The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - We are the CEOs of Fierceness with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

Are you the patient zero who caused the epidemic of fierceness? Is your self-confidence and mettle, like chlamydia, insanely contagious and as deadly as your icy-blue determination? When people are in dire need of inner-affirmations, do you transform like Superman into the magical Courage Guru? Do you eat a steaming bowl of tenacity every morning and poop out self-doubt before leaving your home and exposing the world to your Chernobyl-like radiation of fearlessness? Are you the living embodiment of all that is c*nty? Damn right you are, you fabulous f**king b*tch. There’s no more shame in your gut game. Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your insides. Get 25% off your first month for a limited time at https://Ritual.com/BALD Now is the time to make the switch to the best cat food in the world, Smalls! Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Need to find a great doctor? Go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today! Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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A strong ally to support your next level success? You will find it at York University School of Continuing Studies, where we offer career programs purpose-built for you. Visit continue.yorku.ca. All right, welcome back. Welcome back. Hey. I need to talk. No, listen, you shut up, bitch.

You shut up. I haven't said anything. You slut. I. Hello. What's on your mind today? I got to tell you what's on my mind. I was scrolling. I get, you know's on my mind. I was scrolling.

I get, you know, the, Oh, hello everybody. Hi. Hey, we're in drag.

We're in drag. We're in drag. All of you who are stuck on the four or five. I mean, many of you probably don't watch us. We are in drag. Should we describe our looks? Yeah.

You know what? I was thinking today, I was like, if I were a host of the pit stop, I was like the one question I'd be like, so for the, for the two or three people on this earth who still have not heard about you how would you describe your drag or how would you like how

would you describe yourself that's what i would say to each guest but then it would go up each one so for like for the mid you know the guests in the middle of season be like for the you know the three or four hundred thousand people on this earth who still don't know who you are and then the last one be like so for the two or three people who know who you are, or, you know what I mean? Like it would just be getting worse and worse and worse. Right.

I don't know what you said. I was trying to follow it. And I really, your eyes, but I wasn't thinking about anything else. I was trying to listen. Yeah, no,

it didn't make any sense. But I didn't get what you said. It's okay. But so the point is I watched, uh, a clip of all stars. I haven't watched, I haven't caught up with stars. I haven't watched, I haven't caught up with this.

I haven't watched any of the season. I just saw some of the workroom entrances and I had, I've been trying to reduce my screen time. First of all. And you're starting with drag race. Well, I, that this is,

this is like, Oh, this is a great reminder of why I should reduce my screen time because I saw a clip of their little group musical number. And I have never been more horrified in my entire life. And the grounds of like, of it being so bad that I can't even imagine if I were on that season, what I would do.

I can't imagine, you know, like it was the thing, like, what would you say to little Brian? I don't know how I don't know how I would have answered that question because you can't offer something ironic or you can't take the piss out of it. They wouldn't allow you to do that. I know. They would not allow you to do it. How would you do that? How would you do that?

You know, I could do it. You could, I mean, I cry from everything. Okay. So you, so you wouldn't have a problem doing something really like modeling sincere and small seat.

I mean, I think now you would struggle. I think now I would struggle. I would have struggled back then, but what I struggled with this morning on the telephone is what I'm about to fucking show you right now or play it for the people at home, just in case y'all have not been keeping up with Drag Race. Now, Trixie Mattel is an employee of Paramount+,

and this distance from the comments being made by I'm just a super queen expressing my authenticity. It's NGV on the track and I got to keep it real. Drag is love and it's something that we all need to feel. Listen, we ain't got to hurt, baby. We just want to heal and reinvent the wheel. On and I'm the real OG. I set the bar and made her story with a voice so loud. I'm standing proud. Political unrest and controversy.

Rejoice in love. Just wait, you'll see. Don't try it. Just fight it. Be heard. Be seen. So pound the pavement and unite it. On and I'm... So shout out to Plastique Tiara, who looked pretty incredible. And her verse didn't make me want to immediately break a window and then take the shards and then stab them in my eyes and ears. I was like, oh, I actually was, I'm going to play it

because it was not terrible. I mean, it was, it was like, I don't remember it because we do pick that, but I kind of like black out after it. Hold on, stay here. Her voice is much less assaulting on the eardrums. And she looked, she had this giant ponytail, of course. So she was really doing leg stuff. It was like kind of fun. The other three, I think, should be in a women's penitentiary for the rest of their lives.

Well, you know, these are not exactly things that these men's penitentiary for the rest of their lives. Well, you know, these are not exactly things that Okay, men's penitentiary. Well, these are not exactly things these drag queens would do on their own. They're not writing songs about the power of drag. It's like a drag-rous thing. They have to do it, you know. I, you know. If RuPaul has you trapped there and says you're going to do a song about how much

drag is great, you have to do it. I would say like drag is the thing that makes me squirt. Drag is good for earning. It's good for Bert. Yeah. You know what I mean? Something like that.

It's like, I have a wig and heels and I'm fierce. I like gay stuff. Don't you? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a trans woman. I'm a gay guy.

You know what I mean? Like I like to get fierce and wear my bra. Panties on my legs. Yeah. Like panties on my legs. Oh yeahies on my legs and I go hoorah. When I don't believe in myself, I put glitter on and I put on heels and I walk down to the club where I'm fierce. When I think I'm not enough, I jump out a window and kill myself. I'll put on lashes and put on lipstick and suddenly I'm someone else and I feel fierce.

