video of me no it looks like it's keeping my jaw on like i just had surgery it looks like brain surgery yes oh my fontanelles your font my soft fontanelles your fontanelles have not sealed yet and this is my i just got beat up makeup. Oh, that's fun. Yeah.

That's fun. And then this was, I got to show you this. This is the, the drag Queens beating the shit out of each other in a wrestling ring. Oh, so it's a full on show. They did a full on show. One of the drag Queens had a big pop that looked like the Ozempic thing.

And she was using it. And then it was her superpower of beating the other one up. Oh, my God. It was crazy. How long did that go on for? A good 10 minutes. Wow. And then there was queens in the ring narrating.

Any big-titted squirt girl? No, unfortunately. That's my favorite part. You know what I like, though? And I am gay. I like to see men in their bodies. You do? It was fun.

I forgot like, oh, with these parties, it's just going to be, even people who have kind of half-assed costumes, they're going to be hanging on gorgeous frames. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's fun to look at muscly people. And also, it's an opportunity for the bankers, the investment strategists. And that's who it is. People with normal lives. Yeah, they go out. They do a little K.

They do a little G. They get to show off what they've worked so hard on every day for two hours at the gym and then fucking suck and take loads in the bathroom. Yeah, I think it's good. It's great. I think it's good. As long as they don't die.

Well, I think there's access to water. There's healthcare professionals, bathrooms. I wonder are people drinking. I noticed that these clubs a lot of people aren't drinking because of you know what well which is actually responsible do not but you're doing pills and shit yeah don't introduce one drink oh no no can change everything for the worst yeah but you're wondering but i people i think people know not to do that with g but like i wonder about the bar sales and stuff well i mean that's why they

charge 800 for a ticket for these things. Yes. When I used to work at the circuit parties with like Kim and Pearl and everyone, Shay, I know for me as a drinker and non-drug doer, I would have to have a Red Bull, anything before midnight, Red Bull. Okay. And then you start drinking later because if you drink at 9 PM, when everyone's taking their pill, you won't last till 4 AM.

Oh my God. And we would work at these parties for seven hours in drag. So, you know, you have to start drinking late. Otherwise, you're trashed by two when everyone's little pill is kicking. And you're working. Yes. It was fun, though. I really liked Ospenhoff.

I honestly wasn't sure what kind of time I would have. And it was like top five most fun experiences. I'm so happy you had a good time. It was fun. No, I'm glad. And not to be gauche, but I wasn't there for the money. So, it was like just five most fun experiences. I'm so happy you had a good time. It was fun. No, I'm glad. And not to be gauche, but I wasn't there for the money. So it was like just fun to have a blast. It's fun to have fun.

Yeah, it's fun to have fun. No one apologizes for it. Okay. No, I have one more thing to say. Don't you dare silence me. I had a photo shoot the other day and Brandon and I, Brandon rarely forgets something really important. But when he does,

maybe we'll forget a shoe, but don't worry, there's a backup. Or maybe he'll forget the earrings I wanted, but don't worry, these match. We were at a photo shoot where I had, you know, when I have my base wig on and everything is false, like flips, updos, whatever. He forgot the base. All bobby pins. So I'm at a photo, all bobby pins, all hair pins, bobby pins. So I have my base wig.

I have all my toppers and no way to secure them. So we get there and Baron and I. Chip clips? clips luckily i was in such a horrible mood that day that brandon going we forgot the bobby pins normally i might go oh no what are we gonna do on this day i was like so what who cares none of this matters also i'd be like let's did we forget no no i didn't see them and then brandon later goes thank you for being so cool and I said well I'm being cool because I know we both know how majorly this affects what I'm trying to do so there's no use discussing it

because drag queens can't live without bobby pins it's just not possible at a certain point it's like also what is the point of like flying off the handle that's the thing it's like the time I could spend yelling you could be in the car going to get them yeah A I would never yell and b well we're here and we don't have them yeah so what we ended up doing was brandon went over to the photographer quick thinking brandon goes over

the photographer gets wire ties and we end up using zip ties to secure the wigs on my head oh fierce and it was and we luckily had a few handfuls of small bobby pins but so you had some bobby pins we had maybe like five and they were small. Okay. And when you're securing these big sculptural wigs for a photo shoot, geisha pins,

like big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, that ended up, all the pictures, I ended up having to just sort of like model but not snap my neck in any way.

