The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

As the great 19th century poet Silas T. Shinckenpoople once said, "To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to both love and be loved? That is everything. Actually. May you please excuse me for a moment? Matilda! My weekly package at the apothecary is ready for you to pick up! If I don't administer our morphine suppositories by 5pm, you won't be ready for your 9pm Laudanum tincture in your mint julep! And if you miss both, my dear, your female hysteria may return and our passionate love for each other may fade when the fits are upon you! Matilda! Matilda!" To try America's #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well, go to https://GreenChef.com/60BALD and use code 60BALD to get 60% off plus free shipping! Check out SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Therapy Online. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/BALD today to get 10% off your first month! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Eligibility and member terms apply. Looking for a collaborator for your career? A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. I am looking for more drag inspiration right now, though, because I feel that we have clear. Like, when it comes to drag and inspiration, it's The Walking Dead and it's a supermarket that we've cleared out.

Every shelf is bare. I'm the last house on the left when it comes to drag inspiration You want to talk about it's gonna get inspired and drag don't talk to me Mama, I feel like I used to do my spin on other pop culture characters and now I do myself And now it's like I'm doing drag of myself I do this I try for the best and end up with the shittiest version of what they remember for me. No, that's too grim. No.

I'm turning the point with the age. I looked the best I did in drag and that time is over. And now it's just going to be better makeup skills, better wigs, but more face wrinkles, more texture, everything. I was just talking to a director friend of mine literally 10 minutes ago about this, this very thing. Yeah. He did the Suzanne Bartsch documentary.

Uh-huh. Well, she's timeless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She doesn't count. In terms of drag, I told him, I was like, my window is so small, so small. I got in drag last week. I looked perfect for 10 minutes. I know.

For 10 minutes. I know. Get the shot. Get it now. The hairline was perfect that there was not a chip off the mustache uh the nails were on 10 minutes i know now 15 minutes in and i'm not funny and then i'm like okay what's the point it's it was so grim now now when someone photographs you it's like jigsaw comes out on a tricycle it's like you have 10 minutes. And then the bear trap on my face will like literally... It is! That's exactly what it feels like.

It is. And then I'm going for touch-ups and I'm like, so we noticed there's a bear trap that closed on your face. Did you want to go into the dressing room and touch that up a little bit? That's what it feels like.

The heat and the time goes... Heat and time. It really does It really do be like that sometimes It do be like that I do Sometimes it be like that I go from looking like

The red apple that's poisoned You know in Snow White The apple's so shiny and red It's like enticing It goes from that To a jack-o-lantern on your porch On November 1st So fucking fast

You know when the jack-o-lanterns start to the old times. I face becomes I'm left The teeth go in and they yeah or when or when a neighborhood kid comes by with a baseball bat and just smashes it Yeah, that's what I give you three hours after I start painting now I'm like I used to be like oh, I don't smile because there's when I make lines on my face when I smile So don't smile on pictures's, I make lines on my face when I smile. So I don't smile in pictures. Now what? Don't look at the camera. Don't be around when the shutter goes off.

Turn around. My whole strategy now is one, two, three. It's the only way to get it. Oh, it's so depressing. Every time a photographer takes a picture of me, they look at the monitor. They scream, Kevin! Like Home Alone. Kevin!

Like, it's a wrap. It's a wrap, Tina. It's a wrap. I need a lower facelift. We all do. I need a full English. Well, somebody told me that for men, if you get it young, then it settles. Like if you get it in your early thirties, then it settles to normal.

Well, but is there any way to change your face where you don't instantly look like a fucking blowfish in this city? Yes. Yes. Well, my friend, the guy from New York was saying that everybody in LA looks the same, which I think he has a point. Everybody in LA, the men now look like a Kewpie doll with a Tom of Finland body. Okay.

A Kewpie, a Kewpie doll, like a baby pumped round, shiny, wet, wet lips, wet, wet cheeks,

wet, wet skin. Yes. Yes. And then, and then, and then, and then the,

the, the, the, the, the pot belly with the silicone cock, honey, that Fort Lauderdale, that death.

Oh man. Shit. It's fierce. Our own friends, our own friends. I'm looking around and I'm like. Everybody who doesn't have some injectables in their fucking genitals. Injectable. In genitals.

In genitals. Have you? Oh God. It's fine. It's not about surge. It's about. No, it's about the degradation of the canvas. I am the thinnest I've ever been.

And I guess I always thought your hot self is under there. No, your hot self is under there. That wasn't true. Your bony self is under the way. Your bony self is under there. You're still cross-eyed, bitch. You know what I mean? Like you just have less ability to support yourself standing up. You're still cross-eyed, bitch.

You know what I mean? Like, girl. You still ugly, bitch. Girl, you still have that. have less ability to support yourself standing up but you're still cross-eyed bitch i mean like girl you still ugly girl you still have that you still have that that wandering eye bitch oh you still have that yellow tooth bitch you know like no no no no more negative self-talk no we don't do that anymore no we don't do it anymore we don't do it anymore we don't i've been talking to a new therapist and he says we don't do poor me poor me i don't do it've been talking to a new therapist and he says, we don't do poor me, poor me. We don't do it. Wait, wait. Are you really talking to a therapist? Because guess what I just did? Called a therapist today.

