The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - You Are More Than Your Phone with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

We are proud to partner this week with the Anti Phone-Shaming League of North America to bring you a very important message: you, dear listeners, are so much more than your phone. Do you have an iPhone X? An iPhone SE? Or even an Android? You're not alone. We are here for you. We want you to know that you are loved, appreciated, and your self-worth is about so much more than that thin piece of glass and aluminum in your pocket. As you lay down tonight in your parents' basement on your tear-stained pillow, we want you to close your eyes and recite the following mantra: "Though I may not have the latest shiny iPhone, a socially-acceptable level of personal hygiene, or even the knowledge of what it's like to be loved; I am good enough, I am smart enough, and gosh darnit people like me." Start building your credit with Chime! Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit to get started. Head to Chime.com/BALD or click here: https://www.chime.com/apply-debit/?ad=podcast_bald There’s no more shame in your gut game. Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your insides. Get 25% off your first month for a limited time at https://Ritual.com/BALD It’s 2024. Are you still feeding your cat kibble? Head to https://Smalls.com/BALD and use promo code BALD at checkout for 50% off your first order PLUS free shipping! Need to build a website? Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self! Visit https://LELO.com now for exclusive discounts on luxury intimacy products, and use code BALD10 at checkout for an additional 10% off your purchase! DRIVE AWAY DOLLS is only in theaters now! Visit https://DriveAwayDollsMovie.com to get tickets now! Pure For Men is the brand for good health and good times! Made by gay men for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. Get 20% OFF with promo code: BALD20. Head to: https://puremen.co/baldandbeautiful Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It don't matter what you do. Because VH1 canceled you. Unemployed supermodel. Is that a bunnyism? Uh-huh. Work. What about bunnies? Fred Schneider doing supermodel. Work it, girl!

Rule the world! What about Bunny's new track? I ain't heard it. Yes, you did. I played it to you. No, you danced to it. It's so fucking good. It's a pre-master demo and Miss Bunny Hop Hop shared it with me.

It's so electric. Boogie woogie. It's fierce. She probably, oh, I told her, I was like, I'm playing it and you won't see a cent.

She's like, love. You know, that's one of the things about music is when you let go of the freedom of ever believing that you'll make money

doing it, it becomes fun. Especially when you're Lady Bunyan. Have you seen that RuPaul clip where she goes, that's stupid. You should kill yourself.

Yes. It's so fierce. I don't know what it's from. Maybe it's early drag race, but I don't think it's exactly 2024, but it's funny. I have never laughed as loud as I did. It was unbelievable.

And she knows it's not going to be used for camera. So it was a moment, a rare Ru moment where you're like, this is just pure joy. Well, I've been in her boat. Cause as you know, when we were on Trixie Motel, she may or may not be in the second season because it's our show and I get the edit.

We say whatever. I want to see the daily. We say whatever. Whereas like when I was on Salt Lake City on Bravo, I said, I'm wearing that body mic. I miss America. I can't say anything that even seems slightly. Untoward.

Yes, exactly. Go watch that. Because you know Bravo will keep that. Bravo will keep that audio and use it, honey. They will weaponize that audio against you, baby. They'll bank it and be like, okay, Miss Balenciaga, shoe, Tina. This? How about them?

Girl, what are you talking about? They were 50% off. Get the shoes, baby. Get the shoes. Rochester, New York.? How about them? Girl, what are you talking about? They were 50% off. Get the shoes, baby. Get the shoes. Rochester, New York. We talked about these on this pod. No, we didn't. These were from Nordstrom, 50% off,

because when you wear big sizes like me, there's a rack of big shoes that are 50% off. Get the shoes, baby. Get the shoes. They were still $700, I think. But, well, so one percenter in the house. Let me tell you about them shoes And Let me tell you about them shoes Let me tell you about them shoes

I've had I've had me a pair Miss Rich And They are the most Comfortable pair of footwear I have ever sported In me life

They're very comfortable Unrelatable I bought them Because you had them Thank you Miss Rich Well rich begets rich Miss one percenter

You can't But you can't win Because either you Talk about the excitement Of buying expensive pair of shoes for yourself and then you're a richie. Or you talk about being frugal and people are like, stop acting like you're not rich. There is no way to win. Thank you so very much. Mama, sweetie. She has a Range Rover.

Darling. But don't forget she doesn't have a driver. I paid cash for it. Well. We cannot talk about this This is crazy Now when you pulled out Of someone's driveway With a stolen vehicle

And you threw a handful Of nickels out the window Is that what you call Paying cash for it It was eight Eight for silver It was eight silver coins It was um

It was a It was Sacagawea coins No And then they were taken And molded into a grill And then later weaponized Against me In a horror movie.

So wait, I got to tell you the first topic, The Cursed, a film. It was originally called Eight for Silver, a Roma, a.k.a. Gypsy revenge tale that is so up my asshole alley. I cannot believe I have not. And I talked to my friend Gretchen, the writer of Manhunt, who's an incredible prolific film critic. She's like, I don't love it. I was like, fuck.

Okay, that's fine. But I watched it and I gobbled Tina. I did chomp, chomp, chomp Tina. Gobble, gobble, gobble. I watched it three fucking times. It's a werewolf thingy. I can't wait to watch it. You're gonna love it. It's a werewolf thingy. I can't wait to watch it. You're gonna love it.

It's so bloody. I think he told me about it on stage. It's so gruesome. This is the teeth buried, right? Yes. You're gonna watch that. It's on your giant television, Rich. You know, David Silver.

