The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - We Finally Explain Art

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Art, to us beautiful biological women, is the residue produced when consciousness attempts to impose intelligibility upon the otherwise rudimentary foundation of existence. It's a beautiful and occasionally difficult transformation through which sensation, memory, and desire are alchemized into a new state of being that endeavors to comprehend reality. Art occupies that mythical space between revelation and perception, where the observer engages in an effort to fully grasp their brain's interpretive architecture, even when it's painfully obvious that journey is a fool's errand. In summation, art is perhaps best understood not as beauty, expression, or even meaning, but as an endless negotiation between the ineffable and the intelligible. Also, sometimes a big table is just a big table.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We were just talking. I don't know. Oh, we're just talking about funny videos. Excuse you. Quiet on the set. Damn. She will keep you here till four. I will keep you.

You will keep me here till four. I have a nail appointment. Do you think these shoes are corny? No. Probably people wear, I'm always like, that's so fun and simple and cute. Then when I wear it, I look like my grandma. What about my Herman Munster edition? Well, those are kind of fun.

Where are those from? The shoe store down the street? Wow. The snacketerium. The snacketerium. Those are really pretty. So there's, okay, fun. There's a, I went to a store to buy these shoes and the really cool.

Oh, God, this guy is so cool. Love this guy. What's so cool about him? Okay, let me tell you. What brings the coolness? There we go. I like the yellow one. I do too.

Do you ever have sugar free? No. I went in the store and I bought these shoes and he told me Queen Latifah was just there. Oh. And then this guy was just great. His name is Jay. He's just so cool looking.

He's just hot. What store? It's called politics. Oh. And so nice. So helpful. Very young. Just, I mean, devastatingly handsome.

And then just like dressed all cool. Not wearing those giant huge, fucking windy baggy pants that are so untrue. right now, which I appreciated. The last time I saw my believe he was wearing some kind of skinny pants. Do you like skinny pants? It just depends.

It's context dependent. I feel two ways about it where it's like if I wear my little thin, my little slim gene, I feel like it's like millennial f***ing it, cringe. Yeah, yeah. You're a cringe. You don't know what time it is.

What are you three years ago called? They want their fucking f***ieieiees painted on pants back, you loser! Kill yourself. But also I feel like if I bought like a lovely wide leg jinko, they'd be like... What are you trying to be young? You old...

You old f*** it, you should... So now I'll set of clothes, I'll just take a kind of a large bath towel, wrap it around myself, and I'll just wear that place is. And that way people know I'm kind of opting out. Yeah, and you're out of the shower. It's like one of people who don't have social media. I don't have clothes. No, yeah.

I mean, we know one thing about Trixie is that she's always running out of... Running out of the house at 5 a.m. with wet hair. I am. This is a secondhand shirt. Isn't this bird shirt? Great. It's great.

And then this is an old tricksy bucket hat. Bucket hat. I wear it in the pool a lot. It's, uh, Terry cloth. Does it make you think that I'm kind of like Malibu's most wanted,

Jimmy Kennedy? It makes me feel that you're, is that Jamie Kennedy? It makes me feel you're a fun and whimsical full of whimsy. People love whimsy. Oh my God. That TikTok audio that's like,

y'all need whimsy. I agree. That's how I felt when I walked into your party and I don't know if people were dressed up. I was like, where's the whimsy? But I think it's because a lot of people they want to fuck you.

So they're like, wear my sexy clothes because she'll see me and will fall in love. But I was like, uh, the theme is Italy and Christmas. Where's the, where's the Christmas cookie? Where's the, where's the Christmas cookie? Where's the Christmas cookie? Where's the cleaning tower of Pisa? Where's the nooky?

Wait, did I tell you about the level of drinking that happened to me? I talked about this at the Willtern show. By the way, lack of air conditioning. Shout out to the Willtern. We'll never be back. Well, you know, we'll never be back. You know, it's always a wrap when you see the plaque outside that says this is a historic building. That means there's no plumbing

or air conditioning. They were like, oh agents and managers and stuff were theirs. I was like, bring them in here. Bring them all in here. Wrap a Terry cloth, throw around them. Put an Afghan around them. Warm them up. Yeah, where's the wool? Here's the heavy wool. We're the scratchy heavy wool sweaters

up to the chin. And Fina, again, bring him down to reality. Fina comes in and goes, oh, well, Conti's room is just ice is an ice box and then leaves, close the door behind her. I said, oh, great, perfect. I'll just sit in here in the easy bake oven at about 350. Yeah.

Again, I think there's, I'm sensing a theme in my life. Maybe I'm coming up to some sort of psychological milestone. Hot, her trainer. The lovely guy. Unbelievable. One of the most attractive people I've seen in a long time. Yeah, no shit. And I'm like, God damn it's all corrupt.

So tall, so handsome, so young. The eyelashes, the white eyes, the perfect skin. I was like, I know, I was like, oh, okay, all right. Okay, so we're doing that now. What baffles me is, I'm the same species and gender. I know. Like when I see a bunch of dogs

And they're all the same breed and gender They all look the same to me Kind of Right Animals like animals Yeah no I know what you're talking about But me and this guy Are human and a pug

I'm saying same breed Oh same breed yes yes yes yes yes Me and this this human are same animal Yeah Or same gender Same species But one of us is doing something Very fucking different

One of us is doing something That belongs on a petri dish One of us is doing the lot of, yeah, come drinking. So wait, how did this drinking happen to you? Okay, so it was my friend, H. Allen Scott's Bertie. Elron Hubbard.

