The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya - You Must Be This Tall to Ride Bald Mountain with Trixie and Katya

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

Welcome to southern California's best-kept gay amusement park secret, Bald Mountain. Please keep your hands, arms, legs, and other anatomical protrusions inside the ride at all times. Keep your safety harness tightly fastened, and please remember that severely unflattering flash photography is strictly forbidden. Lastly, please remember that when you signed that legal waiver upon entry to the park, you've released us of all liability in the event of your grisly and untimely death. Enjoy the ride. Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: http://bit.ly/baldandthebeautifulpodcast To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com To order your copy of our latest book, "Working Girls", go to: workinggirlsbook.com To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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You have to come. Well, now I've turned, honestly. You should start meditating. The problem is I've developed a very healthy relationship with nothing. But like now that I'm lifting weights as much as I'm running, it almost burns more calories. And so I'm at the point now actually where I'm inept. If I want to keep lifting weights, I'm going to have to start eating more. You have to start eating a lot.

If you want to gain mass, you have to. I'm not hungry all the time. I know. People, here's the thing that they don't tell you. People who are big have to shovel food into their mouths when they don't want to. And it's disgusting. Yeah. Even for people who are like overeaters or like who struggle with like, you know. And I want the good. I don't want to. And it's disgusting. Yeah. Even for people who are like overeaters or like who struggle with like,

um, you know, I want the good. I don't want just to feel full. So I think I'm gonna have to become one of those people who fucking blends up frozen spinach and stuff just for like nice raw green base level like proteins. I'm like,

you know what I mean? Protein starch and, um, uh, vegetable. Cause I don't want to put any of my chub back on, but I don't want to keep getting so skinny. It's it's yeah. You just need more skinny. Yeah, you just need more mass.

You just need more whole foods. I look forward to weightlifting now as much as I like running. And I never felt that way before. That's good. Because I think gear running is self-harm. It sometimes is. It sometimes is. You can tell I'm not doing well when I'm running like two a days and stuff.

Also, look at people who are running. They're either neutral or in horrible pain. Have you ever seen people who win marathons yeah they look like they're on death's door they wrap them like they're scooped up from the titanic well i just got asked to do the lakefront marathon in milwaukee and that's a little too much um it's in six weeks i don't have time to put together 26 miles in six weeks i can only right now do about six on the weekends like i'm not right now i can't pull out 10 miles like I used to. 5K is the limit.

5K is only 3.2 miles though. That's really not bad. That's 30 minutes of running. That's my whole point. That sounds good and reasonable. A six mile is such a good number though. A full hour of running like that, 60 minutes, it's nice. How about a 15 minute warmup and a 15 minute cool down?

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. In your 30 minute run. But I'm telling you for long runs, you don't even get warmed up to like mile three. You don't. I know, but like that's my point is that long distance running and is not,

it's not efficient or helpful in the long run. That's just my opinion. Okay. But I'm a fitness enthusiast and I'm expert. I'm exploring the balance. I'm exploring the balance. Yeah. Because when you run like I do,

but you don't do the weight training, you turn into a skeleton. That's the problem. It's crazy. Then those people, they do this. Yeah. Oh,

it's wild. G. Oh my God. No, I recently watched this. I watched a TikTok of a guy who, he takes edibles and then runs long distances. He'll be like six miles in and be like,

I'm so high. That doesn't sound pleasant, but it makes something unpleasant, a little less unpleasant. I think is what the point is. Without the focus. How do you keep going? I in and be like, I'm so high. That doesn't sound pleasant. But it makes something unpleasant a little less unpleasant, I think is what the point is. Without the focus, how do you keep going? I would just be like, and we're done. You know what I mean? Because you would come back to that.

It would be like, what are you doing, girl? Hey, girl. Girl, come back. Hey, girl. Scott. You know what I was thinking about recently? What? Are you familiar with the comedian Kathy Griffin?

Not actually. A little bit. She judged us once on Drag Race. I met her, I think, on like- Episode one, season seven. Yeah. She has the Guinness Book of World Records record for specials by anyone. Not just, not a woman, not like anyone.