Rich. Secret. We may or may not have upgraded our television In the new series It's a Renault thing don't tell And we had a 65 inch frame TV Which I thought was huge I thought it was huge

But it's measured diagonally That's what I learned Fina told me about this Not Rich Going to Best Buy I didn't know that Mine is this It is not Thank you. Going to Best Buy? They measure them down. I didn't know that. I didn't either. Mine is like, mine is this.

It is not. At home, I'm like. Squinting. Squinting. I'm like, what's that? What's that? But it's perfect for the room because it's not a big house. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

In Mexico City, I was phone shamed in the elevator by faggots. Did they know who you were? One of the, okay, you are going to die. You're going to fucking die. Well, first of all, that Okay, you are going to die. You're going to fucking die. Well, first of all, that elevator situation. You're going to die. I wasn't smart enough for the elevators in that hotel. Thank you.

Two elevators, excuse me. It's like, mama, this was like a luxury hotel, Rich. You take one up from the motor court up to the lobby. To the 18th floor. And then you got to go over. No, walk around. 14. 14.

And that makes the story really different. I'm glad I pointed it out. Thank you. But some people go left, to go over. No, walk around. 14. And that makes the story really different. So I'm glad I pointed it out. Thank you. But some people go left. Others go right. We had to go right. Because the resident, I don't know who went left. I smoked weed in Mexico.

Good luck to you. Maybe with someone who works here. Rich. We're off the clock. We're off the clock. And I offered her. A weed. A weed.

I like bowed and said like, you know, would you, would you, you know, partake in the clock? Yes. But so gooned, we got in the wrong elevator. Hello. I mean, I don't know how it takes us at NASA degree to, to use those elevators. So cut to me after the show, I'm doing my little boop boopie doop with my earphones and my, my, my phone, four faggots walk into the elevator. One of them's like Katya. And I was like, Hey, how are you? The other three faggots could not care less. They're types of people. If you know what I mean, mama, we're going to get there. Oh yeah. It's on my list. The one faggot was like, love your iPhone 10. Do you have an iPhone 10? I had to check.

No, you don't. I don't. But that was the, that was uttered. Marcela. I was like, it was, I cackled because then Marcela and all the fabulous Mexican people were down in the lobby. And I was like, I just got phone shamed in an elevator in Mexico city for having a poor iPhone, an outdated iPhone. You can use your iPhone until it dies. There is no reason to upgrade it. There's no reason unless your iPhone dies. I love your iPhone 10. What is that? I mean, it says stuck like the tornado when you were in childhood. It's

like, you don't need to update your phone unless it's fucking broken. Now, do I have the 15 Max Pro Plus with one terabyte of storage? Absolutely. Thank you. I don't even know what this is. This is a Motorola Razr. This is a Motorola Razr. It's a Nokia. This is a Nokia. Oh, how about this? Cut to 2001, year 2000. Audrey Snois, a baroness from Belgium, had one of those tiny little Nokias. A baroness from Belgium at Boston University had a tiny, tiny red Nokia that she did with these fingers.

Hello? That was the richest phone you could get at the time. And then me in Mexico City with this fucking stupid thing. I love your iPhone 10. Isn't that wild? Pore shaming in the elevator? That's right up there with saying like cracked screen.

Like, I don't know. I don't like that. That'd be like, yeah, no shit. I mean, it's like, I,

I hated it so much. I don't like that. It made me, I was like, you are really fucking rotten. It's rotten. I hate it. What did you say to him?

Did you laugh? I was incredulous. No, I felt incredulous. I was like, I was like this. I was like, cause I was hugging the fan.

And then the, his three, um, uh, I was like this. I was like, cause I was hugging the fan. And then the, his three, um, uh, co whatever you call them, goblin, the, the clones,

the like the, uh, the clones who like, we're going to go take G and go to, um, you know, whatever. And then I was like,

I was incredulous. I was like, what the fuck? And then I joked about it with Marcy and all those people. I was like, I just got phone shamed in an elevator for having a poor, outdated iPhone. It was so cunty. So cunty.

I was like, those people should get the death penalty tonight. And I'm prepared to do it. Be a guillotine. They're lucky they didn't say that shit to me. Oh, mama. What would you have said? I would have said? I would have said, oh, are you paying to be here on vacation?

Well, I'm here working. Rich. Yeah. So. Yeah. So climb into your Uber, not your black car, you poor faggot, and go straight to H-E-double hockey sticks. Nice iPhone 10. Ew.

I know. I know. I know. I don't like. I know. I'm going to say iPhone Xs have the best sound. Thank you. This is my world.

Love. Jesse St. Phil. Premaster. We gotta rise up Everybody reach out People all over the world Let me tell you We gotta rise up It's so good.

It's good for her. Bunny has some great music. Lady Bunny and Pre-Master, my love. I love Lady Bunny. I love Lady Bunny. Oh my, she is the bunion. Do you think she knows that you and I love her? Oh no, I know. Mama, she is the bunion. Do you think she knows that you and I love her? Oh, no, I know.

We are bunny fan. I know, but whenever I talk to her, I don't say, you know, you're one of my favorite drag queens ever. She doesn't know that you do. Okay, really? No. I literally dress like her and DJ like her and wear her size wigs. But maybe she hasn't picked up on it. I'm not just in love with her. I'm not, I'm not just

in love with her. I'm single white female in her. You are Jennifer Jason Lee behind Bridget Fonda. When I was like 17, I saw a picture of her on the internet and was like, it was like a record scratch. I was like, what? I saw a picture of her and Amanda and I was like, something's going on. Something's going on that I need to put in. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the way that I love lady bunny is is rated x for extra you know what yeah yeah i shoot for lady bun i shoot for amanda laporte if i look like lady bunny lady bunion yeah yeah she's amazing lady but the the voice the voice and bianca and i were talking about it because i there was a moment where i i had

i had thought that perhaps her brain had been turned into mushy bananas. Because if you follow her on social media, she's a very active political voice, let's say. That can become very confusing. And she's fired up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's Rachel Madnow. Yes. Oh my, Rachel Madnow.