Yes, H.L. and Scott has birdie. And so, what? Birdie. Oh, this is Bertie. That's for Mr. Wonderful, too. This is birdie. So we decided to go out. You know, we're all on our meaty calf.

Thank you. We're all in our upper 40s. So we all put on our pancake makeup to go to West Hollywood, right? We all put on our fucking house paint. So. Stop it. We all put on our TV paint stick to go to a happy hour. Oh my God.

Looking embalmed. Looking like Jessica Chastain. Looking like the killer. Tammy Faye. Tammy Faye. We all put our lashes. We all put nail polish all over our lashes and then stick them on and put mascara over that. You know what I hate when drag queens do?

What? The bottom lashes upside down. So they go like this. It drives me up the wall. That's like. thing when they put their pants on backwards or when they wear their shoes on their shoulders, that's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong in a lot of levels. It's wrong and it's wrong. Just so you know. There are no rules and fashion except for that one. And I don't like, it's fine. I'm not in charge of

the people's drag, but I think somebody should hurt them physically their bodies. A lot of drinking should happen to that. Right. Right. Right. I want to take a long piece of sandpaper and take like their front of their knee and just go like, something, something mean. Something to teach them a lesson. Yeah. I want to push them into a wall. Right. Right. Right. So we go and we go and we go to this place called 33 taps in West Hollywood and I guess I've chosen... Craft beer? I've chosen 36 to

love West Hollywood. I love to West Hollywood now. Maybe. It's a gay bar. I don't think anyone's going for the craft beer. Pancake makeup. I imagine Chiqued. Community theater, shading. Scratching your face and then a huge... A huge divot. I take my Ben Nye character wheel. I do

contour, highlight, blush, the Wells Fargo. A wagon is, like I, girl. Your character. Dinner theater. My character makeup. Wet. Wet. Wet. No powder. No powder. Wet. Wet. And then all my laugh lines. The cake, the cake makeup is increasing. Love. Yes. Scream lines.

So we go and it's drag queens. It's drag queens. It's Godoy and Samara hosting a bingo. I walk in and I haven't been to a drag bingo a long time. I love. This girl, Samara, she's so unbelievably beautiful. I go, your highlighter. Oh my God. You look so beautiful. She said, it's your highlighter. I was like, I wasn't even fishing for it. It was like, oh.

Fierce. And then they just look great, and I'm sitting there, and I'm not a good listener. Bingo is hard for me. Bingo's hard for me. The numbers are fast. I used to host Bingo,

which is very easy. You just say numbers. 5, 10, whatever, 6, 7, whatever. Or? Being at Bingo, I'm like, and everyone at my table is trying to drink and talk.

I'm like, shut up. I'm daubing. I'm daubing as fast as I can't. Because I want to win. Of course, I don't win. I've never won bingo. I've never with someone who wins. But it's...

No one wins. It's like, it's like a Ashton Coucher's hiding to be like, we're going to follow her for her whole life to make sure at every bingo, it's fixed and rigged and she can never win. But what do you... But it's not your fault. It's random, though. It's universe.

It's God. It's Gaia. It's the moon. It's the earth. It's channeling the divine. It's mercury. It's mercury. And they're sort of like, guess what?

You will never win. Damn. You will never win. So how does that make you feel? It's fine. We had some drinks. Then they brought over shots. And I guess because I haven't been eating much.

I was like kind of already not noticing that I'm a little drunk. But everybody has told me my whole life that when I am drunk, they can't tell. Okay. Like I'm drunk now. I wonder how many times you've been drunk with me and I haven't noticed. I've never really been drunk around you. Have you noticed I never? The other night at the Willtern, the fact that I had wine on stage, do I ever do that?

No, I was worried. But I had like this. Tracy said, hmm. But I do see you butt chugging it before the show. Yeah. I never drink on stage. There's an empty bottle of wine that falls out of your ass. Oh, it's the avalice.

Camer Diaz wine, it shatters, and then I sit down on the shards. And I just grind on the wet shards and there's blood. That's horrible. Let's take a break. I'm sorry. Oh, Avaline was the sponsor. They pulled out. They said, what did you fucking say?

I do like Avaline. I do like Avaline wine. Avaline wine wine. A-B-A-L-N-E. I think it's Cameron Diaz's company, but we just had a bottle of this studio. I was there tracking some vocals. I was like, I'm going to have wine. You can't find your vocals?

No, the microphone. Because the drag. Your tracker. No, I was doing a vocal. I'm doing a track. No, but you understand the joke. I understand. It's just not funny, faggot.

It's close. She's close. The bridge is right around the corner. I'm doing this track with Rekno, the D-J producer, Rekno. Rectum? Rekno. Bace house, really baggy, long ponies,

rapping, love. And I got to track the vocals. In my drag closet, the one that used to be by the pod room, is all fabric. So that's where I go. to make, because it's like a boof. Soundproof. Because I don't have a boof.

A boof. Sound boof. I'm boofin it in the sound boof. Look the boose. It's about a live barb, Eric Cologne. She's tracking her vocals and boffin it. She's boofing herself while she tracks her vocals. So, um, what was it?

Oh, she's boofing. Oh, so drinking. In the booth? No, but drinking at the event. Okay. So then we go, I guess I, I mean, I never in my life even brownout drinking. I don't know what was special. Like fuzzy memory.