Oh, what's the number? I think something like 22 specials. Shit. She owns most of them now. I think she spent her career buying them back from Bravo. So now she owns all of her own content. Oh, wow. Smart lady. Long long 16 socials long career my life on the d-list my life on the d-list literally her and some cameras that show was amazing and all she had was her and some cameras

and she just made up all the jokes on the fly she left the cameras in her life yeah the president of the united states targeted her for years oh that's right and she still came out a star yeah unkillable unsinkable she really is gonna be like did she have a cancer she had a lung cancer yeah and she didn't even smoke i just you know i i feel like that whole of her i love her i mean you know i know she's not everyone's taste comedically but nobody's comedian is everybody's taste but the um what do you call it the endurance of a career like that decades and decades and decades like joan rivers it's amazing yeah i think that you have a woman on stage depending on herself every night that's what that is yeah sister is doing it for themselves anyway i don't know her and she doesn't

she doesn't know me but just i think she's just good for her good for her yeah k and g jeweler we shouldn't wait for people to die to talk about great like peewee died of course which was a bummer and i love peewee and it was fun to see the outpouring of love but i'm like yeah bitch we should talk about people when they're alive more why do we wait for people to die to talk about great they are if you don't go on twitter if you're not constantly online sometimes you miss these things because the news cycle is so but. But the news cycle of celebrity deaths. I used to not now every day on X if you sign in, you find out which celebrity

has died. And I hate that. I hate X. I hate it so much. But I got threads and she's boot nasty too. It's all tired. No, at this point, nothing new. We can't introduce a brand new social media platform, mama. That's played out and corny. What's your faves, top to bottom? We're not doing X not we're not doing

x we're not doing x excuse me i'm not opening that app but you also used to tweet it was a verb what do you know i x'd something you told me this i x'd something you told me this it takes brands dream of owning a verb yeah like oh you google that if you use yahoo it's googling like that is the dream for a brand yeah kleenex exactly hand me a kleenex it's a chapstick exactly that's like a dream come true for brand that means they've in they're in the public sphere in the common like yeah the common man's head forever you take that and then you put it make it look like a cheap porn site what the fuck is wrong with you you are so nasty and so rude and so trifling and so

horrible and i know it's just a corporation we shouldn't feel bad for companies but i don't feel bad for company i feel bad for myself this is my issue imagine you are somebody who put years of your life into developing twitter and the branding and the social media or or maybe you are on the side of let's say some of the philanthropical endeavors let's say there's still tax dumps for corporations but maybe you were in charge of some of the good these corporations do with their money and all that years of you helping to build i mean some part of your soul went into building this company yeah and someone comes in and makes an absolute mockery of it yes so quickly rich fucking douchebag waltzes in with his like greasy gray skin and like his like blood diamond money and is like actually we're gonna do this and it

like and is embarrassing himself all day long everyone he's so rich everyone's like yes sure sure of course and then just crazy so crazy tell you something what dave and i during the monsoon you know it's been raining here we watched both kill bills just to check in on that. Back to back? Yes, just to check in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still, what? Love. She not only has no notes, she has notes for everyone. That movie killed every movie. I know.

It is every shot, every musical sting, every outfit, every line, the dialogue, the kung fu. Yeah, the Japanese. Yeah. Uma anchors that ride so even though it is a roller coaster it has the heart right here the whole time i think my favorite part is when she comes out and she sits down at the cafe can i have a glass of water please it's like so amazing she the fact that you know i she obviously works so hard her she and zoe um uh bell Worked so hard and it's so clear. Like,

and also she got like, you know, the thing about the car and everything getting injured. You know what I'm saying? Oh, she did get injured. Yeah.

And it was a big kind of thing. It was a big like thing and it was terrible. But, but she worked so hard in that movie. Those movies. So hard.