Anyway, I've never had no bobby pins and it was like. That was really tough. It's a death. Yeah. That must have been like 9-11. I think we're done.

No, no, no. I think we're done here. No, wait, wait. I think we're done here. No, no. I want to say one thing. I want to say one thing. I recently.

Now if I wore flat little wigs like you, bobby pins wouldn't really be a problem because we don't traditionally style the wigs. If I just took wigs out of bags, I'd be in a different place. Unfortunately, I wanted to say that I recently employed the services of a stylist.

Oh, for... For a jury. Not for Out of Drag. No, for... Obviously. But you could. Girl, you could. You could get somebody

to go in there, work out your men's closet so every time you need an outfit... I could also go to the store and You could get somebody to go in there, work out your men's closet. So every time you need an outfit. I can also go to the store and buy it myself. I know. Hurts no one. Helps the economy.

But for drag, you got to style it. No, no. So no, I went to this. I went to, I got hooked up through Andrew's friend who does the cabaret. This like professional, this incredible German woman named Jana.

She is a fucking riot. The jewels, you want to talk about fierce drag jewels i rented this like these giant jewels that cost like thousands of dollars really yes and i had to sign a thing then i was like look at the total it's like if i don't so if you lost it i would have been charged about seven grand and heavy heavy stuff. And that's a lot for you. I could have beat you to death with one of the necklaces.

Yeah. Heavy. Like, almost medieval-looking shit. I saw them when you were wearing them the other day. Some of them are pretty, yeah. Some of them, it's like, but it was weird.

I've never, like, you know, I feel like those actresses who wear, like, the chopa or, like, the Harry Winston jewels that, like, they borrow them

for red carpet events. Oh! And they have a security guard with them. Yes. It was, like the Harry Winston jewels that like, they borrow them for red carpet events. And they have a security guard with them. It was very, very that. I was like, I don't think I want this lifestyle. Did it scare you? Well, I was just like, it was, I was hyper vigilant of jewelry. Now is it sort of rent to own though?

If you text her like, I love this piece. Can I have it? How much? Will she sell it to you or not? I love this piece. Do you have, I would have to pay the price of it. Yeah. And I don't even know if she would sell it to me. The other problem is if you and I were real women,

I wouldn't do that. If you and I were real women, real women, nice jewelry matters, but for drag, put on the big, cheap, shiny shit.

Who cares? It only matters for photo shoots. Like for video, mama, who cares? Who cares? I'm going to put a little cloth so it doesn't turn my neck green and it's gonna break in two hours that's just what that's the world we're living in i know but for photo shoots it does make it is like it is worth it but i was

like oh my god but i walked into her um her apartment racks and racks of couture and i was like there's nothing in my size she's like no, no, we have stuff in your size. And then I started to like pre-cum. And then I was like. I don't know what to do. Can I tell you? Sia borrowed me a. Borrowed you? Lented you?

Lented. Lented you. Lented me like a little Valentino caftan to wear. Did you? I took it home, got it dry cleaned. And I'm going to give it back because I'm scared to wear it. And I'm going to act like I wore it. That's. Because I'm scared to wear it. That's what going to act like I wore it. That's what I said. I was like, I saw this.

I saw a sequin thing. I was like, that's not my size. She's like, that would fit you perfectly. I looked at it. I saw how well it was made. How delicate the closure was. I was like, I'm not even going to touch this thing because you don't want to know what's going to happen if I try to put this on my body. Do you know what it's going to be like when people get underglow on a car that's like a Prius?