Something about this day The lights went out in Georgia The lights went out Tutsi nationwide Nationwide Grid paralyzed Nationwide Is on your side

So Hog hog I wrote that We should do more of that Singing Call 1-800 East West Yes of course

All you gotta do is call 988 667 Empire Love that When you've got called JJ Wentworth 86-O-O-Dblow. Yeah.

The other one is... When the sun is blazing, the summer gets hot. Water country's a very cool spot. There's no better place to feel and be on. Water country, have some fun. People are listening to this. Why would I subscribe to the piece learn? More of this?

Let's take a break. And now we're back. What a country? Water country. So we go. I guess we go. So I'm going to Tarantino this. I'm going to skip to Monday.

Monday I'm filming a piece for a press piece. Oh, the dog pressed up because of the winner. The killer. I'm filming a press piece and the interviewer goes, it was great seeing you Friday. I said, have we met? He says, we talked Friday. I go, oh. I'm in drag.

I go, oh. So let's Tarantino back to this night. Apparently, we went into Revolver, had shots, I guess. I don't know, days later. Did you lick him? Did you lick him? Don't remember speaking to him. Did you remember talking to him?

Don't remember his face. Don't remember being in there. So then I guess we went to Mike drop this new West Hollywood karaoke bar. Because I was with people that I want to say something about Mr. Wonderful. At a certain amount of,

at a certain time of night with there's drinks involved, there's going to be singing anyway. So it's better to get him an environment where it makes sense. Yes, yes, yes. Right? Because it's going to be singing.

Not at the police station. The group of gays is going to start singing. Sure. Okay. Got it. So let's get somewhere where it makes sense in the context. There's microphones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, we're at the Hardee's, the Dancateria, the Snacketerium, you know what I mean? So I guess we go to mic drop. I remember the inside. I remember the interior. Like, days later, the memories are coming back to me. I'm like a sleeper agent. Okay.

I'm Halliberry and Gothica. Okay. You're on Shutter Island. I'm Shutter Island. I'm Shutter Island. I'm Shutter Island. I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. It's memento.

Absolutely. You're looking at all the tattoos. You're piecing it together. Right, seven. Six plus seven. Six, seven. So, how does anybody listen to us?

How does anybody? How do you? Water country. People have genuinely said to me, I love your pod. I go, you know that's, they go, I listen to your pod every week. I go, you know that's mental illness. You know you have mental illness. So apparently I sang.

Don't know what I sang. Multiple songs. told you. We're all singing. And we're there with Elliot Glazer, who's an incredible singer. Is he really? So the only memory I have is him sitting waterfalls

and me being like, oh, my God. You know, when someone's an amazing singer, it makes karaoke go from ha-ha to like, suddenly it's like, let me show you how you're burlesque. You know, it's Christina Gillard. It's, show a little more.

It's like, well, I can do that. Of course. The rest of us are like, sometimes I feel I want to get away. Mind you, I make records. And I'm still not a good karaoke. singer. But I don't like it when the real karaoke singers when they're like, you guys,

I don't know the song. Huh. You're like, oh, God, oh God. I love good singers. Okay, okay, okay, okay. And I don't like it when the, when the, I don't like it when the, when the, I don't like it when the, ambushers drop in from Boston Conservatory into the, into the karaoke.

They take it too serious. They're like, they bring their own CD. They bring their own CD. Don't tell me how to lit. Like, it's like, girl. When they pull out the funny girl thing, it's too much. Somebody just saying Jesus takes the wheel You'll be great Gonna have the whole world on a plate

Yeah Yeah Everything's coming I'm roses And you're like What do you think you're Patty Laude? Oh it is Patty LaColm You know

It's like oh shit She just elbowed me in the face She just pushed me She body checked me So she could sing her song Yeah she told me to sit on a bunch of broken shards Patty doesn't just bring her own CD She brings her own karaoke system

In a band I'm a dolly. Mariashi's But it's always She has a soprero everybody only has Maracas. But it's the hard will go on. So anyway, singing, I will say this about mic drop.

Wow, it is beautiful inside. Gorgeous. I'm sorry, the nicest karaoke rooms I've ever been to. Nice service. Like, days later, it started to come back to me. I was like, everybody was so nice. Oh, private room. The door service was nice.

They were nice at the front desk. Private rooms. Where else who was Halloween? We can even get a private room. So let me pitch this to you, people. Bath house. Even if you don't want to sing. Don't make me sing.

You could just go rent the private room, drink with your friends. in the padded room. Padded room. A karaoke. I haven't been in a private karaoke room in so long. It was so fun. And it was... I know.

Last time was probably Orville's birthday party at Dave's break room. I wasn't about you. You weren't. He wanted to bring you and I said, absolutely not. No. I said, I'm not going. She's going.

Anyway, snacketerium. It was really fun. I wouldn't do that. But drinking. I don't aspire to forget things drinking. That was kind of a lot. I woke up like Ha ha ha ha ha

Then you have to go through the ticker tape Yes I was like what happened The surveillance footage I look down I see a wristband I'm like oh And then you're chained to a hospital bed No I think it's from a nightclub It's a hospital

And it's someone else's name Not again Switch to birth I also have to tell you I have a few things I have to tell you I went to this thing called the hospital of emotions What?

Okay lately on TikTok What the hell are you talking about? Okay so The hospital of emotions. It happened. So lately I've noticed, I live in... Is this a digital realm? No, this is real.

A brick and mortar? Can I tell you? Damn! It's a story. Fuck. So lately I'm like, I live in America's second largest city. And I... There's so much of L.A. I haven't seen her done.