I just did. I literally just did maybe two hours ago. Well, this is my first time doing in person. Okay. Because I have. I want to do Zoom. I have Tangled with better help. Yeah.

But this is my first time going to in person. Did you like it? Well, to be honest, I've not seen many. Right. It is indeed different i i understood that you have to date with therapists you do well yeah i've been in like a uh i've been in a speed dating scenario where i um but you go in for 10 minutes and then no i've been in a scenario where i'm having a bunch of first sessions okay and i did find one i like and i guess what i liked about

him was that he had a huge silicone car no he has a heavy hand and he checks me how did he check you he just checks me with like the poor me poor me okay you know like you can't control other people in the world true you can only control yourself in your life in your experience and sometimes not even that right right and you know like there's the healthy part of it like trying to identify why that that triggered you or why that feel that way but then there's parts of it like mary the sun is only going to come up and go down so many times in your life and you just cannot waste it being fucking sad okay you have to find a way through it and be proactive okay i like this guy the poor me poor me cycle Yeah Okay What's his name

I'm not gonna say a woman I'm just kidding She'd probably cry all the time And have babies Yeah what if she pressured me To get my boobs done Well we were saying that My friend had a female therapist

Who suggested he be straight Love Love Love I was like I'm so sick of gay The one thing I haven't tried Fucking pussy

Yeah I'm so sick of straight people Coming out as gay later in life I want gays are coming out straight later come back home welcome home welcome home the lord's been waiting the lord's been waiting bitch no so really seriously so what did you how many how many how many sessions have you had is this too personal no i mean i'll tell you when it's too personal. Okay. How many sessions have you had? Okay. Not many. I'm in the beginning. Two?

I'm in the beginning. Two to three? Okay. Yeah. Okay. Once a week? Twice a week? Yeah. Honestly, as much as I can without them feeling like you're coming out a little strong.

Okay. But this is not dating, just so you know. You are paying them. Yeah, yeah. I'm paying them. Okay. I'm paying them. Okay.

They take the money. Okay. At the end of the session, when you stand up and you're like, oh, thank you for giving that perspective. And they show you their Venmo scam thing. And you're like, they click on the tip jar with their pencil. Like, but you know what? It's also made me realize, Mary, I need friends.

You count. But everybody in my life, I work with everyone I work with and all my friends are people in the industry. So we get together and talk about work. Yeah. I need hobbies and things in my life that have nothing to do with work. With no overlap. My work,

my work friend, my boyfriend. Like I need things that are just separate. Okay. I mean, I guess that's fair. I'm going to take a women's pottery class or something. Mama,

you're going to, he would be great at Brookline adult education center. You would let them have it. I bet I would. Adult education centers. Do you know what I mean? It's all like, um,

everything you could imagine. You could take a class and that's where I started Russian. Oh my God. The most motley crew of people all brought there for the, the, the most hideous array of reasons. Like I imagine it's not exactly a lot of, I don't want to generalize,

but I'm assuming that casting call for modeling agency. Let's just say that I wasn't going to go into their looks. I was going to go into what's wrong with that. No, I was just thinking when people, let's say take up upholstery, they're at a crossroads for better or for worse. They're,

they're reaching out. They're looking to staple their life back together. It's a cry for help. By the way, I recently participated in some upholstery. You love it? It's hard. It was hard. It gave me a lot of hand cramps.

Oh, sure. But it was really cool. Yeah. It's fierce. My furniture, anything is fierce. It is fierce. Now that I've done a little upholstery, I'm like. You think you're an expert.

No, you know what? I don't think it's any secret that we i've been doing some renovating yeah and i have these brilliant flashes of my life in a parallel universe where i don't do drag and i renovate and i'm so happy and i am happy in drag but like i could have been equally creatively stimulated etc oh sure by doing like not interior design but like the actual contracting i I think it's so fun. It is fun. Granted, I don't do it 40 hours a week.

I'm sure it gets old. Anything gets old if you do it 40 hours a week. That's the truth. But there is something unique about, you get all the different, like you get the design portion satisfied. You also get the hands-on portion satisfied, the creating a thing satisfied. So it's like all those different aspects that you don't get in. And then the living,

like you get to live on it. Yeah. Or even commercial spaces or any spaces. Like it's very cool what those people do. They have to know a little bit about everything. And also they have to, yeah. And then like manufacturing where you're going to get all the materials,

you know, that redwood costs a lot this time of year, honey, redwood girl, you want c of year. Honey. Redwood. Girl. You want cedar? We have to go with pine. Marble slabs for countertops.

Oh yeah. 20, 30, $40,000. I know, it's wild. Because it's like slabs of natural rock so they're all different. And where are they getting them from? Everywhere.

Like where? They're sourced in Brazil. Flown to Italy where they're cut. Flown to America where they're cut, flown to America where they're sold. I mean, you're paying for the shipping and the care and everything. Anyway, it's crazy.

We won't get too deep into it. And then the boats get caught in the Suez? Yeah. Then the supply chain gets all fucked up? Then the cost goes up. Fascinating. Let's take a break. Let's take a break. Let's take a break.