She's Rachel Madnow. Totally. And she's got, Bunny's paying attention and she is not affiliated with any particular party. She hates them all. Equally. She hates them all and she's got Bunny's paying attention and she is not affiliated with any particular party she hates them all equally she hates them all and she fucking should she's I'll speak for myself

only she's only she's very that was Jill Biden driving by that was Pontiac do you know that Lauren asked me

if Dr. Jill she wanted us to meet Dr. Jill Biden who's Lauren remember my friend from Mexico oh right right right she works for a non-profit

and they were like would you like to meet Dr. Jill Biden? I was like, I think Trixie was invited to the White House and told to bring her own lawn chair so she can go. They told me to bring a blanket to sit on and drag. It was July. You better rise up. People all over the world, let me tell you.

That blanket better come with four Secret Service people carrying it. In an air conditioning unit. Like, what in the fuck? Back to Bunyan. She's so, the voice. Yeah. service people carrying in an air conditioning unit like what in the fuck back to bunion she's so i the voice yeah it the voice is is so intoxicated she's gorgeous she's so she's gorgeous and drag she always has been and honey her live sets her comedy sets they kill no matter what no matter where no matter how she's amazing like i had the privilege of touring with her many times when my comedy sets were rotten,

horrible and terrible. And she was like watching the UK crowds and the European crowds go up for her, like prerecorded laughing style. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Set up punchline.

It's just electric. She's bomb. Yeah. She's so I've, I've parroted back some of her jokes to her that would not go over well today. No.

You know, So I was, I can't even fucking say it. I would just say for many of you who like us, you would be disappointed in us that we love her. That's all. I'm just going to say that about her comedy. You would be mad at us that we like her. Give me one margarita that I cannot,

I cannot take. You were, you're like, so you take one drink and you saw off your leg. And then 14 drinks later, you're criticizing Todrick take one drink you saw off your leg and then 14 drinks later you're criticizing todrick hall that's what it says she's like two margaritas and i cut off my leg and then like 14 margaritas i criticized todrick hall yeah it was like that's worse than cutting your legs off the flow is not there the logical narrative makes no sense, Ms. Bunyan. And also the inaudible, the fucking,

and then Flotilla DeBarge coming through in a hallway on a Nokia Razor phone audio. Girl. It's so, it's so assaulting to the ear holes. Yeah. And if you honestly, if you want to get into beauty, look for, go to Google, look for like Lady Bunny headshot. Bunny's glamour shots are

un-fucking-paralleled these chris march wigs or whoever makes her marco that are six stories tall yeah her skin the jaw she has the jaw line up she looks like fucking dusty spring yeah yeah perfect lashes yeah she is gorgeous so gorgeous and and and thankfully mostly unrecognizable out of drag I think Bianca jokes as Ben Franklin or Jeff Daniels but like you wouldn't clock her out of drag and she's just so she's one of my favorite people on planet earth

not to mention I'm just going to be honest she's 21 and she doesn't have tons of work done the fact that she looks great in drag I know and she was roommates with RuPaul in Atlanta Chattanooga, Tennessee. Did you know that she worked at the same restaurant as Leslie Jordan? And they were server and busboy together?

Oh, my God. Imagine those people coming to your table. You better rise up. People all over the world not going to get their food. I think Bunny was the server and I think Leslie Jordan was the busboy. That is DTM. That's doing too much. That's DTF.

They're probably doing anal. That's Billy Eichner and Cola Scola in was the boss boy. That is DTM. That's doing too much. That's DTF. They're probably doing anal. That's Billy Eichner and Cola Scola in Difficult People. They're boberting at the... You know Bunny was probably trolling for cock in Chattanooga at 20, probably serving to Eno. When things heat up, you don't just want a cold one. You want the coldest one. The cold-loggered, cold-filtered, cold-certified one.

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Who saves with TD Insurance? Because he's a claims-free hybrid-driving university grad who signed up online. It's Dave. Not Dave? No problem. TD Insurance has over 30 ways to save on home and auto. So... You can totally save, just not exactly not exactly like save like only you can at TD insurance dot com slash ways to save TD ready for you. it was the most succinct, perfectly written. It was the template.

It was the most incredible piece of writing. Did you just copy paste? I was like, I know this person. I don't know how I came across it, but I was like, this person's crazy look at it is the best written ad I've ever read.

It was incredible. It was a little bit lighthearted. It said exactly who she was, what she wanted, and what she, it was so, it was pitch perfect. It was pitch perfect.

Do you remember anything about it? Yes. So it'd be like, I'm this, this, this looking for this, this, this, and this is what I want. And it, and I, I'm not going to tell her tea obviously, but like, and just in terms of, you know, Craigslist ads back in the day were often not, you know, punctuation, no, no punctuation, uh, harlot, nary a word. Yeah. The kids don't know. No punctuation. That's how it is now. Yeah.

This was like, I'm a hot bunny hopping cross dresser in a lovely blue dress looking for a blank, blank, blank to go do, do, do. This is what I'm willing to do. This is what I'm not willing to do. This is where I live. Should you be around? Come over and say hi. Like that. And it was, I wish I could share the whole thing if she would be horrified she's the fantasy

she's the fantasy oh god I love her so much she's amazing that bitch cracks me up thank god the days are pretty much over where I have to endure the edible phone calls because I'm like 20 on the phone tree list

you know like number 20 she's like, I'm like, okay. And I just put the phone down and put on speaker. And then I do my business. And then 25 minutes later, she's still singing. You know, it's crazy, but not anymore. By the way, the nerve of you,

like I don't have voicemails like that from you. You better rise up. Do you remember the time I played a voicemail? And you said, who is that? No. Oh, yes, I do, I do, I do. I said, who is that? I said, that's you.