I live here 10 years. I go to the same few gay bars and I love. But there's so much things not around drinking to do. that I don't do because it's daytime and I'm working or whatever. Sure. I had a day off because you were almost dead. And I was like, let's go to the hospital of emotions. I saw it online.

It's an old hospital that's defunct now. It's not being used. Empty, not defunct. Like someone walks in and said, fake. I love it. It's either funked or defunct. It's defunct. So it's a hospital and the people who work there are dressed as doctors and each floor is an emotion.

And each of these hospital rooms, a different artist has done an installation about that emotion. So like, oh, this is the same. sadness ward. And every room is an artist took a whole hospital room, ceiling to floor and transformed it into like an immersive experience. Okay. And there's joy and there's whatever, all these emotions. Um, sure. Okay. That sounds riveting. It was cool. Um, sounds a little corny. All these artists are different. So every room was different. It's just like these people's own interpretation. One of them made me cry. Was it the sadness room? It, one of them was, was a hospital bed. And then floor, seal, seal. walls, it was like paintings of almost like stills from a person's life, like childhood. It's like, and the piece was about

like when somebody's on like their deathbed and your family's all around, the people just share stories of the person's life. And I was like cynical me. Yeah. And I don't even like art museums because visual arts kind of bore me sometimes and that's horrible. I'm the type of person when I go to shit, I'm like,

sure. You know? Here in front of the old. lonely. He's like, wow. Right. Yeah.

Unless it's something that is really, you know, baby didn't go to art school in that way. So baby needs things fed to me. I need to read the plaque.

I need to explain to me. Well, and this one really moved me. And so I went from like, L. L.O.L. me and my boyfriend doing the hospital thing.

Ha ha, we're doing something funky. Yeah. To like, oh. Let's go. Yeah. But it was actually really nice.

It was a little pricey. I think it was $85 per person or something. That's insane. But, you know, art. It is, I think hundreds of artists installations

out in one. Well, you know, on that point... Nobody forced me to go. Oh, no, I think it's great. I'm okay to spend money. I'm not gonna... It's not insulin. I chose to go.

It was $85 and I knew about it. And you weren't, yeah, you weren't tricked or robbed or anything. To that point, I think it's interesting to... I think your reaction to visual art is common. And I think it's helpful when you... Because that is off...

That is like the most common thing to hear. And if you go to a good museum like Art Institute of Chicago, or I mean, I don't know, any good museum where there's a lot of stuff. I do go. No, no, no, no. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. But I have felt the same thing that you're feeling and often do. That somehow there's like an uninterpretable, there's like art is uninterpretable,

like taken out of a context. And it does make more, sometimes it makes more sense in a context. But if you just, like, you can look at a painting. be like, and just look at it. And be like, you'll get it. And that's the whole experience. You'll get it. You will get it.

If you look at it, you will get it. And reading always helps. Always great to read the thing. If they have more, if they have more information about who painted it and when, in what country they're from, it's great. But like, a lot of times people are like,

they'll see like the Mark Rothko paintings. Or they'll see, they won't see them in person. They'll see the photographs of them in a whatever, a magazine or something or a book. Like, this is, like, Or on a tweet. And I'd be like, this is unfucking ridiculous. This is ridiculous.

But if you see them in person, it's really something different. Okay, it is different. In school, for one of my art electives, I had to take a art survey class, which is like a class about art if you're not a visual artist. Art history. Which was really interesting.

Yeah. It was history, but also as part of the class, you had to go see something. And I went to see the Thomas, I think his name is Thomas Kincaid. He did this series called Freak Parade, which was this series of Thomas Kincade Is that wrong?

Is that wrong? Oh no that's wrong. No, not Thomas Kincade, painter of light. I'm sorry. I was like, I was like, where is this going? That's awful. It's so fierce.

I'm sorry. Thomas Woodruff. The way that he painted with light. Can you look up Thomas Woodruff Freak Prate? Is that right? It's not Thomas Kincade. That's the guy who does the little cottages.

The painting up light with the three sons. I know. I'm sorry. No, it's a fierce. Like this? Thomas Woodruff. Yes. Okay.

So I saw this thing, Paul. This was a long time ago. But seeing it online buying the ticket, this was my first time as a big boy adult 19, whatever, going to an art show on my own for a class, I guess because I had to go. But seeing the scale of the pieces in person changed everything.

It made the experience, I remember it like yesterday. I remember which ones are my favorite. And then Jennifer took me to the brod, and I saw the, I don't remember their artist's name, the giant dining room table. The giant dining room table. Okay. And that was so physical and like imposing because it's so big.

You're like standing on a dry table. I guess maybe I have a difficulty understanding. I police myself on what I think I meant to feel. Yeah. And then I get in my head about what I'm supposed to be experiencing. And I try to instead be like, the artist is also not in charge of what I feel when I see this. Yeah.

It's actually an independent experience. That plaque exists. But it's not like I have to have an experience. fact check what I felt to make, like, I'm allowed to just be like, that's a big table and keep walking. Totally. Even if that's a shallow experience, that's the experience I have. But that's, that's, I think that the shallow experience is the experience.

And it's like, you know, everyone, but I always feel like someone around the corner is crying being like, this piece means so much. And I'm like, that table's big, you know? Yes. That's my experience. No, it's great because I, when I went to, it also depends on what's going on and where you are sort of in your life and where your interest. Sorry. When I was at the Art Institute of Chicago last time, I was tweaking out at the furniture section. Tweaking at American, like, turn in the century, like, 18th, a 19th century furniture. I was rubbing the skin raw. You loved it. Loved it. Because why? I was just, I wanted to buy a house. And I was right. I was like, Chicago's.