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By the way, I feel like lately people have been commenting that our episodes are getting shorter. We're just trying to tap up before we get dull, bitch. Oh yeah. I mean, do you want to hear me go on about the Suez? Because I can and I will. Please do. But wait, wait, wait. I got to tell you before I forget, I made a list. It's internal. I can and I will. Please do.

But wait, wait, wait. I got to tell you before I forget, I made a list. It's internal. Talk to me. Talk to the hand. Did you watch it? Twice.

Did you see it? Yes! Oh! Yes! Oh, there ain't no other way. It really got me. It got me. That hand gripped my nalgas. I'm not sure what nalgas means.

Oh, okay, nalgas. My cojones. And she said, talk to the booty because the hands on do this. Everything about it was fierce. Everything about it was fierce. I did fall asleep. Did you love me in the end though? At the very end, I was in the wheelchair and I was like, I said,

why don't you catch me? I thought it was really gaggy. I also was like, you didn't catch me at the end there? The old man? I didn't catch it. I fell asleep towards really gaggy. I also was like, you didn't catch me at the end there. I mean, the old man, the old man. I didn't catch it. I fell asleep towards the very end, but let me say,

God damn it. I thought the metaphor was clear, but not heavy handed, which was very impressive. Very perfectly executed allegory. I'm like, Oh, it's obviously drug use,

but it's also somebody not handling their grief and letting it ruin their life. Like it's taking things too far. And they never hit you over the head with it. No, but you got it. Yes. It was difficult not to get, but they didn't go like,

which so many movies do now. Like, actually, this is a metaphor about grief. It's the trauma that propels it or whatever. It's like trauma, trauma, like in that movie,

um, like in smile or smiley facers, you know, that was very heavy handed. Right. Cause they give you a whole lore and it's like, well, Like in that movie, like in Smile or Smiley Facers. Oh, sure. Yeah, Smile was like that. Which was very heavy handed. Right. Because they give you a whole lore. And it's like, we don't need no lore.

Yeah. We don't need no lore. Yeah. Talk to me. David put it on and I was like, oh, this looks fun. I fucking. And I was like, well, first of all, Australian people, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, they got to give it up with that accent.

Bingo. They're not for real. They are for real. They're not. They're not. They're not. But they are. But they're not for real they're not they're not they're not but they are but they're not but they are courtney give it up give it up girl talk regular talk to your people that accent is so make-believe it's so over the top it's so wild it's so baseless it's baseless i love that you also say that about english people. I do! It's all fake! Give it up! It's all fake! They came first!

It's like literally like gaslighting British, they can't help it. Australian people, it's a long con. It's a joke. They're playing a trick on all of us. One day, the ambassador of Australia is going to get on the TV and go, we were just fucking with you guys. it's a joke they're playing a trick on all of us one day the ambassador of australia is gonna get

on the tv and go we were just fucking with you guys we were just fucking with it y'all believed it y'all were so stupid that crazy accent yes but that movie i needed subtitles i did that you're not the first person to tell me that i'm like what what is y'all what are you all doing with your brains you can't understand English. It was good though. It was fantastic. Do you think that if that hand existed, kids would really be like TikTok live streaming it? Yes.

And I think this movie was probably the first and only movie that I've seen that I did not, that I was not disrupted by the incorporation of the phone. The cell phone. It felt more real. That would be happening. It was perfectly, I the incorporation of the phone. Yeah. The cell phone. It felt more real. That would be happening. It was perfectly. I felt it was like perfectly executed.

Because let me tell you what I don't want to see in a fucking movie. A motherfucking iPhone. Yeah. I don't want to see text bubbles. I don't want to see low battery. Right. I don't want that. I want a corded landline or nothing.

Do you like pillow talk? Do you like split screen? People on a phone talking? I don't know. Maybe. But I will tell you what I don't love. iPhones. So your movie should be don't talk to me.

Don't talk to me. Well, because you just introduce the plot device. You put them all in a cabin or somewhere with no service. Right at the beginning, you cancel out the possibility of phones. Before the movie starts, they all get robbed and someone steals their phones. That could be easily achieved. But anyways, young kids and their phones,

it really did use that well. I believe they just accepted that this thing was real until they saw in those black eyes. You know what gagged me? Spoiler alert. Yeah.

Making out with the dog. That, but also, when they're all playing this fun game and the little teen boy wants to play and her mom starts talking, her dead mom starts talking. Mary. I was like, my heart, I went,

he's gonna split ya. He's gonna split ya. Also, that kid being the shit out of himself. Mama. Fierce. When he started lapping up his own blood. I lived. I was.

Representation matters. Two of my adult silicone bald friends left the theater. Yeah. Because they were like too freaked out. I know. It was crazy. They were like, that's crazy. Let's go get another needle.

