The Basement Yard - #157 - Selling My Tears On eBay

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

Noah Cyrus is selling her tears on eBay for 12K... I wonder how much I can get for mine. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to the basement yard ladies and gentlemen By the way, just want to point out that we are now having full videos on youtube youtube.com slash the basement yard So if you want to watch this shit go watch it. I'm running out of air right now Okay, I got you go watch it at youtube.com slash the basement yard We're gonna have full videos in that bitch. Oh you want the whole episode? You got it. All right. We listened, okay? We love you Yeah, I really ran out of air while doing that. That's all right. That was weird. Did you go to the gym today? No, I have no I have no real excuse. No, you just have random bouts of like I can't breathe right now

Every day of my life. Well, I mean, I know you got like anxiety. Oh, here we go. Yeah I'm just a asthma. No, yeah, what's and that is a combination for the ages. I was talking about yeah suck that up right now I got you suck on it Shake it up. Oh Yeah, yeah, is there smoke that comes out? No Why are you holding it in? You're supposed to what does that do doesn't make you breathe better now So when you have asthma that you're the airways they become inflamed

He's like easier than normal peoples. So this keeps you it Excuse me sir So you can't sleep here. No, go ahead. Yeah, no, no, it opens up. It helps The inflammation in your breathing, sir Sir, thank you. It helps it helps the inflammation in your breathing tubes. Okay, that makes sense I know I did something it wasn't there just doing it for no reason. Yeah Um, but anyway, I wanted to start off this episode by talking about something serious because you know We talked about serious things on like I think it was last episode of the episode before that and people enjoyed us having serious conversation

Yeah, yeah, we're talking about crazy stuff. Yeah, you know, but this means we have brains. Yeah, you know What is it you use not great not great brains if we're using 10% of our brains I mean, I'm around like six. I would say I would say six is high. I Think that 10% of your brain thing is bullshit by the way. No, I think it's scientifically proven There's no way that we only use 10% of our brains. There's no way What is the 90% like lobes and shit all over here? You can tell me this whole thing Dual blah blah and God or whatever it is. You're gonna. Tell me I'll tell you what that's only 10 percent of our brain You got lobes all over this thing. I tell you what

That description of your brain sounds like you use in less than 10% Yeah lobes we do a gobbledon is Bell my back. We do guard oil we do I understand Anyway, our Bell and shit. Yeah, I don't know I think it's like the neck the frontal lobe. I think it's your speech You don't know anything about that. You could be like right-brained and left-brained. Isn't that a thing? I don't know. Yeah, you could be like a right-brained person or a left-brained person. I Really hope I'm right about most of this. I I think you sound like you're using 1% of your brain. I Got a problem with you. What? I have I have what's up with you. I don't know what's going on. I think I'm just capitalizing. I'm trying I have insecurities and stuff

No, that's fine. I think you I think you're a little jealous of my of my flashy lifestyle I think you are of your flashy lifestyle. I think he is What's your flashy? We could do it right here. What are you hanging out with Zach Efron and no, no, no He hangs out with me. Oh, yeah, I don't even have his number Okay, he takes me so you're hanging out with a bunch of celebrities and stuff We're gonna get to the you want to know where I think it is what I know where this all stems from what it's that ass kicking I gave you a fucking mini golf and you still won't commit to the fucking bet like a man Like a man listen. I am in a come out and say I'm either gonna dye my hair

Or I'm gonna dress like whatever Danny wants me to dress like for 24 hours Be a man, are you done? Are you done? I I have to move out of my apartment soon. Yes, so I have a transitional thing I need to do here. We all transition in life That's what I'm saying give me some time to settle into my new place And then maybe we'll talk about dying my hair or wearing a dress or whatever the fuck you're gonna make me do Nipple tassels all I'm saying is this I Would have never done this

Day one, I would I would have did it. I would have got it out of the way There's the attitude of a scared man and you're taking it out on me now knowing that I have this on now. I'm not I'm hurt. That's great. I'm glad you're hurt. See sarcasm again. I'm glad you're having a good I'm glad you're hurt. I'm glad you're you're hurting. Yeah, you're in a lot of pain. It is See see what I deal with anyway Can we talk about what we're gonna talk about on this Godforsaken podcast? I'm just saying the pain is real Pain is real speaking of pain kind of ties into what we're talking about here. See okay serious thing. We want to talk about No, Osiris is selling her tears in a bottle for

$12,000, you know what I Get it cuz I know what it's like to cry Danny where can they find you? $12,000 for a bottle of tears. What are you doing with the tears? Oh, I could think of lots of things Name one. There are some creeps out there. You could drink it First of all, you know you have to cry for a whole bottle's worth of tears. That's why I don't think it's real tears You think it's faux tears faux tears faux tears. Yes And what it's just like half like one third tier two-thirds water

Yeah, it's like a supplement where they tell you it's like 20% protein the rest of it's like some other shit You don't even know what it is. That's what it is You know how much you would have to cry to fill up a bottle of your tears Well, she did just go through a breakup with Lil Zan. Yeah, that would make me cry too. Yeah, Lil Zan You know That's when you know you're famous imagine presenting that person to like your fan. Hey, it's my boyfriend Lil Zan His name is Zan Well, it's short for Zannex

If my daughter brought home a guy with face tattoos and a name Lil Zan I might be to shut out of both of them Well, his name is Diego. I believe yeah, but he's Lil Zan The fan and his eyes don't open fully. No for some reason. I don't know if he's tired I think they're working that kid to the bone you need to get him like a B12 shot or something because he needs to be like I need to see that dude wired You know what I mean? No, seriously, if you look at this picture of this kid, he always looks like he's yeah, I've seen him

I can't stand just got off like a coal mining shift and now he's going his job at a fucking Walgreens It's like give us get a break. I don't get a day. Let me get a day. I don't get a day. I stop and why they break up Do you know? Fuck knows I have no idea Just wasn't working out. How old are they? They're young. I think they're 20. All right. Yeah, they're young So that's probably why they don't think no what they're not like teens are they? Oh, I don't know I mean, we're right there 19 is right there. That's true if you're 19 you're 20 It's the same age

No, 20 is the worst age you could be 20's trash. Terrible. Yeah, it sucks Because like you're 20 you got the two but no one takes you seriously It's like you're not 20 you're fucking like basically nine. Yeah, and then you're 21 can't even buy a jewel You can't buy a jewel I think it's don't you have to be 21 like rip jewels now I have never bought in a jewel never bought in a jewel. I tried to buy one one night when I was hammered When jewel hunting. Yeah, it's awesome. You know me delis. I went to how many three Wow, that's none of them had jewels Yeah, that's more. That's more ridiculous. Yeah, then you go into three delis Do you know like but I because I don't even like want to smoke a jewel. No

But for some reason I was so I was like really drunk And I got dropped off my Uber in front of my apartment and there's a deli on the corner So I went there. So yeah, you guys got jewels the guys like nah, I was like, all right cool So I went to a different one. That's like a block away That one didn't have it either and then I walked like three blocks to another one that one didn't have it And then I was like, maybe I should just go to bed One you're correct to you would have looked at that thing in the morning Like you just slept with somebody you didn't know exactly even like get this thing out. She's like, oh my fucking god