Exactly. She, she sees what she doesn't have. And I was like, all this incredible lack of furniture. I was like, all of this incredible lack of furniture. I was like, Oh my God, it's like nutting everywhere. But then, you know, it's a shallow experience. And then it can have depth. But it's like, when you jump into a pond, of course it's shallow at first. Right. You're giving yourself permission to like... Just look at it.

Just look at it. Just look at it. And I guess that's the part that, I don't know, I'm 36. I'm just now having better experiences at art museums because I understand that the experience is kind of independent. Yeah. And as an adult, going with a group and saying, this is what I like, what do you like about it? Like we were under this giant table

and Jennifer was like, this is so cool, you're gonna love it. And it was the other thing that everyone goes to see at the bro, the mirror that goes on forever? Like lights and mirrors that go on forever? Anyway, we waited in line to see that. The giant table to me made me think of when I was younger and I was like, maybe that's just so surface and obvious. It just makes me being a kid.

That's perfect. Maybe that's okay. It's totally, oh. See, it's the judgment of the thought that is the problem. It gets in the way of me actually having the present experience. Because when the, you know, The knee-jerk reaction is so important because it's the first reaction. It's before I get my way.

Yes. Like, that's what I feel. You're like, ew. Or like, whoa, or like, ah. Or like, eh, or like, uh, anything. Like, that's really important. To say that, it's like, that's important. And it's also really, it's really elitist.

And it's really, I think, um, misguided to discount that. Nobody made me feel this way. I did it to myself. Sure. But that's so, but it's very common. And so I remember back in, in school when this guy who was, was like one of those cool guys, one of those cool art guys. And his whole work was basically surveillance footage.

And I was like, okay. It's the opposite. It's the opposite. It's the opposite. It's like my knee jerk reaction. I'm, I think that I'm, I'm prejudging my knee jerk reaction to this, which is, this is, oh, this is boring. It's meaningless.

And then I'm like, well, what, but I, but how could it possibly? He's so cool. And then I was like, I was like, no, no. Looking back, I'm like, that was trash. Trash. That was trash. It was pretentious. It wasn't, it wasn't aesthetic.

It was like anti-est. It was just like, this is trash. Trash. There's no, there's trash. It doesn't even, it's not even worth, but even having that emotion. Yeah. You got it an experience out of it.

Yeah. I'm not saying his plan was feed up that experience. No, no, no. His plan was to be like, I'm going to present something that's so, sort of like, sort of wrapped in this like shitty veneer being so technical and elusive and in aloof.

and meticulously constructed, it was like, yeah, but it sucks. Right. You know. Whereas that giant Goya painting is like, whoa. And that's like, just that is good enough. And then there's a lot more to it. Of course, there's like whatever.

And also the paintings and I just... I mean, it depends. Like, in college we used to, because I was a musical theater shoot, we used to have to watch all the dance concerts that the students would put on. Oh, God, yeah. And obviously, on the surface level,

the physical ability of young dancers is already marvelous. But beyond that, I often felt pea-brained in a way where I was like, I don't know what this piece was about. Right. I couldn't tell you what any of this is about. It reminds me of what I went to you, the young composers recitals in college that were like a lot of modern composers, atonal, arithmic.

Yeah. And it made me feel like, um, am I just like not able to enjoy this? Is it weird? Am I, what is it about this that makes me feel so? Yeah.

like tone deaf to it well i think though a lot of those that stuff like the you know the the the pivotal uh iconoclassic or like uh groundbreaking pivots in in the in the history of art especially in contemporary art is like well yeah they're they're they that's a con it's in a context that is helpful to be understood if you're studying it i mean if you find yourself in the a contemporary dance uh performance where they're you the composer is like, you know what? We were going to do Vivaldi, but I think we're just going to go with a dentist drill.

Right. And we're going to do it for an hour. And so it's like antagonistic. And it's like, but that's a conscious choice because it's like revolting. It's like there's a revolt there. And it's obviously intended to make the audience feel discomfort. And that's going to be met with discomfort.

So it's like they're not really going towards like romantic beauty and and awe and lush like, human body and like, oh, these patterns and these shapes and this rhythm and this flow and this like repetition and variation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They're just like, and also like to put a bow on it, the experience you have, which is that was weird. I didn't get it is also completely valid. Valid. It's as valid as saying, I totally got it. Right.

All that non-binary tea is valid. Last night I texted you at like 1.30 a.m. My non-binary tea is so valid. And you didn't say anything back. I was letting it sit. I was letting it sit because I had a knee-jerk reaction. I feel like I just need to support.

No, no, no. This is, I really love this because only now, you know what I thought about when you said that? I was like, I only think that now after living for 40 something years, 3014, I am qualified or that I could get something out of art school now. I feel the same way recently.

Only now. Undergraduate. I'm not talking graduate. I'm not talking graduate. I'm talking undergraduate. Like literally recently I've been like, I wonder if I would have the same experience in like the level one music theory classes that I hated taking. I bet I would go in there and love it. Oh my God.

I bet I would go home thinking about it. Visual language. I would be a try hard bitch. Oh, I would be the only, um, I would stay after. I'd be like, I love, that's, this lesson today was amazing. I'd be the only unconventional student eating in the video bay till 9 p.m.

Irritating. Irritating. Are you still in there? Yes. I just, ugh. Yeah. Irritating.