Lashes blush and some lipstick. I go down and I suck that dick. What's the real version of that like razor burn and cash tips yeah yeah staying up all night yeah no one loves yeah yeah uh bleeding on the face and i'm confused i don't have a boyfriend can't get fucked yeah dropped out of college cost stressing and after the gig i take money for men i'm a little i'm a little bit good at lots of stuff But that's not enough for me to feel enough I don't know it's just so bad Corns on my feet, damaged liver Getting fierce at the gig

No no no Give me one margarita and I'll soft my leg That That was too much That was too much And I think that's what it made me feel like It made me feel like It made me think about that audio

In that by comparison It's sweeping the Grammys If your tea is sickening And your boots are fierce Put on a wig miss honey at the library With the kids that you're reading to We're not groomers we're just fierce It's like very

Give me one margarita and I'll saw off my legs It's chat GPT But it's not chat GPT It's non-union writer Being with a gun to their head That's what it feels like to me It is I think we gotta listen to it again

I mean I'm sorry I think I suffered so much this morning And I'm gonna make everybody else suffer No it's okay and I just wanna say I just wanna say that I I'm going to make everybody else suffer. No, it's okay. And I just want to say that I just want to say that I I'm not a part of this. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I don't

love it. Controversy, rejoice in love Just wait, you'll see Don't try it, just bite it Be heard, be seen So pound the pavement and unite it That one's just verbs That one's just verbs and nouns With all due respect to these queens That one's like they put a bunch of words In the dictionary in a pinata and hit it And things just fell out

It makes Roxy's verse in Reggie Rochu Look like Maya Angelou Well, Reggie Rochu Is makes Roxy's verse and Reggie Rochu like look like Maya Angelou. Well, Reggie Rochu is kind of a strong- Is it Reggie Rochu or Reggie Rochu? Reggie Rochu is kind of a stronger,

it's kind of a stronger track. It's a stronger track. Well, because there's no, yeah, I don't know. It's so good. It's good. It's good. It has a good beat.

Reggie Rochu- Hey, Kitty Girl's good too. Kitty Girl's fun, but Reggie Rochu- I always say you, wrote you. Hey, Kitty girl's good too. Kitty girl's fun, but read you, wrote you. I always say read you, wrote you. Well,

no, because read you, because wrote is the past tense. It's read you, wrote you. Oh, it is read you, wrote you.

Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're the writer.

You tell us. Thank you. I still get checks. How much you get? Like three cents. I get like one a year for Kitty girl. It's 1%. I think it's 1% of the publishing,

right? Whatever. What it says, the other dry queen's boy names as the publisher. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. I was like, who's Ruben? I know. And I was like, who's something Feliciano?

Who's DJ? That's Roxy. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember BB's name. I'm afraid of saying drag queen's names because I don't ever know if somebody considers it like a dead name. Let's take a break. It's a new day.

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Can I tell you something? Please. So I did a gig a few weeks ago at Netflix. Well, Netflix had the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Festival. And I think they asked maybe both of us or just one of us to do this. I don't know. But I said, of course, I'll do it. I love Netflix.

Netflix always comes through with the air conditioning. And it's like an hour-long commitment, a little drag show. I went out. I did a number. I introduced everyone. And then there was just a drag show. Oh, you loved it. It was easy. The then there was just a drag show. Oh, you loved it. It was easy.

The air conditioning was great. But I like woke up to like a Twitter flurry the next day that was like clips of clips of the drag show being like, sis must have got her bag. Like her, her doing drag lip syncing. They must have really came correct with the coin. Like I was like, what does that mean i guess people were surprised that i was doing a drag show because you're i don't know aren't you a drag queen that's what i mean i'm like breaking news isn't it unusual for us to do all these gigs

where we don't lip sync that's what i'm saying i'm like i had a really good time and i went home being like that was so fun i missed lip syncing i missed like performing like that well sis did you get your bag sis well that's the other thing all the comments are always like especially gay men they'll be like sis must have got her coin you know what I said you know what faggots you are not my accountant yeah and also you know what you faggots

out there I got a big ass fucking I got the biggest double fisted boner to pick with all y'all what is it all y'all all y'all all y'all that your fucking basic pieces of y'all. All y'all. All y'all. Your fucking basic pieces of shit need to shut your fucking mouth sometimes. I know. It's crazy. It's crazy

and I don't know what it is with drag that compels people to talk about the money we make. They really, also they really, they really, I don't know what it is about drag that makes these faggots jump out the window. I don't know. I mean, I, fuck. I don't know. Like Trixie Motel starts the thing that makes me free and I'm going to

I can't get that song is so dark sided, bitch. Show it to me, Rachel. Don't show it to me, Rachel. Don't show it to me, Rachel. I don't want to hear it, Rachel. But I had a really good time. You got your bag, sis.

I did and the pay was good. I got both people. That's great. People don't dare tell people home about that money. Of course not. Come and rob you. But I don't know what it is that compels people to be like, and she's talking about how much money we make.

I think people are just nosy and they're in a, they're, you know, and people are just nosy and they don't give a shit. Also, let me just say a lot of the shit you and I do. I don't know about you. A lot of the shit I do is not paid anything in drag often oh i don't relate that's what i mean like i can't i'm

less obsessed with the money i'm making than it seems to be other people are i don't know i don't know um well i don't know i i had to get in drag today for the first time. Wait, were we in drag the other day? Oh, yeah, for Netflix. Yes, we were in drag the other day. Oh, you know what was funny? Last week. Last week. That was challenging for me.

Drag? That day. Both of those days. We have long days. They're long. We film for Netflix long days. And, oh, my God. Oh, so this is what I want to talk to you about.

I read this long ass piece in the New Yorker about dating shows on Netflix. What did they talk about? Well, they talked about everything that you and I have discussed privately and publicly about our experience on reality shows such as drag race the quarantine the producer um the long long hours the manipulative they had they say on ice they say on ice i didn't realize that it's a lot of the well i guess it's not it wasn't a huge revelation for me but it definitely did um some of the things that we've seen on while reviewing the show on Netflix turned out to be producer.

What do you call that? Yeah. Interference. They're producing. Yeah, exactly. Producing. They're producing. And I don't know.