What did I do yesterday? You try to give that away so fast. Yeah, not great. No, not great But $12,000 who's at the price on those tears? I don't know because I think that's a little you shooting for the stars here I don't know the tears market though. Yeah, you know, I'm not in on that So I don't know what's a good price dark web shit if she sells hers for $12,000 I don't like is Noah Cyrus that famous like I think that I could probably sell a couple tears Like for like 800 bucks then. Yeah, you could sell some tears I could like if I get a bottle of my tears 800 bucks to her $12,000. I think that's a good. Yeah, you know. Yeah

You almost did she ever hit song? You might be more famous than her no no she dated little Zan. That's true. Come on, man Little Zan man Doesn't the Zan man the Zan man can't yes, he can't That's so weird. What just that whole and that whole kid is weird Yo, the younger generation of kids are a little strange. They scare the shit out of me. Yeah, they're terrifying. They're all like into like Like sacrilegious things you want to know is weird is they're gonna teach our kids No

Yeah, no these kids with face tattoos and like 666 tied it on their wrists aren't gonna like teach your kids Sadly, they won't be around much longer. What does that mean? I just feel like these kids they like They've ruined their lives. I mean with all the substance abuse and all the like, you know Guns and shit like if you had the bet on Lil Zan or like the Kashi 69 living another 10 years a Party is gonna think about saying no Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, it's just there's a lot of like substance abuse and like gang and guns and shit I should have scary bro celebrities of a wildlife. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a pussy, bro

I can't be a celebrity, but here's another thing though. Well, you are celebrity because I'm not a celebrity though I would not say pretty close. I'm not a celebrity dude People know who I am. I'm not a celebrity. I don't you're not a celebrity in like Midwest. Oh, like like Part of the country. I'm not a celebrity anywhere Dude, we went to the Rangers game and I don't think we can walk six feet. That's a lie. That's an embellishment. I was there throughout the entire night What like 10 12 people came up to me all sweethearts. Yeah Why'd you do that? What do you mean? Let it out

Oh Damn you did I just dab yeah, you don't cover your mouth at all either that was gross in my house Yeah, that's true. We are in a small room though. Yeah inconsiderate and there's a big cold going around these days Are you one of those people that thinks they're sick when they get a cold? No, all right I powered through it. So I was like, oh, I'm sick like what do you have? I just have like a cold like yeah, that's great If nothing if nothing's coming out of my mouth or asshole. I'm not sick. Yeah, you know what I mean like I could work through a cold You got a runny nose. Yeah, so does everyone during the winter. Give me a break. Yeah But anyway, my point is I'm not a celebrity anywhere if anywhere would be New York

Oh, yeah, we went to the range game like 12 people knew how but it wasn't like they put me on the jumbo Try and like guess who's here and people went crazy Yeah, right like it's not like that. So you that's that's what I consider like a celebrity I think I know right you're not like dropping the like honorary drop in the puck and shit Yeah, I'm not out there like you know with the kid You know two kids that have cancer like I'm drop the puck for these kids, right? I'm not that guy I got a little dark. What? That's what they do with the ranger games. Do they yeah, I gotta go to more ranger games. It's a lot of fun

It's a lot of fun, but anyway So yeah, I'm not I'm not that guy so you could sell it for 800 then Someone would buy your you're like It's gonna sound really weird here. We go if you put a piece of your underwear a piece of it What am I cutting it out arts and crafts? Yeah, a pair piece, whatever a whole pair. Why do they call? underwear pairs And why do they call pants? pairs

pair pants, yeah, because one one leg is a is a pant these are pants I'm not buying it That's the That's what it is though. Yeah, but it's it's connected in one piece socks. I get To yeah, two things. Mm-hmm. You got two right pants one thing one thing there. No, it's this is a pant So then why would you have a leg she would just have a leg you got two arms? Yeah The same rules apply. They're connected sweatshirt shirt

Because it's going on one body Yeah, and the pants are too. What do you think they're going sleeves two different sleeves? This arm this arm pants two legs, but they don't call them long sleeve Long sleeves. No, they don't call them that. Oh long sleeve shirt a long sleeve shirt It's got got a long sleeve a pair of pants. I'm just it's not about the pants It's about the pair of pants pair of pants But anyway, what the fuck are we talking about? I don't know, but I don't know or Cyrus's tears Yeah, no, I was saying you said $800 of your tears, right? If you put a pair of

Pants underpants underwear. Okay, you could easily sell for 800 bucks. I Wouldn't want to do that. I'm just saying somebody would buy your underwear. I'd I'd like It'd be a scandal like I'd buy new ones and not wear them and then send those Yeah, you know like with the like Eli Manning thing. Yeah. Yeah, exactly We're like one second and like take it off. That's what I would do But like What would you do with these tears by the way? You were like, oh, I could think of stuff like what would you do? There's creeps out there. Somebody would definitely jay it with those tears. You said it's like lubricant

Yeah, you can't jerk off with tears. You could figure out a way. You ever like try to drug off with just water make a solution Yeah, mix it with something like Jill and yeah That's weird So you're okay, you're jerking it with the tears. Yeah, which is that's sad I don't know doing something drinking it blood ritual or something blood ritual. Maybe cooking maybe cooking with it Cooking with tears cooking with tears. Yeah, putting in your like putting on your salad Put it on your salad. Yeah, we could dress thing with it. Jesus $12,000 for a tear salad I'd rather someone spit in my salad and that shit some boss you ever think somebody spit in your food

God, I hope not. I don't think so because I'm one of those people that if you bring out even the wrong food I'm like, well, I'll just eat this then unless it's like Like I don't like fish because it doesn't agree with me if they bring out like a fish Yeah, like well, I'm not eating this like this is the wrong thing. Yeah, you know, but in that case it would be Understanding like I'm not one of those people that like I'll get a burger and it'll be cheddar cheese and like I asked for a Mary Like just fucking burger. Yeah, you know, I'm not that guy. Remember that guy remember that time we ordered food They only brought one

Yeah, and the guy got really mad at you Like gave you like a really bad look No, that's not that's not what happened. We ordered food the guy rang my bell Yeah, you went down to get it and the guy was giving you a look. Yeah, what the fuck like the guy called me. Hey Oh, yeah, even your attitude. Yeah, and I was like, what is why and he's like and you're like, no, it's not mine It's it's my buddies and he's like, oh, it's all it's his and you're like, yeah, yeah, it was weird I never ordered and then he stared at me for like 10 seconds out and I was like What's going on? I asked them. I was like, what's what's the problem?