We have to play it again. I still have it. You better rise up. I called Ash Gordon last night by mistake and talked at her for 45 minutes while there was Torlina going on outside in the neighborhood. Let me tell you, you better rise up. You better be up. People all over the world, leave me tell you, you better rise up. You better be loved.

People all over the world, leave me a voicemail. Hello? Hello, hi. Hello. Good evening. Oh. Hi. Cordial.

Very cordial. I wanted to test out a pickup line on you. Hello? Are you an ace bandit? I don't see it. Because I just sprained my ass. I lived it. I feel like it's a reductress article.

That's the, that's, that's Renee Fleming, soprano at, um, Boston Conservatory. That was Renee Fleming, actually.

Renee Flem. Renee Flem. She's the Boston Symphony Orchestra doing Aida. That was the soprano, Renee Fleming. Renee Fleming eats. Oh yeah.

I'm not even a big fan of, uh, classical operatic music. No. Miss Renee Fleming. Oh, she's chomping. Yeah.

It's nowhere to be found. Can we talk about, we got to talk about Porta Vallarta. Oh yeah. You better rise up. You think we weren't going to, Porta Vallarta, where's my camera?

Where's my camera? Let me tell you. Did you think we were going to come here and not talk about the turd? Did you think we weren't going to talk about the fucking turd? Girl. I had forgotten about the El Turdo. Yes. So what happened in Puerto Vallarta, there's this party called Beef Dip, which is already.

I love the bears. That's straining. That's already. That's straining. That's straining. You know, I don't know if I want to get in the water at a place called Beef Dip. That's straining the lines of taste. Yes.

Even for gay folk, I would say. I get it. It's beefy guys. They're even for gay folk, I would say. I get it. It's beefy guys. They're taking a dip in the pool. It makes a lot of sense. Is that the Mantimar Resort where Peaches Christ got married? Have you ever been?

I've never been to PV. Okay. It's like a big gay resort. Really nice place. Gorgeous. Great service, great food, great rooms. I can't say nothing bad about the Fandos Resort.

Sombreros. But they can't control what people do when they get there. And I can tell that from the Trixie Motel. We can't control what people do. Hello get there. And I can tell that from the Trixie Motel. We can't control what people do. Hello.

So there's a beef dip party. So many guys, right? You know, bears in a pool. There's already a, there's already a light hygiene issue. I know that from Bear Town,

Bear Week in P-Town. In what way? The bears get out of the pool and it's, you know. There's no more water left in it.

It's, it's a, it's a first soup. No, it's that type of soup with miso soup. You know, it's kind of that cloudy water with like debris. That is so disgusting to me. That is so, oh my God. I love the bears. I'll get in there and drink this.

I'll drink the water. I don't care. Okay. The, the, the, the, the, the stew of people is something I have never, ever got on board with bears or anybody. It's cunt, is it? It's well, it's fun to have like a drink and stand in a pool that goes up to like your belly button and like just be in there with your friends.

It's fun. Are people peeing in? Well, we can't control. By the way, I have a friend who's like, well, I'm not come over just so you know, I pee in pools. And I was like, well, I guess we're not going in the pool then. Absolutely not. I'm not letting you pee in the pool.

I don't pee in the pool, bitch. Mama, there's sharks in there. Girl, you ever been in a pool all day with people and you get out to pee three times and no one else does? You better rise up. People all over the world. People in the pool. So Puerto Vallarta, I get alerted. I get alerted by the press.

By Lauren Boebert. By random gay guys who text me saying that somebody pooped in the pool and it was a hard turd. And I said said no way. And I was sent photos of a lovely hospitality professional. Having to fish that turd out. Having to fish the turd out. While gay people like stood by and watched and filmed. Gawked. Like I get why we're filming.

Because we're gay and we're horrible. Filming a woman while she fishes a turd out. It is unbelievable. She's doing a service for all of you that she should not have to fucking do. I would have flung that turd at a camera. I would have palmed it with my bare fucking human hand to be like smushed it in somebody's face in their iPhone 10. In their iPhone 10. How do you let loose a turd in the pool?

Do you just. Pools get cleaned, filtered, chlorinated. That pool will be up in working order, I'm sure. Well, back in the day, in the 90s in the movies, they'd have to... A turd at floater, you had to drain the pool and acid wash it. This is like a well-trodden theme in pool movies. Damn.

It's so crazy. But it wasn't... What I'm fascinated by is it wasn't diarrhea. It was a hard turd. So someone went, all right, we're pushing. Like Lamaze. Right. What I'm fascinated by is it wasn't diarrhea. It was a hard turd. So someone went, all right, we're pushing. Like Lamaze. Somebody pushed the turd out.

Because it's a water birth. Exactly. Which is the best way to introduce a baby to the world. Thank you. But they didn't, you know, they just let it go. It was a drowner. I think they were kind of offering it up. Thank you.

Like a mother. Like they eat the baby after Jennifer Lawrence gives birth to it. Didn't see that. Oh, I spoiled it. Sorry. David told me it's bad, but your friend would love it.

Did you love it? I saw it in Australia with the promoter at Brisbane, Harry. He's like, well, I hated that movie so much. I hated it so much. I, I,

I enjoyed it. It was a biblical allegory that was the most, one of the most unconventionally structured movies I've ever seen. It's wild. Okay. I don't think you would love it. It seems like Eileen. Oh, no, honey.