It's just like, and they were talking about like, so this person, I think that this, this two people that they were focusing on were on the first season of the show. And then of course on the fifth season, it's a whole different ballgame because people are going on not with the sole intention of falling in love. They want to hawk, you know, sugar, hair vitamins on Instagram. Right. You know what I mean? So for the first season, they probably got a casting notice that was like, are you looking for love? And that's all the info on Instagram. Right. You know what I mean? So for the first season,

they probably got a casting notice that was like, are you looking for love? And that's all the info they got. Yes. Most people probably went to, let's say Love is Blind. Yeah. They didn't know it was going to be blind dating.

Yes, this was the show. They didn't know any of that. This was the show. Love is Blind and then Perfect Match. Yeah, Perfect Match. Two had to handle all those shows. They probably get a fraction of it for the first season. Yeah.

But after a few seasons are out, people go in like with an agenda. They want to be Instagram famous. They want to get a hundred thousand followers or a hundred. Yeah. Well then they'll match with someone whether or not it's a match cause they want to stay on the show. Yes.

Which I don't like. No. Just go home. If you don't match with someone, just go home. And I think at this point, um, I don't think that there are,

well, I guess I'm, I don't. Would you do dating show ever? Are you fucking kidding me? For real? No. Would you do dating show ever? Are you fucking kidding me? For real? No.

Would you do it in drag? Um, I would do it in drag if we were going to do like a surrealist piss take on it, but not a real one. I think we can tell people for a while. Oh yeah. We were working on a show for Katya where I was going to host and we were going to do to Katya with love. Yeah. We're men,

gay men, lesbians, and everyone who's attracted to you in general whatever their presentation is we were going to do a competition style dating show that was taking the piss and that we knew these people are not getting married to you and then we're conceiving every season would start with a funeral where the old person is the other person died yeah now you're looking for love again i think that would be so great and i'm frankly, I'm a little bit surprised that there doesn't, there's not like a, there's not a fucking, a parody of one of these shows on the air. But they said that this format goes back to the fifties.

Really? Yes. Yeah. It's not a new thing. Not by any means, not a new thing. On TV? Yeah. Yeah.

It's not. Like what shows are like. I forget. I have to read the thing, but it's a, I'll send it to you. It's a really great long read. It's not, it's what shows are like, I forget. I have to read the thing, but it's a, I'll send it to you. It's a really great long read. It's fabulous. And they were just, they were just talking about how they get,

there's threats of lawsuits because they can't talk about the show after the airs. They, they, they got slapped with a $4 million lawsuit. There's like, the NDAs are so crazy. The,

I mean, the producers are so intense. It was, it's very unethical. It, it borders on harassment. It borders on like, um, the producers are so intense. It's very unethical. It borders on harassment. It borders on like, what was the word, the term they were using? False imprisonment. I mean, it's pretty intense. But a lot of it, I think to the average reader would probably be more shocking than it was to me because I experienced intense panic attacks on the first season of Drag Race where I thought I was going to die. And I was like, oh, that's a panic attack. I hadn't ever had one before. Same. I've only had them on Drag Race.

Yeah. And they talked about the quarantine and the isolation creates this really unrealistic but intense pressure cooker situation where you really do think that things are much more important than they really are. And it's true. Definitely.

I mean, which I get. And also as a viewer, I want these competitors behaving like it's all real. I want them fighting for their life. I want their emotions heightened. So I get why they do it. Yeah, I don't think it's all real, I want them fighting for their life. I want their emotions heightened. So I get why they do it. Yeah, I don't think it's great though. But also, do you think you could- Sorry, we're on a talent-based reality show,

which that to me is all the difference. Because yes, you want the stakes to be high on a reality show like this, but I don't want the stakes of living to be high. Well, the thing is, if I created Drag Race, would I trust a bunch of drag queens to go home with phones and access the internet and not tell everyone exactly what happened that day? No. Because you can't even trust these drag queens to not talk while they're not on camera. So I get it.

Yeah. Because in reality world too, if you talk off camera about something, you end up having to go on camera and talk about it again and then it feels fake. And then these people are not exactly Shakespeare in the park level actors. Right. So they're not, if you say, hey, can you pick this up? They're like, oh, hi there, Trixie. Ooh, I'm angry about what you said the other day.

Mm, you know. I heard that you're also doing Mr. Clean for Snatch Game. I have a problem with that. I already have my white T-shirt on. Ooh, you're making me angry, sis. Yeah. I'm not good at fighting like that either. No.

Ooh, you really hurt my feelings. Last week, yesterday when you, Ooh, I'm very submissive. I just lay there and take it like in bed, but also in conflict. Damn. I just take it. Okay. I just take it. I remember when you're going to get fisted.

I don't want to. Are you sure? And I think it breaks your asshole. Let's take a break. I just feel like it doesn't break everyone's asshole, but I think for me there would be a danger of breaking my asshole. And I like poop the size it comes out now. You don't want it any bigger?

That angel hair pasta. Stop. That's what I want. Sorry I brought it up. Back to fisting. I mean, some guys have those short fat dicks with a huge head. That's what I want. Sorry I brought it up. Back to fisting. I mean, some guys have those short fat dicks with a huge head. It's like being fisted. Oh, you know,

those mushroom dicks where when they put them in, it feels like they're putting it in basketball first. And then when they pull out, you feel like you've been gutted. I was recently chatting with some, I was chatting with a man on one of the, one of those apps and it literally was a, a thin stock in a huge mushroom cap. They love it. Who loves it?

Everyone. God, it was, I was like, you're going to plunge my toilet. No, it's like a lollipop. I don't.

It's a fucking double, double bubble. It was a, it was no, it was a plunger. Yeah. It was a plunger. And I feel like the pressure

the the physics of that is going to and you know it's like a french press up your ass yes and it feels like it feels like a giant piece of concrete on the end of a piece of rebar yeah it's like it's like jagged it's like somebody walked up to a construction site and got a piece of rubble and said, bend over Leslie. It's I don't, I don't love that idea. I don't love that idea. I'm fine with just call me old fashioned.