And she should have got an Oscar nomination. I'm sorry. She should have got an Oscar nomination. nomination yeah because it's an action movie because it's like david was like i wonder if they got any oscars this time he's like maybe sound maybe sound designer stunts or whatever she not get an oscar for that because they can't be because she's not in a british accent wearing a corset talking to hugh dancy yeah fucking uh colin firth this or she's not getting like a gang banged by a bunch of like Nazi bikers it's she's not playing a bedside nurse to Victorian children she doesn't have

brown teeth and she didn't like just you know yeah it's not it you know but then I watched some other Tarantino movies I'd never seen which ones um I'd never seen um Inglourious Bastards it was so good but so much reading So much reading So much reading Many languages But really good I need to talk to you About Diane Kruger

Diane Kruger Who's that? The blonde actress in the film Who plays the actress? Yes Amazing When she died I was devastated

French, English, and German And she eats She eats She is so good in that movie I couldn't believe she died Strangled good in that movie I couldn't believe she died strangled to death yeah I couldn't believe it

um the gentleman who plays the the Nazi um the Jew hunter it's um it's a

so scary to watch he is so chilling so evil what did you think about Brad Pitt though because it took me a while to get along we're hanging

we're killing Nazis it took me a little while I love when he's playing in a towel and he like that was funny yeah bonjourno yeah that i thought was funny when i saw it in the theater i was it took me a little while i don't even think i fully latched on his characters i thought it was too cartoonish because everybody else is just sweeping the rug all of it they're acting i loved it so much i mean a fairy tale that is very anti-nazi like love a revisionist revenge tale it's so satisfying when when hitler is getting like uh pulverized by machine gun fire in a theater that's burning down filled with nazis you literally almost get hard

yeah because you're like oh my god like it's like so that uh revenge uh juice is like so it's so potent so potent and if you don't know about those events, they paint it so well that you just, you are ready for that. You are ready for that Jew hunter to get it the whole movie. Mama, the whole time. What does possible sound like for your business?

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What I didn't like about his other revenge movie, Django Unchained. I watched that after that. Oh, so that left me wanting more. Okay. I don't think, I wasn't satisfied by the end of it. I could watch Jamie Foxx do just about anything. My God, he is gorgeous. My God. My God.

Wait, wait, wait. Let's go back to the glorious though. The scene where the first thing the opening scene where they're so scary it is so scary scary and it unfolds so slowly and it's so scary it's so crazy it's like oh that's one of my i loved that movie so much the woman who owns and then you know the woman she ultimately owns the theater. Yeah. And when she kisses her boyfriend. Oh, it was so good. Oh, I was crying. Yeah, it was crazy.

Anyway, I just, but really Kill Bill is, my God, she eats. I know. She gobbles. She does. The opening scene being killing Vernita Green, the opening. Before you even know what's going on, you're like. Yeah. I have a gripe though.

Two gripes. Why do they show Sophie Fatale Oren Ishii's assistant at the church in the flashback on a cell phone they do yeah they do

for some reason right before she chops off her arm you know how they do they do and I'm like why was she there her assistant

she wasn't even working for the Yakuza then or she was I don't know maybe she worked for Bill at the time who knows maybe

it's just a strange thing it was a strange thing she's so beautiful too and she was then or she was I don't know maybe she worked for Bill at the time who knows maybe it was just a strange thing it was a strange thing she's so beautiful too and she was great in Inglourious Basterds yes she was the French the translating

all of it she was so beautiful walking with the dog the whole movie cunty again I just a little long

it was hard for me to you know it's hard for me to sit through those long movies and you know the story's rich you have to be ready to glue yourself in

if you step away to go to the fridge no no no no you miss something that's those the types of movies that i want to watch when i have like they want to have uh claw clamps on my eyeballs yeah start to finish and just like the fantasy of like um white supremacists being the enemy it also of course brought me back to hbo watchmen yeah it's like i mean but i love i loved it and uh just watching kill bill again i mean i've seen that movie no less than 20 times in my life and every time i'm like it takes me back to i was like 13 years old when that came out no 14 15. yeah because i was no i was like 19. okay so i must have been second one came out i must have been actually 13 or 14.

yeah yeah you probably were and i remember i was uh up late watching it never seen it before rented the dvd and i'm watching it and it finished and the finish is the ending is like does she know her daughter's still alive yeah and i remember being i've told you what i went and did i saw it and then i went to the theater that night and watched the second one because that's the timing it was out on dvd when the second one was in the theater lucky you like oh i'm going right to that motherfucking theater. And I was like, that's never happened. That's so cool. You came to that place for magic. I sure did.