What's going on here? And then he's like hit me with like that. I just walked away So I don't order from there because I'm scared. Yeah, I don't like messing with people that know I feel like they know the addresses like might spit in your shit. Yeah, or that spitting it take a dump in it Maybe just like think about how big of a piece of shit. You have to be to spit in somebody's food Or is it warranted? I don't think so I don't know Yuck. I don't like it. No, whenever I go out to I order most things well done like a burger I'll get well done. Yeah, because I'm afraid of like that's a well done burgers disgusting

I'm not there for that. Like I'm just there because I need to get to consume it. I'm not a big eating guy I don't really like eating. I like here's the thing. I Like eating Obviously, right survival like meals like going out and having meals and like whatever these nice things whatever but like on a day-to-day basis where it's like you're You wait until you're hungry to eat. Mm-hmm. And so you just eat anything, right? I don't like that kind of eating I like going out at a restaurant like getting stuff, but I don't like Having to eat like most days

I would say 365 days in a year if 300 of those days I could just take a pill and not be hungry all day. I do it like I'm not into eating. It's called that or all It's called cocaine. Let's go cocaine sir. No, I hear you though All right before we move on let's get to the sponsor for today, which is stitch fix guys This is one of the coolest sponsors I have it's basically like having a personal stylist Okay, stitch fix sit up say hut stitch fish Stitch fix why can I not speak? Jesus stitch fix has reimagined the way that we find and buy clothes, okay?

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People are buying Noah Cyrus's tears for $12,000. Yeah, okay Is there anything like is there a weird thing you'd buy from a celebrity that you'd be like I'm doing this Now I'm buying that Yeah, like what like I would buy like Rihanna's underwear Can you explain the underwear thing to me because I don't get that like and you know in movies guys are like They're in some girls rooms like our underwear. No, what do you what are you expecting to smell her puss? No, I wouldn't do that. I would like see this. I'd like in case it

Yeah, like memorabilia Like a Mike Richter jersey. Yeah, I would have it up in my room Riri stomp above the bed. Yeah It's like Good night Before I hit the lights God that is so weird. What would you get? I don't know I don't want tears I don't want tears either last. No, I'd like a whole hand Like give me like Jennifer Aniston's hand

But you could like put it on the mantle like, you know thing from Adam's family. Just let it let it sit there Stuff it so that it could stay like up. You know, it'd be so weird Just get a whole hand. Actually, I don't want to hand at all. That's terrifying. What am I saying? It's like that scene in Ted. Do you ever see Ted? Yeah, when he's like slant song shrunks nut. Yeah He's like I got a bronze Yeah, oh wow, it's amazing. Yeah. Yeah I don't know. Hmm Like an article of clothing

And like something like not creepy I would get these are all creepy is but now like you would want like a tooth No, no, like a George Clooney tooth like a Like Billy Joel's shoes or something Okay, like that'd be cool Like if you did a show I played a show on him and he gave me the shoes. No, I need like weird weird things Yeah, like Would you like I don't understand like there's people out there like like like pieces of hair

What like they would like pieces of hair. Oh to like keeping a book Yeah, and they make like hair like voodoo dolls out of them. You never seen any of those what yeah Like creeps will collect girls hairs that like fall off and make hair dolls out of them If they're not Huskies, how can you get that much fucking hair? It's a long process But I'll show you big payoff though. I Guess if you're in it, it's made it. It's made out of like entirely human hair. Yes That is one of the grossest things I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, they're gross Yo, hair is disgusting when you think about it. Yeah, like as soon as it leaves your head. It's gross

Like have you ever been somewhere and then you get someone else's hair on you? Just one strand of hair and you're like, oh, yeah, or if it's in your food Hair and food will make me never want to eat from that place ever see that's another thing like I don't I don't care You'll take it out and eat it. Yeah, that's disgusting It depends how big it is to be honest with you Dude if I pull somebody's hair out of my mouth and I know it's not my hair Yeah, I'm not eating that but you don't know if it's your hair or not. I Know my hair, but also why is hair so gross because it's gross. I'd rather have a hair than a spit

Yeah Your hair could carry a lot of shit like what I don't know lice Yes Like yes, who has lice anymore? Yeah, no one has lice first of all. We don't even check for it in schools I don't know how I want to confirm that. I don't know because I worked at a summer camp years ago This was like 10 years ago before I started thinking about titties. This is a decade ago decayed decayed ago. I Had to shave my entire head Because I got lice for one of the children. That's fire. Yeah

It's not just terrible. Yeah, but that was back then man. Lice still existed People don't have lice now bed bugs is a thing that shit's disgusting. That's gross. Yeah now you got a fumigate You got to do all kinds of things are hard to get out to hell. Yeah, this things are hard to get out But lice now my mom's apartment building had them once some guy brought in a fucking mattress from off the street infested Who the fuck would take someone else's mattress and an idiot Yo mattresses by the way The grossest part of a home. Yeah, that's you if you look at a mattress with a black light Oh, it would look like three people got murdered. Just drool

Shit blood a little bit of peep-peep. Yep It's all kinds of and and some of it's not yours. I know people and also like just like pieces of skin Yeah pieces of skin your hair your butt hair, but poop poop from your ass poops all in there It's disgusting and it just sits there and it accumulates over time. Yeah I'm throwing my bed out. Yeah, you should just get a brand new one Yeah, get a brand new bed, and then you can put Jennifer Aniston's fucking severed hand right next to it on your mantle That's fucking weird. What that's weirder than underwear. At least I could like use it. That's true Now because if you all rig a mortise, so you can't jerk off that I'm I didn't say jerk off with it

I could just like have it around and like put it in my shirt and pretend it's So weird, yeah, that's terrible. I'm joking though. Yeah, right for sure. No, I'm done I'll joke is there anything else you would buy I would buy like a sweaty jersey No, I need body part of the body Hmm, like chest hair or like a nipple. What about a boob if I could have one celebrity's tit Damn dolly Parton's tit. Yeah, it's too old though. Yeah, but it's not about being old to the legendary boobs

Yeah, I wouldn't have it in case that Yeah, I don't know it's touching that I would get a bronze tit and like put like one of those Crazy museum fucking sensors on that thing. Yeah, like the beams of red light or whatever I do it in like oceans 12 or ever had to like dance. Yeah, exactly. You would have to do that to get to that It yeah, I would give if I could have both of Dolly Parton's tits It's just like in a glass case that should be in a museum somewhere. Those are like famous. Yeah, respectfully. Yeah, it's not like Oh, I want to do stuff too. No You're respecting history there

It would have to be breakable glass and I would say like in small print like in case of emergency break glass Yeah, just in case like, you know, I mean, I mean, maybe like six easy like 50 years down the line I'm just like a very lonely guy and that's art Gotta break the glass. Yeah now. I'm grabbing her tits. That's art. Yeah, that would appreciate over time. Yeah 100% Maybe even 200% This is a weird conversation. Yeah on purpose though. Yeah, of course. Yeah, why not? I'm trying to think about the things too. I just can't know I'm trying to be all like Netflix documentary murderer

Thinking that's why I brought it like the hair doll like voodoo doll shit dude speaking of voodoo or whatever by the way I saw this thing online that Beyonce's Former drummer is accusing her of like witchcraft. I Gotta find it. I could see that she does Come off witchy. She could be a little witch witch like like I always talk about her how I feel like there's always just like a light Yeah behind her that's like shining so that she glows and I feel like she's talking like and she's just moving and speaking It's hypnotized. Yeah speaking in very like hypnotic ways Beyonce's former drummer alleges singer practices extreme witchcraft and cursed her with magic spells of sexual molestation wait