I would be irritating. And I think back of being like young and just being like, I'm paying all this money to be here in class and I'm pissed. Pissed at an A.m. class for art. For the thing I love. Art. For the thing I love. Yeah.

The thing I left that shit-ass university for. Crazy. Can I tell you what else happened to me? Speaking of art. So how did the drinking happen to you? What do you mean? You said at the top that I want to tell you about this, this time when the drink. Somebody made the drinks.

I was at a bar. I didn't go back there and make it myself. A server brought it to me. Someone bought it for me. Any other questions? Now we're going to pivot to my substance abuse. This is so fucked. I hate it here.

This room is bogus. I think that... Well... I do have a fucking problem, bitch. And it's sitting over here. Yeah, it's your fat ass. So I went to Philly because... I went to Philly to do a gig with the Philly Orchestra.

The Philadelphia Orchestra. Gay, gay, gay. The gay, gay, gay? Was I gay? Wait, was it gay? It was a pride. It was like a pride thing. You wore this beautiful rainbow dress.

Yes. Thank you. You know I don't love rainbow. I don't either. You looked beautiful. Thank you. It's technically a TV dress like the lines on the TV. That's right.

Which is a fun way to wear rainbow. That was a huge. That was, oh, that's right. It was like, yes, yes. Because I have a hard time with rainbow. Many do and should. But I think the color's broken up in a different way. It works.

It's great. Very clever. Thank you. And I didn't say, I don't get it. No. So the orchestra is so huge and fantastic. I mean, they have albums upon albums. Some of the people in the orchestra have been in it for 50 years.

What did they think of your gay ass when you strolled up on that thing? Like Lydia Tar. Well, I asked a lot of questions about it because it's like a fine arts thing. And when you're a dragoon and you're doing fine arts, for a change. You were like... Wait, so I can't make a mistake? No, you're kind of like, okay, well, I better like, wear nice hair and wear nice dress and not say the F word.

You know what I mean? Like, when we try to like decorum. Because, you know, I'm a musician. I'm excited to be invited. And they told me I could do, like, I have to do like a 10 minute block of like, whatever performance I want. They said, we request like one of your maybe comedy numbers you do with your guitar. I said, sure. So I did rich people.

Yeah. Which is funny, but of course has a few course moments. I talk about like, I joke about rich people. wearing fur and underage prostitutes and stuff. It's more like making fun of the morals of the rich. Yes, of course. Of which you are a part? I guess, but I'm not.

Underage model. We're in fur. You're not fucking underage people with fur coden. Right. One of the jokes is like, rich people, don't you hate it when the valet smokes in your car? And you have to throw the whole thing away. It's great. Dumb.

It's great. Dumb. But I do that little number and that's fun. And then I decided to sing this other number I have working on called Till Death Thouis Part. And I was like, sometimes you've got to try a number in front of people. You just got to get the baby out of your uterus once to then go home and actually like strangle it with the cord. Yeah, strangled it with the umbilical cord.

So I do that. And it all works and it's fun. But before the show, I'm thinking of my high school band teacher taught me to read music. And I go, I'm going to text her because, you know, crazy. The Philly Orchestra, like, world famous. I'm like, I can't believe I get to even be on the stage with these people, you know, a whole orchestra that's like a hundred people on stage. And I text her and I'm like, I just got to tell her. tell you, like, I just did this remix for Duran Duran, and I'm getting to do this gig this week with

the affiliate orchestra. Sometimes as a musician, I just, I cannot tell you how grateful I am for you, like, teach me how to read music and teach me how to, like, respect it and all that. I just, I owe you so much. And she responded, like, you're welcome. And then I said, like, I was like, I just, I love, you know, you taught me so much and you're just so giving. And I don't, oh, yeah.

I was like, I couldn't, I could never do, like, all this without you. You just gave me so much. I forget what I said. And she said, yeah, I'm going to go work in my garden. Which is completely fine. Like, I'm not trying. I'm making her do this magnum, Mr. Mr. Holland's Opus thing with me.

You are. You're goodwill hunting her. You're goodwill hunting her. Yeah, girl. Go do your gig. Which is also that, that tea is very valid. She's like, who is this number? What is this number?

Oh, but it's also, I don't expect an older person to text like, she's an older person. It's going to be like short phrases. Happy Friday. You know what I mean? Like, yes. Happy Friday. So it was just so funny.

Hope this message finds you left. Yeah, it was, it was funny. But she did. But she did acknowledge me and say, thank you. That's nice to say thank you. But I'm, I guess what I'm. She said, happy birthday to say. I'm inflating this to be like, I wanted like tearful texting back.

No, you wanted a video. I wanted like, you were like, where she, she, she, Viola Davis not cried for like 10 minutes. Right. I mean, she did who I was. It's not like, were you absent a lot? Who are you? But, you know. But, and then at the gig, they ended with Born This Way.

And I had my guitar there and they were like, we want to do a group number at the end. and I'm staying there in full drag with my little guitar and they go, do you know Born This Way? I said, am I Nicky fan? No matter Black White or beige. Chola or Orient Maid. Not to mention

No matter Black White or beige. Chola or Orient Maid. Ooh, there ain't no other way. Love Born This Way, but Born This Way is absolutely over and over again. It's three chords. Is it really? It's Born this way, Born this way,

right check baby, born this way. So it was just, funny to be in full dragon. Let's wind that back to see. What do you say? That's why that's it. But I need more further convincing. Yeah, that didn't sound like, it didn't sound like, it didn't sound like, ooh, there ain't no other way.