That's the definition of like. I will not be left on this cliffhanger. Yes. I would have probably killed myself. Every character in Kill Bill. I mean, every, Hattori Hanzo, Jaime. Yeah. Gogo Yubari.

All of it, girl. All of it. Michael Park, who's the, who's also the sheriff. He is. Yes, he is. He's, yes. Are you sure? I want to just cut you off, baby.

Yes. He plays both characters. People are good actors. He is incredible. Speaking of the gentleman who plays the Nazi general in Glorious Bast huh. Who's also in Jago Unchained. Yes. He was also in downsizing that movie. I told you to watch the Hong Chao.

Yeah. He's been in a lot. He's where are you going to watch? If you don't watch downsizing, I'm taking you out at the, okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it for Hong.

She'll eat you up. Yeah. And that faggot Matt Damon. Yeah. Are you obsessed with the fact that his daughter had to tell him to start using the word faggot? Start using it? Stop. Stop.

Oh, I didn't know that. And he said that to press. He said that in an interview, like casually. I think that's good. I mean, people need to hear that men like him get corrected and pay attention to the correction. Yeah. But I mean, it's also like he didn't know that.

He's so, he didn't know that that would be inappropriate to say. Well, I think, I mean, who's going to correct him? That's a good point. His daughter. If he's in the makeup room and some gay makeup artist is there and, I think, I mean, who's going to correct him? That's a good point. He's in the makeup room and some gay makeup artist is there and he says, faggot, are you really going to say something? You're going to lose your job before Matt Damon. I think that's when we go back to our little sexual harassment training and we

figure out what to do. We hope to, but so speaking of sexual harassment in the workplace, um, if you, what's your favorite kill scene in the kill bill? What's your favorite set piece? It is. It's the trailer. scene in Kill Bill? What's your favorite set piece? It is, I mean, it's the trailer.

It's the trailer. It's, I told David, I would watch a longer version of this. I want to know more about Beatrix and Elle's relationship because they hate each other. And you kind of accept that. I mean, you get that Elle's probably jealous because that's Bill's favorite. Yeah. And she's blonde. And she's younger.

She's a little bit prettier. You know. And once she gets out of the jealous because that's Bill's favorite. Yeah. And she's blonde. She's younger. She's a little bit prettier. You know. And once she gets out of the picture, she's romantic with him. Right. Elle, the scene where Bud is dying from the bite and she's just reading from those pages. And she says her biggest regret is that the best warrior in the world had to die from your scumbag ass. That moment where she like gives her respect

gives her props i like thought that was so like women supporting women yeah i mean it was like like she hated her so much but she because she was the best yeah and then remember in the beginning she tries to euthanize her yeah while she's sleeping as like a compliment to her being a great this is a luxury that people of our kind are never rarely afforded yeah exactly and you i mean i like the honor of that. Even though these are murderers and crime doers, there's an honor. There's a code.

And that's interesting to play with on screen. Totally. I love the moment where I love Lucy Liu's big moment because it also like actually correct kind of a, she's not Chinese. You know what I mean? Like she's, her heritage is like, she doesn't speak Mandarin, I don't think.

You know, she doesn't speak Japanese, certainly. So like her character had to be, to make make sense has to be like mixed race yeah and so like they kind of deal with that well a half a half white woman would never be ahead of the yakuza and so they you know she's like you know that with the monologue which says yeah if anybody else if the subject of my chinese japanese or american heritage comes up, if I, you know, she goes in, I love that line. It's amazing. I collect your fucking head.

It's amazing. If anybody should do that in a mix. Yeah. The more, well, I different time. There was a lot of kill bills back in the day. There was,

um, I used to do a go, go you barry number. And you know, I had like a blonde wig with like the same haircut and stuff. And I have one of those swinging balls. Probably wouldn't do it today. Um, but at the time I had a chain with a stupid little, like a blonde wig with like the same haircut and stuff and have one of those swinging balls Probably wouldn't do it today But at the time I had a chain with a stupid little like a dodgeball But I taped to the end of the chain that I sprayed silver and I was in the club

I forget what I was doing It was like you spin me right and then one night the ball fell off the chain and flew across the club and I retired That number not safe. I Was feeling myself after a number at a state nightclub on a Thursday night in Boston. My shoe fell off and hit somebody in the eye.