And I've realized that in Los Angeles, in Los Angeles, this is conservative. This is close minded. This is Laura. This is Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's Laura Ingalls Wilder. Sarah Plain and Tall.

Via like, um, uh, you know, Arkansas state Senate or whatever. I just want to, I just want Amanda hug and kiss. Like, um, uh, you know, Arkansas state Senate or whatever. I just want to, I just want Amanda hug and kiss. Like,

I just want to touch, hold, kiss, touch. Um, and if we are going to do anal, I want kissing, then oral,

then some light fingering, then slow that like, I don't, I don't. Yes. Well, what about what I sent you the other day? The guy at the Scientology place

Oh I loved that Somebody on Grindr messaged me I was in New York and they said Meet me at the Scientology museum And I said for what And then they said I'm in the second floor bathroom And I said are you for real

And they said well I actually usually go in the movie theater Because there's movies playing for free all day And no one's in there. And I said, you're weird. And then 10 minutes later I said, what movie? Cause I thought,

what if it's the lady in the tramp or something? Or like citizen Kane. They said Dianetics book one. The guy said at this point I haven't memorized. I mean, I think I'm not into Scientology, but I don't think we need to be jerking off in their movie theater. No.

And also there's like just go to the public library well that's gay people though not only are they only into fisting because anal anal is like too normcore

yeah French kiss they also can't do it privately anymore gay guys are like well why wouldn't we go down to the Gelson's and I'll lay over

a fucking display of cantaloupes and you can you can gut me well no it's like it's like do you want Uh, no, I want to go to the Home Depot parking lot. You know what I mean? Like what was, are you nuts? A hundred percent. We, we met like we're, I mean our story, you suck my cock at the American dollar store. It's like, you know, when we're at a party, we're like two years, it's our, it's no, it's our wedding

anniversary. And it was like, like, how did you do it? Like every other gay man we're so cliche. We met fisting at the Home Depot second floor parking lot. Yeah. He took a foreskin he did a foreskin shot

out of my cock at Disney at the Ikea showroom. In the Ikea bedroom showroom. Like call me old fashioned but I only have sex in the bedroom of an Ikea showroom.

So I met him at the Disney store on Hollywood Boulevard and he rimmed me. Yeah. He was the guy with the snake. He shoved it up my ass. He put, he fed the whole boa constrictor up my ass just with the tail was coming out. And then I got it. And then I ran around Hollywood Boulevard with just the tail out.

And then the snake's mouth came out of my mouth and then he ripped it out. And then he fucked me again with it. We went down to the Madame Tussauds and he fucked me over the josh brolin wax figure so he kind of had a three way really and i said oh my god is that all you mama i think that i i truly do feel for the men who like you know when we were i could half the crowd i could tell was like kind of gay or maybe like a third of the crowd was gay when we saw Dune 2. And I know those sandworm scenes. I know what they did to those men. I know what those sandworms mean to those men.

They're like, Ooh, I wish I had that on my ass. That sand to see. I wish I had that giant worm up my ass. That Timothy, that Timothy little bird body riding that thing. They want him to get fucked by the sandworm.

They want the sandworm to knock him over and then just to have him like legs open overhead, like a pretzel. And that worm just goes straight up his little rickety body. Well, cause the, the it's, it's a metaphor. They see themselves as Timmy Chalamet.

Yeah. They see the sandworm as like sexual freedom. Yeah. And then they see the sand as like adversity. That's true. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Okay. You see the videos of people fucking those popcorn buckets? The sandworm popcorn bucket? You know, I haven't. Because gay people just put their cock in anything. Well, I know. And it's, you know, it's funny. I have to.

Oh. Sorry to scream. Sorry to scream. I need to talk to you just, I need to talk to you a little bit. Oh. Yeah, go ahead. About. Madeline Ashton.

bit oh yeah go ahead about madeline ashton i want to paint a picture to you and i want to see if you know what this picture is okay okay so i'm like imagine i'm like a very classically handsome like shirtless very barely clad guy or or the same version of a female okay like okay just hot um yeah yeah universally hot universally hot um you walk into the frozen food section and i'm right Okay. Like, okay. Just hot. Um, yeah. Yeah. Universally hot. Universally hot. Um, you walk into the frozen food section and I'm right here. What do you do? Do you know what I'm talking about? You find me at home. You find me at home wearing this.

What's the vibe? Or it, Oh, that like clickbaity Twitter. Like, like you walk in the locker room like this. What do you do? And I'm also like,

God, I hate it. I hate it too. I hate it too much. I do you do? And I'm also like, God, I hate it. I hate it too. I hate it too. I hope they all die. I hope they all die. I hope they all perish.

I hate it too. And it's also like, also it's like gym shorts and it's like, what do you do? It's like, well, I don't sexually assault you at the store. If that's what you're saying. I'm picking up half and half sugar and a couple of bananas for for a snack i'm not raping people at the supermarket well not just that like sometimes it'll be like oh my god it'll be the full anal bead up the butt and they're like you walk into the game stop and i'm behind the counter like this what do you do they're not like that that's funny this is what they are not

trying to be funny no but they're not no no no i'm saying what you're describing is funny it's heightened you're it's a high comedy yeah okay. Well, I'm doing comedy. Okay. I don't want to do comedy. I want to do social commentary. I'm trying to do the intersection between specific and exaggerated. Well, you're doing a great job. Thank you. Let's take another break.

No. No break. Don't you dare. Let's take a break and you go on TV. And they screen wipe. What about Young Sheldon? Let's get back to the story. I was just telling that.

Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. No, I want to go back to talking about people talking about sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the thing that's almost, the thing that almost saves it for me is that it recently occurred to me that absolutely many of them have fake dicks. They're packing. They have packers on.