It's a crazier journey than I... Eileen was pussier than Miss Mother is giving Pussiana. Oh, okay. Miss Mother's Pussiana. It's crazier journey than I... Eileen was supposed to... Then Miss Mother is giving Pussy Anna. Oh, okay. Miss Mother's Pussy Anna dot Mother. Yeah, I mean, oh, it's insanity. Because, you know, I'm not... Stress. I'm not artistically smart with that shit.

Shut the hell out. Shut the hell out. Films like that, heady films... You want Herbie to be fully loaded. What's happening? What's happening? This is... You're going to wonder.

I didn't get any of the biblical allegory shit. Michelle Pfeiffer is literally like... They have Cain and Abel, Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer, not Cain and Abel. Everybody's a biblical fucking character. It's a biblical shit allegory. And then there's some mysterious elements. It's a whole thing. I, none of that was apparent to me while I watched it. What was apparent was it was just insane and very bizarre and structured.

Like, so it ramped up. and structured like so it ramped up it went from this small crazy thing to this fucking huge set piece of chaos and then eating babies mama there was like it was so wild it was wild it was unforgettable absolutely unforgettable jennifer lawrence ate it up she was married to the she was fucking the director at the time darren aronofsky is that the uncut gems person no that is a wreck room for a dream he's a he did wreck room for a gym that's the safty brothers oh that was a lovely picture beverly hills yeah shelly long great movie mara vista how many boxes is it so where she's the rich hero she's the rich here on a redhead she makes me want to have red hair mama you looked so cunt in that outfit in that hair for True Beverly Heels.

So cunt. I loved those outfits. It was so cunt. That was cunty. That's how I met Amy who's sewn for you and I, but she's sewn for me for like five years. And you want to talk about Diva? You want to talk about Diva? Amy?

That whore. Oh yeah. At Amy Sarz on Instagram, she makes all my outfits and a lot of your outfits. Yeah. And all my good ones. Anything good I wear, it's in my hair. i wear is a liner zippers real buttons a tag you better rise like she and um i think i've talked about this before she's about my dress size and her husband aaron is my male height male shoe size shoulders so they together can check my costumes for fit and that's why all my costumes fit perfect mama when i slip slip on a Sarazan custom couture, I feel like Pussy Anna.

She's like, well, I didn't want it to ride up, so it has a built-in panty. And then I made a liner for the panty. Yeah, I also took the liberty of ironing your homework. Yeah, totally. It's like shoulder pads, check. Applicate, check. Hand-sewn buttons all in a row, check. Everything, lining, check.

Our tour costumes, she sewed sheer mesh over the sequin. So on stage, it looked like sequin, but up close, our skin didn't touch. How about me having doubles of everything because of the sweating? Miss Sarazen came in through. Yeah.

Caming through. Yeah. Cunty. Different quality than your sewing? I would say perhaps. It's sort of like, um, the difference between Yves Saint Laurent and Shein. Right.

Something like that. Although Shein does have, uh, although the stitching on Shein is not suspect. Yeah. And they got zippers that don't buckle. You're like, I'll be fired from Shein.

Okay. Totally. Well, David Macy gave me a dress from Shein that I was going to wear to the pod today, but I thought it was a little too crossy. And, um,

it's a, it's a woman's body and it was a little too crossy and it's a woman's body and a woman on the back and front and it's sheer sleeves and then a pussy. My butt looks amazing. I was like, oh wow. I wore it last night and then I yanked it in the bed. Let's take a break.

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Best Coke ever. Learn more at Coca-Cola.ca. I remembered what I was going to talk about. Oh, sorry. No, sorry. So are we done with the turd, though? Well, I guess I wish her the best. I feel bad for her.

The turd or the person? Well, the turd, she had the dignity of just being flushed on a toilet. The turd had to be birthed in the pool and then everyone like Carrie at the prom laughed at her. The turd, this is just a turd. The turd is a turd. But like what? And by the way, you know what I thought about faggot? It was the couple party.

You guys know what I'm saying, faggot? I thought about some faggot had to get out of the pool and look around and go, oh no, a my God. I can't believe someone had to do acting. Yeah. Shelly long. There was Shelly long. And so then the turd is watching her mother disown her in a group of people. You know what I mean? Yeah.

That's Carrie white's mom. I almost wish the person would have grabbed it and been like, I'll get it. It's me. Yeah. Like how? So did they, did they like,

did they, was there speedo just like the little salt girl, Morton salt girl? Like was there a dog tone? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like how, so did they, did they like, did they, was there speedo just like the little salt girl, Morton salt girl? Like was there a dog? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Morton salt. No, it is. Oh no,

you're right. It's copper tone. You know what I'm talking about? It's like, did you, did you put the salt girl? You pulled the panties off the Morton salt girl. You better rise up.

So did somebody, there was a little dog in the pool, like bite down the speedo and that has the turd escaped? Do you know what I mean? How is it? Maybe they were cleaning out. Like maybe they cleaned out because they met a, they met a gentleman caller and they said, well, she's in the pool.

Maybe. You never know. It's PV. Mama, that is, that is some shenanigans and tomfoolery that I am not equipped to deal with on any level whatsoever. And I have never been to one of these pool parties. I've been offered many times, Los Angeles and elsewhere. I shan't be attending a soup party where everybody's on GK and God knows what else in the blazing sun in some rented mansion in fucking Beverly Hills or

wherever. I know that I've DJed that party of cocaine, cocaine, plates of cocaine on an island in the pool. Everybody is blotto. And it's just a mess. It's not for me. I prefer to be a mess by myself. But it's just wild. TV. Poop visible. Hello.