The heel hit somebody in the eye. You know, drag is about doing things that you wouldn't. Looking back and doing things you wouldn't do now.

Who is their favorite? We don't have to talk about Kill Bill the whole podcast, but it really goes hard. Kill Bill then, who's your favorite character in Glorious Bastards? Who would you fuck out of the the um girl brad pitt no but besides

him oh the um the the bear the bear jewish bear that's eli roth i think yeah bitch he came on screen and david goes i bet you like him and i went yeah bitch i do see this boner bitch he's gorgeous when he comes out with that bat. Oh, yeah. It's hammer time. And they have him. I know. It's hammer time.

Gunned out. Juiced up. They put the trend in that. He's so hot. He's so hot. Big eyebrows. I love men with big eyebrows like that. You know, you couldn't even see his asshole so hairy.

Yeah. I believe he was in. Oh, he was in Death Proof. He directed that. He did? Yeah. I'm so stupid. Sorry. He directed that. And he directed Planet Tarantino. No, sorry. Tarantino directed Death Proof. He directed that. He did? Yeah. I'm so stupid. Sorry.

He directed that. And he directed Planet Terror. No, sorry. Tarantino directed Death Proof. Eli Roth directed Planet Terror. Eli Roth, that gentleman. Yes. He is at the bar in Death Proof.

And he's like, the girls don't want to go home with us, but we give them another drink. They're like plotting to get- He plays a scumbag. He's in the fucking, he plays a sleazy agent in The Idol. Yeah. The Idol. He looks like a sleazy agent in the the idol yeah the idol he is he looks like a sleazebag i think for live nation have you ever seen the film bruno oh yeah sasha baron cohen she eats too we don't have to this is a movie podcast it's okay don't stop apologizing

stop apologizing i'm vibing i can't tell people like when we talk about movies if they're like girl who cares this isn't movie film. This isn't blockbuster. This isn't Rotten Tomatoes. Do you know what I mean? Like this isn't, this isn't the. Shitskill and Hebert, Shebert. This isn't the AMC. Like do people ever go, I wonder if people work at movie theaters, do people ever go

in not knowing what to see and then ask for a recommendation? I wonder. I'll tell you this. I did once. I went into the movie theater blind with a girlfriend and it was between Broken Hearts Club, which is a lighthearted gay rom-com, or Requiem for a Dream.

We chose the door number, that one, and walked blindly into Requiem for a Dream. That's heavy. I've never seen that. She sobbed uncontrollably. She was, as the credits were rolling and the lights came up, she was sobbing so uncontrollably, I started to get credits were rolling and the lights came up she was sobbing

so uncontrollably i started to get worried because it was so the movie was so intense it was so intense and it's not a feel-good film we later watched broken hearts club it's stupid as hell like the stupid light gay rom-com i've not seen that oh it's not worth watching either of those dean k is, now he's like a thumper. Dean Kuntz. Dean Kuntz is, no, he's. I've only wrote books. We don't have to do that ever again. It will never. It will never occur.

It will never occur. If I had a middle name, I wouldn't even, I don't even think I'd be doing signatures anymore. I don't want to do anything close to writing. I think honestly. I'm going to become illiterate. I'm going to forget. I'm like the Samantha From Sex in the City And

Sex in the City That actress What's her name? Kim Cattrall When she says I don't even for one second Want to be doing Anything resembling writing

That's my version Oh she said that Yeah She says I am uninterested in spending 30 minutes Doing something I don't want to do Which is a totally

I think It's a psycho thing to say It's a psycho thing to say But it's not a thing to say, but it's not a psycho thing to feel. Because I certainly feel it. Of course you don't feel like it. Like no one wants to, I don't know, shave their legs if you have to. It sucks. It takes time.