How do you what's what's a magic spell of Molestation I don't know. I think a ghost comes in just like rubs your sniz What is that I don't know so wait furthermore Thompson, which is the Kimberly Thompson's the drummer alleges in the paperwork that Bay subjected her to extreme exhaustion. Oh, they said Bay Yeah, they wrote Bay Magic spells of sexual molestation. How do you say that word molestation, right? Yeah Loss of a man Jobs theft of homes. Why are they writing it like I don't know

Theft of home this is how you would write it in like Spanish like you know how you have to say like it's like It's backwards class of art is art class. It's like why are we doing this theft of homes large losses of money? extreme theft Extreme theft of intellectual properties the murder of my pet kitten well magic spells on my lovers and numerous broken relationships Some of those were like all the same thing but a kitten guy fucking wrecked it Fuck is going on That cat is dead that cat. Ah

The cat's fucking dead as shit bro. So long kill that cat loss of man That's a weird way to put it. It sounds like a movie title loss of man Yeah Spell on my lovers theft of homes theft of homes Beyonce put a spell on you So people broke into your house and stole your shit this character cat this person's lying But a part of me feels like Celebrities have done weirder things I'm afraid of witchcraft to be honest with you like I don't want to say because what if she hears me and then now

I have a dead cat. Yeah, I don't even have a cat, but imagine one just shows up You know that story told me about that cat is hysterical. Can you tell it on here? What cat the cat gift? Oh My buddy and his cat. Yeah Yeah, I mean people know so my buddy I'm not gonna say his name. Yeah, don't say his name. Yeah, but it was a cat I'm sorry. I have to hear this story. No, no cat died. No, no Beyonce Sort of thing we'll go back to Beyonce, but this story is too amazing But my friend thought it'd be a good idea to give his brother a cat for like his birthday

so he went to Great lengths to get this cat like he was calling me is like y'all gonna be a little late like I got to go here in Brooklyn see if the cat's available and like you to adopt a cat. There's like a lot of stuff you have to do Yeah, so he adopts the cat and he's like holding it for a couple days and I'm like dude Like this is a little I don't know, you know, you voiced your opinion that it was a little I was shaky yeah, and he brought it to his brother and He put it in the bathroom at his parents house and then he was like hey guys look like here's your gift and he opened up the door Immediately the mom starts crying the brothers like what do you do like? Oh my god

And he's just saying they're like what the and his dad's like the fuck is wrong with you like why would you do that? And like no one wanted this fucking cat Just like one of the worst gifts you can give someone because the thing is I feel so bad laughing because I know him too but Just knowing that he went through all The good news is like they did find someone who was a like Good parent to the cat and my god and someone else didn't just like give it back or anything like that But yeah You can't surprise animals on people no I did that yeah, I know you're an idiot

That's insane. You didn't even tell me. I thought you would at least tell me no It was one of those things where I was like my whole life. I've wanted a dog Yeah, and like your own dog like you don't share it with anybody else. I was like this is my one moment to have my own dog So I walked in the ASPCA Look for look for a dog, which is now Eli some of you know him Who was the man by the way, I got very lucky But I thought it would be a good idea to just bring it home And forgetting that I live with another person

Yeah, and I did not discuss this with her at all at all Not one bit nope Just got back from Italy Just readjusting the life the best part about these two stories is that when you're going through it behind someone's back The only the only thought in your head is This is gonna go so well She's gonna love this. It's so true. I was like, I'm a fucking super hero This is gonna be the greatest day of our lives. What can go wrong?

And then they come through that door and it's just the complete opposite When I brought Eli home he did not bark at all. He was awesome Didn't bark didn't cry watch baseball with me on the couch. He was the man Mm-hmm soon as a lot of gets home opens the door He barks and When you come into our apartment, there's that hallway. Yeah, and she just goes What is that? And then she comes around the corner like sneaks around the corner and goes who is that

Now I'm my whole like my whole body Everything just goes to my feet now. I'm just like, oh my god. I just made the biggest mistake of my fucked up So she just goes who is that I? Said it's it's Eli She was like whose dog is that? And I just go it's our dog Joe I Shit you not

tears Hysterically crying rightfully so yeah, and she goes she goes how could you do this to me? The whole day going back to what you were saying this is the smartest thing I've ever done And my favorite part about this is just imagining like in that moment Yeah, you were so confident and then she comes in and you go. I am the dumbest person I've never gone from thinking I was like Boyfriend of the of the century to being like I might need to move out This is a bad

Situation yeah hilarious and as soon as she goes up to touch him he pisses all over the Oh Yeah, and she and then obviously she loves a dog now. He's the man. We love him Yeah, but I would recommend do not bring anything that breeds into a house For other people without consulting with them for yeah, you can't even get like a new bed sheet No, but what color is this? Don't do that see consult you haven't lived with with a girl yet. Yeah, no It is so hard She was she she literally was holding a dog. She goes. I'm not mad at you

I'm mad at him. It just stared at me like this like I Was like holy shit. I gotta go to an adoption agency now. Yeah, exactly the dog and kick me out. Yep Fellas ladies do not bring home animals Ever without consulting you can't Can't do it like it like when you got Charlie. Did you tell everyone you were getting Charlie? Oh, yeah Yeah, that's probably better I was also living at home at the time. So if I just brought a home dog might brought a home dog What up? Yeah

What up, yeah, yeah, it was good. Yeah, I live here now Yo, this is Charlie. It's my home dog. What's going on? Yeah, yeah, what's going on? Yeah, I can eat with y'all Bet I bet I bet I'm a spoke to cigarette outside You guys got like a shoe on policy or something. Yeah, I gotta take my shoes off y'all do the Japanese thing or whatever here I Know Joe be looking Japanese sometimes. I don't know I Really like to wear socks. Well, if you cool bad feet as cool with me Yeah, like I ain't a big sock guy, but I'll do like if you got a pair like I'll rock them I'll me no disrespect to anybody

Oh Yeah, how do you feel about that rule by the way the no shoes on yeah, I get it. Yeah, because After last week God forbid my fucking shoes up here tore me into a asshole. That's on top of the table Dude, we drink beers and eat fucking cheetos off this fucking thing No one eats cheetos off this thing. Let me tell you I've had to come in here and clean this place up It's there's been some war zones in here. No cheetah. No, I was gonna say no cheetahs. No cheetahs in here or cheetos It's like but like here's the thing I have a little stash spot over there the camera can't see it

But Joe over the course of recording will have little things and he'll just stick them in this little hole over here And I have to go find them. You have to go to YouTube and watch it, but there's a point to it It's right here. It just accumulates like glasses Like empty packets of food and I have to come in there What it's just an adventure every time I come in here It's just an adventure. We got a mistletoe candle a mistletoe candle that looks like it's on its last legs I just hit my lip. You're right. It smells really good though See what I got to deal with oh man, that is funny and God forbid I put my shoes up there

You can't put your shoes on the table take your head off I get the shoe thing in the winter because I yeah, you got boots on you get everything's wet Take your shoes off It's the summer and like nothing's going like I don't mind If I come into an apartment, I see a whole bunch of shoes lined up by the door. I'm gonna take my shoes off Yeah, I'm just taking the house lead Also Carpet, I'll take my shoes. Yeah wood floors. They might stay on did you take your shoes off amicus?