Hello. I mean, it's in the name. Pool vacuum. You want to come to Beef Dip and tell me I can't poop? Where's the pool vacuum? Poop. Oh, God. The turd. The hard turd. The hard. Well, that's like bunny. The turd. The hard turd.

The hard. Well, that's like bunny. Hard turd only. And the pictures of people scooping. Like, we don't have to photograph. They should have evacuated and then dealt with it, I think. I think it should have been handled discreetly. It's like you cup the turd.

You get the hell out of there. You go home. You get your passport. You go back to America. And you never return to Mexico. Yeah. Honestly. It's so crazy have you have i ever pooped in a pool no but you told me that you thought about pooping in the shower

i did but i said very one but i said no should i poop no no no but the thought that you have to go should i like but i've had don't make me sing like don't make me sing energy wait what about the people who threw cans of soup at the Mona Lisa? Love. No, no, no. Love. She's behind glass, ho. That's what I'm saying. They ain't fucking with her. She's a little, she's this big.

She's the size of an iPhone 10. And she's behind 1400 inches of fucking plexiglass. Ain't nothing happening to her. That's what I'm saying. I said, girl. Nothing happening to her. I believe they're protesting like lack of food by wasting food. I thought they were posting, I thought it was climate change.

I don't know. They were, it was probably PETA. But don't waste the food. Oh, the Campbell's soup. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's wild.

People, you know, I think it's like, what I appreciate is the energy and the effort. Of course. Because we got to fight for, we have to, we cannot be complacent. The world is falling apart. Right. And you got to get off your phones and into the streets. And I appreciate that. Really sincerely i mean i don't know if it doesn't if maybe it's about tick tock maybe it's about sarah jessica parker i guess we heard about it so the statement was made but unfortunately in that sense i heard about this

can of soup yeah the cause didn't make it to me so i don't know if it see things i don't i go i don't go up for like a red for like red paint on fur on the runway like that I do not I'm not I think that's like okay interesting but it's I don't know yeah I don't know I but I'm not the right person to talk to when it comes when it comes to animal rights yeah or fur same I am and I am fascinated by Anna Wintour's insistence and um on in fashion in the production and promotion of fur pieces. And I'm very fascinated by that. It's interesting. Because I don't, so the thing about animal rights is that they don't have rights.

There's no reason to torture animals. There's no reason to torture animals. That's crazy. Why are you going to torture animals? But animals don't have rights. We have rights because we've decided that we have rights. Do you know what I mean? I do know what you mean.

That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I mean, animals do not have rights, but there's certain things that cruelty to animals is. Also we're, and like, I think one of the big things about the movements like that is it's about speciesism

we are also animals and we have declared that we have more rights than the other animals and also we have that's the issue I think but also we declare that other parts of our species do not have rights certainly tea America's national shame mama

Sarah Silverman's old joke about if Africa were filled with dogs with AIDS we would have solved that shit in 10 days. I don't get it. If Africa was filled with like dogs, like labradoodles with AIDS, our sympathy and effort would be so much that we would have solved that in 10 days. Are you kidding me? Of course. It'd be on the news every day. Yeah.

And then it would be squashed and solved in 10 days. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. But so that's interesting. I sent you that clip about fetish barbering. Oh, I didn't watch it. Cause I don't like it. There's hair splinters. I was watching this homosexual and they were talking about fetish barbering and they were like, it's a type of barbering where you're getting your haircut,

but like, what if my nuts accidentally brush against your arm? Which I've all been there, but I think it's playing to, I think for some people getting a haircut is sexual or they want it to turn sexual. Mama, you know what I think of hair splinters. That's what I think of in beauty school. We would go home with, I would have slivers from hair. Yeah. If your heart is to get a hair sliver out. Oh yes, I do. Yes, I do. Even worse. Mama. Yes, I do. Cause you know why I shave my genitals And then I'm an avid masturbator Do you know what happens When you have You shave your whole dick

Dick for off Everything Balls Dick Thing Just not up here Also been wearing thongs recently Very embarrassing

But um The You get hair splinters Because you have to upkeep that shit All the time Because you get the The spiky ingrown Hair splinters

I worry about you living alone But I'm'm, I'm happy you live alone. Of course you are. Mary, I'm happy no one lives with you. I'm a lone wolf. I'm happy no one lives with you. Does that make sense? Yes. You can say it again.

Like if I, you had a roommate, I'd be like, we need to get in touch with her. Yeah. Yeah. We need to get her out of there. Like a FEMA trailer or something. Yeah. Yeah. Airlifted out of the Sudan.

Yeah. Fina Barbatal, FEMA trailer. Yeah. No, butifted out of the Sudan. Yeah. Fina Barbatal, FEMA trailer. Yeah. No, but I mean, I've seen these videos. They even do OnlyFans videos,

certain, um, barber shit. Yeah. Mama, I'm sure it's a common boner thing. I'm sure. Well,

you know what I think of when I think of getting a haircut? I think of chatting about vacation with some faggot and I just want to, I don't want to talk about it. Like, so we're going on vacation. We're going on vacation. And I was like, I don't take vacations. And then it, so we're going on vacation. We're going on vacation. And I was like, I don't take vacations.

And then it's the stress of having to do chit chat. Whereas like, I appreciate just the, the feel of having a haircut. So I started going to a straight barbers. They don't want to talk to some bag. No, they just do the fade or the whatever.