Oh, but what about the chorus? Love born this way. What about the chorus? Ooh, there are right now all the way. The Lebanese, your Orias. Yeah, your Lebanese. What if, what if, you know, be furious if your band teacher had been like, you're Lebanese.

What is text bag? Your Orient. Your Lebanese, your Orient. Your Black, White, Chola, beige descent. You said the first thing, oh, my God, and then she's like, you're Lebanese. Y-O-U-R. Doesn't she say Black White or beige?

No matter Blackwater, beige, Chola or Orient made. That's so like, um... I think about it two to three times a day. No, I'm not joking. I think about it two to three times. I love that fucking song. Every single day. I want to know what kind of camamil tea

and honey-dipped drops. People would put it in the lovely little lush booth And then they were like So it's no matter a black, white or beige Chola or Orient made And I'm like I'm like right track baby I was born to be brave No matter gay straight or buy

Lesbian transgender life I'm on the right track baby I was born to survive I do like that lyric Okay Okay I was born to survive Survive Survive

I, okay, I understand this, that section is clunky, but I love born this way. No, no, no. Fucking love it. Yeah, I, that, it turns me up. I, I, I, yes. And I'm not making fun of it being three chords, because brilliant. Love the song. I don't think that, I don't think.

But it's just funny that I'm in full drag with a guitar. She goes, do you know the song born this way by a lady Gaga? I go, do I have breast in a pussy? I know, I was, I was Aaron Brock. Is it, what key would you like it in? You're like, you want black? You want white? You want beige.

But I'm such an FBG. I go, isn't it? in G major? Yeah. And then they bring me the conductor score. So then the conductor score is like every part in the orchestra. Fier. Like a big.

Would you doing this? Were you doing this? And the cover of it says like born this way written by Stephanie Germanada. You know what I mean? It's like a orchestral version. And so I'm standing there in my dragoon, my fine arts dragoon with my orchestral score with the piano going, oh yeah, I got that reading through it. I'm like, oh, my God.

I'm sight reading it like it's a serious orchestral piece and it's literally just born this way. I give the paperback. I'm like, I'll see you at the end of the show for doing this way. Yeah. I think I could, it could work. But I had a really fun time

and I asked them, I said, is this a ticketed event? And they said it was free. And I was like, think of all these FAAGs who are here who probably never go to see fine arts, things like this, who are here just because of this.

I thought it was sweet. That's amazing. I think it's wonderful. It's a triumph. It's a triumph. It's a triumph. It was fun. It was really fun.

It was a triumphant for, you know, whether, you just feel funny to walk out there and sing your dumb song about rich people, when these serious, world famous orchestra musicians are sitting right there with their little violins watching you do your actual dog and pony clown show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it when I like looking at, I watch this Dune sound, the Hans Zimmer Dune soundtrack

thing by an orchestra, a video on YouTube. And it was so cunt. And I like it when the certain sections are just sitting there because they're like, just waiting for their, you know, if they have a big break. Oh, they just chill. They just, they are like, they're not like, They're not like, no, they sit there. They're like, you know what's crazy too?

But there was a cello player, Mary, she had a head of hair, like a pantine proeee model. And the way that she was catching the lens of that camera every time it swung around. It was a man. And he was like, I mean, it was like,

he was like, yeah. It was like, he was like, which is a beastwick. Oh, yes, yes. It's already on fire. And he was like, and all of a sudden, Frizy hair. Crazy.

Darry Van Horn was just pumping him. I love that part where after she gets all hoared out and she goes into school and she played the shitty song and she goes

we're gonna do this one more time and what does she say we're gonna play the shit on the count of four we're gonna play this shit out of this thing and she gets them to yeah

dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun and she's so hot with that big curls I also love when she's in the supermarket saying Double double chocolate. These are fabulous.

These double chocolate, these are fabulous. And then she's eating pickles. What did you say? You heard her. Girl, it's so fierce. All because she, what, has sunglasses on? Well, she's eating pickles out of a jar. And she's not wearing a bra.

She's not wearing a bra. Now, where do you stand on eating out of the food that you haven't bought yet at the grocery store? Because I think one or two grapes never killed anybody. But I think if you're going to open up the raw meat or something like, you know, you better have those rolls. But imagine handing a bitten out of apple to the cashier and saying, scan it. No. No, no. So the thing is

so it's A, it's presumptupt What if it's plastic? What if it's actually sealed? Can you open it and start eating it? No, we can't eat in their grocery store. Because I think people are. What about goldfish crackers? No, you can't Okay. No, nobody's, so we can't eat in the grocery store. Because they're ignoring the very essential, important rule, is that you don't go to the grocery store, starving to death. Ellie's,

You made bad choices. People have their 270-pound mastiffs in the produce section in L.A. Do you understand? There's dog hair right on your celery. What about this? You go, is it Arawan? Erwin. I think they have aisles

that are about 18 inches long. Fierce. And then they go, so I'm, my name is Jeanette. I live in Westwood. And I walk, I've got my double wide stroller with my two obnoxious children and also my Great Dane family of dogs.

Right. And I'm on my phone, of course. And my O'Pair is outside idling the car. Thank you. Yeah. And so I'm in, I'm just. It's fierce. Girl.

What's that? What's that about? Have you been to a place called? And I got to get my, I got to get my $38 jar of olives one ounce. Yeah. Have you been to a place called Trader fucking Joe's? They have no food. Raw.

W.W.E. Raw. But you will get punched in the face. Maybe. Maybe they got no food there. They have no food. They have no food. Trader Joe has no... He's traded all his food.