No, I did It's he didn't have a carpet. Yeah, but I saw all his shoes like lined up at there I thought he was going no shoes. Yeah, but that's where he He has shoes. They got to go somewhere. They're gonna be near the door He didn't take off 12 pairs of shoes at one time and leave by the front door That's where the shoes go. I'm a big shoe. I'll take the shoe off for you Yeah Just one floor some I'll keep them on maybe. Yeah, I also feel weird. I feel like that's too comfortable

Are you self-conscious about yours? It's like your sock game your feet don't smell Those socks are dirty though, you know, you when you move you need all brand new socks. I Don't appreciate this disrespect. Oh, you I've been disrespected two weeks at a row here And you want to know why I stay with you cuz I love you You could say back See you won't say back. I love you, man What are you doing? See what are you doing? See what I got to deal with. What are you doing? I'm just I'm just like the world now. This isn't dr. Phil. I'm just never said it was

You're trying you're looking into the camera like this is the office But anyway, I mean one day one day what one day we'll just leave it at that Okay, that was a very open-ended. I don't know. I'm at like one day one day. You'll love me one day One day you'll love me. Oh my god Is it like does it have something to do with me is my like my physical features your face? I think my face It's wrong my face. I Don't think anything's wrong my face. They want to go get one of those fucking this fucking fucking

The hell they call him what when they stab your face a bunch micro needling. Yeah, all the celebrities are doing it That's so dumb. The vampire facial That's what they're calling. Yeah Vampire facial. Yeah, let me look it up to make sure I'm right. That sounds like a person's like manually doing it with their teeth It's like yeah, I paid five thousand dollars and this woman just bit my face vampire vampire facial Long Island Wow. Yeah, that's what it's called. Oh my god. I'm looking it up

You know how much it cost a thousand dollars to have my face ripped open. Yeah. Oh my god Look at Kim K. She got it. She's bleeding on her face. Oh What does it do for you, I don't know it makes you shiny I guess you Does it work? I don't know but this looks oh my god. It looks awful. Oh My god, these people are bleeding hard. Why are women doing this to themselves? Wait this one says health officials urge vampire facial clients to get HIV tests There's an HIV outbreak Well, I mean we're talking about needles and blood and faces here. I'm gonna hold up

I want to read about that now vampire facial may have exposed spot clients to HIV. This is on CNN I Mean I'm good on I'm good on that. I'm good on any facial to be honest I'm good on on the facials and I'm good on the HIV Yes, I'm good on both. Yeah, I saw the Alice Myers Club. I don't want any part of it. You know that movie You know Matthew McConaughey's a nut job How do you get down to that weight and and then get back to being just hot? I know but like you could tell though a part of him's never

Gained that weight back. Not all of it. Yeah. Yeah, if you look at him in like fool's gold He's fucking Jack kind of yeah, and then he lost all that weight And then like he had to do permanent damage to his body to get that skinny I think so. Yeah, even if you did that now like if you try to lose all that weight and did that shift like a roll Your body would never be the same after that. I Don't have it in me. I couldn't do that. I'm not dedicated to anything like that I'm dedicated to putting me down, but it's fine I'll just get a vampire facial and

Hopefully not get HIV dude. That's insane Who came up with that like yo, you know what we should do just keep stabbing people on the face Thank God for Beards for Beards. Yeah, they hide so much. She's hide so much just bullshit Yo, if I shaved my face like Like down to nothing. Yeah, no beard was last time you've done that all right 2012 Dude, I'm so ugly No, I meant like if I They're nice if I shave my face down to nothing, right? No clean shaven. I'm

I'm significant Yep, so I'm significantly less attractive Really, it's significant. Yes All right Significant, okay. All right You know the How you won't come clean on the bed. I'm not shaving my face You wouldn't shave your face instead of dye your hair or wear a costume for 24 hours. No

shaving my face I it would like I Can't how much would I have to pay you to shave your face? Like if I was like y'all give you 500 bucks right now. No, really. Yeah, no No, wow, it would have to be like $5,000 I'm serious What the hell did you just do just now? There was something on the table. I thought you picked a booger and put it right there I picked something off

So you're like, I'm serious five grand That's a weird thing too when you I picked the shit out of my nose by the way If you don't pick your nose you're a fucking liar and you're weird your piece of shit Also, if you're one of those people that puts like a napkin on their finger to pick their nose Just get in there. What do you we jerk off with a condom on? What is that kind of safety? Do you do the roll-up toss? Hell? Yeah, I love roll up toss roll it up. I'll get the fuck out of here I don't pick my nose in bed

Was that a real pick are you like demonstrating? No, no, no, no, I actually had an inch You don't pick your nose in bed. Do you ever your mustache hairs ever get so long? They kind of like I hate that Yeah, I hate that. No, but I pick my nose in bed. There's no limit, but I'll throw it out of the bed There's no limit to what will happen. You'll throw your booger in your bed. I'm gonna throw it I'm not throwing it in my bed. No, I'm just flicking up flicking I'm saying you like I don't do it in bed. I'll do it in bed. I'll do it anywhere I'll do it in church. I'll pick my nose in my bed, but I'm not like leaving it in my bed No, I sleep there for God's sakes

You'll jizz in your bed. I'll jizz in my well, I'm not on purpose I said not on purpose. No, if you're jizzing, I hope it's on purpose No, I meant like I'm not like aiming like oh, you're right on my pillow like obviously. I'm not doing that shit Who's forcing you to jizz Jizzing by accident. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait. Wait. It's like taking like a puppy like trying to run him outside, but uh I'm a picker. I am a inspector. Oh, I'm not an inspector really. So you're like You just go about your day. Yeah, I'm a picker. I'm there for business. I'm not there to hang out No, because some of them are too big. This doesn't work

Yeah, you need you need a tissue Do you ever eat your boogers as a kid? Never. You never ate your booger as a kid? I ate my booger as a kid Disgusting. Yeah, it's pretty gross. I never did that. No, but I did wipe them everywhere. You were booger wiper, not on the walls Everywhere I'm telling you. No, I had a booger. No, I didn't do that. There's nothing to write home about. Yeah, no It's not I mean, they're they're they're gross boogers are disgusting Yeah, especially when you pick that one that's like on the wall Yeah, and you pull it out and it's so long and it's so long

I love that though and you feel like you could breathe better than you could ever like took a breath in your life Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's like you just like release like that one. That one you need a tissue though Yeah, yeah, because that thing's like fucking spin that thing around your finger. Do you ever do you blow your nose and then look at it? Yeah, of course. Oh, I don't do that. Why I don't look You don't wipe your ass and look either we talked about this. How do you not know that your asshole is clean? You have to look at the shit You have to How do you not do that? I do look I just have a different process. I I wipe and throw and then I'll look