That's weird. I don't like that. I'm not into that. Why was he licking his blood? Why doesn't he get someone to lick his forehead that's gross it was nasty though i'm really into a gay voice right now that's how they all sound wait what are you doing later wait no girl that's what i said where are you going you said you come over is that a palm Palm Springs Or a WeHo It's Amanda Okay I mean it's Amanda That's true

It is Amanda It's a little bit Shit My old roommate It's a few different things Oh it's good That accent is fine But Australia

That's an affectation I feel like Do we know if Australia's real We have not yet Received confirmation I know we think we've flown there I think But what if

Every time we've flown there It was a dream It was a dream? It was staged. We land on. Oh my God. We land in, I don't know, the Virgin Islands. And they're here. Put on the accent.

Yeah. Hello. Yeah. I can't do it. Exactly. I can't even do it. I know. I think you're probably onto something.

I think I am. I'm going to have to do. Unless I swim there myself and count every meter. I do know that the map severely distorts Australia. Australia is a huge place. It's a huge place with a large area like Russia

a small relative to the area population. Yes. Not very habitable. That whole middle part not great. I've never been. I've never been to the middle of Australia. Is that what they call the bush right I believe so We gotta go

Next time we go to Australia We should go to the bush No no I don't think we should I don't think we should at all Because I know that it's rampant With homophobia And a very uncompromising Heat to temperature

I'm passing Passing is what Passing is what Passing is straight I'm gonna get This is how you do it Mary Do you think Look at me

Look at me Look at me Very straight I get off the plane Straight to what Straight to hell Drag me to hell I get off the plane I go

So Who wants me to eat their pussy And then everyone goes You're good He's good He's alright He's alright He's straight

Yeah Fuck And also I get in drag And they're like Oh woman Oh woman You've seen me in the sunlight So you know I have And then I go in And also I get in drag And they're like oh woman You've seen me in the sunlight so you know I have it's I think immediately Pregnancy high risk of pregnancy

XX chromosomes present I think of Get her out of the sun she's gonna have a baby She's getting A prenatal melasma on her Upper lip She needs to lay down She just had her tube signed She's getting prenatal melasma on her upper lip. She has dark spots. She needs to lay down.

She just had her tube signed. She's going to lay her down. I got to tell you, Talk to Me was fierce. I watched a movie called Annihilation. Oh. The cunt was served. Served, delivered. What's the actress's name?

Natalie Portman, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tessa Thompson. Jennifer Jason Leigh. All those whores. That movie scared me. Good. It was very scary. Did it really? Annihilation was scary.

That's interesting. I mean, Talk to Me is like a ghost movie, but- You thought Annihilation was scarier than Talk to Me. That cannot be true. There was something very unsettling about the plants growing into the shape of people. That shit was scary. Recombining DNA, all that crap. Yes shape of people. That shit was scary. Recombining DNA, all that crap.

Yes. That shit was scary. Um, loved it though. It was beautiful. Loved it. Great score. Oh my God.

The score, the effects, all of it. Natalie Portman. So good. I don't know how she still looks 20. Good for her. No,

not, not a pumped 20. Cause Miss Jennifer Jason Lee, she's going hard. Yeah. Yeah. She, she went,

she looks beautiful as always, but she's enhanced. She went around the block. She went to Dr. Zismore. It's clear. She's on All-Stars. You know what I mean? She got All-Stars. She got All-Stars.

She got that good, good before All-Stars. Before All-Winners. She went to All-Winners. She's on All-Winners. She's wearing Diego Montoya. She's wearing Diego Montoya. She's in Dominique Cout Montoya She's a Dominic Couture She's a Dominic Couture Fuck

But Natalie really is frozen in time She's great I think she's a vegan I watched V for Vendetta a couple months ago That I have not seen Because I read the book And she is Graphic novel?

Yes, she was so good in it Was it? Oh yeah, really good Is there just one or is it a series? It's one. Okay. Really, really good. I went to see Serial Mom at the Academy Museum.

Now, where was this? It's at the Academy, like the Oscars Museum. Yes. So funny. I was home. No one invited you? Nobody invited me. I got two tickets sent to me.

Interesting. From Peaches. For me and David. Interesting. Ser Peaches. For me and David. Interesting. Serial mom. I know. It was a very star-studded in the audience. I almost had a FOMO experience.

I almost, I nearly had a FOMO experience, except in my mind I said, that must have been happening across the country. There's no way that I could have been invited to that. Shut up. It was really a who's who. Faggots no one cares about. No, no. It looked amazing.

No, it was cool. It was the, there was, No it looked amazing No it was cool There was of course some of the divas were there The drag queens and the dolls Simone looked incredible She was at the opening of the exhibit I went to the movie screening Sunday I wasn't invited to that That's what I wanted to go to

I wasn't invited either Too busy being straight Good for all of them. They're beautiful. And they went. Yeah. Yeah. I was straight.

Simone. I played. Wait. I'm sorry. I'll go right back to it. I played. She raised with Miss Gigi Goode. I'm going to talk about a woman.

Yeah. She's a woman. Yeah. That's all I want to say. Okay. Yeah. I was like, who's that girl? I'll give you one better.