And then they get you out of there in 20 minutes. Fierce. The half-hearted Floyd's barbershop massage with the thingy for 10 seconds. You know what I'm talking about oh well girl I went to an Aveda Institute of Beauty and Wellness and we had to give a full scalp massage or hand massage we had to give a scalp massage pre-haircut

a good 5 minutes with oil it's incredible it's fierce and then while color was processing or while someone this is salon stuff yeah and I guess I get it And while color was processing or while someone – Well, this is like – We had to do a salon massage. This is salon stuff. Yeah. And I guess I get it because the instructors were always like, listen, they can get a haircut anywhere.

Yeah. This is an experience. There's bells and whistles that make them come back to you. And if they cheat on you and they don't get the hair massage, scalp massage, they're like, oh, that's why I go to that person. And all that stuff. Because I mean I don't understand. I love being bald. I don't – and I – you know, a lot of women spend two days out of their month for four hours in the salon

it's wild you know cut color shampoo condition all that crap you know what i mean it's why they have a whole thing their whole sunday is like four or five hours in at the salon it's wild yeah when i worked at the i worked front desk at the salon and we had a definitely some wealthy women who had like blowouts every friday at least came and get their blowout done every Friday. Yeah. Who would touch up every two weeks. Yeah. Full cut every month. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Yeah. Hundreds of dollars. Color three, $400. Oh yeah. The colorists made the most money because the colorists can also have an assistant. Yep. The washer, they have to get the girls. Sometimes sometimes will have someone mix the color and they'll apply it or they'll mix the color and have an assistant apply it.

And because color needs time to process, you would double stack appointments. So while somebody's under the machine. Yes. You would be doing the next one. Yeah. Colorists can make so much money. Mama, Destiny in Boston, the trans woman, fabulous woman that me and Fina performed with for many years at Jocks. She worked her way up from the salon hierarchy, which is so fascinating.

Yeah. You can start as a sweeping hair, a front desk. Yep. And then you become an assistant, a shampooer. Then you become an assistant. And you can get education in salon. Yep. I don't want to be a cheater to beauty school.

But in this country, there are two ways to legally get your license. One is to go to beauty school and take a state board test. You pay for, depending on the state, Wisconsin was 1,800 hours. Beauty school education costs at least 20 grand. Okay.

Wow. Or you can go work at a salon to do an apprenticeship and get paid to learn to do hair. Because anybody who does hair will tell you that they finished beauty school, but they didn't really learn hair

until they were in salon. Yeah. It's a craft skill. I mean, it's like making sculpture. It's like you just learn it by doing it. Yeah. Those apprenticeships are like so important. I think more people should do apprenticeships because then you get paid to gain this skill.

Yeah. Because who the fuck has the time to like not work? You know what I mean? You're at least getting minimum wage, which is much better than nothing. Yeah. And while you're at beauty school, you can't work.

Hello. So if you're a full-time student, that means you're stacking serving shifts or whatever your night job is. And you're exhausted and tired. And it's crazy. It was when I was at beauty school was at the time the most stressed I've ever been. I believe it.

I was doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 11 hours a day. I was in an accelerated program. So I would do 11 hours I was doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, 11 hours a day. I was in an accelerated program. So I would do 11 hours a day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday mornings.

I work at the salon Thursday nights. I do drag in Madison. Then Friday, then Friday I'd be in the morning at the salon. And then at night I would be doing drag and then drag. And I still worked at Mac. So that's what fucking did. That was like,

that's true. Like her. I'd be at the makeup counter on the weekends. Fucking crazy. I couldn't believe it. 16 hour days. Yeah yeah my car would have like drag my mall outfits and my beauty school outfits and i'd be just like in parking lots changing meanwhile i'm like stealing stuff from the costume shop three days a week and then calling out of my drag gig at night that's about the same level of stress you better people all over. Yeah. Now, peeing in pools is no.

No, we pee in the ocean. We do not pee in pools. We don't pee in pools. Okay. My parents' pool growing up, not rich. Hurricane Bob. We had above ground pool. Hurricane Bob dropped a tree on that.

That was a wrap. And then they splurged. Hurricane Bob. Yeah. In the 90s. Fierce. That's Hurricane Bianca's movie. And then Bob the Drunk.

Hurricane Bob. Yes. The threequel. Yeah. The sequel or whatever. It was, you have a family pool a private pool you pee in that it's fine but you don't because you got a bathroom mary you got toilet you got or a boy like take five steps and pee in the peanut tree you pee on a tree chihuahua does it our raul luis which it was a circle the perimeter it was a little tootsie tootsie turds and then piss and then that's what you do you just go you know yeah i pee in the sink famously do his little tootsie turds and then piss. And then that's what you do. You just go, you know. Yeah.

I pee in the sink famously. There's something to that. Yeah. It's a urinal. I don't want to like, the seat gets all, when you, it goes splashing everywhere. Pee is very acidic though. Do you think that like pipe, like pipes in the kitchen can handle? Oh, not in the kitchen.

It's in the bathroom. Oh, bathroom. But I always then I do a big thing of mouthwash and then Drano every time afterwards. Just kidding. I've never seen hurricane Bianca too. Oh, can I tell you about it? Yeah.

Okay. Um, the movies are back. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, so there's a years later, plug your movie from six years ago,

please. Well, cause I was talking to Matt Kugelman about, um, uh, the director about uh doing another version that's kind of a porno um kind of a porno not interested he's not interested in that concept but we did have another concept that was really tantalizing but securing funding for a movie we found as an independent project is a little bit more complicated complicated than you might imagine but But Molly Ryman and I, this wonderful woman, girl, we worked night shifts.

We shot that shit in New York overnight. In Hurricane Bianca? Uh-huh. We shot from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. We did overnight shifts to save money. It was exhausting, but it was like, and I got to have sex with Dakota Payne, a wonderful porn star.