But you don't have to spend 30 minutes of it. Oh, that's what I did. I went to fucking Six Flags, bitch. Oh, tell me. Mama. So we, at first we get there bitch. Oh, tell me mama. So we, at first we get there. Of course, Wimberly,

it's good to go with Wimberly because he like, he's like my mom running, speedwalking, speedwalking, basically sprinting. It's a track suit matching top and bottom. No, actually she was,

she looked like Bryce Dallas Howard from Jurassic park. She was like a button up white. Sorry, Laura Dern from Jurassic park. Okay. It was like a tank top with khaki shorts. Okay. Another white button up.

I don't know. She was giving Meg Ryan. Okay. Because the hair is, you know, after the, after the, um,

each ride, it was like more voluminous. Sure. She's clipping an extension after every ride. Like angels, the city of angels to like, you've got mail. It was just a whole uh-huh so but yeah

i saw when harry met sally for the first time did you like it not really not really carrie fisher though i kept being like yeah i'm i'm made to believe that these people are soulmates and they meet all these times and they never get together also i'm not, listen, it's none of my business, but I am not, I'm going to say this in a way that's diplomatic. I am fascinated by the, by the fact that there was a time in which that, that leading man was the desirable one. He is hot younger. I'm going to, I'm not going to be, I don't, I don't hear he is due to forage him. Okay. That's, it's interesting. I have, it's just like, no, it

doesn't do. They meet all these times and they never fall in love. I mean, I guess that's it's interesting i have this was like no it doesn't do they meet all these times and they never fall in love i mean i guess that's supposed to inspire people right it's supposed to be like well maybe i have met the right one they just haven't realized it yet i don't know i just haven't spilled enough hot coffee on him in a bookstore and my witty like um spinster friend hasn't thrown enough quips at me to like maybe realize the truth like what the or but the book short the bookstore that i own hasn't been taken over by a conglomerate yet tom hanks and you've got mail it's rarely like that you know in real life when you fall in love with someone it's immediate and it's sort of and it's forever it's non-negotiable you know it right

away you don't like i love josh that never happens it never happens you're like i'm covered in shit i just hadn't smelled it right it's like what you know the way sex works in the brain if you really are that attracted to them it's all you can think about when you're around them and it doesn't creep up it's in the front not a question but all things being equal unless you have some very significant kind of psychological emotional traumatic whatever it's that one of the easier things to know about like you don't need a spidey sense for it or college education. You don't.

You know, but the Six Flags. So every, all my favorite rides were closed and I was like, perfect. I'm going to kill myself. I saw X2 was closed, huh? That's when I got the razors out to slip my wrists. And then we go to the Viper. That's closed. The Viper's a good one.

That's when I got the rope out to hang on myself. That's hard. No, no, no. But then, so when it, what ended up happening is that I went on got the rope out to hang on my sorry that's hard no no no but then so when it what ended up happening is that i went on all the rides that i all the rides that were previously not working were working all new rides i got to go on who gave it to you on the ride who was the one they all gave it to me really front and the back okay from the front to the back what's the best ride there you think at tatsu this is on the mountain x2 is the best So it depends on What you're looking for So we

Tatsu was the first one It starts with your It starts with your You're in a Seated Harness It tilts you forward So you're

You're facing down Yes Legs and arms dangling That's how Superman is Superman tips you up So you're flying like this No Superman

You Is a hydraulic one It's a It's a shot It's a speed shot up so you're flying like this uh no superman you is a hydraulic one it's a it's a shot it's a speed shot up batman you fly batman's batman's amazing i've only been to the one in gurney mills illinois mama i screamed i screamed i wasn't ready for tatsu i wasn't ready for it because you're it you could fall out of the thing you're up so high at the top of the thing dangling what do you think about people with these scream out rides that aren't that scary well it that's well some people do get really like when people pass out well do you remember when we were in copenhagen or denmark or whatever and i went to tivoli gardens by myself and i sat on

one of those drop rides you know the ones that take them just drop you yeah i hate those and i don't know what i was thinking because i know i hate those the second i'm strapped in i was like you fuckers i was looking for blame we did that we did it we did it too it's and the girls there's three little blonde girls speaking denmarkian like you know and i'm like looking at them like danish like girl girl what are we doing yeah and that was two of them probably for weight two of them me in the middle and then one so it's three little blonde girls who are maybe nine, nine or 10. And I'm in the middle, full grown and bald. Like, it scared me so much.