I was at the beach two weeks ago and I went in the water and let the water hit me. And I never usually do that, but I was okay. Yeah, I was like who's that girl? I'll give you one better I was at the beach two weeks ago And I I went in the water and let the water hit me and I've never I never usually do that But I loved it Yeah, and I look over and the water is hitting and I feel so alive My eyes are burning from the salt and I see this girl Doing this with her hair and she's in like a little swimsuit and she's like I'm like, oh And I was like, she's beautiful and I go that's Gigi. It's Gigi getting hit in the face with the ocean It still looked like she was on the cover of a magazine. It's like, I'll have what she's having.

I think it's called 20 Years Younger. She really looked great. I go, is that Gigi? And she was like, Trixie? And I was like, seeing you in the ocean, unprovoked. Unprovoked? Like, we didn't know each other was going to be in the ocean right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't even know she was at the beach. It's wild. She looks so, I mean, it's not wild, excuse me. She just looks sensational. No, her out of hair, out of makeup, wet look is very compelling.

She's doing a great job. She's doing a great job. So, okay, Serial Mom. Oh, Serial Mom. I go, Mink Stoll's there, who I met a few times. She's at Peach's wedding,

stuff like that. Matthew Lillard is there. Who is that? He's Stu in Scream. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. times. She's at Peach's wedding, stuff like that. Matthew Lillard is there. Who is that? He's Stu in Scream. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He's there because he's in Serial Mom.

Okay. I didn't see Ricky Lake. Oh, yeah. But Peach's Christ and John were on stage doing like a pre-talk. How was that? It was interesting to hear about

because that was John's only like studio level film, like a $19 million budget or whatever. 94, 95, right? From 1994, yeah. 1994. And what's her name, the lead actress?

Kathleen Turner. She was not there, but my God, does she give a performance in that movie. I know. She really goes for it. I know, it's crazy. That part where there's the birds singing and she goes,

wee, wee. It's so crazy. She plays it so like best mom ever to murder back and forth the whole movie. And also it's an interesting movie because she's a murderer, plays it so like best mom ever to murder back and forth the whole movie yeah and also it's an interesting movie because she's a murderer but you like root for her well right because she's she's got her own little code of ethics yeah yeah she's a total hypocrite though well what's funny is we're in la and uh john waters goes you know the thing about like the white shoes after labor day she's like although john was like although la seems to be the number

one and he's right we wear white shoes like all year. There's no fashion rules in L.A. Because there's no winter. There's no winter. Yeah. There's no fashion rules in L.A. And I think like. No, it's fierce.

Day break. Driving the car. I thought, dude, am I the only one that sounds like that? To me, that sounds like date rape. It does sound like that. But it's not. It's Daybreak by Barry Manilow. To me, it sounds exactly like date rape. Yeah, it does. Do you think that's like a. Do you not that it's daybreak by bury me on alone to me it sounds exactly like date rape yeah it does sound like that's like a do you think that's intentionally used do you

think that's intentional no no it's just a happy accident i think they just pick a corny song they think like a housewife would be listening to okay because to me it sounds like i was like a very john waters thing to be like this sounds like date rape and everybody knows it maybe he does know it he got his star on the Walk of Fame. Oh, he did? Yeah. Did you have to pay for that? I don't know.

I bet you do. I'm assuming you do. I bet you do. I bet it's fierce, too. Yeah. Did I tell you what happened at Palm Springs? No. Okay, so David and I had the one-year anniversary of the Trixie Motel, so we had a little party.

Okay. And we went and had. Also not invited. Guests. Guests. Well, I don't try not to invite people on house arrest. Guests were there and we get to get up. And of course, David and I are, you know, we have microphones and we have to say thank you to everyone.

And we're instantly sobbing, of course. Oh, for real? Yeah. Because we built the motel together. It's been so much to us. And it's been a year of it being open. Thousands of guests. you to everyone and we're instantly sobbing of course oh because we're like real yeah because we built the motel together it's been so much to us and it's been a year of it being open thousands of guests like you know um and the mayor's there the mayor of what of palm spring of whoville bitch what do you think i don't know the mayor of what the mayor of what piedmont north dakota the mayor of what did you get a key to the mayor of what piedmont north dakota the mayor of what did you get a key to the mayor of flavor town the mayor of what what the fuck do you think the mayor of what the mayor of what

the mayor of flavor town oh my god so the mayor's there. It's September 1st, I believe. September 1st. The mayor's there. He comes there. He comes on that little stage thing with me. Yeah. And he goes, he opens in this binder and starts reading like my bio and like my contributions to the city of Palm Springs and the show.

And he goes, for all those reasons, we hereby name September 1st in Palm Springs annually Trixie Mattel Day. There's an annual day in Palm Springs now. So I'm crying. I can't believe it. Ooh, there ain't no other day. Ooh, there ain't no other day.

And I was like, thank you so much. Where's the star? Like I went straight to like, what about the star? Do they have stars there? Yes, they have a walk of fame. The youngest person on it

is like 55. So I'm going to have to wait it out. I think I'm going to have to wait it out i think i'm gonna have to wait it out that's just waiting it that's fine but i mean you're not supposed to want it i don't think i think when you get the star you're supposed to be like what no not are you sure no i want it i know you do want it and you should get it but you just have to wait it out the day the tricks of the day was so magical oh my god you know when we opened the motel our main thing was i hope everybody in town knows we're trying to be respectful and contribute to the city and not like, you know. Not ruin, not shit on it with your nasty gay.