What? They have packers in their pants green bay packers they have packing dicks in their pants they're packing peanuts they are packed up they have they're like they're there's a few of them and they all for some reason i don't know what the what the sort of what the rationale i'm sure that logistically it makes perfect sense. They have several different Instagram accounts. Okay. Oh, I think you know why?

Because many of them, they're like in preventative, they're doing damage, like preventative damage control. Because I think eventually, they always try to push the boundaries of what is allowed on Instagram. Oh, girl. And they love to be like, Instagram hates gay people. I'm like, you were actually sucking cock on Instagram. Oh, girl. And they love to be like, Instagram hates gay people. I'm like, you were actually sucking cock on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had all your fingers spreading wide open your hole.

I saw your goddamn brunch. It was bright red. It was bright red on Instagram, okay? It looked like bolognese. It was marinara on Instagram. And then they always say, like, formerly 630K on whatever. Oh, that's the best. It's just so funny. Is that they always say formerly 630k on whatever.

Is that so funny? Is that so funny to me? I don't want to be insensitive, but I'm always like, well, that was then and this is now. Do you know what I mean? I feel so... So what, bitch? You're a has-been thought? No, seriously. You're like a failed thought.

And you lost it all because you were trifling. You were blow-burningling. Yes, you were trifling. You were sucking. You were bullwording Instagram. Like for real. Just keep it on Twitter where you can show red. You know what I mean?

And what if you just become a person who posts their dog or their lunch on Instagram? That's fine. I know. All of us. It doesn't have to be one wild all the time. We're not fake if we just save different facets of ourselves for different contexts it's context dependent you don't walk into the orgy with the same energy

as you walk into a library you know a children's library or children's hospital I'm just as comfortable in a ball gown as I am in a tennis warm up with sounding yeah the sound of music that's the best is when it's like a complete as I am at a tennis warmup. With sounding. Yeah, the sound of music.

That's the best, is when it's like a complete, like we're talking a bulge, hard nipples, dick pulled up, dick almost out. Knitting needle. You come home and I'm your roommate.

What do you do? What do you do? I don't rape my roommate. I go into my room and I do whatever I need to do. Yeah, I catch up on some emails and I play a little Spiral the Dragon on PlayStation. I say, why didn't you do the dishes, you fucking piece of shit? That's what I do. I need to do. Yeah. I catch up on some emails and I play a little spiral, the dragon on PlayStation. I say,

why didn't you do the dishes? You fucking piece of shit. That's what I do. I don't come home and assume that because you were in your underwear, it's go time. I don't even assume. I can't stand it. It makes me so,

it makes me irrationally angry because I don't care what these people do with their life. I guess I clearly I do, but it's, it's just, I'm like, this is what people aspire to these days. They love it.

They love it. They can't get enough of it. And unfortunately, I think for, oh God, this sounds so okay boomer, but it doesn't, it is a legitimate, unironic pathway to gaining more social capital. Yeah. It's like grim. But it's so two-dimensional because what I – Sex sells.

Sex definitely sells. However, the way you present yourself on the internet is also what – yeah. This ain't selling. This is like clearance. I also feel like they – It's not even clearance. It's like slightly damaged. It's like –

Open box item. Yeah, it's – what is it? It's slightly – Imperfect foods. No, it's the shit that they give yeah it's um it's what is it it's um imperfect foods no it's it's the shit that they give to the um the they don't even i mean it's not even apples it's dog food it's dog food bitch it's like no it's the sawdust that they put on puke when somebody throws up at a concert that's what it is god gross let's see yeah no you you you take a podcast with me no you you walk into a podcast room and i'm like this what

do you do you're like fire me i don't think you know that your actual cock is out. No, I do. It's not my cock. It's black. Wait, is it underwear? Yes. Oh, I thought it was your actual dick and you were just like, I hate these people who show their dicks for attention. And you think I have like,

I've been abusing myself so much that it's black and blue? I thought maybe you put it through the George Forbid. I don't know. Yeah, my cock is grilled up. I grill it up. It's charbroiled up It's charbroiled

It's charbroiled What's wrong with you? I have empathy Because I do understand That Instagram is owned by Facebook Which is classically like I understand that Because I've gotten in trouble

On Instagram For things that Should not have been in trouble for Like when I called Those whale spaggets Oh hate speech But that's different Hate speech is a little

I mean I don't I mean it's It's such a clear Me come on Me and Jack Calling two whales spaggets Those whales don't even have Instagram Whales? hate speech is a little I mean it's such a clear me and Javid calling two whales faggots those girls don't even have Instagram they're not even going to hear about it

did you say whales I got banned from Instagram for calling two whales faggots I thought you were talking about large people no I was like how those goddamn whales I was like damn you are really Those goddamn whales? Oh my god! I was like, damn, you are really, you are leaning into the fat phobia, you bitch.

No, bitch, no. This is some Madagascar shit. This is some Geoplanet. Honey, this is a Bill Nye. Not your shit. It was an article that was like, these two whales have bonded for life. And the internet's gone crazy. And I commented, faggot.

And I got a hate speech strike. Because that, listen, I mean, come on. I understand. Yes. I get why the robot of Instagram saw that as hate speech. Yeah, the robot saw it. But I just want to say when people comment that on my fucking Instagram, it sure does. That comment lives there for years.

Thank you. So why are we protecting the whales? Thank you, Bob. Bob, please. Fuck the whales. Fuck those. Bob, Bob, please Fuck the whales Fuck those I thought you were talking about two overweight people Could you imagine if I just commented like those whales?

I kind of can but not really No, I can't, that's crazy I love fat people I know you do, you love me I love all fat people I love all body types But then again my perception of like I understand that this is sort of i have a blind

spot to this like men of all sizes i have like an opposite proclivity i don't love scrawny i don't love skinny okay so i'm totally fine with chubby beefy i'm fine with all that All that. Listen to this gig. So I had a lovely day with Miss Yang yesterday. We went to see this boring-ass French movie. And then we walked all the way back from Beverly Hills. Lovely. I mean, it's so light. Los Angeles has wonderful weather right now.