He's got no food up in there. The first thing is it's like, I wonder what types of saltines they have one kind. But there are no options. Maybe one pack of gum. One pack of gum. One brand of milk. One size.

But they really try to throw you for a loop with that traitor jato. We don't have cherry tomatoes. We have cherry sitting next to the tomatoes. These are all traders with the G or the J gal. Who's Trader Julio? Well, if it's Italian, if it's Spanish. They say Trader Jotto. They do?

The Trader Jotto span pasta? Oh yeah, baby. And if it's like, you know, Trader Dracula's, whatever. Unlike TikTok and stuff, the way people talk about like, if you don't get out to Trader Joe's and get the Buffalo Pizza dip, I'm going to kill myself. They treat the proprietary value of these Trader Joe's. It's Big Joe. It's Big Joe. Shmires are coveted.

Shmere. If you go in the Franklin Mint lockup, it's Trader Joe's Shmires. It's a joke, but I. And it's like, this is the black olive and hot pickle honey ice cream. It's sort of like the shit at Ross, the impulse aisle shit at Ross. Oh. The popcorn flavor gum. The freaky shit, bitch.

Oh, the peanut butter remote controllers. It's like you can lick it and change the channel. Oh, my God. My hair tie tastes like hot and candy. Weird shit. Weird shit. My jelly flavored sandals. But Trader, can I tell you about Trader Joe's? You will get body checked trying to get your ogre out and potatoes.

Do you understand? The aggressiveness, the behavior. The behavior. The behavior. Couples therapy for Trader Joe's. Trader Jotto's therapy. But what I do like about Trader Joe's is you can get her. It's kind of like Gelson's where it's small.

You can get around the store quickly. You go to these big stores. No, no, yeah. Woodman's. It's nice and small. What are the backrooms? There's nice and small with no food in there. What about Costco, though?

Well, that's a whole not even on the same level. Trader Joe's has approximately 1,700 bottles of wine and no food. I'm sorry, is this a liquor store? It's true. It's true. I'm only talking about the one in WeHo on 8,000 sunset. It's true. It's true.

True. And now you know the two. Do you know about this one? Pump. It up. Oh, my God. You walk in there, you're like, how many boxes of wine did you need today, ma'am? Or how many giant jugs of chardonnay?

Well, I was just looking for pickles. No, we don't have it. And you know what else they got at Trader Joe's, too? It's like, I'm looking for a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup brand. Like the brand of the, I'm looking for this brand. What we do have is six pound bags of Trader Joe's brand circus peanuts. or black licorish. They got weird shit.

I know. And then I hate circus peanuts. I hate them. What are they? Oh, they're like orange, chewy. What's the flavor of a circus peanut? Is it trying to be like nutty or something? Is it a real peanut?

Or is it a candy? It's marshmallow. It is not a marshmallow. Oh, those are just. That is such a lie. They're horrible. It's like non-parales. Just don't make them.

Don't make them. What's a non-per-rail? It's a shit. Shit ass. Foe candy. They're banana flavored. That's a fucking lie. No,

they are. They call a circus peanut because they're clowns over there. Clown. Loops. But then, and then once you, if you do manage to find any non-licker items at Trader Joe's, and you want to go to the checkout,

what is the protocol? Girl, there's no counter. There's no bags. What is the, no, what is the protocol? Do I wait back there? Do I go up to a thing? They're all flat,

but what I, the way I've been clowned, humiliated every single time every single time I try to make some kind of like I try to get in some kind of line or I kind of try to wait my turn I'm like very very conscious and I don't have my headphones and I'm like what's going on

what's happening? People are flagging you or not flagging you all of a sudden people were like oh hello you're just trying to get your dark extra dark pretzels and leave and I wanted the milk chocolate right but like how many how many goblets of burgundy did you need Carlo Rossi oh have you ever gone to the grocery store have you ever

ordered carry out for holiday food from grocery stores. Okay. I have recently been exposed to this where instead of your family cooking, somebody just goes and picks up 10 chickens. Not chickens, but like...

Turkeys. It's like a la carte. We're going to have a family size serving of mashed potatoes, this, this, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you order ahead of time, even if you pick it up. The ultimate betrayal.

No, it's like a line around the store. People are breathless. Oh, God. Last time I picked up, though. Was it at Gelson? We forgot something. Was it at Gelson? No, it was out of state.

Okay. We forgot some fresh. Fresh time, fresh, fresh, fresh time market, fresh time market or whatever. Trans person recognized me. Give you a free box of wine. Didn't just give me the hookup, but something from my order was missing,

ran out to the parking lot, found me and make sure I had it. Pete Hegsess wants, Pete Hegseth wants to give hormone replacement therapy. No, Pete Hexis wants to give testosterone therapy to people in the Army, but they don't want to make sure that trans people in this country have access to hormone therapy. They don't want to make sure a portrait of Joe Stucks their house with food.

They don't. is behind that too. RFK everything's me. RFK needs to go out on a Trader Joe's and do something. Yeah. He needs to, he insure a... What if the red M&Ms were white?

What if it's not a box so white we had food? What if we should... I gotta go. We gotta go. We gotta go talk about All Stars on the Peace Ler. Oh yeah, we do. But before we do that, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If you don't say thank you, when will they know how to clap. That's what I had a dream about. I had a dream about.

Paul saying everyone say love. Oh, chilling. The terrifier. She was, it was a dark room and she was standing there going, everybody say love. Thank you.