We're not like, bring our video cameras in here and fuck up one of the buildings. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. We bring a lot of tourism and excitement to Palm Springs and it felt good to have it recognized. And you're an asset to the community rather than a liability. Yeah. They listed all these ways we like stimulate local economy. That's so lovely.

We have a lot of locals and it was magical. And David did it like as a surprise. didn't know it was gonna happen again congratulations yeah gagged me congratulations thanks um serial mom was really good though yeah i mean it is great um what's her who was the patty hurst at the end the incorporation of very like um that's a very john waters thing to do incorporate people who are very the juror right? Yeah, it was like fashion has changed. I should have changed. No it hasn't yeah Yeah, she gets killed in Patty Hearst was that she was famously kidnapped by the the and right the Stockholm Syndrome lady she was

kidnapped by a Terrorism she was it you know about Patty Hearst? No. By the. Patty Harrison. No. Patty Harrison. No. Patty Hearst was. She was kidnapped by a terrorist group and then joined them back in the day. It was like she's a big, very controversial figure in the whatever you want.

Yeah. She was abducted for 19 months. And I think like. Right. She was kind of. Yeah. Yeah. She was kinded for 19 months. And I think like, right. She was kind of, yeah, yeah. She was kind of like,

I mean, she was like, um, what do you call it? Her sense of being kidnapped had gone away. Is that what you're saying? Stockholm syndrome. Stockholm was where you like side with your captors.

You're joining them. Yeah. Oh my God. Who were the, what was the terrorist organization? Simbionese Liberty. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Oh, they're down the street by six flags actually they're out of valencia oh yeah they're out of valencia california um well she did great in the movie oh she did also suzanne summers is in it that's right oh she she's gonna play her yeah that's so she walks into the girl she walks into the um it's during the trial yeah you know and um beverly decides to defend herself that's right right oh yes and she walks in um suzanne summers as herself walks into the trial and she's in a fedora with a fur and a t-shirt that's that says um i think it says

beverly hills it's like like you know all rich I'm rich. They wear shirts that say Beverly Hills. That's so funny to me. So funny. That's so funny to me. Dave and I turned to each other and like, we were just like, Beverly Hills? It was so funny. You should start dressing up. Girl, but let me tell you, the East Hollywood gays were out in full force.

There was no shortage of tattoos, gauged ears, green hair, leopard print jeans, fans. Oh, for John Waters, I'm sure. It was big. Yes. They were out in full force. Deodorant, not to be seen. Not to be used or touched or imagined. Now, what's with that?

Also, let me ask you about this. Ass hairs. Yeah. You know, recently I've been wanting to cut my butt hair, but then I heard from someone else recently who I overheard them say that when they look at porn, they specifically look for hairy butts. And I was like well then well then let the butt hair be Now my problem is I have very little hair everywhere. Yeah, except my butt. So it's like What are we doing? What are we doing? Let's say I don't we're shitting through a wicker basket

Scrub daddy You know what I mean? like We're sitting through about picket fence yeah i look like i'm i'm picking up reeds i'm picking up reeds did you see that funny clip of the comedian who was like if you got dog shit in your hair would you grab just a single piece of tissue and be like boop boop right good yeah It's a very good point. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? We have a tushy bidet. I know. I know you do. But I'm just saying, why do we accept that reality? Because we accept the love we think we deserve. I've been reading a lot of self-help books

and what we do in our life is we model the relationships we have after the relationships we saw, but we try to make a different ending okay we find ourselves reliving mistakes i'm saying is that i when i started shaving my asshole uh-huh like you know that book ayanna van zandt speaking of when you started by the time you finish you just had to start again and i've grown back she ayanna van zandt the fix my life lady the one who says not on my watch not on my had a book her

I think her debut book is what is one day my soul just opened up One day my hole just opened up tea and that's it was tea when I start shaving my asshole and realized that there was another In reality that I could participate in a better and shinier one Yeah, one that wasn't filled with shame and degradation and horror I think mine is so hairy that you remember in interview the vampire when she cuts her hair and then it all grows back right away? And then I'd be in the mirror like, yeah. Although I have been using something from, you know, our

friends at, what's the Pure for Men? Yes. They have a product called Bum Cream that is mint and clove scented. It's like a, it's like, no, it's like a moisturizing, exfoliating situation. And I love it. I put it on my butt every day. What do you love about it? You put it on your butt?

Like I use it to like, you know, getting out of the shower, like moisturize and like scrub my butt. Love it. My butt feels and smells minty and fresh. You put it on your butthole? Everywhere. Everywhere? You just leave it in there?