No, pet cemetery, mama. That Garmin's coming back changed. Sometimes dead is better. And I'm not, I wouldn't even. Oh, you think you're going to send it back like scabbed out? Well, I would have to dry clean it. No question. And I don't even want to go through that rigmarole. Yeah. You know?

Anyways. I had it dry cleaned. I'm just going to give it back and tell her i wore it because i'm scared yeah no never mind just photoshop it hey put on a hanger and then you put your head on i'll do it for you well as soon as i liked it and then i got it home and saw that i think it's an oscar de la renta i was like i don't think i should be wearing this i think it should go back to the woman yeah give it back to the woman yeah give it back to the rich beautiful famous woman oscar de la grouch yeah yeah there's a reason why when I go to Vanderpump, she doesn't like give me one of her fancy magician shirts because she knows.

Yeah. Does she have silk rugs? On the floor? Silk rugs on the floor? As opposed to in the ceiling? Do people have silk rugs? Yeah, of course they do. Wait a minute.

Like silk, like the fabric? Yeah. Silk, wool. They put silk on the floor? That sounds slippery. Well, it's not like silk. It's not like a silk blouse oh that's what i thought i'm like what are you talking about like do you think that rich people have very slippery silk fabric floors white satin high ad immediately slipping hello the whole ad is the camera person slipping over and over again.

You got to get AD in here. Well, I need to get ADP in here. Wait, wait. I have. So I'm. You know, there are guidelines about how to hang photos. Shut up. So I'm going to.

I'm getting that hole filled. You don't like that, huh? I don't. But you live alone. Who are you hiding from? Myself. Is that a hole or a window? Good. What do you think? Why don't like that, huh? I don't. But you live alone. Who are you hiding from? Myself. Is that a hole or a window? Good.

What do you think? Why don't you say that? Doesn't a window have glass in it? Can't you open and close the window? I couldn't tell if it was clean. Ah! Mama, you think that's... I guess in your house, it's not the way it's going to be that clean.

That's giving me a lot of credit. I don't know. It's not exactly an area you can see it's so closely clean you can't even see it mary are you blind you little faggot so you're gonna get closed up i like it but okay no we're gonna frosted glass just a little frosted glass so it can stay like open feeling no i don't need it open i want i like doors that close and i like um walls that don't have holes in them call me crazy all right My crack house day is over. It's fine.

So that is happening. It is giving halfway house where we can't let you close the door fully. It is giving the supervisors in the living room and she can hear what you're doing in there. Poking the head in with a clipboard just seeing if you're here and marking something down.

Three heads peeking up, looking at us, writing notes. How funny would that be? You know what I mean? In that case case i think you should close it yes okay that's happening and also now i don't like the freedom it gives you to do like pratfalls or whatever you're trying to do puppetry i also did i did like hanging plants up there with little tap lights i got all i got wacky i think that would be nice well what i wanted to do what i dreamed of is to have someone install a perfectly um uh sized led screen that i could play whatever i wanted on it such as a fish tank um a scary cemetery

scene for halloween would be so cunt or whatever do you know what i mean yeah are you joking though i'm not joking okay because i do think closing it is a bad idea. I am going to close it. Okay. And also... Is there lights in it? No, no. There had been top lights on the thingy. Oh, you were really doing fag shit.

Mama, stupid faggy... Childish faggy stuff. Yeah. Experimentation. Command strips. Feeling all drunk with power with your command strips. Mama, check out the hue lights in the gym. It's Torlina down there.

But I love, I love those. It's like David Barton gym. When you say you're working out, now I know what you're doing down there. You're like Madonna in the Hung Up video where she's just doing stretches over and over again. Okay, I think that's it. Yeah. Well, so thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. We've got 40 years of history.

Sucking cock, bitch. Oh, God, bye. Bye.