Wait, I'm not like going like this bring it around town. Okay. No, we're not good. I'm bringing around town I got to see what kind of shit. I'm dealing with no no no I let it go in the water I don't want to I worry about if I fumble the ball on The way on the way to the look now. It's all over now. It's on the ground. I whoa and now I just you know There's poop. You're in your head now. I am in my I'm being safe. Yeah, you're in your head So you'll wipe your butt Until it's dry Until it's dry. Yeah, poop's wet. I mean not if you eat healthy. Yeah, right, you know what I mean

All right, I'm not gonna walk around with shitty ass. Yeah, so Yeah, but you wipe Front to back I hope yeah now one of those sick Wiping to my balls gross. I'm trying to do people do that So you do the lean you do the lean. Yeah, I lean get in there. Yeah and drop, right? You don't do this. No, dude. You have to know you got to know how much shit is on you. I'll look after So if you've ever gotten up look and been like there's too much shit on this toilet paper Let me wipe my ass more. Yeah, dude

We'll talk you how to wipe your ass. No one clearly I Can just see you standing up looking at the toilet be like Yeah, there's some shit left over on my ass. Yeah That's strange. I Knew a kid who used to stand up to wipe. That's weird. That's weird That's Jeffrey Dahmer as a kid stuff. Yeah, like you know how like there's symptoms like if you mutilate animals when you're a kid You grow up to be a like a you know, I'm saying like a serial killer

That's that's another one. The thing is also is like you can't stand up straight to wipe your ass You have to like you gotta get a little bend to it. You gotta like do this. You gotta do like Imagine being a grown man Yeah, like you're about to go off a big jump Yeah, wipe your ass and then and then hopefully it goes in the toilet. Yeah, why are you standing up to wipe your ass? Yeah, how weird is it how weird is it to clean your ass in the shower, don't you feel like a weirdo Oh, yeah, cuz I'm you have to do that. You got to get down in this ski skiing formation. You got to be like I Bought a luffa just for my ass

You have an ass luffa. Yeah an exclusive ass. Yeah This is amazing because you want to know why I like most men have a hairy butthole It's true I'll tell you what I'm not gonna fight you on that. Yeah, I know you do Not gonna fight you so You know, you get some DB's in there Diggleberries. Oh, I was like, whoa, you can't get that out your hand You need you need some extra reinforcement. So my ass luffa

strictly for my ass Have you ever used it by accident in other places? I can't confirm nor deny. I've almost done it by accident I've never used a luffa in my life. I use them because to wash your back. No, no, no, no, no, I have one of those I Don't see I think I I don't know how good my hygiene is after hearing all this You wash your face. I don't have any tools Like I don't have tools. Yeah, but you have a wash and shit probably, right? Huh facial wash What the fuck is that? I don't wash my face Wait, I think I might have said this before I don't wash my face like in the shower ever

Like I don't put soap on my face never no, I haven't done it It's just whatever runs down your face like yeah from washing your hair. That's about it Yep, but I don't wash my hair soap. No, I don't know shampoo and yeah conditioner You don't like well, you never really grow your beard out too far Very rarely, I will you like I'll use soap on my neck But that's it like I don't do put it on my face. I don't think it's good I like I stopped doing it because I had heard before that it I have never really like struggled with like acne or like pimples

I like I've gotten them obviously. I don't really I've never really seen you with like one like whoa Yeah, it's it's never happened like that, so I just don't do it. Yeah, I don't put soap on my face And I haven't had a problem clean cleanser That I use now that actually helped a lot I feel like using all that stuff is bad like cuz you know how like girls will use like all these masks and Then like they'll peel them off. Yeah, and it's like your skin is raw now. Yeah, and it's like you you Germs are like susceptible like everything. Yeah, and obviously like I don't know what I'm talking about This is just like a feeling that I have of you know

The micro needling and the all these face washes and all these masks and stuff It's like I feel like you know how they say you don't use Purell too much because you're killing the good bacteria on your hands Yeah, I think that could apply to your face, too. That's why I stopped using soap I was like I'm not gonna. Well, I use soap on my body, but I don't use it on my face Yeah, for that reason because I feel like that if I constantly Keep doing it, it'll just I don't know. It could be could be it's a it's a theory. It's a theory. It's working for me I guess yeah, I mean you've never really like you said you've never I had like like when I was a kid

Yeah, but like nothing terrible, which I got lucky with that But I wash my face now the only thing that has ever been like bad not bad, but you know a vino swear it's that Yeah, that's your shit. Yeah, that's my shit. Yeah, you know the other day I I I Ripped off a skin tag. I See, I don't have any of those I had one in here is don't they say that's bad to do yeah You should have got that looked at first for you did that why? You know me have a contract in it's a skin tag and it's in an area where like it's from your skin rubbing together

Mmm That's how they form that's gross yeah, sometimes like you ever see old people and they're just like yeah Yeah, you can hang a Christmas ornament from one of them. Yeah, they're crazy. Yeah, but I just like grabbed it We're just like fuck this It's getting all tangled in the hair in there. It was that big. It wasn't big You know, it's weird how people watch like dr. Pimple Popper. Why are people into that? That shit is gross I know there's people watching this that are into popping pimples. I just don't get it And like what I don't want to see somebody sys explode on their back

Why are like a big one and the guy has to like lancet. Yeah, I'll cut it And then he just goes yeah, and that's like It's gross It's gross. Oh Oh my god, they're making doesn't she have a showdown Yeah Why are people into that like there are some people like oh my god, you have a pimple let me pop it like no I feel like I feel like the world has a big voyeurism fetish

What is that oh like you're staring like yeah, like you want to watch shit like that I Think about like what why people watch like horror movies Like are you watch people die? Yeah, are you watching it to be scared? Are you watching it to just like see people get murdered? I think it's the adrenaline from being scared. Yeah, because it's like the It's being that close being scared of someone that's a killer, but you know, there's no serious danger right I guess so We're all just trying to but at least I know why you watch porn You know when you think about it is adrenaline technically you're high. Yes, so we're all just trying to get high We're trying to get off

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, well when your adrenaline's going it's sort of like a drug. Yeah, you want to chase that again You know you're addicted to you can get addicted to that for sure like you know Yeah, well people's there are people who are like adrenaline junkies. Yeah, it's like just like those people that can't sit here I gotta go jump out of a plane. Yeah, so it's kind of fun to just think about like Everyone's just trying to get high one way or another Feel something else right then just this yeah Jerking off kid. That's why people jerk it. That's why people are jumping off buildings. It's like girls flick that beam Yeah, Jesus Christ. Oh

I feel like if you were a girl you would rub that clip right off. Yeah, no You ever see you seen porno's they slap this shit out of that. I know I always look like yo, you're gonna give it a rub Burner. Yeah, be careful with that thing be careful. Delicate flower treat it nice. Yeah at least put some like Vaseline on there some like Noah Cyrus tears on that thing or something no Cyrus tears That'll probably do it imagine you got that like for somebody's birthday like I got you Noah Cyrus's tears I'd be like why or Christmas