No, I like rub it in and you know, it's like, it's not super heavy and crazy. Okay. Love it. That's great. That's great. it's like it's not super heavy and crazy okay love it that's great i'm just saying the i so okay imagine you're i guess it's a is it a kink or is it i guess it's a trend i'm not really sure washing yourself i wouldn't say it's a kink that's no no no no no no i'm i'm not washing yourself oh yeah like like going downtown munching on a hairy sweaty butthole not just sweat some

people want more i'm not kidding you know i know i know girl i know mary you know you talk to a 10 in los angeles and you know what's on the menu girl it's s-c-a-t baby yeah like in la if anybody is very hot is there if they're suspicious they have a mason jar in their ass right now they got a mason in there in their you know what they want there's two things they're interested later on asphyxia peepee and poopoo honey seriously seriously diaper we and doo-doo diaperless wonders he he and who who you go to their bath you go to their house you're like where's the toilet they're like you're looking at it yeah girl it's a walking toilet it is good for them eating pee eating poo how it. Eating pee and poop.

Think about it. Think about it. How economical. Do you think a jar, I went down to the pleasure chest just two days ago to pick up a thing of silicone lube, $75, pee, free. I know. Lube is very expensive. Think about it.

Think about it. Pee pee and poo poo comes free with dinner. I know. Comes free after dinner no purchase required no you know what i mean no low overhead just in terms of a kink you get extreme i'm not advocating for it i honestly secretly wish i was into scat not i think i could try pee stuff i have but like you know right time right place right like oh it's it's not like and it's not like dehydrated yellow peepee in the living room.

Right. It's very hydrated. Well, it's a water. It's a very watery lifestyle in the shower. It's vitamin water coming from your urethra. It's Jennifer Aniston on the Emirates plane. It's dragon fruit vitamin water it's snapple it's no no no no color it's evian straight from the rockies

those giant smart water things david drinks the um essentia the what the like ph balance giant bottles of water that's it's good you got to get that. I looked at my urinalysis recently on One Medical app. Love that app. Shout out to One Medical. Love One Medical. And they said the color of my urine was yellow.

It was a big wake-up call. Big wake-up call. That was the only thing on the lab report that I could understand. I have been drinking a lot of water, but it makes you pee all the time. You got to be ready to go. And drag it does not to behoove oneself

To drink plenty of water. It doesn't you have to like honestly Right. I'm gonna talk me with your nails Mary untuck my penis with your nails That's a king. Ask me how you ask me how I feel about that. Do you know we need to get into? We don't smoke anymore. And I've never smoked. The YouTube videos of drag queens just smoking. No sex. Just smoking. And OnlyFans are just smoking and drag.

Where were you then? Mama, I did it. Boop. Boop. I did it. Just smoking. Yeah, just smoking. With my breasts out.

They love it. It's black and white. They love it. Yeah, they love it. I don't know who they are. Clip on bang. Why the clip on bang bang just it's hot clip-on bang and like a bralette and that lucky strike my agent yeah um no it was on a webcam not even a good camera when someone told me that that's what

they wanted from me i was like you gotta be kidding me no they're serious like you gotta be kidding me you want me to do the thing that i love most in front of you and not touch you or be touched? And that's going to turn you on more than anything else you can imagine? Get out of here. I felt like I was being punked. You know, I read recently that the success of a relationship can be measured by whether or not all partners' needs are being met. Right. And for you, it sounds like a situation where everybody's needs can be met.

So let's celebrate that. So what else is the tea? Okay. okay okay can you talk about the covid i had covid i know i had covid um i had covid and it was a non-event so this is going to be a real exciting story um uh eden got sick and then i was uh she she did a test and so i was like okay i guess i'll do a test i think i had one day where I felt maybe felt ill and that was it. So I was, I was out for like, well, unavailable for like three days. And then I tested negative. And then that was, it was like the most unthrilling non-event I've ever experienced illness wise.

I was thinking of dragging you onto the pod on zoom. And I was like, let's just give her the week off. No, I'm yeah. Cause she really needs it. Well, she's been working so hard you had just covered for me it's always like she was working real hard real nails to the bone we had just a martindale hilarious he's so funny and then we had britney broski who's okay good hilarious yes so and who do you have next week well we've got you oh which is like you know i actually wanted to do it i found myself in the very um unusual situation of like no i want to work but don't fully think this is work

no this is like my easy fun job yeah yeah yeah i love this job i know it's very easy doesn't feel like a job it's not a job but this is what normal people do they don't get in drag and they go to work and then they go home and they never dress up. They never dress up. Yeah, that's true. The dressing up is half of it. It's half the work. I'd say most of it.

Sometimes it's most of it. I was like going back to like the shrinking window of freshness and drag. Mary, I'm so old. I'm so old. How old are you? So old. Her social security number is zero. There you go.

That old. Is that funny? Yeah. That's a good joke. She owes Jesus Christ 25 cents. Trying to think of like whatever bad, like how old is she? She fucked Methuselah.

Is that a person? Did she know that? Is that a mythical person? Judaism predates Christianity by thousands of years. Yes. Everybody knows that. You Did you know that? Is that a mythical person? Judaism predates Christianity by thousands of years. Yes. Everybody knows that. You didn't know that? Do the Christians know that?

Yes, they do. That they're doing a backpack religion? Christians just don't care about anything. Christians are just crazy. That's the tea. It's Rosh Hashanah. Happy Jewish New Year. Happy Jewish New Year.