And we were strolling. Los Angeles has wonderful weather right now. And we were strolling and talking about rehab and, and like, um, you know, cause that one, you know, back in the day,

she has had her, you know, little struggles with this. Everybody in LA has had some kind of run in with meth of some kind, either firsthand or secondhand. Do you know what I mean? And I just finished the fallout series, which I loved.

I can't believe when i recommended to you i thought you were gonna say no i'm not watching that so i was really but i knew you would like it if you tried it i was i'm really i'm a little desperate for entertainment these days um i i loved it i loved it it's great the style the sound the soundtrack loved it but the ghoul yeah fierce that's who we saw oh on our home. And I'm telling you. The cowboy ghoul. The cowboy ghoul. Uh-huh.

The dude that we saw on the street, he was walking down the street right past us on the sidewalk with a palm open and a laptop. A laptop on his open palm. The actor? No, no, no. This guy made the ghoul look like he was about i don't know 110 pounds overweight this dude was like no joke i'm not joking he was like six five 140 pounds it was it was one and i've seen everything i have seen and been everything it's shocking it was i really honestly

felt like. And listen. When I walk. I walk home. If I walk more than. I mean literally. If we're in the middle of Hollywood. If you walk more than six blocks.

You're going to see some shit. You're going to see. You're going to see some shit. I'm not saying everybody mentally ill or unhoused is on drugs. But you're going to at least see. You're going to see some shit. Yes. You're going to see some wild shit.

You're going to see some mental illness. You're going to see some drug use. And you're going to see a little of both. the other day i left my house and there was a a guy i don't know their gender and i don't know if they know so they were they turned away from me pulled up their shirt pulled down their pants and they had a syringe in one hand and obviously they were shooting up somewhere in the crotch area maybe the vein in the leg on the inner thigh or something but it was so brazen when the sunlight is out, the California sun beating down on a crackhead.

It's really wild. And especially the behavior that you would just, you just assume is going to be some kind of like effort to shadow it or whatever. It's so shocking. Yeah, it feels so bad because if you're doing that, if you do that in front of people outside. You're gone.

You're absolutely gone. This dude was a skeleton with tissue gray, translucent tissue paper skin stretched over these visible, visible bones. I was like, Andrew and I were like, we like took our breath away. It was like so fucking crazy. It's a buzzkill. It was so crazy. And I was like so fucking crazy. It's a buzzkill. It was so crazy.

And I was like, holy shit. He was like, I was like, well, that's some two weeks, two weeks away from that pretty much all the time. You know what I mean? And really, it's crazy. What's more shocking is, I mean, I know you know this, that person might have been not looked like that not that long ago. Two weeks.

Truly. Two weeks. That's all it takes. That's all it takes. That's all it takes. If they were consistently using and not eating, that's how fast you would deteriorate. Yeah. They could be up not eating, not eating at all, and up for five days. Also probably not hydrating.

Of course not. No. Yeah, no. Like a lot of- No, a lot of things going on. And certainly no showering. Certainly no like, yeah. It was just really...

And also what a difference two weeks can do. Like if you have two weeks of food and rest. It's crazy. It's just crazy. Not to be a buzzkill. No, I hope whoever that person is, it's... It was wild. But also I wanted to talk about Shogun.

Have you seen Shogun? The series on... I think it's on Hulu. It was on FX or whatever. It's a Japanese samurai show. It's so fucking cunt. Wow. It's so fucking cunt.

It's so gorgeous. It's so entertaining. It's so well done. It's so well acted. It's so cunt. I love high, high end. It's,

you know what it is? It's like, it's, it feels very much like that prestige drama Sunday night on HBO Energy that HBO has not been delivering. What do straight people love? They love Game of Thrones. Yellowstone.

Oh. Straight women. Are you fucking kidding me? Mama. You're unmarried. Kevin Costner on a horse? But they jerk off to it. The straight women jerk off to it.

The older women jerking it. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jerking it Jerking it Let the old ladies Have their jerk Crystal Pepsi bottle Up the pussy Zima

Zima Empty Zima Empty Zima bottles Up the pussy Zima I've been watching Tabitha Salon Takeover Which is kind of like that show

It's a little too high That's a little too highbrow for me She's so What does she do When she busts through The saloon doors of a salon Well she'll usually call them and she'll talk to the owner and she'll be like, come outside

because she's Australian. Okay. I'm going to pounce you and chop your dick off. They come outside and they'll be like, oh my God, I'm so, because after the first season, she's a celebrity. So when they come out, they cry because they're starstruck. Okay. And she's like, I don't know why you're smiling. Because she's there to rip them up. It's like Gordon Ramsey. It's like he asked you to

make you a grilled cheese sandwich. You better start crying. Yeah, because she's there to rip them up. And it's crazy because she's there to rip them up. It's like Gordon Ramsay. It's like he asked you to make you a grilled cheese sandwich. You better start crying. Yeah, because she's there to rip them up. And it's crazy because she will be like – she will read them so fiercely because she'll not just read their service and the way they dress. She'll walk up and pick up a haircut and broke comb through it and be like, do you see this big empty spot right here? And she can tell mistakes in their haircuts from like not even touching the hair. She's like, I see a hole here.

So she reads them on their skills and of course they're all crying but it's this weird mix of these so these um what about the living breathing human being who's who's being like who's well there's a person in the chair that's what i mean sometimes she goes i watched your consultation and you never took your client's hair out of the ponytail how do you even know what the haircut is and how do you feel like you know without taking the hair pony out and the girl goes right on camera in front of the woman, she goes, well, I was always told not to take their hair stuff out because it looks like you're looking for bugs. And everyone's like, and then Tabitha goes, if I wanted to look for bugs, I go look in that cooler over there because there was roaches in it.