Christmas hands down the best holiday easily the best holiday. Do you have any holidays you hate? What's your least favorite holiday? My my I have two that I don't really like I don't know which one is my least favorite But two of them that I don't really like Hope I agree with you new years hate it. I don't like it. It's the worst like everyone All your friends turn into that kids like you're not drinking I'm like I'd like to make it to midnight usually and someone like me You know I Was I I can drink

You know oh, yes, and that night It's never a good January 1st. No cuz I wake up and I'm like, oh, no, you know I don't like feeling like that and it's also like oh my new year's resolution is like drink less and not like eat that bad Get into shape. It's like ruined your body yesterday. Yeah, and at 12 o'clock. It's January 1st So technically you started the new year off drinking and eating like an asshole. Yeah Not a big fan of that one. What was the other one Halloween is that a holiday though? Yeah It's like one of the major. Yeah Halloween sucks. I don't like Halloween as an adult. It sucks

I just think it's like like people love dressing up and like whatever. I'm like, I'm good. It's just like why I don't I don't like it Why do we have to do this again? I do I will say I do like that everyone buys in and they're excited about it But I don't like it anyway. I don't like it I like that everyone's in a good mood because they're like, oh, I want to see who's wearing what this year or whatever Like I like that aspect of it and I do like scrolling through and seeing what everyone's wearing Yeah, I just don't like the process of like I have to Get dressed I have to put on all this makeup or whatever and then go out

And then I get drunk and then I'm just it's it and it's also like a dangerous night Yeah, there's a lot of weird people out and everyone's getting super hammers. Yeah, I just don't like it more than anything I don't like that. It's probably the one holiday where Legitimately, it's dangerous. Yeah, at least where I grew up. Yeah, you know, and not that I lived in like a terrible neighborhood but that was a night that You know people were a little nervous about stuff because you know all kinds of stuff were happy Mobile coming around And not just like the egg stuff

But like there was you know people with guns and like there was gang initiation night like around there and it was like Yeah, and it's like, you know, I'm saying like it's just like a shit and like you don't want to you don't want to fight Someone like dress as a woman or something. Yeah, like I don't want to fight fucking tinkerbell right now. Yeah, I can't do this Get washed, you know, it is funny one time I when I was young I went to this bar for Halloween and there was this girl that I tried to hook up with for so long and It never happened but that night I hooked up with her and I was dressed as Buzz Lightyear And I was like, yeah, that's all it took. It's all took. I just dressed like buzz infinity and beyond

Yeah, so I don't even know to this day if it was me or buzz probably buzz. I Mean and then if you look at all the facts Yeah, it's probably buzz. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the NASA shirt. What was she dressed as I don't know I want to say like a baby Which I'm not Insanely proud to say it sounds weird when I say that I hooked up with that baby over there. I Don't know what it I don't know wait so I waited so long to hook up with this baby Not finally did it

It was it was amazing. Yeah, it was it was you know, God, she's nice She was definitely not a baby also now she was an adult she was an adult. Yeah, this is a baby I think we were like 19. All right. Yeah, I remember getting that drunk just making out with people. Yeah, dude It's the best just being hammered and like I'm gonna go hook up with that girl You know what I've done before which is disgusting This is insanely embarrassing, but this is only happened to me one time in my life where I was out at a bar and obviously I was very drunk and I Was dancing with this girl, right? But we weren't like, you know Jamaican

Fucking bang you dancing. We were just dancing like you know what I mean, which is so weird that stuff What the crazy humping and yeah, that's a little too much for me to be honest with you, but anyway She we were dancing and like we were having a good time and like she was looking at me I'm looking at her and like we're just dancing and we're just like talking or whatever then like I'm really drunk and I Guess I just misread the entire situation Because I go in To kiss her and I get there

But immediately she hits the eject and she's like whoa and I was like And I just felt like one of those guys where I felt like I was just the creepy guy Because I misread the situation. I had the ruin your entire night. I felt so bad Yeah, it was this kid that I knew it was a friend of his and I I told him that night and I texted him I'm like, yo, please let that girl know. I'm so sorry Like I like I feel like an idiot like it's just I could see you doing that Yo, I felt so weird and I felt terrible like it was just weird to my defense The only thing I will say is that it wasn't

That bad because usually guys do that after like two seconds. This is like an hour and a half Yeah, you think you're vibing. Yeah, and I just completely misread it and like I closed the distance Not at a thousand miles an hour. I was making my way over like I could have you know You could have gave me like a slow down guy, you know, but she's like awkwardly No, like I just went in I think she may have thought I was like gonna tell her something But I just like went for it and like we locked lips and then she just went whoa Hey, like whatever and she wasn't like, oh my god, you fucking asshole. She wasn't it was a nice cool about it I mean as cool as you can be about us person kissing you that you don't want to happen

Everyone gets wode every once in a while. Yeah, I mean that's never happened to me before But uh Well, it has no it hasn't it's never happened to me before that was the only time and I felt so weird It was so weird, dude. I did not like that at all Did you even talk to her throughout the rest of the night? I Honestly, don't remember I I know I like I was like so I'm so sorry drunk just a pilot like I'm so sorry Yeah, probably drunk apology doesn't work. No, it's probably just makes things worse to way worse It was bad, but I do remember specifically texting that kid the next day

I'm like, yo, that was your friend, right? And he's like, yeah, I'm like, dude, please let her know I am so sorry like that is so weird blah blah blah. He was like, no, it's cool. It was hilarious like no tell her Yeah, I Wonder if I have ever ran into that girl again probably because this was years ago. I'm sure I was I was probably 20 years old She remembers Probably not I mean probably not probably not actually I think you'd remember if someone Fucking did something like that you would know that the worst thing in the world No, I know but it's just like how often does that happen? It's like it gets lost in the pile

I don't know. It's like oh, yeah, so many guys just kiss me girls though It happens way more than happens to us to tell you that I know but I just felt bad because I would have much rather Stop me before I got there, right, but I got there you would have kept dancing What if she was like, yeah, like I'm just like I would have felt so much better because at least I didn't do anything Yeah, now you're having fun Yeah, I could see your face turning red right now. I hate it. Oh I hate that I remembered that because I complete it was stricken from my memory. Oh, but now I remember I'm now I'm living with it again

Do you go do you go do you go in for kisses like on first dates? We I mean it depends. Does it does a non kiss on a first date mean the date went poorly? I Think when you're young it that means it went poorly how young Like like high school Definitely high school, but I was I'm trying to reach a max age where I think if you don't kiss. It's a rat probably I think 22 Yeah, 22 and younger if you don't kiss on the first date I feel like when you're 22 and younger, you know why you're on this date Yeah, you know someone hooked you up. Yeah, and it's like you guys have been talking and it's like blah blah blah