It's so scary. It scares. I don't scream for joy. My actually whole body tightens. And if you could see my face in those rides, it's like this. They, yeah, you can't. They take a picture. Tatsu, they took a picture.

I saw your picture. What was that face? Yeah. So, but the first thing I always forget is the hat you have to take your hat off bitch you balding bitch yeah or you'll lose it you'll lose it and i take your phone out of your pocket don't chance it no no that you always do but so the last roller coaster it the hat blew back and i pinned the crown of my head to the back of the seat and held it there for like 20 seconds like engage your core i was like yeah i it feels like you burned 1600 calories on all these rides it sucks you're no no no no no it's thrilling it hurts wonder woman sometimes rides hurt the riddler hurts hate her the riddler can

suck sometimes the rides hurt it jostles your head it it's like you know something like a gravitron that spins we are plastered to the wall is that fun it doesn't hurt oh no that's fierce because that's g-force you better lay low but the ones that jostle you around like when they they shift to the side and you like your body hits the

the metal it's really horrible I don't see her no I don't like to be hurt but Wonder Woman she is a single coaster the largest longest single coaster so it's just one of you one in front of the other wow she's fast and she's long she fucks you for like four fucking minutes it's like you're out of breath you're like stop stop it like stop it you can't really breathe on those rides you're like oh my god you're like it's and then it goes again that she's crazy she's like, it's like a false ending.

And then she goes back and then she's like, she like fucks you to the front, the back and the side and puts her dick in your ear. And it's like slaps you with it. It's crazy. And at the end, there's like Gaga Dough on TV. Like, thank you for riding Day Ride. She's like, Kal-El, no. Worst actor in the whole fucking Hollywood.

I know you feel that way. I like her. She's so bad. Anyways, the Tatsu was amazing. Twisted Colossus where wood meets steel. Kal-El, that's Superman's name, right? Kal-El, no. Kal-El.

Yeah. Oh, she really biffs it hard in that movie. Speaking from a good actress myself. In Watchmen, Regina King's husband, who's the secret Dr. Manhattan, his name is Kal. It was right in front of us the whole time. Think about it. We knew it. Think about it.

How do they know? You haven't been to Six Flags Magic Mountain on gay night? No, you never invite me. I was filming. I wouldn't have been able to go anyway. You're never able to go. It's always the funnest night of the year. I have pushed.

It's so, but it was. Nobody ever invites me to anything because. They think you're busy, but you are. Yeah, but sometimes when I'm busy, i have like a volatile reaction to even being invited because i'm like oh some of us have to work do you know what i mean like so i probably push people away he's like why did why do people not want a haircut by me because i'm blind yeah like i i push p i push the people away by being like no some of us have a job but have fun yeah yeah yeah have fun doing your little stupid gay thing but i have to work and make money because

i'm a real it's at night right because they catch us gays in the well so out on the mountain it's the crazy the crazy thing about is that there's it's the most peaceful like um collection of like strangers in the dark in public it's so like chill and fun and it's dark like they don't spring for extra electricity for the nighttime. It's really boo-boo actually. Like it could be, the lighting is horrible. It could be really like they could actually use somebody gay to go out on

the mountain and, you know, curated a little bit, but the whole is they stay open till one in the morning. But they don't do the daytime because they can't trust gay people in the daylight or what? I think just because they don't, the connotation there to me,