Yeah. Because the consultation is so much a part of how you figure out what someone wants. But if you don't investigate enough, then you do what you think they want, and then they don't like it. And then you blame them for not knowing what they want. Did I ever tell you about the time that I went to my mother's hairdresser? And I say hairdresser because I need you to know that he was indeed a gay guy. Right. And I had, at the time, Kurt Cobain hair.

Do you know what that looks like? It's like blondishish kind of rocker. Rocker with like a middle part, but like, yeah, I mean, it was a little shorter than that, but it was a grunge haircut essentially. He blew my hair out. And while it was happening, I, I, I, I, you know what it was? I was so homophobic at that moment where I was like, I felt like it looking back. I'm like, did I even know I was gay?

Did he make me gay? Did he turn me? Did he turn me? He had, he was blow drying my hair with a round brush, like Prince Valium in Spaceballs. Lady Bunny's hair. Oh, it was like, he was, I was like, I was like, so do I go? Am I Jessica Lange? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Am I Marilyn Monroe? Am I like, am I, am I going to be like a page boy cosplayer at Siegfried and Roy's house? Am I Charlie Bucket? Yeah. I mean, yeah, it was diabolical. And you were blonde, obviously. Blonde, bleached blonde. And it was literally like, it was this, it was literally this.

It was like, it was like this, but imagine this more was literally like it was this it was literally this it was like it was like this but imagine this more like literally like um like round brush and round brush in like this like and also what did you say of course you didn't say anything i was fucking horrified and i at that time i'm into satanism i'm like i've got i'm like got the j's i'm like this i'm not a i'm a i'm a school shooter essentially not with the'm a, I'm a school shooter. Essentially. Not with the, you don't walk into a school shooter. Cause you're not even going.

No, I know, but you don't walk it not to be insensitive, but you don't walk in to shoot up a school with a blowout. You know what I mean? Like that's like low on your list of priorities. Like you thinking about bullets, guns, bodies,

shooters, never gay. Exactly. So there's always straight guys. Right. Right. But so I think that I was that and then he turned me gay. So maybe it's good for everybody.

But I was, I had, as soon as we left the salon, I was like, I was like licking my hands and like trying to mess it up. I was, it was mortifying. It was mortifying. It was so... How old were you? I was probably 13. And were you with family? I was with

my mother. And what did she family? I was with my mother. What did she say? She was like laughing because she knew how much I hated it. I mean, I understand that finishing is a big part of haircutting, right? I think like... Oh my God, it was crazy. Haircutting. When you let clients go and their hair's not styled, I think that's jail. Because sometimes people will just cut the hair and then like send them home.

I would have loved that. The finishing is honestly as important as the haircut, I think that's jail because sometimes people will just cut the hair and then like send them home I would love that the finishing is honestly as important as the haircut I think I think that's why that began my like my absolute dread

of any haircut situation the trauma right speaking we've talked about this banter with a gay hairstylist vacation

vacation all they talk about is vacation all it is or drag now they want to talk about drag yeah but this was before drag it was literally i mean i listen i was i could afford a vacation when i turned maybe 33 so every year up until then was talking about a thing that i never experienced right but they all they want to do is go on vacation where's the next

vacation botox gays like the injectors oh really know who else is really into vacation? Botox gays. Like the injectors. Oh, really? All they do is go on vacation. Yes, all of them. Oh, well, thank God I have Lori. She shouldn't bother me with that shit. Wow. God. I don't know about gay guys. Can I tell you what I did last weekend?

Tell me. So I wanted to treat myself in one of my all-time favorite musicals is Little Shop of Horrors. Oh, my God. You started jinxing it. I took the red eye. Okay. Bought myself a ticket. Okay.

With my own miles. You didn't ask her for a comp No I did I bought a plane ticket What are you whispering about you dykes Our managers represent Jinx So they got me a ticket And they said like would you be comfortable Taking some pictures after for like promo And I was like yeah sure yeah so i flew i flew myself out okay flew down yeah yeah delta one delta one and it was the red eye to new york so you're sleeping now sleepy sleepy sleeping

sleepy and then i get there and i uh go see a little shop of horrors jinx was phenomenal phenomenal phenomenal i mean it's all these professional Broadway actors, dancers, professional costumes, all that. Jinx fit in exactly like she is a professional theater actress. But she is though. It's not that I didn't expect her to be on that level. It's that, wow, this person who has a whole other career in drag is just as amazing as everyone on the show. She slayed it.

It was amazing. I believe you because I remember seeing her on that cruise like 14,000 years ago and I was like, that's the most talented drag racer. No question.

It is really no question. I love everyone. No question. It's out of this world. Out of this world. Let's say ugly. I was going to say like her, what is going on with my bangs?

I feel like her look wasn't as put together. Of course not. But now that she looks great, she's funnier than all of us. Better singer than all of us. Yeah. And she looks awesome.

Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, her glow up was like pretty immediate though. I mean, she looked boo boo the shit. She looked like a shit can on her season, but she,

she got that right. She got that right together pretty much right away. Didn't she? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I have a hair in my eye. Hold on. You did.

You did. No, but I mean, but think about Jinx on Drag Race that's going back to season five. She was crunchy. Sure. A little crusty. Not great drag. Pretty bad. But so talented.

The singing. The talent, though. I mean. She's playing Audrey, which is a woman's role. She sings 95% of the show in the original key and she's using her head voice. She sings somewhere that's green. You know that song?

Sure. There's a musical. There's part in the musical where Audrey sits and sings about she wishes she lived in the suburbs of Seymour and she could have a simple beautiful life crying. She was crying. I was crying. Okay. Everyone was crying. I was crying. Okay. Everyone was crying.