I did not realize, he's a gorgeous guy working on his PA, gorgeous porn star. I was like, that guy got to have sex with Dakota Payne, a wonderful porn star. I did not realize he's a gorgeous guy working on his PA. Gorgeous porn star. I was like, that guy is so hot. Eric Poth. And he was probably so horrified for me to tell that out loud that he fucked a goblin. But he let me do sex to him a few times. It was fierce. And then we had a blast.

I mean, I don't care if the movie's any good, but it's like, it was so fun. It was so fun. I've not seen it. No, I don't suggest that the movie's any good, but it's like, it was so fun. It was so fun. I've not seen it. No, yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't suggest that you do. I saw the first one. The first one's where she's a teacher, right? I haven't seen that one.

She's a teacher, right? She's a science teacher. It's like Miss Viola Swamp. Yes. I've seen her. Oh yeah. The kids don't act great. So she comes to school in drag.

Yeah. It was fun. Janine Garofalo and I smoked many cigarettes together. She was incredible. Goals. Um, fucking, uh, Alan Cumming. Girl. So when we did Roe and Michelle, you're like, I know all these people.

Well, I did. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, I've known them from ever. I've known of them. Smoking cigarettes with Janine Garofalo is one of the honors of my life. Hello. She's so cunty. It was just so.

And the cast was amazing. And Bianca's amazing. To work with Bianca is fabulous. My dream, and I don't know if Alan Matt Coogman's amazing. And Bianca's amazing. To work with Bianca is fabulous. My dream, and I don't know if Alan Cummings is listening to this. I'm sure he is. Oh, yeah. My 20-year high school reunion. He's so talented.

I want to take him to my 20-year high school reunion so I can go with Sandy Freak. Do you know how talented that man is? Yeah, of course. Theatrically? The traitors. The house, the traitors. But he did, like, he played all the parts in fucking like Hamlet or something

In a show or something crazy like that He was in Cabaret? Yes He was in Cabaret Yeah, Joel Grey's character Incredible Yes Incredible

David Silver saw him in Cabaret He filmed a show Him and I'm gonna mess up her name Lauren Boebert Margolis Lauren Boebert She was in Harry Potter She played Professor Sprout Oh yeah, I don't know her up her name. Lauren Boebert. Margolis. Margolis. Lauren Boebert.

She was in Harry Potter. She played Professor Sprout. Oh, yeah. I don't know her. I know the name though. Can you look it up? I want to get the name right. It's Lauren Boebert. Congresswoman Lauren Boebert.

Yes. Miriam Margolis. Miriam Margolis and Alan Cummings shot something at the Trixie Motel. Wow. And then you and I did something with Alan Cummings, didn't we? He directed like a pod thing we did. Mama. Well, he, so he did, I did the white hot heist with him.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I was on that too. Yeah, yeah. It was fierce. I got to work with, I had scenes with John Cameron Mitchell. We played Russian and my Russian was really, well, because my Russian is good. And my, it was so, it was like such a, it was like a kind of a really intimidating. And then I realized that my Russian was really good because my Russian is good. And it was like such a kind of a really intimidating.

And then I realized my Russian was better than his. Do you think John Cameron Mitchell gets embarrassed of people just telling him all the time how much Hedwig changed their life? I don't think so. Not embarrassed, but do you think he's like. No, he's so nice. Okay. He's like really down to earth. I almost feel bad when artists do something that has such a major impact

because they probably get annoyed about hearing it. But you know, like when we were talking to a certain film actress and producer the other day, you know, they were like, if it's good and they liked it, then I'm sure that they don't mind. But when they have to be dishonest about it, they can't say how they really feel about it, I'm sure there's probably some tension there. Like, you know, they got to promote a movie and it's not so great they they can't say how they really feel about it i'm sure there's probably some tension there like you know they get to promote a movie and it's it's not so great and

they can't say it and then you know years later they're like oh i loved you in this it's like well for example i got a two thousand dollar residual check from the worst gig of my life re-traumatized all the way to that wells fargo uh bank app i was like t i was like thank god because that was fucking horrible. And I'm glad to get these residuals. Thank you, Fran. You know? Yeah.

You know, the people who, the actors who want more residuals and like fight for that, they need to pick less rich people to talk on that. Because I do feel like sometimes when it's somebody who has tens of millions of dollars in the bank. Yeah, not exactly. Yeah. I almost am like the working actor. Like that bitch you've seen in 10 commercials who like you know her face. Yeah. She should talk about how much residuals mean to her. She's like, it helps me pay my mortgage.

Thank God for residuals. It's like I can get my car payment up and running without my fucking, my little Nickelodeon residuals or whatever. They're essential. The actresses who have like multi-million dollar Lancome ads and stuff. Four houses in 12 continents. Yeah. Do you even go to the bank with those? You're not even the person who cashes those.

I don't believe you. There's a limit on the Wells Fargo app for that kind of coinage, honey. I know. I think it's 30 or 3,500. It depends on your account, Rich. You better rise up. You better chill. I'm so hungry.

Hey, you better chill. What was that? You better lay low. That's Cher. Cher is Whitney. You better lay low. Shitney. Shit Cher is Whitney. You better lay low. Shitney. Shitney.

Shitney. Somebody, is this Fina calling? Shitney Houston. Thank you so much, everybody. I had a blast today. Did you? I sure did. Do we have anything you want to tell them to listen to?

Yes, I do. I do. I do. I do. What you got? It's Corazon, the C-O-R-A-Z-O-N by Maruv. It's a single. It's her first Spanish language single from the Ukrainian artist Maruv.

Corazon. Check it out on Apple, iTunes, or music, podcasts, wherever you get your tunes. Okay, bye. Bye.