But I think after that like maybe even a little older I don't know but like I think after that you get to a certain age I think 22 is the right age. Yeah, because then like You're an adult like you know I'm saying like I'm 26 now if you went out on the date with someone and you didn't kiss me But oh, well, I think she didn't like me, right? But yeah, you're just having a good time like I'll see you know if it went well You know we ended with yeah, I'll see you next time. Yeah, I'm saying like yeah, but you know so I mean I see this then follow up. Mm-hmm

If there is no first kiss, yeah Do you text after the date? I Kind of always do after this but I text after like meetings and shit too Like I'll have a meeting with someone and I'll text them at like five minutes after I leave like hey man Great meeting you thanks again, blah blah blah. I'll do that. Yeah, so I do that anyway like oh, I had a good time tonight Like I'll see you next time I guess I've always done that so kiss or no kiss. You're sending an after text. Yeah If I'm into them. Yeah, if you're not into them, it's like well. See ya

Yeah, I Think I think that text would be a little creepy. I Don't think it's creepy. Why is it creepy? It's just like cuz I just saw you. Yeah, I just saw you You know I don't I would cuz then cuz it's like it would be it would you can't text twice No, no, no, it has to be at the end of the night text. Yes It has to be don't you don't have to reply to this text, right? It has to be like had a really good fun had a really fun time tonight get home safe, right? Not don't open a conversation. It's a thanks. Just leave it at thanks. No. Yeah

No, I'm emphasizing the text none of that that movie was so good was it dates over. Yeah, get out get out You just get home safe. Let me tell you something What oh no, so my buddy I Hooked him up with a girl once and I worked at my job And I was like yo, what's up this girl single she's been you know looking for people To like, you know trying to meet people and shit. I said, I got my boy nah Who is

Single to I said I'll show you picture of them like I showed on Facebook. I said would you be interested? She was like, yeah So I hooked them up So I give her his number and They start texting But he's texting me on the side letting me know how letting me know how it's going, right? You know, he's like, yo, it's going great like whatever like yo like oh man like she wants to hang out And I'm hitting her hitting him back like yo, that's awesome

A couple of minutes go by he calls me And he goes yo, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god So I'm like, oh dude, what's going on like you're right everything. He's like dude. I just fucked up. Oh my god, dude I just fucked up He sent her a message that he was supposed to send to me, but he sent it to her Or say he said wants to hang out this weekend Definitely DTF Can't wait

And you know her response was oh boy And you want to know the kicker still went on the date with them Wow and fuck them That's amazing, it's amazing. Have you ever sent a text by accident to someone and that you weren't supposed to fuck Yeah, I don't know if I've done that. Can you take that off to the goddamn table? No, but have you ever done that? Yes, of course Was it bad? No, nothing like fucking incriminating. Yeah, we're like I've sent shit like Yeah, like I've sent shit like yo like I Remember like maybe one of the worst things was is like my buddy of mine was having a party and

I was talking to another friend that didn't want to go to the party and I accidentally sent it to the group chat instead of Him on the side. I was like, yo, I don't know if I really want to go to this thing And then I was like what about you so they obviously knew there was a side conversation going on Yeah, yeah, that was like maybe like the worst But I've never been like those guys a fucking piece of shit and like sent it to him. Yeah You ever screenshot someone's text to go to send to someone else and then you send it to that person That has happened to me multiple times. I've done that before and they're like, what is this? I'm like, I don't even know my phone's bugging out right now

This especially with this new iPhone. Yeah, you can easily get away with that I think I take fucking screenshots all day by accident. Yeah, I know so like my fucking Lock screen. Yeah, all this is yeah, it's just time pictures in my fucking my library. Exactly. Yeah, so That story was just that's one of my favorite stories of all time Def DTF What's the hangout on Saturday def DTF if he owned it? It would be like, you know, I Would understand that like it depends how he handled that situation. You know, they hung out multiple times. Yeah

And she fuck That's great because it depends on you. He's listening. He knows who he is right if I did that I would I would just like own it I'd be like, you know, I would just you know Because yeah, when guys talk to each other, they're not like dead serious. Yeah, you know what I mean Like guys can say that all the time. It's like, you know, I'm definitely gonna bang this chick and guess what 90% of the time I would say even higher. It's a joke. Yeah I'm sorry. I had to step in for the penises here. Yeah Most things that we say to each other is not serious. Yeah, I

Would say maybe 97% it's even higher for us. Yeah, I don't think we've ever said anything like I Don't we've never had a conversation that didn't end in a joke or something ridiculous. Yeah, everything's embellished. Yeah It's just nothing is real. I think it's just the way. Yeah, I just really I just really think that's the way men communicate is through this weird Like everything everything is a joke, right? Mentality because it's fun. It's funny, but it's also like it's funny because we think it's funny No, but it's funny because no one can hear like I would never say these things to somebody

No, like that's the difference. I would never say to a girl's face. Yo, you're DTF Yeah, like that's crazy and I'm not even actually thinking that about you Yeah, I'm just saying it to be funny like to be a dickhead. I'm sorry and then it's prize prize you were Yeah, so he's just telling the truth anyway Oh my god, people just want to have sex. Yeah Fuck em. Yeah Same guy bang bang the girl at his apartment And then we were outside he was what he was he was smoking a cigarette

I was just saying like this girl was so annoying like I couldn't stand her She was just like I was like oh she's right underneath us Waiting for a cab and heard everything he said Yeah, that's terrible. Yeah, I've had conversations with him like about like yo, dude, like you got to calm your dick down Maybe I retired that I mean he's a coxman like like I give it to him But like he was like yeah, like I wasn't really anywhere like I don't know. She's kind of sucked I was like yo pinch. Oh fuck. Yeah said his name fix their pose, but I was like, uh, she's like right under there He's like shit, you're an idiot. I know

Anyway, I think we can wrap this up. We'll bleep that we'll bleep it I hope you remember to bleep it because this doesn't affect me. No, no, no, no, no. It's all you god damn it I can't believe I did that to him again. Yeah, you're an idiot Anyway, Danny, where can they find you find me at Twitter and at Instagram at that's not right You can find me at Daniela Piori on Twitter and Instagram and I had to do one quick shout out to my buddy Dylan who gave me a Sunday ticket Oh nice. Yeah, that's far. Yeah Damn, I want a Sunday ticket. I'll talk to him. Maybe we can share it. Yeah Yeah, anyway guys also in the background there see the smoky fucking

Hoodie on the night. Those are available at the Santa Gatto store.com. Wait, where can I find that the Santa Gatto store.com? Go check it out. They have those smoky hoodies Different colors. There's a black one. Nice. Yeah, it's very nice. There's other stuff as well. Go check it out very fresh and Yeah, go subscribe to the YouTube channel youtube.com slash the basement. We have full length videos now So you can go watch that if you're not watching it already and have we decided if we're gonna do the Instagram yet We're still we're figuring that out right there, but we got other stuff coming. We will get there I was just I was being an idiot. No, it's okay. I'm sorry. I know you're fine. You're fine

By the way, can I say something before we end this? Yes. I Love you. Love you too, man