And then right before spoiler alert, uh, she dies in the movie and gets fed to the plant. And she gives this monologue. That's like Seymour. I want you to feed me to the plant so that it'll stay big and strong and all your dreams will come true. And she sings like a reprise of some of that's green where she talks about being the plant eating her and being dead.

Sobbing. Yeah. Sobbing. Yeah. Sobbing. That's great. It was so good. So funny. The singing, she looked awesome.

She's trim, very trim right now. And obviously she had FFS and is on hormones. So like it's very, it's, it's jinx with like extra, extra shot of femininity right now. Yeah.

And she just, she was amazing. Good for her. I mean, she, I mean her talent side of this world, out of this world, out of this world,

I guess is, um, porn star. No. Yeah. It was Sean Cody and, uh, but Corbin blue is a porn company or Corbin Fisher.

Yeah. It was Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher in the show. No Corbin blue, I guess is from Disney. Such a trash bag. Gross. Shoot. High school musical.

I've never seen it. Sorry. She was in it. He was good. It was just, it was amazing. Gross. Shoot me. High school musical. I've never seen it. Sorry. She was in it. She was good. It was just, it was amazing. I'm so glad. I mean, she is incredible. And I was in New York for less than 24 hours.

I just flew right back. Look at you. Jet setter. The only thing is I had to get the room for three nights. And I guess because I travel with you, now people think when I travel alone, I need nice accommodations. The room was $1,900 for three days. Yeah.

What did you say at the Four Seasons? The Intercontinental Times Square. 1900. Times Square? Because it was a block from the theater. I wanted to stay close to the theater. You don't stay in Times Square, you freak. Well, I didn't want to go to the show and have to like hitch a train.

I wanted to be able to walk a block and be there. So I stayed like a block from the theater. Okay, but just for future reference, let me clue you in on something a little fun about New York. The trains are fantastic, especially when it's not the dead of summer. I guess. Just FYI.

Mary, the trains actually run in New York. They're good. So you can stay anywhere. I mean, not anywhere. I was there for like less than 24 hours. I just wanted to see it, go to bed and leave. Okay. Well, as long as it's not that, but you remember.

The money bothered me. $1,900 for three nights. It's expensive. It's expensive. I'm more of a three star girl. That's like $700 a night. When I'm on my own, I'm kind of on the cheaper. You're at the Motel 6.

Yeah, cheaper. You're at the Dunes Inn, the motel with the door open and your legs up in a sling going. Well, do you remember we used to stay at the Hudson, which was kind of a flop. Kind of a flop. No offense, Hudson. No, the standard. Which one is the one? What is the one that we always stayed at with the Voss, that Brandon Voss always booked us?

I've never done that. I like the standard Highline. No, it's not that. I like the standard Highline. No, it's not that. I think it's the, there's one where it's like this trendy, super trendy like you go up a huge escalator. It's always the drag race. It's always the one we're booked for drag race events.

And it's like this, it's a super stupid, do you know what I'm talking about? You're thinking of the Hudson which it starts with a huge escalator and the rooms, you open the door and the door hits the bed. Oh yeah. And there's no counter space In the bathroom for makeup Because the room is about A foot and a half square

Yeah It is the most bullshit Piece of shit Fucking ridiculous hotel in New York If we're talking small spaces I would rather just stay at like The Yotel In New York

Which is at least Tiny and clean Okay well I mean The other one's clean, but you wait about 35 minutes for an elevator. You can check in without seeing anyone. Well, then also it's like you have to contend with the, I don't know, the 4 billion decibel

DJ set that's happening every night until 3 a.m. Do you know what I mean? I'm such an old maid. God damn it. Just kill me. Take me on a bench. I hate staying at hotels where there's music late. I don't. Call me crazy. Call me old fashioned.

Go to a nightclub. In my day, there were men and there were women and there were hotels and there were nightclubs. Right. Yeah. And I say, you know what I mean? Well, even at the Trixie Motel we don't play music late I was sure the fuck hope not because although but you know what though

your motel there's nobody staying at your motel that's not there to have a fun time like there's all different types of reasons somebody could be at the Hudson Hotel all different types we're not having work people a funeral a wedding a business venture Somebody could be at the Hudson Hotel. All different types. A funeral. A funeral.

Yeah. A wedding. A business venture. An execution. An execution. Anime con. Circumcision. Anime con.

Circumcision. Whatever. That's such a brunch drag joke of like, anybody getting married, divorced, circumcised. Oh, God. You should kill yourself, right?

Should we go back to, there's those certain jokes that just, they hit at brunch and they- Bird fan? I've kissed a cock or two. Oh, are you getting married? Oh, does your husband have a huge cock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what that is.

Or let's see the ring. Oh, this tiny ring, you poor bitch. I don't like it. I hate all brunch jokes. Testicular difficulties. You better drink hard because it takes pretty more. You drink the prettier we look. I hate that shit.

I know. I'm so happy that I think that we've grown many, many, many light years. Not away from it. I think, yeah, away from it. We don't ever have to do that again. Well, I hope the new generation of drag queens has new brunch jokes they're not doing that shit although maybe they are well maybe they're oh no oh no no the pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction that they're talking about how drag is dangerous and the transformation will set you free. A life of authenticity.

We gotta go. We gotta go. When I was hosting at like locally, I was here to be mean to people. Yeah. And that's all I was here. And that was like medal of freedom. Give it to her. I was here to be,

when I used to read bingo and people would win. You didn't want to win when I hosted bingo. All right, you fat ugly bitch. I was like, Oh, look at that. And this is

the only good thing you have going in your whole life it's a shitty little thing you suck and you're not pretty they're horrible and that's skin it seems like you lack education i noticed you came here alone no friends like you know you don't want to win at my bingo yeah anyway well thank you so much for listening i hope it wasn't too negative. I don't think so. I think they're used to us being this negative. I think this is who we are. So we're the same coming at you next week. Stay tuned.

Hey, hey folks. Bye.