I'm sorry, is that they are hiding this. No, wrong. wrong um that's one way to look at it the other way is that they're allowing you a space to be queer and uh free of the burden of harassment or children people in la haven't driving so crazy today david and i were driving and someone it's always someone just ran a red light in front of us today and we were like love that i love it when they someone was but in front of us and you know you can see that I love it when they someone was in front of us and you know where you can see someone's silhouette so it's kind of like puppet theater

where you can tell they're on their phone or whatever this guy had about maybe this length curly hair and zero hands were on the wheel

and we just kept seeing this with the hair fingers through the hair and fanning it out for a good 30 seconds and I was like who's steering the girlfriend

who's blowing him and he wasn't looking in the mirror he was just doing this it's like so it's not even a styling issue it's like a sensation journey I've seen people you know my street insane dangerous blind turns no sidewalks people have been going 40 miles an hour texting on their phone around those corners and I want that's at that point I want to be like God it would be nice to be like have a superpower that could just pluck that car out of my giant hand and bring him into my living room

and give him I wish I had the power like when I see someone driving crazy I wish I had the power to put them on timeout you just stop hammer time

and then like move to the side of the road and then they have to watch like a two hour harassment video or something you stop time you erase their car

you take off their like you leave their underwear on obviously you don their car you take off their like you leave their underwear on obviously i don't want to humiliate them but yeah but you take their clothes and then you just put them on the side of the road yeah and be like you'll get this car back at the end of the day kind of like in high school when they take away your phone yeah no you'll get the car back when you like realize and tell me exactly why you did what you did what you did because you know better you got a license at one point you knew better that's oh i don't know if they know i mean i don't i don't have a license anymore, so I guess I can't talk.

But you. But I observe. Maybe as a passenger, I do full-time observing. So I see driving. I know unsafe driving when I see. You know what's going on. Yeah. You know to get scared when you should be scared.

I stopped short one time. There's things went flying. It was absolutely terrifying. A lot of weaving. No, no. And Hollywood Boulevard, no blinker. Just who needs a blinker? They should know. They should catch your vibe. I't believe i you know i run through la almost every day on foot

i can't believe i've never been hit well i can't believe i've never been hit this the the streets are very unsafe for this this kills me though at least you're running well that's why i stick to the busiest streets because they're if you run down hollywood boulevard yeah people are used to looking for foot traffic yeah yeah if you run side streets in la streets because they're, if you run down Hollywood Boulevard, people are used to looking for foot traffic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you run side streets in LA rolling stops,

you're lucky if you get a rolling stop from these people. Also, I'm, I'm, I love it at a huge intersection where there's one person, you know, you get the green, you're desperately trying to turn right on a green light forever.

And someone's like, slow motion. They're like, or you can turn left Like your window To turn left And you have two opportunities Like during the green light

And then some fucking Some stupid bastard Someone takes their time Is like Or the car in front of you Takes their time And the light is turning red And you're already

Mid intersection You're like Go Yeah but that's See that's your fault Because you shouldn't You shouldn't do that T

You're right But um The It's fascinating to observe The little intricacies of like, what exactly would be the best thing to do in this situation? Yeah. Because I never took driver's ed. How'd you learn to drive?

I didn't really. I just kind of picked it up. They give you a license at 18 if you do that. Isn't that weird? In Massachusetts, you can get your license at 18 if you take the test. I had to take it. The driver's ed, the summer thing, two weeks. Yeah, I didn't want to do it.

I don't know why. It was so boring. And and plus all my friends were older they already had cars driving scares me it should it's terrifying it should it should scare the shit out of you scares i think that's a very rational fear um wait wait let me just give you more of a recap um all the people at magic mountain is so nice i saw um the house of avalon gg looks like a fucking supermodel seeing gg good come off of the the roller coaster looking perfect i was like is that christy turlington do you know what i mean they for me are like the modern day supermodels yeah like seeing naomi um smalls or like uh simone like out in the out in the wild real beauties yes real. Real fucking models. They look crazy.

So good. We have the same job as them. No. That seems wrong. Do you ever feel miscast in your own life? I say, I think I should be behind the camera. I don't think I should be in front of it. You remember the stories in Back to the Future

how there was one Marty McFly and then they swapped it out? Oh, I never saw Back to the Future. Okay, in Back to the Future, before it before with michael j fox it was another gentleman and sometimes in life i'm like is there a person named when is somebody gonna come tap me and be like it's not working somebody's gonna come live in your house and take your job because you're not working out you know what i mean come on come on over come on over baby um well on that note listeners thank you so much.

And listen, we will be back here next week with more Dirty Ted and Stephanie talk. Stay hot. Bye.