Please. So I went to a Rosh Hashanah function, a little family function. Yeah. What I learned off of Google on the way to the function was that in America, we'd make resolutions about things we want to do. And I believe in Judaism, it's about reflecting on mistakes you've made in the past year. Yeah. We do that in Christianity as well.

But that feels more productive. What? Repenting? Not. Well, repenting is a heavy word, but reflecting on things you don't want to accidentally do for the quality of your life again. Okay. Say that again. I don't want to accidentally do for the quality of your life again. Okay. Say that again.

I don't understand that. Like, it's about reflecting on things you've done, you don't want to do again the next year. Okay. Like things you, mistakes you made this year. Okay. And I thought that was like productive. But they do that in Christianity as well though.

Oh, they do. They do. They do like, what's the sacrament of like penance? I think. No, no, no. Maybe that's not. The Pirates of Penzance. The Pirates of Penzance i think no no no maybe that's the pirates of penzance the pirates of penzance they did christian um well i mean i think juice are just by and large a little bit bitter

when you're standing on the edge share man oh share uh she came up in conversation the other day. Why? Oh, because her Christmas album cover? Yeah. Legendary. Jeans. Pixar. Jeans. Pixar.

Can we talk about the time her mother was on Drag Race and I believe J. Julie asked her about her abortion? Oh, that was the... Wait, wait, wait. Wasn't that the... She was on with Kourtney. Yes, I forget who it was. That was Chaz.

Chaz. Somebody asked her about her abortion. Damn. Which was That's crazy Listen interviewing is hard Yeah But we're gonna shy away from certain topics Such as abortion

Yeah Swinging big down at the drag race Fuck At the red table Fucking hell Didn't they do a pink table talk challenge They did They did

I didn't see I haven't watched it When did they do that Season 40 I don't even know what number't watched it. When did they do that? Season 40. I don't even know what number they're on. Fuck. I wish I.

There's got to be a. You know why there's a brazen rash of unemployment in this country? Because everybody's on drag races. Because there's so many drag races that people are like, I can't go to work. I have to watch Drag Race Bulgaria. And then the workforce is all competing on Drag Race. Yes. A traffic light goes out. There's no one there to direct traffic because there's someone.

Because she's cacking on the runway. Yes, she's duck walking. There's nobody to try your little small claims court because the judge is lip syncing. Yeah. And there's no loss prevention team to prevent shrinkage because they're all, you know, they're flowing their fashions on drag race. What do you think of in, in Britain? Is it Britain land?

England, England. They have those people in wigs. Like the parliament, but like the most wiggy wigs. Yeah. The white, the white, like curly curl curls. What do you think about that? I think it's old. They're all made in type of way.

It's giving mop bucket. Like curly curl curls. What do you think about that? I think it's old. They're all made in type of way. And I think that they should be tried at the head for war crimes. It's giving mop bucket. But they're supposed to be taken seriously. That's what, that's what gags me about it. These people are like, you don't, it's not a joke. It's serious business.

When these, these dusty ass wigs are on the heads. That's wild. That's truly, truly wild. It's not, I'm not making fun of it, but it is.

No, you can make fun of it if you're not from that world yeah it's a very funny thing to remember like oh right their government officials wear big fake yarn wigs like it's crazy like the texture of the hair all of it it's really giving ragdoll yes it's giving like um it's actually giving powdered wig like powdered donuts like little they look like i guess it would be weirder if they were in like custom like hd lace they were in courtney's yeah it'd be weirder if they were all in uber raya's i would take them more seriously but you imagine those old men and like amari like i can or katya yeah yeah i think maybe more laws would get passed and people

would have a little better time in britain land By the way, shout out to Vanity for bringing back the hard front wig. Vanity has been bringing back the hard front wig. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I think it's fine. You do? Because I like bangs and I like like. I love bangs too, but I don't know. Those.

It's just the. I love not fucking with a hairline. Yeah, I guess you're right. Big stages and stuff. DJing. I'm like, just put it on. Just throw the wig on and hit it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And they're so durable. Those hard front wigs. Well, you don't have to clean the fucking lace. Yeah. And most of us don't have the profile for like some wig that's snatched up and away

from the face. Let's talk about that. I need a little, I need you to crowd my face with hair. The Goldie Hawn effect. The Goldie Hawn effect. I look the prettiest when the hair is like. Yeah.

Here. And there's like a shadow over the face so you can't even see it yes where I do my eyebrows and my cut crease none of it you see none of it

and then it cuts where the cheeks cuts gorgeous gorgeous 40% of my face is showing and I look gorgeous I give about 25%

and that's like the magic number oh my god there's this TikTok audio of Barbra Streisand going hello conscious and lately I've been walking around saying it I've been like hello conscious Oh my God. There's this TikTok audio of Barbra Streisand going. Hello, conscious. And lately I've been walking around saying it.

I've been like, hello, conscious. Hello, conscious. Well, there's a fab, there's a fabulous restaurant.

It's called fabulous. Kuchina. Just thought you should know. Fabulous. Yeah. All right. Let's wrap it up. All right.

Well, listen, thanks for joining us here on the bald and the beautiful. We will see you have a lovely day. Don't get COVID. Bye. Bye.